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Antioch_Orontes

Arc 15 - Cwn Annwn

Antioch_Orontes
May 26th, 2016
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  2. [2016-05-13 16:52:54] <Antioch|GM> "Dr. Phan had some concerns about having you in front of a crowd so soon," Sorenson says. "I wouldn't want to stress you out, either."
  3. [2016-05-13 16:54:20] <Antioch|GM> He hands you a sheaf of paper, stapled at the corner. "With that in mind, I was hoping we could go over your lines in front of a camera, without the crowd, first?"
  4. [2016-05-13 16:55:10] <Antioch|GM> Stressed is... kind of an understatement. The sleeping pills helped to a certain extent, but you woke up groggy and nauseous, vision swimming, and the general malaise and funk you were in probably didn't help the psych eval you had to go through right after breakfast.
  5. [2016-05-13 16:55:26] <Antioch|GM> Worse, you still haven't heard back from Malcolm. ||
  6. [2016-05-13 16:57:49] <Saff|Cwn> "I... Okay." I don't want to argue. They're probably right anyway. "Has there been any news on Malcolm? Any at all?" Or maybe I'm not allowed to know? ||
  7. [2016-05-13 16:59:13] <Antioch|GM> "Not that I'm aware of," he responds, "but I'm sure he's just in recovery. No news is good news, right?"
  8. [2016-05-13 16:59:27] ← Camtist|GM left (uid157531@charlton.irccloud.com)
  9. [2016-05-13 17:00:00] <Antioch|GM> He unwraps a package on the desk, revealing a white fabric bundle. "Here, your new costume. It's just for looks, right now, we'll have one that can actually hold up in a fight coming in a few days later." ||
  10. [2016-05-13 17:00:57] <Saff|Cwn> New costume? Okay, that's pretty cool. I go to look at it, wanting to turn it over in my hands and take a good look, but immediately the color is making me nervous. "White?"||
  11. [2016-05-13 17:01:44] <Antioch|GM> "You are familiar with the myth, right? White hounds with blood-red ears."
  12. [2016-05-13 17:03:48] <Antioch|GM> You unfurl the costume as you examine it, finding it almost pure white save for the ears, fur trim near the neck, wrists.
  13. [2016-05-13 17:03:48] <Antioch|GM> A mask of some material (porcelain, maybe?) lies under the fabric, covering the upper half of your face with the appearance of a hound's snout.
  14. [2016-05-13 17:03:48] <Antioch|GM> Something that covers the whole body, save for the gloves, which remain fingerless. ||
  15. [2016-05-13 17:04:44] <Saff|Cwn> "That's a... I mean you're right." I shift uncomfortably in my seat as I run my hands over the fabric. "I mean. It looks nice but. White is... That's... People will be able to see my smoke."||
  16. [2016-05-13 17:09:11] <Antioch|GM> "Skintight," he says. "The costume zips up to the face. Some smoke comes out of the eyes, some trails from the fingers. Visual accents, rather than being the center of attention." ||
  17. [2016-05-13 17:14:52] <Saff|Cwn> "I... Okay. That's better than I thought, but." It still makes me really uncomfortable. "Should I put it on now or?"||
  18. [2016-05-13 17:15:28] <Antioch|GM> "Go ahead," he says. "It might help you get in the right mindset." ||
  19. [2016-05-13 17:22:34] <Saff|Cwn> Okay. This is a good step. I think. I go find a more private spot and change, hesitating before putting on the mask. This... This is me now. A hero. Or at least, I will be once I can convince Phan that I'm not absolutely batshit. Once I'm done I come back into the room and look down at my hands, giving a small nod. "I'm ready."||
  20. [2016-05-13 17:24:40] ⇐ Megafire quit (Peter@net-psjdbd.direct-adsl.nl): Connection closed
  21. [2016-05-13 17:26:04] <Antioch|GM> "Go ahead," he says, gesturing at the sheaf of paper on the desk. "Feel free to suggest changes, since at the end of the day I want this to be coming from you, genuine."
  22. [2016-05-13 17:26:47] <Antioch|GM> The stacked papers look like a movie script, typed in Courier New, down to moments where you could feasibly pause for effect, certain emotions that should be conveyed.
  23. [2016-05-13 17:28:30] <Antioch|GM> It's hard to imagine yourself reading off these words to a camera, let alone a newscaster.
  24. [2016-05-13 17:28:39] <Antioch|GM> You glance at the first few sentences.
  25. [2016-05-13 17:31:11] <Antioch|GM> 'Hello,' the script reads, 'most of you know me as Killhand. I wasn't captured by the Protectorate yesterday, but rather, I went with them willingly. I wanted a chance to make up for the things I've done, and the PRT is giving me that chance.' ||
  26. [2016-05-13 17:34:01] <Saff|Cwn> This is straight... stiff. "Do I need to read word for word? Because this is... This isn't how I talk. I'm sorry, I'm just making things more difficult." I pause, then look back down, mumbling the lines just so that they don't feel as clumsy on my tongue.||
  27. [2016-05-13 17:34:56] <Antioch|GM> "No, no, you're supposed to change it around. Put it in your words, not mine. Go ahead, give it a try." ||
  28. [2016-05-13 17:42:25] <Saff|Cwn> "Hello. My name is Cwn Annwn, but most of you unfortunately knew me as Killhand. Yesterday I caused a squabble between myself and BlackJack. The PRT arrived, and I decided to go with them. I want to turn my life around, make up for the horrible things that I've done. The PRT is giving me that chance, and for that I am grateful." I pause, then look over to
  29. [2016-05-13 17:42:25] <Saff|Cwn> Sorenson. "Is that okay?"||
  30. [2016-05-13 17:48:13] <Antioch|GM> "Hmm," he says. He's making notes on his own copy of the script as you speak.
  31. [2016-05-13 17:48:13] <Antioch|GM> "Unfortunately is a maybe, I don't think we want to draw undue attention to the past. Squabble might seem like you're trying to downplay the situation, and I'm thinking that it's best not to draw attention to the fact that you caused it."
  32. [2016-05-13 17:49:29] <Antioch|GM> "Yesterday, the PRT intervened in a fight between myself and Blackjack -- that should work. Add on 'my former employer' before Blackjack? Not sure if we bring up the fact that you were working for Blackjack so early, but it could work."
  33. [2016-05-13 17:49:38] <Antioch|GM> "Mmm, worth a try."
  34. [2016-05-13 17:53:23] <Antioch|GM> He scribbles a rough outline to give the general structure on how you might elaborate on your interactions with Blackjack.
  35. [2016-05-13 17:53:23] <Antioch|GM> 'I used to work for Blackjack, along with Coldhand, to do work that they didn't want associated with them, to draw attention away from them. They hung us out to dry when Silver Bullet attacked us, and we ended up getting treated like we were expendable. I was ordered to get rid of Coldhand when he wasn't useful anymore. (Convey sadness / fear)'
  36. [2016-05-13 17:53:23] <Antioch|GM> Still pretty stiff, but it's just an outline. ||
  37. [2016-05-13 17:55:34] <Saff|Cwn> Okay... That sounds a little better. I repeat that version of the script, but bite my lip when I get to the part about Coldhand. I... I'm starting to feel a lot of regret about what I did to him. He was technically my friend and I fucked him over. "Okay. I think I got this part."||
  38. [2016-05-13 17:57:08] <Antioch|GM> "Give me your take on it?" Sorenson asks. ||
  39. [2016-05-13 17:59:28] <Saff|Cwn> "I... It's fine. But I didn't get rid of Coldhand. Nachzehrer did." Actually, now that I think about it. Should I tell him about Nach's call last night? "I didn't kill him."||
  40. [2016-05-13 18:00:40] <Antioch|GM> "Mm, right, I think I have the specifics on that situation on hand."
  41. [2016-05-13 18:02:04] <Antioch|GM> "I think 'getting rid of' is a decent enough euphemism, even if you didn't do him in yourself. It paints a better picture of Blackjack, I think, you being ordered to betray a teammate." ||
  42. [2016-05-13 18:05:36] <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. I understand." God, now I feel really shitty about Coldhand too. "What I'm getting here is to paint Blackjack and Wink in a bad light. That's easy."||
  43. [2016-05-13 18:07:42] <Antioch|GM> "I'm glad you think so," he says, smiling slightly.
  44. [2016-05-13 18:07:42] <Antioch|GM> "It's also an opportunity to cast the PRT in a better light, touching upon the opportunity afforded to you to help turn things around, so let's see..."
  45. [2016-05-13 18:09:32] <Antioch|GM> "I have here 'the PRT arrived, and I decided to go with them. I want to turn my life around, make up for the horrible things that I've done. The PRT is giving me that chance, and for that I am grateful,' let's excise the horrible, emphasize the fact that you went with us willingly, maybe mention what Valiant said to you earlier? I don't know the specifics,
  46. [2016-05-13 18:09:32] <Antioch|GM> but it might help."
  47. [2016-05-13 18:10:02] <Antioch|GM> "The 'for that I am grateful' bit at the end sounds a little stiff, too." ||
  48. [2016-05-13 18:13:39] <Saff|Cwn> "During the confrontation, three Protectorate capes arrived. I had the opportunity to talk with Valiant, who helped me to realize that I could turn my life around. I went with them willingly, hoping for the best. The PRT decided to give me a second chance, and for that.... I'm very grateful?" I cock my head to the side, hoping for approval this time. "This
  49. [2016-05-13 18:13:39] <Saff|Cwn> PR shit is a lot harder than I thought."||
  50. [2016-05-13 18:14:43] <Antioch|GM> "That's it," he says, nodding, "you're getting the hang of it."
  51. [2016-05-13 18:16:02] <Antioch|GM> "I'm thinking we can keep it short and sweet, hit all of the main points, and if what you have to say ends up being pretty short, we could have you speak out there today, instead of recording it here."
  52. [2016-05-13 18:16:58] <Antioch|GM> "Points we lose, as far as presenting you goes, for having you out there only briefly, beats out the scrutiny a recording would receive, given precedent." ||
  53. [2016-05-13 18:18:23] <Saff|Cwn> "Out there? In front of people?" Oh god oh god. They're all going to be looking at me and staring at me and I know I'm supposed to be good now but it's going to take a lot of convincing them... "I. I mean I guess I can. Is there anything else we need to go over?"||
  54. [2016-05-13 18:20:40] <Antioch|GM> "Your rebranding, new cape name. With it being Welsh, tough to pronounce, best to hammer it in straightaway, so I'm glad you're raising it up at the introduction."
  55. [2016-05-13 18:20:54] <Antioch|GM> "Closing statement might look something a little like this," he continues, handing you another paper.
  56. [2016-05-13 18:22:15] <Antioch|GM> 'In Welsh mythology, the Cwn Annwn were hounds of the Wild Hunt, tasked to hunt wrongdoers into the ground until they could run no more. With the help of the PRT and Protectorate, I hope to one day live up to that name.' ||
  57. [2016-05-13 18:22:42] * soulpelt|GK is now known as soulpelt|
  58. [2016-05-13 18:23:40] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm just waiting for reporters to jumble it." I say with a small chuckle, looking down at the paper with a frown. "I do... I do live to hope up to that name. Erm. Hope to live up to. I'm sorry."||
  59. [2016-05-13 18:24:07] <Antioch|GM> "Not too melodramatic?" ||
  60. [2016-05-13 18:29:27] <Saff|Cwn> "Not at all." I give a small smile behind the mask, trying my hardest to make sure that he realizes that I'm actually serious about this. "I think I'm ready. Gosh, I have such a busy day today." I hope at some point I'll be able to talk to Valiant. At least long enough to thank him.||
  61. [2016-05-13 18:31:16] <Antioch|GM> "Some more stuff to go over before we move on, I think, shifting more of the negative attention onto Blackjack rather than you."
  62. [2016-05-13 18:31:34] <Antioch|GM> "Any personal anecdotes about the gang, ones that'd poorly reflect on them?" ||
  63. [2016-05-13 18:34:04] <Saff|Cwn> "Wink branded me with a hot gun once? And uh. Gutshot threw cars at me?" I don't know. Most of my teammates were actually pretty okay... "And Mortal Lock... Uh. Well I mean he tried to get me arrested or killed."||
  64. [2016-05-13 18:34:32] <Antioch|GM> "The, uh, first one sounds good, if a little personal," Sorenson says, taken aback. ||
  65. [2016-05-13 18:35:53] → Lid joined (Lid@net-0njhuo.fios.verizon.net)
  66. [2016-05-13 18:36:37] → Camtist|GM joined (uid157531@charlton.irccloud.com)
  67. [2016-05-13 18:36:59] * Camtist|GM is now known as Camtist
  68. [2016-05-13 18:39:34] <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. I won't... I won't show it. It's kind of... On my lower back and I already have a reputation for flashing people, Sir."||
  69. [2016-05-13 18:40:28] <Antioch|GM> "The circumstances behind it, though...? Run the story by me, if you're comfortable with it, and I'll see if it's, hm, fit for public consumption." ||
  70. [2016-05-13 18:41:55] ⇐ Lid quit (Lid@net-0njhuo.fios.verizon.net): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  71. [2016-05-13 18:42:33] <Saff|Cwn> "After the erm... Situation with Player One?" I say, looking down at my hands. "Well, Wink was PISSED. Really mad. He called me into his office and waved the gun around and then had me strip down and bend over while he branded me." I shrug a little. "He did offer to get me medical attention but it was still pretty shitty."||
  72. [2016-05-13 18:43:20] <Antioch|GM> "Hmm... It does paint Wink in a bad light, but it changes the public view of you closer towards pity. Not what I'm hoping for."
  73. [2016-05-13 18:43:38] → Lid joined (Lid@net-0njhuo.fios.verizon.net)
  74. [2016-05-13 18:43:40] <Antioch|GM> "We'll stick with the bit where he told you to 'get rid' of Coldhand," he says, using finger quotes to accentuate the euphemism. ||
  75. [2016-05-13 18:47:30] <Saff|Cwn> "All right. Sounds good." I nod a few more times. "Getting rid of Coldhand." This whole thing is kind of hard. My time, at least my time in Dead Man's Hand, was actually enjoyable. It just... was after Coldy bit it that things started going south.||
  76. [2016-05-13 18:50:28] <Antioch|GM> "So, rough outline; Hi, I'm Cwn Annwn, yesterday PRT intervened in fight, former employer Blackjack, details on the previous, want to turn my life around, mention Valiant, PRT chance to make up for everything, brief explanation of the cape name and its roots."
  77. [2016-05-13 18:51:00] <Antioch|GM> "That covers the main points, and I think it should run short enough to where there's not so much pressure from being onstage for too long, hmm?" ||
  78. [2016-05-13 18:51:53] <Saff|Cwn> "Sounds about right. I'm ready to go on whenever you want me to." Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good, even if I don't quite believe it myself. "Thank you, Sir."||
  79. [2016-05-13 18:52:30] <Antioch|GM> "No rush on that, there's time for you to go over your lines beforehand. Try it in front of me, first, in your words?" ||
  80. [2016-05-13 19:02:11] ⇐ ThalAI quit (ThalAI@net-stg.hv9.246.50.IP): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  81. [2016-05-13 19:06:17] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah." I nod, then look up. "My name is Cwn Annwn, though you might know me as Killhand. Yesterday the PRT intervened in a fight between my former employer, Blackjack, and myself. I had been working for Blackjack since my debut in Cleveland, put into a group called the Dead Man's Hand with Coldhand to do the work that Wink didn't want attached to his name.
  82. [2016-05-13 19:06:17] <Saff|Cwn> Once Coldhand outlived his usefulness to Wink, he ordered me to get rid of him." I pause. "During the confrontation with the PRT, I had the opportunity to speak to Valiant. He... he helped me realize that I could turn my life around. I went with the Protectorate willingly, hoping for the best. The PRT decided to give me a second chance, and for that I am
  83. [2016-05-13 19:06:17] <Saff|Cwn> grateful." I pause again, swallowing hard. "In Welsh mythology, the Cwn Annwn were hounds of the Wild Hunt, tasked to hunt wrongdoers into the ground until they could run no more. With the help of the PRT and Protectorate, I hope to one day live up to that name."||
  84. [2016-05-13 19:07:39] <Antioch|GM> "Hm, short and sweet, so that's good, maybe a segue from the grateful bit to the name explanation? Doesn't have to be anything frilly, just something like 'you might be wondering why my cape name means'." ||
  85. [2016-05-13 19:08:23] <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. You may be wondering why I chose the name that I did? Does that sounds good?"||
  86. [2016-05-13 19:09:36] <Antioch|GM> "Mmm, you choosing the name means taking up the mantle of the name and what it implies is more on your shoulders, which I think is good. It gives you something to shoot for, live up to, in the public's eye, more concretely than the other phrasing would be."
  87. [2016-05-13 19:10:49] <Antioch|GM> "Not a bad thing, I'd say, but... you have to be perfect, more or less. People have to see that you're turning things around, that you're working hard for your second chance." ||
  88. [2016-05-13 19:12:04] <Saff|Cwn> "Perfect... That's a lot to live up to." I wonder if he can see how nervous I am behind the mask. "But I'm going to try my best."||
  89. [2016-05-13 19:14:32] <Antioch|GM> "Oh," he comments, looking at his notes, "debut might not be the best word, considering the connotations and context." ||
  90. [2016-05-13 19:15:08] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm sorry?" I don't quite get what he's trying to say. "Maybe... since I arrived in Cleveland?"||
  91. [2016-05-13 19:16:16] <Antioch|GM> "Not... quite true, I think. You were a student at the university, right? 'Since I got my powers' is closer, but runs into the same issue."
  92. [2016-05-13 19:16:18] <Antioch|GM> "Hrm." ||
  93. [2016-05-13 19:17:09] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. I went to the university. Not for very long, but I did. And there was still time... time between when I got my powers and when I joined."||
  94. [2016-05-13 19:19:00] <Antioch|GM> "Maybe do 'I had been working for Blackjack,' leave it at that." ||
  95. [2016-05-13 19:19:51] <Saff|Cwn> "All right. You're the boss." I crack a small smile and fold my hands in my lap. "I think... I think this could work. I hope that taking me in won't cause too much trouble for you."||
  96. [2016-05-13 19:21:25] <Antioch|GM> "Let's try it for the camera, this time, alright?"
