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  1. [u][size=150]Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down[/size][/u]
  2.  
  3.  
  4. A shiver takes hold of my body, causing it to wrack and contort violently. I attempt to bundle myself up more tightly in my bed, but it’s no use. Is this how easily triumph is won over me?
  5.  
  6. I try to grasp the sheets tighter to bask in their warmth, but the closer I bring them to me, the colder they feel… I guess this is because I awoke alone this morning…
  7.  
  8. Well, I’m not getting back to sleep now; that’s for sure. I rub the crust from my eyes and glance at the clock. It seems awfully late…
  9.  
  10. That's right- I hadn't gotten to sleep until late in the night. I had also promised myself that I'd go see Hanako as soon as possible. Shit. What a way to start things off.
  11.  
  12. Thoughts of that night still weighing on my conscience and stepping on my toes, I try to dress myself as hastily as possible. Sheer drowsiness makes this quite a bit harder than it should be.
  13.  
  14. It’s kind of hard to believe that it happened all over. I, once again, started treating her more like a broken person rather than an actual person. Even back there in her room, my biggest reason for accepting her offer was because I wanted to repair her, not because I wanted to love her. Gratifying myself was a just bonus.
  15.  
  16. I can’t help but feel that I was a little justified though. Adultery and rape are entirely unprecedented to me, and I don’t know how else I could even have responded to this situation. But that doesn’t excuse it. That treatment is not what she wants. I just pushed her farther back into her insecurities.
  17.  
  18. The only thing left for me to do now is look straight into my mirror, and then give myself a quick once-over before I leave. I hesitate at first, but eventually turn my gaze up toward the atrocity on the other side. Bloodshot eyes. Dark circles beneath them. An expression devoid of any emotion. A statue that won’t budge. I look miserable. Unsurprisingly.
  19.  
  20. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/vvnGZ0h_n8M&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]
  21.  
  22. I put on a smile to test out the look. It’s alright, I guess, but I’ll have to take what I can get. Today’s a new day, so any little charm is welcome.
  23.  
  24. Once I'm in a somewhat presentable state, I set off toward her room. Wasting time is not on the agenda.
  25.  
  26. Upon opening the door, I am greeted by a blast of chilling air and blinding sunlight, making me raise my arm in front of my eyes in defense. It doesn't seem right for how late it is in the day. But it's alright. Soon I will be in her arms, and feel the warmth of a lover’s comfort.
  27.  
  28. My vision returns before I know it, and I step outside. The sun shines overhead, in stark contrast to the cold. The sound of chirping birds fills my ears to the very brim. Calls of competition, courtship, and mating all melt into one ballad, a proclamation of nature’s grace.
  29.  
  30. Nature, the very mistress that helps us all… and haunts us all. And yet, it does not define us. Not in the slightest. We aren’t defined by the trials we face, but by how we face them. How we triumph over them… or fail to do so.
  31.  
  32. Opening the door to the girls' dorms seems to actually raise my body temperature slightly. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever realized how nice it smells until now, sort of like… a halfway point between gingerbread and vanilla. As much as I’d like to stick around and admire the scent, I should be going to Hanako’s room as soon as possible.
  33.  
  34. It’ll probably hurt at first. Having to share my own weaknesses with her, reopening myself back up to her, especially after something as jarring as all this… But that’s acceptable. It's time for the walls to come down. They’ve been brought back up again, and they've long overstayed their welcome.
  35.  
  36. Three knocks ring out on the wood, but they go unanswered, so I invite myself in. I scour the room looking for a sign of her, but I am not met with much luck. What I do notice is an out-of-place-looking letter on her desk, surprisingly large in size.
  37.  
  38. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/ajXD8wxlTx8&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]
  39.  
  40. This doesn’t bode well.
  41.  
  42. My trembling hand reaches out to the letter and takes it gingerly, opening it up so I may see what’s inside.
  43.  
  44. [i]Dear Hisao,
  45.  
  46. I’m sorry that it has come to this. I truly am. But it doesn’t seem that there’s any other way for this to happen.
  47.  
  48. I remember way back, when I wanted to prove to you that I wasn’t a broken, useless failure. I suppose part of that involved wanting to prove it to myself as well.
  49.  
