Land Ho! (2014) EN

1
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,527
You made it after all.

2
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,165
Yeah, I made it.

3
00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:58,897
God, how the hell are you?

4
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,663
I'm good, Mitch.

5
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:04,001
- Been a longtime, buddy. Long time.
- Good to see you.

6
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,940
- Come on in. Make yourself at home.
- Thank you.

7
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:12,678
How are those ramps
coming over there, bud?

8
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:14,045
They're coming along.

9
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,448
I tell you I'm gonna be
around here a week?

10
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,419
Yeah, you said that.

11
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,189
It's the longest I've been...

12
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,795
out of New Orleans in forever.

13
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,758
You still practicing?

14
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,127
Yeah, I still practice. Still love it.

15
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:33,063
I guess I'll be in my grave
when they're shoveling dirt...

16
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:37,402
and I got my arm out with a scalpel
in my hand still trying to operate.

17
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,906
Yeah.

18
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,647
This is so delicious,
you're not gonna believe it.

19
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,155
This is like angels
pissing on your tongue.

20
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,383
Okay.

21
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,993
Very, very good.

22
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:57,287
Thank you.

23
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,124
You're welcome.

24
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:09,100
That is good.

25
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,174
- Thanks for...
- it's a great batch, baby.

26
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,243
- Thanks for cooking.
- You got it.

27
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:15,845
I love to cook now.

28
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,643
You know, I guess I got
pushed into it when...

29
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,012
Edith Ann and I split up.

30
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:22,584
But guess what.

31
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,984
I think I've grown from it.

32
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,455
And...

33
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,653
I'm a better person for it.

34
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,690
Silver lining.

35
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,961
Silver lining. Gotta look for the silver
lining in everything, you know?

36
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,296
Did you see that film?

37
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,438
- Silver Linings Playbook?
- No.

38
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,170
No, I don't go to movies
like I used to.

39
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:49,105
Probably one of my favorite movies
of all time is that movie about...

40
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,612
that kid and his daddy.
The radio show...

41
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:55,345
and they lived on a houseboat
up in Washington state.

42
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:58,455
- Sleepless...?
- Tom S... Hanks and...

43
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,717
- Meg Ryan.
- Meg Ryan, yeah.

44
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:05,352
She's a good-looking broad, you know?
But she didn't have no tits.

45
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,465
I thought she was cute in the face.

46
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,623
Is that the last film you saw?

47
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,027
I hope that wasn't the last film you saw.

48
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,867
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I watch movies at home.

49
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,031
- Okay, here's a quiz.
- Go ahead.

50
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,643
- John Wayne...
- Go ahead.

51
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,176
Dean Martin...

52
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,314
Ricky Nelson.

53
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,144
Ricky Nelson?

54
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,911
In one film together. What's it called?

55
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,682
- Diablo.
- Cowboy film.

56
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:34,325
- That's what I said. Diablo.
- Rio Bravo.

57
00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:36,255
Oh, well I was close.

58
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:37,918
And Walter Brennan.

59
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,929
"Y'all went down there..."

60
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:45,866
You know, I was listening
to the damn radio the other day...

61
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:49,402
and that song that he did
when he talks through...

62
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,600
I don't know if you remember that song.

63
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,335
He talks about old times
and how it is.

64
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,539
He doesn't sing at all,
and it made the top 10.

65
00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:00,548
- Yeah.
- Back in 19 aught...

66
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:02,914
whatever it was, okay?

67
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,590
You know, I'm sorry
about you losing Patty.

68
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,251
But guess what.

69
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:14,058
You gotta reach down and grab
a handful of guts, bud, you know...

70
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,064
and get on with your life.

71
00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:19,363
I know that you
jumped in there with Katie...

72
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,802
and Katie trashed you.

73
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,573
To make it work,
you gotta love them.

74
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,143
Okay? I'm sure she was good in bed.

75
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,712
I'm sure all this stuff was wonderful.

76
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,781
But guess what.

77
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,975
She didn't love you, obviously.

78
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,244
And you didn't love her, either.

79
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:40,380
I think she was just something
to fill in the gap, if you will.

80
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:44,461
Put a little mortar between the bricks.
She definitely wasn't the bricks...

81
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,792
that's holding your wall
together, okay?

82
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,733
Anyway, I don't wanna get
too far along here.

83
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:54,464
I may have to tell you something
that you might not like...

84
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,268
- but I'm gonna tell you anyway.
- Okay. What?

85
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:01,477
I bought us two first-class tickets
to Iceland.

86
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,083
I can't afford that, Mitch.

87
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,242
I know you can't afford it.
I already bought the tickets.

88
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,785
- I know you say "No" -
- Come on, now, you...

89
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,686
I know you don't want me
to spend my money on you...

90
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,326
- You didn't ask me.
- I know.

91
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,156
- You didn't tell me.
- But...

92
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,764
Why should I tell you?
You would've said no.

93
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,696
- That's true.
- Okay?

94
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,459
I got the money.

95
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:27,833
Why can't I spend it
on my brother-in-law?

96
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,838
- My favorite brother-in-law.
- Ex-brother-in-law.

97
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,704
It's a chance...

98
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,844
for you to get away...

99
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,971
to a place that is wonderful.

100
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:41,608
The hot springs with all the minerals
in the water.

101
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:46,518
The juicy, fantastic lobsters,
and the gorgeous broads.

102
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,715
I don't like lobster.

103
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,987
I'll eat your lobster.

104
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,876
- Got something?
- Yeah, listen to this:

105
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:16,020
"The head chef at the Hotel Nordica's
five-star restaurant...

106
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:19,350
serves up superb seasonal dishes.

107
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:23,927
Think pink-footed goose
with caramelized apples."

108
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,827
- Can you think pink-footed goose?
- That sounds weird.

109
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,331
But it could be good.

110
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:30,559
Yeah. When in Rome.

111
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,169
- You know how that is.
- Yep.

112
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,895
- Do it.
- Want me to continue...

113
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,666
- or go on to another one?
- Stay with that one.

114
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:41,575
"The waiters sometimes bring out
extra little treats for you to try.

115
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:46,175
For example, their amazing
invisible gazpacho."

116
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:49,513
What in the hell is invisible gazpacho?

117
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:51,053
I have no idea.

118
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:54,351
- What else is there?
- Well, we have Dill.

119
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,425
"A gourmet's delight...

120
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,359
this elegant,
new Scandinavian restaurant...

121
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:03,092
specializes in local
organic ingredients...

122
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,897
cooked in contemporary
Nordic-kitchen style.

123
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,471
Prepare yourself."

124
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,040
- Yeah...
- Are you prepared?

125
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,473
Yeah, I'm prepared. Come on.

126
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,476
- You don't sound prepared.
- I'm prepared, all right?

127
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:17,738
- Excuse me.
- Yes.

128
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:19,542
Car's ready.

129
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,887
Oh, isn't that beautiful?

130
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,422
Oh, good God, Mitch.

131
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,992
- Oh, shit, I forgot. Damn it.
- What? What?

132
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:40,934
I forgot the duty-free store.
I should've mentioned something earlier.

133
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:45,406
- I can't believe I'm so stupid sometimes.
- You know, I kind of feel bad about...

134
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:48,171
not having paid for anything so far yet.

135
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,941
I told you, don't worry about that.

136
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,244
You know, we're here to have
a good time. This is on me.

137
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:58,480
When I run out of money, I'll say,
"Okay, Colin, it's your turn to pay."

138
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,421
- But I think we'll be okay.
- Maybe I'll just pay...

139
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:04,118
- for the booze or something.
- Oh, yeah, booze.

140
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:07,322
I can see us walk in and say,
"Give us a shot of whiskey."

141
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,024
And the guy says, "$25."

142
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,320
Who is it?

143
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:33,514
It's Colin.

144
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,285
Come on in, Colin.

145
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:39,055
Jeez, mate.
Expecting someone else, were you?

146
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:42,325
God, I was hoping somebody else
was there besides you.

147
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,469
Damn, look at this outfit you got on.

148
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,900
What's this with the jeans
and everything?

149
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,300
What's wrong with it?

150
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:51,374
I mean, we're going out
someplace nice to eat dinner.

151
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,001
- We ought to dress a little better.
- It's just a hotel restaurant.

152
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:58,149
- Yeah, but it's still a nice one.
- It's not black tie.

153
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:02,343
Yeah, but, you know, you've got business
casual, you've got resort casual.

154
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,216
And now, with those jeans...

155
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,324
all you need's the bibs,
you have coal-miner casual.

156
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,221
You sound just like my kid.

157
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,919
He's always having a go at me
to dress up better.

158
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,861
You know, if I feel comfortable
in the way I dress...

159
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:18,867
then I am much happier,
and I have a better time.

160
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,062
How old is Michael these days?

161
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,400
He's about to turn 34.

162
00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:26,335
Are you ready?

163
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:30,606
Oh, I'm just about ready here. Just gotta
come down there and finish my beer.

164
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,282
I noticed you bought beer.

165
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,943
Yeah, I went to the supermarket,
tried to save a couple nickels...

166
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:39,248
but hell, it's almost as expensive
in the supermarket...

167
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,221
as it is downstairs in the bar.

168
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:44,385
- My friend, you are not drinking beer.
- What do you mean?

169
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,756
Well, hardly.

170
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,523
It's 2 percent alcohol.

171
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,894
Two percent alcohol?

172
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,232
Balls.

173
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,537
Well, what do you think
about your order?

174
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,977
- I'm happy about it. We'll see.
- The more I've been thinking...

175
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,048
I wish I'd got what you got.

176
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,880
Well, I was thinking
the steak looked pretty good.

177
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,648
Yeah, but you know about steaks.
It's like pussy.

178
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:14,792
As long as it's nice and juicy,
it's wonderful...

179
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,451
and when dry,
it ain't worth a damn.

180
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,667
- I'm trying to eat more fish.
- Damn. You too.

181
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:28,897
Man, I'm getting that crap from one
of my sons, big time, you know?

182
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,769
Yeah, which one'?

183
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,809
J.P. He's wanting me to eat fish...

184
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,243
so I'll be healthier and live longer
and all that stuff.

185
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,849
How are the boys?
They all good?

186
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,418
You know, it's amazing.
They're all different.

187
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,316
I got one that's gay.

188
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:47,151
I got one that lives in Berlin.

189
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:50,794
I got one that convened to Judaism.

190
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,658
And I got one that's a regular.

191
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,093
I'm sorry...

192
00:10:57,257 --> 00:11:00,329
that I haven't kept in touch
with the family.

193
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:05,041
Do you see Edith Ann? Do you
talk to her? You see her any?

194
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,268
Never.

195
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:09,140
I haven't seen her
since Patricia's funeral.

196
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,441
Well, that's something that I owe you...

197
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:15,108
lots and lots and lots of apologies for.

198
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:18,118
I wish I could've been there for you.

199
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,615
I knew about it.

200
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:23,521
But I just felt like, maybe me
staying away was the best thing.

201
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:28,029
I just didn't know what Edith Ann'd do
if I did show up, you know?

202
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,030
You got enough problems...

203
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:34,332
and she was down in the dumps
about her sister dying, you know?

204
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,996
Yeah.

205
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:40,543
That was a really
tough time, Mitch. That was...

206
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,077
tough.

207
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,010
Yeah.

208
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,851
Life goes on.

209
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,819
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

210
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,582
Until you kick the bucket, bud.

211
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,090
Yeah, I'm working on that.

212
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,754
- Cheers, mate.
- Yeah.

213
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:05,602
For you, fine osso buco.

214
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,063
And for you, the Arctic char.

215
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:10,772
Thank you.

216
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,381
- Thank you very much, sir.
- You're welcome.

217
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:48,539
What do you think?

218
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,381
Anger.

219
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,713
Blood.

220
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:01,921
Creepy.

221
00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:03,458
Very creepy.

222
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,460
I think I've seen this guy
in a nightmare before.

223
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,964
That just-That gives me
the heebie-jeebies, bud.

224
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,794
Goodness.

225
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,167
The focus moves to the left.

226
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,466
I like that red.

227
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:21,134
I don't like anything about that.
That's too creepy for me.

