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Nov 25th, 2013
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  1. You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
  2. You both like roleplay.
  3. You: Ah, hello comrade! Come in, come in! Welcome to Crazy Ivan's town shop! We have the finest ex-Soviet military equipment in all of glorious Russia! And what are you shopping for?!
  4. Stranger: oh nothing specific just looking around
  5. Stranger: i smile a bit awkwardly
  6. You: Ah, a window-shopper I see! Come look at our fine collection of Kalashnikovs, straight from Izhmash!
  7. You: The original classic!
  8. Stranger: dont know what that is but sure! show me
  9. You: The AK-47 is the original kebab-remover, made by Mikhail Kalashnikov after the Great Patriotic War!
  10. You: So simple, even small African child can operate it - I know from experience, comrade!
  11. Stranger: oh um I dont know much about guns, but i'd like to learn. how does this baby work, eh?
  12. You: Operation is simple. You load magazine into receiver until it clicks, then pull the bolt back and release! And BAM! Rifle is ready to fire! Could not be simpler, da?
  13. Stranger: haha I guess, can I try it out somewhere?
  14. You: Certainly! See painting on wall of flag of united states? Aim rifle there and pull trigger! Nothing on other side of that wall but turkish immigrant family, so no worries!
  15. Stranger: but i'm american...uh thats my flag, and a family, I dont wanna hurt a family
  16. Stranger: its best if I not try it....
  17. You: Bah, they're not people, merely turks! Do not worry of their safety.
  18. You: As for being american, perhaps you prefer drones instead to do fighting for you?
  19. You: We have drones as well, of glorious Russian design!
  20. Stranger: I came from immagrant parents, it'd be best if I just leave the gun...uh got any russian food...?
  21. You: Oh...well...I don't usually serve -your- kind...but I suppose a good drink is a good drink! Come have some vodka with me, comrade!
  22. Stranger: ah yess I love vodka, you russians...i love your alcohol and your men haha
  23. Stranger: but pour me some
  24. You: You, ah? I should have guessed when you said you were from United States! We Russians prefer our men with women, thank you!
  25. You: As for vodka, am sorry if I seem to be a light drinker - I never have more than one bottle a day while handling firearms!
  26. You: Is unsafe, da?
  27. Stranger: (im a woman)
  28. You: Bah, you are not woman, merely little girl! Do you even have hair in pit of arm? I think not! Perhaps you are too girly to handle firearms of glorious Russian design!
  29. Stranger: "yea alcohol and guns shouldnt mix. pssh I can handle anything!
  30. You: Except firing Kalashnikov at flag, apparently!
  31. Stranger: well its my coutry's flag, are you gonna shoot a gun at russia's flag?!
  32. Stranger: dont think so...
  33. You: Yes - Only serve flag of glorious Soviet Union! Silly Russian flag means nothing to me!
  34. Stranger: well the soviet union flag, you wouldnt shoot it, but whatever I just cant handle guns...yet
  35. Stranger: everything else yea
  36. You: Shoot at Soviet flag? I would rather shoot at fat cow of wife of mine! In fact, that is good idea! Excuse me, I will write that down.
  37. Stranger: "oh my god thats so mean!" I giggle a bit and hit you jokingly "did you just call your wife a fat cow?"
  38. Stranger: "dont shoot her haha"
  39. You: Da, but she is fat cow. All she does is stay home and say "Ivan! Why do you not sell more diverse goods? Maybe open nice hamburger shop?" And I say, "Cow! What is this, city of new york in United States? We do not eat hamburger, we eat good strong Russian food!"
  40. You: Woman does not understand the soul of an arms trader!
  41. You: My passion is not burgers! It is rifles!
  42. You: ...and vodka!
  43. Stranger: "haha why'd you marry her then uhh nevermind...but dont shoot her, wouldnt wanna get in trouble"
  44. You: Bah, chief of police is drinking buddy of mine. Who do you think supplied local police with their assault rifles for the removal of dissidents in the streets of town?
  45. Stranger: okay whoa you're a badass, its still not right to shoot your wife. you have kids?
  46. Stranger: since your friends with the cops you should tell them to leave me at ease, they always give me tickets
  47. You: Da, of course. My oldest son joined the Navy, so of course I had to kill him to hide shame of homosexual in family. Fat cow understood. My other son joined the Army and is currently busy killing rebels' families in Chechnya! I am so much mroe proud of him.
  48. Stranger: having a homosexual child isnt anything you should be ashamed of! their people and the least you could have give him was your support as his father and not his death
  49. Stranger: my eyes water a bit
  50. You: No, little faggot deserved it. As I said, he joined Navy! Navy is for flaming homosexuals who shame family. And shame upon my family is shame upon my business! So you see, he threatens the livelihood of my business!
  51. Stranger: killing people isnt good, war isnt good, life isnt always about business or money
  52. Stranger: its about love, loving those close to you
  53. You: That is naiive viewpoint of westerner who has not seen the problems of Chechens up close. Surely you could understand importance of stopping rebellion in Chechnya? Bomber of city of Boston was rebel of Chechen ancestry, you know! I am surprised you Americans with your drones and your warmonger of president do not fight alongside us.
  54. You: That is what Chechen rebels do - they kill innocents at marathons and in apartments with bombs! That is why glorious army must go to Chechnya and kill their families and their innocents in return!
  55. Stranger: I dont like war, I just want peace, a world in harmony, it sickens me that people kill innocent people
  56. Stranger: im not on either side
  57. You: Da, I want world in harmony too, that is why I support removal of the kebab.
  58. Stranger: kebab? whats that?
  59. Stranger: sorry dont know much about government
  60. You: Term for turks and muslim immigrants, the unclean people who immigrate into the fields and lands of my people and steal our country! Just like in Yugoslavia!
  61. You: That is why I sell arms, comrade!
  62. Stranger: they're probably just trying to make a better life, my parents migrated to the US for a better life
  63. Stranger: but they're from mexico
  64. You: Da, and look at the USA now!
  65. You: Far cry from USA that was respectable rival of glorious union of Soviet socialist republics!
  66. Stranger: uh man, I dont know anything of republivs or socialists or anything sorry, I think I need to head home, but let me get some more vodka before I go
  67. Stranger: i smile a little
  68. You: Sure! Have another shot, comrade. Don't worry if I take swig from bottle, alcohol kills germs, no?
  69. Stranger: haha yes, cheers to uhh cheers to alcohol! the way whats your name again? ivan is it?
  70. You: Da, Crazy Ivan!
  71. Stranger: alcohol already kicking in affect "yay crazy Sophia"
  72. Stranger: I shake your hand
  73. You: Bah, that is how little girls shake hand. Shake harder. HARDER! Now go, return to America with knowledge of glorious Soviet lands!
  74. Stranger: i shake your hand harder "uh sure i'll everyone know how great the soviet union and your shop is
  75. You: Glad to hear it! Das vidanya!
  76. Stranger: yea uh same to ya, byee
  77. Stranger has disconnected.
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