Drunk Parents (2019)

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Here we go.

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One, two...

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You guys wanna story?

4
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Yeah, I got a story.
A fuckin' doozy.

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Is this the one
where you say you own Facebook?

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Starts like this.
On the seventh day, God rested.

7
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I love God.
He's my favourite God.

8
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Yeah, but he's God, so he knew
that if after six days of

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00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:54,614
crazy you gotta rest on Sunday.

10
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,004
Rest every day.

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But what about those poor
bastards going through six days

12
00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:00,467
of crazy, not knowing that the
seventh day is going to be a day

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of rest, or just another
day at the shit storm?

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Those are the poor
bastards we should toast.

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To the shit storm!

16
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Who knows, maybe a couple
of angels come along

17
00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:10,338
and nudge him in the
right direction.

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But I'm getting ahead of myself.

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This is the story of
Frank and Nancy Teagarten.

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Their seven days started on
the morning they dropped

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their daughter off at college.

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Wow.

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Seems just like yesterday
I was pushing you on the swings

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in Gardner Park.

25
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Yeah.

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And now,
look at our college girl,

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on her way to
becoming a veterinarian.

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Now, baby.
We're just a phone call away,

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five hour car ride away,
50 minute plane ride away.

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You know we're there
for you, anything you need.

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You have our numbers.

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Yes, I practically
have them memorized.

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Good.

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But, don't call after 10:00 pm
cause we'll probably be asleep.

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That was a joke.
You know that was a joke, right?

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I love
yourjokes, daddy.

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Do you like your bed?

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Yeah.

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We should have gotten
her a better mattress.

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How come we didn't
think of that?

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Know what this room
needs, is a Medeco lock.

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Medeco makes a very sturdy lock.
- Yeah.

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And what's with this co-ed dorm?
Why are we doing that?

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She's in a co-ed dorm,
whose idea was that?

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That's wrong.

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I love you guys so much.

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Thank you.

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Thank you for everything.

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♪ Let go, life
does get tough ♪

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♪ No need to stress, ♪

51
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♪ Hold you back too much, ♪

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♪ Let's go
I heard they found a solution ♪

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♪ Where will you be
for the revolution? ♪

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♪ Woah woah, woah, woah ♪

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♪ Woah woah woah woah ♪

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♪ Woah woah woah woah ♪

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♪ I say to kids ♪

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♪ Wake up, things
might get rough ♪

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♪ No need to stress,
keeps you down too much ♪

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♪ Wake up, I heard they
found a solution ♪

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♪ Where will you be
for the revolution? ♪

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♪ Where will you be
for the revolution? ♪

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It's gonna be okay.

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Which part?

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All of it. I promise.

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Can I help you?

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Sorry, guys.
Gotta hook it up.

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Shit!

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What, now?

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Hey, man. I'm just
doing my job, all right?

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We just dropped our daughter
off at college, and we've been

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really, really busy.

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I'll send a payment
in a few days.

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Look, it's not me,
it's Volvo, okay?

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They don't fuck around when
it comes to a lease. Okay?

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I just need a little more time.

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There is a back story, here.

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Always is, brother.
Always is.

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Would you like to hear it?

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All right, shoot.

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I started a medical company.

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Put everything we had into it,
making a medical innovation

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that's been adding
years to people's lives.

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We rolled the dice hard,
but we believed in it.

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Then there was a problem.

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Small, but enough for
some news stories.

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They started calling us
"controversial," which is the

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toughest word in our business,

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and it's been bad
dominoes ever since.

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Now, our daughter doesn't
know at all about this.

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We've been holding it together
until she went off to college,

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and now we're gonna
hold it together

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until we get back
on our feet.

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What do you make?

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What, salary?

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Product.

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Artificial heart valves designed
for transfemoral placement,

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which means...

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Dual leg artery. I know.

100
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You know what I used to
do before this repo shit?

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Paramedic.

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Oh!

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Yeah. People used to
be glad to see me show up.

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Yesterday, I had to
take three child seats

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out of the back of a Lexus,

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lay em out on their lawn,
like I was setting up

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for some goddamn baby
Lollapalooza concert,

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The Wiggles or some shit.

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Remember them?
- No.

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Fuckin' Yum Yum Fruit Salad.

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I got kids.
It was sad.

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Shit. Okay, look.

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I'll tell em you weren't here.

114
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But the most I can get
you is days, not weeks.

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All right?

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So, if I were you, I'd find a
way to put some loot in my suit.

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Sell some crack,
or I'll be back!

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Finally a break.

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What about the,
uh, lamp in the den?

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It's broken.

123
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So, we sell it as-is,
or we fix it?

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We don't fix things,
Frank, we only ruin them.

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Hi guys.
Having a yard sale?

126
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Uh, no, Bert. Our living
room puked all over our yard.

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What?

128
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Bye.

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Oh, look, Frank.

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A two thousand dollar Breville
Oracle espresso machine.

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And we just had to have it.

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But we never even took
it out of the damn box.

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Just be happy that the
thing is still in the box,

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it's worth two thousand dollars,
one eighth of that is a,

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it's a car payment.

136
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Why did we get all this stuff?

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Stuff, stuff, stuff everywhere,
and I can't even afford to get

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my roots done or
get a bikini wax.

139
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Hey, guys.
You're having a yard sale?

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Hi, Jason.

141
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No, Jason, our house
got hit by a tidal wave.

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Just ours.
It's a freak of nature.

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Heh, well I'm glad it was yours.

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Cause, salt water, it's like
kryptonite for the wheelchair.

145
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Jason, are you making
a handicap joke?

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I'm sorry, I thought...

147
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Cause...

148
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I'm the one in the...
Uh, Rachel called me.

149
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It sounds like she
made it off fine.

150
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So, the two of you were trying
to make the long distance

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thing work? The odds
are against it, Jason,

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and she's ambitious
and you live at home.

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Frank...

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Yes?

155
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Don't pay any attention
to him, Jason.

156
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He's been drinking.

157
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Well, I'd better be
off to work, so...

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Hey Jason, do you wear
your Staples uniform under your

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clothes like Superman, or do
you go home and change at your

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mom's, where you
live, with your mom?

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Can't understand
the whispered Spanish.

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Mr. Teagarten, I'd really
like to get along with you,

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even if Rachel and I
are eventually just friends,

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00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,979
nothing more, 'cause I think
you guys are amazing people.

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Thank you, Jason.

166
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,985
Have a nice day.

167
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Enjoy the ride.

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Ow.

169
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Ah, cause of the wheelchair.
That's...

170
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have a nice one.

171
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Nigel, how's it going
over there in London, huh?

172
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Are they still
driving backwards?

173
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,065
What are you talking about?

174
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,923
You know what I mean.

175
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You know, sideways,
the cars, the street?

176
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Have you been drinking?

177
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,339
Oh, that's hilarious.

178
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Seriously.

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Listen to me, I am gonna
be travelling for a while,

180
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all right? I'm gonna be gone to
Nepal, I'll be gone for about

181
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four months,
I'll be off the grid.

182
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Oh, that's weird.
Hey, listen, Nigel,

183
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while I have you on
the phone, I think I need

184
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,149
to ask you for more
money to watch the house.

185
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Cause I'm over there
like three days a week.

186
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What are you talking about?

187
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It's not that hard
to watch my house.

188
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I live right next door to you.

189
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I can get the kid down the
street to do it for free,

190
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just so he can go in
and watch cable. Jesus.

191
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,788
What did he say
about more money?

192
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,120
I don't think he's into it.

193
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,880
I'm going to Nigel's
for a minute.

194
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:39,906
No.

195
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:45,867
Hello, this is Frank.

196
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,210
Oh, hi. Uh...

197
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,371
Yes, I am going to pay you soon.

198
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,444
No, I don't know when,
but your credit card is very

199
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,800
important to me, so I...

200
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,302
Yes, I know that, but...

201
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,242
Well, I do want to work with
you, so how about this?

202
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,244
I'll send you the credit card,
and you just shove it up

203
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,351
your fucking ass.
Does that work?

204
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:14,655
Yes.

205
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,772
Yes. Yes.

206
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,736
Absolutely not.

207
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,287
It's a Chateau Latour.

208
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,035
It's worth 800 dollars.

209
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,912
Have you lost your mind?

210
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:27,787
Wait a minute.

211
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,335
Since when did
you start smoking?

212
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:31,662
Just now.

213
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,213
Ha. Great timing.

214
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,006
Just when we can't afford it.

215
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,255
Nigel has hundreds
of bottles of wine.

216
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,385
He doesn't need more wine.

217
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,241
He needs a punch in the
face, but not more wine.

218
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,801
Would you please
have some decency?

219
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,634
You're supposed to be
looking after his property,

220
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,810
not parting it out
like an old Chevy.

221
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:47,386
What?

222
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,641
What's next?

223
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,815
You gonna put an ad on
Craigslist and rent it out?

224
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,651
Rent out his house?

225
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,820
Rent out Nigel's house?

226
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,317
On Craigslist?

227
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,240
That's insane.

228
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,908
Stop changing the subject.

229
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,908
Put that bottle of wine back.

230
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,205
Right now.

231
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,283
Shame on you, Frank.

232
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:15,423
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy gurdy" he sang ♪

233
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,797
♪ Here comes the Roly Poly Man ♪

234
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,470
♪ He's singing songs of love ♪

235
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,799
♪ "Roly poly, roly poly,
roly poly poly" he sang ♪

236
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,680
I love this album.

237
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,931
Are they still called albums?

238
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,014
Albummmmmms...

239
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,233
See dee dee
dee dee dee...

240
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,527
See dee dee dee dee...

241
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,024
You know the Filipinos?

242
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,484
Bob and Teresa?

243
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,194
From the Philippines.

244
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:48,622
They used to strap coca tree
bark to their bodies before

245
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,824
they went to battle.

246
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:54,003
The cocaine would leech
into their bloodstream,

247
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:58,378
and get them amped up to help
them overcome the fear of war.

248
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,755
Frank, we're at war.

249
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,130
I don't think we can get our
hands on that kind of bark.

250
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,056
We ran out of vodka.

251
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,061
I wonder what Rachel will
listen to in college.

252
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:14,607
What music will transport
her back to her youth,

253
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,934
back to a time when her whole
life was in front of her.

254
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,520
I don't know.

255
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,488
I only know I'm sad
about that vodka.

256
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,031
Fuck it.

257
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,655
La Tour baby!

258
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,456
Whatever happens probably will.

259
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,626
Let's finish it inside.

260
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:38,715
Yeah.

261
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:39,883
Yeah.

262
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,585
Starts getting
better tomorrow...

263
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:48,675
When I'm stuck with a
day that's grey, and lonely,

264
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:52,136
I just stick out my
chin and grin...

265
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,437
Oh.

266
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:54,764
And saaaaay...

267
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:59,397
The sun will come out tomorrow

268
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:12,741
You're only a daaaay
aaaawaaaaaay!

269
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,499
Haha, you
fell on your ass, baby.

270
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,572
Excuse me.

271
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,904
Hi.

272
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,249
What can you tell
me about this house?

273
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,746
I'm sorry?

274
00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:00,250
There was a rental ad for
this house on Craigslist,

275
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,673
but no one's
answering the doorbell.

276
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,842
An ad on Craigslist?

277
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:05,927
Yeah.

278
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,678
For Nigel's house?

279
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,473
No, somebody named Frank?

280
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,768
The ad's gone, it was
flagged for profanity.

281
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,891
Okay, wait.
Back the fuck up.

282
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,517
Let's start over.
What?

283
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,942
Well, there was an ad, "For
rent, big beautiful fucking

284
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:26,022
house furnished up the ass."
Obviously, I was intrigued.

285
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,867
Are you okay?

286
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,742
Not even in the ballpark.

287
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,339
Four dollars?

288
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,637
Four dollars for a zucchini.

289
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:54,592
And these people won't even
grease the wheels of their

290
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,267
shopping cart.

291
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:58,766
Fuckers.

292
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,065
Nancy?

293
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,649
Are you okay?

294
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,325
Oh, you.

295
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,244
Heidi, hi.

296
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:19,542
I'm fine, it's just that I saw a
spider, and I tried to get it.

297
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,493
My foot got stuck.

298
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,796
Um, are those box
wines in your cart?

299
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,673
No, I'm juicing.

300
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,345
How are Chip and the kids?

301
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,425
Oh, Chip pulled some strings
and got Carter into Yale.

302
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,931
He won't light up the world but
he won't blow it up, either.

303
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,306
Ah.

304
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,140
Oh, totally off-subject, did
you hear about Lisa Chang?

305
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,269
No, Lisa?

306
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,851
She and Andrew split up,
younger woman, yadda yadda,

307
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:46,945
you know the drill.

308
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:51,073
But, Lisa is working
at Macy's now.

309
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:52,862
At the perfume counter.

310
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:53,738
Oh my god.

311
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,490
Oh my god.

312
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:58,914
She's waving those little
smelly cards in people's faces.

313
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,708
She gained ten pounds.

314
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,627
And she's about to gain more.

315
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,956
Because you have to
be rich to be skinny.

316
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:11,009
All the cheap foods are
the ones that pork you up.

317
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:13,758
The sugars, the carbs,
the corn syrup.

318
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:18,092
I do not understand why the more
preservatives and chemicals

319
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:21,099
they put in the food,
the cheaper it is.

320
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:25,354
And the food that just comes out
of the earth, it's so expensive.

321
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,443
Bastards!

322
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:30,441
It's those hippies,
They see they're so going

323
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:34,741
"hey Dude, look
at this zucchini, man.

324
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,571
It's so beautiful, a
gift from mother earth.

325
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,576
How much should
we charge for it?"

326
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:45,206
"Uh, I dunno, $4,20?
Heheheh."

327
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,757
Okay, bye. Bye.
Nice to see you.

328
00:16:58,392 --> 00:16:59,849
Bye. Bye.

329
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:00,936
Bye.

330
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,351
Oh my god, oh my god.

331
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,058
Frank.

332
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,565
I think I'm having an
anxiety attack, and...

333
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,024
Wait, what?

334
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,420
Is this a joke?

335
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,095
But when?

336
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,262
The cheque?

337
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,556
No, the ad.

338
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,259
It must have been last night
when we were drinking.

339
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,140
I thought you did it.
It was all your idea.

340
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,687
My idea?

341
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,772
Frank, I said it to make a
point about how we don't do

342
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,147
anything stupid like that.

343
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,445
Don't you remember?

344
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:56,365
I don't remember us polishing
off that Chateau Latour,

345
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,531
but we did that too, right?

346
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:58,904
I remember that.

347
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,954
I remember pulling the cork, it
made that pop sound like the

348
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:05,407
crunch sound Eve probably
made when she bit the apple.

349
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:07,584
Baby.

350
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,878
It's six months in advance,
his name is Carl, and for

351
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:12,456
what it's worth, I think
he was sent from God.

352
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:17,420
Frank, do you understand
what this means?

353
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,594
It means an entire year
of Rachel's tuition.

354
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,260
Thank you Jesus!

355
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,974
Does this mean we're
gonna celebrate?

356
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,609
Heck yes.

357
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,061
But...

358
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,942
I gotta do something first.

359
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,902
I'll be right back.

360
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:57,800
Hi, Frank.

361
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,971
Hey. Is that
Dave Brubeck on the stereo?

362
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,057
No.

363
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,473
Too bad, I love Brubeck.

364
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,347
Especially back when Stan
Getz was on tenor sax.

365
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:09,271
Getz did the soundtrack for
Micky One, which is my favourite

366
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:12,850
Warren Beatty film.
I wanna say '65, '66.

367
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,151
Warren Beatty was
a handsome boy.

368
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,229
Got all the lady women.
Right?

369
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,925
But you know, Micky
One's not for everyone.

370
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,030
You have to be patient.

371
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,404
Unlike Star Wars, that
really trucks along.

372
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,031
Right?
Same with Dances with Wolves.

