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Secretary Hunter Casshan

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May 3rd, 2015
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  1. (5:39:18 PM) ***Casshan stomps into an office with an annotated list of complaints.
  2. (5:39:47 PM) DarkenedHG: There's a woman trying to tie a rope to a ceiling fan.
  3. (5:39:53 PM) DarkenedHG: And an empty bottle of vodka on a desk.
  4. (5:40:11 PM) Casshan: "...huh."
  5. (5:40:16 PM) DarkenedHG: "This..."
  6. (5:40:21 PM) DarkenedHG: She hiccups and stumbles
  7. (5:40:25 PM) Casshan: "You're that loser's secretary?"
  8. (5:40:29 PM) DarkenedHG: "izn't what it looks like"
  9. (5:40:34 PM) DarkenedHG: "Nope!"
  10. (5:40:38 PM) DarkenedHG: "Not me!"
  11. (5:40:41 PM) DarkenedHG: She clearly is!
  12. (5:41:42 PM) ***Casshan sprouts a griddle from her midsection and squirts pancake batter from a gun on her wrist, starting to make pancakes in the middle of the office. "Right. Sit down. I need you sober so I can complain to you about my work conditions."
  13. (5:42:23 PM) Casshan: "In exchange you get pancakes and I'll... probably suffer whatever shit you have to whine about."
  14. (5:42:29 PM) DarkenedHG: She stumbles down...
  15. (5:42:32 PM) DarkenedHG: "Nooo complaints!"
  16. (5:42:34 PM) DarkenedHG: "No more."
  17. (5:42:37 PM) DarkenedHG: "Please."
  18. (5:44:11 PM) ***Casshan serves her pancakes on a plastic plate, with a spork and syrup.
  19. (5:44:15 PM) Casshan: "Eat up."
  20. (5:44:33 PM) DarkenedHG: She takes a bite, crying a little.
  21. (5:44:35 PM) DarkenedHG: "Th-thank you."
  22. (5:44:58 PM) DarkenedHG: "It's too much..."
  23. (5:45:03 PM) DarkenedHG: "I can't do this anymore for this pay."
  24. (5:45:16 PM) ***Casshan is actually feeding her nanomachines that will partially convert her into a cyborg and remove her low frustration threshold, tiredness and the presumable headaches from abusing alcohol and non-prescription painkillers.
  25. (5:45:17 PM) DarkenedHG: "Awful, people coming in to threaten me, attacking me, dealing with him..."
  26. (5:47:27 PM) Casshan: "It's... actually my first day actually here."
  27. (5:47:39 PM) DarkenedHG: "... me too."
  28. (5:47:42 PM) Casshan: "But I don't know why I'd threaten you. You have it rough enough."
  29. (5:47:49 PM) Casshan: "...what."
  30. (5:47:53 PM) DarkenedHG: She nods.
  31. (5:47:57 PM) DarkenedHG: "23 hours...."
  32. (5:48:55 PM) ***Casshan claps her fingers around an orange and performs a high-pressure spinning execution move... nudging a glass of orange juice towards her.
  33. (5:49:01 PM) DarkenedHG: She drinks.
  34. (5:49:05 PM) DarkenedHG: Looking more sober already.
  35. (5:49:29 PM) Casshan: "The other people in this chancel are dicks."
  36. (5:49:39 PM) Casshan: "...or, you know. Opposite word of that."
  37. (5:49:51 PM) Casshan: "So we should stick together."
  38. (5:50:11 PM) DarkenedHG: She nods.
  39. (5:50:16 PM) DarkenedHG: "Thank you.."
  40. (5:52:06 PM) Casshan: "I'm Eve."
  41. (5:52:38 PM) Casshan: "And I'm actually well... I'd like to get things working smoother but the team seem to be constantly doing terrible things to eachother."
  42. (5:52:45 PM) DarkenedHG: "It's his fault."
  43. (5:52:48 PM) DarkenedHG: "I think..."
  44. (5:52:56 PM) Casshan: "And I don't feel like being hazed now that I know I can punch skyscrapers in half."
  45. (5:53:07 PM) Casshan: "...on a good day, anyway."
  46. (5:53:39 PM) DarkenedHG: "How'd you get..." she gestures, still looking miserable.
