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[11:57:31 PM] To Demos Room: hey
[Date changed to 23/04/2016]
[12:00:04 AM] piglet connected.
[12:00:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yo
[12:00:27 AM] (Channel) piglet: yoo
[12:01:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): soz 2s getting comfy
[12:01:18 AM] (Channel) piglet: no woorries
[12:01:37 AM] (Channel) piglet: you said we probably need to talk, did you mean anything specific?
[12:02:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yes
[12:02:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i did
[12:02:26 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): first though
[12:02:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): how are you doing?
[12:02:45 AM] (Channel) piglet: im struggling
[12:03:01 AM] (Channel) piglet: i know ill get through it but its hard to see the light right now
[12:03:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): that's perfectly normal considering
[12:03:07 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:03:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): im
[12:03:16 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): aware
[12:03:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): of the circumstances
[12:03:40 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): do you want to talk about it? it can help
[12:03:53 AM] (Channel) piglet: that would be pretty nice actually
[12:04:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:04:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): haha
[12:04:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): do you mind
[12:04:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if
[12:04:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look
[12:04:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): im gonna listen to you
[12:04:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): spout everything
[12:04:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but can i just start
[12:04:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): with
[12:04:24 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk
[12:04:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): where im coming from
[12:04:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i feel like
[12:04:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i trust you
[12:04:35 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i dont really trust
[12:04:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): a lot of people
[12:04:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk
[12:04:40 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anyway
[12:04:53 AM] (Channel) piglet: its strange that you trust me because you dont know me
[12:04:57 AM] (Channel) piglet: but thats cool
[12:05:00 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): well
[12:05:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i feel like
[12:05:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): somehow
[12:05:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): we are kind of similar
[12:05:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i dont know
[12:05:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i feel that way about some people
[12:05:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and i trust them
[12:05:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and usually they turn out to be
[12:05:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): people that i love
[12:05:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): as friends
[12:05:34 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): as family
[12:05:40 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats really cool
[12:05:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): or romantically
[12:05:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk
[12:05:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): weird
[12:05:46 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anyway
[12:06:01 AM] (Channel) piglet: um do you wanna mic? or not
[12:06:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): ive struggled with a depression and self hatred for
[12:06:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): quite a while i guess
[12:06:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like what i mean by that is
[12:06:30 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats so difficult holy shit
[12:06:46 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): man its the young adult smorgasbord
[12:06:47 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its
[12:06:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): exacerbated by a lot of things
[12:06:53 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i guess
[12:07:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): started with vce i suppose and the stress of that combined with family
[12:07:10 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and pressures ever since have got to me
[12:07:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but like
[12:07:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): there's not many constants
[12:07:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to those pressures
[12:07:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): there are constants
[12:07:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to you
[12:07:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you might worry about money now
[12:07:38 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): right?
[12:07:51 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but in 4-5 years pretty much regardless of hhat you do, if you even do the bare minimum
[12:08:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you'll be in a job and making at least enough to survive food and rent
[12:08:05 AM] (Channel) piglet: im worried about constants too, money like atm b/c i live at home
[12:08:08 AM] (Channel) piglet: is not too bad
[12:08:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:08:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its something i really struggle with
[12:08:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:08:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): a lot
[12:08:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk
[12:08:29 AM] (Channel) piglet: money is hard
[12:08:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): come from a very privileged family and ive always always wanted to make my way independent of that
[12:08:39 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and when i cant
[12:08:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it crushes me
[12:08:50 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): ii lost my job a couple of months ago
[12:08:57 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it was f/t paid like 500 a week
[12:09:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i was gonna buy a motorbike haha
[12:09:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): my parents didnt want me to and i was like yolo
[12:09:10 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): fuck
[12:09:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): small things like that
[12:09:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): crush me
[12:09:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the bigger things
[12:09:18 AM] (Channel) piglet: oh man im so sorry
[12:09:18 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:09:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk
[12:09:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the past couple of weeks
[12:09:26 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): ive not eaten for a couple of days
[12:09:30 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): cos i havent been able to afford food
[12:09:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:09:35 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it paralyses me
[12:09:49 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): well
[12:09:55 AM] (Channel) piglet: fuck
[12:09:57 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look
[12:10:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it can paralyse you
[12:10:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:10:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): on wednesday last week i didnt get out of bed
[12:10:26 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): couldnt feel like i could move
[12:10:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): every time i thought of trying to prepare like the ramen i had left gave me a panic attack
[12:10:56 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anyway
[12:11:00 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): on friday
[12:11:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): fuck
[12:11:10 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): sorry
[12:11:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): on thursday
[12:11:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i candyflipped
[12:11:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): right
[12:11:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you were there lol
[12:11:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i made up with demo
[12:11:26 AM] (Channel) piglet: yeah lol
[12:11:30 AM] (Channel) piglet: that was great
[12:11:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): which all things considered is realyl good
[12:11:38 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anyway i felt like
[12:11:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): at that point
[12:11:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): during that
[12:11:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i came to
[12:11:48 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): a revelation
[12:11:53 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it was cos of the drugs
[12:11:55 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): for me
[12:11:58 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i was
[12:12:00 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): horribly depressed
[12:12:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i needed it to get out of it somehow
[12:12:18 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i cant describe to you my state of mind prior
[12:12:21 AM] (Channel) piglet: the drugs are the issue?
