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Azuhmier Mar 24th, 2020 (edited) 30 Never
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  1. By Encased
  2.  
  3. >Cold & Native
  4. [equine, horse, larger anthro, large breast][sex, vaginal, lone anthro in human world, trust building, communication boundary, bathing, violence, gore, fingering, breast fondleling, groping]~
  5. ========================================================================
  6. || KEY ||{{{
  7.  
  8.   (original TXT -> suggested TXT)   suggestion to replace original with suggested TXT
  9.   (original TXT -> )                suggestion to delete original TXT                  
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  13.   |END|}}}
  14. ========================================================================
  15. || Chapter 1 ||{{{
  16.  
  17.   Ryan Heckler was in the middle of one of the coldest winters he had ever (been in
  18.   -> experienced) in Alaska and he had bought all the groceries he could get. It
  19.   was supposed to get colder still and the after market thermometer in his car told
  20.   him it was already way below the usual temperatures in these regions.  
  21.  
  22.   (Soon, he would have to park the car and drain the water in the cooling system.
  23.  
  24.   Anti-freeze only goes so far before it gets simply far too cold. ->
  25.  
  26.   He would would have to drain his car's cooling system soon; anti-freeze only goes
  27.   so far before it simply gets too cold. But despite this, his car, a Land Rover
  28.   Defender, was toughing it out.)
  29.  
  30.   The Defender crawled through the heavy snow [that was] falling in thick tangles
  31.   despite the icy temperatures. (There was just so much of it that there wasn't
  32.   enough room for the snow to fall in single flakes. -> ) The monotone chugging of
  33.   the turbocharged diesel [engine] was definitely a calming (note -> sound) in this
  34.   unfortunate situation. The engine always gave off this burly (note -> hum) that
  35.   seemed to say "whatever" with a shrug. But [despite his car's "resilient" spirit
  36.   he was still worried for it in this crazy weather for] even though Ryan had
  37.   boarded up the front grille[,] the engine wouldn't really get warm, although if
  38.   he were to push the car a little faster that issue would probably solve itself.
  39.  
  40.   (The -> Another) problem was he could barely make out where he was going in the
  41.   apocalyptic levels of snow falling at his current speed, much less at anything
  42.   faster than idling in second gear.
  43.  
  44.   Staring out the front window, [Ryan hummed along the tune that was playing on the
  45.   stereo.] (the -> The) heater [was] turned up to a moderate degree to keep the
  46.   various lubes and greases used inside of the cabin from congealing (too far but
  47.   far enough down to keep from -> and) robbing the engine of the heat it needed to
  48.   run without destroying itself(, Ryan hummed along the tune that was playing on
  49.   the stereo -> ).
  50.  
  51.   Ryan had replaced enough turbochargers on the diesel already. He didn't want to
  52.   ruin another one by running it too cold at high power. The folks in town kept
  53.   telling him he should finally ditch the unreliable Brit, as they christened it,
  54.   but it had something that a pick up truck didn't have: Ryan could heat his boot.
  55.  
  56.   To him, this was far more valuable. Add in the fuel economy of a 2.5 litre diesel
  57.   against some 4 litre v8 monster and the Defender was definitely a worthy
  58.   contender. Yes, fuel up here was cheap, but fuel also weighed down a car. He
  59.   could travel further with less weight on a tank. (That was definitely worth
  60.   something. -> )
  61.  
  62.   The defender kept chugging along and Ryan kept his eyes on the road, mittens
  63.   around the steering wheel and a bandana on his face to keep his breath from
  64.   condensing and freezing on the unheated (instrument cluster panel -> dashboard).
  65.   The constant strain of carefully managing the heavy truck and keeping it on the
  66.   road had slowed his reaction time and attention to detail so much that he almost
  67.   ran over (the -> a) large bump in the snow. What did not escape his notice was
  68.   the (red spill -> crimson spill) in the pristine white (surface. -> surface of
  69.   the snowy ground where the bump lay.)
  70.  
  71.   Ripped out of his stupor by what appeared to be blood, Ryan stomped on the break
  72.   and the clutch and the Defender stopped almost immediately. The e-brake ratcheted
  73.   in to place and the door swung open to allow a stupid amount of snow in with
  74.   nothing Ryan could do against it but quickly jump out and shut it again. The
  75.   yellowy car lights illuminated the bump very well now as they were only four feet
  76.   from the spill. Ryan's boots sunk deep in to the snow as he stepped around the
  77.   back of the car, lifted a completely snow coated shovel from a rack and made his
  78.   way to the front.
  79.  
  80.   The shovel made the fight against the falling snow easy. He quickly unearthed
  81.   what lay below and was somewhat surprised to find short, sand-coloured fur.
  82.   Nothing up here had that kind of colour. What the hell? The blood was seeping
  83.   from a wound that he laid bare next {"laid bare next" what does this mean?}, then
  84.   he began to uncover the whole thing. Most of it was wrapped in some kind of
  85.   cloth, like a mummy, [and] some of it was covered in leather. Was that the
  86.   sand-coloured fur? Who would dress up some large animal like this? Or was this
  87.   some gigantic man? The dude had to be at least 7 feet, if the bump was to be the
  88.   full size.
  89.  
  90.   Ryan uncovered the rest(, then shoved the snow off with his hands where he felt
  91.   the shovel might be too close for comfort. -> with his hands.) He worked his way
  92.   down the right (side -> side of the creature) until he found (the end of the
  93.   thing. -> its end.) Everything was wrapped in (leather, some kind of ->) pelts
  94.   held (by the thing -> together) with strings. (Where the fur on the pelts edges
  95.   reached the surface, they were soaked and frozen. -> )
  96.  
  97.   There, he paused for a second and looked back up in disbelief. This thing was
  98.   huge. But what he knew was that it must be some kind of animal. The two legs he
  99.   found were partially folded and while the shape seemed humanoid, the fur he had
  100.   found earlier told a different story.
  101.  
  102.   He went back up {back up to where?} and uncovered (the ->) more of the front
  103.   {front of the bump or creature?} when something caught his eye. He looked over
  104.   the thing again, completely still, waiting for whatever had made him stop to
  105.   register consciously.
  106.  
  107.   What had it been?
  108.  
  109.   Maybe it had been something else, something must've ripped that wound. He quickly
  110.   looked around, but saw nothing. Not that he would see anything anyway in the
  111.   almost pitch dark snowy hell he was in.
  112.  
  113.   There.
  114.  
  115.   Again.
  116.  
  117.   This time he caught it. The damn thing was breathing! It was a flat, almost
  118.   unnoticeable (move in -> movement of) the furs, more of a slight shift against
  119.   the strings than a lift and dive. He pulled one of (the -> his) mittens and the
  120.   underlying skin tight glove off and felt the (cold and snow -> cold of the snow)
  121.   bite in to the skin almost immediately, just before he stuck his hands between
  122.   the furs. It was less cold, but still not even remotely comfortable. He dug
  123.   further until he felt (a -> ) fur that seemed impossible to shift. It felt
  124.   attached, (like an actual skin to the thing. The hard thing beneath felt like a
  125.   bone. -> like this was the skin of the creature, further probing revealed
  126.   hardness under the skin, which Ryan could only deduced to be bone.)
  127.  
  128.   Another breath.
  129.  
  130.   "Holy cow!"
  131.  
  132.   Ryan's mind was racing. What the hell was he supposed to do? Could he get it out
  133.   of here? He wasn't weak, ever since he made it up here he had been chopping wood
  134.   like a madman, at least compared to the amount of wood his parents had used to
  135.   keep around back in Europe. (That had quickly built up a decent amount of muscle.
  136.   -> )
  137.  
  138.   Alaska was no place for fat people, simply because the entire state seemed hell
  139.   bent on burning it. Manual labour in subzero temperatures never failed to get
  140.   anyone to lose weight and chopping wood the old fashioned way with an axe was
  141.   definitely not hurting someone's upper arms either.
  142.  
  143.   Still, he wondered how the hell he would get something this big in to his car. It
  144.   probably weighed loads.
  145.  
  146.   Ryan pulled his hand back out, then stuffed it back in to his glove and mittens
  147.   as fast as he could. God damn, he was already losing some of the feeling in his
  148.   fingers. This shitty fucking weather.
  149.  
  150.   For a second, he considered ending the thing's suffering, but then his curiosity
  151.   and imagination that allowed him to live up here, writing novels {should have
  152.   mentioned he was a novelist way earlier, it feels like it was shoved awkwardly
  153.   here}, got the better of him. He just couldn't leave it, whatever it was.
  154.  
  155.   The shovel quickly laid open {Open what, the pelts?} the rest of the thing. It
  156.   had some weird features up top, such as some very heavy muscles on (it's -> its)
  157.   chest. There was, even through the layers of furs, noticeable (bulge -> bulges)
  158.   there. They were not connected to the front legs, which were only a fraction as
  159.   thick as the hind legs. And while those ended in stumps, these ended in something
  160.   flat.
  161.  
  162.   No time for further exploring. The thing had a slightly shorter head than, say, a
  163.   cow would have had and had (this -> its head) completely wrapped in fur as well.
  164.   There was a slit for the eyes but some of the bandages had fallen down and
  165.   covered everything.
  166.  
  167.   Ryan pulled it {what part is he grabbing} towards him and felt it roll over
  168.   {rollover how?}. The weight would be manageable if he were to drag it, he figured
  169.   and walked around, then bent over and tried to lift it under it's, for lack of a
  170.   better word, armpits.
  171.  
  172.   And the bloody thing was heavy.
  173.  
  174.   (The head lolled back and almost hit him in the groin, but Ryan took a step back
  175.   -> ) (and then started to pull -> Ryan began pulling) it through the snow that
  176.   now piled up almost half a mete- one and a halt feet. Foot? He'd never get used
  177.   to this.
  178.  
  179.   Arriving at the back [of his truck], he opened the back door of the Land Rover
  180.   and tried heaving in as much of the (thing as he could, -> creature as possible),
  181.   but the cold weather was zapping him of his strength.
  182.  
  183.   Ryan carefully put the creature back down, then instead climbed in himself (and
  184.   did some other necessary things like -> to make the necessary accommodations for
  185.   the creature's size such as) folding over the rear seats and rearranging his
  186.   shopping[.] (to make room for the big package he would lift in as soon as he
  187.   could. -> )
  188.  
  189.   He did a few push ups to get (the -> his) blood flowing again (and some heat in
  190.   to -> as well as heating) his muscles (while using the ones he wouldn't need for
  191.   this task, then felt ready for another try. -> until he was ready to try to fit
  192.   the creature into his car again.
  193.  
  194.   (With all his might -> However, despite all of his preparation and might), he
  195.   [still] couldn't get it up.
  196.  
  197.   For a second, Ryan felt defeated[, but his determination prevailed]. (Then he ->
  198.   He) jumped (back outside -> out of the car) and looked around. There had to be a
  199.   solution to this.
  200.  