  47. (5:54:06 PM) Casshan: "Robot parts?"
  48. (5:54:24 PM) Casshan: "I'm a cyborg! Also cyborgs in general."
  49. (5:54:47 PM) Casshan: "My flock is all electric sheep and supersoldiers."
  50. (5:55:14 PM) DarkenedHG: "Huh?"
  51. (5:55:18 PM) DarkenedHG: "How's that working out for you?"
  52. (5:55:53 PM) Casshan: "Pretty good. I can run really fast, my body's super strong even if it's not too different where it counts. I never get tired either."
  53. (5:56:14 PM) Casshan: "I still get bored but like. I get work done so fast that I can goof off a bit anyway."
  54. (5:56:29 PM) DarkenedHG: "That sounds nice..."
  55. (5:56:35 PM) ***Casshan blinks and points. "You know, it might help you to get some upgrades."
  56. (5:56:56 PM) Casshan: "I mean, considering you were thinking about suicide five minutes ago."
  57. (5:58:15 PM) Casshan: "Prosperity is the greatest revenge. I heard that in an MMO once."
  58. (5:58:34 PM) ***Casshan nods sagely.
  59. (6:06:06 PM) DarkenedHG: "U-upgrades?"
  60. (6:06:12 PM) DarkenedHG: "Ooh, can I get a laser?"
  61. (6:06:15 PM) DarkenedHG: "To hurt him?"
  62. (6:09:29 PM) Casshan: "Maybe. I wouldn't risk it."
  63. (6:10:32 PM) Casshan: "You should do regular secretary stuff like spit in his coffee and use your nanoscopic fractal digits to make his dry-clean suits mildly itchy but not so itchy that he'd replace them."
  64. (6:10:36 PM) DarkenedHG: "It'd probably explode on me..." She sighs glumly and takes a bit of pancake, savoring the faint taste of maple and nanotech.
  65. (6:10:42 PM) DarkenedHG: "...."
  66. (6:10:46 PM) DarkenedHG: "That seems really petty?"
  67. (6:10:51 PM) DarkenedHG: "I want to hurt him a bit more?"
  68. (6:11:40 PM) Casshan: "Sun Tsu once said that victory is sometimes a question of losing the least!"
  69. (6:11:45 PM) ***Casshan taps her ear.
  70. (6:11:51 PM) DarkenedHG: "Who?"
  71. (6:12:04 PM) Casshan: "Misattributed quote. Damn it..."
  72. (6:12:24 PM) Casshan: "He's the world's earliest recorded non-caveman strategist."
  73. (6:12:54 PM) Casshan: "Anyway, we can talk about maybe a green laser pointer."
  74. (6:13:18 PM) Casshan: "That could set his cheap polyester suits and flammable hairgel on fire."
  75. (6:16:26 PM) DarkenedHG: "Hmm..."
  76. (6:16:45 PM) Casshan: "It'd probably seem like an accident though."
  77. (6:17:06 PM) Casshan: "But not having terrible things happen to you is better than having them."
  78. (6:24:03 PM) DarkenedHG: "Right!"
  79. (6:25:05 PM) ***Casshan cyborgs her flat out, although she remains recognizably herself. Her fingers scan split into many smaller digits to type faster, her mind can automatically process dictation into word documents, her eyes and mind process data much faster and she only needs one or two hour of sleep a day.
  80. (6:25:43 PM) ***Casshan mostly just gives her glowing eyes, nicer skin and some seams and glowing dots on her spine.
  81. (6:26:58 PM) Casshan: "Hit me up for upgrades if you need more."
  82. (6:27:11 PM) Casshan: "Can you make sure my complaint goes through?"
  83. (6:28:47 PM) DarkenedHG: "I- I don't think he actually listens to them ever?"
  84. (6:28:49 PM) DarkenedHG: "But I can try..."
  85. (6:28:53 PM) DarkenedHG: "Thank you!"
  86. (6:29:13 PM) ***Casshan smiles. "I'll visit later. Don't overwork yourself."
  87. (6:35:07 PM) DarkenedHG: "Thank you."
  88. (6:35:13 PM) DarkenedHG: She gives Casshan a kiss on the cheek.
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