Bjork and Yorke: I'll Take An Oh So Quiet Life

Bjork and Yorke: Part 1






>Prof. Bowie (to class)
"We've got a new classmate joining us today, all the way from Iceland. Please make her feel welcome."
>Thom the Undergrad (thinking to himself as he looks up from his doodles of dead capitalists)
'Oh great, another student. As if the class wasn't full enou-'
>Thom sees Bjork walk in, mouth drops open
>Bjork
"It iz nice to meet you all"
>Prof. Bowie
"Why don't we seat you right here next to my star student, Mr. Yorke? I'm sure he'll help you feel welcome."
>Bowie looks to Thom and winks.
>Thom feels his heart race as Bjork takes her seat and smiles towards him.
>Bjork
"Hello Thom!"
>Thom
"Uh, h-hello, I-I'm Thom"
>Bjork (giggles)
>Thom (thinking to self)
'Stupid! Why'd you say your name?! She knows your bloody name!'
>Prof. Bowie
"Alright class, today we'll be starting our discussion on gothic literature. Hopefully you've all done your readings. Let us start with Oscar Wilde's classic: The Picture of Dorian Gray. As we see in the character of Basil...
>Thom (thinking to self)
'OK. You gotta say something clever to make up for that. C'mon, what do Icelandic girls like?
>Thom (whispering to Bjork)
"Y'know, quite a number of girls have told me I look like Leif Eriks-"
>Prof. Bowie (cutting Thom off)
"Ahem, Mr. Yorke, I appreciate your zeal for class discussion, but perhaps this is not the best time?"
>Thom
"Uh, sorry sir, I was jus-"
>Prof. Bowie
"That's quite enough, Mr. Yorke. Please see me after class."
>Thom (thinking to self)
'Fuck me'
>Bjork steals a glace at Thom, giggles silently and then mouths the word 'sorry'
>Thom's heartbeat quickens as he smiles back.

>cut to after class

>Thom (thinking to self as he walks to Prof. Bowie's desk)
'She said bye to me before leaving! That's a good sign right? It's gotta be!'
>Prof. Bowie
"Mr. Thom? Are you listening?"
>Thom (quickly looking up)
"Oh-yes sir. Sorry sir."
>Prof. Bowie (smiling)
"You seem to have been quite distracted this entire class. Quite taken with the new student, I imagine?"
>Thom (feeling his face go red)
"N-no sir! I-I was just trying to be polite!"
>Prof. Bowie (laughing)
"Quite understandable, Mr. Thom! Just don't get too ahead of yourself. Foreign women can be quite tempestuous."
>Prof. Bowie grabs his stuff and walks out, slaps Thom on the back on the way.
"Good luck."
>Thom (talking aloud to himself)
"Dammit, am I really that bloody obvious?"
>Bjork (having walked in quietly while Thom's back was turned)
"Obvious about what?"
>Thom (quickly turning around)
"Bjork! I thought you left!"
>Bjork (smiling cheerfully and pointing to her desk)
"I had forgotten my books"
>Thom (thinking to self)
'Here's your chance!'
>Thom runs over to the desk and picks up Bjork's books
"Let me get those for you!"
>Bjork (giggling)
"You are quite a gentleman, Thom!"
>Both walk out of the classroom.
>Thom, nervously
"So, uhh, how are you liking the city?"
>Bjork
"Oh, it is wonderful! The people are so kind! And all the men are very handsome!"
>Bjork laughs as Thom blushes
>They approach the end of the hallway.
>Bjork
"Well, I have to go to my next class. See you next veek?"
>Thom, as he hands back her books
"Ye-yeah, for sure!"
>Bjork smiles and waves as she walks away.
>Thom, thinking to self.
'Damn, this is great! I might have a fockin' chance for once in my life!;
>Thom, thinking to self as she looks down at his own books in his hands and sees an unfamiliar volume
'Oh, I think she forgot something'
>He opens it up and sees a word written in large letters on the first page: DIARY
>Thom's heart races as he thinks to himself
'I really shouldn't. What kinda guy would I be if I did?"
>Thom's hand reaches out to turn over the first page.
'I'm a sick bastard. I don't deserve her!'
>He turns over the page. His heart beats quicker as he looks down to read the words.
"FUCK! It's all in Icelandic! Fuck me!"
>Thom quickly flips through the pages hoping for something that might be of use to him, but other than some drawings of what looks like dead oligarchists there's nothing.
>Thom sighs as he decides to walk over to professor's office and relinquish the book to him.
>Thom approaches the office and knocks on the door, which is ajar.
>Prof. Bowie (voice leaking through the door)
"...no honey, I'm not doing cocaine again. Yes, yes I promise. Look, darling, I have to go, someone's at the door. Alright. Love you too. Bye."
>Prof. Bowie (to Thom)
"Come in!"
>Thom walks in
"Hello professor."
>Prof. Bowie
"Ah, Mr. Yorke. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
>Thom (handing over the diary)
"Eh, you see sir, I accidentally came into the possession of this book which belongs to one of your students. I was hoping you could return it next class."
>Prof. Bowie (taking hold of the diary and opening it, realizing who it belongs to)
>Prof. Bowie (chuckling)
"My my, you kids these days do work fast!"
>Thom
"N-no sir, you misunderstand! It was a mistake!"
>Prof. Bowie (raising hand to interrupt Thom)
"You needn't explain a thing to me, Mr. Yorke! I too was once a young man such as yourself, off serenading women with hopes of love in my heart!"
>Thom (thinking to self)
'Here he fucking goes again.'
>Prof. Bowie (after a few minutes of nostalgic bullshit)
"But enough about me! Let's talk about you! It's not secret you've grown to like this girl. Quite quickly too it seems!"
>Thom, nervously
"Uh, yeah, sir, I guess I have. She's, uhh, y'know..."
>Prof. Bowie
"Seductive? Sultry? Voluptuous?"
>Thom
"I was gonna say cute, sir."
>Prof. Bowie
"Ah, that too."
>Thom, fidgeting about
"Well, sir, I was hoping you could, perhaps," *clears throat* "Uh, give me some advice on how to go about this?"
>Prof. Bowie, smiling warmly
"Of course Thom, I'd be glad to help. Please take a seat."
>Thom (walking out of the office)
"Thank you for the talk, sir. I think it really helped."
>Prof. Bowie
"No problem, Mr. Yorke! Good luck with it all!"

>cut to Monday. Thom hiding around the hallway waiting for Bjork to walk in.
>Thom (thinking to self)
'Alright, just do what the professor said. You've just got to act natural, is all. Forget those dreams you've had of being a viking and fathering all those Nordic children with her, everyone has weird dreams, it's natural. Just focus on getting closer to-
>Thom feels a tap on his shoulder
>Bjork
"Good morning Thom! Waiting for someone?"
>Thom (flustered)
"Ah, Bjork! G-good morning! Yes! Just waiting for my friend Matt, he was copying off an assignment of mine. Uh, but I can get it later, let's go in!"
>Bjork, grabbing Thom's arm and leading him in
"Alright then, let's go!"
>Thom, thinking to self
'God, she's touching me!'

>cut to after class, people filtering out
>Thom, turning to Bjork
"So...you doing something after this?"
>Bjork
"Yes, I was going to get some lunch. Do you know of any good places?"
>Thom, ignoring all the memories of eating instant noodles alone in his room while watching The X-Files, tries to think of some place on campus to eat
"Uhhh, yeah, yeah there's loads of great shops here, like uh..."
>Prof. Bowie, interrupting
"Couldn't help overhearing your conversation, children. Might I suggest the café outside the sociology department? Very good appetizers."
>Bjork
"Sounds lovely, professor! Would you, eh, like to come Thom?"
>Thom, nervously laughing
"Ye-yeah! Yeah! I'd love to! Bloody love eating lunch!"
>Bjork
"Great! See you later professor!"
>As Bjork and Thom walk out, Prof. Bowie leans in close to Thom and whispers, as he hands him a $50 bill
"Offer to pay, order something lavish. Just like we discussed. Godspeed!"

>in the café, after Thom ordered many expensive items
>Bjork
"Are you sure you can spend that much money Thom? I really don't want to be a burden."
>Thom, trying to act cool
"Hey, you could never be a burden, like, how much do you weigh, 50 kilogra-?"
>Thom, thinking to self
'What the fuck am I saying'
>Thom clears throat
"I mean, don't worry about it. I've got a little extra cash from my part time job."
>Bjork
"Oh? What do you do?"
>Thom, never having worked a part time job, tries to think of what to say
"Eh, just got fired the other day, actually. Manager said I was making the rest of them look bad!" *forces a laugh*
>Bjork, giggling
"Very impressive!"
>Food arrives
>Bjork
"Well, if you insist on paying, I'm not holding back!"
>Bjork starts to hungrily eat
>Thom, who has a fetish for watching women eat, adjusts himself in his chair, and thinks to self
'Should've worn looser jeans today.'

>after meal, waitress comes with cheque
>Thom puts down the $50 bill
"Keep the change"
>Waitress
"Tip here is 20% actually."
>Thom, nervously
"Oh, yes, of course, of course
>Thom frantically takes out his wallet and tries to calculate how much is left to pay
>Bjork, giggling, produces the right amount
"Allow me to take care of that bit"
>Thom, smiling sheepishly
"Uh, sorry about that. And thanks."
>Bjork, putting her hand over Thom's
"No need to thank me Thom. I had a great time! I'd love to do this again. Maybe somewhere cheaper!" *giggles*
>Thom laughs
"Yeah, I'd love to do too, uh, I mean, I'd like that too. A lot."
>Bjork
"Well, I've got some schoolwork to finish. See you next class?"
>Thom
"Definitely, definitely."
>Bjork, smiles, gets up, and very quickly leans in and gives Thom a quick kiss on the cheek. She blushes.
"See you then!"
>Bjork runs off quickly.
>Thom sits at the table for a while, dazed, until the waitress tells him he needs to leave

>in Prof. Bowie's office
>Thom
"She kissed me professor! An actual kiss!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Certainly a promising sign, I'd say. Any tongue?"
>Thom
"Well, it, it was just on my cheek. But that still counts, doesn't it?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Time will tell."
>Thom
"What do you think I should do next?! Is it too early for flowers? Chocolates maybe? What do you get Nordic girls? Animal pelts?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Ah, Mr. Yorke, you mustn't rush such things! Women demand a nuanced approach!"
>Thom
"Yes, yes, I think I understand sir."
>Prof. Bowie
"But yes, chocolates might work."

>Wednesday, Thom walks to class with a box of Belgian chocolates
>Sees Bjork outside classroom chatting with a female student
>Thom stops short around the corner to overhear the conversation
>Bjork
"...really cute!"
>Thom, thinking to self
'Shit, is she talking about me?'
>Bjork
"I just want to cuddle up with him all through the night!"
>Thom, thinking to self
'Oh my god!'
>Bjork
"He's got some fleas though. I'll have to take care of that soon."
>Thom, thinking to self
'Dammit! I thought I got rid of those! How did she find out?!'
>Female classmate
"Dogs sure are a hassle. I can't have chocolate around the house anymore! It's so annoying!"
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck. Fuck me.'
>Bjork
"Oh, that doesn't bother me. I never liked chocolates. It's always so tough having to accept them on Valentines or something."
>Thom, thinking to self
"Fuck! Fuck me! Fuck!"
>Bjork
"Well, class is about to start, I'll see you later!"
>Female classmate
"Bye now!"
>Bjork, seeing the outline of Thom's head around the corner
"Oh! Thom!"
>Bjork runs over to him, sees him stuffing large quantities of chocolates into his mouth.
>Bjork
"Um, hello Thom. Eating breakfast?"
>Thom, through a mouthful of chocolate
"Ha ha, yeah. Uhh, doctor said I should be getting more carbohydrates."
>Bjork, giggling
"Good to see you're taking care of your health. Let's go to class."
>Bjork again grabs onto Thom's arm and leads him in

>in class, waiting for professor to show up
>Bjork, looking down, fidgeting with her fingers
"Um, Th-Thom?"
>Thom (feeling sick after eating all the chocolate)
"Yes?"
>Bjork, continuing to avoid eye contact
"I was thinking, umm, would you like to, uhhh, go, wi-with me, out with me, today? Like, the park or something?"
>Thom's heart skips a beat, and he involuntarily grabs onto Bjork's shoulder with his hand
>Bjork flinches and looks at Thom, her face is red and she looks nervous
>Thom
"Yes! Yes, I'd love that! I know a great park just around here!"
>Bjork's face calms into a gleeful grin
"Great!" *says this a little too loud, calms her voice* "That's great, let's go after class!"
>Thom
"Yeah!"
>A student in the class spots Prof. Bowie at the doorway, hiding with just his head visible, eyes locked on Bjork and Thom's exchange
>Student
"Umm, professor? Is something wrong?"
>Prof. Bowie, standing up straight
*clears throat* "No no, just inspecting this door frame. Fine quality work, very detailed."
>Prof. Bowie walks in, and shoots Thom a sly grin. Thom smiles back.

