[RGRE] Baby It's Cold Outside

Mar 5th, 2016
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  1. Complete as of March 12 2016
  3. >You are Anon, and you can't feel your toes right now.
  4. >Winter wasn't supposed to happen this quickly.
  5. >It's supposed to get gradually colder and colder and then it was supposed to snow.
  6. >But not in Ponyland! No! Winter happens when the pegasi WANT it to happen!
  7. >Winter happened at about 4:30 this morning, and you woke up to a foot-and-a-half of snow outside your door.
  8. >Bullshit.
  9. >Absolute bullshit.
  10. >Spike, wearing a tiny widdle coat and hat, came to your door to find out why you weren't at work this morning.
  11. >"Twilight's kinda worried about you, Anon. You sick or something?"
  12. >You told him that no, you weren't sick, and no, you didn't have any kind of winter wear.
  13. >"Well, you're in luck, Anon. Rarity's at the library right now! Look at what she made for me!"
  14. >Spike took off before you could even get your shoes on.
  15. >And here you are, standing in front of the library in your pants and shirt. Shivering and probably getting frostbitten.
  16. "Twilight! For the love of God, open this door!" you yell, pounding on the thick oak doors with a numb fist.
  17. >Thankfully, it was less than ten seconds later that the doorknob glowed purple and the door flung open.
  18. >"Anon? What TOOK you so lo-Anon!"
  19. >You shuffled past Twilight and bathed in the warmth of the heated tree-house.
  20. >Without a word, you make your way over to the fireplace and plant your frozen ass down in front of it. The heat coming off of it stings your exposed flesh, but you're too cold to care.
  21. >Twilight walks over to you and gives you a once-over. While she looks upset that you missed work, you can see some genuine concern for you in her eyes.
  22. >"Is this why you were late, Anon? It was too cold?"
  23. >You nigger, it's STILL too cold.
  24. >You turn your back to the flames and take your shirt off, and oooooohhhh lordy lordy does that ever feel good.
  25. >You're never leaving the library again.
  27. >The only downside is that now your front's too cold.
  28. >You don't have to worry for too long, though; the solution is presented to you in the form of a purple blushing unicorn.
  29. >"Anon? Are yo-Eep!"
  30. >Quick as one of those gross spear shrimp that hide in the sand and attack fish, you whip your arms out and snatch Twilight up in a tight hug.
  31. >This mare right here.
  32. >This mare right FUCKING here.
  33. "Oh god, Twi, how are you so warm?"
  34. >Twilight is less than thrilled at the situation.
  35. >"I-I can't help it! Juh-let me g-go, right now!"
  36. >You hug her tighter and revel in her warmth.
  37. "No; you're mine forever. You can leave when I'm warm."
  38. >It's a long ten or so minutes before you're warm enough to let Twilight go.
  39. >She'd spent most of that time mumbling about treating you like a gentlemare
  42. >You are Twilight, and you are flipping your horseapples right now, stallions and gentlemares.
  43. >A colt is touching you.
  44. >Not just ANY colt: Anonymous the human.
  45. >Do you hug him back? Is that what you're supposed to do?
  46. >Oh, but he's got you all snug up against his human chest!
  47. >Sweet Celestia, you can hear his heart beat.
  48. >Your marely instincts are telling you to cuddle the HORSEAPPLES out of this stallion and offer him a place to stay until things warm up.
  49. >However, a life spent growing up with your ambitious brother reminds you that you won't get anywhere by just tipping your sunhat at a stallion and treating him the way he deserves to be treated.
  51. >To gentlemare or not to gentlemare?
  52. >"Twilight, have you seen Rarity around here?"
  53. >...what?
  54. >B-but this is snuggle time! Why does he want to quit snuggle time?
  55. "Y-yeah. She left about five minutes before you arrived."
  56. >Oh gosh please don't leave me, Anon.
  57. >"I'll be back as soon as I get a jacket to wear, Twi."
  58. >You said that out loud?!
  59. >"C'mon, I promise."
  60. "Just don't forget to come back when you're done, Anon. You can't just skip work because you want to go shopping."
  62. >You trudge through the snow, moving as quickly as you can through the knee-high drift.
  63. >The cold wind, sharp and cold, cuts through your shirt and chills you to the bone.
