[S] Past Karkat: Wake up- [CONVERSATIONLOG]

[S] Past Karkat: Wake up.
KARKAT_
*Terezi
>Talk to Terezi
TEREZI: WOW CH3CK OUT WHO F1N4LLY WOK3 UP!
TEREZI: W3V3 B33N TRY1NG TO W4K3 YOU FOR 4N HOUR, BUT YOU W3R3 UNR3SPONS1V3 TO 3VV3N TH3 MOST S3NS3L3SS OF C4N3 DRUBB1NGS >:]
KARKAT: MY HEAD HURTS.
TEREZI: PROB4BLY DU3 TO TH3 4FOR3M3NT1ON3D NUB DRUBB1NGS
KARKAT: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE SRUBBINGS. PUT THAT CANE AWAY, DAMMIT. IT’S NOT LIKE YOU EVEN NEED IT.
KARKAT: I HAD A HORRIBLE DREAM, OK.
TEREZI: OH?
KARKAT: I FINALLY WOKE UP ON PROSPIT.
TEREZI: YOU D1D???
TEREZI: OH GOD, 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 M1SS3D 1T!
KARKAT: YEAH WELL, SORRY WE CAN’T GO ON OUR ENCHANTED GOLDEN MAGIC CARPET RIDE OR WHATEVER YOU HAD IN STORE FOR US, BUT NOW IT’S TOO LATE.
KARKAT: DREAM ME IS DEAD.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW >:[
TEREZI: 4LL OF US 4R3, PROSP1T W4S COMPL3T3LY D3STROY3D
KARKAT: OH SHIT, REALLY?
KARKAT: GUESS THAT’S NOT TOO SURPRISING. ANYWAY, I SAW THE DEMON AGAIN.
KARKAT: I THINK I KNOW WHO IT IS.
TEREZI: WHO 1S 1T >:?
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW HOW IT’S POSSIBLE...
KARKAT: I NEED TO SEARCH FOR MORE ANSWERS BEFORE I KNOW FOR SURE.
TEREZI: STOP B31NG MYST3R1OUS 4ND T3LL M3!
KARKAT: NO WAY. I’M NOT JUMPING TO HASTY CONCLUSIONS. IF IT TURNS OUT I’M RIGHT, THEN I GUESS WE BOTH GET TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO.
TEREZI: 4RGH, F1N3
TEREZI: SO, YOU S4W H1M JUST B3FOR3 H3 D3STROY3D PROSP1T?
KARKAT: YEAH. AND THAT WASN’T EVEN THE BAD PART OF THE DREAM.
TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4N HOUR 4GO! WH4T H4V3 YOU B33N DR34M1NG 4BOUT S1NC3?
KARKAT: I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
KARKAT: THE BOTTOM LINE IS, EVERYONE HERE IS FORBIDDEN FROM GOING TO SLEEP.
TEREZI: FORB1DD3N?
KARKAT: YES, AS YOUR LEADER, I AM ORDERING ALL PROSPIT DREAMERS TO STAY AWAKE, NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU GET.
TEREZI: UM, 4LR1GHT >:/
KARKAT: DO YOU EVER EVEN GET TIRED?
TEREZI: WH4TS TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N!
KARKAT: ALL YOU DO IS RUN YOUR MOUTH ALL DAY, AND SNIFF AND LICK PEOPLE INAPPROPRIATELY WITH THAT SHIT EATING GRIN.
KARKAT: I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER EVEN SEEN YOU YAWN.
TEREZI: 1M G3TT1NG PR3TTY T1R3D R1GHT NOW 4S 4 M4TT3R OF F4CT
TEREZI: T1R3D OF YOUR BULLSH1T!
KARKAT: GOD I’M TIRED.
>Get lowdown from Terezi.
TEREZI: SO GU3SS WH4T
TEREZI: W3V3 B33N 1N CONT4CT W1TH SOM3 4L13NS FROM TH3 UN1V3RS3 W3 CR34T3D
KARKAT: OK. SO?
TEREZI: DONT YOU TH1NK TH4TS K1ND OF N34T?
KARKAT: NO. IT’S BORING. WHO CARES?
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 4S OUR 1NTR3P1D L34D3R TH4T W4S SOM3TH1NG YOU M1GHT W4NT TO KNOW
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, AS LEADER, I RECOMMEND WE DELIVER THEM A DELIGHTFUL GIFT BASKET VIA TRANSUNIVERSAL BULGE THRUST.
KARKAT: ARE YOU TAKING THIS DOWN???
TEREZI: >:P
TEREZI: 1M NOT S4Y1NG W3 N33D TO M4K3 FR13NDS W1TH TH3M OR 4NYTH1NG, BUT W3V3 B3GUN TO SUSP3CT TH3Y H4V3 SOM3TH1NG TO DO W1TH OUR S3SS1ON, P4R4DOX14LLY SP34K1NG
KARKAT: IS ANYTHING EVER NOT PARADOXIALLY SPEAKING?
TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 C4N F1GUR3 OUT 4 W4Y TO G3T OURS3LV3S OUT OF TH1S J4M?
KARKAT: NOPE. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. WE’RE DOOMED. A MEANINGLESS RACE OF ALIENS WON’T CHANGE THAT.
KARKAT: NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I’VE GOT A LOT OF IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
TEREZI: YOU M34N 4 LOT OF 1MPORT4NT W4ND3R1NG 4ROUND 41ML3SSLY 4ND T4LK1NG TO P3OPL3?
KARKAT: YES, EXACTLY.