  201.   And there was. In order to make getting items on to the roof rack easier, the
  202.   manufacturer had fitted a wide roll[er] (that things could roll over at the edge
  203.   of the roof. -> allowing a myriad of objects to easily slide over the edge of the
  204.   roof.) All he needed (was a -> to get was the) rope[.] (and there was the weird
  205.   thingy...creature...whatever lift mark one. -> ) The rope went around the front
  206.   of the (thing -> creature) and was knotted tight in the back {back of what?},
  207.   then Ryan pulled. This time, it felt a lot easier. He still needed a lot of
  208.   power, but the (thing -> creature) came up rather quickly and he managed to push
  209.   (the -> its) upper half in. The rope went in behind it {what is "it"}, pulled all
  210.   the way through the roll so as not to be forced to untie it. Then Ryan jumped in
  211.   and pulled the legs in, tucked them against one of the side windows and climbed
  212.   back out after he was satisfied that he could shut the door without anything
  213.   stopping him. With a brief motion, he swept out as much of the (considerable
  214.   amount of -> ) snow that had accumulated during the time the door had been
  215.   open[.] (out and shut this one, -> ) [He] then picked up the shovel, put it back
  216.   where it belonged and climbed back in to the driver's seat.
  217.  
  218.   The car was still idling, he just pressed the clutch, pushed down the handbrake
  219.   and shoved in first gear, then shifted as soon as he could.
  220.  
  221.   It took another twenty minutes to [get to] his house, during which the
  222.   occasional, irregular breathing kept him on his toes[,] and his eyes
  223.   darted to the centre mirror every few seconds.
  224.  
  225.   Ryan pulled in to the spot right next to the front door, killed the engine,
  226.   jumped out and opened the back of the Defender and (reinstalled the thingy lift
  227.   mark one, then -> ) pushed the (package -> creature) as far as he dared to. The
  228.   legs were hanging out again. Then he lifted the front {which front?} with the
  229.   rope again and slowly lowered it down to the ground. He pulled the rope out of
  230.   the roll on top of the car, then used it (and a guiding hand -> ) to drag it to
  231.   the front door.
  232.  
  233.   Finding keys and using them with mittens on is almost impossible.
  234.  
  235.   Taking (of -> off) the mittens in the bitter cold was incredibly annoying, but
  236.   there was no alternative. With the door opened, Ryan almost fell in to the second
  237.   front door, the one he had installed to keep the cold air out. This one, luckily,
  238.   had just a simple hook mechanism. The first one was to stop unwanted guests.
  239.  
  240.   The doors each had a wooden doorstep that protruded out of the ground quite a
  241.   lot, so Ryan let go of the rope and took hold of the armpits again then dragged
  242.   the package up the single step up front and through both doors. He quickly shut
  243.   them behind him and revelled in the warm air that enveloped him in the dark for a
  244.   second. The light switch made (it's -> its) quiet 'click' as he (reached for it
  245.   -> flipped it on) and a warm, golden glow lit up his living room.
  246.  
  247.   Instead of (getting -> taking) off his jackets and boots and hanging them on the
  248.   coat hanger as usual, he threw the jackets over his couch and dragged the
  249.   (package -> creature) to the fireplace. Three logs were already waiting and he
  250.   splashed them with alcohol, then set fire to the ensemble and watched the fire
  251.   race along the splashes of alcohol for a moment to make sure that it worked.
  252.  
  253.   Then, he went about looking at the wound.
  254.  
  255.   Most of the [wounded] area was either crusted with blood or had thick congealing
  256.   blood on it. Blood thickens considerable at lower temperatures which must have
  257.   happened here. But the ceiling light he had switched on was too dark to see
  258.   anything else so Ryan stood up and moved one of the reading lights closer and
  259.   directed it on the wound then switched it on. The wound would also need to be
  260.   cleaned so he went in to the kitchen, filled a bucket with warm water, threw a
  261.   piece of cloth in there as well and hurried back in order to see the thing take
  262.   another short breath.
  263.  
  264.   "Shit."
  265.  
  266.   Right. Breathing.
  267.  
  268.   Ryan put the bucket down and went about uncovering the head. He pulled his knife
  269.   out of his belt and started cutting the (strings apart up front, -> ) the thin
  270.   bands of cloth and furs (whenever they had frozen together -> ) and quickly
  271.   reached something as cold as ice, wet and rubbery. It looked black. Then he began
  272.   to tear off everything around it and sat back a little dumbfounded. A square-ish
  273.   snout stared back at him(, -> ) with sand coloured fur (with a -> and a) pair of
  274.   black nostrils that were dripping some kind of snot. At the bottom was a pair of
  275.   grey lips, which looked rather unhealthy. Below the lips, the fur turned into a
  276.   very light grey, almost white.
  277.  
  278.   Slowly, he lifted (more an -> ) more of the cloth, fur and leather off[,] (and
  279.   followed -> following) the snout upwards. (It eventually turned upwards toward ->
  280.   He eventually reached) the eyes, which were closed(. -> ,) (They were -> )
  281.   separated by a rather wide bridge in between and pointed mostly forward. Above
  282.   that, he found a lot of long bright blond hair that was currently somewhat
  283.   frozen. To both sides of the head was a rounded ear, now folded against it and
  284.   giving the whole head a weird, horse-ish look.
  285.  
  286.   Ryan touched the head, felt the bones beneath and dragged one of the eyelids up
  287.   until he could see the bright green iris[.] (in the middle of a white eyeball.
  288.   -> )
  289.  
  290.   It had to be real. Nobody could fake something like this[.] (that good. -> )
  291.  
  292.   Another breath, followed quickly by a ragged one.
  293.  
  294.   He focused again and started to open up the rest, (at least -> starting with) the
  295.   top layer. The furs that were soaked and cold had to come off[.](, they couldn't
  296.   stay on it. -> ) Hypothermia was a bitch.
  297.  
  298.   Next, he cut the stuff {need better word than "stuff"} along the neck[,] (and
  299.   almost nicked the blond braid there, -> ) then continued on down the chest and
  300.   came to the weird chest muscles he had noticed [earlier]. But when he pushed his
  301.   knife between the strings (there -> ), he noticed that (it wasn't a muscle ->
  302.   they weren't muscles) at all. (It softly gave way and it suddenly hit -> They
  303.   were soft. The realization hits) him like a sledgehammer:
  304.  
  305.   This was no it. This was a she!
  306.  
  307.   And judging by what she carried around on her chest, one hell of a she. He
  308.   quickly looked down her figure and found more signs. The thick legs(, -> and) the
  309.   wide hips that even all this insulation couldn't hide. Oh. The wound.
  310.  
  311.   While the snout was definitely off putting, as was the size and weight of the...
  312.   woman? Mare? (Anyway, her -> Her) rack definitely did spark something in his
  313.   imagination.  Each one of those things was larger than his head, or hers for that
  314.   matter.
  315.  
  316.   Then he remembered the wound and realized that he would have to cut all the furs
  317.   off - he needed to see in order to treat it correctly. So the knife went in to
  318.   more and more cloth and string and he quickly peeled the layers off, sometimes
  319.   nicking the pelts, sometimes managing to get them off in one piece. While the
  320.   middle layer had been just moist, her fur and the lowest layer must have been
  321.   completely wet at some point. There were ice blocks in her fur and the lowest
  322.   pelt was almost completely frozen. It was so cold, in fact, that a piece of the
  323.   pelt just broke off.
  324.  
  325.   Now, Ryan could see for the first time just what exactly he had dragged in from
  326.   the cold.
  327.  
  328.   The mare, which he thought was the correct term since she did have somewhat
  329.   weirdly jointed legs, a shorter thigh and most importantly hooves, had sand
  330.   coloured fur on the back and flanks, but from her lower jaw all the way down in
  331.   to her weird tube skirt, it was white with a hint of grey. The same white-grey
  332.   also adorned her elbows and hands.
  333.  
  334.   Her massive mammaries were contained in some kind of support framework not unlike
  335.   a bra, but somehow the description [of a] bra wouldn't quite fit on the weird
  336.   mixture of wood, grass and other material easily found outside in warmer
  337.   climates.
  338.  
  339.   Still, it was somewhat flexible, although not by much. It also seemed to have a
  340.   considerable amount of hair woven in. Where this rather inflexible contraption
  341.   was, the boobs probably wouldn't be able to jiggle at all - hence why he had
  342.   mistaken it as muscle underneath all the wrappings. Below that, there was still
  343.   quite some space until he found the navel surrounded by well articulated strings
  344.   of muscle.  The breasts really sat that high, the were starting just below the
  345.   collarbone.
  346.  
  347.   Then came a small tube of straws and hair woven to a sort of micro skirt, which
  348.   was stretched over very well pronounced hips, which were followed by some of the
  349.   most powerful legs he had ever seen. They looked unlike the well defined muscles
  350.   of body builders and more like the muscles that you build over years of work
  351.   outside - or in this case, running, probably.
  352.  
  353.   Apart from that, the legs seemed normal enough - until he arrived at the foot, or
  354.   the lack of one. Instead, just below the shin was another short and bone-y part
  355.   of the leg, not longer than his hand which ended in a massive jet-black hoof that
  356.   was surrounded by some once wild fur. Now it was just frozen toothpicks. (They ->
  357.   The) way everything was arranged suggested that she only walked on the hoof. On
  358.   the left side of the left thigh, there was the wound.
  359.  
  360.   Months of isolation had made [Ryan] unsure about how to behave around women. He
  361.   knew that the garments would ideally come off too, but he was worried about
  362.   undressing a lonely womanly thing alone out here in nowhere. She might get the
  363.   wrong idea.
  364.  
  365.   So he draped a heavy blanket from his couch over her instead and focused on the
  366.   wound that sat on the upper half of her thigh, just below the skirt {can use this
  367.   time to go into more detail about the skirt} (thing -> ) she wore.
  368.  
  369.   The blood had started to flow a little more freely after being slowly warmed up,
  370.   so with cloth and water, he was able to remove most of the dirty blood around the
  371.   wound. What he saw, now even more clearly, was that something had tried to bite
  372.   her. Judging by the marks, he guessed it must have been some kind of wolf, but he
  373.   was no expert on the subject.
  374.  
  375.   What he did remember was that most animals had lots and lots of nasty germs on
  376.   their teeth. The disinfectant wasn't too far away, he really should pour some of
  377.   it down those wounds. They looked pretty deep, even though they had apparently
  378.   bit all the way through the furs.
  379.  
  380.   Ryan stood up once more and fetched his first aid box. This was one of the first
  381.   things people told you to get out here, lots (and lots -> ) of simple things to
  382.   treat stupid mistakes.
  383.  
  384.   If you lived as far outside of town as he did, most of them even went so far as
  385.   to get a hold of antibiotics. He had too, but not a lot since those were
  386.   (prohibitively ->) expensive and had a (sell-by date that wasn't too far in the
  387.   future -> small shelf life). So instead, he settled for the iodine based
  388.   disinfectant. It stung like hell, he knew that, but sometimes you need pain to
  389.   really drive a lesson home.
  390.  
  391.   Besides, (somehow it did not feel like it was working if it did not sting. -> to
  392.   Ryan, the sting makes it feel like it's working)
  393.  
  394.   He drenched a patch of gauze in disinfectant, then reconsidered, hesitated for a
  395.   moment and instead just poured it in to the wounds.
  396.  
  397.   The mare twitched.
  398.  
  399.   Ryan stopped immediately and watched her for any sign of waking up, but nothing
  400.   else happened. After half a minute, he poured some of the disinfectant in to the
  401.   last hole{hole? what hole? and there are are more than one?} and waited for
  402.   another twitch, but nothing came.
  403.  
  404.   This was not good.
  405.  
  406.   Deep down something told him that living things ought to respond to pain. She had
  407.   only responded once.
  408.  