[12:12:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): always had an issue with cannabis but
[12:12:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the lsd+mdma made me
[12:12:38 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look at myself
[12:12:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look
[12:12:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you dont need drugs to do that
[12:12:49 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i needed to but
[12:12:57 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i went to a psychologist and
[12:12:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): felt the same emotions
[12:13:02 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): of
[12:13:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): a weight being lifted
[12:13:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): mentally
[12:13:11 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats the best feeling
[12:13:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): during the trip
[12:13:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i looked at
[12:13:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i guess
[12:13:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i talked to myself
[12:13:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): on a
[12:13:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): deep level
[12:13:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): about
[12:13:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the causes of my anxiety
[12:13:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and how letting these things snowball
[12:13:46 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): is so debilitating
[12:13:56 AM] (Channel) piglet: truth
[12:13:58 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): we have 2 choices as i see it
[12:14:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to choose to die
[12:14:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): or to choose to live
[12:14:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if we choose to live the most that we can do
[12:14:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): not for anyone else
[12:14:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but for ourselves
[12:14:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): is to strive for what we personally value
[12:14:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and finding what we personally value is fucking tough
[12:14:43 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): we have a lot of ditractions in life
[12:14:57 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and when we let those other things get in the way we dont prioritise
[12:15:01 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what we truly value
[12:15:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:15:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): society imposes a lot of pressure
[12:15:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): especially on women
[12:15:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): in terms of what they should or should not look like
[12:15:31 AM] (Channel) piglet: defintely not just women
[12:15:33 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): in order to be attractive
[12:15:34 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:15:35 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but
[12:15:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): mainly women
[12:15:40 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i mean
[12:16:01 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the amount of targeted advertising towards women, young teenage girls and even children
[12:16:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): is abhorrent
[12:16:06 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anyway
[12:16:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): those pressures
[12:16:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): don't let us decide what's important to us in deciding what's attractive
[12:16:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): they shouldn't
[12:16:40 AM] (Channel) piglet: fuck
[12:16:42 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats true
[12:16:46 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): subconsciously or not there are an infinite amount of pressures
[12:16:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): trying to decide
[12:16:53 AM] (Channel) piglet: so many
[12:16:55 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what your life should be
[12:16:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): in an infintie amount of ways
[12:17:01 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what degree you do
[12:17:06 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): how much youll make in that job
[12:17:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): how eay that class is
[12:17:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): how good that lecturer is
[12:17:16 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): who you should date
[12:17:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): who you shouldnt date
[12:17:30 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): whether you should get a job or not
[12:17:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): so fucking many
[12:17:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the smallest things
[12:17:39 AM] (Channel) piglet: its like
[12:17:39 AM] (Channel) piglet: what do
[12:17:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): add up
[12:17:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:17:46 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it is
[12:17:47 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look
[12:17:48 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): being
[12:17:50 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): our age
[12:17:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): is
[12:17:53 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:17:56 AM] curveballed disconnected.
[12:17:58 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the most fucking confusing time of life
[12:18:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it just is
[12:18:03 AM] (Channel) piglet: ifkr
[12:18:07 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): there is no stability
[12:18:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it is impossible
[12:18:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to be stable
[12:18:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it just
[12:18:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): isnt possible
[12:18:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what i guess
[12:18:30 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): me
[12:18:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and you
[12:18:33 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and everyone
[12:18:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): should work on
[12:18:38 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and strive for
[12:18:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): is to ignore those pressures
[12:18:44 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): telling you
[12:18:48 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what is going to happen
[12:18:51 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): or what you should do
[12:19:02 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and strive for what you personally value
[12:19:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): because
[12:19:05 AM] Dylza connected.
