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The Dangers of Space Urine

Bigwood Oct 6th, 2012 67 Never
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  1. [16:14:14] <Giantree> OKAY
  2. [16:16:36] <Giantree> It's been a goofily long travel through various space ports- or at least it seems like something like that.  An almost-too-normal Neo-Earthling and a large ursine find themselves sharing a cramped shuttle toward what's supposedly a ship containing both their needs, only... holy CRAP is it cramped.  It's essentially a space-train but Bruin can barely stand up without hunching over, and the same can be said of a tall robotic-looking man with a stoic expression.  There are a few other passengers too.
  3. [16:16:52] <Giantree> It's almost quiet... until.
  4. [16:18:09] <Giantree> Something makes out-of-date beep and boop noises.  "Sir, I believe this vessel is hardly sanitary!  If only you'd taken my advice, we could have been on a vessel that's not so cramped!  ... Not that it matters to me at all."
  5. [16:18:55] <Giantree> "If you catch a disease, how will you work, sir?"  An odd-looking droid floats near Sherry and then flies a circle around the cyborg man.  And then around the spacebear.
  6. [16:18:59] <Giantree> And then around every passenger.
  7. [16:19:09] <Giantree> what do
  8. [16:20:30] * Bruin staring the metallic fuck out of the creepy hover droid without saying a word.
  9. [16:21:14] <Giantree> Whoosh whoosh whoosh.... it stops and hovers in place.  At closer glance it doesn't actually have eyes.
  10. [16:21:21] <Giantree> Is it trying to have a staring contest?
  11. [16:21:29] * Sherry scratches her hair... Some of it popping out of the tie and groans "Like I had a choice. This was the cheapest shuttle I could afford, and it's not as bad as in the slums." She sits back, trying to make use of the space given to her.
  12. [16:22:40] <Bruin> Without breaking eye...con...tact? "What manner of metalloid sprite do my eyes catch before me?"
  13. [16:22:45] <Giantree> AI: "But the cheapest is the slowest, Sir!  You could have made a week's pay already!"
  14. [16:23:26] <Giantree> The large cyborg(?) looks at the ground and mutters "Sprite..." to himself.
  15. [16:24:12] <Giantree> AI: "Ah!  Someone recognizes my superior design!  I'm a latest-design guide model, designed so that with my help even a turnip could be a fully-functioning member of society!"
  16. [16:24:41] <Giantree> AI: "Please treat my turnip with utmost kindness, my orders are to self-destruct if she rots."
  17. [16:25:49] * Anise is now known as Amaranthe
  18. [16:26:04] <Bruin> A pensive chin stroke. Do you call that part of the bear its chin? Fucking bear anatomy. "The turnip is already a fully-functioning member of society. It is born, grows up, and upon ripening circulates within the food cycle to bring sustenance to others."
  19. [16:26:07] <Giantree> Behind the hulking metal man, a blond head pops out- looks like somebody's wearing stylistic shades.  They're pretty shiny.
  20. [16:26:09] <Sherry> "Who you calling a turnip?" She shoves the floating bugger out of the air. "And stop calling me 'Sir', it irks me."
  21. [16:27:10] <Giantree> AI:  "Oof!  (That was a simulated interjection, because I can't actually feel sensations, get it?)  Recalculating... order accepted."
  22. [16:27:32] <Giantree> "I will now address my master as 'Turnip' on a more regular basis."
  23. [16:27:55] <Bruin> "Ah, THAT kind of turnip..." Bruin studies Sherry with wiser eyes than one would expect of something born to maul.
  24. [16:27:58] <Sherry> "FFFFffuu... I give up."
  25. [16:28:23] <Giantree> "Isn't that exciting, Turnip?  This upstanding fellow thinks you'll ripen!  I hope you'll ripen too."
  26. [16:28:47] <Giantree> Shades: "Uhhh... does it turn off?"
  27. [16:29:14] <Giantree> Next to Shades and Cyborg, there's some redhead snoring.  It's actually kind of loud.
  28. [16:29:38] <Giantree> Cyborg: "..."
  29. [16:29:49] <Sherry> "I would have done it already if I knew how. My supers just dropped it off on me and had me sent to some odd station in the middle of nowhere."
  30. [16:31:03] <Giantree> AI: "But you forget, you didn't even have to pay for me!  I'm a top-of-the-line model designed for only the highest-quality turnip-ripening and not a single folgilmesetadollar came out of your pocket!"
  31. [16:31:17] <Giantree> "How much does my model cost, you ask?"
  32. [16:31:20] <Giantree> "More than you can afford!"
  33. [16:31:23] <Giantree> It spins around.
  34. [16:31:23] <Sherry> "My sanity."
  35. [16:31:36] <Bruin> "Surely the sprite possesses some useful traits."
  36. [16:31:50] <Giantree> A large tilde appears on the screen in front of it.  The screen that isn't eyes.
  37. [16:32:05] <Giantree> 8,1  ~  
  38. [16:32:22] <Sherry> "I can throw it for ran- what the hell is wrong with it now?"
  39. [16:32:44] <Giantree> AI: "Apologies!  Did you not like my excited face, young Turnip?"
  40. [16:32:47] <Sherry> (I am seeing A's with arrows on top of them... A A ~A A)
  41. [16:32:49] <Giantree> It begins to change.
  42. [16:32:59] <Giantree> 8,1 ^-^ 
  43. [16:33:06] <Giantree> AI: "Visage altered!"
  44. [16:33:36] <Giantree> Shades: "Ohhh..."
  45. [16:33:40] <Giantree> Cyborg groans.
  46. [16:34:02] <Sherry> "Vis... Whatever. Stop that."
  47. [16:34:02] <DiceMaid-9001> Sherry, sorry boss, we'll be quiet.
  48. [16:34:13] <Giantree> (okay I laughed)
  49. [16:34:25] <Giantree> AI: "Understood!"
