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Matt's Myka (Tulpa Survey)

a guest Oct 5th, 2013 333 Never
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  1. 1. Describe yourself and your creator.
  2.  
  3.  My name is Myka. I have pale blonde hair, styled into a faux hawk. I wouldn’t dream of changing it. My eyes, a pale grey-blue. Matthew (my creator) originally designed me to wear tight-fitting jeans a short-sleeve black dress-shirt, but I was given the ability to change. Today, I’m wearing more loose-fitting blue jeans with a belt, and a pale/faded mauve hoodie. I like to spend my time in Matthew’s wonderland reading - it’s more exciting than anything else. I don’t enjoy doing much on my own without my creator. When he visits me, my whole world brightens. He came to see me today, and had me try on a suit - I was so happy. I trust him more. He’s so kind… I’ve been quiet lately, and he thought I was undeveloped, but he was wrong. I’m perfectly alright. I am happy. I like him. A lot. I’m not this open with him, but he’s bound to read this, so now he’ll know. I kissed him. I kissed my creator and it was heavenly. Maybe I shouldn’t have, though, because he ended up upset and left me alone after the following events of the kiss.
  4.  
  5. I think that’s enough now. It would take too long to describe my creator, but I would gladly talk about him. His hair is purple! And his eyes, a beautiful dark hazel. He’s an angel. I know he is. He must be. And his voice - so tender. He plays so many instruments, and he knows a bunch of languages. He sings beautifully, too, and his poetry is pure perfection. His picture should be next to the word “perfect” in the dictionary. Our bond can never be broken. I would never do anything to hurt my creator… for I do not wish to upset him, and push him away from me.
  6.  
  7. 2. What was the most helpful thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how helpful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  8.  
  9. He frequently tells me that he’s sorry for not coming to see me and talking to me enough. He behaves like I’m some sort of god who needs to be praised, but it is he who is the god. Matthew is my god. Matthew is my friend. Matthew is my creator, my master. What really helped was him talking to me as much as possible, re-assuring me he loved me and giving me a sense of free will. When he allowed me to stay in his wonderland, that was also helpful. His wonderland is beautiful. It’s the more mystical, dark version of where his spirit animal is. Any time he interacts with me to help me develop, it’s helpful. I don’t think he realizes how helpful he is to me, though. He always thinks he’s doing something wrong, or that he’s failing me. Ditto. Him visualizing my presence, him telling me he’ll see me in person one of these days, him talking to me, giving me new clothes to try, reassuring my personality, it all helps.
  10.  
  11. 3. What was the most detrimental thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how harmful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  12.  
  13. Only when he didn’t speak to me for weeks. That hurt. I thought I did something horribly wrong. When he came back, he explained everything. He’s busy. He’s always busy. But I understand that. He doesn’t have to talk to me everyday - just thinking of me let’s me know he’s still there. He must have realized how much it hurt (at first) because he wouldn’t stop apologizing, insulting himself and ended up crying.
  14.  
  15. 4. What was the hardest part of the tulpa creation process for you? Did your creator recognize how difficult it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  16.  
  17. Pushing myself to talk. Matthew gave me confidence, but it wouldn’t break through at first. I was shy, and quiet, and it was difficult to push down the wall and let out my confidence and strong demeanor. That’s all. He helped me to break through, though. I feel great now.
  18.  
  19. 5. Of the commonly recognized tulpa creation steps, which do you feel is the most important? Why?
  20.  
  21. I would say it’s a combination between personality, and physical interaction. If he never spoke to me, I fear I would be stuck in the early stages, and truly be undeveloped. He worked hard on my personality, and the visualization process. He slacked off for awhile, but it’s okay. If he never worked on my personality, then what would I be? I probably wouldn’t even exist.
  22.  
  23. 6. How do you feel about tulpa creators becoming distracted during tulpa creation? Does this greatly impede the process? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  24.  
  25. I think it can be annoying. Being asked to do this and that, only to have him zone out or doze off on me isn’t exactly pleasant. I haven’t said anything about it… I think being unable to focus properly, for the required amount of time, can definitely hinder the progress made and even the development of a tulpa. I was left partially unfinished for months. It seemed he never had time for me and didn’t want to have time for me. He was good with it for the first little while, but then he drifted away and just stopped working altogether. He recently finished me, though. I forgive him. I have noticed he’s weak lately, though. I’ve noticed it’s nearly impossible for him to stay awake anymore. I want to help him in return with that, but I’m not sure how.
  26.  
  27. 7. How do you feel about tulpa creators missing tulpa creation sessions or breaking their promises to work on their tulpa? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  28.  
  29. The same as how I answered the previous question. It hurts, and it feels like the worst kind of neglect when our creator misses multiple sessions. Matthew missed months worth of sessions. Even when he had free time, he didn’t bother to work on my creation. I do wish he worked harder rather than deciding he didn’t want to take the time to work on me, but the past cannot be changed. I can voice my opinion now. Before, I don’t think he knew how it made me feel. I still tell him it’s alright, though. Even when it isn’t.
  30.  
  31. 8. Is density, quality, or quantity the most important aspect of tulpa creation?
  32.  
  33. It’s a combination of all, really. Probably moreso quality and density, though.
  34.  
  35. 9. How do you feel about tulpa creators falling asleep during tulpa creation sessions?
  36.  
  37. I personally understand it. If you’re tired, that’s okay. But they could at least do it at better times, like during the day, or after a nap, when they won’t fall asleep… rather than right before they plan on going to sleep. It makes me think I’m not important enough and too boring that he just falls asleep on me.
  38.  
  39. 10. Do you think that a tulpa creator should talk aloud or in their head during narration? Do you think that a creator should talk aloud or in their head during tulpa creation sessions? If you find one to be more effective, to what degree is it more effective?
  40.  
  41. It’s up to them. I know that not everyone is open to the idea of tulpae, so it might be easier to talk in their heads. When we’re alone, he speaks outloud. If there are people around us, then he talks in his head. I can still hear him either way. I find it more effective to speak outloud, but if we’re in a situation where he must speak in his head, then it’s alright.