[12:19:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the things
[12:19:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): that
[12:19:10 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): at least
[12:19:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i guess
[12:19:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i value most
[12:19:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): are the things that come from inside me
[12:19:24 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and
[12:19:26 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look
[12:19:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its different
[12:19:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): for everyone
[12:19:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): obviously
[12:19:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and it takes time
[12:19:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to disconnect what you
[12:19:48 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): were even raised to believe
[12:19:53 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and what truly is important to you
[12:19:54 AM] (Channel) piglet: ^^^^^^
[12:19:55 AM] Demo the Gatekeeper: how is she
[12:19:58 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but its important that
[12:19:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you do
[12:20:01 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yknow?
[12:20:02 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk
[12:20:06 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): fuck
[12:20:07 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i guess
[12:20:10 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what im trying to say
[12:20:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): is
[12:20:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): no matter
[12:20:16 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): how confused you are
[12:20:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): no matter how low it gets
[12:20:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): recognise why you're doing things
[12:20:33 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): are they coming from within?
[12:20:38 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): impulse is not within
[12:20:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it's driven by outside forces
[12:20:44 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): by nature
[12:20:49 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): in a state of stasis
[12:20:52 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats super true
[12:20:54 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): we would not be impulsive
[12:20:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): take time
[12:21:01 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to think
[12:21:02 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): about
[12:21:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): things
[12:21:07 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): dont make hasty decisions
[12:21:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): psychologists help a lot with this
[12:21:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): they really do
[12:21:18 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anyway
[12:21:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i wanna stop talking
[12:21:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): sorry for rambling
[12:21:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i really am
[12:21:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk
[12:21:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i really
[12:21:33 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): want you to know
[12:21:34 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): that
[12:21:40 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): there is going to be a future
[12:21:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): for you
[12:21:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): 100%
[12:21:49 AM] (Channel) piglet: <3
[12:21:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and it is going to be as happy as you can make it
[12:22:07 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and you can 100% make it as happy as you can
[12:22:30 AM] (Channel) piglet: everything you said just now
[12:22:34 AM] (Channel) piglet: spoke to me so much
[12:23:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you talk now
[12:23:11 AM] (Channel) piglet: okay
[12:23:13 AM] (Channel) piglet: my turn
[12:23:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): gogo
[12:23:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): <3 too btw
[12:23:22 AM] (Channel) piglet: i've been so terrified of making the wrong decision
[12:23:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:23:36 AM] (Channel) piglet: but honestly i've been stressed for weeks
[12:23:40 AM] (Channel) piglet: waking up stressed
[12:23:50 AM] (Channel) piglet: i've tried so hard to analyse where its coming from
[12:24:01 AM] LaidbackJuke disconnected.
[12:24:01 AM] LaidbackJuke connected.
[12:24:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:24:18 AM] (Channel) piglet: and im still not 100%
[12:24:55 AM] (Channel) piglet: im worried that i gave up too soon
[12:25:04 AM] (Channel) piglet: but my gut was fucking screaming at me
[12:25:08 AM] (Channel) piglet: to make a change
[12:25:47 AM] (Channel) piglet: so i did
[12:25:57 AM] (Channel) piglet: i think you're right about societal pressures
[12:26:11 AM] (Channel) piglet: i feel a lot of pressure to have a certain kind of success
[12:26:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): not just societal, family, other things, school etc
[12:26:24 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): so many things
[12:26:29 AM] (Channel) piglet: exactly
[12:26:30 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it's very tough
[12:26:30 AM] (Channel) piglet: and that probably boils down to
[12:26:39 AM] (Channel) piglet: why i felt like scott and i weren't going to work
[12:26:47 AM] (Channel) piglet: its stupid but
[12:26:50 AM] Activation disconnected.
[12:26:50 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): how so?
[12:27:08 AM] (Channel) piglet: it seems like the biggest reason is mostly because our study habits are different
[12:27:21 AM] (Channel) piglet: and because i coudlnt stop doubting
[12:27:25 AM] (Channel) piglet: for a really long time
[12:28:04 AM] 3z disconnected.
