Softserve

Katherine is the daughter to one of the world’s most famous (and successful) thieves, The Unseen Acrobat, a thief who never made a mistake in all his years of espionage and crime. The only people to know his real identity, Collin DeBrew, are his wife and recently his daughter.

Last summer, Katherine DeBrew stumbled upon her father’s trophy room in the back of a utility closet when looking for a plunger to unclog a toilet. Discovering that she’s the offspring of a world famous thief, the college sophomore quickly took a strong interest in her father’s work. The retired Mr. DeBrew tried to dissuade his only child from carrying on the torch of his work. The man wouldn’t have his sweet pea put in jail, or worse.

Despite her father’s protests, Katherine trained herself to be a master thief, wanting the fame and recognition it would bring. It certainly had to be better than two more years of university. Attending children’s acrobat classes and watching spy movies, the girl figured her training was complete. Katherine zipped up her dark tracksuit. The article of clothing wasn’t black latex or whatever those people used in movies, but it would have to do. After several failed attempts of dyeing her brunette hair a shadowy black through the use of tar and chocolate syrup, the wannabe thief snuck out of her family’s home and into the industrial district of the county in hopes of stealing a successful company’s valuable secrets to sell on the black market. That would certainly jumpstart her career, right?

---

Four weeks ago, a mob of furious animal rights activists stormed into the busy factory. A rumor on the internet about how the Fondre Factory Corporation squashes, stretches, and melts its employees turned into a clickbait news article of the company horrifically testing on animals. As the angry mob of about ninety people broke into the establishment, bETA’s security protocols kicked into high gear. The entire group was flattened, melted, noodled, and stretched (among other things) together, causing a publicity disaster for Miss Fondre.

"Don't you people know I'm strictly against animal testing?” the head of the Fondre Factory Corporation stated in an interview. “The proof is in my product! You couldn't get results like this testing on cute little kittens and puppies. These dumb activists tested about 250 of my newest products in under 4 hours! No one can pay for that kind of quality assurance!” Miss Fondre's attempts to quell her media attention only made things even worse...

 Incidentally, the terms “spontaneous orgy” and “squishy orgy” were coined that day.

---

Fritz punched his card into the timeslot machine. Ever since Miss Fondre had to temporally disable the AI mainframe bETA or face even more red tape and fines, the factory felt slower and relatively unlively. Entering the server room, the night shift employee saw Yui typing on the console.

“Ah, uh, hi there Miss Yui,” Fritz said in a quiet tone. The two hardly saw each other at work. His and Yui’s shift were on the opposite times of day, with Fritz attending the factory at late night and Yui assisting Fondre during the day.

Yui turned her head and greeted the only other employee of the Fondre Factory Corporation, aside from the A.I. and their employer.

“Oh, um, hey… Fritz was it?”

Fritz nodded.

“Hello Fritz. You heard about the recent accident, right?”

“The safety video Miss Fondre wanted us to film or the test drive of the instantaneous delivery system? I wouldn’t consider it as much as an accident as it was forced participation.”

Yui chuckled and said, “No, not those. The security breach a few weeks back. Miss Fondre told you about it, right?”

Fritz silently gazed upward. He recalled seeing the security tapes of that event. The screams of the frightened mob turning into squishing noises and moans of pleasure as they were all forced from a small conventional oven into a can of air freshener that sprayed them into the air vents leading to the breakfast foods sector of the factory still haunt him.

“Oh, that!” Fritz exclaimed “Wait, are you working on bETA?”

“As much as Miss Fondre will allow me to. She wants me to disable some of the security protocols, but I’m not finding anything in here about that-“

*BWEEEEeeeooooOOOOOO!*

An alarm went off, causing the trusty assistant to jump in her seat. Fritz’s attention was drawn to the console’s monitor as it displayed live feed of a camera facing one of the emergency exit doors. A young woman had her tracksuit snagged on the door hinge, looking around in panic.

Fritz gave a grin. “Looks like we got ourselves an intruder! I hope she likes being-“

“bETA’s offline, remember?” interrupted Yui.

“Ah, well then.” Frizz grabbed a hammer out of the pile of tools Yui kept nearby the console. “Guess we’ll take matters in our own hands…”

Yui stood up to protest. “A hammer? What if she has a gun?!”

Fritz raised an eyebrow. “What’s the bigger risk: being shot or making the boss angry?”

The diligent secretary placed her hand on her forehead. “OK, ok. Fair point…”

---

Katie finally unsnagged her totally-super-deluxe-bodysuit-that-isn’t-a-hefty-tracksuit from the door. Checking for any tears, the “super cool” thief began her “super sneaky” walk. Katie was amazed by the sheer size of the factory itself. She couldn’t even see the other side of the room she was in! “Stealthily” sneaking by, the “experienced” made it on top of a catwalk. Trying to get a grip on the handle bars, Katie almost lost her balance, noticing the bars themselves were at knee level. Quickly getting her footing back, the thief gazed the rows and rows of open machinery below her.

“Oh! Oh…”

Staring at the gaping metal maw of one the machines, Katherine felt a bit entranced. The pumping pistons, rotating gears, and swinging mechanical arms hypnotized the oh-so “clever” thief. Edging ever so close to the edge of the catwalk, a rather feminine voice called out to her.