228
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,813
Now, this is right up my alley.

229
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,352
A redhead.

230
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,148
Firm breasts.

231
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,087
No bra needed.

232
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,658
Nipples...

233
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,921
like wild strawberries.

234
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,264
Umbilical cord...

235
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,528
that holds the belly button...

236
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:48,104
which will hold two to three...

237
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,865
shots of tequila.

238
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:52,031
And you can't see her fluffy...

239
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:55,611
but I'll bet you
it's nice and sweet as well.

240
00:13:57,136 --> 00:14:00,140
Okay, well, I see a self-portrait.

241
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:04,880
I see battered and bruised, still here.

242
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,182
And screw you.

243
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,496
Sexy Stevie Nicks.

244
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,142
So it's not about religion?

245
00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,537
Top o' the morning to you, matey.

246
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,749
Oh, pardon moi.

247
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,949
- Good morning, Mitch. How are you?
- I'm just wonderful.

248
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:16,889
Good. I'm really happy about that.

249
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,858
Why are you here?

250
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:20,190
I went downstairs...

251
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:23,027
checked my e-mail this morning...

252
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,224
printed it out.

253
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:27,763
- Guess what.
- What?

254
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:31,101
A nice e-mail from my cousin Ellen.

255
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,766
Okay.

256
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:38,474
- Excuse me. You want a hit?
- Are you kidding? Is that what I think it is?

257
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,981
It's just a little joint.

258
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:42,642
- You know, I've smoked most of it...
- Okay.

259
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,788
- Where did you get it?
- Wouldn't you like to know.

260
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,288
When did you get it?

261
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,917
- I got it this morning.
- Oh, man. What time did you get up'?

262
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:53,324
- Come on.
- I don't know.

263
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,794
I just couldn't sleep...

264
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,766
wand, you know, just didn't wanna
waste my time rolling around in bed.

265
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:02,065
All right. Read the e-mail.
Tell me about it.

266
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,969
- You sure you don't want any of this?
- I... No.

267
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:09,271
I don't want any, man.
I haven't smoked pot since the '70s.

268
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:12,439
That... Wait a minute. The 1970s?

269
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,414
Yeah, the 1970s.

270
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:17,783
Damn. Boy, have you been
missing a lot, bud.

271
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,788
- Read the e-mail, all right? Just read it.
- Okay.

272
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:22,083
Here we go.

273
00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:23,988
"Hi, Leslie."

274
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,094
Who's Leslie?

275
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:28,254
- I'm Leslie.
- Yeah?

276
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,594
- You're Leslie?
- My name is...

277
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:32,827
Leslie Mitchell.

278
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,132
No kidding. Why don't
you use Leslie, then?

279
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,007
Don't like it.

280
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,802
Sounds like a girl's name.

281
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:43,345
Really? I don't know. I don't think
it sounds like a girl's name.

282
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,040
I like Leslie Nielsen.
Like, he's really funny.

283
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,513
I'm glad you like it,
and it's a good name.

284
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,210
Okay.

285
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,616
"My mom just told ma...

286
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:55,054
that you and a friend are in Iceland.

287
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:58,285
Well, guess what.
You're not going to believe this...

288
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:03,230
but my friend Janet and I have been
in Greenland for the last month...

289
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,959
and we're coming to Reykjavik today.

290
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,069
Wanna pick us up at the airport?

291
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,229
If so, e-mail back soon.

292
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:13,377
Flight info below. Hope to see you soon.

293
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,069
Love, your coz, Ellen."

294
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,806
Now, Ellen's a hottie.

295
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,644
I've already e-mailed.
Told them we'd pick them up.

296
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,251
So guess what, baby.

297
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:26,982
We're going to party with two nice,
tight-assed ladies this evening.

298
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:28,853
That's gonna be so much fun.

299
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:31,017
Ooh, goodness, it's gonna be fun.

300
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,392
You said cousin, right?

301
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,725
Yeah, cousin.

302
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,892
I'm just saying is,
it's good for us...

303
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:41,095
to hang around
with good-looking women...

304
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:44,707
because good-looking women
begot other good-looking women.

305
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,935
Even you might get lucky.

306
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,579
- Yeah.
- I've seen you look at the women...

307
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,238
in those leggings
that they wear around...

308
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,080
that looks like their ass
is sculptured out of granite, except...

309
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,846
they do...

310
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,956
the slishy-sloshy.

311
00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:03,184
When they walk,
they go slishy-sloshy...

312
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:07,062
slishy... I see your eyes light up.
You bastard.

313
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:10,962
Why don't you admit that you love
to look at ass and tits, okay?

314
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:14,229
- What's wrong with you?
- Absolutely not.

315
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,072
Boy, you such a bullshit artist.

316
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,211
I got you. I got your ass this time.

317
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,040
Yeah, all right. All right.

318
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:47,067
Did you watch the Super Bowl game
where the Saints won?

319
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:49,263
No, man, I didn't. I missed it.

320
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:53,308
Damn, honey. That's like a fantasy
of mine come true.

321
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,076
You know, you talk about
a fantasy story.

322
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:58,146
I was at a bar in New Orleans...

323
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:02,650
John Goodman comes up to me, starts
talking, asks me to go duck hunting.

324
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:05,015
You know John Goodman. He was...

325
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:07,680
- Yeah. Yep.
- ...Dan Conner in the Roseanne show.

326
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:11,488
Who would have thought that
he would ask me to go duck hunting?

327
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,495
Was there a spaceship
up above the bar...

328
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,134
that was manipulating him?

329
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,428
Who's to say that...

330
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,129
there's not somebody out there...

331
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:24,535
who's planning and playing us...

332
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:27,041
like little dolls, you know?

333
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:30,009
They're moving us around
like we're on a chessboard.

334
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,705
You know, it's like
this is all science fiction.

335
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:36,342
Reality, that we think about it,
doesn't exist.

336
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,455
And you might not even be here.

337
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,615
- I'm pretty sure I'm here.
- You don't know if you're here.

338
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,785
You might be somewhere else.
You might be in a test tube...

339
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:48,022
- I'm..
- You could be drifting around in space.

340
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:51,668
He's, like, a little bit eccentric.

341
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,997
- Okay.
- Just so you know.

342
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,334
- Okay.
- Oh, boy. I think that's them.

343
00:19:57,496 --> 00:20:00,568
That's a ginormous car.

344
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,974
- Is there a fire over there?
- What?

345
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,513
A fire. You see-J?
ls there a fire over there?

346
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:06,809
Where?

347
00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:10,681
Oh, I see you now.
It's your ass that's so hot, it's on fire.

348
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:13,323
- Okay.
- Thank you, Leslie.

349
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,925
Don't call me Leslie.

350
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,823
Now hold it right there.

351
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:19,656
- Walk a little bit closer.
- Okay.

352
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,163
Let me take a couple pictures
of you girls.

353
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,562
Hold it right there. Give us a big smile.

354
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,599
Alrighty. Got it, girls.

355
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:33,270
Didn't they have any big cars
available?

356
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,708
Come here, doll baby.

357
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:40,608
- Thanks for getting us.
- I'm so happy to see you.

358
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,185
- Good to see you too.
- It's good to see you.

359
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:45,117
- You too.
- And this is your friend?

360
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:47,086
- Janet.
- Nice meeting you, Janet.

361
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,192
- Hi.
- Hi, Janet.

362
00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:50,383
- Hi.
- Colin.

363
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:52,187
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm Ellen.

364
00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:53,557
Hi, Ellen.

365
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,198
- Dr. Mitch.
- Yes, ma'am.

366
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,960
- Janet has a question for you.
- Shoot, baby.

367
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,799
It's a medical question.
Sorry, I'm sure it's annoying...

368
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:05,534
to have people always bothering you
about questions like that.

369
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:08,542
My friends and family do it to me
all the time. Go on.

370
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:10,703
Okay, well, when we were taking off...

371
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:14,613
I just felt like my heart skipped a beat
a couple times.

372
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,754
Do you feel faint right now?

373
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,650
No, I feel okay now.

374
00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:22,816
Well, you know, I've got my stethoscope
and blood pressure cuff in the room.

375
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:25,792
We'll check out your ticker
when we get to the hotel.

376
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,397
- Okay. All right, thanks.
- How's that?

377
00:21:28,554 --> 00:21:31,501
- Where the hell's y'all's luggage?
- They lost it.

378
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:33,261
- Oh, shit.
- Lost it here?

379
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:34,460
Oh, golly.

380
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,072
They left it in Nuuk.

381
00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:38,265
Nuuk?

382
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,668
Reminds me of a trip to Italy.

383
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,075
They lost my luggage and,
boy, was that a...

384
00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:47,115
Well, your mama must have told you
about that trip.

385
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,116
Damn, I thought she would.

386
00:21:49,275 --> 00:21:52,813
Well, let's hit the road, guys.
Rock and roll.

387
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,787
Okay.

388
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:56,927
Hold it.

389
00:22:01,353 --> 00:22:03,629
Okay, breathe.

390
00:22:04,123 --> 00:22:07,593
Your ticker's fine. Normal sinus rhythm,
no murmurs.

391
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:08,795
Okay.

392
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,999
What y'all doing?
Like two vultures looking down at me.

393
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,770
You're messing up my bedside manner.
What's wrong?

394
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:16,675
Fascinating to see you work, man.

395
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,873
- For a change?
- Yeah, Leslie.

396
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:23,881
Damn it, I don't know how many times
I'm gonna tell y'all not to call me Leslie.

397
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:27,286
- But I can't call you Mitch.
- What if I called you Oscar?

398
00:22:27,446 --> 00:22:31,451
Well, if that was my God-given name,
then that would be fine.

399
00:22:31,617 --> 00:22:35,030
I don't think any god
would give you the name of Oscar.

400
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,827
I'll call you Uncle L instead,
that's better.

401
00:22:37,990 --> 00:22:40,231
That's... Hell no, don't call me Uncle L.

402
00:22:40,392 --> 00:22:43,896
I'm not your uncle,
I'm your cousin once removed.

403
00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:46,373
But it's kind of uncle-ish.

404
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,570
- No, it's not kind of uncle-ish.
- Kind of like an uncle.

405
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:54,741
No, not like kind of like an uncle.
Not uncle-ish whatsoever, okay?

406
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:56,352
Never an uncle.

407
00:22:56,508 --> 00:22:59,717
You know, she just does this
to aggravate me, you know?

408
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:04,225
- We just fight like this all the time.
- That's not true. She's just being a turd.

409
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,990
- Trying to get my goat, okay?
- Tea for the ladies.

410
00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:10,394
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

411
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:13,730
So you girls up for a big party,
going out to dinner tonight?

412
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:16,999
We'll go out and splurge,
have the best dinner we can find.

413
00:23:17,162 --> 00:23:18,539
Sounds pretty good.

414
00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:20,768
I mean, a big night on the town.

415
00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:24,847
- Remember, I'm a vegetarian, right'?
- Oh, God, yes, I forgot about that.

416
00:23:25,004 --> 00:23:27,280
I'm sure at a fancy restaurant
like that...

417
00:23:27,439 --> 00:23:29,851
they'd have rabbit food
for you to gnaw on.

418
00:23:30,009 --> 00:23:31,784
- Okay.
- You're not a vegetarian?

419
00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:33,014
No, I eat meat.

420
00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:37,456
Thank God. I can tell with your
beautiful complexion, you know?

421
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:42,289
I'm not gonna say anything about
that vegetarian complexion over there.

422
00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:44,798
If y'all got some better clothes
than that...

423
00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:47,904
something that's a little more,
you know, feminine.

424
00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:51,098
Little more showing stuff
and everything, or...?

425
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,540
- Because this is gonna be a big night.
- Can we just wear this'?

426
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:56,873
I think your outfit looks very matronly.

427
00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:59,312
I mean, it really does. It look matronly.

428
00:23:59,471 --> 00:24:03,977
And I think you both need...
You have some nicer clothes than this?

429
00:24:04,143 --> 00:24:06,248
- Sorry.
- Our luggage is gone.

430
00:24:06,412 --> 00:24:08,085
I tell you what I'm gonna do.