[12:28:10 AM] (Channel) piglet: its hard to be happy with my decision though
[12:28:16 AM] (Channel) piglet: because i feel like i've lost the world
[12:28:29 AM] (Channel) piglet: all i want to do
[12:28:34 AM] (Channel) piglet: is get to be there for him
[12:28:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): do you mean that you dont think hed be successful
[12:28:46 AM] (Channel) piglet: the worst part of all of this is knowing how much im hurting him
[12:28:58 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): dont blame yourself
[12:28:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): seriously
[12:29:00 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:29:01 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): im
[12:29:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): really
[12:29:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): serious
[12:29:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): do not blame yourself
[12:29:34 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you are responsible for your own life and even if someone else thinks youre the one doesnt mean its your fault if you dont
[12:30:18 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i dont know what he truly thinks but you cant blame yourself
[12:30:50 AM] Demo the Gatekeeper: ??????????????????????
[12:30:51 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its not you thats hurting him
[12:30:54 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its the situation
[12:30:56 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): which hurts you both
[12:31:03 AM] (Channel) piglet: ugh you're right
[12:31:09 AM] (Channel) piglet: i wish i could convince myself that he's the one
[12:31:25 AM] (Channel) piglet: but i coudlnt and now its this situation
[12:31:41 AM] (Channel) piglet: the success thing is kind of true
[12:31:47 AM] (Channel) piglet: but its mostly that i dont feel like im measuring up
[12:31:50 AM] (Channel) piglet: at the moment
[12:32:38 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what do you mean
[12:32:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): like
[12:32:50 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): idk you can tell me as much as you want
[12:33:06 AM] (Channel) piglet: like with uni and sleep and routine and jobs and life in general
[12:33:09 AM] (Channel) piglet: i didnt tell scott this
[12:33:16 AM] (Channel) piglet: i was going to ask you if i should
[12:33:27 AM] (Channel) piglet: but i didnt want to hurt him or make him want to change for me
[12:33:55 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:34:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you cant
[12:34:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): convince yourself
[12:34:35 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): of anything
[12:34:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): really
[12:34:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): when you think about this stuff
[12:35:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i think
[12:35:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): that
[12:35:31 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats true
[12:35:35 AM] (Channel) piglet: mm
[12:35:47 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if youre asking somebody
[12:35:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to improve themselves
[12:35:57 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and you care about them
[12:36:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): then you should tell them
[12:36:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): because
[12:36:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): te things you're talking about
[12:36:30 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): are adult things
[12:36:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): they're things everyone has to do
[12:36:51 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the sooner you become more rigorous and self disciplined about them
[12:37:00 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the better is it
[12:37:02 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): systemically
[12:37:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): for everything
[12:37:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): your relationships, your mental health, etc
[12:37:56 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats a good point
[12:38:18 AM] (Channel) piglet: mmm im going to have to think about how to talk about this with him
[12:39:08 AM] dokugan disconnected.
[12:39:14 AM] (Channel) piglet: i told him he should go get help and i think he will
[12:39:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i know this is unbecoming of me
[12:39:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but do you want to be with him?
[12:40:33 AM] (Channel) piglet: i really do
[12:40:33 AM] (Channel) piglet: but
[12:40:40 AM] (Channel) piglet: there are so many things
[12:41:20 AM] (Channel) piglet: that just dont work
[12:41:30 AM] (Channel) piglet: like distance for one
[12:41:34 AM] (Channel) piglet: if we were going to make it work
[12:41:56 AM] (Channel) piglet: idk
[12:41:58 AM] (Channel) piglet: i dont think we can
[12:42:33 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): sometimes it ends up that way
[12:42:54 AM] (Channel) piglet: yeah
[12:43:07 AM] (Channel) piglet: i just hope that he ends up happy holy shit
[12:43:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he will
[12:43:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): so will you
[12:43:33 AM] (Channel) piglet: i hope so
[12:43:35 AM] (Channel) piglet: i think so
[12:44:05 AM] (Channel) piglet: so do you think i should have that conversation with him? About life and routine and stuff?
[12:44:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): scott doesnt want me to tell you something but i think i need to but if i do i cant have him know that i told you
[12:44:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and you cant know at all unless he tells you
[12:44:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): which is why im extremely wary of
[12:44:33 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): telling you
[12:44:38 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if you want me to i will
[12:44:43 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its serious
[12:44:47 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but if you dont want me to i wont
[12:44:54 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): oh
[12:44:57 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): sorry\
[12:45:01 AM] (Channel) piglet: can i go on mic for a sec?
