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- me: hey my dad can't get off work to take care of my sister tomorrow...
- sorry i dont know how i'll be able to go to town center
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: oh I see nevermind then
- me: i guess we'll have to make do with what we have
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: yes jeff, I am not surprised
- although I somehow doubt your dad didn't know until right this moment that he couldn't take off work tomorrow?
- me: i didnt talk to him before
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: riiighhh
- *right
- it's okay nevermind
- is he able to take off work on wednesday?
- me: not sure, but at least i'll be able to go to the science fair
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: the CFO of kast's job is officially - emergency kast materials printer and occasional meeting snack provider : )
- just out of curiosity, did you ask him if he could take off work on wednesdsay?
- or were you planning on asking tuesday night and then saying - jessica I'm afraid I have some bad news....
- me: wow you seem like such a different jessica from the one i knew before...
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I was not being sarcastic with the smiley
- I really do appreciate the things you do
- me: of course that was sarcasm...
- "all i do are those 2 things?"
- i actually went to beall every time last school year
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: one thing that upset me was that you didn't seem to defend me in front of kamiar... the fact that he persisted with the insults and criticizms of me suggests tha tyou never seriously asked him to cut it out
- and no, it wasn't sarcasm; I was just rationalizing to myself
- me: he never seriously said anything bad
- he just said like "
- can you help me with studying for the cnq, or will u be with jessica during lunch
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: nevermind I don't care; I don't believe you but I don't care
- me: wow i dont want you to be mad
- i still care about you yet you say "i dont believe you" and " i dont care"
- im not some random rude guy
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: quoting from the nasty nasty messages your friend kamiar sent me
- me: wait when?
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: "jeff doesn't like u himself, he finds u too controlling and etc..." later: "I didn't want to say anything at first and u surely got the best of me today, but ive had enough, i think i speak for all of ib when i say FUCK U, NOBODY LIKES U. "
- also: "sorry to insult u and jessicas relationship
- i think im gonna stop for good now"
- I'm no lit critic but if he says "I think I'm gonna stop for good now" then it means he's been doing it A LOT!
- me: i never quoted the curse words?!
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I am quoting from a pm he sent me
- NEVER EVER EVER has one of my friends said ANYTHING bad about you!
- and if they thought that you were socially awkward, or incapable, or not good enough for me, or undeserving of the KAST CFO position, the would NEVER DARED TO SAY IT TO ME! because I WOULD PWN them!
- me: jessica, i'm sorry...
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I'm sorry jeff, you don't deserve anyone being angry with you
- And you have always done the best you can, and been really caring of kast and the kids
- me: im not sure what kind of bad stuff kamiar sent you
- but i had nothing to do with what he said
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you're right; kamiar is kamiar, and there could be some truth in what he said
- lets just get along well like before and have fun
- it's okay if you can't go to the science fair either, especially if it's hard for you to get back from Damascus
- me: i still love you, but the weaknesses in me that you pointed out hurts...
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: about what I said about CFO, of course you've been going to beall consistantly but so has every other dedicated KAST member; sanja; shivani; clare; matt...etc
- I'm sorry jeff, I was a jerk for saying that and I had no right to
- but... "at least I can still go to the science fair"??? at least!!????
- sorry
- I love you as a really good friend too
- You have hurt me (dunno if you know) and I have hurt you; I am sorry
- me: no i was mentioning how my dad is able to fortunately take off a day and allow me to go to Damascus
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: sorry, I should be more understanding of your circumstances at home
- I have to go eat dinner now; then make gingerbread men cookies (special one for u)
- ttyl?
- me: sigh i see now
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: ?
- me: i guess when people get angry they reveal how they truly feel about another
- i mean when you pointed those negative things out
- but i've promised myself to never get angry
- hatred brings more hatred
- i've not found any strong negative aspects in you
- therefore i would not say anything negative about you, no matter what mood i'm in
- but from what you've said, i want to thank you
- because now that i know my chief weaknesses, i can improve
- in case in the future i have another person whom i love
- i will improve public speaking,
- learn more about the world
- and be the best boyfriend i can!
- your words have strengthened me
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I read that guys look for girls like their moms; and those types of girls are the ones most compatible with them
- I am certain you will soon, high school, college, or beyond find someone great at cooking, extremely smart, kind, and sweet who loves you immensely for who you are at any point in time
- I love you as a best friend and business partner, but I think I need someone more outgoing and accelerated idea-driven like my dad as a boyfriend
- am I still your friend?
- me: yes, but i thought the primary reason you broke up with me was that you wanted a girl not a boy
- not to be mean or anything../
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: that is the reason. you see, I decided a long while ago, way before we got together, that I would conform to society if necessary and be a girl if I found someone much more of a boy than me; then I could be the independent minded girl in the relationship
- be back later if you want to talk more
- me: so please be honest-- you think i'm not man enough?
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: honestly: of course not. but there is a spectrum of boys, and of girls; maybe I'm one of the most tomboyish girls; then I would be looking for one of the most boyish boys; you're like an average boyish boy; not combatible wiht me but definitely wiht someone lse
- *else
- or maybe I will never find happiness, and then I will devote my life to education and raising a couple children concieved using unconventional methods
- I thikn it would be cool to be a prominent surgeon, always with a pager and being called to the hospital at 10 pm
- I think the two of us are also suited for different lifestyles
- me: yeah...
- i guess i agree with xiaodu more i than agree with you
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you've been speaking with her?