  97. [2016-05-13 19:21:39] <Antioch|GM> He gestures to the screen and the camera standing in front of it. ||
  98. [2016-05-13 19:24:11] <Saff|Cwn> "Camera. Right. Erm." I nod and walk over to the screen, though my whole body feels like it's vibrating. "I just... Erm... Tell me when we're recordin||
  99. [2016-05-13 19:24:40] <Antioch|GM> "Go on ahead," he says. "We've got enough time to try it a couple times."
  100. [2016-05-13 19:24:44] <Antioch|GM> ((Soc roll, presentation)) ||
  101. [2016-05-13 19:24:54] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
  102. [2016-05-13 19:24:54] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [2] -1 = 1
  103. [2016-05-13 19:34:00] <Saff|Cwn> I repeat the speech again, this time taking out the part about my debut. I can feel how I trip over the words. Wow, I feel shitty.||
  104. [2016-05-13 19:34:33] <Antioch|GM> "Don't worry about it," Sorenson says. "Like I said, you can always try again. Keep at it, until you feel comfortable with it, alright?"
  105. [2016-05-13 19:34:39] <Antioch|GM> ((Presentation again)) ||
  106. [2016-05-13 19:35:21] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
  107. [2016-05-13 19:35:21] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [1] -1 = 0
  108. [2016-05-13 19:36:05] <Saff|Cwn> The second time is even fucking worse. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll have this down before we go in front of people, I promise!" Maybe I should just fuckin quit."||
  109. [2016-05-13 19:37:26] <Antioch|GM> He writes down the phrases you've been having difficulty with on cue cards for you to use, to help guide you along and make you more comfortable with the process, while you take a break and try to get a little less upset.
  110. [2016-05-13 19:38:03] <Antioch|GM> ((Presentation!)) ||
  111. [2016-05-13 19:38:34] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
  112. [2016-05-13 19:38:34] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [1] -1 = 0
  113. [2016-05-13 19:38:42] <Saff|Cwn> ((FOR THE LOVE OF))
  114. [2016-05-13 19:38:48] <Antioch|GM> (( k e k ))
  115. [2016-05-13 19:39:02] <Antioch|GM> ((At least you don't have apocrypha, amirite?))
  116. [2016-05-13 19:39:24] * Thaliaway is now known as Thalia
  117. [2016-05-13 19:39:52] * Thalia is now known as Thal|Redcap
  118. [2016-05-13 19:39:54] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm really sorry. Maybe... Can I have a cup of coffee? I'm still pretty groggy." I look over to him and frown. "I'm trying."||
  119. [2016-05-13 19:41:00] <Antioch|GM> You drink coffee and go over the cue cards, trying to imprint them in your mind, mentally going over phrase after phrase.
  120. [2016-05-13 19:41:25] <Antioch|GM> ((Know check))
  121. [2016-05-13 19:41:33] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1
  122. [2016-05-13 19:41:33] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [2] +1 = 3
  123. [2016-05-13 19:41:57] <Antioch|GM> The hot drink goes a decent way towards soothing your nerves, but it takes you a while to memorize the words.
  124. [2016-05-13 19:43:42] <Antioch|GM> Eventually, you're comfortable enough to go without the cue cards, though you're left without many attempts to try and get things right to go out and speak -- if you're even comfortable with going in front of the crowd at all.
  125. [2016-05-13 19:43:54] <Antioch|GM> ((Presentation check, +1 from practice/cues))
  126. [2016-05-13 19:44:03] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1
  127. [2016-05-13 19:44:03] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [5] +1 = 6
  128. [2016-05-13 19:44:25] <Antioch|GM> ((Well, +1 that cancels out the -1 you usually have, but it's still a 5))
  129. [2016-05-13 19:44:47] <Saff|Cwn> (( I can math, anti))
  130. [2016-05-13 19:45:44] <Antioch|GM> This time, the speech goes well. Playing it back, you feel it's good enough for other people to watch -- you wouldn't feel too terrible or embarrassed about it, at least.
  131. [2016-05-13 19:46:10] <Antioch|GM> There's enough time to try again, though you're not sure you want to ruin the good streak you've got going. ||
  132. [2016-05-13 19:47:31] <Saff|Cwn> "I... I think this is good. Thank you for your patience. And the coffee." The coffee here is actually quite good.
  133. [2016-05-13 19:47:44] <Saff|Cwn> ||
  134. [2016-05-13 19:48:25] <Antioch|GM> "Think you're up for going out and speaking? Again, I do want to stress that you don't have to." ||
  135. [2016-05-13 19:50:37] <Saff|Cwn> "I can do it!" I'm probably a little too loud. Great. "I mean I'll be okay."||
  136. [2016-05-13 19:54:44] <Antioch|GM> "Shall we, then?"
  137. [2016-05-13 19:56:35] <Antioch|GM> He gestures for you to follow him, and you find yourself behind the stage of the Cleveland PRT's medium-sized conference room.
  138. [2016-05-13 19:56:56] <Antioch|GM> Some woman on stage is talking about yesterday, about capturing Mortal Lock and Gutshot, and about you. ||
  139. [2016-05-13 19:58:50] <Saff|Cwn> Oh god oh god. "Yeah. I'm ready to rumble." I'm really NOT ready to rumble but. We're just going to pretend like I am. "I've got this."||
  140. [2016-05-13 20:00:15] <Antioch|GM> She goes on for awhile, generally talking smack about Blackjack in a weirdly polite way.
  141. [2016-05-13 20:00:42] <Antioch|GM> After some waiting, the woman says,"With us today is Cwn Annwn herself, here to introduce herself to Cleveland for the first time."
  142. [2016-05-13 20:00:56] <Antioch|GM> "That's your cue," Sorenson says. ||
  143. [2016-05-13 20:11:29] <Saff|Cwn> Oh god oh god oh god. I walk up, my hands shaking. Everyone is looking at me. Everyone. "Um..." I swallow. "Hello. My name is Cwn Annwn. You may know me as Killhand...." This is... Terrifying. I look at the crowd and try my hardest to gain composure. "Yesterday the PRT intervened in a fight between my former employer, Blackjack, and myself. I had been
  144. [2016-05-13 20:11:29] <Saff|Cwn> working for Blackjack, put into a group called The Dead Man's Hand with Coldhand to do the work that Wink didn't want attached to his name. Once Coldhand outlived his usefulness to Wink, he ordered me to get rid of him. During the confrontation with the PRT, I had the opportunity to speak to Valiant, the leader of the Cleveland Protectorate. He helped me to
  145. [2016-05-13 20:11:29] <Saff|Cwn> realize that I could turn my life around. I went with the Protectorate willingly, hoping for the best. The PRT and Director Mendez decided to give me a second chance, and for that I am grateful." I pause, trying to keep myself from puking in front of the crowd. "You may be wondering why I chose the name that I did. In Welsh mythology, the Cwn Annwn were the
  146. [2016-05-13 20:11:29] <Saff|Cwn> hounds of the Wild Hunt, tasked to hunt wrongdoers into the ground until they could run no more. With the help of the PRT and Protectorate, I hope to one day live up to that name." Shit shit shit shit I probably sound crappy.||
  147. [2016-05-13 20:11:56] <Antioch|GM> ((Guts roll, presentation roll +1))
  148. [2016-05-13 20:12:50] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1 I FUCKING DID IT RIGHT THIS TIME GOD DAMNIT Guts
  149. [2016-05-13 20:12:51] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "I FUCKING DID IT RIGHT THIS TIME GOD DAMNIT Guts" [4] +1 = 5
  150. [2016-05-13 20:13:06] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6 Soc
  151. [2016-05-13 20:13:06] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "Soc" [3] = 3
  152. [2016-05-13 20:16:27] <Antioch|GM> You feel confident enough as you walk on the stage, not feeling terribly insecure after your previous success. You stammer, pause somewhat on a few sentences and phrases, but you don't botch the speech in a horrible, blatant manner.
  153. [2016-05-13 20:17:18] <Antioch|GM> As you walk away, many of the reporters clamor, questions blurring into each other, while the woman previously speaking takes the podium again, directing questions to the PRT rather than the young girl who's going through trying, tumultuous times. ||
  154. [2016-05-13 20:24:24] <Saff|Cwn> I did it, I did it. Phew. "So, what else is on my schedule today, Sir?" I ask Sorenson, my heart still racing.||
  155. [2016-05-13 20:25:17] <Antioch|GM> "Get some lunch, take a break. You're welcome to train, study, but for now, getting you into a better state of mind is the priority."
  156. [2016-05-13 20:25:23] <Antioch|GM> "And good work out there," he adds. ||
  157. [2016-05-13 20:26:11] <Saff|Cwn> "Thank you sir. But if you don't mind, I would like to train. I... It would make me feel a little less useless at least."||
  158. [2016-05-13 20:28:15] <Antioch|GM> You're directed to a gym, where you're slightly disappointed to find that you can't spar or do any of the CQC partner training until you're run through a battery of power testing, just in case you accidentally shank someone and their guts spill out.
  159. [2016-05-13 20:29:03] <Antioch|GM> There are weight-lifting machines, rowing machines, bags, an outdoors obstacle course that hasn't been cleared of snow.
  160. [2016-05-13 20:29:20] <Antioch|GM> A tiny, three-booth indoors gun range, too, though you're probably not cleared for it either. ||
  161. [2016-05-13 20:30:41] <Saff|Cwn> Boo. I'm not allowed to do any of the fun stuff. Maybe I should just give up and try to learn my way around the place. There won't always be a pair of wards escorting me everywhere. Instead, I decide to walk up to one of the punching bags and just wail on it for a bit. At least that'll get some frustration out.||
  162. [2016-05-13 20:34:11] <Antioch|GM> After several minutes, you find your knuckles raw and yourself out of breath. You're not even sure if you're throwing a punch correctly.
  163. [2016-05-13 20:34:50] <Antioch|GM> If anything, the punching session only makes your stomach tighten. Another thing in an endless list of things to improve. To be perfect, as Sorenson said.
  164. [2016-05-13 20:34:59] <Antioch|GM> Long road, high expectations. Your knuckles sting. ||
  165. [2016-05-13 20:37:33] <Saff|Cwn> "Fuck." I say with an exhale, my whole body nearly shaking. I don't even know if Mal's okay. Or if they'll let me see him. I'm alone here, and if I make one wrong move I'm fucked. God, I feel so incredibly sick. Maybe... Valiant did say he'd be a shoulder if I needed one, but... I don't want to bother him. Still, if I find him while exploring it wouldn't
  166. [2016-05-13 20:37:33] <Saff|Cwn> hurt to talk to him. I leave the gym to take a walk around the building, hopefully that'll clear my head.||
  167. [2016-05-13 20:41:09] <Antioch|GM> You wander around. A lot of places are keycard restricted, like the skybridge over to the Protectorate/Wards complex.
  168. [2016-05-13 20:44:13] <Antioch|GM> You pick up on the scent of food, you so figure the cafeteria's opening up.
  169. [2016-05-13 20:44:28] <Antioch|GM> Before you can head on over, though, the sound of footsteps running towards you makes you turn.
  170. [2016-05-13 20:45:56] <Antioch|GM> "Ms. Pryce," the guy says, "your parents are here. They'd like to speak to you."
  171. [2016-05-13 20:45:58] <Antioch|GM> Oh jeez. ||
  172.  
  173. [2016-05-17 17:00:29] <Antioch|GM> One of the PRT's conference rooms is set aside for you to have a discussion with your parents.
  174. [2016-05-17 17:01:14] <Antioch|GM> The table is set with some coffee and coffee biscuits, presumably to help ease the tension. You barely notice them, or the PRT officer monitoring the discussion.
  175. [2016-05-17 17:01:36] <Antioch|GM> Your parents are much the same as you remember them. It's barely been a few months since you last saw them.
  176. [2016-05-17 17:02:07] <Antioch|GM> To their eyes, though, you must look nothing like the girl they said goodbye to when you left for college.
  177. [2016-05-17 17:02:20] <Antioch|GM> "We saw your speech," your mother says, accent as thick as you recall.
  178. [2016-05-17 17:02:37] <Antioch|GM> She pauses, then stops, at an apparent loss to what to say.
  179. [2016-05-17 17:02:47] <Antioch|GM> "We... called," she says, after some time. "Why didn't you ever answer?" ||
  180. [2016-05-17 17:04:34] <Saff|Cwn> Shit. Shit shit shit. After everything I've been through, this is probably the hardest thing I've had to do. "I don't know." I shrug, looking down at my hands. "I had everything under control." Wow, that's a lie. I swallow and look over at the coffee and biscuits but my stomach is doing too many flips to even contemplate touching them. Fuck.||
  181. [2016-05-17 17:08:34] <Antioch|GM> "I don't even know what to say to that," your father says.
  182. [2016-05-17 17:09:06] <Antioch|GM> "You... clearly weren't. You could have come to us for help at any time."
  183. [2016-05-17 17:09:53] <Antioch|GM> "But you cut us off, completely. We connected the dots, you know. Found out that it was you... running a gang."
  184. [2016-05-17 17:10:34] <Antioch|GM> There's a tinge of... distaste, possibly disbelief in his words, as if he still can't process the notion, despite the evidence presented to him.
  185. [2016-05-17 17:10:56] <Antioch|GM> "Bombing police stations, getting involved in shootouts."
  186. [2016-05-17 17:11:09] <Antioch|GM> He pointedly does not mention the Player One stream.
  187. [2016-05-17 17:11:13] <Antioch|GM> "Why?" ||
  188. [2016-05-17 17:13:37] <Saff|Cwn> "What else was I supposed to do?" I say, keeping my eyes glued to the ground. Jesus. Phan is going to have a field day with this. How am I supposed to get a psych clearance if everyone keeps hopping on my dick here? "I'm a freak. No one had any qualms letting me know that." Shit. I can handle branding and betrayal and all that... but disappointing my
  189. [2016-05-17 17:13:37] <Saff|Cwn> parents? Yeah, I'm definitely the worst daughter ever.||
  190. [2016-05-17 17:14:32] <Antioch|GM> "You never even asked us what we thought, let alone for help."
  191. [2016-05-17 17:15:17] <Antioch|GM> "You just... dropped off the face of the earth, and the next we heard -- we hired a private investigator, you know -- you were blowing up municipal buildings!"
  192. [2016-05-17 17:15:34] <Antioch|GM> ||
  193. [2016-05-17 17:16:55] <Saff|Cwn> "A private investigator? You were spying on me?" I look between the two of them with wide eyes. My mind is racing, thought after thought after thought. "Wait. Wait. Please don't fucking tell me that the duck bitch was from you two."||
  194. [2016-05-17 17:17:20] <Antioch|GM> "Language," your mother snaps, reactively. "Wait, who?" ||
  195. [2016-05-17 17:18:21] <Saff|Cwn> "The duck bitch. Duck Queen." Wow, I sound stupid. "I guess that's a no. Fuck. Why were you SPYING on me?"||
  196. [2016-05-17 17:19:44] <Antioch|GM> "Language!" your mother snaps again.
  197. [2016-05-17 17:20:00] <Antioch|GM> "What would you do in my place, your daughter vanished and unresponsive?"
  198. [2016-05-17 17:20:12] <Antioch|GM> Her voice is raised, near the point of cracking. ||
  199. [2016-05-17 17:20:17] ⇐ Cxaxakluth quit (uid126610@brockwell.irccloud.com): Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
  200. [2016-05-17 17:22:46] <Saff|Cwn> "I don't know! But I was handling it! It's none of your business! You don't understand what it's LIKE for people like me. Couldn't even go to Waffle House without people fuckin' following me and pointing! What was I supposed to do? Go home? Live as a burden on you forever because I can't fucking hold down a job while covered in goddamn smoke?"||
  201. [2016-05-17 17:24:29] <Antioch|GM> "You're here in the Protectorate now, aren't you?" your father asks, voice still level.
  202. [2016-05-17 17:24:41] <Antioch|GM> He sighs. "It could have been your first option." ||
  203. [2016-05-17 17:27:33] <Saff|Cwn> "I didn't want it to be my first option. I'm here because I have to be! I'm going to do the best with what I have. I'm trying to make things right. But I just wanted...." I stop, my breath catching in my throat. "I just wanted to be normal. I didn't want to be a cape. I did something stupid and now I'm stuck like this and people are scared of me..." And
  204. [2016-05-17 17:27:33] <Saff|Cwn> Malcolm is the only person who'll touch me. I'm covered in smoke and scars and my body is WRONG. It's not MINE anymore. "After I got out of the hospital I just... I wanted to be normal. But no one would let me."||
  205. [2016-05-17 17:28:11] <Antioch|GM> "I'm... sorry," he says. "I'm sorry that we couldn't have been there for you, and I'm sorry you didn't let us." ||
  206. [2016-05-17 17:30:28] <Saff|Cwn> "So now it's my fault? Because I didn't let you?" I try to look up at my parents, but quickly look away. God, this is harder than talking to Mendez. To be honest I'd rather be branded by Wink again. "I'm not a kid anymore. I did what I needed to." And I liked it. "I'm turning shit around now. Doesn't that count for anything?" ||
  207. [2016-05-17 17:35:44] <Antioch|GM> "You didn't have to put yourself in a situation where there were things to make up for."
  208. [2016-05-17 17:35:44] <Antioch|GM> "You don't think we were worried about you?" he says. "Not only did you never get in touch with us, you ignored all of our calls. Why?"