  50. Eventually I did, and the days that followed were some of the best of my life. Lilly came back from Scotland, my grades started improving, I started making more friends, I had you -of course-, and I really grew stronger as a result.
  51.  
  52. When Lilly left again for Scotland, more permanently this time, I genuinely thought I’d be alright. But look where I am now. Is this what I’ve become now that I’m on my own, without her guidance?
  53.  
  54. All I’ve been doing lately is dragging you down. All I’ve ever done in the long run is cause problems, even when I thought I was getting better. You’ve been shouldering my burdens for far too long.
  55.  
  56. I figured that if we could get into the flow of making love again, maybe we could set me on the track to recovery. But that's not happening.
  57.  
  58. Even last night, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about Tenshi, and the things we all did. Like what I did to you. And what he did to me. And then, to make a bad situation worse, I screamed at you to get out. I apologize -and I know you don’t want to hear this- but I’m beyond repair.
  59.  
  60. That night made me wonder if I’m even someone you could love anymore. So I came to the conclusion that you felt like it was your responsibility to fix me. But that's okay. I don’t blame you. I shouldn't have expected you to love me after the things I did. And I suppose I lost the right to love you long ago.
  61.  
  62. It seems that now, things can never be the same. Not between me and you, not between me and anybody, and as long as I’m around, not between you and anybody. You deserve a girl better than me, but as long as I’m still around, that can’t happen.
  63.  
  64. Whenever I look outside the window, I see people living their normal lives, which I know I’ll never be able to achieve. Every so often, I think I see one of them look at me, and I’ll shriek and pull the blinds closed, shutting them out.
  65.  
  66. I’ve been jumping at mere shadows in my room. Abrupt sounds make me flinch and recoil. You may have noticed that even my stuttering has come back, worse than I ever remember it being. I’ve spent days in silence ruminating everything in my life up to this point, and how it has all affected me.
  67.  
  68. I’m not fit to walk this earth, and the only one who can rid the world of me is myself.
  69.  
  70. If I see Mom and Dad on the other side, I'll make sure to tell them how good you've been to me.
  71.  
  72. Goodbye.
  73.  
  74. -Hanako Ikezawa[/i]
  75.  
  76. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/g9bMpamItNo&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]
  77.  
  78. No, this can't be. A suicide note. She wrote me a suicide note. She's going to kill herself- if she hasn't already. My breathing becomes weak as I consider the possibilities. My heart starts throwing itself against my chest over and over, beating on its cage, screaming to be let out. My mind starts shooting blanks. Time grinds to a halt.
  79.  
  80. I inspect the letter more closely, making sure that it says what I think it says. Once again, there’s nothing in fine print, on the back, or between the lines. From the look of it, she’s serious.
  81.  
  82. As I begin nervously thumbing the letter in my hand, I notice something. The paper is splotched with teardrops around the borders- and they're still wet. They must be recent… so there's still a chance. I can still catch her!
  83.  
  84. Okay, so she must be on the rooftop again. That's where she was the first time, and she said that she chose the location so she could jump if she had to. There's no time to waste.
  85.  
  86. …But there's one thing I've got in mind first.
  87.  
  88. I look over to where she keeps her dolls. I grab one of the presents that me and Lilly picked out for her birthday. A porcelain doll, with a green dress and blonde hair. Maybe I can win her over with sentimentality.
  89.  
  90. With the doll tucked under my arm, I take off toward the school rooftop.
  91.  
  92. *Thump thump* *Thump thump*
  93.  
  94. I can already feel the tenseness of the situation. I’ve just started running, and my mind is racing, sorting all the possibilities of what could happen next through my head. My heartbeat has already crashed through the ceiling, and is now sitting high above my safe limit.
  95.  
  96. I find myself dancing around some bystanders and pushing through others. I know they’re not [i]trying[/i] to keep me away from Hanako right now, but I find myself growing frustrated with them nonetheless.
  97.  
  98. What will I say when I find her? “This is the doll that Lilly and I bought for the sweet beautiful virgin Hanako who would never purposely hurt someone. I know that Hanako still exists, even if the virgin part has changed. But at least that changed with me, right?”
  99.  
  100. *Thump thump**Thump thump* *Thump thump*
  101.  