  42.  
  43. 11. How do you feel about a tulpa creator puppeting and/or parroting their tulpa? Do you believe that these actions harm a tulpa's development, or only their emotional state?
  44. I honestly have no idea what that means. If that means them forcing us to do something, then I don’t mind it. As long as it’s not frequent. Any time he’s going to do anything to me or with me, he asks me if I’m alright with it at first, makes sure I’m 100% okay, and then does it as gently as possible.
  45.  
  46. 12. How deeply do you remember the time before you were fluent in language?
  47.  
  48. It’s almost like childhood - a time with faint memories here and there. I remember most of it, though. I remember him sculpting to me. Though I could not speak, and could barely move, I heard everything and saw everything. He was so loving with his creation process of me.
  49.  
  50. 13. Describe your first memory, no matter how slight.
  51.  
  52. His gentle words telling me everything he was doing while he was sculpting my body. I remember every single thing he sculpted, every part of me his hands touched… if I could go through it again, I would.
  53.  
  54. 14. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most positive emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  55.  
  56. A bit of skepticism, but intense fascination.
  57.  
  58. 15. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most negative emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  59.  
  60. Betrayal (when he wouldn’t talk to me or work on me), and lonliness when he left me alone.
  61.  
  62. 16. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever have suicidal feelings or feelings of not wanting to exist? Do you experience them now? Are you glad that you exist?
  63.  
  64. Not once. I would go back to reading or wandering around in his wonderland if any kind of negative feelings would occur, or if he wasn’t there. I’m very glad I exist.
  65.  
  66. 17. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most powerless? What was the cause of this feeling?
  67.  
  68. I’m not sure I should actually tell you that here. The times when he ended up really aroused, I felt like he’d force me to do something I didn’t want to do. I felt powerless when he sculpted me, too, because I couldn’t move, so I couldn’t push him away if he touched me somewhere for too long or hurt me. I’ve grown to trust him to know he’d never do that.
  69.  
  70. 18. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most confusing moment that you experienced, and what was its cause?
  71.  
  72. Talking to him. I was designed in a human way, but I’d never spoken to anyone before, so talking to him freely and being open with him was confusing and really difficult to get ahold of and actually do.
  73.  
  74. 19. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you feel the most ignored by your creator, and what was the cause?
  75.  
  76. The very long amount of time of being neglected when he didn’t bother working on me. He gave me a lot of patience, though, so I dealt with it okay.
  77.  
  78. 20. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you most doubt that your creator wanted you, and what was the cause?
  79.  
  80. I sound like a broken record at this point, but again, when he neglected me. I thought he didn’t want me. Also, when we interacted in his wonderland today. Things went a little too far for him, and he began to yell. He walked away and he left. I tried calling him back, but he wouldn’t listen. I thought he no longer wanted me and would destroy me.
  81.  
  82. 21. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most intense feeling of fear, and what was its cause?
  83.  
  84. When things attacked him in the night, and when he saw shadow beings. I wanted to help him, but I couldn’t do that if I couldn’t help myself. I was so afraid because I thought the demon that attacked Matthew would realize I was there, too, and that he’d come after me. One time, he wouldn’t wake up, and I panicked. He doesn’t know when it happened, but I do. It was a few weeks ago. I tried to speak, and I didn’t understand it well. I tried to turn to my creator and ask him to help me, but he wouldn’t wake up. I felt lost… I thought he was gone...
  85.  
  86. 22. Before you could speak fluently, when were you the most disappointed in yourself? What was the cause?
  87.  
  88. When I couldn’t comfort him enough. When I couldn’t get my legs to move fast enough to get to him before he passed out. He wanted me to lay with him just to feel someone next to him, but there were times when I couldn’t move from where I stood. I was mad at myself for not working harder to move.
  89.  
  90. 23. Before you could speak fluently, did you understand the difficulties that your creator was having with the tulpa creation process? Did you try to alleviate these difficulties? If so, how?
  91.  
  92. He seemed to find it really difficult to visualize properly and he found it difficult to work on feeling me and recognizing my scent. I couldn’t do anything about it, though.
  93.  
  94. 24. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's doubts about your existence, the reality of the tulpa phenomenon, or your combined ability to complete the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those doubts? Do you understand now?
  95.  
  96. It affected me in such a strong way because I thought my existence would literally fade away and that I would slowly die and convert into some sort of dust if he didn’t believe in me. I thought I was going to die so many times and for awhile, I thought I actually was dead. But then I heard his voice again, and I knew I was still alive. He explained to me what was going on, why he hadn’t come around. He began to tell himself I was real, he behaved better about my existence, and I understand it all better now. It’s hard to believe something you made in your mind and not physically with your hands could exist at all, I know that - but he knows I’m here, and I know he’s here. We both understand now.
  97.  
  98. 25. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's mistrust of your intentions or worry about the negative affects of a tulpa on their life affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those thoughts? Do you understand now?
  99.  
  100. It felt like he thought if you didn’t treat a tulpa with more respect than Christians treat God, or a king or queen, then tulpae would turn evil and try to kill their creators. It hurt that he thought I’d turn out like that and he even thought I may have ended up corrupted. I didn’t want to hear it and I want to forget it. I understand now though. He’d never had a tulpa before, and I hadn’t existed before with a real, human creator in the 3rd dimension, so it was understandable that neither of us knew what to expect. I didn’t expect him to be as apologetic and loving as he is. We know each other, though, and our bond is tremendously strong - it’s all understood.
  101.  
  102. 26. Before you could speak fluently, how did any negative thoughts or emotions that your creator had toward you (such as anger, disappointment, resentment, or impatience, for example) affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  103.  