373
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,783
Kevin Costner, he
was definitely...

374
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,413
Carl, that was bizarre, and
I didn't follow any of it.

375
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,710
Is everything okay?

376
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,162
Oh, it's...

377
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,712
I love the house.

378
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,916
Ha, I'm being rude.
This is my good buddy Joe.

379
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,841
Well, less of a buddy
and more of a parole officer.

380
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:44,343
I beg your pardon?

381
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:48,643
Frank, uh, as a new neighbour,
I'm "legally required"

382
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:52,063
to tell you that I'm a
registered sex offender.

383
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:52,980
Come again?

384
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,400
Wow, really?

385
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,522
Really what?

386
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,444
I was, I was kidding.
You said "come again"

387
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,944
and I'm a sex offender.
It was a joke.

388
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,116
Carl's a class 3 offender.

389
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:07,116
He has to notify any resident
within a designated area.

390
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,947
So we'll be going
house to house.

391
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,811
It's kind of like trick or
treating, except we don't get

392
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:14,328
candy, we tell people
I'm a pedophile.

393
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,664
I'm sorry, I'm having
trouble with my ears.

394
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:20,842
There's a really loud sound to
them, like a, like a roaring

395
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,261
crashing ocean, so...

396
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,963
What the fuck did you just say?

397
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:28,425
Baby, tell little Frank that
I'm here, that I'm ready...

398
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,679
Baby, get away from the door.

399
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,139
Wow. Frank.

400
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,145
You really did well.

401
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,982
I did not see that coming.

402
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,485
Good.
I'm glad you didn't plan this.

403
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,989
Gotta burn down the
house to cook the pig.

404
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,078
What?

405
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,078
I'm saying "I did
not see that coming."

406
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,999
Oh, look. They're
going to the Templemans.

407
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,575
Nice people, the Templemans.

408
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,376
Their lawn is always so green.

409
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,671
I've always wondered
what they use.

410
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,966
Maybe you can call Carl.
You know, the fucking

411
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:03,714
fucking sex offender,
and ask him to ask them.

412
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:08,674
Probably
magnesium sulphate.

413
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,844
You realize we're
going to jail, right?

414
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,270
No. Nigel will
never press charges,

415
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,251
I've pulled his fat out
of the fire too many times.

416
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,517
Like last month, his smoke
detector was beeping,

417
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,603
I changed the 9-volt,
didn't even charge him.

418
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,814
Snap out of it, motherfucker.
We're going to jail.

419
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,304
Don't forget your prescriptions
and anything else you might

420
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:28,614
need for the next few weeks.

421
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,195
Frank, help me.

422
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,576
Hold this bag.
Hold this bag.

423
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:37,377
Do you really need all these
panties and such, hun?

424
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,250
No. I'm gonna hide
them in the attic.

425
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:42,549
I don't want him going
all over my lingerie.

426
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,126
The word is "cumming,"
Honey. Cumming.

427
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,220
I don't give a damn.

428
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:48,596
I do not want his DNA
on my private things.

429
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,049
Baby, we really don't
know what he did.

430
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,681
Then you should hide
your panties, too.

431
00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:03,905
Hi.

432
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:09,618
Look, I know I should have
said something, but it's not

433
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:12,741
like I told you I wasn't
a registered offender.

434
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,368
Oh my god, he just said that.

435
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,324
I saw his lips move
and everything.

436
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:19,786
Carl. Part of me would like to
punch you in the face right now,

437
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,942
but another part of me would
like to kick you in the balls.

438
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:23,207
Which do you prefer?

439
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:26,509
Uh, thanks.
I normally don't get a choice.

440
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:29,588
But I, I don't know
anything about your house.

441
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,470
How do I know your house
is as nice as this house?

442
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:34,934
Our house is gorgeous.

443
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:37,262
Carl, you don't have a choice.

444
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:41,020
Our house could be a shack
cantilevered over hell's septic

445
00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,521
tank, and it wouldn't matter.

446
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,506
You either move into our house,
or you're back on the street

447
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,317
because you cannot stay here.

448
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:51,110
I guess I could
just get my 25 grand back

449
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,694
and find another place.

450
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:01,002
You know what?

451
00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:02,454
Fine with me.

452
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:05,336
Because I'm not even sure
that I want you in my house,

453
00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:09,010
sleeping in our bed,
inside our sheets,

454
00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:11,679
where I sleep
naked all the time.

455
00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:12,676
Ugh.

456
00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,803
And what if he finds
our home videos?

457
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,261
Didn't I tell you
not to film that?

458
00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,346
Maybe I can make this work.

459
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,807
Let me run something by you.

460
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,644
The Swedish Duxiana mattress.

461
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:27,650
I haven't been able to
sleep one night in it.

462
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,575
I'm not really interested in
mattresses normally, but this is

463
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:36,621
my one time for this mattress,
and I'm not even a mattress guy.

464
00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:38,059
You want the mattress, Carl?
- Yeah.

465
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:39,574
Are you out of
your fucking mind?

466
00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:40,954
You're not getting the mattress.

467
00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:42,707
Have you ever had
your head examined?

468
00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:44,412
What's in there, pop tarts?

469
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:48,500
"I'm not even a mattress guy."
Jesus H Christ, Carl, you are

470
00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:49,738
not getting the
fucking mattress.

471
00:23:50,888 --> 00:23:53,005
Why are we going
through the backyard?

472
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,760
Why is the sky blue?

473
00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:58,639
Cause sunlight is refracted by
dust particles in the air and

474
00:23:58,729 --> 00:24:01,392
blue is the dominant
colour of the spectrum?

475
00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:05,226
Did you learn that in the 5th
grade, or from a 5th grader?

476
00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:06,605
Ouch.

477
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:11,486
Baby, only you would
think of turning Nigel's pool

478
00:24:11,575 --> 00:24:13,862
into our own private drive-in.

479
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:16,070
Maybe I'm losing my mind.

480
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:17,870
Awww.

481
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:19,368
Look at her.

482
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:22,246
That was Rachel's
5th grade play.

483
00:24:22,336 --> 00:24:24,828
She was so good.
Rachel was the best thing in it.

484
00:24:24,922 --> 00:24:27,164
I'm being objective.
I mean, compared to Rachel,

485
00:24:27,257 --> 00:24:29,169
the rest of these
kids were all laughable.

486
00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:32,923
Their screechy voices
so hard on the ears.

487
00:24:34,348 --> 00:24:36,431
Ah, and there it is.

488
00:24:36,517 --> 00:24:40,807
Janice's grand
unforgettable party.

489
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:44,480
Your sister only threw that
party to prove how rich she is.

490
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:48,401
You know, I was in a
98 cents store today.

491
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:49,944
I bet you anything

492
00:24:50,030 --> 00:24:53,273
that Janice would never
set foot in one of those.

493
00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:55,859
That's only because
she married Dan, not because

494
00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:58,536
she's any smarter than you.

495
00:24:58,622 --> 00:25:01,114
Do you remember when
we went together?

496
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:04,201
You were craving Baby Ruths.

497
00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:06,251
I just had to have
that Baby Ruth.

498
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:09,752
On a hunch we bought that
pregnancy test and eight months

499
00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:14,257
later, along came
our little Rachel.

500
00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:16,254
To Baby Ruths.

501
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,010
To Baby Ruths.

502
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,230
Hello?

503
00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:27,728
Mr. Teagarten's not at home.

504
00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:29,275
I'm sorry?

505
00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:30,772
He owes you money?

506
00:25:32,114 --> 00:25:35,607
Well, I'm his butler, not his
accountant, you fucking arse.

507
00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:41,154
That was Mastercard.

508
00:25:41,248 --> 00:25:44,332
Frank, why don't we
sell our funeral plots?

509
00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:48,002
We can get what, 2,000
dollars at least, right?

510
00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:49,795
Shit, baby, I'm sorry.

511
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:51,714
School wanted a dorm deposit.

512
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,792
Well, how lovely.

513
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:56,720
I actually have to pee
really badly right now,

514
00:25:56,805 --> 00:25:58,922
and I would normally do it
right here in the pool,

515
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:01,133
but I don't want to make our
problems any worse.

516
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:10,937
Is that you, Carl?

517
00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:15,571
What's up, pervert?

518
00:26:15,657 --> 00:26:17,260
What the
hell is going on here?

519
00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:20,243
Nancy, Nancy, call 911!

520
00:26:20,329 --> 00:26:21,661
Who you talking to?

521
00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:23,238
Nobody.

522
00:26:23,332 --> 00:26:24,539
There's nobody else here.

523
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:32,789
Oh my god.

524
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:38,295
Run, run, ISIS has come!

525
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:40,926
I am neutral!

526
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:43,262
Put me down! Put me down!

527
00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:07,744
You know what this bitch was
doing when I grabbed her?

528
00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:10,669
Staring at a little
girl in a leotard.

529
00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:12,416
That was my daughter.

530
00:27:12,506 --> 00:27:14,748
The law won't protect our
community from deviants

531
00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:15,958
like you.

532
00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:17,212
We will.

533
00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:23,256
So if we see you anywhere
near 112 Blue Jay...

534
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:34,726
We just escaped death.

535
00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:37,983
They thought you were Carl,
because Carl gave out

536
00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:39,189
Nigel's address.

537
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,136
They thought
I was Carl because he gave

538
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,241
out Nigel's address.

539
00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:44,660
That's what I just said,
why are you screaming?

540
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:46,112
The gunshots.

541
00:27:46,206 --> 00:27:47,788
My ears are, you know.

542
00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:52,206
You know how you know when
your life is out of control?

543
00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:55,775
When there's a ringing in your
ears and you don't know if it's

544
00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:59,588
a creditor calling or a
kidnapper has fired a shotgun

545
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:02,386
six inches from your head.

546
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:08,476
Is that
Spanx over tights?

547
00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:11,054
Yes, I'm double Spanking.

548
00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:13,731
Do you have to scream
it to the world?

549
00:28:15,152 --> 00:28:17,338
Cause right about now, I'd like
to have a pair of really tight

550
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:20,446
Spanx around my fucking neck.

551
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:23,483
No, Janice
would never understand.

552
00:28:23,577 --> 00:28:25,284
But she's your sister.

553
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:27,362
She will ask too many questions.

554
00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,785
Our car broke down.

555
00:28:29,875 --> 00:28:31,082
Right.

556
00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:34,661
And I'm barefoot because
we have the Flintstone's car,

557
00:28:34,755 --> 00:28:37,122
and I peddled it like Wilma.

558
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:41,960
What's your guess
on his net worth?

559
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,406
I'd say at least
a hundred million.

560
00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:45,137
It's as high as two
hundred million.

561
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,224
No, that's too high.

562
00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:48,007
At least a hundred million.

563
00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:49,808
He's definitely well fed.

564
00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:50,931
Please, let's go.

565
00:28:51,021 --> 00:28:53,479
She'll never buy our bullshit.

566
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:56,683
And you can't tell her, or
anybody else for that matter.

567
00:28:56,777 --> 00:28:59,440
That's how this falling
from grace thing works.

568
00:28:59,529 --> 00:29:02,693
People find out, they look
away, they avert their eyes.

569
00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:04,820
Especially our friends.

570
00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:07,152
Are they really
our friends, then?

571
00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:09,566
Nancy, I'm too tired to have a
deep conversation right now.

572
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:13,036
But no.

573
00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:16,707
No, Frank. Why are
you forcing me to do this?

574
00:29:16,797 --> 00:29:19,164
I cannot take this
shit right now.

575
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:21,250
I'm going to get
an anxiety attack.

576
00:29:21,343 --> 00:29:22,675
Not Betty.

577
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:25,674
Okay, I understand you didn't
want to stay at Janice's,

578
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:27,408
but now you don't want to stay
at this sister's house?

579
00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:28,764
but we have nowhere to go.

580
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:31,162
Carl's in our house, we can't go
back to Nigel's because those

581
00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:33,929
psychos said they'd kill us,
we don't have any credit cards,

582
00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,139
you're barefoot,
and I feel like hell.

583
00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:37,394
Of course you do.

584
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:40,352
Cause we're almost there.
That is hell.

585
00:29:40,445 --> 00:29:43,188
It's like we're in Kansas,
and we're about to get sucked

586
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:47,447
into a tornado and
drop into an inferno

587
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:50,324
where Oompa-Loompa's on
speed are the gatekeepers.

588
00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:52,997
Baby, I'm going to need
some time to sort through all

589
00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:56,167
those analogies.
Besides, it's not that bad.

590
00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:57,710
Just smile a lot.

591
00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,458
See? Smile.

592
00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:00,548
Like this.

593
00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,297
Let's see how long that lasts.

594
00:30:07,764 --> 00:30:09,096
Hi Tristan.

595
00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:09,888
Hi Tristan.

596
00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:11,466
Why is she barefoot?

597
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,223
Uh, Tai Chi.
It's very relaxing.

598
00:30:14,313 --> 00:30:15,554
Uh, can we come in?

599
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,604
I guess you could come in.

600
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,267
Dad, Uncle Frank and
Aunt Nancy are here.

601
00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:23,148
That's a really
cool walkie-talkie.

602
00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:26,151
Yeah, well not to me.
My fucking dad won't spring

603
00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:28,984
for the Ace 10s,
which are way more badass.

604
00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:30,488
Hmm.

605
00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:32,682
Navy Seals use Ace 10s, they
also use cool martial arts like

606
00:30:32,706 --> 00:30:34,322
Krav Maga and cool
shit like that.

607
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:37,124
Tai Chi's for homos, but
you probably knew that.

608
00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:38,826
Smile, Frank.

609
00:30:39,463 --> 00:30:40,999
Oh, hi Trey.

610
00:30:41,089 --> 00:30:42,125
I wish.

611
00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:45,583
My walkie talkie is
dead as a used dick.

612
00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:47,088
You have any 9-volt batteries?

613
00:30:47,179 --> 00:30:48,590
- Me?
- Can I search you?

614
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,680
- What?
- Nothing.

615
00:30:49,765 --> 00:30:52,428
Dad, for god sakes, what
is this, a Becket play?

616
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:53,953
When did this turn
into Waiting for Godot?

617
00:30:53,977 --> 00:30:56,435
That is quite a reference
for a young lad.

618
00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:58,513
Yeah.
I'm Vladimir and he's Estrago.

619
00:30:58,607 --> 00:31:00,473
- It's Estragon.
- Bullshit.

620
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:03,605
Dad, chop-chop,
the small talk is getting a

621
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:04,856
little thin out here.

622
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:06,883
All right, I'm coming,
I'm coming, don't get

623
00:31:06,907 --> 00:31:07,907
your panties in a wad.

624
00:31:07,949 --> 00:31:09,941
All hail Lord Douchington.

625
00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:11,035
Hi, Bob.

626
00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:12,951
Hey, you made it.
How's the trip?

627
00:31:13,038 --> 00:31:14,370
Found everything okay?

628
00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:15,162
Douche.

629
00:31:15,248 --> 00:31:17,535
Hey, that's TV for a week, pal.

630
00:31:17,626 --> 00:31:19,037
Señor Douche.

631
00:31:19,127 --> 00:31:20,208
Yup.

632
00:31:21,421 --> 00:31:22,502
God.

633
00:31:22,589 --> 00:31:23,830
Delightful.

634
00:31:23,924 --> 00:31:25,836
Hey, so Nance, how
come you're barefoot?

635
00:31:25,926 --> 00:31:27,508
You ain't going
hippie on me, are ya?

636
00:31:27,594 --> 00:31:28,594
Yeah.

637
00:31:28,678 --> 00:31:31,716
I'm like Wilma Flintstone.

638
00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:34,007
Fred was the one who drove.

639
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:35,637
Wilma just rode shotgun.

640
00:31:35,727 --> 00:31:37,309
She drove sometimes.

641
00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:40,013
So, uh, they're termite
tending your house? What?