*Sollux
>Talk to Sollux
SOLLUX: hey kk mo2t of the2e computer2 are 2hiit.
SOLLUX: 2o unle22 youve got a real good rea2on ii don’t thiink iim gonna bother fiixiing them.
KARKAT: I’M FINE, THANKS FOR ASKING MAN. YOUR CONCERN IS REALLY APPRECIATED, I APPRECIATE IT.
SOLLUX: fuck you and your priimadonna garbade, iim not goiing two break down 2obbiing becau2e of a liittle blood, why dont you man up.
KARKAT: HEY FUCK YOU, I TURN AROUND AND SEE A CRAZY GIRL WITH A CHAINSAW AND A TSUNAMI OF BROWN. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT WE NOT TURN OUR LITTLE HISEOUT INTO A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?
SOLLUX: what diid you want me two do get down on the floor and kii22 your faiinted corp2e on the liip2 two wake you up on a non exii2tent pro2piit?
KARKAT: LET’S NOT DO THIS, OK MAN? JUST THIS ONCE. I DON’T HAVE THE ENERGY.
SOLLUX: yeah ok fiine.
KARKAT: SO WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THESE ALIENS, IS IT ANYTHING I SHOULD GIVE A SHIT ABOUT?
SOLLUX:  no not at all, theyre u2ele22 and uniintere2tiing like iim 2ure you already gathered.
SOLLUX: ii recommend we don’t bother wiith them, though aradiia 2eem2 two thiink well all be iin each other2 2ponge2 iineviitably.
SOLLUX: whatever, iim pretty commiitted two not havving anythiing two do wiith them ever.
KARKAT: GOOD, THAT’S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.
SOLLUX: uh huh, 2ure kk by the look of 2ome of your future memo2 iit look2 like youre gonna get pretty wound up by thii2 thiing 2oon.
KARKAT: MAN, FUCK MY FUTURE MEMOS.
SOLLUX: no way, theyre hiilariiou2, be2t thiing haviing you a2 a leader han2 down.
KARKAT: FUCK THAT SENTIMENT, AND FUCK YOU, AND FUCK FUTURE ME.
SOLLUX: ok. What about pa2t you, ii2 pa2t you cool.
KARKAT: THE ONLY GUY MORE IRRITATING AND STUPID THAN FUTURE ME IS PAST ME.
SOLLUX: ehehehehehehehe.

*Feferi
>Talk to Feferi.
FFEERI: Finally! So Karkat, w)(at was your dream like after you died? I )(ave been glubbing like crazy over )(ere wondering about it.
KARKAT: I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. JUST DON’T GO TO SLEEP.
KARKAT: OH WAIT, YOU’RE A DERSE DREAMER, RIGHT? NEVER MIND, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. LITERALLY.
FEFERI: You look so nervous and pale. Were you scared of w)(at you saw?
KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT NOT TALKING ABOUT IT DON’T YOU GET.
FEFERI: T)(ere’s no reason to be scared! T)(ey are not as terrible as t)(ey look.
FEFERI: W)(en Derse is destroyed, I am going to go to sleep and prove it.
FEFERI: I will prove it to you, and to t)(em as well.
KARKAT: THEM?
FEFERI: Our new friends! You’ll see. –Everyt)(ing is going to be ok.
FEFERI: T)(IS IS PR-ETTY –EXCITING! Don’t you t)(ink???
KARKAT: “M-E)(“
FEFERI: GLUB TO T)(AT ATTITUD-E!!!!!! >38O

*Aradia
>Talk to Aradia.
ARADIA: have y0u decided t0 tr0ll them yet
KARKAT: TROLL WHO?
ARADIA: never mind
ARADIA: lets pretend i didnt say that and lets als0 pretend it isn’t inevitable
KARKAT: WHAT THE FROND BUCKLING NOOK STENCH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
ARADIA: n0thing. Its n0t like a decisi0n y0u are ab0ut t0 make will invariably lead t0 every pr0blem we have and will ever face as well as the great und0ing itself
ARADIA: just keep listening t0 your angry impulses it will all be fine
ARADIAL actually i guess i c0uld kill y0u right n0w and st0p it all fr0m happening thus d00ming us all in an 0ffsh00t timeline
ARADIA: i might c0nsider it if we all werent d00med anyway
ARADIA: and if y0u werent my friend
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT? WHEN YOU USED TO NOT BE A ROBOT.
KARKAT: CAUSE THIS ROBOT THING? THIS IS BULLSHIT.
KARKAT: IF WE WEREN’T ALL ABOUT OT DIE, I’D DEDICATE OUR WHOLE TEAM TO FINDING A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE.
KARKAT: BUT WE ARE SO GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO RIDE OUT THE NEXT FEW HOURS WITH A SPOOKY TIN CAN PSYCHOPATH, SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST.
ARADIA: 0_0

