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  1. JOE MEMORIAL.
  2.  
  3. BLACK AND WHITE JOE PHOTO WITH HIM CROSSING HIS EYES.  THE TEXT IS WHITE AND FADES ON TO THE SCREEN.
  4.  
  5. “THIS SERIES RECAP IS DEDICATED TO JOE BUCKLEY.”
  6. [Attached BLACK AND WHITE image appears after the text fades]
  7. Start of each clip has Episode #5318008 (funny text or whatever joke) for a few seconds.
  8.  
  9. [FIRST SIP OF THE DAY SKIT]
  10. Episode #1 – The Very First Sip of the Day
  11.  
  12. Tad: “Hello and welcome to the very first episode of Sip Boys!  I'm one of your three hosts, Tad Becker.  To my left here is...”
  13. Joe: “My name is Joe Buckley and I'm energized to be here today”
  14. Tim: “My name is Tim Conway and I'm very tired.  I'm a college student taking a dual major in Elephant Sciences and Dentistry.  As a result I am very busy with school and Sips give me the energy I need to be here between classes.”
  15.  
  16. Tad: We're very excited to talk with our fellow energy drink enthusiasts (or 'sippies' as we call ourselves in our community) about sip related news, products, trivia and culture.  But that's enough talk.  Lets get that first tap tap by all hosts Sip of the day!”
  17. [Obnoxious slurping by the three hosts as the skit ends]
  18.  
  19. Episode #5 Sip-Metrics
  20. [Theme of this skit is user reviews of energy drinks.  Have a white surface behind us that we can use as a “green screen” to have some text appear so that the joke later on lands better.]
  21. [Tad will disregard criticisms of sips as pro-redbull propaganda.]
  22. Tad: “For today's episode, we are going to go through the fan submitted reviews we asked for in last weeks episode.  Hey Production Assistant John, hand me that list!”
  23. [John walks into camera and hands Tad Tim and Joe each some paper.]
  24.  
  25. Tad: “I'll start with our first review.  This one is for Monster Zero Ultra.  John play the tapes.
  26. [You see John on screen again as he walks to the other side in front of the crew implying hes the only one working there.]
  27.  
  28. [Patreon #1 – Mighty Doosh]
  29. “The drink itself tastes great, but the cans arrived all damaged. What kind of 'savings' is it if I can't drink them? I was going to return it, but caffeine addiction wins.  5/5 stars”
  30.  
  31. Tad: “Well err uh.  What was his internet name here.  Oh right.  Well, JewFucker69 even the best of companies can make mistakes and I for one would take this as an opportunity to enjoy the ones you received even more for the fact you got less of them.  A win in my book!”
  32.  
  33. Joe: “I've got one here from a reviewer named Sippie413.
  34. [Patreon #2]
  35. “I picked this up at Home Hardware and I gotta say; this puppy is long lasting, its gotta ton of energy, it tastes metallic, and its got 15,000 lumens.  Duralast does it again!”
  36.  
  37. Tad: “I'm not sure that was for a sip actually but if it was I agree 100%  Next review (optional pewdiepie claps).”
  38.  
  39. [Patreon #3]
  40. “Dented cans, great flavor.  Probably the best flavor Monster has. Cans came loose in box and most were dented. 5/5 stars wish I could have had more than one can...”
  41.  
  42. Tad: [Nervous Laughter]
  43. Tad: [Through gritted teeth and a strained voice]  “How about some direct fanmail that could potentially be screened before being put on the show?”
  44.  
  45. Tim: “I've got some here.  This one is from DentedCans24-”
  46.  
  47. Tad: “Hey what about you Joe?”
  48.  
  49. Joe: “I've got one here from a Dorian Gray.  You know, the one you told me to use earlier.  'I'm a big fan of the show, and I think its going to become an ageless classic.  However I've heard that drinking too many energy drinks could be bad for you.  I was told you should be moderate in your consumption or you could ruin your life.'”
  50.  
  51. Joe: “Looks like he has some concerns about longterm sip safety.”
  52.  
  53. Tad: “Yeah how about that lets move right past that question and-”
  54. [Tad holds a finger up to his ear]
  55. Tad: “I said no.  No I said I didnt want to do it.  Are they paying ME?  Yeah thats what I thought Abdul.   I'm not fucking doing it.  I said N- ”
  56.  
