General

- All class-specific abilities have been removed, they were too confusing and mathy. Instead we're proud to introduce two new abilities, which will be available to every class alike: "Damage" and "Heal"! They will have a shared cooldown of 5 seconds and heal for the same amount as they deal damage.

- All remaining confusing stats have been removed, such as Block, Haste and Resilience. This means you will only have base stats left, but don't worry: We redesigned talent trees to give you everything you need from your primary stat, so you'll essentially have stamina and a primary stat on your gear. This will cause much less confusion for you regarding item choices and make itemization easier for us.

- All classes who previously were using mana for their spells now use focus. It was too complex to watch the blue bar while you were pressing your other buttons, we get that now.

- Level Cap increased to 86. This is not so we can throw in even more expansions until we hit 100 and press the last bit of money out of new casual customers, we just want you to really feel like you achieved something when you gain a level. Side note: You'll get an exclusive pet just for reading this very sentence I'm writing right now.

- Added an incredidoupololous amount of new pets and achievements. You'll get an achievement for pretty much everything now, like looking at a specific wall, running 100 yards or being afk for five minutes. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Except for the chat spam if you're in a large guild. Jesus Christ.
Anyway, we also implemented about 4000 new pets. We figured with all the farming gold just to spend it all again once you got the money for your new pet, it was pretty annoying, so we wanted to skip this part and make your gaming experience even more rewarding than before.
That's why all the new pets can now be bought via credit card in the Account Management! No more stupid farming grey mobs for seven weeks just to get this one cute little turtle, you simply pay as little as five dollars and you'll have it in your ingame mail within one hour! Now that's something to show off with.


Raids & Dungeons

- We got a lot of complaints about Cataclysm being too hard for many players, and there's still about 2% of all players that have not beaten the Deathwing Hardmode by now. We want to change that, because everybody should have equal right to see content, regardless of such trivial things as skill, experience or knowledge. So, rather than our previous motto "Bring the player, not the class", it really should be more like "Bring the player, any player."
To meet this demands, we had to make some drastic changes to the way encounters are typically designed. We fired all developers in this area and hired some of our customers to do the design by themselves! In a state-in-the-art deal, we hired the entire 9th grade of the Kentucky School for Special Needs, which included some very enthusiastic fans of the "new" WoW (read: WotLK and everything after).

- In addition to this, every one of the new encounters will now be accessible with up to 40 players. Regardless, the difficulty will always remain the same, so if you are one of those whiny bit­ches that constantly cry for more challenging content, you can just go ahead and do them with 5. Eat that, stupid naggers.

- All encounters will now drop the same level of items, everywhere.


Player versus Player

- With the two new and fun abilities, we had to come up with a new way of balancing PvP, because generally it now just depends on who spams his button faster. That's why in Arenas and Battlegrounds, every player will receive a new buff with infinite duration, called "Lucky Strike". It will grant you a chance of 10% to either deal 20times the damage or heal your target to full health, depending on which one of your two abilities you used. That's right, we finally found a way to balance PvP. Holy Banana Hammock, are we good or what?

- The Horde and Alliance have merged into the Hordiance to finally stop people from using the faction change to play Horde and all those annoying problems that came with that. Within battlegrounds, you will now be assigned to Team Red or Blue, depending on which one has less players at that given moment.

- We will be adding a new Open PvP Zone, designed for 100vs100 Fights, running on one of our old 5-Man Instance Servers. If you are experiencing performance issues there, please contact your grandmother and tell her to eat a di­ck. Maybe she will give a sh­it, because we won't.


Additional Awesomeness

We will propably announce the next expansion in a few weeks, since you won't be needing much time to finish this one. Price will still be the same though, so don't get any ideas.

For the Hordiance!