  102. Inside the school, finally. But there’s still no sign of Hanako. This can’t be healthy, but I guess I’ll need to pick up the pace, no matter how much it hurts.
  103.  
  104. I know that things will never be exactly like they were back then, when we could trust each other fully. But I'll lie if I have to. I’ll tell her that everything will be alright, even if it won’t. I’ll tell her that this changes nothing in the long run, even if it does. I don't care. The cost is minimal if it means saving her life.
  105.  
  106. *Thump thump**Thump thump* *Thump thump* *Thump thump*
  107.  
  108. …!
  109.  
  110. God damn it!
  111.  
  112. A sharp pain phases in and out of my chest, stopping me in my tracks. A scowl wrestles itself onto my face as I shut my eyes and grab for the nearest support, a railing on one of the walls. It’s cold. Unbearably cold. And now it’s slicked over due to my sweat. As I put my weight on it so that I can rest, my hand nearly slips off, but I manage to rebalance myself in time.
  113.  
  114. No… I can’t stop now. I won’t stop now. Anytime but now. If she loses her life because I wasn’t strong enough, fast enough, or good enough… I won’t be able to forgive myself.
  115.  
  116. I lurch forward, trying to get myself back up to speed. No way in hell am I going to push my body to anything but the limit.
  117.  
  118. *Thump thump**Thump thump* *Thump thump* *Thump thump* *Thump thump*
  119.  
  120. The stairs to the rooftop. The final hurdle. I can only hope now that it's not too late.
  121.  
  122. I dash up the stairs as quickly as my feet will carry me, for the few seconds that I can last.
  123.  
  124. Soon, I find myself slowing to a crawl. My vision blurs. I double over again, paralyzed, in pain.
  125.  
  126. I am forced to clutch the hand rail once more to stabilize myself.
  127.  
  128. My legs feel like they're made of lead. My chest is pounding. I’m almost certain my heart will give out. But I won't let it.
  129.  
  130. I begin taking steps once more.
  131.  
  132. Three steps to go.
  133.  
  134. I’m so close, but I get the tinge of feeling that this might be in vain.
  135.  
  136. Two steps.
  137.  
  138. But there are no second chances if I fail here. Not for me, and certainly not for her.
  139.  
  140. One more.
  141.  
  142. Faster! [i]Faster![/i] I can't afford to falter here. [i]Anytime but now![/i]
  143.  
  144. The ringing in my ears deafens me. I can no longer hear my own breathing.
  145.  
  146. My vision fades to black.
  147.  
  148. Is this… it?
  149.  
  150. …
  151.  
  152. No. I’ll keep going. I’ll keep going if it kills me.
  153.  
  154. I place my foot at the top of the stairwell.
  155.  
  156. I turn the handle, and then throw my body against the door. It gives in, and my speed carries me outside. I stumble as I try to avoid falling over.
  157.  
  158. Alright, I’m here… I take a breath of fresh air, albeit a quick one, since time isn’t a luxury.
  159.  
  160. Bit by bit, my senses return to me, and my body freezes over at what I see before me.
  161.  
  162. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/2LuwMmnFU5E&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]
  163.  
  164. There's no sign of her.
  165.  
  166. My breathing goes shallow.
  167.  
  168. No, there's no way… I can't be too late. I [i]can’t[/i] be. I ran as fast as I could, despite my failing heart.
  169.  
  170. Panic sets in. My body starts shivering. Beads of sweat condense on my forehead. I can hear very clearly now the sound of my own panting.
  171.  
  172. My eyes dart around, pleading for a sign of her. Her dark flowing hair, her smooth pale skin, her distinct jagged scars. Something, [i]anything[/i].
  173.  
  174. I scramble around the bleak rooftop, circling it several times. No. No, she's not up here.
  175.  
  176. A terrible feeling wells up inside me. A nauseating one, as if I’m undeniably about to throw up. But it’s not just that; it’s also a mental sickness. I know, deep inside my heart, that I couldn’t be there for her when she needed me most.
  177.  
  178. And now she's not here when I need her most.
  179.  
  180. …I'm too late.
  181.  
  182. She took the fall.
  183.  
  184. She’s gone.
  185.  
  186. It’s over.
  187.  