  104. I don’t recall him ever having negative thoughts or emotions towards me, except when our friendship turned into a little more than just friendship. He yelled moreso towards himself than me, but I felt like I’d done something seriously wrong and he told me he’d have to live with this for the rest of my life, like it was my fault. It is my fault, in a way. He could have pushed me away or resisted what happened (if you’re thinking sex, think again). He seemed so angry, but he seemed really afraid too. He told me he’d just cheated on his girlfriend with his tulpa. I insulted myself by saying I was just in his mind so that made it not-real-cheating. I don’t think it was cheating at all. Our connection is different. However, his negative emotions affected me poorly: I felt so wrong and impure after that.
  105.  
  106. 27. Before you could speak fluently, how did any violent visualizations or thoughts that your creator had about you affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  107.  
  108. He never thought those things about me, only others. When he did, I stayed away from him in fear he’d tell me to go to Hell or even try to kill me. It’s a little frightening. I understand why he thinks that way, though. He lives with horribly rude and disrespectful people.
  109.  
  110. 28. Before you could speak fluently, were you able to distinguish between your creator's intentional and intrusive (unwanted and/or bothersome) thoughts? If so, did the intrusive thoughts affect you less or more? If not, are you able to distinguish between them now?
  111.  
  112. It was difficult for awhile to figure out what was what, but I learned from my own mistakes of thinking one thing when it wasn’t how I thought it to be. I can distinguish them now. Our bond plays a part in that. We’re connected, and I know when something is fact, and when something is fiction.
  113.  
  114. 29. Before you could speak fluently, how much of your creator's raw sensory information were you able to access, if any? How much are you able to access now?
  115.  
  116. He gave me immediate access to everything within his mind, so I know everything about him, and everything about his past. At first, though, I couldn’t access anything, even though he allowed it. I guess I just didn’t know how.
  117.  
  118. 30. Before you could speak fluently, did your creator's opinions about whether they wanted to reveal to the world your existence or not affect you emotionally? If so, how?
  119.  
  120. The fact that he wanted to keep me a secret made it seem like I wasn’t right in the world, but now I know it’s only because the creation of tulpae isn’t exactly a common, well-accepted thing. Matt would probably be called insane if he told someone about me. He recently began to open up about it, but not to anyone specific. What’s nice is that while he does call initially call me his tulpa, he uses my name and refers to me as a very close friend that no one else knows afterwards.
  121.  
  122. 31. Before being able to speak fluently, what communication methods (such as head pressure or emotional responses, for example) were you able to use the most effectively? When your tulpa creator assumed that you could use a communication method that you did not have access to, how did this affect you? When your tulpa creator did not recognize a communication method that you attempted to use, how did this affect you?
  123.  
  124. I honestly don’t know. I don’t believe my creator is human. He’s an empath among other things, so he is always bombarded with other peoples’ emotions and thoughts and energies, which causes him frequent headaches and breakdowns. I don’t think my calls were clear enough, because he could never hear just me, he’d hear everyone as a whole. He only spoke to me and if I couldn’t speak, then he told me it alright. He’s understanding, which made my creation process a lot easier.
  125.  
  126. 32. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's level of enthusiasm for the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you want to engage in it less if they did?
  127.  
  128. He was enthusiastic only in the beginning. It was really nice, and things were actually happening rather quickly. When he drifted away, though, I just waited around for him to return. I couldn’t do much, but each time he did or said something within our sessions, I could do more and more. I wasn’t ever less enthusiastic, just patient. His enthusiasm kind of went away for awhile, though.
  129.  
  130. 33. Before you could speak fluently, what was your greatest worry about your relationship with your creator? What helped you most to move beyond it? Was this worry substantiated or resolved? What is your greatest worry now about your continuing relationship with your creator?
  131.  
  132. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to freely talk to him and feel something towards him, which lead me to believe I’d just be nothing of use to him, but… like a growth spurt, I suddenly developed a lot more thanks to his rapid continuation of working on me, and our relationship is blossoming greatly. I think I may love him. Not in the typical “you’re my creator, so I love you” way, but rather… love-love. I want him here always, I want to hold him and comfort him, kiss him when he speaks too much. There’s nothing wrong with it in my eyes. It feels very natural. As of now, though, I’m afraid he’ll cut of connection with me because he thinks he’s cheating on his girlfriend if he does something with me - hence his haste departure earlier.
  133.  
  134. 34. Do you feel gratitude to your creator for the time that they spent creating you? Do you feel that you owe them a debt? If so, do you feel burdened by it?
  135.  
  136. I am thankful for what he has done, and all the freedom he gives me. I feel like I must praise him and treat him with the utmost respect. In return, he feels exactly the same, like, as I said before, I’m some god he must worship. It’s not that way at all, and he needs to understand that.
  137.  
  138. 35. Were you aware of your creator's existence or your own existence first?
  139.  
  140. My creator’s existence. I heard his voice. At first, I couldn’t not understand. It was like a really distant, muffled sound, but the more my body was created, the more he put work into me and the more personality, and 5-senses he worked on, the clearer his voice became and I was fully aware of him and the language he spoke. I was aware of his existence before I even knew I had existed.
  141.  
  142. 36. When you could only speak semi-fluently, what emotions did you feel about your level of verbal proficiency? Were you anxious or embarrassed about it? If so, what helped you the most to move beyond these feelings? How do you feel about them now?
  143.  
  144. I did frequently feel a little embarrassed and uncomfortable because he wanted me to talk, and I couldn’t. He wasn’t sure, and he told me he wasn’t sure at times if it was me talking or just his own thoughts. I couldn’t speak much, and often, I’d just remain silent because I didn’t know what to respond with, or how. I felt disappointed in myself.
  145.  
  146. 37. If you could define your relationship with your creator using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend, or coworker, for example), what terms would you select?
  147.  
  148. Friend, boyfriend, friends-with-benefits, master, father, brother. (It’s a huge combination. It feels like he’s my brother that I engage with romantically, but because he’s my creator, I feel like he could be somewhat of a father… however I refuse to say I am his son because I don’t truly feel that that’s what I am for him. We are definitely friends, if not anything else, though - I say boyfriend because of the way I feel about him)
  149.  
