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Hyouka ep.2 by Commie

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May 6th, 2012
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  1. Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.63,0:00:27.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}Dear {Mr} Oreki Houtarou,
  2. >two spaces. hint: next time, just add the space to the tag. this is also an alternative style to quotations.
  3.  
  4. Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.04,0:00:31.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}{formality here, can't be tld}I am currently writing to you from Benares.
  5. >if we're going to argue about KISS (ignoring the formality, as avoiding contractions isn't the only way to approach it), then you can easily contract "I am" to "I'm"—it's easier to read that way.
  6.  
  7. Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.46,0:00:34.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}Although late, please accept my congratulations for passing your entrance exams.
  8. >although late? this is a horrible way to phrase this sentence. it's not a crime to use "belated."
  9.  
  10. Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.55,0:00:39.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}Now that you have begun high school,
  11. >following the same approach as earlier, just use "you've."
  12.  
  13. Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.76,0:00:42.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}let me give you one piece of advice as your sister.
  14. >this would be less awkward if you rearranged the sentence. "as your sister, let me [...]"
  15.  
  16. Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.48,0:00:45.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}Join the Classics Club!
  17. >i dislike the use of "classics." it's something that mazui did too. not really worth commenting on any further though.
  18.  
  19. Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.15,0:00:50.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}and I too was a member during my high school days.
  20. >while grammatically correct, it's always weird to see "too" used like this. just use "also," like: "I was also a member [...]" (you'd need to make the previous line end with a period instead).
  21.  
  22. Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.82,0:00:55.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}I have heard that the club currently has no members remaining.
  23. >again, avoiding contractions isn't the only way to edit a formal sentence.
  24.  
  25. Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.82,0:00:58.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}As nobody has joined this year, they plan to to disband it.
  26. >they plan to to? as you said, brainchild, "lol."
  27.  
  28. Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.13,0:01:11.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}All you need to do is sign up for the club.
  29. >i think that "for the club" is a bit clunky. we already know the context, so there's no reason to restate it.
  30.  
  31. Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.80,0:01:13.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}It's not like you have anything better to do, right?
  32. >brainchild commented on our line for this:
  33. Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.74,0:01:14.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It's not like you're interested in anything else, right?
  34. >i look at this line like, "you're not interested in joining any other clubs, right?" not "you're not interested in anything aside from my past, right?!"
  35. >so, in response to that: no, it does make sense. you're just looking at it the wrong way (seems like you favored commie's edit. makes sense).
  36.  
  37. Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.92,0:01:16.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}Yours sincerely,
  38. >yours sincerely is kinda... british. i'm not too sure if the entire script uses british english or not, though.
  39.  
  40. Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.86,0:03:03.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}Whenever I'm bored after classes, I just drop by.
  41. >after school is a better choice.
  42.  
  43. Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.45,0:03:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have some.
  44. >"have some" is a bit direct. doesn't seem to fit eru's style.
  45.  
  46. Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.13,0:03:18.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\i1}I don't mind being around others. I'm not antisocial.
  47. >the sentence structure feels a bit awkward. "I'm not antisocial. I don't [...]"
  48.  
  49. Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.74,0:03:40.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a waste of time.{不毛}
  50. Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.32,0:03:43.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Doesn't that mean you'll save nine?
  51. Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.20,0:03:44.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a stitch in time.{二毛作}
  52. Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.08,0:03:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was that a pun?
  53. >this is why i hate working on puns. the outcome is always shitty.
  54.  
  55. Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.64,0:04:56.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so they don't want us to just let it die.
  56. >i don't think we need "just" here. just makes the sentence awkward. you could also omit "us/just" so the sentence reads "so they don't want to let it die."
  57.  
  58. Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.14,0:05:31.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then let's check the library!
  59. >i didn't comment on the previous one, but i personally hate lines that start with "then." it flows so much better if you add "then" to the end of a sentence.
  60.  
  61. Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.00,0:06:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey, Ibara. I thought I'd {be nice and }drop by to say "hi".{line length}
  62. >when quoting something (or someone), you usually add a comma before the quote.
  63. >Hey, Ibara. I thought I'd drop by to say, hi.
  64. >Hey, Ibara. I thought I'd drop by to say, "hi".
  65. >Hey, Ibara. I just wanted to drop by and say hi.
  66.  
  67. Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.85,0:06:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're as annoying as ever.
  68. >最低 translated as "annoying" is... interesting, i suppose.
  69.  
  70. Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.40,0:07:54.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This isn't another of your tall tales, is it?
  71. >missing a word. "This isn't another one of your [...]"
  72.  
  73. Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.37,0:07:58.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's true! My seniors in the Handicraft Club all call it that.
  74. Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.49,0:07:59.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you, Mayaka?
  75. >this transition is horrible, though i admit it's a bit hard to deal with. using "what about you?" is a bit odd too. you could always go the lengthy route, "What about your club?"
  76.  
  77. Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.41,0:08:01.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We call it that in the Book Club too.{sup 8th}
  78. >cool reference. bad translation, though. (oh, commie!)
  79. >The Manga Club calls it that too.
  80. >The Comic Book Club calls it that too.
  81.  
  82. Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.81,0:08:27.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the librarian is at a staff meeting right now, so we can't go in.
  83. >in vs. at, etc.
  84.  
  85. Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.42,0:08:49.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{Eh?}I guess.