  57. [Smash cut to a new location.  Camera is zoomed a bit on Tad.  Tad is being forced to do this.]
  58.  
  59. Tad: “Welcome to the Official Sip Boyz Energy Drink Safety Video.  We've been commissioned and forced to produce this segment for our viewers.  I hope you are able to tolerate the next few minutes of your time being wasted.  Tim?”
  60. [CAMERA 1 is front facing Tim shot]
  61. [CAMERA 1 cuts to Tim in whatever location we end up using at the nice studio.  The text for CAMERA # is in the top left or top right whichever looks nicer.]
  62.  
  63. [Tim throws a jacket over his shoulder.  One leg on a folding chair]
  64. Tim: “Hey folks.  We all know energy drinks aka 'sips' are a great way to cheat sleep and burn that midnight oil.”
  65. [Tim puts coat on other shoulder, shifts other leg to folding chair.]
  66. Tim: “Now you may not believe me but the human body requires 'water' to sustain itself for extended periods of time.  Studies show if you drink water your life expectancy rises from four days to up to 95 years!”
  67.  
  68. Tad [Very bored looking]: “Wow very cool...”
  69. [Camera changes to CAMERA 2 a front facing shot of Joe]
  70.  
  71. Joe: “Sips tend to contain caffeine, Creatine and Taurine in excess.  Caffeine is relatively tame.  However studies show that Creatine and Taurine may have harmful effects.  Creatine is connected to male pattern baldness and Taurine.  Well.  We all know what Taurine is capable of...”
  72. [T-Series logo slowly fades into and out of view]
  73.  
  74. [CAMERA 1.  Tim shifts both legs to crouch on the chair like a gargoyle.  Tim puts the jacket over both shoulders like a rich person would have one of those stupid fox coat things.]
  75. Tim: “The surgeon general advises...”
  76. [Image of surgeon general and the quote appears on screen]
  77. “Sippies (as they are known to call themselves within their communities) need to limit their consumption to no more than 2 (two) cans per 24 hour period.  And of course, no drinks for those under the age of 18.  The Surgeon General also reccomends-”
  78.  
  79. [The camera slowly moves off center of Tim until John goes to correct it says “oh shit” and accidentally moves to CAMERA 3]
  80. [CAMERA 3 is just off stage of where Tad was.  You can see the back of his shirt and it picks up his audio.]
  81.  
  82. Tad: “Fucking unreal the depths people sink to when offered money to shill.”  
  83. [Tad cracks sip]
  84. Tad: “I'd never sink that low Joe.  Unless like.  It was good money I guess.”  
  85. [Phone rings and Tad looks at it]
  86. Tad: “Ugh god its that Egyptian dude from PR.”
  87. [Brings phone to ear]  
  88. Tad: “God jesus what now?  Huh?  Microphones still on?  You're broadcasting everything im saying?  I should stop repeating what you say?  Hey enough of the attitude Aladdin.  If you keep mouthing off to me the sphinx wont be the only Egyptian with a broken nose.”
  89. [From 'If you keep mouthing' to 'broken nose' have “BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE US DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY” fade in to the screen.  The logo covering my head.  Logo stays up as I keep arguing and get visibly angry as audio is cut out.]
  90. [Tad starts yelling into the phone and throwing his hands up.]
  91.  
  92. [WTV-MY logo or whatever station this show is on.  Hopefully the benevolent buckley one if Tyler lets us.  'I want to express my personal apologies for the inappropriate conduct displayed by one of our ex-shows on the network.  Action has been taken and we deeply regret our involvement. - Abdul Aladdin Jazeem Nafar. (Picture fades in of a dude in a fucking king tut mask)]
  93.  
  94. ~~END OF SAGA 1~~
  95.  
  96.  
  97.  
  98.  
  99.  
  100. ~~ SAGA 2 ~~
  101. Episode # 6 The Replacables
  102. [Start of the Trailer Park Boyz knockoff.  Our new Location as of Episode #6]
  103. [Tim has noticeably more cans empty around his spot on the table.  He also has one of the IV bags hooked up and he looks the worst of the three.  His portrait has all three aspects of Joe.]
  104.  