*Nepeta
>Talk to Nepeta.
NEPETA: :33 < oh god this is so great, they look like they are so much fun!
KARKAT: WHO
NEPETA: :33 < the humans!!!
KARKAT: WHAT’S A HUMAN
NEPETA: :33 < the alien kids! come on karcat, you need to stop taking all these silly naps and get up to sp33d
KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING
KARKAT: YOU HAVEN’T BEEN PULLING RP NONSENSE ON THEM HAVE YOU? TALK ABOUT A SHITTY FIRST ENCOUNTER.
KARKAT: OK AS LEADER, I FORBID YOU FROM RP’ING WITH THEM.
NEPETA: :33 > but equius already furbid me from doing that :((
NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33
KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID?
KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN.
NEPETA: :33 <  yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

*Tavros
>Talk to Tavros.
TAVROS: hEYYY, yOU’RE AWAKE,
KARKAT: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN AWESOME TIME TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAW YOUR LOWER TORSO OFF AND REPLACE IT WITH ROBO LEGS?
TAVROS: nO,
KARKAT: ANY GODDAMN TIME BEFORE NOW. YOU KNOW, DURING OUR WHOLE ADVENTURE WHEN THEY MIGHT HAVE COME IN HANDY.
KARKAT: ALSO WHEN I DIDN’T HAPPEN TO BE STANDING AROUND. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SWEET.
TAVROS: oHH, sORRY, i MEAN i WAS KIND OF ASLEEP TOO, sO, i DIDN’T HAVE A LOT OF SAY,
TAVROS: iN THE MATTER,
KARKAT: DID YOU SEE HIM?
TAVROS: wHO,
KARKAT: THE DEMON. WHEN YOU WERE ASLEEP.
TAVROS: nO,
KARKAT: HE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE. I TOLD YOU TO LOOK, BUT I GUESS YOU WERE TOO BUSY FROLICKING IN THE SKY OR WHATEVER YOU DO ON THAT GAUDY YELLOW MOON.
TAVROS: oH, mAN, yEAH SKY FROLICKING WAS PROBABLY DEFINITELY THE THING i WAS PREOCCUPIED BY,
KARKAT: ANYWAY, THAT WAS JUST BEFORE HE BLEW THE PLACE UP.
TAVROS: wOAH, iS THAT WHAT HAPPENED,
KARKAT: IDIOT.
KARKAT: JUST DON’T GO TO SLEEP. SPREAD THE WORD.
TAVROS: i COULDN’T POSSIBLY SLEEP NOW, i’M TOO EXCITED ABOUT THESE AWESOME LEGS, lOOK AT ME GO, wHOOPS,

*Equius
>Talk to Equius.
KARKAT: THIS ROBOLEG BULLSHIT WAS YOUR IDEA WASN’T IT.
EQUIUS: D --> I only supplied the technological means, though my lobbying for a hooven quadrupedal lower torso went tragically disregarded
KARKAT: OK I HEREBY ORDER YOU TO NEVER THINK ABOUT GIVING SOMEONE HORSELEGS AGAIN, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD.
EQUIUS: D --> Yes, I can follow that order, sir
EQUIUS: D --> Are there any other orders you would like to issue to me in a manner that is similarly forceful
KARKAT: I ALSO ORDER YOU TO STOP GETTING OFF ON MY ORDERS. FOR LIKE THE FIVE HUNDREDTH FUCKING TIME.
EQUIUS: D --> Yes, and you will continue to order me to do so. I command it
EQUIUS: D --> ...
EQUIUS: D --> I need a towel
KARKAT: GO HAVE YOUR BUTLER GET YOU ONE YOU SNOOTY DOUCHE.
EQUIUS: D --> Aurthour is dead, and so is his ghost
EQUIUS: D --> Remember
KARKAT: YEAH.
KARKAT: SORRY MAN, I FORGOT. DIDN’T MEAN TO BRING UP A SORE SUBJECT.
EQUIUS: D --> Is this where embrace jocularly, as if we are “bros”
EQUIUS: D --> I will be as gentle as possible
KARKAT: DON’T TOUCH ME.

*Vriska
>Talk to Vriska.
KARKAT: HEY VRISKA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
KARKAT: PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET IT BE SOMETHING INCONSEQUENTIAL AND BENIGN.
VRISKA: Karkat! Man, you were out for a long time. I have made so many plans for these humans while you were asleep. Do you know how many plans have 8een made?
KARKAT: PROBABLY ALL OF THEM, EVEN THOUGH PLANS AREN’T REALLY AN EXHAUSTIVELY QUANTIFIABLE THING AND WE BOTH FUCKING KNOW THAT.
VRISKA: Yes! Aaaaaaaall of them. So many irons too. Guess where the irons are!
KARKAT: PLEASE DON’T LET THEM BE IN THE FIRE, PLEASE DON’T LET THEM BE IN THE FIRE...
VRISKA: They are........
VRISKA: IN
VRISKA: THE
VRISKA: FIIIIIIIIRE!!!!!!!! ::::)
KARKAT: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
KARKAT: LOOK WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING, STOP. OR PUT IT ON PAUSE. CAN YOU PLEASE DO THAT?
KARKAT: I WASN’T GOING TO BOTHER WITH THE HUMANS BUT NOW YOU’RE MAKING ME NERVOUS. JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO LOOK INTO THIS MATTER, AND THEN I’LL BRIEF EVERYBODY.
KARKAT: MAYBE WITH A SPEECH OR SOMETHING. CAN YOU DO THAT?
KARKAT: PLEEEEEEEEASE? I JUST SAID THAT WITH EIGHT E’S.
VRISKA: Fine, I will take a 8r8k, Karkat. 8ut only 8ecause you were so polite a8out it.
VRISKA: It will give me a chance to go get some stuff done!

