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- FACADE STAGEPLAY
- Thu Aug 23 19 48 04 2012
- (Ian knocks on the front door.)
- (Ian knocks on the front door.)
- (Ian knocks on the front door.)
- TRIP
- Where are the new wine glasses? -- (interrupted)
- TRIP
- Oh, he's here!
- GRACE
- What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
- TRIP
- No, he's right on time!
- GRACE
- Trip...!
- IAN
- OPEN
- (Trip opens the front door.)
- TRIP
- Ian!!
- TRIP
- Hey! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted)
- (IAN kisses trip.)
- TRIP
- Oh... you're doing the European-style greeting...
- TRIP
- we just got back from a trip to Italy, but the men only did that with women... generally... but, -- (interrupted)
- TRIP
- Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...
- GRACE
- No, no, here we are!
- (IAN kisses grace.)
- GRACE
- Ian, -- (interrupted)
- GRACE
- Oh, yes, let's... (polite kiss on cheek)
- GRACE
- Ian, you're so sweet.
- GRACE
- So, come in, make yourself at home...
- IAN
- I need some dosh right now!
- GRACE
- Aw, ha ha ha!
- GRACE
- By the way, you look fabulous!
- GRACE
- So, Ian, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.
- (Trip closes the front door.)
- IAN
- I don't like your decorating
- TRIP
- uh... uh, heh heh...
- GRACE
- (nervous coughing)
- TRIP
- you, uh...
- TRIP
- that's, uh...
- GRACE
- (nervous coughing)
- TRIP
- ha ha, heh...
- GRACE
- ha ha ha ha ha, heh...
- TRIP
- heh, ha ha ha!
- IAN
- What the heck?
- GRACE
- ha ha ha ha ha!!
- TRIP
- Ha ha ha, Ian,
- GRACE
- heh heh heh...
- TRIP
- heh, you had me going there for a sec...
- TRIP
- heh, ha ha...
- TRIP
- Never afraid to push your luck, heh heh heh...
- TRIP
- put us on the spot...
- TRIP
- heh heh, you're crazy, you know that?
- TRIP
- ha ha...
- TRIP
- (big sigh)
- TRIP
- Anyway... what were we talking about, heh?
- IAN
- You guys are really akward
- TRIP
- Oh, -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- Drinks
- TRIP
- Oh, yeah, let me fix us all some drinks in a sec!
- TRIP
- Ah, you need to help me break in my expensive new set of cocktail making accessories.
- TRIP
- Ian, Come here, I want you to look at this!
- (IAN points to the italy picture.)
- GRACE
- Ian, come over here and sit on the couch with me.
- (IAN points to the italy picture.)
- TRIP
- No, hold on. Now, -- (interrupted)
- GRACE
- Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.
- (IAN sits on the couch.)
- TRIP
- (little sigh)
- GRACE
- Ian, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have. -- (interrupted)
- PHONE
- ** RING **
- GRACE
- Oh, I'll get it --
- TRIP
- No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.
- PHONE
- ** RING **
- GRACE
- Trip, no, I want --
- TRIP
- Grace, come on, don't be rude.
- (IAN gets up from the couch.)
- TRIP
- It's probably just one your art gallery friends, it seems like they're always calling you. -- (interrupted)
- PHONE
- ** RING **
- (IAN picks up the phone.)
- (IAN puts down the phone.)
- TRIP
- Ian, no! Don't do that.
- PHONE
- Hello? Hello?
- (IAN picks up the phone.)
- (IAN puts down the phone.)
- (IAN uses the answering machine.)
- ANSWERING MACHINE
- No new messages
- TRIP
- Uhh, that's my mother, I can hear her loud voice.
- GRACE
- Oh!
- (IAN uses the answering machine.)
- ANSWERING MACHINE
- No new messages
- TRIP
- Oh, good, you hung up. I don't want to talk to her.
- GRACE
- Oh, I wanted to say hello --
- TRIP
- No no, come on, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...
- TRIP
- the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.
- IAN
- I want some drinks
- TRIP
- Oh, uh...
- GRACE
- How nice of you to say that. Isn't it good to see our friend after so long?
