The Chronicles of Anonicus, part 1

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  1. >Prince Anonicus von Xenophilicus wiped sand from the visor of his helmet. "So this is where the beast makes its lair..."
  2. >The canyon was claustrophobic, its sides pressing in on him, scraping the shoulders of his armor. It made sense. The cave in the cliffside ahead was the perfect ambush spot...
  3. >Drawing his sword, Anonicus advanced on the dark hole. "Sphinx! Come forth! I will face your riddles, and best you--or perish!"
  4. >"Oh, not another one," came a deep, female voice from within the cave. "I'm full. Fuck off."
  5. >Anonicus shivered in his full plate. The trading center he'd passed had been nearly empty--every merchant forced to answer a mysterious question, and then devoured.
  6. >Well, not this time.
  7. >Raising his wafer-thin weapon, the Prince struck it against the stone. "I said, come out! Or I shall smite you in your lair!"
  8. >A wet, gurgling chuckle came from the cave. The smacking of lips echoed, and a barely stifled belch bounced off the sandstone. "Well... I suppose I could fit ONE more..." There was a grunting, and then a strange, muffled dragging sound. Like a fur-lined sack dragging on the ground, laden heavily with... something.
  9. >The sphinx appeared in the mouth of the cave, and Anonicus' jaw dropped inside his helmet.
  10. >This was ... Not what he'd been expecting.
  11. >The scent of incense and sweat emerged before her, along with a heavy panting. Anonicus quickly saw why. He had pictured a swift, leonine predator, with the body of a lion, its head replaced by a dusky-skinned, beautiful torso of a woman.
  12. >He was only partially wrong. The basic anatomy was right: the sphinx's face was indeed beautiful, despite the fangs that glistened with saliva just behind her plush brown lips. But that was where the resemblance to his questing fantasy disappeared, because the monster in front of him was hardly the horror of legend he had prepared himself to face.
  13. >In a word: the Sphinx was obese.
  14. >"Ugh! Stupid cave. I'm going to have to--urrgh--magick it wider again." The monster-woman's upper half was impressive, if overweight, her brown skin hanging in fleshy folds and her breasts magnificent and gleaming with sweat under the noonday desert sun. Her face had a classical Nile Valley appeal, though it was puffed and swollen, her cheeks jowly and round and her noble chin carrying a second, fatter one beneath it. Her arms were pillowy and soft, laden with jewelry.
  15. >It was her feline form, however, which had taken the brunt of the calories. Haunches so thick and meaty they quivered like a farm animal's, a chubby lashing lion-tail, and a fuzzy barrel of a belly so bloated and stuffed with flesh it sagged and scraped on the floor of the canyon. Her lion-half was so wide and flabby that it actually became stuck in the cavern door for a moment before her shoving, scratching and grunting got her loose and she waddled ponderously up to him, gasping for breath.
  16. >"Whew! Okay, human. You know the drill." She cleared her throat, straightening dozens of gold necklaces over her massive breasts, and struck a ferocious pose. "You must answer the questions of your host, or lose what you desire most--"
  17. >"You're FAT!" Anonicus blurted out.
  18. >She blinked, her rhyme interrupted. "E-excuse me?"
  19. >"You're HUGE!" he continued, his mind reeling. This wasn't what the quest hook had promised him--not at all! He had expected a terrifying, seductive monster with a silver tongue and razor claws, not this... Pudding. "Overweight! Zaftig! Puffed up!"
  20. >She bristled, baring her fangs. "Okay, yes, maybe I've gotten a little... big, from all the riddling. But you don't have to--"
  21. >"Titanic! Potbellied! Overstuffed! Colossal!"
  22. >A few tears brimmed behind her Egyptian-style makeup, already smudged from her sweating struggle out of the cave. "Yes. You pretty much said that already."
  23. >"Ponderous, elephantine, massive, doughy--"
  24. >"I GET IT!" Her roar shook dust from the canyon walls and echoed back to the traders' village. Panting slightly, she raised a paw to cover an insulted sniffle. "I get the idea, okay? You don't have to be such a dick about it."
  25. >Anonicus rallied himself. Sure, the sphinx was a parody of a monster, but she was still evil, surely. "Sorry. It's just, I really wanted my first slay to be a bit more--intimidating."
  26. >She tried to suck in her stomachs, but her muscles were so atrophied they didn't budge an inch. "Watch it, shiny. I can still wipe the floor with you."