  64. >If you weren't such a stubborn faggot, you'd have turned around and grabbed a blanket from Twilight's library.
  65. >The snow's picked up since you cuddled your favourite purple unicorn, and you can barely see 100 feet in front of you.
  66. >"Anon?"
  67. >Oh, who's this?
  68. >"Anon, what are you DOING out in this storm?!"
  69. >A cyan blur materializes out from the snowy fog in front of you, revealing none other than Rainbow Dash.
  70. "Oh, you know," you say, your casual tone ruined by your shivering, "Going for a walk."
  71. >Rainbow plans her hooves on your shoulders and pushes you to a stop.
  72. >"Anon, quit being dumb. Get inside before you freeze to death."
  73. >She eyes you up and down, noting your shivering form and the way you've stuffed your bare hands under your armpits.
  74. >"Oh, buck, you must be FREEZING without fur! C'mere, Anon."
  75. >Rainbow Dash loops a foreleg under your elbow and tugs you way off course from where you were going.
  76. "Woah - hey! Rainbow, I was-"
  77. >"-going to get frostbitten, Anon. Rarity's place is closest; let's go."
  78. >Oh.
  79. >Well, apparently you can't navigate this town for shit.
  80. >You suppose you owe Rainbow Dash a 'thank you'.
  81. >Hmm.... better yet, a hug.
  82. >"Honestly, Anon, why didn't you say something? If I knew you were going to kill yourself out here in the cold, I would have DONE something."
  83. >Aww, really?
  84. "You'd have tweaked Ponyville's weather just for 'lil ol' me?"
  85. >Rainbow Dash's blush is easy to spot, the red glow in harsh contrast with the blue of her fur.
  86. >"Well, I could have probably done SOMETHING for the only human in Equestria."
  87. >Hugs time.
  88. "Aww, c'mere, you!"
  89. >You snatch Rainbow Dash out of the air and clutch heroh my god you had no idea how cold you were until you had a warm body pressed up against your chest.
  90. >Nigger, you are NEVER letting this pony go again.
  92. "Oh Christ above, Rainbow, you are the warmest, softest pony I've ever had the pleasure of hugging."
  93. >"R-really? You think so?"
  94. >You nuzzle her head to get some feeling back into your face.
  95. "Mm-hmm."
  96. >Rainbow is silent, but you swear you felt her nuzzle into your chest.
  97. >The next few minutes are spent in comfortable silence as the two of you make your way downtown, walking fast faces pass.
  98. "Are we nearly there?"
  99. >This jolts Rainbow Dash out of her relaxed state and she kind of wriggles in your grasp.
  100. >It's like holding a wriggly teddy bear, and you hug her tighter because AAAAAAH she's so cute like this!
  101. >"A-anon, stop this.... Ponies might seeeee~!" she whines, burying her face in your chest out of embarrassment.
  102. "Nope. Now, are we there?"
  103. >Rainbow Dash peers out from her widdle shirt-cocoon and looks around.
  104. >"Yup," she replies, pointing a hoof out towards a dark, looming shape in the distance, "It's just over there."
  105. >By the time you reach Rarity's, you're in an even worse state than when you got to Twilight's library.
  106. >Despite having Rainbow Dash as a heat source / cuddle buddy, your back stings in the hot air of Rarity's boutique, and you're stumbling with numb feet in wet socks and shoes.
  107. >You don't even hear the bell above the door ringing, announcing your entrance.
  108. >>"Coming!"
  109. >Rarity trots down the stairs and, with eyes closed in the perfect picture of elegance, walks over to you and Dash.
  110. >>"Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where - Oh, it's YOU."
  111. >Rarity's eyes are open again and she's glaring openly at Dash, who glares right back at her with the venom.
  113. >Eesh. You guess the two of them aren't getting along right now.
  114. >>"What's the matter, Rainbow Dash? Have you gotten so lazy that you have a COLT carrying you around, now?"
  115. >You can feel Rainbow Dash stiffen in your grasp. Seems that Rarity's jab cut deeper than she intended it to.
  116. >"At least I HAVE a colt, Rarity. Don't think I didn't recognize your desperate letter to Evening Shine's 'Colt Catching' article in the newspaper."
