The Original Fluffy Pony Owner's Manual

Fluffy Pony and You:  An Owner's Guide

Congratulations on your purchase of a genuine Fluffy Pony!  Your fluffy pony was created and nurtured in a high-tech laboratory to be a caring, lovable, and adorable friend.  It is ready to train, and will be able to communicate with you via speech.  Before you can get started having fun with your new friend, there are a few simple tips you should know.  This manual has everything you'll need to ensure you and your Fluffy Pony have a wonderful, fun time together for years to come!

Table of Contents

(1) Preparing For Your Fluffy Pony
(2) What To Feed Your Fluffy Pony
(3) What's That Mean?  Fluffy Pony Speech Guide
(4) Fluffy Pony and Other Pets: Do's and Don'ts
(5) Children and Fluffy Pony
(6) Disciplining Your Fluffy Pony
(7) Owning Multiple Fluffy Ponies
(8) Oopsies! Fluffy Pony First Aid
(9) Warranty and Defects Coverage

(1) – Preparing For Your Fluffy Pony

Before you release your new friend into its home, it is advised that you take a look around your house.  The fluffy pony is designed to be a curious, happy-go-lucky creature, and will investigate its surroundings with great vigor when first arriving.  Because of this, it is likely that your new fluffy pony may get into an accident or two.  The ideal way to prevent this is the establishment of a 'safe room' – an empty room for the fluffy pony to stay in with only the necessaries for it.  These should include:

A medium-sized, soft bed for the pony to sleep in
A litterbox for waste
A shallow, wide dish for water
A food bowl
Toys, especially a ball, blocks, or soft stuffed animal

The fluffy pony may also attempt to draw with crayons and paper; it will also eventually forget what these are and try to consume them.  It is not advised to allow your fluffy pony to do this.  Blocks and balls have been hard-coded into the fluffy pony as toys, so it will not attempt to eat these.  Unfortunately, it may attempt to consume other items, given its curiosity.  If you have any of the following items, please safely store them before you release your fluffy pony:

Silverware
Remote controls
Cheese graters
Checkers
Decorative paperweights
Marbles
Opened bottles of medicine
Knives
Bars of soap
Jewelry
Coins
Small watches
Confetti
Glitter
Glue
Paperclips

This list is not all-inclusive.  Good judgment should be used when allowing your fluffy pony to roam the house.  The fluffy pony tends to be attracted to shiny objects, so take care that it cannot gain access to valuable electronics, jewelry, or other similar items.  Your fluffy pony is programmed to ask what an object is before attempting to consume it, but will consume it anyway if no human is around to tell it not to.  Again, the best way around this is to always keep your fluffy pony in a safe room, and only allow it out under supervision.

If your house has stairs, it is advised that you teach the fluffy pony to stay away from them.  Your fluffy pony, especially if it is the 'pegasus' subtype, may try to descend the stairs by jumping.  This will result in serious injury to your fluffy pony and will also void the warranty.

(2) – What To Feed Your Fluffy Pony

Your fluffy pony is nominally omnivorous.  However, feeding it meat products will result in its waste smelling extremely foul.  It is recommended that you feed your fluffy pony a varied diet of grains, vegetables, and fruits.  While the fluffy pony may ask you for spaghetti repeatedly, it is not advised to give it pasta with meat sauce.  Vegetarian spaghetti is suitable for fluffy pony consumption in small amounts.

The teeth of your fluffy pony are small and fragile.  Therefore, large amounts of sugar or sweets are not recommended.  The food your fluffy pony eats should be easy to chew, otherwise it will cause them distress and make them despondent.  A fluffy pony will eat until it feels full; however, if the fluffy pony is sick, it will usually mistake this for continued hunger and keep on eating.  If your fluffy is not feeling well, keep tight control of its portions, and do not leave full food dishes in its safe room or other designated play area.

Fluffy ponies, like humans, need lots of fluids to stay happy and healthy.  Water is preferred, but small amounts of fruit juice, milk, or even soda are okay.  Fluffy ponies will find milk to be very enjoyable, but too much of it will make their stomachs upset.  Soda, in large amounts, will cause your fluffy pony to feel bloated and gassy, and may even cause them slight pain.