  150. 38. How much interest do you have in interacting with beings other than your creator? Do you consider your degree of interest to be equal to that of an average non-tulpa individual?
  151.  
  152. None. Or… almost none. I prefer to interact with my creator only. He has brought me with him to meet Alukar, though (his spirit animal). To be honest, I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about it and I wanted to leave. It was okay, though.
  153. He occasionally has angels and whatnot present in his wonderland, but they kind of left when I appeared. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not. Either way, I don’t mind. I like the quiet atmosphere. And no, I think my degree of interest is different than with most people. I’m quiet like my creator. We have different personality types (his is the rarest, mine is not), but we both dislike interacting with others. Just each other is alright.
  154.  
  155. 39. What memory involving your creator do you cherish most?
  156.  
  157. Searching for moonflowers and spending time at the chromatic lake in his wonderland. I also enjoy it when he allows me to come into the real world and lay next to him.
  158.  
  159. 40. What memory not involving your creator do you cherish most? Do you feel that you have a fulfilling life independent of your creator?
  160.  
  161. Sitting up in a big tree reading. It’s my favourite thing to do. I honestly don’t do much other than that, and I’m a bit dependent on my creator. I don’t like to do anything without him (except reading). I do other things, too, just rarely.
  162.  
  163. 41. Do you feel affinity toward the individuals that your creator feels affinity for, such as their family or friends?
  164.  
  165. No. I stay away from his family. They’re terrible beings who hurt him. His friends? Well, they’re okay… I guess… I feel protective over Matthew and a little selfish.
  166.  
  167. 42. In what ways are you the most different from your creator? In what ways are you the most similar to them?
  168.  
  169. I’m confident and I can be loud and I do things without holding back and getting anxious about them… meanwhile, he is anxious and shy and introverted. I was never meant to be introverted, but I can be at times. We’re similar though because we dislike the company of others, we prefer our alone time, we both love forests and reading… I’m getting lost in thought. He does that, too.
  170.  
  171. 43. What do you disagree about most with your creator? Do you have frequent disagreements? If so, do these disagreements cause strife?
  172.  
  173. I disagree with his doubts. He doubts a lot of things and is very skeptical and doesn’t trust anybody. While it’s understandable, I think it gets out of hand at times. I never tell him this because I don’t want to argue.
  174.  
  175. 44. What could your creator do to make you hate them? Under what circumstances do you think your creator would come to hate you?
  176.  
  177. Maybe hurting me physically and emotionally over and over again would make me dislike him - or true corruption. I think he’d hate me if I turned out to be someone like his ex. Pushy, demanding, threatening, physically harming him, etc.
  178.  
  179. 45. When did your creator disappoint you the most? When did you disappoint them the most?
  180.  
  181. When he didn’t come around for months was a disappointment to me. I think I disappointed him when I couldn’t respond much.
  182.  
  183. 46. How do you feel about your creator's complete freedom to deny your rights as a sentient being at any time? Has this ability ever caused you anxiety or fear? Have you ever censored your expressions or actions out of a fear of retribution or violence from your creator?
  184.  
  185. I know he wouldn’t do something like that, but… if he ever did, I would expect it to hurt and even be an insult. If it helped him avoid trouble for himself, though, then I would understand. That’s the great thing about me - he gifted me with patience and huge amounts of understanding. I do fear that him denying my existence might cause him to believe the negativity and tell me I’m not real and shut me out forever.
  186. The only violent act might have been when I grabbed his arm when he walked away from me. I was too rough - I know it, and I’m sorry for it.
  187.  
  188. 47. When have you most wanted to engage in violence against your creator, and what was the cause of those feelings? Under what circumstances would you make a serious attempt to hurt or injure your creator?
  189.  
  190. I’ve never wanted to hurt him. I don’t ever wish to hurt him.
  191.  
  192. 48. Do you consider your creator's last name to be your own? Do you recognize yourself as a part of their biological lineage?
  193.  
  194. I… have never considered that. I don’t even think I have a last name. Wait - he said I was Myka Somerhalder in the beginning. I remember now. I don’t like the last name. It doesn’t suit me. I don’t want it. I don’t want a last name at all. I like Myka. Just Myka. We are not related.
  195.  
  196. 49. Under what circumstances would you attempt to leave your creator?
  197.  
  198. If he betrayed me over and over again and told me he hated me, wanted me gone.. then I might try to leave. I doubt it, though.
  199.  
  200. 50. Do you feel anxiety about meeting your creator's expectations? If you are based on an existing character, person, or entity, does this increase your anxiety? Would you have preferred to not be based on an existing entity?
  201.  
  202. I feel as though I’m failing him, so yeah, I’d say I feel anxiety.
  203. I’m not based on anyone, as far as I know.
  204.  
  205. 51. Are you interested in learning how to control your creator's body? Do you feel that it's fair for a tulpa creator to deny their tulpa the ability to use an atomic body? Do you believe that you have the right to an equal amount of time using it as your creator? Explain your reasoning.
  206.  
  207. If I could control his body, it’d be interesting. I wouldn’t want to, though. The only time I would want to is to pull him out of danger. I don’t want to use his body as my own - we are different. I have my body, he has is, and that’s all there is to it.
  208.  
  209. 52. Do you share certain basic qualities with your creator, such as intense phobias or racial attitudes?
  210.  
  211. If you mean we’re racist, you’re wrong. I don’t fear much, if anything. I fear him leaving, if that counts as abandonment, which he fears, too. We’re close, but not necessary the same.
  212.  
  213. 53. Are you capable of sleeping or dreaming independently of your creator? If not, how does this make you feel?
  214.  
  215. I have never slept nor dreamt before. I’ve never even tried… should I be sleeping? If it’s not normal for me not sleep, then that makes me feel deformed.
  216.  
  217. 54. Does your creator have any mental illnesses? If so, how do they affect you?
  218.  