>late in the evening, having spent the last few hours together chatting
>Thom
"I've really enjoyed today."
>Bjork
"I have too Thom! I'm glad I met you when I got here. You made feel welcome."
>Thom, thinking to self
'You oughta make her feel some other things now.'
>Thom, shaking his head
"Uh, yeah. I'm really glad I met you too. I-I feel like, uh, it's something special, y'know?"
>Bjork, smiles
"Yes, I do know!"
>Bjork reaches out and grabs Thom's hand
>Thom looks over to her and sees she's blushing and looking down, but smiling
>His face breaks out into a grin and he squeezes her hand tight
>She leads him into a small copse and turns to face him
>She looks up into his eyes and then closes her own, sticking out her chin
>Thom, thinking to self
'Oh my god! She wants me to kiss her! This is it!'
>Thom slowly leans in, moving his face closer to hers
'OK, don't fuck this up. Like the professor said, keep control over your tongue. Don't wanna get too steamy right now.'
>Just before Thom makes contact he hears a voice outta the thicket
"Hey you! Stop right there!"
>Thom and Bjork look over to see a masked man holding out a knife in their direction
>Man, to Thom
"Step away from the girl!"
>Thom
"Who the fuck ar-"
>Man lurches at Thom, who steps back
>The man uses his unarmed hand to grab at Bjork's arm. Bjork screams
"Let go of me you brute!"
>She lashes out at him to little effect
>Man moves towards Thom and pushes into a bush
"Get outta here while I have my way with the little miss!"
>Bjork struggles again, thrashing her arms at the man
"You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!"
>The man pulls Bjork out of sight behind a tree
>Thom, struggling to get up, says aloud to himself
"Christ! I have to call for help!"
>He gets up and feels a hand pull him back. He turns around and sees Prof. Bowie, who's wearing a hat and a long coat with the collars popped
>Thom
"Sir! What are you doing her- nevermind, you've got to help me! Some ruffian has made off with Bjor-!"
>Prof. Bowie, cutting Thom off
"You damned fool! What are you doing here?! Go save her!! I've paid off one of the students from the drama department, you've just got to play the part of the hero!"
>Thom
"What the fuc-"
>Prof. Bowie, pushing Thom towards where the man is still struggling with Bjork
"Go you idiot!"
>Thom turns and makes for the man and shouts
"Alright you bastard! Stick em up!"
>Thom runs over to the man and pulls him off of Bjork and punches him weakly in the stomach
>The man feigns pain and then, trying to convincingly fall over, trips over a loose stone and, arms flailing as he falls, scratches Thom's hand with his knife
>Man, on the ground getting up
"Oh fuck! Shit man, sorry, wasn't supposed to do tha-"
>Bjork approaches the man from behind and whacks him on the back of his head with a jagged rock
>Man, staggering from the pain
"Ow!! Fuck! Jeez! Oh fuck this!"
>Man runs away from the two of them towards the edge of the copse
>Thom, ignoring his bleeding hand, looks up at Bjork, who is still standing with the rock in her hand, breathing heavily
>Thom
"Are you alright?!"
>Bjork, ignoring the question, looks at Thom's bleeding hand
"Oh your hand! Thom, we've got to go to the medical office!"
>Thom, looking away from the blood in case he faints
"No no, it's nothing. As long as you're alrigh-"
>Bjork, ignoring him again, moves quickly to rip off a bit of fabric from her shirt and apply it to the wound, pressing down on it
"C'mon, we've got to go now!"
>Bjork, keeping pressure down on the wound, pulls Thom along in the direction of the nurse's office

>Thom's eyes slowly open and he makes out the face of Bjork standing over him, looking anxious
>Bjork
"You're awake!"
>Thom, trying to sit up, noticing he's on a bed
"What happened?"
>Bjork, giggling
"When the nurse removed the cloth from your hand you looked down and fainted!"
>Thom, face going red
"Ha ha, well, must be because of all that chocolate I ate. Usually I'm quite good with bloo-"
>Bjork places a finger over Thom's mouth to silence him and then leans in and kisses him
>They make out for a while and Thom moves his uninjured hand to wrap around Bjork's waist, when they both hear a voice
>Prof. Bowie
"Well, well, pardon the intrusion."
>Bjork and Thom quickly pull away from each other, both blushing. They talk over each other
>Bjork
"Professor! I didn't hear you come in"
>Thom
"Sir! What are doing here!"
>Prof. Bowie, laughing
"Just heard you were in a bit of a brawl. Wanted to make sure you were doing fine. Seems you're doing a lot better than fine!"
>Bjork blushes harder
"Um, I should go call my roommates and tell them why I haven't gone home. They must be worried."
>Bjork runs out of the room quickly
>Prof. Bowie, gesturing towards Thom's hand
"Terribly sorry about that whole fiasco, Mr. Yorke. Seems my hired student was a bit too physical in his approach."
>Thom, unable to contain his smile
"It's alright sir, I think it turned out well."
>Prof. Bowie
"Well, I could certainly see that."

>Friday morning
>After a few more very successful dates and outing, and several heated make out sessions, Thom finds himself at the florist
'So chocolates are outta the question. Hopefully she isn't allergic to flowers or something. Hmm, a collection of white lilies might be nice.'
>Thom picks out his flowers, pays the florist, and walks excitedly to school
>He sees Bjork standing outside the classroom as she's been doing recently, and his heartbeat quickens as it never fails to do after all this time
>But Thom notices Bjork is not looking out for him like she usually is, but is rather staring down with a sullen expression
>She hears him approaching, looks up and puts on a forced smile
>Thom
"And how are you today?"
>Bjork
"I'm...I'm well Thom."
>Thom
"Looking lovely as always, lovely enough, I thought, to warrant a purchase of this bouquet."
>Thom produces the flowers he had been hiding from around his back and proffers them to Bjork
>Bjork takes the flowers and tries her hardest to smile
"Oh Thom..."
>Thom
"You like them?"
>Bjork looks down at the flowers and her smile slowly fades, Thom notices tears welling up in her eyes, she looks up
"Oh Thom!"
>Bjork throws her arms around Thom and clutches him tightly
>Thom
"Bjork, what's wrong? What's happened?"
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck, don't tell me she really is allergic to fucking flowers.'
>Bjork pulls away and looks at Thom who sees that she is now sobbing.
>Thom
"Tell me Bjork, what's the matter?!"
>Bjork shakes her head, sobbing harder, and then turns and runs for the door.
>Thom
"Bjork, wait!"
>Thom attempts to run after her but is stopped by a hand on his shoulder.
>Thom turns around to see the professor, with a grim expression on his face
"Sir! Bjork, she- something's wrong, she was just crying! I have to go see her!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Thom, listen. There's no easy way to say this..."
>Thom
"Oh my god!! She's dying?!!"
>Prof. Bowie
"No you fucking idio- just listen. I got word from the administration yesterday. Bjork, her student visa has been cancelled. She's being forced back to Iceland."
>Thom feels his stomach twist
"No...it can't be. Things were going so perfect!"
>Prof. Bowie
"I'm sorry Thom. Fate can be cruel to even the best of men, so you're not really out of the question!"
>Prof. Bowie laughs a little but Thom just stares ahead, looking defeated
>Prof. Bowie, his voice becoming gentle and quiet
"I'm really, truly sorry Thom. It was all very sudden. I hear she has to leave by midnight. You'll have a chance to say your goodbyes."
>Thom, holding back his tears
"Th-thank you sir. For...for everything."
>Prof. Bowie pats Thom on the shoulder
"It was a pleasure Thom. Now go on, I'm sure you're in no mood for class today."
>Prof. Bowie turns around and walks away, and Thom is left standing alone in the hallway

>Thom walked outside into the darkening morning. It looked to him like it was going to rain so he let his tears fall freely, but then it never rained so he went about frantically wiping them away as passersby stared
>Thom, thinking to self
'It was too good to be true, and I knew that.'
>Thom, stopping as he approaches the flower shop he had just been in. Anger and frustration filled up in him. But then, he was calm. The tears stopped and he looked up in the direction of a different shop he always passed on the way to school, and ran towards it.

>cut to Thom standing in the lobby of an apartment building a couple hours later
>it had taken him some time and a lot of questioning to find her address but he was there
>knowing Bjork, Thom was sure she wouldn't be able to bring herself to see him one last time so he had to go to her
>after having inconspicuously slipped into the building and figuring out her floor he made for the stairs and ran up them
>after a few flights he had to go find a water fountain to prevent himself from collapsing, then scaled the last few flights and was finally outside her door
'Fuck my fear of elevators.'
>his heart was racing, but he was used to that by now. he took one final deep breath and then knocked
>hearing her soft footsteps approaching he pulled out the ring he had just bought out of his pocket and got on his knees
>the door opened and Thom closed his eyes and belted out
"My love, will you marry me?!"
>Thom opened his eyes to see his ex-girlfriend standing in front of him
>Monica
"Thom?!!!"
>Thom, getting up
"Monica?! You live here?!"
>Monica, jumping up to hug Thom
"Oh Thom!! I knew you were still in love with me!"
>Bjork, hearing the commotion, comes out of her room to the front door
"Um Monica, what's happening?"
>Monica
"Oh Bjork! It's that boy I was telling you about! He finally did it like I knew he would, he came back for me! Oh, I need to call my mother!"
>Monica runs off and Bjork sees Thom standing at the door, ring in hand
>Thom
"Uhh, she a roommate of yours?"
>Bjork, running at Thom hands raised
"You pig! The moment you hear I'm leaving you do this?!! You bastard! I'll kill you!"
>Bjork starts to whack Thom with her fists
>Thom
"Stop! Ow, jeez, stop! Let me talk!"
>Bjork
"What else do you have to say you son of a-"
>Thom grabs her hands to prevent her from attacking and leads her to the end of the hallway
>Bjork
"Let go of me! You filthy, no good-"
>Thom plants a kiss on her mouth and lingers there as she calms down
>He pulls away and laughs
"I had forgotten you had roommates."
>He clears his throat and kneels, holding up the ring
"Bjork, will you marry me?"
>Bjork
"Thom, what're you-"
>Thom
"Bjork, I know we've only known each other a few weeks, and I know this is sudden, and I know I had promised that girl in my hometown I'd marry her next year-"
>Bjork
"Wait, wha-?!"
>Thom
"And I know that we're still both in school and young, but I also know that this is what I want. If I've ever wanted anything, it's this Bjork, it's you. So, if you want it too, stay here Bjork. Stay here with me."
>Bjork, tearing up
"Oh Thom! Yes! Yes, I want it too! I love you Thom!"
>Thom, starting to cry again, slips the ring onto her finger and gets up to embrace her
"And I love you."
>Monica's voice carries down the hallway
"Thom, where'd you go?"
>Thom
"Uh, Bjork, go downstairs will you? I'll clear some things up and meet you there."
>Bjork, giggling, kisses Thom gently
"Good luck."

>cut to apartment lobby
>Bjork sees Thom walk down the stairs with a black eye
>Bjork, laughing
"Are you alright?"
>Thom, laughing as well
"Yeah, I'm alright. After all, I'm here with you, aren't I?"

>few months later
>Thom stands still as Prof. Bowie adjusts Thom's necktie
>Thom
"I'm very glad you agreed to be my best man sir."
>Prof. Bowie
"I doubt Jonny can say the same. Alright there we go. You're ready!"
>Thom looks at himself in the mirror.
"Is blue really my colour?"
>Prof. Bowie
"You're betrothed certainly seems to think so. And women in love can be known to be a little off."
>Thom
"Right sir."
>Prof. Bowie
"Don't tell my wife I said that."
>Thom
"Of course not sir."

>cut to the altar. Thom waits nervously and suddenly hears Wedding March start to play
>Bjork walks in slowly, and looks up at Thom
>Both smile

>cut to wedding reception. Bjork and Thom sit at their table.
>Prof. Bowie rises to make his toast
"When I first met Thom, I knew he was a romantic at heart. I'm not quite sure what it was that gave me that idea, maybe it was the way he seemed most engaged when we were taking up romance stories in class, or maybe it was when he accidentally submitted that Sailor Moon fan-fiction instead of his essay on Magical Realism-"
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck, he said he wouldn't bring that up.'
>Prof. Bowie
"But whatever it was, I was convinced that one day he'd be sitting at a table not too different from the one he's seated at now, next to a beautiful girl who I'm sure he's going to make very happy."
>Prof. Bowie raises his glass, people cheer and everyone except Jonny drink.

>With the food eaten and the dances danced, people start for home. Thom stands nervously outside the room which is to be the scene of his consummation.
>Prof. Bowie stands next to him, holding another bottle of wine. Thom has lost count of how many he's been through.
"Don't worry too much about it. Every girl knows men perform poorly the first time."
>Thom
"How do you know it's my first time?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Need I bring up that fan-fiction again?"
>Thom
"Alright, alright. I'll be fine. No need to worry about this too much. It's no big deal. Not very big at all."
>Prof. Bowie, laughing as he does when he's drank
"Let's hope your wife doesn't mirror your thoughts. 'Not very big at a-'"
>Thom, interrupting
"OK! Dammit, I called you here for reassurance sir!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Don't sweat it. You've done all that can be done to prepare."
>Thom
"Yeah, I masturbated just now like they say you should."
>Prof. Bowie, chuckling
"Hmm, you always were fond of preemptive strikes. Now! No more fretting, my dear boy! Wouldn't want the wife to fall asleep waiting for you. Though that might be better than her falling asleep during the act."
>Prof. Bowie laughs harder
>Thom
"Alright that's it, I'm going in!"