642
00:31:40,107 --> 00:31:42,377
Well yeah, we tried to sleep
in the den, but there were all

643
00:31:42,401 --> 00:31:45,314
these fumes, and then it was
like we were back in the 60s.

644
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:48,716
Well, I wouldn't know.
I'm way younger than you are.

645
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:50,481
Hey, but I do know
the tending game.

646
00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:52,157
We got spiders.

647
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:54,987
When those spider eggs pop,
those little spiders come out,

648
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:56,640
they start biting
everything like crazy.

649
00:31:56,665 --> 00:31:58,406
Smile, Frank.

650
00:31:58,500 --> 00:31:59,411
Heh.

651
00:31:59,501 --> 00:32:01,868
Oh, yeah.
Do I sound defensive?

652
00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:02,827
No.

653
00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:03,921
Is Betty coming down?

654
00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:05,525
I was telling
Frank on the phone,

655
00:32:05,590 --> 00:32:07,297
she's laid up with diarrhea.

656
00:32:07,384 --> 00:32:09,717
Accidentally made a
sandwich out of cat food.

657
00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:12,090
Well, don't worry about us.
We had dinner already.

658
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:13,921
I think I'm gonna go
see how she's doing.

659
00:32:14,015 --> 00:32:14,846
Hey, hey, hey.

660
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:16,890
You don't wanna go
up there right now.

661
00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:20,516
She's on the throne, blowing
brown, if you catch my drift.

662
00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:21,812
I caught it, yup.

663
00:32:21,898 --> 00:32:23,730
Hey, but like I said,
you two are welcome to

664
00:32:23,817 --> 00:32:24,853
bunk in the twins' room.

665
00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:27,686
Our room? Why not your room?

666
00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:30,738
Because you two can sleep
on the couch tonight. Over.

667
00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:33,992
Ever hear of a Motel 6? Over.

668
00:32:34,077 --> 00:32:35,193
Hilarious.

669
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:37,404
I'm just gonna
show you to the room,

670
00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:39,033
hopefully we won't get lost.

671
00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:41,036
Let's do
this every month.

672
00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:48,123
Sorry, fellas.

673
00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:50,086
Sorry enough to go away?

674
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:51,177
Wow.

675
00:32:51,219 --> 00:32:52,676
The bed is small.

676
00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:55,800
If you're gonna do any stuff on
it, just wash the sheets after.

677
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,219
Will do.

678
00:32:58,310 --> 00:33:00,017
It's gross.

679
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:02,379
Are we talking about
the same thing?

680
00:33:03,023 --> 00:33:03,809
I'm serious.

681
00:33:03,899 --> 00:33:04,685
I'm sure you are.

682
00:33:04,774 --> 00:33:05,605
Do we have a problem?

683
00:33:05,692 --> 00:33:07,979
I don't think so.
Are we done now?

684
00:33:08,069 --> 00:33:10,061
Yeah. I think we're done.

685
00:33:10,155 --> 00:33:12,943
Did you know that you can
hack into baby monitors?

686
00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:16,401
We're teaching our neighbour's
baby how to say the N-word.

687
00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:19,265
Nancy, would you join
me outside for a second?

688
00:33:19,289 --> 00:33:20,289
Yeah.

689
00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:22,990
You understand now what
I was talking about?

690
00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:24,825
Except the Oompa-Loompa's
are not on speed,

691
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,378
they are on angel dust.

692
00:33:27,464 --> 00:33:29,456
How did we get so
lucky with Rachel?

693
00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:32,041
We communicated with her
directly, not through some

694
00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:35,003
CB radio. Let's start
there and reverse engineer it.

695
00:33:37,557 --> 00:33:40,846
I was thinking, we rented
Nigel's house to Carl but we had

696
00:33:40,936 --> 00:33:43,080
to move him over to our house,
which means that Nigel's house

697
00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:44,104
is still empty.

698
00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:46,104
I say we rent Nigel's
house again...

699
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:47,352
Frank!

700
00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:49,003
Only this time to somebody
who isn't a sex offender.

701
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:53,067
Or, why don't we just handcuff
ourselves and walk straight into

702
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:55,113
the police station, Frank?

703
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,442
This place is filled
with spider webs.

704
00:33:57,536 --> 00:33:58,971
Well, as you can see,
they don't clean.

705
00:33:58,995 --> 00:34:01,328
The original Craigslist
ad is still on my phone.

706
00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:03,201
I say we post it again.

707
00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:05,283
Are you not listening
to me, Frank?

708
00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:09,124
Absolutely no fucking way.

709
00:34:09,214 --> 00:34:10,796
This is where we draw the line.

710
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:13,069
Baby, I don't know what's on
the other side of that line,

711
00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:14,933
but I do know what's on
this side of that line,

712
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,177
and it is bleak.

713
00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:18,129
Okay, here's the
original Craigslist ad.

714
00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:19,367
- Don't you dare.
- We delete some of

715
00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:21,035
the bad words, I think
you were drunk at the time.

716
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:22,800
I was drunk at the time?

717
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:26,183
And it is done.

718
00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:28,856
You just posted it again?
Aaaah, Frank!

719
00:34:28,942 --> 00:34:30,308
You just smoked a spider!

720
00:34:33,947 --> 00:34:35,483
Give me the Heimlich!

721
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,947
What the hell's going on?
You woke up my baby.

722
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,077
Frank, I get it,
you smoked a spider.

723
00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:47,874
But can you keep it down?

724
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,669
Hit me in the back.

725
00:34:52,132 --> 00:34:54,044
Not with the shovel!

726
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:58,632
Natalie, tell your kids
to stay off my baby monitor.

727
00:34:58,722 --> 00:35:00,884
It's your fault for
having a baby monitor.

728
00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:02,340
It's an attractive nuisance.

729
00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,175
There it is.

730
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:09,348
Frank, are you okay?

731
00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:11,273
Do you want another cigarette?

732
00:35:11,359 --> 00:35:13,726
Are you all right baby?

733
00:35:39,137 --> 00:35:40,594
Dad, come quick.

734
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,763
Why is Uncle Frank
doing this to me?

735
00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:46,644
Oh my god.

736
00:35:46,728 --> 00:35:47,889
Yes?

737
00:35:47,979 --> 00:35:49,060
Frank!

738
00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,306
My god.

739
00:35:51,399 --> 00:35:53,356
What is going on?

740
00:35:53,443 --> 00:35:55,730
Nancy, are you naked?

741
00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:58,312
No, I'm not naked.
It's a shirt.

742
00:35:58,406 --> 00:36:00,363
Tristan, what are those?

743
00:36:00,450 --> 00:36:03,158
It's Aunt Nancy's Spanx,
Uncle Frank made me wear them.

744
00:36:03,244 --> 00:36:04,530
Now stop this.

745
00:36:04,621 --> 00:36:06,453
Frank, how could
you, he's just a boy.

746
00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:07,905
I'm so scared right now.

747
00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:09,490
Oh shit.

748
00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:10,584
Jesus Christ.

749
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:12,084
Betty...

750
00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:14,503
She just stuck
her tongue out at me.

751
00:36:14,589 --> 00:36:17,377
Frank, downstairs, now.

752
00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:23,591
Who are you?

753
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:29,761
You know what, Frank?

754
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:32,767
It's not pleasant to be
mistaken for a sex offender,

755
00:36:32,857 --> 00:36:37,067
and molesting your nephew
in less than 24 hours.

756
00:36:38,154 --> 00:36:40,897
But right now, I feel
sorry for my sister.

757
00:36:40,990 --> 00:36:43,448
I am actually really
worried for her.

758
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:45,447
As you should be.

759
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:48,245
Pretty soon, some court
appointed therapist

760
00:36:48,331 --> 00:36:50,331
is going to be white
knuckling with those two kids.

761
00:36:51,584 --> 00:36:53,270
I see that your sister
calmed down enough to lend

762
00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:54,410
you her wig, huh?

763
00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:57,497
Uh, yeah, I don't know whose
wig is it, in that house.

764
00:36:57,590 --> 00:36:59,456
Well, it helps us hide
from the kidnappers.

765
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:02,968
Hey, are you Wayne, the
guy that answered the ad?

766
00:37:03,054 --> 00:37:04,281
Yeah, yeah.
- I'm Frank.

767
00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:06,345
What are you two, in the
witness protection program?

768
00:37:06,433 --> 00:37:08,470
No, we were just sunning
ourselves in the backyard.

769
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:09,912
- Is that your truck, Wayne?
- Yeah.

770
00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:11,288
Oh that's fantastic.
Step inside and we'll

771
00:37:11,312 --> 00:37:12,769
just take a look at the house.
Okay?

772
00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:18,647
The ad said the house
comes furnished?

773
00:37:18,737 --> 00:37:21,195
Uh, yep. It only needs
a mattress. Long story.

774
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:22,692
The previous tenant took it.

775
00:37:22,782 --> 00:37:23,693
Short story.

776
00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:26,196
Okay then.
I wrote you a cheque.

777
00:37:26,995 --> 00:37:27,995
You uh, that's it?

778
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,390
You don't want to
have a look around?

779
00:37:29,414 --> 00:37:30,454
It's not to be an asshole.

780
00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:31,767
You want to rent
the place or not?

781
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,327
I mean, I got shit
tons of stuff to do.

782
00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,455
Yes, uh, no, uh, sure.

783
00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,753
It's just that normally
there's a process.

784
00:37:37,839 --> 00:37:39,626
We learned the hard
way to ask questions.

785
00:37:39,716 --> 00:37:42,049
Did you hear that?

786
00:37:43,136 --> 00:37:44,377
What's that?

787
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:46,716
Good lord.

788
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:48,086
Oh, there's
something on my face.

789
00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:49,973
No, don't touch your face!
Don't panic.

790
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:52,096
You're covered in spiders.

791
00:37:52,187 --> 00:37:53,598
Jesus, baby don't move.

792
00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:57,686
Agh, they're
crawling on my body.

793
00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:59,938
Get them, get them!

794
00:38:00,945 --> 00:38:03,403
They're biting me,
they're biting me!

795
00:38:03,490 --> 00:38:06,574
They're
biting me, get them out!

796
00:38:12,499 --> 00:38:14,707
Get them out!

797
00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:36,061
Oh Frank,
what have I done?

798
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,729
Tell my Rachel I love her.

799
00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:39,502
You're not going to die,
you're not going to die.

800
00:38:39,526 --> 00:38:40,983
You hear me? Woah! Woah!

801
00:38:41,069 --> 00:38:43,509
Stop scratching yourself, don't
antagonize it, for god sake's.

802
00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,399
Nancy! You're gonna be fine,

803
00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:47,152
the doctors will
give you an ointment.

804
00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:48,699
Hold on, hold on.

805
00:38:48,785 --> 00:38:50,447
God I hate spiders, don't you?

806
00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,699
- Wait, there's another one.
- Woah!

807
00:39:06,803 --> 00:39:09,261
♪ Kickin' up a storm,
black clouds of grey ♪

808
00:39:09,347 --> 00:39:12,055
♪ Interstate 40's
backing up fast ♪

809
00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:14,975
♪ Look to the east,
no relief in sight ♪

810
00:39:15,061 --> 00:39:17,724
♪ Pull yourself together
cause I gather we might ♪

811
00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:21,683
♪ The river's gone wild,
the river's gone wild ♪

812
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,702
Oh.

813
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:35,829
Tyler, how are you?

814
00:39:35,915 --> 00:39:38,532
Uh, Frank, how are you?

815
00:39:38,626 --> 00:39:41,039
I'm on the right side of the
grass my man, what's the happs?

816
00:39:42,255 --> 00:39:44,998
No offence Frank, but
how did you get in here?

817
00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:47,003
This is a restricted
access garage.

818
00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:50,006
Well, I still have
my Jensen parking pass,

819
00:39:50,096 --> 00:39:53,055
and I have an interview
today up on 16 with Gretina.

820
00:39:54,475 --> 00:39:57,058
Gretina's not on
16 anymore, Frank.

821
00:39:57,145 --> 00:39:58,602
What floor are they on?

822
00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:00,099
They moved to Seattle.

823
00:40:01,649 --> 00:40:04,312
Well, don't remind me,
cause I'm dying for a Starbucks,

824
00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:06,314
but the meeting is on Skype.

825
00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:08,987
I'm gonna Skype to uh, Seattle.

826
00:40:12,535 --> 00:40:13,535
Don't, don't.

827
00:40:13,578 --> 00:40:15,365
Don't Tyler, don't
give me that look.

828
00:40:15,455 --> 00:40:17,162
I know that look. Please.

829
00:40:18,625 --> 00:40:19,866
Everything's fine.

830
00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:21,200
Everything with us is okay.

831
00:40:21,294 --> 00:40:24,162
Honey, you remember Tyler
Rector from Jensen Med?

832
00:40:24,255 --> 00:40:25,291
Baby, can you hear me?

833
00:40:34,098 --> 00:40:35,305
How can I help?

834
00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:40,594
So that's the long and
short but the silver lining is

835
00:40:40,688 --> 00:40:42,179
that, at least for now,

836
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:44,139
we don't have to worry
about Rachel's college.

837
00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:45,394
But, we're homeless.

838
00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:49,611
Wow, that's quite a story.

839
00:40:50,615 --> 00:40:53,073
So all this started
with one mistake?

840
00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:56,027
With a bunch of
smaller ones shooting off it.

841
00:40:56,120 --> 00:41:00,911
Kind of like when a spider egg
pops, and all these little

842
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:05,119
spiders come and
bite you in the ass.

843
00:41:05,213 --> 00:41:07,079
Are you gonna eat that?

844
00:41:07,173 --> 00:41:08,835
No, please.

845
00:41:09,425 --> 00:41:10,757
Thank you.

846
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:13,010
Listen, guys.

847
00:41:13,096 --> 00:41:14,507
I know someone.

848
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:16,930
His name's Randall.
Let me give him a call.

849
00:41:17,016 --> 00:41:18,757
Frank, he might have
something for you.

850
00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:19,932
It'd be a start.

851
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:21,726
Tyler,
that would be great.

852
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,100
And we also still
have Wayne's cheque.

853
00:41:24,190 --> 00:41:25,977
We can always cash that.

854
00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:30,402
Frank, if you cash that cheque,
then it's no longer one mistake.

855
00:41:30,488 --> 00:41:31,649
It becomes a pattern.

856
00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:34,447
Exactly. That's what
I've been trying to tell him.

857
00:41:34,534 --> 00:41:37,777
But Tyler, desperation
is a bitch.

858
00:41:37,870 --> 00:41:42,456
Thank you so much for everything
that you've done to help us.

859
00:41:42,542 --> 00:41:45,626
So, you guys have your
work cut out for you.

860
00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:49,376
Just remember, grass can
grow through concrete.

861
00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:54,047
Did he say your ass can
grow through concrete?

862
00:41:54,137 --> 00:41:58,723
No, no, the phrase is "grass
can grow through concrete."

863
00:41:59,809 --> 00:42:01,620
Could I give you that, please?
Do you mind if I...?

864
00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:03,010
Thank you.

865
00:42:07,859 --> 00:42:10,522
Nancy, you're
gonna be all right.

866
00:42:14,991 --> 00:42:16,448
Don't panic, Nancy.

867
00:42:16,993 --> 00:42:18,734
You're gonna take a hot bath.

868
00:42:18,828 --> 00:42:20,945
You're gonna get fresh clothes,

869
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:22,826
you're gonna do your
hair and makeup.

870
00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:25,248
In three minutes
you'll be yourself.

871
00:42:25,334 --> 00:42:27,451
What the fuck?

872
00:42:28,838 --> 00:42:30,733
Thank you for taking
this lunch, I know you're busy.

873
00:42:30,757 --> 00:42:31,964
No, of course.

874
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:33,610
Tyler called me, told me a
little about your background.

875
00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:36,047
Well, I hope he exaggerated
in all the right places.