- IAN
- Drinks
- TRIP
- Yeah, hang on, ooh, I'm going to make you one of my fabulous drinks in just a minute!
- GRACE
- Uhh, Ian, try not to encourage him. -- (interrupted)
- TRIP
- Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along...
- GRACE
- (big sigh)
- GRACE
- Oh God, Ian, I hope you didn't come here tonight to be entertained...
- TRIP
- What?
- GRACE
- Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend. -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- Drinks
- GRACE
- Okay, okay, this is getting really tiresome...!
- GRACE
- You know what, I'll be right back.
- TRIP
- Grace, what are you --
- GRACE
- No you two keep talking about the bar and drinks and the amazing view and everything...
- TRIP
- What? Where are you going?
- IAN
- I WANT MY DRINKS
- GRACE
- I'll just be in the kitchen.
- TRIP
- (frustrated sigh)
- IAN
- Now can I get my drinks?
- TRIP
- Um, Grace, darling, could you --
- TRIP
- could you bring out s - some of those... those...
- TRIP
- spiced walnut... shiitake mushroom... uhh... norwegian salmon...
- TRIP
- thingies... on those fancy crackers? You know, from our last party... honey?
- TRIP
- Grace, uh, has a passion for hors doeurves, uh... uh... If -- if it fits on a cracker, Grace will put it there.
- IAN
- Gimme drink
- TRIP
- Well, I'm sorry that we're all having this... misunderstanding... tonight.
- TRIP
- (frustrated sigh)
- (IAN picks up a martini glass 1.)
- (IAN puts down a martini glass 1.)
- (IAN picks up a martini glass 2.)
- TRIP
- We're fine, you know, we -- we're fine, this -- this is just...
- (IAN puts down a martini glass 2.)
- IAN
- I NEED SOME ALCOHOL FOR ME
- TRIP
- Heh, we've been a little stressed out lately, with our -- with our new work project, and -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- DRINKS
- GRACE
- Trip?
- TRIP
- Hey -- hey, uh... Ian,
- TRIP
- I meant to tell you, we're going to have this big, big party next weekend.
- TRIP
- Do you -- do you think you can make it?
- TRIP
- It's gonna be great. -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- yes
- TRIP
- Sweet...
- TRIP
- Hey, hey, uh -- why don't you, um... invite that woman in accounting you were telling me about... um...
- TRIP
- What was her name...
- TRIP
- Vanessa?
- GRACE
- Who?
- TRIP
- Uhh... Oh! Uh, it's, uh, she -- she -- she's a, she -- she's this interesting woman that, uh, our friend works with.
- IAN
- Yeah, Vanessa
- TRIP
- She's, uh... into what, skydiving... or was it scuba diving...?
- IAN
- Skydiving
- GRACE
- Ian, you've been telling Trip about interesting women at your work? -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- Ahem, drinks
- TRIP
- W -- well, uh, I'm going to open an exquisite Bordeaux!
- IAN
- No
- TRIP
- What? Oh, I, I thought you'd love that...!
- IAN
- Merlot
- GRACE
- Trip our friend isn't as excited by your suggestion as you are.
- TRIP
- Best of the best, you can't buy this in stores... Very, very special --
- IAN
- Merlot
- GRACE
- God Trip, you're just like my dad with the whole wine snob thing.
- IAN
- MERLOT
- TRIP
- I'll take that as a compliment. Ian, what do you say?
- GRACE
- Ian, how about something simple, like a nice glass of chardonnay?
- IAN
- MERLOT MERLOT MERLOT
- IAN
- YES
- GRACE
- Okay, Trip, that's what he wants!
- TRIP
- No, this is a special get-together, I want to open this wine, I'm not going to settle less!
- GRACE
- You seem perfectly happy settling for less when you sneak off to that crappy little sports bar down the street!
- IAN
- CHARDONNAY
- TRIP
- What?!
- GRACE
- Don't think I don't know about your secret little hangout where you watch football and drink lite beer with lowly construction workers...
- IAN
- CHARDONNAY
- TRIP
- How -- how do you -- how do you know about that --
- GRACE
- If only the guys at your high class poker games knew about that, huh?
- TRIP
- What -- you --
- GRACE
- Some habits are hard to break I guess.
