Everybody Hates Mud Briar (Maud x Starlight ongoing)

>"Uhh, Mister Briar and Miss Pie?"
>A gangly, mud colored stallion, and average looking rock colored mare turned to the receptionist.
>"Doctor Entendre will see you now" the receptionist pony half-smiled at the couple.
>Without saying a word, the two made their way through the door with the sign that read "Dr. Entendre, A.N.A.L"
>An old looking stallion with a curly, snow white beard, and hair greeted them both as they arrived.
"Ah, welcome, welcome" he gestured towards the two-seater couch by a simple bean bag chair.
>He held his hoof out towards the mud colored pony, but received only a blank stare.
>"I think he wants you to shake his hoof" the gravel colored mare nudged him in the side.
>But the stallion still did not budge.
>He made a loud thinking noise.
>And proceeded to sit down.
"I can see you're a pony who doesn't mess around Mister..." the mature stallion quickly flipped through some papers.
>"Briar, Mud Briar" he stated as if he were before a court of law.
"Right, right good to meet you" the doctor spoke as he turned his head towards the equally as blank mare.
>She was staring straight through everything, or not.
>It was hard to tell.
"That must mean you're Maud...Pee?"
>She blinked her eyes as painfully slow as she could.
>"Pie, Maud Pie" there was a slight bite to how she pronounced "Pie"
>Or maybe he was just imagining things.
"Terribly sorry, these old eyes aren't what they used to be" the doctor chuckled.
>But the couple across from him gave no reaction whatsoever.
>Clearing his throat, he started once more.

"Anyway, good afternoon, I am Doctor Entendre" he bowed his head as he continued on.
"Astute at Negating Animosity between Lovers or A.N.A.L for short" he peeped one of his eyes open.
>And the reaction wasn't what he usually got in response to that explanation.
>Sheer stoicism.
"So..." thinking on his hooves to get the train back on track.
"How can I help you two today?" he relaxed back in the bean bag.
>The two turned and gave each other the same blank stare they've been giving Entendre since they walked in.
>That's when the gangly one with a bowl cut began to speak.
>"There have been some difficulties in attempting the carnal act of copulation"
>Doctor Entendre felt his brain leave his body for a split second.
>He looked over to the mare.
>She was still blankly staring at what seemed like nothing.
>"We're having trouble in the bedroom"
>The doctor let out an internal sigh of relief.
>"At least the girl's got some brains up there" Entendre thought.
>The mud colored stallion looked over at the mare.
>"I just said that"
>Then his focus returned back to the doctor nervously sitting in the bean bag chair.
"Ah, fixing dead bedrooms is my speciality" he straightened himself up in the chair.

"Have you tried-"
>But before he could name even one suggestion, rock colored pony named Maud interjected with.
>"Ballgags, feathers, hoofcuffs, candlewax, edible clothing, missionary, doggystyle, reverse cowpony, reverse-reverse cowpony, rockplay, stickplay, and another stallion.
>"For the record, I wasn't a fan of that last one" the mud colored pony declared.
>Meanwhile the Doctor was met with a brick wall.
>He rubbed his chin with the tip of a quill.
"So you're saying even after trying all that there wasn't a satisfiable climax?"
>But the mud pony met the good doctor's question with his own answer.
>"Oh there was, just not from Maud" he pointed towards her as if she were being picked to be on a kickball team in elementary.
>Inside Doctor Entendre could feel the wheels beginning to turn in his brain.
>Slowly but surely.
"Hmm, and all these activities...they involved just you, Maud, and on occasion another stallion?" Entendre was close to the answer.
>"Correct" Mud's eyes were half lidded as he gave his monotone answer.
>The rock colored pony in a blue simple dress nodded.
"Hmm, I have a theory..." the ingenious doctor began.
>The two rock faced ponies didn't budge an inch, but they did look a little bit more interested than before.
"What if the reason Miss Pie can not come to a climax is due to the fact she's repressing some...feelings"
>Blinks in reply were all he was given.