  50. [16:34:27] <Sherry> (damnit... all the bots)
  51. [16:34:36] <Giantree> 8,1_____
  52. [16:35:20] <Giantree> AI: "Now, about my useful traits?  I'm glad you asked!"
  53. [16:35:45] <Giantree> "I'm a simulated conversational partner to provide a more involving experience than most Earthlings are capable of!"
  54. [16:35:45] <Giantree> "
  55. [16:35:52] <Giantree> For instance: now."
  56. [16:36:01] * Sherry starts digging into the pockets of her riot vest... she picks out some polysomething strings to play with to help zone-out the bot
  57. [16:36:13] <Giantree> "My secondary functions include cooking, cleaning, firing death lasers..."
  58. [16:36:25] <Giantree> A small gun-looking compartment opens up.
  59. [16:36:54] <Bruin> "Death lasers? That implies life lasers exist as well." It's not even a joke.
  60. [16:37:20] <Giantree> "Oh, they do!  I have those too."  Another compartment opens up.
  61. [16:37:34] <Giantree> They both fire simultaneously at the space bear!
  62. [16:37:40] <Sherry> "So umm... Bear dude, where you from?" She tries ignoring the MAG's banter... And possible near-show of not-so-force...
  63. [16:37:41] <Giantree> ... And bounce off his armor.
  64. [16:37:45] <Giantree> "Just kidding, they're both stun lasers!"
  65. [16:38:36] <Giantree> On the other side of the transport the worried two look at their companion.
  66. [16:38:39] <Giantree> Stiiiiiiiill dozing.
  67. [16:39:02] <Giantree> Shades: "I just don't get it.  How CAN anyone sleep through-"
  68. [16:39:05] <Giantree> Cyborg: "Shhhh."
  69. [16:39:40] <Sherry> ofuck "I'm sorry about that! I have no controloverthisthing*lowering her voice*whatsoever" She doesn't want to be mauled by a bear.
  70. [16:40:07] <Bruin> Hardly notices the lasers at all. "From? Where I'm from is of no consequence. Where I am going is to seek a home. And what of you, Earth-clan?"
  71. [16:40:27] <Giantree> The droid stares at the bear.  8,1 >-< 
  72. [16:40:37] * Sherry picks the MAG from the air and sits on it
  73. [16:40:49] <Giantree> PLOMPF.
  74. [16:42:04] <Amaranthe> (waaah what are we gonna do on the mag)
  75. [16:42:27] <Giantree> (okay I chortled)
  76. [16:42:31] <Sherry> "Ah, yes. From Earth. Level 2, Section 533. The not-so trashy parts. My name's Sherry."
  77. [16:43:05] * Sherry extends her hand for a shake... Do bears even shake?
  78. [16:43:59] <Giantree> The MAG wiggles around but gives up.  "Surely it was less trashy than this ship!"
  79. [16:44:04] <Giantree> "Get it, because this ship is trashy?"
  80. [16:44:28] <Bruin> He stares at the hand briefly, a puzzled look on his face. It dissolves as he quickly nods his head "Ah, yes, this custom..." A large furry paw...claw? extends to shake Sherry's hand. Unless perhaps only one or two digits are required.
  81. [16:45:21] <Plutonis> (Ah shit, was playing WoW since tree was out)
  82. [16:45:37] <Giantree> Shades: "Oh, hey, it's a little quieter now."
  83. [16:45:41] <Giantree> Cyborg nods.
  84. [16:45:54] <Giantree> (go do another raid and I'll get to you)
  85. [16:46:35] <Giantree> Shades:  "Are you two - err, three - looking for work too?"
  86. [16:46:53] * Sherry extends further to grip the paw for a shake... "Soft pads..."
  87. [16:47:01] <Giantree> (presea.jpg)
  88. [16:47:25] <Giantree> Cyborg looks down and mumbles again.  "Soft..."
  89. [16:49:03] <Bruin> An amused grin creeps across his face. "You expected them to be rock? And me a flame-spitting bearserker with all of you at my mercy on this small ship?"
  90. [16:49:21] <Sherry> "No. I'm being transferred for extended training. But I don't see why they had to include a faulty AI in the package. I guess they sent it with me to get it fixed up. Kill two birds with one stone."
  91. [16:50:26] <Bruin> "Training in what?"
  92. [16:50:33] <Giantree> AI: "I couldn't be less faulty, young Turnip!  Clearly they sent you to learn how to use me better!"
  93. [16:50:54] <Giantree> Under Sherry's ass its face is 8,1 ;_; .  Fortunately hardly anyone can see it.
  94. [16:51:41] <Giantree> Shades keeps leaning out in curiosity and nods at the galactic ursine's question.  Since it's impossible to see his eyes, it's hard to tell if he's even intimidated.
  95. [16:51:55] <Sherry> "I don't see that many bears on Eart- Ah yeah... Security contracting. Right now I'm a trainee included in the riot task force."
  96. [16:53:35] <Bruin> "Riots...is rebellion common among Earth-clan?"
  97. [16:54:21] <Giantree> Shades: "Oh, that makes sense!  I think we started recruiting all over the galaxy for people who wanted to improve themselves or whatever, good to see we're getting new recruits for once.  It's only been months."
  98. [16:54:25] <Giantree> Cyborg: "Rebellion..."
  99. [16:56:29] <Sherry> "Erry once in a while. Always happens whenever someone in the gov screws up. Half the time it's over misapping public funds for the tables."
  100. [16:57:10] <Giantree> The AI squirms... squiiiiiirm...
  101. [16:57:49] <Giantree> AI: "Don't worry, Turnips!  'Preventing conflict' is one of my specialties as well!  With just one shot of my Ultra Neutralizing Ray..."
  102. [16:58:11] <Giantree> It pops out just enough to fire a laser at a wall.  It just kind of bounces off and does nothing.