[12:45:02 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): didnt see your last question
[12:45:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i think you should
[12:45:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): in
[12:45:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): a few days
[12:45:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): maybe
[12:45:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i dont know
[12:45:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if either of you
[12:45:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): are ready to talk
[12:45:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): atm
[12:45:24 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): haha
[12:45:29 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats true
[12:45:32 AM] (Channel) piglet: i dont think we are omg
[12:45:33 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but it has to happen yeah
[12:45:39 AM] Unmuted and undeafened.
[12:45:41 AM] piglet is now muted.
[12:45:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and yeah go on mic
[12:45:43 AM] piglet is now unmuted.
[12:46:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i
[12:47:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yes
[12:47:17 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i think so
[12:47:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): which is why
[12:47:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i came to you
[12:47:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to tell you
[12:47:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but
[12:47:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i
[12:47:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): dont
[12:47:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i dont know
[12:47:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): im so fucking torn
[12:47:50 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): hes going to hate me if
[12:47:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i tell yu
[12:47:55 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): but i think
[12:47:56 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i have to
[12:48:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): alright
[12:48:27 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): scott facebooked me
[12:48:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): at 11:16
[12:48:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): saying
[12:48:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i think im going to kill myself
[12:48:39 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): last night
[12:48:44 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and i was talking to him
[12:48:47 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): on us mumble
[12:48:50 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): for a couple of hours
[12:48:54 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and then he disconnected
[12:49:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and logged off fb
[12:49:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he reconencted 20 minutes later and
[12:49:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): we were talking
[12:49:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i was so fucking scared in that 20 minutes
[12:49:30 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i went to doku
[12:49:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and con
[12:49:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and teejay
[12:49:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to see if anyone had his phone number
[12:49:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): because
[12:49:45 AM] (Channel) piglet: i had his phone number
[12:49:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i had no clue what to do
[12:49:46 AM] (Channel) piglet: fuuuck
[12:49:48 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he reconnected
[12:49:49 AM] (Channel) piglet: i was asleep
[12:49:57 AM] (Channel) piglet: good omg
[12:49:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and he told me he crushed up 19 tramadol and swallowed them
[12:50:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): then read what i wrote on us mumble
[12:50:04 AM] (Channel) piglet: FUCK
[12:50:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): puked
[12:50:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and made himself puke again and again
[12:50:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): til he was sure he was ok
[12:50:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i was with him all night
[12:50:27 AM] (Channel) piglet: thank you
[12:50:30 AM] (Channel) piglet: holy shit thank you
[12:50:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i used to be a heroin addict, idk if scott told you, used to use tramadol a lot too
[12:50:39 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he was fine
[12:50:46 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): none was in his system
[12:50:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he drove to a beach and we talked all night
[12:50:55 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it was
[12:50:58 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): purely impulsive
[12:51:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he's not angry at you
[12:51:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and it's not your fault
[12:51:09 AM] (Channel) piglet: i knew he was going to get suicidal
[12:51:12 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he was just depressed
[12:51:14 AM] (Channel) piglet: but i didnt think he would try anything
[12:51:15 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it's not your fault
[12:51:16 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): ok?
[12:51:18 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): not your fault
[12:51:31 AM] (Channel) piglet: i know
[12:51:35 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): ok
[12:51:44 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): not even in the back of your mind blame yourself ok?
[12:51:54 AM] (Channel) piglet: i was so relieved that you messaged me literally as soon as we got off skype saying that you knew
[12:52:04 AM] (Channel) piglet: because it meant that he reached out for help straight away
[12:52:16 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): im just really really glad he pm'd me
[12:52:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to be honest
[12:52:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): really glad
[12:52:23 AM] (Channel) piglet: me too
[12:52:23 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): dont want to even
[12:52:26 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): think about
[12:52:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): what could have happened
[12:52:31 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): last night
[12:52:32 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): im
[12:52:35 AM] (Channel) piglet: that would destroy me
[12:52:36 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): still pretty shaken up
[12:52:39 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): to be honest
[12:52:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it fucking
[12:52:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:52:43 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i barely slept
[12:52:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): after
[12:52:53 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): fuck
[12:52:57 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look
[12:53:01 AM] (Channel) piglet: is there anything you think
[12:53:05 AM] (Channel) piglet: i could have done differently
[12:53:07 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): no
[12:53:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if it doesn't work
[12:53:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it doesn't work
[12:53:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): you know in your heart
[12:53:29 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if it's going to work
[12:53:39 AM] (Channel) piglet: thats true
[12:53:46 AM] (Channel) piglet: but i could have done it at a time when his mum was awake
[12:53:48 AM] (Channel) piglet: or soemthing
[12:53:51 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i dont think you did anything wrong
[12:54:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): this isnt on you pig
[12:54:06 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): seriously its not
[12:54:07 AM] (Channel) piglet: thank you
[12:54:12 AM] (Channel) piglet: fuck
[12:54:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): im not just saying that\
[12:54:17 AM] (Channel) piglet: i know
[12:54:24 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): even if
[12:54:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): his mum had been awake
[12:54:34 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he would have done something
[12:54:35 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): it
[12:54:39 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): look
[12:54:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its not your fault
[12:54:43 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he needs help
[12:54:44 AM] Hoog disconnected.