  409.   He doused a few more patches of gauze in disinfectant, laid them on her and
  410.   decided that the little bit of modesty her clothes were giving her needed to go.
  411.   (This was cutting it too close for considerations like that. -> )
  412.  
  413.   (Before he attacked this though, -> But before that) he took the time to finish a
  414.   properly sealed bandage.
  415.  
  416.   Ryan looked around for a way to open the bra-substitute, but failed to see
  417.   anything and instead just cut it open at the sides and lifted it off over her
  418.   head.
  419.  
  420.   He tried to not look at the awesome boobs on display, but couldn't help but
  421.   stealing a quick glance at them.
  422.  
  423.   |END|}}}
  424. ========================================================================
  425. || Chapter 2 ||{{{
  426.  
  427.   Mother of god.
  428.  
  429.   They were perfect.
  430.  
  431.   (The -> her) fur was (the -> ) white-greyish (tone -> ) and (the -> her) nipples
  432.   were as black as (the -> her) nostrils and as fat as his thumbs. (The -> They)
  433.   looked perfectly in scale though. (The -> Her) (things -> breast) really were
  434.   bigger than his head.
  435.  
  436.   He shook his head (to clear it, -> to dispell these lewd thoughts,) (draped ->
  437.   and laid) the old and (now -> ) partially wet blanket a little closer to the
  438.   fireplace and shifted her (on -> off the pelts and on) to (this one -> it.) (and
  439.   off the pelts. -> ) (Those -> Then) (he took and laid them out around her, wet
  440.   sides up, -> he draped the sides of the blanket, wet side out, around her,) (so
  441.   that as soon as she woke up, she would have something comfortable around. -> so
  442.   she would be comfortable when she woke up.)
  443.  
  444.   Then he set about opening the skirt, but again found nothing he could use to get
  445.   it off. Instead, he cut it open with the medical shears in his kit. Below it was
  446.   another piece of clothing, a simple string keeping up a thin net that (in turn
  447.   covered -> covered) her privates. Through the net, which was woven and knitted
  448.   with hair again, he could see that the fur ended just at (the black lips there.
  449.   -> her black lips.) He cut the string keeping the net on her body in two pieces
  450.   and removed this too, then draped another heavy blanket on her.
  451.  
  452.   Finally, he wasn't sure how much blood she'd lost, he had to think about somehow
  453.   getting water or some kind of liquid in to her body. Pouring it down her throat
  454.   would cause her to drown, that much was for sure.
  455.  
  456.   The only thing Ryan could think (about -> of) was [to] carefully (sponging ->
  457.   sponge) her lips with water. The alternative was an IV, but he neither had the
  458.   equipment (or -> nor) the knowledge (how --> ) to actually get one to work[,] and
  459.   he was not going to learn how (exactly they worked -> ) on a living specimen
  460.   (that was in a critical situation -> in such a critical situation).
  461.  
  462.   (The emergency call. -> The emergency call!) Why on earth had he not done that
  463.   yet?  Would they even know what to do? Or would they laugh at him and tell him to
  464.   call a veterinarian?  Nevertheless, (he had treated the things he could treat ->
  465.   he had done what he could for her), but that obviously wasn't enough. Time to get
  466.   a professional.
  467.  
  468.   Ryan pulled his smartphone out of the pocket of his snow-pants. He still hadn't
  469.   gotten rid of those. No reception.
  470.  
  471.   Damn.
  472.  
  473.   Something must have killed the mobile tower.
  474.  
  475.   His landline was the same and his radio had broken just three days ago.
  476.  
  477.   He pushed past the serious discomfort of not being able to reach anyone anywhere,
  478.   recognizing he could deal with this later.
  479.  
  480.   How do you get water in a body that can't drink?
  481.  
  482.   It took him a few seconds.
  483.  
  484.   Through... the skin!  
  485.  
  486.   If he just submerged the body in water, that would probably get in through the
  487.   skin! It also was probably a pretty quick way to heat the body up.
  488.  
  489.   That rung an alarm bell somewhere in the back of his head.
  490.  
  491.   His sister was a paramedic and she had once, when he had accompanied her on a
  492.   shift as a bit of research, said something about warming up someone way too
  493.   quickly...
  494.  
  495.   It had to do with core temperatures and heart.
  496.  
  497.   Then something else (rung -> rang) a bell. He had to drain the water cooling
  498.   system of the Defender! Otherwise the ice in the radiator, piping and the engine
  499.   block would mean he could trash the entire car.
  500.  
  501.   The mare had to wait for a second, but for good measure, he dragged her out of
  502.   the living room and in to the still chilly hall. There, he re-donned his snow
  503.   gear and headed back outside with a large plastic tray.
  504.  
  505.   The defender already had a decent amount of snow piled on [the] bonnet and roof,
  506.   but there was a chance that the engine block could still be warm enough to keep
  507.   the anti-freeze laced water (liquid -> from freezing). Ryan shoved the snow under
  508.   the engine block aside and pushed the tray in to the newly freed space.
  509.  
  510.   Because this was not the first time he had to figure out how to drain the water
  511.   (containing -> cooled) systems of the car, he had manufactured his own quick
  512.   release system which was an extended water line that had, (at its lowest point
  513.   and at the lowest point of the system, -> at the point of zero hydrostatic head,)
  514.   a valve with a secured lever. That lever was held in place by several plastic
  515.   straps, which Ryan cut using a knife. Then he rotated the lever so that the valve
  516.   opened, placed the plastic tray underneath it and crawled back out.
  517.  
  518.   Oil was not an issue, oil did not expand when solid.
  519.  
  520.   He opened the bonnet and the water filler cap to allow air to rush in to the
  521.   system, leaving the water to drip out the bottom. Then he shut the bonnet to
  522.   prevent snow from falling in to the opening.
  523.  
  524.   A look underneath the car told him that the water was close to freezing. It had
  525.   the consistency of maple syrup and generally looked like it wouldn't be long
  526.   before it would freeze entirely.
  527.  
  528.   Damn it was cold.
  529.  
  530.   While he watched the coolant ooze out of the car, he suddenly remembered why
  531.   putting someone who had suffered heavy hypothermia in the presence of a huge heat
  532.   source was a bad idea.
  533.  
  534.   Right. The veins would open up again and pump the cold blood back to the heart,
  535.   which did not take too kindly to being deprived of it's favourite working
  536.   temperature and would, if the blood was too cold, stop working.
  537.  
  538.   Crap.
  539.  
  540.   Ryan rushed back inside, left the jacket on and threw just his beanies and
  541.   bandana on the couch, [and] continued on in to the kitchen and took a glass out
  542.   of the drawers. He knew he had a stethoscope somewhere, but he didn't really have
  543.   the time to check on that.
  544.  
  545.   Then he ran back in to the hall, dropped to his knees beside the mare and placed
  546.   the glass upside down on her chest, just between her boobs. It took a little bit
  547.   of effort, but he managed to find a way to come in to  as little contact with the
  548.   boobs as possible. The fur had become wet, which could be a bad sign(, maybe
  549.   there -> for there could) already (was -> be) some of the extremely cold blood on
  550.   the way back to her heart.
  551.  
  552.   They breathed as one, him a deep breath of relieve, her something a little deeper
  553.   than usual, as he heard her heart beat.
  554.  
  555.   Ka-thunk.
  556.  
  557.   Pause.
  558.  
  559.   Pause.
  560.  
  561.   Ka-thunk.
  562.  
  563.   Pause.
  564.  
  565.   Pause.
  566.  
  567.   Ka-thunk.
  568.  
  569.   Very, very slow and faint, but definitely regular.
  570.  
  571.   He smiled and listened some more, until she took another breath. There was still
  572.   work to do. The bathroom downstairs was bigger, it made more sense to submerge
  573.   her there.
  574.  
  575.   It wasn't much further, just through the hall and along the stairs to the attic,
  576.   then in to the bathroom. He flicked on the light, passed the glass shower and
  577.   stopped.
  578.  
  579.   There needed to be water at the right temperature in the tub for this.
  580.  
  581.   Back to the first aid kit then.
  582.  
  583.   Ryan returned with the thermometer, measured her skin temperature and tried to
  584.   get the water just a few degrees above that.
  585.  
  586.   It took him (roundabout -> around) five minutes, after which the mare's fur had
  587.   completely (defrosted -> thawed). Now it was just really really wet, and Ryan was
  588.   somewhat unsure whether he shouldn't instead take the core (temperature. ->
  589.   temperature now that the water on her skin comprised the accuracy of a skin
  590.   temperature reading.) But then [again], he (tried -> should try) to carefully
  591.   heat the blood (outside -> in the extremities) (of that to match the core, didn't
  592.   he? -> to match the core temperature, shouldn't he?)
  593.  
  594.   Yeah.
  595.  
  596.   The skin or fur temperature had risen another degree, but he deemed the water
  597.   temperature still good enough.
  598.  
  599.   Ryan finally plopped her in to the tub, legs first, then tried to lift the torso
  600.   in and failed.
  601.  
  602.   The problem was, his tub was built in. (So instead of having her face the room as
  603.   he had intended, he -> He) had to rotate her one hundred and eighty degrees, with
  604.   her hooves at the wall[.] (and her facing that way. Only (there -> then) could
  605.   he lift her upper body in to the tub.
  606.  
  607.   The arms were giving him a bit of a difficult time, but after he laid her down at
  608.   the edge and folded them on above her belly button, she slid in the cool water.
  609.  
  610.   Her snout definitely helped (keeping -> keep) her nostrils above the water(,
  611.   while Ryan realized he had failed to rig something up so she wouldn't sink
  612.   underneath the water level. -> ;however, Ryan still needed to rig something up so
  613.   she wouldn't sink underneath the water level.)
  614.  
  615.   Crap.
  616.  
  617.   How long would this take? How close did he have to keep the temperature to what
  618.   level for her heart to avoid getting temperature shocked? Luckily, he only had to
  619.   keep her nostrils above the water, but since she seemed hell bent on turning her
  620.   head to either side and letting them fall below the water level, he had to keep
  621.   one hand on her snout at all times. He looked around for some way to affix her,
  622.   so he could concentrate on temperature and heartbeat, but everything seemed out
  623.   of reach.
  624.  
  625.   "uhmm..."
  626.  
  627.   Ryan bit his lip, considering his options. He needed to keep her head raised and
  628.   pointed to the ceiling. What could he use?
  629.  
  630.   ...
  631.  
  632.   The arms. He could fold the arms(. And the braid. -> and tie her hair braid to
  633.   her arms to affix her head.) With braid and arms, beneath her head, she should
  634.   keep up high enough for the few seconds he needed to raid his towel cabinet in
  635.   order to build something more sophisticated.
  636.  
  637.   It was a little more difficult than he had anticipated, but it worked and left
  638.   him free to fetch a mountain of towels, which he placed all around and beneath
  639.   her head. Encased like that, she wouldn't be able to move her head by accident.
  640.  
  641.   Then began the waiting game.
  642.  
  643.   He raised the temperature about a degree or two every hour or so, it wasn't that
  644.   easy to tell with his thermometer.
  645.  
  646.   After three hours, (he felt safe enough -> he felt it was safe enough) to leave
  647.   her unattended for long enough to get the groceries and other supplies out of the
  648.   truck.
  649.  
  650.   After five hours, she was breathing shallow, but regularly with almost no skips.
  651.  
  652.   During the sixth hour, Ryan took a quick break and fixed himself some sandwiches.
  653.  