If you're unsure what effects a food or drink will have on your fluffy pony, don't give them that substance.

(3) – What's That Mean? Fluffy Pony Speech Guide

Your fluffy pony is the world's first living toy.  As such, it has the ability to communicate with you, taking out the guesswork and making it easy to figure out what your fluffy pony needs.  This section includes a guide to the most common fluffy pony phrases.

“Whewe fwuffy?”

Your fluffy pony is programmed to keep itself out of trouble, to the best of its limited ability.  It will ask this question when first exploring its new home, and likely again in every new room it enters.  This challenge and response framework is meant to ensure that the fluffy does not end up where it shouldn't be.

“New fwiend?”

Whenever meeting a new human, another fluffy pony, another pet, or, well, virtually any other living creature, the fluffy pony will ask this.  This is meant to gauge the mood of the new entity, and also to help the fluffy pony determine if it is in a safe area.

“Hung'y!”

Self explanatory.

“Pway!”

The fluffy pony is an extremely playful creature, and will spend nearly all of its time playing, either with its toys or other fluffy ponies/pets.  If you should respond to this negatively, it will go play by itself.

“Owwies!”

Inevitably, your fluffy pony will suffer a minor injury.  If it says this, then it has somehow hurt itself.  The injury is not usually serious, but can be anything from a minor bump to complete loss of limbs.  The best way to determine the level of injury is visually, or by the tone of the fluffy pony's voice.  The fluffy pony is also capable of limited specificity, such as 'weggies (legs) owwies!'

“Hewp!”

Your fluffy pony has gotten itself into some sort of trouble, and needs assistance.  This can range from being upside-down and unable to right itself, to having gotten its face jammed into a nearby woodchipper.  Again, the best way to determine what aid should be rendered is visually.

“No feew goo'...”

Your fluffy pony is sick.  While the utmost care was taken to ensure that your fluffy pony will not get you, your children, or your pets sick, it may still suffer from minor ailments like allergies, stomachaches, or fatigue.  The fluffy pony will usually rest on its own, and inform you if it continues to feel badly.

“Fwuffy sowwy!”

Your fluffy pony, once trained, has forgotten its training and done something it's not supposed to, only remembering it wasn't supposed to do the thing it did after it did it.  Please see section 6 for further information on how to deal with this.

“No smeww pwetty.”

This is a response to making solid waste, regardless of where it happened.  A fluffy pony will also say this if an area or thing smells odd or foul, as fluffy ponies have enhanced senses of smell to make up for the inability of their skin to feel anything through their fluff.

“Wan' sgettis!”

This is a variation of hungry.  The word 'spaghetti' was the first word the prototype fluffy ponies were able to say, and it was left in the vocabulary.  Please remember that actual spaghetti is not recommended as food for your fluffy pony.

“Wuv daddy/mommy!”

This is a sign of affection towards you, the owner.  Happy fluffy ponies will say this all the time.  If your fluffy pony doesn't say this, it may need additional attention.

“Huggies!”

The fluffy pony was purpose built to give and accept hugs, both from humans and other fluffy ponies.  Not giving your fluffy pony enough hugs may cause it to feel sad.

“Pwease, no wan'/no huwt fwuffy...”

Your fluffy pony does not like the current activity or game, or is currently cowering in fear of discipline as seen in section 6.

“Scawed!/ Munsta!”

Your fluffy pony is afraid.  This is usually due to larger pets, darkness, being alone, or having done something it was not supposed to.

This list is not complete.  The fluffy pony can learn additional words and phrases, tailored to its experiences.  Every fluffy pony's vocabulary will be slightly different.

(4) – Fluffy Pony and Other Pets: Do's and Don'ts

Do:

Gradually introduce the fluffy pony to the pet.
Allow the fluffy pony to approach the pet on its own, with your permission, and while observing the meeting.
Allow the fluffy pony to play with the pet gently.
Encourage the fluffy pony to talk to the pet.

Don't:

Leave your fluffy pony alone with the pet.
Allow your fluffy pony to annoy or harass the pet.
Feed your fluffy pony to the pet.

Your fluffy pony should get along well with most cats, dogs, birds, and fish.  Ferrets and reptiles may attempt to eat the fluffy pony; if you have any of these animals, your fluffy pony should remain in the safe room to ensure that it remains healthy.