876
00:42:38,056 --> 00:42:39,718
That's my wife, I'm sorry.

877
00:42:40,266 --> 00:42:41,006
Hi honey.

878
00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:42,932
Dammit Frank. We're cursed.

879
00:42:43,019 --> 00:42:45,978
I am at Nigel's house,
and everything is gone.

880
00:42:46,064 --> 00:42:50,149
They took my purse, my
phone, Nigel's furniture.

881
00:42:50,234 --> 00:42:54,319
That guy Wayne was all
wrong, and we knew it.

882
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:57,489
Now fuck it, they
stole everything!

883
00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,237
I see, uh.

884
00:42:59,327 --> 00:43:00,693
That's uh, yes.

885
00:43:00,787 --> 00:43:02,119
That's great.

886
00:43:02,205 --> 00:43:04,822
Thanks for calling, and
we'll celebrate later, okay?

887
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:06,452
I'll see you. Bye.

888
00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:07,783
No, no, don't hang up.

889
00:43:07,877 --> 00:43:08,708
You okay?

890
00:43:08,795 --> 00:43:10,002
Uh, yeah, it's all good.

891
00:43:10,088 --> 00:43:13,923
My wife just got an article
published in Omni magazine.

892
00:43:14,759 --> 00:43:15,795
Great.

893
00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:17,421
Omni must be feeling good too.

894
00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:18,969
Be back up and running.

895
00:43:19,055 --> 00:43:20,091
I'm sorry?

896
00:43:20,181 --> 00:43:22,514
They folded about
two decades ago.

897
00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:25,137
Wow.

898
00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:28,141
Man plans and God
laughs, right? I mean-

899
00:43:28,231 --> 00:43:30,143
Everybody's got a
plan until you get...

900
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:32,266
punched in the face.

901
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:33,441
Jesus.

902
00:43:33,528 --> 00:43:34,769
Sorry, Frank.

903
00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:36,729
I'm sorry.

904
00:43:36,823 --> 00:43:37,688
No, no.

905
00:43:37,782 --> 00:43:39,273
I'm Frank, you're...

906
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:41,359
- Randall.
- Randall. Right.

907
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:43,535
I'm sorry.
Can we start over again?

908
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:45,122
Sure.

909
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:48,540
Hi, I'm Frank.

910
00:44:10,148 --> 00:44:11,480
For God sake!

911
00:44:11,566 --> 00:44:14,274
Carl!
I just need to get a few things.

912
00:44:49,061 --> 00:44:51,644
You come in my house, you
come in my house, you like that?

913
00:44:51,731 --> 00:44:52,812
You like that?

914
00:44:58,571 --> 00:45:02,315
I'm sorry, my gosh,
did you change your hair?

915
00:45:06,245 --> 00:45:08,077
I'm so sorry about
the pepper spray,

916
00:45:08,164 --> 00:45:09,575
I thought you were an intruder.

917
00:45:09,665 --> 00:45:11,201
Not that you look
like an intruder.

918
00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:13,875
I'm against profiling,
not that I necessarily would

919
00:45:13,961 --> 00:45:17,955
want sushi from a redhead,
I prefer an Asian chap,

920
00:45:18,049 --> 00:45:19,540
if you know what I mean.

921
00:45:19,634 --> 00:45:21,170
Why didn't my key work?

922
00:45:21,260 --> 00:45:23,126
I had the locks changed.

923
00:45:23,679 --> 00:45:24,795
You what?

924
00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:26,471
You can't change our locks.

925
00:45:26,557 --> 00:45:27,557
Carl?

926
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:28,966
Oh, um...

927
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:31,434
This is not your house, Carl.

928
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,636
I, look...

929
00:45:32,730 --> 00:45:34,642
What are you wearing?

930
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,223
What, this?

931
00:45:36,317 --> 00:45:39,060
You know what, I uh,
I got you guys a key.

932
00:45:39,153 --> 00:45:40,485
Um.

933
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:42,233
Uh, there you go.

934
00:45:43,199 --> 00:45:44,110
What the?

935
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,317
The wood's so you
don't misplace it.

936
00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:47,491
Carl.

937
00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:50,112
This is not a gas station.

938
00:45:50,206 --> 00:45:51,822
What is wrong with you?

939
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:53,866
Whatever.

940
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:57,039
I just need to get some
stuff from my closet.

941
00:45:58,214 --> 00:45:59,955
Your closet?

942
00:46:01,884 --> 00:46:03,170
Wha-what is this?

943
00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:05,298
I mean, what is this?

944
00:46:05,388 --> 00:46:06,845
Where's my stuff?

945
00:46:06,931 --> 00:46:08,342
What have you done
with my closet?

946
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:10,219
I made it into a panic room.

947
00:46:10,309 --> 00:46:12,096
You can't do that, Carl.

948
00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:14,143
Remember, this is
not your house.

949
00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:15,971
Did you ever see the
Jody Foster movie?

950
00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:17,556
And please put a shirt on.

951
00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:21,059
I, I've been really
nervous lately.

952
00:46:21,153 --> 00:46:24,317
People have been ringing the
doorbell all day asking about

953
00:46:24,407 --> 00:46:27,866
the yard sale and then I was
really scared when I saw the

954
00:46:27,952 --> 00:46:31,195
video on the internet of
you and Frank being kidnapped

955
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:32,530
with a shotgun.

956
00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:33,955
There's a video on the internet?

957
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:35,657
Nancy, you're the
best part of it.

958
00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:37,117
You came across really real.

959
00:46:37,211 --> 00:46:39,999
I was real, you dumb fuck.

960
00:46:41,173 --> 00:46:44,086
Uh, we're locked in.

961
00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:48,546
Did you say
"catalytic converters?"

962
00:46:50,182 --> 00:46:52,640
Frank, I know it's not a
sexy business, but catalytic

963
00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:55,060
converters are like
mini treasure chests.

964
00:46:55,146 --> 00:46:58,184
We snip them off the cars,
smelt em down and sell off the

965
00:46:58,274 --> 00:46:59,390
expensive metals.

966
00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:01,645
Palladium, rhodium, platinum.

967
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:04,498
Most cases, cat cons
are worth more than the

968
00:47:04,530 --> 00:47:05,566
junk cars themselves.

969
00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:10,158
You mean I would crawl
underneath the car,

970
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:13,453
and snip them?
That's the job?

971
00:47:15,374 --> 00:47:17,206
Listen, Frank.
I'm gonna be honest.

972
00:47:18,544 --> 00:47:21,036
I could use the extra hand but
I don't need the extra hand.

973
00:47:22,340 --> 00:47:24,460
Tyler told me you needed a
leg up, this is what I got.

974
00:47:25,551 --> 00:47:27,634
I'm really glad you're here.

975
00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:29,211
Me gusta.

976
00:47:30,264 --> 00:47:33,632
Ugh, aw jeez. That was...

977
00:47:33,726 --> 00:47:35,092
Ugh.

978
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,848
That was...

979
00:47:36,937 --> 00:47:41,056
If you ever try anything like
that again, I am gonna kick your

980
00:47:41,150 --> 00:47:44,689
ass up and down this panic
room like an air hockey puck.

981
00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:47,028
Oh, okay.

982
00:47:50,409 --> 00:47:56,030
Thank you virgin, for making
Carl such a breathtaking moron.

983
00:47:58,167 --> 00:48:01,581
You forgot about the
attic hatch, Einstein.

984
00:48:03,422 --> 00:48:07,792
Hey, I'm sorry about
the misunderstanding.

985
00:48:07,885 --> 00:48:10,218
I guess I misread your signals.

986
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:11,636
What signals?

987
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:14,260
God, your legs are so strong.

988
00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:16,808
I guess it's from
running track, huh?

989
00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:18,135
I saw your medals.

990
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:19,640
How did you find my medals?

991
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:21,096
They were hidden in the garage.

992
00:48:21,190 --> 00:48:22,681
Yeah, way back there.

993
00:48:22,775 --> 00:48:24,562
And you should really
hide them better.

994
00:48:24,652 --> 00:48:26,894
You were the fastest on
the team, but what I don't

995
00:48:26,987 --> 00:48:30,151
understand is, in the relay,
why did you run fourth?

996
00:48:30,241 --> 00:48:32,153
Shouldn't the fastest
runner go first?

997
00:48:32,243 --> 00:48:33,859
Maybe you weren't the fastest.

998
00:48:33,953 --> 00:48:35,865
I was the fastest.

999
00:48:35,955 --> 00:48:37,446
That's not the way it works.

1000
00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:39,623
When you're the fastest, you...

1001
00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:42,121
Oh, what am I doing,
why am I talking to you?

1002
00:48:42,211 --> 00:48:43,668
Please help me out.

1003
00:48:44,797 --> 00:48:46,789
The bottom line
is, I'm interested.

1004
00:48:46,882 --> 00:48:51,877
And I, I work hard, and I take
any job I do very seriously.

1005
00:48:52,888 --> 00:48:53,888
Okay.

1006
00:48:53,931 --> 00:48:56,014
Here comes the cold water.

1007
00:48:57,393 --> 00:48:59,704
We can only offer you about a
third of what you were making.

1008
00:48:59,728 --> 00:49:01,720
Tyler told me your
ballpark salary.

1009
00:49:01,814 --> 00:49:03,931
You did very, very well.

1010
00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:05,060
A third?

1011
00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,688
Listen, I wish it was different.

1012
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:10,191
I used to make high-end five
figures over at Brent Talbot,

1013
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:11,613
then the fan hit the shit.

1014
00:49:11,699 --> 00:49:14,533
Now, I got a sales staff of guys
longing for the days

1015
00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:17,827
of Hugo Boss suits and
paychecks with commas in 'em.

1016
00:49:19,081 --> 00:49:20,559
Frank, you think I like
crawling around in the dirt

1017
00:49:20,583 --> 00:49:22,040
snipping smoke sacks?

1018
00:49:23,252 --> 00:49:25,147
Shit, some days I look at one of
those cat cons and think

1019
00:49:25,171 --> 00:49:28,881
"I'll just wrap my lips
around it, take a deep breath,

1020
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:30,798
go meet some dead relatives."

1021
00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:33,343
How old are you? 65?

1022
00:49:34,472 --> 00:49:35,472
66?

1023
00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:36,971
Anyways.

1024
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:39,800
Guys your age
gotta adapt or die.

1025
00:49:40,561 --> 00:49:42,644
That's the new America.
Trust me.

1026
00:49:42,730 --> 00:49:44,471
I miss the old one, brother.

1027
00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:47,894
Uh, will you excuse me?

1028
00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:51,729
I'm fairly positive I
need to use the bathroom.

1029
00:49:53,407 --> 00:49:54,773
Get your hands off my ass.

1030
00:49:54,867 --> 00:49:55,732
You said push.

1031
00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:57,658
I said push, not fondle.

1032
00:49:57,745 --> 00:49:58,745
Watch the thumb.

1033
00:49:58,787 --> 00:50:01,074
Do you do squats?

1034
00:50:01,165 --> 00:50:02,701
It feels like you do squats.

1035
00:50:04,543 --> 00:50:06,159
You made it.

1036
00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:07,744
Now, lift me up.

1037
00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:09,791
I get claustrophobic.

1038
00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:11,464
No, no.

1039
00:50:12,510 --> 00:50:14,342
First you have to
tell me what you did.

1040
00:50:14,428 --> 00:50:16,761
And no lies, no bullshit.

1041
00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:19,305
You have to tell me, or
I'll leave you there.

1042
00:50:19,391 --> 00:50:21,223
You'll rot.
And I'll just come

1043
00:50:21,310 --> 00:50:24,269
and sprinkle some lime
just to mask the smell.

1044
00:50:25,314 --> 00:50:26,314
I...

1045
00:50:26,398 --> 00:50:29,641
you might not understand.

1046
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:32,440
True.

1047
00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:34,567
It's a roll of the dice.

1048
00:50:40,287 --> 00:50:42,404
I was swimming in the ocean,

1049
00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:44,956
I was in the water
for a couple hours.

1050
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,374
I...

1051
00:50:46,460 --> 00:50:50,329
I had to pee,
I took off my shorts,

1052
00:50:50,422 --> 00:50:53,256
then I felt something
brush against my leg.

1053
00:50:53,342 --> 00:50:54,799
I knew it was a shark.

1054
00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:58,754
I knew in that moment, and I
know to this day it was a shark,

1055
00:50:58,847 --> 00:50:59,963
and...

1056
00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:04,843
I started swimming to
shore, trying not to panic.

1057
00:51:06,063 --> 00:51:09,522
I saw that there were
some kids swimming there.

1058
00:51:10,818 --> 00:51:15,358
So I was carrying three of
them, trudging and tripping

1059
00:51:15,447 --> 00:51:16,654
and yelling for help.

1060
00:51:16,740 --> 00:51:19,608
The kids were screaming, I
thought they had seen the shark.

1061
00:51:19,702 --> 00:51:22,285
They hadn't, they, um,

1062
00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:26,911
they were frightened
of me, a naked guy.

1063
00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:30,877
My life...

1064
00:51:30,963 --> 00:51:33,455
got pretty
hard after that.

1065
00:51:35,759 --> 00:51:37,341
It's true, isn't it?

1066
00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:40,637
Yeah.

1067
00:51:42,182 --> 00:51:43,548
It is.

1068
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:49,351
You say all these
crazy stupid things.

1069
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,104
But when you suddenly say
something without bullshit,

1070
00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:56,311
Now I know it's true and good.

1071
00:51:56,405 --> 00:51:59,773
But just in case, I'm gonna
leave you there until after

1072
00:51:59,867 --> 00:52:00,653
I take my shower.

1073
00:52:00,743 --> 00:52:02,860
Oh, you know what,
there's some...

1074
00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:05,787
shampoo in my purse on
the kitchen counter.

1075
00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:08,581
Oh, I refilled your
birth control pills.

1076
00:52:08,667 --> 00:52:10,158
You were running low.

1077
00:52:10,252 --> 00:52:11,709
Ha!

1078
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,753
No, no, no, no... No!

1079
00:52:17,843 --> 00:52:18,924
No! No!

1080
00:52:43,077 --> 00:52:45,160
All you perverts
out there watching,

1081
00:52:45,245 --> 00:52:47,077
this might happen to you.

1082
00:52:49,375 --> 00:52:50,866
You might die!

1083
00:52:50,959 --> 00:52:52,200
What the?

1084
00:52:52,294 --> 00:52:54,314
Holy shit, it's him.
The guy from the video!

1085
00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:55,499
No, this is a mistake.

1086
00:52:55,589 --> 00:52:56,921
Die!

1087
00:52:57,007 --> 00:52:58,543
Dude, you're like the No. 1

1088
00:52:58,634 --> 00:53:00,236
trending pervert on
the internet right now.

1089
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:02,343
My god, why is this happening?

1090
00:53:18,070 --> 00:53:19,151
Stop the truck, Wayne.

1091
00:53:19,238 --> 00:53:20,445
Shit, you again?

1092
00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:21,897
You have my furniture.

1093
00:53:21,990 --> 00:53:24,653
Oh, it's not yours, that house
wasn't yours, and the furniture

1094
00:53:24,743 --> 00:53:25,984
definitely wasn't yours.

1095
00:53:26,078 --> 00:53:27,819
Pull over, Wayne, I
need that furniture.

1096
00:53:27,913 --> 00:53:29,557
You know what you're gonna need?
You're going to need to

1097
00:53:29,581 --> 00:53:31,789
go to a fucking hospital,
that's what you're gonna need.

1098
00:53:31,875 --> 00:53:33,207
I'm gonna put you
in jail, Wayne.

1099
00:53:33,293 --> 00:53:35,455
Oh, you don't have the
balls to call the cops.

1100
00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:38,004
You suck at this crime stuff.

1101
00:53:38,090 --> 00:53:39,422
You know what I'm gonna do?

1102
00:53:39,508 --> 00:53:40,373
You ain't gonna do shit.

