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RGRE prompt collection 02

Uh-hmmm Jun 7th, 2017 (edited) 9,366 Never
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  1. >because of your marely personality and the fact that you have nipples you have been challenged to some friendly wrestling by a Minotaurs passing through town
  3. >tfw monkeytaurs are legendary creatures in Bovarian culture
  4. >at least that's what she thinks you are
  5. >your species's strength and power has been shilled by minotaurs longer than either of you have been alive
  6. >news of this 'little' contest has spread across the land, many tall bovine amazons have come from far and wide to witness it
  7. >you've never set foot in a gym in your life
  10. >However, as you soon discover, that's not needed
  11. >For all their bulk, minotaurs are surprisingly weak
  12. >Bovarian culture idolizes strength, and excessive muscle is considered a sign of beauty
  13. >Over the centuries have perfected the art of easy, visible gains
  14. >They look like roided up bodybuilders, but in terms of actual strength, they're not much stronger than an average human
  17. >anon starts lifting 
  18. >he gets gains but most aren't visible 
  19. >he has almost no muscle tone
  20. >Minotaurs are baffled 
  21. >any mino that spent that much time lifting would look like the hulk
  24. >A story begins to spread
  25. >the monkeytaur is quietly drinking in a tavern, when four drunken minotaurs decide to pick a fight with the small, slightly-built creature
  26. >They're emboldened when the monkeytaur tries to politely discourage the fight by any means he can
  27. >They find that the monkeytaur is not only insanely strong, but very, very agile as well. 
  28. >One minotaur lands a haymaker which does exactly nothing. The monkeytaur simply keeps dodging and weaving and avoiding every other blow.
  29. >It ends with three unconscious minotaurs, all of whom succeeded in knocking each other unconscious in their efforts to land a hit on the monkeytaur
  30. >The last minotaur decides that cowardice is the better part of valor and runs, leaving monkeytaur Anon to his drink. 
  31. >"The Juggernaut Monkeytaur is faster than lightning and stronger than ten minotaurs. He is a storm, and only a lunatic or a fool picks a fight with a storm."
  35. >The legend grows and spreads
  36. >Minotaurs begin making pilgrimages to the Monkeytaur to prove themselves. 
  37. >the goal isn't to defeat him, since no one ever has, it's just to see how long they can stand up to him in a fight. 
  38. >in each and every case, the Monkeytaur tries to dissuade them
  39. >when they refuse, he takes them down as fast as possible while doing as little damage as possible
  40. >even losing a fight to him becomes a mark of prestige
  47. >Anons adventures have ended.
  48. >He's saved the world, conquered the horsepussy, even removed the stick from Luna's ass.
  49. >After settling down with a certain purple spastic princess they had some kids.
  50. >Those kids grew up, with Anon taking on a very paternal role because while he might be a dick they're his kids and he'll be damned if they're not brought up right.
  51. >His two daughters got married and moved away.
  52. >But now, they're coming back to ponyville.
  53. >It's time for the grandkids to meet their kind and borderline psychotic abuelito
  55. "Now nieta, making burritos is an art, first, you start from the skin..."
  56. "Nieta, you don't worry about boys. Work hard, and boys will come to you, just like your abuela."
  57. "Remember always, you have the blood of a conquistador in you. If you ever lose faith in yourself, remember that abuelito has faith in you."
  63. >A long time ago, before Sombra rose to power, the Crystal Empire was home to several humans.
  64. >The Empire had aided the human kingdom in their time of need, and in gratitude, they sent a small group of Guards for the royal family, and the Crystal Heart.
  65. >But Sombra distrusted them, he suspected they would oppose his ambitions and his methods.
  66. >It was not a simple endeavor, for they were resistant to many forms of magic, but he was able to seal them away
  67. >They were all but forgotten until the newest Princess of the Empire stumbled upon them and accidentally shattered the spell entombing them in crystal.
  69. >Captain Anonymous and his men find themselves flung far into the future, and thrown into a duty they hadn't really expected
  70. >Giving the Empress a break and babysitting Flurry Heart
  71. >Stallions are supposed to be good with kids right?
  72. >Anonymous has a bad feeling about this, after hearing the palace staff gossiping, and learning of their nickname for his new charge.
  73. >'The Alicorn of Mayhem
  78. >Anon is walking home on hearts and hooves day
  79. >He ventured into town only to grab some of those bomb ass heart shaped sugar cookies from SCC
  80. >He decides to take a short cut through the park
  81. >As he is walking past mares and stallions acting all lovey dovey something out of place strikes his ears
  82. >Its crying
  83. >He follows the sound and finds a lone mare seated on a bench crying into a mostly destroyed flower bouquet
  89. *Pic of singed and injured mane 6*
  90. >Not all of their adventures are as happy go lucky as others
  91. >It leaves them more disheveled than most would be comfortable with, to say the least
  92. >But that won't stop them
  93. >After all, who's gonna do it if not them?
  94. >But it's not the wounds that hurt
  95. >Those never last, and there's never any serious damage
  96. >What hurts is that outside of their family they have no one to comfort them
  97. >no one to hold them close and tell them everything will be alright
  98. >All they have is each other so on the rare occasion that a stallion does approach one of them they have to deny them
  99. >It's either all of them or none of them
  102. >They were the heroes that saved the world
  103. >Again
  104. >They were dirty, battered, and bruised
  105. >But victorious
  106. >Evil had risen, and been beaten back
  108. >Soon they would be back on the dusty trail
  109. >Heading back home
  110. >But for now, they rested in the nearly empty saloon as the long day came to an end
  111. >Then sleep, and a new day
  112. >That was the plan anyway
  114. >Right up until the sound of wood slamming drew their attention to the entrance
  115. >A familiar face was looking around wildly, before settling it's gaze on them and rushing over
  116. >They could see a torrent of emotions battling for control of his features
  117. >Joy, fear, anger, relief, love
  118. >His jaw moved and he gesticulated wildly with his hands, but he couldn't seem to figure out what he wanted to say or do first.
  119. >His eyes darted back and forth to their various injuries
  120. >Twilight noticed that his eyes were drawn repeatedly to her own bandaged one.
  121. >"Anon! It's uh, it's not as bad as it looks?" Twilight managed to say, without as much confidence as she would have liked
  122. "We're all fine, darling. Nothing a little rest and recuperation won't fix." Rarity added.
  124. >His face scrunched up
  125. >He stood straighter, closed his eyes, took a deep breath and visibly calmed himself
  126. >They could barely hear him mumble to himself 
  127. "Sunbutt is gonna have a new bootprint cutie mark when I'm done with her."
  128. >When he looked again he nudged Pinkie's slice of cake closer to her and ruffled her poofy hair
  129. >She hummed happily and licked some frosting off.
  131. >"Pull up a seat sugarcube, you look like you ran from home all the way here." AJ waved her bandaged hoof down at his dusty dishelved clothes
  132. >She squeezed Dash against her side with the other and whispered, "Hey, Dashie, guess who's here?"
  133. >Rainbow just mumbled sleepily and nuzzled AJ's side
  141. >go to fancy restaurant
  142. >tell them to leave the fucking flowers out of the pasta
  143. >they act like you just committed a culinary sin with their barely concealed contempt
  144. >go to smoothie joint
  145. >order a strawberry smoothie
  146. >no hay, you tell them
  147. >they keep all the leaves on the strawberries 
  149. Reeeeeeee
  155. >Anon trolls on the pony internet
  156. >Likes to frequent boards just to make fun of the kissless virgins
  157. >Ponies tell him to kill himself and stream it
  158. >For a laugh he fakes his own death on a stream
  159. >The lonely mares realize they just killed someone
  160. >Not just anyone but a stallion!
  161. >And not just ANY stallion but the only REAL human in equestria
  162. >Anon singlehandedly breaks the pony internet for a few days until he puts out another video proving he is alive
  167. >Anon's scent acts like catnip to the ponies
  168. >Despite still trying to act marely, they end up being like drugged up cats
  169. >Tensions arise between Canterlot, the Crystal Empire, and Ponyville as each Princess tries to persuade Anon to stay/migrate
  170. >The only pony immune is one Anon has a mutual dislike of/is mutually tsundere of (Luna?)
  171. >They're forced to be around each other due to circumstances
  176. >anon has a super potato on stream
  177. >potato's alone are bad enough but he added pulled pork (ponies think he pulled it from the bone), queso with RED PEPPER, sour cream and GREEN FUCKING ONIONS.
  178. >anon just at the pony equivalent to breaking into a hospital drug room and injecting your self with everything and eating all the pills in sight
  183. I always like the old prompt idea that NOTHING in Equestria can survive losing too much magic in their bodies, but Anon can, and there are certain (moderately rare) materials/environments that are "universally" known to be very dangerous, as they drain ALL magic from the very localized environment.
  184. >IE, a specific kind of uncomon/rare mineral (say, certain forms of obsidian?) will kill any known life that touches it for longer than a second or two TOPS.
  185. >Anon uses a lump the size of his fist as a paper weight on his desk.
  186. >Inevitably, Twilight is ecstatic about the discovery of any life that can thrive despite prolonged exposure to something that could kill even dragons with mere seconds of contact.
  188. This sort of thing allows for shenanigans to abound. Also, this adds the potential for anon to be incredibly dangerous, and he's playing on easy-mode when hunting large game in the forest.
  190. >Roseluck: "Princess Twilight says Anon kills the animals he eats from the Everfree by stabbing them with bucking VOID STONE!"
  191. >Lily: "Isn't that the black death rock stuff that steals all the mana in you?!"
  193. It'd be like the pony equivalent of an interdemensional alien chick who was entirely immune to ionizing radiation.
  199. > Ponies don't even known about blood, bone or actual medicine
  200. > Every "injury" can be healed by a half-assed bandage, every "disease" can be healed by the same pill (made from flour and sugar)
  201. > Ponies think Anon used a terrifying magical curse that filled asshole pony's snout with red, warm and sticky substance to make him feel "un-healable" pain
  202. > Anon just shrug and say that he got much worse from drunken fight with his friends
  203. > Humans are the Cenobites of Equestria
  208. >Anon came to Equestria wearing bondage gear
  209. >Nothing super crazy, just a basic leather harness
  210. >Doesn't even have a codpiece
  211. >By Equestrian standards, it's an unspeakable torture device
  212. >To lock a stallion up, confine him with the very skin of another dead creature-!
  213. >Twilight tries to 'rescue' him from it, but he gets pissed and whacks her hard enough to bruise
  214. >She thinks it's some horrific alien infection that'll kill her slowly
  215. >Anon is a terrifying succubus from another dimension
  220. >Fluttershy has mild telepathic and empathic abilities (Harmony magic be crazy yo)
  221. >She can't totally control when they work, and it's mostly limited to simple animals
  222. >That's how she can communicate with them and understand them when they 'talk' to her.
  224. >She discovers by accident that it also works on Anon
  225. >At first she thought she'd just let her daydreaming get away from her
  226. >But soon realizes that the lewd thoughts running through her head are from Anon's POV
  227. >His fantasies about what he'd like to do to her
  228. >Unf
  229. >She would never have guessed, he didn't show any outward signs of arousal that she could tell
  230. >And colts didn't think these things
  231. >Not even alien ones
  232. >Did they?
  238. >Anon, a metal head, forms a double-act with Rarity
  239. >They shred the guitar, yo
  240. >Become famous throughout Equestria
  241. >Despite the prejudices of his having a dong
  242. >They grow closer
  243. >Rock Star Lifestyle
  244. >Somehow completes some bullshit ascension thing during a masterful performance
  245. >We bad Alicorn OC of Shred Metal now
  246. >Less than happy of being turned into a goddamn pony
  247. >At least he still has his dick
  248. >No gender-bending bullshit, mercifully
  249. >Unfortunately, a whole new can of stereotypes, expectations, and preconceptions hit him as he's their version of a "pretty pony princess" now
  250. >Even the Princesses act different around him
  251. >Relationship becomes strained with Rarity as situation pressures them
  256. >After returning to Equestria to settle down, Sunset begins dating Anon.
  257. >Having lived in a world where gender-roles are opposite to Equestria's, Anon and her settle in well together.
  258. >Other ponies are baffled by how they interact/act.
  259. >...Trixie, Starlight, and Twilight might feel a bit of envy towards Sunset for nabbing Anon, too.
  266. >other countries take note of the first alicorn prince EVER
  267. >dragons keep show up trying to kidnap Anon
  268. >even Spike has an urge he can't explain to try kidnapping Anon
  269. >foreign leaders try to court Anon or set their daughters up with him
  270. >Shining is unreasonably suspicious of him due to Anon's domain being carnal pleasure
  271. >Anon basically is forced into a role of a Disney Princess
  275. The dragons wake up one morning to find their Dragon Lord, Ember, missing. She's not seen until weeks later, when she's "discovered" to have been in Prince Anon's house - exhausted, messy, having difficulty walking, and steadfastly refusing to say anything about the last week.
  276. Her subjects know, though. The look in her eyes says it all. They all know the score, now. Everything has changed. For you see, in Soviet RGRE, princes kidnap dragons
  280. >Mares become somewhat aggressive when pregnant
  281. >Normally this means the mare is a bit snippy and hotheaded
  282. >Not your Bananahush though
  283. >Something about pregnancy really caused her to come out of her shell
  284. >The way she struts around head high presenting her engorged belly like its a diamond ring
  285. >You wouldn't recognize her if you didn't know better
  286. >Though you think you might need to have a talk with her
  287. >If she keeps chirping at Dash like that you know there will be trouble
  293. >Fluttershy sniffled
  294. >She wasn't going to cry
  295. >She wasn't
  296. >Big mares didn't cry over this kind of thing
  298. >That kind of behavior was why she was in this situation
  299. >Sitting at home
  300. >Alone
  301. >Fantasizing about a male who cared
  302. >Who loved her
  303. >Who loved her all the more for her unmarelyness
  304. >Who would be happy to raise a family with her
  305. >And hold her close on cold nights
  307. >Why couldn't Anon be real?
  310. >Discord was at a loss.
  311. >Fluttershy was miserable, and it made him feel miserable just seeing her like this.
  312. >Once upon a time, he might have tried one of a few 'obvious' (to him) solutions to her problem.
  313. >But a small voice in the back of the chaotic mess that he called his mind, (that sounded remarkably like her), said that it would not be a story with a happy ending.
  314. >For either of them.
  316. >Then something she said gave his brain a good shake and something new fell out of the idea tree.
  317. >'Why couldn't they be real?'
  318. >Why, whoever said they weren't, my dear?
  319. >Humans are oh so real, they just aren't *here*.
  320. >Yet.
  321. >Oh, it would be tricky, but he could do it.
  322. >He'd wager even Sparkle could pull it off given proper motivation, but that bit of mischief got put on the back burner for another time.
  324. >Just call me the matchmaker!
  325. >Lets see if we can find a perfect human horsebando for dear little Fluttershy...
  332. >The mane 6/7 are the best of friends
  333. >They spend a lot of time together
  334. >Which has gotten people to start talking
  335. >One of them overhears a conversation between a couple of background ponies and learns that everyone thinks that they're a lesbian herd
  336. >Nuh-uh, mama didn't raise no dyke
  337. >The girls have to find a male, or else everyone is going to think they munch carpet
  339. >They have a reputation for being neurotic and bat-shit insane, courtesy of their adventures, feats, and everyday shenanigans.
  340. >No stallion wants to be in a herd with them.
  341. >They list their options (stallions who aren't family):
  342. >Tenderhoof is discounted straight away.
  343. >Flash Sentry won't return Twilight's calls, and has gone into hiding.
  344. >They slump in defeat, until they see a semi-naked Anon, smothered in ketchup and mustard war-paint, run screaming through Ponyville, chasing Lyra.
  345. >"Looks like Anon's found out who was stealing his socks."
  346. >So, to be seen as a Lesbian Herd, or to shack up with the mentally-unbalanced human.
  347. >...Fuck.
  348. >Now, to just convince him...
  352. >Anon doesn't hold anything against them, not anything major at least, but he doesn't consider them friends.
  353. >On his end anyway, some of the mane 6 are only ever so slightly aware they're not on great terms with him.
  354. >Unbeknownst to them, he even views a couple as borderline nuisances only slightly better than Lyra.
  355. >So Twilight decides it's about time Anon got an extended friendship lesson.
  356. >At least that's her front, and the excuse she'll be using to avoid suspicion.
  357. >The plan is simple, each mare in the herd will spend a week with him one on one in an attempt to strengthen bonds between them.
  358. >To help create new and exciting experiences between them, they'll also be sent on vacation to new and exotic places each time. For instance a camping trip with Rainbow Dash, or to a booming Saddle Arabian city with Rarity.
  359. >All on the state's dime, but let's keep that hush hush for now. 
  360. >Surely, Celestia wouldn't mind if she knew why.
  361. >Maybe Cadence would foot the bill.
  362. >As long as they don't fail, they'll be happy to... right?
  363. >... Let's hope they don't abuse their funds either...
  364. >There's also a check from the treasury involved if he "passes" because there's no way Anon would cooperate otherwise (Celestia hasn't agreed to this but she'd cross that bridge when she got to it).
  365. >While her friends would typically try to reign in Twilight's schemes and overplanning, they aren't about to object to an all expense paid vacation of their choosing
  371. >In a reversal of how virility and the ability to provide for a large family is masculine and praise worthy, fertility in a mare is a point of pride. 
  372. >Having the resources to keep a large number of children and a stallion content is a high social mark.
  373. >If you can have a number of healthy foals and keep your body in shape after, it's an even higher social mark and worth bragging over. 
  374. >After having 6 or 7 lively foals with a loyal, monogamous male and keeping her model figure, Fluttershy's already high standing rises to an exalted level
  381. >Pegasi have a layer of fat over their lean muscle to insulate them from the cold that comes with flight. 
  382. >That means even world class athletes like Rainbow have some plush to them, making for an extra snugly hug. 
  383. >But Rainbow is extremely insecure over the fact that she'll never have the same marely muscle tone as Applejack. All of Rainbow's effort will never show thanks to the pegasus fat.
  384. >Even unicorns are better defined than the average pegasus because they burn calories using magic all day.
  385. She'll never be anyone's big,
  386. strong mare...
  393. How would each pone react to accidentally hurting anon?
  395. > Rainbow Dash
  396. Nervous apologies, making a lame joke, following Anon around to make sure he's okay, and that nothing hits him where she hurt him
  397. Panic if he actually cries a little, compulsively buying Anon flowers and chocolate.
  398. > Pinkie Pie
  399. Horrified silence for the first minute, with full mane deflation. Then an overwhelming flood of "I'm so sorry!" and cupcakes. Possibly dropping a bag of flour on her head, if she was foalsitting the twins recently.
  401. > Fluttershy
  402. Completely shutting herself in, contemplating nipponese square number games.With enough coaxing, Anon might reassure her enough that she opens the door and talks to him. At that point, she insists on excessively bandaging the injury. She might instinctively kiss it better, and then nearly die from embarrassment.
  404. > Rarity
  405. Get ready for a lot of pampering and bribing. Do you like going to the spa? How about the opera? Dinner? How about a new wardrobe? 
  407. > Applejack
  408. She probably accepts Anon's claim that it doesn't hurt that much, but she still insists on him punching her so that they are square. For the next month, anon finds apple pies on his doorstep.
  410. > Twilight Sparkle
  411. Nervous breakdown, before and/or after teleporting Anon to the hospital. Almost turns herself in to the guard for assault, before Anon talks her out of it.
  414. > Cadance
  415. Apologizes simply, and asks if he is alright. Fetches an ice bag or bandaid or whatever, and a carton of ice cream. She's lived with a stallion long enough not to panic, and no one says no to good ice cream.
  417. > Luna
  418. Apologizes regally, and moves on with her day/night. However, you later find on your doorstep a small filigreed box with some jewelry inside. A note at the bottom indicates that this is a donation to you dowry, as is traditional. Your dreams for the next little while are mostly comforting, with one or two wet dreams Luna accidentally starts, and can't bring herself to stop watching.
  420. > Celestia
  421. Motherly concern as she summons the royal physician, but you can see the suppressed panic with the depths of her eyes. At the end of the day, she invites you to her chambers for tea. You end up reassuring her that you are fine, and that the soreness is almost entirely gone. She is glad that you are feeling better, it's one less thing to worry about after her long, trying day. You ask her about it, and before long, she is laying her head in your lap as you stroke her mane, saying all the things she couldn't say in court. Celestia accidentally falls asleep in this position, and you can't bring yourself to move. In the morning, she is quite embarrassed about trapping you that way, and teleports you to your room to avoid gossip. Later, you are offered the post of Royal Confidant.
  423. > Chrysalis
  424. She laughs maniacally and tries to pass it off as a tactic to break your spirit. Drones raid high class restaurants and beautiques. At night, when she thinks you are sleeping, she cuddles up and strokes your hair.
  426. > Sombra
  430. > Anon didn't get much sleep the night before
  431. > Trips on his way to get the morning paper
  432. > Scrapes his knee, which he then washes off and ignores
  433. > Throughout the day, ponies bump into him etc and suddenly worry that they are the one that caused the injury
  440. Celestia is fascinated by Anon because he's like nothing she's ever seen before -- and for someone who's lived for thousands of years, that's impressive.
  442. The fact that their child is an alicorn is mind-boggling and of great importance -- if Anon's species can breed with ponies and bring new alicorns into the world by reproduction than ascension...
  444. That he's shacked up with her new niece gives her the perfect opportunity to study him as he lives and grows.
  446. Basically, while not entirely altruistic in her motives, they're still benign and harmless
  450. >Celestia wants Anon and Cadence to marry as soon as they graduated school.
  451. >Tries to get him to accept the title of Prince, but she grows frustrated when Anon refuses, being humble and all.
  452. >Fascinated by his nature, and secretly records her observations like Twilight would.
  460. Luna and Anon start dating.
  461. Anon is happy to remain monogamous, but Luna grows sympathetic to her lonely sister.
  462. Persuades Anon to let her in their relationship.
  463. Celestia, however, is subordinate to her younger sister in herd affairs, since Luna was first/the alpha.
  464. Despite the gratitude she feels, Celestia can't help but feel rankled by the fact her younger sister is dominant in the herd dynamic, and that Anon prefers her as a first option
  468. >Luna is back, and de-Nightmared
  469. >But all is not well in Canterlot
  470. >They try to put on their regal masks, and pretend that all is well for their little ponies
  471. >But those closest to them can tell that things are strained.
  472. >The sisters do love each other, but old problems fester
  473. >The elements are powerful, but not all powerful. It will take time to heal wounds millennia in the making.
  475. >Time and the loving assistance of a third who, like Luna, finds himself in a place strange and alien to him.
  477. >They may be princesses, but they are also siblings
  478. >They squabble over petty shit, and sometimes don't realize that something serious isn't petty, and vice versa
  480. >But now instead of just sisters, they are herd sisters
  481. >Anon helps balance them out, calm them down, and when all else fails, sometimes they just need a good dicking.
  482. >Luna was a virgin, there is much conjecture over how this factored in to the problems long ago
  483. >And in learning to adapt to this new world, he helps Luna adjust to a world that changed while she was gone
  489. >Applejack has liked Anon for ages, mostly because he's not a pansy like most stallions.
  490. >Anon, however, finds her to be a hick, though he's too polite to say that.
  491. >He meets Strawberry Sunrise, and takes a liking to her snark.
  492. >Jealousy ensues as Applejack sees the object of her affections shack up with that "apple-hating varmit!"
  499. >Celestia remains as pure as white snow
  500. >Intellectually knows about dating and sex, but has never experienced it first hand and is quite naive
  501. >Cadence finds her innocence adorable, though she'd never say that
  502. >Luna is an utter whorse
  503. >Mostly because she craved attention, any attention, a thousand years ago before falling to the Nightmare
  504. >Cadence is wearing Shining Armour out, and is seeking a third to not only help keep her satisfied sexually, but also help raise Flurry and be a bro to Shining's geeky/marely habits
  505. >Luna just wants to buck Anon's brains out in a "friends-with-benefits-but-you're-exclusively-mine" kinda deal
  506. >L-lewd.
  507. >Celestia is trying to woo Anon like something straight from a Disney romcom, but not only is her inexperience working against her, Anon is baffled by her attempts
  508. >Unknown to the three princesses, Anon has been engaging in stress-relief with Twilight, Glimmer, Shimmer when she visits, and Trixie
  509. >They're obvious about it but the three other princesses are blind
  516. >Cadence and Anon date but amicably break up, realising they're better off as friends with benefits.
  517. >They keep in touch after she moves to canterlot, say's shining reminds her of those "fa/tg/uy's' anon talked about, jokes about introducing shiny to the magic of hands.
  518. >Anon attends the wedding as cadence's guest, finally meets shining and they hit it off hard, turns out a lot of nerd shit on earth has an equestrian equivalent.
  519. >Cadence seems a bit jealous, probably just stress, gives her some space.
  520. >Feels like shit afterwards for being fooled by a changeling.
  521. >He and shiny bond over shared "I'm a fucking idiot." sentiments, get wasted a few times and end up snuggling (no homo) afterwards.
  522. >Cadence walks in on pic related and is excited that her old bestie gets along great with her new husband, makes herself the meat of a snuggle sandwich.
  523. >Pretty princess love powers let know there's nothing untoward going on, so she enjoys teasing two flustered stallions in the morning by suggesting she joins in on their fun next time.
  524. >Threesome actually ends up happening after sombra is defeated, emotions running high all around.
  525. >A couple weeks after Flurry's born anon's practically kidnapped by Twilight and the Princesses to see if his 'help' was what made her come out alicorn.
  526. >He's barely left the empire before suddenly being teleported into Flurry's room, where she's crying up a storm over not getting good night headpats from her uncle.
  532. > Anon turns 30 on Earth
  533. > Studies conjuration
  534. > There and a half years later, he opens a portal to Equestria
  535. > Twilight and twilight variants crushing hard on the fellow wizard genius
  536. > Have spellcasting contests in front of his tower
  537. > At first, Anon gets irritated at the daily thaumic surges disrupting his research
  538. > A month later, the constant spellcasting has worn the fabric of reality rather thin
  539. > Anon lectures the mares on the dangers of dimensional ruptures
  540. > The go home in shame, while Anon gets to work
  541. > The next day, a powerful thaumic shockwave ripples out from Anon's tower
  542. > Unicorns faint for miles around
  543. > When Twilight and company come to, they fear the worst
  544. > They rush to Anon's tower, filled with guilt
  545. > They find Anon sitting smugly on his throne, a Kirin mare and a Demoness mare glaring at each other while Anon digs his fingers through their manes
  546. > Before him, a portal lies open, edged with obsidian and platinum
  547. > Twilight can't believe the Celestial and Infernal beings aren't fighting
  548. > And why are they wearing sexy black panties?
  549. > She asks him as much
  550. > He gazes at her with eyes full of wisdom and an unsettling amount of whimsy
  551. "Because I'm a wizard."
  552. > "But- lacy panties?"
  553. "WIZARD!"
  555. > The two part episode ends with "just because a stallion acts like a sexy, evil wizard, doesn't mean he is evil."
  562. >Anon has an encyclopedic knowledge of human literature
  563. >He decides to plagiarize and ponify his knowledge to make a comfy career as an author
  564. >All of his protagonists are non-RGR masculine stallions
  565. >He's praised by stallionists for writing strong, independent stallions, who don't need no herds
  566. >Most mares find Anon's work cringey because they don't see an ounce of non-RGR masculinity in any of the stallions they know
  567. >Think how dumb it was when Rey beat Kylo Ren without any Force or combat training. That's how most mares see it, but for different reasons.
  568. >Stallionists take legitimate criticism of Anon's work too personally
  569. >Readergate
  570. >something something RGRE
  576. >Anon has narcolepsy, falling asleep at random times.
  577. >When he collapses or drifts off, mares just shake their heads and place a blanket/pillow down for him.
  578. >Some, like Applejack and the Flower Sisters, have taken to stashing a blanket/pillow around their stalls, just in case.
  579. >When villains show up, they're often upstaged in their dramatic introductions when Anon falls asleep, and the once terrified ponies sigh, ignore them for a minute while they make him comfortable. before giving them the "go on" motion.
  580. >Even some of the female villains break character, feeling annoyed, to make the sleeping stallion comfortable
  584. >"This day has been just perfect, the kind of da"
  585. "ZzzzZzz"
  586. >"Seriously? Right Now? Eurgh"
  587. >"I dont have time for this, Drone, go be his pillow so i can have my reprise."
  588. >She was being literal, but this particular changeling was never all that good at inanimate object mimicry.
  589. >Anon gets cuddly in his sleep, drone #491 is okay with that.
  590. >Team Chrysalis blasts off again.jpg
  591. >Anon and drone still sleeping in the the middle of the floor, the latter having slipped into a food coma
  599. >The villains often kidnap Anon because there's only one of him and he's easy to pick out from the crowd.
  600. >Being a known friend of Twilight and co. also means there's something more personal at stake.
  601. >He always tries his hardest to escape or hinder his captors but still gains a Princess Peach tier reputation for being a bachelor in distress.
  602. >Anon gets tired of all the comics, the porn parodies involving him being raped by his captors, and ponies treating him even more delicately than they do the average stallion.
  603. >Time to finally stop being a meme and become a hero, or die inside trying.
  607. >Anon fucking loses it
  608. >lathers his entire body in Tomato Sauce
  609. >throws handfuls of sauce at villain
  610. >Villain tries to lick off the sauce
  611. >throws up everywhere
  612. >ponice arrive to the sight of anon hunched over the poor soul, shouting "YALL BEEN PLAYING CHACKERS, BUT I'VE BEEN PLAYING CHESS FO YEARS!!"
  613. >And that's why Anon is still single
  616. >Anon hams up the "damsel" role to villainess who wants to "rape" the alien stallion she's just kidnapped.
  618. >Tells her he'll willingly do anal (mares fantasize about getting a stallion to stick it in their dirtiest hole).
  619. >She faces away.
  620. >Anon retrieves his personal bottle of squeeze >Ketchup from his pants pocket. (It's normal, okay?!)
  621. >Stealthily gives the mare a ketchup enema after fucking her silly. (Being ponies, and entirely unfamiliar with humans, she expects that amount of "volume" when he finishes).
  622. >5 minutes later, the Mane 6 show up to save Anon.
  623. >Anon nowhere to be found.
  624. >Kidnapper is hunched over, vomiting/shitting her guts out.
  625. >M6 rush her to the ponyville hospital.
  626. >Anon is already back in town.
  627. >Kidnapper dies.
  628. >Would-be villians hear vague (and now horribly inaccurate word-of-mouth version of) the story about how the monkey creature killed a mare by vigorous +15 minute long anal sex.
  629. >ConflictingDeathBySnooSnooFaces.scroll
  636. > Anon is hanging out with Starlight Glimmer
  637. > After some prodding, she tells how she got her cutie mark
  638. > Using a gem on a ribbon to hypnotise a classmate
  639. > Realising how powerful control of the mind is
  640. > Starlight realises this is sounding pretty supervillain-y 
  641. > Quickly assures that she only uses hypnosis for good, like helping ponies overcome fears
  642. > Anon is interested, asks to be hypnotised
  643. > She does so, but only realises after he's under that he didn't tell her what he wanted her to hypnotise him for
  644. > Starlight hesitates for a long while, before climbing into his lap and snuggling up to his chest
  645. > Derpy accidentally drops something on Starlight's roof, and Glimglam panics
  646. > Scrambles out of Anon's lap, and brings him out of hypnosis
  647. > As she calms down, Anon tilts his head
  648. > "I feel... warm and comfy, sorta. Was that you?"
  649. > Starlight confesses to cuddular assault and braces for stallion outrage
  650. > Anon pats his lap
  651. > "Did you think you were done? I require more cuddles."
  653. > Starlight learns once again that influencing others has no lasting negative consequences
  661. >Put a fence up to keep ponies from eating your flowers
  662. >Wake up to find Twilight laying on her side and munching on your grass
  663. >Mares lust after Anon for his superior lawn-care skills
  664. >Anon unknowingly reinforces the stereotype that stallions should either be in the kitchens or the fields
  671. >Your marefriend starts eating different fruits just to see if you notice the different taste.
  672. >You do.
  673. >There's something weirdly touching and immensely hot to her that you know her taste that well
  677. >Anon and Rainbow Dash are a couple
  678. >Estrus hits, and for once Rainbow isn't concerned about how the constant heat in her groin will distract her from work, and she isn't afraid that she'll feel so desperate that she'll be tempted to go out and find some poor, defenseless stallion to take advantage of
  679. >Is so excited she nearly squirts when Anon agrees to go down on her as much as she wants
  680. >Immediately regrets it
  681. >Wakes up two hours later, dehydrated and extremely sore
  683. >Tells stories to her friends after estrus passes, wearing a thousand-yard stare
  684. >"I never thought I could ever cum too much. Having a stallion eat me out for hours and hours was a fantasy every teenage mare has, but I never thought it would actually happen."
  685. >She takes a long drag from her mug of cider and puts her head in her hooves
  686. >"Oh, Celestia... why did it actually happen?"
  690. >Rainbow has been very sneaky about her estrus ever since that incident.
  691. >Who would have thought that after getting a coltfriend she would have to end up using icicles for "that" again
  693. >"Oh Raaaaiiinbooooow~"
  694. >Buck.
  695. >BUCK.
  696. >You gallop off with your gross, slimy cooler in your mouth, hoping to reach the bathroom and lock yourself inside of it before your coltfriend reaches you.
  697. >Unlimited sex during estrus.
  698. >What a deal, you thought.
  699. >After the 15th or 16th orgasm, you passed out and woke up to the sensation of another climax ripping through your body, Anon still buried deep inside of you.
  700. >The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak!
  701. >You slam the bathroom door closed and lock the door, listening carefully for Anon's footsteps.
  702. >...they're fading away.
  703. >You lower yourself down onto the cooler and nearly moan out loud as the numbing magic kicks in.
  704. "Celestia," you whimper, "I can just hear my friends now. 'Too much sex, Rainbow? What are you, a dyke?' "
  705. >You roll onto your side and press your hooves to your eyes.
  706. >...
  707. >...m-maybe you'll go find Anon in a few hours once your cooter has a chance to heal up a bit.
  708. >A familiar needy burn grows in the pit of your stomach and you can't help but laugh, feeling punch-drunk from the heat.
  709. >Maybe you're making this out to be worse than it actually is.
  710. "Unlimited sex," you grunt, adjusting the cooler inside of you, "Is worth feeling a little bit sore."
  713. >The first few days of estrus are a near-rabid fuckfest. More time is spent on sex than anything else.
  714. >Mid-point calms some, as both you and Rainbow need to recover from the first few days. There's still sex, just less frantic and a bit slower placed.
  715. >Estrus tapers off. The urge for sex is wearing off, but Rainbow is still plenty fertile. The last few days are spent slowly making love with a focus on deep-seated bonding more than anything. It's a slow-burning sort of mating that can last an hour in one session. Now with her mind a bit more clear, Rainbow has to heavily debate on if she wants to take a leap and stop taking her contraceptive pills.
  716. >A few years down the line, she simply foregoes the pills from the start
  724. >Be anon, biggest troll around
  725. >Rewrite Twilight for pones
  726. >Don't change the name at all just to fuck with Twiggles
  727. >Don't change the genders either because fuck conforming
  728. >Get an army of NEETpone fangirls who dream of vampone stallions stalking them so they don't have to put any effort into the relationship
  734. >Anon is able to solve certain problems in Ponyville
  735. >Can be blunt with his mare friends in ways that another mare wouldn't, because his "has penis" status lets him say shit without the risk of getting clocked in the face
  736. >Tells off Applejack for being weird with getting help from her friends with the farm
  737. >Is able to talk down Rainbow Dash from fucking up the weather factory to keep Tank from hibernating, because Rainbow thinks that Anon is more "in touch" with his emotions since he's a colt and probably knows what he's talking about
  738. >In return, Anon enjoys the sexual tension that comes from having good friends of the opposite gender who are cock-hungry enough that they'd jump at the chance to herd with him
  743. >The CMC misinterpret Anon's friendliness and praise after they inadvertently save him as wanting to herd with them.
  744. >Anon isn't entirely sure what's going on but does humor them a little thinking it's just a brief game.
  745. >Applejack and Rarity think their little sisters are just fooling around so they brush it off, and jokingly congratulate them.
  746. >The CMC decide to plan a big wedding with the help of all their friends and maybe some former enemies.
  747. >Unbeknownst to all the grown-ups (the few that didn't laugh it off) and the supposed groom
  753. >At first a bragging point, Rainbow become desperate when Anon begins to wear her out through too much sex.
  754. >Starts to affect her Wonderbolt training, so she begs her friends for help.
  755. >At first, it's AJ to join as a third.
  756. >But then Applejack is too sore to buck trees (kek).
  757. >Pinkie agrees next, thinking her boundless energy will wear Anon out.
  758. >She ends up too tired to party.
  759. >Rarity is next, thinking all he needs is a "lady's touch" to make him "slow down" and "enjoy the journey, not the end result".
  760. >She ends up too tired to bother with her makeup (gasp!).
  761. >Fluttershy just "eeps!" and passes out when he strokes her mane.
  762. >Twilight, then Glimmer falls the same way.
  763. >Eventually, they beg for help from the Princesses.
  769. >Be in herd with M6
  770. >Mares are generally bisexual as a result of the biased gender ratio and over a thousand of years of Celestia's motherly "I love you no matter what, but don't disappoint me please" rule.
  771. >In bed eating out Rainbow (being tied down excites her, due to obvious "opposite-of-her-daily-norm" reasons).
  772. >Twiggles, Appul, Squiggle Tail, and Flutterbutter are out doing things.
  773. >Pinkie dropped by during her lunch hour to sniff her new coltfriend's dirty hamper-underwareretrieve her forgotten lunch.
  774. >Ponka hears familiar sound from bedroom.
  775. >Pinks pushes the bedroom door open with her snootle.
  776. >See Pinkie eyeing you and Rainbow with envious bedroom eyes.
  777. >Tell Pinkie in a seductive voice: "I put a skittle deeeeeep inside Rainbow, but I can't seem to get it out, and my weak stallion jaw muscles are getting too tired! I would be oh-so "appreciative" if you would help getting it out!"
  778. >Pinkie dives head first into Rainbow's fillybits like a slobbering vacuum with a tongue.
  779. >RainbowOhFace.skittles
  780. >Proceed to get working on Pinkie while she's busy working on Rainbow
  785. Cadence and FemShining fell in love, but need a herd because a princess being full homo like a commoner is forbidden. Who do they want? Someone they both can love, and will love them both back. Who do they pick? You.
  791. >Cadence and Pinkie? Fluttershy? Rarity? Gleaming Shield? form the Love Squad, designed to bring love to lonely mares and stallions.
  792. >After a few successful cases, their next target is Anon.
  793. >Unfortunately, Anon has no interest in being a horse-fucker, and their various CMC-style antics fail.
  794. >Anon suspects something's up, but doesn't notice anything overt.
  795. >The Squad grow increasingly frustrated with this whimsical stallion.
  796. >And also find themselves growing more fixated on him...
  802. In RGRE, porn is a "family" business, usually shot within a willing stallion's herd. Almost every porno you get from that producer will have the same colt and small selection of mares. There are occasionally one-offs with different colts when one wants to experiment, though these often become collectors items and are hard to acquire
  805. >Anon becomes renown porn star.
  806. >Hundreds of lonely mares have participated with him throughout the yeras, he does all sorts of "extremes" that other stallions would NEVER do anal, watersports, belly-to-belly, and even hoofholding!
  807. >Anon stars in and produces the only porno to ever feature a princess. Celestia chastises Luna for her archaic and horrible treatment of stallions, until Anon starts sending Luna flirty letters with flowers and a copy of his latest work
  813. > Be Pinkie Pie, party mare extraordinaire!
  814. > Zecora's birthday party went great!
  815. > She loved how you brought in elements of her home, like hibiscus punch and special potato pancakes
  816. > And then there was all the dancing and singing...
  817. > Yeah, it was a good time for everypony, even that shy stallion, Anon
  818. > He's so sweet, helping clean up after everypony had left except you and him
  819. > At first you thought he was interested in you, which would be...
  820. > Well, he is very sweet
  821. > A good personality
  822. > And kinda funny when you get him talking!
  823. > It's just a shame that his outside doesn't match
  824. > As you grab the punch bowl in your mouth, you hear a sigh
  825. > You turn to see Anon leaning on his broom, frowning
  826. > Uh oh
  827. > "I thought it would be different here, you know?"
  828. > You set the bowl back down and focus on wiping the table
  829. "What would be different, Nonny?"
  830. > He shakes his head and gets back to sweeping
  831. > "I thought with so many mares and so few stallions, I might find someone. Or they could find me."
  832. > You are not equipped to handle this, you know it
  833. > Where is Cadance when you need her?
  834. > Well, you can't say nothing
  835. "Don't worry, I'm sure the right mare for you is out there, somewhere!"
  836. > He laughs then, the sad, no-good laugh
  837. > I-it's not like you made a joke...
  838. > "You're a good mare, Pinkie. And thank you for always inviting me to your parties."
  839. > You force a bit of cheer, even as your mane droops a bit
  840. "Of course, Nonny! You're my friend!"
  841. > He smiles at that, and you can see he does feel a little better
  842. > "Want me to get that punch bowl for you? Seems kinda heavy."
  843. > You shake your head vigorously
  844. "I got it, I am a mare, after all!"
  845. > He chuckles, and you wonder if you could just not look at him, maybe...
  846. > You seize the bowl in your mouth and bounce off to the kitchen sink
  847. > It wouldn't work out, you'd have to wake up to that face in the morning
  853. >500 years.
  854. >You've been her lover for half a millennium. 
  855. >And for some time now, she's been dreaming of living a quiet life with you.
  856. >A simpler one without servants or yesmares.
  857. >Without a country to rule, great castle, or the noise of Canterlot. 
  858. >Despite you telling her otherwise, she feels that you wouldn't want to give up the luxury and comfort of royalty.
  859. >She rarely lets it show, but her beliefs regarding males were deeply ingrained and quite cynical by her standards. 
  860. >It frustrates you that after all this time a small part of her is still afraid.
  861. >So deeply afraid that you'll leave and go chasing after the next shiniest crown
  867. >celestia Legitimately thinks Stallions arent as good as mares considering her millenia of experience
  868. >the Royal guard are exactly what everypony thinks: eye candy
  869. >though they DO go through the same degree of training mares do
  870. >she never shows it because of her momlestia-ing every pony
  871. >in comes anon and joins the guard
  872. >thinking its gonna be like the being a beef eater in england
  873. >breezes through basic training
  874. >doing whatever a mare can do with more strength and force
  875. >gets to prove what stallions cant do
  876. >men can very much do as if second nature
  880. >Rainbow has been very sneaky about her estrus ever since that incident.
  881. >Who would have thought that after getting a coltfriend she would have to end up using icicles for "that" again
  883. >"Oh Raaaaiiinbooooow~"
  884. >Buck.
  885. >BUCK.
  886. >You gallop off with your gross, slimy cooler in your mouth, hoping to reach the bathroom and lock yourself inside of it before your coltfriend reaches you.
  887. >Unlimited sex during estrus.
  888. >What a deal, you thought.
  889. >After the 15th or 16th orgasm, you passed out and woke up to the sensation of another climax ripping through your body, Anon still buried deep inside of you.
  890. >The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak!
  891. >You slam the bathroom door closed and lock the door, listening carefully for Anon's footsteps.
  892. >...they're fading away.
  893. >You lower yourself down onto the cooler and nearly moan out loud as the numbing magic kicks in.
  894. "Celestia," you whimper, "I can just hear my friends now. 'Too much sex, Rainbow? What are you, a dyke?' "
  895. >You roll onto your side and press your hooves to your eyes.
  896. >...
  897. >...m-maybe you'll go find Anon in a few hours once your cooter has a chance to heal up a bit.
  898. >A familiar needy burn grows in the pit of your stomach and you can't help but laugh, feeling punch-drunk from the heat.
  899. >Maybe you're making this out to be worse than it actually is.
  900. "Unlimited sex," you grunt, adjusting the cooler inside of you, "Is worth feeling a little bit sore."
  903. >The first few days of estrus are a near-rabid fuckfest. More time is spent on sex than anything else.
  904. >Mid-point calms some, as both you and Rainbow need to recover from the first few days. There's still sex, just less frantic and a bit slower placed.
  905. >Estrus tapers off. The urge for sex is wearing off, but Rainbow is still plenty fertile. The last few days are spent slowly making love with a focus on deep-seated bonding more than anything. It's a slow-burning sort of mating that can last an hour in one session. Now with her mind a bit more clear, Rainbow has to heavily debate on if she wants to take a leap and stop taking her contraceptive pills.
  906. >A few years down the line, she simply foregoes the pills from the start
  914. >Be anon, biggest troll around
  915. >Rewrite Twilight for pones
  916. >Don't change the name at all just to fuck with Twiggles
  917. >Don't change the genders either because fuck conforming
  918. >Get an army of NEETpone fangirls who dream of vampone stallions stalking them so they don't have to put any effort into the relationship
  924. >Anon is able to solve certain problems in Ponyville
  925. >Can be blunt with his mare friends in ways that another mare wouldn't, because his "has penis" status lets him say shit without the risk of getting clocked in the face
  926. >Tells off Applejack for being weird with getting help from her friends with the farm
  927. >Is able to talk down Rainbow Dash from fucking up the weather factory to keep Tank from hibernating, because Rainbow thinks that Anon is more "in touch" with his emotions since he's a colt and probably knows what he's talking about
  928. >In return, Anon enjoys the sexual tension that comes from having good friends of the opposite gender who are cock-hungry enough that they'd jump at the chance to herd with him
  933. >The CMC misinterpret Anon's friendliness and praise after they inadvertently save him as wanting to herd with them.
  934. >Anon isn't entirely sure what's going on but does humor them a little thinking it's just a brief game.
  935. >Applejack and Rarity think their little sisters are just fooling around so they brush it off, and jokingly congratulate them.
  936. >The CMC decide to plan a big wedding with the help of all their friends and maybe some former enemies.
  937. >Unbeknownst to all the grown-ups (the few that didn't laugh it off) and the supposed groom
  943. >At first a bragging point, Rainbow become desperate when Anon begins to wear her out through too much sex.
  944. >Starts to affect her Wonderbolt training, so she begs her friends for help.
  945. >At first, it's AJ to join as a third.
  946. >But then Applejack is too sore to buck trees (kek).
  947. >Pinkie agrees next, thinking her boundless energy will wear Anon out.
  948. >She ends up too tired to party.
  949. >Rarity is next, thinking all he needs is a "lady's touch" to make him "slow down" and "enjoy the journey, not the end result".
  950. >She ends up too tired to bother with her makeup (gasp!).
  951. >Fluttershy just "eeps!" and passes out when he strokes her mane.
  952. >Twilight, then Glimmer falls the same way.
  953. >Eventually, they beg for help from the Princesses.
  959. >Be in herd with M6
  960. >Mares are generally bisexual as a result of the biased gender ratio and over a thousand of years of Celestia's motherly "I love you no matter what, but don't disappoint me please" rule.
  961. >In bed eating out Rainbow (being tied down excites her, due to obvious "opposite-of-her-daily-norm" reasons).
  962. >Twiggles, Appul, Squiggle Tail, and Flutterbutter are out doing things.
  963. >Pinkie dropped by during her lunch hour to sniff her new coltfriend's dirty hamper-underwareretrieve her forgotten lunch.
  964. >Ponka hears familiar sound from bedroom.
  965. >Pinks pushes the bedroom door open with her snootle.
  966. >See Pinkie eyeing you and Rainbow with envious bedroom eyes.
  967. >Tell Pinkie in a seductive voice: "I put a skittle deeeeeep inside Rainbow, but I can't seem to get it out, and my weak stallion jaw muscles are getting too tired! I would be oh-so "appreciative" if you would help getting it out!"
  968. >Pinkie dives head first into Rainbow's fillybits like a slobbering vacuum with a tongue.
  969. >RainbowOhFace.skittles
  970. >Proceed to get working on Pinkie while she's busy working on Rainbow
  975. Cadence and FemShining fell in love, but need a herd because a princess being full homo like a commoner is forbidden. Who do they want? Someone they both can love, and will love them both back. Who do they pick? You.
  981. >Cadence and Pinkie? Fluttershy? Rarity? Gleaming Shield? form the Love Squad, designed to bring love to lonely mares and stallions.
  982. >After a few successful cases, their next target is Anon.
  983. >Unfortunately, Anon has no interest in being a horse-fucker, and their various CMC-style antics fail.
  984. >Anon suspects something's up, but doesn't notice anything overt.
  985. >The Squad grow increasingly frustrated with this whimsical stallion.
  986. >And also find themselves growing more fixated on him...
  992. In RGRE, porn is a "family" business, usually shot within a willing stallion's herd. Almost every porno you get from that producer will have the same colt and small selection of mares. There are occasionally one-offs with different colts when one wants to experiment, though these often become collectors items and are hard to acquire
  995. >Anon becomes renown porn star.
  996. >Hundreds of lonely mares have participated with him throughout the yeras, he does all sorts of "extremes" that other stallions would NEVER do anal, watersports, belly-to-belly, and even hoofholding!
  997. >Anon stars in and produces the only porno to ever feature a princess. Celestia chastises Luna for her archaic and horrible treatment of stallions, until Anon starts sending Luna flirty letters with flowers and a copy of his latest work
  1003. > Be Pinkie Pie, party mare extraordinaire!
  1004. > Zecora's birthday party went great!
  1005. > She loved how you brought in elements of her home, like hibiscus punch and special potato pancakes
  1006. > And then there was all the dancing and singing...
  1007. > Yeah, it was a good time for everypony, even that shy stallion, Anon
  1008. > He's so sweet, helping clean up after everypony had left except you and him
  1009. > At first you thought he was interested in you, which would be...
  1010. > Well, he is very sweet
  1011. > A good personality
  1012. > And kinda funny when you get him talking!
  1013. > It's just a shame that his outside doesn't match
  1014. > As you grab the punch bowl in your mouth, you hear a sigh
  1015. > You turn to see Anon leaning on his broom, frowning
  1016. > Uh oh
  1017. > "I thought it would be different here, you know?"
  1018. > You set the bowl back down and focus on wiping the table
  1019. "What would be different, Nonny?"
  1020. > He shakes his head and gets back to sweeping
  1021. > "I thought with so many mares and so few stallions, I might find someone. Or they could find me."
  1022. > You are not equipped to handle this, you know it
  1023. > Where is Cadance when you need her?
  1024. > Well, you can't say nothing
  1025. "Don't worry, I'm sure the right mare for you is out there, somewhere!"
  1026. > He laughs then, the sad, no-good laugh
  1027. > I-it's not like you made a joke...
  1028. > "You're a good mare, Pinkie. And thank you for always inviting me to your parties."
  1029. > You force a bit of cheer, even as your mane droops a bit
  1030. "Of course, Nonny! You're my friend!"
  1031. > He smiles at that, and you can see he does feel a little better
  1032. > "Want me to get that punch bowl for you? Seems kinda heavy."
  1033. > You shake your head vigorously
  1034. "I got it, I am a mare, after all!"
  1035. > He chuckles, and you wonder if you could just not look at him, maybe...
  1036. > You seize the bowl in your mouth and bounce off to the kitchen sink
  1037. > It wouldn't work out, you'd have to wake up to that face in the morning
  1043. >500 years.
  1044. >You've been her lover for half a millennium. 
  1045. >And for some time now, she's been dreaming of living a quiet life with you.
  1046. >A simpler one without servants or yesmares.
  1047. >Without a country to rule, great castle, or the noise of Canterlot. 
  1048. >Despite you telling her otherwise, she feels that you wouldn't want to give up the luxury and comfort of royalty.
  1049. >She rarely lets it show, but her beliefs regarding males were deeply ingrained and quite cynical by her standards. 
  1050. >It frustrates you that after all this time a small part of her is still afraid.
  1051. >So deeply afraid that you'll leave and go chasing after the next shiniest crown
  1057. >celestia Legitimately thinks Stallions arent as good as mares considering her millenia of experience
  1058. >the Royal guard are exactly what everypony thinks: eye candy
  1059. >though they DO go through the same degree of training mares do
  1060. >she never shows it because of her momlestia-ing every pony
  1061. >in comes anon and joins the guard
  1062. >thinking its gonna be like the being a beef eater in england
  1063. >breezes through basic training
  1064. >doing whatever a mare can do with more strength and force
  1065. >gets to prove what stallions cant do
  1066. >men can very much do as if second nature
  1072. >Mare has psyched herself up to put on a grand wedding.
  1073. >She just accepted that this is how it has to be a long time ago, because stallions *always* want huge extravagant weddings.
  1074. >Anon would actually prefer a small casual wedding. Immediate family and a few friends, no need to invite the entire town
  1080. >Luna was troubled.
  1081. >The Dreamscape had seen a severe change.
  1082. >This was not the work of a tantabus, nor some other foul presence.
  1083. >The dreams themselves were happy joyous things, but the pain they caused was not mitigated by this.
  1084. >One after another, a lonely pony would dream of a strange creature, who loved them, cared for them.
  1085. >And then they would wake, to find that it was just a dream, never to come to pass in reality.
  1086. >But there was something strange going on.
  1087. >In all her many years, she had never seen a creature such as this, neither in the world, nor in the dreamscape.
  1088. >Nor had she seen some of the wondrous creations that the dreams sometimes featured, not even in this modern age.
  1089. >Where then, did these little ponies learn of it?
  1090. >She suspected they hadn't.
  1091. >It took careful probing, but she eventually discovered the source.
  1092. >At the very edge of the dreamscape, the fabric was thin, so very thin.
  1093. >On the other side of the gossamer threads, lay another dreamscape, that she had never before seen.
  1094. >One filled with the creatures, these 'humans', and the strange world they inhabited
  1095. >And within their dreams, she found her little ponies as well, in a cruel mirror of the manifestations back home.
  1096. >They too, dreamed of love, and woke to find themselves alone.
  1098. >There had to be something that could be done to ease this suffering
  1099. >Some way to bridge the gap between worlds?
  1100. >Perhaps the answers lay in Starswirl's research, he was often fascinated by the idea of other realities...
  1106. >The hardass Captain Spitfire has a thing for gentle maledom, and to a lesser extent, pred/prey play.
  1107. >After a long day of screaming at bumbling recruits and doing the work of her less competent team members, she just wants to come home to a loving stallion and not be in charge for once. 
  1108. >Too bad such a thing won't be happening, since she scares most stallions... Hell, none of them can even stutter out a reply when she flirts with them. She can't just drop her public personality either. 
  1109. >Looks like another lonely night home.
  1110. >Alone
  1115. >You're fucking your boss. She's a surly, bitter mare who is just a handful of years away from 40
  1116. >It all started with some mean-spirited and somewhat sexist flirting from her. She never in a million years expected you to rise up and meet her halfway with some alien banter. 
  1117. >Then the flirting became genuine.
  1118. >She said you didn't have the nerve to follow through one day, and have sex with her in a broom closet. 
  1119. >A sweaty hour later, she's sitting in your lap and panting, feeling just like a horny teen in highschool again and realizing that she still has time for those missed opportunities.
  1120. >It's the worst kept company secret that you and her bang, but everyone keeps turning a blind eye because of how mellow and happy the bosslady is now.
  1121. >Then, a new intern from the local University starts, and gets all the wrong ideas from what goes on...
  1128. >Zephyr Breeze tries to hit on Dash
  1129. >Mid-flirt, Anon comes breezing in with a "Hey, babe" and a peck on Rainbow's cheek
  1130. >Engage wingboner.exe
  1131. >Then he goes over and pets Fluttershy
  1132. >Zephyr is pissed that someone has nabbed Dash and is with his sister
  1133. >So not fair!
  1134. >His attempts of coltish intimidation don't even register to Anon, much to Rainbow and Fluttershy's amusement
  1135. >When Anon gets in a fist/hoof fight with Spitfire, Zephyr is intimidated
  1136. >And baffled when he sees them drinking moonshine after, like best buds
  1137. >Who are each missing some teeth
  1142. >RGRE ships are traditionally thought of as male, because the all-mare crews would claim the ships to have finicky personalities, and were prone to bouts of stallionish whimsy.
  1144. For the past ~1200 years, ships have all had various penis-themed images carved into the rudder (because every stallion needs a cock, and "rudder" sounded a lot like "rutter" to less-educated and horny mares alike).
  1146. >The pride of Equestrian Navy is the Starswil the Bearded, a modern Galleon with the largest, bronze cast battering ram in the recorded history.
  1147. >The galleons have no reason for having battering rams at the front, because of canons.
  1148. >Celestia insisted anyway
  1155. >Convince dragon waifu that love and family are the greatest of treasures. 
  1156. >Her power suddenly jumps several magnitudes, and jumps again every time she has another child with you. 
  1157. >Before long, she's standing on the same plateau as the alicorns, Discord, and other worldly powers. 
  1158. >All because she loves her family
  1164. >Every few years the media digs up shit she said before their parents were born and she gets shit on by stallionists and political pundits.
  1165. >She also has a political gaffe every other decade by saying something that would have been acceptable decades, sometimes a century or two, ago
  1169. >"...AND FURTHER MORE"
  1170. >celestia raises her hoof while still sipping her tea
  1171. >everypony stops speaking
  1172. "Look out the south window."
  1173. >everypony scrambles to the windows trying to see what the princess is talking about
  1174. "See the badlands from here?"
  1175. >everypony is puzzled
  1176. >the stallionists are so confused they almost forgot why they were here
  1177. >"princess dont igno-"
  1178. "Do you know WHY its dusty and lifeless?"
  1179. >the stallionists start shaking but push their luck
  1180. >"i-if you t-think intimidating us is gonna sto-"
  1181. "It is my field."
  1182. >ponies are confused further
  1183. >"The field where i grow my fucks."
  1184. >the stallionists gasp, mares try to hold in their laughter, the prissier stallionists faint
  1185. >"Lay thine eyes upon it and see that its barren."
  1186. >daintily sips her tea
  1191. Glimglam is hanging out with the girls. 
  1192. >The topic of sexual escapades comes up.
  1193. >Glim just sits there, puzzled as they talk around her.
  1194. >Why are they measuring the time in seconds and orgasms as singular things?
  1197. >In a moment of pure autism, Starlight offers to let them watch when they call bullshit on her being literally fucked unconscious once. 
  1198. >You come home to six uncomfortable, red-faced mares and a smiling Starlight, who explains with a perfectly straight face. 
  1199. >This mare is going to be the death of you
  1206. >Anon has a herd of dangerous predators
  1207. >A dragon, a griffon, a Diamond Dog, and a Changeling
  1208. >The mares in town are constantly afraid for his safety while being cautiously terrified of his herd
  1209. >A few of the braver mares in town flirt with Anon shamelessly
  1210. >As long as they are sure none of his herd are around
  1216. >Moondancer repeatedly tries to summon a human husbando through pagan rituals
  1217. >It backfires every time ala monkey's paw where her descriptions fuck up the process
  1220. >At first this Anon is just average. 
  1221. >Then he started to show different skillsets at varying levels. 
  1222. >At one time he's silent as a tiger stalking it's prey then the next day he's as graceful as a toaster in a tub of water.
  1223. >His mannerisms shifts at the same time too.
  1224. >Turns out Anon is a gestalt made of different horsefuckers at /mlp/
  1225. >But they love Moonie with all their hearts.
  1226. >Except for that fag who wants to see Moondancer squirm when he makes her alpha in a herd full of athletic and combat veteran mares
  1231. > Celestia is a big pervert, but must not show it due to her public image of being so pure and motherly
  1232. > Gets caught by Anon in a compromising situation
  1233. > Anon purposefully teases and seduces her throughout the day
  1234. > That evening, she takes out all her sexual frustration on him
  1236. >Love blooms between the two biggest perverts in the realm
  1237. >Never in her many years had she ever found a male who even came close to her deviancy
  1238. >Now she had found one who matched her, and dare she think it, even surpassed her in degeneracy
  1239. >Shall we see how deep this pit of depravity goes?
  1240. >Dare you enter our magical realm?
  1245. >Luna would have re-asserted herself over the madness of Nightmare Moon hundreds and hundreds of years earlier if she had a companion - more importantly, her daughter - with her on the moon
  1246. >Losing her daughter (in her mind, as a direct result of Celestia's banishment and refusing to send more air) kept her resentment and anger fresh for the entire 1000-year banishment
  1247. >Years later, after Luna returns to Equestria, she meets and eventually courts Anon, the resident aplelien.
  1248. >When she eventually falls pregnant with his child, her immediate reaction is happiness and joy
  1249. >The second reaction (the one that takes place about a split-second after the happiness) is a desperate fear that Celestia will take her child away from her again
  1250. >Maybe even Anon, too
  1251. >Luna decides to mare up and protect her mate and her foal at all costs
  1252. >Celestia is baffled at why Luna suddenly became borderline hostile for no good reason, nor why she won't let Celestia near her brother-in-law.
  1258. > As a side effect of however Anon came to Equestria, he has spontaneous transitional dislocation disorder
  1259. > Whenever he crosses or opens a threshold, there is a chance it will open upon an entirely different threshold
  1260. > He opens the fridge, and on the other side is Celestia's sauna
  1261. > He turns the key in his front door's lock, and Rarity clenches around the strange object stimulating her rear entrance
  1262. > At first he was very apologetic, but now he just says sorry, and moves on
  1263. > The mares don't complain about having a hot stallion occasionally appear
  1264. > A poor deluded few believe he is a sex faerie that will reward them if they can capture him
  1265. > Pinkie Pie and Discord are the only ones who can reliably find him
  1272. >Starlight begins settling in to her new life in Ponyville.
  1273. >Being a student of friendship, etcetera.
  1274. >One day, however, Twilight and the others are visibly nervous.
  1275. >Turns out Anon, Twilight's overprotective lover, is returning to Equestria after doing "something" for Luna in a far-flung land.
  1276. >After coming home soaked in green blood one night in the past, the Six learned not to ask questions about his duties.
  1277. >Starlight is unconcerned: he's a stallion, after all.
  1278. >She'll just easily charm him.
  1279. >Er, not that she'd try to steal him from Twilight!
  1280. >Really!
  1281. >They want Anon to become friends with Starlight, but know that things could easily go south.
  1282. >When he arrives, their fears are confirmed after a disastrous Pinkie Party.
  1283. >He knows that she tried to brainwash his friends and lover.
  1284. >He knows she tried to fuck over the timeline.
  1285. >Frankly, it's lucky that she's friends with his friends and Twi, otherwise he'd snap her neck, dismember her corpse, and leave it for the Worms in the Gorge.
  1286. >Glimmer is unnerved by the obvious sociopath.
  1287. >Now Twi and her friends must try to have the two build a rapport, or a friendship.
  1288. >Otherwise, she may suffer from an "accident".
  1294. >Herd up with some birdhorses and start a family.
  1295. >While earthponies and unicorns are a bit odd in culture, they've got nothing on the near-different society that is pegasi. You don't realize that until you're living with some. 
  1296. >Under their father's wings is a favorite place for pegasus foals to sleep. Because who doesn't love the warmth and security that Dad can provide?
  1297. >Since you don't have wings, you have an old style bomber jacket made for you, complete with fuzzy inside lining and foal-sized pockets.
  1298. >Now you can't go anywhere without one or two of your kids in the jacket and snuggled into your side.
  1299. >It's just one of many birdhorse things you happily pick up
  1305. >Anon appears a while before season 1.
  1306. >He's the kind of guy who likes the graveyard shift, and tends to sleep the day away.
  1307. >At least he would if he could. And now that he's in Equestria he can.
  1308. >Goes to the Summer Sun Celebration because he wants to see this supposed immortal ruler in person.
  1309. >When Nightmare Moon appears and the ponies cower away, Anon decides to go along with it.
  1311. >Nightmare Moon becomes flustered over a male showing such enthusiasm for her night.
  1312. >They have a brief dialogue back and forth, before going off to a corner to actually talk to each other.
  1313. >Twilight is super confused and tries to interrupt, but she gets shut down each time.
  1315. Two possibilities from here.
  1317. >Anon helps her by pointing out when she's accidentally helping the heroes.
  1318. >She actually wins but is much more fair and reasonable compared to the one in the universe Starlight created.
  1319. >Anon is thought by the masses to be a concubine NMM took for herself, but he really acts as a friend to her.