(5) – Children and Fluffy Pony

Your fluffy pony makes a great toy for children.  It is designed to be extremely safe for kids of nearly all ages.  However, like all toys, the fluffy pony can be broken.  Remind your children that they need to be gentle with the fluffy pony, and to stop whatever they're doing if the fluffy pony cries or asks to do something else.  The fluffy pony is a great way to teach older kids responsibility, as it needs to be fed and watered like a regular pet.  Due to the hypoallergenic nature of your fluffy pony, even children with pet allergies can have a fluffy friend to call their own.  Fluffy ponies should not be left alone for long periods of time with children for the safety of both parties.  If your fluffy pony begins to act afraid of your children, consider keeping the fluffy pony away from them.

Your fluffy pony can be taught to play simple games, such as stack the blocks, fetch, and hide and seek.  Your fluffy pony is not capable of playing any sort of video game or board game.  While your fluffy pony is capable of drawing, it cannot read.  It will, however, listen to any story being read to it.  Your fluffy pony can be dressed in costumes for activities such as tea parties, however, some fabrics will irritate the fluffy pony's fluff and cause it discomfort, such as rayon and polyester.  It is not recommended to take your fluffy pony trick-or-treating, as it will likely die of fright.

(6) – Disciplining Your Fluffy Pony

Your fluffy pony is capable of accepting training.  The first thing many new owners will want to do is to housebreak their new fluffy pony.  Your fluffy pony, upon needing to use the bathroom, will warn you by yelling either 'nee' poopies!' or 'nee' peepees!'  At this time, you should show it where the litterbox is, vocally reinforcing the training with 'this is where good poopies go' or a similar phrase.  Your fluffy pony should understand, and will go to the litterbox from now on.

However, it is likely that your fluffy pony may forget, or may be unable to reach the litterbox in time.  In these cases, light discipline to remind the fluffy pony is advised.  Usually, a stern look and tone of voice is enough to set your fluffy pony straight.  For repeat offenders, a light whack with a small object, such as a ruler, to the rear end may prove more effective.  If you continue to use the same object each time, your fluffy pony may refer to it as the 'sowwy stick'.  This is normal.

For owners that do not wish to inflict harm, forced confinement in a small space can also be effective, especially if the owner has more than one fluffy pony.  If the fluffy pony has an accident or disobeys, place the fluffy pony in a small pet carrier for a set period of time.  The carrier should be placed in the fluffy pony's play area so it can see either its toys, or the other fluffy ponies playing and having fun.  If the fluffy pony(ies) begin referring to the confinement space as the 'sowwy box', then the training is effective.  Please note that fluffy ponies do not do well in isolation.  If you leave your fluffy pony in the confinement area for too long, it may become very frightened and injure itself in panic.  If you leave it in confinement too long where it can see other fluffy ponies playing, it may become extremely depressed and cry loudly.  It is not recommended to keep your fluffy pony confined for over one hour.

If the sorry stick and sorry box do not prove effective, your fluffy pony may have a defect.  Please see the warranty for details about exchanging your fluffy pony for a more obedient one.

(7) – Owning Multiple Fluffy Ponies

Besides humans, your fluffy pony's most favored companions are other fluffy ponies.  If you should be purchasing more than one fluffy pony, it is highly recommended that you use a safe room.

For new owners with long work schedules, having two fluffy ponies can vastly improve the mood and health of both.  If left in a safe area together, fluffy ponies will talk, play, and hug each other for hours on end.  If one fluffy pony is litterbox trained, it can teach the other pony, saving time and hassle.  For various reasons, it is not recommended to have more than six fluffy ponies together, as one or two may get less attention and begin to feel unwanted.  The ideal number of adult fluffy ponies is three to four.

If you purchase all males, please note that their play may be rougher than normal.  This is common, as their animal DNA urges them to establish dominance in their 'herd'.  If one fluffy hurts another during this process, they should be disciplined immediately.

If you purchase all females, your 'herd' will be quieter and more subdued.  Female fluffy ponies do not run and play as roughly as males, and if they accidentally hurt each other, they will cease the activity and check on the well-being of their friend much faster than males will.