  654.   Finally, after almost ten hours, the mare groggily twitched, then slowly opened
  655.   her eyes and blearily stared at the ceiling, before closing them again and taking
  656.   a deep, full breath.
  657.  
  658.   Ryan couldn't believe it. It had actually worked! His jury rigged system had
  659.   actually (gotten -> brought) someone back from (the, pretty much, dead! -> the
  660.   brink of death.)
  661.  
  662.   It took him another two hours to get the water temperature to where he thought it
  663.   should be. Her lips had also assumed a glistening black colour, which gave him
  664.   the impression that there should be enough water in her. What else could he do?
  665.   She should be waking up. She drew deep, regular (breath -> breaths), her skin
  666.   colour wasn't (remotely -> nearly) as pale as it had been and her heart beat was
  667.   strong and regular.
  668.  
  669.   Huh.
  670.  
  671.   After (having fallen -> falling) asleep two times during the last two hours, he
  672.   didn't know what else to do and instead (let the water flow out of the tub ->
  673.   drained the tub), which drew a reaction from her(. She started shivering ->
  674.   :shivering.) Good.
  675.  
  676.   He lifted her back on to the blanket he had dragged her in on and used his
  677.   remaining towels to get (the -> her) short fur as dry as he could, which was
  678.   especially uncomfortable on the boobs - he felt like a perv because of his boner.
  679.   He also noticed she had a typical horsetail which had previously escaped his
  680.   notice. He blamed it on fatigue.
  681.  
  682.   So, without knowing what else to do, he dragged her carefully back in to the
  683.   living room, arranged a few pillows so he could shift her on to them right in
  684.   front of the fireplace and draped another blanket over her. Then he got rid of
  685.   his jogging pants and made himself comfortable on the couch with his last dry
  686.   blanket.
  687.  
  688.   A loud crash woke him up. Ryan sat [bolted] upright on the couch and saw the mare
  689.   (stare -> staring) at him(, -> with wide eyes and) his TV-cupboard knocked over
  690.   behind her. (Her eyes were wide open, then -> After a few intense seconds,) she
  691.   looked down(, -> and) saw that she was naked[.] (and -> She immediately took) the
  692.   tablecloth to hide her privates before she bolted towards the door with a loud
  693.   CLOPCLOP..CLOP.
  694.  
  695.   The pain of putting weight on the injured leg threw her off balance and she
  696.   crashed in to the door frame (with her side -> ), falling in to the hall with
  697.   another loud crash.
  698.  
  699.   Ryan threw the blanket aside and jumped off the couch. There was noise coming
  700.   from the hall, (then -> and when he made it) (through the door and -> to the
  701.   hall, he) saw the mare shoving herself backwards against the inner front door.
  702.   She had clutched the table cloth against her, shielding as much of her body from
  703.   him as she could.  Her almost neon green eyes, surrounded by blond strands, were
  704.   still wide open, her ears going straight up, pointed at him, occasionally
  705.   twitching.
  706.  
  707.   He raised his hands slowly, holding them palms towards her at a 45° degree angle.
  708.   Her eyes (jumped -> quickly glancing) between his face and (his -> ) hands.
  709.  
  710.   "Are you okay?"
  711.  
  712.   She [didn't answer and] continued staring at him, so he took a step (towards her.
  713.   -> forwards.)
  714.  
  715.   She raised (the -> her) intact leg and compressed it, pointing the underside of
  716.   the hoof directly at him [threateningly] and yelled something with a lot of ee's
  717.   in it.
  718.  
  719.   "Okay."
  720.  
  721.   Ryan froze where he stood, then very slowly and carefully took a step back. She
  722.   watched him for a few seconds, then lowered (the -> her) hoof, but kept the leg
  723.   tucked in a way that allowed her to quickly bring it back up (. -> in defense.)
  724.  
  725.   He slowly lowered himself to the ground, (then used one hand to stabilize himself
  726.   while keeping the other palm open in her direction. Then he sat down. -> leaving
  727.   his palm open to her as he used the other to stabilize himself as he sat down.)
  728.  
  729.   "You don't speak English, do you?"
  730.  
  731.   (The mare kept her eyes on him and did nothing. -> The mare didn't respond,
  732.   keeping her eyes on him.)
  733.  
  734.   "Apparently not."
  735.  
  736.   Slowly, he lowered his hands and brought them in to his lap, which caused her
  737.   (first ->) to raise her head to keep them in her vision(, then to say something
  738.   again. The tone sounded only marginally friendly, and -> and said something that
  739.   sounded only marginally friendly, so) he lifted them again.
  740.  
  741.   He felt slightly exposed just sitting here in boxers and a t-shirt, but then
  742.   again, she sat there with only a white tablecloth draped over her. That kind of
  743.   evened things out, besides, it was night outside. Despite having lived up here
  744.   for so long, sun or no sun still influenced his subjective day and night cycle
  745.   heavily, even though he knew that there wouldn't be a sunrise for the next month.
  746.  
  747.   She relaxed slightly, ever so slightly, but kept her eyes on him, still obviously
  748.   heavily stressed and nervous.
  749.  
  750.   Time to play nice. Talking always helped, even if the other side had no idea what
  751.   you were saying. The tone had to be right. And so Ryan struck a calming,
  752.   comparatively quiet note.
  753.  
  754.   "No need for violence. You are my guest. You'll be okay. Alright?"
  755.  
  756.   It seemed to work to a certain degree, although he wasn't quite sure. Her eyes,
  757.   previously glued to everything he did, started to dart around the room, returning
  758.   to him every few moments to make sure he stayed where he was(, it seemed to him
  759.   -> ). Her breathing slowed a little after that and (the -> her) panicky behaviour
  760.   stopped, but her eyes remained glued to him and (every move he made -> his every
  761.   movement).
  762.  
  763.   After a few seconds of silence, he raised his right arm and pointed it at himself
  764.   exaggeratedly.
  765.  
  766.   "Ryan."
  767.  
  768.   Maybe they could start off like this. Just (an an -> an) introduction. He saw her
  769.   puzzled for a moment, then she caught on.
  770.  
  771.   "Wye."
  772.  
  773.   "Wy-an.", he corrected her.
  774.  
  775.   "Wye-e." Her R sounded very, very weird, but it was recognizable as such.  Coming
  776.   to think of it, it reminded him of a German accent.
  777.  
  778.   "Ry-an. Ryan.", he corrected once more,speaking everything overly clearly.
  779.  
  780.   She tried again, very slowly too this time and managed to get to "Wyhen.", (then
  781.   waited for his reaction. -> then waited in silence for his approval.)
  782.  
  783.   (Good enough, Ryan thought to himself. He nodded -> 'Good enough', Ryan thought
  784.   to himself as he nodded in approval). She took a second to comprehend, (waited ->
  785.   waiting) for anything else which prompted him to point at her.
  786.  
  787.   She seemed to consider whether or not to answer. (Her eyes -> She) seemed too
  788.   intelligent for her not to understand what he wanted from her.
  789.  
  790.   "Hiiyeh", she offered.
  791.  
  792.   "Hiiyeh", he tried, to which she almost immediately answered.
  793.  
  794.   "Hii-yeh."
  795.  
  796.   The y was somehow weird. She did something to it that he couldn't quite make out.
  797.  
  798.   "Hiiyeh."
  799.  
  800.   Again she corrected him, but he couldn't quite make out what it was. It sounded
  801.   like a mixture between a j and g somewhere in there.
  802.  
  803.   "Hiiyjeh."
  804.  
  805.   He could hear (it himself -> that he was mispronouncing it.) (that -> ) It was
  806.   even worse than the previous tries and she apparently thought so too, because she
  807.   immediately corrected him again.
  808.  
  809.   "Hii-yeh", she pronounced, every syllable very slowly and cleanly pronounced.
  810.  
  811.   "Hiiyeh", with just a little bit of j in the y. She contemplated this one, moved
  812.   her muzzle up and down like someone who had no idea what a nod was, then waited
  813.   for his reaction.
  814.  
  815.   He nodded back, which provoked a small smile out of her. Interesting. So she
  816.   could smile. And smiling seemed to mean the same as it did for him? He offered a
  817.   smile back, to which she nodded somewhat exaggerated again, but nowhere near as
  818.   bad as the first try.
  819.  
  820.   Good. Very good. Then he pointed to the wound on her thigh and raised an eyebrow,
  821.   then pointed his two fingers at his eyes, then those fingers at the thigh. Can I
  822.   look at the wound?
  823.  
  824.   She recoiled and clutched the tablecloth tighter and said one word.
  825.  
  826.   "hih!"
  827.  
  828.   Apparently she thought he wanted her to undress herself. And hih probably meant
  829.   no, although he could already tell he was going to butcher it if he tried to use
  830.   it.
  831.  
  832.   He had to, anyhow.
  833.  
  834.   So he shook his head while trying to pronounce it exactly like she had.
  835.  
  836.   "hih", he tried. Then Ryan pointed at his eyes with two fingers again, then at
  837.   his left thigh, then one finger at her and looked directly at the bandage that
  838.   was half hidden underneath the tablecloth. He could see that there was blood
  839.   underneath the bandage, but it apparently wasn't seeping through, stopped by the
  840.   plastic foil he had used to make it leak proof.
  841.  
  842.   She in turn followed his eyes and looked down at her leg. Then she looked back up
  843.   at him and their eyes met. Her eyes seemed to say no. Maybe she didn't trust him.
  844.   Probably that, since he had taken the liberty of undressing her.
  845.  
  846.   She shook her head vigorously and said "hih."
  847.  
  848.   "Okay."
  849.  
  850.   He looked around, wondering what else to do now. He could offer her food and
  851.   water.  Maybe she'd then trust him enough to let him look at her injury.
  852.  
  853.   "Would you like some food?"
  854.  
  855.   Ryan followed the words with a hand that he held up to his mouth, then a chewing
  856.   gesture. She lifted one eyebrow, just as he had before and laid one of her ears
  857.   straight against her head.
  858.  
  859.   Obviously she didn't understand.
  860.  
  861.   "Water?"
  862.  
  863.   He tried again, this time making a gesture as if he were lifting some kind of
  864.   drink to his lips.
  865.  
  866.   She kept her eyebrow up, then let it down and seemingly understood. She nodded.
  867.  
  868.   "Ekey."
  869.  
  870.   That stumped him for a second, until he understood that she had tried to say
  871.   okay.  His 'hih' had probably sounded equally bad. Slowly, he lifted himself back
  872.   up and turned around, walked past the stairs that led up in to the attic along
  873.   the corridor and turned right in to the kitchen.
  874.  
  875.   Just as Ryan reached for a glass, he heard a quiet clacking sound behind him.
  876.  
  877.   She stood in the door frame, leaning heavily against it on the side of the
  878.   injured leg. He was surprised by how quiet she had been able to move across the
  879.   wooden planks, even with the wounded leg.
  880.  
  881.   He gave her a quick look over, trying to find any changes to her condition and
  882.   realized he shouldn't have done so. The rather immodest tablecloth hid just
  883.   enough to be highly suggestive. Or maybe it was just her proportions that made
  884.   even a tablecloth seem like lingerie. Then he filled the glass with water from
  885.   the tap, which came straight out of his own water purification tank.
  886.  
  887.   He made a step towards her, but before he could get close enough to hand it to
  888.   her, she stopped him with a "hih".
  889.  
