okay. so. i should probably give some kind of explanation, but idk how exact it is, memory's kinda fuzzy on what happened. remember how i mentioned report cards? well my mom loves to complain about mine. so when she saw i got a 67 in math, she decided the next logical course of action was to see every single page of my binder, and not even just the math shit. she was getting progressively more frustrated as time went on since i didn't know specifically and exactly where my tests and all that went, and since i didn't know and was getting sick of it, kept responding in a monotone mumble. she then determined it was because i wasn't doing my **optional** homework. at that point, she started yelling at me as to why it wasn't done, and just had to nail it home by doing it for every page. usually, i don't have much of a reaction to being yelled at, just going silent, but this had been going on for more than an hour at this point and i was both emotionally and mentally exhausted since i'm the bad guy, apparently. this is where it gets hazy, i don't remember the exact moment i started hyperventilating but i did, but she didn't respond to it well. kept yelling at me to stop. kept calling me unreasonable. kept saying to my dad this was my own fault. pretty sure she slapped me at one point. by the time the panic/anxiety attack (i'm not really sure which one it was in hindsight), one of the only things i was able to say was "you're not helping," sinfe she thought i was just tense??? like????? bitch?????????? it took more bravery than i wish i had to let you know about depression and you talked to me once about it and forgot.  i couldn't feel my hands or legs, i was shaking uncontrollably, i was hyperventilating, i couldn't even move without my dad helping me up, and you think i was just tense? shoutouts to my dad, by the way. while my mom was doing nothing but making it worse by screaming at me to stop having a panic attack, since that's going to work, my dad just pushed her out of the way and comforted me until it subsided.

i haven't got an apology yet.