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EP: 4 Script Draft

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Jun 25th, 2019
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  1. Episode 4:
  2. Jackler: Yeah I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home.
  3.  
  4. Dova: Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?
  5.  
  6. Jackler: No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and... ah, you know how it works.
  7.  
  8. Dova: Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?
  9.  
  10. Kekker: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
  11.  
  12. Jackler: Hey rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
  13.  
  14. Dova: No, I think he called her a slut!
  15.  
  16. Jackler: I'll tell you what , I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do.
  17.  
  18. Kekker: Great.
  19.  
  20. Jackler: See, we've got this General.
  21.  
  22. Dova: Right, the General guy.
  23.  
  24. Jackler: ...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by.
  25.  
  26. Kekker: When is he coming by?
  27.  
  28. Dova: We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now.
  29.  
  30. Kekker: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
  31.  
  32. Jackler: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.
  33.  
  34. Kekker: What's so important about the flag?
  35.  
  36. Jackler: Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?
  37.  
  38. Kekker: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
  39.  
  40. Jackler: Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f... it's the flag, it's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
  41.  
  42. Dova: Well, it's... it's complicated. Wuh... It's blue, we're blue
  43.  
  44. Jackler: It's just important, okay, trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
  45.  
  46. Dova: Right.
  47.  
  48. Jackler: So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him.
  49.  
  50. Kekker: Uh how will I know when I see him?
  51.  
  52. Dova: There's only three of us out here, rookie. He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us.
  53.  
  54. Jackler: Now get in there, and don't come out! Man, that guy is dumber than you are.
  55.  
  56. Dova: You mean he's dumber than you are.
  57.  
  58. Jackler: Wow, Tucker, Stealing my content as per usual.
  59.  
  60. Kekker: Uh, mister Church? $ir?
  61.  
  62. Jackler: Oh my God, WHAT!? Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!
  63.  
  64. Kekker: Sorry about calling your girl a slut...
  65.  
  66. Jackler: ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!
  67.  
  68. Dova: Uh-huh huh huh huh
  69.  
  70. Jackler: Tucker, are you laughing at me?
  71. ------------------------
  72. Meowth: Excuse me, $ir, can I ask you a question?
  73.  
  74. Jackler: Dear Fag on the radio, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I... I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!
  75.  
  76. Meowth: the FUCK did I do?
  77.  
  78. Jackler: One...
  79.  
  80. Meowth: Aw, gimme a break.
  81.  
  82. Jackler: TWO!
  83.  
  84. Meowth: FINE! (whispers) jesus…
  85. ------------------------
  86. Kekker: Wow... you got here fast.
  87.  
  88. Meowth: Why is everyone so fuckin’ rude in this canyon.
  89.  
  90. Kekker: I'm not sure, what can I do for you?
  91.  
  92. Meowth: Finally, someone with a little damn respect around here.
  93.  
  94. Kekker: Yes Sir! I assume you're here because of this...
  95.  
  96. Meowth: Wait, is this all you have?
  97.  
  98. Kekker: Uh, yes sir, that's it!
  99.  
  100. Meowth: Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about a 15 Bucker?
  101.  
  102. Kekker: Uhhmmmm...
  103.  
  104. Meowth: A Retarded Splice?
  105.  
  106. Kekker: No, all we have is this flag.
  107.  
  108. Meowth: Well, I can't go back empty handed... I guess I'll take that.
  109.  
  110. Kekker: Sure... that makes sense. I guess.
  111.  
  112. Meowth: Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag.
  113. ------------------------
  114. Jackler: Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker.
  115.  
  116. Dova: Me? I can't drive that thing.
  117.  
  118. Jackler: You're telling me you're not Armour Certified?
  119.  
  120. Dova: I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. Don't you know how to drive that?
  121.  
  122. Jackler: No! Holy Crap! WHO IS RUNNING THIS ARMY!?
  123.  
  124. Kekker: Hey! Just wanted to let you know, the General stopped by, and picked up the flag!
  125.  
  126. Jackler: Yeah. Okay. Whatever moron! Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing? ...wait a second... what did he just say?
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