  209. [2016-05-17 17:36:11] <Antioch|GM> "I'm not sure the Director would like to hear you say you 'did what you needed to'," your mother says coldly. ||
  210. [2016-05-17 17:40:20] <Saff|Cwn> "You don't know what the Director would and wouldn't like." I say, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. "She knows what my situation was. We're working on it. I'm getting help here." I don't mention the clusterfuck that was my psych eval. They don't need to know all that. "I was on the streets. I was homeless. My options were join Wink when he offered, or
  211. [2016-05-17 17:40:20] <Saff|Cwn> end up dying in an alleyway. Mom. You don't know what it's like! You don't know SHIT about capes and what it's like to be one. I've pledged my allegiance here up and down and I still have someone following me to the bathroom because I'm DANGEROUS. And if you brought me home? People would have talked about you up and down because your daughter is a FREAK."||
  212. [2016-05-17 17:40:53] <Antioch|GM> "So you think we wouldn't have?" she retorts, almost immediately. ||
  213. [2016-05-17 17:43:01] ⇐ Zaits quit (kvirc@net-41f.e4e.21.213.IP): Quit: KVIrc 4.2.0 Equilibrium http://www.kvirc.net/
  214. [2016-05-17 17:43:24] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm saying you SHOULDN'T. I did you a goddam favor." I look over at the guard supervising and give him an apologetic wince. I have a feeling all of this is going to get reported to Phan. It's going to be a fun week for me. "I'm fine though, Okay? I'm in the safest place I can be." And if I don't behave I can look forward to rotting in a cell. ||
  215. [2016-05-17 17:44:24] <Antioch|GM> "People are talking us up and down because our daughter's a criminal," your father says, though it's more of an observation than a scathing remark.
  216. [2016-05-17 17:44:30] <Antioch|GM> ||
  217. [2016-05-17 17:46:34] <Saff|Cwn> "Former. Former criminal." Honestly I'm surprised my mom hasn't backhanded me into next Tuesday yet. "Once I get my clearances I'll be a hero." Though, who knows when that'll be. They haven't even done power testing yet. "And I didn't really do anything that bad, anyway. Coldhand did most of the dirty work."||
  218. [2016-05-17 17:48:17] <Antioch|GM> "Look. What's done is done," he continues. "But we'd like to still be part of your life, okay?" ||
  219. [2016-05-17 17:50:40] <Saff|Cwn> "If you're a part of my life, you might end up getting hurt." I say, frowning. "You shouldn't even be here. If Wink finds out he'll try to kill you." Blackjack has already tried to kill one person I care about. "I'll see if I can arrange for you two to be protected, but I really don't have a lot of clout. Shit. I don't know." God, this is all harder than I
  220. [2016-05-17 17:50:40] <Saff|Cwn> thought. "And I shouldn't even be just fucking off here. I need to get my shit done so I can get into the field and stop being useless."||
  221. [2016-05-17 17:52:00] <Antioch|GM> "We're already connected to you. If our neighbors can figure it out, it's not hard," he says. "And I'd rather not go through the PRT's version of a witness protection program, alright?"
  222. [2016-05-17 17:52:30] <Antioch|GM> "And before you get out there, I get the feeling they're prioritizing making sure you're on an even keel first."
  223. [2016-05-17 17:52:32] <Antioch|GM> He grimaces.
  224. [2016-05-17 17:52:40] <Antioch|GM> "I thought us coming here to talk to you might've helped." ||
  225. [2016-05-17 17:55:45] <Saff|Cwn> It didn't help. Now I'm just more on edge. "Wink will KILL you. What don't you understand about that?" Fuck. I can't deal with this shit anymore. I stand up and push my chair over, my heart absolutely racing. "Do whatever. I tried. I'm not letting your blood soil my hands." I look over to the guard and frown. "Please escort me out. I'm quite done talking
  226. [2016-05-17 17:55:45] <Saff|Cwn> with my parents." Maybe Valiant will be around I'd rather talk to him. Or beg someone to get me into power testing. They're just stressing me the fuck out.||
  227. [2016-05-17 17:59:46] <Antioch|GM> The PRT guy looks between you and the door, hesitating, not sure if it's your prerogative to cut this conversation short.
  228. [2016-05-17 18:00:06] <Antioch|GM> "What did we do wrong?" your mother asks. "Why won't you even talk to us?" ||
  229. [2016-05-17 18:04:46] <Saff|Cwn> "You didn't do anything wrong! You just don't understand! Mom, the Gwyn you raised died in the woods that day. All the hopes and dreams and plans you had for me? They disappeared." I start peeling off my gloves to reveal the raised scars on my hands, pulling back my sleeves so that they can see. "I woke up in the hospital and suddenly everything changed. You
  230. [2016-05-17 18:04:46] <Saff|Cwn> saw. All the nurses were scared of me. Even if you refuse to choose a side... hero? Villain? Someone is still going to try to push their agenda on you."||
  231. [2016-05-17 18:07:22] <Antioch|GM> There's a protracted silence, during which the PRT suit opens the door. Your parents don't react or respond, seemingly at a loss for words. ||
  232. [2016-05-17 18:09:30] → JustLurking joined (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net)
  233. [2016-05-17 18:10:21] → Words^3 joined (words_3@net-n2lbad.ma.comcast.net)
  234. [2016-05-17 18:11:42] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm where I should be now. I'm working to make up for things. I'm getting help. I'm okay." I look at them one last time before I cross the threshold of the door, my hands starting to shake again. I put my gloves on while I walk, though I'm not exactly sure if I have a destination in mind. I'm ready to do this. To get better, to go out and fight and protect
  235. [2016-05-17 18:11:42] <Saff|Cwn> people. I *Want* to do this. "Sir?" I ask the guard, turning around to face him. "D'ya know who I should talk to about power testing?" My voice is barely above a whisper, as my throat is kind of hoarse from raising it. If he doesn't know I'll probably try to see if Valiant is available to talk. But I don't want to stalk him. Hm.||
  236. [2016-05-17 18:12:05] ⇐ JustLurking quit (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  237. [2016-05-17 18:12:26] <Antioch|GM> "You're not scheduled for it until tomorrow, miss," he says. ||
  238. [2016-05-17 18:14:49] <Saff|Cwn> Ugh. Figured. "Oh." I frown and look down at the ground. "Thanks." I guess I'll wander around, see if I can find anyone in here. It's so BORING having to follow protocol. First time I talked to Wink he had me carve up a tinkertech car! Actually, now that I'm thinking about tinkers, I should probably check and see if Duck Queen replied to me at all.||
  239. [2016-05-17 18:16:22] <Antioch|GM> She sure has.
  240. [2016-05-17 18:16:28] <Antioch|GM> The text reads:
  241. [2016-05-17 18:16:31] <Antioch|GM> "Good luck in the Protectorate, Gwyn. I've been thinking about what you asked, and I think, once the heat with BJ cools down, I'll still try to be your friend if you still want that. Anna." ||
  242. [2016-05-17 18:18:03] <Saff|Cwn> Oh. Fuck. Now I feel really shitty. "I'm sorry I couldn't do better." I text back, then slip my phone back into my pocket. Today has been a huge rollercoaster. I pause for a second, then turn back to the guard. "Do you know where Valiant tends to hang out?"||
  243. [2016-05-17 18:22:18] <Antioch|GM> He shakes his head. "I'm not often in the Protectorate building," he says.
  244. [2016-05-17 18:22:43] <Antioch|GM> Which is the building that you still don't have keycard access to, unless you're accompanied by someone who does. Bah. ||
  245. [2016-05-17 18:25:56] <Saff|Cwn> Fuck this. All of this is bullshit. If I had it my way I'd just punch the shit out of something. But that's a surefire way to get me under a real tight psych hold. I guess I'll just explore the areas I'm allowed in until I can find something to do or someone to talk to. This whole day sucks. Sucks ASS. And Wink's going to kill my parents and I haven't been
  246. [2016-05-17 18:25:56] <Saff|Cwn> allowed to see Malcolm and fucking Nachzehrer of all people is probably assfucking my territory. Oh shit and I said I owed KeAndre a new car. Fuck.||
  247. [2016-05-17 18:26:38] <Antioch|GM> You go and eat lunch, out of lack of anything better to do.
  248. [2016-05-17 18:26:54] <Antioch|GM> There, you see Knuckleball and Embody with another Ward you don't recognize.
  249. [2016-05-17 18:28:13] <Antioch|GM> He's short and babyfaced enough to the point where he's either on the cusp of puberty or a scant few months in, his white-and-grey bodysuit having metal bands around his shoulders, hips, and ankles.
  250. [2016-05-17 18:28:44] <Antioch|GM> They're talking over a table of food.
  251. [2016-05-17 18:28:57] * Antioch|GM set the topic to Weaver Dice: Cleveland || https://goo.gl/17pJaD || Current date: 12/09/09, Wednesday
  252. [2016-05-17 18:29:10] <Antioch|GM> ((Sorry, I was about to say it was Taco Tuesday but it is not Tuesday. Morale penalty))
  253. [2016-05-17 18:29:13] <Antioch|GM> ||
  254. [2016-05-17 18:32:21] <Saff|Cwn> Oh. The kids. I wonder who the last one is. I feel like I should have done more studying on who the other protectorate members are. I know Valiant... Feral of course. Gigawatt too. Then there's... I know they have a tinker, I think. I wonder what he's like. Jetstream used to be on the team but she's not anymore. Hm. Maybe I should go say hi. I stand up
  255. [2016-05-17 18:32:21] <Saff|Cwn> slowly and take my tray over to their table, feeling awfully like I'm stuck back in Junior High. "Hey..." I mumble, looking between the three. "Mind if I hang for a moment?"||
  256. [2016-05-17 18:35:18] <Antioch|GM> ((Soc roll))
  257. [2016-05-17 18:35:35] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
  258. [2016-05-17 18:35:35] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [2] -1 = 1
  259. [2016-05-17 18:35:45] <Saff|Cwn> ((DOG GAMNIT))
  260. [2016-05-17 18:35:52] <Antioch|GM> "Uh, sure," Knuckleball says. "We're showing the new Ward around, he got in sooner than we were planning for."
  261. [2016-05-17 18:36:07] <Antioch|GM> "Ripcord, meet Cwn Annwn. Cwn, meet Ripcord."
  262. [2016-05-17 18:36:17] <Antioch|GM> "Cool, uh, name, I think," the tiny kid says. ||
  263. [2016-05-17 18:38:44] <Saff|Cwn> "Ripcord?" I don't even realize I'm saying it out loud. "Nice to meet you. I'm new too. But. Not a Ward. I um." What do I talk about with him? What's his power? How old is he? How the fuck did he end up in a shithole of a city like Cleveland? Why do I always end up getting stuck with the Wards? I'm an adult god damnit.||
  264. [2016-05-17 18:39:47] <Antioch|GM> "Cwn joined the Protectorate really recently too," KB says, graciously not mentioning your prior history in Cleveland.
  265. [2016-05-17 18:40:07] <Antioch|GM> "Ripcord transferred here from the Denver Wards. I feel like we get a lot of people from there, for some reason." ||
  266. [2016-05-17 18:41:23] <Saff|Cwn> "Denver? Damn." Shit. Maybe I shouldn't swear? This kid looks like he's fuckin ten. "What brings you all the way out here?" I frown, looking down at my lunch which is disappointingly not tacos. "'s a long way from Denver."||
  267. [2016-05-17 18:50:49] <Antioch|GM> "Didn't get along with one of the people on my team," he says quietly. "It kinda sucked a lot there." ||
  268. [2016-05-17 18:52:17] <Saff|Cwn> "I know that feeling." I immediately think of Mortal Lock. Fuck him. I hope he's having fun in one of Mendez's cells. "I mean." I pause and sigh. "Hey, Knuckleball, Embody? Do you know where I could find Valiant? I have some stuff I want to ask him."||
  269. [2016-05-17 18:53:51] <Antioch|GM> "Hm. I dunno the Protectorate patrol schedules, sorry. Haven't seen him around today, though, if it helps." ||
  270. [2016-05-17 18:57:41] <Saff|Cwn> Well, the kids are no help either. Shit. I look down at my pretty much untouched plate and poke at the pudding cup I grabbed on impulse. I don't even think I like pudding. Last time I had it was when I was in the hospital. "Sorry I've been asking so many questions. Adjusting is... hard to say the least." Maybe... Maybe I could try to call Malcolm? Yeah. I
  271. [2016-05-17 18:57:41] <Saff|Cwn> excuse myself from the table and start dialing his number as I walk out to the hallway.||
  272. [2016-05-17 18:58:16] <Antioch|GM> Nobody picks up -- the call actually goes straight to voicemail. It's possible his phone was destroyed in the car chase, or he could be recuperating in the hospital. ||
  273. [2016-05-17 19:00:52] ⇐ ThalAI quit (ThalAI@net-stg.hv9.246.50.IP): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  274. [2016-05-17 19:01:29] <Saff|Cwn> "God DAMNIT." I say, hucking my phone to the tile with an exasperated sigh. I'm so alone here. It's maddening. "Damnit Damnit, DAMNIT."||
  275. [2016-05-17 19:03:26] <Antioch|GM> ((Brawn))
  276. [2016-05-17 19:04:06] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6 how fucked is this fone
  277. [2016-05-17 19:04:06] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "how fucked is this fone" [5] = 5
  278. [2016-05-17 19:04:59] <Antioch|GM> The phone hits the ground screen-first, bits of shattered plastic littering the floor. The back of the case pops off and the battery flies out. You've made a terrible mess and everything is worse. ||
  279. [2016-05-17 19:07:08] <Saff|Cwn> I might as well just sit in my mess and wallow in it. Someone will probably report me and I'll get another earful from Phan but at the moment I don't care. Being here... I haven't felt more alone since I tried to go back to school. ||
  280. [2016-05-17 19:09:11] <Antioch|GM> You spend some time boo-hooing to yourself until some staff wanders past, trying their best to ignore you, and sweeps the remains of the phone into a dustpan. ||
  281. [2016-05-17 19:11:40] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm sorry." I mumble, looking down at my hands. They probably don't care though. Fuck. I can't leave the building. I can't take a shit by myself, can't talk to Mal. I'm pretty much in prison anyway. Maybe I made a mistake. For a moment I wonder how easy it would be to just run. I could just claw through the walls and take off and run and just let Wink
  282. [2016-05-17 19:11:40] <Saff|Cwn> slaughter me on the streets. Maybe I deserve it, anyway.||
  283. [2016-05-17 19:13:54] <Antioch|GM> You wander around aimlessly until you realize that there's still more stuff going on in the press release room. You watch and listen on the TV mounted outside.
  284. [2016-05-17 19:13:59] → Stoic joined (Stoic@net-n3k0uk.nj.comcast.net)
  285. [2016-05-17 19:14:14] <Antioch|GM> Turns out Mortal Lock is dead. Gigawatt killed him, electrocuted him through his power armor, apparently. ||
  286. [2016-05-17 19:15:58] <Saff|Cwn> "Serves him right." I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest. Though I wonder if Giggs will get in trouble for that. You're not technically supposed to kill people--even if they deserve it. I hope she's okay though. I go to check the PHO forums before remembering I just busted my phone because I'm a whiny petulant child. "Damnit."||
  287. [2016-05-17 19:16:14] ⇐ Megafire quit (Megafire@net-56lide.dynamic.ziggo.nl): Ping timeout: 181 seconds
  288. [2016-05-17 19:16:27] ⇐ Stoic quit (Stoic@net-n3k0uk.nj.comcast.net): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  289. [2016-05-17 19:18:40] <Antioch|GM> The conference goes on. Gutshot incarcerated, many thanks to Columbus's specialized squad and Conquistador for taking down Lilith, condolence and honors to the two deceased squaddies downed in the line of duty. Cleveland Protectorate ready to buckle down, handle the remaining threat in town, Blackjack, and by correlation, Wink, who will be 'off-kilter and
  290. [2016-05-17 19:18:40] <Antioch|GM> looking for revenge'.
  291. [2016-05-17 19:18:46] <Antioch|GM> Whew, that's a lot of stuff to process. ||
  292. [2016-05-17 19:21:31] <Saff|Cwn> That's... I sigh and look back up at the screen. The Protectorate is just another gang, trying to stake out its mark. There's just a lot more paperwork. People are still dying, though. I feel so out of place here. Everyone thinks that they're doing good but... Mortal Lock and Lilith... they're still dead. Didn't even have a chance to repent. I guess I'm
  293. [2016-05-17 19:21:31] <Saff|Cwn> lucky in that regard. Still, the whole thing is kind of making me sick to my stomach. I need some air, but I can't really go outside, so I just start wandering again.||
  294. [2016-05-17 19:29:37] <Antioch|GM> You find yourself at the bags again. There are some people training in the gym, now that it's later in the day. A few PRT agents, by the looks of it. ||
  295. [2016-05-17 19:33:09] <Saff|Cwn> I take a small peek, but don't say anything. They probably don't want to talk to me. They're training and until yesterday I was one of the people they were supposed to take in. Gah. I know... I know I'm supposed to be working on my self esteem and the positive thinking but seeing my parents... that threw me off. I'm not... I'm not like these people. I'm here
  296. [2016-05-17 19:33:09] <Saff|Cwn> because I have to be. I hurt people and committed acts of terrorism and most likely all the other heroes here showed up right after their triggers because they wanted to do good. I don't know if I can ever live up to these people.||
  297. [2016-05-17 19:33:53] <Antioch|GM> One of the guys working the bags takes a break, pulling from a bottle of water, and walking over to you.
  298. [2016-05-17 19:36:04] <Antioch|GM> "Hey," he says. "Saw you on the bags earlier. Cwn Annwn, right?" ||
  299. [2016-05-17 19:36:45] <Saff|Cwn> "Uh... yeah. Hi." I say, my whole face turning red behind the mask. "I know. I wasn't doing it right."||
  300. [2016-05-17 19:37:16] <Antioch|GM> "Nah, nah. You can throw a decent punch, but you don't have a punching sort of power, right?"
  301. [2016-05-17 19:37:31] <Antioch|GM> He makes the motions as he speaks, illustrating the actions.