>Thom nervously opens the door. He sees Bjork sitting on the bed facing away from him tapping her foot. She does that when she's nervous. Hearing his entrance, she turns around.
"Thom! You're finally here!"
>Thom
"Sorry for the delay, I was mastu-err, I was taking the stairs. You know how I am with elevators."
>Bjork, laughing
"I'm well aware."
>Bjork, blushes
"Umm, I'm looking forward to this."
>Thom, forced into a blush himself
"Heh heh, are you?"
>Bjork, avoiding eye contact and lowering her voice
"Yes, I've been dreaming of it for a while now..."
>Thom proceeds to have a coughing fit lasting several minutes.
>Bjork, laughing, pats Thom's back
"You alright?"
>Thom, still wheezing
"Yeah, I'm alright."
>Thom stands up straight and looks to Bjork
"I get like that when I see someone this beautiful."
>Bjork, giggles, and runs her hand over the side of Thom's face
"Well, I'll take care not to look this good around the house."
>Bjork lets her hand move around to the back of Thom's head and slowly pulls him in closer.
>Their lips join and stay locked for a moment.
>Thom pulls away and stares at Bjork
"Felt just like the first time I kissed you."
>Bjork
"So that time you were knocked unconscious?"
>Thom
"Sorry, I meant the second time."
>Bjork, laughing
"Ah."
>Bjork turns towards the bed, and leads Thom there.
>Thom moves his hands to undo the straps of Bjork's dress, and lets it fall to the floor. Underneath he sees her elegant lingerie which reminds him of his mother's clothes that he'd see hanging on the clothesline at his childhood home but he firmly pushed that memory out of his mind.
>Bjork started to undo the buttons of Thom's shirt, her hands moving gracefully
>The two work slowly, but with steady hands. Upon shedding all articles of clothing they stand still for a moment, taking in the sight of each other.
>Thom
"Uh, it's a little cold."
>Bjork, with her eyes looking down, giggles
"Uh huh."
>She moves closer to him
"Let's warm things up."
>Using her hands, she guides Thom onto his back on the bed and gets up on top of him.
>Thom moves his hands up her sides, taking in as much of her as he can
>Bjork moves her hips in a circular motion, rubbing up against Thom
>Thom moves his hands around to her back and pulls her in closer, kissing her up her neck
>His hands move to caress her breasts, eliciting a sound from her mouth
>Thom spins Bjork around and gets on top
>She looks up at him smiling a shy but cheerful smile
>He smiles back and then moves his hands to part her legs gently
>He looks down and struggles trying to enter her, she giggles
>Bjork
"C'mon, Thom. You're almost there!"
>He moves in slowly, and Bjork moans, her arms moving to wrap around Thom, pulling him into her
>After a moment of slow entry Thom pauses
"Do-does it hurt?"
>Bjork, closing her eyes and smiling
"No, Thom. It doesn't. Keep going."
>Thom moves with more vigour, taking in the sight of her face in pleasure
>Bjork's arms come loose from around his back and fall on either side of her
>She moves her legs to replace her arms, wrapping tightly around Thom
>Thom lets himself drop gently on her body, and moves his hands to clasp hers, gripping both tightly
>Bjork's moans get louder as she holds just as tightly to Thom's hands
"Oh Thom! Thom!"
>Thom feels himself getting close, moves his face next to hers, taking in her scent
"Oh Bjork, I love you so much!"
>Bjork feels herself heating up, the promised moment close at hand
"Oh Thom! I love you too Thom!"
>Both feel each other's bodies coil up and release, an explosion of feelings and emotions, as intertwined with the other's as their bodies.
>Thom falls flat on Bjork's heaving body, and, with great effort, rolls himself off onto her side
>Both lie there in a moment of silence, breathing heavily, the lingering feelings of love making seeming to remain for a while
>Bjork begins to laugh, a joyful laugh, almost childlike
"The professor had said I shouldn't be too critical..."
>Thom, looking towards her
"He fucking said that?!"
>Bjork
"...but that was amazing Thom. I don't know if I've ever felt better."
>Thom
"You thought that was good? Just wait till the professor gets me those pills he's promised."
>Now they both start laughing, and move to embrace each other
>Bjork
"I'm so happy Thom. I'm so happy to be here with you."
>Thom, looking up to meet her eyes
"I'm happy too, Bjork. Happy I met you, happy we met that act- uh, thug in the woods..."
>Bjork giggles
>Thom
"Happy I got that bloody hand, happy I bought that ring, happy I decided to go to you in that last moment, and I'm happy that you decided to stay."
>Bjork hugs Thom tightly, with her head resting against his body
"I'll stay forever Thom, and we'll always be happy."





Bjork and Yorke: Part 2





>Bell rings, signalling the start of class
>Prof. Bowie
"Alright class, welcome back! I do hope you enjoyed your winter holidays. Travelling, skiing, getting married, all that stuff that you children like to do. But alas, all pleasure is temporal, destined to end. And so we find ourselves back here, in class. I do hope you've all done your readings."
>Thom, talking quietly to himself
"Oh fuck! The readings!"
>Bjork, sitting next to him, whispers
"You forgot the readings?"
>Thom
"You did them?"
>Bjork
"Of course. Why didn't you?"
>Thom
"I was busy honeymooning! Who the hell would want to read Wuthering Heights on a honeymoo-"
>Prof. Bowie, cutting Thom off
"Hmm, busy with a discussion, are we Mr. Yorke?"
>Thom
"S-sorry sir, I was just talking to Bjork about the readin-"
>Prof. Bowie
"Ah yes, Bjork. Your wife. Perhaps you, a member of our resident newlyweds, can contribute to our discussion on marriage in our novel? Hmm?"
>Bjork stifles a laugh
>Thom
"W-well, I, uh, think that th- uh, characters, in the, umm, novel, are very, how you say, uh, married...and that, um..."
>Prof. Bowie, trying not to laugh
"Quite enough, Mr. Yorke. I'd hate to make you seem the fool in front of your lovely wife. Well, at least no more than what you manage to accomplish yourself."
>Bjork stifles another laugh
>Thom, thinking to self
'Jerk.'
>It had been a few weeks since the marriage, but still Thom and Bjork act like it was their first day as a married couple, always wanting to be in the same room as the other
>As the professor gave his lecture on the nature of the Byronic hero, the two held hands under the desk
>The bell rings, and the two quickly get up and walk out, eager to go on their first date as man and wife
>Thom, thinking to self
'Okay, so first we grab lunch at that restaurant that she likes, then a walk over to the lake to see the swans, and then-'
>Thom, lost in thought, bumps into another student walking in the opposite direction, and falls down
>Thom
"Ow!"
>Thom looks up and sees the very tall man he bumped into
>Man
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!"
>The man extends a hand out to Thom, who takes it and stands up
>Thom
"Uh, yeah, it's okay."
>The man smiles genially, and puts out his hand to shake Thom's
"Hi, my name's Chris."
>Thom, shaking his hand
"Uh, hi. Thom."
>Chris, turning to Bjork
"And just who might this beautiful woman be?"
>Bjork, smiling at the comment, puts out her hand to shake too
"Bjork"
>Chris takes her hand, and instead of shaking it, bends down to kiss it
"Bjork, a beautiful name. Fitting for such a beautiful face."
>Bjork, giggles
"Ooh, what a gentleman!"
>Thom, thinking to self
"What the FUCK."
>Thom
"Yeah, that's Bjork. My wife."

>At the restaurant
>Bjork
"You didn't have to be rude to him."
>Thom
"Rude?! He was kissing you! Who the hell kisses someone they just met?!"
>Bjork
"My hand, Thom, he was kissing my hand. Relax."
>Thom sat back in his chair, crossed his arms and sulked for the rest of the meal

>Wednesday, Thom walks to class alone. Bjork had gone on ahead of him.
>He walks in and sees her sitting at her usual spot, with Chris sitting where he usually sat
>Thom walks over to Chris
"What do you think you're doing?!"
>Chris
"Oh hey Thom! You're in this class too?"
>Thom
"Never mind that! What are you sitting there for?!"
>Chris
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your seat? I didn't know."
>Bjork
"It's okay Thom. I told him he could sit there. He's new here. I thought we should help him around."
>Thom frowns and takes a seat in the only available chair in the front row, next to Chris

>After class, in the apartment that Bjork and Thom have started to share
>Thom
"It's my seat Bjork! I've been sitting there for months!"
>Bjork
"Oh c'mon Thom, I'm just trying to be nice. He's new here! I was new too once. Don't you remember how kindly you treated me then? You should do the same for him."
>Thom, mumbling to himself quietly
"Yeah, well, I don't wanna fuck him."
>Bjork
"What was that?!"
>Thom
"Nothing, nothing."

>Friday
>Thom makes sure he's walking with Bjork to class, but before they enter the room, Chris comes around a corner and stops them
>Chris
"Hey! How you guys doing?"
>Bjork
"Hello Chris! We're doing fine!"
>Thom
"Well, I'm feeling kinda sic-"
>Chris
"That's great! Hey listen, to say thanks for being so nice to me that other day, Bjork, I got you this."
>Chris pulls out what looks to be a box of chocolates and hands them to Bjork
>Bjork
"Oh, that's so sweet of you Chris! I love chocolates!"
>Thom, thinking to self
"What the fuck?! She hates chocolates!!"
>Chris
"Hope you don't mind Thom, but you can hardly expect to keep such a beautiful girl all to yourself!"
>Bjork and Chris laugh
>The three walk in and take their seats, with Bjork positioning herself in the middle hoping to remove the possibility of any conflict

>Halfway through the lecture
>Prof. Bowie, speaking to the class
"So, we must ask ourselves then, does Catherine have any choice in marrying Edgar? Is she fooling herself or perhaps does she..."
>Chris, whispering to Bjork
"Really makes you think about marriage doesn't it? Who knows how many people are out there, married to the wrong person."
>Bjork, whispering back
"Y'know, I was thinking the same thing!"
>Thom, having overheard this
"Well, I think Catherine made a good fucking choic-!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Mr. Yorke? Something wrong?"
>Thom
"Uh, no sir."
>As the class ends the students shuffle out
>Chris turns to Bjork and Thom as Thom tries to drag Bjork away from the class
>Chris
"Hey guys, wait! Listen, I'm having a housewarming party at my new place. It'd be great if you two could come! It's on Saturday."
>Chris hands Bjork an invitation
>Thom
"Actually, Saturday's our 4 and a half week anniversary, so-"
>Bjork, knocking an elbow into Thom's stomach to shut him up
"We'd be delighted, Chris!"
>Chris
"Great! See you two there!"
>Chris walks off
>Thom
"Why'd you have to say yes?!"
>Bjork
"He's new here Thom, we have to be nice! And it's only a party. Now c'mon, let's go home."
>Thom, taking the invitation from Bjork and looking down at it
'To my new friends, Bjork and Tom!'
>Thom, thinking to self
'Motherfucker.'

>The next day
>Thom goes to Prof. Bowie's office and knocks on the door
>Prof. Bowie
"Come in! Ah, Mr. Yorke! Been a while since you've come here!"
>Thom
"Hello sir. I had some, uh questions to ask you. About um, the book we're reading. Uh, the ending, um, what do you make of it?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I don't know, Mr. Yorke. I've never managed to get through the entire book."
>Thom
"What?! Are you serious?! Just the other day you were chastising me for not reading it!"
>Prof. Bowie
"It's a very long novel, Mr. Yorke. You should know, you've seen it."
>Thom, sighing
"Well, sir, to be honest I haven't read it either. And that's not what I'm really here for. It's, uh, about something else."
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh?"
>Thom
"Uh, yes sir. It's a little embarassing actually. I don't really know how to talk about it."
>Prof. Bowie, suddenly getting a look of realization on his face
"Oh, yes. I think I know what you're getting at."
>Thom
"You do?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Yes, yes I do. After all, Bjork came to me with this a little while ago."
>Thom, feeling shocked
"She did?!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Yes. She wanted help on this topic as I'm sure you do now. And I can help wholeheartedly."
>Thom, feeling relieved
"You can?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Of course! Don't forget Thom, I'm a married man myself! I've gone through the same struggles you will be experiencing soon! Let me tell you, Thom, it won't be easy. Wives like ours never make it easy."
>Thom
"Yes sir, I was feeling that exact way!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Of course you were Thom! Let me start of by saying, it won't be fun in the beginning. It'll be tough, painful."
>Thom
"It already is sir!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Yes, yes, but always remember, it'll get easier. And I can't imagine a girl like Bjork would sport a contraption much larger than 7 inches? Especially not for a fragile, inexperienced man like yourself. Just remember, a good lubricant goes a long way."
>Thom
"Wait, what the fuck are yo-"
>Prof. Bowie
"But Thom, once you allow your wife this luxury, you too can pleasure from it! Love between two people allows for that!"
>Thom
"Sir! Bjork isn't fucking me! That's not why I'm here!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh? Well, seems I've jumped to conclusions."
>Thom
"Bloody hell, sir! Okay, okay, look sir. I'm here because of that new student, Chris."
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh yes, of course, the new chap. I don't think I very much like him."
>Thom
"Neither do I! He's a total tool! And that good guy act he always puts on! Always asking to hold her books, getting her chocolates!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Uh huh."
>Thom
"Well, sir. I think he's trying to get to Bjork. Take her."
>Prof. Bowie
"You mean like kidnap her?"
>Thom
"No, no. I mean, I think he's trying to steal her away from me! I can see through his little act! But he's got Bjork completely fooled sir! And of course she thinks he's the nicest guy! She actually likes him!"
>Prof. Bowie, putting a sympathetic hand on Thom's shoulder
"Listen Thom..."
>Thom, thinking to self
'Okay, good. This is when he'll tell me that I'm worried over nothing! And that I should learn to trust Bjork, that she'd never do anything to betray me!"
>Prof. Bowie
"...I think you've got a real reason to be concerned Thom."
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck.'
>Prof. Bowie
"I've seen his type, Mr. Yorke! Conniving bastards they are! Once they've got their eyes set on a woman, they shan't stop 'till their lustful thirst is quenched!"
>Thom
"Oh my god! I knew it! A month into my marriage and I've already lost her! And I didn't even sign a prenup!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Listen to me carefully, Mr. Yorke! You must go about this very very delicately! Even the slightest misstep and she'll be lost to you forever!"
>Thom, raising his fists
"I'll take him out sir! I'll kill him! I'll rip that six foot one inch body apart! I'll take his limbs and I'll-!"
>Prof. Bowie
"No Thom! No! You can't let Bjork know what you're doing! Women hate jealous men! That scoundrel no doubt knows this and is using it to his advantage, trying to rile you up! You have to play along, Thom! Put up an act of your own! And when he least expects it, you counter!"
>Thom
"Alright sir, alright! I've got it!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Now, sit! Let us discuss your plan for protecting your woman!"