  188. I can't bear it. I can't bear the thought of looking down off the roof. Down upon that which ceases to draw breath. Down upon Hanako Ikezawa.
  189.  
  190. My legs go weak, and I collapse to my knees, clutching the doll in my arms, squeezing it as tightly to my chest as possible. I focus all my strength into trying to break the porcelain with my embrace, as if it doing so would serve as some sick distraction from the reality of what happened here.
  191.  
  192. I grit my teeth and shut my eyes.
  193.  
  194. The tears flow freely to the ground.
  195.  
  196. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/0MKgHG_Rvrw&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]
  197.  
  198. I'm barely even moving now. My heart rate should be slowing down. But it's not. The beating in my chest comes from the same war drum that gave rise to it long ago. The moment I read her last “Goodbye.”
  199.  
  200. What was the beginning of that goodbye? I think back on all the encounters we’ve had, and how they’ve molded and shaped us into who we became, propelling us towards a hellish abyss.
  201.  
  202. The moment I walked into Class 3-3 and saw a girl seated in the back. Half of her face was burnt, and hidden behind a veil of raven hair and a similarly burnt hand.
  203.  
  204. The time I took a wrong turn, and found myself in the “tea room”. The person who greeted me was blonde, blind, and had an air of refinement about her, and she happened to be the only friend of the dark haired girl I saw earlier.
  205.  
  206. The seconds that passed after I stumbled on a girl in the library who was so shy that she turned and ran away from me. It was the same one from class, and it turned out that she liked reading in the corner of the library, far away from any chance at human contact. Her scars were more noticeable up close, but they weren’t something that kept her from being cute.
  207.  
  208. When I joined the shy one on the day of the festival and learned that she liked playing chess. We spent a lot of time fighting our hardest, and -following our games- I felt a bit closer to her. Then we went down to the Shanghai and enjoyed the fireworks, bringing an end to that fateful day.
  209.  
  210. The day that me and the dark haired one were reading in the library, and she felt the need to tell me about her past. It turns out that she was trying to get closer to me, but I rejected the possibility, believing that she might be hurt if I were to allow her to continue.
  211.  
  212. Soon came her birthday party. I saw how she acted when uninhibited, with the help of some fine wines. She had even wanted to express her affection toward me, but I, once again, rejected her advances.
  213.  
  214. The time we went on an excursion to a jazz club. Me and the same raven haired girl played a few rounds of pool, and she exposed more of her past. All the pain she’s been through, and the trials she’s endured. And I ended it with a pat on the head and a promise that me and her other friend would continue to protect her.
  215.  
  216. Days later, her actual birthday came around, and she locked herself in her room. I phoned our mutual friend -who had temporarily left for Scotland- for advice, and decided that giving her some space instead of some pity would be best for her. And the best for both of us, as I had been neglecting my own life to take care of her, it seemed.
  217.  
  218. Then, one day, I decided to invite myself over to her room. I showed her my own scar on my chest. My own mark of failure. That moment, I felt something toward her, but couldn’t act on it.
  219.  
  220. Some days later, she brought me to her room to show me her own scars. What happened there was a defeat… and a victory. I hurt her in more ways than I could imagine, but what came afterwards established not just me, and not just her, but something more than that. It established [i]us[/i].
  221.  
  222. Then came the aftermath. A positive aftermath. We were equals, for the first time. Our friend returned from Scotland. Me and my burn-scarred girlfriend were now official. We conquered our problems together, as I learned to respect her, and to put my faith in her. We went on vacation to Hokkaido. We had our [i]real[/i] first time. We studied together, and we aced whatever exams came our way. Each of us could lean on the other for support, and the other would happily oblige.
  223.  
  224. Because we knew, we understood, and we experienced love.
  225.  
  226. And then she trashed it. And then I started distancing myself from her, finding solace in the thought that I could help her without getting close to her. And then… and then she jumped.
  227.  
  228. I think back to…our last verbal exchange. The last time I saw her.
  229.  
  230. “I love you.” and “I love you too.”
  231.  
  232. Is that how it ended between us? Were those our final words? Is that the note on which the curtain was pulled?
  233.  
  234. Our ties were completely severed, and each of us was just trying to pretend that it was going to be alright. Saying the things we thought we should say.
  235.  