  86. >I guess I could.
  87.  
  88. Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.70,0:09:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For five weeks in a row.
  89. >follow-up is a bit meh. "This has happened for five weeks now."
  90.  
  91. Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.13,0:09:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Go on.
  92. >you wouldn't really use "go on" here. maybe "go ahead."
  93.  
  94. Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.50,0:10:09.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The list of borrowers is at the back. Take a look.
  95. >we call this a checkout card.
  96.  
  97. Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.70,0:10:49.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\an8}What do you think?
  98. Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.25,0:10:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,{\an8}Pretty interesting, right?
  99. Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.21,0:10:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You knew this would happen.
  100. >this entire section is badly timed.
  101.  
  102. Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.92,0:11:02.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just an interesting side of Houtarou that you may not have heard about.
  103. >"[...] that you may not have heard of."
  104.  
  105. Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.01,0:11:03.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cut it out. It sounds bad when you say it like that.
  106. >a bit too long for the time it's up.
  107.  
  108. Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.20,0:12:45.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's right...
  109. >a bit of a weird edit for this line. "Let me think..."
  110.  
  111. Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.17,0:13:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can we conclude from the fact that someone different borrows it each week?
  112. >i think "deduce" would be clever here.
  113.  
  114. Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.13,0:13:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Different classes, though.
  115. >follow-up is a bit meh. "They're in different classes, though."
  116.  
  117. Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.85,0:13:55.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you randomly selected five students from this school,
  118. Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.31,0:13:58.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a decent chance they'll all be girls.
  119. >tenses are fun.
  120.  
  121. Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.92,0:14:28.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuku spent ages thinking about it as... well...
  122. >she includes herself in this sentence too. "Fuku and I"
  123.  
  124. Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.47,0:14:33.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It smells.
  125. Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.06,0:14:33.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really?
  126. Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.73,0:14:38.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't smell anything.
  127. Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.44,0:14:39.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it does.
  128. >no it does is a bad follow-up for this. if the previous line was "it doesn't smell to me" then "no, it does!" becomes acceptable. otherwise, it's just a bit awkward.
  129.  
  130. Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.14,0:15:20.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're right, Chitanda!
  131. >you're right? what is she right about? she didn't say anything. "That's right!" is a better phrase.
  132.  
  133. Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.75,0:15:45.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you for honoring our restaurant.
  134. >an uncommon phrase. this was already discussed in the comments, so i won't get into it.
  135.  
  136. Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.94,0:16:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The chef's suggestion is this one.
  137. >more restaurants use "staff favorite" instead of "chef." in fact, it's been a while since i've seen a chef suggest something. if a waiter or waitress is at your table, she'd usually say "we recommend <blank>."
  138.  
  139. Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.50,0:16:22.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get it, I get it.
  140. >no need to repeat the line.
  141.  
  142. Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.37,0:16:26.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,PE class had to be called off today due to rain,
  143. >i'm surprised you didn't change this to gym. just a nitpick though.
  144.  
  145. Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.01,0:16:33.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just how limited is your energy to begin with?
  146. Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.43,0:16:34.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Drop it.
  147. >drop it is a bit meh. maybe "shut it"?
  148.  
  149. Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.80,0:16:35.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's go then.
  150. >you should add a comma before then. it can imply a different meaning otherwise.
  151.  
  152. Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.00,0:17:08.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Firstly, let's organize our information.
  153. >considering the next use of "first" in this section, you might want to drop one.
  154. >First off, let's organize our information.
  155.  
  156. Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.71,0:17:14.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First of all, I doubt there are any girls who would use that huge book during their break.
  157. >I doubt there are [...]
  158.  
  159. Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.74,0:17:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's so huge, it'd be easier to just borrow it again each week than to take it home with you.
  160. >It's so huge that it'd be [...]
  161.  
  162. Dialogue: 0,0:18:47.52,0:18:50.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So much I'd like to cut it open to see.{gtfo sylar}
  163. >though omitting words is common nowadays, i still think this line should be: So much that [...] or So much so that [...]
  164.  
  165. Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.80,0:19:19.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,O-kay...
  166. >just extend it.
  167. >Okaay...
  168.  
  169. Dialogue: 0,0:22:44.21,0:22:47.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sorry for calling you out like this.
  170. >calling you out has a different meaning, so it looks a bit odd when used in this context.
  171.  
  172. Dialogue: 0,0:23:40.18,0:23:43.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Were you planning to confess to me or something?{yfw}
  173. >i dislike the repitition of words here. "Were you going to confess your love for me or something?"
  174.  
  175. this was fun to watch, actually. xythar did a great job of editing a lot of the lines, and they were all creative. there are still a bunch of lines that need work, a small amount of mistranslations, and a few lines that were way too liberal for my tastes. this is certainly not the best release (though all the releases turned out to be crap). the viewer can choose which group he'd like to see, and at what speed.
  176. final grade: B-
  177.  
  178. respose: as i've said countless times already, arguing about a grade is stupid, and the point of my argument isn't that gg deserve an A+ grade for hyouka. the problem is that Dark_Sage cannot into reviewing. given the number of mistakes, and his attitude toward different groups, the grading system is obviously flawed, and in serious need of reworking. it's a long shot, but if Dark_Sage wants to be respected as an actual reviewer, then he needs to carefully look at how well his reviews are.
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