1103
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:42,333
Wayne, I'm gonna
throw a rock at you.

1104
00:53:42,428 --> 00:53:43,669
I pitched in college.

1105
00:53:43,762 --> 00:53:46,345
You probably caught in college.
Dickhead.

1106
00:53:48,642 --> 00:53:49,723
Oh shit...

1107
00:53:49,810 --> 00:53:52,143
Son of a bitch.

1108
00:53:57,735 --> 00:53:59,101
Holy shit,
are you okay?

1109
00:53:59,194 --> 00:54:01,106
You hit a fucking pedestrian.

1110
00:54:06,785 --> 00:54:07,866
Sorry, Wayne.

1111
00:54:09,371 --> 00:54:11,784
Hey! Hey!

1112
00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:14,328
Get back here, you asshole!

1113
00:54:25,053 --> 00:54:26,885
What fresh hell is this?

1114
00:54:28,140 --> 00:54:29,256
Dios mio!

1115
00:54:29,349 --> 00:54:30,806
No, no, no, I didn't...

1116
00:54:31,310 --> 00:54:33,017
Ohm...

1117
00:54:40,277 --> 00:54:42,439
Ommmm.

1118
00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:50,072
Shit, shit.
Now what?

1119
00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:05,049
- Frank!
- Shit!

1120
00:55:05,135 --> 00:55:06,467
Panic room! Car gone!

1121
00:55:06,553 --> 00:55:07,760
Keep walking, the cops.

1122
00:55:07,846 --> 00:55:09,286
Found Nigel's stuff,
don't look over.

1123
00:55:09,348 --> 00:55:10,825
It's in the back of the truck.
Don't look over.

1124
00:55:10,849 --> 00:55:11,930
Excuse me.

1125
00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:15,677
Hi. Are you
Mr. Bathgate's neighbours?

1126
00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:17,562
Yes, officer.

1127
00:55:17,648 --> 00:55:20,106
Yeah, we got a report of
a burglary at his house,

1128
00:55:20,192 --> 00:55:22,809
suspicious activity.
Have you seen anything?

1129
00:55:22,903 --> 00:55:25,520
A burglary?
What, at Nigel's house?

1130
00:55:26,490 --> 00:55:27,856
Good sweet Christ,

1131
00:55:27,950 --> 00:55:30,738
what is happening to our
sweet little neighbourhood?

1132
00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:32,820
Uh, are you okay sir?

1133
00:55:32,913 --> 00:55:34,199
No.

1134
00:55:34,289 --> 00:55:37,748
I'm devastated beyond reason.

1135
00:55:43,048 --> 00:55:44,289
Sweet Christ.

1136
00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:47,174
You know, I wasn't into that.

1137
00:55:47,261 --> 00:55:48,797
Never?

1138
00:55:49,346 --> 00:55:50,632
Not really.

1139
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,347
Not even in a school
play or anything?

1140
00:55:53,433 --> 00:55:54,765
Yeah, I was never into drama.

1141
00:55:54,852 --> 00:55:57,390
I mean, sure, in the third
grade I played a teacup.

1142
00:55:57,479 --> 00:56:00,597
Why all the questions
about acting?

1143
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:02,683
You think I came across as fake?

1144
00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:04,879
I think there's better acting
every time Larry King says

1145
00:56:04,903 --> 00:56:07,316
"til death do us part."
- That's very funny.

1146
00:56:07,406 --> 00:56:09,086
You wanna hear something
else that's funny?

1147
00:56:09,116 --> 00:56:11,324
There's a video of us getting
kidnapped on YouTube.

1148
00:56:11,410 --> 00:56:12,696
I know.

1149
00:56:19,918 --> 00:56:22,626
You don't know how many times
I've fantasized about getting

1150
00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:26,252
rid of you for at least two
months, but now that I'm going

1151
00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:30,335
to yail, I'm going to be
devastated without you.

1152
00:56:31,179 --> 00:56:32,590
You're going back to college?

1153
00:56:32,681 --> 00:56:36,391
You know that when I say
"yail" I mean prison.

1154
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:46,435
Using his mother's house, and by
that I mean his mother's garage.

1155
00:56:47,863 --> 00:56:50,856
I'm sure Jason's home, rubbing
his mother's feet or something.

1156
00:56:50,949 --> 00:56:52,611
We know you're in there, Jason.

1157
00:56:57,748 --> 00:56:58,955
Hi.

1158
00:56:59,041 --> 00:57:02,159
Oh, hey, hi Mr. and
Mrs. Teagarten. Is that...

1159
00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:03,663
actually, I wasn't hiding.

1160
00:57:03,754 --> 00:57:04,961
Is everything okay?

1161
00:57:05,047 --> 00:57:06,128
Why wouldn't it be, Jason?

1162
00:57:06,214 --> 00:57:07,934
It's just that you've
never been to my house

1163
00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:10,504
before in like two years
and it's what, 10:00 PM?

1164
00:57:10,594 --> 00:57:13,382
Actually, it isn't
okay, and you can help.

1165
00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:15,192
Rachel's always saying
that you're some kind

1166
00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:16,381
of computer genius.

1167
00:57:16,475 --> 00:57:18,216
She says I'm a computer genius?

1168
00:57:18,310 --> 00:57:19,676
That's very sweet.

1169
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,581
I'm sure it was like a
throwaway, like an aside,

1170
00:57:21,605 --> 00:57:22,790
you know, "he's
a computer genius"

1171
00:57:22,814 --> 00:57:24,100
you know, just like saying...

1172
00:57:24,191 --> 00:57:26,002
Oh, you know what, I bet it's
cause she knows it's on my dream

1173
00:57:26,026 --> 00:57:28,171
boards to become a computer
genius. I bet that's where that

1174
00:57:28,195 --> 00:57:29,964
came from. Did she actually
say that, like in an email,

1175
00:57:29,988 --> 00:57:31,215
or was it in
person to you just...

1176
00:57:31,239 --> 00:57:32,946
Jason!
This isn't about you!

1177
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:35,616
We need your help with
a video of me and Nancy.

1178
00:57:37,746 --> 00:57:38,746
Okay.

1179
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:43,079
So you want me to make
a video of you guys?

1180
00:57:44,378 --> 00:57:45,209
No.

1181
00:57:45,295 --> 00:57:46,627
Get your mind
out of the gutter!

1182
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:48,705
Good lord Jason,
you take the cake.

1183
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:53,460
It's so much more
fucked up than that.

1184
00:57:53,553 --> 00:57:55,761
Die!!

1185
00:57:55,847 --> 00:57:58,089
Look at this.
This is insane.

1186
00:57:58,183 --> 00:57:59,594
When did this happen?

1187
00:57:59,685 --> 00:58:01,597
It feels like in
another lifetime.

1188
00:58:01,687 --> 00:58:03,474
Yet also like Tuesday.

1189
00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:05,099
Okay, well, we have
to call the police.

1190
00:58:05,190 --> 00:58:06,431
No, no. No police.

1191
00:58:06,525 --> 00:58:08,544
It was a misunderstanding
but everything's okay now.

1192
00:58:08,568 --> 00:58:10,059
It was a hiccup.

1193
00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:12,190
A hiccup?
You being kidnapped?

1194
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,488
A hiccup.
It was a hiccup. A hiccup.

1195
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,886
You don't call 911 every time
you have the hiccups do you, no.

1196
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:18,321
I mean, maybe you
do, but I don't.

1197
00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:19,744
Listen, Jason.

1198
00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:22,243
We don't want
Rachel to see this.

1199
00:58:22,332 --> 00:58:23,743
She would only worry.

1200
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:26,542
That's why we must
take this down.

1201
00:58:26,628 --> 00:58:28,415
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shouldn't be a problem.

1202
00:58:28,505 --> 00:58:30,274
Although, these guys
should be punished though,

1203
00:58:30,298 --> 00:58:33,041
cause they cannot do that.
Especially to you guys. I mean-

1204
00:58:35,387 --> 00:58:37,115
Oh my god, okay, that's actually
Rachel Skyping me right now.

1205
00:58:37,139 --> 00:58:38,139
We're not here.

1206
00:58:38,181 --> 00:58:39,367
She'll know there's
something wrong.

1207
00:58:39,391 --> 00:58:41,202
We would only be here with
you if we were desperate.

1208
00:58:41,226 --> 00:58:43,934
No, no, I want to see her
little face, even if it's for

1209
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:47,059
just a second. We can hide,
she won't know we're here,

1210
00:58:47,149 --> 00:58:48,149
please, please, please.

1211
00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:48,931
All right, go ahead.

1212
00:58:49,026 --> 00:58:50,562
Really? Okay.

1213
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:54,232
Yo, hey Rach.
What's up?

1214
00:58:54,322 --> 00:58:55,938
I can only talk
for a few minutes.

1215
00:58:56,033 --> 00:59:00,118
Jessie is a great roommate, but
she's throwing her third party

1216
00:59:00,203 --> 00:59:01,614
in four days, and she's...

1217
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:04,281
Jason?

1218
00:59:04,374 --> 00:59:05,706
Are you okay?

1219
00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:07,249
What? I'm fine.

1220
00:59:07,335 --> 00:59:09,247
That's... how about you?

1221
00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:11,875
Well, actually,
I'm a little worried.

1222
00:59:11,965 --> 00:59:14,378
My mom called, and
I tried calling her back,

1223
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:15,584
and she's not picking up.

1224
00:59:15,677 --> 00:59:18,135
Oh, uh,
that's, you know.

1225
00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:21,055
It's her, cause her phone,
it's um, her phone is broken.

1226
00:59:21,141 --> 00:59:22,473
You saw her?

1227
00:59:22,559 --> 00:59:23,995
Yeah, they had a
yard sale yesterday.

1228
00:59:24,019 --> 00:59:25,430
A yard sale?

1229
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,603
No, that's.. I'm sorry,
"yard sale," what's...

1230
00:59:27,689 --> 00:59:29,646
no, they were, cause they
were in the yard, so...

1231
00:59:29,733 --> 00:59:31,315
I ran into them cause
I took a shortcut.

1232
00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:35,020
Um, to, to go to work at
Staples, where I am the

1233
00:59:35,113 --> 00:59:36,320
assistant manager.

1234
00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:39,319
This is weird.
Mom always calls me right back.

1235
00:59:39,409 --> 00:59:40,525
This isn't like her.

1236
00:59:40,619 --> 00:59:45,080
Well, it could be 'cause
she's singing and dancing,

1237
00:59:45,165 --> 00:59:46,497
and also blowing someone.

1238
00:59:46,583 --> 00:59:48,623
Uh, her birthday. Isn't
it her birthday pretty soon?

1239
00:59:48,668 --> 00:59:51,251
Oh of course, poor mom.

1240
00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:55,673
Jason, I should surprise her.

1241
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,720
I'll come home for her
birthday, she'll love that.

1242
00:59:58,804 --> 01:00:00,011
Yeah, yeah, they both would.

1243
01:00:00,097 --> 01:00:01,282
Yeah, they would both
love that for sure.

1244
01:00:01,306 --> 01:00:02,217
You should come on down.

1245
01:00:02,307 --> 01:00:03,548
I'll try dad, he'll love it.

1246
01:00:03,642 --> 01:00:06,100
I'll get tulips, tulips are her
favourite flowers, and I'll

1247
01:00:06,186 --> 01:00:08,849
invite all her sisters, and
everyone will be there...

1248
01:00:14,820 --> 01:00:16,186
That's funny, you hear that?

1249
01:00:17,405 --> 01:00:19,522
It's my dad's ringtone.

1250
01:00:22,911 --> 01:00:24,402
Okay, you know what, Rachel?

1251
01:00:24,496 --> 01:00:25,953
I really gotta
tell you something.

1252
01:00:26,039 --> 01:00:27,075
Actually, your parents...

1253
01:00:29,626 --> 01:00:32,915
Jason, you really are a little
quisling, you know that?

1254
01:00:33,004 --> 01:00:35,371
Okay, he was from Norway.

1255
01:00:35,465 --> 01:00:38,082
I felt terrible
lying to Rachel.

1256
01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:40,656
I understand, because you never
know when the lies are going to

1257
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:44,213
stop and they just keep coming.
Pushing you out of the way,

1258
01:00:44,307 --> 01:00:47,175
taking over
your life completely.

1259
01:00:47,269 --> 01:00:50,228
What a beautiful street.

1260
01:00:50,313 --> 01:00:51,599
Do you have raccoons?

1261
01:00:51,690 --> 01:00:53,898
Yeah, sporadically.

1262
01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:55,020
I love them.

1263
01:00:55,110 --> 01:00:56,379
Is that your guy's moving truck?

1264
01:00:56,403 --> 01:00:59,316
No. Well, yes, we're just
trying to sell a few things.

1265
01:00:59,406 --> 01:01:01,068
From the back of a truck?

1266
01:01:01,158 --> 01:01:03,366
Eh, we're trying to
finish off our yard sale.

1267
01:01:03,451 --> 01:01:05,811
For the truck and the computer,
using that, uh, Skype thing.

1268
01:01:05,871 --> 01:01:06,782
Anyhow.

1269
01:01:06,872 --> 01:01:08,283
You mean like a
virtual yard sale?

1270
01:01:08,373 --> 01:01:11,081
Wow, did you come up with
that idea, Mr. Teagarten?

1271
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:12,375
What? Uh, yeah, sure.

1272
01:01:12,460 --> 01:01:13,521
Anyway, thanks for
your help and...

1273
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:14,897
That's genius!
Do you see the potential?

1274
01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:16,753
Not one iota.
We gotta run now.

1275
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,457
Wait, Mr. and Mrs. Teagarten,
I think there's something

1276
01:01:19,551 --> 01:01:20,462
I need to show you.

1277
01:01:20,552 --> 01:01:22,669
For the love of Christ,
Jason, what is it?

1278
01:01:28,143 --> 01:01:30,538
So the park was actually
built in the '50s, it kind of

1279
01:01:30,562 --> 01:01:34,226
fell on hard times, was vacant
for a while, so some friends

1280
01:01:34,316 --> 01:01:37,309
and I we pooled our money and
bought it, and we spent the

1281
01:01:37,402 --> 01:01:39,359
last two years
just fixing it up.

1282
01:01:39,446 --> 01:01:41,438
Jason, this is amazing.

1283
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,738
Thank you.

1284
01:01:45,327 --> 01:01:46,784
This is what I
wanted to show you.

1285
01:01:46,870 --> 01:01:49,613
All of our trailer homes have a
storage space, because people

1286
01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:52,039
are downsizing from
like 3500 square feet.

1287
01:01:52,125 --> 01:01:54,993
These days I guess it's
like that everywhere.

1288
01:01:55,086 --> 01:01:57,453
So this is where your
virtual yard sale comes in.

1289
01:01:57,547 --> 01:02:01,507
You can upload streaming video
and people can browse it,

1290
01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:02,879
like in real time.

1291
01:02:02,969 --> 01:02:06,133
So you've got almost a live yard
sale, but you're bidding like

1292
01:02:06,223 --> 01:02:10,183
eBay online, so you call
it something like YardBay.

1293
01:02:11,645 --> 01:02:14,513
I'm sure you've thought all this
through, but I'd love to help,

1294
01:02:14,606 --> 01:02:16,268
I can computer
code it all for you.

1295
01:02:19,402 --> 01:02:20,402
Hello?

1296
01:02:21,571 --> 01:02:22,757
No, Mr. Teagarten no here.

1297
01:02:22,781 --> 01:02:24,363
Call back later.

1298
01:02:25,700 --> 01:02:28,568
He in the shower now, washing
his body with shampoo and honey.

1299
01:02:29,579 --> 01:02:31,195
He have a shingles.

1300
01:02:34,542 --> 01:02:36,909
That was an old fraternity
buddy of mine, Clyde Drexler.

1301
01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:39,211
I mean, he's a fan
of Clyde Drexler.