  117. >Rainbow Dash clears her throat and, in a clear mocking tone, recites what was allegedly something that Rarity had written.
  118. >"Oh, Evening Shine, whatever am I supposed to do? It seems like there are no stallions in town that can appreciate the intellect and etiquette of a high-class mare such as moi."
  119. >Rarity stomps over and her horn glows a sinister blue.
  120. >>"Oh, you...!"
  121. >Welp.
  122. >Time to defuse the situation; or at least distract Rarity with a clothes order.
  123. "So! Hey, Rarity, how's it going?"
  124. >Rarity blinks and stares up at your face.
  125. >>"Oh! Oh, hello, Anonymous. How may I help you?"
  126. >Rainbow Dash struggles to get out of your grip, but you aren't about to let your best source of heat go right away.
  127. "I need some winter-wear, Rarity, A thick jacket, warm pants, boots, a hat, gloves; that sort of thing."
  128. >God, holding onto Rainbow when she wriggles like this is like trying to deal with a fussy toddler.
  129. "Think you can handle something like that?"
  130. >Rarity's horn glows again, but this time it's to gather her tools of the trade.
  131. >>"Oh, of COURSE I can, Darling. I just need to take a few measurements for your gloves."
  132. >Her eyes glitter darkly as she takes in Rainbow Dash's blushing form trapped in your arms.
  133. >>"All I ask in repayment is a hug from you. You seem so cold and Celestia knows I've kept myself fresh and hot by the fireplace all morning."
  135. >You smell a ploy.
  136. "Ehh... I don't know, Rarity."
  137. >She smirks.
  138. >You don't like that smirk.
  139. >>"Well, if you really want to pay with bits like any OTHER customer, then I estimate that an order as large and urgent as your own would cost around...."
  140. >Rarity puts on an exaggerated face of concentration and tilts her head from side to side, humming loudly and unnecessarily."
  141. >>"Four-hundred bits? Yes, that should about cover it."
  142. >You sneaky bitch, you don't HAVE four-hundred bits!
  143. >"Rarity! You KNOW Anon doesn't have that kind of money!"
  144. >>"Well then, dear, I suppose that Anonymous owes me a hug, now."
  145. >Well.... you guess you can't really argue against that.
  146. >You loosen your grip on Rainbow Dash and bend over to place her on the floor.
  147. "Sorry, Rainbow. Seems that I owe somepony a hug right now."
  148. >Rainbow Dash just gives you an annoyed look before turning to glare at Rarity.
  149. >Rarity's taken up a position in front of you, sitting on her plot and holding her forearms out, waiting for you to scoop her up.
  150. >>"Uppies, Darling!"
  151. >With a tug, you bring Rarity up into your chilly embrace.
  152. >>"Oh, dear! You're absolutely freezing!"
  153. >She wraps her forelegs around your neck and hugs you tighter.
  154. >You can't see it, but she's giving Rainbow Dash the smuggest look right now.
  155. >You hate to admit it, but Rarity IS warmer than Rainbow Dash was.
  156. >You guess she wasn't lying about sitting by the fire all morning.
  157. >>"Let's go, Darling," declares Rarity, leaning back and pointing to her back room, "It's time we get a winter outfit ready for you."
  159. ------------------------------
  161. >You are Rainbow Dash, saltiest mare in all the land.
  162. >You were busy cuddling your crush under the pretence of warming him up (Ohh, you'd warm him up alright) when Rarity snatched him away.
  163. >Four-hundred bits!
  164. >No outfit in Rarity's boutique is worth that.
  165. >Horseapples, this entire thing.
  166. >You can only imagine what she's making Anon do.
  167. >Maybe she's sitting in his lap with her back to his flat chest, and she's making him hug her from behind while she works.
  168. >Or maybe she's laying on his chest and they're staring into each other's eyes!
  169. >Poor Anon must be so uncomfortable with Rarity just... just... forcing herself onto him!
  170. >You felt how reluctant he was to accept her offer for hugs as payment.
  171. >What kind of well-raised mare makes a stallion do anything... intimate that he isn't comfortable with?
  172. >And she has the ovaries to call herself a 'high-class' mare.
  173. >Hmph!
  174. >You cross your arms and pout something fierce.
  175. >Maybe it's about time you bring in some help in getting Anon to be your special somepony.
