M: What the **** Rick? Oh my god, that's disgusting!
R: I'm a pickle dildo Morty! I'm Dickle Rick!
M: Why? Why did you do this? We don't even have therapy this week!
R: Shut up and hold still. And don't think about cucumbers.
Rick moves his left testicle to reveal a pressure release pad. A wall panel opens up, and the laser hidden inside shoots Morty with a pink beam. Morty turns into a pickle dildo.
M: Aw geez, Rick. I was gonna go to school today.
R: Y-You'd rather learn about how some dumb colonists built some cabins and slaughtered tens of millions of innocent people than urrrp experience life as a pickle dildo? What, does your history teacher wear low-cut shirts on Tuesdays?
M: No... I was going to sit with Jessica at lunch... but I can't now, so...
R: urrrrp Excellent! Hold still.
A machine encases Morty in a condom.
Morty stares at Rick. His eyes narrow.
R: I discovered a world full of pickle women. Their flesh is made entirely of pickle. But the men, Morty... The pickle men are all dead! They have no one to love them... no one to hold them... No one to pleasure the essence of their souls! I need you to do it for me Morty! Make love to the pickle women!
M: Rick! I don't even know how to have sex the normal way! A-A-And I don't really feel ready for that commitment! I don't even know these women!
R: It's fine! They're not people Morty, they're pickle women!
M: You just called them women!
R: I said they were pickle women Morty. The entirety of their being is cucumber and salted brine. Think of them as delicious sandwich essentials with feminine qualities.
M: But they talk, Rick! They have feelings! They make love!
R: Morty, I- urrrrrp I don't have time to argue with you over semantics. I just need these pickle women to shove you inside of them for 12 hours. Pickle woman fluid is the most valuable lubricant in the galaxy, and I need your help to get it.
Rick moves his right testicle to release the pressure pad under it. A spaceship surrounds a screaming Morty and launches into the sky.
Cue intro.