  1321. or
  1323. >Her genuine friendship with Anon prompts the elements of harmony to simply eject her from Luna's body.
  1324. >In her panic she grabs Anon and teleports away.
  1325. >The mane six and Celestia+Luna think it's to do unspeakable things to him.
  1326. >It was actually just a panicked "grab everything I care about and run" situation
  1331. >Spike, being raised by Celestia and Twiggles, is a typical RGRE male (with minor differences because Dragon)
  1332. >He cooks, cleans, runs errands, likes to be helpful, and would make a perfect house horseband for a lucky mare
  1334. >Rarity, being in the running with Fluttershy for the least marely mare in town, wants a janefilly stallion to sweep her off her hooves
  1335. >So she never really considered Spikey Wikey seriously as a romantic partner
  1336. >She knows he's crushing on her (which does wonders for her ego), but she's not interested in a boy who acts like a typical RGRE stallion.
  1337. >Spike overhears her explaining this to one of the Mane 6, (perhaps Fluttershy)
  1338. >After a throwing a bit of a pity party for himself (he is a stallion after all), he decides he's not giving up just yet.
  1339. >Enlists the help of the most marely male he knows to teach him how to "be a man" and appeal to Rarity
  1340. >RomCom wingman shenanigans ensue with Anon trying to help Spike
  1347. I always liked the idea that Humans exude a sense of being "Old Testament, biblical-levels of destructive force", more so to wildlife and villains than your average pony. And not because humans are super threatening in appearance, but because we're so creative, and they can sense it.
  1348. They can sense the raw potential we have for destruction. We've surpassed all other races known on Equus in our ability to destroy, and even the beings in Tartarus cannot compare to the human potential for world destruction.
  1350. We are a race who, on our home world (our ONLY world!), have had an all-encompassing life ending weapon system all locked onto each other for DECADES now.
  1351. It's like we're all standing in a room, waist deep in gasoline, everyone's got matches, and we're all just one major political faux pas away from intentionally obliterating every living thing we've ever observed.
  1353. And on seeing him, Equestrian species can FEEL humanity's raw capacity for immense destructive potential emanating forth from anon. 
  1354. The more instinctual the species is, the more easily they can sense it, and the more they fear it.
  1356. If Anon were to stroll right through the heart of the Everfree, even the most dangerous of creatures would run upon spotting him.
  1357. If anon were to walk through Tartarus itself, the inhabitants would either back away in fear, or bow out of respect.
  1359. -------------------
  1361. Meanwhile, the average mare or stallion is entirely clueless. Sure, the strange inter-dimensional alien stallion triggers a sense of "dangerous predator" in them like gryphons do, but for the life of them, they can't figure out why creatures attacking from the everfree run from him on sight.
  1363. Twilight, of course, is immensely interested in studying this phenomenon
  1367. I like the opposite but similiar idea actually. Humans are terrifying not because they exude anything, but because they don't. Pony's pick up instinctually on the cute mark and harmony magic that is inherent in all ponies. Even dragons and griffons have similiarish enough things for them to interact with. It fills everything they do, from speaking to working to just napping.
  1369. Humans though don't have that, they are completely magic-devoid. So instead of finding anything to interact with magically, they just find a strange unsettling nothing. It's a subtle but forboding feeling being around humans because of it.
  1376. >Flutters, while beautiful, is mocked as the most unmarely mare that many have ever seen.
  1377. >Constantly thought a lezpony, she can't find ANY male attention. (Much to Fluttershy's dismay, and the relief of the bean counter mares working for the adult toy company "Good Wyvern".)
  1378. >Townsponies criticize the local shut-in who suddenly takes an interest in the elusive "BigApe" creature hanging around the edges of the Everfree as of late.
  1380. >Busy-barrels and gossipy mares and stallions begin their "I told you so's" when the local shut-in spaghettimancer runs off into the forest with the BigApe, declaring she's in love with the beast.
  1382. ---
  1384. >Months pass, no sign of either of them.
  1385. >Suddenly, Fluttershy re-appears in the town looking for metalworking tools and an anvil to "take back home to the forest".
  1386. >The unusual part is that the once-chubby mare is now FAR more confident, SHREDDED with muscles, has a few new marely facial scars that even make the local wonderbolt Rainbow Dash jelly, and is WEARING THE BONES of various highly dangerous predatory creatures native to the everfree.
  1387. >When questioned about her unusual garb, she only comments that her stallion made it for her as a gift for killing her first Ursa on her own
  1391. >Treehugger and a few other "outdoorsy" mares join Anon and Flutters in their camp
  1392. >It expands quickly as word spreads about a stallion leading a colony in the everfree
  1393. >A colony free of laws and restrictions
  1394. >Where a mare can go and be herself
  1395. >Within two years Anon's little camp has grown to become a small village
  1396. >It teems with mares, stallions, gryphons, deer, and even a minotaur or two
  1397. >As Anon and flutters first foal takes its first tenuous steps so too are steps being taken by Twilight to designate The Everfree and its new residents as its own small kingdom
  1405. >Anon is assumed to be human nobility of high rank, by virtue of the fact that he *always* wears clothes of some kind.
  1406. >Especially because he wears suits for more than just formal events like the Gala.
  1408. >Most pony nobility will go naked in public on occasion
  1409. >Not Anon.
  1410. >this only adds to the speculation about how much power he held back home
  1411. >Could he be a Prince?
  1418.  in RGRE, Fluttershy's personality is in a similar vein to Big Mac's with more animal husbandry and femininity. A touch more socially awkward/inept but a lot less timidity in general. She's a strong silent type, mumbles sometimes, has a tendency to answer other ponies statements with grunts or low hums like she isn't used to talking very much because she spends so much time with animals, but she's starting to get better at expressing herself as time goes on (a la pic related). 
  1420. Her skill with animals is less 'kind and motherly with a chance to break out into sternness at misbehavior' like in the show, and more 'marely', more rough around the edges and assured. Like her RGRE self is just as confident around beasties as her show self, just in a more outwardly dominant way. With ponies, of course, she's the complete opposite. Has trouble communicating feelings, doesn't like expressing her opinion on important matters, definitely doesn't actively pursue relationships with the opposite sex, even if she thinks about it. 
  1427. >Anon, due to relationship baggage back on earth, has a crippling fear of intimacy
  1428. >despite all signs pointing to the mares who are interested in him being on the level, he can't shake the feeling that it's all going to come crashing down in flames like it always has with women in the past
  1429. >That they will lie, cheat, and abandon him
  1430. >He makes his excuses and stays alone.
  1431. >He makes friends, but none of them progress beyond that.
  1432. >Though not for lack of trying on their part.
  1433. >They begin to think that perhaps he just doesn't find ponies attractive
  1434. >He protests this, but friendzoning an entire town runs counter to his proclamations of being a horsefucker.
  1436. >Cadence visits and can immediately sense that somethings fucky
  1437. >Her love magic says so, and all signs point to Anon being the one in trouble
  1438. >Hearts shouldn't have such scars and defenses built up around them, it isn't healthy
  1439. >It's time for an intervention
  1440. >Can the Princess of Love help Anon find true love at long last?
  1441. >The shipper is on deck, and she won't be satisfied until she finds him that special somepony
  1447. >Cadence has always been colty. Being a pink, love obsessed princess does that to you.
  1448. >As such, she's always been attracted to marely stallions. It's how Shining, the colt who likes tabletop games and military ambitions caught her attention.
  1449. >But one day during a normal morning in first period, the teacher announces that they're getting a new student. 
  1450. >Oh boy. Big whoop. More meat for the local bullies. Who cares. 
  1451. >The door flies open from a kick with the force of a runaway train, then in walks in someone that makes Cadence's jaw drop.
  1452. >The tallest male she's ever seen, one filled with a raging storm of testosterone and a canine-toothed scowl that just screams "I dare you to fuck with me." (Essentially like every 16-18 year old around.)
  1453. >The now timid teacher seats the huge biped right next to Cadence. 
  1454. >It was right there that Cadence's interest in Shining Armor died, and that she found herself with a much loftier goal.
  1459. >You and Cadence have 4 children before either if you are 30
  1460. >Of course it doesn't show on Cadence since she's an alicorn, and you still look 20ish from constantly absorbing passive alicorn magic.
  1461. >The kids are little exactly what you expect from a human and alicorn making babbys. Crafty, aggressive, little magic power houses with too much energy. They can only be tamed with ether a promise of treats or by Dad's sharp tone. 
  1462. >You gave up on the last part of your childhood for this, but looking back, would you really trade this for anything else?
  1466. >Princesses Celestia, Luna, then Twilight fear foalsitting their extended family than having diplomatic talks with the most violent/rude of species.
  1467. >Twilight ascends, but tries to turn it down because she knows she'll have to foalsit 100% more than she usually does.
  1468. >Destiny aside, Celestia politely says "tough shit".
  1469. >After trying to gain treaties on everything and anything with foreign powers to get out of foalsitting, Equestria becomes an even bigger superpower.
  1470. >The tough, prolonged negotiations cause many nations to just surrender to Equestrian wishes.
  1471. >This instils despair in the Princesses.
  1472. >Even more despair when Cadence announces she's been knocked up again.
  1473. >The happy couple are oblivious to the horror and despair they cause by loving nookie
  1477. BNW copypasta section
  1480. [>Anon gets teleported to eqg universe
  1481. >With the help of twiggles he gets his new life started
  1482. >But there's a problem, with the new influx of students at Canterlot High and Shadow bolt high(whatever there school is called) they can no longer get accept new students.
  1483. >So they send him to baltimare high, where the crime rate is high, school is in a poor urban area ECT
  1484. >So anon not only has to adjust to a new universe with skewed gender roles and a new teenage body, but he has to deal with a shithole of a school too]
  1486. >You sip your 50-50 sweet tea/vodka drink as you read, the drone of the cicadas the only thing stopping silence from reigning
  1487. >The AC broke in your office, but the shitposting must continue - so all the windows were open
  1488. >Celestia's sun was so bright that it seemed to bleach the outside world; all the colors were awash and runny
  1489. >And you continue to sip your ice cold "tea"
  1490. >He speaks first, because they always do
  1491. >"S-so, it plays off of the very popular EQG series, a-and we can bring in attention by-"
  1492. "Summer."
  1493. >The teenager stops rambling and looks at you, swallowing. "I-I'm not sure what that means, but-"
  1494. "It's Summer."
  1495. >"... Yes, it is."
  1496. >The cicadas drone on
  1497. "You can't tell, but I capitalized that word. SUMMER. You know how I can tell?"
  1498. >The teenager looks at you, sweating - and then outside to the bright hot sunlight - and back to you
  1499. >"The heat?"
  1500. "The prompts."
  1501. >"I don't... understand?"
  1502. >You drop his script on the table, not caring that it gets damp from the condensation rings from your drink
  1503. "These prompts are made by people whose hormones are raging, whose brains are developing back-to-front. They're simplistic - no nuance, no big thematical desires or questions asked. I'd say it's simple wish fulfillment, but it's not even worthy of being called that."
  1504. >The kid leans over the table, hands pressed against the top. "Hey! There are plenty of stories that are self-inserts! And don't fucking call me s-"
  1505. "You not only want me to write you into this story, but you want me to put as much hate for anon's school as you have for yours."
  1506. >"So?!"
  1507. "So you're asking me to write angsty teenager mental masturbation material."
  1508. >He inhales sharply, but you continue uninterrupted
  1509. "It's childish. You are a child, on summer break, and you don't like school. Realize once you're out, you don't get breaks anymore. Life happens to you, and there is no annual 3-month pause."
  1510. >You stare out past him
  1511. "...go outside. Youth is wasted on the young."
  1514. [Gelding prompt]
  1516. >You sip your coffee, then place it on the table - ignoring the overly-excited look of the intern writer in front of you
  1517. >"S-so it's also touching on the trap fetish, but not the gay kinda shi-"
  1518. "So."
  1519. >The little horse shuts up
  1520. "Males are supposedly rare in RGRE in order to explain the world; so you decide to remove more from the breeding pool because....?"
  1521. >"W-well, actually, gelding the stallions forces the gender roles to be-"
  1522. "So ignoring the actual body horror of being gelded, this is completely OOC for almost every pony - not to mention, difficult to impossible to enforce."
  1523. >"Well-"
  1524. "Let's also point out that there are naturally still more mares than stallions; you're not only forcing a genetic dead end of these colts you're also forcing a similar genetic dead end for their herd."
  1525. >"But-"
  1526. "So not only would the breeding herds be the only ones to survive, you actually start a cascading population crisis - if out of every herd I can only have 1 breeding stallion, then that number will never increase - because any other stallions that would form new herds would be gelded."
  1527. >"Ok, but the fetis-"
  1528. >You take another unimpressed sip from your coffee mug
  1529. "If a breeding stallion gets killed or is impotent, you've already gelded his siblings, which means just through random attrition you're starting to cut down on the producers of your next generation-"
  1530. >"B-but it's a good prom-"
  1531. "And that's completely ignoring the things I touched upon before - that Celestia, Luna, or any of the common ponies would allow this is wonky as hell."
  1532. >"OOC is fine-"
  1533. "If it doesn't break immersion and serves an actual purpose other than fetish fuel."
  1534. >You place the 'script', if you'd call it that, on the table with a frown.
  1535. "I'm drunk and It's shit. It's a shit idea at face value, it's a shit idea when you break it down. I think that's all there is to it."
  1536. >".... you didn't have to be so mea-"
  1537. "Get out."
  1538. >And BNW never wrote about that fetish ever again, ever.
  1539. THE END
  1545. Anon as a teacher for the troubled youths, leading them improving themselves and each other one innuendo at a time. Only starting a open family with students and his girlfriend with the ones that finished with high passing grades. And offering support to the ones that went around long enough to improve themselves, becoming a pillar in the community on par of Twilight...just with more dickings to the ones that need it. You know, so they don't go crazy and shoot up the area.
  1552. > Principal Celestia has seen enough things come from Equestria to know that you are probably going to save the world, or attempt to take it over
  1553. > She wants to keep you within easy reach of whatever is going to go down, so she hires you as a teacher
  1554. > P.E. teacher, since you really don't have the training and degrees necessary to teach actual classes
  1555. > Mostly, you just follow the lesson plan of the other P.E. teacher, Coach Spitfire
  1556. > Then there was the day they started playing basketball
  1557. > Boys vs boys, girls vs girls, with the curtain splitting the gym into half courts so the two games wouldn't interfere with each other
  1558. > Then one of the girls calls out, "Bras and blouses!"
  1559. > And one team takes off their shirts
  1560. > You spend the rest of the day trying to discreetly hide your erection, but you suspect you end up distracting the girls just as much as they distract you
  1561. > It's going to be a long, hard school year
  1567. >Chrysalis tries to seduce Anon
  1568. >Lovebug is hungry, and Anon has a reputation
  1569. >A reputation for giving out free cuddles and affection
  1571. >When he touches her it disrupts her changeling magic, and reveals her true form
  1572. >Aside from being startled by the change, he doesn't freak out at her for being a parasitic bugpony menace
  1573. >Him not freaking out makes her freak out instead
  1578. >Go to fancy restaurant with birb waifu
  1579. >"May i take your coat sir"
  1580. "No thanks, we're good."
  1581. >Get some odd looks from the other patrons as you sit down with your thick coat.
  1582. >Order some plain breadsticks and a glass of water along with two wines to go with your haysteaks, yours in particually being "Very well done."
  1583. >Surreptiously slip damp pieces of bread inside your jacket the whole evening.
  1584. >After you've finished your meal the waiter returns with the bill and two lollipops.
  1585. >"Compliments of the staff, your foals are very well behaved."
  1586. >Two pairs of eyes blink owlishly from the snug confines of your jacket before babbling happily at the treats.
  1587. >Returning home with your family you put the children to bed before finally taking off the jacket, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body.
  1588. >You'd be grossed out by this if it didnt make the jacket more comforting to your foals and you didnt get to be your waifu's personal salt lick every night
  1595. >Snake lands in Equestria
  1596. >For his next mission, he has to pretend to be the prince of a foreign kingdom so some crusading hero can "save" him
  1597. >The catch? He has to make sure he is as inconspicuous as possible
  1598. >A.K.A. he has to act like a damsel in distress
  1599. >"Oh no. I am trapped in the clutches of these nefarious villains. Waaaaaah, Waaaaaaah."
  1607. >Ponies will often infiltrate their chosen mate's house and try to blend in with background, and then pounce
  1608. >You will never get a surprise-cuddle from Rarity right when you're getting ready for bed
  1610. >Anon suspects a burglary gone wrong until his "attacker" starts to nuzzles his face, and a familiar scent washes over him
  1611. >"My my, Anonymous; is that cologne I smell? I do so love a stallion who knows how to make himself presentable~"
  1612. >Next thing Anon knows, his face is in Rarity's chest tuft and the alabaster mare starts humming while stroking his head
  1613. Cuddle-rape is best rape
  1621. >Your horse daughter will never use you as a base for how males are supposed to act
  1622. >She will never be disappointed by the way colts and stallions behave
  1623. >She will never find the meat that Auntie Twilight keeps around for when the griffon delegates come 'round to the Castle of Friendship, and eat it in front of colts for an easy laugh
  1630. >Some ponies Equestria still practice "Groom Kidnapping"
  1631. >This usually involves a mare (or mares) grabbing a stallion and whisking him away to some grand vacation in an attempt to finally woo the stallion into to herding with them
  1632. >However the tradition was not always so nice
  1633. >Stallions were taken and locked away
  1634. >They were starved and hidden until they agreed to signing marriage papers
  1635. >Sadly this older tradition is still practiced by some dastardly mares
  1636. >When Apple Bloom asks Granny Smith how she got her grandfather to herd with her Granny is happy to tell the story of her and her sisters kidnapping him
  1637. >AB tells the rest of the CMC who decide to follow in Granny's footsteps
  1638. >In less than seventy two hours the three girls have Anon bound and gagged in their clubhouse
  1646. >Anon is rocking out in his dreams
  1647. >Lucid dreaming = bitchin' music videos
  1648. >Luna just so happens to stop by while he's singing villain songs
  1649. >Becomes convinced that he's secretly Equestria's newest supervillian threat, due to music magic logic
  1650. >Because why would anyone sing songs about being evil if they weren't evil?
  1652. >Luna is dismayed because she liked Anon
  1653. >It makes it hurt just a little bit worse when she sees him singing a villainous duet with an illusory Chrysalis.
  1654. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBRXsAWBgFA [Open]
  1655. >Could they be allies?
  1656. >Could they be...
  1657. >Lovers?
  1660. >Luna continues to visit Anon's dreams to learn more about his dastardly plan.
  1661. >Each song Anon dreams about (coincidentally) tells a story that Luna can follow. And each song tells her something more about Anon.
  1662. >Anon and Chrysalis are planning something big.
  1663. >Anon is lying through his teeth to all of his friends.
  1664. >Anon enjoys it.
  1665. >But then Anon starts singing some guilty pleasures.
  1667. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xGmx4K81Hc [Open]
  1669. >Luna decides she might be able to redeem him.
  1670. >N-not because her heart still goes dokidoki at the mere sight of him.
  1671. >Maybe Chrysalis is all Anon thinks he can rely on?
  1672. >Maybe she's just using him. That BITCH.
  1674. >Meanwhile Chrysalis has no idea who the fuck Anonymous is or why Luna is invading her dreams over him.
  1677. >Luna visits Anon's dream again.
  1678. >The imagery and surrounding is different
  1679. >No scheming evil minions just blasted and desolate land
  1681. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr4knvNNgtU& [Open]
  1683. >Luna is scared and aroused. Is Anon just using Chrysalis? so he can lay waste to Equestria next?
  1685. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkU23m6yX04 [Open]
  1687. >Luna thinks Anon is going to overthrow Chrysalis with her own minions before invading Equestria.
  1688. >Her scarousal goes through the roof as his song reaches it's climax.
  1689. >Has to leave the dream before she does she might not regret
  1691. >All these different songs and Identities.
  1692. > Evil spirit of corruption, a Lonely Prince and many others.
  1693. >Luna is convinced that Anon is just an unlucky soul to be reborn in unfortunate circumstances that turned or forced him to be evil
  1694. >Luna is determined to break that cycle with LOVE and a lot of rehabilitating snu-snu.
  1695. >All she needs to do is to dismantle Anon and Chrysalis' plot and partnership. 
  1696. >She prepares herself from probably one the most harrowing experience she's going to go through
  1699. >She resolves to join in on his next dream, determined to show him another way of life outside of evil villiany.
  1700. >The dream shudders almost imperceptibly as she takes control and inserts herself.
  1701. >The surroundings are reminiscent of saddle arabia and it's nighttime too, perfect.
  1702. >Finding anon on the balcony of the palace, she lets the dream flow naturally from then on so as not to disturb anon too much, trusting that her inclusion will be enough to ward off or even alter it's inevitable darkness.
  1703. >Letting the dream dictate her actions, she alights on the balcony as Anon addresses her.
  1704. >"How are you doing that?"
  1705. "I'm a magic horse."
  1706. >Even in the dreams of others this accursed autism haunts her.
  1707. >"That's... nice."
  1708. "You uh..., you dont want to go for a ride do you?"
  1709. >A blush comes to her face as she realises the double meaning.
  1710. "We could, get out of the palace, see the world?"
  1711. >"Is it safe?"
  1712. "Sure, do you trust me?"
  1713. >"...what?"
  1714. >Feeling the importantance of the moment, she injects some of her own desire to help him into her next words as she stares into Anon's eyes.
  1715. "Do you trust me?"
  1716. >A moment of uncertainly flashes across his face before it morphs into a grin.
  1717. >"...Yes."
  1718. > Anon clambers onto her back, Luna makes sure he is secure before taking flight, words of a song coming to her from the dream.
  1719. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HDcHEu00jg [Open]
  1721. >"I can show you the world..."
  1730. [Falconry with Flurry pic]
  1731. >Unable to fly himself, Anon was disappointed that he couldnt help his foals with this very important skill.
  1732. >Until he remembered a particular activity for certain bird owners back on earth.
  1733. >While he doesnt expect them to go into the pest control business any time soon, finding ribbon wrapped items and soft toys from the air and bringing them back is a sure fire way to improve their hoof-wing-eye cordination.
  1734. >He might not be able to take to the skies on his own, but he'll do everything he can to help his foals soar
  1742. >Tiny, soft, and flexible ponies that can (and will) crawl into Anon's lap for a nap
  1743. >Some don't like their bellies touched, others love it
  1744. >Ear-scritching is compared to taking horse-cocaine in terms of raw pleasure
  1745. >Instead of purring, pegasi chirp
  1746. >Earth ponies are cuddle bugs
  1747. >Unicorns are the type who want to climb onto Anon's shoulders and then stay there
  1748. >The barely come up to his knee, and yet these ponies still worry for his safety and are convinced that he can't do half the things that "marely mares" like themselves can do
  1755. >Anon, drunk off his ass, licks the Elements of Harmony like one would with a toad.
  1756. >He's not well-liked in Equestria, the exceptions being Cadence, Spike, Dash, and Luna.
  1757. >Gets high magically.
  1758. >Wakes up next day as a MLP-styled horse.
  1759. >Turns out horses are mythological, and he's just become their physical equivalent to Venus, Aphrodite, Ishtar, etcetera.
  1760. >Ponies become split on whether he was always like this, hiding as a test for them that they failed or sign of humility, or is newly ascended.
  1761. >Some debate on whether he's actually their version of Artemis/Diana, who could be pretty cruel to the opposite (and often same) gender.
  1762. >They begin sperging.
  1763. >Shining feels inadequate, since his wife is now buds with a horse.
  1764. >Anon is just freaking the fuck out because of becoming a talking horse.
  1770. >You caught on to the reverse gender roles quickly and lied, saying that you're a virgin. 
  1771. >You don't want your friends to think you're a slut or something.
  1772. >Dash picks on you and teasingly flirts with you.
  1773. >You try to awkwardly play it off, accidentally cementing your "Virgin" story.
  1774. >Rainbow's flirting becomes more genuine and unsure when she finds herself actually smitten with you.
  1775. >Really, how can you say no? 
  1776. >She's overjoyed with your answer.
  1777. >Your first night with her in bed, though, she nervously admits something to you.
  1778. >She's a virgin herself. All her stories about bagging stallions were just that. Stories. 
  1779. >You come clean and tell her you're NOT a virgin. You just didn't want others to think poorly of you.
  1780. >Naturally, you have to take the lead since the relationship turned sexual.
  1781. >Rainbow nervously leaves herself at your mercy and guidance in bed
  1784. >You let Rainbow brag afterwards that she "rocked [your] world" to save some face with her friends (because she's really good at giving head)
  1785. >You draw the line when she starts bragging how her pegasus pussy made you swear off earth ponies and unicorns forever
  1793. >Pegasi chest-fluff has more significance to it than unicorn or earth pony chest-fluff
  1794. >Since pegasi are so naturally mobile, there is little time for cuddling in a pegasi's life.
  1795. >And because they're often in the air, being in contact with one another can lead to losing flight-control and possible crashes.
  1796. >Think how pilots try not to fly their planes too close to other planes
  1797. >Pegasi have a built-in instinct that tells them cuddling is only done between ponies who trust each other not to knock them out of the sky.
  1798. >For Rainbow to let Anon cuddle her chest-fluff, it's a sign that she sees him as a very important figure in her life
  1799. >Anon does not know this, but many other ponies who see Rainbow guide Anon's face to her chest-fluff DO know that
  1800. >Cue "d'aww"s from the surrounding ponies
  1807. >Alicorns can't have children.
  1808. >The magic in their bodies just means the seed of other magical stallions can't take, overpowering it.
  1809. >Flurry Heart was the exception and a fluke because of how uniquely synergised Shining and Cadence are, magically.
  1810. >After some research of Anon being magically inert (alien, and all), Celestia comes to a startling realisation.
  1811. >Anon's seed would take, since he has no conflicting magic to be overpowered by their own.
  1812. >Baby-crazy alicorns begin stalking Anon
  1819. >Luna is attracted to Anon
  1820. >Visits one of his dreams that, by pure coincidence, involves Luna (but non-sexually)
  1821. >Luna's presence and her attraction to Anon triggers a change in the dream, and dream-Luna suddenly starts doing l-lewd things to Anon
  1822. >Luna is unaware that she was responsible for the change and is under the impression that Anon wants her tiny rump
  1823. >Cue real-life consequences to dreams in the form of a letter inviting Anon to visit Canterlot Castle
  1825. >is under the impression that Anon wants her tiny rump
  1826. T-tiny rump?
  1827. >Luna keeps scouting Anon's dreams, 'j-just to investigate' and totally not because she finds them hot. Her subconsciousness keeps projecting onto the dream-Luna, and the circle continues.
  1828. >She starts feeling guilty about that. What if she is corrupting the poor, innocent and pure stallion with her irresistible sexiness?
  1829. >Cue mix of wanting to use him as a royal breeder and white-knight his honor.
  1830. >This is going to be one interesting visit for Anon either way
  1832. >Luna is a bundle of sexually-frustrated nerves
  1833. >Tries to say two things at once: to tell him that it's nice to meet him face-to-face, and to ask him if he wants to sit down for some tea
  1834. >Like the "are you fucking sorry" meme, it gets mixed up
  1835. >"G-Greetings, Anonymous! W-Would you like to sit on my face?"
  1836. >Anon and Celestia think it's hilarious; Luna is humiliated and can only be brought back by hugs from Anon
  1844. >Manly man dad is either extremely disappointed or extremely proud of you in you depending on whether you became a man by Equestrian standards or kept your full-blooded earth standards
  1845. >Despite how weird he finds them he's impressed you were able to snag a pony like your waifu
  1846. >He gives you extra points if you herded
  1847. >Meanwhile all the single mares left in town are thrilled to meet the man who made Anonymous and who, despite his age, is considered top tier dilf by the mares
  1848. >Your mom is just happy your safe then immediately goes to criticize how poorly kept your house is and makes sure to interrogate your wife to make sure she's being good to you
  1849. >Bonus points from her if you gave her grandfoals
  1850. >Siblings are weirded out and disgusted at you for fucking a pony
  1851. >They're even more weirded out when the ponies keep trying to hit on them
  1858. >You will never fluster Luna
  1859. >The way you wear clothing mixed in with conversation about humanity's nudity taboo will never make Luna uncomfortably aware of her own nudity
  1860. >She will never worry that she's flashing you her cooter and take actions to cover herself
  1861. >These actions will never inevitably result in her accidentally showing you her juicy horse pussy
  1869. >Anon has to learn how to speak Equis.
  1870. >He's also spell resistant so they can't cheat either.
  1871. >He's seen as even more foreign and exotic.
  1872. >Mares say lewd stuff about him while he's there because they're sure he can't understand.
  1873. >They patronize and underestimate him even more, because they think he's cutesy and childish due to being unable to fully articulate himself.
  1874. >While tutoring him Twilight (or some other pony) starts to develop a crush on him.
  1875. >She wants to try courting him even though it will be difficult since the language barrier hasn't completely crumbled.
  1880. >Turns out Equis has a lot of dialects and weird local slang.
  1881. >You were helping Pinkie Pie move some stuff when Limestone came over to visit.
  1882. >Pinkie was a bit occupied at the moment so you asked her sister if she could grab the other side of this stupidly long table.
  1883. >Things got quiet real fast.
  1884. >Limestone's face was so red and she started clearing her throat as if the heavy silence was crushing it.
  1885. >You didn't know it was even possible to see the blush past their coats.
  1886. >What's wrong? You didn't mispronounce something, did you?
  1887. >She seemed to mull something over before tentatively reaching a forehoof out towards your crotch.
  1888. >That's when Pinkie gasped and swatted it away in the blink of an eye.
  1889. >Pinkie started rambling so fast you couldn't make out their conversation.
  1890. >If you could call it that, she did most of the talking with Limestone grunting here and there.
  1891. >Later, Pinkie slowly, as in agonizingly slow; she had no middle ground, explained that in their neck of the woods "grab" in certain contexts was something dirty.
  1892. >It meant you were down to fuck.
  1893. >This was something crass mares said to stallions, and certainly never the other way around.
  1894. >That day you learned to be cautious about which version of "grab" you were using.
  1895. >You still had one question though.
  1896. >What the hell was a rock farm?
  1897. >Was that slang too?
  1900. >Ponies are tactile and physical affection is much more complicated than human physical affection.
  1901. >Different touches have different meanings, and it's almost like speaking a whole new language when Anon touches (or is touched by) a pony.
  1904. >Anon appears in Canterlot and stays with the Princesses
  1905. >Grows close to Luna, who is fond of the way he admires her night sky
  1906. >Anon lived in the city, and his former experience with the night sky was pitch blackness and maybe 100 tiny dots; the Equestrian night sky is amazing and beautiful to him, and is very impressed with Luna
  1907. >Anon knows that ponies are touchy-feelie, and so he goes to pat Luna's head fondly
  1908. >Ends up rubbing the area behind her ears
  1909. >Luna squirms, blushes, and shyly leans onto him
  1910. >Purposefully (and gently) pushes him over so that she's lying on top of him
  1911. Luna acts like the tiny baby pony from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8USUINYQrs [Open]
  1912. >Anon is happy that he's getting along with his new friend, and so he lays there scratching Luna's back and rubbing her ears
  1913. >Celestia shortly walks in on them to check up on Anon and is utterly shocked to see Luna and Anon in what he learns is quite a compromising position
  1914. >Luna scrambles off of him and flies away to hide in her room (under the bed, of anybody's curious)
  1915. >Celestia is very concerned for Anon and asks if he's okay, asks if he feels safe in the castle, etc
  1916. >From what he understands, Anon was doing something VERY intimate with Luna
  1917. >Ear-scratching was a bit like rubbing a lady's chest in terms of the pleasure Luna received, and a stallion only ever touches a mare's back when he's trying to tell her that he wants to mount her
  1918. >To Anon's surprise, Luna lying down on him (the part he thought he would get in trouble for) wasn't considered intimate at all, and was just one of the mildly friendly ways ponies touch each other
  1919. >Anon has a lot to learn about accidentally molesting his friends
  1923. >Some mares hate having to listen to Anon slowly stammer his way through a sentence, like an elderly Russian man trying to vodka his way through the English language
  1924. >Some mares, on the other hand, like listening to Anon speak and think that he has a musical (almost Gaelic) accent
  1925. >Rarity, in particular, is fascinated with how English sounds
  1930. >Another Anon is in Equestria
  1931. >For some reason, he can speak perfect Equis and English
  1932. >As a result, he has to act as a translator for the first Anon
  1933. >But that doesn't mean he can't have some fun, right?
  1934. >"Tell her I'd like to have her over for lunch
  1935. "Anon would like to eat you out for lunch"
  1940. >Princess Celestia was coming over to visit the alien tomorrow afternoon.
  1941. >She wanted to check up on her new and unusual subject's progress and well-being.
  1942. >Now that he could at least string sentences together, she might even get to know the poor, lost colt properly this time.
  1943. >Twilight got really antsy and worked up upon hearing the news.
  1944. >She couldn't stay in one place for more than a minute, and asking her what the big deal was earned Anon some nearly indecipherable big words in response.
  1945. >Despite being the Princess of Friendship, she had insisted he address her familiarly.
  1946. >She had no choice now but to give her charge a crash course and review on addressing royalty in Equis.
  1947. >While he knew how to address an elder or superior in the workplace there were a few key differences to addressing blue blooded nobility and royalty.
  1948. >It was honestly a bit archaic, but everypony who wasn't close to the princesses knew to use it.
  1949. >Celestia arrived early, well before the afternoon in fact, acting her usual sunny self.
  1950. >That didn't help the purple pony's mood too much.
  1951. >Twilight was sweating profusely when her old mentor stepped down from her carriage.
  1952. >Even if she knew she should have nothing to worry about, maybe.
  1953. >Was she forgetting something? 
  1954. >Something big?
  1955. >She counted her lucky stars that it wasn't Luna visiting.
  1956. >Now that would have been a real nightmare.
  1957. >The Princess of Friendship eventually let out the breath she didn't know she was holding.
  1958. >And it was at this precise moment that Anon called Celestia by a pet name.
  1959. >A pet name that he used for Twilight.
  1960. >It was essentially a diminutive or corruption of the word "princess".
  1961. >Oh, buck.
  1962. >She never bothered to correct him before because it was a guilty pleasure of hers.
  1963. >It was unprofessional and probably deceptive, but...
  1964. >But it made her feel all tingly inside when he called her that.
  1965. >Sun, she needed a coltfriend.
  1966. >That is, if she survived this supremely awkward moment.
  1967. >Was this karma?
  1969. >Celestia is pleased with the pet name. Only friends and lovers give others pet names.
  1970. >She's excited about having someone who doesn't brown nose and try to suck up.
  1971. >Anon might have an inkling of what's happening but he's just happy that the large white horse is prancing with happiness.
  1972. >Twilight's mind is racing a million miles an hour, Is she gonna have to compete with her beloved teacher?
  1975. Twiggles wouldn't be worried about trying to compete, she'd be worrying about how the TARTARUS she's going to swing getting into a herd with anon and Celestia (the immortal goddess leader of the land) who THINKS OF HER AS A DAUGHTER
  1979. That's kinda hot.
  1981. But seriously, I think it would just make any fun time they have together more... I don't know, intimate. Like not in a "I'm fucking my pseudo-daughter" way, but in an "I'm sharing a very personal and intimate moment with the mare I trust the most... no homo" way instead. 
  1983. I'm picturing Twilight blushing up a storm as Celestia gives her all sorts of tips on how to pleasure a stallion. Like the time that Velvet sat Twilight down, gave her her first cider, and demonstrated how to deepthroat a cucumber
  1986. >Celestia says Twilight has been doing a spectacular job so far, but it never hurts to have more tutors who can give you new perspectives on things.
  1987. >She offers him to come visit her castle this evening for some one on one lessons with a more... experienced teacher
  1991. >Like to think you're nearly fluent in Equis.
  1992. >But even after all this time you can't understand a word Applejack says.
  1993. >You just nod and agree to everything she says.
  1994. >You hope no one, especially not the mare herself, has caught on yet
  2001. >Ponies experience love at first sight
  2002. >Celestia in her thousand plus years has never experienced it.
  2003. >Made peace with it long ago.
  2004. >She deduces it must be part of her duty.
  2005. >She will endure.
  2006. >For her beloved little ponies.
  2007. >Receives a letter from Twilight detailing how a magical anomaly pulled an alien into your dimension.
  2008. >Further elaborates that its male, bipedal, an omnivore, and has intelligence on par with the average unicorn.
  2009. >Requests that she bring the alien to meet her.
  2010. >The next day a "human" stands before her.
  2011. >She looks him in the eyes.
  2012. >Her head goes light
  2013. >Her spine shivers
  2014. >Her heart goes tight
  2015. >Her lip quivers
  2016. "W-where have you been?"
  2019. >Celestia sees everything about Anon, but Anon is clueless
  2020. >Celestia perseveres
  2021. >Celestia is nice to Anon
  2022. >Knows everything about him, knows how to act ("act" isn't even the right word; there's nothing artificial about her fondness for him) to make him feel comfortable around her
  2023. >Horrifies her student with her off-colour sexist jokes, knowing that Anon will think they're hilarious
  2024. >Anon quickly warms up to Celestia and by the end of the evening they have promised to stay in contact and Anon has plans to visit her once every 1 or 2 weeks
  2025. >Two months later, Anon is gushing to Pinkie Pie, saying that he never thought he'd ever use the word "soulmate" in his life and actually mean it; meanwhile, Pinkie Pie is trying not to roll her eyes at Anon and his coltish whimsy
  2033. >Fringe-horror:
  2034. >Anon is a regular guy.
  2035. >However, being an alien means he has no resistance to magic.
  2036. >Only his over-engineered biology, in comparison to Equestrian life.
  2037. >After being around him for a while after her "soul-mate" revelation, Celestia and the ponies find him slowly acting different.
  2038. >To her horror, she discovers that the bond, harmless to Equestrian life due to both innate magics being in harmony, is slowly raping Anon's mind and personality to be a perfect fit for her.
  2039. >She must decide whether to break the bond, a painful process (even possibly fatal for him) for both, and accept eternal, agonising loneliness, or watch as her soulmate is reduced to a hollowed-out meat-puppet in personality
  2045. > her entire life flashes before his eyes
  2046. > she just went through the same experience
  2048. > She saw all the "lol" he had watching rekt threads on /b/
  2049. > She saw all the meany mean things he said on /pol/
  2050. > She saw all the things he fapped to
  2051. > ... even "those" videos
  2052. > Anon pretty much broke all the records at evilness and disgustingness in known Equestrian history
  2053. > But soulmate is soulmate, and she is going to show him that a marely mare like her isn't going to be bested by her stallion
  2054. > Cue awkward attempts at being evil, Disney Villain style
  2055. > It just end up being cute
  2058. >Anon is so overwhelmed by the cuteness he basically never leaves the mares side
  2059. >She believes her wicked ways are tempting a malignant stallion
  2060. >She believes that over time she can convince him to take the road to redemption with her
  2061. >Anon is just happy he has a qt pony to cuddle at night
  2062. >Also she lets him know when he puts his clothes on wrong in the morning
  2064. >Anon's actions and behaviour is misconstrued to be something evil/sinister (by pony standards, of course) due to pone-waifu's bias
  2065. >Pone-waifu is convinced that she is the only thing holding Anon back from being a villain
  2066. >Despite seeing all of Anon's life, Pone-waifu refuses to see cultural differences in a different light; knows that humans wear clothes for warmth, but can't help but think Anon is trying to seduce her when he walks around wearing thick wool socks
  2067. >Most likely dismisses cultural differences as "coltish whimsy"
  2072. >Soulmate-mare is amazed at how filthy Anon is compared to the average stallion... or how SHE thinks the average stallion is
  2073. >Anon's soulmate just happens to be a bit of an inexperienced shut-in who is more than happy to tempt Anon with her candyvag in order to distract him from his "evilness"
  2075. >You are Hot Pocket, and you had no idea that colts could be so l-lewd.
  2076. >Anon - your new soulmate - has spent so many hours of his life just... just PLEASURING HIMSELF to dirty moving pictures!
  2077. >You mean, you knew that colts touched themselves, but you thought that they had to be in the mood or something.
  2078. >Like, you always pictured them lying on their beds, lights dim and scented candles filling the room with a gentle haze...
  2079. >Eyes closed and gasping as he explores himself; so innocent, and yet so naughty
  2080. >It always seemed like something more pure than the average mare's desperate jill-off session, where she just stares at a blurry photo of some stallion's sheath and rubs herself.
  2081. >Celestia's Sun, you can still see Anon's face in your head
  2082. >That special face he makes when he cums
  2083. >And soon he'll make that face special, just for you.
  2084. >A dirty grin stretches your face as you wriggle your bottoms around, appreciating the slight jiggle it's got.
  2085. >That's right; colts all the time be talkin' about how you've got the tightest cunt in the land.
  2086. >You'll ruin him for other mares... not that he'll be with any mares other than you, but it's the thought that counts.
  2087. >Your smile falters slightly; it's hardly fair to brag if he's your soulmate and he'll love you forever and he'll never EVER have sex with another m-mare...
  2088. >...s-stupid pegasi, making it rain on your face...
  2094. >Before Twilight ever set hoof in Ponyville the two of them used to drink in private every few months.
  2095. >It was a one on one thing Celestia did for her top students.
  2096. >To see if they were doing well, how their studies were going, and if they were making any friends.
  2097. >Plus it was a good excuse to unwind and get drunk.
  2098. >Poor awkward, nerdy, and virginal Twilight had to hear a bunch of unfiltered drunken lectures about stallions.
  2099. >It was one of the few moments that she realized her teacher was well over a thousand years old.
  2100. >All those recounted experiences that went into way too much detail.
  2101. >The incredibly sexist things she casually told her.
  2102. >And a surprising dose of cynicism when dealing with the fairer sex. 
  2103. >It went on for well over an hour
  2109. >Rainbow is self confident in her body and herself
  2110. >She should be though since she's considered one of the most eligible bachelorettes in Equestria
  2111. >However she's only ever been asked out by stallions then went from there
  2112. >She never thought she'd have to ask one out
  2113. >When she did with Anonshe had no idea how to flirt AT ALL
  2114. >Celestia'sspaghetti.parchment
  2115. >The best she can do is think up the corny pick up lines stallion's used on her in the pat
  2116. >Anon just laughs them off as one of Rainbow's jokes or pranks
  2117. >Rainbow's face when she thinks Anon thinks she's ugly
  2121. >Go to fancy restaurant with birb waifu
  2122. >"May i take your coat sir"
  2123. "No thanks, we're good."
  2124. >Get some odd looks from the other patrons as you sit down with your thick coat.
  2125. >Order some plain breadsticks and a glass of water along with two wines to go with your haysteaks, yours in particually being "Very well done."
  2126. >Surreptiously slip damp pieces of bread inside your jacket the whole evening.
  2127. >After you've finished your meal the waiter returns with the bill and two lollipops.
  2128. >"Compliments of the staff, your foals are very well behaved."
  2129. >Two pairs of eyes blink owlishly from the snug confines of your jacket before babbling happily at the treats.
  2130. >Returning home with your family you put the children to bed before finally taking off the jacket, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body.
  2131. >You'd be grossed out by this if it didnt make the jacket more comforting to your foals and you didnt get to be your waifu's personal salt lick every night
  2138. >The Summer Sun Celebration was actually kind of a big deal for her.
  2139. >It celebrated what she did best while gracing Equestria with the longest of her beautiful days. 
  2140. >It was one of the most hectic, stressful, and yet gratifying experiences no matter how old she got.
  2141. >So for the princess to put aside this precious time of the year for you and forgoing all the crowds, travel, and speeches for once meant a lot.
  2142. >Celestia tried to make it this casual thing but she planned the shit out of this "little" date that was supposedly on short notice.
  2143. >She even planned and ensured that hundreds of gawking ponies wouldn't be following you two all day like they would if this date actually were spontaneous.
  2144. >After all, these festivities represented her. 
  2145. >If something went wrong, it would look bad, and then she'd look bad.
  2146. >Maybe she should just relax and improvise more, some part of her proposed. No need to adhere to her plans so strictly.
  2147. >And the rest of her demanded that part to be silent.
  2148. >Because what kind of stallion fantasizes about an actual low-key, low-budget date from their princess charming?
  2156. >After the first Anon brawl put several of them in the hospital, it was decided that something had to be done.
  2157. >They installed a squared circle in the middle of town
  2158. >They dropped unruly feuding anons in it, told them some rules, and threw in a (usually) impartial referee.
  2159. >Usually just two at a time, but occasionally, you have tag team matches
  2160. >All the way up to a Royal Rumble
  2162. >A literal Royal Rumble, with a Princess as the Prize
  2163. >This Summer Sun Celebration, witness the ultimate struggle, at Waifumania!
  2164. >For our main event, see the hordes of Sunfags duke it out for the affections of Princess Celestia!
  2170. >Anon is just some guy who got summoned by some two-bit mages
  2171. >They were expecting the ender of worlds in bipedal form, but they got Anon instead because they're shit-tier horse-wizards
  2172. >Celestia and Luna crack down on them just as the summoning ritual is complete, and Anon is left standing there in a housecoat and underwear, holding a bowl of cereal and wondering where his kitchen went
  2173. >Celestia and Luna take him into custody but generally treat him like any other stallion
  2174. >They know that the ritual was probably bullshit, but Anon DID still appear when the "summon something to fuck a bunch of shit up" ritual was undertaken
  2182. >Petting/wing-massage; Anon knows ponies like touching more than humans, and so he tries touching ponies. Anon has no frame of reference for what is friend-touching and what is "I want to make with the coitus"-touching in Equestria, and he makes some mistakes
  2183. >Chin-scratching; grooming behaviour is even stronger in ponies than it is in humans, and by grooming a mare friend, Anon is saying "The trust and affection I have for you is on par with (or greater than) the trust and affection I have for my blood-related family"
  2184. >Gift-buying; Anon buys a small, inexpensive present for his mare friend while he's out shopping; something on sale that he grabs on impulse and thinks his friend will like. To ponies, gift-exchange is very significant and acts as a big red flag that the gifter likes the giftee
  2192. >Get stuck in RGREqG
  2193. >Fuck.
  2194. >No hooves
  2195. >Still end up with a Canterlot High gf. Stick to one because polygamy with ponies is weird but they're aliens so it's understandable. Polygamy with girls is just a little too strange.
  2196. >She wants to bang in the backseat of your car, play vidya, and snuggle away her attention starvation.
  2197. >Then she starts saving for a ring at her mom's (or maybe one or more of her multiple step mom's urging) once how low maintenance and agreeable you are sinks in.
  2198. >This is okay, you decide
  2203. >RGREqG gives leniency to girls who snag older guys.
  2204. >A girl has gotta grab what she can, after all.
  2205. >Your 16-17ish waifu is both the shit and the greatest source of envy at school for nabbing you, a monogamous guy in his 20s with a car, job, and lack of fuss when it comes to sex.
  2206. >To a RGREqG girl, that's like winning the lotto twice in a row after being struck by lightning three times and walking away unhurt. 
  2207. >The sheer smug your gf generates causes bunched panties for miles around.
  2210. >Everyone looks
  2211. >Everyone always looks
  2212. >At the girl who walks with with a smile and a limp.
  2213. >At the girl who has the smell of dick on her breath.
  2214. >At the girl who filled out early thanks to the hormone boost from being railed on request.
  2215. >At the girl who gets to avoid the bus, because her boy FIXED A CAR and GIFTED it to her.
  2216. >And when they look at that shit-eating grin...
  2217. >Tits status = Not calm
  2224. >Crystal Empire resurfaces from the space-time void.
  2225. >Anon arrives at the same moment, as a meteor of trans-dimensional fire.
  2226. >Sombra looks up in surprise as a naked Anon crashes into him, screaming "SHIIIIIIIIT!" at the top of his lungs.
  2227. >Sombra is Acme'd to death.
  2228. >Crystal Ponies find him, declares him their saviour, and crown him King.
  2229. >The fact he doesn't want any of this spur them on even more as he is deemed humble and "worthy".
  2230. >The Heart activates and is filled with happiness and patriotism ("Murica, fuck yeah!").
  2231. >Cadence and Shining arrive to find everything up and running again, with the Heart being powered up.
  2232. >And themselves at spear-point.
  2233. >Awkwardness ensues as they realise that the Empire's ponies are RRGRE.
  2234. >Bafflement as they realise this new King is rapidly instituting reforms to make the Empire a powerhouse.
  2235. >"Uh, honey?"
  2236. >Cadence looked at her husband from the sea of new, crystalline skeletons of future skyscrapers and newly-paved pathways.
  2237. >"Hm?"
  2238. >"What do we do now?"
  2239. >Cadence hummed and turned to him with a big grin stretched across her face. "I have absolutely no idea, dear. Exciting, isn't it?"
  2243. "So, these yaks are douches but party animals?"
  2244. >Crystal Empire mistakens his confusion for a command.
  2245. >Invades and annexes Yakistan within 24 hours.
  2246. >Surprisingly enough, the Yaks were pretty cool with it, and not a drop of blood was spilled.
  2247. >Yak and Crystal Pony parties spread across the expanded Empire.
  2248. >Anon's troubles double as he's crowned Emperor of the combined Empire.
  2249. >The Crystal Ponies' industriousness expands into Yakistan, modernising it.
  2252. Celestia wakes up from her nap to find the political landscape brutally murdered.
  2254. Equestria suddenly has a very large and powerful neighbour to the north.
  2256. Has no idea of the personality of this "Unseen Emperor".
  2258. Meanwhile, Anon is out of his depth
  2261. >Anon is curious about what's even further north.
  2262. >Has to be a northpole of some sort right?
  2263. >Scouts are sent out with Yakistan fur coats and supplies against the cold.
  2264. >They come back bringing with them literal Wendigo spirits that had slept for millienia
  2265. >Anon gives them a high five and points them to the mountains if they want it since they like the cold all the time.
  2266. >Queen Windy Skies fearsome leader of the Wendigo spirits. . .is actually kind of touched that a mortal was willing to provide land for them to live on.
  2267. >Most other mortals flee from them or burned their essence with flames and magic.
  2268. >Celestia's face when the Unseen Emperor now has powerful ice spirits under his command
  2271. >ice spirits like to hang around the wild parties they throw to take in the powerful ambient emotions
  2272. >in return they keep all the booze cold for everyone
  2276. >The changeling queen surrenders immediately.
  2277. >A king willing to sacrifice his weakest citizens for a possible advantage is a leader she doesnt want to fuck with.
  2278. >Agree's to diplomacy, offering herself as a concubine in hopes of her hive surviving, 
  2279. >Although tempted by bugpuss, Anon asks why dont they just feed off the ambient love the crystal heart gives out instead of stealing it from a few ponies at time
  2280. >A brief moment of silence occurs before a small thunderclap echos across the tundra, answering the age old question of "What is the sound of one thousand facehooves."
  2281. >Snowling alliance acquired
  2290. >Anon has been serving as Celestia's personal shadow for years.
  2291. >Fucking good at his job.
  2292. >However, the plot's focus is not on Anon's "troubleshooter" career.
  2293. >One day, Celly, who has grown very fond of him over the years, asks him his plans for the future.
  2294. >He bluntly says he'll either die on the job one day, as age catches up to him, or he'll just retreat somewhere after he retires, like the Everfree, alone.
  2295. >Celestia is disheartened.
  2296. >Quietly schemes to either set him up with a trusted pony (such as her sister, niece, or Twi) or herself, if her fondness is something "more".
  2297. >Anon has no idea why odd situations keep happening to him, but he suspects his employer has something to do with it.
  2306. >RGREgG Rainbow gets dicked almost on command now that you're with her and it makes her hormones go crazy.
  2307. >She's already had to replace all her skirts and pants because her now wide hips just would not fit in the old ones.
  2308. >And now she has to wear an extra tight sports bra when playing soccer or running track so her handful sized tits don't bounce everywhere.
  2309. >It's a small price to pay though, she thinks.
  2310. >Because nothing, not even the following sex, feels better than watching your eyes light up when she strips
  2314. [EQG Chrysalis is 25yo, drives a van with "free candy" written on the side]
  2316. >Creepy Chrysalis gets off to flashing dudes in public and getting a reaction out of them
  2317. >Anon still hasn't gotten over the novelty of being in a world of reversed gender roles (in fact, he just got to enjoy being molested on a subway a few hours ago) and reacts positively
  2318. >Chrysalis is confused, yet intrigued
  2319. >Finds out who he is and tries to try more outrageous things
  2320. >Sitcom shenanigans occur and they end up becoming a couple
  2325. >RGREqG
  2326. >Women are even thirstier in high school than they are in Equestria because of teenage hormones
  2327. >Anon cannot catch a moment's rest
  2328. >One minute it's a quick anonymous groping in a busy hallway, where some chick grabs his ass and runs away
  2329. >The next minute it's some girl knocking the books out of his arms so that he either has to bend over and pick them up (earning him a spank) or she has to pick them up FOR him, leading into the most painfully desperate/cringy "please love me I'm so lonely" conversation that does not go away until the two of them reach whatever class Anon is going to
  2330. >I'm looking at you, Lyra.
  2331. >More than once, a particularly daring girl (Gil-something) walked up behind Anon, straight up took her tits out, and then rested them on his shoulders/head
  2332. >The girls aren't very gentle either, and Anon worries for the health of his poor aching penis
  2333. >It's too much of a good thing and Anon just wants one day where his ass doesn't bruise from the pinches and his clothes don't smell like unwashed teenage girl
  2334. >Anon is friends with the humane 6 and they stare at him incomprehensibly when he complains about it
  2335. >Rarity says she'd kill to be in Anon's position (and Rainbow Dash teases Rarity until she finally clarifies that she meant being on the receiving end of male attention; not FEmale attention like Anon is)
  2336. >Anon tries to use the concept of eating nothing but cake and ice cream and getting so sick of it that you'd do anything for a bologna sandwich; nobody really gets it except for Pinkie, who gasps and looks at Anon with horror
  2337. >She rushes around to give Anon a surprisingly platonic hug
  2338. >Of COURSE party-pony would only understand things translated into party-food terms
  2339. >Pinkie and her friends decide to help Anon and form a sort of protective group (codename: whiteknight) to make sure he gets between classes unmolested
  2340. >Each of them secretly hopes/expects Anon to give them a bit of loving for helping a nice young man like him out
  2347. >You are the boyfriend, emotional anchor, and most trusted adult in the unfair and uncertain life of a budding teen RGR girl. 
  2348. >Once the initial thrill of free sex whenever wears off, you find yourself cuddling her and talking as much if not more than you are banging her. 
  2349. >As time goes on, you slowly heal the damage to her that keeps revealing itself to you.
  2350. >All the attention starvation bred from such a romantically competitive life is enough to really fuck up a normal RGR woman, let alone a confused and hormone charged teen. 
  2351. >The more you learn, the more the dark and seldom addressed underbelly of a gender skewed world reveals itself to you.
  2353. >Your gf calls you in the middle of the night.
  2354. >Your annoyance vanishes when you hear her cracking and watery voice. She asks you to come over. 
  2355. >After speeding to her house, you let yourself in and rush to her, fearing the worst. 
  2356. >She practically tackles you while almost in tears. She says she's sorry for calling and breaking down like a little boy, but she just had to know.
  2357. >She had to know that you weren't a cruel dream. 
  2358. >That night, you and her shared a bed in a tight embrace, both wearing a loving smile
  2365. >Emo-pone's friends don't believe her.
  2366. >They go over to her house one day to hang out.
  2367. >No answer when they knock.
  2368. >The door is unlocked and they're close enough friends, so they just walk in.
  2369. >They're fucking right in plain view
  2371. >Teen-mare finds that she doesn't like her punk and scremo CDs now because she can't relate to depressing songs anymore
  2373. >Emo-pone's parents find out about you and her
  2374. >You're sweating bullets because she's 16 and your twenty-something, and in the back of your head you're wondering what it'll be like to be shanked by someone who doesn't have hands in horse-prison
  2375. >Mom-pone looks impressed and claps Emo-pone on the back, much to dad-pone's displeasure
  2376. >Dad-pone doesn't have a problem per se with you being older than his daughter, only that you'll be a bad influence on her; thinks you're some kind of "stallion of the night" and very passive-aggressively shows how much he doesn't like you
  2380. >girlfriend is so worried you're not real
  2381. >ends up moving in with you so she can be as close to you as possible as often as possible
  2382. >RGRE dictates that guys don't like a clingy girl
  2383. >scared that you'll leave her if she keeps going but she feels like she'll have a mental and emotional break if she stops
  2384. >surprise her by only becoming more affectionate with her
  2385. >this makes her even more clingy almost never leaving your side
  2386. >you decide to fuck a baby into her
  2387. >this calms her down in one way but ramps up her emotions in another
  2388. >becomes less clingy towards you slightly but becomes more defensive around others because she's pregnant
  2394. >Moondancer had already resigned herself to a life alone knowing her romantic prospects were grim at best. 
  2395. >One day, you happen by and jump her junky car when it won't start. 
  2396. >Her flustered thanks is so adorable that you give her your number if she ever wants to hang out.
  2397. >One thing lead to another...
  2398. >Now you're both lying naked in her room, furiously button mashing in a close game of Smash Sisters. Loser has to be bottom. 
  2399. >Everyone who ever made a permavirgin joke about Moondancer has to eat their words and then some
  2405. >Awkward girlfriend Moondancer is new to the whole "talking to boys" thing and is testing the waters of what to do with a boyfriend
  2406. >It's mostly throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks
  2407. >One time she took off her sweater and put it over a puddle for you to walk over... forgetting in her "oh shit I have to do a girlfriend-thing now" panic that she was nude underneath, save for a pair of panties
  2408. >Another time (after the previous attempt, whereupon she learned to start wearing a jacket over her sweater once it started to get colder outside) she took off her jacket and slipped it over your shoulders, which was fucking adorable
  2409. >Your relationship with her has its up and down; from that time you BOTH went out of your way to buy gifts for each other on horse-Valentine's day (and ended up cuddling on the couch under a blanket), or that one time she tried to deepthroat you and threw up all over your crotch
  2410. >The pros far outweigh the cons, and you enjoy watching her show you off to her friends almost as much as she does
  2411. >Also, the noises she makes when you go down on her do wonders for your self-esteem.
  2418. >Anon and Waifu are planning their wedding.
  2419. >Celestia shows up and cites an old law giving her the right to sleep with the groom the night before his wedding.
  2421. Plot twist: no sex just cuddling as a way to bless the union
  2424. >she does this for all her male guards and friends when they're getting married
  2425. >tells them if their wives make them cry they'll have to answer to her
  2432. >"Hey Anon! I perfected a new spell! Wanna see it?"
  2433. >Turning around you find Twilight smiling up at you
  2434. "Sure Purplesmart. Whats it do?"
  2435. >She gets a devilish grin on her face
  2437. >She shouts to the mares around you
  2438. >A sudden feeling of dread fills you as her horn lights up and the spell washes over you
  2439. >In a panic you grab her by her front legs and bring her up to your face
  2441. >"Nothing harmful Anon. I just used a spell on you that should make you express your inner feelings through the magic of song."
  2442. >The fear pulls back as you realize she wasnt turning you into a pony or something even worse
  2443. >Fucking TF fags
  2444. >The wave of relief pulls back as you hear the very familiar wailing of a guitar
  2445. >You dont even have time to curse before your mouth opens as the song pours from it against your will
  2446. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWgltXN_S-4[Open]
  2447. >Every mare within earshot is watching you intently
  2448. >As you spill your proverbial guts about your hidden perversion
  2449. >Wings and tails raise to the sky as you belt out your desire to fuck
  2450. >Finally the song as over and you stand there panting
  2451. >The silence filling the town was broken by Rainbow Dash
  2452. >"I told you that your spell didnt work. He just same the same song you did when you cast it on yourself Twi."
  2453. >You meet eyes with the Purple Princess and you would swear that her pupils were shaped like hearts at that very moment
  2459. >Anon gets killed on Earth. 
  2460. >In a stroke of extreme luck(?) he gets reincarnated in RGREquestria, but his memory and human soul are intact. 
  2461. >Maybe born to somepony important, like a Princess or an Element. Maybe just to common ponies. 
  2462. >But one thing is certain.
  2463. >Even if he looks like everyone else, he's still a stranger in a strange land
  2467. >Born as a unicorn colt to a small but loving herd in Ponyville.
  2468. >Quickly find yourself loving your new family, who loves you back even with your percular behavior. It doesn't totally take away the pain of your own death and losing earth, but they're call you have. 
  2469. >Crisis strikes as it usually does in the small town. This time, the heros are running late to stop the monsters.
  2470. >When you find yourself and your terrified family cornered, you learn something new about yourself.
  2471. >Pure protective fury, potent mana made by a human soul, and a lifetime of fictional spells to draw upon makes for some gruesome and bloody results. 
  2472. >If you didn't have attention on you before, you do now.
  2476. >Twilight and Co skid to a stop in front of the deadend alleyway where they heard screaming. 
  2477. >There, they find the last four unaccounted for diamond dog raiders.
  2478. >...Who are now stains on the ground.
  2479. >Numbly, they look further into the alley.
  2480. >Huddled into the corner, looking both releaved and like they had seen Tirek is the last few missing ponies.
  2481. >In front of them, a stone-faced colt, no older than ten. His horn is still lit with crackling magic. 
  2482. >It's Anonymous, the odd foal of one of Ponyville's small herds.
  2483. >The six mares all flinch when the cold, remorseless eyes of the little colt pin them in place. 
  2484. >"A-anonymous? Did you do this?" Twilight hesitantly asks, taking in the carnage with a rebeling stomach.
  2485. >If it was possible, the colt's eyes harden further. "No one threatens to hurt my family and gets away with it. No one."
  2486. >A shiver runs down the spines of the six mares.
  2487. >The childish voice only makes the grim promise that much more chilling.
  2495. >In his previous life Anon was that one guy in your DnD group.
  2496. >That one fucker GM's always hated because of the amount of bullshit he pulled without technically breaking the rules.
  2497. >Bullshit like using prestigigation to 'soil' someones eyeballs.
  2498. >Or using that same spell to make a dragon think it's tongue tastes delicious, causing it to eventually bleed to death after it bites through said organ.
  2499. >Or managing to sacrifice his entire party to become a lich, re-animate them using his new powers, kill his evil 'mentor' and take his place as ruler of the kingdom all while remaining a lawful good paladin.
  2500. >Or using necromancy on a different character to create helicopter skeletons, as they are able to move via magic they have no physical limit to how fast their arms can move, bar friction itself breaking them, and there's no reason said arms cant be sharpened into blades.
  2501. >Or making yet another character a literal bear with maximum bluff and charisma, sucessfully fooling almost everyone into thinking said bear is a regular human with speech issues. The few people that pass the bluff check outed as crazy for insulting Sir Bearington.
  2509. >Anon is very different from the average stallion
  2510. >He's not afraid to get his hands dirty
  2511. >He's ready to lend his time to help others and always seems to have some advice to give whenever it's needed
  2512. >Little faux-pas and slip-ups that would insult a stallion just roll off of Anon's back like water on a duck
  2513. >He's one of the mares, and sometimes his friends forget he's a male (usually remembering immediately after saying something particularly off-color or offensive/sexist, but Anon laughs it off)
  2514. >If you (the reader) were to picture the idea big brother/dad, you would get Anon.
  2515. >When Anon came into Equestria, whatever magics that snatched him up from his home brought his dog with him
  2516. >Years passed and the dog never left his side
  2517. >Unfortunately, dogs don't last quite as long as humans
  2518. >The very first time that the ponies of Ponyville saw Anon cry - not just cry; weep - was when Anon discovered that his companion died of old age in his sleep
  2524. >reborn in ponyville
  2525. >remember your old life
  2526. >surrounded by butch mares that want to protect you
  2527. >only actual girly filly is surrounded by others trying to make her into another dyke-tier mare
  2528. >constantly compliment her on feminine shit she does
  2529. >tell her she looks beautiful in her dresses
  2530. >tell her that they eye shadow really brings out her eyes
  2531. >pamper her and give her massages whenever her friends give her too much shit
  2532. >make her into a romance loving woman who wants nothing more than to be swept off her hooves by a stallion who loves her
  2533. >career path draws more "coltish" mares into your fold and eventually herd
  2539. Celestia's biggest turn on is when you slowly strip off all your clothes for your princess on the balcony before mounting and riding her into the evening sky. She loves how natural it feels, how you bask in her warmth and lean in to keep away the chilly air on your bare skin, and how you can feel the power of her body that could carry you for as long as you desire. You ride her like this until she can't take it anymore and has her way with you on a fluffy cloud, safe from prying eyes.