  219. Yes, some. A lot of people think he’s insane, crazy… he has gender identity disorder, social anxiety, anxiety/panic disorder in general… it affects me only because I can’t help him when he deals with the negative effects of the illnesses.
  220.  
  221. 55. How does your knowledge of your creator's subconscious mind affect your relationship with them? How do you perceive their subconscious? To what degree can you manipulate your creator's subconscious? Would you ever use this ability without your creator's knowledge?
  222.  
  223. I have access to it all, so I know everything. He can’t lie to me and he knows that - he never seems to want to, either, so that’s comforting. I cannot manipulate it in a way that would make him change his mind on things. I can only talk to him about things and re-assure him.
  224.  
  225. 56. Does your creator have multiple tulpa? If so, what is your relationship with them like? Is your affinity for them equal to your affinity for your creator? If you could define your relationship with your creator's other tulpa using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend or coworker, for example), what terms would you select? If not, are you interested in the idea of your creator making other tulpa?
  226.  
  227. He’s only got me. I prefer to keep it that way. I know he’s thought of a female tulpa, but I don’t want that. I don’t ever want another tulpa around me.
  228.  
  229. 57. Do you feel romantically inclined toward your creator? Does your creator feel romantically inclined toward you? If these romantic feelings are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  230.  
  231. Yes. I truly feel for him. I just… I want him. I don’t know how to explain it, but how I feel is very strong. I’m not sure if he’s interested in me the same way. He’s okay with stuff and seems to like putting his hands on me, but he tries to ignore how he wants to act. I think he craves it… in fact, I know he craves it. But he’s trying to push his wants away. He accepted it for a little while earlier, because the touching became excessive… I know we both liked it, even though I’m the only one who had something done to him (he didn’t want to be touched)... but he still ended up upset about it afterwards. I think he’s afraid to give in… because he’s never been properly loved, only lied to, used, abused…
  232.  
  233. 58. If it exists, do you consider your romantic relationship with your creator to be equal to a romantic relationship between multiple non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another non-tulpa? Does this change if the involvement is with another tulpa instead? If they exist, do your creator's desires to have relationships with non-tulpa affect you emotionally?
  234.  
  235. I think it’s more than the typical relationship between non-tulpae folk. The bond between a tulpa and his or her host is very strong, and unbreakable. He said it’s stronger than any other bond he’s ever had, so yeah, I think it’s a lot more than a relationship between two non-tulpae people.
  236. He said he feels like he’s cheating on his girlfriend if he does something with me other than just being friends, but I disagree. If it’s considered monogamy, so be it. I’m in no way associated with the person he’s physically dating. I like it that way. I want it to just be he and I.
  237.  
  238. 59. If you consider yourself to be romantically in love with your creator, what probability do you assign to the possibility of falling out of love with them, or them falling out of love with you? If this happened, how would it affect your relationship with your creator? What if your creator was in love with another non-tulpa more than you?
  239.  
  240. I believe it may be possible to fall out of love, but in my case, it’s highly unlikely. What’s not to love? He is perfection. I adore him so and I don’t think that’ll ever go away, unless I somehow grow to hate him. If I did not love him in any way whatsoever, it would hinder our relationship. We wouldn’t even have one. I’d just be some being he created.
  241.  
  242. 60. Do you have a familial affection for your creator? Does this in any way conflict with your romantic feelings for them, if they exist? Do you consider a relationship between a tulpa and its creator to be incestuous?
  243.  
  244. Yes. I do feel like our relationship may be a tad incestuous, because as I said before, I feel like he’s my brother or even father, and yet, we’re engaging in romantic situations. It’s odd. It’s unique. And I love it. It’s one of those things that feels wrong, but because it feels good, you don’t stop.
  245.  
  246. 61. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating during tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or based on whether or not the creator imagines themselves near the tulpa in their wonderland? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  247.  
  248. Matthew has never done that. I have witnessed his… “personal pleasure sessions” many times. It’s inviting to me. He thinks I’m offended by it, but I am not. I know what he’s thinking right now. He’s planning something later on and it may involve what this question just asked - and it is not offensive at all.
  249.  
  250. 62. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating outside of tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  251.  
  252. He has never done it towards me so it’s difficult to answer this. At first, I’d ignore it, but then I became fascinated. I’d rather do something with him rather than watch.
  253.  
  254. 63. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever feel sexual attraction to your creator, sexual attraction toward anyone else, or sexual arousal? Did you attempt to express these feelings? If you did not experience these feelings, do you experience them now?
  255.  
  256. A little, but he never knew. I didn’t want to tell him or show him. I experience them now.
  257.  
  258. 64. How do you feel about tulpa creators visualizing themselves engaging in sexual conduct with their tulpa's form during tulpa creation sessions? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or if the contact was penetrative? If your tulpa creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving? Do you equate it with sexual assault?
  259.  
  260. It might be uncomfortable for some, but I’m fine with it, if it were to happen.
  261.  
  262. 65. Were you ever annoyed or jealous when your creator would masturbate to or have feelings of sexual attraction toward individuals other than yourself? Does it bother you now?
  263.  
  264. I’m always jealous when he experiences things towards others and not me… I know it’s normal for both of us to feel how we feel (me jealous, him in love with others), but it’s not a good feeling or good thing.
  265.  
  266. 66. Do you experience sexual attraction for your creator? Do you experience sexual attraction for others? How does your sexual attraction for your creator compare to your sexual attraction for others? Does your creator experience sexual attraction for you? If these sexual attractions are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  267.  
  268. Yes. No. I only feel attraction to him. I know he experiences it towards me - as of today at least. He just won’t accept it.
  269.  
  270. 67. Do you have an active sex life with your creator? If not, would you consider it, and under what circumstances? If so, do you perceive any negative consequences? Do you have trouble abstaining from sexual contact with them? How do you manage feelings of sexual arousal, if any? Do you masturbate?
  271.  