  890.   She pointed at the water, then at him, then repeated his gesture for drinking.
  891.   Did she not want to have a... Oh. Right. She did not trust him.
  892.  
  893.   Without a word, he lifted the glass to his lips and drank a few gulps. Then he
  894.   held it out for her to take, and she did, but watched him like hawk for any
  895.   changes.  After almost a minute, seeing that nothing had happened to him, she
  896.   sniffed the water. It passed that test, then she dropped the tiniest drop on her
  897.   lips and waited, seemed to search for any kind of poison.
  898.  
  899.   Apparently, that test was a negative too because she emptied the rest of the
  900.   glass in one big gulp, then handed it back to him.
  901.  
  902.   Ryan refilled it at the tap and brought it back to her, watched as she emptied it
  903.   again in one big gulp and expected her to hand it to him again but instead, she
  904.   made another step in to the room, moving the injured leg as little as possible.
  905.   It must be a lot worse than what he had thought it would be. She treated it like
  906.   it was somehow broken.
  907.  
  908.   Could it be broken?
  909.  
  910.   He would have noticed that, wouldn't he?
  911.  
  912.   She was trying to go for the kitchen sink, but it felt wrong to let her stumble
  913.   along without any help. How would he go about it though? Putting her arm on his
  914.   shoulders and supporting her was the obvious choice, but how would he communicate
  915.   it to her? She had not allowed him to get even within an arm's length of her and
  916.   he doubted (that that -> that) that had changed.
  917.  
  918.   |END|}}}
  919. ========================================================================
  920. || Chapter 3 ||{{{
  921.  
  922.   He raised his arms again, palms at an angle as if trying to calm and stop her.
  923.  
  924.   "Wait."
  925.  
  926.   She stopped and raised an eyebrow(. -> quizzically: Why was he stopping her? Or
  927.   was it a 'what did 'wait' mean'?, which what Ryan was imagining what was going
  928.   through her mind right now.)
  929.  
  930.   Question.
  931.  
  932.   (Why was he stopping her? Or was it a 'what did 'wait' mean'? -> )
  933.  
  934.   He took a timid step in her direction, which she reacted to by moving her body
  935.   back, putting her hand with the glass on the counter, using that as leverage and
  936.   then she stepped back only using her healthy leg.
  937.  
  938.   Okay. She apparently still did not trust him even for a second. How could
  939.   something with such intelligent eyes be so stupid? {that is kind of mean}
  940.  
  941.   He dropped his arms and took a few steps back, somewhat disappointed. Maybe he
  942.   shouldn't be, but it felt stupid to watch her hobble along the oven and then the
  943.   workspace in the U-shaped kitchen. She would look at him after every step, making
  944.   sure that he stayed where he was.
  945.  
  946.   It took her a second to figure out how the sink worked. She had watched him open
  947.   the tap and did the same, carefully, until water flowed. The plug (explained
  948.   itself -> was self-explanatory), and she wiped down the sink with water and her
  949.   fingers, then put the plug in and opened the tap all the way.
  950.  
  951.   She turned her head, eyeing him warily, then lowered her head in to the sink and
  952.   began to drink, the tap still running.
  953.  
  954.   He watched her for a minute, wondering how she had lost that much blood and could
  955.   still stand upright.
  956.  
  957.   No, she must have lost a lot of liquid in other ways too.
  958.  
  959.   When she was done, she closed the tap carefully (at the beginning ->), watching
  960.   the water flow diminish, then quickly (shut -> shutting) it.
  961.  
  962.   With that (apparently ->) done, he pointed at her, then past the workspace in to
  963.   the living room.
  964.  
  965.   She only raised an eyebrow.
  966.  
  967.   He tried again, this time pointed at her, then made a walking motion with (to ->
  968.   two) fingers and pointed at the couch.
  969.  
  970.   She raised an eyebrow again and it dawned on him that she had understood what he
  971.   had tried to say the first time and actually asked why.
  972.  
  973.   God damn, why was she so wary of him?
  974.  
  975.   He sighed and left her standing in the kitchen.
  976.  
  977.   The last embers in the fireplace were still glowing and he planned on using that
  978.   to light the next fire, not lighter fluid. Stacking wood in anticipation of the
  979.   weather had been the one thing Ryan had spent most of his time on in the last
  980.   month, much to the dismay of his publisher. It had reached the point where
  981.   firewood was lining a quarter of the living room to about as high as his chest.
  982.  
  983.   Some of those logs now went in to the fireplace along with a piece of newspaper,
  984.   which promptly ignited upon touching the embers and in turn slowly set fire to
  985.   the logs.
  986.  
  987.   While he worked, he heard her hooves' or more precisely hoof's telltale clicking
  988.   sound and turned his head to see that she was following him, but was stuck on the
  989.   exit of the kitchen. There were three yards of room between the exit and the end
  990.   of the couch. She looked around, searching for something to prop herself up upon.
  991.   He stood up and walked over, then waited about two arm's lengths away from her.
  992.   That had been as close as he had gotten in the kitchen.
  993.  
  994.   She gave him another wary look, but finally reached for his hand. Ryan stepped
  995.   closer, then braced himself (and -> with) his hand as she attempted to step
  996.   forwards.
  997.  
  998.   Extending his arm had definitely not been enough. Her weight on one arm was way
  999.   too much and she stumbled in his direction, which he counteracted by making a
  1000.   step forwards and catching her (just ->) as she laid her arms around his
  1001.   shoulders to hold on to him.
  1002.  
  1003.   She seemed a lot lighter now than she had been when he'd dragged her around.
  1004.   Probably because she was awake now and not as limp.
  1005.  
  1006.   Under her wary eyes, he got even closer and supported her on the side of her
  1007.   troubled leg with her arm over his shoulders. Her scent was overpowering now, or
  1008.   to describe it more accurately: she reeked of sweat, earth, bodily fluids and
  1009.   blood. What was also overpowering him was the softness of her body and the sheer
  1010.   size of her boobs, which seemed to have grown even bigger since he had last seen
  1011.   them. This, coupled with the fact that she was currently touching him, meant
  1012.   that he had to seriously concentrate to keep from pitching a tent. Her smell
  1013.   helped, though. {Is he saying she smelt BAD?}
  1014.  
  1015.   Together, they moved slowly towards the fireplace. She kept pushing towards the
  1016.   blanket he had set her down upon when she was still unconscious and he had no
  1017.   objections.
  1018.  
  1019.   Ryan carefully set her down and she grimaced as she moved the leg. Then he used
  1020.   some of the pillows to build an improvised ramp that she could prop herself up
  1021.   on, which she did. It wasn't all that much though and he thought about what he
  1022.   could use, then quickly turned and left the living room.
  1023.  
  1024.   "Wyhen."
  1025.  
  1026.   Ryan stopped an turned. She had an eyebrow raised.
  1027.  
  1028.   Where was he going?
  1029.  
  1030.   He wasn't able to explain that, since he had no idea how to communicate that he
  1031.   was going in to his bedroom to pick up a duvet to prop her up to a more useful
  1032.   angle.
  1033.  
  1034.   "Wait", he answered, hoping she had already picked up what that word meant. He
  1035.   accompanied it with an outstretched palm, pointing at her at an angle. {what part
  1036.   of the outstretched palm is pointing at her and at an angle relative to what
  1037.   exactly} Stay.
  1038.  
  1039.   He hurried out, hoping she wouldn't get up again and quickly fetched the duvet
  1040.   from his bedroom, then went back to see her in the process of getting up.
  1041.  
  1042.   She hadn't gotten far yet, was just [about] to roll over on to all four.  When he
  1043.   tried to gently push her back, she flinched away (form -> from) his hand and even
  1044.   shifted her upper body away from him.
  1045.  
  1046.   He'd almost carried her, offered her water, behaved very very friendly and she
  1047.   was still this distrustful? What the hell was wrong with her? {seems a bit
  1048.   unempathetic for him to think this}
  1049.  
  1050.   Ryan sighed and got to work on balling up the duvet. She flinched away again when
  1051.   [he] tried to shove the duvet between her and the pillows he had stacked on the
  1052.   floor, which made that job rather easy. Hiiyeh settled back down after he stepped
  1053.   away, very gingerly as if she thought the duvet was some kind of trap.
  1054.  
  1055.   A little grumpy about her still mistrusting him, he walked back in to the kitchen
  1056.   and peeled a banana. Before biting in to it, though, he fought with himself about
  1057.   offering some food to his guest.
  1058.  
  1059.   His good side prevailed[,] and he walked back to Hiiyeh.
  1060.  
  1061.   Well, she let him get pretty close now. Exactly one arm's length instead of the
  1062.   three she had previously relegated him to. That was progress of some sort.
  1063.  
  1064.   Instead of directly handing her the banana, though, he directly bit the tip off.
  1065.   Just to show that it was good to eat.
  1066.  
  1067.   "Okay?"
  1068.  
  1069.   She just looked at him, then gingerly took the banana and sniffed at it, then
  1070.   took a small bite. Good enough for him, he figured, as he got back up and walked
  1071.   back in to the kitchen. Ryan needed something that would stuff the hole that had
  1072.   formed in his stomach in the last, oh, probably twenty hours? Well, he had had
  1073.   some sandwiches not too long ago.
  1074.  
  1075.   To fill that, he would need lots and lots of cheese. He also felt somewhat tired
  1076.   again. A look at the clock on the wall told him that it was (three am. -> 3 AM.)
  1077.   Damn.
  1078.  
  1079.   After taking a breath, Ryan opened the cupboards and took out the bread again,
  1080.   then reconsidered. He wanted something hot. Or at least sort of hot. His good
  1081.   side also told him that his guest should be able to eat it. His evil side told
  1082.   him that he could touch some side-boob if he helped her over to the table, {what
  1083.   kind of person are you trying to make him out to be?} but Ryan dismissed that
  1084.   idea as soon as it popped up.
  1085.  
  1086.   He first had to figure out why she didn't trust him {Is he forgetting that prior
  1087.   notion of touching her on purpose?}.
  1088.  
  1089.   The food had to be finger friendly. And edible for her.
  1090.  
  1091.   (...and easy to make -> And easy to make), because he really did not feel like
  1092.   fixing something complicated.
  1093.  
  1094.   "Wyhen."
  1095.  
  1096.   He halted in his steps, suddenly worried that she might get up again and walked
  1097.   in to the living room. She only met him with a raised eyebrow.
  1098.  
  1099.   Question.
  1100.  
  1101.   Question what?
  1102.  
  1103.   (What was he doing? Hiiyeh's eyes were alternating between him and the kitchen.
  1104.   Probably. -> She was probably wondering what he was doing based on how she was
  1105.   glancing back and forth from him and the kitchen)
  1106.  
  1107.   ("Food." -> "Food", Ryan stated in an attempt to quell her mute inquires.)  
  1108.  
  1109.   She looked at him, obviously not understanding.
  1110.  
  1111.   How should he make it clear to her what he was planning on doing? He kneaded his
  1112.   chin, closed his eyes, furrowed his brow and stroked his hair back. His eyes
  1113.   wandered around the room, then got stuck on the banana. That was food.  
  1114.  
  1115.   (Epiphanies of a tired brain. And from there on he winged it. -> )
  1116.  
  1117.   He pointed at the banana and said "Food", again. Then put his hands together,
  1118.   leaving only a small space between them. After that he gestured at the kitchen,
  1119.   followed by gesturing 'big' in it's direction, as if he were to hug a large tree.