  2541. She gets a thrill from seeing an uptight colt leave behind those clothes he's so fussy about, and allowing her to take him out into the open. Only for her
  2547. >Apart from the hug she got from her sister, Anon is the first other living creature to touch Luna after she gets back from the moon
  2548. >Anon goes to pull his hand away, but stops
  2549. >Luna has latched onto his arm and is looking at him like a monkey raised in captivity looks at the jungle for the first time
  2550. >It's decided that Anon lives in the castle now
  2554. > Twilight happily takes down readings as you levitate an apple
  2555. > "So, is there a magic using race of humans, or is it common to the whole populace?"
  2556. > You stare at the apple, still not used to the fact that you can do magic
  2557. "I am not entirely sure. There was some folklore that one can only become a wizard by retaining your virginity by the time you turn thirty years old. Honestly, I thought it was a joke until I came here."
  2558. > Twilight's ears flick, and she suddenly finds her parchment even more interesting
  2559. > "...so, do you lose your powers if you have sex?"
  2560. > You shrug
  2561. "Maybe. Like I said, this is the first time I know of a modern human developing magical powers."
  2562. > She glances at you, and you see her eyes dip towards your crotch
  2563. > "Want to experiment on that?"
  2568. >Some ponies like Fluttershy are all for having babies. Lots of them, and soon please.
  2570. >Others are all for having them, but maybe later, they aren't ready yet.
  2572. >Bookhorse sees it as a giant unending test that she hasn't properly studied for.
  2573. >She wants to read every parenthood book she can find before she has a baby.
  2575. >The more reluctant ones are also thinking of the relationship angle though.
  2576. >Having a baby makes her stud very likely to stick around.
  2577. >If they are insecure, they might want a baby even if they don't feel ready, because they want to make sure he stays.
  2578. >Maybe it reassures her when she finds out anon harbors similar fears and thinks a baby will make sure *she* stays with him
  2583. "Anon, why are you stitching those wires into the spine of my journal?"
  2584. >"Testing something."
  2585. "Testing what, exactly?"
  2586. >"This book is able instantly translate written words to it's equestrian counterpart across dimensions, there's zero time lag."
  2587. "Okay, now what does that have to do with this computer?"
  2588. >"Simply put i'm going to flood the journals connection with as much data as possible to see how much it can handle."
  2589. "Whats the point of that?"
  2590. >"If a single book connection can handle even a few megabytes, imagine what ten interlinked could do, or a hundred!"
  2591. >"If this works i could re-create our former home."
  2592. >"It may not have been the nicest of places, hell it was probably one of the worst, but it was ours damn it, and i know more than a few of the guys on both sides of the portal miss it too."
  2593. "Feeling a bit homesick, huh? I understand."
  2594. >Grabbing her little Anon in a hug from behind, she rests her chin on the top of his head and hums contentedly.
  2595. >"O-okay, connections all set up, time to start the test."
  2596. >Grabbing a pen, he writes on the journal.
  2597. >'You ready for this faggot?'
  2598. >A moment passes before a reply is sent.
  2599. >'Suck my dick OP.'
  2600. >Chuckling, he leans over to the computer and types a few commands, laughing to himself as he starts the transfer.
  2601. >"The fact this video exists here is proof that god has a weird sense of humor."
  2602. >Peering over his shoulder, sunset looks at what Anon sent to his equestrian counterpart.
  2603. https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ [Open]
  2609. >Most batpones partake of fruit over blood. 
  2610. >That being said, each batpony has a fruit tree either they or their family has grown. 
  2611. >A mare will present a stallion with the best fruit that her tree produces in hopes of impressing him. The fruit is proof that she's responsible and resourceful. 
  2612. >If he likes it, he'll try dating her. If all goes well and the mare is accepted into his herd, she'll bring a branch of her tree to be grafted to his.
  2613. >A varied herd tree with no branches torn off is a sign of a large and successful family
  2619. >You will never go out to grab the morning paper wearing nothing but a housecoat and your underwear
  2620. >You will never immediately be swarmed by visiting griffons who have deemed you worthy of being a mate
  2621. >You will never spend the next week waiting to be rescued by ponies, all while fighting off griffons with your fists
  2622. >This violence will never make you even more attractive in their eyes
  2629. >Griffons and minotaurs have centuries of bad blood.
  2630. >You keep getting hit on by griffons with raceplay fetishes because you kind of look like a minotaur.
  2631. >We takin' yo bulls, heifers
  2636. You know...RGRE Celestia with Anon would kind of look like a Hugh Hefner or other rich guy type who marries a gold digger half his age. Double points for being a foreign alien for that mail order bride vibe
  2638. >In reality, Anon and Celestia are the most sickeningly-sweet couple you've ever seen
  2639. >Pet names, cuddle-fests, that one time Celestia tried to wear clothes like Anon just so that they could have matching outfits
  2640. >The sort of relationship that reminds you that you'll never make her smile
  2646. >Luna gives you a delicious little block of cheese
  2647. >She's all excited when you tell her how great it tastes.
  2648. >Then she starts rambling about consuming her essence and planning the wedding.
  2649. >Turns out you just ate Luna cheese.
  2650. >And that's like accepting a marriage proposal or something.
  2651. >Man, ponies had some weird courtship rituals back then.
  2652. >Plot twist: Through Celestia you learn, no they didn't. This was outdated before even they were born and Luna is just a weirdo
  2657. >Horse-Paparazzi sneaks around the castle, looking for the Princess and her new golddigger
  2658. >Hears suspiciously princess-like giggling coming from behind a door
  2659. >To her delight, it's unlocked
  2660. >Opens it and pokes her head in
  2661. >Anon is holding Celestia in his arms and planting rapid-fire kisses on her head
  2666. >Be Vera the Minotaur
  2667. >You are visiting Canterlot thanks to a vacation perk that your work offered.
  2668. >Just for fun, you decided to check out it's red light district for some eyecandy.
  2669. >You pass by a place called "The Wet Horn" and take a glance inside one of the viewing windows that they had to show some of the "amusements" it had to offer.
  2670. >Not bad, you think, but you were looking for something a bit more... exotic.
  2671. >"Hey honey, you looking for a good time?"
  2672. >You start a bit and turn towards where the honey sounding voice came from.
  2673. >Right in front of you was a strange biped that was a bit taller than you.
  2674. >The strange being grins.
  2675. >"I can be your good time, hon."
  2676. >You bite your lip, despite the immense temptation, you weren't sure if he was a legal prostitute.
  2677. >"Lickey, lickey, 5 bits honey!"
  2678. >You swear your nose is bleeding now as you take in his lithe form.
  2679. >"A sneaky rub? I can do that too, hon."
  2680. >That's it...
  2681. "H-how much for a..." you start.
  2682. >The biped's grin widens.
  2683. >"You want a pokey? 10 bits."
  2684. >Your hand immediately goes for your coinbag for the appropriate amount of bits, it's been many months since you last got laid.
  2685. >He grabs your wrist and pulls you down the street.
  2686. >"No, lets head to the hotel, then you can pay there."
  2687. "O-okay."
  2688. >You can't believe you're doing this.
  2689. >He looks back to you.
  2690. >"I'll treat you good, cowgirl, I'll love you long time!"
  2691. >Oh gods, the girls back home will never believe this.
  2697. > Cows are sapient
  2698. > Happy cows make the best milk
  2700. > Be Anon, professional milk manwhore
  2701. > There's a field full of cows to make erotic noises at you while you milk them
  2702. > And you get a bonus in your paycheck for each cow you creampie
  2703. > It's not the most glamorous job, but the girls are sweet, and sex is sex
  2704. > When you do the morning deliveries, the ponies tend to avert their eyes
  2705. > You hear them whisper about your unfortunate circumstances, but others say you reek of cow milk
  2706. > ...
  2707. > They aren't totally wrong, but it's rude to exaggerate it that much
  2708. > Some of the more softhearted ponies give you generous tips, saying that they hope you find a better job
  2709. > You would have thought Applejack would be the most disapproving, but she's actually ended up as a pretty good friend
  2710. > She's worked with cows before, and says some of the best stallions she knows have been milkwhores
  2711. > Always offers you a discount, and saves a small keg of cider especially for you
  2718. She looks like Anon is threatening her with a spray bottle.
  2720. >"Honey... Anon, don't you dare!"
  2721. "I dunno, Celestia, I heard you talking to Luna about last night."
  2722. >"A-Aren't I allowed to brag about my amazing stallion?"
  2723. "Nice try. You know how Luna gets with jealousy."
  2724. >"Wait, Anonymous! I-I-I was doing this for you! I-I was thinking about including Luna in our heOHNO IT'S SO COLD!"
  2726. >Be Twilight.
  2727. >A guard is showing you some new areas added to the castle since you left.
  2728. >Normally there is a certain pony to do this but it's easier to just have a guard do it.
  2729. >"-and this hallway has gifts from the griffons given to Celestia-"
  2730. >"AAAAAH! Stop! Atleast warm the water up a bit!" Celestia yells galloping down the hall.
  2731. >"Stop running and take your sprays like a mare!" Anon yells back hot on her trail.
  2732. >...
  2733. >"-over the years. They are all claw crafted vases made by each of the queens of griffons." She says continuing.
  2734. >You give her a unamused look.
  2735. "Just going to completely ignore that, huh?"
  2736. >"Yes, now if you follow me you'll see-"
  2737. >It was this day you learned the guards stopped caring
  2742. >Anon waifus an hoers.
  2743. >Goes to visit her family.
  2744. >Her mother begins with a very vigorous hoofshake and gettng a feel of his butt
  2745. >Quickly devolves into complimenting her daughter on bagging "such a stud", promptly met with equally crude and sincere remarks from Anon.
  2746. >When they're done complementing each others butts, her father drags him to the side with a weird looking book and a very genuine smile.
  2747. >It's family album, with waifu's foal photos.
  2748. >A whole array of the typical embarrasing stuff, from baby bath to deepthroating a door knob at the age of 4
  2749. >Anon loves it.
  2750. >Waifu regrets everything she ever did
  2757. >But surely every mare desires her own foals to continue the family line.
  2759. This is actually an interesting thing to think about in RGRE. Not even counting the 'disappointed dad' trope (or mom, in this case) - mares, being the babby incubators as well as the breadwinners, would probably feel an immense societal pressure or responsibility to continue their family line. All of that could be magnified if the story takes place in a more rural/conservative area or just earlier in time. 
  2761. In short, >yfw your waifu will never propose to you and, when you accept, start introducing you to her friends and family members as 'Anonymous Sparkle' or 'Mr. Pie'. Pic very related
  2767. >Dash is loud and crude about her relationship with you in public. Sort of like a Chad who knows he's hooked a keeper and wants to look cool and spread jealousy.
  2768. >Behind closed doors, shes tripping over herself to apologise for acting like that earlier while at the same time trying to worm into your arms for a hug. 
  2769. >You just wave it off with a smile, understanding the how and why of what she does with a silent promise to keep playing along. 
  2770. >It's because of that Rainbow finds herself shopping for a proposal gift much earlier than she expected
  2774. >Since yours and Rainbow's relationship is so non-standard in RGRE, neither of you are really sure what to do when you knock-up Rainbow. 
  2775. >In some unusual foresight, Rainbow invites her parents over to get their input.
  2776. >After the initial joy of learning that they're going to be grandparents passes, Windy and Bow come up with a plan.
  2777. >They'll stay with you and Rainbow to coach you both through the pregnancy and into parenthood.
  2778. >It sounds like a great deal at first, but then the friction starts.
  2779. >You've never lived with normal ponies at any great length, and Rainbow largely conformed to match your expectations. 
  2780. >The odd rituals, mannerisms, and total disregard for privacy or personal space that the older pegasi have is disconcerting, but that's normal to ponies who live together.
  2781. >They're equally irked by how closed, aggressive, and strange you (and now Dash since she picked up on your habits so heavily) are, even if the sweet ponies try to hide it.
  2782. >More than once your mare's parents have walked in on you and Dash being intimate without realizing why there was a freakout over it.
  2783. >Sometimes they get touchy and then be vaguely offended when you or Dash reject the contact.
  2784. >Even more rarely, they'll get intimate themselves in the communal pegasus nest bed they insist on then be hurt when you and Rainbow leave for the guest room. 
  2785. >The weird cultural disconnect between you and them doesn't seem close fast enough, and everything they do is normal for ponies so it’s not just them. 
  2786. >And none of this stress is counting Rainbow's friends, the media circus over an Element/Wonderbolt's pregnancy from an alien, or the havoc a part-human foal is having on Rainbow's body and hormones
  2791. >a mare who can hardly provide for herself, due to her eyes
  2792. >seen as a complete outcast, since she would never be able to provide care and money for a stallion
  2793. >plus she is so disruptive, no sane colt would want to spend any amount of time with her to even begin the courting
  2794. >meanwhile Anon sees a perfectly fine mare with the mother of all breeding hips, and an innate shitposter nature she is a mailmare you know
  2795. >Derpy has long time ago told herself that she is fine being alone, and that she doesn't need the affection
  2796. >oh filly was she wrong
  2804. > Waifu mare is bi
  2805. > Before Anon, she was in lesbians with other mare
  2806. > Once waifu herds with Anon, other mare is also pulled into the herd
  2807. > Other mare isn't romantically interested in Anon, but it's glad he makes waifu happy
  2808. > Anon and lesbian mare are bros that double team waifu
  2811. >During a particularly nasty estrus, Bonbon gets curious enough about dick to try it.
  2812. >After that estrus, she's now bi rather than strictly homo. 
  2813. >After a bit more soul searching, she decides she's got room in her heart for another. 
  2814. >Lyra is overjoyed that everything is a proper 3 way relationship now
  2817. >still though, your friendship with newly acquired benefits with Bon is much different than that lovey-dovey thing you both have towards Lyra
  2818. >she is the pampered one in your house, even if she plays the tough marely mare with iron tuft and soft teats
  2819. >or something like that
  2820. >meanwhile, you keep throwing casual insults back and forth with Candyhoers, all in good spirit
  2822. "Wow, you sure do know how to suck a dick Bonnie. Have you been practising?"
  2823. >She empties her mouth from, well, you with a loud and extremely lewd pop, and licks her lips dry with a smirk.
  2824. >"Right, says a colt who is being mounted by a mare. Stop being such a faggot and suck that minty clit, or I'll think that we're not the only ones who swing both ways in this house."
  2825. >You wink at her and go back to working Lyra.
  2826. >Who was also very vividly winking as well, even though in different sense.
  2835. >Anon wants to learn baking from Pinkie Pie because, despite having lived alone for years back on Earth, he wants to expand on the list of foods that he can cook for himself
  2836. >Pinkie agrees to help him and tells him to visit the kitchen later that day at the SCC
  2837. >Mr Cake is thrilled to have Anon in his kitchen; believes that Anon is trying to get to a certain mare's heart via her stomach and cannot be convinced otherwise
  2838. >Mr Cake keeps sending knowing looks to Pinkie Pie
  2839. >Pinkie Pie becomes flustered and starts making mistakes in her lessons that all conveniently result in her forehooves and Anon's hands touching; eg reaching for the same thing at the same time, etc
  2845. >Applejack thinks Anon is a slut for wearing socks
  2846. >Doesn't let Anon on the farm after that time he took his boots off and Apple Bloom saw his socks
  2849. >Horse-Christmas approaches
  2850. >Apple Bloom escapes the watchful eye of her sister just long enough to give you a present
  2851. >Applejack calls her back and gives you the stinkeye as she walks past you
  2852. >You open the present on Horse-Christmas morning
  2853. >It's a yellow-and-red pair of socks
  2854. >You make sure to show your gratitude by finding Apple Bloom and lifting your cuff to show that you're wearing them
  2858. >The CMC tries to herd with Anon
  2859. >Their attempts at wooing him are based on incomplete and misunderstood/misheard advice given to them/said in their vicinity by their respective sisters
  2860. >Scootaloo tries to show off her wingspan to him, which he rewards with a wing-massage (unknowingly making Scootaloo crush harder on him)
  2861. >Sweetie Belle surprisingly does not try to cook for him; she dresses up in her sister's clothing as a way of saying "Look at me, colt. See how fancy I am? If I can afford all this, then you wouldn't have to work a day in your life." She predictably trips over the hem of her dress and loses her sunhat to a strong gust of wind. Anon has to comfort her with hugs.
  2862. >Apple Bloom straight up tries to tie him up with a lasso and try to drag him back to Sweet Apple Acres, but she's 1/4 his size and weights 40 lbs
  2863. >Anon thinks the entire affair is adorable
  2866. >After a big misunderstanding the CMC think Anon accepted their marriage proposal.
  2867. >Through adventurous childhood ingenuity, unobservant adults, and dumb luck they manage to set up a huge, expensive ceremony
  2869. >Anon arrives in a nice suit and with a tea pot
  2870. "...this isn't a tea party..."
  2877. >Twiggles is concerned
  2878. >At Anon's request, she learned from Celestia a way to conceal her true form, and become a regular pony (of any of the three tribes)
  2879. >He just wanted his adorable little pudgy unicorn back
  2880. >But Spergle is reading too much into it, and obsessing over what he must "really" be thinking
  2881. >For pony beauty standards, an Alicorn is 10/10
  2882. >She wasn't ugly before, but her dismal luck with stallions, combined with her now hitting the proverbial jackpot on looks, makes her think she was.
  2884. >It's takes time, and the intervention of one of her friends, or Celly, to make her understand what's going on.
  2885. >That human standards of beauty are not the same as a pony's, or that he's just sentimental about her old look.
  2886. >Can't be Anon, because she's convinced he has hidden meanings in what he's saying, because that's what colts do.
  2887. >And he's Anon, he has a bad habit of shitposting in real life, and exaggerating wildly about humans and Erf for giggles, so his credibility *may* have suffered a tiny bit.
  2888. >Anon can hear Apple Hoers of Honesty in the background saying "I told ya so, sugarcube."
  2889. >So somebody else has to be the one to convince her
  2895. >Anon lives in Canterlot.
  2896. >Serves as the defacto human ambassador.
  2897. >Not much to really do other that a bit of a conversation piece, but he gets to go to all these noble parties that he wants.
  2898. >Brings home a Saddle Arabian mare from an ambassadorial meeting.
  2899. >All the ponies in his herd freak the fuck out, but they're all way too maledommed to actually challenge him.
  2906. >  Anon is the Professor of Tromatikology at Celestia's school for gifted youngsters
  2907. > His students are generally intimidated by an omnivore wielding a severed unicorn horn, working dark magic
  2908. > That is part of why his course is required for prospective guards and agents of the crown
  2909. > Then there are the mares who are turned on by a powerful, sexy, possibly evil older stallion
  2910. > Those are immediately booted from any enforcement program they are in, as well as thaumaturgic research
  2918. >Anon is sick
  2919. >Fluttershy has been interested in him, but been too timid to make obvious moves
  2920. >This presents the perfect opportunity to get close to him
  2921. >She volunteers to take care of him
  2922. >But Anon is also a terrible patient
  2924. >It's more than just a simple cold, he needs actual rest and care if he wants to get better and not be a miserable wretch for the next week or more
  2925. >But he's stubborn, keeps wanting to get up and do things, like nothing is wrong.
  2926. >Flutters has been firm for his own good, one of the few reasons she can get over her shyness and show some backbone.
  2927. >He's going to rest and get better and that's exactly what she's going to make sure he does
  2933. >You end up sick.
  2934. >Despite her love and best efforts, your waifu just isn't that great of a caretaker.
  2935. >One of your stallion friends happens by and once he sees you're sick, he shoos your waifu away to take her place caring for you. 
  2936. >"Go do girl things, you silly mare," he says. "This is something that needs a stallion's touch."
  2937. >You and him have some weird, but sincere male bonding in an RGR sense
  2944. >Weeb-mare will never nervously try to get you interested in her animes
  2945. >She will never vibrate with excitement as she browses her collection of horse-DVDs
  2946. >You will never sit on her couch and try to ignore the cans of soda hastily tucked away mostly out of sight
  2952. Fluttershy has been reading many of Twilight's books on relationships and, with additional advice from family and friends, has come up with a plan to jumpstart your relationship. She's going to take you to see a scary movie in the hopes that you'll snuggle up for "protection". Not only that, but she hopes you'll see her as more a mare and less of a chicken
  2954. >Anon is a scaredy cat who doesn't like horror movies very much unless they are the cheesiest of the cheesy monster movies.
  2955. >We're talking rubber suit monsters man.
  2956. >Flutters takes him to an actually scare movie
  2957. >Plan works flawlessly
  2958. >If by flawlessly you mean Anon is subconsciously conflicted about whether he should be trying to protect her or getting her to protect him.
  2959. >Because on the one hand, she's a tiny timid pony
  2960. >But on the other, she has a reputation for staring down manticores, hydras and full grown dragons.
  2961. >But mission is accomplished, he's certainly nervously latching on to her
  2967. >Your and Starlight's daughter learns that Star blew you nearly every day while she was still breast feeding. 
  2968. >So at least a tiny amount of cum was used to make Starlight's milk. 
  2969. >You daughter gags
  2970. >Star tilts her head in confusion, and then puts her hindhoof in her mouth as she often does.
  2971. >"Why would that be gross, sweetie? You started life as a semen coated eggcell, remember that. I don't think more indirect help from your father would hurt you."
  2972. >Daughter is now rushing to the bathroom with a green face. 
  2973. >Your sides are in orbit and now need an alicorn to move them
  2977. > Be Dienw, son of the Lleuad, Lady of Moonlight
  2978. > Even after your mom jumped into the abyss, the age of dark has been becoming brighter and brighter
  2979. > Your crossdressing sister ran off to who knows where, probably with that insane furless crystal tiger lady
  2980. > Now all that's left in Annal Ronghol is you, the gold courtesans, the gnomish guard, Biugh the Midwife, and Sasha, one of Lleuad's ladies in waiting
  2981. > It leaves you with little to do, but recline upon your divan, waiting for the next petrified pilgrim
  2982. > One of the gnomes climbs up the cushions, discreetly whispering in your ear
  2983. > "Lord Dienw, the pilgrims have left, ah, certain carvings in the floor outside your door."
  2984. > You raise an eyebrow, spreading your legs slightly to get more comfortable
  2985. "And what do the stoneskin carvings say?"
  2986. > The gnome coughs
  2987. > "I'd rather not repeat the words, suffice it to say, it is somewhat vulgar."
  2988. > You grin, glad for this little diversion
  2989. "Guardsgnome, that does not suffice. Tell me, word for word, what they have carved."
  2990. > The poor gnome licks her lips
  2991. > "As you command, my prince."
  2992. > She swallows nervously
  2993. > "Magnificent purse ahead."
  2994. > Strange, you wonder what they mean by that
  2995. > "Beware of wondrous spear."
  2996. > Ah
  2997. > "Try give head."
  2998. > That would be nice
  2999. > "Accept seed."
  3001. > Be Luna, once more in your natural form due to the effects of a certain branch of petrified wood
  3002. > You have journeyed far to find a cure for your golemic affliction
  3003. > And now you kneel before a truly magnificent prince
  3004. > His power fills him to immensity, but what arrests your attention is...
  3005. > "...faithful pilgrim, I bequeath to you the Lady needle, to pierce..."
  3006. > You gaze up the skirts of his robes, at his titanic godhood
  3007. > Dear stars, you can't look away
  3008. > And how the crown jewels shift slightly as he breathes
  3009. > You sense something wrong
  3010. > Ah, he's stopped talking
  3011. > You blush, purposefully looking at his face rather than...
  3012. > He holds out an obsidian needle, which you accept with your magic and tuck into your saddlebags
  3013. > Dienw grins at your reddened cheeks
  3014. > "Methinks you would prefer to receive a different needle, pilgrim."
  3015. > You answer without thinking,
  3016. "Nay, Lord, I could not call such a thing a needle, despite its penetrative aspect."
  3017. > Then you realise what you said, and blush even more vibrantly
  3018. > Prince Dienw slides off his divan, towering over you even as he kneels
  3019. > "Rejoice, pilgrim. I have heard your prayers, and will grant you my blessing."
  3020. > His robes slowly fall to the floor
  3021. > "You may not be able to receive my fullness, but I assure you your cup shall overflow."
  3022. > Buck yes
  3028. >colt on colt action. you two might as well fulfill that fantasy.
  3030. >Have a harebrained idea.
  3031. >Make a """ColtxColt""" porno and sell for huge monies. 
  3032. >Have your mare wear a realistic strap-on with the same color as her coat and a mask to keep her ID a secret.
  3033. >Fuck her into a puddle on cam.
  3034. >Even with a budget of like 20 bits and what you think is an obviously fake dick on the """colt""", it sells like crazy to mares all over.
  3035. >You never tell your kids that their collage funds come from a fake gay porno you and your wife made
  3038. >Your daughter's friends tell her they found a copy of a legendary porn flick.
  3039. >It's hot Minotaur x stallion porn.
  3040. >Oh what
  3041. >Video finally makes it into daughters hooves
  3042. >She runs to her room, locks the door, and pops the video in, ready for the shlick of a lifetime.
  3043. >Oh fuck it's really...hot?
  3044. >Wait...
  3045. >Her face when it's her dad with a pair of fake horns fucking her mom who is wearing a strap on. 
  3046. >Her face when she recalls how her friends said they had mind-blowing orgasms rubbing themselves off to this
  3055. >Celestia can be a bit awkward around stallions she finds attractive due to going many years without intimate male company.
  3056. >It's not obvious all the time, but every now and then there's a big, uncharacteristic slip-up.
  3057. >Like the time she insisted you eat ALL the eggs she cooked for breakfast. 
  3058. >In a very strong and regal manner, by her standards, at that.
  3059. >The tension in the room got really thick and what followed was her staring intensely the entire time you ate.
  3060. >As it turned out...
  3061. >It gets to Celestia when Luna doesn't eat the breakfast she made, and on top of that gets little respect from her sister for a "colty" hobby.
  3062. >She couldn't stand the idea of you being like that too and essentially dropped her royal spaghetti.
  3063. >Luna teases her about the incident all the time now and jokingly calls her a creeper
  3069. >Luna is apparently the more mischievous royal sister, fitting in with her nighttime motif
  3070. >She has a penchant for good-natured tricks and jokes, which the two of you exchange whenever you meet
  3071. >You later found out that this was a bizarre form of courtship from her pre-moon days. You've apparently been married for quite some time.
  3072. >Luna puts her grown on her flank as some kind of dumb joke one day, and you decide to play along
  3073. >You spend the entire day talking to her ass as though it were her face; the subtle jab was something that Luna picked up on
  3074. >At one point, Luna does a minor favor for you; holds a door open ("stallions first") or pulls a chair out from underneath a table
  3075. >Something that you decide to reward her with a kiss on the cheek.
  3076. >Or, you know, her "cheek".
  3077. >Next thing you know, a flustered Luna has teleported out of the room, leaving you alone with a confused and amused Celestia
  3084. >You will never be the caring neighbor to drunk musician fanatic Octavia
  3085. >You will never bring her insider when she forgets the keys to her house after blacking out
  3086. >You will never give her a quick bath and a spot on your bed, you deciding to sleep on the couch
  3087. >You will never welcome a tired Vinyl Scratch inside in the morning, making coffee/tea/hang over special for you Vinyl and Octi
  3088. >You will never use the smell of the breakfast your cooking to wake her up like a god send househusband
  3089. >You and Vinyl will never share shit eating grins when she comes down embarrassed and in pain from drunkenness
  3090. >You will never quickly go over and hold her up, fussing over how she's feeling this morning
  3091. >She will never blush when you kiss her on the cheek and say breakfast will be ready in a moment, pecking Vinyl on the nose as you pass
  3092. >You will never go to the living room together to snuggle the morning away with your grateful musical neighbors
  3096. >Tavi is always keeping up the view of her being a high class lady that indulges in the finer arts.
  3097. >Except it's all a ploy, because she is a mare with a poor-paying, colty job.
  3098. >She is desperately lonely, and what little she gets out of being the "high class" member is squandered by her being earth pony. Canterlot is racist like that.
  3099. >So it is only natural that when drunk, and she is drunk more and more in the recent days, she lets go of all the leashes and unloads her mostly sexual frustration.
  3100. >It would be a shame if she did that on some innocent colt and get reported to authorities, that would ruin her.
  3101. >But you won't do that, would you?
  3105. >Octavia ends up downright molesting you in a somewhat public place.
  3106. >Witnessing ponies are shocked, and want to help you.
  3107. >Stallions are fainting, mares are getting aggresive with her. 
  3108. >You end up intervening, saying it's not big deal before hoofs start flying.
  3109. >Seeing they are not convinced, you take the poor musician with you - she is clearly wasted out of her mind and needs a place to sleep.
  3110. >On the way to your home she keeps going on about how she is going to give you "great time" and trying to undo your pants.
  3111. >But she passes out before you even reach the door.
  3112. >You decide to wash her up, doubly so when she pukes into the bathtub.
  3113. >Still reeking of alcohol, the grey mare is carefully placed down and snuggled in blankets on your bed.
  3114. >You took the couch that night.
  3116. >In the morning you prepare breakfast for two, a bit sore from an uncomfortable sleeping position.
  3117. >But the musician did not get to appreciate your fine craftsmanship of lukewarm cereal, because the moment she woke up and walked downstairs, she was a stumbling mess of frantic apologies, embarrassment and hungover.
  3118. >Despite your insistence on it not being necessary, she vowed to repay you for this, somehow.
  3119. >Little did you know, it would only push her deeper into the spiral of drowning regrets in alcohol.
  3120. >If you want to fix this mare, you will have to work a bit harder than that.
  3122. >You will never bring a beautiful and talented mare back from the rock bottom, cure her new-found addiction and restore her self-confidence.
  3123. >You will never see her shine brighter than ever before, watching her compose and perform with passion that could only come from meeting her muse - you.
  3124. >She will never write songs about you
  3130. >Pony herds are extremely close. So close that the average human would be weirded out. That makes things like incest not frowned upon so long as foals aren't produced. 
  3131. >Some places even encourage it, saying that losing your virginity should be in a safe environment with someone close to you.
  3132. >A herd will often sleep in one large bed, foals included. Extended family are invited in if they're visiting. 
  3133. >There's no shame between a herd, so intimacy with others around is acceptable. In fact, most colts and fillies don't need "The Talk" to go in depth since they learn most everything from watching their parents. Such a thing is perfectly normal, and most young ponies eventually lose interest in watching their parents. A separate bedroom is often used for something more hardcore than usual.
  3134. >For a pony coming into puberty, it often falls to an older sibling or parent to help and guide them through the confusing time. Be that help a simple talk or something more physical depends. 
  3135. >Everypony knows all this, but it's not a topic for polite conversation outside the herd. 
  3136. >There are countless other things that make up the simple, but still confusing family units in Equestria.
  3137. >Too bad no one bothered to mention any of that to you when you started a family.
  3140. >"Honey, I need your help with our daughter's education."
  3141. "Sure thing. What's up?"
  3142. >"She's the only filly in class that doesn't know how to give a blowjob."
  3143. "And that's how it's going to stay until she gets her buttprint if I have anything to say about it."
  3144. >Waifu tears up
  3145. >"But don't you want our daughter to learn?"
  3148. >Your daughters go out as adults.
  3149. >They're beyond disappointed with each relationship they try because you accidentally set their expectations, both sexual and emotional, in males so high. 
  3150. >They come together and cook up a scheme.
  3151. >They need a portal to earth, dad's home world
  3154. >Once children leave home as adults to start/join herds of their own, it's no longer appropriate to have a sexual relationship with parents or siblings. 
  3155. >Young mares fathered by humans leaving home find themselves miserable quickly. 
  3156. >After a life of having the itch between their legs scratched at Dad's convenience, suddenly going without is an unpleasant test of resolve.
  3157. >Do they shamefully go back home, or do they tough it out?
  3163. > Be Violet Anderson De Lis
  3164. > Mom warned you that living on your own would be hard
  3165. > And you sorta expected it, your parents are pretty great, and you dearly love your brothers and sisters
  3166. > So obviously, nopony is going to tuck you in at night and pet your hair
  3167. > You were braced for that
  3168. > But your apartment is quiet
  3169. > So quiet
  3170. > You hope somepony answers your ad for a roommate, but who knows when that will be
  3171. > With a sigh, you get to your hooves and put on your coat and gloves
  3172. > You lock the door behind you, and stride off into the twilight streets of Palomino
  3174. > The ponies are getting used to the second generation, but you still garner a fair few stares
  3175. > As you walk, a group of zebra mares stop what they are doing and watch you warily
  3176. > You nod to them, and they immediately nod back
  3177. > Once you pass by, they break back into conversation, slapping each other on the withers
  3178. > It seems satyrs like you have something of a reputation for violence
  3179. > It's not entirely unearned, not when your dad taught you some human-style martial arts
  3180. > You pat your coat pocket, reasurred by the weight of the sand stored inside
  3182. > You finally arrive at the city park, and sit on a bench
  3183. > The sound of teens galloping, parents murmuring, and of foals shrieking calms you
  3184. > You breath fog into the autumn air, ignoring the way the few stallions give you a wide berth, even with their marefriends
  3185. > Celestia, you miss home
  3186. > Where everyone knew your name, and dad always listened, and...
  3187. > In spite of yourself, you feel a tear drip down your cheek
  3188. > The ponies around you start whispering
  3189. > The bench creaks as somepony sits beside you and wraps an arm around your shoulders
  3190. > "Hey, are you alright?"
  3191. > You blink away the tears in your eyes and look at the person beside you
  3192. > It's another satyr!
  3193. > He doesn't even look like one of your brothers!
  3194. > You blush, wiping at your face
  3195. "I-I'm fine, just a little homesick, you know?"
  3196. > He smiles at you, giving your shoulder a squeeze, just like dad did
  3197. > "Oh yes, that was my entire first month. Of course, the mares are a bit nicer to me, but it's nothing like how family is."
  3198. > You find yourself leaning towards him
  3199. "Right! Like, why does hay have to be in everything?"
  3200. > He nods, eyes closed
  3201. > "Preach it, sister. Don't get me started on flowers."
  3202. > You nervously smooth back your hair
  3203. "Funny you should say that, since my name is Violet."
  3204. > He raises his eyebrows
  3205. > "Really?"
  3206. "Really. Voilet Anderson De Lis, at your service."
  3207. > He smiles
  3208. > "That's a pretty name. I'm Doc Brown Scratch. You come here often?"
  3209. > You find yourself instinctively snuggling up against him, an island of warmth and comfort
  3210. "Every night. It's so... lively."
  3211. > He hums in agreement, leaning his head on top of yours
  3212. > "I think I'll join you in that, if you don't mind. You found a good place."
  3213. > Feeling incredibly forward, you reach out and grab his hand, intertwining your fingers
  3214. "I'd like that, Doc."
  3215. > You thought Dad was joking about how lewd handholding is, but Celestia banish it, the tent in Doc's pants tells you dad was right all along
  3216. > You can hear his heart beating a mile a minute
  3217. > It's kind of amazing producing this kind of reaction in a stallion
  3218. > "Violet, why don't we go back to my apartment for some, ah, coffee."
  3219. > You grin
  3220. > Maybe you won't need a roommate after all
  3226. >Despite being fine with using voice, you never show your face online.
  3227. >You still gain some local popularity, as well as orbiters and haters, because you can actually play the game.
  3228. >So when you went to a major con in your area, your biggest detractors were in for quite a surprise.
  3229. >Who could have guessed this slutty "gamer" colt would turn out be a giant ape monster?
  3233. >The in-game chat has goes deathly silent for several seconds in the aftermath of your first brutal attack.
  3234. >You smirk, hardly being able to imagine what was going through their heads at this moment.
  3235. >"H-Haha, were you even, uh, aiming for me?" a feminine voice eventually mumbles to the sound of background gunfire.
  3236. >The target of her trash-talk, once spirited in her retorts, doesn't say a word in her own defense.
  3237. >Your smile stretches wider as you peek around a digital corner and spot a ruby-red flank on the other side, another opportunity making itself known.
  3238. >A switchblade clicks open on your screen as you move in, and in one swift moment your pixely foe has been downed via backstab.
  3239. "Nnnnnn, b-buck," you groan sensually, biting your lip for effect on the last word.
  3240. >More silence.
  3241. >You're practically choking on your own giddy laughter now, and can't help but notice that the next enemy combatant you run into can't hit you to save their life even though you aren't juking very well.
  3242. >After several more embarrassing misses you twitch your cursor across her digital head, ending the little avatar's misery.
  3243. >That isn't to say there isn't plenty more to come, though. 
  3244. >You really put you back into this one.
  3245. "Ohhhh my god... b-baby don't-don't st-nnn... you're so... tight... s-squeezing me... ah!" 
  3246. >Your next kill doesn't even put up a fight.
  3247. >The the flashing accolades you earn from your second headshot kill in a row are accepted gladly, as will be the easy points you rake in at the end of the match.
  3248. >You don't exactly need them anymore, but it's always nice being able to pop a few lootcrates to your sweetie pie to further her quest for that freaking rainbow-colored M4 when she hops on to play with you.
  3249. >This little... 'hobby' of yours was entertaining enough on it's own, though.
  3250. >At least two of the twelve competitors have gone fully AFK, and that number is steadily growing.
  3251. >You abuse absent enemies ruthlessly whenever you happen to find their respawn, racking up even further digital kudos on the way.
  3252. >You haven't taken any damage in at least three full minutes.
  3253. >Whenever you do actually run into an enemy, they're either too flustered to mount a defense or literally handing themselves to you on a silver platter in an effort to hear just a little more.
  3254. >The timer is ticking down, and at this point less then half the room is even playing the game anymore.
  3255. "M-More, pleeaase," you whine, popping off several more shots when you catch another mare out, finishing off another of the few players who were still moving.
  3256. "Buck me. Buck me like your hard little slut... h-harder... faster... ah! Ahh!"
  3257. >You're just cleaning house now.
  3258. >It's like your fighting bots without any AI.
  3259. >They're practically lining up for you to cleave them down.
  3260. >In fact, your almost certain that the only ones still moving are actually looking for you.
  3261. >Looking to get shot by you, that is.
  3262. >Buck, b-buck! I'm close! I'm so, so close. A-Almost, nnnn, almost! Don't stop! I-I'm almost!" you cry into your mic.
  3263. >"M-Me too," a second voice whispers over the global, her high-pitched voice coming out in a heavy puff of breath.
  3264. >You manage to get off one more shot, downing a final enemy before the timer ticks down to zero and the match officially ends.
  3265. "Uggh! Cumming! Take-take it... all! Ahh! Ahh! Oooooo..." you sigh, capping off your performance gloriously for effect.
  3266. >A satisfied look adorns your face as the counter on your screen zooms up past tripple digits, delivering unto you that sweet, addicting cyber currency.
  3267. >You stick around in the lobby for a while more, but no one else has spoken since your last voice message.
  3268. >They aren't even typing anything in chat.
  3269. >You take your time disconnecting and make no move to join another game, sitting at your menu screen instead.
  3270. >Waiting.
  3271. >Waiting for the inevitable.
  3272. >Sure as the sunrise a tiny ding rings out in your headphones to accompany a tiny popup in the lower right.
  3273. >And then another. 
  3274. >And then a few more.
  3275. >Ding ding ding, twelve in total if you had to take a wild guess.
  3276. >Twelve notifications.
  3277. >Twelve pending friend requests
  3283. >Villain Anon foalnaps Princess Twiggles
  3284. >They all wait for the inevitable demands, threats, and general villainy to ensue, now that Equestria's primary problem solver is neutralized
  3285. >What could his evil plan possibly be?
  3287. >It's been a week, and they've heard nothing
  3288. >No ransom note
  3289. >No evil minions acting on his behalf
  3290. >No evil plan of any sort apparently underway
  3291. >What could he possibly be up to?
  3292. >Could he be using her for some horrible magical ritual?
  3294. >They finally tracked down his evil lair
  3295. >And they discovered his dastardly plot
  3296. >He wanted her plot
  3297. >So he took her home and made her his waifu
  3301. >Heroes burst in.
  3302. >Anon's wearing an apron that says "Fry-king tasty." while carrying a stack of pancakes.
  3303. Twilight is sat frozen, a fork floating forgotten in front of her.
  3304. >His dastardly mustache twitching in ire, he launches into a rant about how 'blasted heroes' never use the front door like normal people.
  3305. >They all somehow get seated at the table, a few pancakes set before each of them as anon continues ranting into the kitchen, twilight covering her face in embarassment
  3311. > Applejack is used to stallions flirting with her, trying to get her to haggle down her prices
  3312. > And so she doesn't believe him when Anon tells her he's interested
  3313. > She still agrees to go on a date with
  3314. > Other stallions have done that too, and it can be nice having a colt pretending to be interested in her
  3315. > It's a good thing she didn't change, because Anon doesn't take her to some fancy restaurant, no
  3316. > He takes her on a short hike up to a cliff near the edge of town, just to watch the sun set
  3317. > The view is breathtaking, and she feels the embers of her old wanderlust stir
  3318. > Applejack no longer wants to leave Ponyville, but she does want something new, an adventure
  3319. > She grudgingly asks what Anon is after
  3320. > He spouts coltishly fancy descriptions of her beauty and strength
  3321. > Most of it rings true, but she can tell he's hiding something
  3322. "Out with it, Anon. Why are you really courtin' me?"
  3323. > He looks away, blushing
  3324. > "What I said was true, but..."
  3325. > Here it comes
  3326. > The moment of disappointment, when it was all a lie, or a fit of whimsy, or making his real marefriend jealous
  3327. > "I also want to fuck your ass so much."
  3328. "What in tarnation-"
  3330. > And that's how Anon became an apple
  3335. >Anon buys a little bit land next to SAA that Applejack had been eyeing up.
  3336. >While initially pissed, she and the rest of the Apples are stunned when their new neighbor is as hot as fuck.
  3337. >Anon builds himself a nice, small cabin, and uses the land to grow very rare, very sought-after plants and vegetables.
  3338. >His customers include the Princesses, and very well-off ponies.
  3339. >However, he always puts aside a portion of his exotic foodstuffs for Applejack and her family.
  3340. >AJ is unsure whether he's trying to court her, or is just being friendly.
  3341. >On the other hoof, a stallion that actually works for a living? Isn't namby-pamby?
  3342. >A catch.
  3343. >Unfortunately, other mares are sniffing around...
  3348. >The reason why Appuls are so "pure" is sorely because stallions are really not into anal.
  3349. >Sticking his precious dick in the dirty hole? Eww.
  3350. >In reality, AJ is a dirty slut like all mares. Only the tradition of no procreation before marriage keeps her from shagging with Anon.
  3351. >She reveals nervously to him that he will not get to stick it in before they get together for real.
  3352. >Many potential partners have left her for that - nowadays it's "shag before you bag" kind of deal.
  3353. >She is basically shaking with fear of losing him during the conversation - why would he care that she is willing to do anal? Every mare is.
  3355. >Meanwhile Anon's face when he realises that going brown is kosher
  3362. >Big Mac is the result of a wandering human banging his and AJ's mom while she was already in a relationship with their dad.
  3363. >Fluer was the first child conceived from the human when he was secretly summoned into Equestria by her mother to "Strengthen the DeLys bloodline". After she was impregnated the human decided to travel this new world rather than be sent home.
  3364. >Its been twenty years since then and Fluer is searching all over equestria for other children of the wanderer.
  3365. >She is hoping to find the man that is her true father so she can get questions that she has had for many years answered
  3372. >Like cats, your children will rub up against your legs and want to be picked up. 
  3373. >In the herd bed, they're practically glued to your side. 
  3374. >You don't mind really. In fact, it's adorable that your kids want to be around you so much. 
  3375. >When they get older and start school, the attachment issues become apparent.
  3376. >It's the human tribalism part of their brain going haywire and telling them to cling to the only other human around. 
  3377. >Turns out having unique children is not without unique issues
  3381. >the boys inherit your xenophila
  3382. >they bring home dragons, changelings, gryphons, buffalo, yaks, etc.
  3383. >chill burst introducing his wendigo marefriend made hearthswarming a bit awkward, but the ice sculptures she made for everyone smoothed things over
  3391. >Spitfire is secretly into gentle maledom.
  3392. >Being a captain of a elite guard unit and a celeb means she has to take charge all the time for everything.
  3393. >It gets old fast. 
  3394. >Behind closed doors though, she surrenders herself to you, letting you do what you will to her. 
  3395. >After the first few nervous days, you get into the swing of it, but it all ends up being loving anyway. (Not that Spitfire minds)
  3396. >Spits never knew how much she was going to enjoy the ease of being subservient for once
  3403.  how marely you'd make your waifus feel after talking them into joining you in your everfree hunting endeavors.
  3405. "I saw a chimera once!"
  3406. >"You saw a chimera... once? HAH! My herd and I KILLED one just last week. And our stallion ATE IT!"
  3408. >"While we're on the topic of cockatrice, they used to go after Applejack's pig friends out in their pen."
  3409. "Oh my! Even dragons are afraid of a cockatrice!"
  3410. >"Did you know that they use their prey's own natural mana pool against them to turn them to stone? My coltfriend doesn't have any magic of his own, so he's entirely immune. He says they're easy to catch, and taste like chicken."
  3413. >killing chimeras
  3414. >not fucking them pregnant.
  3415. >The chimera in the fire swamp is captured and convicted of banditry.
  3416. >Instead of prison, they're enrolled in Anon's controversial new rehabilitation program.
  3417. >Among other things, it involves forcing them to have a child and using their maternal instincts to mold them.
  3418. >By learning to work together with their herd prison sisters to take care of their bundles of joy, they're shaped into better people
  3426. Prench maid uniform could be something like a guy wearing a speedo/short shorts while working as a poolboy for a cougar. In other words, a sexually agressive member of the fairer sex has employed someone more for the eye candy than for their cleaning proficiency.
  3428. So, if a mare like Luna is wearing the uniform, it is most likely a part of sexy roleplaying. Although, what if the princesses like to disguise themselves and spend some time working as an ordinary mare? It could start out as merely a change of pace, something that helps them stay grounded in the concerns of the common pony. But when they answer an ad for a housemaid, they experience the novelty of a stallion seducing them not for power, or wealth, or fame, but out of lust for their bodies.
  3435. >Twilight's ascension did wonders for her body. 
  3436. >All the little imperfections on her melted away. The slight sag of her flanks, the asymmetrical placement of her cutie marks, the little notch in her horn's spiral, the one slightly crooked tooth, acne scars under her cheek fur you could only see up close.
  3437. >All little things that add up and kept her attractiveness firmly at average at best.
  3438. >But those are gone, and even the already okay parts of her are enhanced to supermodel levels. Twi could very easily stroll up to a fashion show and steal the runway in rags, even without a princess status.
  3439. >Too bad the change only attracted the most convincing and deceiving gold diggers while intimidating normal stallions, leaving her still >tfw no bf
  3440. >She has to find somepony who won't overly judge her based on her looks or status, and isn't too afraid to approach her.
  3441. >But who..?
  3442. >*Ping!*
  3443. >Twilight yelps and jumps when a coin bounces off her flank and right back into the hand that threw it.
  3444. >"Oh nice! You really CAN bounce a bit off that ass now!" Says Anonymous, the resident bipedal alien with a grin. "Who knew that growing wings would fill you out so well?" He says.
  3445. >"Anyway, I returned my books to Spike. You might consider letting the kid go play, it's so damn nice outside today. Hell, the the kiddo wants, I've been needing a new fishing buddy."
  3446. >Twilight blinks, then smiles deviously.
  3447. >"Twi?"
  3448. >Yes.... Perfect
  3454. >Anon is the only one who doesn't give a fuck if they're alicorns or princesses.
  3455. >Despite being the mareliest mares in Equestria.
  3456. >All others are either bit-diggers, have an agenda of some type, or are too intimidated.
  3457. >Alicorns converge on Anon, hoping to tempt him.
  3458. >Celestia falls for him when he makes a crack about her ass and cake in public.
  3459. >Nobles are horrified, but Celestia is thrilled by the implication of his actions.
  3460. >Anon defends Luna in public when ponies are being douches (Nightmare Night, etcetera).
  3461. >Twilight is still his dorky friend, and though he makes cracks about her looks after being an alicorn, she knows he's just being sarcastic.
  3462. >He openly calls Cadence a "mind-raping whorse" when he sees her use her magic on a quarrelling couple.
  3463. >Love-hate, but slowly becomes more love over time.
  3464. >Shining is just relieved that he'll soon have someone to commiserate with: ya know, having a batshit significant other, and all
  3472. >get a qt unicorn maremaid (kek)
  3473. >it's a bit less common than stallion maids, due to them being less of an eye candy, but you found one anyway, and quite a nice one at that
  3474. >she is also happy because she usually gets to work with dried, proper prim mares who want to avoid accusations of getting a colty plaything in a maid uniform
  3475. >explain her duties to her
  3476. >nothing weird yet just the usual cleaning and taking care of your plants
  3477. >she gets to work right away with an adorable spring in her step
  3478. >but stops right away as you grab the dusting feather she was levitating in her magical grip
  3479. >explain to the poor confused mare that you are allergic to magic (you're not)
  3480. >request from her that she uses her mouth or hooves instead
  3481. >because you asked nicely instead of demanding, and because you are a colt, she agrees and tries to go on with her mouth
  3482. >frantic flailing about ensures, as a pony who was used to using magic her whole life has to now do some earth pony labour
  3483. >you're going to tell her that you were merely jesting, but not yet
  3484. >not until you get some of the adorkableness in your system
  3489. > Be Rag Time, waiter at the Sunrise Diner in Canterlot
  3490. > You could be generously described as a big ol healthy colt, but you get by with friendliness and the tips are good
  3491. > The door rings in the quiet hour before the morning rush
  3492. > In walks Octavia, who climbs up onto a seat by the counter
  3493. > She's looking more tired than usual, and something about her...
  3494. > You bring a mug of coffee and smile
  3495. "Mornin', Tavia. Haven't seen you around these past couple of days, how ya been?"
  3496. > She looks up as you set the mug before her
  3497. > "Good morning, Rag. I... it's been complicated."
  3498. > You give her a half smile, and lean on the counter
  3499. "I might not be a beauty king, but I am pretty good at listening."
  3500. > Octavia straightens up slightly, takes a sip of her coffee, and tells you all about it
  3503. > Be Octavia, wrung out after the orchestra concert
  3504. > It doesn't help your mood any to see the coltfriends of some of your colleagues whisk them away with coltishly giggles and whimsy
  3505. > You pack up your cello and head back to your apartment
  3506. > It's silent, back home
  3507. > You set your case by the door, and walk to the bedroom
  3508. > You spend a solid minute staring at your empty, cold bed
  3509. > You need a drink
  3511. > The bar is filled with the chatter of ponies, and you let it wash over you
  3512. > After the first shot of whiskey, you are halfway to feeling better
  3513. > That's when you see him
  3514. > A slender hornless Minotaur stallion, sharply dressed, decadently leaning against the bar and nursing his drink
  3515. > Maybe it was the whiskey talking
  3516. > Maybe it was the ache between your legs
  3517. > But you trotted right over, and gave him a smile
  3518. "What's a colt like you doing in a mare like me? I mean-"
  3519. > He gives you a warm smile and you feel unaccountably clever
  3520. > Something about his eyes makes you think he sees right through you
  3521. > When he does speak, it's with a velvety baritone voice
  3522. > "If you want me to go with you, that's alright with me. I'm a long way from home and going nowhere, and right now?"
  3523. > He knocks back his drink
  3524. > "Anywhere's a better place to be."
  3526. > It feels like a dream, bringing him back to your apartment
  3527. > You feel self-conscious about how small and bare it is, but you can tell he doesn't see it
  3528. > He just goes directly to your bedroom, shedding clothes as he does
  3529. > You follow, heart in your throat as he bares the lines of his body to you, one by one
  3530. > The moonlight shines softly on his skin as he lays back in your bed, a welcoming smile on his face
  3531. > You climb up over him, gazing at what you had only fantasized about before
  3532. > You start off slow, just gently kissing him and stroking his chest
  3533. > But he pulls your flanks down, his stallionhood hot against your lower lips
  3534. > "Make love to me, filly."
  3535. > And you do, oh how you do
  3538. > You wake up the next morning, bright and early
  3539. > You spend a long time gazing at his sleeping face, and the supple planes of his chest
  3540. > It was real!
  3541. > You have a hot stallion in your bed!
  3542. > He had sex with you!
  3543. > You grin at the memories, and give him a peck on the lips
  3544. > He doesn't wake, even when your stomach growls
  3545. > You give him a kiss on the cheek, and slip out of bed to go buy some breakfast for the two of you
  3547. > You come back to your apartment with a stack of steaming pancakes in a box, and set the table for two
  3548. > When everything is ready, you go back to your room
  3549. > Only to find it empty
  3550. > On the dresser, you see the note he left
  3551. > It simply said, "It's time I moved on."
  3552. > You crumple then and there, tears leaking from your eyes
  3553. > You had hoped...
  3554. > But no, not with a plain mare like you
  3557. > By the time you are done telling Rag Time your story, the colt is wiping away tears
  3558. > He speaks with a sigh
  3559. > "I wish I was handsome, or that you were halfway blind, or that I wasn't so damn fat. I wish you would come with me, when I leave for home. Because we know too much about being alone."
  3560. > You spend a long minute just looking at him, feeling the hollow in your heart fill a little
  3561. > You reach out and hold his hoof, and give him a half-grin
  3562. "I will go with you. It sounds like a better place to be, and goodness knows we could both stand to be less lonely."
  3567. >Luna had moments of clarity while banished to the moon
  3568. >The nightmare moon persona would fade and she would be left there alone and forgotten
  3569. >She used magic to conjure up Anon as an illusion to keep her sane
  3570. >His form having come to her in a dream
  3571. >She spelled it to have him vanish when NMM reasserted herself
  3572. >She gets back from the moon and finds Anon waiting for her
  3573. >No matter what she tries she cant dispel him
  3574. >Turns out that in her madness she somehow made him real rather than just make him an illusion
  3575. >She finds out that whenever Nightmare Moon took over that Anon was banished to Equestria by her spell
  3576. >He has lived among ponies on and off for almost 1000 years
  3577. >There are hundreds of tales of handsome and mysterious stallions waiting for their love to return
  3583. >Anon has settled in the life of being a "not-so stallion" househusband for Luna.
  3584. >They're genuinely in love.
  3585. >Cooks her meals and shit. Genuine romance cliches.
  3586. >Celestia, however, begins to have "naughty thoughts": noticing Anon's ass when he walks, stuttering when he talks to her, etcetera.
  3587. >Luna and Anon don't notice Celestia's behavior, but Cadence does
  3594. >The creatures most summoned from the depths of Tartarus are incubi, lean sexy studs with the sole purpose of filling the desperately lonely and dirty minded unicorn mares' deep fantasies fueled by some of the least prestigious books they've read
  3595. >Poor succubi pones are mostly relegated to the real weird and boring cases, like someone actually trying to gain demonic powers for their own benefits.
  3596. >Rarely do they get to indulge in the more carnal pleasures (because decieving power crazy mortal mares with contrived pacts and stealing their souls is fun, but not that fun), and most cases that is with mares too.
  3597. >Reading too many books does this to you.
  3598. >Or sometimes, the beginning conjurer wizard mare messes up, meaning to summon an incubus, while being too proud to admit her mistakes.
  3599. >As long as nobody brings holy water, it's a minor inconvenience.
  3600. >Sometimes it's even fun, getting to corrupt a straight pony into the evil ways of same sex hoof holding
  3601. >In general though, those are fringe cases and being a succubus pone sucks.
  3602. >Enter Lyra
  3603. >She might have borrowed a wrong book from Twilight, but I mean it's not HER fault that the cover was written in crimson red runes and she couldn't make out the title.
  3604. >And she REALLY needed to make that cake, it was a special occasion.
  3605. >And so she summoned a sexy devil pony.
  3606. >Improvising happens, and she pulls a task out of her ass for her to do.
  3607. >Seduce Anon.
  3608. >She might have meant it as "make him fall in love with me", not "make him fall in love with you"
  3609. >Too bad though, as she was already gone.
  3610. >Oh well, it's not like anything bad will happen, right?
  3611. >He probably won't be interested anyway, being all un-colty and such.
  3613. >Be Anon
  3614. >Best birthday gift ever
  3617. >Turns out human souls are by default more corrupt than a ponies, apparently someone stole an apple once and the stain never came out.
  3618. >Succupony brings her A-game, happy to finally get summoned for seduction purposes.
  3619. >Gets increasingly flustered as the night goes on, Anon being completely unfazed about her unholy attributes and enthusiastic about performing all sorts of kinky shit like hoof massages.
  3620. >When he starts talking about pet play she starts to think he may be too much for her to handle alone.
  3621. >She starts thinking up a plan to trick him into summoning some of her sisters when he opens his mouth.
  3622. >"Hey, you're a demon pony from hell, right?"
  3623. "It's called tartarus but yes, that is my home, why do you ask?"
  3624. >"Because while i love pinkie to bits, her idea of a good party is something i'd throw for a 12 year old at most, not a guy that just turned 27."
  3625. >"From what i've gathered you guys probably know how to throw a more 'appropriate' party than the rest of these ponies combined, so how do we go about inviting some of your friends here, maybe get some hell-booze to make it a night we dont remember?
  3626. "...We could definitely bring some of my, 'friends' here, along with some of our alcohol if that is what you desire, although be warned that it is far stronger than equestrian cider."
  3627. >"If it's not strong enough to remove paint then i'm going to be disappointed."
  3628. >...Sweet tirek he's serious, you might need to call the whole coven for this, he'll drink you under the table before he even gets buzzed.
  3629. "Okay, well, to summon everybody we need for a party is going to take a lot of energy, which means we're going to have to perform an extremely unholy act."
  3630. >"I'm listening."
  3631. "You need to orgasm inside my ass, completely wasting your seed, i know this sounds uncomfortand your pants are gone."
  3632. >"Ready when you are."
  3633. >Staring at the humans erect baby maker, the succupony makes a mental note to thank her summoner for giving her such a 'hard' task
  3638. Succy running away from a freaked out summoner, and finding herself in this weird monkey's house. She has to plead and bargin for him to not give away her being here, and tries to seduce him. Anon, through a mixture of being a faggot and realising this is some kind of hellspawn, decides to not get seduced so easily, and instead makes her do some other tasks. Like washing his dishes, and having her being baffled in the process. There stands an alien being twisted and corrupted beyond the level most ponies are capable of achieving. And yet he is making her do household chores. I want to see Anon sexually frustrate the succupony by not putting out and to have them see waifu/husbando material in eachother
  3642. >Anon, through years of fapping to ever-more fucked-up porn, has come full circle
  3643. >He no longer desires the most deviant and fantastical sex acts
  3644. >Instead, a reciprocal loving relationship with sex for the purpose of pleasing his love is his fetish
  3645. >Along with plenty of cuddling and hoof-holding
  3646. >Succupone follows him around everywhere, badgering or teasing him, trying to get him to fuck her in all sorts of strange ways
  3647. >He continues on like nothing is wrong
  3648. >It's just another pony following him around, having adventures with him
  3649. >She's never been summoned this long, so she doesn't know what to do
  3650. >Anon takes the lead
  3651. >Anon forces her to do all sorts of things a good wife would do
  3652. >Since she can't get the HMD, her succubus nature settles for satisfying his emotional needs
  3653. >She's inexperienced, though, so she doesn't guard her own heart
  3654. >One day he comes home from work and she kisses him on the cheek, welcoming him home, without realizing it
  3655. >She starts to glow and lifts up in the air, undergoing a blinding white transformation
  3656. >She flutters to the ground, covered in gold jewelry, bereft of horns, with extra wings
  3657. >She doesn't know why one kiss would cause something like that
  3658. >Anon explains to her
  3659. "I did some reading. Turns out Candyass was right. True Love, returned, can save your soul."
  3660. >...what?
  3661. >Anon hadn't given in and used her body to satisfy his lust despite all her attempts.
  3662. >All she had to do was genuinely return her love to him.
  3663. >He had loved her all along
  3671. >Frosted cake in alley this morning, hooves tread on burst confection. 
  3672. >This town's enraptured with me.
  3673. >I've seen its true smile.
  3674. >The streets are extended plates and the plates are full of food.
  3675. >And when the plates finally fill up, all the guests will eat.
  3676. >The accumulated leftovers of all their party's and dancing will foam up around their mouths and all the worst pones, and mayors will look up and shout "Stop partying"... and I'll whisper "No."
  3683. > Fluttershy loves animals cause she gets the affection she can't get from stallions
  3684. > Shes given up on finding a male and spends all her time caring for animals like they were her children
  3685. > She had a break down at the gala cause the rejection from the animals their was just too much
  3690. >Anon likes Flutters
  3691. >Unused to the attention, she can barely carry a conversation at first
  3692. >Unless he injures himself and her need to help overrides her anxiety.
  3693. >She either spills spaghetti all over the place, or mumbles so quietly Anon can barely understand her.
  3694. >One day after he leaves she fears he won't bother to come back
  3695. >Unbeknownst to her, he'd forgotten something and came back to find her in tears
  3696. >Before she realizes he's back, she's snug in his arms
  3697. >Mare's aren't supposed to cry all over a stallion, but Fluttershy can't bring herself to care
  3704. >Anon and Luna hate each other.
  3705. >Each time they're in the same room, snarky and insulting comments pass between the two.
  3706. >Physical violence often happens, too.
  3707. >Celestia and the guards learnt to stay out of it after the last fight had them thrown out of the windows, head-first.
  3708. >Celestia always tries to make sure breakfast time has them not meeting, like Luna eating at 7 and Anon, 8.
  3709. >One morning, Celestia finds them entering the dining room at the same time.
  3710. >She promptly ducks under the table, fearing the worst.
  3711. >Eventually looks up after hearing no property damage to find them being all lovey-dovey.
  3712. >Turns out they both had signed up to an anonymous dating service, and were unknowingly matched.
  3713. >They got on like a house on fire, and when it came time to meet and reveal their identities, they were shocked.
  3714. >Things fell into place there.
  3715. >Everyone else, however, wishes they'd go back to being violent.
  3716. >The lovey-dovey displays are making them feel ill
  3722. >Comedy involving hilariously stupid attempts to assassinate Anon by bad guys, because reasons.
  3723. >They use poisons, Anon shrugs and uses them to season his food. Mmmm, spicy!
  3724. >They use traps, Anon sees them and avoids them, or worse, doesn't even realize they're traps and isn't fazed at all. 
  3725. >They try to kill him, instead he misinterprets their attack as an accident on their part and tries to help them up. They kill themselves by accident, and Anon is horrified.
  3726. >They try again, and instead an entire team of increasingly-rattled assassins accidentally kills each other like Wile E. Coyote. 
  3727. >The leader is pushed over the edge and finally just tries to corner him in his house to beat him to death with a club. Pinkie Pie shows up with a cake to try to cheer Anon up, hits the leader with the door causing him to fall three stories with a scream into a conveniently-placed woodchipper.
  3728. >Whoopsie!
  3733. >Anon has a particularly bad fight with his longtime marefriend.
  3734. >They often have spats and break up for a day or three before getting back together, and it's seen as nothing new by the ponies.
  3735. >Some even tick it off as a weekly event in their calendars.
  3736. >However, this one is different: she pushed him to breaking point.
  3737. >Anon finally dumps her ass.
  3738. >Goes on a vacation to either Canterlot or the Empire to clear his head.
  3739. >She thinks he'll come crawling back to her in a few days, and that this is all "coltish whimsy".
  3740. >Two weeks later, he returns... to collect his stuff and have a "Goodbye Party" from Pinkie.
  3741. >He met a mare there; they've fallen for each other hard and fast, and he's moving in with her.
  3742. >Ex-Marefriend realises she's fucked up badly and she'll have to "fight for her stallion".
  3743. >Until she discovers who this mystery mare actually.
  3744. >A) Princess fucking Luna.
  3745. >Who's still as vicious as she was in the past.
  3746. >An actual fight would occur.
  3747. >B) Princess Celestia, who (thanks to naivety and being out of the dating game for hundreds of years) would likely challenge her with a "fuck off huge" mace or battleaxe, and clad in armour-plating.