  27. >Anonicus prodded her human-half's gut with the hilt of his sword. "That, I doubt. You are a disgrace! A marshmallow of a creature! How many humans have you eaten, you bloated monstrosity?"
  28. >A surprised burp escaped the sphinx. "Eaten? I don't eat them, numbnuts. I take their stuff. It's not my fault all the merchants around here carry food!"
  29. >Anonicus' shoulders slumped. "You mean... You're not even a mass murderer? You're just a really overweight thief?"
  30. >The sphinx drew herself to full height, feathery wings spreading from her lion body's back. "Silence, jerk! I'll steal what I want, for I am the cleverest riddler in--" With a rumbling boom, her animal part broke wind, sending a gassy breeze along the canyon.
  31. >Under her swarthy exterior, the sphinx blushed. "That... That wasn't me."
  32. >Anonicus had seen the darkest depths of goblin caverns and battled otyughs with a fork, but the smell still made him wince a little. It was a mixture of what the inside of a tiger cage might smell like, plus a rosy hint of wine and the faintest whiff of frankincense. It was an earthy odor, befitting the swollen beast. And like the musk of forest elves, it was oddly... alluring, in its fulsome scent. "And who might have dealt that if you didn't?"
  33. >"I... I dunno. Pixies, maybe. They're invisible, right?" The sphinx bit her lip as another rank emission began building in her multiple guts, which were overloaded from a cart-full of stolen pork she'd gorged on before Anonicus arrived. "Just, urph, just answer my damn riddle. If it's a fight you want, you can always answer wrong."
  34. >Anonicus considered this. He should just assault the massive beast, but it would hardly be fair, given how fat and slow she was. Magick or not, he was pretty sure he could skewer her nicely. But he sort of didn't want to. It wasn't just the shame--no knight would be proud of such a chubby, pathetic conquest--but also the sight of her fat-rolls glimmering in the sun, the sheen of sweat on her swollen skin, the way she constantly tried to swallow burps that desperately pushed up her fat throat and fought for release. Gods help him, he was actually a little... aroused by this creature. He eyed the turgid bulge of her lion-belly waggling underneath her, and gulped.
  35. >"Very well, monster. Ask me your hardest riddle! And don't hold back. I have to come back with something for the bards, after all." He planted his sword in the sand and waited.
  36. >The sphinx racked her brains, searching ancient labyrinthine hallways of memory for something to stump the young knight with. After his insults she was reconsidering her habit of not eating people, but she also wanted to prove herself his superior. What could puzzle him? Then she had it, and grinned, fangs gleaming.
  37. >"How much... do I weigh?"
  38. >"What?"
  39. >"I said, how much do I weigh?" The sphinx purred as she saw the knight hesitate, his helmet inclining as he analyzed her impressive girth. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"
  40. >"This is impossible. You're huge! How am I supposed to know exactly how many pounds--"
  41. >"I could have asked you how many drops of water in the ocean. Or how many stars in the sky."
  42. >"What? Those aren't riddles!" The knight fumed, shaking his sword. "No wonder everyone's been answering your questions wrong!"
  43. >The sphinx growled, the vibration shaking her fat. Her hackles raised, and she crouched, lion-belly spreading as she entered a pouncing position. That much monster landing on him, Anonicus realized, might actually be dangerous. "Laugh at my 'plentiful' size if you want, human, but I take my riddles seriously. Answer!"
  44. >Nervous and hot in the desert heat, Anonicus took off his helmet, clearing his throat. The sphinx raised an eyebrow: he was not a dashing man by any means, but quite comely, like an amalgam of several slightly attractive males merged into one. Her stomachs rumbled, and closer to her rear, there were stirrings of a different sort...
  45. >"You know what? Usually I put a time limit on these things, but I'm starving. I'll give you until sundown to figure it out." She turned--a difficult task for her in the narrow canyon--and waddled back into the cave, her lion-haunch squeezing and wobbling as she pushed herself in. "But you'd better think quickly... Because the number might change."
  46. >Anonicus wiped his brow with a princely kerchief, fighting the lust in his loins as loud wet, gulping, smacking sounds came from the cave. The merchant towns' missing goods, no doubt.
  47. >"Stupid fat-assed monster... "
  48. >"...It's not like I like you, or anything," the Prince finished as he began doing calculations in his head. If each cart of goods had been at least ten thousand calories... carry the 2, divide by metabolic rate... No, that wasn't right. "Shit, I knew I shouldn't have used INT as a dump stat!"