  1120.   That gesture he then turned around and lowered, as if he were to put the big tree
  1121.   in front of her.
  1122.  
  1123.   She stared at him, an eyebrow still raised.
  1124.  
  1125.   He figured that that had been (to -> too) complicated or he was just too stupid
  1126.   at this hour to figure out a way to explain it to her.
  1127.  
  1128.   "Wait."
  1129.  
  1130.   He could tell she wasn't satisfied, but ignored it and walked back in to the
  1131.   kitchen, whipped up some bannock dough and threw it in to the pan, lacing every
  1132.   other one with cheese. When he had produced six flat pieces of bannock, he took
  1133.   some tomatoes, ham and cream cheese with him, as well as jam and sat down
  1134.   opposite to her.
  1135.  
  1136.   Unlike with the banana, Hiiyeh seemed to know very well what bannock was. She
  1137.   still insisted he take the first bite, but once she was sure it was fine, she ate
  1138.   quick. After he took some of the cream cheese and jam by dipping a piece of
  1139.   bannock in them, she tried those too, but stopped eating and just looked as he
  1140.   ate a piece of ham, to the point where it made him so uncomfortable that he
  1141.   slowly put the ham back down. She gave him another long stare, then slowly
  1142.   resumed eating.
  1143.  
  1144.   From that, Ryan deduced that Hiiyeh was probably vegetarian.
  1145.  
  1146.   It made sense, sort of. She was part horse, right? No, she was... What exactly
  1147.   was she? He felt himself starting to lose thoughts again. It was time to get back
  1148.   to sleep, this entire interruption had been more than interesting enough.
  1149.  
  1150.   The only problem was, he was still hungry and Hiiyeh had managed to eat four of
  1151.   the bannock loaves while he only got two.
  1152.  
  1153.   He took one of the tomatoes and ate it, keeping eye contact with her to show that
  1154.   this was safe too. She cautiously took one, did her usual ritual of sniffing,
  1155.   then bit in to it.
  1156.  
  1157.   Ryan turned around, still chewing on his and went back in to the kitchen to make
  1158.   more loaves and was sure that by the time he would return, there wouldn't be a
  1159.   single tomato left.
  1160.  
  1161.   He was right.
  1162.  
  1163.   By the time he returned, there were no more tomatoes. There also wasn't any more
  1164.   cream cheese and Hiiyeh was rifling through her pelts. He noticed that she had
  1165.   put the pelt that had partially broken off back on and looked closer. It seemed
  1166.   very similar too her own fur, only the colours didn't quite match. The pelt was
  1167.   coffee brown and had a few white spots on it, randomly dispersed.
  1168.  
  1169.   He set down the bannock, got a few more bananas, more cream cheese and returned
  1170.   again to see her waiting for him. Ryan sat down and this time Hiiyeh did not
  1171.   force him to eat first, he just did before she could ask {So is she now trusting
  1172.   him or is he just getting used to her "ritual}.
  1173.  
  1174.   The impromptu meal was good and he was quite full after having eaten four loaves
  1175.   and Hiiyeh had considerably slowed down just as she reached the end of the
  1176.   eighth.
  1177.  
  1178.   When he got up to take the rest of the food back to the kitchen, she interrupted
  1179.   him and just shook her head.
  1180.  
  1181.   No more food for her.
  1182.  
  1183.   He nodded and stored everything. Then he killed all the lights and sat back down
  1184.   on the couch, which Hiiyeh watched with some interest until he had snuggled
  1185.   underneath the blanket and turned away from the fire. Her sitting shadow against
  1186.   the wall was the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes.
  1187.  
  1188.   Ryan was awoken by loud banging against the front door. It sounded like someone
  1189.   was using a battering ram. Once more, he jumped out of the blankets and ran, this
  1190.   time for the old surplus rifle next to the entrance. He opened a small box on a
  1191.   night stand like table, pulled out one of the en bloc clips and pushed it in to
  1192.   the rifle. Usually, the rifle would now shut with a satisfying metal on metal
  1193.   ('SHRAK.' In -> 'SHRAK'; however, in) order not to warn whoever was outside, Ryan
  1194.   carefully slid the bolt forwards instead. Then he opened the inner door and
  1195.   waited for a break in the hammering.
  1196.  
  1197.   ("Wait! I'll get dressed!" -> "Wait! I'll get dressed!", Ryan yelled through the
  1198.   outer door at the stranger".)
  1199.  
  1200.   The moment he entered the living room with a rifle in hand was the moment he
  1201.   seemingly lost all progress with Hiiyeh. She recoiled, pushed herself against the
  1202.   stacked wood behind her and looked at him with huge eyes, (frozen or lacking a
  1203.   way out.-> frozen, lacking a way out.)
  1204.  
  1205.   Ryan stopped in his tracks, looked at her and saw her look at the rifle.
  1206.  
  1207.   Oh. So she knew what that was? But not how a tap worked? Huh. Then he considered
  1208.   the ramifications of someone finding her here.
  1209.  
  1210.   Whoever was outside didn't need to know about this, about her.
  1211.  
  1212.   He slowly put the rifle down on the couch, then approached her. Her eyes were
  1213.   still huge and she made ready to defend herself, but without enough effort for
  1214.   him to take her seriously. He knelt down beside her and gesture with two fingers
  1215.   that he would like her to walk. Then he pointed in the direction of the kitchen.
  1216.  
  1217.   She nodded, then started to get up. Ryan lifted her arm on her bad side, put it
  1218.   over his shoulders and lifted her up that way. Together, they quickly hobbled
  1219.   towards the hall and then they turned in to his bedroom. It was cold here, but
  1220.   that couldn't be changed right now. Hiiyeh managed to carefully sit down on the
  1221.   bed without too much obvious pain, then smiled as Ryan quickly draped a duvet
  1222.   over her.  He put a finger to his lips, which she obviously did not understand.
  1223.  
  1224.   It didn't matter.
  1225.  
  1226.   He returned in to the living room, put on some of the fleece he usually wore
  1227.   underneath his snow clothing, grabbed the rifle, put his revolver on his hip for
  1228.   good measure and approached the door again.
  1229.  
  1230.   "Who are you?"
  1231.  
  1232.   The voice of an older man answered.
  1233.  
  1234.   "Open the door! It is cold out here!"
  1235.  
  1236.   Who in the hell would go all the way out here in this shitty weather? It wasn't
  1237.   like it was easy to find his place either. If this guy was trying to rob or kill
  1238.   him, nobody would find out for months.
  1239.  
  1240.   "How many of you are there?"
  1241.  
  1242.   "Just me and my dogs!"
  1243.  
  1244.   Dogs? Dogs out here were either transport in combination with a sleigh or furry
  1245.   guided missiles.
  1246.  
  1247.   "How many dogs?"
  1248.  
  1249.   "A few!"
  1250.  
  1251.   So transport then. Nobody needed a few of the furry missile type. You'd just get
  1252.   a rifle instead.
  1253.  
  1254.   Ryan unlocked the door and opened it, the rifle in his other hand, pointed
  1255.   towards the ceiling.
  1256.  
  1257.   An old native American stood in front of him. He looked right at home up here
  1258.   with the grey garments draped over heavy furs which were apparently intended to
  1259.   keep him warm. The colour was unusual and gave him a somewhat broody and
  1260.   dangerous look. He had pushed the bandanas out of his face to let Ryan see him.
  1261.   What Ryan's eyes were first drawn to, though, was the huge wolf's head the man
  1262.   wore on top of the fabric his head was wrapped in.
  1263.  
  1264.   The dogs were not the huskies Ryan had expected but were almost indistinguishable
  1265.   from wolves. They had yellow eyes and the dirty looking and drab fur usually
  1266.   associated with the pack animals.
  1267.  
  1268.   That gave him pause, but the old man was right. It was seriously cold outside.
  1269.  
  1270.   "Alright. Come on in."
  1271.  
  1272.   "Thank you."
  1273.  
  1274.   The English of the Indian definitely had some accent to it, but it was a weird
  1275.   mixture of the usually clear cut way of speaking heard in the first nations and
  1276.   something that sounded almost British.
  1277.  
  1278.   Ryan moved aside and let him pass, then looked somewhat warily at the five 'dogs'
  1279.   that followed {Why would Ryan let 5 dogs into his house like that?}.
  1280.  
  1281.   "What kind of dogs are those?"
  1282.  
  1283.   Ryan shut the door just as the man answered.
  1284.  
  1285.   "They are not dogs. They are wolves."
  1286.  
  1287.   Ryan's head flung around and stared at the man.
  1288.  
  1289.   "They will not harm you."
  1290.  
  1291.   Ryan's incredulous stare wasn't diminished by that.
  1292.  
  1293.   "They are wolves, aren't they? And I don't see a lot of food outside."
  1294.  
  1295.   The old man repeated his words once more as the wolves were sniffing the air,
  1296.   like ordinary dogs would and looked around. Had he locked the bedroom doors?
  1297.   Probably not. He needed to do that.
  1298.  
  1299.   "They will not harm you."
  1300.  
  1301.   Ryan just looked at the wolves. Two of them were staying by the man's side,
  1302.   though still curiously sniffing the air and looking around, while the others were
  1303.   slowly exploring his living room and hall. Something was weird about these
  1304.   wolves.
  1305.  
  1306.   He pulled himself out of his reverie.
  1307.  
  1308.   "Can I offer you something? A glass of water, something to eat?"
  1309.  
  1310.   The old man nodded slowly and Ryan pointed to the living room and the kitchen.
  1311.  
  1312.   "Make yourself comfortable. I need to do something really quick, I'll be back in
  1313.   a second."
  1314.  
  1315.   He waited until the old man had turned around and was walking in to the living
  1316.   room, then quickly went to the bedroom door and locked it. Before he could go
  1317.   around and lock the other side, though, the old man called from the kitchen.
  1318.  
  1319.   "Don't bother!"
  1320.  
  1321.   Don't bother?
  1322.  
  1323.   "I already know about your guest!"
  1324.  
  1325.   He already knew. Of course he would. Why else would he come out here. Ryan
  1326.   stopped in his tracks and slowly walked in to the kitchen, rifle in his hand.
  1327.  
  1328.   "Sit with me."
  1329.  
  1330.   The old man had taken some of the furs (of -> off), but the wolf's head remained
  1331.   perched on his own. He was sitting at the dinner table, relaxed and definitely
  1332.   tired, two of the wolves next to him.
  1333.  
  1334.   Ryan slowly reached for one of his chairs, pulled it back and sat down, rifle
  1335.   across his lap. Then the old Indian quickly produced a gun and aimed it so fast
  1336.   that Ryan had no chance of doing anything in his still not yet fully awake state.
  1337.  
  1338.   It looked odd in his hands. It was a fairly new semi automatic handgun.
  1339.  
  1340.   "Your guest. Do you know what she is?"
  1341.  
  1342.   Ryan didn't move a hair and looked at the firearm pointed at his chest.
  1343.  
  1344.   "Talk."
  1345.  
  1346.   He looked up at the eyes of the man pointing the gun at his face.
  1347.  
  1348.   "No."
  1349.  
  1350.   The old Indian visibly relaxed, lowered the gun, then tucked it away somewhere.
  1351.  
  1352.   "Good."
  1353.  
  1354.   He looked at Ryan intensely.
  1355.  