“You there! Miss! No civilians allowed in the facility at any time!”

Katie was brought out of her trance. Turning her head, she saw a black haired man (well, more like a handsome boy) in a white lab coat being used as a shield for a Japanese woman wearing a huge, red sweater and exceptionally long stockings. The thief froze in shock, breaking out in a cold sweat. Her very first gig had her caught in the act. Katie had to think of something quick! Making her voice as grand and imposing as possible, Katie spoke as if she were royalty.

“My name is-”

Katie stopped herself. She couldn’t tell these two her actual name! She slapped herself in the head to try and make up a cool nickname for herself (and the fact that she didn’t come up with one beforehand).

“…is the Chocolate Flow!”

She slapped her face and muttered “damn it” under her breath, "sounds like a person with the runs." Perhaps she should have spent more time thinking about it.

“Oh I get it!” exclaimed the red sweater secretary. “It’s because of the color of your hair, right?”

“Uh, sure.” The Chocolate Flow felt her confidence coming back. “Now watch as I backflip to my escape!”

Fritz leaned towards Yui and whispered “Is this kid a street performer or something?”

Katie didn’t hear him as all her years (well, actually just a few weeks) of acrobatic training were about to pay off! The Chocolate Flow jumped in the air, her legs reached up and her torso rotated down. Katie's eyes widened and her mouth curved into a bright smile; she had finally done her very first backflip!

Towards the open port of the machine down below.

Fritz was extremely quick to react. Whether it be fear for the girl or the fear of a lawsuit against Miss Fondre’s business, the employee made a beeline for Katie’s legs.

“DAMN GIRL, ARE YOU INSANE!?” Fritz successfully grabbed a hold of Katie’s ankles.

Katie was about to give her response. Unknown to the amateur thief, her long hair triggered an infrared wire on the machine’s intake. As if expecting an intake of ingredients, the machine began to whir to life and sucked in the air above it, forcing Fritz to get on his knees as it dragged Katie closer into it.

Yui ran up to Fritz and wrapped his arms around him for support.

“Don’t drop her!” she yelled. “We’ll get a pay cut if you dooOOOO-“

The machine ultimately won the battle as the three were sucked and separated into three different chambers.

---

Fritz’s face squashed against a metal wall. The nightshift worker attempted to stand up, but found his pants were caught in a spiral rotary blade. Feeling around the cramped compartment, he heard a buzzing sound followed by a whirring in the ceiling of his metal prison.

Fritz pleaded with sound. “Please don’t be a laser, please don’t be a laser! It took two days to get my molecules back in order!”

Fritz’s prayers were sort of answered as the machine dumped brown sugar and strange tasting dust onto him instead of firing a molecular destabilizer at his thin frame. The trapped engineer coughed as the dusty ingredients scattered about in the small space, inhaling the particles between coughs.

As an employee of the Fondre Factory Corporation, Fritz had his fair share of bizarre incidents involving tests and “accidents” that greatly did a number on his body in fantastical ways. It didn’t take long for him to realize that he was an additional ingredient to whatever the machine was making.

Fritz banged on the walls of the machine, hoping to break them down or that the sound would alert someone on the outside. The primitive plan wouldn’t work as the Fondre Factory Corporation always, er, generally, built products to withstand a multitude of whatnots and who-haws. That, and bETA, alongside Fondre, weren’t available to be his saving grace at the moment.

Just as was about to give up hope, a panel opened up on the ceiling. Fritz tried reaching up to the inner ledge of where the panel opened, hoping to get a grip and loosen his pants of off the rotor. Freedom was-

*SPLASH!*

Not at hand. An icy cold stream came pouring out of the panel soaking Fritz to the bone. The confined employee shivered as the water rose up, filling the compartment. Strangely, the cold feeling dissipated fast. Fritz felt his body’s temperature go up.

“Aaah,” he murmured out, feeling his body go limp and sink into the mixture. Perhaps the dust from earlier was having an effect on his body. Just as he felt his body begin to tingle and loosen, the rotor his pants leg was stuck on began churning the mixture, acting as a giant beater. Fritz was spun about on the beater, slowly losing his own form as he and liquid mixture became a pool of icy Fondre employee.

The beater slowly stopped but Fritz’s liquefied still whirled about, giving him a nice sensual sensation as he felt his melted body thrash about against the walls of the machine. Before his mind could comprehend where his body parts were in the mixture, the level of the Fritz liquid sunk down as it went down into and through a pipe.

Poor Fritz’s head, wherever it was, was all dizzy and fuzzy. His sugary, watery body was drained as it exited the pipe into another open basin, sending him into a deeper tizzy as he was temporarily separated into different streams.

His mixture became like thick pancake batter as his separated self-converged back together. Again, Fritz wasn’t given the time to gather his thoughts as another mixer stirred and sloshed his thick, gooey body about, keeping his consistency the same as another small pipe opened up.

The battered night worker flowed through the small pipe no bigger than a licorice stick. Nearing the other side, the Fritz batter spluttered onto a metal pan. It heated up and caused him to slowly bubble before being rolled into solid waffle cone.

