Ven Crit Mentality and Rules

Intentionally diving back into something that tortured me previously is a move I feel like I need to take some time explaining (to myself more than you) so I’ll try to. Speedrunning to me has always been about proving something to myself. It’s been about pushing myself as far as I can, seeing where my limits are, learning about myself as a person, seeing how to improve myself through what I learn, and of course having fun along the way. Me attempting to interact with newfound friends in the community is a large portion of this. Obviously Sonic picking up the game got me thinking about this again and he is just plain insane at this game and him beating my time isn’t surprising. Him beating it in literally a week is annoying but that’s what we expect by now. I look at that as more of a catalyst to get these thoughts to come up again than for me to want to play this category just to get record back. I don’t really want it back, I mean that would be nice, but that’s not why I’m doing this.
When I got the Ven world record originally I was in a very bad place. Work was kicking my butt in a way I don’t want to articulate here and Ventus grinding became a way for me to escape from that. So what happened is I got absorbed into it to an unhealthy degree, going from a job that oppressed me to a hobby that did the same thing and repeating. Looking back on it that was one of the lowest mental points in my life.
What I want is to distance myself from where I was at the time as much as possible. In real life I have already taken plenty of steps in that direction and I am much healthier than I was a year ago mentally and physically. In game what I want is to tear that pb apart. I want to destroy it, it’s memories of terrible grinding, and my real life associations with it all at once. But more than that I want to prove to myself while I do it that I am a better speedrunner and person than I was then. That means going about this the right way.
In order to do that I am setting myself rules for this whole process:
I will never have a stream that is nothing but Ven Crit attempts, ever. I will pair them with something else each stream (literally anything).
Three attempts per stream is my absolute limit (not including resets to orbs).
I must finish at least one attempt per stream.
No splits because splits are dumb

This will likely mean the process will take longer but I don’t really care. I am doing this for personal reasons and I need to make sure it is done right. This time I need to prove to myself that what happened a year ago is behind me and then bury it for good. That’s what this is about and that’s my goal. Times and specifics be damned.
If you read this and still think I’m insane, you’re probably right. I just want that insanity to be on my own terms.