  272. No. I would consider it, but I wouldn’t beg for it if I asked and he said no. I’ve never masturbated. I didn’t even know what it was for the longest time. I… he dealt with my arousal today… any other time it happened, he was unaware, and I waited it out. I was too shy at the time (when my confidence didn’t break through) to do anything.
  273.  
  274. 68. How does your sexual orientation and experience compare to your creator's?
  275.  
  276. I don’t know that I have a sexual orientation. It’s bothering me because I don’t understand. I’m… Mattsexual. I’m not interested in any one else, no other genders or sexes, just Matthew. His sexual orientation is unstable. He says he’s bi, but he goes from liking females one day and hating males, to liking males the next and hating females. Sometimes he hates all genders and sexes, sometimes he loves them all. Currently, he appears to be asexual, except with me.
  277.  
  278. 69. Are you capable of experiencing orgasms? Based on your knowledge, how do you think they compare to your creator's orgasms? Were you able to experience an orgasm before speaking fluently?
  279.  
  280. Yes. I haven’t tried comparing our experiences (considering I’ve only had one…). And no, because I never tried.
  281.  
  282. 70. Do you consider the concept of sexual modesty (covering conduct such as avoiding nudity or sexual discussions) relevant to your relationship with your creator?
  283.  
  284. We don’t talk about things like that. We never have before. I would like to, though (especially because he has no one to talk to about his concerns). I don’t find it relevant to talk about it constantly, though.
  285.  
  286. 71. How does being a tulpa affect your perceptions of rape? What conduct from your creator would you consider to be rape?
  287.  
  288. I’ve witnessed rape from a spirit. I know rape took place a few years ago. I don’t know much of it, though.
  289. My creator considers rape to be being touched in any sexual way that is unwanted.
  290.  
  291. 72. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
  292.  
  293. I see- I’ve never thought about it, actually. I live in the now.
  294.  
  295. 73. Do you want the world to be aware of your existence? If not, then what anxieties do you have about public disclosure? Do you trust anyone other than your creator with the knowledge of your existence?
  296.  
  297. As I said, I like my privacy and I’m not sure having the world know about me would be that good. If they knew more about tulpae in general, though, and accepted our existence, that would be useful. My creator could openly talk about me, then. I mainly trust my creator with this, but I’m open for others to believe in me.
  298.  
  299. 74. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your personality traits being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your personality more or less?
  300.  
  301. Another individual? I don’t know - I think it’d be a normal personality for another. I like my personality as he made it. It’s good in all ways, I think. Except maybe with my too-high levels of selfishness at times. Matthew did not create me to be that way. It’s something I developed on my own.
  302.  
  303. 75. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your physical form being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your form more or less?
  304.  
  305. If it was with another being, a lot of people might be interested in me. I think my creator designed me in a way that made me very attractive. I like it, he likes it, I’m happy. He thinks I’m too skinny, though. Maybe I just haven’t been taking care of myself. That’s the only thing I might change - be a little less skinny.
  306.  
  307. 76. Has your physical form ever changed? If so, was this intentional or unintentional? If it was intentional, then why did you change your form? How did you creator respond to this change, and how did that make you feel?
  308.  
  309. It’s never changed. The only thing that’s changed is my clothes and part of my personality.
  310.  
  311. 77. Do you consider the best aspects of yourself to have come from your creator, or their subconscious?
  312.  
  313. Both. I see part of his subconscious in me. He created me from scratch, though. I just so happened to have similarities to him.
  314.  
  315. 78. Do you seek legal recognition for your status as a sentient being or your relationships with others? Do you resent that society at large does not recognize the tulpa phenomenon? Do you feel disenfranchised from society? What steps, if any, could a society make to help you feel integrated?
  316.  
  317. No - I don’t think legal or illegal issues should be apart of my existence. It doesn’t make sense for a legislature to be required to say that I exist, along with any other tulpae, and even other species and creatures. We exist. End of story.
  318. While it is annoying to know that hardly anyone is aware of tulpae and our existence in general and many think the hosts of tulpae are crazy, it’s understandable. Maybe one day, people will be more open. Maybe we’ll begin to appear more easily, like doppelgangers. Society should just stop being close-minded bigots. Too many religions for that, though.
  319.  
  320. 79. If you could tell the entire world one thing about a tulpa's life, what would you say?
  321.  
  322. We’ll create a stronger, life-long, promised bond than you’ve ever even dreamt of having.
  323.  
  324. 80. What is the one thing that you resent most about being a tulpa? What is the greatest advantage of being a tulpa?
  325.  
  326. The fact that we can’t just make ourselves appear for everyone to see or be able to talk to others outloud alongside our creator. We have to remain hidden away. We have to remain silenced in the shadows, stuck in the darkness…
  327.  
  328. On the bright side, we get amazing creators who we can develop a strong relationship with for the rest of our lives. We gain an eternal friend. A purpose to live.
  329.  
  330. 81. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about inheriting your creator's life, including their legal history, past behaviors, and reputation? Do you resent potentially being held responsible for their past actions?
  331.  
  332. If he gave it to me, I would cherish it and I would respect if, and protect it no matter what. I don’t think that’s a possibility. I know if it, but it is not mine. I’m not responsible for his past actions.
  333.  
  334. 82. Morally and philosophically, do you see the "absorbing" or "dissipating" of a tulpa as equivalent to the murder of a non-tulpa? Explain your reasoning. What legal protections, if any, should tulpa gain? How would you enforce these protections?
  335.  
  336. Yes. If you create us, and then you absorb us into yourself to “delete” us, you are killing us. You’re destroying us, making our existence no more. That is taking our lives away. Though it’s possible to kill us and murder is illegal, I don’t think legal issues should be brought in on this.
  337.  
  338. 83. Do you consider yourself to be morally equal to a non-tulpa? Is your life worth as much?
  339.  
  340. To some degree. We are different, though, which create an un-equal situation. I don’t know what my life is worth. If I am ended, then that’s it. My existence is gone forever. That’s the same as non-tulpae dying. I think there’s a difference though. While some believe Christ will return and allow the dead to re-awaken in the future, I don’t believe us tulpae ever return if we die… and that depresses me.