  103. [16:58:36] <Bruin> "Interesting..." He takes out a small journal of sorts and scribbles in it quickly before putting it away once more. "Do you know how much longer this journey is to continue? These closed quarters are...bothersome"
  104. [16:59:33] <Giantree> Shades climbs over and looks at a window.  "Ohh, uhh... we're almost at port, it looks like.  Hey Gus, could you wake Rufi up?"
  105. [16:59:37] <Giantree> ZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzZZZzzz
  106. [16:59:42] <Sherry> "New recruits? Damnit, stop that..." She shifts her weight to her thigh... Pressing the MAG down and "oomf" she comes down and shoots the mag like a marble.
  107. [16:59:44] <Giantree> Cyborg(?): "... No thanks."
  108. [17:01:05] * Blaxploitation is now known as Jazz
  109. [17:02:47] <Sherry> She rubs and scratches her thigh where she launched the mag from. "We're almost there, huh?"
  110. [17:03:29] <Tim> (What's a prsea?)
  111. [17:03:51] <Sherry> From the way the MAG put it earlier, it seemed like it was going to take forever.
  112. [17:03:54] <Giantree> Shades:  "Yeah!  You didn't get much briefing, huh?  I bet if they sent you for training it's probably to the Seekers' Guild... him, too."
  113. [17:04:19] <Giantree> AI: "My calculationg say we shouldn't be arriving for another 13.6776 years!"
  114. [17:05:13] <Sherry> (Apple products.)
  115. [17:06:37] <Bruin> "A guild, hm? What sort of work are they engaged in? I must admit I embarked upon this journey with little understanding of its destination..."
  116. [17:07:12] <Giantree> Cyborg: "... Most still don't know."  He reaches over and taps the redheaded girl on the head.  She keeps snoring.
  117. [17:07:14] <Giantree> He sighs.
  118. [17:07:29] <Sherry> "What's a guild?" That word's not in her vocab.
  119. [17:07:45] <Giantree> Shades: "The Seekers' Guild?  Well, we do jobs in the galaxy nobody else wants to do, especially the feder-" he gets cut off.
  120. [17:07:48] <Giantree> AI: "Ooh ooh, me me!"
  121. [17:08:11] <Giantree> AI: "A guild is an organization comprised of multiple individuals set toward a common purpose or goal."
  122. [17:10:29] <Giantree> AI: "... Wait, that's every group!"
  123. [17:10:37] <Giantree> Cyborg facepalms.
  124. [17:10:51] <Giantree> Wait, it's okay to stop calling him Cyborg, isn't- oh well.
  125. [17:11:04] <Giantree> Cyborg's a fun name.
  126. [17:11:23] <Giantree> Shades: "... Yeah, she's out cold.  Guess we'll have to drag her again."
  127. [17:11:56] <Bruin> "Is there a problem with your companion?"
  128. [17:11:58] <Giantree> The Cyborg grunts and heaves the human-looking girl over his shoulder as the shuttle slows to a crawl.
  129. [17:12:06] * Sherry stares at it, slightly amused... With a whisper "At least it has dictionary functions..." She begins tapping out random tune on her IAA replicator's batterypack.
  130. [17:13:59] <Giantree> The blond kid with shades leaps up.  "Oh, Rufi?  She uh... overexerts herself a lot, that's all.  I think it's something to do with where she comes from."
  131. [17:14:25] <Sherry> (Looked over at other... Ponytails. Ponytails errywhar.)
  132. [17:15:14] <Giantree> The AI starts beeping the same tune after a few seconds to recognize it, by the way.
  133. [17:16:01] <Giantree> Shades:  "I can show you around the ship if you- oh yeah, this is the Excel, by the way.  It has a bigger name but nobody bothers remembering it."
  134. [17:16:41] <Giantree> Shades: "Oh yeah, I'm Allan.  These are Rufi and G.U.S.- we just came back from a reaaally boring mission."
  135. [17:17:01] <Giantree> Allan: "Well, Gee You Ess is his official name, but everyone calls him Gus."
  136. [17:17:11] <Giantree> Gus holds up a hand to slightly-wave, though he clearly looks disinterested.
  137. [17:17:47] * Bruin nods in their direction "Bruin is what the Earth-clan I lived with for a time took to calling me."
  138. [17:17:49] * Sherry waves back, with more interested and confused look
  139. [17:21:03] <Plutonis> (Myon)
  140. [17:21:15] <Giantree> Allan: "Bruin... you know, you kinda remind me of someone.  Oh well!  I bet you'll probably meet, the Excel's a pretty big ship."
  141. [17:21:20] <Sherry> "Aaaah..." She scratches her hair again, more of it coming out of the tie... "What was... Oh, OK. You're name is Bruin. I didn't catch that earlier." Was there an earlier?
  142. [17:21:29] <Giantree> Allan: "Well... kind of a ship.  It's pretty-much a space station."
  143. [17:25:05] <Giantree> The shuttle finally docks, and the door to another room opens after a few minutes.
  144. [17:25:06] * Sherry leans forward to look under the seat while waiting... Less worried about unprovoked maulings. "What planet does it orbit around?"
  145. [17:25:36] <Giantree> Gus: "... It's state-of-the art.  It goes everywhere."
  146. [17:25:54] <Sherry> (oheiwerethere)
  147. [17:26:05] * Plutonis is now known as ULTROS
  148. [17:27:41] <Sherry> "Guess the paperbooks at school were out of date, then." She leans back up in her seat... Waiting for the others to move before she does. Like a sheep.
  149. [17:28:11] <Giantree> The large cyborg man goes first, as the girl on his shoulder lets out a loud YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN.
  150. [17:28:17] <Giantree> ... and conks her head on the ceiling.