*Kanaya
>Talk to Kanaya.
KARKAT: HEY I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO YOU IN THE PAST. REMEMBER YOU WERE FUCKING AROUND WITH THE VOLCANO AND I PASSED OUT FOR AN HOUR?
KANAYA: Vaguely
KARKAT: THAT WAS NOW. HEY GUESS WHAT, NEW ORDERS. NO MORE IMPROMPTY AMPUTATIONS, OK?
KANAYA: Impromputations
KARKAT: YEAH. KEEP YOUR LIPSTICK CAPPED OK. I DON’T WANT TO TURN AROUND AND SEE RAINBOW BLOOD SPRAYING EVERY WHICH WAY JUST CAUSE YOU THINK THE PLACE IS A LITTLE DRAB.
KANAYA: I Did My Best To Clean Up The Blood Before You Woke Up
KARKAT: THANKS FOR THAT. ALSO ANOTHER NEW ORDER. DON’T GO TO SLEEP.
KANAYA: Dont Worry I Dont Really Want To Find Out What Happens If I Do
KANAYA: Any Other Orders
KANAYA: Such As Those Which Might Pertain To These Alien Children
KARKAT: YEAH, MY ORDERS ARE THAT THEY’RE COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT, AND WHO CARES ABOUT THEM.
KANAYA: How Are Those Orders
KARKAT: BECAUSE I’M YOUR LEADER THAT’S HOW.
KANAYA: They Are Not Irrelevant
KARKAT: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT.
KANAYA: Its A Bit Complicated
KANAYA: But I Believe You Should Give Them A Closer Look Before You Decide What To Do About Them If Anything
KANAYA: Perhaps Then An Especially Leaderly Speech Will Be In Order
KARKAT: OK I DOUBT THAT BUT WHATEVER.

*Gamzee
>Talk to Gamzee.
GAMZEE: HeY CaN I HeLp a tIrEd lOoKiNg bRoThEr gEt hIss mOtHeRfUcKiN NaP On?
GAMZEE: sLeEp iN ThE HoRn pIlE? oNlY 420 bOoNdOlLaRs
>No
KARKAT: I JUST SLEPT ON THE FLOOR FOR AN HOUR, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I NEED A NAP???
KARKAT: BESIDES, I JUST BANNED EVERYONE FROM SLEEPING, SO DON’T GO PULLING THIS HORN PILE INN KEEPER SHIT, GOT IT?
KARKAT: ALSO, STOP DANCING. IT’S AWFUL.
GAMZEE: Ok wElL. If yOu gEt yOuR MiNd aLl cHaNgEd aBoUt tHaT ThEn yOu kNoW WhErE To fInD ThE PiLe, BeSt fRiEnD
KARKAT: OH YEAH, ALSO CLEAN YOUR FUCKING GARBAGE OFF THE FLOOR. IF THIS SHIT ISN’T GONE IN A FEW HOURS I’M SERIOUSLY GOING TO FLIP OUT.
GAMZEE: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK! :O)
>Hell no
[You get the same conversation that you get by selecting “>No”]

*Eridan
>Talk to Eridan
ERIDAN: wwhat a fuckin vvulgar display this is
ERIDAN: airin out all his dirty laundry like that puttin a big fuckin pile a horns in the middle of the room
ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother looking
KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.


VRISKA_
*Karkat
>Talk to Karkat
KARKAT: JUST... PLEASE.
KARKAT: GO FIND SOME REMOTE CORNER OF THIS LAB, BUILD YOURSELF A NICE WEB, AND SIT THERE PEACEFULLY AND HARMLESSLY UNTIL WE ALL DIE. OK?
VRISKA: Die? Lame.
VRISKA: Karkat, there is a8solutely no chance we are going to die.
VRISKA: Not with my luck! I got all of it, remem8er?

*Terezi
>Talk to Terezi
VRISKA: The Scourge Sisters are 8ack in action! Yeah!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: NO W3 4R3 NOT! W1LL YOU STOP W1TH TH4T 4LR34DY???
VRISKA: Sure we are! You’ll find out. Just give it a few hours.
TEREZI: 1 W1LL G1V3 YOU 4 F3W DRUBB1NGS!
VRISKA: Yes!!!!!!!! That’s the spirit, Redglare.
TEREZI: BL4R, PL34S3 DO NOT ST4RT US1NG MY OLD FL4RP1NG N4M3, 1T’S SO 3MB4RR4SS1NG

*Sollux
>Talk to Sollux.
VRISKA: Sollux, I never got to simultaneously thank you and reprimand you for tracing that money transfer.
VRISKA: On the one hand, it made Terezi rich, and now she won’t stop lording it over me!
SOLLUX: ok, ii’m pretty much 100% po2iitiive 2he’2 not actually doiing that, but ok.
VRISKA: Shh! 8ut on the other hand, you’ve opened up a whole world to me with this discovery. So many people to meddle with, so many plans to hatch.
VRISKA: So really, my reaction to it is twofold. Somewhat 8ipolar if you will. Don’t you think that’s appropri8?
SOLLUX: man, ju2t...
SOLLUX: go away.
SOLLUX: ii’m not iin the glubbiing mood.
VRISKA: Stop saying fish things, everyone thinks it’s annoying!!!!!!!!