  3748. >...Welp
  3751. >Who is it?
  3752. >Who's that mare-whore who took advantage of your colt while he was upset and vulnerable!? 
  3753. >How did she even hook up with your sweet Anonymous?
  3754. >Did she get him drunk first?
  3755. >Did she promise to buy him something shiny?
  3756. >Damn it, you knew you should have bought Anon more jewelry!
  3757. >Now he's going to be overwhelmed by that blasted mare's "generosity", and she'll convince him that you were a cheapskate who didn't love him because you didn't buy him enough presents.
  3758. >This shit's the worst.
  3759. >You're gonna have to buy him a nice suit at and at least two nice cooking books if you want to smooth things over with him.
  3760. >Don't worry, foal! Your old mare's coming!
  3762. >Before you sits Princess Luna, who looks especially smug today.
  3763. >Anon is sitting in her lap, and Luna has her forelegs wrapped around his chest.
  3764. >You can barely see Anon's head through that thick chest fluff that's burying him from behind.
  3765. >You resist the urge to look down at your slightly below average sized chest fluff self-consciously
  3766. "Son of a bitch."
  3773. >A Kid Anon is very direct and cynical.
  3774. >Common-sense is lacking in Equestria, apparently.
  3775. >Villain of the week pops up?
  3776. >He walks up behind and whacks them over the head with a pillow-case filled with doorknobs.
  3777. >Ponies don't know how to react to this young colt being...
  3780. >Cadence and Luna fight over being his "mother".
  3781. >Anon just shakes his head and wanders off when they argue.
  3782. >Blueblood styles himself his nemesis.
  3783. >Anon can get away with shit because who would they believe? A Prince known to be a dick, or a cute, innocent foal.
  3784. >...Blueblood self-foils due to being inept
  3792. >The sound of the front door shutting makes you look up from the book you are reading
  3793. >However it is the shout of "DADDYYY!" that gets your attention.
  3794. >No sooner had the shout died did you see a small blue pegasus with the black mane fly into the room on unsteady wings
  3795. >Even though you are concerned you smile as you see your daughter fly her way over to you
  3796. >Ever since Dash taught her how to fly she has flown EVERYWHERE she could
  3797. >The little filly flies over to you and lands against your chest with a dull thud
  3798. >Guess she still needs to work on her landings
  3799. >"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"
  3800. >You chuckle and ask her
  3801. "Whats wrong honey? Did something happen?"
  3802. >She raises her head up from your chest and asks
  3803. >"Daddy are you evil?"
  3804. >The question leaves you taken aback and causes the smile to fall off your face
  3805. "Of course I'm not evil. Why would you ask that?"
  3806. >She lets out what must be a relieved sigh
  3807. >"Cousin Fiji says that she heard auntie AJ say that you were a bad egg. She said...She said that you are up to no good!"
  3808. >You sigh and make plans to have a word with AJ before you wrap your arms around your daughter
  3809. >She lets out a squeak as you pull her even closer to you
  3810. "Storm you know how Auntie Pinkie is the element of laughter?"
  3811. >She nods
  3812. "Well its her job to make everypony in Equestria smile as much as she can. That is why she throws parties and does everything she does. Well I have a very similar job."
  3813. >She tilts her head inquisitively before asking
  3814. >"You do? What is it?"
  3815. >Gently you place your hand on her cheek
  3816. "My job is to protect your smile. To love you, care for you, and protect you so that nothing ever makes you lose that precious smile."
  3817. >You finish by giving her a little tickle
  3818. >She giggles and tries to fight back but your wigglers are too nimble for her
  3819. >After a few seconds you stop and her giggles slowly fade
  3820. >"So you are definitely not evil?"
  3821. "Would me being evil make you sad?"
  3822. >She nods quietly
  3823. "Than I am not evil."
  3824. >She smiles widely showing the canines she inherited from you
  3825. "Now go on up to your bedroom and play. Mom will be home soon."
  3827. >Be Anon
  3828. >your precious girls finally are asleep and you manage to sneak out to your back door
  3829. >Looking up at the moon you give a quick whistle in three bursts
  3830. >Out of a nearby tree flies a bat pony who eyes you carefully
  3831. >"Did you have something to report Anon."
  3832. >You nod
  3833. "Yeah guys I am out. What we are doing is starting to get to my daughter."
  3834. >The mare nods understandably
  3835. >"Got it. You are looking out for your family like a good stallion. Equestria needs more ponies like you."
  3836. >You smile and offer the mare your hand
  3837. "Stay safe Eclipse. If you or your friends ever need to lay low gimme a shout."
  3838. >She gives you a curt nod and starts to fly away
  3839. >Suddenly she stops and turns back
  3840. >"May your night last eternal brother."
  3841. "And yours as well sister."
  3842. >As you head back inside you cant help but to sigh in defeat
  3843. >Maybe fostering a communist revolution to put Luna in power wasn't the best way to entertain yourself while Dash was out saving the world
  3849. > Anon tries to avoid the Mane 6 because of all the batshit stuff they get sucked into.
  3850. >Starlight gets added to that list when she moves to Ponyville, much to her confusion.
  3851. >Anon chats up/is getting chatted up by Cloudchaser and Flitter, with the Flower Sisters conflicting with them over Anon.
  3852. >Meanwhile, the Six (and Glimmer) are in a rut.
  3853. >Stallions are either family, bit/fame-diggers, complete douches, or too scared of them.
  3854. >tfw Flash Sentry went into hiding from Twilight.
  3855. >The only stallion they can think of that isn't scared of them or fits the above criteria is Anon.
  3856. >...Come to think of it, while he actively avoids them, it's not out of fear.
  3857. >This bears some investigation.
  3858. >And by investigation, really it means spying, "coincidentally" meeting him in areas, etcetera.
  3859. >Anon is freaked out at the sudden interest, and is worried that he'll be sucked up into one of their batshit insane escapades
  3866. >Blueblood would be better off getting to know and love one of the guardsmares or maids, someone who knows who he actually is beneath the mask he's forced to wear
  3868. >Blueblood is smitten with a maid
  3869. >His parents very sternly disapprove of this.
  3870. >He is of the nobility, so he is expected to marry a mare from another noble house.
  3871. >If he wants her as a mistress, they could tolerate that, but absolutely not until after he is married to a noblemare and has an heir on the way.
  3872. >He's resisted their efforts to arrange a marriage for him, he wants a mare he can love, not just a marriage of political convenience.
  3873. >Normally he wouldn't be able to refuse effectively, but his 'cousin's' ascension to become the Princess of Love has proven most helpful for him. 
  3874. >She intervened on his behalf, insisting that he had the right to marry for love, and his parents backed down
  3877. >Blueblood first encounters Anon when he's tormenting some nobles
  3878. >Blueblood sees something inside Anon he hasn't seen in a very long time
  3879. >They both bond by tormenting nobles, subtly ruining dinner parties, wearing ridiculous costumes together and acting like nothing is the matter, and corrupting all the young noblefillies
  3881. >Blueblood is just a male celestia in terms of mischief but with FAR more social freedom
  3882. >and he know this
  3883. >anon and blueblood abuse this to no end
  3884. >celestia has never felt more pride for her nephew
  3891. >Anon was turned into a pile of Terminator-like goop on entering Equestria.
  3892. >However, remains in the shape of his original human self in public.
  3893. >Also worried about being dissected or something.
  3894. >Ponies are friendly but physically repulsed/uneasy around him, but are mostly polite because of being a male.
  3895. >Pinkie discovers by chance he can physically alter himself.
  3896. >Predictably, it leaks out.
  3897. >Now knowing that he can shape-shift, ponies who once scorned him are trying to butter him up
  3899. >When Anon wants to take an incognito vacation from Ponyville, he assumes the form of a normal pony stallion.
  3900. >By a million-to-one chance, Pinkie and the others are in Manehatten the same time Anon is.
  3901. >They pass him in the street, and Pinkie, being Pinkie, senses something off about that stranger on the street and follows her gut, stalking him.
  3902. >Anon is rumbled
  3905. >Ponies find out Anon is a shapeshifter
  3906. >Become convinced that he is a Changeling
  3907. >Chrysalis hears about this, and 'aww hell naw's' her way to Ponyville to investigate
  3910. >Chrysalis planned to demonstrate her obvious superiority and convince him to join her hive
  3911. >Then she saw him transform
  3912. >Not in a flash of magical fire, but liquid SHINY AND CHROME
  3913. >She might be a little bit intimidated
  3916. >Aggresively joins his 'hive' to try and discover his secrets, offering the services of her own in exchange.
  3917. >Which basically translates to the entire changeling swarm taking up residence in Anon's basement.
  3918. >This basically confirms he's some sort of super changeling in the eyes of everypony.
  3919. >It was only after the intial panic subsided that they realised that nothing's come out of anon's house since the swarm descended on it.
  3920. >Princesses personally investigate, find anon sporting a dozen extra arms, petting and scritching a circle of changelings while teaching a larger group what appears to be basic algebra while a slightly chubby looking Chrysalis is comatose on a bed in the corner.
  3921. >Turns out humans, even terminator-esque puddles of sentient mercury dont simply 'run out' of Love.
  3922. >Luna curses over the fact her favorite snuggle buddy is apparently now occupied indefinitely
  3929. >Anon wants RD to pick out a pet to complete the "normal family" theme for their new home.
  3930. >Rainbow wants herd sisters to share Anon with because no one believes her when she brags about him lasting more than a minute (let alone if she told them HOW long he lasts), to avoid being branded hot-stallion-hogging monogamist scum, and of course she wants said herd sisters to be ponies she already considers friends because she's loyal.
  3932. >Anon is pleasantly shocked/surprised coming home from a trip to the market to find RD leading a ball-gagged, gimp-suit-wearing Fluttershy around by a collar.
  3934. Fluttershy is amazed but ecstatic that her extremely kinky BDSM femsub fetish only turns on Anon, and that RD is fine with being her dom (though she refuses to dominate Anon, because her momma didn't raise no stallion beater).
  3941. >Luna has been starved of affection most of her life
  3942. >The lings don't care that she was once NMM
  3943. >If anything that just encourages them
  3944. >She's been the villain, she understands what it is to be feared and hated
  3945. >After Anon manages to introduce Luna and Chrysalis on more friendly terms than their last encounter, the rest of the lings quickly adopt the moon princess as an honorary member of the hive.
  3946. >Cuddles for all
  3953. >Historian makes it to equestria.
  3954. >Studies ancient histories of the various races.
  3955. >Ancient pegasi writings are all in Latin.
  3956. >Talks about a band of warriors that revered the ancient tribe as bringers of lightning and thunder, offering tribute in exchange for favorable weather.
  3957. >Most of the group was decimated when they attempted to invade tartarus, apparently in an effort to make their way home "By marching out the other side."
  3958. >The few survivors passed on their knowledge to their winged rescuers, who carried on the traditions and customs of these Ro-manes as a sign of respect.
  3959. Bloody romans
  3963. >For all their talk and nature of "love and friendship", ponies are still as a vicious as any other species when it comes to mates.
  3964. >Anon has been dating Flitter and Cloudchaser for a few months, and they're pretty happy.
  3965. >While not the strongest ponies around, they've managed to "stake their claim" and cleverly fend off any "herd poachers" after Anon.
  3966. >At least until Cadence comes to town.
  3967. >Despite Shining, she's smitten by Anon on sight.
  3968. >Stays in Ponyville on the guise of "holiday and to see family".
  3969. >In reality, there's begins competing for Anon.using traditional "wooing", puffing up her chest fluff, doing things to try to make Anon see she'd be a better provider than the two sisters, trying to intimidate them in displays of dominance, etcetera.
  3970. >Anon has no idea what's going on.
  3973. >After some time, he catches on.
  3974. >No one expected the sudden offense or aggression that popped up out of him.
  3975. >There's no way in hell anyone is taking him away from his mares. All who try are doomed to fail
  3977. >Shining was the one who accidently spilled the beans after a night of drunken (platonic) cuddling.
  3978. >Understands anon's position, he's a bit of a deviant himself in regards to monogamy.
  3979. >Promises to tell his wife to back off,
  3980. >She dismisses it as coltish whimsy, pointing out that "he's obviously comfortable enough with you to cuddle, he just needs to see how great i am compared to those two other mares."
  3981. >Ignoring her husbands increasingly frantic gestures, she continues on in a rant outlining her objective superiority, the resources of the empire and the companionship of another stallion.
  3982. >Turning away from her now facehoofing husband, she spots anon a short distance away looking in her direction, he must have been checking out her ass, the cheeky colt.
  3983. >A smile on her face and a strut in her step, she puffs out her fluff as she walks over to him.
  3984. "Hi Anon, i heard you and shiny had a fun night together!"
  3985. >Expression unreadable, the human looks past her towards the stallion currently trying to touch the back of his head through his muzzle.
  3986. >"You have three seconds."
  3987. >Cadance cocks her head in confusion.
  3988. "Three seconds for wha-"
  3989. >Fwoom.
  3990. "!"
  3991. >Eyes crossed, the pink princess can only stare at the clenched fist inches away from her, stopped only by a thin, hastily erected barrier.
  3992. >"You may have your looks, your status, your empire and your husband."
  3993. >Crck
  3994. >A small crack appears on the second impact.
  3995. >"But those two mares you disparage so much have something that you will never have."
  3996. >Anon leans in close, their faces practically touching if not for the barrier.
  3997. >"My heart."
  3998. >"I love those two mares with every fibre of my being, i love their smiles, i love their laughs, i love their attitudes, i love their cooking, i love their hugs, I. Love. Them."
  3999. >Jabbing a finger at the cracked barrier to punctuate his words, he finishes with the same passion that drew her to him in the first place.
  4000. >"I. Dont. Love. You."
  4001. >The shield shatters, much like her heart
  4004. Jesus, so edgy. Why not just
  4006. "Cadence?"
  4007. >"Y-yes, Anon?" The Alicorn smiles, her extremely fluffy chest tuft flowing in the breeze
  4008. "Yeah, so. I've been dating horses long enough to ask them about their social norms and body language, so I think ... you're trying to flirt with me?"
  4009. >She smirks. "Well well, I'm glad to see it's finally wo-"
  4010. "Yeah, no. I appreciate the interest - it's flattering, really - but I'm happy with my girls. Besides, in my culture, once you decide to marry someone you don't just... like, abandon them. At least not without a messy and hilarious divorce fight that scars your children for life."
  4011. >"O-oh." The alicorn's smile disappears, her forehoof smoothing down her chesttuft. "I had no idea - I'm sorry."
  4012. "It's alright. Nine times out of ten you can solve most problems by just talking it out instead of assuming shit, or going edgy and getting violent."
  4013. >"Getting violent? What the hay?!"
  4014. "I know. It's summer, when bad prompts reign and edgy anger is the only answer to every problem"
  4015. >"Huh. Glad nopony's gonna write those prompts!"
  4016. "Hahahahaha- I'm the only one who's supposed to be self aware, Cant'dance."
  4017. >"Ah shit. I need to read my contract closer."
  4018. "Salright."
  4026. >Twiggy is concerned about your monogamist tendencies and brings up a statistic like over half of all monogamist stallions come from broken homes.
  4027. >She says you can tell her anything, and that she'll always be there to lend an ear and support you
  4034. >There technically *is* a "Royal Herd".
  4035. >It's composed of Celestia, Luna, Cadence and her husband, and Twilight post-Ascension.
  4036. >Blueblood, much to his irritation, is a Prince in Name Only, and thus isn't included.
  4037. >There are "sub-herds" too, where members of one can belong to another, but any conflicting matters are subordinate to the "main's" decision in the hierarchy.
  4038. >Hence why Twilight and the other 5 can be in their own herd, and why Shining and Cadence are in a "herd of two".
  4039. >However, agreements between the main herd members were that, even though Shining was the only current stallion in the herd, he was Cadence's alone.
  4040. >Hence the marriage.
  4041. >Unfortunately, Anon dating Celestia has thrown a monkey-wrench into matters.
  4042. >While friendly with Luna, he's in love with Celestia.
  4043. >However, expectations are that he's supposed to be with all the mares in a herd.
  4044. >That includes Twilight and Cadence, each of who have an interest in him too.
  4045. >Luna just doesn't really give a fuck, and will go with whatever happens.
  4046. >She's more interested in wine and pizza, behind closed doors.
  4049. Stallions cannot have blood relatives in their herds for incestuous deformity reasons.
  4050. Additionally, Cadence has made it EXTREMELY clear that she's keeping Shining all to herself (she moved to a thousand-years-behind-the-times empire specifically to escape the social backlash of royalty keeping a 9.5/10 stallion of noble birth all to herself).
  4052. Lastly, the stallion of the Diarchs would certainly have to maintain primary residence in Canterlot for numerous reasons (public, political, and almost certainly legal).
  4059. > At Flurry Heart's cute-ceañera, she meets a strange minotaur bull accompanying one of the guests
  4060. > He is very charming, and has the best stories
  4061. > Flurry Heart ends up becoming friends with Anon, and grows quite fond of him in some undefined way
  4062. > One day, she sees him through a window, accepting some bits from a well-dressed mare
  4063. > At once, a myriad of strange events and subtle glances make sense
  4064. > The next day, as he sips tea in her parlor, she pulls out a bag of bits
  4065. "Anon, will you be my courtesan?"
  4066. > He nearly chokes on his tea
  4067. > "What gave you that idea, McFlurry?"
  4068. "Remember when Beautiful Hide gave you a bag of bits in the diamond room?"
  4069. > He chuckles weakly
  4070. > "So you saw that little exchange..."
  4071. "And she kissed you on the cheek, and it made me feel..."
  4072. > She blushes under his gaze, frowning
  4073. "I didn't like it."
  4074. > He sighs
  4075. > "Do you even know what courtesans do?"
  4076. > She blushes even harder
  4077. "M-make mares have foals, and kiss, and let the mare grab their butt."
  4078. > He chuckles
  4079. > "Fair enough. Now, let's see if you can afford me."
  4080. > He opens the bag and starts counting
  4081. > ...
  4082. > Flurry nibbles worriedly on a tea biscuit
  4083. > ...
  4084. > "One hundred ninety-three?"
  4085. > She looks down, unable to meet his gaze
  4086. "It's all I have."
  4087. > Anon ruffles her mane
  4088. > "It's not my usual,"
  4089. > She sags in her chair
  4090. > "But you get the friends discount, so it'll be enough."
  4092. > The next day, Anon retires from escorting
  4093. > Due to his connections at both Canterlot and the Crystal Empire, he becomes a courier, well known for his discretion
  4094. > And whenever he returns to the Crystal Empire, a certain filly is always ready with a bag of bits and a blush
  4102. >Anon's connection to the rulers of the crystal empire gets him all sorts of courier work sending and receiving packages to the frozen north
  4103. >As a result, Anon starts hanging around the Crystal Empire more often
  4104. >Despite his retirement, Flurry still wants to pretend that he still is one because it makes her feel like a grown-up mare
  4105. >He performs his "courtesan" duties with Flurry without fail
  4106. >Tea Parties, escorting her during birthdays, acting as a guide during her trips around Equestria since he's so well-travelled, and being her snuggle-buddy whenever she's feeling lonely or scared
  4107. >Some of the gossip rags accuse Flurry of reverse-grooming her own stallion, so candyass tries to set him up with one of the mares in her empire
  4108. >Anon nearly chokes on his food when she offhandedly calls him "Uncle Anon" at dinner
  4115. >Anon is eager to go on adventures with them. 
  4116. >But he's a shitter who doesn't know his limits, and many of his attempts to help out backfire.
  4117. >He has to git gud with the help of (some of*) his herd and overcome his now infamous reputation as a bachelor in distress. 
  4118. >*Some of the herd just want him to stay out of it entirely at this point
  4120. >Anon goes adventuring with his mares
  4121. >Villains always target him
  4122. >They assume he's weak and can't put up much of a fight if they do target him, he's only a stallion after all what threat could he pose?
  4123. >Even the male villains tend to assume that only they are special and other males are weak and stereotypical.
  4124. >He gets captured or KO'ed (or both) about as often as not, but Anon is a stubborn bastard and always puts up much more of a fight than the villain was expecting.
  4125. >Predictably, this pisses off his mares.
  4126. >Sometimes this is the desired effect by the villain (they tend to be the tricky ones with an ace up their sleeve)
  4127. >But more frequently it just backfires spectacularly
  4133. >Anonymous The Human
  4134. >Discovery’s and writing by: Twilight Sparkle
  4135. >Published by: Twilight Sparkle
  4136. >Disclaimer: This book is not to insult Anonymous the human. It is not to imply that he is nothing but a animal. It is to advance knowledge of the human.
  4137. >It is a common misconception that humans eat only vegetation like a pony.
  4138. >But it is quite the contrary.
  4139. >The humans can eat a wide assortment of things that a pony cannot, such as but not limited to: Meat, potatoes, egg plants, tomatoes, onions, peppers, and cauliflower.
  4140. >While a lot of those may sound dangerous to a pony, to Anonymous they are just another thing on the menu.
  4141. >I know that the fact that humans eat meat may be frightening at first, but don’t fear.
  4142. >Humans don't put ponies, griffons, or minotaurs on the menu.
  4143. >In fact, our human is quite gentle with ponies.
  4144. >During a test Anonymous was left with three rambunctious fillies hyped up on sugar.
  4145. >The fillies pestered the human -a lot-, yet he showed no aggression.
  4146. >Instead, it found the nearest blankets, swaddled them, and laid them to bed.
  4147. >The test was continued
  4148. >There was a pink earth pony, a rainbow maned pegasus, and a mint coated unicorn placed before him.
  4149. >Again he was pestered, and again no aggression. 
  4150. >He swaddled the pegasus and earth pony, and allowed the unicorn to poke his hand.
  4151. >The test was conclusive.
  4152. >Not only was he not aggressive, but he was in a sense fatherly.
  4153. >After a quick check of his *Very clean*home my theory was correct.
  4154. >Humans are the perfect house colts.
  4155. >But there is one problem.
  4156. >There is only one, and he's mine.
  4157. >His pancakes?
  4158. >Mine.
  4159. >His cleaning?
  4160. >Mine.
  4161. >His HMD?
  4162. >Definitely mine.
  4163. >Yes, it is a very sad problem for every mare.
  4164. >Except for my herd and me.
  4165. >Because he belongs to my herd and me.
  4166. >The end.
  4168. >Be Moondancer.
  4169. >Never before have your teats been so twisted by a book
  4176. >Mares often spy on and "overhear" stallion gossip.
  4177. >Many take what they say to heart.
  4178. >Anon, chatting to Big Mac, says he thinks Twilight has a bit of chub to her ass, while Cadence's is "bony".
  4179. >Unfortunately, in a million to one chance, the two sisters-in-law were having a family day, and overheard.
  4180. >Anon is confused why Twilight takes up running one day, and why Cadence is now frequently seen at Hayburger's, gorging.
  4181. >And why they try to show their flanks off more.
  4182. >MaresAndValidation.scroll
  4188. >>Twilight is basically the one confirmed pony to want it
  4190. >The Sparkles are minor nobles.
  4191. >Twilight always resented her stuffy and restricted upbringing, but she played along to not make her family look bad.
  4192. >Even as Celestia's protege, Twilight was still expected to adhere to the noble ways and form a small herd with a stallion of equal standing.
  4193. >In an act of subconscious defiance, Twilight slowly turns into a xenophile and finds herself firmly disinterested with other ponies. 
  4194. >If her family knew about the short relationship she had with a griffin as a teen, they would lose their shit. 
  4195. >Sort of like a highborn son dating a common, non-native woman.
  4196. >Then you, a not-fussy and relatable male of the most exotic sort strolls into town.
  4197. >Twilight was hopelessly smitten after she first talked to you
  4200. >Dating Anon becomes the ultimate rebellious symbol for mares everywhere
  4201. >Paparazzi follow him around for pics to include in teen magazines
  4202. >Anon doesn't know about it because they all know the rules: don't tell Anon and seduce him on your own terms, or this good thing they got going will be done for
  4203. >Anon belatedly notices the uptick in emo teenage pones in ponyville
  4204. >Each one coming on to him in different ways, he thinks
  4205. >Not just emopones, though, some buff mares have been hitting on him, some thin mares, all types really
  4212. >You've been dating Rainbow for awhile, and both of you are happy in your monogamous relationship.
  4213. >Rainbow's father is killed in a horrific accident, leaving her mother Windy Whistles a wreck of a widow. The lovey mare and her husband were mono as well.
  4214. >Of course, Rainbow will not have her mom suffer alone, so Windy's invited to live with you and Rainbow until she can get back on her hooves.
  4215. >You obviously have nothing against it. This is your mare's nearly broken mom after all. 
  4216. >Days turn to weeks, and Windy still isn't getting better. Being around her daughter and you has eased her pain a bit, but she's still got nothing but a cold and empty home in Cloudsdale to return to. The usually peppy mare's loneliness and depression is driving Rainbow mad.
  4217. >Windy just can't function without something to love.
  4218. >But then, Rainbow hatches a wild idea, so wild it might just work. She not totally over her father's death herself, but needs to do this for her mom.
  4219. >The day that Rainbow comes to you, her face determined, and asks you to form a herd with her and her own mother is the most shocking one of your life
  4227. >Anon doesn't realise he's a noble, even a minor one.
  4228. >When he finally catches on, he's like "huh. Okay."
  4229. >Drives the aristocracy of Equestria nuts: titles are a precious thing, not handed out like confetti, and those chosen are often considered the creme-de-la-creme, no matter their species or origin, due to the Princesses' "vetting process" (which doesn't mean fuck al to them in reality, kek).
  4230. >Anon secretly amuses the Princesses with his not acting like a stallion, a noble, and winding up the upper-crust
  4239. >Anon is butt-ugly to ponies.
  4240. >He's still a male, though.
  4241. >However, when it's learned by the mares of Equestria that he feels the same way about them, they feel offended.
  4242. >"Eh, I don't find you ponies attractive. Your eyes can be creepy; you're stubby and oddly-proportioned from my perspective, with chubby bellies, and even the supposedly most "beautiful" mares look like they've overdosed on something we had back home called "Botox"."
  4243. >Hypocrites.
  4244. >They're reluctant to being it up though because male
  4251. >Anon and Flutters, being the betas they are, are both crushing on each other, oblivious to the other having a more than platonic interest in them, and neither can work up the nerve to make a blatant move.
  4252. >Both of them just drop tiny easily dismissed hints of interest, and hang out as much as they can get away with.
  4253. >Ponies are less into personal space than humans, so friends snuggling up isn't anything abnormal.
  4254. >If anyone teases them about being a couple, they just stammer, turn red, and quietly deny it. More so if they are actually together when somebody says it.
  4264. >You are Anon and your Marefriend Rainbow Dash is yelling at you from the upstairs of her cloud house
  4265. >You were having a nice day relaxing and reading Daring Do to each other on the couch when Rainbow excused herself to the toilet
  4266. >You had just sat there waiting for her, daydreaming about how the fuck you would get down from this deathtrap if Rainbow wasn't here when she started yelling
  4267. "Coming Skittles!"
  4268. >"GOOD.... AND DON'T CALL ME THAT."
  4269. >Sniggering your way up the cloudstairs you find RD standing in the doorway to the cloudbathroom
  4270. >"Anon! Take a look... at THIS!" she says, while gesturing at the toilet
  4271. >...
  4272. "What is wrong with you Rainbow?"
  4273. >"No, seriously, take a look at it. That's like, the biggest dump any pony has ever taken. We need to get Twilight up here as an authority, I think I broke a world record!"
  4274. >She hoof pumps as she says world record
  4275. >Eyebrow raised, you step through the doorway and have a look inside the toilet
  4276. >Oh wow
  4277. "That's a fucking giant shit."
  4278. >"I KNOW RIGHT!"
  4279. "I don't think I've ever taken a shit that big, and I'm twice your size."
  4280. >"Well of course not. Stallions don't poop."
  4281. >You don't even want to know if she's serious
  4282. "How did this even come out of you?"
  4283. >"It slipped out the back entrance while I wasn't looking."
  4284. "Oh fuck you Rainbow that jokes terrible."
  4285. >"you loved it."
  4286. >RGRE Rainbow is a fun waifu
  4291. >These 3 coltish sisters insist that they're a package deal.
  4292. >They're also high maintenance compared to other mares.
  4293. >To nearly any stallion, taking them is a supremely shitty deal.
  4294. >But to you, it's three free and very thirsty waifus who need far less maintenance than a woman and promise to provide for you. 
  4295. >It's like hitting the lottery. 
  4296. >So why do all your stallion friends keep going on and on about how awful you must have it?
  4303. Anon trolls the hell out of twilight with piss poor grammar, then he starts to troll her with what he says, emphasizing words till twilight realized he is thinking the wrong word when talking, think your and you're. This gets under her skin so hard she damn near has an aneurysm
  4308. >New expansion pack for 'Planet of Ponycraft' is released
  4309. >New race is green-skinned humanoids, similar in shape to an existing and long-time creative director for the game
  4310. >All male
  4311. >PoP, a game with the unfortunate reputation of being purely for basement dwellers already, becomes even more ripe for public mockery 
  4312. >Fans of the series are wary about the new expansion for this and other reasons
  4313. >Refer to it as the 'husbando simulator' Expac leading up to and after release
  4314. >Update drops
  4315. >Players are pleasantly surprised
  4316. >The last few expacs have been rather shaky in areas, but the current build offers interesting new dungeons with a new, reasonable gearing system
  4317. >All classes are touched up and brought closer to each other in balance then they have been in years
  4318. >One class in particular, one that never gets any love, is almost completely overhauled into something new and exciting and functions well at launch with few-to-no experience-ruining bugs
  4319. >You know the one
  4320. >Yeah, that one
  4321. >Not everyone likes the gender lock on the new race, but few of them can resist the fresh eye-candy
  4322. >Overworld is flooded with green humanoids for weeks after release
  4323. >Scant armor barely covers anything; large, occasionally bejeweled codpieces
  4324. >Player numbers increase gradually improve
  4325. >"I didn't really play it or like it that much" 
  4326. >"9/10 --PGN" 
  4327. >Stallionists screech 'SEXISM' loudly and are largely ignored
  4328. >The porn scene for PoP explodes back into relevance 
  4329. >Tuftbeards at critical mass
  4330. >'eh pretty gay i guess' End
  4332. >When the expansion was in early development they thought to address the 'all male' thing to avoid claims of pandering.
  4333. >Their solution was to make females for the race.
  4334. >By, of course, making the females bigger and more monstrous than the husbando males
  4341. Imagine magic in Equestria as the ability to shape the world according to your desires.
  4342. The more you believe that your vision of the world is true, the more you are able to change the world around you.
  4343. That would explain why the insane Discord is able to change it so much.
  4344. >Enter Anon as a child.
  4345. >As a child, growing up and dying are not real to him.
  4346. >Thus, Anon is immortal, unable to grow up, staying a child forever.
  4347. >When his friends start passing on he is unable to do the adult thing and move on.
  4348. >As time passes, rather than lose his memories, he is able to remember everything without flaw.
  4349. >One last death and he can no longer take it, running away.
  4350. >A few centuries later, Twilight and the mane 6 are called on for a friendship lesson.
  4351. >They find a strange city.
  4352. >Every day, everypony does the same things.
  4353. >Every day is the same as yesterday.
  4354. >It is almost as if time never passes in the town.
  4355. >The names and faces of some ponies in the town are also identical to famous ponies in the past.
  4356. >It's an idyllic town, and looks almost like a historical reenactment.
  4357. >The only one that stands out is a young monkey, who lives in a small house with his adoptive parents.
  4358. >He claims to know nothing about the town being weird and insists that everything is fine.
  4359. >He throws temper tantrums when they point out something weird.
  4360. >And then all the ponies around town will drop everything that they are doing to comfort and reassure him.
  4361. >And everything will go back to the way it was.
  4362. >How should the M6 go about this problem?
  4369. >Anon goes for a walk around Ponyville
  4370. >Decides to whistle a little tune to keep himself occupied
  4371. >Tune varies in pitch, tone and rhythm as he varies up the songs he whistles
  4372. >Pegasi mares get varying signals from "I will kill you! your children! and your grandchildren if you touch my birdbath!" to "I want sum fuk"
  4373. >Stallions never straight up just ask for sex, you have to do so many loops and tricks it'd put a Wonderbolt to shame
  4374. >They certainly can't pass this up
  4375. >But what was that about "pancakes on the roof" and the fact he'd kill us?
  4376. >It must be like those Japaneighse animes which they totally don't watch
  4377. >Pegasi mare after pegasi mare goes up behind Anon each one interrupted from their attempt to get his attention by the next
  4378. >They get interrupted so quickly they don't even get a sound out 
  4379. >As more join behind him the more nervous and awkward they feel about the whole thing
  4380. >One of two things will happen next
  4381. >Either Anon will be tackled by a swarm of every single pegasus mare and some married ones tooand carried off to a nice secluded cloud for an hour or 48
  4382. >Or a trail of unconscious pegasi will be left in Anonymous' wake
  4383. >The innocent pure stallion none the wiser as the pegasi fight as quietly as possible, since those sensitive, sweet colts hate fighting right?
  4390. >Mares realize that Anon's average-sized penis is literally too big to fit inside of them
  4391. >Work hard to stretch themselves out for him
  4392. >A mare saying "he was too big to fit inside" is like a man saying "my penis was too small to penetrate"
  4393. >Rainbow Dash is especially smol, and Anon can just barely finger her
  4398. >Anon is pretty much RGRE ditzy bimbo, unknowingly and innocently teasing a bunch thirsty mares.
  4399. >RD has nearly cracked and spilled her spaghetti, but he's just too innocent!
  4401. >AJ wants to tell him to stop slutting it up all the time, but that earnest look he gets on his face every morning when he greets her convinces her that he'd break if he ever found out how shameful his behaviour is
  4402. >Pinkie wonders out loud if Anon is actually aware of how he's acting, but gets shot down by all her friends
  4403. >"There's no way colts think about sex as much as a mare does."
  4409. "So, nice weather we're having right?"
  4410. >"Mhm"
  4411. >Be Celestia
  4412. >A very, very nervous Celestia.
  4413. >Why were you so nervous?
  4414. >Because you embarrassed yourself the day before while spending time with him.
  4415. >Getting your mack on and trying to seduce the colt. Stuff like that.
  4416. >At least, you tried until a rather large spider landed on him after passing under a tree.
  4417. >Being the smooth marely mare you were, you tried to swat it just before Anon noticed and freaked out.
  4418. >Until it jumped onto your wing that is.
  4419. >You couldn't help it, but you freaked right the buck out as the little shit started scurrying around on your back.
  4420. >You were ready to cover yourself in ethereal fire to incinerate the thing, but a very amused Anon just reached over and PICKED IT UP.
  4423. >Involuntary shivers overtook you as the two of you walked through the gardens.
  4424. >You made sure that there were no spiders anywhere to ruin this opportunity.
  4425. >Grinnig, you looked over to Anon and opened your mouth to lay on the pickup line Luna told you.
  4426. >Right as Anon grinned himself.
  4427. >And opened his mouth.
  4428. >You presumed that words would come out, preferrably words such as "I love you" or "want to go out?"
  4429. >Nope.
  4430. >It was a spider that came out.
  4432. >You swear the denizens of the faraway Minotaur kingdom could have heard your yell.
  4433. >You also reckon that the gardeners will kill you later on for the crater you left behind in your haste to get away from the eight legged freak.
  4435. >You are Anon and goddamn, that was the best fucking reaction that you could hope for.
  4436. >Thank you spiderbro for being cool with hiding in your mouth
  4442. >You and Luna are together.
  4443. >Luna changes herself to match how you dream of her.
  4444. >She ends up as OGR feminine and voluptuous as a pony can be. Wide hips, curvy body, delicate features, full teats, the works. 
  4445. >Despite most ponies finding her appearance odd, it still invokes hastily suppressed erections from even the biggest stallion prudes and mysteriously intense envy from mares.
  4446. >That's what gave you the first clue that the reverse gender roles of Equestria might be artificial, if there are still unconscious reactions like that. 
  4447. >But that still leaves the question as to why?
  4450. >Luna passes a mare and a stallion guard in the castle after her "makeover"
  4451. >Stallion guard has his legs crossed as he hides his throbing erection. He's horrified that "mount the colty princess" is dominating his thoughts.
  4452. >Is... Is he gay?
  4453. >The mare guard unconsciously puffs up her tuft in an intimidation display as Luna walks by, but no one notices thanks to her armor.
  4454. >She stops a second later and hopes to horsegod that no one saw that. Puffing up at a princess? That's a one way ticket to a court marshall
  4462. >Anon works 10h/day to pay for the house
  4463. >At morning he milk AJ cows
  4464. >At noon he working at local roe store, releasing egg masses of some seaponies and other nautical nightmares.
  4465. >At evening he works in silk production, his job is to ensure that spiderpone produces 80 meters of silk thread, no matter how sore her spinner-web is.
  4467. After the job he is approached by spiderpone, she says that if he would go on a date with her she will give him big-ass chunk of chimera leg.
  4468. >Anon brightens up, FINALLY MEAT!
  4469. >He goes on a date with her
  4470. >She gives him "meat"
  4471. >They rut, they sleep
  4472. >anon wakes up alone in the morning
  4473. >decides to check out his "prize" in the fridge
  4474. >of course it is wrapped in web
  4475. when anon tries to unwrap "meat" turned out that it just some rocks and sticks wrapped in web
  4477. >Anon milks her extra hard at work now, not showing her mercy.
  4478. >She will beg for it, but no matter how sensitive her spinneret gets after she ejects web fluid, he ignores her and keeps going.
  4479. >She now passes out multiple times a day during work from the orgasms
  4486. >Carrying Celestia over your shoulder has made you kinda thirsty.
  4487. >Luckily you've got a pair of alicorn teats right here.
  4488. >Shift her further up your shoulder and dip a head under your hindleg.
  4489. >Even thousands of years worth of life didn't stop the colty squeak that came from Celestia when a pair of lips latched onto her nipple. 
  4490. >Out in public.
  4497. >Nightmare Moon smiles warmly to you as you eat your healthy, balanced breakfast
  4498. >"I see that you have hastily finished your glass of milk."
  4499. >You nod happily, mouth full of Moon Flakes.
  4500. >"Would you care for some more, husband?"
  4501. >Holding out your glass, the moon queen retrieves the pitcher of milk and refills it for you, still smiling.
  4502. >"Do you enjoy it? I made it myself."
  4503. >You freeze as the words register, but after a moment, your regular movements resume.
  4504. >You can't seem to break eye contact as the creamy fluid travels down your throat
  4505. >Her fluid
  4506. >...
  4507. >She has such a nice smile
  4514. >Anon walks into the Day Court. 
  4515. >Just walks right up to Celestia and hefts her up onto his shoulder, giving her plot a quick rub in the process
  4516. >"Comfy up there?"
  4517. >Walks out telling everyone, "I'm borrowing her for a while."
  4519. >You are Celly belly
  4520. >Today is much more interesting than you thought it was going to be.
  4521. >Being draped over a bipeds shoulder as you were, you had a magnificent view of his flank
  4522. >And you could stare at it all you wanted, and he wouldn't even know!
  4524. >A Stallion had *never* done this before.
  4525. >Sure a male villain or three had abducted you, or attempted to anyway, but they'd never asked you about what you'd like for lunch when they did.
  4526. >Never told you they had a nice spot picked out for a picnic
  4527. >And certainly never rubbed your plot with lewd intentions.
  4528. >It was a well known fact that male villains were all prudes and weren't interested in getting any.
  4529. >Discord was the only exception you could recall. A prude he was not. He took great joy in trying to embarrass anyone and everyone with his antics in the past. But he was only interested in 'wild mares' who had a tenuous grasp on reality. Neither you nor your sister had ever been in his strike zone
  4534. >A group of drunk, rowdy mares will never convince you to follow them home, where they proceed to fuck you until you can't feel your legs
  4535. >The next morning, you will never reassure some upset tiny baby poners that they did -not- rape you and that you are -not- going to go to the police
  4543. >Go to a family dinner with Twilight because she wants to show off to her parents that she's no longer turbo pathetic for being a lonely virgin as a princess.
  4544. >Everything goes well.
  4545. >Too well.
  4546. >Time to ruin it.
  4547. >Slip a hand under Twilight's lusciously thicc rear.
  4548. >No one is sure why she squeaked or suddenly started sweating bullets.
  4549. >But you and her know.
  4550. >The good ol' two in the pink, one in the stink
  4557. >Being cradled by a slightly larger being causes a mild soperific effect in ponies.
  4558. >It's thought to be instinctive reaction dating all the way to pre-tribal days, toensures parent and foal develop a healthy bond and to help orphaned foals quickly assimilate to a new family.
  4559. >Anon just so happens to be the correct proportions for most ponies to be effected when picked up by him.
  4560. >As it makes him the ultimate snuggle buddy, nopony seems to mind.
  4561. >Months later, half of equestria subconsciously regards Anon as one of their parents.
  4562. >Go to him with their problems, listen to his advice, almost start a crusade when a gryphon accidently scratches him, crawl into his bed when they wake up from a nightmare before luna can arrive, etc.
  4563. >Anon's surprisingly okay with being the kingdom's collecive dadmom, citing that ponies are for "hug" and not "fug".
  4567. > Celestia and Luna get some seriously mixed signals
  4568. > On one hoof, he is a stallion of their stature with phenomenal patience and caring for the little ponies
  4569. > There's a sense of common cause, of a certain kinship
  4570. > Celestia is still taller than him, and begins to think of him as a cute, reliable younger brother
  4571. > Luna is slightly shorter, and begins to think of him as an admirable older brother
  4572. > One summer day, they join him and other ponies for a holiday on the beach
  4573. > They were not prepared for the sheer muscular definition he was hiding under his clothes
  4574. > The little ponies are unaffected, because Anon is projecting some serious dad aura
  4575. > Hawaiian shorts and a smudge of sunscreen across his nose the little ponies are too short to reach
  4576. > The royal sisters don't know where to look
  4577. > My Little/Older Brother Can't Be This Hot
  4578. > Meanwhile, Anon gets worried because the princesses can't seem to relax, even when they are supposed to be on vacation
  4586. >Ponies were pretty cool with your wanderlust, at first.
  4587. >You were bigger than them, and only an annoying few didn't understand you were different.
  4588. >That was, until you came down with a debilitating fever, jaundice, and naseau.
  4589. >It turned out ticks were your most common foe in the Everfree.
  4590. >Because of course they'd have them here too.
  4591. >This time they lost the battle, but won the war.
  4592. >One of them gave you a long thought dead disease.
  4593. >This was thanks to you not having adaptions ponies developed to combat it.
  4594. >Since then, everyone in town treated you like a delicate waif.
  4595. >It was one thing to deal with a few white knights, but you couldn't boop the whole town! 
  4596. >Sexism wasn't something you could just brush off with everyone against you.
  4597. >You hated how smug and relieved Twilight acted after ponies "finally started listening".
  4598. >Ridiculous!
  4599. >You've come back with bruises and worse without complaints.
  4600. >You got one life-threatening disease, and everyone thought you were made of glass.
  4601. >Sure, you nearly died ...and your friends had to go on a big, stupid quest to cure it, but aside from that!
  4602. >It didn't give them the right to gang up and stop you every time you tried to sneak out into the Everfree.
  4603. >The outdoors were your passion!
  4604. >You tried telling Dash how it was like being unable to fly -- that it was killing you, but you ended up having to explain to the panicked pegasus that it was only figuratively doing so. 
  4605. >You just wanted things to go back to the way they were.
  4606. >But how?
  4607. >You'd have to prove yourself in some crisis and save your friends at this point.
  4608. >Too bad there hasn't even been a stray monster since this whole fiasco. 
  4609. >Surely the friendship map would go off?
  4610. >Not a single blip from it in six months.
  4611. >It didn't even give hint that this was putting a strain on your friendships. 
  4612. >Fine.
  4613. >If you couldn't find a crisis; you'd make one.
  4614. >You grinned with mischief on the mind, and slathered a chunk of your fish into the large pool of ketchup on your plate.
  4621. >Anon's human love is like heroin to Changelings
  4622. >Chrissie is hooked through the bag on it
  4623. >She's ashamed of her weakness and being brought so low by her addiction to Anon, it's just not marely, dammit! 
  4624. >Their weird relationship has her going away for days at a time to try to kick her habit, and then coming back desperate and begging for her fix
  4632. >You are NMM
  4633. >You were mid speech when this delightful specimen of masculinity walked right up to you on those oh so long legs of his
  4634. >You couldn't sense a trace of fear on him
  4635. >He had a strange look upon his flat face
  4636. >One you had not seen directed at you in so long, that you found yourself doubting that you were truly in the waking world
  4637. >It was only his words that prevented you from sinking into a sudden panic at the thought that your freedom was an illusion, that you were still trapped within your prison.
  4639. "Take me with you, my beautiful Queen."
  4641. >All thoughts came to a sudden halt
  4642. >You would have worried about having a silly look on your face, but your brain was too busy rebooting to think about that.
  4643. >It was a command and a desperate plea in one.
  4644. >You couldn't have imagined that flirting tone underlying it all.
  4645. >Whatever you were saying suddenly seemed so unimportant
  4647. >You are random background pone
  4648. >And your night just got even weirder than it already was
  4649. >The scary mare just froze in place for a bit midsentence, then turned herself and Anon into a glowy sparkly shadow cloud thing and zoomed off towards the Everfree.
  4650. >Everypony is freaking out.
  4651. >You have decided you are going to bed, and hoping everything is normal when you wake up
  4658. The princesses are literally perfect. I wouldn't want anyone but one of them if I made it to Equestria and I'd probably die sad and alone because of it.
  4659. I'm now thinking of a scenario where a pony you friendzoned understands this, ans so she works extremely hard until she ascends to princesshood in an attempt to win you over.
  4660. >mare you passed on comes to your house one morning and knocks on your door
  4661. >open it to see she's as tall as Luna now, with wings and horn
  4662. >shyly asks if she's good enough for you yet
  4671. >Be Anon
  4672. >Its been almost a year since Nightmare Moon took over Equestria
  4673. >Things were great
  4674. >Well they were for you at least
  4675. >She found you in Ponyville and immediately claimed you
  4676. >Something about "breeding hips"
  4677. >First she treated you like a whore which was both good and bad
  4678. >Eventually she fell for you and declared you "Prince Consort"
  4679. >You would be lying if you said you didn't enjoy the title
  4680. >And when she moans "My Prince!" into your ear during sex?
  4681. >Fucking diamonds in your pants
  4682. >Usually after a day of hard fucking you two wake up together cuddling
  4683. >Which is strange why you are alone in your bed today
  4684. >Getting out of bed you go to the main chambers of your shared bedroom and find a purple mare standing in the middle of the room
  4685. >She is draped in silk and wearing the symbol of NMM on her chest
  4686. >She looks up from the ground as you walk in and eyes you nervously
  4687. "Uh...what are you doing in here?"
  4688. >She ducks her head and her horn lights up slightly
  4689. >The magic seems to sputter for a moment before you see it envelop a letter on the nearby table
  4690. >It gently floats over to you
  4691. >You grab it out of the the air and notice it has NMM's seal
  4692. >Cracking the seal you quickly unfold the letter and begin reading
  4693. "My dearest Anon,
  4695. I am sorry to say that duty pulls me from you. It seems the griffons refuse to accept that the era of my sisters oppression is over. They continue to resist and harass my soldiers. So I have decided to personally see that they understand their new place in this world. I fear that this task my take me several weeks as these cowards flee rather than fight and die like I had hoped. 
  4697. As such I am worried that without me to hold you that you might find yourself lonely in my absence. So to keep you entertained I leave to you one of my personal toys to amuse yourself with. Try not to damage her too badly as I am hoping to show you all of the wonderful tricks I have taught her when I return.
  4699. With deepest love, Nightmare Moon"
  4707. >> Granny Smith thinks Anon is a tree
  4708. >Anon takes a nap on a convenient park bench
  4709. >wakes up with his legs buried up to the knee, surrounded by bountiful offerings of manure and fish meal and curious ponies
  4710. Granny Smith: "Oh great spirit! Please bless us with your fertility, and increase our harvest with my granddaughter Applejack's virginal blood! Plow her deeply and fully, planting in her womb the essence of your fecundity; and if ye should be moved by coltish whimsy, please let her try the butt stuff. She's really into that, oh spirit of the bud and the branch. I'm not trying to pressure you; it'd just be nice to be able to eat carrots and other such vegetables and tubers again. I swear, she'll stick just any old thing up there. Takes after her ma, she does. Why, I remember my old marble rolling pin-"
  4711. >they say that on moonless nights you can still hear AJ screaming
  4720. >Anon's stallion friends whine and moan until he joins them for a "colt's night out"
  4721. >Tries not to feel distinctly uncomfortable as they all lounge around in their horsepajamas and watch [a punny horse version of the term 'chick flicks']
  4722. >Keeps seeing movement out of the corner of his eye, particularly where the windows are
  4723. >Catches sight of a rainbow tail darting out of sight and figures out that mares are spying on an all-colt sleepover
  4724. >Anon's watched enough of my Japanese animes to know what they expect to happen, and goes out of his way to keep things as unlewd as possible
  4725. >Rejects the offer to play drunken twister
  4726. >Rejects to join in on the stallions showing off their newest "cute" testicle bras
  4727. >The only time he even touches one of the stallions is to rub his belly because he ate too much junk food and was feeling sick (he cheated on his diet and his body was not ready for the intake of carbs and sugars)
  4728. >Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and a few other pegasi are in shock at just how l-lewd a stallion can possibly be
  4729. >"C-Colt on colt belly rubs!?"
  4736. >tfw there's practically no female nudity taboo in RRGEqG
  4737. >the bare minimum is something to cover the pussy so males don't feel threatened
  4738. >Pussies are the symbol of female oppression in RGREEQG to the stallionists
  4739. >the symbolism is everywhere
  4740. >hotdogs have a little slit in the middle
  4741. >cars have v shaped grills
  4742. >building are wider than they are tall
  4743. >Anon can't figure out why he always has a craving for tuna 
  4744. >Plot twist: Anon knows why he has this boner, and it's the world that doesn't notice
  4745. When it gets particularly hot in the summer some girls take their top off. They don't understand why anon keeps staring at them with a drooly mouth
  4747. >Anon and the humane 7 are hanging out at Rarity's private beach
  4748. >You're chilling under the umbrella while the girls set up volleyball
  4749. >Dash asks you to play to make the teams even
  4750. >You joke.
  4751. "Sure, my team's shirts, your teams skins"
  4752. >Dash, Scilight, AJ, and Pinkie pop their tops off without a second thought, exposing their wonderfully perky A and B cups to you
  4753. >It's GLORIOUS
  4754. >Then you look over at your team. >Sunset, Rarara, and Flutteryshy's shirts are straining to contain their C+ melons
  4755. >What could have been?!
  4759. It could even go the other way.
  4761. >Dash just asked you to play some beach volleyball.
  4762. >Why not, might be fun.
  4763. "Sure, whose side am I on?"
  4764. >You ask while standing up and stretching.
  4765. >" You can be on Sunset's team."
  4766. >She points to the side with the previously mentioned bacon haired girl, Fluttershy, and Rarity.
  4767. >You nod and walk to your side of the net while continuing to stretch and warm up.
  4768. >Once everyone is on there sides Dash clears her throat.
  4769. >"Y-You know... We should do something like shirts and skins so we can tell our teams apart. Hey Anon, how bout your team be skins?"
  4770. >"Rainbow Dash!"
  4771. >Fluttershy scolds her friend with the tone you've heard a mother telling a child in that 'ya done fucked up' voice.
  4772. >"Heh-heh... j-just kidding Anon."
  4773. >She quickly apologizes.
  4774. >You however shrug and grab the bottom of your shirt and start to pull it up and over your head and throw it outside the net area.
  4775. >Time seems to slow down and you can feel everyone's eyes on you.
  4776. " So we serve first or what?"
  4777. >You pick up the ball and look at them.
  4778. >They quickly move their glances away from your chest like a guy who was caught looking at a girl's breasts back home would do.
  4779. >Not that you ever did that, you always kept looking.
  4780. >"Can I switch sides?"
  4781. >You hear Pinkie say as the rest of your team starts to pull their tops off.
  4782. >It's going to be a good day.
  4791. >At the edge of the Everfree, there stands a monument.
  4792. >Each Anon felt compelled to contribute to it in some manner. To commemorate the sacrifice that made everything possible.
  4793. >To remember the Anon who gave everything, to make their dreams reality.
  4795. >Discord thought the mismatched eyesore was a thing of beauty, but he also thought it a little strange that someone other than him would create such a thing.
  4796. >So he asked them about it.
  4798. "He'd understand"
  4799. "He was an autist. We're autists"
  4800. "It was inevitable."
  4801. "It's what he would have wanted."
  4802. "If there's justice in the multiverse, he's got his own waifu wherever he is."
  4810. >The Princess of Love has a kissless virgin teenage daughter.
  4811. >It's quite embarrassing that Flurry rarely leaves her chambers -- reputation scarring even. 
  4812. >She's holed up all for that Hyperspace Hyperwars stuff.
  4813. >Not only that, but Shining is still using those good filly points that they came up with when she was three!
  4814. >That's where you come in.
  4815. >Cadence figures she just needs a push.
  4816. >Just a little something to jumpstart her love life.
  4817. >So she's paying you a hefty sum to be Flurry Heart's boyfriend.
  4818. >After all, you were childhood friends so the princess is probably banking on her daughter trusting your feigned sincerity. >And probably because you're not going to immediately regard her as an irredeemable creep for needing a pretend boyfriend.
  4825. >You will never have one of the mane 6 as a marefriend
  4826. >You will never be dragged into conflicts with the mane 6 simply by being associated with them
  4827. >Wrong place at the wrong time, that sort of thing
  4828. >Your marefriend will never feel horrible for being, in her mind, responsible for you getting hurt on these adventures
  4829. >You will never point out that she and her friends get more banged up than you do
  4830. >Your marefriend will never brush off her injuries and focus on your scrapes and bumps
  4831. >"It's a mare's job to look after her stallion, Anon. I don't know how I'd be able to stand it if you got seriously injured because of me."
  4832. >You will never cuddle and comfort her for the sake of her peace of mind
  4839. >Anon gets invited to a sleepover.
  4840. >When he gets there he finds that he's the only guy and the girls are barely wearing anything.
  4842. "steady there old boy, mustn't let them know you're a total slut."
  4844. >You stand there, completely motionless.
  4845. >No sudden movements here; these thirsty students will pounce on you the moment they sense weakness.
  4846. >They're all giving you a look that promises a sore dick and a ruined reputation.
  4847. >....and then reality dawns on you.
  4848. >Horror spreads through your belly like an eldritch creature trying to escape as you remember one very important detail.
  4849. "Oh, no."
  4850. >Sweat drips down the back of your neck and something stirs in your pants.
  4851. "I'm a slut."
  4852. >The girls must have smelled your fear, because each of them adorns a toothy, victorious grin, and they all start to form a circle around you.
  4853. >As one of them starts to play with the hem of her panties, you realize that this house will be your tomb.
  4854. >....your reputation's tomb, anyway
  4861. >Anon wants to experience life on the high seas.
  4862. >Ships are usually crewed by exclusively mares and are thus superstitious about having stallions on board.
  4863. >At the same time being out at sea for months at a time can be lonely, causing some mares crave to the company of the fairer sex.
  4864. >Anon is forced to lie about his gender in order to join the crew of a merchant ship
  4865. >Anon gets found out trading bits for givin a dickin
  4866. >He's not allowed to use swords anymore
  4867. >Captain "takes her share" of Anon, but vows to drop him off at next port
  4868. >They get raided by another ship
  4869. >Boarding party fails to fight off the other crew
  4870. >Anon is now part of the other ship's haul of loot
  4871. >This keeps happening before they can get to port to drop him off
  4872. >Captain Blackbeard is actually the eighth captain he's "served under"
  4879. >Rainbow was previously a kissless virgin fibbing in a hilariously hammy and obvious way about her sexual experience that she thought sounded cool.
  4880. >"Yeah gals I sucked his dick so good that he passed out."
  4881. >Then she starts dating you, and her friends can't tell the fibs from truth.
  4882. >"Yeah gals I don't even have breakfast anymore I just suck a fat load out of my guy. Check it out he rubbed some in my tuft now so now it smells like cock."
  4890. >Foalsit Flurry often because the young alicorn responds well to more strictness than literally "none at all" like her other caretakers often try.
  4891. >And Shiny and Candy pay well too.
  4892. >At some point, you practically become part of their family. 
  4893. >Being around both you and Shining gives Flurry a very skewed view on males.
  4894. >She's got her loving, honest, virtuous and family oriented father. A 1 in 10000 stallion.
  4895. >And she's her strong, prideful, protective, and self-sacrificing foal-sitter (read: 2nd father). A male who is totally unique.
  4896. >Flurry has just got you two and the polite but bland stallion castle staff to base her knowledge of stallions on. 
  4897. >And it's a very enticing thought to her. 
  4898. >When Flurry finally hits her teens and starts dating, she realizes all she knows are lies before her 3rd SNAFU of a date is over. 
  4899. >She's been cheated
  4901. > When Anon's son grows to adulthood, he finds Flurry an embittered, lonely mare
  4902. > He still has fond memories of her
  4903. > And from when he was starting puberty, more than a few sexual fantasies about the mare that used to babysit him
  4904. > Meanwhile, Flurry is worried Anon's wife is going to kill her for laying a hoof on their precious colt
  4910. >Anon somehow convinces twiggles with talk of science, pioneering, and exploring the unknown so close to them
  4911. >Anon volunteers to taste-test the horn emissions of every unicorn in town
  4912. >Argues that he has a wider palette because he's an omnivore
  4913. >Twiggles puts up a sign for volunteers
  4914. >Castle is surrounded the next day by the entire unicorn population of ponyville and surrounding towns
  4915. >[Anon's hand-rubbing intensifies].jpg
  4922. >Anon is forced to be a school teacher add the only job he can get, and he gets sexually harassed by the fillies until their sisters/mothers find out and take him out to make it up to him...
  4925. >Anon is able to understand pony language but can never speak it due to human mouth/vocal structure. He is unable to make any meaningful connections with any pony until Vinyl teaches him to make music and she romances the lonely Anon through music. 
  4928. >Anon is seen as an animal by much of equestria and he is given to fluttershy as a new creature to watch after. However, she understands him and vows to keep him safe from the rest of the world. 
  4931. >Anon builds a self sufficient home out on the edge of town but oddly things keep breaking in ways that require him to call AJ over to help fix them... how convenient for her...
  4934. >Anon is seen as an oddity and prized for his strange beauty as a model. Rarity and others seek to use him for money, but fluttershy steps in and gets him out before he becomes a pill addicted runway whore. 
  4937. >Anon finds a cup cake at his front door every morning until one day he catches pinkie red handed. She confesses that it was because "You had said that you thought the design on the frosting was pretty, and I think you're pretty when you're happy. So its a win win!"
  4940. >Pinkie fell for Anon hard, but her crushing self esteem issues mean she would never be able to directly ask him out
  4941. >Her never ending desire to make people happy pushes her towards the lonely and handsome alien despite the almost overwhelming panic that builds when she's near him.
  4942. >She constantly does things in the background to make him happy
  4943. >When its market day before Anon goes out shopping she calls favours/ threatens stall mares to give him discounts and the best of their stock
  4944. >When he eats at restaurants or sees shows she makes sure he gets the best seats at the house
  4945. >His sink breaks, and the town plumber is suddenly free and able to make repairs immediately
  4946. >But Anon still seems sad, and will hide away alone in his house some days
  4947. >Anon has been feeling lonely and been missing home lately
  4948. >Pinkie Pie snaps one day when all her best efforts cant seem to draw out a smile
  4949. >She confronts Anon, demands to know why he's so sad, admits what she's been doing, admits her feelings and just slowly devolves into just begging Anon to let her see him smile again
  4950. >Anon starts to cry and hugs Pinkie
  4951. >When he pulls back though, she sees it, his wonderful smile
  4952. >Pinkie swears to protect that smile
  4957. >Fluttershy found her opposite sex alien doppleganger
  4958. >It must be destiny
  4960. >They try to court each other by acting "alpha", because they assume a shy mare/man will scare them off. 
  4961. >It's the most painful and awkward thing to watch imaginable
  4963. >After they finally manage to get together, they are stuck with the most vanilla sex life imaginable
  4964. >Both of them are humongous perverts with many kinks in common
  4965. >But they don't know that, and neither is willing to be the first one to ask for more
  4966. >The extent of their discussion of sexuality basically started and ended at what position would even work properly
  4968. >"Oh, no."
  4969. >Fluttershy tucks her tail in between her hind legs and looks around nervously.
  4970. >"What if he finds out I'm a super-lewd mare?"
  4977. >You are Anon, and you just got "caught" by the guards.
  4978. >You just performed the most heinous crime of stealing one single apple (which sells for a grand total of one bit), and now the guards are on your ass.
  4979. >As per usual, they're all mares.
  4980. >Perfect.
  4981. >You back up deeper and deeper into the dead-end alleyway you purposefully went into, putting on your best shocked expression as the guards slowly approach you.
  4982. >There's even an L-curve right near the end, so ANYTHING could happen back there and nopody would EVER find out.
  4983. "Oh, no!"
  4984. >You lay it on THICK.
  4985. >like your dick, get it?
  4986. >D-do you get it?
  4987. >Being as "distraught" as you are, you drop the apple and bring your hands to your face.
  4988. "I've been caught!"
  4989. >One of the guards breaks away from the others and walks towards you.
  4990. >"Sir, please come with us."
  4991. >Your lip trembles and you do your best not to pop a stiffie too soon.
  4992. "A-Am I in trouble, officer?"
  4993. >The mare, unmoved by your shitty porno-acting (seriously, all you need is a black leather couch to sit on), nods her head.
  4994. >"You are under arrest for thievery, sir. I'd like you to come with us to the station."
  4995. >You start playing with the hem of your shirt, twisting and teasing the material with your fingers and lifting it up just enough to reveal a bit of your stomach.
  4996. "Under arrest? The station? Oh, but officer!"
  4997. >You go down onto your knees so that you're at eye-level with this little cutie-patootie.
  4998. "I'd have a criminal record! And then how would a poor stallion like me ever find employment?"
  4999. >You think about your dead childhood pets and are satisfied when you feel a couple of tears forming.
  5000. >You've really gotta sell it!
  5001. "Isn't there anything..."
  5002. >You finally let yourself really think about what is (hopefully) about to happen with you and these mares, and you feel your growing erection pushing at the loose fabric of your shorts.
  5003. >The guard briefly breaks eye-contact and her gaze darts down to your crotch, but only for a second.
  5004. >When she looks back up, she's starting to blush.
  5005. "...I can do to convince you otherwise?"
  5006. >A perverted smile creeps on on the guard's face.
  5007. >"Well, maybe."
  5008. >She gives a sharp whistle, and the other three female guards approach you.
  5009. >The mare in front of you kicks off one of her little booties and caresses your chest.
  5010. >"How badly do you want to go free, sir?"
  5011. >Jackpot.
  5016. >Anon is Rarity's coltfriend
  5017. >Sometimes gets pulled into whatever mane 6 shenanigans they're involved in just by sheer proximity with them
  5018. >Gets scuffed up sometimes, but the mares (especially Rarity) keep him safe from harm
  5019. >Rarity is worried that he's picking up inappropriate behaviour from her friends
  5020. >"He's just a colt! If he keeps running off with us, one day he'll get seriously hurt!"
  5021. >Everyone returns late one night from one such adventure, and Anon is a bit roughed up
  5022. >Agrees to meet with Rarity at her boutique first thing in the morning to put her fears to rest
  5023. >He doesn't show up on time
  5024. >Unknown to Rarity, Anon forgot to set his alarm and slept in
  5025. >Meanwhile, Rarity is beside herself in worry
  5026. >She doesn't know if she should stick around and wait for him to show up, or rush out to find him and risk him arriving at the boutique while she isn't there to help treat his wounds
  5027. >"Stupid, Rarity! Stupid! What in Equestria were you thinking, letting poor Anonymous accompany you!? Oh, it's so easy to forget that he's a colt when he acts like such a tomfilly! He's probably dying in the streets, all alone, and-"
  5028. >Just as she's about to run out the door, Anon walks in
  5029. >Anon is immediately tackled by his sobbing marefriend
  5036. >Be Anon
  5037. >"First we got that damn zigger comin' around now you." she says pointing a hoof at you. " Why don't ya go get a minotaur huh?"