  302. [2016-05-17 19:38:04] <Antioch|GM> "Claws, right, but I'm guessing the PRT wants you to tone those down. Non-lethal sort of thing, mm?" ||
  303. [2016-05-17 19:40:21] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. They uh. They're pretty lethal if I'm not careful." Oh god, this is so awkward. He's probably judging me. I'M judging me. "I've got to figure out ways to fight that don't.... Don't involve hurting people." ||
  304. [2016-05-17 19:42:23] <Antioch|GM> He nods. "I think a striking martial art with a focus on joint locks, takedowns, and pressure points would be the best fit. Keeps you active enough to where if you need to use your power, you don't have any bad habits. You should have a talk with the CQC instructor they brought in sometime." ||
  305. [2016-05-17 19:44:43] <Saff|Cwn> "Martial arts, huh?" I nod. That sounds like it could be fun. "I'll... I'll keep that in mind. Thank you." This guy seems relatively nice at least. Maybe... maybe things aren't *So* bad? "I don't really know much about fighting if I'm going to be honest. Usually I just... run out and try to carve something up I guess." ||
  306. [2016-05-17 19:47:03] <Antioch|GM> "Always helps to have a gameplan, have different things in mind for different situations. Not so much about how much power your punch packs, more about having a versatile response to any situation. The best capes, and the best squaddies, are creative, adaptable, and that comes with practice and experience." ||
  307. [2016-05-17 19:47:58] → JustLurking joined (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net)
  308. [2016-05-17 19:49:39] <Saff|Cwn> Practice and experience. Those are two things I'm sorely lacking. And according to people like Mortal Lock and Nachzehrer I'm just a dumb cunt. "I hope I can be of use to the team. I'm really... I really am looking to turn things around." Even if I'm spending my time wrecking phones instead. "Can you give me a few pointers? Or is that against protocol?
  309. [2016-05-17 19:49:40] <Saff|Cwn> I'm... I'm really still trying to get used to things around here."||
  310. [2016-05-17 19:50:37] <Antioch|GM> "Should be fine, I'm pretty sure. Think it was just a 'no sparring' thing until you get your power tested." ||
  311. [2016-05-17 19:53:01] <Saff|Cwn> "All right. Cool. Erm. Thank you." I still don't even know his name. Gah. Why am I so PAINFULLY awkward? I can't even blame this on my power. I was always the weird kid who played around in the woods. Now I'm just the weird kid.||
  312. [2016-05-17 19:55:34] <Antioch|GM> "No problem," he says, extending a hand and seeming to pick up on the awkwardness. "Alan, by the way. Alan McCormack." ||
  313. [2016-05-17 19:58:46] ⇐ Words^3 quit (words_3@net-n2lbad.ma.comcast.net): Quit:
  314. [2016-05-17 19:59:16] <Saff|Cwn> "Nice to meet you, Alan." I give him a small smile while bouncing on the balls of my feet. "So, what should I do?"||
  315. [2016-05-17 20:00:28] <Antioch|GM> "Stance first," he says, demonstrating. "Shoulder width, dominant foot forward. Keep the knees flexible, make it easy to shift weight to and from them as you stand." ||
  316. [2016-05-17 20:03:52] <Saff|Cwn> I try to replicate his stance, nodding as he talks. "Like this?"||
  317. [2016-05-17 20:04:47] <Antioch|GM> ((Ath & Guts))
  318. [2016-05-17 20:08:19] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6 Ath
  319. [2016-05-17 20:08:19] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "Ath" [6] = 6
  320. [2016-05-17 20:08:28] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1 guts
  321. [2016-05-17 20:08:28] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "guts" [5] +1 = 6
  322. [2016-05-17 20:08:35] <Saff|Cwn> ((fuck yeah bitches))
  323. [2016-05-17 20:09:03] <Antioch|GM> He tests your balance, shoving at your shoulders here and there, but you're able to shift your weight and stay upright without much difficulty, even when he starts putting more of his weight into it.
  324. [2016-05-17 20:10:02] <Antioch|GM> Following that, he throws some punches your way, generally aimed towards your head, and you find yourself limber enough in the stance that it's simple to sway from side to side, avoiding the (admittedly telegraphed) blows entirely.
  325. [2016-05-17 20:10:09] <Antioch|GM> "Very nice," he says.
  326. [2016-05-17 20:10:16] <Antioch|GM> In your imagination, the Rocky soundtrack plays. ||
  327. [2016-05-17 20:11:59] <Saff|Cwn> "Maybe I don't suck as much as I thought." Then again, anything is better than the performance I gave before the press conference. That was abysmal at best. "Got any other tips?"||
  328. [2016-05-17 20:12:44] → Belaris joined (uid83463@charlton.irccloud.com)
  329. [2016-05-17 20:12:51] ⇐ Belaris quit (uid83463@charlton.irccloud.com): Quit:
  330. [2016-05-17 20:13:40] <Antioch|GM> "If you need to dodge and use your feet, keep an eye on where your opponent's momentum is directed. It's rare that you want to backstep, and you can sidestep or pivot to throw them off-balance with a good dodge."
  331. [2016-05-17 20:13:50] <Antioch|GM> "Here, throw a punch at me, I'll show you what I mean." ||
  332. [2016-05-17 20:14:39] → Belaris joined (uid83463@charlton.irccloud.com)
  333. [2016-05-17 20:17:11] ⇐ JustLurking quit (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  334. [2016-05-17 20:18:06] → JustLurking joined (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net)
  335. [2016-05-17 20:18:32] <Saff|Cwn> "Punch you?" Oh god what if I hurt him? Am I allowed to punch him? Fuck. I mean HE said it was okay but... I guess I should just do it. I go to punch him, hoping that I don't accidentally fuck myself in the ass for it.||
  336. [2016-05-17 20:20:14] <Antioch|GM> ((Attack roll -- you can choose to penalize yourself, pull your punch, by however much you want. Safer, runs the risk of you looking like an ass.))
  337. [2016-05-17 20:22:07] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6
  338. [2016-05-17 20:22:07] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [5] = 5
  339. [2016-05-17 20:22:19] <Antioch|GM> $roll 2h6+1 Dodge
  340. [2016-05-17 20:22:19] <[ATM]> Antioch|GM "Dodge" [5] (5) +1 = 6
  341. [2016-05-17 20:23:08] <Antioch|GM> You throw a pretty darn good punch at him, whip-quick and not telegraphed. He steps out of the way, evading the punch, sending you stumbling forward a step before you regain your balance.
  342. [2016-05-17 20:23:41] <Antioch|GM> "Whoa, not a bad punch, either. Good form, no bad habits I can see. But you see what I mean about leveraging evasion offensively, right?" ||
  343. [2016-05-17 20:24:28] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah, I think. You knocked me off balance by moving out of the way. You can use that to your advantage, right?"||
  344. [2016-05-17 20:25:42] <Antioch|GM> "Yep. If they're slow to retract the punch, you can sidestep, put them in an armbar, and, depending on who you're up against, bring them to the ground or dislocate their elbow. That sort of thing." ||
  345. [2016-05-17 20:29:37] <Saff|Cwn> "Shit. That's pretty crazy." I blink a few times, trying to think it over in my head. "Can I try? Sidestepping that is. Not... dislocating your elbow."||
  346. [2016-05-17 20:30:10] <Antioch|GM> "Yeah, go for it." ||
  347. [2016-05-17 20:30:19] <Antioch|GM> $roll 1d6-1 Pulling his punches
  348. [2016-05-17 20:30:19] <[ATM]> Antioch|GM "Pulling his punches" [3] -1 = 2
  349. [2016-05-17 20:30:23] <Antioch|GM> ((Dodge))
  350. [2016-05-17 20:32:07] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6 Doge
  351. [2016-05-17 20:32:07] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "Doge" [4] = 4
  352. [2016-05-17 20:33:10] <Antioch|GM> He pulls his fist back, telegraphing the incoming punch so you're prepared for it, but it comes at you quickly enough to alarm. You sidestep, evading it, and his momentum carries him forward, scooting on the balls of his feet rather than taking small steps to compensate for the loss in balance.
  353. [2016-05-17 20:33:39] <Antioch|GM> "You'll learn how to throw a punch that doesn't put you off balance if it misses, too." ||
  354. [2016-05-17 20:34:00] ⇐ Camtist quit (uid157531@charlton.irccloud.com): Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
  355. [2016-05-17 20:39:15] <Saff|Cwn> "I... Okay. Thank you so much. You've been really helpful." Wow, Gwyn. You sound like a dumbass.||
  356. [2016-05-17 20:39:48] <Antioch|GM> "Course. Never hurts for me to brush up on the basics, either." ||
  357. [2016-05-17 20:41:23] <Saff|Cwn> "Still. You're like the first person who's not twelve to be nice to me here. It... Thank you."||
  358. [2016-05-17 20:42:39] <Antioch|GM> "Damn, really?" He frowns a little. "You should be getting a warmer welcome." ||
  359. [2016-05-17 20:43:56] <Saff|Cwn> "Everyone's been busy with Lilith and Blackjack and this and that. I was hoping to get to talk to Valiant today, because it's because of him that I'm even here... And there's also the fact that I'm. I was a villain. I think people are scared of me." I shrug, then cross my arms over my chest. "'s not really new."||
  360. [2016-05-17 20:47:02] <Antioch|GM> "I get that," he says, "but making you feel unwelcome in your new workplace seems kinda shitty, and also dumb." ||
  361. [2016-05-17 20:48:35] <Saff|Cwn> "I guess you're right. I don't know. I haven't even met all of the capes. I think maybe I can name three?" I try to laugh a little, but it is making me nervous. I'd like to speak to everyone... ||
  362. [2016-05-17 20:52:14] <Antioch|GM> "Heh, yeah. It's been kinda hectic, hasn't it? I'm sure you'll get to meet the whole team soon enough." ||
  363. [2016-05-17 20:54:08] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah... It probably won't be too long now. I shouldn't get so down about it."||
  364. [2016-05-17 20:56:57] <Antioch|GM> "Want to keep at the bags while you wait? I dunno if you need to be anywhere," he says, hesitating. ||
  365. [2016-05-17 21:03:06] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. I can do that." I say, throwing another punch at the bag. Yeah. I got this.||
  366. [2016-05-17 21:04:03] <Antioch|GM> "Here," he says, demonstrating a series of strikes in slow motion.
  367. [2016-05-17 21:05:00] <Antioch|GM> "Palms open," he continues. Thwap thwap thwap. "Neck, wrist, solar plexus. Open palms can segue into takedowns and grapples, and barring that, you can go after pain-inducing pressure points." ||
  368. [2016-05-17 21:09:51] <Saff|Cwn> "Open palms? Like this?" I try to emulate him. Neck, wrist. Solar plexus... Though the idea of taking someone down... That's a little freaky. ||
  369. [2016-05-17 21:12:33] ⇐ Nonagon quit (Nonagon@net-iciflr.dyn.suddenlink.net): Connection closed
  370. [2016-05-17 21:13:17] → Nonagon joined (Nonagon@net-iciflr.dyn.suddenlink.net)
  371. [2016-05-17 21:14:36] <Antioch|GM> ((Driving back, will be a bit.))
  372. [2016-05-17 21:14:46] <Saff|Cwn> ((aiight))
  373. [2016-05-17 21:35:40] * Thaliaway is now known as Thalia
  374. [2016-05-17 21:36:38] * Teruzi|Omen is now known as Teruzi
  375. [2016-05-17 21:53:40] <Antioch|GM> ((oops i forgot this was happening and made dinner))
  376. [2016-05-17 21:53:55] <Saff|Cwn> ((nice job nerdo))
  377. [2016-05-17 21:57:12] ⇐ JustLurking quit (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  378. [2016-05-17 21:58:02] <Antioch|GM> You go through the motions slowly at first, then pick up speed. It's intuitive, almost, the way the elbows and wrist flex, whipping into the 'body' of the training bag. ||
  379. [2016-05-17 21:59:47] <Saff|Cwn> "This is actually kind of fun." I say with a small laugh. To be honest, this is probably the most I've smiled since I got here. "I'll be taking down baddies in no time." Once I get that psych clearance, of course.||
  380. [2016-05-17 22:00:32] <Antioch|GM> "Once you're clear for sparring, I get the feeling you'll enjoy yourself," he says. ||
  381. [2016-05-17 22:01:37] <Saff|Cwn> As long as I don't end up elbow deep in Feral's guts again. But I don't say that out loud. Instead I just nod and keep punching. ||
  382. [2016-05-17 22:04:42] ⇐ Teruzi quit (uid43982@tooting.irccloud.com): Quit: night~
  383. [2016-05-17 22:05:07] <Antioch|GM> "If you're looking for other ways to keep training," he suggests, "and you don't want to have to worry about developing bad habits for CQC, I can point you towards a fitness regimen."
  384. [2016-05-17 22:05:33] <Antioch|GM> "They'll probably put you through a physical eval once you get cleared, and it'll help you prep for it." ||
  385. [2016-05-17 22:07:35] <Saff|Cwn> "That sounds awesome. Thank you. Thank you very much." I give him a small smile, then pause. I haven't heard anything from Mendez or her people in a while. I hope that I haven't had some schedule that I wasn't aware of. "With your help, I'm sure I could kick that eval's ass."||
  386. [2016-05-17 22:11:20] <Antioch|GM> "Heh. No problem. Gearing up for a patrol around Cleveland State University in a bit, so I'm afraid I've gotta cut and run. Figure I'll see you around the gym some other time, yeah?" ||
  387. [2016-05-17 22:12:17] <Saff|Cwn> CSU. Heh. Figures he would be out there. "Stay safe. See you around." I give another small smile, then swallow. I guess I should probably try to see what I can do about getting a new phone... since I just busted mine.||
  388. [2016-05-17 22:15:20] <Antioch|GM> He gives a small nod and a wave, heading out of the gym.
  389. [2016-05-17 22:15:55] <Antioch|GM> Eventually, you run into Feral, who's looking for you specifically, it seems.
  390. [2016-05-17 22:17:17] <Antioch|GM> "Hey, hey! Cwn!" She manages to make it to sound like 'coon', drawing out the 'oo'.
  391. [2016-05-17 22:17:31] <Antioch|GM> "Been lookin' for you. S'posed to show you around." ||
  392. [2016-05-17 22:19:22] <Saff|Cwn> "Oh, Feral. Hey." I turn around to look at her, my heart racing a little. I hope there aren't any hard feelings for me uh. Literally being inside her. "I'm glad. I've been kind of left with the Wards. They're nice but they're... Young, I guess is the word."||
  393. [2016-05-17 22:21:43] <Antioch|GM> "What, y'don't think I'm young?" she replies, feigning offense. ||
  394. [2016-05-17 22:23:34] <Saff|Cwn> "You're not like... Twelve." I say with a chuckle. "You're very pretty, Feral, if that's what you're implying." I mean, she's really not bad to look at, even if her teeth aren't the straightest. Though, now it seems like I'm hitting on her. Hopefully she doesn't tell Mendez I'm harassing her.... "So, whaddya want to show me?"||
  395. [2016-05-17 22:24:38] <Antioch|GM> "Your room, mostly. Wanted to walk and talk, too."
  396. [2016-05-17 22:24:40] * soulpelt| is now known as soulpelt|sleep
  397. [2016-05-17 22:25:00] <Antioch|GM> "I'm scheduled to patrol Dead Man's Hand turf this afternoon an' evening, figured you'd be a pretty good person to ask about it." ||
  398. [2016-05-17 22:26:47] <Saff|Cwn> "My room?" Feral, shouldn't you buy me dinner first? "Oh. Yeah. I guess I am the best person to ask. Though... There might be new residents there now." My entire face turns bright red. I almost forgot about the call from Nachzehrer. "Ugh. Fuckin' Silver Bullet."||
  399. [2016-05-17 22:27:11] <Antioch|GM> "What, the guys that went after you and Coldhand? They back or somethin'?" ||
  400. [2016-05-17 22:31:27] <Saff|Cwn> "They went after my territory, or at least I think they did." I sigh heavily and look Feral in the eye. "Nachzehrer called me last night. I think she wanted a fight but I told her I wasn't interested. She basically told me to go fuck myself, which I mean. That's pretty par for the course with her. I assume she took it." My heart is racing and my hands are
  401. [2016-05-17 22:31:27] <Saff|Cwn> shaking and oh god what if Feral immediately locks me up for that? "But like! I didn't want to talk to her and I know I shouldn't have but I didn't recognize the number and by the time she told me who it was it was too late... Please I'm really not trying to cause trouble."||
  402. [2016-05-17 22:32:05] → SOMA joined (uid136321@highgate.irccloud.com)
  403. [2016-05-17 22:34:24] <Antioch|GM> "Eh, now that it's empty, buncha capes are gonna show up to try and grab it. Better capes we know about than we don't, right?"
  404. [2016-05-17 22:34:44] <Antioch|GM> "So who's this Nachzehrer bitch, anyhow? What's her shtick?" ||
  405. [2016-05-17 22:38:56] <Saff|Cwn> "Uhhhhhhh." I blink a few times. "I don't really know. Coldhand fought her, not me. She's real short though. HATES it if you call her that though. She's the one that offed the chilly bastard. Some of my men said she was like... covered in ice and then she broke out and started punching the shit out of Coldhand. Put him in a goddamn coma." God, I was useless
  406. [2016-05-17 22:38:56] <Saff|Cwn> in that fight. Maybe... Maybe if I hadn't been DROPPED... I look back over to Feral and sigh. "I'm sorry I'm not much help. I've talked to her like twice. She called me a dumb cunt. We weren't exactly friends."||
  407. [2016-05-17 22:41:58] * Serk is now known as ZZZSerk
  408. [2016-05-17 22:48:18] <Antioch|GM> "Heh. Still good to know, what kinda buttons I can push to piss her off. Really useful, for me." ||
  409. [2016-05-17 22:49:51] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. Hit all the short buttons and you should be good. Nearly ripped my head off for that. Literally." Oh. Fuck. I've ripped Feral's head off. Shit. Shit I. Fuck. Should I apologize? Or is Feral losing body parts just... normal? I don't know. "Erm. So uh. Who all on the team should I meet?"||
  410. [2016-05-17 22:51:37] <Antioch|GM> "Hmm, few people here today you can meet up with. Lessee," she says, swiping through a metal sliding door.
  411. [2016-05-17 22:52:07] <Antioch|GM> The skybridge over to the Protectorate building is pretty slick, tempered glass giving out a sweeping view of Lake Erie and downtown Cleveland.
  412. [2016-05-17 22:52:32] <Antioch|GM> You can see a PRT-labeled boat on the lake, floating around for some reason.