  176. >You know for SURE that Applejack wouldn't approve of Rarity treating Anon like he's some kind of... THING that Rarity can cuddle and snuggle into.
  178. ----------------------
  180. >You are Anon, and you've spent the last three hours getting measured and having clothes draped all over you.
  181. >But you've been rewarded with the softest jacket you've ever had the pleasure of wearing.
  182. >It's a bit big in the front, though. And there're these straps, too....
  183. >What is this; a harness?
  185. "Uh, Rarity? I hate to sound ungrateful, but why did you put all these straps inside of this thing?"
  186. >Rarity hops up onto her rear hooves and thrusts her hooWOAH
  187. "Hey! Wow, Rarity, hooves out! Bad touch!"
  188. >Rarity does not heed your cries of 'stranger danger' and continues to grope you inside of your coat.
  189. >Her hooves grip (???) something solid inside of the jacket and she uses this to pull herself inside along with you.
  190. >With a bit of shuffling, she slips her back hooves through a series of straps, like a toddler's swing set.
  191. >"You like? It's the first of my new line of pony-heated creations! Isn't is simply marvellous?"
  192. >She snuggles into your chest, her body almost entirely hidden in the confines of your jacket.
  193. >"And it's so intimate, too."
  194. >Hoo-boy. If bedroom eyes had a voice....
  196. >CLICK
  197. >That's the sound of a pony entering Rarity's shop if ever you heard one.
  198. >>"Rarity! Are y'all in there? You'n me need tuh have a talkin', now."
  199. >Oh thank god.
  200. >Howdy-horse to the rescue.
  201. >"O-oh! Quick, Anonymous, hide me!"
  202. >Using her magic, she buttons your jack up and pulls herself as tightly against you as she can.
  203. >With just moments to spare, Applejack walks up the stairs and in through the door.
  204. >>"Anawn? Have you seen Ra-oh."
  205. >There's an awkward silence as Applejack stares down at your groin.
  206. >>"Ah can see yer tail, Rarity."
  207. >You hear a muffled 'buck!' from inside of your jacket before Rarity magics the straps off of her and lands on the ground with a soft 'thump'.
  208. >"Applejack! Now, what can I do for you today?"
  209. >Applejack levels Rarity with a glare.
  210. >>"If'fn yer done molesting Anawn, here, then Ah've come to talk to y'all."
  211. >She takes a step closer to Rarity, who backs up into your legs.
  212. >>"Ah heard from Rainbow Dash that you've been treatin' that there colt with less respect than's righ' proper, y'hear? Ah think it's high time me'n you have a chat, sugarcube."
  214. >You are Rarity, and you're beginning to regret a lot of things you've done today.
  215. >When you woke up this morning to the crisp winter air, you didn't expect that one of your closest friends would be confronting you over matters of a stallion.
  216. >When you were sipping on your morning tea, you thought that the most exciting part of your day would be relaxing in front of a nice fire while you watched the powdery snow swirl around outside, creating sandy dunes on the cobblestone streets of Ponyville.
  217. >But now, you've got an angry mudpony who looks as though she would very much like to buck you right in the muzzle.
  218. >How dreadfully uncouth.
  219. >"Rarity, yer one'uh mah best friends, so Ah'm gonna refrain from delivering to you a righ' proper whoopin'."
  220. >Applejack takes a deep breath and sits back on her haunches, visibly calming herself down.
  221. >You haven't seen her this worked up since that one group of mares tried to drag Big Mac off to a night club.
  222. >"Now, Ah'd like y'all to explain exactly what you were thinkin' when you dressed Anawn up in that..."
  223. >Applejack blushes slightly, and her gaze wavers in embarrassment.
  224. >Like any proper country bumpkin, she's uncomfortable when talking about a stallion's 'unmentionables'.
  225. >But she regains her senses quickly and levels you a glare just as fierce as before.
  226. >"...that dang fetish gear that you had hidden under that bundle of wool you had the apples to call a jacket."
  227. >Oh, Rarity.
  228. >You've done it again.
  229. "Well, Darling," you begin hesitantly, clearing your throat to buy yourself some time to think up an excuse.