431
00:24:08,247 --> 00:24:11,091
I'm gonna give you
my gold Granite credit card.

432
00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:14,322
Y'all go out
and spend as much as you want to.

433
00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:16,625
If you wanna go get a manicure,
pedicure.

434
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:22,137
It's all on me, anything you want.
But I want it to look nice, please.

435
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:26,470
- You really don't need to do that.
- I know I don't need to, but I'm going to.

436
00:24:26,632 --> 00:24:30,739
Your mama helped me out a lot
when I was a kid.

437
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:34,908
And I'm just... Payback.
This is like a karma situation.

438
00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:40,251
I'm not gonna take no for an answer. This
is my party, okay. Y'all are part of it.

439
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:43,190
- Okay, thank...
- We got that settled?

440
00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:45,454
- Thank you. Sounds good.
- Thank you.

441
00:24:46,452 --> 00:24:48,955
Let's go and have a joint now.

442
00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:53,099
Kind of puts me a dark place.

443
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:57,265
- You?
- No, thank you.

444
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,111
Ain't happening.

445
00:25:04,269 --> 00:25:07,978
Three party poopers.
Boy, I can't believe this.

446
00:26:10,035 --> 00:26:12,743
You had to cause a scene
and be a pain the ass, huh'?

447
00:26:12,905 --> 00:26:15,010
I wasn't being a pain in the ass.

448
00:26:15,174 --> 00:26:18,451
What do you think they're gonna think,
we're pains in the ass?

449
00:26:18,610 --> 00:26:22,854
They're not gonna think we're pains
in the ass. I don't like two things.

450
00:26:23,015 --> 00:26:25,427
I don't think the waiter
was put off much.

451
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,530
Probably won't spit in our food.

452
00:26:27,686 --> 00:26:31,634
- And by the way, y'all's clothes.
- What's wrong with our clothes?

453
00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:35,738
Looks like you bought
four or five T-shirts, cut them up...

454
00:26:35,894 --> 00:26:39,569
and stapled them together
to make your outfits, okay?

455
00:26:39,731 --> 00:26:44,578
So, Janet, sorry,
but you look like a damn toddler, okay?

456
00:26:44,736 --> 00:26:47,717
But you, lady, I can't believe you.

457
00:26:47,873 --> 00:26:51,116
Looks like that you got into
Janet Reno's closet.

458
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:54,917
And the outfit you got on right now
looks like a lesbo tennis outfit.

459
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,424
Perfect. That's what I like.

460
00:26:57,583 --> 00:27:01,463
When you got what you all have,
we got two good-looking women...

461
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,622
you need to flaunt it, okay?

462
00:27:03,789 --> 00:27:06,167
You know, a sheer blouse.

463
00:27:06,325 --> 00:27:07,565
A short skirt.

464
00:27:07,726 --> 00:27:10,468
- High boots that show your legs.
- Okay.

465
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:16,307
And use that frosty lip stuff
that looks so wonderful.

466
00:27:22,908 --> 00:27:26,651
So here we have the Friulano grape
from Friuli in northern Italy.

467
00:27:26,812 --> 00:27:29,588
It's a light, oaky taste, very fruity.

468
00:27:29,748 --> 00:27:31,955
With a smoky aftertaste.

469
00:27:32,117 --> 00:27:33,596
It's excellent, thank you.

470
00:27:33,752 --> 00:27:35,425
To a wonderful evening, ladies.

471
00:27:35,587 --> 00:27:36,827
Thank you so much.

472
00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:39,936
And I think you're dressed superbly.

473
00:27:40,192 --> 00:27:41,830
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

474
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,871
How long have you known each other?

475
00:27:44,029 --> 00:27:45,702
- It's about six years now.
- Yeah.

476
00:27:45,864 --> 00:27:46,934
From school?

477
00:27:47,099 --> 00:27:49,272
We're both PhD candidates
at Columbia...

478
00:27:49,434 --> 00:27:53,439
- but we're in different departments.
- PhD, wow.

479
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:55,515
Okay, so, what are you studying?

480
00:27:55,674 --> 00:28:01,352
I'm studying northern native communities
and basically kind of focusing...

481
00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:06,292
on how climate change would affect
the, you know, their way of life.

482
00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:10,297
Anyway, Janet studies Jewish mysticism,
which is really fascinating.

483
00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:12,696
Jewish mysticism. Are you Jewish?

484
00:28:12,858 --> 00:28:14,064
No, I'm not Jewish.

485
00:28:14,226 --> 00:28:17,639
Shucks. I was gonna drain your brain
a little bit.

486
00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:20,208
- My son converted to Judaism...
- Okay.

487
00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:24,541
several years ago and I always wanted
to learn a little bit more about that.

488
00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:25,738
Yeah.

489
00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:29,681
But my daughter-in-law is kind of,
you know, she's kind of a pain...

490
00:28:29,841 --> 00:28:33,220
and I just didn't wanna
give her the satisfaction...

491
00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:36,325
- of me asking her to find out about it.
- Right, okay.

492
00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:39,325
All right, here we have baked
and marinated rutabaga...

493
00:28:39,484 --> 00:28:44,024
cheese foam, sweet and sour herbs
and a crispy millet.

494
00:28:44,523 --> 00:28:46,093
So why are you two in Iceland?

495
00:28:47,259 --> 00:28:49,865
Getting our groove back.

496
00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:52,735
- All right. Good.
- Back in the groove.

497
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:56,107
- Get us back in the groove.
- Sure.

498
00:28:56,268 --> 00:29:00,683
My wife and I separated
and Mitch thought I needed cheering up.

499
00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:03,581
- That was his second wife.
- Okay.

500
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:07,383
I'm gonna give you a little history,
Janet.

501
00:29:07,546 --> 00:29:09,287
We were married to sisters.

502
00:29:09,448 --> 00:29:11,724
I was married to Edith Ann.

503
00:29:11,883 --> 00:29:13,794
And he was married to Patricia.

504
00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:16,398
Edith Ann and I split,
we had our differences.

505
00:29:16,555 --> 00:29:18,728
I love Edith.

506
00:29:19,124 --> 00:29:22,594
We won't wanna go there, believe me.
You don't wanna go there.

507
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:23,796
Okay.

508
00:29:23,962 --> 00:29:28,377
Anyway,
Pat no longer would allow Colin...

509
00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:31,707
to come out and play
with nasty, dirty Mitch.

510
00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:35,079
Okay? Kind of kept him locked
in the house.

511
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,278
No, she didn't keep me
locked in the house.

512
00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:41,288
How did you and Patricia meet?

513
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,487
I was in the symphony orchestra
and she was in the choir.

514
00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:49,121
He was great French horn player.

515
00:29:49,288 --> 00:29:50,961
Do you still play?

516
00:29:51,123 --> 00:29:52,830
No, no, I gave it up.

517
00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:56,462
Got a normal job at a bank.

518
00:29:59,431 --> 00:30:02,640
- I actually have to pee, do you wanna-f?
- Oh, sure.

519
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:04,678
You girls don't fall in, now.

520
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:10,681
I think Janet's probably got
the hotsies for you.

521
00:30:10,842 --> 00:30:13,948
They're probably in there
talking about you right now.

522
00:30:14,112 --> 00:30:18,288
That would make absolutely no sense
whatsoever.

523
00:30:18,450 --> 00:30:20,020
Why not?

524
00:30:20,619 --> 00:30:25,329
I just don't want to talk about
younger women. It's just depressing.

525
00:30:26,425 --> 00:30:29,167
- You know, I'm...
- May we clear you plates, gentlemen?

526
00:30:29,328 --> 00:30:31,137
- Thank you.
- Please.

527
00:30:34,633 --> 00:30:36,271
Go on.

528
00:30:40,138 --> 00:30:42,880
I know you're trying to cheer me up.

529
00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:48,651
But I wish you would stop
bringing this up and stop needling me.

530
00:30:48,814 --> 00:30:51,522
- I'm not needling you.
- Yes, you are.

531
00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:54,459
- No, I'm not.
- You're looking for an argument, mate.

532
00:30:54,619 --> 00:30:57,065
See, when you say "mate,"
I know you're pissed.

533
00:30:57,222 --> 00:30:59,498
That's the only time you...

534
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:07,532
Didn't take you ladies very long.

535
00:31:07,699 --> 00:31:11,078
No. We're very impressive that way.

536
00:31:12,838 --> 00:31:15,011
I wanna know about Jewish mysticism.

537
00:31:15,173 --> 00:31:16,709
Oh, what do you wanna know?

538
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:19,822
I wanna know how it differs
from regular Judaism.

539
00:31:19,978 --> 00:31:26,987
Okay, well, mysticism is focused
on directly experiencing God.

540
00:31:27,152 --> 00:31:31,430
And there's also this idea about...

541
00:31:31,590 --> 00:31:35,663
everything that you can observe
and understand about the world...

542
00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:38,535
is only a fraction of its real truth.

543
00:31:38,697 --> 00:31:43,339
So there's, like, a superficial reality
that's the one that you're familiar with.

544
00:31:43,502 --> 00:31:49,077
But then underneath that there's a divine
energy that's sort of, like, the real truth.

545
00:31:49,674 --> 00:31:52,280
Da Vinci Code. Yeah'?

546
00:31:52,444 --> 00:31:54,947
I mean, sort of.

547
00:31:55,113 --> 00:31:57,525
It's different, but it's the same...

548
00:31:57,682 --> 00:32:00,526
You can't write a thesis
on 'fire Ba Finer' Code.

549
00:32:00,685 --> 00:32:02,756
I'm sure someone has done that.

550
00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:04,594
- Spooky.
- Of course.

551
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,758
It is pretty spooky, actually.

552
00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:10,634
It's put me in the mood to read
a lot of supernatural stories recently.

553
00:32:10,796 --> 00:32:12,275
Like?

554
00:32:12,964 --> 00:32:18,437
Well, this one, yeah, there's one
I read recently that's more for fun.

555
00:32:18,603 --> 00:32:20,810
It has nothing to do
with Jewish mysticism.

556
00:32:20,972 --> 00:32:24,442
So here I have a rosé from
Provence with a bit of a peppery bite.

557
00:32:25,043 --> 00:32:26,579
Bite of pepper.

558
00:32:27,145 --> 00:32:28,954
What happens in the story?

559
00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:31,958
- You want me to tell the whole thing?
- Yeah, go for it.

560
00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:34,119
The story's about these two travelers.

561
00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:37,893
And they're out on a moor
and they're starting to get lost.

562
00:32:38,056 --> 00:32:42,232
They don't know which way the village is.
They keep going over hill after hill.

563
00:32:42,394 --> 00:32:46,137
Keep thinking it'll be, you know,
after the next one, but it isn't.

564
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:50,508
So just as they're getting worried they
might have to sleep out on the moor...

565
00:32:50,669 --> 00:32:53,115
they come to this beautiful old house.

566
00:32:53,271 --> 00:32:54,909
Creepy old house?

567
00:32:55,073 --> 00:32:57,178
Yeah, yeah, it was pretty creepy.

568
00:32:57,342 --> 00:33:01,119
And there's a young woman sitting
out front, she's having her tea.

569
00:33:01,279 --> 00:33:05,455
She invites them over. Once she finds
out that they're lost she invites them...

570
00:33:05,617 --> 00:33:08,154
- to stay the night with her.
- A threesome.

571
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:12,598
Well, no, she invites them
to stay in one of her guestrooms.

572
00:33:12,757 --> 00:33:14,100
Okay.

573
00:33:14,259 --> 00:33:17,035
And so they're trying to get settled
and go to sleep.

574
00:33:17,195 --> 00:33:20,472
And then they start hearing
all these footsteps around them...

575
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:23,374
but they can't really tell
where it's coming from.

576
00:33:23,535 --> 00:33:29,144
So then the one guy hears a yell,
and he goes out into the hallway...

577
00:33:29,307 --> 00:33:32,117
and sees the door to his friend's room
is open...

578
00:33:32,277 --> 00:33:36,783
and his bed is empty
and the sheets are thrown on the floor.

579
00:33:36,948 --> 00:33:38,723
So he runs downstairs.