"Uhh, well I was trying to sugarcoat this, but...Miss Pie." he looked at Maud with a serious expression.
"I have reason to believe that you might be...well...gay" Doctor Entendre managed to slip out.
>He awaited for that bombshell to explode.
>Wincing in prepartion.
>But a few seconds went by, and nothing but silence.
>Opening his eyes he saw the couple still sitting around.
>Acting as if nothing shocking was just revealed.
>"That makes sense" was all Maud had to say.
>Mud Briar nodded firmly at Maud's confirmation.
Flabberghasted, Doctor Entendre tried to find his voice again.
"Uhh, right, so there are some options for you two to explore."
"Depending on the level of trust in the relationship, I'd recommend Maud go out and experiment" he stood up from his chair.
"With somepony you can rely on of course" fixing his glasses he looked over at the simple grey mare.
>Her eyes were glued to the floor.
>As if she were deep in thought.
"There's also the option of trying more..."feminine" activities in the bedroom" he suggested to Mud Briar.
"Celestia's Secret is having a sale on lingerie" nudged and winked the veteraned sex doctor.
>Not even thinking about it for more than a second, he shot back with an extra firm head shake.
>Maud got up from the couch and started to make her way towards the door.
>"Thank you doctor" her sudden action confusing Entendre for just a moment.
"O-Oh, sure anytime!"
>Mud walked behind her.
>Both with the same monotone expressions as when they entered.
"I'll have my receptionist make a follow-up appointment a week from now!" he said rather than asked.
>The door shut behind them.
>And Doctor Entendre dashed towards his phone system.
"Janine?" he asked into the receiver.
"You're never going to believe this one" he looked towards the door with a smug look on his face.

"...Not that I don't enjoy spending time with you Maud, but..." the light purple unicorn looked down at the table.
>"Is there something wrong with the ice cream?" the simple rock pony asked
>She began to rub the back of her neck nervously.
"Nono, it's uhh..." her mouth cracked and shaked like a snake on fire.
>The unicorn pointed her head towards the mud colored pony who has obviously never heard of personal space.
>He was sitting less than a full leg away from the poor unicorn.
>His face practically resting over her bowl of ice cream.
>Maud's eyes widened a bit.
>"Mud, scoot back from Starlight." her tone higher pitched than normal.
>In response, Mud Briar made another loud sound like he was thinking about something.
>Then he took his chair and pushed it off more towards Maud's side of the table.
>"My apologies, but I was just so fascinated by that-"
"Spoon, yes I know you like the wooden spoon Mud Briar" the annoyed mare's teeth clenched as she faked a smile.
>The blank expression on the mare beside Mud Briar didn't falter.
"Anyway, what's been going on Maud?"
"The last I heard from Pinkie was that you and Mud Briar were seeing a...specialist?"
>"Yes" Maud blinked.
"...Annnd?"
>"He recommended Maud engage in the perverse act of copulation with a mare instead of a stallion" Mud Briar butted in.
>The purple unicorn's eyes went super tiny.

"What the hell kind of specialists are you ponies seeing?" she mumbled under her breath.
>Clearing her throat she started again.
"Well...that sounds different" Starlight gave out a nervous chuckle.
>Maud's eyes were focused on the bowl of ice cream in front of Starlight.
>It was a swirl of gray and lavander.
>"Actually, Starlight, that's kind of the reason I asked to meet you here today" the serious faced rock pony began.
"Oh?" Starlight responded cluelessly as she levitated a scoop of ice cream to her mouth.
>"It's...because...I..." Maud was slower than usual trying to get those words out.
>Starlight had stuck the spoon in her mouth but her eyes were glued to the couple across from her.
>"She wants to know if you'll be the mare she can have intercourse with" Mud flat out stated.
>Maud's eyes shifted very subtly after hearing Mud Briar spill the beans.
>Across the table, Starlight's eyes were bulging out of her head.
>In her sudden shock the spoon fell into her mouth and became lodged in her throat.
>She desperately gasped for air as her face shifted from a darker red to a darker purple.
>Letting out a sigh, Maud got up from her seat and walked over to where Glimmer was still flailing around like a mad man.
>Turning around, she looks behind her and closes her stance a smidge.
>Starlight looks on with her hooves clutching her throat.
>And then with the swiftness of a bullet.
>Maud's leg bucked and made direct contact with Starlight's stomach.
>A spoon came sailing out of the poor girl's mouth and landed directly in Mud's bowl of chocolate ice cream.
>She turned to face Starlight, who was on the floor curled up in the fetal position.
>"Feeling better?" Maud asked as she rubbed her head.
>Starlight coughed violently as her reply.
>The rock pony looked back at Mud Briar.
>Giving a dissatisfied stare.
>In her own Maud like way though.
>"What?" Mud looked confused as he poked the wet wooden spoon in his bowl.