1302
01:02:39,297 --> 01:02:39,912
Mm-hmm.

1303
01:02:40,006 --> 01:02:41,006
Trailblazers.

1304
01:02:41,091 --> 01:02:43,674
Um, anyway, uh, thanks
for the tour Jason.

1305
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,843
This was impressive.
Mobile homes and crap.

1306
01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:48,296
I'm sorry, that
sounded patronizing.

1307
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:50,347
Food for thought.

1308
01:02:50,433 --> 01:02:51,844
Thanks for your
help with the video.

1309
01:02:51,935 --> 01:02:53,142
Anytime.

1310
01:02:57,649 --> 01:02:59,311
Boy,
Jason sure can talk.

1311
01:03:00,443 --> 01:03:01,796
Okay, I better call Randall
and tell him I'll take that

1312
01:03:01,820 --> 01:03:03,607
catalytic converterjob.

1313
01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:07,398
Okay, I'm
gonna go get a Baby Ruth.

1314
01:03:08,994 --> 01:03:10,656
A Baby Ruth?

1315
01:03:17,502 --> 01:03:18,502
Shit.

1316
01:03:22,924 --> 01:03:24,005
Excuse me.

1317
01:03:24,634 --> 01:03:26,045
Hey, I'm sorry to bother ya.

1318
01:03:26,136 --> 01:03:29,004
Do you have any change, or
better yet, do you mind if I use

1319
01:03:29,097 --> 01:03:31,134
your cell phone, it's
kind of an emergency.

1320
01:03:31,224 --> 01:03:33,011
A Baby Ruth candy bar.

1321
01:03:33,101 --> 01:03:34,933
Oh, Baby Ruth.

1322
01:03:35,020 --> 01:03:36,761
I thought you said Zagnut.

1323
01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:38,016
Uh, do you have one?

1324
01:03:38,106 --> 01:03:39,563
Yeah, let me check in the back.

1325
01:03:39,649 --> 01:03:41,390
I'll take two if you have em.

1326
01:03:43,278 --> 01:03:44,189
Buddy, cool off.

1327
01:03:44,279 --> 01:03:46,396
I'm not trying to cause
any problems here.

1328
01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:49,903
You act like you got 50 kilos
back there or something.

1329
01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:52,576
Oh, by the way, how much are...
What? What?

1330
01:03:52,662 --> 01:03:55,075
Frank? Frank! Frank!

1331
01:04:03,048 --> 01:04:05,961
I found the
king size, is that okay?

1332
01:04:09,929 --> 01:04:12,672
Hello? King size okay?

1333
01:04:14,517 --> 01:04:17,430
You try that
again, motherfucker?

1334
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,320
I'm gonna bust
your fucking head open.

1335
01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:24,920
Everybody put your
hands where I can see em!

1336
01:04:24,944 --> 01:04:25,980
On the ground!

1337
01:04:26,071 --> 01:04:27,687
Get on the ground now!

1338
01:04:37,332 --> 01:04:38,664
Jackpot.

1339
01:04:45,382 --> 01:04:47,294
Turns out it was 120 kilos.

1340
01:04:47,759 --> 01:04:50,001
Teagarten.
Frank Teagarten.

1341
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:55,256
FBI wants to talk to you.
Come on.

1342
01:04:55,350 --> 01:04:57,262
The FBI wants to talk to me?
Why?

1343
01:04:58,228 --> 01:04:59,788
They think you're good lookin'.
Come on.

1344
01:05:02,607 --> 01:05:03,607
Not you.

1345
01:05:14,452 --> 01:05:15,488
Are you okay?

1346
01:05:18,206 --> 01:05:20,493
It seems to me you're
as scared as I am.

1347
01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:23,538
I'm not scared for myself.

1348
01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:27,671
For my daughter.

1349
01:05:28,842 --> 01:05:30,208
We're done talkin'.

1350
01:05:36,182 --> 01:05:37,923
I have a daughter, too.

1351
01:05:39,060 --> 01:05:41,894
Our biggest fear in life
was to disappoint her.

1352
01:05:44,232 --> 01:05:48,272
I'm so ashamed and
worried, and...

1353
01:05:48,361 --> 01:05:50,569
Don't be bitching
to me about your rich life

1354
01:05:50,655 --> 01:05:52,396
and your spoiled brat daughter.

1355
01:05:52,490 --> 01:05:54,135
You know, you're gonna be out
of here in a minute,

1356
01:05:54,159 --> 01:05:55,821
and she'll have her mommy back.

1357
01:05:55,910 --> 01:05:59,369
But now thanks to you, I'm stuck
in here for god knows how long.

1358
01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:00,788
Yeah.

1359
01:06:00,874 --> 01:06:06,461
I will get out, but I will still
be a good-for-nothing fuckup.

1360
01:06:07,881 --> 01:06:10,715
And that might not mean a lot to
you, since it looks like you've

1361
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:15,841
been a fuckup for a while, but
we only fucked up for one week.

1362
01:06:15,930 --> 01:06:20,595
One week, is all it took
for us to ruin her life.

1363
01:06:20,685 --> 01:06:24,224
She's only 19, and now she's...

1364
01:06:24,314 --> 01:06:25,395
Are you kidding me?

1365
01:06:25,482 --> 01:06:27,223
Your daughter's 19.

1366
01:06:27,317 --> 01:06:29,037
She's supposed to be
taking care of herself.

1367
01:06:29,527 --> 01:06:33,020
My Rose, she's only 7.

1368
01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:38,155
And now, she's all
alone in the world.

1369
01:06:38,995 --> 01:06:40,236
She's got nobody.

1370
01:06:44,375 --> 01:06:48,619
Woman, you have no
idea what shame is.

1371
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:51,205
Shit.

1372
01:06:51,299 --> 01:06:53,040
You win.

1373
01:06:55,887 --> 01:06:57,298
Hey, Frank.

1374
01:06:57,388 --> 01:06:59,254
I'm special agent Milhouse.

1375
01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:01,682
This is special agent Barnes.

1376
01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:02,929
Weird night, huh?

1377
01:07:03,019 --> 01:07:04,100
- Yeah.
- God.

1378
01:07:04,187 --> 01:07:07,180
120 kilos of Norteno Cocaine.

1379
01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:08,764
A hell of a bust.

1380
01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:09,939
Yeah.

1381
01:07:10,026 --> 01:07:12,985
You know that we had nothing
to do with this, right?

1382
01:07:13,071 --> 01:07:16,439
Oh, so you think that
we just send out our whole

1383
01:07:16,533 --> 01:07:18,320
field office just for fun.

1384
01:07:19,244 --> 01:07:20,451
This is what we know.

1385
01:07:20,537 --> 01:07:22,779
We've been tailing Chope for
three days, since he entered

1386
01:07:22,872 --> 01:07:24,204
the United States.

1387
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:26,782
Next thing we know, the three
of you are in a Kwik-E-Mart

1388
01:07:26,876 --> 01:07:29,960
parking lot free for all, so I
think we've got a problem here,

1389
01:07:30,046 --> 01:07:31,378
don't you?

1390
01:07:31,464 --> 01:07:33,067
Frank, if you want to get out
of here tonight, you've got to

1391
01:07:33,091 --> 01:07:35,299
convince us you're not
some big rich drug lord.

1392
01:07:35,385 --> 01:07:36,842
Like, for real.

1393
01:07:38,972 --> 01:07:41,412
Hello?
Mr. Teagarten no home, his phone

1394
01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:44,842
went through a snow blower,
and he chop his head right off.

1395
01:07:50,275 --> 01:07:52,813
I guess owing 300
bucks to Mastercard helped

1396
01:07:52,902 --> 01:07:55,940
convince them we aren't
Mr. and Mrs. El Chapo.

1397
01:07:56,030 --> 01:07:58,943
I can't help thinking
about that little girl.

1398
01:07:59,033 --> 01:08:00,399
Nancy, what are you gonna do?

1399
01:08:00,493 --> 01:08:03,361
Have her come live with us in
this fucking Perri Winkle truck?

1400
01:08:06,624 --> 01:08:08,115
God, this day sucked.

1401
01:08:10,086 --> 01:08:13,079
Carl, he found my medals.

1402
01:08:13,923 --> 01:08:14,959
How did he find them?

1403
01:08:15,049 --> 01:08:16,415
He's a sneaky motherfucker.

1404
01:08:16,509 --> 01:08:20,970
But those medals made me
remember that I used to win.

1405
01:08:22,098 --> 01:08:23,805
I used to have an edge.

1406
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:28,344
This week, I've cried more
than I have ever cried before,

1407
01:08:29,564 --> 01:08:31,772
and for things that I
would have never cried about

1408
01:08:31,858 --> 01:08:33,315
in the old days.

1409
01:08:35,111 --> 01:08:39,196
It's like I've become
this person I don't know,

1410
01:08:39,282 --> 01:08:40,523
and I don't like.

1411
01:08:41,701 --> 01:08:42,908
Where is this headed?

1412
01:08:45,496 --> 01:08:47,283
We need to talk to Dan.

1413
01:08:47,373 --> 01:08:48,739
Why, and beg for money?

1414
01:08:48,833 --> 01:08:49,935
That's not getting
your edge back.

1415
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:51,541
That's surrendering,
not winning.

1416
01:08:51,628 --> 01:08:54,211
Guys like Dan, they take
advantage of weakness.

1417
01:08:56,215 --> 01:08:57,706
I'll figure it out.

1418
01:08:59,469 --> 01:09:00,710
I think.

1419
01:09:02,347 --> 01:09:05,681
I bet Rachel used to take
one of those buses to school.

1420
01:09:06,976 --> 01:09:09,639
Long ago, back in the time
when she used to look up to me

1421
01:09:09,729 --> 01:09:11,391
like I was Superman.

1422
01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:16,274
Oh, Frank.

1423
01:09:20,823 --> 01:09:22,359
You crying?

1424
01:09:23,993 --> 01:09:26,827
You were crying.
What a pussy.

1425
01:09:26,913 --> 01:09:28,199
No, I'm not crying.

1426
01:09:28,289 --> 01:09:31,407
But if I was, it's
because good god.

1427
01:09:31,501 --> 01:09:32,787
It's because the
two of you reek.

1428
01:09:32,877 --> 01:09:34,288
Fuck you.

1429
01:09:34,379 --> 01:09:36,371
Hey, you got 10 bucks?
For gas?

1430
01:09:36,464 --> 01:09:39,002
Wow, what timing you have, bum.

1431
01:09:39,092 --> 01:09:40,852
No, actually, we don't
have 10 bucks for gas.

1432
01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:42,293
Liar.

1433
01:09:42,387 --> 01:09:44,156
That's some high-end furniture
you got there, rich asshole.

1434
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:45,341
Rich?

1435
01:09:45,431 --> 01:09:47,798
You have completely misread
our situation, my man.

1436
01:09:47,892 --> 01:09:49,758
Oh, woah, woah.
I'm not your man.

1437
01:09:49,852 --> 01:09:51,844
He's not your man, fish face.

1438
01:09:53,272 --> 01:09:55,459
I don't think anybody's ever
called me fish face before.

1439
01:09:55,483 --> 01:09:56,849
Good.

1440
01:09:56,943 --> 01:09:58,837
You believe this pile of
fish face, calling me "his man?"

1441
01:09:58,861 --> 01:10:01,774
I'm not your man, so fuck you.

1442
01:10:01,864 --> 01:10:04,948
No, no. It's, uh,
it's more like fuck you.

1443
01:10:05,034 --> 01:10:07,276
I'm sorry, you're not
understanding what we're saying.

1444
01:10:07,370 --> 01:10:08,611
Fuck you.

1445
01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:09,705
What's your name?

1446
01:10:09,789 --> 01:10:10,529
Will.

1447
01:10:10,623 --> 01:10:11,454
What's your name?

1448
01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:12,702
Colin.

1449
01:10:12,792 --> 01:10:14,624
Will, Collin.

1450
01:10:15,503 --> 01:10:16,789
Fuck you.

1451
01:10:18,256 --> 01:10:19,497
Fish face.

1452
01:10:24,929 --> 01:10:26,010
So?

1453
01:10:26,097 --> 01:10:27,633
How long do we sit here for?

1454
01:10:27,724 --> 01:10:28,931
I'm not sure.

1455
01:10:29,892 --> 01:10:32,134
Hey. What are
you doing out there?

1456
01:10:34,272 --> 01:10:35,604
So, what do we got here?

1457
01:10:36,607 --> 01:10:37,814
Where's the other bum?

1458
01:10:37,900 --> 01:10:38,811
Maui.

1459
01:10:38,901 --> 01:10:40,141
I could buy a couple of things.

1460
01:10:40,194 --> 01:10:42,172
Woah, woah, woah, you think
this is some kind of a store?

1461
01:10:42,196 --> 01:10:43,903
What else would
you be doing here?

1462
01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:46,403
Well, actually, it's kind
of a-an incredible story.

1463
01:10:46,492 --> 01:10:48,154
- Nancy!
- How much for the paint?

1464
01:10:48,244 --> 01:10:49,826
Spray paint, I'd
like to huff it.

1465
01:10:49,912 --> 01:10:51,119
You want to huff it?

1466
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:53,071
You want to huff the
can of spray paint?

1467
01:10:53,166 --> 01:10:55,374
You're like, the worst bum ever.

1468
01:10:55,460 --> 01:10:56,371
What is it, a pageant?

1469
01:10:56,461 --> 01:10:57,461
And you came in last.

1470
01:10:57,545 --> 01:10:58,831
Okay, five bucks.

1471
01:10:58,921 --> 01:11:01,254
Five bucks for a can of paint?

1472
01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:02,943
That's what I said.
Five bucks, yes or no.

1473
01:11:02,967 --> 01:11:04,549
There's a line
forming behind you.

1474
01:11:05,636 --> 01:11:07,673
I made you
look, you fucking idiot.

1475
01:11:07,764 --> 01:11:08,800
Fuck off.

1476
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:14,347
Stop lookin at me.

1477
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:15,973
Get away from the gas tank, bum.

1478
01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:17,395
Fuck you.

1479
01:11:22,195 --> 01:11:23,195
Stop and drop.

1480
01:11:23,279 --> 01:11:26,022
Why is this happening?

1481
01:11:26,115 --> 01:11:27,356
You're on fire!

1482
01:11:27,450 --> 01:11:29,157
Run, get the fire extinguisher!

1483
01:11:31,120 --> 01:11:33,578
You not gonna stop, man?
He's on fire!

1484
01:11:33,664 --> 01:11:35,826
I don't need this
shit in my life!

1485
01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:45,215
Oh yeah, lie
on me, get on me girl.

1486
01:11:45,301 --> 01:11:47,714
Oh yeah, grind me
out like a cigarette.

1487
01:11:48,554 --> 01:11:50,671
Yeah, let me return the favour.

1488
01:11:50,765 --> 01:11:52,131
I'm anything but a gentleman.

1489
01:11:52,225 --> 01:11:53,716
Are you okay...

1490
01:11:54,936 --> 01:11:56,222
That's my wife, bum.

1491
01:11:59,565 --> 01:12:01,272
She got on me, dude.

1492
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:06,733
Bum, put those lamps back.

1493
01:12:08,115 --> 01:12:10,107
So,
that's the basic concept.

1494
01:12:10,201 --> 01:12:15,242
Mmm. Sounds like a good idea.
What, you're calling it YardBay?

1495
01:12:15,331 --> 01:12:16,037
YardBay.

1496
01:12:16,123 --> 01:12:18,035
Great name for a great idea.

1497
01:12:18,125 --> 01:12:19,366
Well, it's Frank's idea.

1498
01:12:19,460 --> 01:12:20,792
You hear that, bums?

1499
01:12:20,878 --> 01:12:22,665
The great idea was my idea.

1500
01:12:22,755 --> 01:12:25,213
A shovel swinging in your
face would be a good idea.