  5038. >You look at Applejack who is hiding behind her hat.
  5039. >"G-Granny, that's not a-"
  5040. >"Ah don't care what she is! She ain't getting my grandson." Granny Smith says not letting Applejack finish.
  5041. >You think about correcting her.
  5042. >Then you get a devious idea.
  5043. "To be honest I go after stallions over minotaur male because of their cock."
  5044. >Granny Smith is taken aback.
  5045. >"Y-You what!?" The mare ask surprised by what you said.
  5046. "Yeah, minotaurs just don't have that thick girth that a stallions do."
  5047. >"Anon!" Applejack yelps trying to stop you.
  5048. >It's too late little pone!
  5049. "Oh and their loads! They shoot like a fire hose!"
  5050. >Granny has heard enough.
  5051. >"Now you listen here! You better not come near my grandson! Then again it's not like you could even entice him with this pathetic thing you call a cu-" Granny grabs at what she expected to be a vagina.
  5052. >After giving your balls a few gentle squeezes through your pants she slowly raises her gaze to meet your face.
  5053. >Applejack is as red as a Apple her mouth a gasp.
  5054. >You meanwhile have a smile.
  5055. "Then again, you're quite forward Mrs. Smith."
  5056. >You say in you deepest sultry voice you can muster.
  5057. >The elderly pony passes out.
  5058. >"G-Granny!"
  5059. >You check her pulse.
  5060. "She's alive. See you tomorrow AJ!"
  5061. >You say before happily walking home.
  5062. >Today was a get a five year discount on apples to stay quite kind of day
  5069. >In reality I'd probably get swept off my feet by one of the first few background ponies to hit on me, and I would never want to cheat on her.
  5070. >being on the receiving end of a proper courting would make my kokoro go doki doki.
  5071. >Panic because the idea of all that attention is honestly scary
  5072. Likewise
  5074. >Ponk and Fluttershy are the only ones to realise how insecure you are with affection and that you latched onto the first honest bit of it you recieved like a man dying of thirst.
  5075. >Knows how devestated / suicidal you'll be if the relationship doesnt work out for whatever reason.
  5076. >They work in the background to help you, setting up various hyjinks for you and your mare, making sure you know how much they consider you a friend, etc.
  5077. >Operation "Protect-His-Smile" is a go.
  5083. Tiny Appul wants Tiny Dragon
  5085. >Anon is basically Spike's dad at this point
  5086. >Twiggles finds out that pic related happened
  5087. >Is getting set to start freaking out over at Sweet Apple Acres
  5088. >Anon intervenes, tells her that they're just kids, just wait and see how things go.
  5089. >Spike isn't a helpless colt, he's a mothafuckin' firebreathing dragon.
  5090. >Even if she was a horrible mare, she couldn't actually rape him. He'd have to be willing or filly is gonna have a bad time.
  5091. >And Bloom is a good girl, she wouldn't try that.
  5097. >Anon became a villain
  5098. >He forged an army, and set to work.
  5100. >When Celestia finally confronted him, she asked him why he had done it.
  5101. >She was not prepared for his answer
  5102. >She expected a simple lust for power and glory, like Tirek, Sombra, and Grogar.
  5103. >She hadn't expected him to proclaim that it had been for Love.
  5104. >That he had done it for Her.
  5106. >He was nothing. Nobody. 
  5107. >A stranger in a strange land. 
  5108. >He had no noble titles, no wealth, No lands.
  5109. >Nothing that would give him even the slightest chance with the Princess who had stolen his heart without even knowing it.
  5111. >So he took what scraps of knowledge he knew from the histories of his people and exploited them to become powerful and important enough to stand before her as more than a simple commoner.
  5112. >He sought power, not for its own sake, but for a purpose
  5113. >And he would throw it away without hesitation, if it would get him what he truly desired
  5118. >Celestia is in court one day with her sister when Anon walks past, crossing the room to get to another.
  5119. >Instantly Celestia goes wide-eyed, stiff, and tracks him with her eyes until he exits.
  5120. >Heart-eyes.scroll
  5121. >Asks her sister "who was that".
  5122. >Luna is casual in saying that Anon's a good friend that she frequently hangs out with during her nightly duties.
  5123. >Gets a bad feeling when Celestia practically purrs his name in thought.
  5124. >Anon, now has to deal with wooing attempts from an old-fashioned Celestia.
  5125. >Luna is both amused and embarrassed by her behaviour
  5128. "Uh, Luna?"
  5129. >"Hmm?" She looks up from her scroll, and her quill stills mid-stroke. "Is something the matter?"
  5130. >The idly finger your bouncy-ball.
  5131. "Celestia is outside, and she has a, uh, lute, I think?"
  5132. >Luna blinks. "A lute?"
  5133. "Yup."
  5134. >"...My sister is outside, with a lute." 
  5135. >She face-hoofs. "Dear stars above, sister: a lute? Seriously?"
  5136. "Uh..."
  5137. >She gives you a hooded, dead-eye stare.
  5138. >"Prepare your ears for a serenade most unpleasant, my friend, for my sister has the talent of a drunken gryphon regarding her skills in playing musical instruments."
  5139. >That doesn't sound good.
  5140. >Ten seconds later, you're aiming your bouncy-ball dead between Celestia's eyes...
  5142. >You are Celestia, and Tartarus be damned if that paragon of beauty isn't playing hard to get!
  5143. >...You currently have a bouncy-ball impaled on your horn
  5150. >Moondancer has just helped save all of Equestria
  5151. >Is brought before Celestia
  5152. >Celestia gives a rousing speech about how Moondancer managed to overcome all odds and how much Equestria is in debt to her
  5153. >Celestia asks if there is anything that she would desire in return for having helped save so many ponies
  5154. >Moondancer pulls out a mirror
  5155. >Explains how she has been monitoring communications from an alien world
  5156. >A place full of sad and lonely stallions who desire nothing but a loving mare
  5157. >Moondancer asks Celestia if there is any way to bring them to Equestria so that they might find love here
  5158. >Celestia is moved by their plight
  5159. >Celestia, Luna, and Twilight work for weeks trying to find a way to bridge the gap between dimensions but it would require way too much magical power
  5160. >However it is Lovebutt that realizes the power that can bring those poor stallions is already present
  5161. >Use the magic of these Anon's love to bring them to Equestria
  5162. >Within a fortnight they have the spell prepared
  5163. >At dawn with an audience of hundreds of ponies they cast their spell
  5164. >In a flash of light dozens of dazed Anons appear
  5165. >They are in various stages of dress and emotions they stare around at the gathered ponies
  5166. >Celestia steps forward, prepared to explain why they were brought here, when something incredable happens
  5167. >An Anon rushes her and bowls down the guards between them
  5168. >With a herculean heave he grabs Celestia and lifts her over his head
  5169. >All eyes are on him as he lets out a tremendous shout
  5170. >"FUCKING DIBS!"
  5171. >Before running off with the celestial princess in his arms
  5172. >As he turns the corner a bottle of ketchup falls out of his pants pocket and thuds on the ground
  5173. >This snaps the others out of their daze as they begin rushing into the crowd and grabbing mares before booking it away
  5174. >In the chaos no one seems to notice the skinny little Anon who goes over to a smiling Moondancer and scoops her gently up into his arms before he walks away cradling her
  5182. >He may be an ancient sorceror, keeping death at bay with dark magic.
  5183. >But he's still *fabulous*
  5185. >When you're undead, you have lots of time to learn how to sew your own clothes and forge your own armor.
  5186. >He has so many different outfits he had to add an entire new wing to his fortress to display them all.
  5187. >Seemingly everywhere you go in there, you can find a reanimated skeleton doing double duty as a manikin to show off his designs.
  5189. >Then during the course of one of their adventures, Dress Horse stumbled upon him after an unfortunate incident with some of his guards.
  5191. >She was dirty and disheveled, and her hair was tangled, and it was his fault.
  5192. >That simply would not do
  5193. >For he immediately recognized a fellow of fabulousness
  5194. >Time to put these old bones to work.
  5198. >Guards surround her in brightly-polished armor
  5199. "Nyeh heh heh, I knew what you were the moment you caught my eye."
  5200. >Push her to follow him
  5201. "Being as old and learned in the Ways as I am, you can see it. Behind the innocent eyes, beneath the mortal flesh, it is there."
  5202. >They're a little rough, but they're skellies, what can you do?
  5203. "Oh how long it's been since someone has actually breathed the airs of these halls. You will be perfect, just perfect, for what I have in store!"
  5204. >He brings her into an antechamber with several large and imposing doors
  5205. >He turns to face her, glowing red eyes inside a bleached skull boring into her soul
  5206. "Now, my little pony..."
  5207. >His bony arms raise and point at doors.
  5208. "Choose."
  5209. >"W-what?"
  5210. "Choose a door. Choose which of my works you will experience first."
  5211. >She points at one at random.
  5212. >He begins to cackle
  5213. "Ah ha ha ha! I knew it, I could see it in you! You wish to witness THE GREATEST OF MY DARK DESIGNS!"
  5214. >His head kicks back in laughter, and soon his skellies join him in it
  5215. >Even while laughing he forces down a heavy lever
  5216. >Rumbles through the castle shake Rarity's bones
  5217. >What did she do to deserve this?
  5218. >The door ascends slowly, a wispy fog flowing out into the room and hiding her own hooves
  5219. >His laughter gets more excited, as if he's eager to bring her doom
  5220. >A bright light flips on, illuminating the hall deep within the castle, far away from the light of the sun
  5221. "Behold! Behold a thousand years of refinement!"
  5222. >It's...it's...
  5223. "They're perfect for the season, and your coat. My bright designs are two doors to the left, but I keep them locked away until summer because I'm not some kind of plebeian."
  5226. >This is Chit Chat and Grape Vine reporting live from the Annual Grand Manehattan Fashion Show. 
  5227. >We have a very exciting day here at the Manehattan Grand Hall where the elites of the fashion world come and gather to show everybody their work.
  5228. >Speaking of elites this year's Dark horse duo who have taken everybody by storm.
  5229. >The Element of Generosity herself and her partner the mysterious masked bipedal who calls himself Ahnon!
  5230. >After that disaster on the gala years ago no one expected Madame Rarity to show herself in public again. 
  5231. >We'll she is a national hero, Chit Chat.
  5232. >So imagine my surprise when she showed herself with Ahnon, a literal army of supermodels and with their Spring collection. 
  5233. >And now everybody is lining up and trying to *ahem* kiss derriere. 
  5235. >"Oh Darling! I didn't expect to be in here!"
  5236. >Soon we'll have complete and total global domination.
  5237. >"You mean the fashion world, Right Darling?"
  5238. >Of course diamond butt, I've already conquered death and world conquest is so last millennia.
  5239. >"It's about to start Darling! Where's Jimmy?"
  5240. >The fashionable lich made a grabbing motion with his hands, Rarity can feel the walls between worlds thinning and from a small tear in space, steps a skeletal pony wearing star-shaped shades.
  5241. >The skeletal pony bows to Anon and Rarity. A snap from Anon's finger, a well made illusion covered "Jimmy".
  5245. >Everyone was surprised by the small pony's strong and loud voice.
  5247. >Models came strutting and sashaying on the ramp one by one.
  5249. >The envious designers wish that these models are wearing their creations.
  5251. >the other models wish they're wearing one of Madame Rarity's line. 
  5253. >Rarity is trying to hold back her tears of happiness and the Masked biped has ominous levels of smug in his posture.
  5265. >Pinkie flirts with everyone
  5266. >Absolutely everyone
  5267. >Most of the time it's harmless fun on her part, and almost everyone brushes it off with a laugh
  5268. >Sometimes a few will flirt back, but rarely are they serious.
  5269. >Anon was serious.
  5270. >And funny.
  5271. >She was not prepared for that combination
  5277. >It had finally come to this.
  5278. >Flash Sentry, the biggest douche in the school, wanted to fight you.
  5279. >Truth be told, you sort of expected this reaction
  5280. >Filling up his locker with twenty pounds of fresh dogshit tends to have that effect on a person.
  5281. >”Come on bitch, I’m going to teach a you lesson you won’t soon forget.”
  5282. “Flash, buddy, can we just call it even? You’re a dick and I filled your locker with shit. They cancel each other out.”
  5283. >”I’m going to fucking kill you!”
  5284. >Screaming loudly, the blue haired teen flung himself in your direction.
  5285. >The crowd of other students and a bored looking Yankee Doodle, the history teacher, watched as he did.
  5286. >Shouldn’t teachers try to stop these sorts of fights—
  5287. >Perhaps you should’ve paid attention instead of asking these sorts of questions.
  5288. >Flash’s tackle brought you both to the ground.
  5289. >Some of the on looking girls cheered, whether for you or Flash, you weren’t exactly sure.
  5290. >”Heck yeah! Two guys fighting is always hot.”
  5291. >That sounded remarkably like Rainbow Dash, that instigating cunt.
  5292. >Flash, having no sort of inner monologue to distract him, raised his fist, ready to strike the first blow.
  5293. >This was probably going to hurt.
  5294. >Feeling the fist make contact with the side of your face you—
  5295. >Wait a tick… that didn’t hurt, at all.
  5296. >Your little sister hit harder than this, and she’s six for fucks sake.
  5297. “Dude, you hit like a girl.”
  5298. >Fist raised high yet again, Flash stopped, cheeks reddening in embarrassment, he looked ready resume his feeble attacks.
  5299. >”You fucking asshole. I may be a girl, but I’ll still kick your ass.”
  5300. >What?
  5301. >Pounding fists fell on your chest, as murmurs broke out amongst the crowd watching the scene.
  5302. >”Flash is a girl?”
  5303. >”No wonder Flash always changed in the girls locker room.”
  5304. >”So that’s why he didn’t have a dick when we showered, it all makes sense now.”
  5305. >”Shouldn’t someone stop her then? It’s not cool for girls to beat up defenseless guys.”
  5306. >Squinting a little, you examined his— err, her face.
  5307. >Definitely feminine features.
  5308. >Eyes lowering you also noticed two barely noticeable bumps on her chest.
  5309. >Yup, those are tits, not big ones, but still tits.
  5310. >It was around this moment that you realized the position you two were in.
  5311. >Flash straddling you, and Anon Jr the fourth, also coming to the realization that there was a chick straddling you.
  5312. >Sure it might have been under the pretext of fighting, but the little bastard didn’t give two shits.
  5313. >Flash also seemed to notice.
  5314. >Jumping up faster than you could have ever expected, she pointed an accusatory finger at you.
  5315. >”You’re a fucking creep Anon!”
  5316. >Running away from you and the mob of confused students, Flash took off down the hall and out of sight.
  5317. >You learned something new today.
  5318. >And that little something is that Flash is a chick.
  5319. >Scratch that, you also learned your dick didn’t give a fuck.
  5326. >Anon was sent to Equestria in a untamed wilderness
  5327. >This was before the Princesses claimed that land and united the kingdom
  5328. >Anon tried learning how to stay alive long enough to not be alone. Pic Related
  5329. >When he figures it out he is so old that he just goes lich instead
  5330. >Goes to sleep to try and not go crazy from being in his body for too long
  5331. >Mane 6 accidentally find him and wake him up
  5332. >Pets Rarity not because he understands there are people with him, but because she is a colorful pony
  5333. >Twilight curious as to why the obviously dark magic monster not being aggressive starts looking around what could be considered a lab.
  5334. >She finds Anon's notes, slowly figuring out that he was slowly loosing his mind
  5335. >Takes Anon back too Ponyvill to see if she can help he regain his sanity
  5336. >Till then, everyone treats him like that doddering old man that is nice to everyone, but doesn't know where he is.
  5337. >He makes little magic shows for the Foals, petting everyone without care of if they are grown little mares.
  5340. >Lichanon is...surprisingly popular with foals. Once they get over his unsettling appearance, that is. 
  5341. >It helps that he has a goofy sense of humor and cracks lots of jokes about being a skellington.
  5342. >A bunch of them paint his undead bones in swirls of bright colors, and he starts wearing tie-dyed robes and tee shirts with funny sayings. 
  5343. >It helps even more that he's pretty useful to have around, since he comes to the defense of the town regularly. 
  5344. >He learns that a few foals are having horrific nightmares that Luna can't seem to get a handle on. 
  5345. >Playing a hunch, he drains some life from some obnoxious timberwolves to empower some plush toys and gifts them to them.
  5346. >the nightmare-inducing, fear-eating aberration is very, very surprised to find itself attacked and overwhelmed by a couple dozen animated, heavily-armed sapient toys who employ swarm tactics.
  5347. >Several exhausted foals will be sleeping much better from now on. 
  5348. >As a side benefit, many monsters that encounter Lichanon become raw materials and fuel for more protective toys for fillies and foals, and eventually start avoiding Ponyville altogether
  5352. >Cherilee is watching the fillies play with Anon.
  5353. >The skeletal creature is doing cute little magic shows.
  5354. >At first everyone was wary but soon warmed up to the harmless skeletal biped.
  5355. >Wait. What the BUCK is that!
  5356. >From the treeline comes the largest and muscular manticore you've ever seen. Holy buck that shit is JACKED.
  5357. >Thank Celestia and Luna that it still haven't noticed you and the foals.
  5358. >You usher the fillies and Anon as fast as calm possible.
  5359. >But you're not that lucky when somefilly screamed and got the manticore's attention.
  5360. >The Manticore roared and started to charge at you.
  5361. >You resolved to put yourself before the fillies and hope while the manticore is munching you the fillies reach safety.
  5362. >The manticore is at mid-pounce when the sudden rattling and straining of chains can be heard.
  5363. >The manticore is hanging mid-air. Bound by spectral chains.
  5364. >It's suddenly several degrees colder and darker. An unnatural darkness.
  5365. >Anon is shambling towards the struggling creature.
  5366. >The loud beating of a heart and a strange, harsh language can be heard from everywhere your eardrums are starting to hurt.
  5367. >Fortunately the fillies seems to be unaffected and are they asleep?
  5368. >The Heartbeat is going faster and faster the Manticore is trying to break it's bond harder.
  5369. >The heartbeat and the chanting comes to a crescendo.
  5370. >Anon points to the manticore then makes a crushing gesture. The heartbeat stops, the beast falls limp and you fall to unconsciousness.
  5371. >You were jolted awake when you hit your muzzle on the table.
  5372. >Anon is sitting on the floor DT and Applebloom are sleeping on his lap.The others are sleeping on a snuggle pile.
  5373. >Strange dream. You open the curtains and you squeak in surprise. Outside is a large and dead manticore.
  5374. >Anon just winks at you and makes a shushing gesture
  5377. >Whenever Anon appears, there is always xylophone music. 
  5378. >Nobody knows where it comes from.
  5379. >All his scary stories end with some variation of 
  5381. >The fillies no longer fear him.
  5382. >He's come a long way, all his edges mellowed.
  5383. >He swings buy the town once a week to buy milk
  5387. >Some of the parents observe that perhaps Anon spends so much time with the foals because he can't ever have foals of his own
  5388. >A good stallion like that, who is so good with foals, shouldn't live forever without a mare to guide him
  5389. >It just isn't proper
  5390. >His coltish whimsy should be tempered by a mare's steadfast reasoning
  5391. >Some fillies eavesdrop on their parents and talk among themselves
  5392. >They resolve to get him a special somepony
  5393. >They find an old, abandoned, haunted house in the everfree near the castle of the twin sisters
  5394. >The ghost of a lonely mare, who died during the collapse of her house, with bones exposed and empty eyes like Anon, tries to scare them away
  5395. >She gets confused when they're happy they found a ghost
  5396. >Her eyes are just like Anon's, just a little less solid
  5397. >Tell her about Anon and how she should meet him
  5398. >She follows them curiously
  5399. >Anon initially concerned for the fillies, think they're being haunted
  5400. >They get him to put away the spectral coffins and chains
  5401. >Ask him to at least let her ask him out
  5402. >Anon can't say no to four sets of big, innocent eyes
  5403. >Anon and ghostpone hit it off
  5404. >Builds her a skelepone body with a mask the foals can paint for her to inhabit
  5405. >She becomes a staple of the community right next to Anon
  5406. >Fillies come to her for advice about colts
  5407. >"Haunts" foals' rooms at night, tucking them in, reading bedtime stories in her spoopy voice, or checking (and scolding) the monsters under their beds
  5408. >Teaches fillies how to be marely so they won't fail their family like she did in life
  5409. >Her and Anon live out the life their undeath has stolen from them, albeit without the ability to have foals of their own
  5410. >But this unlife is good enough for them
  5418. >Anon walks around Ponyville
  5419. >Young earth pony filly innocently asks him where his sisters are and why they aren't escorting him around town
  5420. >Tinypone's parents find her and call her over
  5421. >Thank you for bringing her back to them
  5422. >Tinypone fusses and insists that she was escorting you around to make sure you wouldn't get hurt
  5423. >D'aww
  5424. >Decide to humor her
  5425. >You say that -you- should be thanking -her- for being a big filly and keeping you safe
  5426. >Watch as tinypone puffs her chest tuft up with pride
  5428. >Tiny pony develops a crush on Anon and decides that he'll be her (and her sister's) husband when she grows up
  5429. >Declares this to her family with all the finality and confidence of a 5 year old saying that after he graduates kindergarten he's going to go out and find himself a wife
  5432. >Anon as an ara ara dilf
  5433. >Anon oblivious but still kind and overly cuddly
  5434. >Anon promising to accept tinypone's proposal if he is still single when she grows up (spoiler: he is)
  5435. >Anon terrified that ponies will see him as a pedo, and misinterpreting them thinking of it as adorable
  5436. >Tiny pone conscripts big sis to reel Anon in so they can herd up
  5437. >Tiny pone asks for mom's help, mom is proud that her filly is so confidant that she playfully does. Falls for Anon herself and is in the predicament of herding with her daughter or betraying her trust
  5441. >you will never be accepted into Equestria as an airship captain
  5442. >you will never be given a top notch crew to patrol the skies of Equestria with
  5443. >they will never grow to become fiercely loyal and loving of their captain to a fault
  5444. >you will never travel all across Equestria with them and even over the vast oceans to new lands
  5445. >you will never get into a relationship with the ships qt mechanic mare
  5451. >be BlindAnon in Equestria
  5452. >You were walking one day and suddenly in candy hoers land
  5453. >All you hear is sexy girl voices and it smells like candy, cookies, and fruit
  5454. >Fluffy girl pones lead you around by gently grabbing your hand in their mouth
  5455. >Bang head on nearly every door sill. Pones are horrified and start massive reconstruction project
  5456. >Mares constantly masturbate when alone with you. You wonder why the candy smell gets stronger while chatting with a mare at home
  5457. >crotch constantly bumps into the crotch high pones flanks
  5463. >mares just suddenly start appearing one day.
  5464. >claiming husbandos left and right.
  5465. >said husbandos get mocked relentlessly in the mainstream for being unable to get a real woman.
  5466. >mocking intensifies after interspecies marriage is fully legalised
  5467. >the laughter stops roughly two years later when the human-pony divorce rate is still at 0.
  5469. Travel between worlds starts to be commonplace. A sort of "Match-maker" service/industry springs up where Mares go to Earth to find a husbando. They can either live with their husbando on Earth or take them back to Equestria with them (most go back).
  5471. >mares have been coming and going for some time now
  5472. >often see groups of them walking down the sidewalks, taking in the sights
  5473. >notice one mare in a group isn't paying attention to what her friends are talking about
  5474. >her eyes are completely locked onto you
  5475. >cock your head at her in a question
  5476. >she gets the biggest, most beatific smile you've ever seen anyone make and pushes her way through her friends, trotting over to you
  5477. >several months later you're going through the portal together to live with her
  5478. Turns out mares just know when they see their mate.
  5481. >Anon is not interested in being a horsefucker
  5482. >When pony comes up to him at work and asks him out he politely declines and she leaves
  5483. >Yet the pony doesn't give up
  5484. >She shows up every day to try and quietly asks him if he wants to go on a date with her
  5485. >Anon still isn't interested though he starts getting flustered as to why this mare is set on him
  5486. >Even the mares friends that came with her are telling her to give it up
  5487. >This goes on for a couple of weeks
  5488. >Finally one day the mare comes to say goodbye
  5489. >Its the last day of her "love" visa 
  5490. >Anon asks if she found someone to take back with her
  5491. >He is kinda disappointed when she says yes
  5492. >After she leaves he feels like something is wrong
  5493. >he goes to follow her and finds her standing at the bus stop with her friends who each have humans with them
  5494. >She is by herself with her head down
  5495. >Anon is about to go to her but he stops himself last second
  5496. >He doesn't even know this mare and besides he isn't a horsefucker
  5497. >She gets on the bus with the others and leaves
  5498. Sad times in pony land
  5500. Secret epilogue
  5501. >Anon finds himself stepping off a train in a small town punnily called Ponyville
  5502. >Its taken the first week of his "love visa" but he finally managed to find out her name and where she is from
  5503. >It was pretty hard to talk the ponies into telling you but when you explained the situation they finally relented
  5504. >It might take Anon the rest of his month long visa to find out what happened to her but it will be worth it if he can find out what happened with "Sweetie Belle"
  5509. >The portal to Equestria has a side effect.
  5510. >Magic leaks through too.
  5511. >Harmony magic.
  5513. >The Tree of Harmony begins to influence Earth.
  5514. >Earth in general becomes less shit.
  5515. >Slowly at first, but soon it gains momentum.
  5516. >It's not a utopia, and it probably never will be, but it's a noticeable improvement
  5520. >certain groups of "humans" are immune or incapable of being affected by this magic
  5521. >they become the races of villains on earth
  5522. >unable to purge them from the planet, the harmonious humans left remaining decide to contain them in one area of the world
  5529. "Come on, Bonbon, nine bits!"
  5530. >"I'm not going below ten, Anon."
  5531. "I've got the bits right here! Just say nine and you've got a sale - I walk out that door with some candy, you make a profit, deal?"
  5532. >"Ten bits and thats final!"
  5534. >You are Anon, and currently you're in Bonbon's candy store trying to haggle for a bag of caramels
  5535. >Now, you love arguing with Bonbon McFrownyface as much as anyone, but this time there's actually a practical season why you haggle
  5536. >You only have nine bits, and you really want some candy
  5537. A bag of caramels usually costs 16 bits, so you've made quite some progress
  5538. >Unfortunately that seems to be as far as you'll get
  5539. >Bonbon has already dropped 6 bits off the price, and you could tell she would not budge any further
  5540. >She really wants to stay in the double digits, you guess
  5541. >Realizing you can't win, you decide to play another game
  5542. >Your goal is no longer to make a purchase, but to piss Bonbon off enough to chase you out of the store
  5543. >You won't really gain anything from it, but at least it'll make you feel better
  5545. >You put an arm on the counter and lean in with a sleazy expression
  5546. "How about this? Nine bits and I'll give you a kiss right on your cute little muzzle"
  5547. >You wiggle your eyebrows for good measure
  5548. >Never let it be said you didn't put effort into everything
  5549. >Oh, you can already see her face turn red, with anger no doubt
  5550. >Except she looks more embarrassed than angry...
  5551. >Still, that could work just as well
  5552. >Bonbon's eyes dances around the room, which is empty save for the two of you, before she turns her attention back to you
  5553. >"O-ok... Deal."
  5560. > Mare finds depressed Anon sitting on a park bench, a colorful gift box on his lap
  5561. > Asks him what is wrong
  5562. > He tells her his date stood him up again
  5563. > The present was for his date
  5564. > The mare tries to comfort him, and succeeds a little
  5565. > He gives her a fragile little smile
  5566. "You've been so nice to me, how about I give this present to you? Go ahead and open it."
  5567. > The mare tries to refuse, but he's insistent 
  5568. > She lifts the lid, wondering if she should really take advantage of a distraught stallion like this
  5569. > Itsadick.poster
  5570. > She blushes hard, looking around nervously
  5571. > Is it a prank?
  5572. > Anon pats her cheek, a predatory grin on his face
  5573. "Go ahead, it's yours. Use it however you like."
  5574. > She stares hungrily at it
  5575. > "Oh, I most definitely will."
  5581. >Anon becomes an incredibly skilled fisherman.
  5582. >Gilda visits town one day and spots him by a lake.
  5583. >She looks down on his "colty" patient method and tries to one up him by using the famous Griffon method.
  5584. >That is, swooping down and snatching a fish from the lake in an instant.
  5585. >Something in her horny bird brain assumed he would be all over her after pulling such a wicked stunt, but he was unfazed by it.
  5586. >She couldn't say the same when he pulled out a gigantic monster of a fish that was twice her size using that weird tool.
  5587. >And so, a (one-sided) rivalry began
  5592. >Twilight discovers Anon's fuck plushes and dakimakura
  5593. >She thinks he has them for hug and not for fug since it's normal for stallions to be into that cutesy stuff
  5594. >Mares start gifting him random plushes in the hopes of getting in his good graces
  5600. The portal opens at random, and only lets a specific person in at a time, everyone is chosen by random magic.
  5602. Because discord is a good guy but fucking loves chaos, he set every anon up with a fairly high end computer so they can interact with humans on the other side, shits chos and shit and feeds its own magical portal just by using the thing. 
  5604. The catch is anon will show up randomly to a pony in desperate need. The anons are lonely, the mares are lonely, and equestrias bullshit magic decided to fix that. 
  5606. You are anon, and you just got shit out next to the loneliest queen buggums that ever existed
  5611. >Anon in RGREqG
  5612. >Anon confides in <waifu of your choice> that he's pretty sure most of the guys are gay, based on the way they act
  5613. >Is uncomfortable with what he believes to be passes made at him by Flash and his friends
  5614. >Hangs around with <waifu> and her friends more often instead of the guys as a result
  5615. ><waifu> and friends connect the dots pretty quickly and do nothing to convince Anon that he's wrong
  5616. >End result is that they get to enjoy a boy's attention all to themselves, one that's all alone
  5617. >"No, this is great! He doesn't walk between classes with a pack of guys like all the other boys do! This means if we ever wanna, you know, grab him and have some fun, he won't have any backup."
  5623. >Bonnie just wanders around the school even though she isn't registered to attend it
  5624. >Thanks to winning a few genetic lotteries, Bonnie looks like she's in her mid teens even though she's in her late 20s
  5625. >Tries to pick up boys half her age
  5629. Maybe Bon Bon just belongs to an O&O club and roleplays as a rogue. She gets really into character and sometimes likes to pretend she's a spy or a secret agent after she and her friends are done with a session for the day
  5632. >Tries to be like her idol, Jane Bond
  5633. >Casually misandristic while remaining suave and irresistible to whichever handsome man is following him around in that movie, Bonnie tries to emulate her
  5634. >Fucks up
  5635. >Comes off as classically tsundere while she tries to build up the nerve to grab a boy without warning and kiss him
  5637. >Spends most of her money on overpriced Made in Yakyakistan 'spy' gadgets
  5638. >Stalks Anon while telling herself she's 'protecting' him
  5639. >Gets caught when he reaches his porch, and the automatic light overwhelms her cheap nvgs
  5641. "What are you doing here?"
  5642. >"N-nothing! Definitely not st-stalking you or anything!"
  5643. "Cut the crap, Bon-bon."
  5644. >Anon flutters his eyes and makes his best pleading face/pose
  5645. "Please tell me what you're doing, please?"
  5646. >"I-I-I was...."
  5647. "Pretty please?"
  5649. "Oh Bonny-bon-bonbon. All you had to do was ask."
  5651. >...
  5652. >You fucking what?
  5653. >Anon smiles and wriggles his eyes brows before walking over to the door and holding it open invitingly.
  5654. >A grin splits your face and you take a step inside his house.
  5655. >Eat your fucking heart out, Jane Bond.
  5658. >Anon has trouble adjusting to RGR here
  5659. >Tells Bonbon about it, because she'd definitely try her hardest to keep the top-secret secret of you origin
  5660. >Not that anyone would believe her anyway
  5661. "Bonny, I have a favor I need to ask you, now that you know."
  5662. >"A-anything, Anon."
  5663. "Well, I want to fit in here, and that would involve me learning how to act like a man would around here. Since I'm not from around here, I need someone to teach me."
  5664. >"Well...I suppose I could ask Caramel or Thunderlane to help you with that, they're pretty coltish."
  5665. "I also need someone to show me what females are supposed to be like. Strong, independent, take-charge, that sort of thing?"
  5666. >Bonbon starts to hyperventilate a little bit
  5667. "Do you think you could help me?"
  5668. >Anon. 
  5669. >The boy of her dreams
  5670. >Is asking her to be alpha for him
  5671. >She can finally act like Jane Bond
  5672. >Mare-handle him
  5673. >Kiss him whenever SHE wants
  5674. "Breathe, Bonny, breathe."
  5681. > Anon shows up, and the local alpha bastard takes him under his wing
  5682. > Teaches Anon the ways of manipulating females, how to never pay for a drink at the bar, etc
  5683. > Some of it seems pretty gay to Anon, but it's hard to argue with the results
  5684. > Anon is still very much the janefilly, but he has learned how to lead a mare around by her teats
  5685. > And unlike his mentor, Anon always leaves his victims satisfied
  5687. >The bastard takes you aside
  5688. >"Anon, I was just inform that not only are you in 'open relationships' with four different girls, but there are currently ten more competing to oust one of them. Is this true?"
  5689. "Yeah, aint it grand?"
  5690. >He places a hand on your shoulder and looks deep in your eyes for a moment
  5691. >Then down across the nice shirt you're wearing that belongs to Rarity
  5692. >Past the scarf that Fluttershy knitted you
  5693. >The nice workboots that Applejack bought for you
  5694. >Then he looked across the hall to your lunchtable where they sat
  5695. >And the other tables nearby that were filled with women watching them and you, like sharks, waiting to capitalize on a moment of weakness
  5696. >You could use a new watch, you realize.
  5697. >You could probably get DT to buy you one
  5698. >All you'd need to do is flutter your eyelashes, grab her arm and hold it close, inspecting the one she wears
  5699. >The bastard in front of you is starting to tear up
  5700. >"I heard caramel ask you for advice earlier in the hall today about women."
  5701. >That's right, he did.
  5702. >"Anon, I'm *sniff* I'm so proud of you."
  5703. >He places his hand on your head, ruffling your 'just woke up' style of hair
  5704. >"The student has finally become the master. Go with my blessing, apprentice, and rule with a soft hand and come-hither eyes."
  5709. >Anon casually walks around in boxers in the private quarters of the palace, where he, Celestia, and Cadence live.
  5710. >To Cadence, it's like a your hot step-sister walking around in lingerie. oblivious to how flustered it makes you
  5716. >Anon wants to prove to Applejack that he'd be a good worker on her farm
  5717. >Takes the initiative and milks the farm's cows 
  5718. >Applejack is puzzled about where he got all that milk
  5719. >Anon is informed that Sweet Apple Acres doesn't have any cows
  5720. >"That explains why they all tried to give me their addresses."
  5726. > Anon is transported to Equestria via shenanigans
  5727. > The catch is, so is his widowed mother
  5728. > She finds work in stallion dominated fields, and quickly becomes friends with a lot of her coworkers
  5729. > The stallions start to compete for her attention, gratified every time she recognizes the skill and effort they put into cooking, sewing, etc
  5730. > She starts colluding with the older stallions, setting Anon up with their daughters
  5731. > The poor mares are embarrassed that their parents had to arrange the thing, but they don't want to turn down a date with a handsome stallion either
  5732. > Anon is just glad his mom is getting out and focusing her attentions elsewhere
  5733. > It's hard being an only child
  5739. > Prison counselor Anon
  5740. > Has a very effective paternal aura, very soothing to the troubled mares
  5741. > And then there are the little encouragements he gives them when they are doing better
  5742. > It starts as patting their withers, then petting their heads, then inching ever closer to running his fingers through their tufts
  5743. > There are rumors that if you get out early on good behavior, he'll suck your clit
  5750. >Anon has problems finding a well paying job in RGRE due a combination of being male, and there not being a sizable market for his particular profession in Equestria
  5751. >ends up becoming a prostitute and partners up with a mare who acts as his pimp
  5752. >they actually have a decent working relationship because Anon's human libido means he's almost always DTF and marshmallow pones don't have the deviant fetishes humans do in real life
  5753. >over the years, pimp mare gets more stallions to work for her
  5754. >Anon is promoted to bottom bitch, and is in charge when pimp mare is away
  5755. >Anon's customers consist of a lot of the prominent mares of Ponyville, so he has a lot of potential blackmail in case he gets in trouble with local authorities
  5756. >things get difficult when Anon accidentally knocks up one of his customers
  5757. >Anon wants to be there for his kid while the mare just wants to pretend the foal is her husband's and pretend she never fucked a prostitute.
  5758. >shenanigans ensue
  5765. >Celestia is secretly feigning ignorance in the hope her and Anon hook up.
  5766. >Or Celestia IS ignorant to what's going on, Anon being her "special little colt" and all, but whimsically hopes he and Cadence will hook-up.
  5767. >Or...
  5769. >You freeze, you tea-cup pausing just shy of your lips.
  5770. >Your eyes widen as steam tickles your nostrils.
  5771. >Your Niece desires your Son.
  5772. >Your Niece. Son.
  5773. >Granted you're all not biologically-related, but none of you considered that an issue for even a heartbeat's worth of thought.
  5774. >Family is more than blood.
  5775. >...Niece. Son.
  5776. >Celestia.scroll has crashed. Please contact Canterlot support
  5783. >Cadence walks in.
  5784. >Sees Anon sparring with Cadet Shining.
  5785. >Oggles her "cousin's" bare, sweaty torso.
  5786. >Shining and Anon think she's looking at Shining.
  5787. >Anon tries to be a bro and set them up, but Cadence keeps shooting down Shining without a thought and hitting on a dense Anon.
  5788. >Celestia is torn between rooting for Cadence and trying to stop the attempts because her little colt is growing up
  5796. >Anon shows up to sleep-over pool party with his pillow, two blankets, and an interesting box.
  5797. >Upon getting a closer look at the box, ponies are confused as to why anon would bring a small inflatable pool to a very large outdoor in-ground pool.
  5798. >Anon does not answer their questions. At the end of the day, as all the ponies file in to figure out sleeping arrangements, anon simply proceeds to inflate the mini-pool and say "I've got mine covered".
  5799. >Ponies who witness what he does next cannot decide whether Anon is an idiot, or a genius
  5801. >Host-stallion's sister heard he was having an all-stallion's sleepover.
  5802. >She stalks them, sneaks over when they all go to sleep, sees the hot apelien sleeping in a pool inside a pool, and immediately gets the urge to struggle-snuggle him.
  5803. >Anon wakes up to a snuggle buddy.
  5804. >Mare is afraid of repercussions.
  5805. >Anon has morning wood
  5807. >You are Anon, and you're in nirvana.
  5808. >This cotton-candy cloud is warm, tastes of blackberries, and is as soft as fuck.
  5809. >It also makes the most adorable squeaking noise!
  5810. >You snuggle down and grind against it, nibbling.
  5811. >It squeaks.
  5812. >You smile and sleep the sleep of the dreamer.
  5814. >You are Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
  5815. >Well, just Cadence.
  5816. >And your cousin is nibbling your mane and humping your rear.
  5817. >He seems to like your shampoo, which is why you chose it in the first place.
  5818. >He nibbles your ear and you feel his tip poke your dock.
  5819. >Another squeak escapes you, and Anon sighs in contentment.
  5820. >...
  5821. >Stupid, sexy Anon
  5828. >Be Strawberry "cock-vice" Sunrise
  5829. >And you're on a trip to Canterlot with the boy you're dating. 
  5830. >Normally you'd be all for it; you know, going to fancy joints, bar hopping, squeezing the jizz out of that slutty cock under the silken hotel sheets -- the good stuff. 
  5831. >But no, you're off to see this colt's mom.
  5832. >It's just a fun, fantastic family trip, yup.
  5833. >You're not nervous by the way; you just don't know what to expect. 
  5834. >Anon's different, really different.
  5835. >He doesn't play those mind games boys love, praise the sun.
  5836. >Aaannnddd he's, like, a monkey thing err hoomen?
  5837. >Not a pony.
  5838. >At least you're staying in the castle, so that's nice. 
  5839. >Who was his mom again? 
  5840. >She wasn't a servant, maybe, or was she some stuffy bureaucrat?
  5841. >Ah geez; okay, you've been tuning out his silly guy speak half the time, but come on.
  5842. >He likes apples, *apples*! 
  5843. >Pfff, colts. 
  5844. >Well, you knew she was a pony, and thank goodness.
  5845. >You don't think you could handle being grilled by a hoomen mare even bigger than Anon!
  5846. >And she's sure to put the heat on you, but her little colt has already tasted the Strawberry~. 
  5847. >Eh, so long as she doesn't know her son calls you mommy too, things should be fine.
  5848. >Here's your stop; where is she?
  5849. >Anon said she'd meet you at the statio- Is that Princess Celestia?!
  5850. >Wow, what a nice surprise!
  5851. >She must be on her way to Ponyville to see Princess Twilight.
  5852. >Wait.
  5853. >Why is Anon running towards her?
  5854. >Why aren't the guards stopping him?
  5855. >Why is she NUZZLING him?!
  5856. >.
  5857. >.
  5858. >.
  5859. >Oh no.
  5860. >Wait, wait, wait... he's *that* Anonymous?
  5861. >As in Prince Anonymous? 
  5862. >You are not a smart mare. 
  5863. >Shoot, she's staring right at you!
  5864. >Wew, calm down, girl.
  5865. >You're only going to be under the scrutiny of the most... powerful... mare... in... the world!
  5866. >Heh, heh.
  5867. >You gulp.
  5872. > Be Anon, going to Twilight for some career counseling
  5873. > When you first came here, you thought you had dodged the tattoo plague
  5874. > So you worked odd jobs and put clothes on slowly at the local bar whenever you ran low on bits
  5875. > But no, the tattoo plague got you too
  5876. "I'm thinking it's like the old tribal tattoos we used to have. All those bugs and rolled up newspaper, that sort of nebulous thing coming out of that guy's head, probably his hopes and dreams, all are things that I've killed."
  5877. > Twilight shivers
  5878. > "That's terrible."
  5879. "No, you're racist. But that's not the point. See that pole stuck in a pile of crap?"
  5880. > You helpfully point to the image on your hip
  5881. > Twilight nods
  5882. "It's an ancient human symbol for making things up to make other people angry, and possibly laugh. According to the horse magic here, that means that's my special talent, right?"
  5883. > She nods again
  5884. > "Anonymous, I would appreciate it if you would stop using whore's as a descriptor for everything you find unfamiliar. But you are correct, that does seem to be your cutie mark."
  5885. > You pull your pants back up, and she blushes
  5886. "Right. So, the question is, is there a job somewhere where I can do that? Like, at a newspaper or something?"
  5887. > Twilight chews her lip, glancing discreetly while you buckle your belt
  5888. > "W-well, I imagine there may be some gossip magazines that would hire you, or the army could use you as a pre-battle taunter. Are you sure that's what it means?"
  5889. > You nod seriously
  5890. "I'm sure. Thanks for the advice, princess. See you at the bar tonight? Rarity made me a long scarf, and I'm going to work it into my routine."
  5891. > She blushes even harder
  5892. > "You don't have to do that, Anon, I could sup-"
  5893. > You close your hand around her muzzle
  5894. > Her wings slowly start to extend
  5895. "I like doing it. You mares are so cute when you're hot and bothered."
  5896. > You let go of her muzzle and turn to leave
  5897. > "I'm cute?"
  5898. > You turn and wink
  5899. "Very cute."
  5900. > She tips over, steam rising from her head
  5905. >Anon wolf-whistles.
  5906. >"Damn, Princess: your Niece has it on!"
  5907. >You choke on your wine, laughing, though part of you wants to whack him with your wing.
  5908. >Cadence, however, despite being a married mare, couldn't help but trot a little taller after hearing that compliment.
  5909. >Anon may be an ass, but he was your family's ass.
  5910. >...
  5911. >Luna still can't look at him without blushing.
  5912. >"Damn fine full moon" indeed, Sister.
  5919. >Celestia is at her wits end trying to get the "don't be an easily preyed on slut" talk through your head.
  5920. >Luna insists her sister should make you understand the horrors of being forcefully dragged into a mare's chambers and ravished endlessly.
  5921. >By forcefully dragging you into her chambers and ravishing you endlessly.
  5922. >To her horror, Celestia almost thinks it's a good idea, appealing even.
  5923. >Horse apples, maybe she and Luna really are that that old.
  5930. >Anon draws a puppy and appends that text at the bottom
  5931. >Ponies genuinely believe in it
  5932. >Anon makes a killing selling protection charms
  5933. >He made the first one as a joke, but she took it seriously
  5934. >He tried to explain that it was a joke and didn't work
  5935. >He didn't want to be a swindler
  5936. >Up until a malevolent spirit shows up at his home, arms crossed and tapping its feet
  5937. >Anon has made unlife very hard for him
  5943. >Anon ends up RGRE a few years before the show starts 
  5944. >is hired by Spoiled Rich and Filthy Rich as a live in nanny to look after infant Diamond Tiara
  5945. >Anon practically raises her because her parents are often busy with their jobs and out of the house for weeks at a time 
  5946. >Diamond sees him as a second father, doing all the things her parents typically were supposed to do 
  5947. >he feeds her, he bathes her, he takes her to and from school, he plays with her, he helps her with homework, etc...
  5948. >However, what Diamond's parents have failed to noticed is that Anon's human gender roles have rubbed off on her a bit
  5949. >That changes when Spoiled Rich walks in on Diamond playing dress up with Anon
  5950. >She's angry, and not wanting her daughter to grow up to be a dyke, fires Anon.
  5951. >Diamond is heartbroken 
  5952. >her parents hire a new nanny, who Diamond hates because he's not Anon
  5953. >Plus, Spoiled Rich spends more time at home now to stomp out the 'colty' behaviors Anon taught her
  5954. >This leads to her bitter and bullying personality in canon
  5955. >However, occassionally Diamond can sneak away from her family for a few hours and hang out at Anon's house, where she can be herself
  5960. >Teen Cadence can sense her cousin Anon has a crush on another mare
  5961. >For the first time in her life, she's trapped between wanting to fulfill her duty as princess of love, and wanting to steal a young stallion away from some beta mare
  5966. >"Wait, you're serious? Trixie? Trixie Lulamoon?"
  5967. >You take the sucker out of your mouth and nod with a smile.
  5968. >Anonymous looks like he just saw a ghost.
  5969. "Yeeeep. I heard her talking to one of her friends in the bathroom today. She wants you BAD."
  5970. >The human looks down at the ground and rubs his head.
  5971. >Why is it so fun to tease him?
  5972. >Probably because he's so cute when he's confused.
  5973. >But this is actually pretty funny.
  5974. >Trixie is probably the biggest beta-mare at school.
  5975. >How could she think she has a chance with one of the most popular males at Canterlot High?
  5976. >"Gee, Cadence... What do you think I should do?"
  5977. >You chuckle and give him a playful push.
  5978. "Go get her, tiger."
  5979. >He rubs his head again, "Well I think she's in my art class. I can sit beside her tomorrow... Do you know what kind of stuff she's into?"
  5980. >You freeze with your sucker in front of your mouth.
  5981. "What?"
  5982. >Anon shrugs, "Well if she's interested in me, I think I should at least try to learn some things about her."
  5983. >Several alarms are going off in your head.
  5984. "A-Anon, you can't be serious? I was just teasing you!"
  5985. >He looks disappointed.
  5986. >"So she doesn't like me?"
  5987. "No, she does, but you CAN'T be serious about going after her, right?"
  5988. >His brow furrows, "Why not? I'm single and she's pretty cute."
  5989. >Trixie is cute?
  5990. >You want to laugh.
  5991. "She's like the biggest beta-mare I know!"
  5992. >"Beta-mare?"
  5993. "You know outside of school, she wears a sunhat? An actual sunhat!"
  5994. >Anon shrugs, "What's wrong with sunhats?"
  5995. >Oh Celestia, he doesn't know...
  5996. "She also once gave a speech in front of the whole class about how mares are evil and take advantage of stallions every chance they get. She thought it would actually make stallions sympathize an sleep with her or something!"
  5997. >Anon is now silent.
  5998. "You can NOT show this girl any interest, trust me. She's SUPER creepy."
  5999. >Anon shakes his head.
  6000. >"I don't know about any of that, but I'm going to talk to her. I think she's pretty cute. I'll see you tomorrow, Cadence."
  6001. >You stand in stunned silence as Anon walks back to his house.
  6002. >Your sucker falls from your hoof and into the dirt.
  6003. >What just happened?
  6004. >How could a male actually be interested in... In HER?!
  6005. >An un-ironic sunhat wearer?
  6006. >A sudden rage fills you.
  6007. >A jealous rage.
  6008. >Beta-mares are a filthy pest in society.
  6009. >And no sweaty beta-mare is going to put her hooves on Anonymous.
  6010. >You will make sure of that.
  6015. >Anon walks out of the shower.
  6016. >Cadence sees him walking around in a towel.
  6017. >Greets his cousin casually.
  6018. >She's family, after all.
  6019. >No awkwardness at all for him.
  6020. >Her, however...
  6021. >Splash.
  6022. >You sniff the air.
  6023. >A pleasant scent, not unlike bubblegum and ice-cream, carries on the room's soft-breeze.
  6024. "You smell that, Cuz?"
  6025. >She just twitches.
  6026. >You loved your cousin, but she could be as odd as shit, sometimes
  6029. >Ponies are naturally a physically touchy-feelsy species.
  6030. >Although raised and adopted by Celestia, he still has the innate human desire of having personal space.
  6031. >This means physical contact, while not exactly rare, is all the more precious and meaningful coming from him
  6035. >Celestia tries to get Cadence to be a good influence on her rebellious son.
  6036. >Anon ends up showing her fun and being "bad".
  6037. >Horrified, Celestia watches as pseudo-incestual antics occur
  6042. > Anon mentions to his marefriend that he misses the more challenging games from back home
  6043. > Marefriend scrunches at the implication that equestrian games are easy
  6044. > She sits him down and has him play Friendly Links
  6045. > He chooses stallion during character creation, which is to say, easy mode
  6046. > The tutorial is interacting with your family
  6047. > The first boss is becoming friends with the chatty stallion florist
  6048. > Marefriend can't believe the difficulty he had with that one
  6049. > But he navigates the silent guardsmare's social links flawlessly
  6050. > Marefriend begins to lose it when Anon deliberately ignores her husbando's questline
  6051. > He makes it worse by following the Trixie path right up to the altar
  6052. > All is forgiven when he dumps the Trixie then and there
  6053. > TwoSpecialSomeponiesPlay.crystalball
  6059. > Team play
  6060. > Mares get together as a herd to woo virtual stallions
  6061. > You got the Muscle, who intimidates the other mares away
  6062. > The Tongue, to charm the stallion and introduce the other mares of the herd
  6063. > The Dyke, who goes with the stallion during shopping trips and bonds over colty stuff, often mediating between the stallion and the rest of the herd
  6064. > The Bank, who works long and hard at her job as the main financial pillar of the herd
  6066. >Dating sim mmo.
  6068. >Entire herd of mares trying to complete a date with King Sparklebottom III.
  6069. >One mare holds his amora while the rest support her and prevent off various disasters.
  6070. >"Okay it's phase two so get ready for the jealous coltfriend, how's the second course coming?"
  6071. "Just waiting on the spices, the runner mistimed the patrol and had to-"
  6072. >"Buck, the chickens in the market got loose, thats a wipe girls."
  6076. > Twilight insists the main 6 need training before asking out the anon of their dreams
  6077. > Finally get it down flawlessly
  6078. > Time to put it into practice 
  6079. > Anon ends up helping out with their jobs and pays for the meals
  6080. > Takes the "Dyke" Rainbow Dash to get dressed up and look super cute
  6081. > He ends up as the silver tongue flustering mares unintentionally who have never been complimented in their life about that 
  6082. > Asks them personal questions to get to the them better
  6083. > They had only prepared questions for him as "stallions like to be center of attention"
  6086. > The game developers come to ask anon to be in there next biggest game/expansion
  6087. > The day after release anon is flooded with fans
  6091. >Ok.
  6092. >You got this; you have all you need now.
  6093. >Today is the 69th day of your campaign to obtain the heart of the last conquest of this game.
  6094. >Checking the menu one more time, alright.
  6095. >Your Char, Int, Str, Speed, Magic, Smooth, Resistance and Determination are maxed.
  6096. >Your bank account is in the 6 digits, you can buy any item now.
  6097. >You got help from his friends, co-workers, even your other suitors, to talk to him and butter him up.
  6098. >All to help you improve your effect on him.
  6099. >You got Princess Cadence’s Love Detector, to know how much you will need to woo him and a fragment of the crystal heart to aid you break his heart locks in the case he has ice king ability.
  6100. >You got Princess Twilight's charm of charms and the silky mane and care curse on you.
  6101. >You won Princess Luna's Dreamy door charm, letting you share dreamscape with other ponies.
  6102. >You even got Princess Celestia's help, a liquid that she gave you in exchange of casting a spell that lets her feel the pleasure you will get.
  6103. >But it was worth it, a liquid known in the lore as "The king's delight"
  6104. >That and you got the items and crafter the item "The Queen's delight"
  6105. >Both of these chemicals improve all your stats, and increase the libido to max.
  6106. >And both this improve the fertile effect in both of you.
  6107. >But not only that.
  6108. >The effects are permanent if you managed to make him drink the potion under his consent
  6109. >Now is the time.
  6110. >Looking at the in-game clock, you prepare yourself.
  6111. >Today is Wednesday, his day off.
  6112. >He gets up at 9:00 am, and leaves his house at 10:00 am.
  6113. >Goes through the market for 2 hours and goes to eat at SCC.
  6114. >Then it's a gamble, if he goes for pancakes, orange juice and water, then you can have an opportunity.
  6115. >But if he goes for pancakes, orange juice, water and coffee, then you are in trouble.
  6116. >The problem here is the coffee.
  6117. >You managed to change the coffee machine under order with a side quest.
  6118. >But even with the exchange, the random factor goes wild.
  6119. >Let's hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
  6120. >You have Zecora's cool beans, jungle fever blend, and your target's favorite mix.
  6121. >Some Celestial bread, some griffon bacon and lettuce.
  6122. >It's now or never.
  6123. >HERE I GO!
  6124. >-SAVE SPOT-
  6126. >"Honey, I’m home!"
  6127. >!
  6128. >With the speed of a thousand suns, you close the game and then open a new one.
  6129. >Star-made 2 Legacy of the fullness.
  6130. >You have to get back to your life.
  6131. >You wanted to finish this game today, but there is always a tomorrow.
  6132. >Moving away from the computer, you walk to the living room, to greet your husband Anon the human and help him with the groceries.
  6133. >All of that while thinking of a strategy to conquest and get laid with the final boss, Anon the human.
  6137. The type he likes is the lonely geeky mare, who is almost coltishly shy and easily flustered. After verifying those were really his preferences, the game developers made him the last conquest, a message of hope to their main audience
  6141. >Requires low stats in everything except Int which must be mid range to max
  6142. >Must have been turned down by at least four other stallions
  6143. >Must not have a notoriety level above 2
  6144. >Will not be interested in herds above 3 members
  6145. >Relationship will immediately fail if magic items are used that directly or indirectly affect him
  6146. >He has a very hard to predict conversation AI
  6147. >If you get through all of this he is the most loving partner
  6148. >also the only one with fully scripted sex scenes included at Anon's demand
  6152. >This route is the longest and there is no cheating.
  6153. >Meet him at the bar after the first year.
  6154. >Little by little, and with each date and approach, your stats start to rise.
  6155. >Your character starts to grow and improve together with him.
  6156. >Together you defeat all the insecurities of the both of you.
  6157. >He loses his ability to cast Ice king on you.
  6158. >Gains a new ability named Spagetti-mancy.
  6159. >Once he gets that perk, the first date can be triggered.
  6160. >The first date is in his house, a meal made by him.
  6161. >The second date is triggered by bringing an axe near his house on autumn.
  6162. >Anon and pony will go to the forest to get wood.
  6163. >Not sex, but good times, very good show.
  6164. >Gets teased for not being able to provide what his stallion wants.
  6165. >Anon appears behind them, running for his life, axe in hand.
  6166. >A pack of timber wolfs are hunting him.
  6167. >Escape automatically if you are a Pegasus, unicorn or alicorn.
  6168. >Special Minigame if you are a earth-pony.
  6169. >This event triggers the 3th date if the 2th date was on the final week of autumn.
  6170. >He didn't manage to get enough wood to not freeze in his house.
  6171. >This date is to help him get more wood.
  6172. >Even if you managed to get all the wood, he will suggest to live with you for a the winter
  6173. >The 4th date is when you finally declare to him.
  6174. >On one afternoon of winter, you and he will lie together.
  6175. >And with that the love scene will be triggered.
  6176. >All the good shit that we love and clop to.
  6177. >All the time with one hand holding her hoof.
  6178. > <3
  6181. >The mares who play the game find out that the Anon is a real being living in Equestria.
  6182. >The ultimate husbando is REAL. IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE!
  6183. >Then they find out that he got married shortly after the game came out
  6186. > A good portion of the players eventually move on, finding happiness in herds and real stallions
  6187. > Some mares don't, waiting and hoping 
  6188. > Anon's wife gives birth to a son
  6189. > Green Text grows up with an extraordinary amount of female attention
  6190. > Fillies of parents who played the game
  6191. > Older mares still hoping for that perfect human-style romance
  6195. >By the power of Love Magic Bullshit, every time an Anon finds Love (whether one mare or a herd of them) and is taken 'off the market', soon after, a new Anon will appear innaquestria
  6198. >Anon can only be encountered in the last act of the game, on a full-naked-ironmare run
  6199. >That is, you must encounter every stallion in the preceding acts without using any items or spells, and not die of embarrassment once.
  6200. >Bedding all of them is mechanically impossible given the constraints, as is winning the game, and it was considered a lose state until P#obosMos#3r on twitchy.tail recorded the first such run, and requests to add a second win condition flooded the devs
  6203. >It starts out as a simple rumor, but then becomes a confirmed fact once people start posting guides on how to complete the Anon route on the Ponynet
  6204. >Hundreds of Anons summoned from multiple Earths through the power of love magic
  6205. >Some find happiness with the mares that completed the game
  6206. >Others had their lives totally uprooted and are justifiably pissed off
  6207. >Then you get odd situations where fillies manage to complete the game, and KidAnons are summoned
  6208. >Or sharing save files on the Ponynet, allowing even total noobs to the game to summon their own Anon
  6209. >Game gets recalled to stop what is essentially kidnapping males en mass, but the ROM is already on the Ponynet so anypony who knows where to look can find it.
  6216. >Cadence is concerned about her ape cousin.
  6217. >He was always a janefilly when they were little, but unlike other colts, he hasn't grown out of it yet.
  6218. >She tries to peer pressure Anon into doing more colty things, and telling him it'll help him find a good mare.
  6219. >Cadence is worried he could drive them away with this phase of his; she "playfully" adds that she'd gladly take him no matter how he acts though. (wink wink)
  6221. >Cadence can't get a date because of how Anon is intimidating is to the average stallion.
  6222. >Hilariously, he has no idea why these stallions are so flighty around him.
  6223. >So he shrugs and goes off to play a more rugby-like version of hoofball.
  6224. >Anon can't get a date with an interested mare because of his Janefilly attitude.
  6225. >That, and he seems to like the "dykes".
  6226. >...And Cadence kinda unintentionally intimidates those straight, faux-dyke mares who might show interest in him.
  6227. >Neither understand why they're so romantically untouchable.
  6228. >Celestia finds the situation hilarious, but watches over her charges in the background
  6234. >Spitfire's slowly lagging performance soars after she starts dating you.
  6235. >Ha. And everyone was talking shit about a "old" 30 year old mare being Captain.
  6236. >But she has to give her spot as a drill instructor to someone else because having hot meals, daily dickings, and loving cuddles at home mellowed her out too much.
  6238. >Poor Spitfire was so dedicated to her career that the last time she was laid was in highschool over 10 years ago.
  6239. >You fuck her at the height of her estrus and knock her up in one go. 
  6240. >The brutally broken dry spell and primal satisfaction of being inseminated puts her out for days.
  6241. >The whole Wonderbolt academy is left confused when she doesn't show up.
  6242. >The captain NEVER takes days off. Not in all the years she's been there. 
  6243. >The maternity leave notice a month or two later throws the whole academy in an uproar
  6245. >No one knows who the father of her foals is.
  6246. >Ponies speculate but none have any idea of the truth
  6247. >That is until Anon turns up at one of her last shows before her maternity leave kicks in
  6248. >He greets her after her performance is done with a hug and a kiss
  6251. >Turns out Anon lives directly under the the Academy
  6252. >They met when she came to speak with him about his complaints regarding a recent tornado caused by one of the students
  6253. >They immediately hit it off
  6260. >Your kid is born.
  6261. >They were expecting a large alpha-predator alicorn thing.
  6262. >But little Proteus is the smollest, the cutest and most precious foal.
  6263. >NMM was outraged when she saw how small your kid is.
  6264. >"It must be Luna's fault. It fed from my magic and essence , so there's no reason for IT to be small and cu-I mean puny."
  6265. >She can't help but cringe and blush like a tomato whenever she remembers her panic during Luna's pregnancy.
  6266. >Whenever she thinks no one is looking she plays and coddle your kid
  6270. >Anon is a complete janefilly, in all aspects except one
  6271. >When it comes to cooking, he is a typical Stallion.
  6272. >His kitchen is his kingdom.
  6273. >He's extremely opinionated, and will argue endlessly about how his way of cooking is the best, and how all these other faggots have no idea what they're doing.
  6274. >The only stallion to ever convince him he was doing it wrong was Mr. Cake.
  6276. >Most mares are terrible at cooking, but the few who are good at it, are strangely persuasive to him. >Whereas most stallions will ignore a mares advice on how to run their kitchen on principle.
  6277. >But Anon actually listens to Pinkie and Bon Bon, and especially Granny Smith, when they have some advice for him
  6283. >There is an immense fear of dying alone among mares, as such a thing happens with alarming frequency. 
  6284. >A rare few end up in small herds were they're treated well.
  6285. >Many end up in larger herds were the unlucky ones are largely pushed to the side for favorite mares. 
  6286. >But since they're the stronger gender, they keep it to themselves. It results in frazzled emotions and lapses in thought. 
  6288. >Get a waifu and remain mono
  6289. >With the looming and emotionally taxing pain of being alone gone, she can think straight. 
  6290. >All the genuine and loving one-on-one attention lets her focus on other things. Like the newfound common sense the peace of mind gives her. 
  6291. >Like blinders being taken off, your waifu takes a step back and sees all the absurd actions and leaps of thought that go on around her, all done by other ponies. It shocks her that she didn't see it before. 
  6292. >Only the other extremely rare mono mares like Mrs Cake and Cadence see it too. 
  6293. >Love really is a life changer...
  6300. >Villain Anon in RGRE
  6301. >figures out ponies literally need love and friendship to function properly
  6302. >introduces the internet to Equestria, including the pony version of 4chan
  6303. >the shitposting and bile affects everyone who uses the site, with only the ponies who don't have computers remaining unaffected 
  6304. >depression skyrockets across the country
  6305. >Anon's robot army easily conquers most of Equestria in their depressed state
  6312. >Waiting for the girls to come home from a day of hard work at their respective places.
  6313. >First one to arrive is Harshwhinny, with a saddle filled with papers.
  6314. >Always take the couch and spreads her being on it.
  6315. >Taking her coat and saddle off of her is the last thing she always do.
  6316. >Not much problem, you use this to test the water and snake some kisses, pets and scratches.
  6317. >Next is Photo Finish and Prim Hemline who came yelling at each other.
  6318. >One defending her camera with her life and the other trying as she only can, to take away that thing.
  6319. >The put their equipment on each side of the house.
  6320. >You can hear the grunting of their workers as they put more of their work tools inside the house.
  6321. >To your mares, something cold, like a beer and soft music.
  6322. >The crew will finish to acomodate their tools in half an hour and go home.
  6323. >You have some snacks and drinks for them.
  6324. >The next to arrive is Stormy Flare, carring what looks like a new coat for her.
  6325. >That diet that she has been on is good for her.
  6326. >That and the D.
  6327. >You can't forget the D.
