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thothonegan

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Jun 22nd, 2010
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  1. /*
  2.  * Sun's Java is often touted as being "portable", even though my code won't
  3.  * suddenly become uber-portable if it's in Java. Truth is, Java's one of
  4.  * the most ugly, slow, and straitjacketed languages ever. It's popular
  5.  * mainly because people hear the word "portable" and go "ewww".
  6.  *
  7.  * This program, then, is dedicated to bringing about the death of Java. We
  8.  * good coders have been oppressed for too long by the lame language
  9.  * decisions of pointy-haired bosses and academics who should know better.
  10.  * It's time we stand up against this junk, and bring back the fun in
  11.  * programming! Viva La Revolution!
  12.  */
  13.  
  14. #define aSet c
  15. #define BufferedReader(x)1
  16. #define byte Y[I][_^1]?do(:):_&1?do(.):do(`):8;++y;}
  17. #define class int N=0,_,O=328,l=192,y=4,Y[80][64]={0},I;struct
  18. #define do(c)a(#c "\b")
  19. #define err c,c
  20. #define getAllStrings(x));q()
  21. #define if(x)b(#x)
  22. #define IOException
  23. #define line c
  24. #define main(a)b(char*x){write(1,"\033[",2),null}main()
  25. #define new
  26. #define null a(x);}a(char*x){write(1,x,strlen(x));try;try;try;try;
  27. #define out c,c
  28. #define println(x)c
  29. #define private int d(int
  30. #define public short c;}c;typedef int BufferedReader;char*F="JF>:>FB;;BII";
  31. #define return {return
  32. #define static f(x){N=(N+x)%6,y--?f(0),f(1),f(4),f(1):++Y[(I=O+N[F]-66)
  33. #define String
  34. #define System c
  35. #define this if(D):1,O=I,I/=16,l<_/32?if(B):l>_/32?if(A):2,l=_,_/=16,byte
  36. #define throws
  37. #define toArray(x)c
  38. #define try for(;--c.c;)
  39. #define void /16][(_=l+N[6+F]-66)/16]?O/=16,l/=32,O<I/16?if(C):O>I/16?this
  40. #define while(k)if(2J),if(7;21H),f(0),f(4),f(4),if(H),/*
  41.  
  42. import java.io.*;
  43. import java.util.*;
  44.  
  45. /**
  46.  * A lame Java program.
  47.  * @author  J. Random Worker
  48.  */
  49. class LameJavaApp
  50. {
  51.  
  52.     /** The infamous Long-Winded Signature From Hell. */
  53.     public static void main(String[] args)
  54.         throws IOException
  55.     {
  56.         /* Don't get me started on this. */
  57.         BufferedReader reader =
  58.             new BufferedReader(new FileReader(args[0]));
  59.  
  60.         /* What, this long incantation just to print a string? */
  61.         System.err.println("Hello world!");
  62.  
  63.         /* At least this is sane. */
  64.         String line;
  65.         while ((line = reader.readLine()) != null)
  66.             System.out.println(line.length());
  67.     }
  68.  
  69.     /**
  70.      * Method with a needlessly long name.
  71.      * @param   aSet        a set (!)
  72.      */
  73.     private String[] getAllStrings(Set<String> aSet)
  74.     {
  75.         /*
  76.          * This dance is needed even in J2SE 5, which has type
  77.          * templates. It was worse before that.
  78.          */
  79.         return aSet.toArray(new String[0]);
  80.     }
  81.  
  82. }
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