- me: no
- i remember you telling me that xiaodu thinks we'll all be white collars earning a decent salary
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: oh yes : ) I can definitely imagine her graduating with a minor in education from UChicago, and then working to educate inner city children like the reformers in "Waiting for Superman"
- but a lot of people I meet tell me that they think I will be a prominent public figure someday, and that I should remember them XP
- the last part of which is immature
- me: cool, i still wish the best for you
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: but every high profile corporate executive comes from somewhere
- it all begins with college of course; I think one of my greatest flaws is trying to change other people's opinions
- me: i guess so
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you of course no longer see me in the same positive light nor flavor as before
- me: i know, and i'm sorry
- look back, i'm not sure that we can be special friends, especially after what you said...
- perhaps regular friends
- looking back*
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: it's okay because, and I was aware of the fact, that your previous viewpoint was too inaccurate and was thus temporal
- that sounds fine
- practically speaking, what do you want to do? do you want to pretend like nothing happened to everyone else
- or would you rather...
- me: 1 sec, what was my viewpoint that was too inaccurate?
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: because, since as you say we are regular friends now (which shouldn't have surprised me but has offended me nonetheless), I will add onto the boyishness explanation -
- I knew we could not be together because I did not respect you as an equal
- me: okay there it is...
- broke my heart right there to be honest
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: ?
- me: you really could have said something earlier when we were together
- woulda hurt me less
- just because you're the president of nhs, kast, and other clubs doesnt give you the right to think you're better than some1 else as a person
- you can think of me as kamiar now, even though i will never curse like him
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I wasn't so sure before now that before I didn't; of course I am, probably, ethically less than you
- but you even judge too; you said you wished that the ib selection process for myp kids was more selective
- me: wait what
- our previous words
- your*
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you saw yourself as a lot better than a lot of the other myp kids
- is it not fair for me to see myself as better than you?
- I found your statement very hypocritical
- me: i never said i was better than the others
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: you were just suggesting that they did not deserve to be in ib as much as you
- me: i never said that!
- i may be better in academics, but i never said anything about being better than them as a person!!
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I never said I was better than you as a person!
- I know I am less kind, and maybe less ethical
- neither of us would steal or cheat
- but one thing I am noticing jeff, is that while you seem to have a facade of being ethically righteous, you inherently have many unethical tendencies too
- like in bc calc 10th grade, you went online and checked your answers even though everyone knew mrs. goetz didn't want that
- for the ap practice problems being graded
- and by letting others copy homework, yeah you're being nice but it's not right, and it's unfair for those who didn't do homework and lose points for it by being honest
- me: i really think i could have done them without being online and still earn an A in the class
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I am 99.9 percent sure you could have
- but then the fact that you did shows that you are not ethically perfect either
- me: i understand; no one is perfectly ethical
- please get back to the original topic, when you said
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: and referring to tok ethics, how does anyone know that you are more ethical or kind than me? maybe you are kind by NEVER saying mean words/curse words, but maybe I am kind by going many many steps out to help others
- I offered you my lab late that night, just as I would have for anyone, even someone really mean to me
- but that wasn't an example, anyways what did you want me to get back to?
- me: i had never mentioned that you were worse in ethics than me, but when you said
- I knew we could not be together because I did not respect you as an equal
- you implied that you were a better person than i was
- and that's what hurts me
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: what do you mean as better person? when I said equal I only meant in terms of a core set of abilities, combining math/physics/english...etc skills, social skills, intelligence...etc
- nothing about personality
- me: you cant say that you're not my equal just because you're a tiny bit better in academics than i am
- 2340 vs 2330?
- i got A's in math, you got A's in english
- we have about the same scores everywhere else?
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: the fact that you do not recognize, and are quantitively comaring grades, proves my point to me
- but it does not to you because, and this is a self repeating loop, you are not at that level
- you spent your summer studying for the sat
- you had an "sat coach", as you referred, before
- you took a 1000 dollar class
- all I did was a few practice tests
- me: "a few"
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: and the first time you took it, you said your coach told you to take the day off!
- what a loser, I thought to myself
- me: ...
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: 6
- me: why do you insist on insulting me?
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: a boy who takes all his guidance from his dad, in terms of what to do, what not to do, when to study, ...etc; who wants to go to penn but does not recognize the importance of extracurriculars like nhs
- me: what happened to us..
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: who judges nhs and does not even REALIZE how offensive the things he said about nhs were to me
- It's all my fault, I'm sorry but honestly it is my fault
- I should never have allowed our relationship to progress so far
- me: what's done is done...sigh
- i'm constantly trying to be independent, if you havent noticed...
- my dad holds on to traditional values too much
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: yet you had very little ideas of which clubs to join, or what you wanted to pursue
- you wanted business because your dad told you so
- not because you enjoyed it for any of its properties or merit
- and for the record, I only "insulted" you because, whether you realize it or not, you have been insulting me
- me: omg i really didnt know..
- no sarcasm right now
- not even a little
- i dont insult people on purpose
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: I know you didn't know
- I know
- it goes back to how I didn't think we were on the same level in terms of adeptness
- I need to go make cookies for my friends now
- I am open to being friends with anyone who wants to be my friend; don't know if you still feel up to it but they should be yummy
- as for kast, don't know if you feel up to that either but I think you have an ethical responsibility considering what you put in your college applications
- it is advised for most businesses to minimize personal connections b etween executives anyway so...
- me: im not letting this get in the way of kast
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: great : D
- me: and please make a cookie for me
- yang.jessicaj@gmail.com: ok ^_^
- I am smiliing for the first time since....since we started this conversation
- Ttyl
- me: k bye
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