  6328. >Arriving with magic and the smell of ozone, is Twilight Velvet.
  6329. >As low on battery as the rest, she lets herself go over Hash.
  6330. >Who is too tired to discuss or put Velvet on her place.
  6331. >The family is complete.
  6333. >You were courted by older mares.
  6334. >Mares that were alone, despite their status, money and fame.
  6335. >And when they found you, they got to know once again what it feels to have someone to live for and with once again.
  6336. >Someone who will help them and be their rock on uncertain times.
  6337. >Someone who will be there when the day ends and they arrive home.
  6338. >And that will be there for as long as they want, in the good and bad times.
  6340. >Sometime past and they get a little nervious when they think Anon is getting distant.
  6341. >They fear that they will back to square one, alone and sad.
  6345. >Velvet formulates a plan, so stupid it might work.
  6346. >Behind Anon's back, with their wealth combined, they buy potions to revert their aging and be 20 years younger.
  6347. >With their bank accounts empty and in peril of being broke, they obtain everything and wait for the right time.
  6348. >Anon will never know what hit him.
  6350. >Anon feels that the girls are getting sadder and unstable arround him.
  6351. >Insecure with themselves.
  6352. >Losing fluffyness on their turf.
  6353. >White feathers.
  6354. >Not being able to use more magic,
  6355. >The feel old.
  6356. >But Anon has a solution
  6357. >An stupid one, but will work.
  6358. >Spring is here and with that, heat is coming.
  6359. >And soon, he will.
  6360. >Trains his D to max effect on them.
  6361. >Wax On, Wax OFF, move like a butterfly, stings like a bee and shots like a firehose.
  6362. >They will be full like turkey
  6368. >Anon tries several times to abandon his guard or get her to quit
  6369. >Runs into the centre of the Everfree where the worst beasts live, hydras, dragons, etc. etc.
  6370. >It never works
  6371. >Even after running himself ragged for the entire day he still always opens his door to see the guardmare sitting on the other side waiting for him
  6372. >Eventually gives up trying to get rid of her
  6373. >Order her to only speak when spoken to and only do something when ordered to after she attempts to coddle him
  6374. >Does many things that could put a soft colt like him in deep danger
  6375. >Guard mare has to sit in silence, screaming internally as her charge puts himself in harms way every other minute
  6377. >Anon just outright ignores the mare and does his daily routine.
  6378. >Any attempt at interference has him either ignoring her efforts or calmly pushing her out the way.
  6379. >Twilight, who thought this might get him to consider settling down somehow, screams internally.
  6380. >Guard pone feels lonely as Anon won't even acknowledge her, outside of ensuring she has food, water, and somewhere to snooze
  6384. >Anon stumbles out of a bar
  6385. "Knight, walk me home, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  6386. >Anon goes to the gym
  6387. "Knight, spot me for this lift, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  6388. >Anon goes to the pool
  6389. "Knight, apply liberal amounts of sunscreen to my body, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  6390. "Knight, guide my inflatable pool raft around, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  6391. >Anon accepts an unintentional challenge
  6392. "Knight, hold my beer, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  6393. >Anon gets hit on by a married mare
  6394. "Knight, give me a quickie, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  6395. >Anon falls in love
  6396. >"Knight, please accept my hand in marriage, my heart wouldn't be safe otherwise."
  6402. >Chrysalis comes back with her swarm to conquer Equestria again
  6403. >sets her sights on Ponyville first this time
  6404. >before her forces even reach the town, massive sinkholes open up along it's outskirts
  6405. >different colored, healthier, more vicious looking changelings pour out in droves and begin engaging her forces on every front
  6406. >Chrysalis shits herself as her changelings get their shit smacked
  6407. >ponies shit themselves as an entire hive pops out of the ground like out of a horror movie
  6408. >except the monsters are protecting them all
  6412. >Chrysalis comes back with her swarm to conquer Equestria again
  6413. >sets her sights on Ponyville first this time
  6414. >before her forces even reach the town, massive sinkholes open up along it's outskirts
  6415. >different colored, healthier, more vicious looking changelings pour out in droves and begin engaging her forces on every front
  6416. >Chrysalis shits herself as her changelings get their shit smacked
  6417. >ponies shit themselves as an entire hive pops out of the ground like out of a horror movie
  6418. >except the monsters are protecting them all
  6425. >"Anon, quit playing. I'm willing to tell you which mare would be your perfect match. For free. I know all stallions are interested in that kind of stuff. Call me back." 
  6429. >"Hey, Anon. You're getting up there in age... Isn't your biological clock ticking?"
  6433. >"Hey Anon, I have this friend who's like, totally rich. She's single and wants a traditional stallion. Should I set up a date?"
  6438. >"Anon! I just don't want you to be one of those crazy cat stallions! Please call me ba-"
  6448. >Siege of Ponyville day 1
  6449. >You've dreaded this day. War among your kind.
  6450. >Luckily Anon is in Labyrinthia buying his cheeses or something.
  6451. >He's not a weak willed pony colt but you don't want him to see his children shed blood.
  6452. >Especially if your opponent is Queen Chrysa-
  6454. >Yes dear? Im kinda busy at the moment.
  6455. "I know mom. But this is vewy important!"
  6456. >*sigh* "Sure, honey what's the problem?"
  6457. "You know that room where store all the food andd we weren't supposed to go or else we're gonna have a vewy bad tummy ache?"
  6458. >"yes"
  6459. "Sandy fell in the largest vat...since yesterday"
  6460. >"what? Oh....OH!"
  6461. >Suddenly the earth shook
  6462. >You can hear several reports from your excavation teams several tunnels collapsed
  6463. and sub level 2B is inaccessible.
  6464. >You can feel something burrowing across the no pone's land towards the enemy lines.
  6465. >The ground in the middle of the enemy camp erupted with the force of an angry god.
  6466. >A massive serpentine creature that resembles changeling larvae but with plates of cruel sharp chitin covering it's titanic body started wreaking havoc in the enemy lines.
  6469. >Oh thousand-eyed god above, I'm sorry Queen Chrysalis
  6475. >Chrysalis isn't evil, just a giant sperg
  6476. >her old mare liked to talk with her hooves, if you know what I mean
  6477. >did her level best to make sure her daughter wasn't one of those colt-y mares, all soft and caring and shit
  6478. >the result is that, as an adult, Chrysalis literally doesn't know how to ask for things
  6479. >like at all
  6480. >want an ice cream cone?
  6481. >invade the store
  6482. >need to buy some stamps?
  6483. >invade the post office
  6484. >can't open the peanut butter jar because fuck hooves?
  6485. >invade Canterlot and hope for the best
  6486. >so when she hears that one of her former infiltrators, one of her daughters, has fallen in love and settled down, she does what any self respecting mother-in-law does: she goes to check the guy out to make sure he's not some gold digging whorse
  6487. >by invading Ponyville
  6488. >because it turns out that invading a post office for stamps gets you blacklisted
  6494. >Anon doesn't know that ponies only become irrational and crazy when deprived of love or friendship.
  6495. >Glimmer, being an orphan, had no parental love and Sunburst was her only source of friendship 
  6496. >That's why she went completely batshit when he moved away.
  6497. >Twilight's forgiveness and acceptance of her allowed Starlght to become rational enough to realize she's in the wrong 
  6498. >Anon's open disdain for Starlight threatens to cause her to backslide into full on crazy cult leader and timeline ruiner
  6499. >he doesn't believe it when Twilight tells him about the 'ponies need love and friendship thing'
  6500. >for the safety of Equestria, the Mane Six have to do the impossible
  6501. >not only do they have to get Anon to forgive Starlight, they have to get him to be friends with her before she reverts to villainy
  6505. >The the immense surprise of everyone, it actually works. Someway, somehow, Anon and Starlight become the best of friends.
  6506. >With a real and loyal friend to lean on, Starlight can push away her loneliness and think clearly.
  6507. >But with the sudden clarity, she makes a disheartening discovery. 
  6508. >Many of the ponies who seemed friendly to her were just putting on an act to avoid making her revert. The only ones who really wanted to be her friends are Trixie and Twilight, neither of whom have the time to always give her the attention she needs. 
  6509. >She tries to mare up and keep it all to herself.
  6510. >But the breakdown in the arms of her only male friend is inevitable
  6513. >Anon isn't surprised.
  6514. >He knew ponies couldn't be THAT friendly and forgiving.
  6515. >If ponies need friendship and love to be sane, then its only natural that some ponies would be willing to fake affection if it meant preventing madness 
  6516. >Now, Starlight has only one option
  6517. >to go out and earn friendship the hard way
  6518. >with Anon at her side, she sets out to try and truly befriend everyone she's wronged who hasn't already forgiven her like Twilight and Trixie
  6520. >In an effort to get away from ponyville and search for new friends, Starlight wants to go questin'
  6521. >Twilight allows it because she feels partly responsible and it'll be a good friendship TRIAL.
  6522. >Only if Anon and Trixie joins her on the road. They should also send her reports once in a while.
  6523. >Que in DnD/Shadowrun-esque shenanigans in reports.
  6524. >After defeating a crazed imprisoned god of dreams, they're coming back.
  6525. >Starlight introduces her new friends. A massive and feral looking diamond dog, a scarred old colt who wears the pelt of a bear (they told her he's one of those Hermit Kung Pone masters), a griffon pirate and a goat liche priest.
  6526. >a bunch of weirdoes but Twilight senses that they share a true bond of friendship.
  6527. >Twalot is a marely mare and doesn't shed tears, Spike is just chopping onions in the room again
  6534. >Rarity will never treat you to lunch and insist on paying the bill
  6535. >Rarity will never compliment you on how nice your outfit looks
  6536. >You will never retort that since she designed and constructed it, she should get the credit for how good it looks
  6537. >Rarity will never effortlessly return the compliment and insist that the clothes look good because you're wearing them
  6544. >Mares tire of listening to AJ talk politics
  6545. >Especially when she's been hitting the hard cider
  6546. >They say she'll never land herself a stallion if she keeps up that kind of crazy talk
  6547. >Anon stumbles into her life
  6548. >He goes to the bar to drink with her
  6549. >Just stares at her while she rants
  6550. >She blushes when she thinks he's judging her harshly
  6551. "You know what, AJ? You're makin' a lot of sense."
  6557. >Anon has no cultural context for her behavior and has no idea she's sunhat-tipping; just thinks she's interested in him
  6558. >Finds the idea of someone standing up for him refreshing
  6559. >Rarity's friends are in various states of disbelief and disgust when Rarity's cringey m'lady-ing actually lands her a coltfriend
  6564. >tfw you accidentally ("accidentally") mark an off-limits male with your scent
  6565. >Now everyone thinks he's a slut
  6567. >Cadence's smug smile intensifies as the mare Anon showed interest in instinctively backs off.
  6568. >Anon is confused and saddened.
  6569. >Luckily, Cousin Cadence is there to comfort him...
  6571. >Cadence and Anon have a tradition where they spend their Friday nights eating greasy, unhealthy pizza at home together.
  6572. >She feels threatened when Fleur, a mare interested in Anon, weasels her way into an invite one night.
  6573. >BackAwayFromMyStallionWhorse.scroll
  6575. >Fleur sits close to him, on the other side of Cadance
  6576. >She gets a deep whiff of the scent that marks him "off-limits"
  6577. >Cadance gets up to use the restroom
  6578. >Fleur throws herself across his lap
  6579. >Sniffs at Cadance's spot on the couch because of a sneaking suspicion
  6580. >Puts two and two together
  6581. >Cadance comes back to Fleur with an evil grin on her face
  6582. >She whispers later in Cadance's ear about making a deal
  6584. >Did Fleur just sniff Cadence's seat when she got up and then they smiled at each other when Cadence came back?
  6585. >I have to get the fuck out of here...
  6587. Anon is now convinced they are lesbians.
  6595. >The gender ratio is incredibly skewed.
  6596. >This had the consequences you'd expect like herds, and mares running things.
  6597. >But this birthed many unsavory practices throughout the ages.
  6598. >For much of history, stallions couldn't say no.
  6599. >Ponykind couldn't afford such a thing, especially with how savage and untamed the land was.
  6600. >In fact, it's been less than a century since most of Equestria banned compulsory marriage. 
  6601. >This practice varied from a town by town, or region by region, basis.
  6602. >Typically, as soon as a colt hit puberty he had to choose a herd within his community or risk being auctioned off, becoming a public stud, or being physically coerced into marrying on a first come first serve basis. 
  6603. >This was so ubiquitous, that the proto-Equis word for stallion, husband, and father were the same. 
  6604. >An unmarried stallion was simply an oxymoron in those days.
  6605. >Equestria likes to pretend it never happened.
  6606. >Many more look away from the fact that it still happens in remote places and small communities.
  6607. >Due to centuries of treaties, loopholes, and laws set by duchesses that the crown can't supersede, compulsory marriage lives on.
  6608. >Most simply don't see it as too big of an issue, there a bigger things to worry about, and others even defend it as a cultural tradition.
  6609. >While Princess Celestia has never publicly supported it, there are numerous accounts by castle staff over the long years claiming she condones it.
  6610. >The modern version is a bit "nicer", and states a stallion must be unmarried by 21 for it to go into effect.
  6611. >Still, there are numerous cases every year of mares traveling with an unwitting male friend to these places in order to trap him into a marriage.
  6612. >As it turns out, Ponyville is one such place.
  6613. >Up until now, Anon was exempt due to being unable to breed with ponies.
  6614. >*was*
  6615. >On the insistence of one of the princesses, Anon had to send a sperm sample last week.
  6616. >Mayor Mare is about to receive a letter; a letter with the results
  6619. >Mares tell stories about a male so bitchy that not even The Princesses could deal with him.
  6620. "If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best" he was often heard saying.
  6621. >when asked to quote on Anonymous Princess Celestia, had this to say: "Mr.Anonymous is exempt from all compulsory marriage."
  6622. >when asked if this was to appease the feminists she said: "We do this not for his sake but to protect the poor mare who thinks that is a good idea."
  6624. "I'm not trapped in this marriage to you, you're trapped in this marriage to ME!"
  6627. >Anon unleashes his true, inner autism upon being forcibly married
  6628. >His mares don't last a month before they're heading to the divorce courts
  6629. >Anon gets half their stuff
  6630. >Repeat until nopony tries to marry him for the sake of their own sanity; not even the marely mares who are convinced that all his previous wives were pansies who couldn't handle one little stallion
  6631. >Anon is now a rich man with 3 houses thanks to the divorce agreements
  6633. >Eventually there is no hope left in Mare
  6634. >Nopony will marry him
  6635. >Not even the most daring of homohoers
  6636. >Public outcry against this reaches Celestia's ears
  6637. >She sees an opportunity that the world will accept
  6638. >She announces plans to marry Anon, since she is the most Marely of Mares and can handle him
  6639. >Even if he's trying on her patience, she can just wait out his death
  6640. >All while getting that hot, hateful, angry monkey-dick sex
  6641. >No divorce court would hear their case, since she her daycourt is literally the highest authority in the land
  6642. >How will Anon escape this time?
  6652. >Anon has no idea about the RGR setting
  6653. >Just thinks pone are polite because if a giant started hanging around your neighborhood back home you wouldn't want to fuck with it either.
  6654. >Rarity does Rarity things
  6655. >Cute
  6656. >Friends stunned that the cringy sunhatduchess was the first to grab a male
  6657. >To add salt to the wound the NEET who was once confused with a stallion so hard she had a short modeling career is the first to herd with him. 
  6658. >Something something all "masculine" herd
  6661. >Anon has no idea about the RGR setting
  6662. >Just thinks pone are polite because if a giant started hanging around your neighborhood back home you wouldn't want to fuck with it either.
  6663. >Rarity does Rarity things
  6664. >Cute
  6665. >Friends stunned that the cringy sunhatduchess was the first to grab a male
  6666. >To add salt to the wound the NEET who was once confused with a stallion so hard she had a short modeling career is the first to herd with him. 
  6667. >Something something all "masculine" herd
  6674. > Anon is married to a mafia Donna
  6675. > He thinks she just has a rowdy group of friends, who are fond of pranks
  6676. > It's cute how they will pounce on someone who's feeling down and tickle them 
  6677. > The pony is always so grateful, they give them bits
  6678. > Meanwhile, the organized crime world fears him, if he thinks their shakedown tactics are cute, what level of violence is he willing to commit?
  6682. >Anon in RGRE gets tangled up in mafia warfare
  6683. >"Ayyy gals check out this sexy stud I just picked up"
  6684. >Innuendos, double entendres, horrible pick up lines, and cat calls abound
  6685. >Anon just thinks it's a gang of misunderstood mares
  6686. >Like the Jets, they even fucking sing in the streets, what more would he need to convince him
  6687. >Goes along on their gang activities
  6688. >"Drug runs", just passing salt and super purified sugar
  6689. >"Money laundering", sneaking into the house of one of the member's parent's and getting some money for snacks or the movies WITHOUT asking or even wiping their hooves on the doormat
  6690. >"Drive-bys", just egging somepony's house
  6693. >One of the made mares ask Anon
  6694. >Anon jokingly tells them about that Godfather scene.
  6695. >At the next summit all the Dons agree never to let anon know the existence of their world
  6698. >"Did you hear about what happened to the mare that disrespected Anon to his face?"
  6699. >>"No, what happened, is she ok?"
  6700. >"She slapped his ass and called him a cocksucker in public, so he...he..."
  6701. >>"Spit it out!"
  6702. >"He slapped her ice cream on the ground, stomped on it with his shoe, and then--oh I get the chills just talking about it--he put her face in it while giving her a wedgie with her own tail!"
  6703. >>"Eugh, no wonder the boss likes him."
  6704. >"Yeah, the poor mare was walking funny for a couple days, since nopony could figure out how to untie the knot he made with her tail to keep it in place."
  6705. >>"Whoa."
  6706. >"The worst part was he found her a few days later and apologized to her for reacting like that to something so small, like he did something wrong."
  6707. >>"What kind of mind games is he playing?"
  6708. >"I dunno, but this just confirms my hunch that the Boss likes dangerous stallions."
  6712. >Anon starts dating the heiress to one of the largest crime families in Equestria.
  6713. >He doesn't know this, and her parents are just happy their daughter found a guy that isn't just after the money and power her family wields.
  6714. >Before they can wed he has to be introduced into the family business.
  6715. >He excels far better than any of them ever expected him to.
  6716. >His methods are brutal, his schemes are brilliant, his poker face is frigid, and he can stomach things not even the Donna herself can watch.
  6717. >"Dey'll do an amazin' job once dey take ovah, won' dey love? I'm so proud of our little Flutter Shy."
  6718. >She was never that into leading the family anyway.
  6719. >And while it's a bit unorthodox, that stallion she's getting married to is the perfect successor.
  6721. >Anon is in a loving relationship with a nice mare who loves animals.
  6722. >A few months before their wedding he finds out that she's also rich as fuck.
  6723. >Her parents frequently come to him for help with troublesome neighbors and customers. And they even got him a pretty sweet job.
  6724. >He's more than happy to help them out with their problems. Sometimes a big tall guy is all you need to get bitchy people in line.
  6725. >They're weird but Anon thinks they'll make great in-laws
  6730. >Anon's pone mafia family try to keep him unaware of their dealings
  6731. >They constantly get caught in the act by him
  6732. >They are all unsure of whether to be scared that he brushes it all off as nothing or proud they got a stallion like him into the family
  6733. >The Godmother (and a pone Anon sees as his actual mother considering she raised him for so many years) ends up getting foalnapped by a rival family
  6734. >Message left on her bedroom walls in cupcake frosting
  6735. >Ransom letter is made with letters cut from Playcolt magazines with a cut lock of her mane and tail to show that the rival gang is serious
  6736. >A few weeks pass and everypony is freaking out while Anon wonders what they're freaking out about when they know where she is
  6737. >The rival gang left the return address on the envelope
  6738. >The gang battle that goes on is a god damn water balloon fight
  6739. >Anon charges in Rambo style, a few belts of balloons strapped to his chest
  6740. >The rival gang focuses on him but their will is faltering because he just won't stay down because he keeps getting up even if they get it in his eyes
  6741. >Anon charges into the centre of them trying to roar but only having it coming out as hearty laughter
  6742. >'Detonates' his chest full of pressurized water balloons thanks to the help of a handy needle with cries of "Aloha Snackbar"
  6743. >Finds mama mafia in a really small bedroom, no board game or magazines to entertain her, and only getting two meals a day with no snacks
  6744. >Picks her up and tucks her under his hoodie
  6745. >It's cold and she forgot her scarf when she got foalnapped
  6746. >Helps her recover from her "traumatic experience" as she calls it, with daily doses of home-made meals courtesy of Anon and nightly cuddles
  6747. >Godmother asks for them for a whole month "to recover"
  6748. >Anon can never say no to his drama queen mom
  6757. >Anon is a Hell Knight.
  6758. >But an outcast from Hell because he's as lazy as fuck.
  6759. >Too lazy to be evil.
  6760. >Mares aren't sure how to act around a stallion that can lob fire from his hands or stomp a Changeling Queen into the dirt
  6761. >Ursa Major invades Ponyville while the mane 6 are away trying to stop the big bad
  6762. >All part of the big bad's plan
  6763. >Anon lobs his sword of extra edge with edge on the side into the Ursa's chest
  6764. >Holds it down and dislocates it's jaw
  6765. >The girl's return to an intact town
  6766. >They head to Anon's house to give him a souvenir from their adventure
  6767. >They find his house decorated in the beast's coat and his pantry full of it's meat
  6768. >Anon greets them with a smile and some cider to celebrate
  6775. >Pony mafia family starts in the first place as a simple but massive family
  6776. >Original mother and father loved each other a little too much
  6777. >Though they always say there's no such thing
  6778. >They couldn't provide for their huge family through legal means
  6779. >Eventually their name grows, feared by many, and revered by some
  6780. >The family has a tendency to take in orphans and teenage runaways
  6781. >Under the guise of raising a criminal army in actuality the mother just can't stand the sight 
  6782. >All the kids are enrolled in public school, it helps to educate them traditionally, but they're also given goals to pull of by the end of each day, steal this, successfully lie to them, detonate this in there so you can grab that, etc. etc
  6783. >Eventually they come across Anon and take him in, worried he'll be treated badly for being an alien
  6784. >You gain two reputations, one inside the family and one outside
  6785. >From the outside you're like a silent monster
  6786. >Whenever a pony at school would bully one of your younger siblings you'd end up behind them, their backup taken out without a sound, your arms crossed, eyes boring into them with your glare
  6787. >You finally got the attention of the other families when you got into a fight with each of their still enrolled heirs
  6788. >They had stolen your (secretly favorite) sister' favourite hat and dropped a cupcake on her head
  6789. >They ended up with doodles on their body with permanent marker and their manes and tails left bald with you walking away like it was nothing
  6790. >You're brought into the family business the day after
  6791. >Your mother, while proud you knew how to do such things that even the most hardened members of the gang has trouble stomaching, thinks you need to learn how to protect yourself
  6792. >Earth Pony? Extend arm
  6793. >Pegasus? Bear hug
  6794. >Unicorn? You can blow out their horn like a candle
  6795. >To the mafia world you're unstoppable machine that could win your mother the underworld if she wanted
  6796. >But that's just outside, to your family you're one of the softest and laziest beings to ever exist
  6797. >You're hardly ever found not lying in bed or on the couch, or when you finally do go out to get some fresh air, on the hammock
  6798. >When you can't play with your younger siblings you make up for it by preparing their favourite meals
  6799. >When your mother stresses herself out too much over a task you get off your ass and get it done so she can finally gets some rest
  6800. >You're always willing to drop your work to give your family a hug if they're feeling down about something and talk it out with them
  6804. >Mares were relieved when Anon and Blueblood stopped hanging out together.
  6805. >They thought Anon might become a cunt like Blue
  6806. >But the Canterlot Royal Family knows the terrible truth.
  6807. >They just separated the two bros because they ALWAYS gets involved in buddy cop like incidents.
  6808. >Anon with his "Human Skills" and Blueblood with his Royal smooth talking and other curiously related skills.
  6809. >Go to the port to buy some fish and meat, They stumble upon an international smuggling operation.
  6810. >A trip to Las Pegas? They pick up a mare on the run from the Mob
  6811. >Vacation to Neighpon? Get caught in an ancient blood feud between two clans
  6812. >The amount of property damage can only be repaid by using Her Majesty's Cake Fund.
  6813. >A few uninhabited islands "disappeared" when they broke the news to Celestia by the way
  6816. >Anon feels terrible just seeing the cute pones having scraped knees
  6817. >never wants to see them without smiles
  6818. >But being from earth he's pretty -dense- and most cartoon physics/magic doesn't apply
  6819. >Blueblood's adventures always seems to somehow invite fights and trouble
  6820. >Anon doesn't want troubu
  6827. > Anon celebrates his first birthday in Equestria
  6828. > Pinkie throws a huge party, Applejack breaks out the good cider
  6829. > Anon is genuinely touched, and appreciates what they are doing for him
  6830. > But he still misses home, and his birthday is a reminder of how far away that is
  6831. > As the night wears on, he gets drunker and drunker
  6832. > Not to be outdone by a stallion, a number of mares try to match his drinking, forgetting he is about twice the size of them
  6833. > Eventually Anon wobbles home with a band of thoroughly sloshed mares and collapse in a big snuggle pile
  6834. > The next morning, the mares wake up in the bed of a stallion with no memory of what happened that night
  6835. > They look at each other, and the sleeping Anon 
  6836. > "We have to take responsibility. Looks like we're a herd now."
  6839. >Hang out at a bar and get drunk.
  6840. >An equally drunk mare or two puts the moves on you, and it works. 
  6841. >You wake up in a pile of ponies with fuzzy memory and a sticky dick.
  6842. >Oh. Oh shit.
  6843. >Freakout thinking that you're going to be nailed for sexing up drunk mares.
  6844. >They wake up, then freakout to.
  6845. >Then... Apologize for taking advantage of you?
  6846. >Wat
  6852. >Pinkie has dozens of friends, but never once has she had a coltfriend
  6853. >She was raised with traditional family values, so she'd love to be a wife and mother that brings home the haybacon.
  6854. >But her excitable, party-loving personality always lands her in the friend zone.
  6855. >Pinkie's face when her clone not only lost her virginity before she did but is starting a family with a stallion who genuinely loves her
  6857. >Clone Pinkie knows about her original's pain.
  6858. >She is a perfect copy after all
  6859. >She slowly but surely eases Anon into the Idea of forming a herd with Pinkie
  6860. >Pinkie receives a formal letter of invitation to their herd.
  6861. >Her teary eyed smile was so bright and radiant it almost mutated gummy into gummyzilla
  6862. >Meanwhile at the Crystal Empire, Candy-ass' had sudden multiple orgasms
  6867. >Mirror Pool clones initially start off as carbon copies of the original.
  6868. >Over time however, as they experience life and have their own experiences, these mutate the original's cloned experiences into their own individual experiences.
  6869. >Creating new personalities, etcetera.
  6870. >Once they get to this point and the Mirror Pool magic used to create them has been slowly replaced by ambient natural magic, they're considered their own individual pony.
  6871. >However, the success-rate for copies achieving this are very low, since they either degrade, commit suicide due to an identity crisis, etcetera.
  6873. >Cadence, when she was young, accidentally cloned herself.
  6874. >She never knew about her clone.
  6875. >Paranoid about what will happen if discovered, she runs.
  6876. >In reality, Celestia would probably do all she could to keep Clonedence alive, since she's a boss like that.
  6877. >Clone meets young-Anon on the road.
  6878. >They grow up together as street rats, his presence and acceptance causing her to survive.
  6879. >Eventually fall in love, get married in a private ceremony.
  6880. >One day, as late teens/early adults, they get caught in an undercover sting operation by the Royal Guard.
  6881. >Thus they were revealed to the world and the Royals
  6884. >While still young and wandering alone, Cadence hears about a magic pool that can create clones if you speak the right phrase to it.
  6885. >It's perfect! She can have a sister so she doesn't have to lookout for herself anymore. 
  6886. >When she actually finds the book about the pool and the pool itself, she starts to get cold hooves. Clones and magic aren't really things to trifle with. 
  6887. >But...
  6888. >She does it and hops in.
  6889. >Thing is, her clone stumbles out and falls, hitting her head. 
  6890. >Cadence freaks out, thinking her clone is dead and regrets the choice instantly as she tearfully runs away. 
  6891. >The clone wakes up, her memory jumbled and missing.
  6892. >She wakes up just in time for a disgruntled and freshly dropped into RGRE teen Anon to stumble across from her. 
  6893. >That's how your mother and I met, Anon says to the smiling little filly in his lap.
  6894. >The father and daughter get up, heading off to start dinner for when the mother gets home from another day of breadwinning.
  6895. >Little do they know, Twilight was passing right over their close-knit and isolated village on her way to a friendship problem.
  6896. >And her eyes locked right into the pink alicorn doppelganger in the street below
  6899. >Although Cadance cloned herself before she became an Alicorn, the Mirror Pool was able to copy the potential for ascension into Clone Pegasus Cadance 
  6900. >As such, when the clone performs a nearly impossible task in name of her love towards her family, she ascends
  6901. >Equestria now has two Princesses of Love
  6903. >Cadance is the Princess of Love
  6904. >Eros, erotic love, when two ponies love each other very much
  6905. >Clonedance is Princess of Familial Love
  6906. >She's a model parent and wife, while her 'sister' is the ideal girlfriend, but not a great family member
  6908. >Cadence may not be a particularly good parent, but she is the MASTER at romance
  6909. >She instinctively knows how to properly cultivate and maintain romantic relationships, not just her own but everypony else's.
  6910. >Clonedence is everything a stallion could want in a wife and mother of their children, but she's just as bad at romance as the average mare.
  6911. >Anon doesn't really care, because he's a man not a stallion, and the romance in their relationship is more unspoken rather than visible
  6912. >Clonedence instinctively knows how to resolve familial issues among ponies in ways that make every pony involved feel closer to one another
  6921. >Cherry Berry
  6922. >Strawberry Sunrise
  6923. >Lightning Dust
  6924. >Trixie
  6925. >Redheart
  6927. >The town's ponies widly regard Anon's herd to be full of grumpy, gaping assholes. 
  6928. >But since ponies judge things differently, they're like mild human women to Anon that are easily tamed with affection and open to sex. The familiar feeling is comforting, and all the benefits of dating mares are still there.
  6929. >Deep down, his mares are truly grateful that he's willing to love them despite their foul attitudes. It would take death to part them
  6935. >Redheart returning home after a hard, long shift in the early AM.
  6936. >Anon is there with dinner waiting for her.
  6937. >Gives her a hoof-rub.
  6938. >Snuggles down with husbando who puts up with her shit, like a sleep-deprived temper.
  6939. >He makes it all worthwhile
  6942. >Anon shows up every now and then for an "appointment"
  6943. >Doctors think its cute a stallion would show up to see his wife at work
  6944. >Anon gets in an empty bed
  6945. >Tells Redheart he needs the "procedure"
  6946. >"I don't think I'll have time for that."
  6947. "Uh, it's a quick procedure, in and out same day in fact."
  6948. >"That doesn't--"
  6949. "Are you a doctor?"
  6950. >"Noooo...I'm a nurse."
  6951. "Well then how would you know?"
  6952. >"You're not a doctor either."
  6953. "Oh but I am. I'm a doctor of love, baby."
  6954. >Anon points finger-guns at his waifu
  6955. "And I know you need a dose of your medicine."
  6962. >Anon ends up coming to Equestria and setting traps to catch food.
  6963. >After catching RD the mares of ponyville start actively seeking out his traps to get laid.
  6964. >After about a week of this several mares are arrested on bestiality charges and rape due to Anon being unable to legally consent under Equestrian law.
  6965. >they think Anon is traumatized by being raped when he's wracked with guilt himself for "raping" tiny horses
  6973. >There's a language barrier, so Anon can't tell Rainbow is intelligent right away.
  6974. >He just sees a colorful equine caught in his trap. Oh well. Food is food in this crazy ass forest.
  6975. >Rainbow, being the thrill junkie that she is, is both terrified and a little aroused at being caught. It jumps to a whole new level when the tall thing that set the trap pulls out a knife and starts to approach from behind. 
  6976. >As Anon gets closer to the struggling pony, he notices that it's a female.
  6977. >One that can't move...
  6978. >And he's been out in this forest for a long time...
  6979. >Alone...
  6980. >Primal urges slowly overpower shame.
  6981. >Rainbow's fear turns to confusion when the tall thing stops to fumble with it's leg coverings. 
  6982. >It undoes a belt and a zipper to reveal..!
  6983. >He, not it, Rainbow realizes. 
  6984. >And he's at full mast. 
  6985. >The fear is suddenly gone, but the thrill just keeps climbing
  6988. >Rainbow keeps going back for free sex after she's let go the first time. 
  6989. >And the mysterious Hunter seems to appreciate the attention too.
  6990. >Slowly, the wild sex turns into slower paced lovemaking, and an actual relationship forms even if they barely understand each other.
  6991. >Rainbow has found herself staying in the modest cabin her biped lover made more often than she does her own home. 
  6992. >Too bad no one believes her about him, since that's like a guy saying he meets an amazon sized injun huntress in the woods for free grade A pussy
  6999. > Zecora vacations in her homeland
  7000. > Sets some monkey traps
  7001. > Baits them with booze 
  7002. > Catches the biggest ape she's ever seen
  7003. > Uses zebra fu to subdue it and tie it up
  7004. > Rolls it onto it's back, only to see a huge dick standing at attention
  7005. > Good times ensue
  7010. >She used to wash off when coming back to town.
  7011. >Now she's so used to the scent that she doesn't bother. 
  7012. >The smell of male clings to her like thick cloud, and EVERYONE can smell it. 
  7013. >But that can be explained. No one knows what the scent could really be.
  7014. >But then she shows "handmade" gifts that she says her mysterious male made for her.
  7015. >Well, maybe she's just flying far out to places and getting them to keep the ruse up?
  7016. >But when Rainbow, one of the least academic ponies around, starts accidentally slipping words from an unknown language into her speech, the doubts begin to fade.
  7017. A few brave mares even try their luck in the forest, trying to find their own tall two-legged hunter
  7024. >Teenaged you meets teen Twilight in Canterlot long before she moves to Ponyville.
  7025. >For whatever reason, something just clicked, and you find yourself her best friend despite how trying you both can be for the other at times.
  7026. >But since you're a bit of an autist as well, she never really grows out of it herself.
  7027. >Slowly you and Twilight both grow closer, and before you know it, you're balls deep in her in a bout of passion and hormones.
  7028. >The rest is history. You stayed together until your work calls you out of Equestria for what might be years just a week before the 1000th SSC.
  7029. >Just before you go, Twilight tearfully swears she'll marry you when you return, that she'll miss you everyday, and that she wants no one else.
  7030. >You starting counting the days to your return.
  7031. >Time passed 
  7032. >Twilight's friends wonder why she never seems interested in stallions. 
  7033. >Of all the mares who should be wanting dick, an autistic librarian would be high on that last.
  7034. >And after her alicornifcation, she even rejects that stallions that come to HER.
  7035. >Finally, one of them asks.
  7036. >She didn't expect stifled laughs when she said her fiance was called out of Equestria by his work. 
  7037. >Then she explains WHO he is, AKA a unique, mono male from another world, and the laughs are barely hidden now.
  7038. >Her friends don't believe her? 
  7039. >She bites her tough and lets it go. This'll be just like the wedding invasion where proof walks itself in the front door.
  7040. >A week later while the girls are meeting, Spike rushes in absolutely ecstatic, saying "He's back!"
  7041. >The look between each other with confusion, all but the wide-eyed Twi that is. 
  7042. >Then a tall form steps into view just behind the little drake.
  7049. >Herding is standard in Equestria
  7050. >Mono relationships are borderline taboo, and it's commonly believed that they're abusive
  7051. >Like the mare is somehow preventing the stallion from adding other mares to the herd and is forcing him to stick with her
  7052. >When Anon gets together with one mare and one mare only, ponies around town start to whisper amongst themselves
  7053. >"She can't do that! She's stealing his love all for herself!"
  7054. >"What a selfish mare."
  7055. >"Poor stallion doesn't even know he's being hurt."
  7058. >Anon hooks up with Rainbow Dash
  7059. >The Loyalty in her is thrilled that Anon doesn't want anybody but her, but the borderline hostile looks and general disapproving attitude from everyone around her is starting to damage her pride
  7062. >Anon finally figures out what's going on after he asks Rainbow.
  7063. >Well shit. This won't do. He needs a way to deflect this bullshit away from his precious waifu. The society has changed, but the game remains the same.
  7064. >Protect. That. Smile.
  7065. >An idea hits him. Ponies put a lot of stock into things like emotion and instinct so... 
  7066. >Eventually, he gets to start his plan when a mare asks him why's mono.
  7067. >She gets taken on a ruse cruise.
  7068. >Human males are jealous and competitive things thanks to an equal gender ratio.
  7069. >So much so, that crimes of passion when females were involved are common. It can go from destroyed friendships all the way to heinous and premeditated murder.
  7070. >He admits to the slowly more horrified mare that he once threw a rival for his last girlfriend's affections out of a high window in uncontrollable rage.
  7071. >And other females trying to tempt a male away from his partner are not immune to the resulting anger. 
  7072. >That's why monogamy is a thing on earth, he says, because that instinct to remove rivals and distractions in males. 
  7073. >The mares eyes are as wide as dinner plates as she hears that.
  7074. >The actual statistics of the crimes are omitted, and the window he was talking about was only about 6 feet high, but he keeps that to himself as what he said is still technically true.
  7075. >The number of mares wanting in drops like a rock, but more rumors start to spread...
  7079. >Anon's stallion friends start dropping subtle (and "subtle") hints that there's help available if he needs it and that they're there for him
  7080. >This ranges from:
  7081. >A) two of his friends pretending to be unaware that Anon is nearby while they talk to each other about how their (fictional) friend got help because his mare wasn't treating him right
  7082. >to
  7083. >B) Caramel buying a rape whistle for Anon and giving it to him under the excuse that he thought it was Anon's birthday.... 1 whole week after they celebrated Anon's birthday.
  7084. >Ponies are concerned, but nopony wants to do anything that might make Anon even more emotionally distressed
  7085. >All they can do is wait for Rainbow to do something illegal and look out for bruises on his skin
  7086. >Meanwhile, Anon and Rainbow are busy cuddling in front of Anon's fireplace
  7095. > Draconian legends speak of the scaleless, a race of soft, pleasing servants, imperfectly made in the image of dragonkind
  7096. > When the dragons hear the description of the creature the ponies have found, they realize the legends are true
  7097. > Dragonesses flock to Ponyville, to pay court to the first scaleless in millennia
  7098. > Some want Anon as a status symbol, or as a bargaining chip
  7099. > Others hope to breed him with minotaurs, to see if more near-humans can be produced this way
  7100. > Of course, there are those that want to see if the more bawdy tales are true
  7101. > Ember is more interested in keeping him out of the clutches of her political opponents, while perhaps visiting a certain librarian's assistant
  7104. >If the scaleless are not courted properly they have been known to kill dragons.
  7105. >a properly courted scaleless are some of the best servants ever known
  7112. >4Pon
  7113. >Humie
  7114. >Implication that you are a character in a popular cartoon show
  7116. >You will never exist in a world where people like you enough that they will argue passionately that you are the best human
  7117. >You will never exist in a world where they will firmly and stubbornly believe in you no matter how many arguments and discussions they have
  7118. >You will never exist in a world where a tiny cute poner will look at your picture and say, "This one is my favorite!"
  7126. >Canterlot castle has just as many weird traps and passages that the everfree castle does, but all the mechanisms are at alicorn height.
  7127. >Anon uses them to picks off the changelings one by one the moment their backs are turned.
  7128. >Startled yells and screams are cut off almost immediately afterwards.
  7129. >Everyling is absolutely terrified and wont go around the castle without 5 other guys watching their back.
  7130. >Whispers quickly spread of a horrible shadow demon with gangly limbs and horrific strength that's feasting on all the victims it can find.
  7132. >In actuality, anon was in the kitchen when the swarm invaded because fuck weddings, and months of surprise pinkie hugs has conditioned him to instantly shove a baked good into her mouth to pacify her.
  7133. >It works surprisingly well on changeling ambushes.
  7134. >Turns out "Baked with love" is an actual thing in equestria, and the combined sugar / emotion rush is enough to leave them in a semi-cohrent stupor
  7139. >Pregnancy is trying, but the protections put in place by the ritual keep life threatening issues away.
  7140. >A'non insists on being the one to deliver the foal, even throwing ponies who try to stop him out of the way.
  7141. >The foal is born a normal pegasus, but larger than a normal one, part of the reason a petite mare like Rainbow was struggling so much.
  7142. >A'non painstakingly moves his cabin one log at a time closer to Ponyville, right on the outskirts, then enlarges it for a family. 
  7143. >The little booger is hungry all the time, so much so that Rainbow has to take lactation stimulants. Though the tyke is quickly weened when the canine teeth grow in. After that, a taste for meat makes itself apparent.
  7144. >Childhood is a mix of normal schooling (with the occasional fight for shit talk), flying lessons and sports games with mom. With dad, hunting trips and spiritual trips.
  7145. >Bullying is a frequent problem since the foal is just so different. Both in body and behavior. 
  7146. >With the genes of a world class athlete and an alien woodland conqueror, the little foal grows like a weed. At 12, they can stare most adults in the eyes. 16, they're closer to their monolith of a father in size.
  7155. >Formation of a single large pseudo-herd happens sometimes with sports or athletic teams.
  7156. >Soarin, who is alone with an entire team of mares, is delighted to have you even if you aren't on the team.
  7157. >Normally herds max out around 7 members, 1 stallion and 6 mares.
  7158. >For some time, it was just Soarin with 10-15 mares, and he just can't be everywhere at once and please them all despite how much he loves his team. That's why he has bags under his eyes all the time.
  7159. >With that many mares, it becomes socially acceptable for another male to enter. 
  7160. >It's the weirdest team/family you've even been dragged into
  7167. > Anon is arbitrarily rich because of reasons
  7168. > Selling his tech to Twilight or something
  7169. > Buys a mansion in the foothills of Canterlot mountain
  7170. > Needs someone to take care of the pool
  7171. > Hires [mare of your choice], and slowly seduces them while they work
  7173. Bonus points if the mare is actually Celestia in disguise
  7175. > Tia sees Anon's ad in the paper
  7176. > Recognizes it for a stallion wanting to torment a poor mare
  7177. > She carefully constructs a resume to be as ripe for the picking as she can
  7178. > Anon hires her
  7179. > They proceed to see who can sexually frustrate the other more
  7180. > The first one to pounce on the other loses
  7183. >All most immediately anon figures out who he hired.
  7184. >Dosent say any thing.
  7185. >Continues to play their game.
  7186. >Every time the incidents get more and more insane until they are both practically grinding on each other
  7194. >Mares of Ponyville are fully aware that Anon is an alien species from where-the-fuck-ever
  7195. >Expect him to have some kind of exotic penis
  7196. >Ponies have flat heads
  7197. >Griffons have barbs
  7198. >Minotaurs are weird, thin, and long (and are frequently made into canes)
  7199. >Mares express disappointed when they find out Anon's penis doesn't have anything special about it
  7200. >Anon responds by introducing them to >muh superior human stamina
  7207. >There's this romantic tradition in Equestrian pop culture.
  7208. >It's been played straight, subverted, parodied, deconstructed, -- the works.
  7209. >Imagine a young stallion at a busy diner, all by his lonesome.
  7210. >For whatever reason, maybe there were no smaller tables available*, he's sitting at one of the larger tables or perhaps a booth.
  7211. >That's when a band of mares stroll in and seat themselves at his table.
  7212. >If it's a booth, one of the mares is almost certainly sitting beside him.
  7213. >She puts a foreleg over his shoulder, whispering sensual promises into his ear, secure in the fact that he can't excuse himself without her say so.
  7214. >Though he didn't plan on it, the flustered stallion is now on a date with the heroines.
  7215. >The booth variant gets a *lot* of criticism and scrutiny by stallionist types.
  7216. >They say it's too aggressive and predatory.
  7217. >This iconic cliche goes by a few names, but you know it as a "surprise date" or even "proactive dating."
  7218. >Why is this on your mind you might ask?
  7219. >Because you were trapped in a booth by a herd who just invited themselves in.
  7220. >Only one problem...
  7221. >Besides having your personal space invaded. 
  7222. >This shit only happens in movies, at least nowadays, but the mares attempting it on you are too spaghetti to realize it.
  7224. *(In some variations, a buddy of the herd is working at the diner, so they go out of their way to arrange this seating. This can be used to quickly justify it, but sometimes it becomes a gag scene in itself as she fights tooth and nail to make it happen.)
  7232. >artist anon
  7233. >total loser on earf
  7234. >cant get a job with an fine arts degree
  7235. >but in equestria there's no shortage to patrons
  7236. >especially models
  7237. >FEMALE models
  7238. >not that hard to convince mares to stand to pose in lewd ways for your works
  7239. >actually you dont have to say anything
  7240. >its like their default pose
  7241. >get payed in bits and pussy
  7246. >Anon freaks out about being famous
  7247. >Changes his appearance and identity, becomes a recluse.
  7248. >Can't resist the siren call of gold, starts drawing again.
  7249. >Speculation that this new artist is actually Anon under a new name, but nobody knows for sure
  7256. >Since he's a unique species, Anon gets assigned a permanent guard. 
  7257. >The guardsmare dreads it. Her few other times guarding stallion nobles and dignitaries were just awful.
  7258. >The snobs could barely be called male with how rude and unpleasant they are, treating her like a common servant or a dullard. And now she's been perma placed on VIP duty?
  7259. >Should have listened to dad and gone to university... No one ever told her how stressful being a royal guard was, or that it made normal ponies avoid you all the time. At least the pay for the assignment will be nice. 
  7260. >But all the missed opportunities...
  7261. >But... Her new gig doesn't suck...
  7262. >Her new charge is just so easy going and self-sufficient that the guard feels... Unneeded. Out of place. 
  7263. >He treats her like a friend, not like a servant or a burden.
  7264. >Outings where he pesters her to relax, meals that he tries to pay for, circles of friends her includes her in. 
  7265. >He even tried to get her to take his bed until the crown paid to expand his home for her.
  7266. >The rare nibble of fair treatment makes the little guard hunger for more of her charge's affection, sharply rebelling against her training. 
  7267. >But she has to have more, or she'll never be content
  7270. >Anon starts to make her snacks, remarking about army food
  7271. >She tries to decline, spilling some half-assed excuse about how she's too used to the mess trays back at the Canterlot barracks
  7272. >Anon decides to try something new to entice her to eat the snack he made for her
  7274. >Be an extremely nervous guardsmare
  7275. >You are worried that if you ate his cooking, you might jump his bones at that moment.
  7276. >You think your excuse worked, because he can't possibly have-
  7277. >"Alright then, let's get this out onto a tray!"
  7278. >clack!
  7279. >Your mouth gapes open as he plops a metal mess tray onto the table in front of you and begins to fill the different compartments with various soups, vegetarian chili, bread, crackers and a small round pound cake.
  7280. >He finishes with a glass of orange juice and steps back with a smile
  7281. >"Nice!"
  7282. >Celestia help you...
  7287. >Whether ponies or pseudo-humans, Equestrian creatures seem to have impeccable scent
  7288. >After that Sunset chick rubbed her tits on your face (no complaints from you) a little while ago, all that ass-grabbing in the hallways went away.
  7289. >And the dick-grabbing.
  7290. >And the dick-SQUEEZING.
  7291. >These girls have no idea how to handle sensitive goods, so you're thankful that Sunset worked it all out.
  7292. >Everyone seems to avoid you now, though, like you're a baby bird that got picked up by some dumbass and now your parents won't take you back to their nest.
  7293. >Everyone, of course...
  7294. >"Hey there, greenbean."
  7295. >...except for Sunset.
  7296. >Two slender arms wrap around your stomach from behind, and you feel your girlfriend press her face into the hair on the back of your head.
  7297. >Instinctively, you reach down and slide your fingers in between Sunset's, who practically purrs in approval.
  7298. >She takes a deep breath of your scent (dude's shampoo in this world is flowery as shit) and nuzzles you.
  7299. >As usual, she makes her weird horsey knickering sounds as she does so.
  7300. >Sunset pulls away from you and rests her head on your shoulder.
  7301. >"You doin' anything tonight, sweet thing? I just bought a new bra yesterday, and I need a stallion's eye to make sure it's not too dyke-y."
  7302. >Remember that thing in high school where all your classmates called stuff "gay"?
  7303. >That exists here, only it's a bunch of teenage girls calling each other dykes.
  7304. >Apparently, things being too "dyke-y" is a legitimate worry amongst the female population here in school.
  7305. "And miss a chance to stare at your tits, Sunny? You couldn't keep me away if you tried."
  7306. >Sunset squeezes you around the middle a little bit harder and nuzzles the side of your face.
  7307. >"What sort of properly-raised stallion says that, Anon? You big slut."
  7308. >She nuzzles you again and pulls you back against her chest, protectively.
  7309. >"But you're MY slut."
  7310. >Sunset nuzzles you in near silence for a few more seconds, muttering about sluts, innocence, and "protecting his smile".
  7311. >"Say, since I'm showing you MY bra, will you show me yours?"
  7312. >Yeah, that's a thing here.
  7313. >Testicle-bras.
  7314. >Something to do with preventing sagging later in life and keeping men pure with their testicles un-molested, but you didn't buy into that.
  7315. >Partly because the only ball-bras you could buy were frilly as shit, and partly because each individual pair cost at least $30.
  7316. >Fuck that noise.
  7317. "Sunset, I don't WEAR a ball-bra."
  7318. >Sunset grip on your hand briefly becomes vice-like as she shudders against you.
  7319. >"That's what mama likes to hear. Are you..."
  7320. >She swallows hard, and you suddenly become aware of her heavy breathing.
  7321. >"...wearing one now?"
  7322. >You can't help but grin; the novelty of being able to have this sort of effect on women is NEVER going to wear off.
  7323. "Nope."
  7324. >Sunset gently bites your earlobe and releases your hands so that her own have an opportunity to wander.
  7325. >"B-Buck, that's hot."
  7326. >Things are pretty okay for you here in Canterlot High
  7334. >"Th-That's enough!"
  7335. >Fluttershy stomps in front of you, hands balled into fists and clutched to her chest.
  7336. >Her face is a bright red, but the angry expression makes you wonder if it's because she's flustered, of if it's because she's actually upset with you.
  7337. >"Y-You're always teasing me, Anon!"
  7338. >Fluttershy releases one of her hands from its fisty state of being and raises a single figure.
  7339. >Either she's pointing accusingly at you, or she's going to count off a list.
  7340. >Like the way you r-rub up against me when you walk b-by!"
  7341. >She extends another figure; you guess she was counting after all.
  7342. >"The c-comments about my-"
  7343. >Fluttershy glances away from your face momentarily, almost involuntarily, and her gaze drops to her chest.
  7344. >After a moment, she's glaring back up at you.
  7345. >If it were possible, her face is even redder.
  7346. >"-my b-boobs... And the... a-and..."
  7347. >Fluttershy goes to raise a third finger, but she hesitates.
  7348. >Her third finger falters, and it just looks like she's making a weird sort of clawing gesture at you.
  7349. >Fluttershy looks left and right nervously, and then leans in close.
  7350. >"And the..."
  7351. >She swallows audibly.
  7352. >"H-Hand holding..."
  7353. >The poor girl squeaks and covers her face with her hands.
  7354. >It seems that the l-lewdness of hand-holding in the hallways and when she walks you home from school was just too much for her.
  7355. >But not for long
  7356. >Slowly but surely, Fluttershy's rapid breathing down to normal, and she lowers her hands.
  7357. >When her eyes peek over her fingertips, you're surprised at the intensity of her stare.
  7358. >"From now on, mister..."
  7359. >Fluttershy lowers her hands completely and darts forward to grab your own appendages.
  7360. >"I-I'm going to be the one w-who holds YOUR hands, got it?!"
  7361. >Your friend has the most indignant expression on her face, and she's huffing through her nose like a bull.
  7362. >The confident mask cracks ever so slightly, and the old Fluttershy you know and love seeps through.
  7363. >"I-If that's alright with y-you, I mean..."
  7369. >"What?!"
  7370. >You grab Rainbow Dash by her shoulders and pull her back into her seat.
  7371. "Rainbow Dash! Calm down!"
  7372. >Lucky for you, everyone else seemed too occupied with their business to pay very much attention to your friend's loud outburst.
  7373. >Rainbow Dash, however, does not calm down.
  7374. >"How could Fluttershy be the first one of us to get her tits groped by a boy?!
  7375. "...first one?"
  7376. >Rainbow grabs her small tits with both hands and wriggles them around vigorously.
  7377. >"And why wasn't it me? Boys like a flat chest, right?"
  7378. >She looks at the assembled group of all your (present) friends; Sunset, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie.
  7379. >None of them return the gaze.
  7380. >"R-Right?"
  7381. >Dead silence.
  7382. >"Girls? I said, boys like a fla-"
  7383. >She suddenly stops and glares at you.
  7384. >"What did you mean, 'first one'? Did any of you girls already con a boy into touching you?"
  7385. >Rarity huffs and looks down her nose at Rainbow Dash, who still has not released her hold on her modest assets.
  7386. >"I did not 'con' anybody into exploring my body, Rainbow Dash."
  7387. >She smirks slightly and rests a hand on her bosom.
  7388. >"In fact, HE came to ME."
  7389. >The smirk widens and a light blush appears on Rarity's cheeks.
  7390. >"...he also came to me as well."
  7391. >Sunset snickers and leans back, thrusting her chest forward against her already too-small shirt.
  7392. >Rainbow growls; she knows what Sunset's doing.
  7393. >"You know my boyfriend Coggy, right? A little bit of teat-twisting was what started our relationship."
  7394. >She pats her tits fondly, which jiggle slightly under the fabric of her shirt.
  7395. >"He was so excited about'em that I was almost worried he was a slut."
  7396. >As a collective, you all turn to Pinkie Pie to hear what her story is.
  7397. >Pinkie, however, is busy unwrapping a cupcake that is at least 50% icing.
  7398. >AKA the perfect amount of icing.
  7399. >Without looking away from her treat, Pinkie speaks up.
  7400. >"Mister Cake."
  7401. >Fuck.
  7402. >The rest of the girls (Rainbow included) mutter approvingly at her for snagging a DILF like that
  7410. >After the episode Triple threat, King Thorax decided to hire Anon has a life coach to make him more assertive.
  7411. >The major roadblock being that changeling gender roles are reveresed and Thorax can barely get most of the hive to listen to him.
  7412. >Anon being a military training sergeant before he came to Equestria puts King Thorax thru the training from hell to make THE alpha bug, not just 'an' alpha bug. 
  7413. >At one point in their training Anon and Thorax spent five hours yelling each other hoarse because Anon wanted to see Thorax's warface
  7419. >Be Spitfire.
  7420. >"Do you like pussy!?"
  7421. >Be laying on a cloud.
  7422. >"Sir yes sir!"
  7423. >Thunderlane decided to try and test you.
  7424. >"Bullshit! You look like a cock sucker!"
  7425. >He pulled a very old rule on wonderbolt instructors on you.
  7426. >"Sir no sir!"
  7427. >Apparently he didn't feel 'safe' with a mare instructor.
  7428. >"Did I ask for you opinion on that pretty boy!? Get lower to the ground, I want you to taste that mud!"
  7429. >He thought he'd get away without his three year check, he thought wrong.
  7430. >"Sir I can't sir!"
  7431. >"Bullshit you can't! Get down there!" Anon yells pushing Thunderlane lower with a foot.
  7432. >What Thunderlane failed to realize is that A. Anonymous the human is a legal drill instructor by Equestria law.-
  7433. >"Sir yes sir!"
  7434. >-and B. Colts have alot less rules on what they can and can't do as a drill instructor.
  7435. >"If I don't see those wings doing fifty more push ups by zero five hundred, you'll be running twenty miles tomorrow! Do you understand me!"
  7436. >So that means old Thunder will be enjoying his month with Anon -alot-.
  7437. >"Sir yes sir!"
  7438. >"Faster! We don't have all morning!"
  7439. >You sigh getting more comfortable on the cloud.
  7440. "Ahh, I love the sound of progress~"
  7441. >"Who said that? Who the fuck said that!?"
  7442. >Oh buck.
  7443. "I-it's just me, Spitfire!"
  7444. >The human glares up at you as you look down.
  7445. >"You're looking a bit chubby Spitfire. Get your ass down here and do some push ups." He says pointing at the floor.
  7446. "What? You can't tell me what to do! I'm the ca-"
  7447. >"Now!" He yells.
  7448. "Sir yes sir!"
  7449. >Today you learned not to interrupt Anon's training
  7454. >be spitfire
  7455. >in your office checking this year's quarterly reports
  7456. >and more importantly 
  7457. >the performance review of one Drill Instructor Anonymous
  7458. >Wonderbolt's academy's very own flightless biped
  7459. >i don't know what possessed the princesses to allow a FLIGHTLESS instructor to work in a pegasai academy let alone a male one
  7460. >but you couldn't really argue with them now could you?
  7461. >maybe if you could find a sizable enough transgression in his record you can take it to the throne and be finally be rid of him
  7462. >especially after that stunt at the track
  7463. >stupid Mare/stallion rule separation
  7464. >now lets see....
  7465. >?
  7466. "zero percent drop out rate?"
  7467. >but i saw thunder lane and a couple of other stallion recruits file those last week
  7468. >they didn't go through with it?
  7469. >there are some comments
  7470. "pushes you hard beyond the limits you know only to break the limits you've never knew you had"
  7471. >only 20 in 100 of stallion recruits stay during the whole course of the 6 month training 
  7472. >barely 8 of those 20 pass
  7473. >soarin
  7474. >bless his balls
  7475. >is the very cream of the crop
  7476. >graduated with honors with you and fleetfoot despite the odds way before these absurd rules separating training regimes of both mares and stallions
  7477. >reports from observers says that D.I. Anonymous uses harsher versions of the flight academy's training SOP
  7478. >but how the hay did he get a ZERO percent drop out rate?
  7479. >the comments from recruits doesn't really explain much
  7480. >by all rights, he should've scared every last one of the trainees out of the academy 
  7481. "no use here"
  7482. >you turn the page checking to see the progress reports of the recruits under his care
  7483. >despite all that, no way he could've improved those sissy colts 
  7484. >every last one of them was a whiny stallionist trying to prove something
  7485. >shit, they even put their reason for joining in the recruitment form "anything a mare can do a stallion can do better"
  7486. >....
  7487. "they're all in the nineties" 
  7488. >physical
  7489. >academic
  7490. >navigation
  7491. >etc.
  7492. >no way anonymous is JUST a stallion
  7493. >accomplishing this after just 4 weeks
  7494. >that's it 
  7495. >im putting a request for anon's full file
  7496. >this has to be one of the princesses' crazy plans again
  7505. "Ok, FINE, I'll sit though you telling me who to avoid. jesus christ you are such a fucking pain"
  7506. >Cadence has a look of happy the conversation is finally going her way, mixed in with I want to get the last word in
  7507. >She chooses to put it to the side for now. 
  7508. >"Great, get a pen and paper, You are going to need to write this down"
  7510. >You are anon, and you are in your high school's pa room
  7511. >You look down at your notes, 107 girls and 3 of the extremely effeminate guys are on the list
  7512. >Its her cutie mark, so you trust her
  7513. "Excuse me, This is anon, will the following creatures please report to the auditorium..."
  7515. ~Long list later and running from one of the teachers~
  7517. >You arrive at the auditorium
  7518. >Sad Sack is honestly one of the dumbest teachers you have ever had the displeasure of knowing
  7519. >You call a meeting in the auditorium, if he wanted he could have waited here
  7520. >Well what do you expect from a stalinist
  7521. >You look over the crowd, and they look back
  7522. "Ok, I will make this short and simple, cadance has told me to avoid each and every one of you because you either want to fuck me and leave, or are to beta for her 'standards'"
  7523. >You look over a few of the ultra 'betas'
  7524. >10/10 feminine creatures, many of which have really nerdy hobbies that you are also interested in
  7525. "I have I have gathered you all here for a proposition, want to make the biggest fuckin herd in equestria with me?"
  7526. >You could almost hear a pin drop 
  7527. >But really, all you heard was the squelching of 107 winking vaginas
  7528. >"FIRST"
  7529. >The home ec teacher flood board yelled out
  7530. >How the fuck she ever got the job you don't know, celestia had a weird sense of humor
  7531. >"Anon, I am your mom"
  7532. >Celestia pipes up, obviously uncomfortable but looking aroused at the same time
  7533. "That just makes it hotter"
  7534. >You see the blush on her face
  7535. >"I am also adopted, so while you are my mom, this is far from as weird as it could possibly be"
  7537. >You are cadance, 1000 miles from school, and you feel a great disturbance in the charts
  7544. >Through a combination of circumstantial synchronicity, obscure rituals, exactly 4986 rubber bands, some desperately lonely souls and enough bleach to sterilize a hospital, a dimensional rift rips open as seperate universes attempt to occupy the same moment in space-time simultainiously.
  7545. >Obviously as this would create such a mess in the grand scheme of things, it's fixed pretty sharpish.
  7546. >Sure a few inhabitants may have been accidently misplaced, but they were never destined for much anyway so it was considered far too much effort to remake everything a -third- time, especially on Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-4D-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker night.
  7547. >Groaning softly, Moondancer tried to recover from the feeling of her horn trying to invert itself into her forehead.
  7548. >"Ow, that really smarts..."
  7549. >If the magically induced headache wasnt enough, the backlash from the obviously failed ritual was also effecting her hearing.
  7550. >Shaking her head to try fix the odd stereo effect, she gets up on her hooves and blearily opens her eyes to check her room for damages.
  7551. >Hearing a thump and muffled curse to her left, she jerks her head in that direction with thoughts of accidentally summoned demons running through her mind.
  7552. >Instead she see's a relatively tall creature bent over slightly and cradling it's head in his hands (minotaur>) and groaning softly after apparently hurting itself on your low ceiling.
  7553. >Seeing no immediate danger signs, she felt it safe enough saying something to announce her presence.
  7554. >"Well, this was unexpected."
  7555. >"Well, this is unusual."
  7556. >Whirling around to the opposite direction at the unexpected voice, she comes face to face with what appears to be a mirror.
  7557. >Only her reflection was sitting down, waving -his- hoof at her and smiling nervously at the sudden attention.
  7561. >Anon is somewhat of a loner in Equestria, no mares or stallions want to come near him for fear that he'll try to lure them into taking part in his disgusting career choice
  7562. >Only the princesses and elements give him the time of day
  7563. >But he has no clue what's going on, he just puts it down to these cute ponies just being a bunch of racists
  7564. >Applejack can't bear the idea of lying to herself anymore
  7565. >Goes to confront him about his lecherous nature
  7566. >Anon is stunned by Applejack's bluntness but is none the less clueless about what she's talking about
  7567. >They both go to Twilight to figure out what's going on
  7568. >Turns out Anon and Applejack were right, he never got into porno
  7569. >Anon likes the horse pussy sure, but horse stds? no thank you
  7570. >Turns out that the Anon in the porno is a super advanced animated golem
  7571. >Created by a, previously desperate fetish porno producer, unicorn mare, who had approached Anon when he first came to Equestria before the girls found out about him
  7572. >Used his likeness to create a lucrative business
  7573. >Ponies expect the Equestrian run-of-the-mill song and dance forgiveness routine
  7574. >Anon isn't Equestrian run-of-the-mill
  7575. >Kicks the shit out of the mare for essentially ruining his life and making him a social pariah for the better part of his entire time hear for her own sick fetish
  7576. >Mare escapes through convoluted means, but not before cutting her ties with the golem
  7577. >Golem begins to go on a rampage with no magical tether to keep him docile
  7578. >Can't be stopped because golems are created by a specific magic source and can only be affected by it
  7579. >Still retains some of it's artificial identity
  7580. >Seeing Anon causes it to freak out (imagine seeing a perfect clone of yourself)
  7581. >Girls expect colt throwdown
  7582. >Pilgrim.jpeg
  7583. >Anon manages to talk down the golem and they become fast friends
  7584. >Now Anon has a dude friend who acts like a dude friend from earth and Applejack gets to reaffirm her faith in her pure husbando
  7592. >Anon said he was planning to wait.