*Feferi
>Talk to Feferi
VRISKA: So! You sure seem excited a8out the alien kids. What gives????????
FEFERI: Glub... I wouldn’t say t)(at.
VRISKA: Oh?
FEFERI: T)(e w)(ole t)(ing doesn’t seem like it’s wort)( getting worked up about, to be )(onest.
VRISKA: ::::|
FEFERI: Sig)(. T)(ey’re just kind of dull.
FEFERI: Life is dull and uninteresting.
FEFERI: I don’t know, maybe I’m just a little depressed.
FEFERI: You probably wouldn’t understand.
VRISKA: Sure I would! We all have our off days. Hey, if you need someone to talk to, I’m...
FEFERI: Pffffffffffffffffffffffff )(-E)(-E)(-E)(-E!
FEFERI: PSYYYYYYYYYYYC)(-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(OO )(OO )(OO! 38D
FEFERI: )(oly crap did I get you good! )(ey, Sollux! Did you catc)( any of t)(at?
FEFERI: A live one jumped rig)(t into my boat! A real suckerfis)(! Woo)(oo)(oo. )9ow do you like t)(at, spider)(ag! Sea dwellers represent!!!
VRISKA: That was...
VRISKA: Surprisingly nasty of you.
VRISKA: I’m impressed!
FEFERI: T)(anks. I )(ope I didn’t jeopardize our friends)(ip wit)( t)(at little stunt! 38)
VRISKA: Friendship? I don’t know if...
VRISKA: W8 a minute. Why you!!!!!!!! You almost got me AGAIN!
VRISKA: Have I ever told you how awesome you are, Peixes?

*Aradia
>Talk to Aradia
VRISKA: Hey dead girl! How’s 8eing dead treating you?
ARADIA: c0uldnt i ask y0u the same thing
VRISKA: Yeah, sure! If you wanted to 8e technically inaccur8. It would still 8urn though, so touche!
ARADIA: its really weird that y0u keep antag0nizing me
ARADIA: i c0uld snap y0ur neck with a twitch
VRISKA: Yeah 8ut you won’t!
ARADIA: 0k
ARADIA: what d0 y0u want
VRISKA: You saw the demon up close, right? You fought him! Or at least your doppelgangers did.
ARADIA: yes
VRISKA: What was he like!
ARADIA: ...
ARADIA: what d0 y0u want t0 kn0w specifically
VRISKA: Primarily I’m interested in your take on his weaknesses, tactical disadvantages, stuff like that.
ARADIA: 0_0
ARADIA: are y0u seri0usly intending t0 fight him
VRISKA: Wouldn’t you like to know!!!!!!!!
ARADIA: n0t especially

*Nepeta
>Talk to Nepeta.
NEPETA: :33 < *nepeta giggles at the spidergirls gunny googly eye. she just cant s33m to get used to it!*
VRISKA: *Marquise Mindfang shares the innocent young catgirl’s giggle, as she surreptitiously reaches for an orn8 dagger concealed in her 8oot!*
NEPETA: :33 < nooooooo dont roleplay as mindfang! :((
NEPETA: :33 < you only do terrible things when you are her
NEPETA: :33 < why dont you pretend to be something cute for a change?
VRISKA: How a8out my spidersona? It’s adora8le!
NEPETA: :33 < no its not! you only do terrible things as your spidersona too
NEPETA: :33 < i changed my mind, why dont we just not do any roleplaying instead
VRISKA: ::::(

*Tavros
>Talk to Tavros.
VRISKA: Tavros, they look amazing. YOU look amazing.
VRISKA: 8eing a8le to walk suits you so much 8etter. Have I ever told you how much of a loser you were when you were a cripple? It’s a real shame a8out how that had to happen to you.
TAVROS: nO, bUT THANK YOU FOR SAYING SO,
TAVROS: i MEAN, fOR THE GOOD STUFF YOU SAID, nOT NECESSARILY THE BAD STUFF,
VRISKA: You’re welcome! Now, how do those 8ad 8oys handle on stairs?
TAVROS: i DON’T KNOW, BUT I’VE BEEN ADVISED TO STAY AWAY FROM THEM,
VRISKA: Worst advice you could ever receive. I demand that you spend the next several hours mastering stairs.
TAVROS: uHHH,
VRISKA: Come on, what would that fakey 8ullshit fantasy asshole Rufio say a8out this?
TAVROS: oH, mAN, hE WOULD MOST SURELY BE ALL ABOUT ME CLIMBING LOTS OF STAIRS,
TAVROS: pER THE REASSURANCES THAT i PRETEND HE SAYS, aND ALL THE SELF ESTEEM HE INSISTS ME TO HAVE,
VRISKA:  Exactly! Now hop to it, and don’t think twice a8out it, or I’ll know. We don’t want to have to do it the hard way now, do we?
TAVROS: oH MY GOD,

*Equius
>Talk to Equius.
VRISKA: I must say, I am really disgusted 8y how you’ve resorted to following orders from that low class slo8 with the hideous mutant blood.
VRISKA: I thought you were 8etter than that! I thought WE were 8etter than that.
EQUIUS: D --> I...
EQUIUS: D --> You’re absolutely right, it’s disgraceful
EQUIUS: D --> I think it is possibly time to admit I have some sort of problem
EQUIUS: D --> I would very much like to honor my position on the hemospectrum and mistreat those beneath me, and yet...
VRISKA: Whoa, alright! I was just messing with you, dude. As if I really give a shit a8out any of that!
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha.