  49. >From inside the cave, there was a bass burst of belches. "HOORARRP. Gods, that feels good... Can't believe I held that in for twenty whole minutes. Mmph, grammph, glrp..." Her eating resumed, and Anonicus started to wonder how much food she had stashed away in there. Probably enough for a whole city, he reasoned...
  50. >An idea popped into his head. "So, you're not going to give me any clues? Hints, maybe?"
  51. >There was a brief pause in the gluttonous echoes. "If I did--slrrp--that would be telling, wouldn't it? Hurrup."
  52. >"How many guesses do I get?"
  53. >"Hmm." There was a pop as the sphinx uncorked something. "Three. Three is good. Glk, glgg, gruURrp... Mmf, how I do love elven mead."
  54. >"That's it?" He watched the sun trace its path across the sky. Listened to the sounds of gorging from the cavern. The sphinx didn't know restraint--and in this tiny canyon, that worked in his favor.
  55. >"That's it. BRELCH!" There was a rattling echo of eructation, followed by a tiny hiccup. "Unless you want to go back to the--" Frrt! "Excuse me. To the slaying plan. And I can show you my claws..."
  56. >"No, that's fine." Anonicus smiled, listening to her resume what he could only imagine was an orgy of gorging. "I'll figure it out. Just give me some time."
  57. >"No problem... I need to finish most of this before it spoils anyway. Ah, leg of lamb! It's been too long... GROMF, grmf, bharp!"
  58. >Anonicus sat down in the sand. And waited.
  59. >And waited.
  60. >"Urrrgh..." It was sunset. The sounds from the cave had died down; every so often there would be a lazy, disinterested stretch of chewing, maybe a swallow. Mostly what came from the cave was the unmistakeable, very unladylike sound of flatulence. "I think I ate HORP a lil' too fast..." FRUMPTF. Sand flew from the entrance, carried on a gastric wind.
  61. >Anonicus didn't mind. He had ceased all calculations and was polishing his sword--and yes, it was an analogy. The sound of the sphinx moaning, of smacking of her chubby lips and the constant odor of her exotic gas attacks had driven him over the edge. Sure, it was probably heretical, but so was getting a blowjob from captive goblin girls, and he did that all the time.
  62. >Hearing the sphinx begin to move in her lair after hours of motionless eating, Anonicus quickly sheathed his "vorpal blade" and rose to his feet, pacing as if in puzzlement. He was eager to see how his foe had changed during her little snack...
  63. >He was not disappointed.
  64. >Most of the food was still digesting in her human half, but a good bunch of it had worked its way down into her lion-belly, and the thick barrel of fat now rested completely on the ground, requiring the monster-woman to drag herself along with her front paws. She was replete, her face and tits smeared with the sauces and creams of a dozen stolen meals. Her eyes, once sharp and sensitive, were now glazed with the dopey disinterest of a bovine.
  65. >Or, perhaps, a very fat and lazy housecat.
  66. >"Yer still here. BURP! Good." She scratched her puffed-out human stomach, which had gone from saggy to round and jutting. This time getting out of the cave was less easy: she wedged herself in it, wall-to-wall, and whimpered a little as the stone squeezed her overfed, aching sides.
  67. >"Need a little help?"
  68. >"FucHURRRP off! HIC!"
  69. >"Wow, you really outdid yourself, huh?" Anonicus was disgusted by the sight of her, but his groin told him he would very much like to Get On That. "I thought the smartest monster in the desert might show some self-control..."
  70. >"ShutHURP shut up!" The sphinx mewled as she struggled to free herself from her dwelling, her flabby flanks scraping and heaving against the rock. "Urrgh, too much movement..." She sagged in place, a muffled rattle of gas coming from the cave behind her. "Did you figure out my riddle, or not?"
  71. >"Oh, yes. Absolutely."
  72. >The sphinx gave one last heave and popped free of her cave, flopping to the earth before him, which shook in a small fat-quake. "Oh really? So how muHURRRch do I weigh?"
  73. >"I actually did all the math on the canyon wall. Over there."
  74. >She followed his pointing finger. "Where? Hic."
  75. >"Just around the bend a little. Lots of good chalk deposits over there. I used graphs and everything."
  76. >"Sure you did..." Laborously, lazily, the Sphinx lifted her front paws and began pulling herself in that direction... where the canyon was most narrow. "Huff, huff. BHURP. I don't see it!"