If you purchase a mixed 'herd', you may find that your fluffy ponies emulate their owners, having 'wifies', and 'husbans', and may want children.  Please note that fluffy ponies, given their construction, are extremely fertile.  It is advised to have your fluffy ponies spayed or neutered if you wish to have a mixed 'herd'.  If you choose not to do this, be warned that they may attempt 'spesha huggies' – that is, have sexual intercourse.  Your fluffy pony is not sterilized, but the chances of conception are low due to the size of the genitals and the amount of fluff between the ponies.  If your female fluffy pony should get pregnant with unwanted fluffy foals despite being sterilized, please see the warranty section about exchanging your fluffy pony.  If you decide to keep the foals, please see our 'Guide to the Fluffy Pony Family' for more details about how to explain what's happening to your fluffy ponies, how to care for the expectant mother, and what to do in case of complications.

Transporting multiple fluffy ponies requires some preparation.  No more than two should be put into a pet carrier at once, as they may become frightened and make a mess.  Do not leave fluffy ponies in a car alone, even in cold weather, as they will become frightened and make a mess.  If you do not have more than one pet carrier, a small car seat may be used instead.  Do not strap the fluffy pony in too tightly, as it will be injured.

(8) – Oopsies! Fluffy Pony First Aid

Like most pets, your fluffy pony may suffer the occasional injury.  These are almost always minor.  Unlike most pets, however, the treatment is different.  When hurt, a fluffy pony will almost always ask for 'huggies'.  Depending on the injury, this can either help or exacerbate the problem.  For most minor cuts, bruises, scrapes, and aches, hugs are a great way to help the fluffy pony feel better and allow its patented genome to mend its injuries.  Usually, this is the end of the problem, and your fluffy pony will resume whatever it was doing before the injury occurred.

For more severe injuries, such as loss of eyes, loss of tail, loss of ears, total dismemberment, et cetera, it is best to put your fluffy pony out of its misery.  Some of these catastrophic injuries are covered under the warranty; please call the included phone number for details.

While most other pets can cope with damage to fur, feathers, or scales, your fluffy pony is extremely sensitive about its fluff.  Fluff is a core source of identity for a fluffy pony.  Since they see in a full-color spectrum, their fluff gives them the ability to tell each other apart.  If your fluffy pony should lose some or all of its fluff, it is imperative that you keep it calm.  The fluff should grow back within one to two weeks.  If more than half the fluff is lost, your fluffy pony may suffer hypothermia.  Keep it wrapped in blankets, or in a warm room until it regains enough fluff to keep warm.  Do not allow a bare fluffy pony outside, as it will suffer a devastating sunburn in a few minutes of exposure.

If you live in a humid, warm climate, your fluff pony is susceptible to heat stroke.  Even finding shade may not be enough, as the fluff was designed to hold heat like a vise.  If you live in a colder climate, do not allow your fluffy pony to play in snow, as water defeats the insulating properties of the fluff.  If it is cold but there is no snow, you may allow your fluffy pony outside for no more than thirty minutes at a time.  Be aware that your fluffy pony does not generate enough heat to sustain itself if the temperature is below 29 degrees F.  If you have multiple fluffy ponies, they may huddle together for heat, and can survive fairly long in cold weather.

(9) – Warranty and Defects Coverage

Your fluffy pony is covered against defects and certain injuries.  Please see the included warranty for more information.  If your fluffy pony is covered, please return it for an exchange, or a full refund.  Among the defects covered are disobedience, 'derped' eyes, naturally missing limbs, blindness, deafness, muteness, uncoordinated movements, incontinence, depression, hyperactivity, melancholy, lack of fluff, and catatonia.  If your fluffy pony harmed itself, it can be exchanged.  If your fluffy pony lacks the mental power to keep itself alive, it will be replaced free of charge.  If your fluffy pony arrived in a state of severe emotional trauma due to the shipping process, you may return it for a new fluffy pony.

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ABANDON AN UNWANTED FLUFFY PONY.  This is against the law in many locations, and may result in damage to the surrounding environment.  If you no longer wish to keep your fluffy pony, please take it to an approved shelter in the area, or to a veterinarian where it may be humanely euthanized.

Again, congratulations on the purchase of your new fluffy pony!