  1356.   "These things are my tribe's ancient enemy. They have been here much longer than
  1357.   the Europeans. They are the true enemy of all first nations."
  1358.  
  1359.   "What are they?"
  1360.  
  1361.   "The spirits created them to test us. They made us an enemy we could not overcome
  1362.   on our own."
  1363.  
  1364.   He gestured towards the wolves around him and Ryan suddenly realized that wolves
  1365.   could have easily left behind the marks on Hiiyeh's thigh. He looked at the
  1366.   wolves again and they stared back, calmly. There was definitely something odd
  1367.   about these.
  1368.  
  1369.   "What did they do to you?"
  1370.  
  1371.   The old man stared in to his eyes.
  1372.  
  1373.   "They took our children. The spirits told us they ate them."
  1374.  
  1375.   That sounded incredibly extreme. But it also rung a bell in Ryan's head. Hiiyeh
  1376.   had seemed disgusted by him eating meat. Before he could interrupt, the old man
  1377.   switched topics.
  1378.  
  1379.   "The one you have in your house is a murderer, sent away by her own kind."
  1380.  
  1381.   "How do you know that?"
  1382.  
  1383.   "She has to wear the fur of her kill as punishment."
  1384.  
  1385.   Ryan still felt queasy about the eating children part, but that explained the
  1386.   brown fur. If Hiiyeh had killed another one of her kind and had been punished by
  1387.   having to wear her or his hide, that explained why she was wearing that thing
  1388.   even in bed.
  1389.  
  1390.   "Are you with the police then? And how come I have never heard about any of this
  1391.   before?"
  1392.  
  1393.   "I am one of the men from my tribe. We search and find them. You have never heard
  1394.   about this because only our tribe remembers. Nobody else can ever know." {This
  1395.   dramatic twist could have been built up better}
  1396.  
  1397.   The old man suddenly stopped. Ryan took a second, then realized what he had said
  1398.   and the look of the old man told him it meant what Ryan though it meant: Nobody
  1399.   could ever know.
  1400.  
  1401.   The old man drew again, but this time Ryan was quicker. He unholstered his
  1402.   revolver and ripped through the trigger, firing the first round under the table
  1403.   just as the old man was lining up his shot.
  1404.  
  1405.   BOOOM.
  1406.  
  1407.   The old man (was kicked -> fell) over and Ryan's firing hand crashed in to the
  1408.   underside of the table, pushed up by recoil. (His -> Ryan's) revolver was the
  1409.   biggest one on the market, the only one that stood a chance against a grizzly.
  1410.   Against a mere man, it was just overkill.
  1411.  
  1412.   |END|}}}
  1413. ========================================================================
  1414. || Chapter 4 ||{{{
  1415.  
  1416.   With his ears ringing and the old man almost certainly out for the count, Ryan
  1417.   dropped the revolver and raised the rifle to shoot at the discombobulated wolves.
  1418.  
  1419.   BANG
  1420.  
  1421.   BANG
  1422.  
  1423.   The two next to the man's sides dropped dead, each with a bullet in it's head.
  1424.   Ryan turned around, saw a third one running through the living room and raised
  1425.   the rifle, shooting as quick and accurately as he could.
  1426.  
  1427.   BANG
  1428.  
  1429.   BANG
  1430.  
  1431.   The wolf had dodged his first shot but the second one sent it to hell. Through
  1432.   the ringing in his ears he heard barking and whinnying and turned for the
  1433.   bedroom. He must've gotten up after shooting the old man,[ ]but he didn't know
  1434.   when. Ryan jumped over his fallen over chair and ran for the bedroom, kicked open
  1435.   the partially closed door and without further ado raised his rifle and fired at
  1436.   the first wolf who was just about to (jump -> attack) Hiiyeh from the side.
  1437.  
  1438.   BANG
  1439.  
  1440.   BANG
  1441.  
  1442.   It took another round to hit it, but the second one got a worse treatment. He had
  1443.   made the mistake of approaching Hiiyeh from the foot of the bed and was just
  1444.   catapulted towards the wall by a kick to the face {A kick to the chest would fit
  1445.   here better} from a very healthy hoof. For good measure, Ryan double tapped that
  1446.   one as well.
  1447.  
  1448.   BANG
  1449.  
  1450.   BANG
  1451.  
  1452.   Ping!
  1453.  
  1454.   The bolt of the gun stayed back and the comparatively quiet ping that accompanied
  1455.   the ejected clip was the end of a rush of adrenaline he hadn't felt (like that
  1456.   ->) for years. {Backstory potential, would have been nice if it was at least
  1457.   hinted at earlier}
  1458.  
  1459.   The house was now silent. Five wolves and a man had come in, five wolves and a
  1460.   man had been shot.
  1461.  
  1462.   Hiiyeh stared at him as if she had never seen him before. Ryan saw that out of
  1463.   the corner of his eye[,] but closed his eyes first and took a deep
  1464.   breath to calm his nerves, swallowed, then slowly (put the rifle down -> put down
  1465.   the rifle) and turned to her.
  1466.  
  1467.   She had been uncovered (to -> at) some point during the struggle[,] (with the
  1468.   wolves -> ) and one of her tits was standing upright, almost completely defying
  1469.   gravity. They had grown since he had last seen them, and her muscles on the rest
  1470.   of her body were less toned {Gravity-defying and ever-growing titties: Further
  1471.   Details Needed}.
  1472.  
  1473.   The first wolf that he had dispatched had splattered brain matter, fluid and
  1474.   blood all over her. The one at the wall (had done something similar -> was no
  1475.   different), so the living room had to be looking terrible right now. (He couldn't
  1476.   recall. -> )
  1477.  
  1478.   First things first, he would escort Hiiyeh to the shower.
  1479.  
  1480.   Ryan walked around the bed and offered her his shoulder. She understood, got her
  1481.   legs out of bed and leaned on to him. It looked like she hadn't even gotten
  1482.   nicked by the wolves. He had arrived just in time. They hobbled forwards, in to
  1483.   the bathroom, where Ryan walked in to the shower with her and then demonstrated
  1484.   how to get the water flowing and then rinsed her hand to demonstrate the settings
  1485.   for the water temperature.
  1486.  
  1487.   Hiiyeh still looked at him wide eyed whenever she got the chance to and nodded
  1488.   whenever he raised his eyebrow. Then he went about demonstrating his hair shampoo
  1489.   on her forearm. She initially flinched away, until (he he -> he) showed her on
  1490.   his own arm that it was okay and how it worked.
  1491.  
  1492.   Finally, he took the brown fur off her and turned around for her to offer him the
  1493.   blanket, which he tugged on ever so slightly to get his meaning across while
  1494.   turned away.
  1495.  
  1496.   He heard her disrobe, then felt the blanket in his hand and walked out of the
  1497.   glass shower, his eyes downcast and intending to get out of here without pitching
  1498.   a tent while inside the room.
  1499.  
  1500.   Before he made it even halfway though, she stopped him.
  1501.  
  1502.   "Wyhen."
  1503.  
  1504.   He thought about any alternative for communication to not have to look at her and
  1505.   he could feel his dick slowly but steadily hardening at the mere thought of a
  1506.   woman like her completely naked in his bathroom.
  1507.  
  1508.   "Wyhen."
  1509.  
  1510.   He had to turn, didn't he? Damn. Damn damn damn. This would get embarrassing.
  1511.  
  1512.   Slowly, he turned and tried to keep his eyes on hers.
  1513.  
  1514.   And he failed. Of course he did.
  1515.  
  1516.   Hiiyeh stood there like a wet dream. The shower was still off, but she didn't
  1517.   need soap to make him almost drool. His dick instantly went full mast and poked
  1518.   it's head out of his underwear. Her braid was draped over her front and ran
  1519.   through her tits, which were spectacular. They stood upright like fakes, were
  1520.   symmetrical as far as Ryan could see, big as watermelons and the nipples were
  1521.   starting to grow {There're still growing right before his eyes?}, becoming even
  1522.   bigger than his thumbs. The previously very defined arm and belly musculature had
  1523.   been softened, maybe by the water she had drunk, to the point where she now just
  1524.   looked fit and not like a body builder. Her hips were wide, wider than he had
  1525.   ever seen on a woman before and they were curvy like nothing else.
  1526.  
  1527.   Due to her hooves, her legs reached from the floor to the moon it seemed.
  1528.  
  1529.   She had an eyebrow up and pointed at him, then next to her hooves.
  1530.  
  1531.   Oh god.
  1532.  
  1533.   Wasn't this taking advantage? He was taking adv- No. He had had no sex for years
  1534.   now because he always found some stupid reason not to go ahead. This time he
  1535.   would. {Was he taking advantage of her or is he just being to anxious worried
  1536.   and anxious for his own good?}
  1537.  
  1538.   Ryan quickly shed his clothing and stepped in to the shower, intent on taking
  1539.   Hiiyeh right there, but she pushed the shampoo on him.
  1540.  
  1541.   His dick felt ready to burst at (a touch at -> ) the mere suggestion of washing
  1542.   her. It was so hard it hurt.
  1543.  
  1544.   He checked the water, carefully, then rinsed her down. He wanted her so much as
  1545.   the water rinsed across her chest and fell to the floor between them tha-
  1546.  
  1547.   He had to cum. He had to cum right now or he would be done before they even got
  1548.   anywhere.
  1549.  
  1550.   Ryan turned to the side, facing the wall and did three quick strokes before he
  1551.   could feel the juice leave his body. It was an insanely good orgasm, much better
  1552.   than anything he had managed to do to himself in the last three years.
  1553.  
  1554.   It took him a few seconds to recover, then he opened his eyes again to the face
  1555.   of Hiiyeh who gave him a weird look.
  1556.  
  1557.   He felt his head clear and his libido diminish to a point that allowed him to
  1558.   take things slower. He definitely wanted more than one go at this incredible body
  1559.   and that required that he didn't suck in the sack.
  1560.  
  1561.   (The -> With the) shower head in hand he started cleaning her, from her face,
  1562.   which he carefully wiped clear of any residue of the wolves, then rinsed her
  1563.   hair, followed by her massive jugs and stomach. One hand was rubbing her down,
  1564.   the other was directing the flow of the water from the shower head.
  1565.  
  1566.   He went on, down her stomach where he made lazy circles with the water and his
  1567.   hands, until he slowed down increasingly and inched down towards her pussy. The
  1568.   lips were not even remotely swollen, which was not a good sign. But in that
  1569.   moment, Hiiyeh took a quick breath and the[n] held it. That was good sign.
  1570.  
  1571.   He played around with her, but never touched the slit. The occasional look (to ->
  1572.   from) her face told him she was definitely aroused. Her tongue sometimes appeared
  1573.   between her lips.
  1574.  
  1575.   Ryan went on and massaged the insides and outside of her leg, crouching down to
  1576.   get even closer to what he was doing. The injured leg sometimes twitched, but he
  1577.   was very, very gentle around the wound.
  1578.  
  1579.   He went on, down her calves, now a little faster, all the way down to her hooves.
  1580.   Then he turned her around. He started at the top again, now at the back of her
  1581.   head and Hiiyeh opened the braid rather quickly, somewhat struggling.
  1582.  
  1583.   Maybe she just didn't have pussy lips. {how is this sentence relevant?} Her
  1584.   occasional moan and the way she moved and stood made it clear that she very much
  1585.   enjoyed what he was doing to her.
  1586.  