  230. "Anonymous came into my shop with Rainbow Dash in his arms. The poor dear was absolutely freezing, and so I generously offered him the use of my body heat."
  231. >Applejack seems to think that your story is worth jack.
  232. >"Rainbow Dash done told me that y'all demanded all kinds of bits from Anawn."
  233. >"And despite knowin' full-well that Anawn don' got all that much money to his name," Applejack drawls, poking your chest tuft accusingly.
  234. >"Y'all insisted of gettin' some kinda unsolicited cuddlin' session from the colt so that he wouldn't have ter go on outside wit' all that naked flesh."
  235. >Oh, dear.
  237. -------------------------------------------
  239. >".....Anon?"
  240. >Rainbow peeks out at you from behind a fringe of her colourful mane, her face buried into your cold chest.
  241. >"You know, there is SOMETHING I can do to... you know, help warm you up. Something that Rarity Ican't do."
  242. "Oh God, please," you say, nodding quickly and stiffly in the cold air, "Show me what you got."
  243. >Rainbow shuffles around until she's belly-to-belly with you.
  244. >She refuses to look you in the face as she gets to work, a look of concentration blooming on her features.
  245. >Her wings unfurl immediately, causing the snow falling around to to swirl around the two of you.
  246. >For a brief moment you think that you can see snow surrounding her wings flash in all the colours of a rainbow.
  247. >"H-hold still a second, Anon." mumbles Rainbow Dash, trying to wrap her wings around your back without bending any feathers.
  248. >You can't believe how warm you are in Rainbow's feathered embrace. It's like being wrapped up in a heated cocoon.
  249. >Your disbelief must reach your face, because Rainbow laughs at you and nuzzles back into your chest.
  250. >"Warm, eh? Pegasi are built for the cold, Anon. You can count on The Dash to keep a lil' colt like you nice and warm."
  251. >Rainbow really makes the last of your walk bearable.
  252. >For a the next few minutes, you travel in comfortable silence.
  253. >It isn't until you can see the doors of the Sugarcube Corner that you bring the two of you back to reality.
  254. "Rainbow?"
  255. >"Hmmm?" Rainbow looks up at you with heavily-lidded eyes and a lazy smile on her face.
  256. >Aww, she nearly fell asleep.
  257. "We're here."
  258. >With a yawn that belays her terrible-smelling breath, Rainbow Dash tucks her wings back in and hops out of your arms to open the door for you.
  259. >The blast of hot air coming from the SCC makes your skin prickle and sting, and you actually stumble back a step.
  260. >Oh lord, it hurts SO GOOD
  261. >Rainbow Dash walks in ahead of you to try and get Pinkie Pie's attention while you go find a booth to sit down in.
  262. >You busy yourself with rubbing the room's heat into your arms, watching Rainbow gesture wildly at Pinkie with both forelegs.
  263. >Pinkie's gaze zeros in on you.
  264. >It's somewhere between playfulness and determination, all mixed in with what is clearly some underlying lust.
  265. >Someone's going to get snuggled whether they want to or not.
  266. >With a big smile on her face (and ignoring the shouts of "hey, stop!" from Rainbow), Pinkie Pie gallops over to you and hops up into your arms.
  267. >Oh your god, she's warmer than Dash!
  268. >She's already better.
  269. >It MUST be from working in the kitchen all day.
  270. >"Nonny! Why are you so cold? Dashie was telling me all about how Rarity was going to touch your no-no parts and how much you like it when she wrapped her wings around you. Is it true you're going to get married?!"
  271. >What.
  272. >What was that last bit?
  273. >"Ooh! Oooh, Anon, I can feel your nips!"
  274. >Pinkie's managed to crawl her way under your shirt like some kind of cat-horse combo and pokes her head up from your collar.
  275. >This places her unnaturally-warm body right up against your bare skin.
  276. >Not to mention her face right up against yours.
  277. >Pinkie, naturally, takes advantage of this by nuzzling your cheek with her own.
  278. >"You've got those face scratchies again, Nonny!" declares Pinkie, rubbing her cheek extra-hard against your own unshaven one.
  279. >"P-Pinkie Pie!" gasps Rainbow Dash, doing her best to rush over to your table while balancing three drinks on her back, "Get out of there!"