  151. [17:28:18] <Giantree> zzzzz
  152. [17:28:46] <Giantree> Allan follows behind him, beckoning.  The AI bides its time and waits for Sherry to get up.
  153. [17:29:26] * Bruin waits patiently for all to pass, aware of his bulk.
  154. [17:30:24] * Sherry gets up behind Allan... Picking up the MAG and tossing it in front of her... It's already broken, can't possibly break it further.
  155. [17:30:43] <Giantree> It does a triple front-flip and narrowly avoids colliding with the ground!
  156. [17:30:52] <Giantree> ... And then soars straight toward the ceiling, conking itself too.
  157. [17:31:09] <Giantree> AI:  "Ouch!  (That was simulated too, my functions aren't at all damaged from that collision!)"
  158. [17:33:05] <Giantree> As you all step off the ship, it's a large, spacious room with... well, look at that, EVERY other ship in the dock is at least twice the size of that shuttle.
  159. [17:33:20] <Giantree> Looks like there are a lot of escape pods lying around too.
  160. [17:35:19] <Bruin> "Hm...it seems not everything built by the Earth-clan is so...humble."
  161. [17:37:00] <Giantree> Allan: "Ah-hmm.  You guys wanna look around?  The layout can be pretty confusing your first time here, we use a lot of transporters to get around more often than not."
  162. [17:37:17] * Sherry looks around. She isn't familiar with the types, models and purposes of the ships/pods/things at port...
  163. [17:37:25] <Giantree> "But lots of people come here for stuff like the casinos, or to... for some reason everyone's good at cooking here."
  164. [17:37:29] <Giantree> "Well, most people are.
  165. [17:38:09] <Giantree> AI: "Cooking?  My programming has the line 'be a master chef' in it!  So clearly, these cooks don't even know what competition they're about to be having!"
  166. [17:38:28] <Giantree> The redheaded girl drools on Gus' back.  "Mmm... food..."
  167. [17:39:26] <Bruin> "I am intrigued by Earth-clan cuisine. To cook meats for so long is...strange."
  168. [17:39:51] <Sherry> "So where we supposed to... Transporters? Pretty fancy. Most of the time it's by maglev on the lowers. All the uppers and most casinos got the transporters."
  169. [17:42:43] <Giantree> Allan: "Cooked.. I don't like it cooked for too long either, yeah.  It's weird everybody learned to cook when we all have different tastes.  Well!  We'll take the transporter then, if you guys don't mind."
  170. [17:42:56] <Giantree> Suddenly a fist starts banging on the cyborg's back.
  171. [17:43:03] <Giantree> A fist and a giant photon claw.
  172. [17:43:15] <Giantree> "Nnnmnrmrg let me down already!"
  173. [17:43:42] <Giantree> Gus takes her bridal-style before gently setting the redhead to her feet.  She yawns loudly.
  174. [17:43:55] <Sherry> "So I guess you've got someone good doing the transporters? Most of the lowers don't trust them because the hires were inexperienced. Turned some people inside out and explo- She's awake."
  175. [17:44:23] <Giantree> YAAAAAAAAWN.
  176. [17:44:27] <Giantree> AI: "She's awake!"
  177. [17:44:42] <Giantree> It mimics Sherry's tone perfectly but adds an exclamation point.
  178. [17:44:46] <Bruin> "She's moving at least."
  179. [17:45:01] * Sherry bats at the MAG
  180. [17:45:03] <Giantree> Rufi: "You BET I'm awake!  Who are you people?  Tourists?  Al, do we get tourists?"
  181. [17:45:14] <Giantree> Allan and Gus both shake their heads simultaneously.
  182. [17:46:14] <Giantree> Allan: "I uh, think they're Seekers but I'm not sure yet.  I was gonna have them meet Mar- ... oh wait, they said they got a new receptionist, didn't they?"
  183. [17:46:45] <Giantree> Rufi: "Ooh yeah!  I bet he's handsome.  Anyway do I have to tell them who I am?  I don't, right?  You already did?  Tell me you already did."
  184. [17:46:50] <Giantree> AI: "I think he already did!"
  185. [17:46:59] <Giantree> AI: "..."
  186. [17:47:05] <Giantree> AI: "So who were you again?"
  187. [17:48:24] * Sherry wipes her hand on her vest and extends to shake the redhead's hand "My name's Sherry."
  188. [17:50:12] <Giantree> She coughs and extends her hand- the left one, that doesn't have a giant claw on it.  Kind of awkwardly probably.  "I'm Rufi Raynard!  Call me Rufi.  Nothing silly like 'Roofie' or 'Ruffy' if that's okay... unless you really want to.  There're weirdoes out there like that I guess."
  189. [17:51:20] * Bruin simply nods toward Rufi as before, "Bruin."
  190. [17:54:55] <Giantree> Rufi nods too.  "Sherry and Bruin?  Got it.  Hope you're not slackers!"  The other two start to look impatient as the redhead eeps and joins them, heading toward an office across a short hallway.  Sherry's AI zips along too, trying to look like part of the group.
  191. [17:58:41] <Giantree> Eventually a door slides open, leading to a small office with a circle in the middle of the room.  Allan goes in first, "We're using this."
  192. [17:58:50] * Sherry follows... Scratching her head some more, but stuffs some hair back into the band. She doesn't know where to go anyhow. Usually she's given a patrol map or a preplan for riots, but not this time.
  193. [17:59:19] <Giantree> A scraggly black-haired man (with three eyes!) behind the counter half-sits lazily on his chair, with a bottle of space brandy on the desk in front.  All three of his eyes blink.
  194. [17:59:34] <Giantree> "Oh... yeah?  To the front desk then.  Be careful, guys."
  195. [17:59:51] <Giantree> All three of his eyes squint at the new arrivals- and the bear actually fits into the room just fine, surprisingly enough.
  196. [18:00:39] * Sherry stares back at the eye. "Hi."