  7593. >They had all the time in the world.
  7594. >Children were a big commitment.
  7595. >No need to rush in.
  7596. >Foals could come later.
  7597. >That was the plan.
  7598. >Before he spent too much time around them.
  7600. >"I told you, didn't I tell you? Freaky alien stallion from beyond time and space or not, Strange reverse gender roles culture or not, he's still a stallion."
  7601. >"What are we going to do about it?"
  7602. >"Well at least one of us is gonna have to do our wifely duty. I saw that look in his eye, I don't think we're gonna be able to talk him out of this."
  7603. >"I think your right, our stallion went full baby crazy."
  7604. >"Maybe we could adopt one."
  7605. >"There's an idea."
  7606. >"I thought you all said you wanted foals though?"
  7607. >"I /do/ want foals, just not /right now/."
  7608. >"And I'm kinda nervous about it myself. I want to do it, but it's kinda scary, isn't it? I don't know if I'm ready."
  7610. >"Well you need to figure it out soon, Dash. Did you know he's already written over a dozen letters about it?"
  7611. >"What?"
  7612. >"Celestia, Luna, Cadance, even the magic university, all asking about being able to impregnate you with magic."
  7619. >Anon becomes a "stallionist" Video Game Developer
  7620. >Lures in countless sun checkmarks into tweeting about it
  7621. >Journalists write about it
  7622. >200KB (Thousand Bit) Kicksterter overshot by 1GB
  7623. >Then it comes out
  7624. >Shitty 2D fighting game
  7625. >Main character is just you in your underwear edited into different poses
  7626. >Final boss is the word "Matriarchy" that you beat in 1 hit
  7627. >The entire soundtrack is fucking kazoos
  7629. >Still praised for being a subversive take on gaming
  7634. >with the money he made hires actual other game devs this time
  7635. >the most are mares with one token stallion
  7636. >all are skeptical of his intentions, especially after his last game
  7637. >but money is money
  7638. >tells them not to worry, explains to them his plan about a game that will set the standard for games to come
  7639. >he plans to devise a game that will make the player question every action they take (ala spec ops the line)
  7640. >while being set in a massive beyond brilliant immaginative world (bioshock infinite)
  7641. >tells his crew
  7642. "go nuts, we've got a LOT SJW cash to burn"
  7649. >Anon was dropped into normal Equestria at first.
  7650. >Plenty of friends, but romantic prospects were grim at best. Even worse than on earth.
  7651. >Refusing to be a virgin loser in two worlds, Anon summons a succupony
  7652. >Succupony expects the usual. She, a demon who has mastered all mortal pleasures, indulges some weird fetish, takes some lust-powered lifeforce as payment, then fucks off.
  7653. >Imagine her surprise when her latest contractor is an alien, and that's not even considering his request.
  7654. >A wholesome relationship, even if it's just an act.It's a first for her.
  7655. >Easy enough. Being a pretend wife is certainly a more sedate contract. The absurd stamina of her summoner in bed more than covers payment. 
  7656. >But it's not long before her summoner's lonely tales and genuine treatment of her seize her heart.
  7657. >...
  7658. >Well, what's a mortal's lifespan anyway? There's no harm in staying with this new and intriguing lover.
  7659. >And Anon's joy at her choice to stay with him warms parts of her the succupony turned waifu didn't know she had. 
  7660. >Too bad it's all cut short when Twilight finds out that the mysterious mare Anon is seeing is a demon.
  7661. >All it took was one poorly aimed banishing spell to send both Anon and his waifu tumbling across space and time.
  7662. >Right into RGRE.
  7663. >Succupony waifu can only growl in irritation.
  7664. >With a distraught lover with his life turned upside down AGAIN, mares suddenly interested in said lover whom is already claimed, and her own bearings shot to hell, succupony waifu has her work cut out for her.
  7671. >Suncourt in session
  7672. >Throne room crowded as ponies mingle while trying to get The Princess™ to fix things as usual.
  7673. >Pamf
  7674. >Some green ape looking thing in a flower covered suit just appeared next to the princess in a small explosion of petals.
  7675. >Gay, but also looks tasty.
  7676. >"I need help with my greenhouse, so I'm taking this."
  7677. >Pamf
  7678. >In another deliciously homosexual explosion, the ape thing disappeared just as quickly as he came, with The Princess™ in tow.
  7679. >As a royal guard, you should probably do something other than curse the princesses luck at getting out of court early, or on getting foalnapped by a fabulous stallion, but the opportunity for a late breakfast appears to be calling your name
  7681. >Celestia enjoys feast of the freshest fruits courtesy of her warping admirer.
  7682. >A bad nectar joke is all the warning Celestia gets when she feels lips on her 'lips'.
  7683. >"Wow, the fruit trick does work! It's even sweeter than I thought."
  7684. >Unf! Why can't all villains be like this!?
  7685. >Can this tall male even be called a villain?
  7687. >Mane6 show up with the elements of harmony.
  7688. >"Twilight i swear to me if you ruin this you'll be graduating magic kindergarten along with your great grandfoals."
  7698. >Anon uses his Power to fuck with Ponies.
  7699. >Like making it seem that the human just disappeared in the evergreen forest
  7700. >Ponyville loses its shit trying to find him
  7701. >Later he shows up again but another Stallion disappeared who was helping the search parties
  7703. Plus:
  7704. >Twilight eventually assumes that Anon is messing with them and is infact somehow that Unicorn that always wents missing when he is found and vice versa.
  7705. >Everybody thinks shes crazy
  7711. > ShapeshifterAnon
  7712. >Anon becomes a world-class ladykiller spy, infiltrating cities and organizations that might threaten Equestria's sovreignity. 
  7713. >His main function is to be an informant agent to secret agent Bon Bon, with whom he has short-lived trysts in most of the missions they meet.
  7715. >He's in a different appearance, with a different code name every mission.
  7716. >BonBon just assumes she's getting super suave over time with her come-on attempts when she's on the job. 
  7717. >Central Command doesn't consider it need to know information, so they don't tell her.
  7718. >Anon thinks it's cute.
  7719. >As a result, BonBon, for all her spy expertise, doesn't know a thing.
  7727. >The changeling hive
  7728. >Thousands of colts ruled over by a queen of conquest
  7729. >Down with the matriarchy!
  7730. >Currently you are their prisoner
  7731. >When the male drones saw you being brought in in shackles, they all cuddled around you
  7732. >It was kinda gay
  7733. >But they apparently felt sorry you were going to be a plaything to one of the broodmothers
  7734. >That was kinda hot, which cranked up the gay factor to a whopping 8 when you got an erection thinking about it while snuggling a bunch of dudes
  7735. >Eh, it's cute, no homo
  7736. >Maybe a little
  7737. >The time comes for you to be selected
  7738. >You're brought into the chambers of one of the captains
  7739. >She hisses at you
  7740. >"Are you prepared to have your will stripped away as I mount you and take your seed by force?!"
  7741. >Stop, your dick can only get so erect
  7742. >Still, the very notion of something so cute trying to be intimidating makes your heart do flips
  7743. "Geez, at least buy me dinner first."
  7744. >Apparently your lighthearted joke wasn't what she expected at all
  7745. >Most stallions would be crying by now
  7746. >Immediately the changeling drops her tiny buggy spaghetti, revealing that her bravado was all a ruse
  7747. >"Dinner? O-Oh, right! Dinner! Um, what do colts eat?"
  7748. >She panics and runs out of the room, returning moments later with a dead bird in her mouth, spitting it out at your feet and smiling nervously
  7749. >Well at least she gets points for noticing you're a meat-eater
  7752. "How romantic."
  7753. >"It is? I- I mean yes! It is! The most romanticableble. Now dine and prepare yourself for the struggle snuggles!"
  7754. >Aww, she's making it impossible not to tease her
  7755. "I was thinking more along the lines of a fancy restaurant. You know, a candle-lit dinner followed by a nice walk on the beach? I mean, you do know the dating basics, don't you?"
  7756. >You can practically hear the gears grinding to a halt behind those big blue eyes
  7757. "You are a gentlemare, aren't you?"
  7758. >"I've never taken a colt on a date before..."
  7759. "What was that?"
  7760. >Marinara Explosion coming to a theater near you, directed by Michael Hay
  7762. >So here you sit at La' Lasagna
  7763. >On the chair next to you are flowers
  7764. >She ripped them right out of the ground, stem, dirt and all
  7765. >At least she made quick friends with the lady bugs, which was cute to witness
  7766. >Across from you she's tapping her hooves skittishly against the table in silence
  7767. >Every pony there is staring at you two, whispering amongst themselves
  7768. "You know, it's usually the mare's job to keep a conversation going so her date doesn't get bored."
  7769. >If she had pupils, you swear they would have shrunk just then
  7770. >It's hard keeping this 'coltish' act up, but you're having too much fun
  7771. >"U-Um, well, y-you like Chineighse cartoons?"
  7772. >She immediately slaps a hoof against her face
  7773. >Oh no, it's a neckfluff marefoal
  7774. >That just makes her even cuter
  7775. >You wonder if she plays O&O
  7776. >She probably mains a wizard
  7783. >Be Anon
  7784. >Be stuck in horseland (they call it Equestria..horse-themed puns time!), horsing around without a care in the world with your magnificent wig.
  7785. >Suddendly, a wild mail-horse appears!
  7786. >Let's battle!
  7787. >Anon uses "Dance with me!"
  7788. >Mail-horse uses "Ok Mr.Anon!" - It's super effective!
  7789. >"Anon! What did I tell you about going out alone? What if someone saw you dressed so skim..pi..ly.."
  7790. >"Are you ok book horse?"
  7791. >"...unf"
  7792. Today was a "don't-go-around-asking-for-it" kind of day.
  7796. >Be Princess Cadence, or as Anon calls you, Candy-Ass.
  7797. >Be in Ponyville visiting your sister-in-law
  7798. >Ok, not really - Shiny-poo was mad at you for forgetting to buy him a present while you were visiting Canterlot - stallions..so needy! As if a mare can't have other things on her mind other than them!
  7799. >Wait a minute..did you just see Anon with a wig dancing in the town square with the mail mare?
  7800. >Better investigate what the silly alien stallion is doing - while he might behave very marely, he is still a stallion after all!
  7801. >He is apparently dancing around with that grey-maned mail mare..Derpy was her name? Eh..who cares. Look at that flank!....unf
  7802. >Suddendly you feel something poking your rump while hiding behind a bush and watching the happening
  7803. >"Hi Cadence! How is my favourite sitter doing?"
  7804. > Oh right, be book horse now, and you just found your ex-favourite (monogamist flank-hole...you bet she is forcing your bbbff to be only with her!) sitter hiding behind a bush near the town hall.
  7805. >"Wasniceseeyougottagofastnow!" - Cadence ran away..you bet she ran away because she felt your rightful fury before you even opened mouth! What a powerful presence you must exude..
  7806. >"What was she looki..." - suddendly, see Anon dancing half-naked with Derpy in the middle of the townsquare with a bunch of thirsty mares looking at him
  7807. >Sharing is caring and fosters friendship. As Princess of Friendship you get first dibs.
  7808. >Today was a "teach-anon-about-my-wig-fetish" kind of day
  7810. >Be Derpy, exceptional mail mare! Best mail mare of Ponyville!
  7811. >Also, be only mail mare of Ponyville!
  7812. >You were completing your daily mail tour when you saw "nice-mr-that-always-gives-me-muffins" (others call him Anon..silly others) in the townsquare, seemingly trying to fit a wif on his head.
  7813. >"Hi Mr! May I help you with that wig?" you ask him
  7814. >"You will not steal my magic wig! If you want it, you will have to defeat me!" he roars to the sky, looking straight up to the sun
  7815. >"I am down here Mr! Who are you talking to?" 
  7816. >"I cast Dance!" he says while starting to swing his nice, round flank (be love horse, aka Candy Ass and you were just watching what is essentially soft porn in daylight).
  7817. >"Can I dance with you Mr?" Derpy asked the strange alien stallion
  7818. >"Sure, Dance with me the dance of my people!" 
  7819. >Be mail mare once more, and the nice mr just started dancing the mating dance of pegasi! You didn't know his species was related to yours! Must be his season, poor thing...maybe you can help him out since he is always so nice to you?
  7820. >"Hey Mr.Anon, would you like to..."
  7821. >Suddendly, a challenger appears! No wait..it's just the Princess
  7822. >"DIBS!!!" she screamed, before disappearing with mr.Anon in a purple flash of light
  7823. Today was a "Fuck-OP-Alicorns-with-their-dibs-privilige" kind of day
  7831. > After the battle of the bands defeat, the Dazzlings become merely troubled students
  7832. > Adagio won't talk to anyone, she just broods, her scheming mind grinding its gears
  7833. > Without their powers, what can they do? After making a bid for world domination, everything else seems...
  7834. > Pointless
  7835. > Aria is sullen, and snaps at anyone who talks to her
  7836. > There has been a rise in vandalism in town, but she hasn't been caught yet
  7837. > Sonata is handling their defeat the best
  7838. > She can have normal(ish) conversations with people
  7839. > Pinkie Pie and her get along great
  7840. > But she always looks sad when she's with Aria and Adagio
  7841. > She tries to help them adjust, but they ignore or reject her attempts
  7842. > She doesn't want to leave them, but they are stuck in the past, and she is moving on
  7844. > Sunset Shimmer sees all of this, and wants to help
  7845. > After all, she knows what it's like to lose phenomenal cosmic power
  7846. > So she hatches a plan with her fuckbuddy Anon
  7847. > 1) Play up her relationship with Anon in front of the Dazzlings
  7848. > 2) Emphasize how devasted she would be if he ever left her
  7849. > 3) Lie about waiting until marriage to take his virginity
  7850. > 4) See if the sirens take the bait
  7851. > 5a) If not, have Anon "accidentally" bump into them every so often, wearing increasingly slutty clothes
  7852. > 5b) If they do take the bait, let Anon build up their confidence by achieving this small victory of stealing him away
  7853. > 6)????
  7854. > 7) Redemption
  7855. > 8) Make a herd with all involved
  7856. > There is no way this can go wrong
  7863. >Equestrian Humans are the legendary "unseen ones" who rule the Minotaurs and are venerated by the Gryphons.
  7864. >Small in number, no outsiders and, indeed, most of the Minotaur population as a whole have seen them before.
  7865. >If it weren't for the rare, once-in-a-lifetime glimpse, they'd be considered myths.
  7866. >They live in a small enclave at the heart of the Minotaur lands, like Switzerland-sized.
  7867. >Minotaurs with more human-like features are considered the cream of the crop in society: the closer they are physically to humans (like ponies such as Fleur and Sassy, who have body-types similar to the Princesses).
  7868. >They're pretty much Star Trek's Founders mixed with Guild Wars' Muursat and Babylon 5's Vorlons/Shadows.
  7870. >Celestia and Luna have always been fascinated by them, but to their frustration even they found very little of them.
  7871. >Imagine their surprise when Twilight sends them a letter, mentioning Ponyville's newest resident.
  7872. >Anon, a human from Earth -- a male.
  7873. >Being contrary to what they expect in a male just makes him seem even more Old One'ish.
  7874. >He's confused by their behaviour
  7876. >Meanwhile, the humans of the minotaur lands hear about this
  7877. >Leaving human lands without the king's permission is punishable by execution-by-torture
  7878. >The human king leads a minotaur war party to recapture the rogue traitor
  7879. >Meanwhile, Anon misses indoor plumbing
  7882. >Equestrian Humans are limited in number, like under a hundred, and the all know each other.
  7883. >Hearing of a new human in a foreign land gets them excited, as well as concerned
  7888. >"Ponka, that cake is retarded."
  7889. "I have no idea what you're talking about, it looks fantastic to me!"
  7890. >Be pinkest horse
  7891. >Well, that's one of the many names your bestest friend Nonny calls you
  7892. >You are currently in the kitchen of sugarcube corner cooking the BEST CAKE
  7893. >"No seriously Pinkie this might just be the worst cake I've ever seen you make."
  7894. "Shut up dyke this cake is the BEST! It's the BEST CAKE! Other cakes WISH they were this cake!"
  7895. >"The Icing has all smudged and gotten mixed together, the top layer has collapsed like the soviet union and I'm pretty sure you put in salt instead of sugar."
  7896. "What!? No, I'm pretty sure I grabbed the container saying sugar, Anon."
  7897. >"Which you swapped with salt as a prank five minutes before we started. How that kind of thing hasn't got you fired I don't know."
  7898. >That does sound like the kind of silly thing you'd do
  7899. >But its all lies!
  7900. >This cake is THE BEST, you just know it!
  7901. "Come on Anon, if its so bad then why don't you prove it! Taste test time!"
  7902. >You grab a fork and have yourself a piece of cake straight from the source
  7903. >...
  7904. >Come on Pinkie, poker face. Poker face like Rainbow got drunk and put in both her next paycheck and her dignity in the pot. Again.
  7905. "It's good."
  7906. >"You ponies are terrible liars."
  7907. >Shit, he's on to you! 
  7908. >No you can still save this
  7909. "No seriously, it's good. try some."
  7910. >"I'mma pass."
  7911. >You hop onto the stool by Anon and the cake and hold him by the shoulders
  7912. "Eat my cake Nonny."
  7913. >"No."
  7914. "Do it dyke."
  7915. >"you cant make me."
  7916. >That's where you're wrong my child
  7917. >you start to pull Anon down towards the cake
  7919. >"NEVER!"
  7922. >You look up from behind the cake
  7923. >Mr Cake is standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a horrified look on his face
  7924. >All he can see is you pulling Anon's head down while demanding he taste your frosting
  7925. >The rest is obscured by cake
  7926. >Aww shit, you're going to jail. Again
  7930. >Anon and Pinkie are friends
  7931. >Pinkie treats Anon like one of the gals
  7932. >Has trained her mind to not even see Anon as a male, the way he walks, talks and acts all help this
  7933. >Other ponies always giving her strange looks, or sometimes getting angry at the way she treats Anon
  7934. >Sometimes ponies make her uncomfortable, asking what Anons like in the sack, asking how often they bang
  7935. >She doesn't want to think of Anon that way, She just wants her friend Anon
  7936. >She doesn't want to ruin it by telling him her true feelings, buried deep down
  7937. >He could never like a weird, silly, unnatractive mare like herself, he's way out of her league
  7938. >Anon feels the same way about Ponks
  7945. >Be Force-User Anon
  7946. >You were a Jedi, then you were a Sith, and now you live among ponies
  7947. >To make a long story short
  7948. >Abandoned the Jedi Order because they were all a bunch of circle jerking hippies
  7949. >Abandoned the Dark Side because they were all a bunch of Edge Lord McAutists
  7950. >Eventually ended up in Equestria, happy to find a place with no super strict guidelines, the closest thing to one being "don't be a prick"
  7951. >yfw meet the nu-Changelings
  7952. >yfw the Feeling Forum
  7953. >yfw can't escape the hippies
  7960. >Old Anon in RGRE.
  7961. >Granny Smith takes a liking to him.
  7962. >Grosses out grandchildren as she tries to bag the slutty old timer
  7970. >Despite having very successful careers, Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna have a hard time attracting male attention
  7971. >Their jobs often demand a lot of their attention, making it hard to find free time to date
  7972. >When they do have time, dates often go wrong
  7973. >Celestia was popular in high school, but focused on getting a career for so long that the moves that she used to use became outdated, if not outright corny
  7974. >Luna has it worse since she was extremely anti-social when she was younger, so she has almost no social skills outside of yelling at teens
  7975. >However, one day a guy named Anon walked in
  7976. >Says he found himself in that magic world that Sunset and that Twilight princess that sometimes and they brought him here
  7977. >He's adult age, knows how to use a computer, and, most importantly, is easy on the eyes
  7978. >That was the day that Anon became their personal secretary
  7986. >Anon is a prince to a human kingdom
  7987. >his father is friends with Celestia and Luna they know Anon for most of his life
  7988. >Father dies somehow leaving Anon as the new king
  7989. >Anon has the potential to be a legendary figure but is surrounded by corrupt/incompetent people
  7990. >Celestia and Luna have to teach him how to rule effectivly even if it goes against their own morals/beliefs
  7998. >Be Anon
  7999. >Poverty-ridden slav from Russia
  8000. >Spend the days squatting and drinking with some friends
  8001. >Never had a gf
  8002. >Too short and not like Chadinov who had many gfs
  8003. >One day you had too many vodkas to sip and decided to try and fly
  8004. >Jump off the top of the tallest commie block you could find holding an umbrella in each hand
  8005. >Wake up in a grassy field
  8006. >Stupid purple horse is standing over you
  8007. >Punch it in the mouth and crawl to look for more alcohols to sip
  8008. >Go towards town sneaky beaky like
  8009. >Roll up on a merchant and try to buy vodkas
  8010. >"We do not take your silly paper money please pay in bit." merchant mare says
  8011. "I have no."
  8012. >"Go away."
  8013. >Grab vodkas and run
  8014. >Many guards come running after you
  8015. >You are hiding in behind a dumpster and sip all of the vodka
  8016. >Now you are drunk you can feel complex emotion beyond rage
  8017. >Guard find you
  8018. >You get arrest by them
  8019. >They take you to jail and sit you in cell
  8020. >There is not cell for stallion, you sit in with mare
  8021. >No one talk to you
  8022. >Just like in Russia
  8023. >After all, not even mother could loving dumb ugly slav
  8030. >Poor Twilight is torn between stopping you from your occasional hunting trip because the woods are no place for a stallion and wanting to join because her trip to EqG left her with a taste for meat
  8031. >Twilight sneaks out to Anon's Everfree hut.
  8032. >Twilight isn't as stealthy as she would like to believe, but is oblivious.
  8033. >Ponies subtly point and giggle, thinking they're knocking boots.
  8034. >In reality, they're chowing down on roast manticore, jerked cockatrice, and smoked hydra steak
  8037. >Eventually she realises she's been busted.
  8038. >Not wanting her habit to become public knowledge, she's forced to maintain the charade of being romantically-involved.
  8039. >It snowballs as the other Princesses learn that Twilight is dating, and congratulate her.
  8040. >It snowballs from there as they enthusiastically intrude.
  8041. >Cadence keeps trying to give tips and hint that she may want to "borrow" Anon sometime.
  8042. >Celestia is all motherly and proud, though wistful.
  8043. >Luna feels ashamed because she has "love at first sight" syndrome over another mare's stallion.
  8044. >The lie becomes increasingly complex and hard to maintain...
  8052. >Anon was feeling depressed ever since he got to Equestria since none of the Ponyville residents didn't take a romantic interest in him.
  8053. >He decides to see out the rest of Equestria to clear his head.
  8054. >Cut to a year later.
  8055. >Ponyville is getting ready to greet Anon.
  8056. >They've even heard he got himself a gf now.
  8057. >Of course, the ground starts to shake with every step.
  8058. >Anon is riding on top of a very smug looking Sphinx
  8059. >"Huh! Like you could meet my incredibly high standards, ape man."
  8060. >Anon proceeds to answer all of her riddles.
  8061. >"Oh no, he's meeting all of my standards!"
  8062. >Anon gives her a riddle she doesn't know the answer to.
  8063. >She immediately presents.
  8064. >"Take me Man-Meat!"
  8065. >Anon gets spelunking gear on.
  8069. >Trick the Sphinx into a wild romp with a pride play, insisting her sexual prowess had declined with age.
  8070. >Once she realizes she's been had, she threatens to kill you where you stand, male or not. 
  8071. >Tell her you'll not fight it, if she can solve a riddle you have for her. You'll even give her a whole month to figure it out. 
  8072. >Ha! Easy!
  8073. >Give her this:
  8074. "Two join and so forms a third,
  8075. A joyous occasion say all who heard,
  8076. The third grows with one, but none will ever be the same,
  8077. You may know what I am, but what is my name?"
  8078. >For the first time in ages, the Sphinx is stumped. Obviously the "what" is a child, but the name?
  8079. >She sits for the entire month, trying to think it over to no avail.
  8080. >On day 31 she finally gives up in humiliation.
  8081. >"Fine..." She grounds out. "I submit. What is the answer?"
  8082. >You just point to the small lump in her middle. 
  8083. "That name is whatever you want it to be. You're the mother after all."
  8084. >She looks at you dryly before a paw squishes you into her side.
  8085. >"You'll be an adequate mate I suppose..." She grumbles, but you can still see the pink on her cheeks. 
  8086. >And that's how you tricked your wife into marrying you
  8095. >Here you Anon
  8096. >Lonely on Earth, lonely in Equestria too
  8097. >Getting drunk on a thursday night in your apartment
  8098. >You had to work in the morning but you'd just call in
  8099. >Mayor Mare didn't need her secretary
  8100. >You pour another glass of whiskey
  8101. >Two years, two fucking years and not a single mare had done so much as talk to you
  8102. >It was about face, frame, and height
  8103. >Even across universes
  8104. >You finish off the bottle and grab another for some late-night drinking on the go
  8105. >Clutching a jug of whiskey, you leave your front door wide open and start walking
  8106. >Not like you had any valuables to lose
  8107. >You remember this one girl who stopped talking to you entirely because of your height and it broke your stupid heart
  8108. >You bang heavily on a nearby door
  8109. >A tired mare opens it cautiously and looks at you
  8110. >"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
  8111. "Fuck you, I'm not short."
  8112. >"What?"
  8113. >You start to walk off
  8114. >"Are you okay?"
  8115. >You finish the bottle and drop it
  8116. >The tired pony watches from a distance as you gingerly lay down in the grass and pass out
  8117. >You wake up the next morning thoroughly baked under the sun
  8118. >A small basket of strawberries is next to you with a note
  8119. >It reads:
  8120. Not sure why you came here to vent, but it's obvious you're going through something. Take a day to enjoy what you /do/ have, not what you don't.
  8121. >With a crude drawing of a happy pony
  8122. >You roll over and walk home with the strawberries
  8129. >dragoness immediately covets and jealously guards him because he's an incredibly exotic and exceedingly rare male
  8137. >Unicorns of myth would be completely docile to virgins, going so far as to fall asleep in their laps.
  8138. >Go to equestria.
  8139. >Unicorns and Alicorns find you irresistibly comfy so long as you stay a virgin.
  8140. >Falling asleep outside will inevitably result in a snuggle pile within short order
  8147. >The Six, realising that ponies are beginning to think they're a "Dyke Herd", make plans to snag a stallion.
  8148. >Glimmer suddenly being there only reinforces ponies' misconceptions.
  8149. >However, all the non-family stallions they know are either dicks, gold-diggers, or terrified of them due to their daily exploits.
  8150. >Flash Sentry is still in hiding.
  8151. >Anon is considered unattractive by pony standards, and given he often chases Lyra through Ponyville half-naked and with ketchup/mustard war-paint, as she steals his socks.
  8152. >Still, he gets along well with half of them, so he's better than nothing.
  8153. >That, and they wouldn't have to worry about him being tempted away.
  8154. >However, due to ponies being proverbial sheep mentally, when it becomes known he's shacking up with a Wonderbolt, the Princess of Friendship, one of Equestria's premier fashionistas, a former supermodel, etcetera, he suddenly, sharply becomes less unattractive and ugly and more "exotic" and an alien beauty.
  8155. >After all, these heroes must see *something* in him they couldn't, right?
  8156. >*They* must be the odd ones to see such an exotic male as being ugly.
  8157. >Right?
  8158. >Thus, the Six suddenly find themselves on the defensive against other mares, and Anon is being offered non-herd poon-tang constantly on a plate.
  8159. >Will he stick to his principles and remain loyal, or will he break and succumb to non-herd poon, like a dying man in a desert handed unlimited ice-cream?
  8166. >Luna wins Anon over by giving him un-politically correct gifts and gestures.
  8167. >Ponies are gob-smacked.
  8168. >Celly be jelly and not knowing whether to be happy for her sister or mortified by what she did to snag him.
  8174. >Awkward virgin Dash
  8175. >Insists on taking the lead, because marely mares take the lead.
  8176. >Desperately trying to appear as if she knows exactly what she's doing, while knowing nothing of the sort.
  8177. >Fumbling her way through foreplay, struggling to find a proper position and actually get it in, and then trying to move without you slipping out again and again.
  8178. >She's lucky you're both so horny that there isn't much thinking happening, or this would be too awkward to continue.
  8179. >But since the overriding concern for both of you is fucking each others brains out, the cringing at how ridiculous you must both seem can wait till post-orgasm
  8186. >Celestia needs to smite this evil.
  8187. >This exotic abomination.
  8188. >This wicked slut.
  8189. >This sexy force of darkness.
  8190. >But by the goddess, she can't bring herself to do it.
  8191. >Even as he twists the dearly departed of her little ponies into his slaves, she can't rain down solar fire like she has done to so many others of his ilk.
  8192. >He's... not doing anything really bad, is he?
  8193. >It's not like he's forming an undead army.
  8194. >They're just building him a castle and acting as servants.
  8195. >Can he really be blamed?
  8196. >With no mare to take care of him, he's been forced to this instead.
  8197. >She's sure, once she offers hm a place in her castle, and starts treating him right, he'll send all those shambling corpses back to their graves.
  8198. >Yes, surely.
  8199. >Now she just has to get Luna to stop trying to kill him.
  8200. >She luckily hasn't been too successful in her attacks yet.
  8201. >Her night magic is not suited for combating the dark arts like her day magic, after all.
  8202. >Once she explains her plan, Luna will surely agree.
  8203. >She explains.
  8204. >Luna accuses her of thinking with her clit
  8208. >Skeptical at first, Anon eventually agrees to the proposition.
  8209. >Until she tells him he has to put the dead back where he found them.
  8210. >He tries to fight it, but she's adamant.
  8211. >He's tempted to rot her heart from the inside out while she's so close.
  8212. >But having the ear of a royal and access to the capital is quite the boon.
  8213. >He didn't even have to resort to mind control or promises or returning her lost loved ones.
  8214. "Fine, but can I at least keep Scruffy, I've... gotten attached."
  8215. >Celestia grimaces as you pet the pony corpse, it's name coming from the fact that the only hide left on its skeleton is a few patches on it's muzzle, resembling a macabre goatee.
  8216. >You give her puppy dog eyes, and scruffy does the same, tilting its head cutely (to you at least), until finally she sighs.
  8217. >"Fine, but he stays in the gardens. I don't want him dragging entrails through the castle."
  8226. >Anon is the sirens' older brother who got banished with them by Star Swirl.
  8227. >Generally doesn't do evil shit anymore, but looks out for his sisters.
  8228. >Meanwhile the Dazzlings are hyper protective of him, even though his magic is just as strong as theirs, allowing him to sing his way out of most situations.
  8229. >Anon manages to convince them to let him wander around by himself for a few years.
  8230. >One day he gets a call from a frantic Adagio telling him they've lost their powers.
  8231. >Anon is annoyed they tried fucking with stuff they shouldn't have AGAIN, but they're still family.
  8232. >There's still a chance he can restore their powers if he can collect the shards of their gems.
  8233. >The problem with that is that the girls got chased out of Canterlot High before they could grab any, and the Rainbooms have them now.
  8234. >Anon has to seduce the Rainbooms in order to get close enough to steal back the gem shards, and maybe get some petty revenge while he's doing it.
  8237. >Anon has to hide his necklace while on campus because the Rainbooms and the other students would recognize it, so no magic
  8238. >Thus he is forced to do this the old-fashioned way, using his masculine wiles.
  8239. >It's not very hard. The Rainbooms are hormonal teenage girls in a world where it's hard to get male attention.
  8240. >All execept for Sunset, the adult unicorn mare in the body of a teenage girl.
  8241. >She's also very obviously the leader.
  8242. >If anyone would know where the gem shards are it's her.
  8243. >Sunset is confused, but definitely not unhappy when the cute new male transfer student seemingly has a crush on her.
  8244. >With her friends encouraging her she asks him on a date, and he says yes.
  8245. >Will Anon successfully retrieve the shards of his sisters' necklaces and break Sunset's heart in the process?
  8246. >Or will his true nature be revealed before his plan is complete, which would certainly get the Rainbooms to blast him with their harmony magic?
  8254. >Be princess Celestia
  8255. >"As we sat there listening to the carolers, I wanted to tell Incognito that it was over now and that everything would be okay. But that was a lie, plus I couldn't speak anyway"
  8256. >His eyes start to tear up
  8257. >"I wish there was some way to go back and undo the past. But there wasn't. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and tried to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what happened"
  8258. >His eye slowly rise to meet your gaze 
  8259. >"And I thought of all the grief and suffering and fucked up stuff in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically... disappear'
  8260. >Anon just told you how he and his friend were sexually abused when he was young
  8261. >You would feel very sorry for him
  8262. >Except that it isn't a thing in this world 
  8263. >Any pony of any age can engage in intercourse with whomever they desire, within reason and consent of course 
  8264. >And young colts are your favorite , in fact, that was what attracted you to Anon in the first place, you thought he was still in that age for his species 
  8265. >You thought that you would play him with your honeyed words then go down on him like all your mates in the last thousand years
  8266. >But now, for the first time since you banished your sister, you don't know what to do
  8273. >There is no age of consent in Equestria. It goes strictly off of cutie mark status.
  8274. >Cutie mark = adult in the eyes of the law.
  8275. >It's not uncommon for a young colt or filly with a fresh mark to be set up with a trusted adult so their first time is safe and controlled, but still special.
  8276. >Even the most fickle of stallions don't often refuse since it's for the well-being of children. 
  8277. >Of course, no one told you any that. Not until Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity show up on your door with their wide eyed and red faced sisters in tow.
  8278. >You just had to be friends with the elements...
  8285. > Anon is the weebaboo-pony equivalent of that vampire-loli-that-I-swear-Mr-Judge-she-is-legal-she-is-3000yo-in-the-story
  8291. >Accidental trap FemAnon.
  8292. >Flat chested, professional weightlifter.
  8293. >Girl power, motherfucker.
  8294. >Can crush a watermelon between your thighs.
  8295. >You're powerful legs attract the wrong kind of attention, sadly.
  8296. >These lesbo horses are persistent, but you're not that desperate.
  8297. >You are, however, desperate enough to try some stallion cock.
  8298. >Hey, those donkey shows must have been a thing back home for a reason.
  8299. >Stallions turn you down constantly though.
  8300. >Caramel sits you down.
  8301. >"Anon, I'm flattered, but... I'm not gay."
  8302. "What?"
  8304. >Big Mac is gay though, but must keep it a secret from his very traditional family.
  8305. >Wants desperately to return Anon's approaches, but resists.
  8306. >Sister just thinks the new colt in town is good friends with her brother.
  8307. >It's low, but if it gets her an edge in landing that fine hunk of a stallion, she's will to exploit Big Mac to get closer to Anon.
  8308. >FemAnon realizes Big Mac is the biggest stallion in town, automatically making him the best.
  8309. >And he's not outright disturbed by your flirting.
  8310. >Bonus.
  8311. >Show off your muscles by helping him make cider.
  8312. >Crushing apples in your palms.
  8313. >Gets more of a reaction from his lesbo sister.
  8314. >Why can't these tiny mares let you work your moves in peace?
  8317. > FemAnon finally start getting frisky with BigMac in the barn
  8318. > AppleJack stumble on them without getting noticed
  8319. > Very pissed off because her crush is about to bang someone else
  8320. > Very aroused because stallion on stallion action
  8321. > FemAnon remove her shorts, revealing her "surprise"
  8322. > BigMac is paralyzed in shock
  8323. > AJ don't know what to think
  8324. > Very pissed off because a girl is about to bang her brother
  8325. > Still very aroused by FemAnon
  8327. >AJ still thinks her brother's straight.
  8328. >Worried she's the gay one now.
  8329. >I'm sorry, Ma, you deserve a better daughter than a filly foolin' deviant like me.
  8330. >Still can't stop the burning in her Apple core.
  8331. >Calls FemAnon upstairs after inviting her to dinner at the farm house.
  8332. "AJ, where are you?"
  8333. >Door slowly swings shut, revealing Appul horse with strap-on attachment and real bucking action.
  8334. >"You're a strong mare, Anon, but I gotta make sure you're good enough for ma brother."
  8335. "What?"
  8336. >"We're gonna rassle, Anon."
  8344. >Ponies are flooding Celestia with letters.
  8345. >It just started pouring in one day.
  8346. >'Princess Celestia, Anon ain't got no magic to protect himself from frisky mares always creepin' 'round these parts! Can you fix him up like you did Twilight?'
  8347. >'Princess Celestia, I believe Anon may soon fall victim to the DREADFUL deeds of some promiscuous harlot! You simply MUST do something about my darling!'
  8348. >'Princess Celestia, can you send me a scroll on your laws concerning cross-species cohabitation and/or marriage? Anon said there are laws against these sort of things, and I really can't argue, as I don't know...'
  8349. >Celestia is getting tired of this.
  8350. >She doesn't even know who or what an 'Anon' is.
  8351. >She makes an unannounced visit to Ponyville.
  8352. >The mares are overjoyed, thinking each of their letters have been answered.
  8353. >Then Celestia finds out just what an 'Anon' is.
  8354. >Hfw
  8355. >The ponies of Ponyville are stunned when Celestia starts acting like a stallion around Anon.
  8356. >She's like a giggly colt with his first crush.
  8357. >Anon is impressed the ruler of Equestria came to see him.
  8358. >Now maybe he can get his wish and get a trip to see the dragons he heard about.
  8359. >All he is interested in is seeing a fucking dragon.
  8360. >Riding a fucking dragon.
  8361. >Fucking a fucking dragon.
  8362. >Celestia will do anything within her power to win his affection.
  8363. >Even take him to see dragons
  8372. >Anon wants to make spike huge.
  8373. >But he realizes that he's enabling greed in spike.
  8374. >He may want Spike to become big, but Spike is like a little brother to him at this point.
  8375. >It doesn't feel nice to make your little brother a kleptomaniac even if it means you get to see a huge dragon.
  8376. >Fuck it.
  8377. >He can visit the dragon lands some other day.
  8378. >He stops giving Spike things, and takes him on road trips.
  8379. >He teaches Spike that emotional bonds with ponies and other creatures are more important than material objects.
  8380. >He teaches Spike that courage isn't never getting scared, but being brave even when he is scared.
  8381. >He teaches Spike that failure is not the end if he learns from it.
  8382. >In their journeys, Spike begins collecting rocks, gems, and other assorted baubles. 
  8383. >Souvenirs that had no monetary value.
  8384. >Things that don't even count as treasures.
  8385. >But they're treasures to him, and Spike begins to grow once more.
  8386. >However, instead of the dyel giant greedy dragon, his form is more muscular, balanced, majestic even.
  8387. >His wings unfurled blocks out the sun.
  8388. >The change extends to his personality as well, he was more mature, elegant, and well rounded when compared to other dragons.
  8389. >Anon looks upon his friend and student, and learns a lesson as well.
  8390. >Haste will cause nothing but suffering for all, but patience is always rewarded.
  8391. >Dragon suitors come from all over to woo Spike, bringing gifts that could sustain Equestria for a year.
  8392. >But he turns them all down, claiming that their treasures are 'worthless'.
  8393. >He takes out a small rock, no larger than the hoof of a newborn foal.
  8394. >His most prized possession.
  8395. >The rock he picked up on his first road trip with Anon.
  8396. >Tells the suitors to find him something more valuable than that.
  8397. >They all think that the rock represents the entire world
  8404. >You are anon
  8405. >You have fluttershy under your arm
  8406. >today is the day that you rub it in everyone's face who didn't want you but now keeps trying to get with you.
  8407. "So, if I remember right, carrot top correct?"
  8408. >"Yes anon, have you decided to take me up on your offer? I see you brought fluttershy, so does that mean I get to be the alpha?"
  8409. >You really dont like this mare much anymore
  8410. "First, do you remember what you did when I asked if you wanted to get dinner and see where the night takes us?"
  8411. >She thinks hard, how will she spin this
  8412. >"I'm sorry, I cant recall"
  8413. "Oh, really, well let me remind you. You first started to laugh, saying 'holy bucking shit anon, thats a good one' and when you saw my face crumble a bit, 'Oh you were serious' and proceeded to laugh till you passed out."
  8414. >To her credit, she looks ashamed of that
  8415. "I heard you later telling another mare why you passed out laughing 'can you imagine that plowing into you? How could you even bucking get wet'"
  8416. >Yea, you crushed her spirits a bit
  8417. "So, because you refuse to stop hitting on me, flutters, the alpha of the herd..."
  8418. >At this her eyes go wide
  8419. >She looks at flutters
  8420. >No mare should have all that smug
  8421. "... decided it was only right to show you what you laughed your way out of"
  8423. >Be carrot top
  8424. >It is sundown
  8425. >You need a drink
  8426. >All day fluttershy and anon showed you what you could have had on yor front lawn, at one point you decided to go inside and put them out of your mind
  8427. >Anon picked fluttershy up and plowed her against your window. 
  8428. >You lawn and home are coved in various fluids
  8429. >You are depressed
  8430. >You are desperately horney
  8431. >And you just want a bucking drink.
  8433. >Be anon a week later
  8434. >The castle is barricaded
  8435. >Mares are throwing themselves like changelings at the doors to break them down
  8436. >Apparently your stunt with fluttershy caused all of ponyville to go into an early estrus
  8437. >You look down yo your flutters as aj piles more shit against the door
  8438. >This mare is WAY too smug
  8445. >Anon and Luna can't stop fighting when they're in the same room.
  8446. >Physically fighting. 
  8447. >As in "throw through walls".
  8448. >And the language... eeesh!
  8449. >Ponies avoid getting involved, despite "mare-on-stallion" violence, because the they would get in the crossfire.
  8450. >Celestia and Twilight learned the hard-way.
  8451. >However, one fight becomes aggressive making out.
  8452. >Then they're outright doing each other, much to the ponies' shock.
  8453. >Trouble is, it's on the breakfast table.
  8454. >In-front of Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight
  8462. >They mess with you one day by covering their cutie marks and using the same mane style
  8463. >A prank their own mother and aunt would pull on their father, much to his distress. Something about how a husband should be able to tell. 
  8464. >They forget that you're not exactly typical.
  8465. >Both of them, even macho mare Cloudy squeak when you pick them up and give both a kiss on the lips...
  8466. >... Between their legs. 
  8467. >Flitter's love of cherries gives her away from the taste. 
  8468. >The mares who gave them shit for 'settling for an ape' have no idea what they're missing
  8475. >Anon is the Marshal of Canterlot Castle
  8476. >Despite the name, it's not a military position.
  8477. >He's more of a seneschal, and is the guy in charge of all the maids, butlers, cooks, and other castle staff.
  8478. >Celestia hits on him occasionally, but he's pretty sure she's just joking.
  8480. >Luna however has taken a genuine interest in him.
  8481. >Since her return, she has felt isolated.
  8482. >Canterlot wasn't her home before, she lived in the Castle of the Two Sisters. 
  8483. >She helped build it, she knew all its secrets.
  8484. >The hidden passageways, The loose brick behind which she'd hidden a lewd story she'd written, the spot where she'd indulged in a bit of infantile graffiti and drawn a horse pussy behind the bookcase.
  8486. >Canterlot is a welcome improvement from the barren surface of the moon, but it just doesn't feel like /home/.
  8487. >She feels like an outsider.
  8488. >She only really socializes with her sister, and occasionally the Element bearers.
  8489. >And Anonymous, one of the very few who isn't skittish around her
  8494. >Anon moves into equestria and decides he's gonna take Over the entire nation as a villain
  8495. >main 6 go off to face him in his massive evil citadel only to find out he is a particularly innocent colt and worried about their safety
  8496. >what they assumed were slave are actually willing servants, as he treats everyone with respect
  8497. >always goes on tirades on being evil and monologues his evil plans but always ends up helping like removing monsters and helping the changlings intergrate
  8498. >eventually works himself into a respected position in government right up by the princesses, still talking like he's evil but doing a lot of good
  8499. >one day a random poner like let's say dash tells him he's been pretty bad at all the villain stuff
  8500. "Oh I beg to differ"
  8501. >"what do you mean anon"
  8502. "I thought I did a great job at earning ponies' trust, infiltrating the changelings and getting them a food source to grow with, creating an army of all the villains I've put down over the years, and getting myself in a trusted position perfect for pulling up my coup"
  8503. >pale poner is shocked
  8504. "But do you know what the best part of my plan is?"
  8505. >pony shakes head
  8506. "Nobody is ever going to believe you"
  8507. >he says as he goes to play tea party with some children
  8512. >anon did this just some elaborate plot to get the poner in question to ask him out
  8513. >he knows for a fact that she'll try "change" him
  8514. >he already knew she had the hots for him
  8515. >why not push it along?
  8519. >Stallions aren't supposed to be the romantic aggressors, they have to entice the mares into wooing them.
  8520. >Other stallions are in awe of how well Anon pulled off this feat of masculinity.
  8521. >The sheer level of effort and bullshitting he went through in order to get her is just so romantic.
  8522. >One autist stallion wonders why Anon didn't just say he liked her, the others shush him and insist this way is better.
  8524. >Anon takes this information, and starts publishing cheesy romance novels that are disguised as regular stories until the end, when suddenly mushy love and smut ensues
  8534. >Anon arrives in Equestria
  8535. >The thing is, he already has a kid
  8536. >His daughter arrived with him
  8537. >Beta mares go head over hooves trying to be the provider for the "poor single father just trying to make it"
  8538. >Mares always trying to get brownie points for giving gifts/being nice to Anonette
  8539. >Anonette is trying to hook her dad up with a nice mare, not some Trixie
  8540. >Anon actually wants Trixie
  8541. >The Great And Alpha Trixie doesn't do baggage
  8548. >Pinkie has the problem of having a constantly moist vagene
  8549. >It's the RGRE equivalent of having random boners in public
  8550. >Sweaty virgin mare
  8551. >Too weird for any stallion to be interested in
  8552. >Her constant joking is a front to hide her crippling loneliness
  8553. >Knows she will die alone, forever a weird mare
  8554. >Started accepting it more long ago
  8555. >Just masturbates her loneliness away
  8556. >If her dream stallion finds her, he finds her
  8557. >But she has pretty much given up
  8564. >Spike, being a Muthafuckin' Dragon, is nigh invulnerable to most common hazards in life.
  8565. >When you can take a bath in an active volcano, a lot of things that would kill a pony barely tickle.
  8566. >But being a male dragon, and a 'baby' male dragon at that, ponies insist on coddling him about /everything/.
  8567. >He puts up with it from Rarity, because any attention from his crush is a good thing in his mind.
  8568. >Twilight and Celestia get a pass, because family and mommy issues.
  8569. >But holy horseapples does it drive him crazy when anypony else does it. And they ALL do it.
  8570. >About the only person who wasn't also a dragon that doesn't treat him like he's made of glass, is his self-proclaimed bro, Anon
  8573. >Spike and Anon won a tour to Griffonstone.
  8574. >They returned a few days late.
  8575. >Nobody believed them when they said they got involved and put a stop to a conspiracy involving the throne.
  8576. >Spike and Anon had to ride a sexy griffon general to defeat the conspirators.
  8577. >Nobody believed them until General Katerina Bloodwing went to Canterlot demanding to see Anon the pervert who sullied her honorandnowmusttakeresponsibility and his mighty dragon companion Spike the brave
  8584. > Anon is surprised to find Monopoly: Equestria Edition at a shady secondhand games shop
  8585. > Buys it because of nostalgia
  8586. > When he brings it home and checks it for any major differences, the instructions booklet mentions a complementary summoning circle for use in case of table-flipping
  8587. > Out of curiosity, he uses the circle
  8588. > A bored demon mare rises from the ground, who then looks around in confusion
  8589. "Are you a succubus?"
  8590. > She frowns
  8591. > "No, I'm a ninth circle acc-"
  8592. > Then she notices that Anon is, in fact, male
  8593. > And full of unfulfilled lust
  8594. > She grins
  8595. > "Would you like me to be a succubus?"
  8597. Definitely accountant, and not even the kind that help with embezzlement. Poor Modea is contracted to keep track of the positions of Monopoly pieces and player properties and cash. The most interesting thing she usually gets to do is enforce the bets players make on the outcome of the game
  8599. >Anon decides to make a deal with her. In exchange for sexual favors, she sticks around and helps Anon with his dismal financial situation. A win/win for him. 
  8600. Mares believe he is being held hostage by an evil demon
  8607. > Anon in grorious nipone
  8608. > Works as an engrish teacher
  8609. > Gets groped on the commuter train
  8610. > Ara Ara's as much as possible
  8619. > Old man Anon was Starswirl the Bearded, before scholars convinced themselves that such a magical being could only be a unicorn
  8620. > He was never that interested in fame, so the mistake wasn't corrected
  8621. > Mostly he just putters around the Canterlot library, sorting books and doodling spell formula in the margins of his journals
  8622. > Twilight never knew the old librarian she respected and imitated was also the wizard she idolized
  8625. >Celestia doesn't correct anypony about Anon's true identity because she is protecting him.
  8626. >Nopony bothers him, and leaves him alone to do what he enjoys.
  8628. >Luna feels differently, he deserves recognition for his great deeds.
  8629. >And if he needs protection from the perverts, autists, and pervert autists who will descend upon him, then /she/ will protect him!
  8634. >Looked after the girls when they were young
  8635. >Taught him everything he knew and guided them into learning more than he could
  8636. >Felt his mortality approaching
  8637. >He wanted more time, to make sure they were ok
  8638. >Learned immortality
  8639. >His mental state was mostly alright so no real harm
  8640. >But it was far worse and led to a fate worse than death
  8641. >It was like putting a cover over his mind
  8642. >His years stacking on top of it
  8643. >First he lived a decade longer than he should have, then another, and another
  8644. >A century
  8645. >A millenia
  8646. >Finally it's too much for his mind to handle
  8647. >Without warning, the cover collapses
  8648. >He's immortal so he does keep some of himself intact and is able to care for himself well enough but he's kept the body of a 102 year old, unlike the princesses
  8649. >But he can't remember anything
  8650. >Where he is, who the ponies around him are, who he is
  8651. >He know only 3 things
  8652. >He enjoys books, mostly ends up just blankly staring at them, willing them and his mind to work in tandem to no avail
  8653. >The castle is his home, which is strange because he remembers another place he called home, a bit more secluded, in a forest maybe? was he a hermit before?
  8654. >and that being near the tallest ponies in the castle, whenever they come to visit, help calm him
  8657. He'd be physically older, but not ancient and decrepit.
  8659. Memory problems, but not so severe that he doesn't remember Celestia and Luna's names. Maybe he actually has decent recall of his 'mortal' lifetime, or the highlights of it, it's everything that has happened after his first century or so that is foggy. Or the reverse, where everything is vague (with a few exceptions), except for the last decade or several.
  8661. He'd still be brilliant and magically powerful, but also absentminded and forgets that he can do things, especially if he hasn't done them in a while. But if he focuses on a subject for a while, he can still come up with something new and impressive. 
  8663. He might have figured out what he thought was a 'law' of magic when he was younger, but now he's retracing that research for some reason, but has forgotten doing it the last time. Because he no longer remembers that it 'can't be done', he can actually figure out a way to do it this time.
  8665. Might have a bit of a short attention span, unless he's on one of his autistic laserfocus streaks.
  8668. >When the changelings invaded canterlot, a bunch of them went to the libary and started trashing the place before a stern voice cuts through the chaos.
  8669. >Libarianon scolds the children for making noise in a libary before promptly giving them orders to help clean up the mess.
  8670. >Lings comply out of sheer confusion because even though he's talking in the ToneThatMustBeObeyed he's still giving each of the 30 strong group enough love to kill their hunger completely.
  8671. >A headpat there, a firm word of encouragement here and suddenly they're all corralled in a semi circle of beanbags with hot cocoa as he starts weaving them a story.
  8672. >"Once upon a time, in the magical lands of Equestria..."
  8673. >During a particularly dramatic portion, a bright light flashes by outside, the window and door frames briefly glowing as it passes before darkening once more, the events completely unnoticed by the group as Anon talks about a mysterious masked mare...
  8674. >Hours later, with the moon in the sky and the last would-be invader in dreamland, Anon bustles about placing blankets over each of them before softly speaking.
  8675. >"Go enjoy the party dear, you've spent too much time cooped up as is."
  8676. >The shadows stir breifly before becoming still once more
  8685. >Some guy is the RGREqG version of the High School Alpha Bitch
  8686. >Sunset couldn't has risen to the top of Canterlot High all by herself.
  8687. >She was a literal nobody, knew nothing about human culture, and lacked the social awareness needed despite her ruthlessness due to her sheltered upbringing in Canterlot Castle.
  8688. >She got bullied a lot at first.
  8689. >Some guy was the leader of the popular boys clique
  8690. >Some guy took her under his wing, out of curiosity to see if he could take someone on the bottom of the school's totem pole and raise them to the top.
  8691. >Sunset took to his lessons like a fish to water.
  8692. >They started dating, and ruled the school as Queen and King.
  8693. >But eventually Sunset decided she didn't need him anymore, dumped him, and started dating Flash Sentry who she saw as more attractive.
  8694. >He did not take this well. NO ONE dumps some guy. 
  8695. >What Sunset then lacked in social manipulation ability she made up for by being terrifying enough that very few people would be willing to stand against her.
  8696. >Then came the events of the first movie, knocking Sunset all the way back down to the bottom of the school hierarchy 
  8697. >Meaning, some guy is on top again. 
  8698. >He has the jock girls make Sunset's life miserable like they used to back when they were all freshmen.
  8699. >Now that Sunset's trying to be a good person, it's hard for her to fight back. 
  8700. >The Humane Five, having yet to completely befriend her at this point, are split between thinking Sunset deserves it and not wanting to let Twilight down by not helping her
  8707. >Equestria is a place of peace and harmony, but it wasn't always that way
  8708. >Ponies were forced to work together due to outside threats such as monsters and the occational evil villain
  8709. >However, there hasn't been any evil to vanquish above the occational bully who never learned to share for years, and society is about to come apart because of it
  8710. >Namely, stallionists who believe that they are under-appreciated and under-represented and mares who believe that stallions are overly coddled and should be happy with what they can get
  8711. >This is a story, so diplomacy is obviously out of the question
  8712. >The next best option is for the princesses hire a villain that both mares and stallions would hate equally to bring them closer together
  8713. >This is where Anon comes in
  8714. >Every month or so, Anon dons his villain alter ego to go cause trouble with several royal guards dressed as his henchponies
  8715. >Whatever princess is nearby will come and "fight" him, Anon loses, but gets away at the last second or "escapes" prison
  8716. >This somehow solves everything
  8723. I love the idea of the princesses crying to Anon whenever they need comfort.
  8725. >The Princesses are often hailed as mareliness in physical form
  8726. >They are strong, in charge, and always calm in the face of danger
  8727. >All of the qualities that herd alphas are expected to have
  8728. >Due to maintaining the image of a strong leader, they often have to bottle up their emotions
  8729. >Enters Anon, a being that is not a pony, not a foreign ambassador, and is great to hug
  8730. >Every night, Anon has deal with a crying alicorn as they tell him of all their insecurities
  8731. >"And *sniff* and when they were about to cut the cake, Pinkie *sob* she ate it all IN ONE BITE! I was looking forward to it all day and she didn't even saaavor iiit!!"
  8732. >"Anon, tell us, art we scary? We have tried to improve our personal appearance for years, but a foal began to cry when we only said hello..."
  8733. >"WAAAH!! Anon, me and S-Shiny had a fight and-and-and HE SAID HE HATED MEEEE!!!"
  8734. >"I'm not chubby, I'm within the average weight range for a mare my size! So what if I like to eaten a dozen hayburgers every now and then! Stupid colts, calling me Twiggy-Piggy. I'm not fat at all, am I Anon? By the way, you're out of ice cream."
  8741. >Anon, tired of the ponies' weak ass alcohol, bemoans this regularly.
  8742. >Applejack introduces him to SAA cider, confident it'll scratch his itch.
  8743. >Nope. Still as weak as shit.
  8744. >Applejack Daniels.
  8745. >She's confident her personal brew, known for knocking down mares twice her size after half a bottle, would do the trick.
  8746. >Nope.
  8747. >He drinks three.
  8748. >Not even a buzz.
  8749. >Enraged at having her pride/family's pride shat on, she goes nuts and, in a fit of insanity, brews pretty much pure paint-thinner (aka authentic Russian vodka, but with apples).
  8750. >As she comes down, she realises what utter poison she's made and is horrified.
  8751. >This would give even the Princesses liver and kidney damage.
  8752. >She needs to destroy it.
  8753. >Unfortunately, it's classed as being a toxic chemical,and can only be disposed of in a certain manner, at certain sites.
  8754. >Anon, however, finds it.
  8755. >Now Applejack has to flee from a thirsty and increasingly distabilising Anon, as he hunts her down throughout Ponyville.for the only booze capable of getting him drunk.
  8756. >Applejack doesn't want to go to prison for stallion murder.
  8763. >Minuette and friends are expecting Twilight to come for a visit
  8764. >Twiggle has an emergency quest sprung on her
  8765. >She sends Anon in her place
  8766. >Minuette and friends are confused when a male shows up, expecting to do all the things Twilight would do
  8767. >Anon wants to make a good impression for his waifu Twilight
  8768. >They take him to the bar
  8769. >Anon gets smashed and makes an ass out of himself
  8770. >Now Minuette and her friends keep showing up to Ponyville, asking for Anon
  8771. >Twilight is upset her friends like Anon more
  8772. >A mission comes up for Twilight
  8773. >She's sick and has to send Anon in her place
  8774. >Anon gets to go on a quest with Celestia
  8775. >Anon wants to make a good impression for his waifu Twilight...
  8782. >Anon in RGRE
  8783. >The m6 has to keep an eye on Anon because there's been a bunch of rumors of fillies kidnapping and/or raping stallions
  8784. >Cutie map emergency, they need to fuck off
  8785. >Leave him with the cmc because they trust them
  8786. >Little did they know...
  8792. >A portal opens in Germaneigh.
  8793. >Every so often a human man pops out of the portal, most of whom acclimate to their new home quickly.
  8794. >Germane government scraps it's (badly drafted but genuine in intent) plans to import migrants to fix their falling birth rate when the first human-fathered foal is born.
  8795. >The sudden (and largely imagined) competition kicks Germane stallions off their laurels.
  8796. >Germane shitposting on 4pone hits an all-time high when it's discovered humans can only interbreed with ponies.
  8797. >If you see the Germane flag on 4pone.org/pol/ it's probably a superiority shitpost
  8799. Meanwhile on 4pone.org/pol/...
  8801. >mfw aliens tailor made for mares drop out of the sky.
  8802. >mfw can't be sullied by subraces
  8803. >mfw no face for this greatest feel 
  8805. Enjoy being alone as I cuddle with my humie :^)
  8813. >anon finally finds a gym with equipment he can actually use
  8814. >it's a Minotaur gym 
  8815. >the beeftits aggressively help him work out
  8816. >stand too close when they spot him
  8817. >practically molest him when helping him squat 
  8818. >constantly trying to get him to join the wrestling team
  8826. >Through a series of cascading, archaic legal loopholes that he blunders through unintentionally, Teen Anon ends up marrying Teen Cadence.
  8827. >Thing is, he wants nothing to do with her, as she reminds him of an ex he had on Earth.
  8828. >Cadence feels it is her duty to tame her reluctant new husband's whimsy.
  8829. >Unfortunately, she's smart enough to know that traditional methods of trying to win a stallion's heart won't work in this case, so she has to "think outside the box".
  8830. >Much to Anon's horror
  8835. >tfw Celly knows and wants you to ride her.
  8836. >tfw She gets jealous when Luna and Cadence request the same thing, using her own excuse.
  8837. >You will never be the target of a three-way tug-of-war
  8839. >Twilight all pouty and sad that she is too smol to let you ride her.
  8840. >Pick her up and let her ride you piggyback to make her feel better.
  8841. >Other 3 go from giggling at the ponelet to seething with jealousy in an instant
  8844. >Celestia's feels a bit kinky and suggests some tandem action.
  8845. >Twilight riding Anon riding Celestia.
  8846. >All three are having a great time until Flurry teleports onto her Auntwi and makes it weird.
  8847. >Anon's wondering why the ride ended so soon, but latent paternal instincts kick in and he starts playing with the baby alicorn suddenly attached to his face, to the envy of the adult mares
  8854. >Anon says horsepuss is disgusting/he's unsure about it
  8855. >Reason why he can't start a relationship with a horse
  8856. >Twiggy loves him, never told him
  8857. >Should she simply talk to him? Tell him that sex isn't everything and shit
  8858. >Nah, who is she kidding, she's still a mare, she'll end up wanting the sex and act all pushy, it's in her instincts
  8859. >She might even end up raping him!
  8860. >No, she needs to help him get rid of this horsepussophobia first, then she can talk to him
  8861. >Decides that the better way would be for him to get used to the sight of it
  8862. >So she spends a lot of time with him
  8863. >And a lot of time flashing him her goods
  8864. >It gets her in the mood, way more than expected
  8865. >She didn't know she was an exhibitionist! 
  8866. >In less than a week, she notices that he's not turning away anymore, and even seems kind of intrigued
  8867. >The realization makes her wink, and that makes him look away
  8868. >Damn, not there yet
  8869. >Maybe get to the next phase?
  8870. >Letting him explore it
  8871. >A hands on approach
  8872. >But she can't really tell him that he can touch her
  8874. >Oh, that it! A sex toy!
  8875. >You remember fluttershy mentioning one when she was reading those japaneighse books
  8876. >Maybe you could get one with Anon, and send it anonymously!
  8877. >This is the perfect plan!
  8878. >But how will you know if he uses it?
  8879. >Maybe cast observer wards in his bedroom...
  8880. >But what if he does it out of sight? Or if he turns his back?
  8881. >N-not that you need to see everything, just that you might learn something
  8882. >For science, right?
  8883. >Maybe an invisibility spell?
  8884. >But what if you bump into something or sneeze!
  8885. >That's a sure way to ruin your friendship with him
  8886. >And your chances...
  8887. >You ponder about it for a moment
  8888. >And your eyes widen when you think of that old book on transmogrification 
  8889. >And more precisely, about that spell that let the user transforms himself into an object
  8890. >...
  8891. >Could you...
  8892. >No...
  8893. >Maybe?
  8894. >Wink
  8895. >O-ohhh...
  8896. And then they fugged and have dozens of babies
  8897. THE END
  8902. >everyday it's the same
  8903. >a blank package on the doorstep
  8904. >a disembodied grey ass in the package 
  8905. >your house is filled with such asses
  8906. >they make for decent sex toys but you wonder where they are coming from
  8908. >ponies offer to pay you to get rid of them, but you just go around and collect them every now and then
  8909. >some lumber and wood glue are an easy find in the market
  8910. >soon, you have a couch made with them
  8911. >and a bed, and a pillow
  8912. >also a couple throwbutts lying here or there
  8913. >ponies don't know what to think about a stallion being so nonchalant with an endless supply of supple butts.
  8914. >you recognize the mare these are "based on"
  8915. >you oddly wonder how powerful a mace with a couple of them tied on the end would be
  8919. >Reborn as a unicorn colt with all your old memories intact several years before canon.
  8920. >A human soul stuffed into a pony, really.
  8921. >Love magic so much. It provides such an unreal level of freedom and independence, but you can only figure out so much yourself.
  8922. >The problem with that?
  8923. >No one wants to teach a colt advanced magic. Unicorn society is firm on that.
  8924. >Lower magical potential compared to mares makes it not worth it, says some.
  8925. >Stallions and their wild emotions can't be trusted with it! says others. 
  8926. >It's for your safety as much as our own, son, some sympathetic ones say 
  8927. >The few willing to teach you simply charge too much for you to afford.
  8928. >Even when you point out Starswirl or rising stars like Shining Armor, or show your potential with your human-soul fueled magic, you're still waved away.
  8929. >You're in your teens now, and just as it looks like your dreams might be dead, you bump into someone on a late night walk that would change your life forever.
  8930. >It's none other than the recently returned Moon Princess, Luna.
  8933. >Anon re-creates a temporary clone spell from fiction in his old life.
  8934. >The implications are not lost on anyone with even a halfway dirty mind.