  280. >"Nuh-uh, Dashie! He's so soft and weird and furless and I never wanna let him go!" Pinkie replies with a squeeze of her hooves around your neck.
  281. >Rainbow turns to you, looking slightly betrayed.
  282. >"Anon, are you really just going to let her do this?"
  283. "No."
  284. >Pinkie Pie wriggles up against you annOOOoboy that was crotch-boobs alright. Those are some crotch-boobs all up against your belly.
  285. "Maybe."
  286. >You wrap your hands and cup Pinkie's tushie which, to be fair, is really the only handle on her that you can grab onto.
  287. >Rainbow Dash grabs one of the steaming mugs in her hooves and nudges Pinkie Pie with an elbow.
  288. >"Sc-scoot over, Pinkie! Anon's cold and he needs to get something warm into him."
  289. >She faces you and holds the mug up to your lips.
  290. >"C'mon, Anon: open up!"
  291. >The look on her face is not one you want to disobey.
  292. >Mmmm... hot chocolate.
  293. >...Is that a little bit of brandy you taste?
  294. >Did Pinkie put brandy in your hot chocolate?
  295. "Pin-"
  296. >"You know what, Dashie?!" Pinkie screams in your ear, "I'll bet you a trillion-billion bits that Nonny wants to go home soon, and he isn't gonna have anypony nice and warm to snuggle up to him and keep him warm."
  297. >Rainbow Dash drops your mug and by god did Dashie ever warm you up.
  298. >You're sure that the liquor in your drink will sterilize those burns rather nicely.
  299. >"Aaaaaaand~.... I'm going on my break pretty soon, and I'll be going somewhere with Nonny. Maybe if SOMEPONY is extra-wextra-warm when I get back, then that pony would be in a position to escort Mister Anonymous back home in the snow."
  300. >Dash is looking between the you and the kitchen, where steam is visibly pouring out the open door.
  301. >"But until then, I'm going to make sure that Mister Nonny here won't go cold!"
  302. >Pinkie hops out of your shirt through your neck-hole, making sure to drag her horse-tits across your chest.
  303. >"Let's blow this joint, hot stuff."
  305. >You reluctantly step out of the Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie snuggled under your shirt.
  306. >The wind bites into your skin thanks to the stretched cloth no longer covering your naked flesh, but your living furnace is there to make up for it.
  307. >With her teats.
  308. >Your goosebumped skin can feel every detail of her puckered nipples as she rubs them up and down your stomach.
  309. >The soft fur of her belly keeps you warm, and her hot breath makes sure that you don't lose feeling in your face.
  310. "P-pinkie? Wha-" you begin, doing your best to keep hold of this overly-amorous pony.
  311. >"C'mon, Nonny, I know how cold you must be. Let's make this fun, okay? And besides..."
  312. >Pinkie starts rubbing up against you more aggressively, a very obvious heat building up between her legs.
  313. >"Once you go Pink, you'll never rethink."
  314. >Oh, God no.
  315. >Ponies are not for sexual.
  316. >Not fluffy pink ones, at least.
  317. >The hazy form of a pony approaches you through the snow.
  318. >ANewChallengerAppears.bmp
  319. >"Anonymous? I've been lo-Pinkie Pie?!" stutters Rarity, her voice preceding her through the heavy snowfall.
  320. >"What in Equestria are you doing to Anonymous?!"
  321. >Pinkie ducks her head back into your shirt, but to no avail.
  322. >Her hiding place doesn't work for the same reasons Rarity's hiding place didn't work earlier; Pinkie's tail is hanging out from your shirt.
  323. >"Pinkie."
  324. >Pinkie Pie shakes her head "no" against your chest.
  325. >"I can see you, Pinkie."
  326. >You can hear the pink pony muttering, "no you can't" just loud enough for you to hear it.
  327. >"Pinkie, what is that smell coming fr-Oh Celestia, Pinkie Pie!"
  328. >With a flash of her magic, Rarity tugs Pinkie out from under your shirt and onto the ground.
  329. >"Pinkie Pie, what is WRONG with you?!"
  330. >She mad.
  331. >Pinkie was still kind of damp from her work in the hot kitchens, so now you've got a rapidly-freezing layer of pony-sweat covering your body and soaking into your clothes.