[12:54:46 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): people with
[12:54:48 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): depression
[12:54:50 AM] (Channel) piglet: he does
[12:54:53 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): dont have coping mechanisms
[12:54:56 AM] Hoog connected.
[12:54:58 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he's going to get help
[12:54:58 AM] (Channel) piglet: fuck thats true
[12:55:02 AM] (Channel) piglet: good
[12:55:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): ive made him agree to go to that appointment
[12:55:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): he set up with you or smth?
[12:55:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): and go to a gp
[12:55:22 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): asap
[12:55:30 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): hes trying to sleep now
[12:55:38 AM] (Channel) piglet: yeah i convinced him that he should get help
[12:55:44 AM] (Channel) piglet: i was going to message him in about a week
[12:55:47 AM] (Channel) piglet: when he goes back to uni
[12:55:49 AM] (Channel) piglet: to remind him
[12:55:49 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i dont want you to panic about it though because thats not going to happen again
[12:55:59 AM] (Channel) piglet: goood holy shit
[12:56:04 AM] (Channel) piglet: can i give you his phone number
[12:56:08 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): its not my place to say
[12:56:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:56:37 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i think
[12:56:42 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): the next few days
[12:56:45 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): would be
[12:56:48 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): a good time
[12:56:55 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): for you guys not to talk to each other
[12:56:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): because its
[12:57:03 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): still really fresh
[12:57:10 AM] (Channel) piglet: it wouldnt be helpful for either of us i know
[12:57:18 AM] (Channel) piglet: still miss him a fuck tonne already
[12:57:25 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yeah
[12:57:26 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): thats\
[12:57:40 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): that sucks
[12:57:41 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): :(
[12:57:56 AM] (Channel) piglet: +64 21 206 1174
[12:58:00 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): cheers
[12:58:01 AM] (Channel) piglet: nz phone numbers are weird
[12:58:03 AM] (Channel) piglet: np
[12:58:05 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): yea
[12:58:07 AM] (Channel) piglet: and ikr :(
[12:58:21 AM] piglet is now muted.
[12:58:39 AM] (Channel) piglet: thank you
[12:58:39 AM] (Channel) piglet: again
[12:58:41 AM] Demo the Gatekeeper: whats happening, i keep hearing piglet type
[12:59:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): dont mention it
[12:59:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if you ever
[12:59:11 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): ever need to talk
[12:59:13 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): pm me
[12:59:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): fb me
[12:59:20 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): reddit me
[12:59:21 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anything
[12:59:26 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anytime
[12:59:36 AM] (Channel) piglet: i definitely will
[12:59:38 AM] (Channel) piglet: i feel like
[12:59:58 AM] (Channel) piglet: meeting up so that i can shout you food
[1:00:14 AM] (Channel) piglet: or anything really
[1:00:14 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): lol ty
[1:00:28 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i'm sure i'll find a way to make money somehow
[1:00:40 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): if you wanna grab a drink or something sometime let me know
[1:00:50 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): or we can smoke if alcohol isn't really your thing up to you
[1:00:52 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): lol
[1:00:55 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): anyway
[1:00:59 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i hope you have a good night
[1:01:04 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): i've gotta sleep
[1:01:05 AM] (Channel) piglet: lol eithers chill
[1:01:06 AM] (Channel) piglet: you too
[1:01:07 AM] (Channel) piglet: sleep well
[1:01:09 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): real tired atm now
[1:01:19 AM] To Can We Cap It (questionmark): peace
[1:01:28 AM] Muted and deafened.