  197. [18:01:20] * Bruin counterstares at all 3 eyes.
  198. [18:02:12] <Giantree> The three-eyed man taps a few buttons and the other three step into the circle, vanishing.
  199. [18:02:38] <Giantree> "You two new here?"
  200. [18:02:45] <Giantree> AI: "Three, thank you very much!"
  201. [18:03:15] * Bruin nods.
  202. [18:03:42] <Sherry> "Ummm... Yes." She swats at the MAG. "He's not a vending machine."
  203. [18:04:41] <Giantree> THREE-EYED DUDE: "Ha!  Today's been one heck of a day then.  I'm Jasper, you'll probably see me a lot if you're coming for work here."
  204. [18:04:44] <Sherry> "You can operate that thing, right? Not gonna turn us inside out and make us explode?" Her eyes catch notice of the bottle.
  205. [18:05:12] <Giantree> Jasper: "You bet, I could probably transport you straight to the Sun of the Sol System from here.  ... Not that I'd actually do that or anything."
  206. [18:05:34] <Giantree> "The transporter heads to the front desk, right now.  Guessing you've used 'em before?"
  207. [18:06:45] <Sherry> "Most of the time when I worked Earth's uppers and some casinos. The lowers don't have them."
  208. [18:07:15] <Bruin> "I have only used them a handful of times in my travels...I still do not understand them..."
  209. [18:08:53] <Giantree> Jasper: "Ha!  Well I'd be happy to explain the details if you ever wanted, the job hardly gives me anyone to talk to.  It deconstructs the particles in... er, right, I think those guys're waiting for you."
  210. [18:09:09] <Giantree> "If you step inside the circle, it'll take you there."
  211. [18:09:59] * Bruin steps inside the circle apprehensively.
  212. [18:10:38] <Sherry> "Yeap. Know the procedure." She steps into the circle... She grabs the MAG and holds it. So it won't screw anything up. "Ready, boss."
  213. [18:11:40] <Giantree> And then THERE'S A TRANSPORTER ACCIDENT OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALL ROBOT BEARS WHAT WERE YOU THINKING- just kidding, it works fine.  Jasper waves as the room disappears.
  214. [18:11:58] <Giantree> And what reappears is a lobby-looking place willed with round tables, round chairs.
  215. [18:12:27] <Giantree> Rufi: "... And you were JUST built?  Whoa, I don't know if I'd be able to do this job as a toddler, that's gotta suck!"
  216. [18:12:53] <Giantree> A redhead sits behind a large counter on the other side of the room.  "4That's right!  It's okay because I'm programmed to do it... or I think that makes it okay, right?"
  217. [18:13:18] <Giantree> Allan turns to you all and waves.  "Oh, we were waiting.  Sorry about that, should've warned you he likes to talk a lot."
  218. [18:15:02] <Giantree> Additionally, there are two doors on either side of the room, but beyond that are windows showing the vast expanse of outer space.
  219. [18:15:18] <Giantree> ... RollrollrollSPLAT.
  220. [18:15:36] <Giantree> Suddenly a giant pink monster glares through the window.
  221. [18:15:38] <Sherry> "Nah, no problem. Talking beats working, any time."
  222. [18:15:46] <Giantree> The AI screams likea little girl.
  223. [18:16:13] <ULTROS> (Aha!)
  224. [18:16:18] * Bruin counterglares giant pink monster.
  225. [18:16:29] <Giantree> The creature rollrollrolls along the window without a care in the world... and suddenly a purple WHOAWHATISTHAT follows behind.
  226. [18:16:54] <Sherry> "Will you shut up?" She tries smothering the MAG with both hands... No attention elsewhere. "Damn thing..."
  227. [18:17:37] * Bruin has no reason to suspect pink and purpled colored widgets staring through windows is out of the ordinary here and turns his attention back to the group.
  228. [18:17:50] <Giantree> The redheaded android coughs a bit and takes a deep breath...
  229. [18:18:05] <Giantree> And then immediately makes the exact same noise the AI did, like she just copied the sound or something.
  230. [18:19:25] <Giantree> The pink monster finally rolls across the entire window and disappears out of sight.
  231. [18:19:48] <Giantree> Who knows about the purple one!
  232. [18:19:59] <ULTROS> (He did something stupid)
  233. [18:20:06] <Giantree> ... Nope, the purple one PUNCHES the window and looks like it's trying to make some noise.
  234. [18:20:17] * Sherry cringes at the second shriek "Another one?" Her attention now on the redheaded android "This one broke too?"
  235. [18:21:05] <Giantree> "4Oh!  I... excuse me a second," the android turns to the window, "4You can get in if you go down a bit, cute monster!"
  236. [18:21:19] * Amaranthe is now known as Kazumaranthe
  237. [18:23:06] <Giantree> AI: "Don't worry, young Turnip!  Turnips!  I'll protect you with everything I have!"  It opens another laser and fires it at the window, which harmlessly bounces off.
  238. [18:23:16] <Sherry> "Wait, wha?" Her attention's now on the window... "What the fuck is that?"
  239. [18:23:30] * Sherry tosses the MAG at the window, maybe it'll scare it off
  240. [18:23:42] <Bruin> "That is something unusual for the Earth-clan?"
  241. [18:24:20] <Giantree> AI: "Aaaaaaah!"
  242. [18:24:24] <Giantree> It's the little girl scream again.
  243. [18:24:40] <Giantree> Of course the droid just bounces off the wall and makes a 8,1 ;~;  face.
  244. [18:24:48] <Giantree> AI: "You wound me, Turnip!"
  245. [18:24:57] <Giantree> "(Just kidding, I still can't feel sensations!)"
  246. [18:25:02] <Giantree> "(That was a metaphor!)"
  247. [18:25:49] <Giantree> The tentacle monster moves down the window also.  WELL THAT WAS WEIRD.