  77. >Anonicus certainly saw something: a soft, pink cleft, puffed with fat, underneath her twitching lion-tail. "Keep going! It's a bit further!"
  78. >"You couldn't HURC make it easy for me...Hurpff..." She hauled herself like a sack of fuzzy gelatin a few more feet before gravity settled her fat into the grooves of the wall, wedging her tight. "Oh, FUCK! You little asshole!"
  79. >"Hey, I'm not the one who's been robbing people." Anonicus lifted her plump tail, placing a gauntleted hand on her mammoth feline ass. "Now it's your turn to answer a riddle: How long is my dick?
  80. >"Wh-what?" The sphinx, whose loins had not known a man's touch in millennia, tensed and squirmed. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Get your--URP--disgusting human hands off me!"
  81. >"Wrong answer." Anonicus blinked as he spread her flabby cheeks. "Wow, you have a human pussy? That's an interesting design choice."
  82. >"Of course I do, you disgusting HURP creep! How else are monsters supposed to breed with humans when our ranks get thin?"
  83. >"I see." He took off his gauntlets and traced one callused hand down the outside edge of her pussy. He had to pry twin walls of peach-fuzzed fat apart just to see her labia, soft ridges of plump flesh moist and hot with her inner body temperature. "You still haven't answered my riddle."
  84. >"I don't care how long your dick is, pervert! Get me out of here, or I'll--" Anonicus knelt and stuck out his tongue, riding it up the folds of her womanhood. The sphinx's mouth dropped open, her eyes widening. A fart blurted out of her, reeking of beef. "You--you DARE!"
  85. >"Slaying you would just stain my name. Your pelt might fetch a price, given your size." The knight lapped at the pink tenderness under her tail, hauling away the fat of her pubis to suck at it. "But it's not about fame. I left the Castle Reee to take down the evil of the land. And I'll bring you down, alright... I'll make you pay for your deeds. Even if I don't use a sword to do it."
  86. >The sphinx began thrashing, cursing the knight in a hundred languages. In doing so she merely got herself more stuck, and exhausted to boot. "You fiend! You bastard, you--you flumph! I don't care about riddles anymore--I'll eat your URRP balls!"
  87. >"Maybe." He spanked her ass, watching the fat ripple and slap against the walls of the ravine. "Or maybe..." He stuck his tongue inside her, feeling around, making her blush and belch, squirm and squeak. "Maybe we play a new riddling game. "Or maybe I ask you a new riddle. Like how long can I fuck you without you cumming?"
  88. >"That's not a riddle..." The monster-girl was starting to lose her arrogance, now. The prince had her dead to rights, and he was licking dangerously close to her clit now, his warm tongue rubbing up and down her pussy like a kobold slave cleaning the inside of a tankard. She couldn't let this filthy two-legged fool make her... Make her....
  89. >"Unngh!" She suppressed the first shudders of orgasm, fighting for control, for dominance. "Unhand me! URP! You revolting--"
  90. >"Don't like that question? I can ask a different one." He flicked her clit with his tongue, her bloated lion-cheeks sagging back down to squeeze his face as he lost his grip on them. "Like, how long have you been this fat? Bet other sphinxes love how your belly drags. How you fart so loud it rearranges hairstyles."
  91. >"You're a bully! Urph!" Her meals gurgled within her as she struggled, less urgently, to get free. Then his tongue jabbed her clit and she found her hands creeping to her fat tits, her body betraying her. Her greed extended far beyond food as she pinched her nipples, moaning through intermingled burps and farts. "Fffuck, you... You monster...URPH! Leave me... alone..."
  92. >"How long?"
  93. >"Years! Years, okay?" she whimpered, wriggling and trying to prevent her gas from bursting loose in huge thunderclaps. "At first it was nice, HURP, the solitude. Asking riddles in a perfect trap, raking in the HIC treasure. But I got so hungry... And ..."
  94. >"And what?"
  95. >"BLURP. So... Horny," she confessed, tears of humiliation stinging her cheeks. "I'm horny, okay? I'm SO hungry and SO horny and I can never urrrp, get enough food and sex! That's why I left the highlands! B-because I'm a big fat greedy BURP slut!"
  96. >"Wow." The knight pinched her ass. "That got deep."
  97. >"You're mean." The sphinx panted and wobbled, spreading her hindlegs against her will. "So fucking mean."
  98. >Anonicus nudged his "sword" into her dripping loins, relishing her drooling whines as he pushed inside. "That makes us even."
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