*Kanaya
>Talk to Kanaya.
VRISKA: Pst!
KANAYA: Yes
VRISKA: Hey, what’s your deal?
KANAYA: ...
VRISKA: I’m talking to you!
KANAYA: What Do You Want
VRISKA: Nothing really! It’s just you haven’t said one word to me since we got here.
VRISKA: In fact, we’ve hardly spoken in weeks! Not since you gave me that nice dress.
KANAYA: Oh Sorry I Hadnt Really Noticed
VRISKA: That was gr8, remem8er that? What happened to all that? You used to meddle and 8ug and fuss over me all the time. It was annoying, 8ut kinda fun!
KANAYA: Do You Want Me To
VRISKA: I don’t know. It would 8e cool if we could catch up some time though.
KANAYA: Whats There Really To Catch Up On
VRISKA: Whatever! Stuff. Anything!
VRISKA: You are really strange, fussyfangs. I don’t get you anymore.
KANAYA: Okay
VRISKA: That was some pretty sweet chainsaw work earlier. Pretty 8rutal, really! Didn’t think you had it in you.
VRISKA: Hey, you weren’t settling a score with him there 8y any chance?
KANAYA: What
VRISKA: I’ve got a pretty keen nose for revenge. Could it 8e that you had a thing for him and were upset when he went for me instead? Hmmmmmmmm?
KANAYA: Did He Really “Go” For You
KANAYA: Thats Not How I Remember It
VRISKA: Yes, I think I must 8e on to something here! Anyway if that’s case, sorry a8out the 8ad 8r8k!
KANAYA: Could You Leave Me Alone
VRISKA: Hey, which one are you spying on there? Someone new to meddle with?
KANAYA: I Said Leave
VRISKA: Fiiiiiiiine, god.

*Gamzee
>Talk to Gamzee.
GAMZEE: VrIsKa hEy yOu wAnT To uH...
VRISKA: What?
GAMZEE: ShIt, I WaS AlL GoInG To aSk iF YoU WaNtEd tO HoP In tHe hOrN PiLe fOr a bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn sHuTeYe, BuT...
GAMZEE: I DoN’T ThInK I WiLl cAuSe i’m pReTtY MuCh sCaTeD Of yOu, So yEaH.
VRISKA: Aww. ::::)

*Eridan
>Talk to Eridan.
VRISKA: Hey.
ERIDAN: hey
VRISKA: So........
ERIDAN: wwhats up
VRISKA: Nothing.
VRISKA: Standing by the old horn pile I see.
ERIDAN: yup
VRISKA: Yeah........
VRISKA: Ok then. Carry on I guess.
ERIDAN: god damn vvris wwhys it still got to be so flippin awwkwward like this come on
ERIDAN: wwe used to havve a good thing goin remember our campaigns
ERIDAN: that shit wwas epic wwhere are you evven goin to find a rivvalry like that
VRISKA: It was fun, Eridan. While it lasted.
VRISKA: 8ut it ran its course! I don’t know what else to tell you.
ERIDAN: oh as if im not so ovver it please spare me your disdain mindfang
ERIDAN: im wworkin on finding a neww rivvalry wwhichll make ours look like a kiddie game
ERIDAN: wwhich oh by the wway IT WWAS
VRISKA: If you say so, Dualscar! 8est of luck with that.
VRISKA: Too 8ad the luck’s all mine now! Hahahaha.

>Be Future Eridan
[You are now briefly Future Eridan, in the future.]
>Talk to Vriska
ERIDAN: fuck that fuckin wwitch bleww up my computer
ERIDAN: ok not literally the wwitch as in thats not literally her title or anything
ERIDAN: the seer i guess
ERIDAN: fuckin lousy no good goddamn rotten seer
VRISKA: Eridan! Do I detect 8lack romance in the air????????
VRISKA: <3< <3< <3< <3< <3< <3< <3< <3<
ERIDAN: shut yer spidertrap wwitch there are serious emotions happening ovver here


TEREZI_
*Karkat
>Talk to Karkat.
TEREZI: 4R3NT YOU 4T L34ST 4 L1TTL3 D1S4PPO1NT3D W3 N3V34 GOT TO H4NG OUT TOG3TH3R ON PROSP1T?
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW. I GUESS?
KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE WE DIDN’T GET TO HANG OUT PLENTY OF OTHER PLACES.
TEREZI: YOU DONT G3T 1T! TH3R3 W3R3 4LL TH1NGS 1 W4S PL44N1NG ON SHOW1NG YOU 4ND STUFF W3 COULD H4V3 DON3 TOG3TH3R
TEREZI: 1T W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3 SP3C14L DUMMY
KARKAT: WHAT WAS SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT? THE FACT THAT IT WAS A MOON MADE OF GOLD?
KARKAT: BIG DEAL. THE PLACE WAS WAY TOO BRIGHT AND GARISH.
TEREZI: 444444RGH, YOU 4R3 SO FRUSTR4T1NG!
TEREZI: JUST
TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND >:[