  248. [18:25:53] <Sherry> "I'ven't seen one of those except in restaurants. But not that big, not in spa-Oh goddamnit. Shut up."
  249. [18:26:03] <Giantree> "No!  ... Okay."
  250. [18:26:16] <Giantree> "Changing language output..."
  251. [18:26:39] <Giantree> The droid starts making OBNOXIOUS HIGH-VOLUME BEEPS AND BOOPS in place of talking.
  252. [18:26:42] <Giantree> Intentionally.
  253. [18:28:21] * Sherry picks up the MAG... "Hey, how do you use the transporter?"
  254. [18:28:47] <Giantree> "Beepboopboopbeepboopbeepbipbipbipbipratatatatatatatatatbeepbooopbopbeep."
  255. [18:30:12] * Sherry drops the MAG in the middle of the circle and presses buttons randomly. Maybe it'll send it into the middle of the sun... Like Jasper said.
  256. [18:31:01] <Bruin> "That does not seem wise..."
  257. [18:31:30] <Giantree> There's a noise from the hallway.  "FFFFFFFFUN-"
  258. [18:31:54] <Giantree> ... It stops.
  259. [18:32:38] <Giantree> SUDDENLY THE GIANT PURPLE OCTOPUS SLAMS INTO THE DROID ON THE GROUND!
  260. [18:32:49] <Giantree> It goes flying.
  261. [18:33:30] <Giantree> Rufi, Gus, and Allan all applaud- they're sitting at one of the tables now.
  262. [18:33:46] <Giantree> AI: "I didn't sign up for this jooooooooo-"
  263. [18:33:53] * Sherry stops pushing buttons "Hey, it wor-holyshit"
  264. [18:34:19] <Giantree> It slams against the wall and the redheaded android picks it up.  "4Poor thing..."
  265. [18:35:07] * Sherry backs up, making some space between her and sushi
  266. [18:35:26] <Sherry> (Franny X MAG, OTP)
  267. [18:35:48] <Giantree> ULTROS' flying gets him clear of the circle anyway!  And now it's a party- as in, the pink monster floats behind also.
  268. [18:35:53] <Giantree> "Fungaaaaaaaaah..."
  269. [18:35:54] * ULTROS lifts himself, his eyes spinning and his tentacles waving around. "Hwee! Talk about a bad cold, eh!"
  270. [18:36:18] <Giantree> Rufi: "Hey, that's cool!  We don't usually get performers here."
  271. [18:36:30] <Giantree> Allan sips some space-tea.
  272. [18:36:40] <Sherry> "Wh-what?"
  273. [18:37:07] <ULTROS> "Yo, mister CHUPON! I guess you don't 'nose' how to contain your sneezes, eh?"
  274. [18:37:19] <ULTROS> "Gwe he he he!" Oh god that was a bad one.
  275. [18:38:46] <Giantree> The redheaded android sets the AI down and claps behind the counter.  "4Hehehaha!  That was a good one, Mr. Monster!  ... Wait, who are you?"
  276. [18:39:20] <Bruin> "I...do not understand what is going on."
  277. [18:39:44] <Giantree> Gus: "You're not alone."  The massive cyborg sits in place, shaking his head.
  278. [18:39:57] <Sherry> "I don't either... It talks, at least?"
  279. [18:40:05] <Giantree> The android peps up.  "4Oh!  Ooh ooh!  That's my job!  I'm supposed to explain that!"
  280. [18:40:11] <Giantree> She coughs.  "4AHEM!"
  281. [18:40:42] <Giantree> "4Welcome to the Seekers' Guild!  I'm Françoise, the Enigmatic Guide of Dreams and Heroism and Justice!  Here we can make your wildest dreams come true!  ... I think."
  282. [18:40:49] <ULTROS> "I'm not 'it', brah! I'm a..." He tilts his head to the side. "Hey, what i'm supposed to be again? Do you know, Mister CHUPON? And don't FUNGAH me!"
  283. [18:41:04] <Giantree> CHUPON floats in place and stares at ULTROS.
  284. [18:41:06] <Giantree> "..."
  285. [18:41:20] <Giantree> He spins upside down.  "!HAGNUF"
  286. [18:42:57] <ULTROS> "Hey, don't get your priorities backwards. G'fa ha ha ha!" He stops and finally notices the newcomers... And cute girls as hell. "Hey, there, metal babe! You wanna know what my wildest dream is? How about we go on a date to make it true?"
  287. [18:43:20] <Giantree> "4Sure!"  She smiles.
  288. [18:43:25] <Giantree> "4... What's that?"
  289. [18:44:28] <ULTROS> "Oh you know, when you take someone to eat at somewhere, watch a movie, blah blah blah, and then it ends with the two of us on a heart-shaped bed. That's a date to remember!"
  290. [18:45:31] <Giantree> "4Shaped like..."  Frannie spends a while typing before bringing up a detailed image of a human heart.  "4Like this?  I don't get it."
  291. [18:45:49] * Sherry takes a step behind Bruin. Them tentacles are intimidating... "What a creeper..."
  292. [18:46:21] <Bruin> "Creeper? I had thought that word referred to a type of plant..."
  293. [18:47:00] * ULTROS makes a <3 shape with his handtacles. "No, it's like this." He then notices Sherry and the others. "Oh, we might bring your friends too. The more the merrier, g'fa ha ha!"
  294. [18:47:01] <Giantree> The hologram of the heart pumps.
  295. [18:47:37] <ULTROS> "There's a reason i have a dozen of those!" He wriggles the tentacles around, making a terrifying point.
  296. [18:48:26] <Giantree> Françoise: "4Oh, I see!  ... But I have work to do.  I'm not supposed to leave or Maramara'll do it and fall asleep on the job and everyone'll get mad at me..."