580
00:33:38,884 --> 00:33:43,060
And he gets down there just in time
to see a servant closing this heavy door.

581
00:33:43,221 --> 00:33:47,533
All right, guys, so here we have
some hand-picked beetroots, walnuts...

582
00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:52,163
some smoked fresh cheese,
pickled red onions and radish sprouts.

583
00:33:52,330 --> 00:33:54,469
- Hope you enjoy.
- Thank you.

584
00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:56,840
All right, keep going, keep going.

585
00:33:57,002 --> 00:34:01,178
Okay, so the guy goes through the door
to find his friend...

586
00:34:01,339 --> 00:34:04,877
and they get lost
in this labyrinth of hallways...

587
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:08,217
that are winding back and forth
and sloping up and down...

588
00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:11,224
so that they can't tell
where they are in the house.

589
00:34:11,383 --> 00:34:13,488
Then the walls are glowing.

590
00:34:13,652 --> 00:34:15,029
They're green and moist.

591
00:34:15,687 --> 00:34:18,861
Damp, like slime on the walls
or something?

592
00:34:19,024 --> 00:34:22,870
Yeah. So they eventually
find this group of other people...

593
00:34:23,028 --> 00:34:26,168
but all of their faces
have been eroded.

594
00:34:26,331 --> 00:34:28,675
So they're just completely smooth...

595
00:34:28,833 --> 00:34:31,780
and they can't speak.
They can only, like, murmur.

596
00:34:31,937 --> 00:34:35,009
So the guys figure out
that the house is alive...

597
00:34:35,173 --> 00:34:39,781
and what happened is this guy,
hundreds of years ago, died...

598
00:34:39,945 --> 00:34:43,688
and he grew a house out of his brain
essentially.

599
00:34:43,848 --> 00:34:46,124
So the house became like his body...

600
00:34:46,284 --> 00:34:49,128
that was sprouting
from the life left in his brain.

601
00:34:49,287 --> 00:34:50,357
- Right.
- Damn.

602
00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:53,799
And so for him to survive
he has to trap people in the house...

603
00:34:53,959 --> 00:34:57,031
and slowly digest them over time.

604
00:34:57,762 --> 00:34:58,900
So who was the woman?

605
00:34:59,064 --> 00:35:02,477
- The woman was his wife, but his wife...
- Was his wife?

606
00:35:02,634 --> 00:35:06,377
Yeah, well,
she's actually part of him now.

607
00:35:06,538 --> 00:35:09,451
- God.
Because at some point he digested her.

608
00:35:09,608 --> 00:35:13,715
- Oh, God.
- So that she could become part of him.

609
00:35:13,878 --> 00:35:16,984
And lure in people.

610
00:35:17,148 --> 00:35:19,822
At then at the end
the two guys do find this guy...

611
00:35:19,985 --> 00:35:22,226
and they smash his head with a rock.

612
00:35:26,658 --> 00:35:29,639
You know, Colin,
you kind of remind me of my dad.

613
00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:30,829
Really?

614
00:35:30,996 --> 00:35:35,103
- Oh, yeah, I can see that.
- Least you didn't say granddad.

615
00:35:35,266 --> 00:35:37,405
Great-granddad.

616
00:35:37,569 --> 00:35:39,810
Yeah, I mean, I didn't mean it like that.

617
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:41,917
Don't worry. I was just kidding.

618
00:35:42,073 --> 00:35:44,485
I'm not sensitive about my age.

619
00:36:41,232 --> 00:36:44,805
You know, we're the oldest people in here.
By a lot.

620
00:36:44,969 --> 00:36:46,346
What?

621
00:36:46,504 --> 00:36:50,077
I took a look around and I think
we're the oldest people in here.

622
00:36:50,241 --> 00:36:53,814
Another guy, he's about 45.
There's nobody else.

623
00:36:53,978 --> 00:36:55,389
Still can't hear you.

624
00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:56,582
Forget it.

625
00:37:12,397 --> 00:37:15,071
Long time
since I've been anywhere like that, mate.

626
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:17,577
It's kind of invigorating,
don't you think?

627
00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:20,046
- You think so?
- I think so.

628
00:37:20,205 --> 00:37:23,186
- You're in a bad mood still?
- No, I'm not in a bad mood.

629
00:37:23,341 --> 00:37:25,617
- I'm in a great mood.
- You're in a bad mood.

630
00:37:25,777 --> 00:37:28,189
- Yeah, sure.
- I'm always in a good mood.

631
00:37:28,346 --> 00:37:31,190
- Good. Good for you.
- Come on, come on, come on.

632
00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:37,559
Americans.

633
00:37:37,722 --> 00:37:40,100
No, bloody Australian.

634
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:41,862
You are American.

635
00:37:42,026 --> 00:37:43,471
- You are Australian.
- Yes.

636
00:37:43,628 --> 00:37:44,698
- Yes.
- Correct.

637
00:37:44,863 --> 00:37:47,901
- What are you guys doing? You look old.
- Cheers, man.

638
00:37:48,066 --> 00:37:51,047
- You look dusty.
- We came with a couple young ladies.

639
00:37:51,202 --> 00:37:55,207
You look like Rolling Stones
in, like, 30 years.

640
00:37:55,373 --> 00:37:58,547
I can see it on your face,
you've been smoking a lot of weed.

641
00:37:58,710 --> 00:38:00,712
And you gotta light me up right now.

642
00:38:00,879 --> 00:38:02,381
- I can do that.
- You have to.

643
00:38:02,547 --> 00:38:05,551
Looks like you're already lit,
but I'll light you anyway.

644
00:38:05,717 --> 00:38:06,787
Yeah, I need it.

645
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,157
There you go.

646
00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:11,493
We need to get trippy
before we light up these glow sticks.

647
00:38:11,656 --> 00:38:14,432
- What's a glow stick?
- This is a glow stick.

648
00:38:14,592 --> 00:38:17,835
- What the hell is this?
- You do it like this. You break it.

649
00:38:17,996 --> 00:38:21,500
- All right, yeah.
- You wave it around, put it in your beer.

650
00:38:21,666 --> 00:38:23,771
Oh, my goodness, that is so...

651
00:38:23,935 --> 00:38:27,473
- Another one, another one, another one.
- Glow in the dark beer.

652
00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:29,448
- That's really cool.
- Yeah, yeah.

653
00:38:29,607 --> 00:38:31,780
- It's a good thing.
- Cheer, cheer, cheers.

654
00:38:31,943 --> 00:38:33,320
- Want a drink of that?
- No.

655
00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:35,651
Hey, guys? Guys, I need your help.

656
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:38,818
Ellen got really drunk.
She's passed out in the bathroom.

657
00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:40,018
Oh, shit.

658
00:38:41,619 --> 00:38:46,796
Well, it's settled. You girls are gonna
be bunking in one of our rooms tonight.

659
00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:49,632
- Colin and I can bunk in the other room.
- No.

660
00:38:49,794 --> 00:38:53,173
- No, you don't have to do that.
- I know we don't have to do that.

661
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,709
- We'll just stop here.
- It's already decided.

662
00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:59,144
- Look at this.
- We can't carry your ass all the way.

663
00:38:59,304 --> 00:39:03,684
Put on your big-girl panties
so we can get on back to the hotel.

664
00:39:03,842 --> 00:39:07,346
Damn, there goes that tickle-box again.

665
00:39:08,112 --> 00:39:12,026
- Come on.
Sometimes I just walk home like this.

666
00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:14,561
Yeah, looks like you're walking on air,
you know?

667
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,495
Air you going my Way?

668
00:39:19,557 --> 00:39:23,630
Careful. Don't forget
your big-girl panties now.

669
00:39:23,795 --> 00:39:26,298
- Where's Colin?
- We're going home right now.

670
00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:30,302
- Is he putting on his big-girl panties?
- Come on, now.

671
00:39:30,468 --> 00:39:33,540
This is not funny at all, okay?

672
00:39:34,038 --> 00:39:37,815
- Let's get gorditas. I'm gonna be sick.
- We'll be there before daylight.

673
00:39:37,976 --> 00:39:40,013
Where's Colin Lansky at anyway?

674
00:39:41,512 --> 00:39:44,823
- We're here.
- Yeah, we made it.

675
00:39:50,255 --> 00:39:51,928
I'm sorry, Mitch.

676
00:39:52,090 --> 00:39:55,037
- Nothing to be sorry for.
- I ruined our big night.

677
00:39:55,193 --> 00:39:57,605
No, you didn't ruin anything.

678
00:39:57,762 --> 00:39:59,503
You didn't ruin anything.

679
00:39:59,664 --> 00:40:03,510
Tell Colin I said sorry.

680
00:40:03,868 --> 00:40:05,711
It's okay.

681
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:15,618
Thank you for picking me up
and taking me home.

682
00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:18,056
You're welcome, but it's okay.

683
00:40:18,216 --> 00:40:20,355
- Just try to rest.
- Okay.

684
00:40:20,518 --> 00:40:23,124
- Mitch?
- Yeah, baby.

685
00:40:23,855 --> 00:40:26,529
I'm sorry you had to retire.

686
00:40:26,691 --> 00:40:28,637
What do you mean?

687
00:40:28,793 --> 00:40:31,637
My mom said you...
They made you retire.

688
00:40:31,796 --> 00:40:34,276
No, I just retired on my own.

689
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:38,244
Just don't worry about it,
and you get some rest, okay?

690
00:40:43,408 --> 00:40:45,615
Sweet dreams, doll.

691
00:40:50,715 --> 00:40:52,558
Janet, she's crashed and burned.

692
00:40:52,717 --> 00:40:54,628
Okay.

693
00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:58,498
- Colin, you got everything you need?
- Yeah, I've got it.

694
00:41:07,498 --> 00:41:09,068
Mitch?

695
00:41:10,501 --> 00:41:12,674
Are you awake?

696
00:41:13,071 --> 00:41:17,315
Yeah, I can't saw a toothpick
let alone a log.

697
00:41:23,481 --> 00:41:25,984
You want to see what's on television?

698
00:41:26,150 --> 00:41:30,098
This will probably help you
sleep a lot, boy.

699
00:41:33,458 --> 00:41:35,335
God.

700
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:38,269
Jesus.

701
00:41:44,769 --> 00:41:47,375
You are such a child.

702
00:41:56,047 --> 00:41:57,890
Help me.

703
00:42:26,411 --> 00:42:28,220
Bye, girls.

704
00:42:45,730 --> 00:42:48,210
Boy, it feels great
to be out of the city, huh?

705
00:42:48,366 --> 00:42:50,778
Yeah, into the wild.

706
00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:53,745
Yeah, but, you know,
it's not really wild yet.

707
00:42:53,905 --> 00:42:55,111
They got roads here.

708
00:42:55,273 --> 00:42:59,949
When we get out where there's no roads,
that's where it's gonna be. That's wild.

709
00:43:00,111 --> 00:43:01,852
Wanna hear about Gullfoss?

710
00:43:02,013 --> 00:43:03,788
Sure.

711
00:43:03,948 --> 00:43:05,621
Alrighty.

712
00:43:08,286 --> 00:43:10,698
"Iceland's most famous waterfall.

713
00:43:10,855 --> 00:43:13,859
Gullfoss is a spectacular double cascade.

714
00:43:14,292 --> 00:43:17,796
Whether or not you're suitable impressed
can depend on the weather.

715
00:43:17,962 --> 00:43:20,943
On sunny days,
the spray creates shimmering rainbows...

716
00:43:21,099 --> 00:43:25,741
and it's also magical in winter
when the falls glitter with ice.

717
00:43:25,903 --> 00:43:31,114
On gray days,
mist can envelop the second drop...

718
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:34,484
making Gullfoss
slightly underwhelming."

719
00:43:34,645 --> 00:43:38,491
I know I'm not gonna be underwhelmed.
I'm gonna be overwhelmed.

720
00:43:38,649 --> 00:43:41,721
It's gonna be so much fun there.

721
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:43,622
What else we got going on?

722
00:43:43,788 --> 00:43:47,133
- We got the geysers.
- Oh, shit, man, the geysers.