1501
01:12:27,677 --> 01:12:29,168
He already did that.

1502
01:12:29,262 --> 01:12:31,504
While smoking a spider.

1503
01:12:33,099 --> 01:12:35,386
Oh, I believe it,
cause he's a huge dumbass.

1504
01:12:35,476 --> 01:12:37,433
Look at his fat fish face.

1505
01:12:38,354 --> 01:12:41,438
Frank is a
banana split of shit.

1506
01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:43,686
I don't like that.

1507
01:12:43,776 --> 01:12:46,519
I hate to say it, but Frank
is right about one thing.

1508
01:12:47,196 --> 01:12:48,778
You got a good idea.

1509
01:12:48,865 --> 01:12:49,946
Okay?

1510
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:53,428
But you gotta go in strong when
you're dealing with rich people.

1511
01:12:53,452 --> 01:12:54,988
Otherwise they'll prey on you.

1512
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:59,164
I would know that, cause I used
to be one of those people.

1513
01:13:00,293 --> 01:13:03,331
Put me out, fish face!

1514
01:13:08,843 --> 01:13:11,176
All right,
I'm out, I'm out.

1515
01:13:11,262 --> 01:13:12,423
You okay?

1516
01:13:12,513 --> 01:13:13,173
Yeah.

1517
01:13:13,264 --> 01:13:14,050
What happened?

1518
01:13:14,140 --> 01:13:15,301
Cigarette.

1519
01:13:15,391 --> 01:13:17,383
Ah, yeah.
Same thing happened to me.

1520
01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:18,476
Feel stupid.

1521
01:13:18,519 --> 01:13:19,519
Yeah.

1522
01:13:19,604 --> 01:13:21,266
All right, well, goodbye Frank.

1523
01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:23,597
Hope a train falls on your face.

1524
01:13:25,568 --> 01:13:27,935
Go siphon some gas
and smoke a cigarette, bum.

1525
01:13:29,280 --> 01:13:30,316
Touché.

1526
01:13:31,324 --> 01:13:32,860
You sure you're all right?

1527
01:13:32,950 --> 01:13:35,363
Yeah. I did the same thing
and next thing you know,

1528
01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:37,035
the flames just jump on ya.

1529
01:13:37,121 --> 01:13:38,307
You think it's
the cigarette, or?

1530
01:13:38,331 --> 01:13:39,367
50/50 chance.

1531
01:13:39,457 --> 01:13:40,948
They were sweet.

1532
01:13:42,960 --> 01:13:44,496
Colin and Will.

1533
01:13:45,463 --> 01:13:46,579
Fuck them.

1534
01:13:57,934 --> 01:14:00,176
Why is there
furniture on the lawn?

1535
01:14:03,648 --> 01:14:06,186
Maybe they were partying.

1536
01:14:06,275 --> 01:14:08,392
They're not like that, Jessie.

1537
01:14:09,987 --> 01:14:11,353
You coming inside?

1538
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:13,167
I want to start setting
up for the surprise.

1539
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:15,106
Um, yeah, in a minute.

1540
01:14:15,201 --> 01:14:18,285
I got the spins, I'm just gonna
go back to bed for a little bit.

1541
01:14:18,371 --> 01:14:19,407
Okay.

1542
01:14:26,212 --> 01:14:27,453
That's weird.

1543
01:14:29,382 --> 01:14:30,293
Woah, woah, woah!

1544
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:31,669
Hey.

1545
01:14:31,759 --> 01:14:34,251
If you're here for the yard
sale, it's in the yard.

1546
01:14:34,345 --> 01:14:35,381
Who are you?

1547
01:14:35,471 --> 01:14:36,552
Who am I?

1548
01:14:36,639 --> 01:14:38,426
I'm a guy holding pepper spray.

1549
01:14:38,516 --> 01:14:39,552
12 ounces...

1550
01:14:39,642 --> 01:14:43,010
3 ounces of pepper spray
at your eyes, all right?

1551
01:14:43,104 --> 01:14:44,015
Who are you?

1552
01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:46,062
I'm Rachel.

1553
01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:47,514
I live here.

1554
01:14:47,608 --> 01:14:50,066
Oh my god, Rachel?

1555
01:14:50,152 --> 01:14:50,892
Yeah.

1556
01:14:50,987 --> 01:14:52,569
Oh, I've heard so
much about you.

1557
01:14:53,364 --> 01:14:54,571
I'm Carl.

1558
01:14:57,159 --> 01:14:59,242
Carl, I think you're gonna

1559
01:14:59,328 --> 01:15:01,490
need to explain to
me what's going on.

1560
01:15:05,376 --> 01:15:08,244
Baby, I think I
figured something out,

1561
01:15:08,337 --> 01:15:10,829
and we're gonna call it
"The Carl."

1562
01:15:13,217 --> 01:15:14,378
Feeling good?

1563
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:16,843
If good means nervous.

1564
01:15:16,929 --> 01:15:18,215
A Baby Ruth?

1565
01:15:18,305 --> 01:15:21,013
Sometimes a Baby Ruth
is just a candy bar.

1566
01:15:25,104 --> 01:15:27,972
The tournament is cancelled but
I'm sure Dan is still here.

1567
01:15:28,315 --> 01:15:29,931
This has to work.

1568
01:15:30,026 --> 01:15:32,586
You heard what those bums said,
we have to make these rich guys

1569
01:15:32,653 --> 01:15:33,894
wanna give us money.

1570
01:15:33,988 --> 01:15:35,729
Make'em need to give it to us.

1571
01:15:35,823 --> 01:15:38,611
It's fourth and goal, no time
on the clock, you got the ball,

1572
01:15:38,701 --> 01:15:40,237
and I'll just follow your lead.

1573
01:15:47,043 --> 01:15:48,043
Keep it close.

1574
01:15:50,046 --> 01:15:53,130
Oh no, that's not
"fuck you,"

1575
01:15:53,215 --> 01:15:54,831
that's somebody else.

1576
01:15:56,510 --> 01:15:57,796
Can you wash it?

1577
01:15:58,387 --> 01:15:59,719
That's fine.

1578
01:16:01,057 --> 01:16:03,174
I have to go to the
locker room to clean up

1579
01:16:03,267 --> 01:16:04,929
and put on my secret weapon.

1580
01:16:05,019 --> 01:16:06,760
- Meet you at the golf carts.
- Okay.

1581
01:16:08,022 --> 01:16:11,140
Okay, well then, where
did they go after that?

1582
01:16:11,233 --> 01:16:12,974
I don't know.

1583
01:16:13,069 --> 01:16:16,233
I mean, it seems to
change every 16 minutes.

1584
01:16:16,947 --> 01:16:18,654
Frankly, I'm worried.

1585
01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:22,906
And your mother, I mean, maybe
you know her better than me,

1586
01:16:22,995 --> 01:16:25,578
but she seems a little unhinged.

1587
01:16:25,664 --> 01:16:29,328
But the point is, I think
your surprise birthday party

1588
01:16:29,418 --> 01:16:31,125
is a wonderful idea.

1589
01:16:31,212 --> 01:16:32,522
Have you ever seen
The Wedding Planner?

1590
01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:34,162
- Mm.
- With J-Lo?

1591
01:16:34,256 --> 01:16:35,918
That's short for Jennifer Lopez.

1592
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:39,797
Anyway, I love J-Lo,
and not just because she's

1593
01:16:39,887 --> 01:16:42,630
a fellow latina,
I love her for her dancing,

1594
01:16:42,723 --> 01:16:46,012
I love her for her singing,
I love her for her acting,

1595
01:16:46,102 --> 01:16:47,934
but I never liked her perfume.

1596
01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:49,227
It was gross.

1597
01:16:49,313 --> 01:16:52,932
Carl, I don't think
we're gonna have a party.

1598
01:16:53,984 --> 01:16:55,816
I need to call my
Aunt Betty, and...

1599
01:16:55,903 --> 01:17:00,318
Okay, I need like 12 billion
aspirin and one ounce...

1600
01:17:00,407 --> 01:17:03,991
Oh my god, who is
this hunk of stud hunk...

1601
01:17:04,078 --> 01:17:06,035
Jessie, this is Carl.

1602
01:17:06,122 --> 01:17:09,536
He's, I guess, staying with us.

1603
01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:11,833
Hi. I'm Jessie.

1604
01:17:11,919 --> 01:17:13,911
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

1605
01:17:14,004 --> 01:17:17,793
Did you just call
me a hunk of stud?

1606
01:17:17,883 --> 01:17:21,877
If I was a shark, man,
I would just chomp

1607
01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:24,588
into you like a
little baby seal.

1608
01:17:30,187 --> 01:17:33,055
Please god, don't let
this be a fucking dream.

1609
01:17:40,698 --> 01:17:41,905
Hey, Andy.

1610
01:17:41,991 --> 01:17:43,277
Danny boy.

1611
01:17:43,367 --> 01:17:45,484
Mm.

1612
01:17:46,162 --> 01:17:47,639
Look at that, there's
Nancy at the bar.

1613
01:17:47,663 --> 01:17:48,494
Ooh.

1614
01:17:48,581 --> 01:17:49,867
Saluuut.

1615
01:17:49,957 --> 01:17:51,368
Fancy Nancy.

1616
01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:52,458
Hey guys.

1617
01:17:52,543 --> 01:17:54,159
Hey, Frank.

1618
01:17:54,253 --> 01:17:55,494
Yeah, she's having a few.

1619
01:17:56,714 --> 01:17:58,316
Right now, she couldn't
see the hole in a ladder.

1620
01:17:59,633 --> 01:18:01,465
We've been
celebrating some good news.

1621
01:18:01,552 --> 01:18:03,168
Oh, yeah?
What good news is that?

1622
01:18:03,262 --> 01:18:05,174
Some Silicon Valley news.

1623
01:18:05,264 --> 01:18:06,300
Ooh.

1624
01:18:06,390 --> 01:18:08,598
Hiiii guys.

1625
01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:12,598
Oh bummer, they
cancelled your game.

1626
01:18:12,688 --> 01:18:13,804
I know, I know.

1627
01:18:13,898 --> 01:18:15,480
White balls, white
snow, you know.

1628
01:18:15,566 --> 01:18:17,432
Well, white balls
are better than blue.

1629
01:18:17,526 --> 01:18:18,937
You ever run track?

1630
01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:21,270
Ever run track?
Ever run track?

1631
01:18:21,363 --> 01:18:22,524
You mean with our feet?

1632
01:18:22,615 --> 01:18:23,901
That's why they have golf carts.

1633
01:18:23,991 --> 01:18:25,857
Oh, stop right there baby.

1634
01:18:25,951 --> 01:18:29,319
I need you to pay
attention and to focus,

1635
01:18:29,413 --> 01:18:32,451
because I'm about
to organize you.

1636
01:18:32,541 --> 01:18:33,873
Baby can we talk for a second.

1637
01:18:33,959 --> 01:18:34,494
No.

1638
01:18:34,585 --> 01:18:35,792
No, Honey, I think...

1639
01:18:35,878 --> 01:18:38,837
I talk to you all the time,
I'm sick of talking to you,

1640
01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:39,923
I want to talk to them.

1641
01:18:39,965 --> 01:18:41,672
Stop trying to control me.

1642
01:18:42,801 --> 01:18:44,838
Enjoy the moment, fellas.

1643
01:18:45,721 --> 01:18:50,716
Well, I used to
run four-person relays,

1644
01:18:50,809 --> 01:18:52,141
and this is how it works.

1645
01:18:52,228 --> 01:18:57,064
The second fastest runner
usually starts the race.

1646
01:18:57,149 --> 01:19:00,392
That fucker needs
to get a good lead.

1647
01:19:00,486 --> 01:19:04,400
Andy, smart, hard worker.

1648
01:19:04,490 --> 01:19:07,358
You've earned your money.

1649
01:19:07,451 --> 01:19:08,451
Yes.

1650
01:19:08,535 --> 01:19:13,747
So, I am going to make
you the first runner.

1651
01:19:14,458 --> 01:19:16,199
Come with me.

1652
01:19:17,419 --> 01:19:22,710
The second runner needs to
be solid, and dependable.

1653
01:19:22,800 --> 01:19:23,800
That's you, Steve.

1654
01:19:23,884 --> 01:19:26,922
You've done well in Wall
Street, but you've never

1655
01:19:27,012 --> 01:19:28,878
done anything...

1656
01:19:29,765 --> 01:19:31,301
flashy.

1657
01:19:32,726 --> 01:19:36,265
I am so sorry Rob,
but the slowest

1658
01:19:36,355 --> 01:19:40,099
runner always runs third.

1659
01:19:40,192 --> 01:19:44,232
I know that you're rich,
but it's family money, baby.

1660
01:19:44,321 --> 01:19:47,064
You need to be hungry.

1661
01:19:47,157 --> 01:19:50,946
Maybe today,
shock us baby please.

1662
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:54,992
And you, my Danny boy.

1663
01:19:56,333 --> 01:19:57,790
You're fourth.

1664
01:19:57,876 --> 01:19:59,242
I'm never fourth.

1665
01:19:59,336 --> 01:20:02,249
But the fourth runner is
always the fastest runner.

1666
01:20:02,339 --> 01:20:03,625
Ahh.

1667
01:20:03,716 --> 01:20:07,050
He's also the smartest runner.

1668
01:20:07,136 --> 01:20:10,174
Because he knows
what it takes to win.

1669
01:20:11,223 --> 01:20:14,716
Either dig deep to
make up for the lost time,

1670
01:20:14,810 --> 01:20:18,269
or run just fast
enough to hold the lead.

1671
01:20:18,355 --> 01:20:22,224
I was always the fourth runner.

1672
01:20:22,318 --> 01:20:25,777
Because I was very, very good.

1673
01:20:26,947 --> 01:20:30,065
So, let's stretch.

1674
01:20:30,159 --> 01:20:32,116
Warm up.

1675
01:20:32,202 --> 01:20:34,615
And assume the position.

1676
01:20:34,705 --> 01:20:36,071
Okay, now I like this part.

1677
01:20:36,165 --> 01:20:38,498
Isn't she something?

1678
01:20:38,584 --> 01:20:39,415
Stand up, baby.

1679
01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:41,538
So now what, we actually run?

1680
01:20:41,628 --> 01:20:46,043
Yes, and Frank is going to tell
you what's at the finish line.

1681
01:20:46,133 --> 01:20:47,294
No. no, baby...

1682
01:20:47,384 --> 01:20:49,501
We have no more room
for investors...

1683
01:20:49,595 --> 01:20:52,178
Please, please,
Frank. I mean, you cannot

1684
01:20:52,264 --> 01:20:56,599
trust those millionaires
from Silicon Valley.

1685
01:20:56,685 --> 01:21:01,646
Silicon is fake,
like the fake silicon boobs,

1686
01:21:01,732 --> 01:21:04,270
they're fake millionaires,
they're nouveau rich.

1687
01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:05,587
It's just a pitch,
it's a pitch...

1688
01:21:05,611 --> 01:21:07,193
Now you have to tell
him about the pig.

1689
01:21:07,279 --> 01:21:07,985
Say the pitch, come on.

1690
01:21:08,072 --> 01:21:10,280
Tell them about the pig.
The pig!

1691
01:21:10,366 --> 01:21:11,698
All right, all right, all right.

1692
01:21:13,577 --> 01:21:16,570
You know the phrase "burn down
the house to cook a pig?"

1693
01:21:17,831 --> 01:21:19,184
You don't have a lot of house
left, we have a lot of

1694
01:21:19,208 --> 01:21:20,870
cooked pig?

1695
01:21:22,169 --> 01:21:23,563
A lot of bankruptcy filings
in this country right now,

1696
01:21:23,587 --> 01:21:24,606
people have lost everything.

1697
01:21:24,630 --> 01:21:26,041
They gambled
and they got wiped out.

1698
01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:28,172
Have I got your attention?