*Sollux
>Talk to Sollux.
SOLLUX: are you 2tiill 2pyiing on that iin2ufferable priick.
SOLLUX: 2eriiou2ly a dude giive2 a giirl a few buck2 and 2uddenly 2he cant keep her no2e off hiim, iit ii2 2o prediictable.
TEREZI: SHUT UP SOLLUX H3S COOL
TEREZI: 1 DONT G3T WHY YOU DONT L1KE H1M, H3 R3M1NDS M3 OF YOU 4 B1T
SOLLUX: you thiink iim cool?
TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S!
SOLLUX: how often?
SOLLUX: don’t 2ay half the tiime.
TEREZI: >:|
SOLLUX: oh god ii walked riight iinto that one diidn’t ii.

*Feferi
>Talk to Feferi.
FEFERI: Terezi, we can’t just )(ide )(ere forever! We )(ave to kill t)(e demon!
TEREZI: 1 KNOW! BUT HOW? H3 SEEMS 1NV1NC1BL3
TEREZI: 1F 4 THOUS4ND 4R4D14BOTS COULDNT K1LL H1M, WH4T HOP3 DO W3 H4V3?
FEFERI: T)(e )(umans! T)(ey are t)(e answer.
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4, S3R1OUSLY?
FEFERI: Y----------ES!!! I am sure of it.
TEREZI: UM, OK, 1F YOU S4Y SO F3F3R1!

*Aradia
>Talk to Aradia.
ARADIA: 0h is that what feferi thinks
ARADIA: thats nice
ARADIA: havent y0u underst00d anything ab0ut h0w parad0x space w0rks
ARADIA: 0f c0urse they are the s0luti0n
ARADIA: but they are als0 the pr0blem
ARADIA: every effect is als0 its 0wn cause
ARADIA: 0ur tw0 universes exist 0n 0pp0sing sides 0f a m0bius strip which is 0f c0urse n0thing but c0ntradicti0n
ARADIA: enj0y engineering the present c0nundrum as y0u try t0 s0lve it
ARADIA: im c0mpletely d0ne with this
TEREZI: GR34T T4LK1NG TO YOU 4R4D1A, TH4T W4S 4 BL4ST4S USU4L

*Nepeta
>Talk to Nepeta.
NEPETA: :33 < terezi!!! so tell me! who is your favorite?
TEREZI: F4VOR1T3 WH4T?
NEPETA: :33< human kid!
NEPETA: :33 < oh of course, you like akwete purrmusk with the black glasses!
NEPETA: :33 < he is pretty cute, but mine is jade
TEREZI: OH R34LLY?
NEPETA: :33 < yes, i have tried to make friends with her, but so far she thinks i am just teasing her!!!!
NEPETA: :33 < its pretty furstrating. i will purrsevere though

*Tavros
>Talk to Tavros.
TEREZI: LOOK1NG PR3TTY COOL T4VROS! >:]
TAVROS, tHANKS, i FEEL GREAT, aND REALLY CONFIDENT SUDDENLY,
TAVROS: lIKE, aS IF rUFIO GAVE ME BOTH THE HIGH FIVES HE HAS, aND THEN SORT OF ONE OF THOSE BRO MASSAGES, aS IF TO SAY,
TAVROS: yOU’RE THE CHAMP, oR THAT KIND OF THING,
TEREZI: DONT L3T 4NYON3 3V3R T3LL YOU RUF1O’S NOT R34L
TEREZI: 1F YOU B3L13V3 H4RD 3NOUGH 1N 1M4G1N4RY TH1NGS, TH4T M4K3S TH3M SL1GHTLY L3SS F4K3!
TAVROS: oKAY, tHAT’S GREAT ADVICE TO KNOW,
TAVROS: nOW i’M GOING TO GET SOME MORE LEG PRACTICE IN,
TAVROS: i FEEL LIKE i COULD TAKE ON ALL THE STAIRS IN PARADOX SPACE, aND i JUST PRETENDED AS HARD AS I COULD THAT rUFIO WINKED IN AGREEANCE,
TAVROS: sEE YOU LATER, aFTER, i’M DEFINITELY SUCCESSFUL AT ALL THE THINGS i TRY,

*Equius
>Talk to Equius
EQUIUS: D --> It’s mystifying
EQUIUS: D --> In spite of my warnings, he seems absolutely committed to being attracted to cases of stairs like a goshdarned magnetron
EQUIUS: D --> Now that I think about it, I should probably deactivate his pelvic magnetron

