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Jan 27th, 2020
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  1. Roses are red, the fifth month is called may,
  2. Bizarre study claims eating too many chicken nuggets can turn you gay,
  3. This is it, this is why i’m gay,
  4.  
  5. Finally the answer to jorts we’ve been looking for,
  6. My eyes are bleeding,
  7.  
  8. 12 year old me, walks into a new friends house,
  9. Friend, you can leave your shoes on,
  10. Friends mom, you can call me by my first name,
  11. 12 year old me, thank you both but physically I cannot do that,
  12.  
  13. Have you guys seen this site where you can craft your own emojis out of other emoji bits, within reason,
  14. I call this one, be not afraid,
  15.  
  16. Look at its big footers, imagine the toe beans on this baby,
  17. Lynx footsies are mostly floof,
  18.  
  19. My type of public transportation,
  20. Why were you late in today,
  21. oh, i got tied up on the subway,
  22. I was always 50/50 on whether to reblog this but the last comment pushed it to like 95/5 in favor,
  23. What’s our stop,
  24. You’ll get off when i tell you to,
  25.  
  26. Careful, the waters a bit nippy today,
  27. Aesthetic, tiddy pool,
  28.  
  29. Do you like boys or do you like girls, i don’t like boys,
  30. I like netflix and birds,
  31. This girls logic is pretty solid,
  32.  
  33. Icarly was right, live life, breathe air, i know somehow we’re gonna get there,
  34.  
  35. And why aren’t you in uniform,
  36. I think squidward has some kinks that nobody has talked about,
  37.  
  38. On my way to a boy scout camp i met lil pump, he was high as frick and thought i was in the military,
  39.  
  40. This is what my plushie sees at 3 A M when i accidentally dropped them,
  41.  
  42. I mean, titties are just great, regardless, yeah all shapes and sizes of them, yeah, small ones, big ones, dangly ones, great,
  43. Let’s swap titty tales,
  44.  
  45. Bastard motherfricker,
  46.  
  47. I want my house to be made of old soviet control boards,
  48. Wakes up at 6 A M full of joy,
  49. Ohhhhhhhh, oh yes,
  50.  
  51. Can you believe barrels used to be like, everywhere, like you walk down the street and you’re guaranteed to see at least one barrel,
  52. I miss it bro,
  53.  
  54. Every crappy school has this specific bulldog clipart as their mascot,
  55.  
  56. Me making a friendship only to find out they’re a dong,
  57. Heart, compassion, kindness, beef,
  58. This is my mom making stroganoff,
  59.  
  60. Elton john in a bumper car,
  61. On the way to save rock and roll,
  62.  
  63. Sorry i have bubonic plague i can’t hangout tonight,
  64. Aw rats,
  65.  
  66. What happens when the whistle blows in five minutes, i get a time out,
  67. Everyone goes to lunch, which means the scare floor will be, painted,
  68. Me when someone tries to explain math,
  69.  
  70. If your dog does a poo, please put it in a litter bin,
  71. Im sorry rosie you’ve been a good friend,
  72.  
  73. Love you, cutie pie,
  74. Sorry, i’ll think of a better one than, cutie pie,
  75. You’re my angel, dust,
  76. Sorry, that’s a drug,
  77. Me trying to flirt,
  78.  
  79. Everyone has seen this picture at least once in their internet life,
  80.  
  81. We have no names, buy and name us,
  82. Name us and the contract will be sealed,
  83.  
  84. Thwaites brewery in england told workers it was cutting 60 staff, my dad’s mates worked as electricians there and shorted the lights in retaliation,
  85.  
  86. Beauty shot, who is she,
  87.  
  88. Alexa rub my prostate,
  89. You don’t need her, you need jesus,
  90. Jesus, rub my prostate,
  91.  
  92. Whose side are you on,
  93. Wait a minute,
  94. This is what american politics is like,
  95.  
  96. A friend made a wise choice 3 D printing this masterpiece,
  97.  
  98. So I work at a retirement home and one of the residents heard me saying, mood, all the time and she asked what it meant and now she won’t stop saying it,
  99. Another resident fell over and she was just like, mood,
  100.  
  101. Every so often i remember that screencap about, did you know cooking mama is married, and lose my sides are shattered at supersonic speeds,
  102. Did you know cooking mama was married,
  103. Jeff, i have never felt so worthless,
  104.  
  105. Don’t date people who make you feel like you have to hide your stuffed animals,
  106. This is, without exaggeration, probably the best dating advice i have ever seen,
  107.  