>A short while later Thom gets up to leave
>Thom
"Alright sir! I'll do it just like you said!"
>Bowie, taking another sip from his mug, which he kept refilling
"Very good, Mr. Yorke! Godspeed!"
>Thom, turning around just before he walks out
"And uhh, about the whole pegging thing...did Bjork really mentio-"
>Prof. Bowie, waving his hand dismissively in the air
"You need to concentrate on the matter at hand, Mr. Yorke! Bjork will make her intentions known soon enough!"
>Thom, very worried
"Uhh, yeah, alright sir."

>Saturday evening
>Bjork and Thom ready themselves for the party
>Bjork, tying Thom's necktie
"You really are hopeless at this."
>Thom
"I don't see why we have to get so dressed up. We're not going to a fucking opera."
>Bjork, turning around
"It's what the invitation said. Now c'mon, zip up my dress, would you?"
>Thom does so and then turns Bjork around
"You look awfully gorgeous today."
>Bjork lands a quick kiss on Thom's cheek
"Thanks honey. Now let's go."
>Thom, thinking to self
'The professor was right. Bjork is too smart for flattery. I'll have to more aggressive.'

>At the party
>Bjork and Thom walk among the other guests, all dressed lavishly holding wine glasses
>Thom, whispering to Bjork
"You'd never guess this was a party for a college student. Where does he get the kinda money to host something like this?"
>Bjork
"I've heard his parents are quite well off."
>Thom
"You know, from where I come from they say you should never trust a rich man's son. Especially if he's very tall."
>Chris spots the pair and walks over to them
"Hey! So glad you could make it!"
>He takes Bjork's hand and kisses it again, making a big show of the whole thing so that many of the party goers around them turn to look
>Bjork, blushing
"Oh stop! You're embarrassing me!"
>Chris
"I'm terribly sorry. But seeing you in that dress, I just couldn't resist."
>Thom, thinking to self
'This fucking cunt is gonna get it one of these days.'
>A woman walks by the three of them and is stopped by Chris
>Chris
"Hey guys, this is Michelle, if you need anything here just cal-"
>Before Chris can finish Thom reaches out grabs Michelle's hand and bends down low to kiss it
>Thom, thinking to self
'Let's see how you like it you son of a bitch.'
>Thom
"Ah, what a beautiful hand this is miss! Yes, an artisan's hand."
>Michelle looks confused
>Chris
"Uh, as I was saying, if you need anything you can call Michelle, my head maid."
>Chris, as he's walking away with Michelle in tow
"Enjoy yourselves!"
>Bjork, looking to Thom
"What the hell was that?"
>Thom remembers the words of the professor: 'Remember Thom, never bend in your approach! Everything is absolute! Every mistake deliberate! Only through such force, employed subtly, can you hope to win!'
>Thom, looking to Bjork
"What? You don't think the lower classes deserve the same respect as us? I never did think you were so stuck up, Bjork."
>Bjork, with a confused expression
"You've gone mad Thom."
>Thom
"You don't know the half of it. So now what do you want to do?"
>Bjork
"Well, it's a party, Thom. Let's enjoy ourselves!"
>Bjork loops her arm through Thom's and drags him into socializing

>Later, Thom stands idly by as Bjork in deeply engaged in conversation about Romanticism with some other couple
>Chris walks up to them as the conversation ends and looks to Bjork and Thom
"How you guys like it so far?"
>Bjork
"Oh, it's wonderful Chris! I'm having a great time!"
>Thom
"Yeah, fucking real kick in the groin type of great."
>Chris, not seeming to notice Thom's presence, ushered over a server
"Have you tried the food? It's damn good. Here, have a taste of this."
>Bjork takes the offered food and plops it in her mouth whole
"Mmmm! It's great!"
>Chris
"isn't it! Now come, let's dance!"
>Bjork, turning to Thom
"Yeah! C'mon Thom, let's do a bit of dancing!"
>Thom, trying desperately to hide his growing erection
"Uhh, right now? I mean, it's getting a little late and all..."
>Chris, taking Bjork's hand in his
"You want to steal this young girl from the party? Not, while the night is still young! C'mon Bjork, let's dance!"
>Bjork, letting Chris lead her, turns back to Thom to stick out her tongue mockingly
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck!'
>He turns around and sees Michelle walking about, and jumps at her
"Hey! C'mon, let's go dance!"
>Michelle, as Thom is dragging her along
"What? Sir, wait!"
>Chris, as he's walking away with Michelle in tow
"Enjoy yourselves!"
>Bjork, looking to Thom
"What the hell was that?"
>Thom remembers the words of the professor: 'Remember Thom, never bend in your approach! Everything is absolute! Every mistake deliberate! Only through such force, employed subtly, can you hope to win!'
>Thom, looking to Bjork
"What? You don't think the lower classes deserve the same respect as us? I never did think you were so stuck up, Bjork."
>Bjork, with a confused expression
"You've gone mad Thom."
>Thom
"You don't know the half of it. So now what do you want to do?"
>Bjork
"Well, it's a party, Thom. Let's enjoy ourselves!"
>Bjork loops her arm through Thom's and drags him into socializing

>Later, Thom stands idly by as Bjork in deeply engaged in conversation about Romanticism with some other couple
>Chris walks up to them as the conversation ends and looks to Bjork and Thom
"How you guys like it so far?"
>Bjork
"Oh, it's wonderful Chris! I'm having a great time!"
>Thom
"Yeah, fucking real kick in the groin type of great."
>Chris, not seeming to notice Thom's presence, ushered over a server
"Have you tried the food? It's damn good. Here, have a taste of this."
>Bjork takes the offered food and plops it in her mouth whole
"Mmmm! It's great!"
>Chris
"isn't it! Now come, let's dance!"
>Bjork, turning to Thom
"Yeah! C'mon Thom, let's do a bit of dancing!"
>Thom, trying desperately to hide his growing erection
"Uhh, right now? I mean, it's getting a little late and all..."
>Chris, taking Bjork's hand in his
"You want to steal this young girl from the party? Not, while the night is still young! C'mon Bjork, let's dance!"
>Bjork, letting Chris lead her, turns back to Thom to stick out her tongue mockingly
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck!'
>He turns around and sees Michelle walking about, and jumps at her
"Hey! C'mon, let's go dance!"
>Michelle, as Thom is dragging her along
"What? Sir, wait!"
>Thom drags Michelle to where the other party goers are dancing and joins in
>Michelle
"S-sir! I can't be doing this! I'm supposed to be-"
>Thom, craning his neck to hear what Chris is whispering into Bjork's ear
"Could you please be quiet?"
>Thom, holding tight to Michelle, does an awkward waltz over to where Chris and Bjork are dancing freely
>Thom struggles to make out what Chris is whispering to Bjork as all the dancers circle around each other
>Bjork giggles at his words
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck! What is that rat faced bastard saying to her?"
>Bjork lets out a louder laugh
"Oh, you're so funny Chris!"
>Chris smiles
"I'm glad you like my company."
>Chris moves his hands up Bjork's waist to her chin, raising it
>Thom, thinking to self
'Motherfucker! He's trying to kiss her!!"
>Thom, breaks free of Michelle and walks over to Chris, fists clenched
>Just before he gets there a waiter holding a tray of wine glasses crashes into Chris, dousing him in wine
>Chris
"What the fuck?! You son of a bitch! Are you blind?!"
>The waiter, a man with comically thick glasses and a bushy moustache attempts to wipe away the wine with a handkerchief
"Oh sir! I'm so terribly sorry, do forgive me!"
>Chris wacks away the waiter's hand
"You don't know how fucking expensive this suit is! And who the fuck are you anyway?!"
>Waiter
"I'm an intern here sir, it's my first day."
>Chris
"Well, it's your last day too! I want you out!"
>Chris walks off to clean himself as the waiter walks over to Thom and pulls him off to the side
>Thom
"What the hell are you doin-"
>Waiter
"Thom it's me!"
>Thom
"Sir?!"
>Thom
"What are you doing here sir?! And what are you wearing?!"
>Prof. Bowie, taking off his large glasses and the false moustache
"I acquired the suit from a waiter here, we'll have to remember to untie him before we leave. And these are from my costume kit I always keep on hand."
>Thom
"What the hel-"
>Prof. Bowie
"I knew that Chris character was a shady player, but to do the waltz with another man's wife! And then to try and kiss her! He's the devil incarnate!"
>Thom, getting a hold of the situation
"Yes sir! I'm glad you were there to stop it when you did. I might have killed him otherwise!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Now go Thom! Bjork must be wondering where you are. And I need to make myself inconspicuous."
>Prof. Bowie takes a quick look around and walks off to some dark corner as Thom goes to where he left Bjork
>Thom
"Hey, there you are."
>Bjork
"Thom! Where did you go off to? Chris has had a bit of an accident and-"
>Thom
"Yeah yeah, it's tragic. Anyway, now that we're alone and you're no longer eating anything, let's go on with the dancing, yeah?"
>Bjork, smiles and moves her arms up to grab on to Thom
"Yes, let's."
>The music slows and the two of them dance along with it
>Out of the corner of his eye, Thom spies the professor in the crowd, who shoots him a wink

>After the party, Bjork and Thom find themselves back at their apartment, undressing
>Thom
"Look, all I'm saying is that you should at least ask permission before dancing with another guy's wife."
>Bjork, who's in the walking closet, speaks out in a muffled voice
"It was harmless fun, Thom. He didn't mean anything by it."
>Thom
"Yeah, well just wait till gets married. I'll dance with his damn wife all day."
>Bjork laughs
"I never pegged you as the jealous type."
>Thom
"Wh-what?"
>Bjork, sticking her head out from the closet
"I said, I never thought you were the jealous type."
>Thom
"Oh. Uh, well, I'm not. I just don't like the way he looks at you is all."

>Friday morning the next week
>Thom pretends to wake up feeling ill and tells Bjork to go on without him
>In reality, Thom is fine and spends that time alone to decorate the apartment with rose petals and candles
>Thom, thinking to self
'That bastard Chris has been really forcing himself into our relationship these past few days. I won't have it. The aggressive tactics have failed, so as the professor suggested, I shall go a more sensual route.'
>Thom then decides to surprise Bjork at class and then bring her back here for a romantic afternoon
>Thom, thinking to self
'There, all done! This'll be fun. A romantic day spent away from that Chris guy to remind us why we got married, that we're still hopelessly in love and all that shit. I just hope I don't have to break out the lubricant today.'
>Thom leaves the apartment, goes off to the flower shop he likes and buys some lilies, the kind that Bjork has come to be fond of
>Feeling much like he had when he first brought flowers for her, he excitedly walks to class, looking at his watch
>Going in he sees the classroom door appear in his vision, but is then stopped dead by another site
>Right next to the door was Bjork, standing alongside Chris
>Chris had his arms around Bjork and was kissing her, and she in her hands held a bouquet of daffodils
>Thom felt his body go weak, and the flowers fell from his hands
>He staggered backwards feeling like he was going to faint
>Instead he turned around and ran out the door
>Thom walks out of the door, stumbles over to a trashcan and empties his guts
>He attempts to stand up straight but instead falls over, stays there on the ground for a while unable to bring himself to stand
>A few hours later he find himself down the street at the bar that he knows is always open
>He sits down and orders a drink

>Flashback to this morning
>Bjork finds herself going to class alone, since Thom woke up feeling very ill
>Walking up to the doorway of the classroom, she sees Chris standing outside
>He sees her and walks up to her, smiling
>Chris
"Hey, Bjork!"
>Bjork, thinking to self
'He's really been following me around these past few days.
>Bjork
"Hello Chris! How are you?"
>Chris
"Not bad! Here, look, I got you some flowers!"
>Chris holds up a bouquet of daffodils
>Bjork, after some hesitation, accepts them
"That's very sweet of you, Chris. They look very nice."
>Chris
"Only the best for you, my dearest. Now, I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to accompany me on a date tonight? I can afford any of the lavish restaurants in the city."
>Bjork
"Chris...listen. This is very nice of you and all, but I'm married. You know that."
>Chris
"You mean fucking Thom. C'mon Bjork, you've seen yourself, and you've seen him. You're far too good for him! Get rid of that pushover! I can make you happy!"
>Bjork, visibly angry now
"Chris, that's my husband you're talking about! I've tried being polite, but I've had enough of all this! Please, leave me alo-"
>Before Bjork can finish her sentence, Chris throws his arms around her and kisses her violently
>Bjork stands still for a moment, overcome with shock, then struggles to break free of him
>Stepping back she slaps him across his face
>Bjork
"You bastard! How dare you do such a thing! Listen to me you son of a bitch, come near me again and they won't recognize your body!"
>Bjork turns around and walks angrily away, hearing Chris call out to her
"You've just made a big mistake Bjork! You'll regret this!"
>Thom had been drinking at the bar for several hours now
>Thom, to bartender
"Man, how many of these have I been through? I don't know if I can handle this much liquor."
>Bartender
"Those are Shirley Temples that you've been drinking, kid. No alcohol in those."
>Thom
"What the fuck? I asked for a hard fucking drink!"
>Bartender
"Sorry mate, I didn't think you looked like the type to drink much. And what does a kid as young as you need to drink so much for anyway?"
>Thom, tearing up
"My...my wife. She's left me for another man."
>Bartender
"That a fact? Well you know, my daughter is single, and let me tell you, she's a very fetching young girl, in fact, why don't I set up a little play date for you tw-"
>Thom
"Alright, man I gotta go."