  413. [2016-05-17 22:53:14] <Antioch|GM> "Just Conquistador and Fleetfoot, I think," she eventually says, after pondering. ||
  414. [2016-05-17 22:54:25] <Saff|Cwn> "That's fine. I... I just want to get to know the others. If we're going to be working together, you know?" Shit, I sound so awkward. "Also um. Thank you. For helping me out that night. Even though I didn't really deserve it."||
  415. [2016-05-17 22:58:13] <Antioch|GM> "Heh, no prob. That's more Val's credit, I just kept you busy wailing on me while he did the smooth talking." ||
  416. [2016-05-17 22:59:36] <Saff|Cwn> "And I'm sorry for the..." I just make vague gestures with my hands that don't really amount to any sort of talking. "By the way uh. Do you know where I could get a replacement phone? I kind of well erm. Mine's in pieces."||
  417. [2016-05-17 23:00:48] <Antioch|GM> "Oh, yeah, we got a laptop and cell for ya in your room. Was meaning to get rid of your crap phone earlier, actually." ||
  418. [2016-05-17 23:02:47] <Saff|Cwn> "Oh. Cool. That's... Really cool actually." I've been operating off of that crap phone since I left school. I sold my laptop for Taco money so it's been a while since I've had one. "Everyone... Everyone has been really nice."||
  419. [2016-05-17 23:03:15] <Antioch|GM> ((Nah, your crap phone is long gone. The phone you had was a burner you used for villainy furnished by Blackjack.))
  420. [2016-05-17 23:03:52] <Saff|Cwn> ((oop))
  421. [2016-05-17 23:05:02] <Saff|Cwn> **I've been operating off of crap phones since I left school
  422. [2016-05-17 23:05:47] <Antioch|GM> "We'll make a hero out've you yet, kiddo." ||
  423. [2016-05-17 23:06:50] <Saff|Cwn> I sure hope so. "So. You said Conquistador and Fleetfoot are here?"||
  424. [2016-05-17 23:08:05] <Antioch|GM> "Yep. CQ's on the console, Fleet's just chillin' until he patrols with me, c'mon."
  425. [2016-05-17 23:08:21] <Antioch|GM> "Got any questions about 'em before we meet up? Might save ya some awkward questions." ||
  426. [2016-05-17 23:09:48] <Saff|Cwn> "Erm. I don't know. Is there anything I should know about? Anything I shouldn't ask? I don't know I'm... I'm not really good with people, to be honest."||
  427. [2016-05-17 23:11:25] <Antioch|GM> "Ehhh, CQ is kinda an insensitive dick with no social skills, don't take anything pers'nal. Fleet's a good kid. He's 'bout your age." ||
  428. [2016-05-17 23:16:40] <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. All right. I know the others aren't here but... Is there anything I should know about them too? Or maybe just something about the place in general? Anything I should avoid in the cafeteria?" God, I must sound so annoying. ||
  429. [2016-05-17 23:16:43] ⇐ Belaris quit (uid83463@charlton.irccloud.com): Quit:
  430. [2016-05-17 23:18:02] <Antioch|GM> "Dunno that I'm the best person to ask about the caf. Food's usually good, but if you're watching what you eat, just follow the squaddies' lead. They're usually pretty conscious about their diet."
  431. [2016-05-17 23:18:52] <Antioch|GM> "Don't worry about getting on CQ's good side. He's getting transferred out real soon, got the feather in his cap for taking down Lilith and he's on the fast track to becoming a team leader in one of the other departments."
  432. [2016-05-17 23:18:58] <Antioch|GM> "Hm. That's all I can think of for now." ||
  433. [2016-05-17 23:21:10] <Saff|Cwn> "That's right... Lilith went down." I frown. That could have just as easily been me. And at some point I had considered trying to get in touch with her before Mal talked me out of it. "Okay. I think I'm ready."
  434. [2016-05-17 23:21:12] <Saff|Cwn> ||
  435. [2016-05-17 23:21:34] <Antioch|GM> "Leggo," she says, swiping through another door.
  436. [2016-05-17 23:23:04] <Antioch|GM> Conquistador is manning a console with a headset on, and doesn't pay attention to you. He seems a combination of smug and irate.
  437. [2016-05-17 23:23:35] <Antioch|GM> Fleetfoot is watching the TV while he's on the elliptical. A delayed version of the news coverage of the press conference seems to be playing. ||
  438. [2016-05-17 23:25:19] <Saff|Cwn> Oh god oh god now this is it. Should I say hi first. Should I wait until they notice me? Should I let Feral introduce me? Why are people so difficult? I open my mouth, but no words come out, and close it again.||
  439. [2016-05-17 23:25:50] <Antioch|GM> Fleetfoot's the first to respond, stepping off of the elliptical after an awkward silence.
  440. [2016-05-17 23:26:32] <Antioch|GM> "Hey, yo, Cwn Annwn! You were on TV a little bit ago. Welcome!" He does a small little sweeping bow. It's pretty dorky. ||
  441. [2016-05-17 23:29:58] <Saff|Cwn> "Oh god. I'm still trying to forget that." I'm blushing again. I'm still amazed I didn't puke on camera. "Hi... It's... It's nice to meet you." Hell. I might just puke right now. He seems nice enough. Young, though.||
  442. [2016-05-17 23:30:37] <Antioch|GM> He looks younger than you, actually, which is weird for the Protectorate, since you're supposed to be in your freshman year of college.
  443. [2016-05-17 23:31:23] <Antioch|GM> "Nice to meet you, too. Y'know, today's my first patrol in DMH turf. I'd been prepping for it, reading up about you and your power. Turns out that's not a thing I need to worry about." ||
  444. [2016-05-17 23:32:27] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. Feral was asking me about the area. If there's anything you want to know, you can ask me too." I try to smile, but I'm just so incredibly nervous now. "I'm curious, what do they have about me?"||
  445. [2016-05-17 23:35:06] <Antioch|GM> "The, uh, plan was to chuck a bunch of flashbangs at you while Feral tried to get the gangsters to shoot her instead of me. More or less. My power works better with small-group tactics, so I'm trying to get some patrols in with the squads." ||
  446. [2016-05-17 23:38:09] <Saff|Cwn> "Oh. Grenades. That's..." I tilt my head to the side. "That would probably make me upset, yeah. Glad we're on the same side now." I'm feeling the metallic taste in my mouth just thinking about the amount of light those bitches would produce. ||
  447. [2016-05-17 23:39:12] <Antioch|GM> "Cwn here was filling us in about the guys who are trying to horn in on DMH turf. Silver Bullet, looks like. Y'know, the mercs in Columbus? We got some details on their new Brute, the one that knocked over Coldhand," Feral chimes in.
  448. [2016-05-17 23:39:20] <Antioch|GM> "Oh, really? Sweet." ||
  449. [2016-05-17 23:43:19] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. She's like..." I vaguely gesture about her height off of the ground, "This big. She's really fuckin angry. Like. So much anger in such a small person. I don't understand it." I shrug and look over to Feral. "I don't know much else about Silver Bullet though, 'cept that Coldhand fucked them bad."||
  450. [2016-05-17 23:44:53] <Antioch|GM> "You gonna go back to CSU once they start back up in the spring, Cwn? I'll be there," Fleetfoot says. ||
  451. [2016-05-17 23:51:07] <Saff|Cwn> School? Oh. Oh god. "I... No... I don't think so. I... I didn't really fit in." My eyes immediately lock on my shoes. He's being so nice but. "And I really don't think I'd fit in now with my reputation. I'm... I'm probably just safer staying here."||
  452. [2016-05-17 23:52:01] <Antioch|GM> "You can do the distance learning thing, yeah? They got streamed lectures for some of the bigger classes." ||
  453. [2016-05-17 23:54:20] <Saff|Cwn> "I mean... Yeah. I guess I could do that but." Oh god oh god why does he have to be so damn NICE? I don't want to tell him no, but... "I think maybe I should try to settle in here... before I try to put more on my plate. I don't... I don't know. I really haven't thought about it, to be honest."||
  454. [2016-05-17 23:55:13] <Antioch|GM> "Heh, yeah, should get settled in first. You got any questions about the place?" ||
  455. [2016-05-17 23:56:40] <Saff|Cwn> "A million." I say, cracking a small smile. "There's a lot to get used to. I don't even know where to start."||
  456. [2016-05-17 23:57:15] <Antioch|GM> "Well, you're staying here, right? Me and Feral'll be around." ||
  457. [2016-05-18 00:01:15] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. Not allowed to leave for the time being." My psych eval was abysmal, Wink is plotting my murder, and the Director thinks that if I have any contact with Blackjack I'll snap. But I can't say THAT out loud. "So I'm just... here, I guess. Not much for me to do except work out and drink coffee."||
  458. [2016-05-18 00:02:51] <Antioch|GM> "Hey, at least the coffee's good, yeah?" ||
  459. [2016-05-18 00:06:34] <Saff|Cwn> "It's... really good actually. I'm going to have to limit myself or my heart might explode from all the caffeine, ya know?" I smile a little at the two, then peer over to Conquistador. He still hasn't acknowledged me, and at this point I think that's a good thing. "Now that I have a laptop though I could probably dick around online for a little. That's
  460. [2016-05-18 00:06:34] <Saff|Cwn> something. It kind of sucks not having much freedom but... In the long run this is a better choice for me."||
  461. [2016-05-18 00:07:18] → Dolyn joined (Dolyn@net-9pf5lr.mo.charter.com)
  462. [2016-05-18 00:07:34] <Antioch|GM> "Glad you're with us," he says, pulling on the mask and gloves for his costume. ||
  463. [2016-05-18 00:10:06] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm glad to be here." Yeah. Yeah, I really am. "And I really look forward to working with you all."||
  464. [2016-05-18 00:11:09] <Antioch|GM> "Welp, we gotta head out." He lowers his voice. "My advice? Don't stick around for Conq to rag on you. Get that sweet laptop time while you can before Mendez sticks you with six patrols a week." ||
  465. [2016-05-18 00:14:26] <Saff|Cwn> Can CQ really be that bad? I wonder if I should find out, or if I should take Fleetfoot's advice. I don't want to get on his bad side, but maybe showing Mendez that I can be a team player will get me out of lockdown faster? "Good luck. If you see Nachzehrer... Kick her ass extra hard for me." Shit. Can I say that? Maybe I should just go back to my room.
  466. [2016-05-18 00:14:26] <Saff|Cwn> DAMNIT I just remembered that I left my pudding in the Caf. I could have had that pudding.||
  467. [2016-05-18 00:17:46] <Antioch|GM> "Sure thing," Feral says, "though we'd probably be going in to talk, first. If they hold the turf, they're not going to pick a fight with the Protectorate and they're not dragging civvies into this, beats the hell out of other psychos that might be coming into town." ||
  468. [2016-05-18 00:19:43] ⇐ Dolyn quit (Dolyn@net-9pf5lr.mo.charter.com): Quit: Leaving
  469. [2016-05-18 00:21:08] <Saff|Cwn> "I don't know. She beat Coldhand until he was in a coma. I mean. From what I heard... He was responsible for her.... getting her powers but. She's kind of violent." Not like I wasn't violent too but. "Just be careful."||
  470. [2016-05-18 00:21:33] <Antioch|GM> Feral bursts into continuous snorting for about half a minute. "I don't remember what that word means." ||
  471. [2016-05-18 00:24:41] <Saff|Cwn> She's been torn apart so many times and she's.... laughing? She's an interesting one, that Feral. I don't even know what to say. "I uh. I guess I'll head to my room... then." Call me vain, but I really want to see what strangers on the internet are saying about me from the press conference this morning. And I've got to check my new phone...||
  472. [2016-05-18 00:26:35] <Antioch|GM> "Oh, right, yeah, lemme show you where it is." Feral leads you down some halls and up some stairs, and you find yourself in a room that feels more hotel-ish than homey. There's enough room for you to add a personal touch, somewhere down the line, but what really jars you is a little fish-eye camera in the corner. ||
  473. [2016-05-18 00:28:28] <Saff|Cwn> A different room than last night? And... a... Camera? Guess I got to find other places to relieve stress. "Is that....? I just point.||
  474. [2016-05-18 00:29:15] <Antioch|GM> "Eh, yeah," she says. "They'll prolly take it out when you're clear."
  475. [2016-05-18 00:29:45] <Antioch|GM> You vaguely recall crashing at one of the empty Ward rooms since you were accompanied by Embody, but the sleeping pills make your recollection foggy. ||
  476. [2016-05-18 00:32:49] <Saff|Cwn> "How clear? Like... Clear for duty or off probation clear?" Because... getting off of probation could take years. I don't want Mendez watching me undress for that long. "I mean. I'm not... I'm not trying to be defiant but it's... it's a little weird." Still, I grab the laptop and phone and hop onto the bed. Maybe when I'm not so restricted I can get some
  477. [2016-05-18 00:32:49] <Saff|Cwn> nice pillows or blankets or something. Make the place feel more like home? "I... Thank you, Feral."||
  478. [2016-05-18 00:33:51] <Antioch|GM> "No prob. Lemme know if you need me to grab you somethin' to brighten the place up." ||
  479. [2016-05-18 00:36:28] <Saff|Cwn> "I uh. Thank you." I nod and look down at the phone they gave me. Maybe I'll get some news on Malcolm soon.||
  480. [2016-05-18 00:37:04] <Antioch|GM> Feral steps out as you scroll through the phone. The contacts for various PRT and Protectorate people are already programmed into it, but you don't have any of your old contacts. Whoops.
  481. [2016-05-18 00:37:28] <Antioch|GM> It's supposed to be your work cell, in any case. Probably for the best, except for the fact that you hucked your other phone into oblivion. ||
  482. [2016-05-18 00:39:39] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm a fucking idiot." I mumble, placing this phone gently on the nightstand while I boot up the laptop. I have a sick need to find out what everyone thought about the stream. Maybe I should bite the bullet and make a PHO account. Maybe people will think I'm cool? For once. ||
  483.  
  484. [2016-05-22 21:29:32] <Antioch> You take a break from PHO. There are some nice people there, but the stream of antagonism from a few posters on there is emotionally draining. ||
  485. [2016-05-22 21:32:39] <Saff|Cwn> At least it was something to do. Now that Feral and Fleet left for patrols, it's a lot quieter around here. I'm not sure what exactly I should do, and I'm pretty sure some of those comments put me back a few days of therapy. They're right. I AM a monster. Ugh. Maybe I should try to find a guard, see if someone will escort me to the hospital so that I can see
  486. [2016-05-22 21:32:39] <Saff|Cwn> Mal, even though that's probably not going to happen. Shit. Might as well wander around a bit anyway. Maybe they'll surprise me?||
  487. [2016-05-22 21:36:40] <Antioch> No ride to the hospital, so it seems. No reason why, probably because of your clearance or probationary status.
  488. [2016-05-22 21:36:56] <Antioch> You run into the Wards again, still showing around the newbie.
  489. [2016-05-22 21:36:57] <Antioch> ||
  490. [2016-05-22 21:41:53] <Saff|Cwn> Always the Wards. They're nice enough but. I wave at them but keep walking, my stomach doing flips. No hospital. Power testing is tomorrow. Everyone nice seems to be gone, and I don't feel like fucking up in front of Phan again. I can feel myself start to get a little anxious again, my hands shaking and my chest feeling tighter. What was it that I was
  491. [2016-05-22 21:41:53] <Saff|Cwn> supposed to do for that again? Deep breathing? Something like that. I sit down on the ground, not giving a fuck if I get dirt on my white costume, and try to do some sort of deep breathing exercise. "You're okay, Gwyn. They just want to help you."||
  492. [2016-05-22 21:45:49] <Antioch> At least the tile is clean. You close your eyes, try to take deep breaths. It's not particularly comforting.
  493. [2016-05-22 21:45:57] <Antioch> You're not sure if you'll ever redeem yourself in the eyes of Cleveland. ||
  494. [2016-05-22 21:48:59] <Saff|Cwn> I'm not sure if even the PR team could spin all this shit around. The PHO people were right. I have been captured on camera saying I was going to murder a hobo, and even though Terry was my only kill... They don't believe that. The town thinks I have a string of corpses behind me. They think I'm evil. And I guess I kind of am. I really want to talk to
  495. [2016-05-22 21:48:59] <Saff|Cwn> Valiant but I've given up a lot of hope on that. I still haven't seen him around. I get up and dust myself off, trying to figure out what I should do. Having a plan is a good thing. I guess I'll walk back to the room where I talked with Fleet and Feral? Maybe someone else will be there?||
  496. [2016-05-22 22:10:35] <Antioch> There's some woman you don't recognize in the room. Brown hair, facial piercing, tank top, and some tattoo on her shoulder you don't recognize. Who the hell is she? You're not sure if you've heard of a cape like her in the Protectorate. ||
  497. [2016-05-22 22:12:51] <Saff|Cwn> I walk in slowly, my heart still racing. I'm not exactly good with people but... Maybe she won't notice me? Yeah. Maybe I can just fuck around on the elliptical and she won't notice. Yeah. Great plan. I walk over there, glancing sideways at her every few seconds to make sure she's still there, but I mostly keep my head down. What if she doesn't like me, like
  498. [2016-05-22 22:12:51] <Saff|Cwn> pretty much everyone on the PHO?||
  499. [2016-05-22 22:13:36] <Antioch> "Hey. You." ||
  500. [2016-05-22 22:13:45] <Saff|Cwn> Fuck.
  501. [2016-05-22 22:14:44] <Saff|Cwn> "Hey..." I mumble. I haven't even made it to the fuckin elliptical. "I'm sorry... I should have said something first... I'm... I'm new. Gwyn. Well. Cwn Annwn. You can call me whatever. I think."||
  502. [2016-05-22 22:16:23] <Antioch> "Yeah, I know."
  503. [2016-05-22 22:16:30] <Antioch> "Betcha never knew we met before, huh?" ||
  504. [2016-05-22 22:17:47] <Saff|Cwn> "Hm?" I ask, tilting my head to the side. "I'm sorry... I don't recall."||
  505. [2016-05-22 22:18:38] <Antioch> Her face and demeanor shifts, roughening, as her hair retracts into the scalp. The bones underneath her cheeks become fluid, shifting beneath the skin. It's discomforting. Nauseating, even.
