Discord vs. Daze (O/S ft. Daze) (DTFG #5) (COMPLETE)

Mar 23rd, 2017 (edited)
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  1. >You are Daze, the hottest, most asskickingest dragon in all of Equestria.
  2. >Yeah, dragon, not dragoness, what are you? Fucking gay or something?
  3. >Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Where were you?
  4. >Oh yeah, you were drinking a bottle of cider in Ponyville town square at 11am because you have nothing better to do.
  5. >Man, since coming here you've been bored shitless.
  6. >There's a grand total of fuck and precisely all to do around here.
  7. >At least this bench you're stretched out on is comfy.
  8. >????: "I could liven things up.."
  9. >You practically leap out of your skin as you dart up to your feet and glance around at the bench.
  10. "What in the name of Richard Branson, who the fuck was that?"
  11. >Almost on que, the bench folds it's self into a little stage with curtains and everything, almost like some sort of freaky transformers bullshit as a snake lizard thing rises up out of thin air to introduce it's self before taking off its top-hat to you.
  12. >"Why! I'm Disc-"
  13. "Not interested, see ya' later mate."
  14. >The stupid lizard snake gives you a puzzled look before you turn around to walk away, only to have your face met with its own pressed against yours.
  15. >You fall back onto your ass and pick yourself back up to give this cunt a piece of your mind.
  16. "AHH! For fuck sakes man, some fucking warning. Almost gave me a bastard stroke. You must be that stupid twat that Khoa briefly mentioned. Discunt, the magical lizard of infinite amounts of bullshit."
  17. >"Quite the mouth on you! It's ever so rude to speak to a friend like that Daze, for shame!"
  18. >This shit is really starting to wear thin on your fucking scales, if this guy is anything like Khoa says he is, you're going to wire his fucking jaw for him if you're around him for any extended period.
  19. >Remember what Marty told you. Be the bigger man and walk away.
  20. "It's a good fucking thing we ain't friends then innit?"
  21. >You shove past him only to have him begin hovering along next to you without even using his wings, because fuck logic.
  22. >For fuck sakes.
  23. >You stop dead in your tracks and turn to face him, getting right up in his mug while simultaneously grabbing him by his chest(?) Fur and telling him how it is.
  24. "Look here, you've got two options right now: Either tell me what you want, and then proceed to fuck off, or I'm going to wipe the fucking floor with you, you scaly, hairy, ugly, twat."
  25. >He looks back at you with a look of shock and.. Is that even a tinge of slight fear in his eyes, right before poofing out of existence with a quick snap of his pawed fingers as you stare at where he stood while proudly smirking and walking away with your head high.
  26. >And then you bump into him again, only this time he's wearing a stately outfit like your fuckwit head teacher did back in highschool.
  27. >What a fucking burk that bloke was.
  28. >"Now, now, now, what did I say? It isn't very ladylike of you to use such profanity, Ms. Daze! We're going to have to do something to teach you a lesson in etiquette!"
  29. >Before you even have a chance to open your mouth, Discord utters "ah ah ah" before making a zipping motion with his fingers and then teleporting the two of you to the park opposite yours and Khoa's house.
  30. "Uhhghh"
  31. >You spin a little on the spot before dropping your bottle and emptying your stomach all over the grass in front of you as a gang of fillies run away in fear while screaming.
  32. "Don't fucking teleport me you cu-"
  33. >He does that motion with his fingers again to cut you off.
  34. >"zippit"
  35. >You just let out a muffled scream of "*CNNPHT*" to Discords apparent amusement, which just further fuels your fire as you lob your bottle at him, missing, and causing it to smash all over the pavement behind him.
  36. >Feeling defeated, you just roll your eyes and stand with your arms folded before he sweeps his hand in the reverse zip motion to allow you to speak.
  37. "Twat."
  38. >"Now, Ms. Daze.. We shall begin your lesson in proper ladies etiquette with getting you out of those quite ghastly rags you call clothes, and into something much more.. Fitting."
  39. "Oh no you fucking don't, I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going. You can fuck r... r.. Righhhttt... o."
  40. >The cunt just magicked you into a fucking dress.
  41. >I mean sure, at least it's dark, but it's a fucking DRESS.
  43. >Discord just bursts out laughing and poofs himself out of existence as you lunge towards him in a swing, before reappearing just outside of your front door across the street.
  44. >"Daze! Daze! This is a very necessary part of the proce - *pfft..aha* process!"
  45. >That's it, you know what you have to do.
  46. >You begin tearing at the dress as you walk towards the cackling dragonequus that is situated on your porch.
  47. "You're fucking dead! You! You and every cunt you've ever known! You fucking CUUUNT!"
  48. >You swing forward towards him and punch your front door with a crack.
  49. "OW! FUCK!"