  297. [18:48:47] <Giantree> Rufi: "Oh, you poor thing.  Hey tentacle guy, are you actually for real?"
  298. [18:49:00] <Giantree> G.U.S. stands up.  "... I'm returning to my quarters."
  299. [18:50:10] * castfromhp (nnscript@sux-17629FF6.nuwlan.northwestern.edu) Quit (Ping timeout)
  300. [18:50:45] <Giantree> The AI floats out of the receptionistdroid's hands and is treated with an immediate "FUNGAH!!," being snorted to the other side of the room.
  301. [18:51:36] <ULTROS> "The real fizzle for shizzle on the rizzle!"
  302. [18:52:14] <Bruin> "Are they...supposed to be here?"
  303. [18:53:05] <Giantree> Allan: "Probably not."  Siiiiiiiiiiiiip.
  304. [18:53:19] <Giantree> Françoise: "4Of course!  The Cap'n told me everyone's welcome here!"
  305. [18:53:29] <Sherry> "I don't know. Is there some sort of button to press to alert the staff of creepers?"
  306. [18:53:54] <Giantree> "4Oh, that's me!"
  307. [18:54:29] <Giantree> Frannie clears her throat - though not actually because she's an android - and presses a button, causing a loud intercom to go off.  "4Excuse me, I'd like everybody to be aware that there is now a 'creeper' on board.  Thank you!"
  308. [18:54:38] <ULTROS> "I ain't creepy, brah! I'm just filled with love to give. And CHUPON here's just has a bad case of allergies!"
  309. [18:54:50] <Giantree> CHUPON: "F-Fungaaaah...."
  310. [18:57:17] <Giantree> Françoise claps her hands together.  "4Now then!  Did you all come here for Seeker work?  Even you, Mr. Monster?  It's nice having company, after all, so even if not I don't mind!"
  311. [18:58:36] * Sherry finds a glove in her vest pocket and puts them on. She extends her arm to shake it's hand... tentacle... "M-my name's Sherry."
  312. [19:00:40] * ULTROS puts his slimy tentacle on the gloved hand, while other hover around Sherry's body. "Hey there! My name is... I think it's ULTROS! But do you want to know me better? We can do that on a more secluded place, you know."
  313. [19:00:41] * Kazumaranthe is now known as Anise
  314. [19:00:44] * Anise is now known as Kazuma
  315. [19:01:06] <Giantree> Rufi stands up.  "This is gross, you're gross.  I'm leaving too."
  316. [19:01:14] <ULTROS> He thinks for a bit. "Seeker huh... Having a job might not be so bad, as long as i can flirt with the co-workers. What you think about that, CHUPON?"
  317. [19:01:36] <Giantree> CHUPON: "Fungah!"  He sneezes at the MAG again, who was just getting up.
  318. [19:02:39] <Sherry> "Aaaaaaaah! Get it off! Bearuin! HALP!"
  319. [19:03:33] <Giantree> The MAG spins around: "Don't worry, poor young Turnip!  I'll help!  Omega Ultimate Death Ray!"
  320. [19:03:44] <Giantree> A harmless laser bounces off ULTROS.
  321. [19:03:56] <Giantree> Meanwhile Allan finished his space tea and followed Rufi out.
  322. [19:04:36] * Bruin regards ULTROS with a frown "You might consider leaving her be."
  323. [19:05:07] <ULTROS> "Hey, i can't BEAR to see a musclehead like you."
  324. [19:05:20] <ULTROS> "Haw haw! Funny joke!"
  325. [19:05:32] <Giantree> Françoise 4PFFFFFFs out loud too.
  326. [19:08:36] <Bruin> "You will find that your Earth bears are kittens compared to my kind."
  327. [19:09:06] * Sherry escapes It's arms and hides behind Bruin... And wipes slime, imaginary or not off... She eyes the red robot with some tears "Why are we here again?"
  328. [19:10:31] <Giantree> "4Oh!  I forgot!  I was supposed to tell you about the Seekers' guild... I gueeeeees I got sidetracked.  Sorry about that!"
  329. [19:11:43] <Giantree> "4What we do is travel the galaxy on board this ship, the Exceliaire, and help people in need when we can.  Sometimes odd jobs, sometimes fighting space monsters... it's everything the Pangalactic Federation doesn't bother doing!  It's nice and apparently everyone likes you more if you do it!"
  330. [19:11:51] <Giantree> "4You should join too, Mr. Monster."
  331. [19:12:33] <Giantree> The AI floats back.  "Ah, excellent!  This is just the thing my young Turnip needs for the training we came for!  I promise she'll be as digilent as I can make her be!"
  332. [19:12:47] <Giantree> It's around now that the MAG snuggles into Frannie's arms, who pets it like a puppy.
  333. [19:13:44] <ULTROS> "Haw haw! I can beat up some muscleheads, you know, cutie!" He flexes up a tentacle. MUSCULAR! "I am a M-ink! I mean, a Monk. Get it? I shoot ink! Hee haw!"
  334. [19:13:58] * ULTROS spits some Ink at the MAG to show that.
  335. [19:14:09] <Giantree> "Aaaaah!"
  336. [19:14:18] <Giantree> It comically gets shot out of the android's arms and into a wall.
  337. [19:14:21] <Giantree> CHUPON sniffles.
  338. [19:14:40] <Giantree> Françoise: "4So should I call you 'Mink' and not 'Mr. Monster?'"
  339. [19:15:35] <ULTROS> "Nah, my name is ULTROS! I told you guys that." He crosses his tentacles, giving a wide grin. "Should i call you Honey or Cutie then?"
  340. [19:16:26] <Giantree> "4Ooh, I like 'Honeycutie!'  But my unit number is 'F-2436'..."
  341. [19:17:48] <Sherry> (Franny Flash!)
