It is rare to be found writing one’s own obituary. Even rarer still, is having to perform such a task under the close and sadistic scrutiny of a mid level bureaucrat and his unnamed soviet compatriot. I cannot aptly describe the surroundings which held me captive as of yet as this would ruin the building truths, dear reader. Once my pen is settled on the dust and dirt before me and I accept the fate which is too easily interpreted from my current station, I will lay out for you, dear reader, of how John Malther from Dusty Springs, Utah came to be.