  50. >You hear laughing coming from the other side of your front door, followed by the sound of commotion from up stairs as Khoa falls out of what sounds like bed and shouts "Huh.. Daze?"
  51. >You swing the door open with a bang as it smacks against your cabinet and breaks the glass door, only to be met by Discord in a maids outfit holding a tray of cake and a teapot.
  52. >"Ever so nice that you're home for tea!"
  53. >You're done playing games.
  54. "You fucking wait here, I'm coming back for you."
  55. >You begin your trec up the stairs, slipping over the front of your dress and tearing a chunk out of it before picking yourself back up and heading towards Khoa's bedroom.
  56. >You kick her door open with a bang to be met by the little gold dragon scrambling up off of the floor.
  57. >K: "Daze! What the hell are you doing?! Wait.. What the hell are you WEARING?"
  58. "Get out of my fucking way Khoa, or I'll kill you as well."
  59. >You shove past Khoa, and begin routing through her closet, throwing shit all over the floor.
  60. >K: "What's going on! Get the fuck out of my room, stop throwing my stuff around!"
  61. >You reach into the back of the closet and find what you're looking for. Ol'slugger. Your baseball bat full of nails.
  62. >You hid this in here when you and Khoa first moved in in case some fucker tried to rob you.
  63. >K: "What the fuck is that, and what is it doing in my closet!"
  64. "You stay here now, I have some snakes to fucking clobber."
  65. >K: "Daze I'm si -"
  66. >You slam the door on her to cut her off before heading back downstairs to tend to your "guest"
  67. "NOW THEN!"
  68. >You run towards Discord with the bat over your head in two hands before slamming it down onto the table that was behind him as he vanishes, just smashing the fucking thing in half before you glance over your shoulder to see that the bastard has materialised leaning against your staircase.
  69. >"Now, now, now Daze! You can't resort to violence! That's not a very *ladylike* way of handling things!"
  70. >You growl in anger as you yank the top half of the dress off, and tear off the remaining portion around your legs leaving you with a tutu of sorts before tugging the bat out of what's left of the table, and pulling your spare black t-shirt over your head and brushing off the splinters of wood that got stuck in it from you pummelling it into the ground along with your furniture.
  71. >You flick your hair up out of your face and charge him again.
  72. "STAY. STILL!"
  73. >You swing the bat back around in an arc, this time smashing all of the banisters out of your staircase as a terrified Khoa yelps and leaps back into the wall.
  74. >She scrambles up to her feet before looking over what's left of your living room.
  75. >K: "Calm down! You're destroying the fucking house!"
  76. >Meanwhile, you're running around the room, smashing fuck out of everything in your path, and so far, you haven't managed to hit that sneaky cunt because he keeps getting out of your way.
  77. "I'll destroy more than the fucking house! I'll fucking kill him!"
  78. >K: "Kill who?! There's nobody here you fucking lunatic!"
  79. >You pause for a few moments to look around at your handywork.
  80. >Your tables are smashed to pieces, your couch has tears all over it from your claws and nailed bat, and your light fitting is all over the floor in about a million pieces. Not to mention the holes in the walls, and the smashed to shit staircase, and.. Oh no.
  81. "The fucking TV!"
  82. >You let out an angry "FUCK" before letting off one final swing of your bat, letting go of it as it flies through the air, and smashes through your livingroom window.
  83. >You walk over to the TV and slump down next to it before resting your head against it as you sulk.
  84. >K: "Now, care to tell me what in the name of God that was all about?"
  85. "Not really."
  86. >K: "Well, you'd better have a damn good excuse for this episode! You've ruined the place!"
  87. "Big lizard twat"
  88. >K: "I'm looking at one."
  89. "Not me, the other big lizard twat, the one that does stupid magical bullshit"
  90. >K: "Discord."
  91. >You let out a growl in response before Khoa just sighs at you and walks over to your side before sitting down.
  92. >K: "Say no more."
  93. "Wasn't plannin' on it."
  94. >Despite your larger size, you lean into her and rest your head against her shoulder letting out a little sigh yourself.
  95. >It's awkward, but it's still more comfortable than resting against your fucked TV set.
  96. >She puts her arm around you in response and brushes your hair out of your eyes.
  97. >She's a weirdo, but she has her perks.
  98. >K: "You know, you can't just fly off of the handle like that when someone gets under your skin. Look at the mess.."
  99. >You let out another sigh. You know she's right.
  100. "I know, I need to try harder next time. I almost fucking had him."
  101. >K: "That's not what I meant Daze"
  102. >You just look up at her with a shit eating grin before winking.
  103. "Don't ruin the fucking moment, Khoa"
  104. >You both just sit there for the next 15 minutes looking at the battlefield in front of you.
  105. >Impressive, even be your standards.
  106. >You'll fucking get him for this.
  108. E N D
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