723
00:43:47,291 --> 00:43:48,463
My favorite.

724
00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:51,470
- Yeah, I love geysers.
- I've never seen a geyser, man.

725
00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:55,634
Really? I've seen a few of them
and, man, they're so much fun.

726
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:59,407
You just watch them. You know,
it's just like this big explosion.

727
00:43:59,570 --> 00:44:02,278
Like a big cum shot right straight up
into the sky.

728
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,649
You know, like the devil's exploding.

729
00:44:05,810 --> 00:44:07,790
Okay.

730
00:44:07,945 --> 00:44:09,686
What else?

731
00:44:12,283 --> 00:44:14,354
I'm almost afraid to say.

732
00:44:14,519 --> 00:44:16,590
I wanna see a lighthouse.

733
00:44:16,754 --> 00:44:19,257
A lighthouse?
I've seen millions of lighthouses.

734
00:44:19,423 --> 00:44:22,267
But you haven't seen
an Icelandic lighthouse, have you?

735
00:44:22,426 --> 00:44:24,667
No. No, I haven't.

736
00:44:24,829 --> 00:44:26,331
Good.

737
00:44:27,031 --> 00:44:31,309
Lighthouses remind me...

738
00:44:31,469 --> 00:44:37,112
of rock hard cocks with no balls.

739
00:44:49,020 --> 00:44:52,661
Come on, Colin,
give me some good ones, baby.

740
00:44:52,823 --> 00:44:55,360
What if I lean on it?

741
00:44:55,526 --> 00:44:58,405
That's wonderful.
Lean on the sun of a gun.

742
00:44:58,563 --> 00:45:00,201
All right, hold on, now.

743
00:45:00,364 --> 00:45:04,073
Now put your other leg over
just a little bit more over that way.

744
00:45:04,235 --> 00:45:09,412
Move your hand back up to the left.
Okay, over a bit more to your left.

745
00:45:09,574 --> 00:45:12,646
Right there. Hold it. Perfect. Go.

746
00:45:12,810 --> 00:45:16,417
All right, that's wonderful.

747
00:45:17,548 --> 00:45:19,152
Geometrically perfect.

748
00:45:19,317 --> 00:45:21,558
Hey, ass shot. Dumb & Dumber.

749
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,665
All right.

750
00:45:23,821 --> 00:45:25,698
Wiggle it down there, baby. Wiggle.

751
00:45:25,856 --> 00:45:27,767
Shake it down there. Shake it.

752
00:45:27,925 --> 00:45:29,495
Yeah, there you go.

753
00:45:34,265 --> 00:45:38,372
You're looking very nice down there,
baby, yeah.

754
00:45:38,536 --> 00:45:41,278
Hey, your best side, darling.

755
00:45:41,439 --> 00:45:43,680
Good. Oh, no, that's great.

756
00:45:43,841 --> 00:45:45,946
Somebody stop me.
- Hold it right here.

757
00:45:46,110 --> 00:45:47,180
I got it.

758
00:46:15,039 --> 00:46:18,316
Have you seen
The Last of the Mohicans?

759
00:46:18,476 --> 00:46:19,716
What?

760
00:46:19,877 --> 00:46:25,156
I said, have you seen
The Last of the Mohicans?

761
00:46:25,316 --> 00:46:27,887
You think we can sleep in this thing?

762
00:46:28,052 --> 00:46:29,122
Sleep in it?

763
00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:30,925
Why would you wanna know?

764
00:46:31,088 --> 00:46:33,762
I mean, if we had to,
we could do it for one night.

765
00:46:33,924 --> 00:46:37,565
Just lay back. It's almost like
we got a house on wheels.

766
00:46:37,728 --> 00:46:41,073
Like camping out like when I was a kid.

767
00:46:41,232 --> 00:46:43,610
I can't see you as a kid, you know?

768
00:46:43,768 --> 00:46:47,079
Well, I know I can't see you as a kid.

769
00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:51,947
I always thought
you were just like there, right?

770
00:46:54,745 --> 00:46:56,782
You on Facebook?

771
00:46:56,947 --> 00:46:58,858
No, how about you?

772
00:47:00,184 --> 00:47:01,686
Yeah, I opened an account...

773
00:47:01,852 --> 00:47:04,594
- when Katie split up with me.
- Yeah.

774
00:47:04,755 --> 00:47:07,497
I thought it would be a good way
to be more social.

775
00:47:07,658 --> 00:47:11,606
You know, all my kids are on Facebook.
They have a good time. They like it.

776
00:47:11,762 --> 00:47:13,708
Yeah, mine is too.

777
00:47:13,864 --> 00:47:16,811
Well, did it really help your social life?

778
00:47:16,967 --> 00:47:19,641
Well, yes and no.

779
00:47:20,471 --> 00:47:23,213
I connected with some friends
in Australia.

780
00:47:23,374 --> 00:47:27,186
And then I found out that Katie
was on Facebook as well.

781
00:47:27,645 --> 00:47:28,817
What did you find out?

782
00:47:28,979 --> 00:47:31,823
Well, she had her settings
kind of private.

783
00:47:31,982 --> 00:47:34,690
Then I found her boyfriend's page.

784
00:47:35,619 --> 00:47:38,225
And there were photos there
of them together...

785
00:47:38,389 --> 00:47:42,030
- and, you know, holding hands...
- Yeah.

786
00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:46,164
and walking off
into my fucking sunset.

787
00:47:46,330 --> 00:47:49,971
What in the hell really happened
between you and Katie anyway?

788
00:47:50,134 --> 00:47:53,138
- Well, we opened a shoe business.
- And?

789
00:47:53,304 --> 00:47:57,753
She had a shoe designer friend
and they opened a storefront.

790
00:47:57,908 --> 00:48:01,583
People would log in,
vote for the shoes they wanted...

791
00:48:01,746 --> 00:48:04,249
and then they would make the shoes...

792
00:48:04,415 --> 00:48:06,554
depending on what led the requests.

793
00:48:06,717 --> 00:48:09,095
That sounds like a bullshit gimmick
to me.

794
00:48:09,253 --> 00:48:13,565
Yeah, well, it sucked a big one, man,
because it went broke.

795
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:17,035
And I'm a...
I put a lot of my money into that.

796
00:48:17,194 --> 00:48:19,902
- Pretty much my whole savings.
- Right.

797
00:48:20,064 --> 00:48:22,874
And then Katie gets on my back...

798
00:48:23,033 --> 00:48:26,742
because I wasn't
behind it enough "spiritually."

799
00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:30,078
- Oh, spiritually.
- Yeah, thank you very much.

800
00:48:30,241 --> 00:48:31,584
I could not believe her.

801
00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:35,884
Well, some women you just can't make
happy no matter what you do, you know?

802
00:48:36,046 --> 00:48:39,220
I don't want much.
Someone to talk the news over with.

803
00:48:39,383 --> 00:48:42,592
Someone to have breakfast with,
have a cup of tea.

804
00:48:42,753 --> 00:48:44,960
Sleep with at night.

805
00:48:45,456 --> 00:48:47,959
It can't be that difficult, can it?

806
00:48:48,125 --> 00:48:50,401
I don't know.

807
00:48:57,968 --> 00:49:00,812
Yeah, Strokkur, he's conjuring.

808
00:49:00,971 --> 00:49:03,281
- Do you want some accompaniment?
- Yeah.

809
00:49:03,441 --> 00:49:06,320
Give me a little background music there,
will you?

810
00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:19,093
- Nothing's happening.
- Come on, Strokkur.

811
00:49:19,256 --> 00:49:23,671
- Why are you dancing? You that excited?
- I'm excited about this. You kidding me?

812
00:49:23,828 --> 00:49:26,138
- Gonna wet your pants?
- No.

813
00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:29,608
I've already gotten my pants wet.
Come on, Streak.

814
00:49:31,135 --> 00:49:33,809
Come on, stroke it out of there.

815
00:49:37,241 --> 00:49:41,656
All right, here we go.
Hey, abra-cadabra.

816
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:45,760
You're gonna make me cry. Hurry up.
Get on out of there. Come on.

817
00:49:45,916 --> 00:49:47,987
Somethings...

818
00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:49,597
There he is.

819
00:49:49,753 --> 00:49:51,755
All right.

820
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,270
How about that, Mother Rue?

821
00:49:58,429 --> 00:50:00,534
You got that one?
How good did that feel?

822
00:50:00,698 --> 00:50:03,008
- That's fantastic.
- Are you smiling?

823
00:50:03,167 --> 00:50:04,840
I can't see jack crap, man.

824
00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:07,209
Hold on. Windshield wipers.

825
00:50:07,371 --> 00:50:10,215
God, I can't see nothing.
Here, take my camera.

826
00:50:10,374 --> 00:50:12,183
All right. We got another one.

827
00:50:12,343 --> 00:50:16,450
All right.

828
00:50:17,047 --> 00:50:19,721
What do you think about that mother?

829
00:50:21,318 --> 00:50:22,820
That is unbelievable.

830
00:50:22,987 --> 00:50:26,366
- Now tell me you're not having fun.
- Yeah.

831
00:50:28,993 --> 00:50:31,337
We did it.

832
00:50:31,829 --> 00:50:34,173
Let's go for three. Number three.

833
00:50:34,331 --> 00:50:36,675
- We want number three.
- Yes, yes, yes.

834
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,742
Hey. Honey, how you doing?

835
00:53:31,909 --> 00:53:33,820
Oh, jeez.

836
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:35,853
Sweetheart

837
00:53:36,013 --> 00:53:38,254
Oh, you're gorgeous.

838
00:53:41,418 --> 00:53:43,489
When did you retire?

839
00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:48,098
Ellen said you retired.

840
00:53:48,258 --> 00:53:52,172
- Yeah, about a month ago.
- Yeah, how come?

841
00:53:52,329 --> 00:53:54,002
Times change, people change.

842
00:53:54,164 --> 00:53:57,111
What about you, asshole?
Why did you retire?

843
00:53:57,267 --> 00:53:59,941
I retired because I could.

844
00:54:00,104 --> 00:54:04,348
Now I'm looking at going back to work,
but I don't want to go back to work.

845
00:54:09,713 --> 00:54:12,023
Come on, let's take a walk.

846
00:54:14,284 --> 00:54:15,729
Let's take a walk.

847
00:54:15,886 --> 00:54:17,297
It's dark, mate.

848
00:54:17,454 --> 00:54:20,025
Yeah, but I've got the lightning sticks.
Come on.

849
00:54:22,392 --> 00:54:25,737
- Yeah, what do I do with that?
- You crack it.

850
00:54:25,896 --> 00:54:28,069
- Crack it?
- And it glows.

851
00:54:28,232 --> 00:54:29,575
You can't see with those.

852
00:54:29,733 --> 00:54:32,441
I was in the Marine Corps.
Come on, get your ass up.

853
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:36,141
Do they use glow sticks
in the Marine Corps, Mitch?

854
00:54:38,142 --> 00:54:39,212
No.

855
00:54:44,815 --> 00:54:46,294
- Mitch?
- Yeah?

856
00:54:46,450 --> 00:54:49,795
- I can't see anything.
- You can see me. That's all that matters.

857
00:54:49,953 --> 00:54:52,763
Oh, God. Yeah, that's a bonus.

858
00:55:00,931 --> 00:55:02,001
Wait a minute.

859
00:55:02,166 --> 00:55:04,009
- Did you hear that?
- What? What?

860
00:55:04,168 --> 00:55:05,738
Listen.

861
00:55:07,938 --> 00:55:11,010
Oh, it's one of those bears
that might come eat your ass.

862
00:55:11,175 --> 00:55:13,177
There's no bears in Iceland, Mitch.

863
00:55:13,343 --> 00:55:16,620
Polar bears float in on icebergs here
all the time, boy.

864
00:55:16,780 --> 00:55:18,817
Yeah, okay.

865
00:55:25,189 --> 00:55:27,430
Oh, God.

866
00:55:30,994 --> 00:55:34,271
- What did you step in?
- Oh, God. I don't know.

867
00:55:34,431 --> 00:55:37,969
Let's go up here to the top
of this little mountain here. This hill.