  236. And yet, by the time I finally found it in me to make us better, to [i]actually make us better[/i]… it was too late. I was too late
  237.  
  238. Too slow…
  239.  
  240. Too weak…
  241.  
  242. If only I could have-
  243.  
  244. [img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicstop.png[/img]
  245.  
  246. …
  247.  
  248. …
  249.  
  250. …
  251.  
  252. …
  253.  
  254. …
  255.  
  256. I suddenly become conscious of the fact that I’m alive.
  257.  
  258. …Now, where am I?
  259.  
  260. My body is numb, and bitterly cold. I crack my eyes open. The task is difficult on its own, made even harder by what I can assume to be dried tears.
  261.  
  262. Gravel.
  263.  
  264. So I'm still here on top of the roof, on my knees, clutching a porcelain doll to my chest.
  265.  
  266. Not my bed.
  267.  
  268. Not Hanako's bed.
  269.  
  270. Not a hospital bed.
  271.  
  272. Not something that’s nice or comfortable.
  273.  
  274. Just me and the dead, hard, floor.
  275.  
  276. I finally register something weighing me down, overwhelming my back. Probably a result of me staying curled up in this position for… however long it’s been.
  277.  
  278. Since I'm alive, it must not have been a full heart attack that afflicted me. Maybe it was a flutter, brought on by fatigue.
  279.  
  280. I am alive, right?
  281.  
  282. …
  283.  
  284. My whole body feels like some ancient machine restarting. The gears are snagging, the dust is dispersing, and yet, it awakes not with high hopes or dreams, but because it is told to.
  285.  
  286. Fortunately, something catches my eye.
  287.  
  288. Something near the bottom of my field of vision.
  289.  
  290. Two slender arms draped around my neck, the hands near my sternum, clasped together.
  291.  
  292. As my senses return to me, I notice a soft sensation on my back, like a cushion. So, someone must be putting their weight on me.
  293.  
  294. The hand on the left is small and dainty, the one on the right is identical, except for some reddish discoloration by the wrist.
  295.  
  296. Upon closer examination, the skin looks rough, maybe even warped a little.
  297.  
  298. Maybe it’s some sort of scarring-
  299.  
  300. Scarring?!
  301.  
  302. I turn my head to get a better look at the body embracing mine.
  303.  
  304. “Hanako.”
  305.  
  306. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/pk4ni1nXOZ0&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]
  307.  
  308. Hanako is up here, on the roof, with her arms wrapped around me.
  309.  
  310. I release the doll from my arms and spin around, then tackle her with equal parts love, anger and disbelief.
  311.  
  312. Our bodies impact the ground and she squeezes me tighter in response.
  313.  
  314. This… isn't a dream or an illusion.
  315.  
  316. She really is here.
  317.  
  318. The tears return in full force, on both my end and hers. I don't even know what she's thinking right now. But it doesn't matter. She's here now, with me, by choice. I’m close to her, and she’s close to me, and whatever’s going on, we’re helping each other through it.
  319.  
  320. For a while, we just lay together on the rooftop, sobbing, quaking, holding each other tightly, as if one of us might dissipate if our hold wasn't strong enough
  321.  
  322. …
  323.  
  324. Eventually we right ourselves and sit down on one of the benches.
  325.  
  326. The silence that follows is odd. Not awkward or uncomfortable, like how things have been ever since the incident. It just feels… right, for once.
  327.  
  328. Each of us is smiling, blinking away the tears in our eyes, happy to know that the other is alright.
  329.  
  330. I decide to speak first.
  331.  
  332. “So… you're here.”
  333.  
  334. She nods to affirm my observation.
  335.  
  336. “Yeah. I… I guess I’d better explain myself”
  337.  
  338. I raise no objection.
  339.  
  340. “I figured that since you talked with me last time… on the rooftop, you'd expect me to go there again. So I went to the bathroom… shortly after I left the note.”
  341.  
  342. …
  343.  
  344. “I tried to find some of my anxiety pills from my… my old days, like if I had a reserve that I forgot about… but there were none left. I… must have disposed of them a while ago. I couldn't find any painkillers or anything like that, either…”
  345.  
  346. “So you were…”
  347.  
  348. She nods again.
  349.  
  350. “I was planning to overdose. I really… wanted to die.”
