Beach Bum Anon Chapter 6: Jungle Hijinks

Mar 23rd, 2017
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  1. >The forest has an odd lull to it
  2. >No birds chirping
  3. >No squirrels skittering
  4. >No bugs screaming
  5. >Even the wind seems dead
  6. >But at least you're away from goddamn Aum Shinrikyo
  7. >You've been walking for a about an hour
  8. >Ought to be a few miles away by now
  9. >Maybe a little less on these stubby little legs
  10. >Your stomach grumbles
  11. >Did you even eat last night?
  12. >No, you didn't
  13. >Probably for the best, who knows what horrors they laced those onions with
  15. >You've come across a small clearing and
  16. >O shit, is that a potato plant?
  17. >You hurriedly dig at the small white flower, pulling it out when the dirt is loose enough
  18. >Score
  19. >They're tiny little bastards, but they're edible
  20. >Probably
  21. >Looks kinda like a peanut crossed with a tomato
  22. >You bite a single spud directly from the root
  23. >Tastes like sand
  25. >The potatoes weren't very filling
  26. >And you don't have any water to wash the sandy taste out
  27. >It's been a few hours and the flavor still lingers
  28. >It's infuriating
  29. >At least with rotten dumpster food you get that special sourness you can't get anywhere else
  30. >You don't even mind the food poisoning anymore
  31. >Hell, at times the moldy fruit even tastes better than otherwise
  32. >But this
  33. >This is terrible
  34. >Not even accented by anything, like a hint of body odor or the methane of rat droppings
  35. >It's just straight up sand
  36. >Maybe that's what muslims have to deal with
  37. >Maybe that's why they're always getting into trouble
  38. >You'd be pretty angry, too, if you had to deal with this all the time
  39. >Something squirms underneath your foot
  40. >You yelp and leap off, expecting to have crushed a cockroach or stepped on a snake
  41. >But nothing seems to be there
  42. >You eye it for a long time, to no avail
  43. >This particular patch of ground does seem a bit higher than the surrounding forest floor, though
  44. >Inching closer, you cautiously nudge the pile of leaves and sticks that cover the topsoil
  45. >"Who?"
  46. >Your heart sinks and you are frozen in fear
  47. >"Mghmm... mhmm..."
  48. >The leaves bulge and writhe as the figure underneath reveals itself
  49. >"Eugh... who's that?"
  50. >Selkie yawns before you, simultaneously stretching out a foreleg and scratching the back of his head
  51. >You clutch your chest as you let go of breath you didn't even know you were holding
  52. >He stares with a sluggish intensity at the surrounding foliage, drinking in every last angle and curve
  53. >His gaze moves from the leaves to your hooves, slowly traveling up to your eyes and locking you in glaring scrutiny
  54. >His eyes soften and he chuckles lightly
  55. "Uh, sorry about stepping on you and stuff, Iyuh, I didn't see you there..."
  56. >He chuckles again
  57. >"Pshhh... what?"
  58. >He licks his lips, dry and cracked and covered in humus
  59. >The dirt seems to somewhat surprise him, and he curiously crunches on the particles with an open mouth
  60. >Satisfied, he wipes his tongue off on his foreleg, unaware of its own filthiness
  61. >Somewhere distant a bird is chirping
  62. >You take a deep breath as your heart finally settles
  63. "So.... What's with the dirt nap?"
  64. >As the words leave your mouth you become suddenly aware of how suspicious this is
  65. >He could easily be some kind of skinwalker or wendigo or some other native american bullshit
  66. >Lying in wait for a hapless, unknowing victim
  67. >Your heart flutters to life
  68. >He opens his mouth halfway, stops, closes it, and sniffs the air
  69. >It must have killed the real Selkie and is just now getting acquainted with its new body!
  70. >You tense up, your mind racing with action plans
  71. >"Where's... uhhh...-"
  72. >He bites his lip and sucks in a sharp breath
  73. >You begin to slowly back away, feeling the ground for a rock or a thick branch, something to use as a weapon
  74. >"What did... where did... uhhhhhhhm..."
  75. >You lock your grasp on something hard, lumpy and round, presumably a rock
  76. >"Do you know... where... Sssss-.... Stumps? Stumpy... Stump-"
  77. >With lightning speed, you bring up your foreleg and sling the rock at DoppelSelkie's forehead
  78. >You weren't really aiming, though, you just had an idea of where you wanted your projectile to go and your body went on automatic
  79. >Miraculously, it slams right smack in between his eyes, meeting the flesh with a dull crack
  80. >He falls backwards, letting out a single grunt as he hit the ground
  81. >You crouch down for a moment, ready to punce if the monster had any ideas about getting back up
  82. >Does this count as interacting?
  83. >Satan said not to interact with spirits, right?
  84. >Are monsters spirits?
  85. >But he also said not to die, so does defending yourself from spirits count as not dying, or interacting?
  86. >DoppelSelkie lets out a quiet groan
  87. >You begin to inch closer to the writhing body
  88. >You've never seen a dead skinwalker
  89. >You might be the first person to do so!
  90. >Definitely the first to kill one
  91. >Could their collective secret weakness be rocks?
  92. >It appears so, as the image of Selkie does little but slowly squirm and groan
  93. >There's a sizable gash on his forehead, slowly oozing blood over his eyes and down the side of his face
  94. >The side of /its/ face
  95. >Skinwalkers have no real gender
  96. >As you come into its field of view, it regards you with pained confusion
  97. >Yeah, you sure got the jump on this fucker
  98. >But alas, it could be a farce
  99. >It's entirely possible that he's...
  100. >That it's taking advantage of your sudden overwhelming victory
  101. >Waiting to jump the minute you let your guard down
  102. >Wearing your skin like a latex suit
  103. >That would be just like a skinwalker, employing the ol' switcharoo
  104. >Such a cowardly tactic
  105. >But what matches cowardice, other than overwhelming cowardice?
  106. >It blinks at you and you take off without further thought
  108. >It's a lot easier to celebrate your victory with the skinwalker far behind you
  109. >Now that it's not staring you in the eyes, you swell with pride at having bested such a terrifying creature
  110. >Actually, if a skinwalker could be brought down with a measly stone, was it really that terrifying?
  111. >Surely your fear all these years must have been irrational
  112. >Native Americans are pussies
  113. >You've noticed that your gait has turned from its typical skulk into a confident trot
  114. >In fact, you've felt this overwhelming euphoria ever since the encounter
  115. >How quickly in this childish body you have overcome a beast of myth hundreds of years old
  116. >You can't stop replaying the last moments in your mind
  117. >The fear in its eyes as you sized up your prize
  118. >And you can't help but feel ashamed for leaving it alive like that
  119. >No doubt it will die helpess and pathetic, if not from exposure or hunger then picked apart by woodland scavengers
  120. >Perhaps other skinwalkers
  121. >How much better would it have felt to end it yourself?
  122. >And how would roasted skinwalker taste?
  123. >You aren't sure how you'd start a fire, having never done so without matches or a lighter
  124. >But the flesh of an ultimate predator shouldn't carry too much in the way of diseases
  125. >And if it does, then who's to say Satan wouldn't fix you up with magic?
  126. >He did seem fairly interested in your survival
  127. >Unless that was a trick so you would kill yourself with your own hubris
  128. >Careful, Icarus
  129. >Maybe you should just stick to foraging
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