868
00:55:38,135 --> 00:55:40,445
- What hill?
- This little hill right up here.

869
00:55:40,604 --> 00:55:42,777
- You can see a hill?
- Yeah, right up here.

870
00:55:42,940 --> 00:55:47,548
- Yeah, you who can't see at night.
- Get up here so we can get a better view.

871
00:55:47,711 --> 00:55:50,351
- Man, this is an adventure.
- You can't see a hill.

872
00:55:50,514 --> 00:55:52,687
We can see the...

873
00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:55,626
- Yeah, it's probably a cliff.
- Yeah, but... Come on.

874
00:55:55,786 --> 00:55:57,788
Come on, Mitch.

875
00:56:00,457 --> 00:56:03,370
- I think we're off the path, Colin.
- Great.

876
00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:06,508
Where do you think the path is?

877
00:56:10,834 --> 00:56:13,678
I don't know. I don't know.

878
00:56:17,241 --> 00:56:20,188
We've lost track of the hotel for a while.

879
00:56:20,344 --> 00:56:22,654
You know, this reminds me...

880
00:56:22,813 --> 00:56:27,387
when I was fox hunting
with my grandpa back in Kentucky.

881
00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:31,863
I had to go to the bathroom and I wasn't
gonna take a crap out there in the woods.

882
00:56:32,022 --> 00:56:36,664
And I got lost for three or four hours
trying to make it back to grandpa's house.

883
00:56:36,827 --> 00:56:40,001
- Really.
- That's encouraging.

884
00:56:40,163 --> 00:56:43,667
- Which way do you think we should go?
- You're leading. You tell me.

885
00:56:43,834 --> 00:56:46,610
This is like one of those horror movies.

886
00:56:46,770 --> 00:56:49,080
Out here in the middle of nowhere,
you know?

887
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:53,881
I don't know why I listen to a word
you say, Mitch, because it's all bullshit.

888
00:56:54,044 --> 00:56:56,285
Why do we have to be out here?

889
00:56:56,446 --> 00:56:59,950
- Why do we have to stumble in the dark?
- We're having an adventure.

890
00:57:00,117 --> 00:57:01,528
Yeah, but you went for it.

891
00:57:01,685 --> 00:57:06,031
Yeah, that's because you won't take no
for an answer.

892
00:57:06,189 --> 00:57:08,294
All right? It always has to be your way.

893
00:57:08,458 --> 00:57:10,961
I'm Mitch. I'm the fucking Marine.

894
00:57:11,128 --> 00:57:14,541
Remind me. Next time I'll bring
somebody else with me to Iceland.

895
00:57:14,698 --> 00:57:18,202
Yeah? You got some other ex-relations
that you can bamboozle?

896
00:57:18,368 --> 00:57:20,814
- Oh, yeah.
- Why are you always on the move?

897
00:57:20,971 --> 00:57:22,973
Why don't you just stop? Stay still.

898
00:57:23,140 --> 00:57:26,280
- Don't you ever just wanna sit?
- Life is too fucking short.

899
00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:29,652
- And look out the window.
- Life is too short to sit still.

900
00:57:29,813 --> 00:57:34,262
Yeah, I want the rest of my life to be more
relaxed than this experience, all right?

901
00:57:34,418 --> 00:57:35,920
I'll get you a rocking chair.

902
00:57:36,086 --> 00:57:38,396
- You can sit on your porch.
- Fuck it, Mitch.

903
00:58:00,344 --> 00:58:01,846
Wake up.

904
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,460
Damn, I was just getting comfortable.

905
00:58:05,615 --> 00:58:08,653
It's light enough to make our way back.

906
00:58:08,819 --> 00:58:10,924
You know which way it is?

907
01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:28,963
I heard y'all talking...

908
01:00:29,126 --> 01:00:31,936
- and are y'all from the States?
- Yeah.

909
01:00:32,095 --> 01:00:33,938
Hey, how about that. Me too.

910
01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:37,010
So, what y'all doing here, anyway?

911
01:00:37,167 --> 01:00:39,113
We're actually on our honeymoon.

912
01:00:39,269 --> 01:00:42,182
- Moon! Oh, honeymoon.
- Yeah.

913
01:00:42,339 --> 01:00:44,819
So how long y'all been married?

914
01:00:44,975 --> 01:00:46,784
- It's day four.
- Couple days, yeah.

915
01:00:46,943 --> 01:00:48,513
- Four days?
- Yeah.

916
01:00:48,678 --> 01:00:51,090
Four days, that's wonderful.

917
01:00:51,248 --> 01:00:55,822
The advice that my grandpa gave me,
I'll give y'all.

918
01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:57,158
Just remember:

919
01:00:57,320 --> 01:01:01,462
Don't let the sun rise or set
on a problem that you have...

920
01:01:01,625 --> 01:01:04,367
and you'll do right by yourselves.

921
01:01:04,594 --> 01:01:06,005
What y'all been doing here?

922
01:01:06,163 --> 01:01:09,269
- We haven't done that much yet.
- Been staying in your room?

923
01:01:10,600 --> 01:01:11,840
- Yeah.
- Little bit.

924
01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:15,779
How many times have you hit the mat
in the last four days'?

925
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:18,817
Oh, no comment?

926
01:01:39,896 --> 01:01:43,366
Believe it or not, I spent my honeymoon
at Walt Disney World.

927
01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:44,876
Can you imagine that?

928
01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:47,572
Oh, is that a bunch of crap, huh? Yeah.

929
01:01:47,737 --> 01:01:50,047
But guess what, that's what we did.

930
01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:55,155
Now, are y'all gonna have kids, now?
How old are y'all anyway?

931
01:01:55,345 --> 01:01:59,259
Well, now, hold on a minute.
Let me guess, okay?

932
01:01:59,583 --> 01:02:03,998
This gorgeous young thing over here
with that beautiful skin, beautiful face...

933
01:02:04,187 --> 01:02:07,031
I say she's 21.

934
01:02:07,557 --> 01:02:12,734
And for you, I'm gonna go 26.

935
01:02:12,896 --> 01:02:15,934
Was that...?
How close? Was I right?

936
01:02:16,866 --> 01:02:19,107
- No.
- I'm 35, she's 30.

937
01:02:19,336 --> 01:02:20,610
Are you kidding me?

938
01:02:20,770 --> 01:02:24,115
That gorgeous thing looks like
she just stepped out of a cradle.

939
01:02:24,274 --> 01:02:28,086
She is so young. I figured
they might be gonna put you in jail.

940
01:02:28,245 --> 01:02:32,057
If you were 35, they could
put you in jail for that, you know.

941
01:02:32,215 --> 01:02:34,695
- I don't know about that.
Because she looks...

942
01:02:34,851 --> 01:02:36,797
a lot younger than 30.

943
01:02:37,020 --> 01:02:38,931
One little thing I wanna tell you...

944
01:02:39,089 --> 01:02:42,536
and I don't want her to hear,
so I'll whisper it in your ear.

945
01:02:42,692 --> 01:02:45,229
Here, just a sec, okay?

946
01:02:46,730 --> 01:02:48,107
Just remember:

947
01:02:48,265 --> 01:02:53,408
She's always, always right.
Never wrong.

948
01:02:53,703 --> 01:02:57,480
No matter what she says, you say,
"Yes, ma'am. You're right."

949
01:02:57,641 --> 01:03:00,417
Just keep on that right track,
and you'll be okay.

950
01:03:00,577 --> 01:03:01,578
- Got it?
- Yeah.

951
01:03:09,419 --> 01:03:11,626
Pleasure, pleasure of life.

952
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:15,395
Maybe we'll do breakfast in the morning.
How's that sound?

953
01:03:15,558 --> 01:03:18,300
- Yeah, maybe.
- Yeah. Maybe in the morning.

954
01:03:18,461 --> 01:03:20,065
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

955
01:05:04,033 --> 01:05:05,842
Mitch!

956
01:05:06,002 --> 01:05:07,504
- God!
- I'm sorry.

957
01:05:07,670 --> 01:05:09,946
I knocked on the door,
you didn't answer.

958
01:05:10,106 --> 01:05:12,347
- I needed to talk to you.
- What time is it?

959
01:05:12,509 --> 01:05:13,852
Oh, it's really late.

960
01:05:14,010 --> 01:05:18,425
For Pete's sake, it's really late.
It's really late.

961
01:05:19,716 --> 01:05:22,856
When I'm freaking out, man,
I need to talk to you.

962
01:05:23,019 --> 01:05:25,727
Between us get hung
out there in that field...

963
01:05:25,889 --> 01:05:28,563
and Janet's story
she told us the other night...

964
01:05:28,725 --> 01:05:32,070
this place reminds me
of a ghoulish place, you know?

965
01:05:32,228 --> 01:05:34,799
- Just, just chill.
- Freaking out. Really freaking.

966
01:05:34,964 --> 01:05:37,205
- Freaking. Freaking!
- Jesus.

967
01:05:37,367 --> 01:05:39,074
- I'm freaking.
- God.

968
01:05:39,235 --> 01:05:41,806
Just need somebody to talk to.

969
01:05:41,971 --> 01:05:44,713
It's okay. I've forgiven you.

970
01:05:44,874 --> 01:05:47,912
Everything's fine. You're a grown man.

971
01:05:48,077 --> 01:05:49,249
I'm going to bed.

972
01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:50,823
- All right?
- Now, hold it.

973
01:05:50,980 --> 01:05:53,392
Stay up just a little bit. Come on.

974
01:05:53,550 --> 01:05:55,325
Chat with me. Please.

975
01:05:55,485 --> 01:05:57,055
Please.

976
01:06:02,425 --> 01:06:05,065
Do you have any pot with you?

977
01:06:05,929 --> 01:06:08,136
- Do I have any pot with me?
- Do you?

978
01:06:08,298 --> 01:06:11,245
- Well, let's...
- You know I always have pot with me.

979
01:06:11,401 --> 01:06:13,642
- I thought it was a stupid question.
- Yeah.

980
01:06:13,803 --> 01:06:16,511
How about we have some. All right?

981
01:06:16,673 --> 01:06:20,246
I tell you what, you mentioning that
almost makes me cry.

982
01:06:20,443 --> 01:06:22,150
Thank you.

983
01:06:23,012 --> 01:06:24,320
Okay.

984
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:27,792
Does this bring back any memories,
you turd?

985
01:06:31,588 --> 01:06:33,534
A buddy and I...

986
01:06:34,190 --> 01:06:35,863
we were smoking this stuff...

987
01:06:36,025 --> 01:06:39,165
and we were outside
shooting wine casks with a shotgun.

988
01:06:39,362 --> 01:06:44,539
Then the guy with the shotgun saw a rat
climbing up the wall of the house.

989
01:06:45,702 --> 01:06:48,182
- Was it a real rat?
- It was a real rat.

990
01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:49,715
Okay.

991
01:06:49,873 --> 01:06:52,649
I thought it might've been you
climbing up the wall.

992
01:06:52,809 --> 01:06:55,551
It was the most amazing thing, honestly.

993
01:06:55,778 --> 01:06:56,779
Was just...

994
01:06:56,946 --> 01:06:59,893
And I remember flying home that night.

995
01:07:00,049 --> 01:07:01,960
Flying home? Oh, cool.

996
01:07:02,118 --> 01:07:04,394
- Yep.
- With no airplane, right?

997
01:07:04,621 --> 01:07:06,157
That figures, you know.

998
01:07:06,322 --> 01:07:10,668
There was no airplane, but I remember
definitely drifting above the road.

999
01:07:10,827 --> 01:07:12,238
It was really good stuff.

1000
01:07:12,395 --> 01:07:14,568
This kind, you were just elevating, huh?

1001
01:07:14,731 --> 01:07:17,177
Levitating? Cool.

1002
01:07:17,734 --> 01:07:19,543
I like that feeling.

1003
01:07:20,203 --> 01:07:23,184
- I like that up, and going... How is it?
- Oh, man.

1004
01:07:23,973 --> 01:07:25,543
- Delicious?
- Exquisite.

1005
01:07:25,708 --> 01:07:26,743
Hey, good.