>Thom wanders around aimlessly in the dark for a while and then decides to head back to the apartment
>Thom, thinking to self
'I have to face this eventually. Or maybe she's still out with him? Maybe I can just pack up my stuff and leave.'
>Thom walks to the apartment and stumbles up the stairs
>He opens the door, walks in, half dreading he'll find her there waiting for him, but instead the room suddenly goes dark as someone places a dark cloth over his face
>Thom, shouting
"Hey what the fuck is thi-"
>Thom feels himself go dizzy and lose consciousness, and falls to the floor
>Prof. Bowie hears a knock at his door in his office
"Come in."
>Bjork walks in looking a little anxious
>Prof. Bowie
"Ah, Mrs. Yorke! Always a pleasure seeing you! Tell me, what can I do for you?"
>Bjork
"Professor, it's...Thom."
>Prof. Bowie
"Couldn't handle it, could he? Don't be too worried, I didn't expect him to make it through the first time without shedding a few tears."
>Bjork
"No sir, it's not that. It's just that I can't seem to find him. He felt ill this morning and didn't attend class, but then when I went home right after the lecture he was gone...and the room was decorated as if he was waiting for me."
>Prof. Bowie
"How odd. Well, I certainly haven't seen him."
>Bjork, looking increasingly frightened
"I don't know where he could possibly go! He never leaves without telling me where he's going! And to leave after doing that to the room like he did, I just don't-"
>Prof. Bowie, getting up and putting a hand on Bjork's arm to comfort her
"Relax, Bjork. I'm sure he's fine. C'mon, let's get to my car. We'll look around his usual places of hiding. He's sure to turn up."
>Bjork
"Y-yes professor. Thank you so much."
>Prof. Bowie
"Think nothing of it. Now, let's go."
>After a few hours of driving around the city nothing turns up and Bjork becomes very frightened
>Bjork
"Oh professor! I'm scared something terrible has happened to him! I don't know what I would do-"
>Prof. Bowie
"Calm down, Bjork. Nothing's happened to him. We've been out for a while, maybe he's gone home? C'mon let's go check your place."
>They drive to the apartment and get to the room
>Bjork moves to unlock the door, but sees that's it's ajar
>Bjork
"Professor! The door's open!"
>Prof. Bowie, moving to position himself ahead of Bjork
"Get behind me, Bjork! Let me go in first."
>Prof. Bowie opens the door and turns on the light
>The two look around, nothing seems amiss until they see the note fastened to the refrigerator door
'Don't bother looking for her, she's with me now -Chris'
>Bjork, screaming
"Professor! They've taken him! Oh my god, they've taken Thom!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Calm down Bjork, we need to think carefully. It seems that whoever Chris sent to take you has taken Thom instead. I can see how one might mistake him for a woman from a certain angle."
>Bjork, as she runs for the telephone
"We need to call the police, professor!"
>Prof. Bowie, stopping her
"No, Bjork. I've been doing some digging around into Chris's background. He comes from a very powerful family. The police will be of no help to us here. We must save Thom ourselves."
>Bjork
"But how sir?! What could we do?!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Worry not, my dear child! I can handle this. No one kidnaps my favourite student and gets away with it! Let's go Bjork, we're saving Thom!"

>Thom comes to, but notices that his eyes have been blinded by a bag
>He's been seated in a chair, with his hands and legs bound, and mouth gagged
>Thom, thinking to self
'What the hell is this? Why am I tied up? Oh fuck! Is this part of Bjork's pegging plan?! Fuck fuck fuck, I'm not ready! Fuck fuck fuc-"
>Suddenly Thom remembers the happenings of that day, seeing Bjork with Chris, drinking till he felt like he ate too much candy, and then walking to the apartment and being attacked.
>He then hears voices in the distance, one of which he recognizes to be Chris
>Chris to other man
"Good work. She better be unharmed though."
>Other man
"Don't worry sir! We took real good care of the miss! She has a very delicate body after all."
>Chris walks into the room where Thom is and turns on the lights
>Chris, noticing that it's not Bjork
"Wait, a minute. Who the hell-"
>Chris lifts the bag, exposing Thom's confused face
>Chris, turning to his henchman
"What the fuck?! You fucking idiot! You got her husband!"
>Henchman
"S-sorry sir! I covered his face quickly and didn't see that he was a man. I was actually wondering why you'd want such a flat chested girl."
>Chris turns to strike at his henchman
"Oh shut up you fucking idiot!"
>Henchman
"S-sorry sir!"
>Chris
"Now go! Get the rest of the men and go get the girl! And don't fuck it up this time!"
>Henchman
"Yes sir! Right away!"
>The henchman leaves, and Chris turns to look at Thom, who is struggling against his bindings
"I'll have your girl soon enough Yorke! That luscious Nordic body will be mine! What say you to that? Oh, right, silly me. You can't talk with that gag on, can you?"
>Chris undoes the gag, and Thom coughs violently for a few moments
>Thom
"Why are you doing this? You...you already had Bjork. I saw her with you this morning."
>Chris
"Oh, you saw that, did you? Yes, I did indeed come on to her quite boldly then. But she pushed me away, and even dared to strike at my perfect face with her hand! Yes, it seems she's quite devoted to you, Yorke. God knows why. What could she possibly seen in a pathetic little man like you?"
>Thom felt a rush of overwhelming relief
'Of course she pushed him away! She loves me! Yes, yes, she still loves me!'
>Thom, now turning to Chris
"You villainous bastard! You'll never have Bjork! Never! You don't know what you're dealing with! She'll rip you apart!"
>Chris
"Silence! Just you wait, Yorke! I'll have her soon enough! And then I'll take her as my woman right here in front of you as you watch helplessly!"

>Prof. Bowie and Bjork pull up to an old warehouse out of the city
>Bjork, getting out of the car
"What are we doing here professor?"
>Prof. Bowie, loading a revolver
"It's where Chris is likely to be doing his business. I'm sure we'll find Thom in there."
>Bjork
"But how do you know this?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I was a detective for many years before I became a teacher. I had been following the crimes of Chris's family for a while when I left the force."
>Bjork, surprised at learning this
"What?! B-but then, why didn't you say anything when he joined your class."
>Prof. Bowie
"I had thought that I could finally end my unfinished business. I was keeping an eye on his actions quietly, but I faltered and was unable to stop him from taking Thom. I didn't think he would take such a rash action. But enough of this. Let's go in Bjork. Always stay behind me!"

>Chris, looking down at Thom
"The men probably have her by now, Yorke! I'm sorry that your reunion with her will have to be soured by my presence. But don't worry! I'm not a cruel man. I'll let you say goodbye to her, before I leave you for the fishes! HA HA HA HA!"
>Thom
"Which Bond villain are you trying to roleplay as?
>Chris
"Shut the fuck up."
>Suddenly, a gunshot is heard in the large warehouse room, and both Chris and Thom turn to look at the direction of the noise
>There they see Prof. Bowie, standing with the revolver in his hand aimed to the ceiling, with Bjork behind him, covering her ears
>Prof. Bowie
"Well well well, seems you've left the warehouse relatively unguarded. Have you really become so complacent? Or are you just that arrogant?"
>Chris
"What the fuck?! What are you doing here?! And why is she with you?!"
>Prof. Bowie points the gun down at Chris and walks over to him
"I'll be asking the questions here, Chris. Put your filthy hands up, and step away from Thom."
>Prof. Bowie turns Chris around and places the gun to his head, and then looks at Thom
"Terribly sorry about all this Mr. Yorke."
>Thom
"Sir! How did you know I was here?!"
>Prof. Bowie, preparing to lead Chris out of the room
"Don't concern yourself with such minute details, Mr. Yorke. I'm sure you'd rather meet with your wife instead."
>Prof. Bowie, calling out to Bjork
"Alright Bjork, he hasn't got a gun, it's okay to come here! Go ahead and untie your dear old husband."
>Bjork runs up to Thom, and with tears in her eyes embraces him
"Oh Thom! Oh my god Thom you're okay! I was so worried! I had thought something awful had happened to you!"
>Thom
"I'm alright Bjork! Untie me, would you?"
>Bjork
"Right!"
>Bjork undoes Thom's bindings and embraces him when he gets up
>Bjork
"I love you so much Thom! Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!"
>Thom
"I love you too Bjork."
>Bjork pulls away and turns to Chris who is struggling against the restraints that Prof. Bowie has put on his hands
>She walks up to him and lands a tight fist straight at his nose, he cries out in pain
>Bjork
"You fucking motherfucker! You dare touch my husband?!"
>She then proceeds to land multiple punches on him as he begins to wail in pain
>Prof. Bowie, struggling to hold on to Chris as he gets beaten by Bjork
"Bjork, pl-lease stop! I need to get him out of he- Thom! Come here and stop her!"
>Thom rushes over and restrains Bjork, as she continues to flail her arms about wildly while letting loose a string of awful insults
>Prof. Bowie
"Thank you. Damn, glad I'm not the one who kidnapped you. Alright, I'm taking this scum away. Go wait outside for me, you two. I'll be there in a moment."
>Thom, who is still holding fast to Bjork
"R-right sir! C'mon Bjork! Relax! It's alright now!"
>Prof. Bowie pushes Chris out of the room as Thom tries to calm Bjork down
>Chris, trying to speak through his bloody nose and broken teeth
"You can't do anything to me! You don't know who I am! Who are you?! Just some fucking English professor?!"
>Prof. Bowie, giving him a violent shove out of the room
"No, my dear boy, I'm quite a bit more."
>Prof. Bowie throws Chris down on the floor of a dark utility closet
"Perhaps your now deceased parents neglected to mention me? Though I'd find that hard to believe, considering the hell I gave them while I was in still in the force."
>Chris, with a look of shock and terror
"Do-don't tell me! You're the detective who-"
>Prof. Bowie
"That's right! I'm the detective who was charged with hunting down you members of the Martin family! The most vile, repulsive crime collective this half of the century! And it seems I've been delivered another! I had hoped you would come out different. Might grow to be a better man than your father was. But it was not to be. I'm privy to all the awful crimes you've committed these past few years since you've taken control of the syndicate! But now...all that ends."
>Prof. Bowie readies his revolver and takes aim

>Outside Bjork and Thom stand leaning against the car, holding hands and watching the stars
>Prof. Bowie comes out of the warehouse
"Well, seems you two are doing well. Hope Chris didn't give you too much trouble, Thom."
>Thom, turning to the professor and chuckling
"No, sir. I'm alright. But where is he anyhow?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Don't you worry. He's been taking care of. Won't be bothering you two lovebirds anymore. Now c'mon, let us depart!"

>Prof. Bowie drives them back to the their apartment
>Thom and Bjork, before they enter, turn to the professor
>Bjork
"We can't thank you enough professor!"
>Thom
"Yeah sir! You saved my life!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh, don't you mention it! What kind of teacher would I be if I couldn't do even that for my students?"
>Thom, laughs
"Right. Well, sir. Good night. I'll see you next class."
>Prof. Bowie
"That you will. And listen, Thom, Bjork...I'm glad you're both okay."
>Thom and Bjork smile at the professor, and then wave as he drives off
>Thom and Bjork enter their room
>Thom, rushing to the bedroom door
"Oh! I hope those thugs didn't ruin what I had planned!"
>Thom opens the door and sees that other than a few unlit candles, the room is unchanged from when he had left it. He turns to Bjork
"Well, you've probably already seen it by now, but- ta-da!"
>Bjork smiles and looks at Thom
"It's wonderful Thom."
>Thom
"Yeah well I had just thought we could have a bit of a romantic evening together, y'know? And I know it sounds stupid now, but for a while there I was kinda worried you were getting tired of me."
>Bjork, moving to hug Thom
"Oh Thom! You're so silly sometimes! I could never grow tired of you. We had promised each other we'd be happy forever, right? I plan to keep that promise."
>Thom, laughing
"Glad to hear it. Now c'mon, the night is still young! Let's get busy, yeah? I've been excited for this!"
>Bjork, happily
"Oh, Thom I've been meaning to tell you something actually! Now's the perfect chance."
>Bjork walks over to her dresser
"I've got something that I've been wanting to do for a while. Now where did I put that lube..."
>Thom, thinking to self
'Oh fuck.'






