"...which was a smaller version of gate that Andrew and Day had passed through earlier."
*of the gate

"...or rush in and see what other worldly treasures were waiting."
*otherworldly?

"Instead she stutter stepped forward, head held high..."
Stutter?

"Every brick had been carefully placed, nothing was out of order."
Comma splice

"Every podium held something different, and a silver plaque in front."
This sounds a little odd? Maybe *and had a?

"A name sat proudly underneath everything, and a quick title of the object."
Also odd, "a name and a quick title of the object sat proudly underneat everything" would do the trick

"...pulling himself away pistol that’s body was pure white and had a golden barrel from which light shone."
*with a pure white body and a golden barrel, or something similar

"“Their stories make no difference. Drips in a very large lake. We have served countless beings, all donations of value are taken. Good or evil, no matter how a being such as yourself judges it.”"
EVIL
IS
RELATIVE

"...a a crystal eye that watched her movements..."
Extra "a"

"...and a flower made of gold and flowed as if being caught by a summer breeze."
*flowing, but it sounds weird next to "flower." Maybe "waving"?

"Andrew dropped his head, his gleem gone in an instant."
*glee? *gleam?