1006
01:07:26,910 --> 01:07:29,914
- You always buy good stuff.
- Ought to be, it's expensive.

1007
01:07:30,079 --> 01:07:31,922
But it's good Icelandic stuff, man.

1008
01:07:34,651 --> 01:07:36,597
Turn the lights off when you leave.

1009
01:07:36,753 --> 01:07:39,495
Hey, you're not gonna go to sleep
on me, huh?

1010
01:07:40,323 --> 01:07:42,894
All right, go ahead.
I'll hang around for a while.

1011
01:07:43,059 --> 01:07:44,902
- Yeah, why don't you.
- Okay.

1012
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:46,768
And just so I won't be...

1013
01:07:46,930 --> 01:07:50,036
So I won't be lonesome,
I'll make sure nobody bothers you.

1014
01:07:50,199 --> 01:07:52,873
- Okay?
- Okay. Tell you what.

1015
01:07:53,770 --> 01:07:57,274
Do whatever you want, Mitch.
It's... You're cool, man.

1016
01:07:57,440 --> 01:08:00,011
- We try.
- Thank you very much.

1017
01:08:00,176 --> 01:08:03,749
- This is what it's all about.
- Elvis has left the building.

1018
01:08:05,248 --> 01:08:09,094
Elvis is levitating out of the building.

1019
01:08:09,252 --> 01:08:12,233
Right on up through the roof.

1020
01:08:15,525 --> 01:08:18,131
God, that stuff is strong.

1021
01:08:18,728 --> 01:08:20,730
Sure is.

1022
01:08:23,633 --> 01:08:26,807
Just cruising, baby. Just cruising.

1023
01:09:16,185 --> 01:09:18,256
Know what we need
to liven up this trip?

1024
01:09:18,454 --> 01:09:23,199
Let's start off by naming
our five favorite celebrity females...

1025
01:09:23,359 --> 01:09:26,203
that we'd like to have sex with.
I'll start off.

1026
01:09:26,362 --> 01:09:28,842
Number one: Demi Moore.

1027
01:09:28,998 --> 01:09:30,534
Her hips.

1028
01:09:30,700 --> 01:09:33,510
Julia Roberts, her lips, is number two.

1029
01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:37,174
Number three:
Everything about Halle Berry.

1030
01:09:37,373 --> 01:09:40,047
- Number four: Jenna Elf man.
- All right, all right.

1031
01:09:40,209 --> 01:09:42,120
- Her long, long legs.
- All right.

1032
01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:45,054
You know what? I don't like lists.

1033
01:09:45,214 --> 01:09:47,854
That's what they do on Facebook.
Rank everything.

1034
01:09:48,017 --> 01:09:49,496
Just leave it alone.

1035
01:09:49,652 --> 01:09:53,794
And I really,
really question Julia Roberts. Totally.

1036
01:09:53,990 --> 01:09:58,166
She was great in Pretty Woman, man.
She did it for free, she did it for money.

1037
01:09:58,327 --> 01:10:01,069
And then she found love.
That's what it's all about.

1038
01:10:01,297 --> 01:10:04,244
- Yeah, that's Hollywood.
- Hollywood.

1039
01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:07,813
My Aunt Jenny used to make lists
of everything like that.

1040
01:10:07,970 --> 01:10:12,180
Her recipes, her favorite movies,
her movie stars...

1041
01:10:12,341 --> 01:10:14,343
all those kind of things, you know?

1042
01:10:14,510 --> 01:10:16,649
Did she make a "favorite nephews" list?

1043
01:10:16,813 --> 01:10:18,656
Oh, come on, you horse's ass.

1044
01:10:18,815 --> 01:10:19,850
I know she loved me.

1045
01:10:20,016 --> 01:10:23,327
Because, you know, we played tennis
two or three times a week.

1046
01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:28,062
- Do you ever watch any tennis?
- No, not much.

1047
01:10:28,224 --> 01:10:30,602
Well, there was this guy named Nadal.

1048
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:32,899
He's a professional player.

1049
01:10:33,062 --> 01:10:34,166
Spanish guy.

1050
01:10:34,330 --> 01:10:36,867
Good-looking guy,
that's why the broads like him.

1051
01:10:37,033 --> 01:10:39,411
I like him
because he's a good tennis player.

1052
01:10:39,569 --> 01:10:43,915
But he's got this damn bad habit,
which has become a trademark...

1053
01:10:44,073 --> 01:10:46,576
where he's all the time
digging in his ass...

1054
01:10:46,743 --> 01:10:49,747
like he's got goats in his garden.

1055
01:10:51,214 --> 01:10:52,454
Picking his wedgie.

1056
01:10:52,682 --> 01:10:55,424
Picking his wedgie. Picking his wedgie.

1057
01:11:01,190 --> 01:11:03,966
Damn, that looks like
the Mississippi River, buddy.

1058
01:11:17,473 --> 01:11:19,885
- Oh, bay.
- Can't really see how deep it is...

1059
01:11:20,042 --> 01:11:21,953
- out there in the middle.
- Yeah.

1060
01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:25,320
- What do you think?
- I don't know.

1061
01:11:27,049 --> 01:11:31,054
You think this thing will make it through
that deep water or not'!

1062
01:11:31,220 --> 01:11:32,961
Well, it's built for it, man.

1063
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:34,465
- I think.
- Yeah.

1064
01:11:34,657 --> 01:11:38,298
How about if we wade out in the middle
and see how deep it is?

1065
01:11:38,461 --> 01:11:40,099
You think?

1066
01:11:40,263 --> 01:11:41,640
I'll do it. All right?

1067
01:11:41,998 --> 01:11:45,468
You get the car nice and toasty,
and I will do it.

1068
01:11:45,635 --> 01:11:49,173
- All right, boy, you got it.
- All right.

1069
01:12:15,298 --> 01:12:19,769
Oh, my. Oh, my goodness.

1070
01:12:24,006 --> 01:12:26,543
I thought you was gonna get a shower
out there.

1071
01:12:26,709 --> 01:12:28,382
Shut up.

1072
01:12:28,544 --> 01:12:29,989
That solves that problem.

1073
01:12:30,146 --> 01:12:32,183
Yeah.

1074
01:12:35,117 --> 01:12:37,028
Right-o.

1075
01:12:48,130 --> 01:12:49,734
Oh, here we go again.

1076
01:12:49,899 --> 01:12:52,573
- Yeah, it's just water.
- Hey!

1077
01:12:52,735 --> 01:12:54,715
Oh, yeah.

1078
01:13:06,983 --> 01:13:09,827
- Just like the old days, buddy.
- Yeah, yeah.

1079
01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:02,207
Hey, there.

1080
01:14:02,371 --> 01:14:04,408
- Hey, there, neighbor.
- Howdy, neighbor.

1081
01:14:04,573 --> 01:14:06,211
- Mitch.
- Nadine.

1082
01:14:06,375 --> 01:14:07,911
Nice meeting you, Nadine.

1083
01:14:08,077 --> 01:14:09,454
- Hi.
- Hi.

1084
01:14:09,612 --> 01:14:11,614
- Colin. Good to meet you.
- Hi, Colin.

1085
01:14:11,781 --> 01:14:14,159
- Yeah, nice meeting you too.
- You're American?

1086
01:14:14,317 --> 01:14:16,058
No, I'm Canadian, thank you.

1087
01:14:16,218 --> 01:14:19,062
Hey, John Candy,
my favorite Canadian.

1088
01:14:19,221 --> 01:14:21,326
- What province?
- That's... Good actor.

1089
01:14:21,490 --> 01:14:22,798
I'm from Ontario.

1090
01:14:22,992 --> 01:14:23,993
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

1091
01:14:24,160 --> 01:14:26,071
- Nice.
- Yeah. Beautiful.

1092
01:14:26,228 --> 01:14:27,502
- You hiking?
- Yeah.

1093
01:14:27,663 --> 01:14:29,904
I'm hiking.
Came on vacation to just do...

1094
01:14:30,066 --> 01:14:33,912
You know,
take pictures and just check things out.

1095
01:14:34,303 --> 01:14:35,805
- Yeah.
- Cool.

1096
01:14:35,972 --> 01:14:38,612
Okay. Well, I'm gonna head off.

1097
01:14:39,075 --> 01:14:41,316
And I will see you guys later.

1098
01:14:41,477 --> 01:14:43,787
We'll catch you later.
Maybe have a drink...

1099
01:14:43,946 --> 01:14:45,289
- or a smoke.
- Okay.

1100
01:14:45,448 --> 01:14:48,588
- Sounds like a good plan.
- Be safe.

1101
01:14:48,751 --> 01:14:51,095
Wonder if she knows
what you mean by "smoke."

1102
01:14:53,923 --> 01:14:56,369
I got a big surprise for you, buddy.

1103
01:14:56,525 --> 01:15:00,302
- I got a big surprise for you, buddy.
- You got a surprise for me?

1104
01:15:00,463 --> 01:15:03,034
- I have a surprise for you.
- What's your surprise?

1105
01:15:03,199 --> 01:15:07,511
- I'm not telling you. You tell me yours.
- No, you tell me yours first.

1106
01:15:08,437 --> 01:15:10,781
- Where are we?
- Iceland.

1107
01:15:11,374 --> 01:15:14,981
What can you buy in Iceland
you can't buy in the U.S.?

1108
01:15:16,712 --> 01:15:18,692
I don't know.

1109
01:15:19,548 --> 01:15:21,459
I don't know.

1110
01:15:21,650 --> 01:15:22,685
Cuban cigars.

1111
01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:25,833
- Cuban cigars.
- Yes.

1112
01:15:26,122 --> 01:15:28,068
What's your surprise?

1113
01:15:52,915 --> 01:15:54,986
Way to go.

1114
01:15:55,151 --> 01:15:57,927
- Pretty good.
- Oh, yeah.

1115
01:15:58,087 --> 01:16:00,567
- Oh, look at that.
- That'll do.

1116
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,533
- Your favorite, baby.
- I'm gonna grab these.

1117
01:16:03,692 --> 01:16:07,504
- Careful. Don't burn yourself.
- No, I'll be fine.

1118
01:16:19,341 --> 01:16:21,514
I got something I need to tell you...

1119
01:16:21,677 --> 01:16:25,022
and I hope you won't hold it against me.

1120
01:16:25,281 --> 01:16:27,625
Hope you don't think any less of me.

1121
01:16:27,783 --> 01:16:29,854
But I gotta get it off my chest.

1122
01:16:30,019 --> 01:16:33,694
Truth is, I been retired for six months.

1123
01:16:34,857 --> 01:16:36,234
Really?

1124
01:16:36,392 --> 01:16:38,599
Yeah. Six months.

1125
01:16:38,794 --> 01:16:41,035
What happened, man?

1126
01:16:41,197 --> 01:16:42,938
Well...

1127
01:16:44,100 --> 01:16:45,374
the short version...

1128
01:16:46,635 --> 01:16:49,241
is I actually had two choices.

1129
01:16:49,805 --> 01:16:51,978
I could get fired...

1130
01:16:53,976 --> 01:16:58,049
or take the retirement plan...

1131
01:16:58,214 --> 01:17:00,922
which is being put out to pasture.

1132
01:17:02,651 --> 01:17:09,330
And I chose put out to pasture,
so they gave me a good retirement deal.

1133
01:17:10,759 --> 01:17:15,469
But you know how I am.
I worked my whole life, you know.

1134
01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:18,635
Always had something to do.

1135
01:17:19,301 --> 01:17:21,781
Now I don't have a shitting thing to do.

1136
01:17:22,404 --> 01:17:25,351
And I realized...

1137
01:17:29,078 --> 01:17:32,457
that, hell, this damn trip is for me.

1138
01:17:35,084 --> 01:17:38,657
And I hope you'll forgive me
for lying to you...

1139
01:17:39,855 --> 01:17:42,699
and keeping these things from you...

1140
01:17:42,858 --> 01:17:46,271
and actually tricking you
into coming on this trip, you know'?

1141
01:17:46,996 --> 01:17:49,772
It's a pretty lousy thing to do.
Really, Mitch.

1142
01:17:50,366 --> 01:17:52,312
- I know.
- Buy tickets to Iceland...