Bjork and Yorke: Part 3






>Thom and Bjork sit next to each other in a plane. Thom is leaning over Bjork to get a good look out of the window.
>Bjork, sighing
"The ocean looked the same as it did five minutes ago Thom."
>Thom, getting sitting back into his own seat
"Sorry, I'm just really excited. Visiting my wife's homeland for the first time! I've dreamed about this, y'know, even before we were married."
>Bjork
"Yes, I know Thom, I've read your diary."
>Thom, looking to her suddenly
"What?!"
>Bjork
"And besides, I had lived there my whole life before I left for school, so I'm not particularly excited to be coming back so soon."
>Thom
"My diary?! How the hell did you find it?"
>Bjork
"But I suppose I should lighten up. It'll be fun to show you all the places I hung out as a kid, and introduce you to my old friends. I'm sure they'll love you."
>Thom
"How long has this been going on?!"
>Thom suddenly gets a look of horror on his face. He lowers his voice.
"Wait, did you read the part about the threesome with Sailor Mo-"
>Thom is cut off by a flight attendant
"Could I interest either one of you in a drink?"
>Bjork
"Yes please."
>Thom sits with an angered expression as Bjork orders drinks for the both of them.
>As the flight attendant leaves, Thom turns again to Bjork
"We are not through talking about this!"
>Bjork, gleefully sips her beverage

>Bjork, as she and Thom get into a taxi leading from the airport to their hotel
"What do you mean? Why would I let you see it?"
>Thom
"It's only fair! You read mine, so I should be able to read yours!"
>Bjork
"A woman's diary is a sacred thing, Thom. It's not all sexual fantasies and dreams like yours! And how do you even know I have a diary?"
>Thom, having been caught off guard
"Well...uh...I got a hold of it some months ago, purely by mistake of course."
>Bjork
"Hey! You were the student that the professor said had found my diary in class!! You never told me?!"
>Thom
"Well, yeah, but y'know..."
>Bjork, angrily crosses her arms
"So we're even then!"
>Thom
"Like bloody hell we are! It was all in Icelandic! I couldn't understand a damn thing!"
>Bjork sticks her tongue out and then turns away making a very audible and purposeful 'hmph!' sound
>Thom similarly turns away to look out the window on his side
>The taxi driver, feeling very uncomfortable
"So, uhh, nice weather today, huh?"

>At the hotel
>Thom and Bjork, having gotten over their argument very quickly like they always manage to do, walk into their room and drop their bags to the floor
>Thom
"Are you sure you want to stay at a hotel? It's not too late to change your mind."
>Bjork walks over to draw open the curtains
"I like the privacy. Now c'mon, let's leave the unpacking for tonight. I want to introduce you to my friends!"

>Bjork and Thom walk into a local Tavern. Thom holds onto Bjork's hand tightly as they walk, feeling nervous
>Bjork
"My friends tended to hang around here quite often, I'm sure we'll bump into a fe-"
>Suddenly a voice is heard calling from across the room
"Bjork?! Bjork! Over here!"
>A man comes running over
>Bjork
"Thor?!"
>Thor, wrapping his arms tightly around Bjork
"Bjork! Oh man, why didn't you tell us you were getting back?!"
>Bjork, laughing as she pulls back
"I wanted to surprise you!"
>Thor
"Well I'm surprised!"
>Thor, looking over to Thom
"And this is Thom? The guy you were telling us about in that letter?"
>Bjork
"Yeah! Thor meet Thom, my husband. Thom meet Thor, my good friend. We dated for awhile."
>Thor extends a hand towards Thom
"Nice to meet you!"
>Thom grabs his hand and tries not to wince at the tight squeezing
"Yeah, nice to meet you too."
>Thor
"Now that you're in here, let's have a drink! You know Thom, Bjork was known to really kick back her liquor when we were younger! What about you Thom, like to drink?"
>Thom
"Well, a little wine here and there is nic-"
>Thor
"We should really get hammered today, to celebrate you coming back!"
>Bjork
"Oh no, Thor, Thom really isn't that much of a drinker."
>Thom
"No no, sounds fun! Let's go!"
>Bjork shoots Thom a look that he ignores as Thor leads him happily along

>Several hours later
>Thom, completely wasted
"And I fockin' went up ta this fucka, and I said, 'look here mate! you get you fockin' hands of my fockin' woman or you'll be deader than Queen fockin' Victoria!'"
>The crowd that's formed around their table all laughs
>One man asks
"And then? What happened?"
>Thom, taking a swig
"I'll fockin' tell ya! That bastard didn't let up! So I did what any man would do yeah? I fockin' gave him a grand tour of my right hook! He raised a white flag faster than the fockin' French would! HA HA HA!"
>The men all laugh and drink
>Bjork
"Well actually, Thom fell down and I had to take this rock and-"
>Bjork's voice is drowned out by the rowdy laughs of the men, much to her annoyance
>Thom
"Barkeep! Another round for me, my lady here, and my brothers!"
>The men all cheer
>Thor moves closer to Bjork to talk over the raucous laughter
"This is great! You never told us he was this fun!"
>Bjork
"Well, he's usually not this drunk."
>Just then a very large man with an eye-patch walks by their table and pushes into Thom trying to get through the crowd
>Thom turns around to look at him
"Oi mate, best watch where you walk, yeah?"
>The man
"Shut the fuck up."
>The man tries to walk away but is stopped as Thom gets out of his seat
"Hey mate, you got a problem?"
>The man
"Look, I need to go, just get the fuck out of my way, or I'll make you."
>Thom lets out a loud laugh and looks to the men at the table who laugh along
"Ya hear that boys?! This chap here thinks he can take me out! Maybe I should teach him a thing or two, eh?"
>The men cheer and laugh as they encourage Thom to fight
>Bjork
"Thom what the fuck do you think you're doing?!"
>Thom
"Now you just rest easy doll, Thom'll take care this fockin' clown!"
>The men all cheer as Thom raises his fists

>The following morning Thom wakes up in the hotel bed with an awful headache
>Bjork, noticing he's awake, walks over with a cup of coffee
"Finally up, huh?"
>Thom
"What the hell happened last night?"
>Bjork
"You got knocked the fuck out, you idiot, that's what happened."
>Thom, sitting up and taking hold of the cup
"Thanks. Was I very drunk? I don't remember a damn thing."
>Bjork, sitting down on the bed with her own coffee
"Never been drunker. You went on for quite a while about 'taking back the colonies' and all that."
>Thom
"Sorry, I tend to get aggressively British when I'm really wasted. Who knocked me out anyhow?"
>Bjork
"Just some man you bumped into. Don't worry, Thor and his friends took care of him. They really seem to like you."
>Thom
"Well, that's one good thing that came out of that."
>Bjork, getting up
"Now hurry up and get ready. We've got lots to do today!"

>After spending the day nervously meeting with Bjork's relatives, feasting on local delicacies, and sightseeing, Bjork and Thom walk back into their hotel room holding their numerous shopping bags, and feeling very tired
>Thom
"...really, it's nothing. I just bought them cause they looked nice, okay?"
>Bjork, setting down the shopping bags, looks to Thom with an amused expression
"You bought those schoolgirl uniforms because you thought they looked nice? And they just happened to be my size?"
>Thom
"You're reading too far into this, just forg-"
>Suddenly Thom notices the empty wine glasses and a bottle sitting on the table
"That wasn't there when we left, was it?"
>Bjork hears a clatter from the room behind her and spins around
"Thom! Someone's here!"
>Thom rushes to Bjork's side, and with a trembling voice calls out
"Wh-whoever's there, come out! I-I've got a gun, and I'm not afraid to use it!"
>A familiar voice calls back to them
"Now that's something I'd like to see."
>Thom and Bjork watch with shock as the man walks out of the room
>Bjork
"Professor?!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Hello children, how goes the vacation?"
>Thom
"Sir, what are you doing in our room?! What the hell are you doing in Iceland??!"
>Prof. Bowie, holding up a tattered book
"Just a bit of light reading."
>Thom
"Is that my fucking diary??!!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Very interesting stuff you got here, Mr. Yorke. You must allow me to make a copy of it sometime."
>Thom, as he rushes forward to grab the diary from Prof. Bowie's hands
"What the fuck! Give me that!"
>Bjork
"Professor, how did you get in? And what for?"
>Thom, as he rifles through the papers of his diary to make sure all is intact
"Great, that's two fucking people that got to read it now! Fucking brilliant!"
>Prof. Bowie, ignoring Thom, addresses Bjork's questions
"I apologize sincerely for this intrusion, I do hope you can forgive me. But, as it was, I had no choice. Greater powers were at work."
>Thom
"Did those powers make you read this too?!"
>Thom is again ignored
>Prof. Bowie
"You see children, after that whole...incident with the Martin family head, I had no choice but to make my position known to my former employers. And through some nefarious tactics that our dear government has honed well over the years, I was forced back into the field, on one final mission."
>Bjork
"This sounds very serious Professor! Is that why you're here?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I'm afraid so, Bjork. I'm here to hunt down another villain, one more dangerous than our last enemy. I don't have all the details, but as I understand it, he is currently believed to be stationed here in Iceland. Due to our lack of safehouses here, we had no choice but to make this hotel room our base of operations. It is the only place we could be sure would be secure."
>Thom
"We? What do you mean we?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I mean me, and that gentleman over there."
>Prof. Bowie gestures towards the opposite corner of the room, where Thom and Bjork see a man in a faded leather jacket leaning against the wall. He walks up to them and with a warm smile extends a hand which they both shake. The man speaks in a gruff voice.
"Hey, how you kids doin'. We're real sorry we had to barge in like this, but hey, can't argue with the brass."
>Prof. Bowie
"This is my old partner, Mr. Pop."
>The man smiles
"Call me Iggy, please."
"Alright, Iggy, sir, are we just expected to leave here cause you two have to go man hunting for some supervillian?"
>Prof. Bowie, as he looks through the contents of Thom and Bjork's shopping bags in a carefree manner
"Of course not Thom. You two can go ahead and continue to enjoy your vacation, eat, drink, and..."
>Prof. Bowie pulls out the schoolgirl outfits from one of the bags and looks over at Thom with a grin
"...and do whatever it is that kids these days like to do in their free time."
>Iggy slaps Thom on the back
"Schoolgirl fetish huh? Good taste."
>Thom's face goes red as she quickly moves to grab the clothes from the professor's hands and stuffs them back into the bag
"Th-the cashier mixed up our order! It-it's not mine!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Your diary would disagree."
>Bjork
"Yes, he's got a very lengthy chapter about that, doesn't he?"
>Iggy
"You gotta let me read it sometime."
>Thom
"Alright! Fucking hell, no more talking about that!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Anyhow, me and my associate will only be here until we can secure a place of our own. I don't suspect that will take too long."
>Bjork
"We don't mind you staying at all! Thom and I appreciate the company. Now, it's getting quite late, Thom, we ought to get ready for bed."
>After some complicated sleeping arrangements, night falls over the town.

>Late into the night, while the town's residents sleep, two figures can be seen walking towards each other in the middle of the town square
>Thor
"This is very late for a meeting. What did you want?"
>The other man, face hidden by a low hood
"Thanks for coming. I need...a favour of sorts. This document, I need you to tell me what it says."
>The man hands over a folder containing a series of papers
>Thor opens the folder and stares over the papers in the dark light, they seem to be photocopies of writing
"This..."
>Thor looks up at the man in shock.
"Is this Bjork's diary?!"
>Thom
"I know it's weird man, but I gotta find out what it says, and I don't know who else to ask!"
>Thor
"What the hell. Does Bjork know you have this?"
>Thom
"No, and you can't tell her! You don't understand what I risked to get this. She's a monster when she's angry! I'm risking my life just being here!"
>Thor
"Don't I know it. You should've seen that time in high school when that girl put gum in Bjork's hair. Dear god, the carnage. That girl hasn't chewed gum since."
>Thom
"Promise! Promise you won't tell her! Swear it on Odin!
>Thor
"Chill dude, I won't tell. I'll see what I can do about translating this. I'll contact you once I'm done."
>Thom
"Thanks man, I owe you one."
>Thor
"Damn right you do."
>Thor walks back to his place in the dark, opens the door, and immediately sees the figure on the other side of the room
"Who the fuck are you?! What are you doing here?"
>Thor quickly flips on the lights and sees the man's face
"You, you're that guy from-"
>The man
"Yes, that's right. I'm here to pay you back for the displeasure I was served that day."
>Thor's eyes widen as he sees the man holds up a gun.

>Bjork wakes up and stretches
>She looks over to see that she and Thom, who is over in the kitchen preparing coffee, are the only ones left in the apartment
>Bjork
"Good morning, Thom."
>Thom
"Ah, awake? Sleep well on the sofa?"
>Bjork
"Very well. Seems the professor and Iggy have left."
>Thom, walking over with two cups of coffee and handing one to Bjork
"Yeah, they were gone before I got bac-"
>Thom coughs
"Before I got up. They were gone before then."
>Bjork, sipping her coffee, getting up and walking towards the telephone
"I see. Well then, I'm going to call Thor."
>Thom coughs up some coffee, clears his throat and tries to speak calmly
"Er, w-what for?"
>Bjork
"I've lost contact with some of my old friends, was hoping he'd have their numbers. I want to introduce more of them to you."
>Thom
"Ah, yes, good idea."
>Bjork
"He's not picking up, must be out. Well, we'll just do something else today."
>Thom, with a quiet voice
"Well...we do have those costum-"
>Bjork
"Oooh, I know! How about we go see the lagoon out of town?"
>Thom
"Y-yeah...uh, sure."
>Bjork
"Why, was their something else you wanted to do?"
>Thom
"No no that sounds good."
>Bjork, cheerfully smiling
"Great! I absolutely love it there, it's fantastically beautiful!"
>Bjork moves up to Thom and seductively moves her hands around him as she leans in slowly.
"And very romantic too..."
>Bjork moves up and kisses Thom
>Thom, thinking mournfully to himself as they kiss
'How much longer must I wait?'