  342. [19:18:21] <Giantree> (yeah, I almost parodied Cutie Honey too)
  343. [19:18:50] <ULTROS> "Whatever Honeycutie!" He turns to the bear and the other cute girl. "What about you, Teddy Ruxpin and 'Future Girlfriend'?"
  344. [19:20:55] * Bruin very much unaware Teddy Ruxpin refers to him.
  345. [19:21:15] <Sherry> "I'm n-not telling you my number or anything!"
  346. [19:21:47] <ULTROS> "What about your three measures?" His face takes a really pervy blush while asking that.
  347. [19:22:23] <Giantree> The ink-covered MAG floats back over.  "How dare you ask my Turnip that!  For your information, I'm programmed with that data!  From the top down, it's..."
  348. [19:23:25] <ULTROS> "Finish it!"
  349. [19:24:43] <Sherry> She lets it talk... It'll be a good distraction. "So... Um... Fransuas... What do I have to do to get out of here?"
  350. [19:25:01] <Giantree> "... Oh nevermind, that's not hers, that's my mother's!"
  351. [19:25:18] * ULTROS inks the stupid robot again.
  352. [19:25:24] <Giantree> It plays rimshot.wav as it gets inked into the wall.
  353. [19:26:05] <Giantree> "4Get out?  Oh, I get it!  Um, I can give you a room key if you need to hide from Mr. Monster..."
  354. [19:26:34] <Giantree> "4Only Seekers are supposed to have those though!  If you sign over here..."  The robo pulls out a holopen.
  355. [19:26:37] <Giantree> fuck
  356. [19:27:45] <ULTROS> (what a tree)
  357. [19:28:21] * Sherry eagerly grabs the pen and starts scribbling down signatures
  358. [19:29:29] * ULTROS quickly picks up a holopen with a tentacle as well. "If i get to meet any babes i'm sure as hell signing that too! That's a 'sign' of the heavens, no? Haw haw haw!"
  359. [19:29:31] <Giantree> "4Done and... done!  Okay, it's straight down the hall on my left.  Here's a map!"
  360. [19:30:10] <Giantree> Frannie gives the octopus one to sign, OH BOY, and hands Sherry a keycard... as she does, though, the MAG that finally finished cleaning itself off takes it and flies ahead.
  361. [19:30:18] <Giantree> AI: "Let's go, Turnip!  I'll lead the way!"
  362. [19:31:36] * Sherry takes the map and lets the mag do its own walking... She's figuring this one out herself.
  363. [19:31:56] <Bruin> "If you would be so kind." He holds a paw out to Redrumbot.
  364. [19:32:25] <Sherry> (Franny... Murderbot...)
  365. [19:32:35] * ULTROS quickly signs it. "So, who seek what the seekers want? That's a joke too!"
  366. [19:32:45] <Giantree> "4Oh!  You too, Fuzzy?  Okay... here you go!"  Now even the GM won't be able to unsee her as a murderbot!  But of course she gives Bruin all the necessary stuff.
  367. [19:33:38] * Bruin signs it in a rather scratchy manner. Because bears don't need your precise and pretty characters, goddamnit.
  368. [19:34:45] * ULTROS probably has a really elaborate signature for his simple name. Those tentacles were designed to break steel yet be delicate enough to hold feathers!
  369. [19:35:35] <Giantree> Françoise smiles.  "4The Cap'n sure is gonna be happy we got so many new applicants today!  I'll just have to send all these to her and... there!"
  370. [19:40:40] <Bruin> "So I simply take a key and...choose a room?"
  371. [19:41:54] <Giantree> "4That's right!"  A holomap of the whole ship flips around.  "4Most of these are still vacant, we don't have a lot yet.  It's a shame," she says while pouting, "4'cause the Cap'n expected a lot of sign-ups for people to be heroes of the galaxy and stuff.  At least the rooms are nice though!  ... Or I think they are."
  372. [19:42:14] <Bruin> "Are they...human-sized?"
  373. [19:43:23] <Giantree> "4Oh um!  We have a few bigger ones I think.  Mister... Somethingclaws?  Stays in one of those, and Mr. Gee You Ess has one too."
  374. [19:43:29] <ULTROS> "Heehaw, i can fit a pot! Although mister CHUPON needs a really big place to sleep. He's a bit chubby, you know."
  375. [19:43:39] <Giantree> "F-Fungaaaaah..."
  376. [19:44:08] <ULTROS> "You know that's true, brah. Must be the air on your stomach though. Try sneezing it out!" Well that's a bad idea.
  377. [19:44:50] <Giantree> He takes the advice!  And with a loud "FUNGAAAAAAAAAAH!!" he sneezes against the door, propelling him  back through the ship's halls until he's out of sight.
  378. [19:45:02] <Giantree> Er, against a wall.
  379. [19:45:32] <ULTROS> "...Huh."
  380. [19:45:59] <Bruin> "..." And with that he heads off into the ship's bowels to find a room. Hopefully not a bowel-ridden room. Or bowl-ridden. Fun fact: bears hate bowls.
  381. [19:46:45] * ULTROS follows as well to find a room for himself and the sneezing pink blob. I guess there's no room for doubt there. Ha ha ha! Wait am i supposed to do those bad jokes outside dialogue?
  382. [19:47:00] <Giantree> Frannie smiles obliviously!  And of course there's a bunch of giant rooms waiting for the bearman, because this ship just has way too much goddamn space.
  383. [19:47:20] <Giantree> Maybe that's due to most of the people there being slackers who sleep in the halls or wherever they work instead of having their own rooms.
  384. [19:47:43] <Bruin> (And never going to the bathroom)
  385. [19:48:00] <Giantree> (You can piss in space!  ... Okay not really, that'll probably actually kill you.)
  386. [19:49:34] <ULTROS> (The pressure would explode your dick.)
  387. [19:50:29] <Bruin> (Dicksplosion)
RAW Paste Data
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