  105. Tad: “Hello my loyal sippies.  Unlike some people, I know my loyal viewer-base has faith in me.  Some decisions were made and we found it better to leave WTV-MY and go our separate ways as our creative visions differed.  I also want to say that I did not know Mr. Jazeem Nafar was actually from Isreal and not Egypt.  And I meant no offense to the jewish people in our leaked discussion video.  I have nothing but respect for the christ-killing faith.  NONETHELESS!  We are moving ahead and we have even bigger plans for the future of Sip Boyz!”
  106.  
  107. [Tad turns in his seat and gestures to Joe and Tim]
  108. Tad: “As you can see we are here with both Joe and Tim.  Joe is and always will be as he is now.  Tim was actually gone most of this week studying for his finals.  Don't worry though I've kept him on a steady stream of Monster he is as healthy as ever.  Don't you worry my fellow sippies everything at Sip Boyz HQ is running A O.K.!”
  109.  
  110. [Tad pats Tim on the back which makes his SIP IV come out.  Tim tries to reconnect the tube to the bag and the effort causes him to have a heart attack and fall forward on to the table sending all his cans flying.]
  111.  
  112. [Tad Looks down at Tim's body.  Looks 'off camera.  Back to the body.  Back off camera.]
  113. Tad: “What John.  You think im moving him?”
  114. ~~~~~~~
  115. Episode #7 – The Replaceables
  116. [Tim's IV set is thrown back in the corner]
  117. Tad: “Hello my fellow sippies!  As you can see we're all here once again.  Myself, Joe and longtime co-host John.”
  118.  
  119. John: “Uhhhhhh...”
  120.  
  121. Tad: “Haha classic John.”
  122.  
  123. Tad: “On today's episode we're going to cover how you can incorporate sips into formal dinnerparty.”
  124.  
  125. Joe: “Let's say you have the Senator and his boy companion coming over to your estate for luncheon.  What do you use for your variety of sip flavors?  The optimal container for a sip is of course, the can.  But we here at Sip Boyz got your back!”
  126.  
  127. John: “Let's check the tapes.”
  128. [Everyone turns around to look at the wall for a few seconds as if there is screen there until the screen wipes and cuts.]
  129.  
  130. [We do the sip exploding thing.  Or whatever we end up being able to do to have everything but the cheapo plastic be unable to contain the sips.  Tad has John 'get closer with the camera' when the glass explodes.]
  131. Tad: “Incredible.  Lets go back to the lab”
  132. [Back to the trailer set.  John has an eyepatch. And glasses.  The closest you get to death the more Joe you are.]
  133.  
  134. Tad: "And would you look at that.  You see when you crack that first sip of the day the monster particles or 'marticles' start vibrating. [Monster + Particles = Marticles]"
  135.  
  136. Tad: "Kept in their tin jail you can shake em, sip em or take notes safely.  Eventually they tucker themselves out and you are able to harvest their sweet monster juice or 'moose'." [Monster + Juice = Moose on screen]
  137.  
  138. Tad: "When the Marticles are taken out of the can they vibrate harder than ever at their first taste of
  139. freedom.  Left alone their excretions will cause the 'moose' to grow and swell until the container shatters.  Plastic has its own plastic-based marticles called 'particles' [Marticles + Particles = Smarticles arrow pointing at speaker] that coincidentally vibrate at the exact opposite frequency which keeps the marticles subdued for your enjoyment."
  140. [END EPISODE]
  141.  
  142. Episode #25 – Glow in the dark sips
  143. [Show off how sips can glow in the dark.  Turn on blacklight and have 'jizz' everywhere.]
  144. Tad: “We have a specially imported can in the studio today.  It actually GLOWS in the dark!  John hit the lights.”
  145. [John stands up and has trouble getting over the desk.  Flicks lights off.  Then turns blacklight on]
  146. [Camera shows full view then zooms in on us three and shows how fake jizz is fucking EVERYWHERE.  Joe is the last one the camera sees and is licking a glowing spot on his shirt.]
  147. Joe: “(says something abhorrent)”
  148. [End episode]
  149.  
  150. Episode # F-4RT
  151. [Can Art episode with MURR and the return of the fursonas]
  152. John: “In today's episode I thought we could look at the design of our favorite sip cans.  I asked my fellow sip boys to bring in their favorites and show them to the world.  Why dont you start Joe and then I'll go.”
  153.  
  154. Joe: “This one is blue.”
  155.  