>After the drive the two walk to the water's edge and look around
>Thom, awed by the vastness of the view
"Wow, you weren't kidding. This is majestic."
>Bjork
"Just wait till nightfall, with all the lights in the sky. It's otherworldly."
>Thom
"I'm kinda jealous you grew up somewhere so amazing."
>Bjork
"It really was magical coming here when I was younger."
>Thom, takes a deep breath as he gazes around, taking in the view
"Y'know, being here with you, right now, it's just...I don't know how it explain it but, it's like I'm living for the first time."
>Bjork looks at him and smiles and takes Thom's hand in her own
>Thom, blushing slightly grabs Bjork's other hand with his free one and turns so that the two are facing each other
"I'm not good with saying this sort of stuff but I really want to say it. I feel that I don't express it enough, express what I feel. It's just that...just that I love you and I couldn't be happier right now, being here with you like I am."
>Bjork
"Oh Thom, I'm happy too, happy being here...with your dad."
>Thom
"What?"
>Suddenly Thom's dad comes around from behind him
>Thom, letting go of Bjork's hands steps back in shock
"D-dad?! What are you doing here?! What's going on?!!"
>Thom's dad puts one hand around Bjork
"Ha! Did you really think this was happening son? You with a girl like Bjork?! Please! Don't make me laugh!
>His dad laughs anyway
>Bjork joining in with high pitched shriek-like laughter
"Oh I'm sorry Thom! But it's just too funny! You should see your face! HA HA HA!"
>Thom
"Wh-what is this, wha-"
>Thom's dad and Bjork continue to laugh and point at him as he steps back in horror
>Bjork
"Thom! Thom, HA HA HA, Thom, Thom, Thom!"
>Thom opens his eyes
>Bjork
"Thom, get up. We're here."
>Thom sits up straight and notices they're still in the car
>He looks around but his dad is nowhere in sight
>Thom, as he calms down
"Why did the professor have to make us read Sophocles."
>Bjork
"What?"
>Thom
"Nothing. Let's go."

>After the drive the two walk to the water's edge and look around
>Thom, awed by the vastness of the view
"Wow, you weren't kidding. This is majestic."
>Bjork
"Just wait till nightfall, with all the lights in the sky. It's otherworldly."
>Thom
"I'm kinda jealous you grew up somewhere so amazing."
>Bjork
"It really was magical coming here when I was younger."
>Thom, takes a deep breath as he gazes around, taking in the view
"Y'know, being here with you, right now, it's just...I don't know how it explain it but, it's like I'm living for the first time."
>Bjork looks at him and smiles and takes Thom's hand in her own
>Thom, blushing slightly grabs Bjork's other hand with his free one and turns so that the two are facing each other
"I'm not good with saying this sort of stuff but I really want to say it. I feel that I don't express it enough, express what I feel. It's just that...just that I love you and I couldn't be happier right now, being here with you like I am."
>Bjork
"Oh Thom, I'm happy too, happy being here...with your dad."
>Thom
"What?"
>Suddenly Thom's dad comes around from behind him
>Thom, letting go of Bjork's hands steps back in shock
"D-dad?! What are you doing here?! What's going on?!!"
>Thom's dad puts one hand around Bjork
"Ha! Did you really think this was happening son? You with a girl like Bjork?! Please! Don't make me laugh!
>His dad laughs anyway
>Bjork joining in with high pitched shriek-like laughter
"Oh I'm sorry Thom! But it's just too funny! You should see your face! HA HA HA!"
>Thom
"Wh-what is this, wha-"
>Thom's dad and Bjork continue to laugh and point at him as he steps back in horror
>Bjork
"Thom! Thom, HA HA HA, Thom, Thom, Thom!"
>Thom opens his eyes
>Bjork
"Thom, get up. We're here."
>Thom sits up straight and notices they're still in the car
>He looks around but his dad is nowhere in sight
>Thom, as he calms down
"Why did the professor have to make us read Sophocles."
>Bjork
"What?"
>Thom
"Nothing. Let's go."

>After the drive the two walk to the water's edge and look around
>Thom, awed by the vastness of the view
"Wow, you weren't kidding. This is majestic."
>Bjork
"Just wait till nightfall, with all the lights in the sky. It's otherworldly."
>Thom
"I'm kinda jealous you grew up somewhere so amazing."
>Bjork
"It really was magical coming here when I was younger."
>Thom, takes a deep breath as he gazes around, taking in the view
"Y'know, being here with you, right now, it's just...I don't know how it explain it but, it's like I'm living for the first time."
>Bjork looks at him and smiles and takes Thom's hand in her own
>Thom, blushing slightly grabs Bjork's other hand with his free one and turns so that the two are facing each other
"I'm not good with saying this sort of stuff but I really want to say it. I feel that I don't express it enough, express what I feel. It's just that...just that I love you and I couldn't be happier right now, being here with you like I am."
>Bjork
"Oh Thom, I'm happy too, happy being here...with your dad."
>Thom
"What?"
>Suddenly Thom's dad comes around from behind him
>Thom, letting go of Bjork's hands steps back in shock
"D-dad?! What are you doing here?! What's going on?!!"
>Thom's dad puts one hand around Bjork
"Ha! Did you really think this was happening son? You with a girl like Bjork?! Please! Don't make me laugh!
>His dad laughs anyway
>Bjork joining in with high pitched shriek-like laughter
"Oh I'm sorry Thom! But it's just too funny! You should see your face! HA HA HA!"
>Thom
"Wh-what is this, wha-"
>Thom's dad and Bjork continue to laugh and point at him as he steps back in horror
>Bjork
"Thom! Thom, HA HA HA, Thom, Thom, Thom!"
>Thom opens his eyes
>Bjork
"Thom, get up. We're here."
>Thom sits up straight and notices they're still in the car
>He looks around but his dad is nowhere in sight
>Thom, as he calms down
"Why did the professor have to make us read Sophocles."
>Bjork
"What?"
>Thom
"Nothing. Let's go."

>Bjork, as they open the door to the hotel hallway
"You should see the place at night, with all the lights in the sky!"
>Thom
"Maybe."
>Bjork, as she takes out the the key to unlock their door
"So where do you want to eat?"
>Iggy from behind them
"You guys getting a bite to eat? I'm pretty hungry myself."
>Thom and Bjork turn around in surprise
>Thom
"Iggy?"
>The door right behind Iggy, the one for the room in front of Bjork and Thom's, opens and Prof. Bowie sticks his head out.
>Prof. Bowie
"How goes it children."
>Thom
"Sir?! What are you guys doing here? I thought you left?"
>Iggy
"We did. Now we're in this room instead."
>Bjork
"Oh that's great! We can still be together!"
>Thom
"Brilliant. Just brilliant."
>As Bjork opens the door Iggy follows her in
"So Bjork, you're a native, right? What kinda places are good for food?"
>Bjork
"Oh, there's lots around here!"
>Thom moves to follow them in, but before he can the professor stops him with a hand on his shoulder.
>Prof. Bowie
"A word, Mr. Yorke?"
>Thom, as he follows Prof. Bowie into the other room
"Uh, alright."
>Thom walks into a room full of digital displays and maps and charts on the walls
>Thom
"You guys really know how to decorate."
>Prof. Bowie
"Can't be helped. The kind of photos I like to hang up are not the type you can carry through an airport. But moving onto the matter at hand, I got a call from your mother."
>Thom, with look of dread
"Oh fuck! Not again!"
>Thom looks around the room
"She's here isn't she?"
>Prof. Bowie
"What are you sayin-"
>Thom
"You can't fool me this time! What are you supposed to do to wake up? Pain is it?"
>Thom starts to slap himself repeatedly
"Not this time!!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Thom, this is not the time for one of your neurotic episodes. Your mother called me on the telephone."
>Thom
"Phone? So she's not here?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Don't see why she would come here. I'm sure she's happy to get away from you."
>Thom, calming down
"Only the real sir would say that. Thank god."
>Prof. Bowie
"This cold air seems to be getting to you, Mr. Yorke."
>Thom
"You don't know the half of it. So what did my mom have to say?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Well, she wanted to make sure you were remembering to take your allergy medications."
>Thom
"That's it? That's what she called for?"
>Prof. Bowie
"And that you shouldn't eat too much fish. You know how it upsets your bowels."
>Thom
"Wha- why is she telling you that?!"
>Prof. Bowie
"And she wanted to know when she can expect grandchildren. She doesn't want to wait too long."
>Thom
"Bloody hell mom!"
>Prof. Bowie
"But if you're having problems with it, she understands. Such things are complicated."
>Thom
"Okay! I get it! Jesus! Wait, why was she calling you anyway? How'd she get your number?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Yes, I was wondering that myself. It seems that the hotel has mixed the numbers for our two rooms."
>Thom
"How perfect."
>Prof. Bowie
"I also got a confusing call from a man who calls himself Thor. Said something about eye-patches. He sounded very distraught. The line got cut before he had the chance to tell me much."
>Thom, thinking to self
'What the hell could that mean?'
>Thom
"Uh, thanks sir."
>Prof. Bowie
"Thinking nothing of it."
>Thom moves to leave the room
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh, and do be sure to give you mother my best when you next talk to her. She's a very pleasant woman."
>Thom grumbles to himself as he leaves

>Once again, before Thom can enter his hotel room, he stopped by the sight of Bjork and Iggy exiting
>Bjork, as she locks the door behind her
"And then he fell over so I had to take this rock and hit the guy over the head with it. He went running off!"
>Iggy, laughing
"That's hilarious! You two sure do have a history."
>Thom
"Where are you guys going?"
>Bjork
"We've decided on a place to eat! You'll love it."
>Iggy pops his head into the other hotel room
"Hey David c'mon, we picked a place."
>Prof. Bowie
"Very good, I'm absolutely famished."
>Thom, to Bjork
"Must everything be a family affair now?"
>Bjork, cheerfully
"Oh come now, it'll be fun!"
>Bjork wraps her arm around Thom's and walks with a spring in her step as the four make their way out

>The four take their seats in a lavish restaurant and are handed their menus
>Bjork
"Oh Thom, you must try the tuna here! It's ambrosial."
>Thom
"Uh, maybe."
>Iggy
"I thought your mother said you can't handle fish."
>Thom, looking at Prof. Bowie
"Dammit sir, does everyone know?!"
>Prof. Bowie, as he lazily scans the menu
"Now now, Thom, we're just concerned about your health."
>Iggy slaps Thom on the back and gives him a friendly smile
"Hey don't sweat it kid, the shits can get the best of us."
>Bjork giggles
"No wonder you were hiding away in the bathroom on our honeymoon that night!"
>The rest on the table laugh along with Bjork as Thom looks over the restaurant's liquor offerings

>As they are served their food the conversation drifts away from Thom
>Iggy
"I'm serious! 20 guys! Me and David had just 7 bullets between the two of us. I lost my favourite shirt, and David ended up getting that charming dilated pupil of his in the fray, but goddammit we fucking got those scum! You wouldn't believe the amount of cocaine we found in there. Not all of it made it to the evidence room of course, but man we returned like kings. Didn't pay for drinks for a month after that!"
>Bjork
"Wow! That's crazy! I didn't know you had such a scary past professor!"
>Prof. Bowie, elegantly sipping wine
"Well, I'm not in the habit of bragging, but it was quite the incident."
>Thom
"Man, that's crazy. You guys must have more stories like that."
>Iggy
"Oh sure. Remember that time we had to go undercover into that cult with that other agent who was always high? What was his name? Leo?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Lou. And I tell the story best. But first, dessert."

>The next morning Thom and Bjork sit in their hotel room drinking coffee; Bjork reads a book and Thom holds a book in his hands as he considers how best to bring up the topic of the schoolgirl outfits again
>Instead he is reminded of his conversation with Prof. Bowie
>Thom
"Oh Bjork, I almost forgot. Sir told me that Thor had called him yesterday. Said something about an eye-patch or something. Line wasn't clear. Do you know what that could mean?"
>Bjork
"Hmm, don't think so. We'll try calling him again today."
>Thom
"Uh huh."
>A moment of silence passes
>Thom
"So listen, if you don't have any plans today I was thinking we could, uh, try out those cost-"
>Bjork suddenly looks up at Thom
"Wait, did you say eye-patch?"
>Thom
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, something about an eye-patch. Line was cut before sir could figure out what that meant."
>Bjork
"That man who beat you up in that bar the first night we were here! He had an eye-patch!"
>Thom
"Are you sure?"
>Bjork
"Yes yes, I'm sure! What could that mean?"
>Thom
"I don't know. Maybe you should try calling him right now?"
>Bjork
"Yes, I will."
>Bjork walks over to the telephone, dials the number, but soon hangs it up without a word
"No one's answering. I'm scared Thom. Maybe we should go to his place and make sure he's alright?"
>Thom
"Yeah, let's do that."
>As they leave their room they see Iggy leaving his too
>Iggy
"Oh hey kids. Going out?"
>Thom
"Yeah, going to a friend's place for a bit."
>Bjork, instead of saying anything looks over Iggy's shoulder into the room beyond
>She lifts up a finger and points into the room
"There! That's the man! The eye-patch man!!"
>Iggy and Thom both look over to see what she is pointing at and see that it is an old sepia-tone photograph of a man
>Iggy gets a dark look on his face and walks over to the wall and points to the photo to distinguish from the rest on the wall
"You know this man?!"
>Bjork and Thom walk into the room as Bjork answers
"Yes yes! He's the man that Thom got into a fight with a few days ago! And we got a call from a friend saying something about this man! Who is he? Why is he on the wall here?"
>Prof. Bowie, having heard most of this conversation from the other side of the room, interjects
"That, Bjork, is the man we're hunting. Are you sure it was him who you saw?"
>Bjork
"Yes, I'm sure! He looks younger here, but it was the same man. Just with an eye-patch over his eye."
>Iggy
"That would make sense. During our last meeting with him, I gave him one hell of a punch to his face. Knocked that eye clean out."
>Prof. Bowie
"I've been careless. I should've realized something was wrong when I first heard of the eye-patch. But I would've thought he'd use a glass eye or perhaps sunglasses. I never considered an eye-patch. It just seems too obvious, don't you think? Not to mention garish."
>Iggy
"We can get your fashion advice later. Right now we have to go find this guy!"