  351.  
  352. My gaze falls toward the ground. The thought of her being that serious about suicide weighs heavily on me.
  353.  
  354. But before my face can fall too far, she places a hand under my chin and pushes me upward, bringing me eye to eye with her.
  355.  
  356. “Come on, Hisao. I don't want to see you unhappy like this.”
  357.  
  358. I can’t help but smile at the incident.
  359.  
  360. “Okay.”
  361.  
  362. She resumes.
  363.  
  364. “So, after I failed at finding something to end my life in the bathroom, I decided I’d come up here to jump, as a Plan B. I didn’t… expect you to still be here.”
  365.  
  366. …
  367.  
  368. “When I saw you crumpled over, dried tears on your cheeks, barely breathing, clutching the doll you gave me to your chest as if it were some kind of last memento… my heart came to a standstill. I didn't want to do this to you anymore. I realized what a mistake I was making. Throwing myself off that ledge wasn’t going to help you any more than it was going to help me…”
  369.  
  370. Tears again well up in her eyes.
  371.  
  372. “Because when I saw you, it reminded me of myself… Broken and failing. I wanted to make your pain go away, even though it felt so wrong… knowing that I only wanted to be with you for that reason. I then realized that it's just as hard for you to care for me, but you still do.”
  373.  
  374. I weakly raise an objection.
  375.  
  376. “That’s only due to your circumstances, not your character.”
  377.  
  378. “But I’m a bad person too! I went and cheated on you.”
  379.  
  380. “You yourself said that you were planning on ending it. Please, Hanako, don’t doubt your own character… Besides, if you held every mistake I made against me, I’m sure that we wouldn't still be together.”
  381.  
  382. “…Together…”
  383.  
  384. She mirrors my saying almost exactly, giving it the same earnestness that I imparted to the word just seconds before. I draw on the silence that follows to elaborate.
  385.  
  386. “Taking a look at the big picture, I’ve noticed that I’ve been trying to handle my own problems -my self esteem issues concerning my heart and my inadequacy- as well as your problems -your trust issues and anxiety- at the same time. It took last night to make me realize that, because that’s exactly what happened back there… But I’m not Superman. I can’t do that.”
  387.  
  388. Instead of asking what it is I’m talking about, she takes a shot at guessing my motives.
  389.  
  390. “So… you want to help me through this… as long as I help you through it as well.”
  391.  
  392. A small chuckle slips out my mouth.
  393.  
  394. “You got that right.”
  395.  
  396. She remains silent. Her eyes drift towards the sky, and it looks like something is on her mind. I continue speaking, in hope of pulling her out of her spell.
  397.  
  398. “You’ve already helped me a lot, Hanako. In more ways than I can count. If I could ask this one favor of you…”
  399.  
  400. She immediately turns and gives me the most sincere smile that I have ever seen. And not by any small margin, either.
  401.  
  402. “Only one?”
  403.  
  404. We both share a weak laugh. And yet, it’s not weak because it doesn’t belong. It’s weak because… we’re content.
  405.  
  406. “I love you.”
  407.  
  408. “I love you too.”
  409.  
  410. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/Em6eEXlJKnk&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]
  411.  
  412. Alright, so I’ll help her with the problems she’s facing. And she’ll help me with the problems I’m facing. Neither of us is fully liberated from this hell we’ve found ourselves in. I think we need each other now more than ever. Maybe we could get reacquainted with her therapist too, as part of the process.
  413.  
  414. Part of me thinks that we’d never be able to recover from what’s happened to us. She cheated on me, she got taken advantage of, she began isolating herself again, I got cheated on, I lashed out at her, and I reverted to my old ways as well.
  415.  
  416. I want to tell myself that there should be no chance of us staying together. It [i]should[/i] be over between us, and we [i]should[/i] both be beyond the point of mending. But as I sit here with her, I can’t help but believe…
  417.  
  418. That’s.
  419.  
  420. Not.
  421.  
  422. The.
  423.  
  424. Truth.
  425.  
  426. [url=http://www.youtube.com/v/1r0c4ejN7ss&loop=1&autoplay=1][img]http://i1113.photobucket.com/albums/k512/asdfgsfds/bt-musicplay.png[/img][/url]