1699
01:21:31,887 --> 01:21:35,551
We help them sell
the barbecued pork.

1700
01:21:36,475 --> 01:21:40,059
People browse yard
sales from home.

1701
01:21:40,896 --> 01:21:42,558
It's called YardBay.

1702
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:45,685
Yeah baby.

1703
01:21:48,570 --> 01:21:49,570
I like it.

1704
01:21:50,322 --> 01:21:51,688
I like it.

1705
01:21:51,782 --> 01:21:53,193
Let's talk.

1706
01:21:53,283 --> 01:21:56,026
And the winner is...
Dan!

1707
01:21:56,120 --> 01:21:58,157
My wife is so...

1708
01:21:59,456 --> 01:22:00,725
Your acting was brilliant.

1709
01:22:00,749 --> 01:22:01,851
Well, I couldn't
have gotten home

1710
01:22:01,875 --> 01:22:03,241
if you didn't put me on 3rd,
baby.

1711
01:22:03,335 --> 01:22:04,621
I feel great.

1712
01:22:04,711 --> 01:22:05,897
Boy, it really was, wasn't it?

1713
01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:07,162
I just did a Carl.

1714
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:10,670
My crazy made you look good,
and now they want YardBay!

1715
01:22:10,759 --> 01:22:12,045
I'm gonna call Jason.

1716
01:22:12,136 --> 01:22:14,239
I need to have something to
show Dan over lunch tomorrow.

1717
01:22:14,263 --> 01:22:15,424
Yes.

1718
01:22:16,223 --> 01:22:17,885
Oh, Frank, is it over?

1719
01:22:17,975 --> 01:22:20,638
Are we finally out
of this shit-storm?

1720
01:22:20,727 --> 01:22:23,219
I don't know how, but I
think we did it, didn't we?

1721
01:22:23,313 --> 01:22:25,555
Who said you can't
unring a bell?

1722
01:22:26,567 --> 01:22:28,149
Mom, Dad...

1723
01:22:28,235 --> 01:22:29,601
Rachel.

1724
01:22:31,113 --> 01:22:33,196
And I see you've met Carl.

1725
01:22:33,282 --> 01:22:34,648
Nancy. I've been so worried.

1726
01:22:34,741 --> 01:22:36,403
Carl told me everything.

1727
01:22:36,493 --> 01:22:40,783
I've tried piecing it
together, but I don't know.

1728
01:22:40,873 --> 01:22:43,616
I called Aunt Betty,
she's on her way here.

1729
01:22:43,709 --> 01:22:44,825
Great.

1730
01:22:44,918 --> 01:22:47,285
Honey, it's Nigel.

1731
01:22:48,046 --> 01:22:49,332
Yes...

1732
01:22:50,048 --> 01:22:51,084
Nige.

1733
01:22:51,175 --> 01:22:53,167
I'm sorry, did you
just call me "Nige?"

1734
01:22:53,260 --> 01:22:55,968
Uh, it's possible. I knew
a guy called Adolf Dick once,

1735
01:22:56,054 --> 01:22:57,254
that's a tough name, isn't it?

1736
01:22:57,306 --> 01:23:02,222
Listen, I just had an amazing
conversation with the police

1737
01:23:02,311 --> 01:23:06,100
who informed me that my
house has been burglarized.

1738
01:23:06,190 --> 01:23:09,934
I'm about to board this flight,
and come home and start ripping

1739
01:23:10,027 --> 01:23:12,019
some new assholes.
All right?

1740
01:23:12,112 --> 01:23:14,775
No, no, they caught the culprit,
everything's back in the house.

1741
01:23:14,865 --> 01:23:16,527
It's all good in
the hood, Nigel.

1742
01:23:16,617 --> 01:23:18,859
Oh, oh the police found him?

1743
01:23:18,952 --> 01:23:21,194
They didn't let me know that.
All right, listen.

1744
01:23:21,288 --> 01:23:23,996
I want the perpetrators,
I want them prosecuted

1745
01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:25,823
and I want them sent to jail,
okay?

1746
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:26,954
No, no, Nigel.

1747
01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:29,878
The thief was hit by a
car and a bike and a rock.

1748
01:23:29,963 --> 01:23:31,579
Isn't that punishment enough?

1749
01:23:31,673 --> 01:23:34,837
You know, even 5000 miles away
I can still smell the bullshit.

1750
01:23:34,927 --> 01:23:36,168
I'm getting on this plane.

1751
01:23:36,261 --> 01:23:38,072
Or, I could go take a
picture of your living room

1752
01:23:38,096 --> 01:23:40,804
and send it to you, and you
could see how it's pristine.

1753
01:23:43,268 --> 01:23:44,759
Yeah. Send it.

1754
01:23:50,943 --> 01:23:54,482
All right, I understand
that you must be mad.

1755
01:23:54,571 --> 01:23:58,064
Mom, I'm mad that you didn't
trust me enough to tell me

1756
01:23:58,158 --> 01:23:59,444
what was going on.

1757
01:23:59,535 --> 01:24:03,825
And also, I'm mad
that I missed out

1758
01:24:03,914 --> 01:24:06,998
on seeing my amazing
parents in action.

1759
01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:09,500
I wish I could have been there,

1760
01:24:09,586 --> 01:24:12,920
because I'll never stop
learning from you guys.

1761
01:24:13,674 --> 01:24:15,540
Rachel.

1762
01:24:20,347 --> 01:24:21,758
Come upstairs to my closet.

1763
01:24:21,848 --> 01:24:23,430
It's now a panic room.

1764
01:24:24,226 --> 01:24:25,307
Hey pervert.

1765
01:24:26,186 --> 01:24:28,394
What did we tell you
about coming back here?

1766
01:24:32,985 --> 01:24:34,271
Where's the main deviant?

1767
01:24:34,361 --> 01:24:35,361
Jason?

1768
01:24:35,445 --> 01:24:37,812
Don't worry, Rach.
I got this.

1769
01:24:37,906 --> 01:24:40,614
No Jason,
don't mess with these guys.

1770
01:24:40,701 --> 01:24:43,660
Frank, we
have a problema!

1771
01:24:43,745 --> 01:24:47,238
No, no, no. Nobody speaks to
Mrs. Teagarten like that.

1772
01:24:48,208 --> 01:24:50,370
What you got there, ironsides?
A cap gun?

1773
01:24:50,460 --> 01:24:51,621
Tasers.

1774
01:24:51,712 --> 01:24:52,873
I carry rent money.

1775
01:24:57,676 --> 01:24:59,759
Holy shit,
those are police tasers.

1776
01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:01,677
Oh, I want that fucker.

1777
01:25:01,763 --> 01:25:03,324
Be prepared to meet your...
- Give me one.

1778
01:25:03,348 --> 01:25:04,930
Hey, kids.
What are you guys doing here?

1779
01:25:05,017 --> 01:25:06,349
An X-26-6000?

1780
01:25:06,435 --> 01:25:08,079
I'm just right in the middle
of something super important.

1781
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:10,516
- We really don't want these...
- Back off you stupid fuck.

1782
01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:11,606
Fight me!

1783
01:25:11,648 --> 01:25:12,513
Who are you kids?
Please leave me be...

1784
01:25:12,608 --> 01:25:13,644
Suck a fat one.

1785
01:25:13,734 --> 01:25:14,850
My girlfriend is watching!

1786
01:25:14,943 --> 01:25:15,943
Pussy!

1787
01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:17,348
Take the tasers,
you wore me down.

1788
01:25:20,490 --> 01:25:21,321
Who are you?

1789
01:25:21,408 --> 01:25:22,489
I'm Plumber.

1790
01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:24,450
Ugh!

1791
01:25:24,536 --> 01:25:26,619
Ready for some shock
and awe, fuckers?

1792
01:25:26,705 --> 01:25:27,741
Amen.

1793
01:25:30,834 --> 01:25:32,416
Kneel before your god.

1794
01:25:33,503 --> 01:25:35,106
You guys are wonderful children.
Both of you.

1795
01:25:35,130 --> 01:25:36,211
All right guys.

1796
01:25:37,424 --> 01:25:38,756
All right, we're good.

1797
01:25:38,842 --> 01:25:40,862
Yeah, for once we're having
fucking fun in our lives,

1798
01:25:40,886 --> 01:25:43,197
because you never gave us a good
childhood, so can you just like,

1799
01:25:43,221 --> 01:25:44,382
let us have fun?

1800
01:25:54,483 --> 01:25:56,190
Nice.

1801
01:25:56,276 --> 01:25:57,276
All right. We're done.

1802
01:25:57,319 --> 01:25:58,105
...that was amazing.

1803
01:25:58,195 --> 01:25:59,195
Thanks, baby.

1804
01:26:01,114 --> 01:26:02,855
Okay, I understand the impulse.

1805
01:26:04,117 --> 01:26:06,277
But let's have no more of
this vigilante justice, okay?

1806
01:26:06,328 --> 01:26:08,661
We have to have law and order.
Believe me, I would know.

1807
01:26:16,129 --> 01:26:17,961
All right, listen up.

1808
01:26:18,048 --> 01:26:19,459
We've got two minutes.

1809
01:26:19,549 --> 01:26:20,881
Everything inside.

1810
01:26:22,844 --> 01:26:24,801
Sir, you really need to board.

1811
01:26:24,888 --> 01:26:26,504
Yeah, all right, all right.

1812
01:26:29,643 --> 01:26:33,307
All right, uh, pull my bags off
the plane, I'm going to Nepal.

1813
01:26:33,397 --> 01:26:34,638
You can't be serious.

1814
01:26:34,731 --> 01:26:36,973
Yeah, hurry up, come on, lady!
Let's go.

1815
01:26:37,067 --> 01:26:38,774
Pull the trigger on my bags.

1816
01:26:38,860 --> 01:26:42,604
Uh, airport security
to Gate B31.

1817
01:26:42,698 --> 01:26:44,906
Wait, why, 'cause
I called you lady?

1818
01:26:44,991 --> 01:26:46,111
You said the word "trigger."

1819
01:26:46,201 --> 01:26:47,961
It's not a great word
around here these days.

1820
01:26:48,036 --> 01:26:50,779
Oh, you called the pigs,
you fucking stupid...

1821
01:26:50,872 --> 01:26:53,660
Oh. He is a lady,
that's his... Ugh.

1822
01:27:19,776 --> 01:27:21,142
Good luck.

1823
01:27:21,236 --> 01:27:22,236
Bye.

1824
01:27:22,320 --> 01:27:23,731
Oh, Frank.

1825
01:27:23,822 --> 01:27:26,439
So, I can't talk you
out of this, right?

1826
01:27:26,533 --> 01:27:28,195
No, honey, you can't.

1827
01:27:28,285 --> 01:27:29,571
Good.

1828
01:27:29,661 --> 01:27:30,822
More than good.

1829
01:27:48,346 --> 01:27:50,053
Is this Rose?

1830
01:27:51,558 --> 01:27:54,141
Hi Rose, I am Nancy.

1831
01:27:54,227 --> 01:27:55,684
Where's my daddy?

1832
01:27:55,771 --> 01:27:58,354
Your daddy couldn't come,
but he sent me to get you

1833
01:27:58,440 --> 01:28:00,978
and you're going to see
him really, really soon.

1834
01:28:01,067 --> 01:28:03,810
Meanwhile, I'm gonna
be taking care of you.

1835
01:28:03,904 --> 01:28:04,769
Is that all right?

1836
01:28:04,863 --> 01:28:06,024
Is he in jail?

1837
01:28:06,114 --> 01:28:07,946
Sometimes he goes to jail.

1838
01:28:08,033 --> 01:28:11,572
You shouldn't worry about
that, you must be so tired.

1839
01:28:11,661 --> 01:28:13,869
And hungry.
Are you hungry?

1840
01:28:15,665 --> 01:28:17,201
Thank you very much.

1841
01:28:17,292 --> 01:28:20,285
You're so brave that
you came all that way.

1842
01:28:20,378 --> 01:28:21,378
Were you scared?

1843
01:28:21,463 --> 01:28:22,463
A little.

1844
01:28:32,891 --> 01:28:34,632
Turkey, turkey!

1845
01:28:38,855 --> 01:28:41,393
O'Henry once said that
love and family and country

1846
01:28:41,483 --> 01:28:44,567
are nothing but shadows of
words when a man is starving.

1847
01:28:46,071 --> 01:28:47,482
And today, we are not starving.

1848
01:28:47,572 --> 01:28:49,108
I'm glad you're all here.

1849
01:28:49,199 --> 01:28:53,239
O'Henry once said
that love and family and country

1850
01:28:53,328 --> 01:28:55,285
all together is...

1851
01:28:56,456 --> 01:28:57,572
Uh...

1852
01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:00,833
You're right.

1853
01:29:00,919 --> 01:29:02,035
I'm a douche.

1854
01:29:03,839 --> 01:29:05,046
Yes!

1855
01:29:05,131 --> 01:29:09,216
Yes, you most
certainly are a douche.

1856
01:29:11,221 --> 01:29:13,929
And that is the first
step towards recovery.

1857
01:29:14,015 --> 01:29:14,926
Thank you.

1858
01:29:15,016 --> 01:29:17,884
Okay, okay, here we go.

1859
01:29:19,312 --> 01:29:22,805
I'm thankful that we got rid of
our stuck up, useless friends.

1860
01:29:23,692 --> 01:29:26,105
Our new ones
are a little strange,

1861
01:29:26,194 --> 01:29:28,277
but they are true friends.

1862
01:29:29,531 --> 01:29:32,990
I am so thankful that I
married the love of my life

1863
01:29:33,076 --> 01:29:38,071
and that I know my Frank
and I can overcome anything,

1864
01:29:38,164 --> 01:29:40,656
as long as we are together.

1865
01:29:43,128 --> 01:29:44,915
Rose, Rachel?

1866
01:29:45,881 --> 01:29:48,464
Thank god for Baby Ruths.

1867
01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:51,717
Okay, who's hungry?

1868
01:29:51,803 --> 01:29:53,010
Me.

1869
01:29:53,096 --> 01:29:54,177
For my new friend.

1870
01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:57,257
♪ Welcome back, it's so
good to have you home ♪

1871
01:29:57,350 --> 01:30:00,434
♪ Welcome back,
you've been gone so long ♪

1872
01:30:00,520 --> 01:30:02,603
Well, that's our story.

1873
01:30:02,689 --> 01:30:05,682
Frank and Nancy lived in Jason's
trailer court for a while,

1874
01:30:05,775 --> 01:30:08,313
and Frank took the job
snipping catalytic converters.

1875
01:30:08,403 --> 01:30:09,985
He's pretty darn good at it.

1876
01:30:10,071 --> 01:30:13,314
They rented the house to Carl,
and they all worked night

1877
01:30:13,408 --> 01:30:14,615
and day on YardBay.

1878
01:30:14,701 --> 01:30:17,159
Last time we checked it was
getting pretty darn huge.

1879
01:30:17,245 --> 01:30:20,158
And it all started
when they got drunk.

1880
01:30:20,248 --> 01:30:21,705
And because they were drunk,

1881
01:30:21,791 --> 01:30:23,874
drunk with love
for their daughter.

1882
01:30:23,960 --> 01:30:26,873
And like the saying goes,
a drunk man's actions are

1883
01:30:26,963 --> 01:30:28,545
a sober man's thoughts.

1884
01:30:28,632 --> 01:30:31,420
They were drunk parents.

1885
01:30:31,509 --> 01:30:35,253
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪

1886
01:30:37,098 --> 01:30:38,634
♪ Welcome home, ♪

1887
01:30:40,894 --> 01:30:42,010
♪ Welcome home ♪

1888
01:30:42,103 --> 01:30:43,765
♪ Oh, oooh, ♪

1889
01:30:52,030 --> 01:30:53,862
♪ Welcome home, Ooh. ♪

1890
01:30:53,949 --> 01:30:56,362
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