>Thom as he and Bjork run along with Iggy and Prof. Bowie as they walk towards a nondescript car
"What do you mean we can't come? You said yourself, the man's hiding out on his own. How much of threat could he pose?"
>Bjork
"Yeah! And I need to make sure Thor is okay!"
>Iggy
"No kids! It's still too dangerous! You don't know this guy!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Exactly. Men like him are capable of anything. We can't risk taking you two along. We'll make sure you're friend is safe."
>Thom
"But-"
>Prof. Bowie
"That's enough! Now go back! Both of you!"
>Thom and Bjork stop dead in the tracks and Thom's mind races with possibilities
>But before he is able to think of anything Bjork steps forward and raises her voice
"Professor!! If you don't take us with you! I'll...I'll tell your wife you're still doing cocaine!"
>Bowie and Iggy both stop
>Iggy is the first to turn around, with a look of fright on his face
"Oh shit!"
>Prof. Bowie turns around slowly, trying hard to keep the fear off his expression
"B-but I'm not Bjork."
>Bjork, taking another step forward defiantly
"And who do you think she'll believe?!"
>Iggy turning to Bowie
"Damn, David if she hears of that..."
>Bjork lowers her voice to a more pleading tone
"Please professor, he's one of my closest friends..."
>Prof. Bowie's face goes stern again and he turns around, but speaks
"You drive a hard bargain Bjork. Alright come along you two! And hurry!"
>Thom and Bjork smile to each other and hurry towards the car
>Iggy, turning to Bowie
"You sure about this?"
>Prof. Bowie
"The man we're after is certainly dangerous...but nothing is more dangerous than my wife."

>The four get out behind Thor's house, located a ways out of town
>Iggy
"This is the place?"
>Bjork
"Yes, he's lived here all his life."
>Prof. Bowie
"Any family with him?"
>Bjork, as she shakes her head
"No. His mother died when he was young. Never spoke of his father."
>Prof. Bowie, as he and Iggy prepare their firearms
"You two stay here for now. We'll check the interior and tell you when it's safe to come in."
>Thom and Bjork stand by the car and watch as Iggy and Bowie walk carefully to the house, then go in the door which they find unlocked
>Moments later, Iggy appears at the door and motions for them to come in. They find themselves in a large open room with Thor tied up to a chair at the back of it with Bowie untying his restraints
>Bjork, rushing up to Thor
"Thor! Are you okay?"
>Thor, struggling to stand
"Yes, yes I'm fine. Thank goodness you're here. I don't know what that man would have done to me if you hadn't come!"
>Thom
"Hey this kinda reminds me of that time that I got kidna-"
>Prof. Bowie
"Where's the man now?"
>Thor
"He should be here any momen-"
>The five then hear the sound of an approaching car
>Thor
"That's him! It must be!"
>Iggy
"Alright, you kids go hide in that kitchen! And don't come out until we say so!"
>The three do as they're told as Iggy and Bowie take up firing positions in front of the door
>The door then opens and the man walks in
>Iggy
"Freeze motherfucker!"
>The man suddenly sees the two and stops moving
"You...you two. How? How did you find me here?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Lucky guess. Now get down on your knees and put your hands up!"
>Bjork and Thom inch out of the room to see what's happening, followed by Thor
>Iggy moves towards the man to search for weapons as Bowie keeps his gun focused on him
>But before Iggy is able to search, Thom and Bjork hear Thor's voice behind them
"Alright then, hands up you two! And you cops in the back! Drop your weapons!"
>The four turn to see Thor with a gun in his hand
>Bjork
"Thor?!"
>Bjork
"Thor, what are you doing? Why do you have a gun?"
>Thor
"I'm sorry Bjork, but there's nothing to say now. Just turn around and get up against the wall. That goes for you two cops too!"
>Bjork stands still, in shock, and Thom guides her to the wall
>Thom
"Thor, you bastard!"
>Thor
"Shut it and move."
>Bowie and Iggy drop their guns and follow Thom and Bjork
>Thor, as he moves towards the man on the floor
"Any movement and I'll blow your heads off!"
>Thor moves up to the man and helps him to his feet
"Are you alright...father?"
>The man
"Yes, I'm alright."
>Bjork, very clearly in shock
"Oh...oh my god."
>Iggy
"Dammit all! We were duped!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Curses!"
>Thom
"Wait, what did he say? I didn't catch-"
>Bjork
"He said father you idiot!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Just like class, always dozing off."
>Thor
"Hey, be quie-"
>Thom
"Well excuse me! I find it hard to concentrate with a gun pointing at my head!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Probably daydreaming about those schoolgirl outfits again, I imagine."
>Thor
"I said be quie-"
>Bjork
"You know, he's been mumbling about them in his sleep! He's obsessed!"
>Thom
"What! Are you serious?! Why didn't you tell me?"
>Iggy
"Thom, you gotta tell me where you got those, man. I'd like a few myself."
>Thor fires a round off at the ceiling
"That's enough! Shut the fuck up, all of you!"

>Flashback to a few nights ago, with Thor entering his house and encountering the man
>The man lowers the gun and laughs
"I love role play."
>Thor rolls his eyes
"Yes father, I know."
>The man
"So, did you meet up with that damned Briton?
>Thor
"Yes, I did. He gave me some papers to translate. Get this, it's his wife's diary. He's a real sick guy-"
>The man
"Who cares about that! Soon, my plan will come to an end. It was unfortunate I had to suffer that humiliation in the bar, but we needed to confirm their identities..."
>Thor
"Yeah, about that, I still think we could've gone without you getting all beat up-"
>The man
"And soon, I'll finally be able to exact my revenge on those bastards who took from me my eye! HA HA HA!"

>Back in present day, the man stands up and dusts himself off
"So, at long last I'm able to meet with you bastards again! Finally, I shall have my revenge!"
>Iggy
"Is this about the whole eye thing? C'mon man, I said I was sorry."
>Bowie
"And If I may, I must say you look quite dashing with the eye-patch. Very debonair."
>Bjork
"Yes! Yes, very very handsome. I wanted to ask you out that night in the bar!"
>Thom
"Wha-?!"
>Bjork quickly steps on Thom's foot
>Thom
"Ow! Uh, I mean, yeah! Mate, you look bloody fantastic! And trust me, I know costumes!"
>The man
"R-really, you think it looks good...?"
>Thor
"Father! You musn't fall for their tricks!"
>The man
"Argh! You bastards, shut up, all of you! You are right, my son. These people can't be trusted! Now hand me your gun, and tie them up! I have waited too long for this moment!"
>Thor
"But I've already got the gun, why should I tie them-"
>The man grabs the gun from Thor's hand
"I said go!"
>Thor grabs Iggy first, takes him to a chair and ties him up
>Iggy
"You ain't gonna get away with this kid! Give up now and I might let you live!"
>Thor
"Shut up!"
>Next, Thor grabs Bjork, but is more careful with her
>Despite that, she is able to get a knee into his groin as he tries to get her to the chair
>Bjork
"You bastard! I'll kill you!"
>Thor cringes in pain as he forces Bjork into the chair
>Bjork, violently struggling against her restraints
"You remember that time in high school we convinced you to ask out Eva to that dance and she said yes? Well we paid her to say that!"
>Thor
"Wh-what?"
>Bjork
"That's right! She never would've gone out with you otherwise, you fucking nerd!"
>The man
"Thor, get on it with it!"
>Thor stifles a sob as he moves towards and repeats the procedure with Bowie
>Bowie
"You always let your father talk to you like that? What right does he have, Thor? You're your own man! You shouldn't need to follow his orders!"
>Thor
"Well, he is kinda mean sometimes..."
>Prof. Bowie
"I don't doubt it! Now let us go and we can help you get away from him!"
>The man
"Thor, need I bring out the belt?!"
>Thor, as he rushes over to Thom
"N-no father!"
>Thom, whispering
"Hey man, do what you gotta do, but just tell me, did you translate the diary?!"
>Thor
"Thom, you're a real sick bastard."
>Thom
"Hey, you don't know what I'm dealing with here!"
>The man steps towards the four, now all in chairs, and laughs a manic laugh
"Finally, the time is upon us. Now whose eye shall go first?"
>Thor
"But father, where's the knife you had prepared?"
>The man
"Oh, right! I left it in the car! Come, let's go get it!"
>The two rush out the front door
>A moment of silence follows
>Thom
"Not so nice being tied up to a chair, is it guys?"
>Bjork
"Oh, shut up Thom."
>Iggy
"Damn fine position you've gotten us into David."
>Bowie
"Me?! How is this my fault, pray tell?!"
>Iggy
"You should've checked the boy for guns dammit! This is just like the time back in '77!"
>Bowie
"Oh fuck off, that was Eno's fault, and you bloody well know it!"
>Iggy
"Alright alright, but what now? How the fuck do we get out of this?"
>Bowie
"Worry not. I have a trump card. I made arrangements right before we left for here. And if the agency works fast enough then we can expect him to-"
>The door suddenly bursts open with the two men come walking in
>The man
"I told you to leave it in the glove box, didn't I?"
>Thor
"No, you said trunk!"
>The man
"Trunk?! You don't need a whole trunk for one fucking knife! Oh, just go get a fork or something from the kitchen!"
>Soon, the man stands again in front of the prisoners, pacing back and forth
"And who shall I choose? Hmm? Perhaps you Iggy, the man who slighted me all those years ago? Or perhaps you, David, his accomplice? No...no no no. I think I shall choose this one."
>The man stops in front of Bjork
"This lovely lady right here."
>Thom
"You monster! Lay one hand on her and you'll regret it!"
>The man moves closer and raises the fork with a manic expression
>Bjork leans further and further back as the man gets closer
>Suddenly the door violently swings open and a man with a gun stands there with a gun raised
"Nobody move!"
>Bowie
"Fripp, just in time!"
>Iggy
"Shit, Fripp, is that you!"
>Frip
"Indeed, it is I! I hope my gallant arrival did not frighten you gentlemen too dearly!"
>Bowie
"Enough with that medieval bullshit, Fripp! Take care of these two!"
>Fripp
"So these are the perpetrators, eh? You've eluded the agency for far too long!"
>The man prepares to run
"You'll never catch me alive!"
>Fripp, turning the gun on him
"Stop! Move and I'll be forced to shoot!"
>The man tries to run anyway and Fripp squeezes the trigger
>The man closes his eye anticipating the shot, but when he opens it, he sees Thor in front of him
>Thor
"Father...s-save yourself."
>Thor falls to the floor
>The man looks at him
"Save myself? How do you expect me to do that, idiot?"
>Fripp moves in
"Enough! Turn around or you'll end up like him!"
>The man does as he is told but screams aloud
"Ahhh! Curse you all! This isn't the last you'll hear of me! I'll get you one of these days!"
>Fripp leads the man out of the house where the local police have now arrived and take him into custody
>Fripp returns to untie the captives
>Iggy
"Fripp, buddy, long time no see! And man, you really saved our asses there!"
>Fripp
"Nice seeing you two again too! How's your lady, David?"
>Bowie, standing up and rubbing his wrists where the rope dug into his skin
"About the same."
>Thom and Bjork stand up
>Thom, moving to Bjork and grabbing her shoulders
"Are you alright? He didn't hurt you did he?"
>Bjork
"No, no, I think I'm okay. But, oh, Thor, that poor fool..."
>Iggy walks over to Thor's body
"Looks like the bullet barely grazed him. Kid just fainted. He'll be alright."
>Bjork
"Oh. Well, in that case, let's get out of here."

>After reporting to and directing the local police, and saying goodbye to Agent Fripp, the four get into their car and drive back to the hotel
>Thom, as they all enter the hallway leading up to their rooms
"Well, not exactly how I wanted to spend the day."
>Bjork
"You're just too soft for Iceland."
>Prof. Bowie, lifting an envelope and handing it to Bjork
"By the way, Bjork, I found that at the house. Thought it might...be of interest to you."
>Bjork, opening it and examining its contents
"What is it- oh my god! It's my diary! Pictures of my diary! How did these get there?!"
>Bowie looks over to Thom
"I haven't any idea."
>Thom
"M-man, that Thor guy was bad news, huh? Even stole your diary. What a character!"
>Bowie
"Indeed...well, me and Iggy have to pack and prepare for our flight home. Our work here is finished. I'll see you two when classes start again."
>Iggy
"Bye kids, enjoy yourselves."
>Thom
"Yeah, thanks for everythi- well, I guess you didn't do much. But thanks, it was certainly memorable."
>Bjork
"Yes! I had loads of fun! Thank you professor! Iggy!"
>Everyone heads into their respective rooms
>Bjork turns towards Thom
"Oh, I'm absolutely exhausted! Let's stay in for the rest of the day."
>Thom
"Good idea. There's something I think you would enjoy doing here."
>Bjork giggles
"Good idea."
>Bjork goes over to the closet and brings out one of the costumes.
"Do you think it'll fit?"
>Thom, trying to conceal his excitement
"Y-yeah! I made sure to get the right size!"
>Bjork, as she lifts up the costume to Thom, judging it against his frame
"Hmm, might be a little tight. But worth a shot. Why don't you quickly dress up, while I prepare my...tools."
>Thom
"Wait, what do you mea-"
>Thom's eyes widen with fear as he understands what Bjork is suggesting
>Bjork, laughs
"I have to say Thom, this was not a bad idea. Could be fun. Just try not to scream this time."







The End