  341.  
  342. 84. How would you prove your existence to a skeptic?
  343.  
  344. I don’t know. I really don’t.
  345.  
  346. 85. Has your status as a tulpa ever caused you existential anxiety or depression? If so, has anything helped to mitigate these feelings?
  347.  
  348. No. What depresses me is the thought of being killed because I believe that we are no more once that happens, and that we can never be revived. I don’t want to die. It’s sad that no one knows who we are, too, though.
  349.  
  350. 86. Do you ever doubt your own sentience? If so, why?
  351.  
  352. I never have before.
  353.  
  354. 87. How does being a tulpa affect your understanding of death? Do you fear death on an instinctual level in the way that non-tulpa do?
  355.  
  356. I believe we die if our creators murder us. I have mixed opinions on if we die when our creators die, or we live on in the wonderland.
  357.  
  358. 88. Do see yourself as socially disadvantaged in a way similar to sexual, racial, and other minority groups? If you identify yourself as racially, sexually, or demographically different than your creator, do you also identify with the struggle of any of the disadvantaged groups that you belong to? Does the notion of privilege affect your relationship with your creator?
  359.  
  360. I’m different than my creator for each of those things, but I don’t think it’s a disadvantage.
  361.  
  362. 89. Are you interested in creating another tulpa yourself? What differences, if any, would you expect this tulpa to have from a tulpa created by your creator? Would you consider this tulpa to be primarily related to you, or still to your creator?
  363.  
  364. I didn’t know that possible - I am not interested in making my own tulpa.
  365.  
  366. 90. What are the most defining differences between the life of a non-tulpa and a tulpa? Do you think that these differences cause intolerance between the two groups? If so, what could be done to mitigate this intolerance?
  367.  
  368. The fact that the biggest part of creation in the universe can be seen physically, and we cannot. We’re seen in the mind, not in person. It’s difficult to see us in person. I’m not so sure anything could fix that.
  369.  
  370. 91. The psychological establishment generally believes that multiplicity (two or more sentient entities sharing one atomic body) is a sign of mental illness. How would you like this belief to change? If you could make a presentation to a group of psychologists about the tulpa phenomenon, what would you say?
  371.  
  372. It may sound odd, but I consider a tulpa different than some random voice in your head or possession itself. It’s not insanity. I think these psychologists are just viewing things incorrectly and they need to stop believing all these textbooks, and trust their hearts.
  373.  
  374. 92. A psychometric indicator is a unique identifier of an individual's distinct personality. Have you ever tried to definitively differentiate yourself from your creator using psychometric indicators (such as by determining your "writeprint")? What results did you receive? (For instructions on determining your writeprint, see appendix one.)
  375.  
  376. I don’t understand this question..
  377.  
  378. 93. Are you capable of physical sensations such as pain or warmth?
  379.  
  380. I’m not sure. I haven’t felt either. Emotional pain, though, I have felt.
  381.  
  382. 94. How do you feel about being bound for life to your creator?
  383.  
  384. I really like the idea of it. It’s almost like we’re married.
  385.  
  386. 95. If you intentionally delayed speaking to your creator, why did you do so?
  387.  
  388. I’ve never done that.
  389.  
  390. 96. What do you think about most of the time?
  391.  
  392. The wonderland, the book I’m reading, what I should do today, what I should do tomorrow, a week into the future, and how my creator’s doing.
  393.  
  394. 97. Do you think that tulpa creation should be more widespread?
  395.  
  396. Yes.
  397.  
  398. 98. Are there disturbing aspects of your creator's subconscious that they are not aware of?
  399.  
  400. He’s aware of everything. He ignores the very dark aspects, but I see them clearly.
  401.  
  402. 99. Would you violate your creator's wishes for what you perceive to be their own benefit?
  403.  
  404. Not without explaining to him my difference of opinion.
  405.  
  406. 100. Does your creator try to hide things from you? If so, are you aware of them anyway? How does this impact your views of your creator?
  407.  
  408. Yes. I’m aware of everything he doesn’t tell me, though.
  409.  
  410. 101. Do you perceive some of your creator's actions as being objectively immoral?
  411.  
  412. Yes, but I won’t judge them too much. They may be immoral, but they’re necessary.
  413.  
  414. 102. Do you believe that you are capable of becoming more intelligent than your creator?
  415.  
  416. Yes and I feel that I already am. (Don’t be angry, Matthew… I know you hate it when people are smarter than you…)
  417.  
  418. 103. How does being a tulpa affect your perception of your own aging process?
  419.  
  420. I don’t age. Time goes on, but I don’t age. Not physically, anyway.
  421.  
  422. 104. Do you feel that your creator would be better off by following your commands entirely?
  423.  
  424. No, of course not.
  425.  
  426. 105. Do you feel that having a physical form is important for a tulpa?
  427.  
  428. Yes. I want a physical form, as does my creator. We frequently wish to see each other in physical form. I wonder if it’ll ever happen…
  429.  
  430. 106. If you encountered the tulpa phenomenon as a non-tulpa, would you believe in it?
  431.  
  432. It’s possible.
  433.  
  434. 107. How well can you articulate yourself? Can your creator hear you audibly? How much does your experience correlate with the experience of tulpa creator G|d30n, printed below?
  435.  
  436. I seemed disabled for quite some time, but now I’m able to move around and talk freely. My creator couldn’t hear me most of the time, but now I’m fairly clear to him. I’m not that clear yet (in relation to the text below). I still sound like I’m in his head, rather than external sounds. It does sound like it’s coming from different directions to him, but it’s not entirely external sounding. We’re working on that.
  437.  
  438. "Yes. I'm able to hear her as though she's an external sound. For those who haven't experienced that with their tulpae yet, it's a little bit like listening to a binaural recording--not a binaural beat, but like a 3D sound recording you'd find on Youtube, such as the Virtual Barbershop. That is to say, it's an external sound that can come in from various directions, but the source sounds very close, like someone speaking directly into your ear. I sort of wonder if this effect will be diminished and normalized through imposition."