  108. Although they’re typically perceived as gentle giants munching on leaves, giraffes are fascinated by carcasses,
  109. Giraffe tosses dead wildebeest around in bizarre pictures,
  110. Good morning to everyone except these long neck freaks,
  111.  
  112. So january is almost over huh, what’s next, february, give me a break,
  113.  
  114. How to become a witch,
  115. Probably educate yourself on what witchcraft is and the different ways of practicing,
  116. Call yourself a witch,
  117. Stare at the moon a lot, most important step,
  118. Cry about pretty rocks and plants,
  119. Collect sticks,
  120.  
  121. Mr brightside by the killers has been in the U K charts every year since 2004,
  122. How and why has, mr brightside, never left the U K charts,
  123. Cause it slaps next question,
  124.  
  125. Me letting my followers know the details of my latest mental breakdown,
  126. The update corner,
  127.  
  128. Yeah bro you can perform your human experiments on me,
  129. Ma’am this is a maximum security laboratory and only select personnel are allowed on the premises, please stop breaking into the facility and winking at the guards,
  130.  
  131. I make ya man wanna speak spanish,
  132. Italian,
  133. Make your own spaghetti as post giada de laurentis,
  134.  
  135. I’m trying to open a cat cafe but i need investors, here's the plan,
  136. The first floor will have normal cats,
  137. But then as you go up, each floor has more and more dangerous cats,
  138. And at the top is just me in a fursuit with a machete,
  139. If you defeat me you must take my place,
  140.  
  141. Never trust someone who’s rude to a roomba,
  142. Never, for they are a scoundrel and a foul beast of fields untouched by green,
  143.  
  144. White peacocks fighting for dominancy, looks like the art on a final fantasy cover,
  145.  
  146. Mouse armour, mouse, armour,
  147. For redwall,
  148.  
  149. What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries,
  150. The eyeball, skin, a fish,
  151. Interviewer, if you are a villain, you need to be intelligent, so I've got a riddle to see if you’re up to the task of world domination, thank god you’re all so pretty,
  152.  
  153. Getting over someone you never dated,
  154. I don’t know why this picture is so accurate,
  155. I don’t know why this picture was ever taken,
  156.  
  157. Oh mercy me,
  158. I keep forgetting I'm in the colonies,
  159. My favorite post, please tell me that people in britain actually call the U S A, the colonies,
  160. We call you the colonies,
  161.  
  162. Why don’t more people love stingrays look at that face,
  163. Because they ganged up on the crocodile hunter and shanked him in cold blood,
  164.  
  165. O M G, apparently artificial banana flavoring is based on the gros michel banana which was wiped out by a banana plague in the fifties and the banana we eat today is a totally different thing called the cavendish and that’s why banana candy doesn’t taste like bananas, do you know how lied to i feel, like there was a fricking banana apocalypse and no one told me about it until now,
  166.  
  167. A heart,
  168. A ballsack,
  169.  
  170. Found this little guy in the dishwasher,
  171.  
  172. Me, writing, I will use, they fought a snicker, to show that they had the urge to laugh, but battled that urge because it was inappropriate or would be detrimental in some way,
  173. My brain,
  174.  
  175. You’ve aged,
  176. You can save this cake by adding, well,
  177. Well, you’ve aged,
  178.  
  179. B D S M, being dead sounds magnificent,
  180.  
  181. That is, tragic,
  182. Not as tragic as your face,
  183. Aww, come on, that was uncalled for,
  184. Your face is uncalled for,
  185. This is literally me and my friends,
  186.  
  187. I like animals that look like they have information,
  188.  
  189. Hmmm,
  190. Are dey helium balloons, oh for fricks sake, ah told you, the car’s not fit for helium balloons,
  191.  
  192. My main goal,
  193. Is to blow up,
  194. And then act like i don’t know nobody,
  195.  
  196. Do you ever cook something in the microwave but it’s still really cold in the middle and you just keep eating it instead of heating it longer because life is pointless and entropy is unavoidable and the universe is filled with callous and casual destruction,
  197.  
  198. Candles are how we keep fires as pets, this is unnecessarily adorable,
  199.  
  200. You, sir, are a poop,
  201. I may be, but you love me, you madam, love a poop,
  202. Nobody asked this but if you ever wanted to know what my favorite exchange in a romance novel was, it’s this,
  203. Seriously, i go through the reblogs and no one wants to tell me what book this is,
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