Fritz was quite dizzy after being rolled up. Before he could regain his senses, he was dropped outside of the machine onto a metal ring. Looking like a waffle cone ready for ice cream, Fritz lied motionless.

“Ugh,” was the only thought on his mind.

---

Yui fell into a giant cold metal bin. She calmly readjusted her glasses and inhaled deeply.

“EEEEEEEEK!” she shrieked out.

Cold water splashed onto Fondre’s screaming right-hand woman, sending chills down her spine. A giant whisk held by a robotic hand wearing a cartoonish glove descended. Yui crawled back, partially accepting of whatever mess will happen next.

Yui got slapped onto the bin by the whisk, leaving squishy indents on her front side. Before she could pop back up, the whisk dragged her in a circle. Yui slowly liquefied, her more solid parts holding onto the metal wires. Finally, after about 10 minutes of nonstop stirring, the whisk rose out of the water and back into the ceiling. Yui was fully dissolved into the cold, icy water: her colors a bit muted. Barely holding onto her senses, the poor girl could hardly muster a thought.

No rest for the weary though! The bin shook as a hatch below the pool of human mix. Yui was poured down into another chamber, even colder than the last. Her liquid like form slowly started to freeze as it was pushed down a tube, thinning her out as she became soft serve ice cream.

Fritz stood, sat, or lay there (whatever waffle cones do) as he pondered how he would get back to normal. A wet, rope like substance fell into his inner cone, causing him to yelp from surprise. Yui slowly piled up into a coil from her feet to her head, coming out of the machine and into Fritz.

Yui laughed awkwardly. “Heh, we’re a sweet treat…”

Fritz awkwardly laughed back.

---

Katie landed face first onto a metal bowl. She peeled her face from the chilly surface, dazed and confused.

“Wh… what happened?”

There was a big beep and Katie looked up. A shower of cocoa powder landed on her, covering the thief to her chest.

“What is this? Chocolate milk mix?”

As if right on cue, gallons upon gallons of milk poured in, causing a chocolate milky whirlpool. Katie yelled, getting sucked down into a warm rotating cylinder. Struggling to stay afloat, Katie flailed her arms in the mixture, noting that they seemed to get weaker and rather relaxed. The girl didn’t have time to ponder why her arms felt weird, she had to get out!

Katie kicked her legs as fast she could, trying to stay above the surface. “Gaugh! I didn’t plan for thislubglubglub…”

Just like with her arms, Katie’s legs felt warm, weak, and relaxed. She sunk and invariably freaked out a bit more. However, this time her entire boy felt weak and even… everywhere? The heat of the chamber melted Katie down and the vortex of the spinning syrup mixed the newbie thief into the chocolate. Her whole body was, in a sense, everywhere. She could taste the chocolate, and it tasted cheap.

“How can this get any worse?” The hapless thief said to herself?

It got worse. The chocolate Katie mix fell into another vat, this time being scorched with flames and spun by rotating whisks. Katie bubbled and boiled from the heat and once again got stirred around, and around, and around. The sweet treat thief syrup thickened as the milk dried.

“Okay, now it can’t get worse,” the human chocolate sauce thought.

Never say “can’t.” A funnel open up below and Katie slowly poured down a thin tube. She touched something cold, though she couldn’t tell where or how. Having an amorphous body makes it hard to determine that.

---

Fritz shivered as well as a waffle cone could. “I think you’re starting to melt at my bottom.”

Yui blushed. “Your bottom?”
“My cone base or whatever it’s called.” Fritz was rather calm. “Why’d this have to happen on a weeken-“

“Hot! Hot! Hooot!” Yui squealed as something quite warm poured on top of her, melting her down faster and even dripping off of the Fritz cone.

Katie slowly drizzled the top of Yui, flowing down the curves of the piled frozen employee yogurt. Eventually she ran out room on the ice cream to be on and began accumulating on the base of the machine.

“Argh… what happened?” Katie’s melted mouth dripped down the side of Yui.

“In trouble!” Yui sniped. “If you didn’t do that front flip, none of us would be in this mess!”

“I think it was a backflip,” Fritz chimed in. Yui huffed.

Katie tried to move, but to no avail. She’s now just chocolate syrup on an employee ice cream. “So, are we…?”

Yui sighed. “Our security computer is currently off, so we can’t be transferred to the restoration chambers. We’ll be stuck here until after the weekend when our boss gets back. “

Katie was about to raise her voice, but stopped herself. She didn’t want to make things any worse.

“So, who wants to play 20 questions?” said Yui.

---

“Yui? Yui?! Where are you?!” Fondre was back at the factory, caring a pile of filed complaints from the mob incident. “I need you to read me these files! Yui?! Dang it!”

Fondre stormed up and down the building, yelling for right hand woman. She passed by a prototype of the IceTron 3000, and stopped. The purple power boss looked down at the receive area and saw a drenched waffle cone with a mix of red and black inside it. Below on the floor was a sticky puddle of dark brown chocolate syrup. Frondre put her hand on her face sighed.

“I should’ve figured.”