*Vriska
>Talk to Vriska.
VRISKA: Hey, if it isn’t miss money8ags! How are you enjoying your fa8ulous wealth!
VRISKA: If it was me, I would feel ashamed to get rich that way. 8y having a secret admirer just hand it to me like that, rather than earning it. That’s just me though!
TEREZI: GOD, YOUR J34LOUSLY 1S R1D1CULOUS! NOBODY C4R3S 4BOUT STOCKP1L1NG M34N1NGL3SS TR34SUR3 OT3R TH4N YOU. W1LL YOU GROW UP???
VRISKA: I guess you’re right. I’m just giving you a hard time!
VRISKA: You know, like the good old days. Don’t you miss our friendly rivalry sometimes?
TEREZI: H4H4H4, FR13NDLY?????
VRISKA: Sure! So to speak.
VRISKA: Anyway, just so you know, you’re not the only one who can play a chumpy 8oy, and manipul8 him into doing what you want.
VRISKA: In fact, I’m not even going to use any powers! Just to prove it’s no 8ig deal.
TEREZI: WH4T TH3 H3LL 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT
VRISKA: You’ll see!!!!!!!! Oops, smell. Haha, 8n’t it a 8ummer you never died????????
TEREZI: NO >:P
VRISKA: Oh well. Anyway, let’s get this party started. I declare the chumpy impressiona8le human 8oy-off to 8e........
VRISKA: OOOOOOOON! :::;)
TEREZI: UGH, YOU 4R3 SO CR4ZY

*Kanaya
>Talk to Kanaya.
TEREZI: H3Y K4N4Y4, 4R3 YOU ST1LL OGL1NG H3R?
KANAYA: What
KANAYA: Is That What Im Doing
TEREZI: Y3S 1T 1S OBV1OUS
TEREZI: WHY TH3 1NF4TU4T1ON W1TH TH4T P4RT1CUL4R HUM4N
KANAYA: Hmm
KANAYA: I Guess I Find Her Sort Of
KANAYA: Intoxicating
TEREZI: OHHHHHHHHHH???????? >8D
KANAYA: Intoxicatingly Underwhelming
TEREZI: >:?
>Be Future Kanaya.
[You are now briefly Future Kanaya, in the future.]
>Talk to Karkat.
KANAYA: Hey Have You Ever Heard Of The Green Sun
KARKAT: YEAH. IT’S GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THEIR PLAN TO KILL NOIR.
KANAYA: I See
KANAYA: Anything More Specific Than That
KARKAT: NOPE. I’VE GOT NO IDEA WHAT IT IS, WHAT IT DOES, WHAT ITS ROLE IN THE PLAN IS, OR IF IT’S GOT ANY CHANCE OF WORKING.
KARKAT: WE SHOULD PROBABLY WORRY ABOUT OUR OWN PROBLEMS.

*Gamzee
>Talk to Gamzee.
GAMZEE: HeY CaN I InTeReSt yOu iN KiCkIn tHe wIcKeD ShIt iN ThE HoRn pIlE FoR A FeW ZeEs?
GAMZEE: CoSt yOu oNe pInCh oF SpEcIaL StArDuSt.
TEREZI: TH4NKS G4MZ BUT NO 1 4M NOT T1R3D
TEREZI: 1 M4Y GO FOR 4NOTH3R UN3XP3CT3D HONK JUMP SOON THOUGH
GAMZEE: Oh pLeAsE No dOnT Go mOtHeRfUcKiN GeTtInG My sCaRe oN LiKe tHaT, I CaNt bE HaRdLy hAnDlInG ThAt NoIsE.
TEREZI: SORRY BUT WH3N 4 G1RL H4S TO G3T H3R HONK JUMP ON TH3R3 1S JUST NO STOPP1NG H3R
GAMZEE: OkAy wElL MaYbE WaRn mE ThEn mAyBe.
TEREZI: NO PROM1S3S!
GAMZEE: :o(
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3

*Eridan
>Talk to Eridan.
ERIDAN: hey ter can you go givve that four horned mustard blooded land licking sack of rubbish ovver there a message for me
ERIDAN: tell him to put his honey wwhere his mouth is and meet me outside for another duel
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT M3D14T1NG B3TW33N YOU TWO!
TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY, COULD YOU M4K3 YOUR 4DV4NC3S 4NY MOR3 OBV1OUS 3R1D4N?
TEREZI: 1F YOUR3 W4X1NG 4SH3N FOR M3, F1NE, 1... GU3SS 1M FL4TT3R3D???
TEREZI: BUT H3S TOT4LLY NOT 3V3N 1NT3R3ST3D 1N TH3 TYP3 OF
TEREZI: UH...
TEREZI: R1V4LRY YOU WN4T W1TH H1M, OK?
ERIDAN: swweet stinkin murder i am truly pathetic arent i
TEREZI: Y3S, 4BSOLUT3LY


FUTURE TEREZI_
*Nepeta
>Talk to Nepeta.
TEREZI: *TH3 M1GHTY 4ND 4STOUND1NG DR4GONYYYD L3G1SL4RC3R4TOR 3NT3RS TH3 3ST33M3D POUNC3LLORS OFF1C3 W1TH 4N URG3NT BUT FR13NDLY R3QU1S1T1ON PURS3D M4G1C4LLY 1N H3R M4J3ST1C SNOUT*
NEPETA: :33 < *the distinguished pouncellor nods in the most dignified and legal of manners at the dashing and well dressed legislacerator*
NEPETA: :33 < *she double checks a series of impurrtant legal clawses and rubber stamps them with wild abandon for the most judicial sort of approval pawsible*
NEPETA: :33 < this all looks to be in order! *she said*
NEPETA: :33 < please follow me! :33
NEPETA: :33 < *she also said*