1143
01:17:52,468 --> 01:17:54,948
drive through the country,
stay at hotels...

1144
01:17:55,104 --> 01:17:58,381
eat good food,
I mean, that is really low.

1145
01:18:01,343 --> 01:18:03,482
Man. We're still alive, eh?

1146
01:18:05,014 --> 01:18:07,290
I'm not dead yet.

1147
01:18:08,951 --> 01:18:09,952
Not dead yet.

1148
01:19:12,715 --> 01:19:15,025
Steve McQueen.
That's a Steve McQueen movie.

1149
01:19:15,184 --> 01:19:16,720
Yeah, that's what it was.

1150
01:19:16,885 --> 01:19:20,389
Nadine, you sure this wouldn't be better
with, like, us not here...

1151
01:19:20,556 --> 01:19:23,059
and just the mountain
and the stream, and...?

1152
01:19:23,225 --> 01:19:26,570
Believe me, you guys make the shot.

1153
01:19:27,363 --> 01:19:29,900
Just don't pay attention to me.

1154
01:19:30,065 --> 01:19:31,408
Just keep relaxing.

1155
01:19:31,567 --> 01:19:35,140
Speaking of shot, it'd be nice
to have a couple of shots right now.

1156
01:19:35,371 --> 01:19:37,214
- She's worked us out.
- Yeah, I know.

1157
01:19:37,373 --> 01:19:38,545
Okay, look at me.

1158
01:19:38,707 --> 01:19:40,948
- I got you.
- Oh, come on. That was perfect.

1159
01:19:41,110 --> 01:19:44,284
- All right, you like that, huh?
- You're not getting it.

1160
01:19:46,248 --> 01:19:49,559
- Great.
Hey, you think this picture's gonna...

1161
01:19:49,718 --> 01:19:54,667
When we go to Paris, this picture's gonna
be in a prominent place in the Louvre?

1162
01:19:54,823 --> 01:19:59,499
Okay? Or you think it's gonna be
in a fold-out on Playgirl magazine, baby?

1163
01:19:59,662 --> 01:20:03,075
You're gonna be
right next to the Mona Lisa, baby.

1164
01:20:03,232 --> 01:20:05,269
We look at you,
or look at the camera?

1165
01:20:05,434 --> 01:20:08,438
- Okay, look at me.
- Under Mona Lisa or over Mona Lisa?

1166
01:20:10,773 --> 01:20:12,810
Okay, come on. Behave.

1167
01:20:12,975 --> 01:20:14,682
No, can't do that.

1168
01:20:14,843 --> 01:20:15,844
- Okay.
- Thank you.

1169
01:20:16,011 --> 01:20:17,752
It's a pleasure.

1170
01:20:20,282 --> 01:20:22,523
Okay.

1171
01:20:23,319 --> 01:20:25,765
How about the Caddyshack?

1172
01:20:26,655 --> 01:20:30,626
Here comes the...
The Baby Ruth candy bar, baby.

1173
01:20:30,793 --> 01:20:33,672
Don't eat it, okay?
Just remember, okay?

1174
01:20:33,829 --> 01:20:35,467
Again?

1175
01:20:35,631 --> 01:20:36,974
- Look at me.
- Look at you.

1176
01:20:37,132 --> 01:20:39,669
We can look at you, honey. Anytime.

1177
01:20:45,974 --> 01:20:49,387
It's absolutely amazing in here.

1178
01:20:49,678 --> 01:20:51,658
Not bad at all.

1179
01:20:51,947 --> 01:20:53,893
Invigorating.

1180
01:20:54,049 --> 01:20:56,393
Have you always been
a photographer?

1181
01:20:57,286 --> 01:20:58,629
On and off since college.

1182
01:20:58,787 --> 01:21:00,994
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1183
01:21:02,691 --> 01:21:07,333
- Is that it? Anything else?
- Well, actually, I work in a bank.

1184
01:21:07,496 --> 01:21:10,375
I studied photography in school,
but I mean...

1185
01:21:10,532 --> 01:21:13,706
- I've gotta make a living.
- I used to be a branch manager.

1186
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:15,041
- You're kidding?
- Yeah.

1187
01:21:15,204 --> 01:21:17,013
- That's what I am.
- Deadly serious.

1188
01:21:17,172 --> 01:21:18,742
- Okay.
Welcome to Iceland.

1189
01:21:18,907 --> 01:21:20,181
Oh, well, thank you.

1190
01:21:20,342 --> 01:21:22,754
This must be where
all the bank managers come.

1191
01:21:22,911 --> 01:21:23,912
Exactly.

1192
01:21:24,079 --> 01:21:26,685
Yeah, but he was a great
French horn player.

1193
01:21:26,849 --> 01:21:30,092
He was the Al Hirt of French horns,
if you like jazz...

1194
01:21:30,252 --> 01:21:33,825
and he's the Beethoven
of the French horn, if you like classical.

1195
01:21:36,558 --> 01:21:40,904
I can see that.
You have that musician's air about you.

1196
01:21:42,097 --> 01:21:44,873
- It's... Really?
- Yeah.

1197
01:21:45,434 --> 01:21:47,539
Must be what I'm wearing.

1198
01:21:48,170 --> 01:21:49,911
- So you do play something?
- No.

1199
01:21:50,072 --> 01:21:51,710
- No?
- No, nothing at all.

1200
01:21:51,874 --> 01:21:53,581
- You sing?
- No.

1201
01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:55,221
Terrible.

1202
01:21:55,377 --> 01:21:57,687
- Okay.
- Absolutely terrible.

1203
01:21:57,846 --> 01:22:00,850
I... Yeah, I went to karaoke
a few months ago...

1204
01:22:01,016 --> 01:22:05,055
and I slaughtered the song "Gypsy"
by Fleetwood Mac.

1205
01:22:05,287 --> 01:22:07,699
- It's a good song.
- Not the way I sing it.

1206
01:22:07,856 --> 01:22:09,597
That's a shame.

1207
01:22:09,792 --> 01:22:11,430
It is.

1208
01:22:11,593 --> 01:22:15,268
- Dear.
- I do a great Bonnie Raitt karaoke.

1209
01:22:16,598 --> 01:22:19,078
I always forget the words.

1210
01:22:20,135 --> 01:22:23,639
That's why they have them
on the screen.

1211
01:22:24,273 --> 01:22:26,776
Yeah, but if you're too loaded
to read them...

1212
01:22:26,942 --> 01:22:29,320
Yeah, well, I forgot about that.

1213
01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:33,453
Think I'm gonna cut out on you guys.

1214
01:22:33,615 --> 01:22:38,325
I think I need a little doob-ification,
if you know what I mean.

1215
01:22:38,487 --> 01:22:39,727
- Okay
- Okay.

1216
01:22:39,888 --> 01:22:41,561
Little doob-ification.

1217
01:22:41,723 --> 01:22:43,100
Are both of you going?

1218
01:22:43,492 --> 01:22:45,233
No. No, I'll stay.

1219
01:22:45,394 --> 01:22:47,931
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

1220
01:22:49,431 --> 01:22:50,842
Why not?

1221
01:22:50,999 --> 01:22:52,137
Yeah, sounds good.

1222
01:22:52,301 --> 01:22:55,612
I look like a wrinkled prune.
I'd hate you to see that.

1223
01:22:55,771 --> 01:22:58,115
I'm gonna wait till it gets dark, okay.

1224
01:23:12,955 --> 01:23:19,839
Peter O'Toole, Steve Guttenberg,
and Jennifer Tilly.

1225
01:23:23,799 --> 01:23:27,144
- You don't have a clue, do you?
- No I haven't... I have no idea.

1226
01:23:28,337 --> 01:23:30,010
It's High Spirits.

1227
01:23:30,172 --> 01:23:32,652
Did you ever see...

1228
01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:35,488
- Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?
- Yes.

1229
01:23:35,644 --> 01:23:38,648
When Steve Marlin's in jail
trying to remember the name...

1230
01:23:38,814 --> 01:23:42,227
of Michael Game's character,
and he's there and he's going:

1231
01:23:42,784 --> 01:23:46,129
“Fif... Fifen... Fiienhausen."

1232
01:23:46,288 --> 01:23:51,237
And he goes through all of these...
All these stupid names. That's funny.

1233
01:23:52,995 --> 01:23:56,204
- Okay. Me.
- All right.

1234
01:24:01,970 --> 01:24:05,247
- I'll give you an easy one.
- Okay.

1235
01:24:06,542 --> 01:24:09,546
- Danny DeVito...
- Okay.

1236
01:24:09,711 --> 01:24:12,248
and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

1237
01:24:12,848 --> 01:24:14,418
Twins.

1238
01:24:14,583 --> 01:24:17,086
- Please.
- It's one of my favorite films.

1239
01:24:17,252 --> 01:24:18,526
I love that film.

1240
01:24:20,355 --> 01:24:22,096
"Vincent."

1241
01:24:24,259 --> 01:24:26,762
Come on. Give me another one.
Give me another.

1242
01:24:26,929 --> 01:24:31,571
"Vincent, I am your brother."

1243
01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:37,706
"Oh, obviously. The minute I sat down,
I thought I was looking in a mirror."

1244
01:24:37,873 --> 01:24:40,752
"You're such a girly man."

1245
01:24:42,010 --> 01:24:44,581
- All right. All right.
- Gotta love Arnold.

1246
01:24:44,746 --> 01:24:47,386
- This has been fun.
- Yeah.

1247
01:24:47,549 --> 01:24:51,087
I don't know if I've been this relaxed
for a long time.

1248
01:24:51,253 --> 01:24:54,257
Yeah, this has been really nice.

1249
01:24:54,423 --> 01:24:58,565
Yeah. How about another dip
in the morning? You wanna do that?

1250
01:24:59,528 --> 01:25:01,906
Actually, I'm heading out.

1251
01:25:02,264 --> 01:25:03,572
- Really?
- Yeah.

1252
01:25:03,732 --> 01:25:05,439
Heading up to the airport.

1253
01:25:05,601 --> 01:25:06,944
Well, that's a shame.

1254
01:25:07,102 --> 01:25:08,809
Yeah.

1255
01:25:08,971 --> 01:25:12,748
Well, that leaves me with Mitch.

1256
01:25:13,709 --> 01:25:15,655
Who is not a good substitute for you.

1257
01:25:20,415 --> 01:25:23,055
I have a really nice warm spot here.

1258
01:25:23,986 --> 01:25:25,659
Why don't you come over?

1259
01:25:26,788 --> 01:25:28,392
Over there?

1260
01:25:28,724 --> 01:25:31,102
It sounds like a really good idea,
doesn't it?

1261
01:25:31,259 --> 01:25:35,139
- Yeah. If you don't mind.
Because it's kind of cool over here.

1262
01:27:07,222 --> 01:27:11,329
You know, I did one of your crossword
puzzles yesterday evening.

1263
01:27:12,994 --> 01:27:17,204
I did pretty good at it
until I got up to the right-hand corner...

1264
01:27:17,365 --> 01:27:22,610
and there was some Siberian river
that started with a Y.

1265
01:27:24,106 --> 01:27:26,086
Yenisey.

1266
01:27:26,675 --> 01:27:29,019
Yup, that was it.

1267
01:27:35,784 --> 01:27:38,196
I'm gonna be sorry to leave this place,
Mitch.

1268
01:27:38,353 --> 01:27:41,027
Don't get that Sunday afternoon attitude,
you know?

1269
01:27:41,189 --> 01:27:44,762
It's not over with yet.
We still got the spa.

1270
01:27:44,926 --> 01:27:48,305
- Spa? What spa?
- The spa. We talked about the spa.

1271
01:27:48,463 --> 01:27:52,434
- No, we didn't talk about the spa.
- Well, thing about it is this...

1272
01:27:52,601 --> 01:27:55,639
you don't worry about it,
I got the spa handled.

1273
01:27:55,804 --> 01:27:57,647
- Good.
- Got it handled for you.

1274
01:27:57,806 --> 01:28:01,151
Good times are still coming.

1275
01:34:34,269 --> 01:34:36,306
Bite of pepper.