  506. [2016-05-22 22:18:55] <Antioch> When she's done, you see the gaunt, haggard face of a homeless man in front of you. ||
  507. [2016-05-22 22:21:29] <Saff|Cwn> "Shit." My heart is completely racing now. I can't breathe. Fuck, fuck fuck. I go to bite my nails, but they're already bitten down to the nubs and oh god oh GOD. I don't know how to respond. I don't know if I CAN respond. Honestly I just want to keep myself from throwing up in front of her. Shit.||
  508. [2016-05-22 22:26:46] <Antioch> In a flash, her face returns to the one you saw before, far faster than her shifting to a hobo.
  509. [2016-05-22 22:27:32] <Antioch> Her tattoo, for some reason, draws your eye. It's like an infinity symbol, with a cross with two arms sticking out of the top center. Weird.
  510. [2016-05-22 22:28:28] <Antioch> "Better to have you with us, off the streets, but I've seen what you do. I've seen how you act, when you think nobody's looking." ||
  511. [2016-05-22 22:31:22] <Saff|Cwn> I can't even speak. I just feel sick to my stomach and I can't move. I can feel my shadow armor trying to creep up, like that'll somehow protect me. I don't even know who she is and she's already sending me into a panic attack. "I'm... I'm trying." My voice cracks and the words can barely come out. Maybe this is why I don't have psych clearance yet. ||
  512. [2016-05-22 22:33:08] <Antioch> She sticks her hand out for a handshake.
  513. [2016-05-22 22:34:54] <Antioch> "Undine. I don't really care about the 'making up for what you've done' shit you were talking about."
  514. [2016-05-22 22:36:41] <Antioch> "Just stop being a scumbag and we'll be even." ||
  515. [2016-05-22 22:39:51] <Saff|Cwn> I just look at her. I don't know what she expects me to do. I can barely form words and she expects me to shake her hand? Instead I sit down on the ground again and pull off my mask, putting my head in my hands. "I don't expect you to understand." I mumble, though I'm not sure it's coming out right. "That was a stressful night. I was angry and confused and
  516. [2016-05-22 22:39:51] <Saff|Cwn> needed to take it out on someone. I know, I'm scum. I'm a bad person and I shouldn't be here. I know all of that."||
  517. [2016-05-22 22:43:59] <Antioch> "Mhmm. Don't. Care."
  518. [2016-05-22 22:46:46] * soulpelt| is now known as soulpelt|sleep
  519. [2016-05-22 22:47:28] <Antioch> "Just don't give us a reason to put you where you belong." ||
  520. [2016-05-22 22:50:24] * Dolyn is now known as Dol|AFK
  521. [2016-05-22 22:52:35] <Saff|Cwn> "Why are you doing this?" I mumble as I wipe the tears from my face. I feel shitty. My nose is stuffed up and I feel like I just ran a marathon and then got hit by a train. "I'm here getting the help I need. Wink... Wink didn't make me do everything but... He was the one who reached out to me. Everyone else was just scared of me. I had no money, I had
  522. [2016-05-22 22:52:35] <Saff|Cwn> nowhere else to turn." My legs are shaking but I try to stand up. I need to get away from her, or I might just rip her face off. "You don't know what it's like." I try to slip my mask back on and make it out of the room. I feel so incredibly awful now. ||
  523. [2016-05-22 22:56:54] <Antioch> "Yeah I do. Scumbags like us keep the PRT tickin'."
  524. [2016-05-22 22:57:13] <Antioch> "So hold on to the fact you fucked up. Fuckin' treasure it. Hold it close."
  525. [2016-05-22 22:57:58] <Antioch> "And keep in mind that you can't ever make up for it, but you better goddamn try." ||
  526. [2016-05-22 22:59:35] <Saff|Cwn> I stand there and blink a few times. What's her deal? "Is *Everyone* here a fuckup?" I ask, the words barely squeaking out.||
  527. [2016-05-22 23:01:00] <Antioch> "Pft. As if. Gotta have a boyscout or two to grease the wheels." ||
  528. [2016-05-22 23:03:22] <Saff|Cwn> Heh. "Good. I can't see someone like Fleet hurting a fly." I step in from the doorway, less desperate to run. "How did you fuck up?" I pause. "If you don't mind me asking."||
  529. [2016-05-22 23:05:26] <Antioch> " 'nother time. Maybe after I think you're worth telling the story to." ||
  530. [2016-05-22 23:07:01] <Saff|Cwn> "Fair enough." I mumble, still poking at my face to try to get the residual tears to go away. I don't think I like her. "Have you... Have you seen Valiant at all today? I need to talk to him... About something. But I haven't found him at all."||
  531. [2016-05-22 23:08:43] <Antioch> "He's at the hospital, doing some shit." ||
  532. [2016-05-22 23:10:58] <Saff|Cwn> "Oh." I frown. Mal's there and Valiant's there. The two people I want to talk to and I'm not allowed out of the building. It isn't fair. "I gotta go. Um. Nice meeting you, I guess." Even though it wasn't really nice at all. I dig in my pocket for my phone and start searching for the number for reception at the hospital. Maybe they'll connect me to Mal's
  533. [2016-05-22 23:10:58] <Saff|Cwn> room. There's a good chance his phone was destroyed in the crash... Maybe I can get him this way. I dial the number in wait, doing a modified version of the potty dance as it rings.||
  534. [2016-05-22 23:13:04] <Antioch> "Fairview Hospital front desk, for emergencies, call 911."
  535. [2016-05-22 23:13:08] <Antioch> "How may I help you?" ||
  536. [2016-05-22 23:14:38] <Saff|Cwn> "Hi. This is Cwn Annwn from Protectorate Department 48. I'm calling because... I need to speak with Malcolm Carr. He's a patient there... I don't know what room number, I'm sorry. I just... I know he was brought there and I need to make sure he's okay."||
  537. [2016-05-22 23:19:54] <Antioch> "Mm, one moment. I'll put you through."
  538. [2016-05-22 23:20:13] <Antioch> A few rings afterward, you hear the line pick up.
  539. [2016-05-22 23:20:16] <Antioch> "Hello?" ||
  540. [2016-05-22 23:22:11] <Saff|Cwn> I can feel my heart racing again, but this time it's not because of anxiety. "Mal? It's Gwyn. Are you okay?" I want to say so many things but I can't just ramble on and on. "I needed to hear your voice."||
  541. [2016-05-22 23:23:59] <Antioch> "Oh, whoa."
  542. [2016-05-22 23:24:14] <Antioch> "I'm good. You?" ||
  543. [2016-05-22 23:26:06] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm... No. Not really. It's been rough here, and they won't let me come see you." I frown, leaning against the wall. "Mal... I'm sorry this happened to you. It's my fault, really. I shouldn't have been so damn selfish. And I'm... I'm sorry if I'm being clingy I... I understand if you don't... Don't feel the same about me."||
  544. [2016-05-22 23:30:51] <Antioch> "I, uh."
  545. [2016-05-22 23:31:08] <Antioch> There's a long, awkward pause. ||
  546. [2016-05-22 23:32:27] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just. I just fucked this up." Oh god, oh god. I should just. Why I am I here? Why am I anywhere, really? Fuck, Fuck, FUCK. "I'm sorry, I should just... Just go." I don't hang up yet though. This day just... Just keeps getting worse and worse. "I'm sorry."||
  547. [2016-05-22 23:35:43] <Antioch> "It's... cool. Not really what I signed up for, but..."
  548. [2016-05-22 23:35:46] <Antioch> "... yeah." ||
  549. [2016-05-22 23:37:21] <Saff|Cwn> "I'm. I'm so sorry." I slide to the floor and put my head in my hands. "Just... Forget I said anything."||
  550. [2016-05-22 23:40:03] <Antioch> "I'm... prob'ly gonna have to leave town." ||
  551. [2016-05-22 23:42:51] <Saff|Cwn> "Probably... yeah... They've got me locked up until they can take Wink down. If they can't I'll probably be transferred." I take a deep breath. I'm trying so... so hard not to break down right now. "I should have just... Just listened to Wink. I should have just been good. Should have let the stupid duck thing go. I don't think... Don't think it would have
  552. [2016-05-22 23:42:51] <Saff|Cwn> stopped Mortal Lock but. He wouldn't be after us if I had just behaved."||
  553. [2016-05-22 23:50:37] * Dol|AFK is now known as Dolyn
  554. [2016-05-22 23:52:12] <Antioch> "Fuck it. Wink's an asshole. Mortal Lock was an asshole." ||
  555. [2016-05-22 23:55:27] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. And now you're in god knows how many pieces and I'm stuck here about to have a mental breakdown. I'm pretty sure at least one of my teammates hates me. I can't leave. I'm pretty much in prison, but with nicer amenities. And you hate me and my parents can't stand to look at me. Shit, Mal. Things would have been so much simpler if I let Mortal Lock kill
  556. [2016-05-22 23:55:27] <Saff|Cwn> me."||
  557. [2016-05-23 00:01:54] <Antioch> "You're with the Protectorate now. Figure it can't get worse for you, huh?" ||
  558. [2016-05-23 00:03:07] * Serk is now known as ZzzSerk
  559. [2016-05-23 00:03:25] <Saff|Cwn> "If I fuck up, I still go to jail. Don't know what happens if I never pass my psych evals." God, if only Mal had been a cape. Well. A cape and... In to me I guess. That's still stinging a lot. "Which at this rate, is looking likely."||
  560. [2016-05-23 00:04:03] ⇐ Camtist quit (uid157531@charlton.irccloud.com): Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
  561. [2016-05-23 00:05:33] ⇐ Belaris quit (uid83463@charlton.irccloud.com): Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
  562. [2016-05-23 00:06:25] <Antioch> "Look, you got this," he says, trying to be consoling. He doesn't sound especially convincing. ||
  563. [2016-05-23 00:08:43] <Saff|Cwn> "I don't. But I'm going to try." I take one last deep breath in. "I probably... Probably won't call again. So as not to bother you. Again I'm... I'm sorry. For everything. I should have known that someone like me didn't deserve someone like you." ||
  564. [2016-05-23 00:15:18] <Antioch> He snorts. "Me? I'm a high school dropout that started dealing to get by. You shouldn't treat yourself like shit." ||
  565. [2016-05-23 00:19:26] <Saff|Cwn> "And I'm a college dropout that turned a man into hamburger because he pissed me off. I am shit." I'm shit and covered in ugly scars and I'm pathetic enough to fall for a casual fuck. I start to walk back to my room, picking up the pace as I make it closer. ||
  566. [2016-05-23 00:25:02] <Antioch> "You got powers. You can do better." ||
  567. [2016-05-23 00:31:08] <Saff|Cwn> "Maybe. I gotta go, Mal." I'm gonna throw up. I hang up the phone and run the rest of the way back to my room, slamming the door behind me. As soon as I'm in I toss the phone to the bed and start ripping off parts of my costume, cameras be damned. There are tears running down my face, I'm sobbing. I can barely breathe, even as I pull the covers over myself
  568. [2016-05-23 00:31:08] <Saff|Cwn> and scream into one of the pillows. It's not fair. The last stable thing in my life is gone and I'm stuck here all alone. Undine hates me. Maybe the others do too, she's just more direct. Maybe it was a mistake for me to come here. Maybe I should just run through one of my rend holes so no one has to deal with me again. I fuck up everything that I touch. I'm
  569. [2016-05-23 00:31:08] <Saff|Cwn> poison, I'm nuclear, I'm a ticking time bomb waiting to destroy everything around me. I feel sick, I feel helpless. I feel like the world is imploding around me while I'm forced to watch. ||
  570. [2016-05-23 00:37:08] <Antioch> You spend some time screaming into the pillows and feeling awful. It doesn't really help, but you do wear out your throat somewhat. ||
  571. [2016-05-23 00:43:36] <Saff|Cwn> I know what I probably SHOULD do. I should go to Phan's office and talk before I hurt myself, but I'm scared that they'll just give up on me and lock me up. I don't... I don't want to be locked up. I want to do good here, but... Between Undine and Malcolm I just feel like I'm collapsing. Still. I pull myself out of bed and look through the drawers for
  572. [2016-05-23 00:43:36] <Saff|Cwn> something to change into that's not my costume. Preferably something black that covers a lot of skin. I kept the gloves on, though. They're nicer than the ones I had been wearing. Might be real leather. They're soft. Though, there's still a nagging thought in the back of my mind. Maybe I should have let Mortal Lock kill Malcolm. Everyone went through all
  573. [2016-05-23 00:43:36] <Saff|Cwn> this trouble to save him... (No. Gwyn, you can't think like that.)||
  574. [2016-05-23 00:45:05] <Antioch> You hear knocking on the door as you change. There are generic clothes in the dressers, dark sweatshirts and pants that you uncover while rifling through. ||
  575. [2016-05-23 00:46:08] <Saff|Cwn> "Just a moment." I yell, grabbing something or other to pull on before answering the door. I probably look horrible. Maybe I should have thrown on my mask before I answered, at least to cover up my red eyes.||
  576. [2016-05-23 00:49:59] <Antioch> You pull open the door to find a PRT agent.
  577. [2016-05-23 00:50:04] <Antioch> "Are you alright?" she asks. ||
  578. [2016-05-23 00:52:33] <Saff|Cwn> I clench my jaw and look away from her. "No." I try to think of excuses, or to try to explain that I was going to see Dr. Phan, but I just... can't get the words out. ||
  579. [2016-05-23 00:53:56] <Antioch> "I can take you to see Dr. Phan, if it'd help?" ||
  580. [2016-05-23 00:54:34] ⇐ SOMA quit (uid136321@highgate.irccloud.com): Quit:
  581. [2016-05-23 00:55:47] <Saff|Cwn> I nod and push my tangled hair off of my face. "Pl...thank..." All my words are jumbled up, so I just fall back on shutting the fuck up. ||
  582. [2016-05-23 00:56:36] <Antioch> You follow her, not particularly paying attention to where you're going, until you reach the psychiatrist's office. ||
  583. [2016-05-23 00:56:56] → SOMA joined (uid165093@ealing.irccloud.com)
  584. [2016-05-23 00:58:31] <Saff|Cwn> I stop and tilt my head, hoping to convey my thanks without speaking. I don't want to fuck it up again. Here goes round two of getting denied psych clearance, I think as I open the door to Phan's office. I walk in quietly, keeping my eyes locked on the ground. I don't know what to say, but I know I have to say something.||
  585.  
  586. [2016-05-24 18:30:48] <Antioch|GM> ...
  587. [2016-05-24 18:31:39] <Antioch|GM> Gwyn finds herself led into the psychiatrist's office, in there for the... second? Third time? The past two days have been a blur, and her thoughts are in complete disarray.
  588. [2016-05-24 18:32:30] <Antioch|GM> She finds herself sitting automatically on the couch, wiping at her eyes with her gloves, and she realizes that the man in the room is very definitely not Dr. Phan. ||
  589. [2016-05-24 18:32:31] ⇐ [ATM] quit (ATM@localhost): Quit: Quitting on command from Teller
  590. [2016-05-24 18:32:34] <Antioch|GM> >> Teruzi|Freeman
  591. [2016-05-24 18:32:56] <Antioch|GM> ((I'll give you an opportunity to describe yourself and your general bearing, but you can let her have the first word if that's how you want to shape the conversation.))
  592. [2016-05-24 18:33:16] <Teruzi|Freeman> ((I'll go ahead and describe myself then))
  593. [2016-05-24 18:34:26] → [ATM] joined (ATM@localhost)
  594. [2016-05-24 18:36:25] <Teruzi|Freeman> Doctor Freeman is a man that would not be out of place in a magazine called 'Psychoanalysis Quarterly'. He has curly black hair that is cut short and has beginning to gray here and there. He sports a rather full beard, which perhaps makes Gwyn think of a college professor. He's wearing a strange combination of a dark green turtleneck and an ochre suit.
  595. [2016-05-24 18:37:10] <Teruzi|Freeman> He seems to be in deep thought.||
  596. [2016-05-24 18:37:54] <Saff|Cwn> ...
  597. [2016-05-24 18:39:49] <Saff|Cwn> "Oh. You're not Dr. Phan." I say, blinking a few times. At this point I'm embarrassed on top of being an emotional wreck. "I must have gone into the wrong room... I'm sorry, I can just..." My knees are weak and my legs shake as I stand up, hoping to get out before I get into trouble. I'm a little annoyed that the PRT agent took me to the wrong place but...
  598. [2016-05-24 18:39:49] <Saff|Cwn> ||
  599. [2016-05-24 18:43:10] <Teruzi|Freeman> Dr. Freeman blinks a couple of times before speaking. "Er, there will be no need to that."
  600. [2016-05-24 18:43:17] <Teruzi|Freeman> ((empathy here?))
  601. [2016-05-24 18:43:26] <Antioch|GM> ((Yeah, go for it.))
  602. [2016-05-24 18:43:54] <Teruzi|Freeman> ((Empathy 2, then))
  603. [2016-05-24 18:44:34] <Teruzi|Freeman> $roll 2d6+1
  604. [2016-05-24 18:44:34] <[ATM]> Teruzi|Freeman [1] [3] +1 = 5
  605. [2016-05-24 18:44:51] <Antioch|GM> ((Roll Soc, Saff))
  606. [2016-05-24 18:45:09] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
  607. [2016-05-24 18:45:09] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [6] -1 = 5
  608. [2016-05-24 18:45:16] <Antioch|GM> ((And once again))
  609. [2016-05-24 18:45:24] <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
  610. [2016-05-24 18:45:41] — Antioch|GM pokes Cashy.
  611. [2016-05-24 18:45:52] <Antioch|GM> ((Try it again?)
  612. [2016-05-24 18:45:57] <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [3] -1 = 2
  613. [2016-05-24 18:46:04] <Antioch|GM> ...
  614. [2016-05-24 18:46:12] <Antioch|GM> Freeman gives the girl a cursory glance.
