Roydabich
#3895

FullyVoidedToday at 7:02 PM
Yo dude, im sorry. Im just an asshole some of the time. Il try to be a somewhat decent person for rn. Just hard not to get super salty from things.
I really only want a community to be a part of. But i just always make people hate me. Due to all of this health shit i just cant.
And thanks for actually defending me yesterday, when the community was ganging up on me.
RoydabichToday at 7:05 PM
dude just dont break rules and complain thinking others are doign the same
i mean dont break rules to begin with
but tbh if u want to be part of a community you are doing a bad job of it
follow rules, take a chill pill
and treat this as the game it is
FullyVoidedToday at 7:13 PM
I know and im trying. I dont know why, but i just cant stop myself from doing this shit. Atleast i actually decent enough to realise the problem. And its always the same line of events. Im playing normally not breaking rules, someone then starts to target me for verbal harrassment, usually due to my age or my personality, i get a major grudge on them, i eventually rdm them, i get banned, i come back with the same grudge, so on and so forth. Just the molding that came from putting 2100 hours into gmod in 15 months
RoydabichToday at 7:14 PM
are you decent enough to fix it tho
thats the true question and one you gotta answer
FullyVoidedToday at 7:17 PM
Ive tried "solutions" but that really only comes down to just not playing at all out of fear of getting banned.
RoydabichToday at 7:17 PM
honestly and not trying to be a dick
if your only options are play and get mad and get banned or not play at all
maybe the latter's the better option if it weighs that much on your mental health
FullyVoidedToday at 7:19 PM
Problem is thinking logically it would hurt me more due to the lack of interaction at all. Irl ive said like 5 words in the last 2 months.
RoydabichToday at 7:20 PM
got it
then your other option is to change
if people are gonna make fun of you take it in stride
its the internet, its not a nice place at times
you gotta be ready to strike back or not take it seriously
FullyVoidedToday at 7:22 PM
Main thing you got to remember is that i am autistic. Simply changing a mindset is a lot harder then you think. You could trick your mind into thinking you changed. But in the end your just going to make you hate yourself along with others.
RoydabichToday at 7:23 PM
trust me i may not know but i have my own mental health issues
and have friends with them
and autistic friends
i get its tough but you really can't use that as a crutch
but rather a challenge to get over
FullyVoidedToday at 7:25 PM
Doesn't help bonzo just pmed me next time i do anything is a perma
RoydabichToday at 7:26 PM
yeah but i mean
hes probably right tho
i know bonzo well
he'd rather not have to ban you
if ur not in a good state of mind playing a game where you get in trouble is a terrible idea
FullyVoidedToday at 7:35 PM
Dude, im never in a good state. Over the last year, ive gotten insomnia, a rare stress related coffee thing that makes me want to drink 40 ounces a day, and major stress from irl and gmod.
RoydabichToday at 7:36 PM
im gonna be honest then
you gotta find what makes you feel calm
and it sounds like gmod isnt it
at least right now
this isn't coming from someone who knows anything of your past other than the past hour and what people have said midn you
this is coming from someone else who used to never be happy
and had high anxiety
when ur in a bad place, u gotta stop doing the things that keep you in the bad place
for me, that was being staff, i had to give that up
FullyVoidedToday at 7:39 PM
Thats what does though. Not gmod, but moderating. I used to be staff on exotic ttt before stepping down. Thats when this spiral happened. I feel like thats what im trying to reach.
RoydabichToday at 7:39 PM
if ur trying to reach staff
ur doing a terrible job
FullyVoidedToday at 7:40 PM
I know, but this is literally the last place i have
Ive been banned on litteraly every other active ttt server
Banned on moat
Banned on exotic
Banned on nasty
Banned on serious
Banned on zarp
RoydabichToday at 7:42 PM
and if you dont get ur shit together
Banned on DMG
honestly dude
just for ur own sake
either be ready to not break rules and not be phased by people's shit
or if you dont think you can do that, take a break from gmod until you
can
its gonna be better for your health and ur future
trust me i took 3 years off cuz of it
it doesnth ave to be that long either