  332. >Rarity bears down on Pinkie Pie, holding her in place with a magical grip on her fluffy tail.
  333. >"If you think that I'm going to sit here and watch you rub yourself against a colt after being yelled at by Applejack for doing the exact same thing, then you are VERY MUCH mistaken, Darling!"
  334. >"Oh, but Rarity!" whines Pinkie Pie, rolling around in the snow.
  335. >She can only make a giant circle with her magicked-in-place tail acting as a pivot for her, but she doesn't seem to mind.
  336. >"You know how yummy he smells, Rarity; don't lie." she teases Rarity, waving a hoof at her and giving her a knowing grin.
  337. >Rarity looks at you, clearly trying not to react to what Pinkie said.
  338. >A hint of a blush colours her features, but she is otherwise successful.
  339. >You know what? You're wasting time.
  340. >You're wet, you're cold, and you have a fresh source of heat right here in front of you.
  341. >Rarity watches you approach and clears her throat.
  342. >"Anonymous, I must apologize for my behaAAYYY!"
  343. >Just like that, you scoop Rarity up under your shirt and make your way over to the Boutique.
  344. "Rarity, I've been walking through a snow storm all day long. I really don't care right now. Just give me a proper jacket and we're square."
  345. >She's a little bit stiff in your grasp, so you give her a little shake to help her settle in.
  346. "Cuddling up with ponies is super-fun and all, but I really just want to be warm right now. Can you do that for me, Rarity?"
  347. >"I-I guess so, Darling. But c-could you put me down? I don't want Applejack to see me like this."
  348. >She tucks her head under her hooves, burying her face into your neck.
  349. >"She'll beat me with pillows, Anonymous."
  350. >Aww.
  351. >Ponies can't into violence.
  352. >You've read their history books.
  354. -------------------------------------------------
  356. >You are Rainbow Dash, and you have worked up a POWERFUL SWEAT
  357. >Stupid Pinkie Pie.
  358. >She brought Anon out into the cold and completely forgot that she had a hot kitchen at her disposal.
  359. >You got inside and know what you saw?
  360. >A bunch of dirty dishes sitting right by a steaming... kitchen thing.
  361. >You're not a stallion, alright? You don't know what this horseapples is called.
  362. >And you know what you did?
  363. >You cleaned the HAY out of those dishes.
  364. >Your mane is practically soaked from all that steam, and you feel a bit like you actually need to sit down because oh WOW is it ever hot in here.
  365. >"Hey there, Rainbow Dash."
  366. >AAAAH
  367. >Pinkie's voice is a whisper in your ear, and you can just barely feel her hot breath on your overheated skin.
  368. >Quick as a flash (because there isn't ANYPONY quicker than you are) you tear off that pink frilly apron you were wearing and toss it in some direction; you don't really care which one.
  369. >It lands in the sink with a loud splash, but you pretend not to notice.
  370. >If you refuse to acknowledge that you were wearing Mister Cake's apron, then maybe Pinkie Pie won't notice that you ever were.
  371. >You're pretty sure her vision is based off of movement and continuity, so you can probably fool her into thinking that the apron never happened by just pretending that you hadn't been wearing one.
  372. "Pinkie Pie! Wha-juh-what are you doing here?"
  373. >Pinkie Pie just grins at you and laughs behind her hoof.
  374. >"I live here, silly filly!"
  375. >Buck.
  376. >BUCK.
  377. >She's right.
  378. >"So Daaashhieeee~" coos Pinkie Pie as she puttered around the kitchen for ingredients sot hat she could get back to work.
  379. >"I couldn't help but notice the way you giving Mister Anon one of your special hugs, hmmm?"
  380. >SHE KNOWS
  381. [spoiler]>You have to tuck her in. Ponies though you were paranoid for carrying around an extra-soft blanket, but who's crazy now?
  382. >Hint: It isn't you.[/spoiler]
  383. >"Luckily for you, I managed to nab a little something that Rarity was working on for Nonny."
  384. >Pinkie produces a nice blue knitted sweater from inside of her mane and presented it to you.
  385. >Sweet Celestia, it looks so warm.
  386. >That thing could trap heat in better than your fur could.
  387. >"But it isn't quite perfect, you know," continues Pinkie Pie, shoving the article of clothing over your head, "It's a little bit too big and baggy for Nonny to wear and still be warm."