  615. [2016-05-24 18:46:38] <Antioch|GM> Hastily dressed, barely aware of her surroundings -- all in all, in the midst or on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
  616. [2016-05-24 18:47:04] <Antioch|GM> Her files told him as much, but seeing it in person reinforces the urgency and immediacy of the situation ||
  617. [2016-05-24 18:47:07] <Antioch|GM> *situation.
  618. [2016-05-24 18:47:39] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I'm Dr. Richard Freeman. I'll be replacing Dr. Phan for the time being."
  619. [2016-05-24 18:48:24] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Can I offer you something to drink? Tea? Perhaps some water?" He says as he stands up.
  620. [2016-05-24 18:48:35] <Teruzi|Freeman> ||
  621. [2016-05-24 18:49:32] <Saff|Cwn> ...
  622. [2016-05-24 18:51:07] <Saff|Cwn> "Oh, erm." I sit back down and swipe at my eyes again. "I'm not... really thirsty, thank you." This is weird. Phan was here just yesterday and now there's this guy. I still don't particularly want to be here, but I was personally escorted so I don't really have much of a choice. I go to open my mouth to speak, but then I close it again. I'm not in costume,
  623. [2016-05-24 18:51:07] <Saff|Cwn> nor do I have my mask. "I um. I'm Cwn Annwn."||
  624. [2016-05-24 18:53:04] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I'm aware." Richard says, with faint smile. He pours himself a cup of tea before sitting in front of Cwn. "You seem to be ... anxious." He says evenly.
  625. [2016-05-24 18:53:23] <Teruzi|Freeman> "How do you feel?"||
  626. [2016-05-24 18:54:46] <Saff|Cwn> I just got yelled at by a teammate and pretty much dumped. How do you think I feel? "I'm not... I'm not adjusting so well here." I shrug, pulling on the red leather of my gloves. ||
  627. [2016-05-24 18:55:27] * You invited Dol|mobile to #WDCleveland
  628. [2016-05-24 18:55:54] → Dol|mobile joined (uid103127@richmond.irccloud.com)
  629. [2016-05-24 19:01:35] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods, pushing a box of tissues towards Cwn. "Take some time to control your breathing. You'll feel more calm."
  630. [2016-05-24 19:01:45] <Teruzi|Freeman> He takes a deep breath, to demonstrate.
  631. [2016-05-24 19:01:54] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Hold the air in for a second."
  632. [2016-05-24 19:02:09] <Teruzi|Freeman> He lets the air out slowly.
  633. [2016-05-24 19:02:18] <Teruzi|Freeman> "And relax as the air goes out. Try it."||
  634. [2016-05-24 19:04:23] <Saff|Cwn> I nod, then attempt to take a deep breath in. It's a kind of shitty attempt at a deep breath, as it's interrupted by sniffles, but I guess it gets the job done. I pause, then cough a few times as I let the breath out. "Sorry. I'm still... It hasn't been a great day. I'm not trying to be difficult, I swear!"||
  635. [2016-05-24 19:05:39] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard shakes his head slightly. "Don't worry. Take your time."
  636. [2016-05-24 19:06:03] <Teruzi|Freeman> He pushes the box of tissues towards Cwn again.
  637. [2016-05-24 19:06:37] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Are you sure you don't want some tea? I swear one of these is good for the nerves" Richard mumbles.||
  638. [2016-05-24 19:09:37] <Saff|Cwn> "Maybe just a little." I say with a frown, plucking a tissue from the box to use to dab my eyes. No sense in ruining my new gloves. "I don't really know where to start. Besides the deep breaths." There's so much on my mind. The meeting with Undine, Malcolm, being here, my parents, and then there's... Wink. I've read enough about his civilian identity that I
  639. [2016-05-24 19:09:37] <Saff|Cwn> know I should be scared. I'm being protected here but... It's still nagging in the back of my mind. ||
  640. [2016-05-24 19:12:57] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard pours the distraught heroine-in-the-making some chamomile tea. She looked younger than she was, crying like this. It was an odd thought that she could very well kill him with ease.
  641. [2016-05-24 19:13:32] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Here. We can talk after you've taken a sip or two." The Doctor says as he pushes the tea towards her.
  642. [2016-05-24 19:13:49] <Teruzi|Freeman> He glances through the evaluation that Dr. Phan had left for him.
  643. [2016-05-24 19:14:22] <Teruzi|Freeman> "As to where should you start, well, what's the first thing that pops into your mind?"
  644. [2016-05-24 19:14:27] <Teruzi|Freeman> He studies her reaction.
  645. [2016-05-24 19:14:32] <Teruzi|Freeman> (Empathy?)||
  646. [2016-05-24 19:15:28] <Antioch|GM> ((Yeah, go for it))
  647. [2016-05-24 19:15:34] ⇐ Belaris quit (uid83463@charlton.irccloud.com): Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
  648. [2016-05-24 19:15:44] <Antioch|GM> ((Saff, carry on after he rolls, let his roll influence your upcoming post))
  649. [2016-05-24 19:15:45] <Teruzi|Freeman> $2h6+1
  650. [2016-05-24 19:15:53] <Teruzi|Freeman> $roll 2h6+1
  651. [2016-05-24 19:15:53] <[ATM]> Teruzi|Freeman [6] (5) +1 = 7
  652. [2016-05-24 19:17:46] → Stoic joined (Stoic@net-n3k0uk.nj.comcast.net)
  653. [2016-05-24 19:18:04] ⇐ [ATM] quit (ATM@localhost): Quit: Quitting on command from Teller
  654. [2016-05-24 19:18:25] <Saff|Cwn> I nod and take a few sips of tea, shrugging again. "The first thing that pops into my mind? I don't belong here. That's simple." I put the cup down and push a mess of black hair off of my face. Probably should have looked for a hair tie or something. It's gotten so long. "The team hates me. I don't have friends here or on the outside. I'm a nuisance." And
  655. [2016-05-24 19:18:25] <Saff|Cwn> now I'm wasting this poor guy's time.||
  656. [2016-05-24 19:18:36] → [ATM] joined (ATM@localhost)
  657. [2016-05-24 19:20:49] ⇐ Stoic quit (Stoic@net-n3k0uk.nj.comcast.net): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  658. [2016-05-24 19:21:29] <Teruzi|Freeman> If Cwn wasn't a parahuman, would she be feeling so out of place? So likely to escape?
  659. [2016-05-24 19:22:16] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I was under the impression that Valiant wanted you here, Cwn. I know for a fact that the Director is glad that you are on board ..." He trails off, thinking of Mendez.
  660. [2016-05-24 19:22:31] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Did something happen with your teammates?"||
  661. [2016-05-24 19:25:34] <Saff|Cwn> I hesitate at first. Valiant did seem genuine but. Undine doesn't like me. Which means the others probably don't either. "I... I ran into Undine earlier." My eyes are fixed on the bottom of my cup, watching as the little crumbs of tea swirl in the liquid. "She said some things that weren't wrong."||
  662. [2016-05-24 19:27:05] <Teruzi|Freeman> Ah, Undine.
  663. [2016-05-24 19:27:33] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard makes a face. "Oh? what did she say?" Somehow he didn't think she gave Cwn a warm welcome.||
  664. [2016-05-24 19:31:22] <Saff|Cwn> "She uh. She called me a scumbag." The way I say it makes it sound silly, but she was much meaner about it. "She doesn't like me. Said she wanted to put me where I belong. And like I said. She's not wrong." My breath sticks in my throat and comes out in another sob. I'm not trying to break down, but pulling memories back up isn't doing wonders for me. ||
  665. [2016-05-24 19:34:01] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard makes a face, writing down a note. He would have to talk with Undine about this eventually, he figured.
  666. [2016-05-24 19:34:45] <Teruzi|Freeman> "So you think you are a scumbag, Cwn?" He says idly. "I would say that's harsh, but I don't think you would believe me."
  667. [2016-05-24 19:34:56] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard leans forward, looking directly at Cwn.
  668. [2016-05-24 19:35:05] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You have made mistakes, Cwn."||
  669. [2016-05-24 19:37:46] <Saff|Cwn> "A lot of them. I was a gang boss. I firebombed a police station. I killed someone and wanted to hurt others. I let Coldhand get murdered," I look away from the Doctor, not able to take his piercing stare, "The people of the city think I'm a monster. And I think they're right. I should have died in the woods... I shouldn't have been stuck with these
  670. [2016-05-24 19:37:46] <Saff|Cwn> powers."||
  671. [2016-05-24 19:38:58] <Teruzi|Freeman> Go big or go home, eh?
  672. [2016-05-24 19:39:27] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Look at me, Cwn." Richard says, his voice firm.
  673. [2016-05-24 19:39:40] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You have made mistakes. A great deal of them."
  674. [2016-05-24 19:39:45] ⇐ Zaits quit (kvirc@net-41f.e4e.21.213.IP): Quit: KVIrc 4.2.0 Equilibrium http://www.kvirc.net/
  675. [2016-05-24 19:40:45] <Teruzi|Freeman> "But I think you are also making a great deal of assumptions about what others think of you."
  676. [2016-05-24 19:41:17] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard leans back. He studies his tea, somewhat aware that his gaze makes her uncomfortable.
  677. [2016-05-24 19:41:46] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I'm afraid that your powers will always be a part of you."
  678. [2016-05-24 19:42:22] <Teruzi|Freeman> "But imagine with me something." He continues. "Wouldn't it be good if you could help others with them?"
  679. [2016-05-24 19:42:39] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Wouldn't it be good if you could one day look at the mirror and be proud of who you are? of what you have done?"
  680. [2016-05-24 19:43:10] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Yes, Cwn, you have made mistakes. We all do. Yours were simply ... exacerbated, because of your powers."
  681. [2016-05-24 19:43:21] <Teruzi|Freeman> A common trend with parahumans. Escalation.
  682. [2016-05-24 19:43:39] <Teruzi|Freeman> "But I don't think you should let your mistakes rule your life."||
  683. [2016-05-24 19:46:42] <Saff|Cwn> I don't know what to say. I sit there and pick at my ragged cuticles and try to keep to the deep breathing. "I'm only basing these assumptions off of what people said. Online they're talking about me and they're not saying nice things. They think I'm a murderer. And I guess I am. They think I've killed more people than I have though." Damn, I wish I had a
  684. [2016-05-24 19:46:42] <Saff|Cwn> scarf. I need to see if maybe I can requisition one for my casual clothes collection.
  685. [2016-05-24 19:49:25] <Saff|Cwn> "And I know... Most people tend to be polite, even if they don't like someone. If Undine doesn't care for me, then it probably means the others don't either. They're just being nicer about it. I've never really fit in anywhere. Never had any friends growing up. In college people only really talked to me because I was there. And my last friend... He only
  686. [2016-05-24 19:49:25] <Saff|Cwn> wanted to be close to me for sex. And I got attached and he didn't feel the same way."||
  687. [2016-05-24 19:51:05] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Seems like your mind is already made up about all of this." Richard comments as he fiddles with the damn tablet.
  688. [2016-05-24 19:51:30] <Teruzi|Freeman> He could use the one at home just fine. No matter what the techies assured him, he was sure this one was faulty.
  689. [2016-05-24 19:51:38] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Here we go." Finally.
  690. [2016-05-24 19:52:35] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Ejem. 'Everyone deserves a second chance.'"
  691. [2016-05-24 19:53:35] <Teruzi|Freeman> " 'Everyone deserves a second chance, but I hope the PRT is being careful.
  692. [2016-05-24 19:53:36] <Teruzi|Freeman> ' "
  693. [2016-05-24 19:54:12] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I don't know, Cwn, there seem to be people that think you can do better." Richard says as he looks at the young woman in the eyes. "Complete strangers, even."
  694. [2016-05-24 19:54:29] → JustLurking joined (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net)
  695. [2016-05-24 19:54:42] <Antioch|GM> ((The 'ejem' was an 'ahem' in Spanish, for clarification.))
  696. [2016-05-24 19:54:46] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Of course, you always have the Naysayers, the negative nancies. The, ah, Undines."
  697. [2016-05-24 19:54:52] <Teruzi|Freeman> ((Oh, oops))
  698. [2016-05-24 19:55:36] <Teruzi|Freeman> "But wouldn't you like to move past this? To not be quite so ... wracked with negative emotions?"||
  699. [2016-05-24 20:00:15] <Saff|Cwn> "I'd like to feel better. I've never really done well with people. I think I'm just... scared of them. But I want to be able to work in the field. I don't want to be stuck in here. I wish I felt more like I did before I got these powers." I look down at my hands, smoke billowing from my fingertips. My left hand is a bit sore, probably from clenching it so
  700. [2016-05-24 20:00:15] <Saff|Cwn> much. There's still a lot of scar tissue and it doesn't work as well as it used to.
  701. [2016-05-24 20:00:16] <Saff|Cwn> "I regret joining Wink. He didn't manipulate me to do the bad things I did, but I did most of them to please him. In the end he still hated me." My mind flashes back to when he branded me, my eyes wide with terror. If only I could get his stupid smile out of my head.
  702. [2016-05-24 20:00:53] <Saff|Cwn> "I'll work with you, or at least I'll try. Because I want to get out there. And make up for what I've done."||
  703. [2016-05-24 20:03:50] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard smiles at Cwn. "You look much better now, without all the sobbing."
  704. [2016-05-24 20:04:45] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You were telling me that you don't think that you fit in, and frankly, I don't think you will really fit in in your first couple of months."
  705. [2016-05-24 20:05:13] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Why, I've been working with the PRT for years now, and everytime they move me I feel I don't fit in." He confides in her.
  706. [2016-05-24 20:06:13] <Teruzi|Freeman> "But you seem like you want to improve, and I'm here to help you improve. So why don't we put these feelings of 'not fitting in' on hold? I think we can both agree that you have yet to prove yourself to the others."
  707. [2016-05-24 20:06:40] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Instead, why don't you tell me about the second thing that pops up to your mind? You know, the second thing that is causing you grief."||
  708. [2016-05-24 20:08:34] <Saff|Cwn> oh jeez. "I had a subordinate and I had sex with him and I thought he liked me too. So I asked for the team to save him from Mortal Lock and they brought him back but he doesn't like me and wow this all sounds.... really. Really... Stupid." I immediately blush, embarrassed as fuck by my word vomit. "I'm sorry. I'm stupid."||
  709. [2016-05-24 20:11:33] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Oh not all. This session is for your sake Cwn. I don't think it's stupid."
  710. [2016-05-24 20:11:36] ⇐ Thaliaway quit (secret@net-a1sgs2.or.comcast.net): Connection closed
  711. [2016-05-24 20:12:07] <Teruzi|Freeman> Her frankness took him by surprise, but well, young people where always willing to boast about sex in the oddest situations.
  712. [2016-05-24 20:12:24] <Teruzi|Freeman> "So you were close to this, ahem, subordinate?"||
  713. [2016-05-24 20:12:52] → Thalia joined (secret@net-a1sgs2.or.comcast.net)
  714. [2016-05-24 20:15:00] <Saff|Cwn> "Yes. He was my right hand man. Well. Left. And then he became my right when..." I pause. "I assume you've heard about what happened when I was confronted by Player One?" ugh. That night still annoys me. "Yes, we were close. I stayed with him from night night Coldhand was killed until I came here."||
  715. [2016-05-24 20:17:44] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods. "And you say he doesn't like you anymore? Does that mean that you got dumped?" He says lightly.||
  716. [2016-05-24 20:19:31] <Saff|Cwn> "I told him I had feelings for him and he didn't feel the same way. I can't get dumped if there was never a relationship. He just wanted me because he thought I was easy, I guess. It happened the first time right after I flashed the internet." I put my head in my hands again, a large chunk of my hair falling forward to curtain my face. "I'm stupid."||
  717. [2016-05-24 20:21:34] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Hmm. You act as if he had dumped you. Would you say that, perhaps, you thought your relationship, however flitting, was important to you?"
  718. [2016-05-24 20:21:44] <Teruzi|Freeman> ||
  719. [2016-05-24 20:22:05] <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. Yeah, it was important to me. He was my only friend. I trusted him."||
  720. [2016-05-24 20:23:32] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Well, if he was your friend and he left you ..." Richard says. He glances at the tissue box.
  721. [2016-05-24 20:24:16] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I honestly think no one in their right minds could call you stupid. Of course you would feel bad about it!"||
  722. [2016-05-24 20:27:20] <Saff|Cwn> "I shouldn't have assumed things about our relationship, though. Of course it was just supposed to be casual. I mean, he only got that idea about me because I ran around with my top off. Speaking of that, do you know how many messages I've gotten on the PHO forums asking me for private pics? Never going to live that down." I feel a little more relaxed at
  723. [2016-05-24 20:27:20] <Saff|Cwn> least, but I'm still not sure how I feel about this. He's getting paid to say nice things to me so that I don't go on a rampage and rip out everyone's throats.||
  724. [2016-05-24 20:30:46] <Teruzi|Freeman> "See? There it is again. You assumed what he thought." Richard points out.
  725. [2016-05-24 20:30:59] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You seem to do that a lot."
  726. [2016-05-24 20:31:43] <Teruzi|Freeman> He ignores her attempt to change the topic.||
  727. [2016-05-24 20:33:54] <Saff|Cwn> "Well, yeah." I blink a few times. "Doesn't everyone?" Why wouldn't you assume things about other people? That's how you stay safe? ||
  728. [2016-05-24 20:35:36] ⇐ Dol|mobile quit (uid103127@richmond.irccloud.com): Quit:
  729. [2016-05-24 20:36:35] <Teruzi|Freeman> Right.
  730. [2016-05-24 20:37:26] <Teruzi|Freeman> Instead of answering, Richard asks a question of his own. "Oh? So you would say that is has been working out for you?"||
  731. [2016-05-24 20:39:19] <Saff|Cwn> "I... No, but it's the only way I know how to do things. If one person doesn't like me... the others probably don't either. It's simple." I meet his eyes for a moment, but then look away quickly. "Isn't that how everyone thinks? How else do you protect yourself?"||
  732. [2016-05-24 20:40:26] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You said that again. Protect yourself from what, Cwn?" Richard continues to press the issue.||
  733. [2016-05-24 20:42:07] <Saff|Cwn> "People." I say, giving another small shrug. "From getting hurt by people."||
  734. [2016-05-24 20:45:17] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Hmm." Richard pours himself some more tea while he mulls this.