  1587.   The hair was already mostly wet, but Ryan quickly soaked it again, then moved it
  1588.   out of the way and concentrated on getting her back wet and with it, Hiiyeh wet.
  1589.  
  1590.   The careful and slow speed returned, as did his hand on her back. He made sure
  1591.   that every square inch on her back was scratched and sopping wet before he
  1592.   continued on to her butt, which he had to separate form his loins first {her butt
  1593.   was connected to his loins?}. The moment he had laid hands on to her she pressed
  1594.   herself against him, still somewhat wary of the injured leg but apparently now
  1595.   more than willing to have him. His dick responded in kind, but Ryan wasn't ready
  1596.   yet.
  1597.  
  1598.   Instead, he gently massaged her butt and spread her cheeks, letting the water hit
  1599.   against her anus. That obviously surprised her, as she quickly moved her butt
  1600.   away form him. He then rebuilt her trust by instead just massaging the cheeks
  1601.   again and went down her thighs but stopped at her knees, the rest just go[t] a quick
  1602.   rinse.
  1603.  
  1604.   Ryan quickly doused himself, then turned off the water and reached for the
  1605.   shampoo Hiiyeh had still clutched in her hand. He gently pried it out, then
  1606.   poured a large amount on to his hand. He wanted lots of soapy foamy shampoo
  1607.   running down her body.
  1608.  
  1609.   He started at the back, massaging the soap in to her head first, following the
  1610.   hair down. He didn't make a lot of effort to make it sensual, he just got
  1611.   everything nice and soapy, then he continued on, letting the tip of his dick
  1612.   touch her 'on accident' ever so often.
  1613.  
  1614.   He went past the shoulder blades, did her arms, then continued on down the small
  1615.   of her back and finally to her butt. Ryan did not go for her anus again, instead
  1616.   he just moved his flat hand between her cheeks. A little massage of the cheeks,
  1617.   which gradually went (the the -> to the) outsides and then the insides of her
  1618.   thighs from behind was followed by slow circles down her legs. Everywhere he
  1619.   went, he went there thoroughly and really massaged the shampoo in.
  1620.  
  1621.   The space between her legs was now almost uncomfortably hot. She was as ready as
  1622.   she could get, but Ryan was not yet done teasing her. His hands continued on
  1623.   downwards, speeding up somewhat the closer he could get to her hooves, then He
  1624.   spun her around again and went the whole way back up, rubbing every square inch
  1625.   of her body.
  1626.  
  1627.   By the time he was three quarters up her leg, she was panting. His rubbing and
  1628.   massaging slowed down to a crawl and repeatedly went over the same spots until
  1629.   Ryan hit the fold between leg and hips. Ever so gently, barely even touching her,
  1630.   he stroked along the sides of her super slim lips, then he used his middle finger
  1631.   and just touched her taint. From there on, he dragged upwards and to her front
  1632.   with the intensity of a feather, all along her slit. She was so wet and ready he
  1633.   sunk in regardless, but just with the tip of the tip of his finger.
  1634.  
  1635.   He felt a bump along the way[,] which told him that she did indeed have a clitoris
  1636.   and he knew that he'd have her screaming tonight. Or whinnying. In fact, right
  1637.   now, she stopped her panting and gave him a long drawn out moan at the touch of
  1638.   her clit, even partially under her lips.
  1639.  
  1640.   From there on, his hands went up, to her dismay. He followed her tummy muscles,
  1641.   soaped her hipbones and then got to the underside of her boobs while looking in
  1642.   to her clouded eyes. These got the same treatment as the rest of the body, just
  1643.   that he occasionally gently grabbed the flesh and squeezed it as well. The
  1644.   nipples got a similar treatment, he pushed them around a little or squeezed them
  1645.   which made her shut her eyes and moan again. He was surprised at her lack of
  1646.   action, but apparently she was perfectly happy with just simply enjoying his
  1647.   touch.
  1648.  
  1649.   He continued on upwards after each melon had its fair share of soap, up all the
  1650.   way until he reached her chin. There, his index and middle finger dragged her
  1651.   down to his head. He gave her a quick peck on the lips, which she apparently had
  1652.   not expected.
  1653.  
  1654.   It didn't matter. He would show her kissing later if she really didn't know
  1655.   anything about it.
  1656.  
  1657.   His fingers pushed her back up, then he went for the water and rinsed her down as
  1658.   before, starting at her chin and just watched as all the soap that her fur could
  1659.   hold was gradually replaced with water and the soap and grime and dirt in her fur
  1660.   made the way down her body over her curves.
  1661.  
  1662.   His dick was now painfully hard again, but he could feel that an orgasm was miles
  1663.   away. Then he started laying his hand back on her, massaging the last of the dirt
  1664.   and grime out of her boobs, played with her nipples once more and heard her moan
  1665.   above him. He followed the water down again, not just with his hands but with his
  1666.   head too, down her tummy, past her navel and to the flare of her hips, but here
  1667.   he slowed down again once more. He carefully let the water rinse past her slit,
  1668.   then treated the insides of her thighs to the same procedure of massage and
  1669.   rinse.
  1670.  
  1671.   Finally, he approached her pussy again, lowered the water pressure until it was
  1672.   barely spraying out of the shower head and then, he used two fingers, started at
  1673.   her taint again but this time, he opened her where he felt the canal of her
  1674.   vagina. She gasped. Then he pointed the shower head at where he thought the clit
  1675.   would be and circled it. She almost shouted. It was still a moan, but a very,
  1676.   very loud one.
  1677.  
  1678.   Ryan increased the pressure and sprayed up in to her canal, which apparently sent
  1679.   her over the edge. She rocked her hips back and forth, fought for breath and
  1680.   almost collapsed on the floor. He smiled. He was so going to get laid again.
  1681.  
  1682.   It took her a while to catch her breath again, but then she looked down at him
  1683.   with her forest green eyes with something that seemed to him like admiration and
  1684.   lust.
  1685.  
  1686.   Ryan had finished her front and spun her around again, speeding up to a certain
  1687.   point because he felt that he was somewhat overdoing it. His hands now dug in to
  1688.   her hair again, both the one on her head and her tail and rinsed it clean as
  1689.   quickly as he could without ruining the mood. Then he went to her back again,
  1690.   massaging and rinsing there, slowly, methodically.
  1691.  
  1692.   His hands went on to the small of her back, then to her butt cheeks, finally down
  1693.   to her thighs but he spared the part between her legs. Instead, he rinsed the
  1694.   rest of her body, then came back up and carefully pushed her forwards.
  1695.  
  1696.   Hiiyeh reached for the rail holding the receptacle for the shower head, already
  1697.   anticipating what would happen next, it seemed. The other hand held her off the
  1698.   glass front of the shower. Her tail moved to one side again and gave him clear
  1699.   access to everything between her legs and Ryan gave it a few more gentle rubs,
  1700.   then he took her other hand and brought it towards his dick. He showered the
  1701.   entire crotch area one last time, then hung the shower head back to where it
  1702.   belonged and carefully shoved forwards, his and her hand on his cock.
  1703.  
  1704.   Hiiyeh understood and guided him forwards until his head hit her lips. She
  1705.   gasped.
  1706.  
  1707.   Ryan moved it up and down, which drew a shiver of anticipation from her, then he
  1708.   pushed as gently as he could, putting one hand on her hips.
  1709.  
  1710.   There was a little bit of pressure against his head and he pushed harder, which
  1711.   prompted Hiiyeh to a squeak, then he felt his head pop past her lips and enter
  1712.   her tight canal. A wet and soft heat enveloped it and Ryan could feel a spongy
  1713.   material below him and wet flesh above. Hiiyeh exhaled as he sunk deeper and
  1714.   deeper, took a quick breath as he pulled back out a bit, then exhaled again as he
  1715.   sunk almost all the way down to his considerably far away hilt. He did one last
  1716.   ["]out and back in["] (move -> movement) before he felt his pubic bone against her
  1717.   butt cheeks.
  1718.  
  1719.   Hiiyeh had not moved at all and was just breathing raggedly which Ryan took as a
  1720.   good sign. He knew he was big but she took everything in one go.
  1721.  
  1722.   After a few seconds of pause he pulled out a little and pushed back in, starting
  1723.   a slow rhythm. At the same time he held her hips tightly and moved them against
  1724.   him,[ ]pushing her away and pulling her in respectively.
  1725.  
  1726.   Ryan carefully increased the speed, then let go of her hips, laid one hand on her
  1727.   back, used that to push her back and forth and used the other hand to find her
  1728.   clit.
  1729.  
  1730.   It didn't take long for her to cum again, which felt to him as if she were
  1731.   sucking on his dick with her vagina like a hoover.
  1732.  
  1733.   She twitched, moaned and gushed cum all over his dick. It felt incredible to have
  1734.   this beautiful and incredibly arousing being's pleasure at his fingertips.
  1735.  
  1736.   He increased the speed and length of his thrusts and started to really pound her
  1737.   and let the hand pulling her back against his dick wander up, then grab a handful
  1738.   of her long hair and pull on that, pulling her head back. The other hand stayed
  1739.   at her clit continuously rubbing it like a madman.
  1740.  
  1741.   It had the desired effect just as he felt he was getting closer to cumming.  This
  1742.   time Hiiyeh didn't just twitch, she actually spasmed and her good leg gave way.
  1743.   Ryan could barely hold her up but this was not the time to stop. He was close to
  1744.   an earth-shattering orgasm and he would not stop for anything. His dick sunk in
  1745.   to her again and again with getting quicker every time with Hiiyeh riding her
  1746.   orgasm, panting, twitching and moaning like possessed.
  1747.  
  1748.   All he could think about was getting to release.
  1749.  
  1750.   And there it was, just out of reach, coming closer, closer, just a bit more and-
  1751.  
  1752.   Ryan clamped his teeth shut and grimaced, felt the resistance in his crotch and
  1753.   his jellylike cum being pushed through a way too tiny hole. He roared against a
  1754.   shut throat, felt himself continue the mad pace involuntarily, hammering his cum
  1755.   in to Hiiyeh.
  1756.  
  1757.   Then his legs gave way, bliss overwhelmed him and they collapsed to the floor
  1758.   together.
  1759.  
  1760.   |END|}}}
  1761. ========================================================================
  1762. || NOTES ||{{{
  1763.  
  1764.   - scenes in which he is trying to manipulate or maneuver the unconscious anthro
  1765.     were effective in illustrating the anthros physical characteristics.
  1766.   - Common Mistakes:
  1767.       - using the article "the" when one should be using possessive pronouns such as
  1768.         "her"
  1769.   - Grammar and flow of writing is very clunky and at times very hard to understand
  1770.     what you are trying to say, the latter is more important for the former can only
  1771.     be fixed with time either through writing or editing.
  1772.   - Story seems mostly very competent and well thought out, but there seems to be a
  1773.     communication barrier due to rushing, English being a second language, etc.
  1774.   - It took me some time to get used to your writing style. It is unique relative to
  1775.     what I have read in the past. Something about it just seems easier to read, like
  1776.     it flow naturally, despite my prior critiques.
  1777.   - trying to add detail and reasoning when you can not adequately explain it well or
  1778.     make it flow with the story
  1779.   - your making multiple simple sentence to describe a scene, when you should combine
  1780.     them with to make compound sentences.
  1781.   - Need to use more adjectives and adverbs instead of tacking on
  1782.     prepositional-clauses (I think that is a word)
  1783.  
  1784.   |END|}}}
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