- IAN
- DRINK TIME
- TRIP
- Ahh, this is bullshit!
- GRACE
- Ahh, no, you're full of shit!
- GRACE
- Your goddamn sports bar... -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- GIMME DRINKS
- TRIP
- Ian, wait, I can't fix you a drink right now!
- GRACE
- You so desperately want to be high class! So badly! -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- FUCKING LIAR
- GRACE
- Look, at this point, criticizing me is just going to make it really really bad!
- TRIP
- (little impatient sigh) Ian, can you believe this?
- (IAN knocks on the front door.)
- (IAN opens the front door.)
- IAN
- I was gonna give you pizza
- GRACE
- What, what are you saying?
- (IAN picks up the red wine bottle.)
- GRACE
- Your goddamn drinks....
- GRACE
- Trip, all this stuff you do, you're just trying to make us look like we're some kind of perfect happy couple! Like we're so happy!
- TRIP
- Oh, god...!
- IAN
- But since you can't do shit
- TRIP
- Yeah, okay, okay, again with that, yeah, okay...
- IAN
- I'm leaving
- GRACE
- Okay, you know what, Ian,
- IAN
- Without the pizza
- GRACE
- I need to ask you something.
- TRIP
- Grace --
- GRACE
- Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
- IAN
- So fuck a melon, GOODBYE
- GRACE
- Ian, yes or no...
- GRACE
- In a marriage, shouldn't one person try to make their spouse a better person, even if they don't want it?
- IAN
- SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH
- GRACE
- Look, you don't need answer, I don't need to hear anymore!
- GRACE
- Don't you see, Trip?! Our marriage... is a sham, Trip! Don't you see that? It's all fake, all pretend...
- TRIP
- Oh, Christ...!
- TRIP
- Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!
- IAN
- JUST KICK ME OUT
- TRIP
- I can't frigging take this!
- TRIP
- Oh... Shit!
- IAN
- YOU KNOW I ONLY HAVE 1 HAND
- TRIP
- uhh! -- (interrupted)
- TRIP
- What are you saying? What?
- GRACE
- What, I can't hear you, are you talking to me?
- TRIP
- I was not talking to you!
- IAN
- KICK ME OUT
- TRIP
- Ian, this has never ever happened before...!
- IAN
- SO THAT I CAN
- GRACE
- Ian, (annoyed sigh) Trip is just so...
- IAN
- LEAVE
- TRIP
- Oh, we're talking about me, are we?
- GRACE
- What?
- IAN
- Rustle my jimmies
- GRACE
- Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,
- GRACE
- you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!
- TRIP
- What?
- GRACE
- If it weren't for you, I could be a real artist by now. -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- YOU RUSTLED MY JIMMIES
- TRIP
- That's bullshit.
- GRACE
- Uhh...
- GRACE
- Why can't... uhh...
- IAN
- Cancer
- GRACE
- Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.
- GRACE
- What makes me the most angry, Trip, is what you took away from me.
- TRIP
- What?
- GRACE
- I wasted ten years in this marriage, making advertisements, and redecorating our apartment! -- (interrupted)
- IAN
- I don't give ten shits about this
- TRIP
- Ian, come on, I don't feel like fixing drinks at this moment!
- IAN
- Did I mention drinks?
- GRACE
- God, Ian, I'm getting really tired of talking about Trip's stuff, God...
- IAN
- Are you deaf?
- GRACE
- (frustrated sigh)
- IAN
- Trip
- IAN
- Get a hearing aid
- TRIP
- Let's talk some more about us both.
- GRACE
- I get so upset when I think about it... God, I regret it so much...
- IAN
- And a computer
- TRIP
- What?
- GRACE
- Why did I let you convince me to give up painting?
- TRIP
- Oh, Christ... Ian, uhh...
- IAN
- Why do I have you fags as a friend
- TRIP
- Alright, Ian, that's it, you've got to leave.
- TRIP
- Ian, come on, you've got to go.
- IAN
- THANKS
- TRIP
- We can put up with a lot, but we have our limits, you know?
- IAN
- THANK YOU
- (Trip opens the front door.)
- (Trip closes the front door.)
- IAN
- YOU ARE NICE AS HECK
- IAN
- BITCH
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