  8935. >Luna has to chant "Not a degenerate student molester" to herself quietly at the thought of drowning in horny teen dick
  8939. >Anon is too beta to make a blatant move
  8940. >But this is expected, he's a stallion after all
  8941. >Luna can't resist peeking on his dreams
  8942. >She accidentally replaces herself in his dream
  8943. >A very lewd dream
  8946. >Celestia and Cadence relentlessly tries to hook Anon and Twilight up
  8947. >Both believing that they are each other's only chance for love
  8948. >No sane mare could handle somepony as abrasive and marely as Anonymous unless they just wanted to prestige of conquering him
  8949. >No self respecting stallion would want a mare as nerdy and bookish as Twilight without her title and status
  8950. >But they get along perfectly with one another though
  8951. >Luna doesn't like it, but doesn't interfere
  8952. >Anon and Twi find it funny if a bit annoying
  8953. >They're just fine as friends.
  8954. >Then the map sends them to Prance..
  8960. Ponies have terrible sex ed, especially on the rock farm.
  8962. >Anon acquires a Shy Pony Herd
  8963. >Fluttershy, Coco, and Marble.
  8964. >While Fluttershy and Coco are secretly huge perverts, Marble is the very definition of "sheltered".
  8965. >She only knows that there's more involved with breeding than literally sleeping with a stallion, because her mother could no longer avoid the topic of sex.
  8966. >Cloudy knew you couldn't just assume the stallion knew what to do after all, Igneous was clueless when they got married.
  8967. >She frankly considered it a miracle that she managed to have four children with him.
  8968. >But since Marble was getting into a herd, and not a monogamous relationship, Cloudy could get away with some basic mechanics, and advice to 'ask your herd sisters'.
  8971. >"You.. um... hold it there till you think you are turning a different color"
  8972. >Fluttershy is is giving some shockingly frank advice while she herself does a big mac impression
  8973. "What about... you know"
  8974. >"Oh... that... yes... coco will take care of it, she tends to enjoy that spot"
  8975. >You look to coco
  8976. >She just meekly nods and looks to the left
  8977. >"If there are any more questions..."
  8978. >Coco chimes in
  8979. >"We could have a practice session, rarity love to help us out and get better."
  8980. >Fluttershy makes a squeaky sound
  8981. >"Thats a great idea coco, rarity could easily help you more then we could with this"
  8983. >You are anon, and when you came home you smelt it again
  8984. >You were transported here with you lot and a portion of your neighbors homes, no idea how it came with but whatever
  8985. >You were a bit paranoid when you arrived here so the whole house was wired with cameras
  8986. >As you look through the tapes, you make a decision
  8987. >You are bringing rarity into the fold
  8995. >In times past if a mare was kidnapping a stallion, the mare would generally tie the stallion to their underside to prevent any chance of escape.
  8996. >The more crude or daring mares would tie an additional rope to where the face was to her dock, so the stallion could get something to 'eat'.
  8998. >This shows up in cheesy fantasy romance novels that stallions read
  8999. >Nopony ever said any of the sexy shenanigans they get up to have to actually make sense, as long as it's hot.
  9001. All the fantasy Novels have their mares with the same body shapes as celestia
  9008. >Anon arrives in RGREquestria.
  9009. >It's everything he's ever dreamed of.
  9010. >He plows a different mare every night.
  9011. >Even get's a few quickies in during the day with a few of the more kinky mares.
  9012. >Ally sex is best sex.
  9013. >This will never get old.
  9014. >... Until it starts to.
  9015. >Months pass.
  9016. >Anon gets all of his pent up carnal desires out of his system after having spent a lifetime on Earth as a virgin.
  9017. >He starts to like the cuddles after as much as the sex, but mares don't.
  9018. >He's lucky if they even spend the night.
  9019. >Even then, they always sneak out before he's awake.
  9020. >Maybe sex isn't all there is after all.
  9021. >Maybe he needs companionship.
  9022. >Anon starts looking for a serious relationship instead of one-night stands.
  9023. >There's no takers.
  9024. >His reputation makes sure of that...
  9027. >Anon moved to land of minotaurs.
  9028. >Starts a new life, gets married.
  9029. >Pony tourist recognizes him as one of her old fucks and brings it up.
  9030. >Begins to insult the cow for her poor choice in stallions.
  9031. >Minotaur lady does not like this.
  9032. >Mare goes home in body cast.
  9035. or, instead of violence, 
  9036. >the minotaur lady just starts spouting insults
  9037. >other minotaur cows join in on it
  9038. >all pony mares are whorsemongers
  9039. >they like to pass dicks between the whole town.
  9040. >pony bulls are passed around like the village plow
  9041. >anon was right to leave that place
  9042. >he finally found someplace that he can be treated right
  9043. >bulls wouldn't let themselves be taken advantage of like that
  9044. >does she like abusing stallions?
  9045. >she has to go back.
  9046. >mare leaves in tears
  9047. >anon loves his taur waifu even more
  9048. >promises to himself she won't be able to walk tomorrow morning
  9055. >Be manlet Anon in giant horsequestria
  9056. >You're walking towards the market to get something to eat when someone calls your name
  9057. >"Nonny! Over here!"
  9058. >You see Pinkie Pie sitting at a nearby cafe, eating lunch with her friends
  9059. >You walk over and say hi to them
  9060. >"Nonny, come have lunch with us!"
  9061. "Oh, uh, okay. Let me grab a chair."
  9062. >"Before you could take a step, a pair of hooves grabbed you and put into a tight hug
  9063. >"Here, best seat in the house!"
  9064. >>"Pinkie darling, don't be so rough with Anon! You could hurt him, marehandling him like that!"
  9065. >"Aww, he's just peachy, aren'tcha Nonny?"
  9066. >Pinkie starts to nuzzle the top of your head
  9067. "Uh, yeah. Can someone hand me a menu?"
  9068. >>>"Here, you can have some of my sandwich."
  9069. >Fluttershy hands you half of her sandwich, which might as well be a foot long sub in your comparatively small hands
  9070. >You take a bite and all the mares simultaneously went "aww" as they gushed over how "cute" you were
  9071. >You would complain that you weren't cute, but they would just say how "adorable" your pouting is.
  9078. >Anon arrives in ponyville
  9079. >He sluts around for a while
  9080. >Mares love the great sex without the risk of getting tied down with pregnancy or a relationship
  9081. >Until one day a mare ends up pregnant
  9082. >In less than a month the truth spreads
  9083. >Anon not only can somehow knock up a pony
  9084. >He also seems to be extremely fertile
  9085. >Its a massive scandal as almost half the mares in town end up carrying his bastards
  9086. >Mares that are in committed relationships are caught in their infidelity
  9090. >Vengeful hormonal mares blaming Anon for them getting kicked out of their herd
  9091. >desperate clingy mares trying to get Anon to join their herd since they are baring his children
  9092. >Meanwhile Anon is seeking a certain mare
  9093. >That purple asshole who told him he was as good as sterile when it came to miniature horses
  9095. >She isnt hiding from Anon
  9096. >She is hiding from all of her friends who are now pregnant and know it was her fault
  9102. > Insecure Anon in Equestria
  9103. > Isn't used to actual compliments, or being the center of attention, and is easily flustered
  9104. > Because he is male, it's seen as cute and endearing
  9105. > His stallion friends try to get him to dress better and meet some mares
  9106. > Rarity overhears this while helping one of the stallions with a ball bra fitting, and immediately pounces
  9107. > She sets up a blind date between Anon and Fluttershy
  9108. > After mutual spaghetti containment failures, they bond over how scary talking to other people is, and so on
  9114. >Where was Anon Starswirl all those years?
  9115. >He fucked up a time travel spell
  9116. >Though in his defense, being one of the pioneers in the field of time magic, he had no way of knowing just how badly Glimmy was going to fuck with the timestream.
  9117. >So one of his experiments sent him to the future around the time of Glim's time fuckery.
  9118. >And he can't go back without risking some serious shit, because the wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff is all messed up on both ends.
  9120. >But that's OK, things seem to have turned out more or less alright since he's been gone.
  9121. >Lulu's millennia long timeout on the moon is the only thing that really gives him pause
  9122. >He's not sure, but he thinks that could have been avoided had he been around.
  9123. >But she's back, and not evil anymore, and has glomped on and been rather clingy to her mentor since he showed up again (so has Celly, but far more restrained).
  9130. >Cadence keeps cooking for her cousin, Anon.
  9131. >Unfortunately, like most mares in RGRE, she's pretty useless in the kitchen.
  9132. >The food is Bender-level in quality, though prettier because cartoon land.
  9133. >No LSD "flavour", unfortunately.
  9134. >Now Anon not only has to do all he can to evade or "dispose" of her meals without her knowing, he also has to cover for her new foalsitting charge, Twilight.
  9135. >Celestia finds it hilarious... until Cadence reveals she baked her a dessert
  9137. >Candy and Shining invite Anon to the castle for a few days or whatever
  9138. >Candy asks Anon to help her make the perfect peetzer, and Shining goes 'yeah, if Anon is with her, I'm sure it'll be fine, he's a stallion after all!'
  9139. >Of course, Anon is just as shit as Candy at cooking and they end up making the worst peetzer horseworld has ever seen
  9140. >A hawaiian
  9146. >KnightAnon vows his life to Sunbutt/Moonbutt
  9147. >They're not too sure about it but maybe it'll help him adapt?
  9148. >It must be hard for a stallion to find himself in another world all alone etc
  9149. >Decides to take back her liege's old castle and starts burning down the everfree
  9151. >Not chopping down a viable path instead of one that twists and turns.
  9152. >Not building a proper road back to it.
  9153. >Not using it as a base for foray's into the forests mysteries.
  9154. >Not receiving a daily blessing from the tree of harmony to protect you from magic bullshit like a cockatrice's stare.
  9155. >Not paying tribute to the local dragon so he doesnt fuck shit up after you barge into his territory Because your leige frowns upon slaying when other options are available.
  9156. >Not encouraging the castle back into a thriving settlement as word spreads of your deeds.
  9157. >Not unintentionally becoming it's leader as everypony always looks to you for guidance within the forest.
  9158. >Not being released from your vow after long service to the kingdom and being gifted the castle and surrounding land you worked so hard on.
  9159. >Not going down in Equestrian history as Lord Anon Ever-free and siring a legion of foals
  9166. > When Celestia and Luna fire the spell that would petrify Discord, he rips Anon from Earth as a body shield
  9167. > In horror, the sisters try to change the spell, not wanting to trap an innocent with Discord
  9168. > Unfortunately for everyone involved, things go weird
  9169. > Anon doesn't quite block the spell for Discord, as the chaos magic from the summoning links the two
  9170. > Meanwhile, the harmony spell is unstable, caught between two purposes and slamming into chaos magic
  9171. > The end result is all three magic users banished into stasis, and Anon stuck in Equestria, soaking up the magical equivalent of Chernobyl
  9172. > The ponies show up later, finding one super magical being and all others banished
  9173. > They immediately crown him Prince of Equestria, and would he please do something about the sun and moon?
  9175. > Over the years, society slowly shifts towards patriarchal lines, with the slightly more abundant mares taking more of the foal-rearing duties because of teats
  9176. > Horse marriages are typically evenly split between one or two mares per stallion, though there are exceptional herds that are larger
  9177. > Stallions tend to get higher paying, higher prestige jobs and thus support the family with maybe some minor help from the wives
  9178. >  Prince Anon tries to stop the ponies from being so sexist, but the damn things just look up to him so much that they think stallions are better
  9179. > It doesn't help that he still has his original gender role expectations subconsciously influencing how he interacts with the ponies
  9180. > By the time Celestia and Luna return from stasis, they find a world of delicate mares and assertive stallions
  9183. >Anon is revered like O.G Old testament God.
  9184. >The first few decades were kinda rough.
  9185. >From Nobles trying to taking advantage of a clueless colt to outright treason.
  9186. >Even the surrounding countries formed a coalition to take Equestria apart.
  9187. >That was until Anon took a page from Zeus' book and smote the belligerents to smithereens.
  9188. >Anon pretty much mellowed out now. And historians are arguing if Anonymous the Kind Protector really did blast the Griffon High King and the Jarls to high heavens, Unleashed 10 plagues upon Labyrithia and smacked every Diamond Dog with a newspaper on the snootle and made it rain for 40 days
  9196. >RGREqG
  9197. >A common strat for girls trying to secure a lovelife is to form a clique and invite a guy in as a pampered 'friend' to groom him as a bf/husband. The groups max out around 3 or 4 girls. 
  9198. >Many subconsciously do this in elementary/middle school without even realizing it. If you don't have a guy firmly hooked in your little group by the end of highschool, then hopes start to look bleak.
  9199. >Too bad the humane 6 (7 with Sunset) are so scattered and wild in personality and interests that a guy who likes one of them could hate another. The large number of them also hobbles their efforts despite being attractive as individuals.
  9200. >But at the same time, they don't want to break up their legendary friendship over guys...
  9201. >Just as they're lamenting over it one day at lunch, the kinda womanly new guy who just moved in sits at their table.
  9202. >HE came to THEIR table. 
  9203. >When a conversation is tentatively started, they think that hope may not be lost. 
  9204. >And the more they hang out with the odd guy who dropped into their life, the more the 7 realize that they may have just lucked out hard
  9206. ----
  9208. >Anon's journal: Day 4
  9209. >Established contact with the all single (fucking how) main cast after dodging that queer Caramel who wants to go-to the spa or something.
  9210. >All of them were acting weirdly into me.
  9211. >Something is also fucky about this place.
  9212. >I'll figure it out. I'm not reliving highschool again without smashing puss this time though. 
  9217. >CMC have a huge crush on anon.
  9218. >Anon finds their antics cute and is amused that he has his own fanclub.
  9219. >Mares see how good he is with the little fillies and he's rapidly elevated to 9/10 horsebando status.
  9220. >Becomes a 10 after a compatability potion is found.
  9221. >CMC work tirelessly to cockblock every mare that thinks they can muscle in on their colt.
  9228. >Anon and Pharynx become fast friends due to the fact they really get each other
  9229. >They both think Thorax is cool but still a pansy
  9230. >They think the nu-changelings are hard to look at
  9231. >They both act like guys from earth
  9232. >They both enjoy messing with anyone whenever the opportunity presents itself
  9233. >Anon and Pharynx's fw
  9234. >The girls expect Anon to finally calm down and stop his "phase of attempting to be a mare due to all his whimsy" and finally start acting like a stallion
  9235. >Thorax expects the same from Pharynx
  9236. >In actuality they are all in for a rude awakening
  9243. In reference to the Celestia and Luna getting banished with discord leaving Anon ad king prompt, what if Anon named Celestia and Luna as having been his beloved wives/lovers in an attempt to stem the flow of political marriage proposals. 
  9244. He figures the story will die after a while, amd ponies will just think he's a solo ruler not interested in love.
  9245. The story doesn't die, since ponies lobe a true romance, and so the tale of two sisters becomes the tale of the lost loves.
  9246. When the two return, they find themselves rushed to the castle by hordes of ponies excitedly talking about how there will hopefully be little princes and princesses running around the castle soon.
  9248. Maybe Anon keeps a mare as his "Right hand" pony, who acts as his Aide is many situations. It is a coveted position of high honour that includes being spell locked into secrecy so you can't blab that the king cuddles and/or fucks you at night
  9256. >Rather than face another defeat, Nightmare separates herself from Luna right before the Elements zap her and flees away from Ponyville and the Everfree.
  9257. >Resigned to playing the long game, Nightmare disguises herself into a unicorn to lay low and consolidate her power.
  9258. >But her intimidating demeanor isn't so easily suppressed, and it puts off any ponies willing to rent their home to her while she builds her strength.
  9259. >Until she finds one oddly bold and brash male, a sort she's never seen before. 
  9260. >An agreement is struck, and she's got a home now. 
  9261. >A male with his own home. How unusual the new era is. 
  9262. >It's... A sedate and strangely comfortable life she lives. Her room mate is agreeable and freely affectionate, if odd in behavior, and a mare of her extraordinary skills can easily bring in money. 
  9263. >Nightmare falls into a comfortable routine, her plans slowly being pushed back further and further. 
  9264. >Before she knows it, it's been several years. She's nearly a year into a coveted mono marriage with her room mate turned husband, and almost 2 months into her second pregnancy. 
  9265. >That dusty snatch, busybody Celestia can't say that, she muses with a smile. 
  9266. >With the love of a dedicated mate, the friends she's gained in her community, and a budding family, Nightmare finds her previous plans leave a sour taste in her mouth now. 
  9267. >The best way to get back at Celestia now is to live a life she'll always be denied. 
  9268. >A happy life.
  9269. >But trotting home one day, a spell washes over her and strips her disguise away, making her blood run cold. 
  9270. >She turns to the gasp behind her, finding the last ponies she wanted to ever see.
  9271. >The Elements.
  9274. > The elements realize that the nice mare married to Anon is actually Nightmare
  9275. > They trap her, and send a letter to Celestia asking about how to handle this emotionally charged situation
  9276. > Anon shows up at the same time Sunbutt does
  9277. > She orders the elements to release Nightmare and gives Anon a medal, congratulating him on redeeming a threat to Equestria 
  9278. > The first five alicorn cake party is a bit strained, but Cadence instantly takes a liking to Nightmare, and eagerly asks her for how she fell in love with Anon
  9279. > Anon and Shining bond over being janefillies and talking about their kids
  9287. >teen cadance starts to get existential about her shipping-vision
  9288. >worried that if one's true love is arbitrarily assigned, what else could be?
  9289. >locks herself up to avoid her "one" in an attempt to keep her free will/fuck the system
  9290. >checks every day to keep track of where they are
  9291. >there's more than one
  9292. >there's more of them every day
  9293. >sunhorse eventually manages to get her out of her room
  9294. >she still tries to avoid her "ones"
  9295. >gets an idea one day after a particularly convoluted attempt to avoid them
  9296. >starts dating people she has no comparability with
  9297. >at all
  9298. >painedlovehorse.scroll
  9299. >anything to keep THEM away
  9300. >in pops anon with his standard issue magical immunity
  9301. >total blind spot in cadance's love-dar
  9302. >she's still wary, but celestia's pretty much forcing them together to get anon acclimated and to get cadance out of her phase
  9303. >something something edgy love-horse
  9304. >something something RGRE
  9305. >something something happy ending with anon and cadance together
  9312. >With a steady source of love keeping her stable, Nightmare realized that her 'blot out the sun' idea had quite a few holes in it. 
  9313. >She's still angry about her loss to Celestia though.
  9314. >Instead, Nightmare gets much more petty and personal. She pretends it's all behind her while rubbing her comfy domestic life in Celestia's face in the guise of being friendly and open. 
  9315. >It's missed by most, but Celestia and Luna are well aware of what's going on
  9318. >Anon shacks up with Nightmare somewhere remote.
  9319. >Over time, as their relationship grows, she becomes less Nightmare-looking and more Luna-looking.
  9320. >This contributes to her disguise.
  9321. >Years down the line, she's rumbled -- her iconic laugh gave her away.
  9322. >To the Elements and Sisters' surprise, however, Nightmare has changed.
  9323. >She no longer wants to do evil things, and is content with being a wife/mother.
  9324. >Celestia and Luna, however, see something different: she no longer has the same interests as she once did, and is pretty much a "new mare".
  9325. >Thinking back on it, Celestia realises that Cadence changed mentally when she began dating Shining.
  9326. >They now become worried that alicorns, when in love, suffer personality rewrites
  9329. >Be Celestia.
  9330. >"Come on Celly~ I'll make you go supernova~" Incognito says rubbing his hands on your shield.
  9331. "W-While you are quite beautiful, and sweet, and kind, and se- No! J-Just stay back! L-Luna, help sister!"
  9332. >You pled as you look over to her.
  9333. >"We are having our own problems sister of mine!" She says as she tries her best to fly away from unknown but the roof of the room keeps her confined.
  9334. >Unknown catches her hoof and you have to watch as he pulls her down and wraps his arms around her lovingly.
  9335. >"Let me hear that 'Royal Voice' cutie~" He says gripping her flanks.
  9336. >Your sister blushes and mumbles a quiet "Okay." as the human nuzzles her and your sister teleports herself and Unknown away.
  9337. >You look around hoping to find help before your shield falls when you see your old student Twilight slams through the doors.
  9338. "Twilight dear, you came just in time! Quickly, help m-"
  9339. >Twilight slams the door shut behind her and holds her self against it.
  9340. >A soft almost caring scratching is heard from the other side.
  9341. >"Twily, no need to be afraid~ Don't you wanna study biology~?" A husky voice calls from the other side of the door.
  9342. >Twilight's ears perk up.
  9343. >"S-Study?" She ask the voice as she puts less weight against the door.
  9344. >"Mhmm, and afterwards we can cuddle by a nice warm fireplace while we read~" It promises as Twilight fully removes herself from blocking the door and slowly opens it. "Come on Twily, let's be study partners~" The voice says as two hands reach out from beyond the darkness, beckoning her closer.
  9345. "Twilight! No!"
  9346. >You call out, but it falls on deaf ears and she trots towards the out stretched hands allowing them to pull her in.
  9347. >Your eyes are pulled back to Incognito by a sniffle.
  9348. >"Don't you want my love?" Incognito ask looking pitiful. "Aren't I good enough for you?" He ask looking as though he's ready to cry.
  9349. >Your marely instincts begin screaming at you to protect the smile, but you try to ignore it and keep your shield up, fearing that you'll never be the same if you accept.
  9350. >"I-it's alright. " He says between sniffles as he begins to walk away. "I'm sure I can find someone else..." He says with a voice that tells he doesn't believe himself.
  9351. >You can't take it anymore and drop the shield and gallop towards the human and wrap your frount hooves around him when you reach him.
  9352. "You are beautiful! You are good enough! Never think otherwise, you're a perfect colt!"
  9353. >You shout as he wraps his arms around you returning the hug.
  9354. >"So you want foals?" He ask.
  9355. >You don't even think before answering, not even caring if you become a new pony.
  9356. "Yes! Yes, we can have a million foals so long as you know you're perfect!"
  9357. >You cry out as you keep thinking one thing: Protect the smile
  9363. >Teen Cadence wants her newly-arrived classmate, Anon.
  9364. >Only trouble is his overprotective twin sister, Incognito.
  9365. >Cadence can't work them out due to human gender-roles and the fact they're fiercely over-protective of each other.
  9366. >Candy Ass must navigate the minefield to have any chance of nailing Anon
  9373. >Why does Bulk Biceps lift?
  9374. >Nopony knows. Whenever they ask, he just grunts and goes back to his reps.
  9375. >He lifts to forget. To lose himself in the moment and not think about the future.
  9376. >Or the past.
  9377. >Especially those six mares, back in high school... Who saw a weak colt, all alone, and took advantage...
  9378. >He wants to forget how they threw him down, how they ripped off his shorts, the hooting and hollering as they took turns pounding his cock...
  9379. >He wants to forget the way they looked at him after, smiling like hungry sharks...
  9380. >And the rumors that spread around school, that he was loose, that he was a slut... Nopony would ever believe his story, even if he weren't too ashamed to tell it.
  9381. >Then, one day, when he was closest to ending it all... He picked up a barbell, and pledged that no mare would take advantage of him again.
  9382. >Nopony knows why Bulk Biceps lifts
  9388. > Anon is convinced he won't be able to find love due to his various insecurities and looking like a weird alien
  9389. > Volunteers for the Crystal Empire's space program
  9390. > Turns out that bipedal bodies are the best for zero-g work
  9391. > His mission is to continue construction on the orbiting space station, the Satellite of Love
  9392. > There he'll join a crew of minotauress runts
  9393. > Cadence sends him cheesy romcom movies, the best she can find
  9394. > Anon sits and watches them in his downtime, with the help of his Minotaur friends
  9395. > Coworker roll-call
  9396. > Can Lot
  9397. > Lawn Turbo
  9398. > Thrifty
  9399. > Crooooooow
  9406. > Tall femanon
  9407. > None of the guys back on Earth wanted to date her, intimidated by her height
  9408. > Accepts her lot as a background woman
  9409. > Fantasizes about overpowering a man and having her way with him
  9410. > Making him pay attention to her
  9411. > Shenanigans happen
  9412. > Shows up in Equestria
  9413. > All of a sudden, Femanon is the center of attention
  9414. > Mares joke about her height a little, but talk as if Femanon has got a real advantage
  9415. > She catches stallions staring at her, but when she looks them in the eye, they blush, smile, and give her a little wave
  9416. > Femanon as has always liked horses, but in the way that girls do
  9417. > Sometimes, she'll sit next to a stallion, and notice him try to cover his lap as politely as possible
  9418. > After she realizes what he's hiding, she finds herself starting to like these little horses as a woman
  9423. >"Top story today, Hurricane McFarko was successfully dispersed an hour ago with no reported incidents, all thanks to the timely aid of our feathered friends on the weather patrol, we'll move over to John who has the detai-"
  9424. >The sound of your door opening prompts you to turn the television off and stretch your legs a little from your position on the couch, you're not going to be moving for a while.
  9425. >"In the living room hun."
  9426. >Muffled clips and clops echo through your house as your tired mare trudges her way towards you.
  9427. >You made the mistake of picking her up one day after work, silly pegasi pride had her tiredly chewing your ear off the entire ride home.
  9428. >You'll pay her back with extra vigerous brushies and pampering, so it all works out.
  9429. >Slowly makes her way to the couch, she's clearly drained after rushing out, helping with the hurricane and then flying back.
  9430. >"I heard the news, good job with McFuckyou."
  9431. >Chuckling weakly at the name, it turns into a grunt as she lifts herself onto the couch before flopping across your lap.
  9432. "Mmphrr"
  9433. >"Yes dear."
  9434. >Running your hands over her withers and flanks, you coax a long groan out of her as she begins to melt into a warm puddle of pony under your ministrations.
  9435. >This is as much for your benefit as her's, to reassure yourself that she's okay.
  9436. >No matter how confident she is in her ability, or how much faith you have in her and other members of the 'weather patrol' to do their self appointed jobs, being a first responder is dangerous work, and one day she might come home more than simply tired.
  9437. >You lose track of time in your musings, but eventually notice her slow, even breathing.
  9438. >Gently lifting her into your arms, you make your way to the bedroom as she unconsciously nuzzles into your embrace.
  9439. >She's going to scrunch hard when she realises you let her fall asleep, might as well face the music in a comfy bed
  9445. > Be Anon, walking in the desert
  9446. > The last thing you remember, you were asking directions from someone who sounded a lot like John de Lancie
  9447. > You are beginning to suspect you will never find that Olive Garden
  9448. > Still, the desert has to run out sometime, so you press on
  9449. > To pass the time, you start to hum
  9450. > It's a good song, but you can never remember how it ends
  9452. > Be Eagle Eye, border guard
  9453. > It's another full day, watching the southern wastes
  9454. > Not a changeling in sight
  9455. > You reach out a hoof for your glass of water, but pause
  9456. > The water ripples again
  9457. > You immediately come to full alertness, scanning the area
  9458. > A dark mass of clouds spills over from the southern horizon
  9459. > As it approaches, you can feel the tremors in the ground
  9460. > You immediately grab the anomaly scroll and toss it into the green messenger fire
  9461. > You turn back to the coming storm as the first peals of thunder reach you
  9462. > Hidden in those distant booms is a low, masculine growling
  9463. > Your ears prick forward, even as the tremors intensify, thrumming pleasantly in your chest
  9464. > At last, you make out a tall, slender figure walking unperturbed in the midst of the storm
  9465. > A Minotaur bull, perhaps?
  9466. > You spread your wings and glide from the top of the watch tower
  9467. > As you lite on the ground as you finally understand what he is growling
  9468. > "I am the Lord of the Wastelands."
  9469. > Lightning crashes into the ground, glassing the sand
  9470. > "A modern day man of steel."
  9471. > You cautiously approach
  9472. > Clearly this bull is possessed, but if you are quick enough, you might be able to knock him out of it
  9473. > "I gather darkness to please me."
  9474. > You tense, ready to pounce
  9476. > Your knees buckle under the force of his will, your marehood moistening
  9477. > Why do evil stallions have to be so hot?
  9478. > The hornless bull stands over you, gazing at you with madness in his eyes
  9479. > Forgive me, mother, you might just let crazy stick it in you
  9481. > Buck yes
  9483. > Be Celestia, finishing off your after-lunch cake
  9484. > Abruptly, a scroll flares into being in front of you
  9485. > You open it with a thought, glancing at the report
  9486. > An anomaly approaching southern border tower 113?
  9487. > Perhaps you should dispatch Twilight to deal with it, she can always use more experience in the field
  9488. > You begin to write the delegating letter when another scroll appears
  9489. > Continuous heartsong?
  9490. > Possible incubus activity?
  9491. > Well well, you may have to deal with this personally~
  9493. > You find the bull striding through a meadow, dark clouds roiling overhead
  9494. > You smile at him, and introduce yourself
  9495. "I am Princess Celestia, and I welcome you to Equestria. Will you tell me your name?"
  9496. > He gazes at you for a long moment before speaking
  9497. > "You've got something about you."
  9498. > You smirk, fluffing your tuft
  9499. > "You've got something I need."
  9500. > Hewantsthev.scroll
  9501. "And what would that be, colt?"
  9502. > The bull approaches slowly
  9503. > "Daughter of Aphrodite, hear my words and take heed."
  9504. > Who is Aphrodite?
  9505. > "I was born on Olympus, to my father a son."
  9506. > Hmm, you haven't heard of such a place
  9507. > Is he whimsical, or from another world?
  9508. > "I was raised by the demons,"
  9509. > Oh ho~, incubus training
  9510. > Nice
  9511. > "Trained to reign as the one GOD OF THUNDER AND ROCK AND ROLL."
  9512. > Mmm, that's some nice masculine royal voice
  9514. > You rear up and set your forehooves on his shoulders
  9515. "My dear colt, my soul hasn't been a virgin for a long time~."
  9516. > He grins
  9519. > Be Anon, waking up in a strange bed
  9520. > You feel oddly refreshed, and begin to sit up
  9521. > A white leg slides down your chest
  9522. > You look to the side as a horse nuzzles up against you
  9523. > Hold on, horses don't usually have horns
  9524. > Or wings
  9525. "Huh."
  9526. > "Good morning, handsome. Up for another round?"
  9527. > As you gaze into the sultry eyes of your bedmate, you feel yourself hardening
  9528. > You might nor remember, but your body sure does
  9529. > Time to make some more memories
  9534. >Anon works for Celestia
  9535. >weird psychic powers can detect and intimately understand magic
  9536. >much sharper than the average unicorn's arcane senses
  9537. >stationed as a desk guard to "scan" visitors to the castle
  9538. >nothing much happens
  9539. >pretty much just shoot the shit with his buds
  9540. >honestly think Celestia just gave him the job to make him feel more independent and capable
  9541. >occasional mention some unusually talented unicorns that come and go
  9542. >Celestia thanks him for alerting her to some future students
  9543. >next day shit hits the fan
  9544. >changeling tried to sneak in
  9545. >Anon and buds manage to subdue her
  9546. >something something rgre
  9547. >something something bugwife
  9554. voodoo Anon when?
  9555. >RGRE makes mares think he's just there to do a few flashy moves to get them into bed
  9556. >They're a bit disappointed he isn't wearing the slutty magician outfit, that's the best part of the act after all
  9557. >They start seeing that a lot of what he does turns true
  9558. >Stallions and mares become enraged when they go through drudgery and bad luck and thank him when they go through leisure and good luck
  9559. >Mares insist that he stop before he gets hurt
  9560. >One particularly insistent one becomes his self-appointed body guard
  9561. >The few times he does get attacked she has little time to defend him as the attacking party is caught in some shenanigans that no one can make sense of with Anon left undisturbed
  9562. >Often after the attacker is left dazed and bruised some pony claim they see the shadow of something as tall as a doll sneaking away
  9563. >The girls begin to acccuse him of being Discord, or a piece of him, torn apart from the main body and given sentience
  9564. >Voodoo Anon messes with Discord by predicting his future, and having it come true
  9565. >After meeting the princesses, Celestia finds him refreshingly amusing, whilst Luna becomes somewhat unsettled by him
  9566. >Uses Tarot cards to see into future events
  9567. >When the next BBEG arrives most ponies go running in fear whilst Anon just goes about like it's a normal day already knowing what's going on
  9573. >those 3 are a package deal
  9574. >super dick hungry and possessive
  9575. >chain-you-to-the-wall type of possessive
  9576. >that turns many stallions away
  9577. >and if that wasn't enough some mares that got a beef to pick with them thrown a rumor that they are not even mares to begin with
  9578. >that makes remaining stallions keep clear from them
  9579. >which makes them even more desperate and possessive
  9580. >enter Anon
  9581. >he heard this crazy thing about 3 hot traps looking for sum fuck
  9582. >trio decides to play along and act like they have dicks to get hot monkey dick of their own
  9583. >shenanigans ensue
  9590. >Day Kung Fu Master in Equestria
  9591. >Anon was a huge martial arts buff before he landed in Equestria
  9592. >He had become a master of just about every form of martial arts thanks to Master Chung's 5 Easy Steps training VHSs
  9593. >In a world devoid of effective martial arts, Anon creates a dojo in order to pass on his teachings
  9594. >Everypony thinks that it's a self defense class to help teach colts how to protect themselves from forceful mares
  9595. >To their surprise, it is extreme combat training that can turn your body into a weapon
  9596. >Years pass and Anon only has a few dedicated students (with Rainbow Dash being one of them, who is still only a yellow belt despite training for years)
  9597. >Ponies are too peaceful to fully use Anon's martial art style
  9598. >There has only been one pony who has been able to use his techniques to the fullest extent: his own son
  9599. >However, he gave up his training in order to become a "normal" colt
  9600. >Even though it's been years since he last practiced, he stills retains his huge strength
  9601. >Every time his facade slips, he can hear what his dad said when he quit:
  9602. It's too late to be a normie now, son. Once you start, you can't go back
  9609. >Ponies are faster than humans, by a lot, And Earth Ponies are often stronger, but they just don't compare on Endurance.
  9610. >They *need* rest periods more often, and the harder they work, the more often and the longer they need to rest.
  9611. >Rainbow Dash is considered "lazy" by some, but she's really not that bad, when you take in to consideration how hard she pushes herself when she *is* active.
  9612. >In times of extreme need (A survival situation), they can push beyond their limits, but they will suffer for it far more than a human would, and will take longer to recover from it.
  9614. >Foals, while still liable to wake up at random intervals, often couldn't throw a tantrum for very long before tiring themselves out, at least compared to a human child.
  9615. >It's a good thing that foals are just as endurance challenged as their parents, or it would be nigh impossible for the likes of Berry Punch to raise a foal on their own.
  9617. >Papa Anon was expecting raising a family to be a endurance marathon without end, like his parents always talked about.
  9618. >And which he'd gotten a taste of when babysitting for relatives.
  9619. >Anon's foals are more energetic than is usual, but they aren't that bad compared to his baby cousin.
  9620. >His mares are certainly glad they're in a herd, and that Anon can far outlast the young ones, or this would be impossible for them.
  9621. >Other stallions look on in amazement
  9628. >Anon keeps doing everyday shit that convinces them he's like them.
  9629. >Unintentionally drives normal ponies mad, so an exasperated Celestia/Luna has to fix them.
  9630. >"He's lucky he's cute."
  9631. >Cadence looks disturbingly attractive to Anon, but her actual form (like in the epilogue of the three) is the most horrifying.
  9632. >Cadence regularly drives Shining mad but fixes him just a much, hence why he's so scatter-brained
  9634. >ftw it'd be funny if the three way perception filter works both ways
  9635. >anon's spilt blood looks like spilt blood to him after a papercut, but the eldritchcorns see something as nightmarish as celestia, luna, and twilight at the end
  9639. "I... what do you mean, where did I get it from? I meant the stuff that your body produces."
  9640. >You'd expected Twilight to go "Oh." and for her to feel a bit silly for a few minutes; not disbelief and worry to appear on her face.
  9641. >Twilight glances left and right suspiciously, as though afraid that someone might be listening in.
  9642. >She grips both your shoulders with her hooves and looks genuinely concerned for you.
  9643. >"Anon, listen to me."
  9644. >She's speaking like one would to an especially slow-witted person.
  9645. >"Somepony's tricked you into buying something that is very, VERY dangerous and very, VERY illegal. I need you to be brave for me and tell me who's selling adrenaline, okay?"
  9646. >She holds that expression of concern for a solid five or six seconds before it breaks down entirely.
  9647. >"Was it Zecora? I'll BET it was Zecora. That zi-"
  9648. "Twilight, no. I didn't buy adrenaline from anypony, okay? I don't even know where to go to buy pony weed."
  9649. >You try to lighten the mood a little bit, but it doesn't work.
  9650. "Look, I meant as in the stuff your body produces naturally. Really."
  9651. >"Produ - Anon, your body can't just... CREATE something like adrenaline."
  9652. "Except that it totally does."
  9653. >Twilight's snootie is scrunching up a storm.
  9654. >"Except that it DOESN'T."
  9655. "No, it - it fucking DOES, Twilight."
  9656. >"Where, then? Whe-"
  9657. "The adrenal gland, Twi!"
  9658. >Twilight throws her hooves up into the air and turns away from you.
  9659. >"The adrenal gland! What ELSE is there; the salt gland? Maybe... maybe the Nightshade gland? What other impossible body parts do you have, Anon?"
  9663. >"Ooh, his blood is made up of tiny living bubbles!"
  9664. >"Isn't he adorable, Cadence? His entire form is like that. Tiny bubbles supported by a calcium structure, and a tasteful amount of keratin on the top." 
  9665. >"The acidic interior is concerning, but he does keep it safely within himself. I'm sure my friends will be able to look upon him without going mad."
  9666. >"You forget Sparkle, that despite his acid being able to render even our flesh to fluid within minutes, he severely dampens the effect when in contact with us. Why when we kiss there was nothing but a pleasant tingle. You should consider joining sister, Cadence, and myself.
  9667. >"I don't know Princess Luna. I always wanted to join a herd with my friends, and they are still behind the veil."
  9668. >"Twilight, a two-dimensional stallion will never sate you, and in time your friends may be pulled over as well."
  9669. >"Besides Twily, he makes his reproductive fluid salty! No third-dimensional being has ever been that considerate. Even if they go mad, your friends will love him. Trust me, love is my domain."
  9670. Maybe we should wait until they're all alicorns, I don't want to make your friends crazy Twilight. They're cute.
  9671. >You have no idea why the princesses keep LARPing like they're some lovecraftian horror when they let their hair go limp. but you have to admit that it is pretty fun pretending to be an old one
  9674. >Third dimensional beings are the Equestrian equivalent to eldritch abominations from another plane of existence
  9675. >Ponies are unable to comprehend depth, and seeing Anon without some sort of illusion in place is enough to drive them mad
  9676. >This causes one hell of a headache for the Princesses when he shows up in Ponyville one day, since they have to erase the memories of several dozen ponies that witness the rending of existence first hoof.
  9677. >They chalk his unmasked appearance and general confusion up to coltish whimsy
  9679. >Anon is excited by the fact that the ponies look just like they did in the show, 2D and everything
  9680. >Fuck your 3DPD waifus
  9681. >It's a bit weird when the princesses suddenly turn into 3D Earth horses with wings and a horn, but whatever, horsepussy is horsepussy
  9684. >as far as third dimensional beings go Anon is easily one of the gentlest
  9685. >he isn't trying to devour the universe
  9686. >he isn't trying to devour the minds/souls/forms of your ponies
  9687. >in fact he is content only eating select fruits, vegetables, and fish
  9688. >plus he doesn't even harm the ponies who pierce the veil to perceive his true form
  9689. >he just gives them head pats and hugs
  9690. >he even consoles the ones on the brink of madness into returning to the grand harmony
  9691. >perhaps this is the difference in not having such a negative domain as the other third dimensional males of Equestria
  9692. >strangely you cannot sense his domain, though Luna swears by mother's ever flowing teats that his domain is fatherhood based on his dreams and how his patience with foals exceeds your own
  9693. >but you're sure she is just looking for an excuse to mate
  9694. >you're hesitant however
  9695. >despite the fact that he lives outside the veil, he is almost as innocent as any second dimensional stallion
  9696. >the only interest he has shown is long looks at mares' rumps when they're not looking
  9697. >for a time you worried that his domain was lust, but Mi Amore Cadenza sensed no trespass into her realm
  9698. >so your sister's lead is the only one you have, so it will be the one you follow
  9699. >last think you want is for him to have a domain that will cause him to turn on you in the future
  9702. Cultists make crayon drawings to be offered up to the ElderDad
  9704. Those deemed worthy are taken up to be eternally displayed upon the ever cold altar of refrigeration, in the heart of his temple of Ki-chen
  9707. >one Cultist gets a bright idea
  9708. >takes sacrificial dagger and prepares sacrificial feast with intent of presenting them to Father when he awakens
  9709. >being inexperienced novice acolyte, he mortally wounds himself in the process
  9710. >with his last strengths he manages to deliver the offering to the place of Fathers slumber
  9711. >elder patron seeing sacrifice of his follower, heals his wound and revitalizes him
  9712. >truly his power has no bounds
  9714. ====
  9716. >You are Anon in the morning.
  9717. >Bed is warm and comfy, so you are just laying there half awake.
  9718. >Cute pone in black bathrobe enters with a plate of sandwiches on his back.
  9719. >You smile and thank him.
  9720. >You see the tiny cut on his hoof, poor guy had to nick himself when making you your breakfast-in-bed!
  9721. >You kiss his boo-boo and put a pink, heart imprinted band-aid on it.
  9722. >Little colt cuddles into your chest and falls asleep shortly after.
  9723. >You tuck him in your still warm bed, take sandwiches and go see the collateral damage done to the kitchen.
  9724. >Its a chore to be a father figure to dozen of little ponies, but you wouldn't trade it for the world
  9727. > Be Prune Juice, Royal Gardener
  9728. > As a native of the temple-city of Canterlot, you have seen a great many strange things
  9729. > Celestia's true mouth, before she consumes the daily baked offerings
  9730. > The gentle touch of Luna upon your dreams, filling them with serenity
  9731. > The war of the eternals, as the false goddess was struck down by Mli Amoreth Cadenzaloth and her chosen consort
  9732. > The ascension of Celestia's chief acolyte
  9733. > So when one of the trees in the royal gardens begins to grow unnatural, angular growths of wood, you do not descend into gibbering madness, like the one pilgrim from Labyrinthia
  9734. > Instead, you merely watch and wait for the will of the Tall Ones to be made clear
  9736. > The growths have stopped, but only after spreading to two nearby trees
  9737. > You ascend the jagged path, into the divine tumor
  9738. > Within, you find a store of curious devises
  9739. > A tube of far-sight
  9740. > The implements of one Anon'mo'usian ritual, the ceremonial orb and webbed gloves
  9741. > An armory of the deep, implements of cruel hydration
  9742. > And of course, a miniature shrine to the Grand Father, full of pre-wrapped sausages, cheese noodles, and bottles of red Di'jon poison
  9743. > You descend again, to spread the word of the new place of worship
  9745. > Be Anon
  9746. > It turns out, you have access to over a million bits
  9747. > Fortunately, it takes less than that to build a tree fort, especially if the princesses are helping
  9748. > You just hope the little ponies will have fun playing there
  9754. >Ponyville is undergoing a bit of a social crisis.
  9755. >The mane 6 are extraordinary ponies in every way. Power, beauty, wealth, and exalted spots as legendary heroes.
  9756. >Because of this, nearly every free stallion in town is gunning for them, even as the 6 reject them for fear of ending up with a gold digger.
  9757. >It also leaves normal mares not already in a relationship high and dry for the most part.
  9758. >But neither can they ask the 6 to leave...
  9759. >The along comes you, who sees all the wacky shit the 6 get up to and says "Fuck that."
  9760. >And you just stumbled into the perfect town to find a normal mare
  9767. >Night Elf Druid Anonymous lives in the Everfree with his sister, Incognito, who is a Sentinel.
  9768. >Frequently baffle the ponies by their paradoxical familiar yet alien behaviour.
  9769. >"Your Princesses are only a thousand or so years old? Young One, my brother and I are over *ten* thousand years old."
  9771. >The moment that Celestia meets them, she discovers an attraction to older males that she never realized she had
  9773. >Now she just needs to work out a way to not get an arrow through the eye from his overprotective twin.
  9774. >Night Elves, being Night Elves, have a good relationship with Luna due to the whole moon/night thing
  9780. >Anon is the owner of a small horse stable, specializing in racing horses
  9781. >By *insert explanation here*, his house and stable are transported to the outskirts of Ponyville
  9782. >Anon rides into town to try to figure out where he was and quickly finds himself surrounded by curious local ponies interested in the new giant pony and her exotic mate
  9783. >Slightly afraid of how the ponies might react if he told them that the horses he have are considered livestock back home, he runs with the assumption that he and his horses are a "herd."
  9784. >After a few days, Anon and his herd have been accepted into their society, but a few ponies have concerns
  9785. >Some ponies believe that Anon might be an abusive herd: they make him do all the shopping, cooking, and work while they laze around at home, they sleep in different buildings, and they hardly even show their stallion any affection beyond a light nuzzle
  9786. >They want to confront Anon's mares, but they're too intimidated by their size to talk to them directly
  9789. >Anon gets transported with his horses into Equestria
  9790. >in order to not terrify little ponies he says hes herded with his horses 
  9791. >magic slowly starts to turn the horses into sapient beings
  9792. >they are VERY grateful for all Anon put into taking care of them, why, s grateful they decide to corner him one evening and show just how much they appreciate him. All.Night.Long
  9799. >Anon can't be the loving horseband to *every* lonely mare in Equestria.
  9800. >But he can't live with himself if he just leaves them all to their misery either.
  9802. >It started with him just lending a friendly ear to ponies around town
  9803. >Offering advice, or just a hug.
  9804. >And sometimes a shoulder to cry on, that wouldn't judge them as 'unmarely' or 'weak' for it.
  9806. >Cadance was the one who suggested he become an actual counselor/therapist.
  9807. >(Even though she knew it wasn't true, she sometimes felt as if she was the only one around)
  9810. >Mares falling for male therapists is a real problem.
  9811. >It's ten times worse since your concern and affection are genuine.
  9812. >Before long you have stalkers and obsessers
  9818. >Anon keeps waking up to find the Princesses snoozing in his bed.
  9819. >For some reason, his presence causes them to have the best naps they've had in years.
  9820. >Rumours begin to spread that the Princesses have finally snagged that elusive human.
  9821. >It doesn't help that they're beginning to subconsciously treat him as 'their' stallion
  9826. >"Do you want to give my chest tuft a rub, Anon?"
  9827. >Celestia sits down on her haunches and nudges the poofy white bundle of fur on her chest with her horse-wrist joint.
  9828. >It looks so soft and inviting; like she stapled a poofy wig to her chest.
  9829. >"I know it's big, sweetheart, but you don't have to be afraid. Is this your first time with a mare's tuft?"
  9830. >Celestia giggles dismissively.
  9831. "Of course it is; you never pegged me as some kind of 'stallion of the night'."
  9832. >The skin on your hand gently tingles as the golden glow of Celestia's magic envelops it, tugging you and guiding you towards her until your digits are deep in her fur.
  9833. >"I promise I'll be gentle."
  9834. >Celestia softly places her hoof on your shoulder and gives you a half-lidded smoldering gaze.
  9835. >"You know, Anon..."
  9836. >Her hoof slowly slides down your arm, sensually sliding across your skin.
  9837. >You can't help but shiver at the sensation of downy fur and the soft frog of her hoof.
  9838. >"...there is no wrong way to fantasize."
  9839. And then they fucked
  9846. >Tempest is even more jaded and damaged than nearly any mare, and more than most men on earth.
  9847. >She can't process the idea of someone looking out for her without other motives.
  9848. >When you give her a hug and promise to stay at her side, the unicorn simply shuts down, not sure how to respond.
  9849. >The the sight of her hurt and disbelieving face is heartbreaking
  9856. >Anon can't get a job because RGRE
  9857. >Turns to the one skill he knows no one else has in this world
  9858. >He must become a mime again
  9859. >First day back in black and white
  9860. >Ponies panic
  9861. >think he's been posessed by some kind of demon ala-nightmare moon
  9862. >Shenanigans ensue
  9865. >Ponies see Anon behaving out of character
  9866. >He's dressing strangely
  9867. >He's putting on some kind of act where everyone can see him
  9868. >He won't speak a single word when they ask him what he's doing
  9869. >...
  9870. >"Oh, Celestia, that poor colt. He's trying to attract a human mate."
  9874. >Equestrian magic start affecting Anon because reasons
  9875. >Whenever he mimes something it actually happens i.e. pretending to lasso someone, he does it as well as Applejack, he pretends to be in a box, he is actually stuck in a box that is indestructable from the outside
  9880. >Your Equestrian is rough at best. 
  9881. >Because of that, you hestiate when a mare occasionally hits on you, since trying to tell if they're genuine is difficult and you've been baited by cruel normies on Earth enough to be cautious. 
  9882. >But neither do you want to be alone...
  9883. >Get a wild idea. With all of Equestria's kooky magic it might just work. 
  9884. >Wander around town quietly singing a half remembered lovesong duet to yourself.
  9885. >The ponies don't understand the words, but they can tell it's a duet from the pauses. Some try to join only to falter.
  9886. >Eventually, one mare perks up as you pass and sings back in perfect English without even realizing it. 
  9887. >It's only afterward does she realize just what she sang. 
  9888. >Got em
  9896. >Ponies have big heads and big eyes, thus qualifying as cute by human standards
  9897. >Anon has tiny eyes like a foal, thus qualifying him as cute by pony standards
  9898. >Anon gets hit with "oh my fucking god, that's adorable" moments about ponies just as often as ponies get those moments about him
  9900. "Oh, sweet Celestia, look at him, Bonnie!"
  9901. >Bon Bon sighs like a long-suffering mare-servant and sips her coffee, deliberately looking in the opposite direction of where you're pointing.
  9902. >"Yeah, I've seen him, Lyra."
  9903. >You pay no mind to your grumpy best friend (who you sometimes kiss but don't tell anypony) as you watch big ol' adorable Anonymous try to navigate a pony-sized seat.
  9904. "B-But look! He's trying to sit on the chair, and it's too big for him!"
  9905. >"I know."
  9906. >Why is he so adorable?
  9907. >Colts are cute enough as it is (you've yet to see an ugly one, anyway), but big mister Anonymous is too big for everything and he's got those tiny adorable eyes of a foal and AAAAAAH
  9908. "He looks so grumpy with his tiny 'lil eyes!"
  9909. >"I kno-"
  9910. "I wanna hug him!"
  9911. >"I KNOW, Lyra!"
  9914. >Be Anon
  9915. >That one tiny mint-green pony is walking up to you
  9916. >ohfuck she's doing a happy little trot
  9917. >All in all, it makes her look a lot more amicable than her cream-coloured girlfriend.
  9918. >They're not subtle at all.
  9919. >You shuffle uncomfortably in your impossibly small horse-chair as she approaches, and wonder if you should try to push out a chair for her.
  9920. >You never tire of seeing tiny adorable ponies sitting down like puppers sit, and you just so happen to be (attempting to be) sitting in a coffee shop, so...
  9921. "Morning, Lyra."
  9922. >You kick out blindly with your right leg and try to kick one of the chairs that're tucked under your table.
  9923. "Wanna join me for coffee?"
  9924. >Lyra ogles at your antics and giggles into a hoof.
  9925. >"No thanks, Nonny," she says, "I already have a best friend."
  9926. >Not subtle at ALL.
  9927. >"But..."
  9928. >Lyra trots over to you and gives you the sweetest widdle smile and peers up at you with her enormous eyes.
  9929. >"...I wouldn't say no to a hug from a nice colt."
  9930. >You're half-buried under your comically-small table and are unable to get up and hug her, so you settle on raising up the arm that's closest to Lyra.
  9931. >Lyra squeals and launches at you, propping herself up on her hind legs and wrapping her stubby legs around the side of your chest.
  9932. >You reach down to rest your hand on her back andoops you just groped her butt.
  9933. >Lyra freezes in place, and you can practically FEEL Bon Bon glaring at you.
  9935. >You are Lyra
  9936. >This is less cute and more lewd than you thought it would be.
  9937. >You aren't sure how you feel about this
  9943. >Anon is immortal, but not in the usual sense.
  9944. >Instead of being, unaging, undying, undead, or resurrecting when killed, he reincarnates.
  9945. >Whenever he dies, within a few years, he is reborn, and begins anew.
  9947. >His memory is a curious thing. He often remembers nothing as a child, glimpses of the past come as he grows into a man. The older he gets, the more he remembers, usually.
  9948. >Sometimes he has 'blind' lives, where he remembers next to nothing.
  9949. >Sometimes he has 'vivid' lives, where his memory is exceptionally good, his time as Starswirl was one such occasion.
  9950. >But usually it's sorta vague, though with a clear sense of Identity as "Anonymous"
  9951. >He's almost always human (regardless of the species of his current mother), though occasionally he lives the life of a pony.
  9952. >(Discord only giggled and refused to answer when he was asked if he knew anything about that when it happened.)
  9959. >Over her multi thousand year life, Celestia has never heard a heartsong that reached out to her.
  9960. >Countless stallions and more than a few mares have come to her with songs they made themselves, only to fail out.
  9961. >And all the relationships she tried regardless either fizzled out or ended in tragedy. 
  9962. >After many hundreds of years, she simply forced a smile and resigned herself to be alone. Maybe it was a sign, she thinks. That she's to serve Equestria without silly distractions like love. It's for lesser ponies. 
  9963. >Imagine her surprise when she's out for a walk one day, and a strange melody catches her ear over the street noise.
  9964. >A low, alien tounge it is, but her blood burns and her soul reaches desperately for the male voice on the wind. The words aren't Equestrian, but the meaning of each one blazes as bright as her sun in her mind.
  9965. >A pause.
  9966. >Her heart races.
  9967. >It's her turn.
  9968. >Her voice flows into words she never knew before, each filled with longing for the first singer. The air thums with magic older than even the alicorns. 
  9969. >She pauses, her senses straining and the rest of the busy world forgotten. 
  9970. >...More lines find her ears, each word filled with hesitation and hope. It's the most beautiful thing to ever grace the Princess.
  9971. >The world brightens and her heart swells.
  9972. >Decorum is forgotten as the Princess spreads her wings and abandons the startled guards around her. 
  9973. >She must find her other half at all costs!
  9974. --
  9975. >Far away from Canterlot, a man blinks as he nervously sings back to the angelic voice in the distance in his own language.
  9976. >She replies back, finishing her line perfectly, sending warmth radiating through his chest. 
  9977. >Did... Did it work? Just who is it that seems to be closing in on him?
  9979. >The harmony magic does more than fuel the heartsong.
  9980. >Celestia's dulling sense of time sharpens so the days, months, and years no longer blend together.
  9981. >The honed "off switch" she's had for her emotions stops working. 
  9982. >Her thoughts stop dwelling on grim what ifs and old regrets.
  9983. >Her long past menopause body is suddenly heated with a fertile estrus cycle. She can tell it won't be the only one.
  9984. >It's like she's a teen again. All because she finally heard and fulfilled a heartsong.
  9985. >She lets out a delighted laugh and eagerly speeds up to her new mate, leaving her panicking pegasus guards in the dust
  9988. >Celestia smashes through the ceiling just as Anon is preparing for bed
  9989. >You know, the usual:
  9990. >Candles lit, rose pedals all over the sheets, music by Barbara White
  9991. >Nobody else is there, Anon just likes to treat himself
  9992. >#justboythings
  9993. >Was just about to break open his chilled champagne when Celestia makes herself known
  9998. >Errybody wants anon
  9999. >Some through legitimate interest, some for exotic fetches, some for the bragging rights of banging an alien
  10000. >Anon don't want none of that shit
  10001. >"Obviously he's just playing hard to get, you know how stallions are."
  10002. >Someone (lets say Luna) brings up some outdated law that was never officially revoked
  10003. >Basically, any mare can "lay claim" to anon, and all they have to do to marry him is complete a challenge against his champion
  10004. >They are allowed to choose the test (strength, skill, smarts, etc.), but anon chooses the specifications of the challenge 
  10005. >(If a mare chose a challenge of wits then he could choose a game of chess or a riddle or anything in keeping with the category) 
  10006. >Usually the champion would be anon's mother or sister.
  10007. >Because this is not possible, anon must choose a champion 
  10008. >He chooses himself.
  10009. >Mares from all over Equestria come to make the challenge.
  10010. >Anon beats them all through loopholes and clever tricks
  10016. >Twilight, after seeing how well Starlight and Trixie get along, decides it'd be a good idea to introduce all the formerly evil unicorns to each other.
  10017. >She puts Anon in charge of the meetings, given he's anti-magic which SHOULD prevent them from blowing up the building she's designated for this little club.
  10018. >Shenanigans ensue
  10021. >Anon in a herd with Starlight, Trixie, Shimmer, Moondancer, and Shadow.
  10022. >Utterly dysfunctional, but they make it work.
  10023. >Ponies in Ponyvile are baffled by the herd's dynamic.
  10024. >Cadence studies them from afar, like Twilight from Pinkie Keen, as they're a fascinating, contradiction to what she knows.
  10026. >Shimmer is the most level-headed due to her reformation on EQG Earth, and takes the position of Lead.
  10027. >She conflicts with Shadow, as said mare is used to being in charge.
  10028. >Starlight is overly-eager to fit into something "normal", and is thus a bit overbearing.
  10029. >She doesn't understand normal herd dynamics, so the others have to reign her in.
  10030. >Moondancer is often exasperated by her herdmates, but helps Shimmer keep things together, despite being as awkward as Glimmer.
  10031. >Shadow is damaged, but Anon is helping her recover.
  10032. >Trixie is... Trixie
  10039. > Anon just wants a simple, peaceful life
  10040. > Unfortunately, being a home realtor is significantly stranger in magic horseland
  10041. > No matter where he goes, there's always something going wrong
  10042. > Poltergeists, changeling invasions, one of Princess Twilight's escaped experiments, and so on
  10043. > Even worse, the royalty seem to think he is some sort of adventuring hero, who sells homes in between escapades
  10044. > So whenever Scooby Doo level shenanigans start up, they commission good ol' Anon to go investigate
  10045. > And it's not like he can really say no to physical goddesses, and he usually does end up with a mansion or something to sell
  10046. > Cadence is the only who seems to realize he isn't a hero, but she takes some sadistic enjoyment in watching him deal with all the absurdity
  10047. > If only Yearling would stop publishing those frankly embarrassing embellishments of Anon's adventures
  10048. > So what if he is a "strong male character", and colts look up to him
  10049. > Anon can't complain too much, publicly
  10050. > He's got an image to maintain
  10051. > So he writes his memoirs, and plans on releasing them when he retires
  10057. >The Princesses use Anons ignorance on pony culture to live out their fetishes 
  10058. >Celly's into mommy play
  10059. >Treats Anon like a foal
  10060. >Cadence is into bukkake (but with milk)
  10061. >Tries to convince him her milk is a magical cure-all
  10062. >Luna is worst of all.
  10063. >She's into...
  10064. >Cuddling 
  10065. >Tells Anon that because he's human, she can only protect him from nightmares when in close proximity to him. 
  10066. >Anon reluctantly agrees (not like he had a choice anyway)
  10067. >End's up waking up with all three in his bed (four if you count chrysalis)
  10073. > Mares have different preferences for dong length, according to the depths of their marehood
  10074. > Marelets are made fun of for having shallow vags
  10075. > "What if your husbando has a big cock?"
  10076. > But then there's the testes debate
  10077. > Dilf animoos with big, swaying sacks
  10078. > Colts with delicate, petite nuts
  10079. > Some like stallions to not shave, but smooth balls are common in the various forms of erotica
  10080. > /d/ always has at least one tanuki thread
  10082. > Anon finds /fit/ 
  10083. > It's filled with muscle mares and Minos 
  10084. > All those mares posting homoerotic ironically/unironically
  10085. > /b/ filled with rate my vag threads
  10088. > Each type of pony has their roles in porn, especially in nipponese porn
  10089. > Earth pony mares are brutes who pin stallions with bodily strength
  10090. > Unicorns are the most common sadists/femdom, using their magic to torment and/or tease the stallion, doing things like unsheathing them in public
  10091. > Pegasi mares are the stereotypical cuck, watching from the clouds as their stallion gets taken by a more capable mare
  10092. > Earth pony stallions have that farmboy purity going for them, as well as some Amazonian themes, so they have a number of depictions
  10093. > The big senior in the sports team who falls for the beta pegasus mare
  10094. > The strong, independent stallion who is humbled by the V
  10095. > The devoted coltfriend who is blackmailed into lewd acts
  10096. > Meanwhile, unicorn stallions tend to be depicted as more intelligent, but prideful
  10097. > Honor students at Celestia's school for the gifted, who pick some lucky mare to satisfy their curiosity about lewd things
  10098. > Older stallions who like to watch young mares squirm as the unicorn twists their teats
  10099. > Arrogant bastards to be raped by a gang of mares
  10100. > Pegasus stallions are usually depicted as more timid, or on the opposite end, incredibly slutty
  10101. > The quiet, pure coltfriend who will do anything to make his marefriend happy
  10102. > The naughty little brother that teases his older sister
  10103. > The promiscuous slut who is tamed by the tender affection of the earnest, yet uncool mare
  10109. >Twilight has a grimoire of fetish spells she made herself.
  10110. >They're mostly tame to anyone who has been on the internet for years, but to ponies it's all downright deviant. 
  10111. >She's sad that no stallion would ever agree to use any of them, but she keeps adding to it.
  10112. >Then you accidentally pick it up and go through it, commenting on how hot some of the content is right in front of Twi.
  10113. >To say she latched onto you is an understatement. 
  10114. >And that's how you proved that nerds are freaks in bed
  10121. >Humans are considered mythological predators of the Changeling species.
  10122. >Chrysalis' horror when, as "Cadence", she sees Anon walking around Canterlot, chatting to Celestia, etcetera
  10125. I'm just imagining humans being like succubi to the changelings.
  10126. >Humans can spot a changeling in a crowd of ponies.
  10127. >Humans are degenerates that lure changelings in and do terrible things like hoof holding and getting them addicted to their salty bodies.
  10128. >If the chaneling tries to fight back strong human emotions fueled from adrenaline and endorphins can overload the changeling senses
  10135. > You look between the two reality warpers
  10136. "What I don't get is, if Eris is supposed to be you from a parallel dimension, why does she look young and cute, while you are old and grizzled."
  10137. > Discord rolls his eyes
  10138. > "It's very simple. How attractive I seem to you is directly proportional to how much I want to get in your pants."
  10139. > You slowly turn to look at Eris
  10140. > She winks at you
  10146. > Twilight Zone grows up in Ponyville, as bookish and autistic as her parents
  10147. > Local ponies have gotten used to her predator heritage, but visitors still get panicky, seeing her or Anon for the first time
  10148. > Most stallions are intimidated by her
  10149. > She's got a reputation as a cold, calculating perfectionist
  10150. > She's actually bad at communicating, and ponies do tend to listen when she offers possible corrections
  10151. > Twilight Zone is considering study abroad in the dragonlands, maybe the drakes will be less frightened of her
  10154. >some eldritch guy trying to mind-fuck everyone 
  10155. >all who opposed him is dead or broken
  10156. >enter Twilight Zone
  10157. >she extrudes little something and throws it at eldritch guy
  10158. >eldritch guy starts to boil from inside
  10159. >it`s skin becomes red
  10160. >slime starts to pour out of every hole on it`s body
  10161. >it stops breathing 
  10162. >dead
  10164. >turned out the eldritch guy got most severe allergic reaction to peanuts.
  10166. >Twilight Zone looks at the now cured, shocked everyone and says with her creepy monotone voice:
  10168. There is no miracles here, the tomorrow depends on what you studied yesterday.
  10176. >The tireless hardass site director eventually comes to you despite her hate of using SCPs for personal reasons.
  10177. >Melts into your touch, and not just because of your powers.
  10178. >Quiet praise of her hard work makes her crack a real smile.
  10179. >She falls into the first restfull sleep she's had in decades in your lap.
  10180. >These ponies maybe wonky and holding you against your will, but you understand why. 
  10181. >More importantly, you understand how much they sacrifice so the rest of the world isn't over run with things that make Tirek look tame. 
  10182. >Maybe it's best that you stay here. Not for the world, but for the ones who defend it.
  10185. > Anon can invoke musical sequences at will
  10186. > It's the sort of power that can destabilize entire towns, or even cities
  10187. > He brought into custody of the SCP Foundation to contain his influence
  10188. > Eventually he goes into the field, for crowd control among other things
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