  156. John: “thank you for the insight.  It's very blue.  More of a... cyan or a turk-wahz.  Mayhaps a tinge of seafoam green.”  [John will use the minimalistic Up Arrow white can and ramble on about dumbshit comparisons that don't matter to Tad.  Ex: “cold as ice.  Like a polar bear with a collapsed den.  White all around and hfaksjlhdksadhsadjkhsakj]
  157.  
  158. [Tad puts down a can with the fursonas from the previous april fools on it.  The Green Parrot and the Pink Bat]
  159. Tad: “Yeah thats cool.  Anyway I brought in MURR.  It comes in multiple flavors like Vanilla Gorilla and Musky Husky.  My favorites are the 'Kiwi Kaptain and Berry-Blasted Bat' cans.  I feel a strong sense of attachment to the characters and feel like whoeever thought of them must be a really cool person with a great podcast!”
  160.  
  161. John: “But what do you appreciate about the actual art?”
  162. [Tad says the following while tossing the can around.  Unintentionally shaking it a lot]
  163. Tad: “Yeah.  Whoever came up with this guy here [Points to the green bird].  Must have been pretty great.  A hero I'd say.  The peoples champion almost.  Here give it a taste-”
  164. [Tad opens the can near John. ]
  165. [John recoils as it sprays in his face]
  166. John: “I didn't wanna be cheesed!  Ah fuck my eye!” [John holds his hand to his un-eyepatched eye and says things like 'ah fuck.  Jesus.  Ooooh. ah. Etc. etc. as a volume low enough for Tad's following audio to come through]
  167. Tad: “Oops.  Maybe I should have had this thing spayed.  That'll do it for this episode folks we'll catch you next week when we see how many consecutive sip openings it'll take to rupture John's eardrums.”
  168. [End Episode]
  169.  
  170. Episode #69haha
  171. [Bubby Surprise.  John dies when I make him drink it.  Its mixed in the toilet bowl.]
  172. [Joe shows us whats in popular drinks.]  
  173. *Monster - torn up box containing a monster logo on the box
  174. *Rockstar – Fake drugs and baby syringe
  175. *Venom – Poison.  Vials and shit
  176. *Bang – Gun and Party Poppers
  177. *Rip-it – Dollars bills and bullets in a bucket (military spending)
  178.  
  179. [Joe takes his own ingredients and puts them into a bowl.  We then have him mash and mix and do whatever to then take it and pour it into the top of a toilet.  We flush the toilet for the final mixture.  Then we put it through the soda stream making a fucking huge mess.]
  180. Tad: “Alright lets take a look here.” [Tad puts on THICC gloves and grabs the bottle.  He brings it close and has a disgusted look.]
  181. Tad: “Hey John why don't you try it first?”
  182. John: “You know even though I only have two senses left I've come to find a new appreciation for what little I have left.”
  183. Tad: “Here you go buddy.”
  184. [John reaches his hand out because hes fucking blind and I hand it to him]
  185. John: “Its kind of warm.  Smells... Huh.  I think it just burned out my olfactory bulb.  Well.  Lets give it a shot.”
  186. [John drinks it.  Pauses for a bit.]
  187. John: “Huh.  Tastes like-AAAAAAAAAAAH!  I TINK IT BURNED MY TONGUE OFF!”
  188. [John drops it]
  189. John: “MY FINGAHS I CAN'T FEEL EM”
  190. [Renacts Tim's death with the heart attack]
  191. Tad: “Well.  I guess I DO have to clean him up.”
  192. ~~~~~~
  193. JUNKYARD SAGA
  194.  
  195. Episode #243
  196. Tad: “Howdy Sip Boyz we've relocated to a more economic set as filming in an active homicide investigation is apprently illegal.  We've relocated from Johns trailer to a local metal repurposing facility.  D&E RECYCLERS.  780-518-9599. do not fuck with LURGE.”
  197. [the D&E to LURGE appears on screen]
  198.  
  199. We have a variety of limited secret hot off the presses TEST SIPS brought to us by the Monstroco Company in the Chaoyang district.
  200.  
  201.  
  202. [FINAL SHOT IS JOHNNY MAMMEN (aka LURGE) HAVING A SIP ROLL TO HIM THANOS AFTERCREDITS STYLE.  HE LOOKS AT IT, PICKS IT UP.  CRACKS IT OPEN AND TAKES A SIP.  Keep filming if he says something really chuckleworthy as an aftercredits AFTERCREDITS scene]
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