a guest May 19th, 2017 48 Never
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- For as long as I can remember my life has been far from orthodox; now I don’t want to be outlandish, suggesting a dark undertone of comprehensive narcissism, but my story is unlike anyone that has ever existed. As far as I know.
- When I look back, my childhood was unusual. My upbringing was a cliché riddled mess, with my parent’s leaving me on the front door of a small orphanage before taking off into the night. Of course, this can’t be empirically proven, but jarring inferences point to a less than savoury truth: my parents abandoned me. Unfortunately for a young, confused, quick to anger child, I seemed to be treated with the same distain by all those who I encountered. I was an enigma; seemingly easily forgotten by even those whom were tasked with caring for my well-being. Sometimes I would slip away into the lesser explored grounds that surrounded the isolated orphanage. Apparently deserted, me and my mind constantly drifted to innocent thoughts of running away, escaping my barless imprisonment, escaping the lonely company that so inexplicitly ignored me. Beyond the barren, depressing building, there was miles and miles of densely packed forest which stretched further than my young mind had ever been able to comprehend. The world was vaster and more intriguing than I had ever known, and I was excited to find out what mysteries the forest needed solving. Unsurprisingly – as I disappeared into the thick mass of trees that unassumingly waited for me – no one came to fetch me. The whole thing seemed so inconsequential. So… normal. But at the time it was all I had ever known. As I went further and further into the dense overgrowth, I wondered if I would ever go back. And I never did.
- Eleven years later
- It was a cool, calm evening, devoid of wind or any noise at all. As the sun set in the sky, it’s crimson red colours decorated the sky much like a Jackson Pollock painting. Directly above, tall trees stretched seemingly effortlessly into the air, their leaves allowing the sun’s natural light to scarlessly filter through to where I resided. But I wasn’t alone. Undistracted by the beautiful scene that gradually changed around us, a young woman stared, unfaltering into my eyes. I looked back, almost surprised at how intense her gaze was. She had hazel eyes which glistened in the sunlight, far more beautiful than the jealous scenery that surrounded us. For what seemed like a beautiful eternity, we continued to stare, not wishing to ever look away, as if it would be of vast consequence. It would.
- “I don’t want you to go,” A quiet voice said to me, echoing gently around the forest, her eyes never daring to break their obsessive fixation from mine.
- “I’m sorry Rebecca,” I replied, struggling to control the ensuing tears that would eventually consume my entire face.
- The truth is, Rebecca will be my first and only love. She was the only person who could see past my unusual livelihood, loving me, regardless of my flaws. She completed me, giving my life a new-found purpose I never even knew I could have.
- “There’s got to be some way we can make it work?” Rebecca sobbed, her small hands now clutched somewhat desperately around mine, her eyes still transfixed upon my face, “I can’t live without you,”
- “But you can.” I said quietly, squeezing her hands, trying to comfort her as she began to shake, “You’ve done exactly that every day since I’ve met you,”
- And I wasn’t lying. When Rebecca and I first met, she was initially fascinated by everything about me. I was used to people being scared and confused about who I was, but she was so fearless, so like me, desperate to understand the unknown. We only met up sporadically, and despite her tendency to forget me, I sought her out, craving the unique way in which she treated me. Every time we saw each other she gasped, meticulously apologising for forgetting about me, promising it would never happen again. Of course, I forgave her, it wasn’t her fault.
- “I really don’t want to lose you again, you can’t say that,” her usually flawless complexion was now as red as the rays of sun that infiltrated our serenity, tears splashing onto the ground in slow motion.
- I smiled back at her – despite my urges to cry – trying to stay strong for her in her time of need. I wiped away some of the tears from her eyes, and held the palm of my hands against hers. “This won’t be it, we will see each other again,”
- “But I’ll forget you. I can’t bear to think about it,” She replied instantly, still refusing to break our eternal eye contact. “As soon as I look away I’ll forget you,”
- “And when you look back, you’ll remember everything, making each moment even more special,” I said defiantly, not quite believing it myself, but wishing the sentiment would have a lasting impression on her. “But I have to find my parents. I have to go.”
- She nodded back at me, still stifling as much emotion as she could. Her hands began to loosen their tight grip. She understood.
- “What if I accidentally fall in love with someone else?” she asked quietly.
- I was slightly taken aback by the question, but it was perfectly reasonable. “Then I’m sure you’ll be happy,” I said truthfully, whoever Rebecca fell in love with was a lucky man indeed, but they would be no less deserving of her affection than me. I trusted her judgement of character more than anyone I had ever met.
- “I have to go now,” I said, still not breaking eye contact.
- “Okay…” She whispered. “I love you,”
- She leaned towards me, meaning there was barely a centimetre between us, before slowly closing her eyes and kissing me on the lips. Our kiss was brief, but the taste of her lips was thrilling enough to last a lifetime, and for a perfect moment, nature stood perfectly still, not wanting to interrupt our agonizing farewell.
- When her lips left mine, I quickly slipped away, not waiting for her eyes to open. I ran behind a nearby tree so that she could not see the tears and despair that consumed me. I watched silently, as she opened her eyes, looking around the clearing. She didn’t call for me, why would she? She got up on her feet, and without a word, began to walk away, completely unaware of why tears covered her face.
- Until our eyes would lock again, she wouldn’t remember me, just like everyone else I’ve ever met. I wasn’t lying when I said I’m an enigma, people forget me as soon as I look away; but I needed to find my parents, to understand why. Rebecca couldn’t come on my adventures, she would get lost and confused too easily, but one day I would return, hopefully with the answers to helping us love each other forever. However, until then, I was alone.
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