  388. >She winks at you and sort of flicks her front hooves at you the same way you've seen Anon do.
  389. >Thing is, Anonymous has those hoof-spiders that he uses to point at you.
  390. >You guess she's trying to imitate that?
  391. >"Well!" she suddenly shouts, pushing you out of Mister Cake's kitchen, "I have work to do. Somepony gotta bring home them bits, 'hear?"
  392. >Before you know it, you're outside; damp, hot, and wearing some human clothes.
  393. >.....
  394. >Baggy clothes?
  395. >Overheating body?
  396. >Cold Anon?
  397. >"Good luck, Dashie!"
  398. >Pinkie, you handsome bitch.
  400. ----------------------------------------
  402. >You are Anonymous, the cold and bored.
  403. >Rarity had spent the last twenty minutes apologising to you (under the attentive gaze of Applejack), and ten minutes previous to that thanking you for diffusing what could have been a terrible pillow fight between herself and Applejack.
  404. >Of course, she "absolutely could have handled" such a fight, but she had "just gotten back from the spa" this morning, and a professional such as herself has to take her appearance seriously.
  405. >Still, she offered to buy dinner for you some time as thanks, so there's that.
  406. >You've decided to head back to Sugarcube Corner to get something nice and warm inside of you and to just hang out for the rest of the day.
  407. >You're just a poor, furless colt, after all, and no "real mare" would kick you out into the harsh winter weather that was passing through Ponyville.
  408. >Maybe get some more of that brandy-laced hot chocolate.
  409. >God, that hit the spot.
  410. >In fact, yo-
  411. >"Anon!"
  412. >Oh hey, it's Rainbow Dash!
  413. >Hi, Rainbow Dash!
  414. >D'aww, she's wearing a sweater that's too big for her!
  415. >Where'd you get that, huh? Where'd you GET that?
  416. >Your internal monologue has devolved into baby talk.
  417. "What's up, Rainbow?"
  418. >You give her a very deadpan look.
  419. "Nice sweater."
  420. >Rainbow trots over to you, beaming with pride.
  421. >"Thanks, Anon. Wouldn't you know I just had this old thing lying around? I'm plenty warm out here, right? So I thought to myself, 'who needs this more than I do?' "
  422. >She matches your pace and she gently directs you away from the SCC.
  423. >"And then it hit me: Ponyville's one and only human. How could a mare like me ignore a stallion like you when you're in distress?"
  424. >She tugs at the fabric of her sweater, and it's really obvious that it's something like ten sizes too large for her.
  425. >There aren't even holes for her wings.
  426. >"Thing is, it's too loose! I guess I must have worn it out from all that heavy weather lifting I'd done - "
  427. >She stops here to nudge you with her hips.
  428. >" - and this beautiful she-devil is kind of useless if it's all stretched out, so I thought I'd pop on over to see if you were still cold."
  429. >She tries to climb up your legs like a kitten, but she ends up falling off and lands on her back.
  430. >Despite laying on her back with her hooves curled up in her too-long sleeves, Rainbow Dash ties to keep the "charismatic jock" look on her face.
  431. >It's surprisingly effective.
  432. >"So.... why don't you and me - " she grips the bottom of the sweater and flaps it open and closed a few times, " - spend a bit of time together and warm each other up? Besides, I'm all KINDS of warm from the work I've been doing at the SCC, you know."
  433. >Aww, you can't resist this.
  434. "Rainbow, you drive a soft bargain."
  435. >You bend over and scoop the tiny pony into your arms and slip the sweater on over your head.
  436. >You're left cradling the cyan mare in your arms, her head poking out of the collar and facing your own.
  437. "I already told you that you were the warmest, softest pony I've ever had the pleasure of hugging, hadn't I?"
  438. >Warm and cradling Rainbow Dash, you walk back home.
  441. -------------------------------------
  443. >You are Pinkie Pie.
  444. >Today you managed to settle down some bottled up aggression between Rarity and Applejack, have Rainbow Dash get a little bit closer to Nonny, and even get some free labour out of it.
  445. >You also got to rub your junk ALL OVER Anon, making today an pretty good day overall.
  446. >You continue to be the Best Pony.
  448. End.
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