Alp Adventures - Chapter 11

	It seems I've had a few recurring questions pop into my head lately. Ones that have become increasingly difficult to answer with each asking. "How in the titty-slapping hell did things get to this point?". "Why in the titty-slapping hell is this happening to me?". "Where in the titty-slapping hell did I leave that last issue of Big Booty Paladins?". But perhaps, just like the knowledge of what hides behind those damned mosaic censors, the answers shall remain a mystery. Perhaps that's the way it should be? For a life without mystery and wonder would surely be lackluster and dull. Perhaps that is how life should be lived: Full of wonder and amazement at the universe and its plethora of unanswerable questions. For isn't the asking of those questions and the journey, albeit ultimately futile, to their answers what makes us grow as individuals?
	My philosophical musings are rudely interrupted by the sharp flick of a finger against my forehead. It makes me yelp and whimper in a feminine tone I've strangely begun getting accustomed to as originating from me. "Damn it, man! I said I was sorry!" I squirm against the restraints I've been placed in, tied up and hanging upside down from the ceiling within the queen succubus' bedroom. My friend crosses his arms as he gives me an irritated look. "Well, you looked like you were burning out a few brain cells from deep thought. I figured you were properly reflecting on your actions until you happened to mutter something along the lines of 'I could rest a mug on the ass of that girl on page 42.' and, I quote 'Hawt dayum I'd let her Smite me all night long if she let me Lay on Hands that peach.'" With a nervous laugh I squirm against my restraints once more, making me sway back and forth a bit. "W-well, ah y'know, ummm...yeah, I got nothin'. B-but anyway! C'mon! I couldn't control what happened! And it's not like I knew I'd start sending out 'Fuck me!' pheromones when I'm hungry... and horny." An unexpected poke of my ass reminds me of the other nuisance in the room. "It was written in that handy pamphlet I gave you. Didn't you read it all?" The queen continues to poke my ass, alternating between cheeks. It seems she got bored after my friends 'punishment' didn't involve more sex.
	I let out a sigh of resignation and decide to use 'that'. It's entirely untested and could just make the situation worse. But, it seems as though I've been backed into a corner here. It could very well be my only option. I'll have to draw from deep within and push aside all my hesitation and all my misgivings. I close my eyes and steel myself for this special attack I've been training all my life for since I thought of it ten seconds ago. I start with a light sniffling and look to my friend with teary eyes. "P...please let me down? I'm sorry. It's....it's ok if you hate me now. I... understand." A slight blush appears on his cheeks and he looks away from me. He grumbles and mutters. "...damnit. I never said I hated you..." Heh, fucking sucker has always been weak against weepy chicks. Time to drive the next nail into his coffin! "No... it's fine." I sniffle back a few more tears for added effect. "Just let me down and I'll go away. I...hic...I promise I won't bother you ever again." He shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other and back again a few times before finally caving in. He lets out a groan as he unties the ropes binding me while holding me lightly so that I don't end up hitting the floor too hard. "Just forget about it. It's not like you intentionally did anything wrong. And it's not like I got hurt from it. So there's no need for you to go away or avoid me or anything. Besides, without me around there's no telling what kind of trouble you'd get yourself into." He kneels down and pats my head between my horns while giving me a reassuring smile. Now to seal the deal on this show. I wipe away the tears I managed to squeeze out and nod slightly while avoiding eye contact. "If... if you're sure." I lean towards him and rest my head against his chest while lightly wrapping my arms around him in a hug.
	After just a second of that my heartbeat becomes noticeably quicker and my cheeks flush with heat. I back away from my friend and look down, wide-eyed in surprise as well as embarrassment. Wh-what the hell was that? I didn't mean to actually hug the bastard! And what the hell was with that reaction?! I rest my hand against my chest to feel that my heartbeat is still faster than it should be. Sneaking a glance at my friend I see his own cheeks are a shade of red and he's looking away, seemingly embarrassed as well. And what the fuck are you getting all shy for now too?! The tension in the air is abruptly broken by a catcall whistle from the queen. "Wooooo! My, my, my. Aren't we getting awfully lovey-dovey in here? If it weren't for the fact that all that sniffling and crying earlier was just some sub-par acting, I think I'd have to check my blood sugar. It would have been downright die-uh-beetus inducing!" She giggles and claps, as if applauding the performance. With a facepalm and a groan at this ditzy queen I silently thank her for breaking the weird tension that was building. But then something she said catches up with me a bit too late. Ahhh shit. I nervously look back to my friend with a forced smile on my face.
	Both of my cheeks are suddenly pinched and pulled by my irritated looking friend. "Acting, huh?" I whimper at the pain and flail my arms off to the side. "Ahm shorry! Ahm shorry! Preese fugive meeee!" After a second more of pulling on my cheeks they're unexpectedly let go of. He sighs and shakes his head in exasperation. "Well, whatever." Seemingly letting it slide he stands up and stretches his arms behind his back. "If there's nothing else on your agenda your highness, I think I'd like to return to my room. All of this has been... tiring." Standing as well I nod in agreement. Despite currently feeling 'full', or maybe adding to it, I'm feeling rather exhausted myself. Placing a finger on her chin, she "Hmmmm."s in thought for a moment before nodding. "Okie doke. Ah, and I just thought of something." She smiles broadly, catching both of our attention. She thought of something? Great, this should be interesting. "You two have until noon tomorrow and I'll be kicking you out of the kingdom." Yeah, I figured it wouldn't be anything too impor-... "Ehhhhh?!" "Ehhhhh?!" I'm pretty sure that somewhere a camera suddenly panned up to the sky to accompany our sounds of incredulity.