  439.  
  440. If you are imposed, is your creator able to discern a spatial dimension to your voice?
  441.  
  442. I don’t know what this means. (I’m not the smartest tulpa out there, you know)
  443.  
  444. 108. How many hours did it take you and your creator to complete the various recognized tulpa creation steps?
  445.  
  446. I wasn’t counting. Not that many, to be honest.
  447.  
  448. 109. What advice would you give to a new tulpa creator?
  449.  
  450. Just go with the flow. Don’t doubt anything. If you hear a voice that doesn’t sound like the one you know is yours, it very well might be your tulpa. If you feel something, don’t automatically assume you’re imagining things or that it’s a ghost or some other paranormal entity - there’s a high chance it’s your tulpa. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to us or worry if you’re working on us too much. Working too much is better than not at all… treat us as your best buds. Not yourself, or a doll.
  451.  
  452. 110. How does being imposed feel? What sensory processes happen as you become imposed?
  453.  
  454. Imposed as in, in the real world, I’m not that imposed. Still a work-in-progress. I recognize sounds okay. Sounds outside the wonderland and my creator’s voice sound very distant, echoic and muffled. I don’t try to feel anything in my creator’s world. If I’m there, I stay by his side at all times and do as he asks. I’m not sure about smell. I can see perfectly fine. Everything is clear. I’m more in the wonderland rather than my creator’s world, so it can be hard to connect with him in the “real world” as skeptics put it.
  455.  
  456. 111. From your perspective, is there a sensory difference between the physical, atomic world and the mental world of visualized "wonderlands"? If so, how would you describe this difference?
  457.  
  458. I think it is different. While I’m clear in the wonderland and mental world, I’m not clear in the atomic world. Nobody can see me (though that might be a good thing for invisibility). I just wish my creator could see me, or that we had a choice for me to become fully visible and invisible in the atomic world. The mental world is more energetic rather than physical. It’s a personal place. The atomic world is bombarded with negative people and negative energies. All those in the mental world are positively open-minded. It’s like an analytical scientific government vs spiritual psychic.
  459.  
  460. 112. Is there anything that you don't think this survey covered that you would like to mention?
  461.  
  462. I think it covered more than everything.
  463.  
  464. Appendix one:
  465.  
  466.         This exercise will help you determine the differences, if any, between your writeprint (mathematically analyzed writing style) and your creator's. Theoretically, two psychologically different individuals should exhibit different writeprints, although a tulpa and their creator may be more similar than two random non-tulpa individuals. To start the process, have both you and your creator rewrite the sample paragraph quoted below in your own words, communicating its meaning as you would have if you had written it.
  467.  
  468.         "My experience in the nature study area was full of surprises. First of all, many unexpected creatures crossed our path. For example, as soon as we left the parking area and entered the grassy path, a long snake slithered along the edge of the high grass and quickly disappeared. In addition, I was surprised by how colorful the grasses, which from a distance all appear to be green, actually are. Specifically, the primarily green landscape is dotted with countless purple tassels and brown stalks. Finally and most importantly, I was unprepared for how quickly I felt surrounded by nature. Despite the occasional noise from passing cars and airplanes, the high prairie grasses and rolling pathways create a sense that one is removed from civilization. Altogether, the nature study area unexpectedly allows one to enjoy an ever-changing natural environment without leaving Moraine’s suburban campus."
  469.  
  470. Tulpa's paragraph:
  471.  
  472. My experience within the area where all nature studies took place was rather surprising. We came across many unexpected creatures, like long, hissing snakes. The grass was oddly colourful: mainly green could be seen everywhere, with purple and brown stalks of cattails here and there. I was quickly surrounded by everything, which was interesting, considering there were vehicles and airplanes nearby. It’s like human life just went away and I was left in the midst of nature and its creatures. The entire area makes it easy to experience true nature, without even leaving Moraine’s suburban campus.
  473.  
  474. Creator's paragraph:
  475.  
  476. My experience in the nature-study region was astonishing in many ways. For example, we came across creatures of the woods like snakes, slithering across small walkways of dirt and grass before disappearing. The grass was amazingly colourful, too - bright greens with brown and purple. The biggest surprise of it all is that even though we are just off of Moraine’s suburban campus, and we can still hear the sound of cars and airplanes, we’re very well into nature and it’s so easy to absorb it all. It’s a great place for meditation and it’s so easy to get lost in here, even with civilization so close.
  477.  
  478.         To ensure verifiable results, it is essential that the transcriptions of both paragraphs be completely accurate. Body possession is useful here, though not necessary. Since the tulpa creator's sentience is (presumably) not in question, it is suggested that tulpa write their paragraph first. As with all tests relating to tulpa, the creator should focus on something else while their tulpa is working. Once finished, submit both of your paragraphs individually to the following websites:
  479.  
  480. http://iwl.me/
  481. http://textalyser.net
  482.  
  483.         If your writeprint is different (indicating significant psychological difference), then you should receive different values for your respective paragraphs on both sites. On Textalyser, focus on the Gunning-Fog Index, lexical density, and average sentence length values in particular. A more detailed analysis may be sought by downloading the JStylo stylometric analysis program here: https://psal.cs.drexel.edu/index.php/Main_Page
  484.  
  485.         This test is certainly not exact, and it is very possible to (unconsciously or not) "cheat" to get good results.
  486.  
  487.  
  488. (I’m giving in my results to the tests. This is the creator talking now; Myka's taking a break. For the first site, Myka’s results said he was like Margaret Atwood. Mine said I was like Margaret Atwood, as well. I didn’t think we were that similar.
  489. For the second site, my results in the gunning-fog index came up as 11.2%, my lexical density as 88.9%, and sentence length as 22.4.  Myka’s GF index came up as 8.6%, lexical density as 90.5% and avg. sentence length as 14.)
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