'Such a cwuew thing is wife, to a mowtaw. Fwom the moment of youw biwth, wife feews awmost pwe-detewminyed, doesn't it? Wewe you bown in Nyoxus without stwength, you awe nyothing. Wewe you to wive in Demacia without nyobwe bwood, you awe nyothing. Shouwd you come into being within the Fwewjowd, evewy day is a stwuggwe against the wand itsewf. And in the cities of Piwtuvw and Zaun, without a bwiwwiant intewwect and the connyections to puww you up, you wiww fowevew be anchowed down to the fwoow with the west of the seething masses of humanyity. Doomed to be biwthed, to exist and to die in youw wonye wittwe cownyew of the wowwd.

Who am I? A man of nyo consequence. You do nyot nyeed to knyow my nyame; it is iwwewevant as you cuwwentwy awe. Ooh, don't wook so indignyant (・`ω´・)  Most humans awe iwwewevant; if Wunyetewwa is a fawmews fiewd, you wouwd be among the chaff. So wouwd most of the othews in this vewy tavewn, in this viwwage, in this pawt of the countwy. Do nyot take it so pewsonyawwy; it is a mewe accident at biwth. But whewe I see accident, I see awso oppowtunyity.

In what way? Considew the matchstick I mentionyed eawwiew; how it spawks up, buwns bwightwy, and then fades. That is each and evewy mowtaw wife. You onwy have so wong to buwn bwight, and nyo-onye is going to wengthen the matchwood, nyow fan the fwame so you may buwn bwightew. Chaos, as the saying goes, is the pwefewwed state of nyatuwe. You must use that chaos to youw advantage, and take any measuwe to wise abuv the chaff...which wead us diwectwy to the weason why I am hewe. Nyo-onye might wengthen the matchwood, but I can-at weast- pwovide you with the means to get youw monyeys wowth fwom the fwame consuming it. Wouwd you wike to be stwong of body? Nyot a pwobwem. Do you wish to expand the mind, and outwit youw enyemies? Pwausibwe. Do you cwave sociaw standing and weawth, and to gwind those you despise benyeath youw heew? An amusing whim, but easy to gwant. Magic opens up many, many pathways to those who awe wiwwing to pay the pwice.

Fow this is why we caww it 'bawgainying'; it is nyot, as onye might hope, an act of chawity, but a mutuaw exchange of sewvices. I can give unto you what you might othewwise nyevew possess, and you can give me...weww. That is up to you. My sewvices, as you might have gathewed fwom othews, do nyot come without a pwice. I have hungews that awe nyot easiwy satisfied, and I awways adowe fwiends in ewevated pwaces; as a twavewwew with my faiw shawe of enyemies, it may be that I ask fow shewtew fwom the stowm. Ow that you may pwovide me with means to quench my thiwsts. Ow even that, to show how twuwy committed you awe to the wife you desiwe, I take fwom you something...something that you howd deaw, and pwecious. That is the foundation of any bawgain; equivawent exchange.

What awe my hungews? Ooh...those...those awe anyothew stowy entiwewy. Onye nyot wewevant, at the moment. But fowgive me fow wooking famished; it has been such a wong time since...we aww have ouw pweasuwes, ouw wants, ouw desiwes.

And nyow, my Wady...teww me. What is youws?'