epenis {
  if (!%record2) {
    set %record2 0
    set %record2cm 0
  }
  var %inch = $round($calc(0.005 * $uptime),5)
  var %cm = $round($calc(%inch * 2.540),5)
  var %record = $round($calc(0.0005 * %record2),5)
  var %recordcm = $round($calc(%record2cm * 2.540),5)
  msg $active Based on my uptime, my E-Penis is %inch Inchs( $+ %cm cm).
  if (%inch > %record2) {
    set %record2 %inch
    set %record2cm %cm
    msg $active My largest erection ever was %record2 inchs( $+ %record2cm cm).
  }
  else {
    msg $active My largest erection ever was %record2 inchs( $+ %record2cm cm).
  }

}