  735. [2016-05-24 20:45:32] <Teruzi|Freeman> "It's not working." He comments.
  736. [2016-05-24 20:45:58] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You are still getting hurt by people. And you're getting hurt by your assumptions of people."||
  737. [2016-05-24 20:48:38] <Saff|Cwn> I blink a few more times, then realize I still have the cup of tea in my hand. I take another sip, but it's gone cold. "I don't particularly like people. I'm... I'm scared of them. I was okay as a leader because my men were supposed to follow me no matter what. And they were scared of me." I try to take another deep breath and collect my thoughts, but I'm
  738. [2016-05-24 20:48:38] <Saff|Cwn> not exactly sure what to say.
  739. [2016-05-24 20:49:17] * Thalia is now known as Thaliaway
  740. [2016-05-24 20:49:42] <Saff|Cwn> "Being around... people. Having to talk to them... It makes me really nervous. I feel sick to my stomach when I screw up around them. It's harder to breathe and my hands shake. I don't like it."||
  741. [2016-05-24 20:50:16] <Teruzi|Freeman> "We can safely say you get ... anxious around people?" Richard says with a faint smile.||
  742. [2016-05-24 20:51:21] <Saff|Cwn> "I guess, yeah. I don't want to embarrass myself or say something stupid or make them hate me. Though I guess it's too late for all of that." I don't know why he's smiling. I feel like shit.||
  743. [2016-05-24 20:53:02] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Well, I have bad news and good news. Which one would you rather hear first?"||
  744. [2016-05-24 20:53:47] <Saff|Cwn> "I... don't know. Bad, I guess."||
  745. [2016-05-24 20:55:49] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You most certainly have some form of acute anxiety." Richard says, somber.
  746. [2016-05-24 20:56:37] <Teruzi|Freeman> "The good news is that anxiety can be treated. It doesn't have to rule your life." Richard continues.
  747. [2016-05-24 20:58:19] <Teruzi|Freeman> ||
  748. [2016-05-24 21:01:24] <Saff|Cwn> "I... okay. I want to. To get better, I mean. I hate being useless." I sit forward on the chair and neatly fold my hands in my lap. "How do we do this?"||
  749. [2016-05-24 21:04:15] <Teruzi|Freeman> "For starters, we can start by talking a bit more about yourself." Richard says as he points at Cwn's cup. "Do you want more?"||
  750. [2016-05-24 21:06:23] ⇐ ThalAI quit (uid132942@brockwell.irccloud.com): Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
  751. [2016-05-24 21:07:25] <Saff|Cwn> I shake my head. "No. It's good, but... I'm not really thirsty, thank you." Talking... about myself? Okay..."||
  752. [2016-05-24 21:15:50] ⇐ Teruzi|Freeman quit (Andres@net-elf.dt8.190.190.IP): Ping timeout: 181 seconds
  753. [2016-05-24 21:16:56] → Teruzi joined (Andres@net-elf.dt8.190.190.IP)
  754. [2016-05-24 21:20:28] * Teruzi is now known as Teruzi|Freeman
  755. [2016-05-24 21:20:43] → Dolyn joined (Dolyn@net-9pf5lr.mo.charter.com)
  756. [2016-05-24 21:21:26] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Yes, talking about yourself." Richard echoes. "I get the distinct impression that if people had listened to how you felt, you wouldn't have made so many, ahem, questionable life decisions."
  757. [2016-05-24 21:22:00] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Do you feel comfortable enough to talk about your trigger?"||
  758. [2016-05-24 21:24:00] <Saff|Cwn> I shift on the couch, all of my scars prickling with phantom pain. "I... Yeah. I guess. Um." I undo my gloves and roll up my sleeves, exposing some of the large and raised scars on my hands and arms. "I went on a camping trip. It was... stupid to go alone, but I didn't have anyone to go with me so I just... went."
  759. [2016-05-24 21:26:07] <Saff|Cwn> I swallow hard, trying to keep to the deep breaths so that I don't panic and break down again. "I wanted to pack light. Live off the land. I know a bit about traps and foraging and things. And it would have gone fine if I didn't lose my firestarter. Everything got worse from there. My tent got a hole in it, and then there was this huge thunderstorm. I
  760. [2016-05-24 21:26:07] <Saff|Cwn> knew... I knew I would freeze to death if I didn't leave. So I packed up and started walking towards my car, right?" My heart starts beating faster, my hands are shaking like I'm jacked on something.
  761. [2016-05-24 21:27:25] <Saff|Cwn> "And then my flashlight went out. And I'm in the dark. And I know the trail well enough but I can hear something in the bushes, and it's coming after me. And I started to run, and run, but I tripped on a root and landed on the ground and there were... wolves. There shouldn't... be wolves in Ohio, but there were. And they were attacking me and I could feel
  762. [2016-05-24 21:27:25] <Saff|Cwn> their teeth on my bones and I just wanted it to stop...."
  763. [2016-05-24 21:28:34] <Saff|Cwn> I put my head in my hands, the gloves falling off of my lap and onto the floor. "Then they were gone. In pieces. I used my radio to call for help but I blacked out before I got to the hospital. This all happened because I was stupid."||
  764. [2016-05-24 21:29:33] <Teruzi|Freeman> "It sounds like you were irresponsible, more than stupid." Richard says softly.
  765. [2016-05-24 21:29:59] <Teruzi|Freeman> Trigger events where never pleasant. There where some trends, but they where never quite the same. All of them horrible.
  766. [2016-05-24 21:30:24] <Teruzi|Freeman> "How did you go from that to Killhand?"||
  767. [2016-05-24 21:33:32] <Saff|Cwn> "I was in the hospital for a while. When I came back to school people treated me different. They were scared. My roommate... She was my friend before the accident and after I got back she barely talked to me. There was this one girl who would stalk me, ask me invasive questions. I couldn't handle it so I dropped out. I didn't tell my parents." I look back up
  768. [2016-05-24 21:33:32] <Saff|Cwn> at the Doctor, still worried about what he thinks of me, then lock my eyes back on the ground. "I was homeless. I moved into the train yards. I had a little bit of money but once it dried up I had to find something, somewhere to go before I starved." ||
  769. [2016-05-24 21:35:55] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods. "Before we go on, why didn't you tell your parents?"||
  770. [2016-05-24 21:37:54] <Saff|Cwn> "If I moved back home, the neighbors would talk about them for having a freak for a daughter. So I went out on my own. It's easier that way." It makes perfect sense in my head, at least. I pull my sleeves down and put my gloves back on, noticing an additional tightness in my left hand. Probably from the stress. "They just had to spend a lot of time with me
  771. [2016-05-24 21:37:54] <Saff|Cwn> in the hospital. It's not fair to them to have to watch their daughter turn into this."||
  772. [2016-05-24 21:39:18] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard studies Cwn in silence for a moment.
  773. [2016-05-24 21:39:30] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You say it was easier. For you or for them?"||
  774. [2016-05-24 21:41:30] <Saff|Cwn> "For both of us. Why should they have to pretend like everything is okay when it's not? And... they would have been upset with me if they knew that I dropped out." I've progressed to twirling a lock of my hair around my right index finger, just to give me something to do to pass the time. ||
  775. [2016-05-24 21:42:11] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Don't you think they have a right to decide that?" Richard asks.||
  776. [2016-05-24 21:43:18] <Saff|Cwn> "No, of course not." I say while shaking my head. "It's my body. I have a right to decide who has to be around it."||
  777. [2016-05-24 21:43:22] ⇐ JustLurking quit (JustLurking@net-d2vdf5.mn.comcast.net): Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
  778. [2016-05-24 21:48:14] <Teruzi|Freeman> That was a very specific choice of words.
  779. [2016-05-24 21:49:11] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Hm, alright. Didn't it occur to you that going away would distress your parents more than you staying?" Richard asks as he sips his tea.||
  780. [2016-05-24 21:50:44] <Saff|Cwn> "No. Why would it? I'm a freak. Not having me around shouldn't have upset them." I tilt my head to the side again, this time making eye contact with him. "Being on my own was the best choice for everyone."||
  781. [2016-05-24 21:51:30] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Except for yourself. And that man you murdered. And the people at the police station." Richard says, off-handedly.
  782. [2016-05-24 21:51:44] <Teruzi|Freeman> "And the families of those involved."
  783. [2016-05-24 21:51:54] <Teruzi|Freeman> He meets Cwn's stare with his own.
  784. [2016-05-24 21:52:13] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You actions, Cwn, had consequences that go beyond yourself."
  785. [2016-05-24 21:52:51] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I think that one of the first steps towards your recovery is admitting that you can be wrong."||
  786. [2016-05-24 21:55:11] <Saff|Cwn> "Terry. His name was Terry." I mumble, digging my nails into my arm. "And I killed him because he humiliated me. He made me look stupid in front of everyone!" My voice is raised and my heart... my heart is beating so fast. "I didn't go back home because I didn't belong there. People like me don't belong with normal people!" ||
  787. [2016-05-24 21:55:59] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard tilts his head.
  788. [2016-05-24 21:56:26] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You are correct in one thing. You are not like others, Cwn. You have powers."
  789. [2016-05-24 21:57:01] <Teruzi|Freeman> "But they don't need to define your life. Look at Valiant. Look at other heroes in the PRT."
  790. [2016-05-24 21:57:11] <Teruzi|Freeman> "They are 'people like you'"
  791. [2016-05-24 21:57:36] <Teruzi|Freeman> "And they can have homes and families to go back to."
  792. [2016-05-24 21:57:51] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard shakes his head.
  793. [2016-05-24 21:58:39] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Everyone has circumstances, Cwn. You are more than your powers."
  794. [2016-05-24 21:58:47] <Teruzi|Freeman> He gauges his words carefully.
  795. [2016-05-24 21:59:21] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I think that using them to isolate yourself is just how you protect yourself from others preemptively."||
  796. [2016-05-24 22:03:09] <Saff|Cwn> "No. No. Valiant is good. I've hurt people and he seems so kind." I shake my head. "Other people can hide it, though. I just wanted to be me but all of this stupid smoke gives it away. I don't get to not be Killhand or Cwn Annwn or whatever anyone wants to call me. I don't get to put that away." God, I'm trying so hard not to lose it right now. "I never
  797. [2016-05-24 22:03:09] <Saff|Cwn> asked for this. For any of it. But now I'm stuck in it. I just... I want to do the right thing for once."||
  798. [2016-05-24 22:05:13] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods.
  799. [2016-05-24 22:05:21] <Teruzi|Freeman> The smoke was very hard to hide, he supposed.
  800. [2016-05-24 22:06:12] <Teruzi|Freeman> "No one really decides how their life will turn out, Cwn. It's what we do with what we have that defines us."
  801. [2016-05-24 22:07:17] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Speaking of the right thing, I know that you don't get along with Undine. But what about the rest of your teammates?"||
  802. [2016-05-24 22:09:43] <Saff|Cwn> "Um. I've talked with Fleetfoot and Feral. Fleet seemed... pretty nice. He was asking if I was going to go back to school in the Spring, because he's starting and I guess he wanted a friend maybe? Feral... Feral brought me to my room and asked if I needed anything. I was told not to bother Conquistador. Valiant has been out all day. And I haven't seen the
  803. [2016-05-24 22:09:43] <Saff|Cwn> others. There's uh..." Shit. What are all of their names?
  804. [2016-05-24 22:10:24] <Saff|Cwn> "Gigawatt brought me in too. But I didn't talk to her. I know there's a tinker somewhere, right? Uh. I'm sorry. I haven't really done my homework." ||
  805. [2016-05-24 22:11:05] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard smiles a bit. "There really is a lot of people on the roster here."
  806. [2016-05-24 22:11:23] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Not as much as back in San Diego, mind you, but still a lot of names to learn."
  807. [2016-05-24 22:11:52] <Teruzi|Freeman> "It sounds like you're more or less getting along with most of them ..."
  808. [2016-05-24 22:12:36] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard pulls out a notepad and writes something in it. "You know how breathing deeply can help calm you down? Like we did at the start?"||
  809. [2016-05-24 22:15:24] <Saff|Cwn> I nod, then try to do that again. In... Hold it.... Out... I try not to blurt out with the buts and the what-ifs, because I know I'll just get shot down. And... maybe they are genuine. Fleetfoot was really quick to greet me. And Feral's power may have traumatized me for life but she was nice as well... I don't know. "Yeah. Breathing."||
  810. [2016-05-24 22:17:24] <Teruzi|Freeman> "You know what I like about Feral? She hardly has any filters. Comes with the territory of being un-killable, I think."
  811. [2016-05-24 22:18:05] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard says as he remembers reading her psych profile then wincing. "I think that she's the kind of person that you can trust to be honest."
  812. [2016-05-24 22:19:05] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Of course, I don't expect you to believe me." Richard continues, while Cwn regulates her breathing. "I think you're bound to meet her eventually. And you'll see what I mean."
  813. [2016-05-24 22:19:42] <Teruzi|Freeman> "And I hope that you keep in mind, even with all those negative thoughts assaulting you constantly, that maybe this time you can start over."
  814. [2016-05-24 22:19:43] <Teruzi|Freeman> ||
  815. [2016-05-24 22:23:41] <Saff|Cwn> "I want to. I'm... I know I probably seem like a basket case to you but I do want to try to get better! I want to get into the field and help people and..." I get quiet again, looking away to one of the degrees on the walls. ||
  816. [2016-05-24 22:25:40] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard shrugs. "You're not as bad as you think."
  817. [2016-05-24 22:26:01] <Teruzi|Freeman> He lets that sentence hang into the air for a bit, almost expecting Cwn to make her disagreement known.
  818. [2016-05-24 22:26:33] <Teruzi|Freeman> "But I don't believe I should clear you for field duty just yet." He says, more seriously.
  819. [2016-05-24 22:27:08] <Teruzi|Freeman> "At least, not until I feel you're not assuming your teammates would rather be rid of you."||
  820. [2016-05-24 22:28:44] * Thaliaway is now known as Thalia
  821. [2016-05-24 22:29:19] <Saff|Cwn> "But I need to be able to help stop Wink!" I lean forward, smacking my hands down on the coffee table. The mug from before rattles, but it doesn't fall. "I need to!"||
  822. [2016-05-24 22:31:44] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard rises his eyebrows at the sudden outburst, but doesn't react otherwise. Instead, he merely gives Cwn a calm look, prompting her to keep talking.||
  823. [2016-05-24 22:33:04] <Saff|Cwn> "I need to help someone. And Wink... Wink isn't who he portrays himself to be. But I can't say more without breaking rules."||
  824. [2016-05-24 22:33:24] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard winces at the mention of the rules. He nods.
  825. [2016-05-24 22:33:44] <Teruzi|Freeman> "While I understand that, Cwn, I just don't think it's safe for you or others to send you right back into the field."
  826. [2016-05-24 22:33:55] <Teruzi|Freeman> He makes a face as he thinks.
  827. [2016-05-24 22:34:20] <Teruzi|Freeman> Would Mendez push for Cwn's early approval? Yes. Yes she would.
  828. [2016-05-24 22:35:46] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard sighs. "Alright, I'm not making any promises. But if I see some good progress these next few days, then I'll consider giving you the all clear."||
  829. [2016-05-24 22:37:43] <Saff|Cwn> "I'll be good. I will. I need this, sir." I sit back, removing my hands from the table, and return to crossing my arms. "Thank you. I'm going to try."||
  830. [2016-05-24 22:39:03] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard resumes writing. "Well, I'm going to be seeing you again Cwn. But I want you to keep a few things in mind." He says without looking at her.
  831. [2016-05-24 22:39:37] <Teruzi|Freeman> "First of all, your intuition, at least when it relates to other people, is absolutely terrible. Never trust it."
  832. [2016-05-24 22:40:56] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Second of all, I want you to make an effort to train with your teammates. This is important. I know you don't like being around people, but this are the people you're going to be working with from now on."
  833. [2016-05-24 22:41:28] <Teruzi|Freeman> "And last but not least, I've written a number of exercises here, in order to deal with some of the more ... intrusive thoughts that might be hampering your daily life."
  834. [2016-05-24 22:42:25] <Teruzi|Freeman> "The breathing is just one of a few. They should help with your nerves." He thinks about what he said for a bit before correcting it.
  835. [2016-05-24 22:42:40] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Well, they won't really help with your nerves, but they will help you to deal with them."||
  836. [2016-05-24 22:43:40] * soulpelt| is now known as soulpelt|sleep
  837. [2016-05-24 22:45:28] <Saff|Cwn> I nod along, and can't help but crack a smile at his comment on my intuition. "I um. Thank you. I guess... I'll be back here soon. Hopefully it'll be better."||
  838. [2016-05-24 22:50:39] <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods. "I know you will be pulling your hair trying to get better, but don't try not to focus on it so much. Do your exercises. Train as director Mendez sees fit."
  839. [2016-05-24 22:50:43] <Teruzi|Freeman> He eyes Cwn.
  840. [2016-05-24 22:50:52] <Teruzi|Freeman> "Eat and sleep properly."
  841. [2016-05-24 22:51:07] <Teruzi|Freeman> ((*But try not to))
  842. [2016-05-24 22:51:35] <Teruzi|Freeman> "I will see you on your next session, Cwn."||
  843. [2016-05-24 22:54:32] <Saff|Cwn> "Gotcha, Dr. Freeman." I nod once more and take the paper from him, then walk to the door. "Thanks for the tea, by the way." I try to give a small smile before I leave. I'll grab some food from the caf, and then head back to my room so I can start working on /myself./ If I'm going to beat Wink, I've got to play the game. ||
  844. [2016-05-24 22:55:30] * Teruzi|Freeman is now known as Teruzi
  845. [2016-05-24 22:55:37] * Saff|Cwn is now known as Saff
  846. [2016-05-24 22:56:22] <Antioch|GM> ||||
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