In therapy I got told to accept and forgive
But how can one put past behind one's back
Leave pain and sorrow; focus on present and better future
If one's suffering neither was nor will ever be acknowledged?
Yes - in a perfect world, I would talk openly about my childhood
With close to no fear about being pointed a finger or two and told
"you had a perfect childhood"
I do not consider my growing up in any way the 'worst'
Though, I would not in any way wish it on my worst enemy

How can I overcome a hurtful experience if the people who caused it
See no harm in their actions, on the contrary - see their actions as rightful
As if not defending your child was not a mother's job
As if words being slapped in your mind and punches being yelled are part of a
Normal Childhood
I keep trying to lock up my history and first chapters
Hide them all in the back of mind, out of sight
But the door no longer works and someone keeps it open

Please
Leave it closed
Leave the demons there, don't let them in
For you see, loving my family despite all that happened was my curse
You cannot love someone who shares hate wrapped in laughter and ignorance
A child is naive, helpless and unprotected - but not stupid nor immature
A child hears all and soaks up, their mind is thirsty for knowledge and love
Their heart wishes to be seen and wanted
Using all they can to achieve such end-point

Please, hear me out
What you say was not what I got or felt
A pat on the head does not replace a hug
A "she knows I love her" isn't same as showing compassion
Friends can break your heart too
Bullying isn't only name calling
Parents can feel dead to you while sharing daily meals
Sexual assault can traumatize even if didn't fit people's criteria
Understand that your reality is yours alone
I respect that
My reality is mine and it feels as real to my soul
Respect that too

Just because you're right from your reality
Does not mean my reality is wrong
Don't you realize I would give anything to feel what you tell me?
Traumas are no walk in the park, something that you can put off on weekend or holidays
It is constant and heavy, not always present but always waiting
Though I hope you never get to experience this overwhelming feeling and mental nightmare
Sometimes you ought to be grateful for ignorance