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John and the Holy Grail

silvra13 Aug 26th, 2018 (edited) 225 Never
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  1.   >Be random soldier Anon
  2.   >Get ordered to attack annoying French man in castle
  3.   >Conscripted to do so, but it's something to do on a Tuesday.
  4.   >Everyone's listening to the "silly" King Arthur.
  5.   >Don't have to like the French, but at least the piss off His Royal Highness.
  6.   >Wait, what was he saying?
  7.   >"And the Holy Grail returned to those that God has chosen.  CHARGE!!!!!"
  8.   >Time to do this!!!  Oorah!!!
  9.   >What are those metal beasts?!
  10.   >Why are they opening?!
  11.   >Oh Dear Lord in Heaven!!!
  12.   >IT'S A BUNCH OF DARK ELVES AND HELLHOUNDS
  13.   >RUN AWAY!!!
  14.  
  15.  
  16.   >Be movie gopher John.
  17.   >In good shape due to caring camera equipment all day
  18.   >Got your friends work as extras on "Monty Python" movie.
  19.   >It was something for them to do on a Tuesday.
  20.   >Had to run errand to baker(who were your parents) to pick up donuts for everyone.
  21.   >Driving back to location.
  22.   >Notice paddy wagons in the area where filming was taking place.
  23.   >Stop by pretty, ponytailed Hellhound officer.
  24.   >Red fur on black skin?  HOT!!
  25.   >"What's going on, Officer?"
  26.   >"Well, boyo.  These folk were recording here without a permit. So we're taking them in."
  27.   >"Is that really necessary?"
  28.   >"No, but any excuse to start an orgy.  Especially with some of girls having celebrity crushes.  Do I smell donuts?"
  29.   >As you hand the Hellhound one of the boxes, you notice your friend, Anon, getting loaded into one of the police vehicles.
  30.   >May the gods have mercy on his pelvis.
  31.   >Don't look this way, you two bit, county theatre, character actor.
  32.   >Locked Eyes.
  33.   >FUUUUUUUU..
  34.   >"Sir John!!  Verily, save me and our compatriots from these foul wenches from the bowels of Hades!"
  35.   >Scratch that: DOUBLE FUCK!!!
  36.   >"Do you have any non chocolate... Did he call you John?"
  37.   >Scratch that again: TRIPLE FUCK WITH OH SHIT SPRINKLES!!
  38.   >"Ohwowlookatthetimeenjoythosedonutsofficer!!!"
  39.   >Speed off like your driving a Formula 1 car.
  40.   >"Hey, wait!!!"
  41.  
  42.   >Be fugitive John.
  43.   >Just escaped Cuntsable Hellhound
  44.   >That slang became more appropriate when most of the police force were replaced with mamono.
  45.   >Crime all together has plummeted (with the exception of public nudity and sex based offenses, but those reports never make it that far.)
  46.   >Currently at pub for late lunch, looking at newspaper for new job now that filming has "finished."
  47.   >Might be easiest to just get a job at the bakery with Pops and Holstaur mom.  They could use the help.
  48.   >Bout finished with your sandwich.
  49.   >In walks in Hellhound officer
  50.   >Anyone but her!!
  51.   >Fuck counter is now at four.
  52.   >She hasn't noticed you yet.
  53.   >Make your way to backdoor.
  54.   >Almost out when...
  55.   >"Hey, you!!  Stop, boyo!"
  56.   >Fuck counter: 5
  57.   >Run to car and peel out.
  58.   >That was close
  59.  
  60.  
  61.   >Be tired John.
  62.   >It's late evening
  63.   >Car is out of gas.
  64.   >Fuck counter is currently somewhere in the 20's.
  65.   >Lost count after she found you again at when you tried to refill your tank at the petrol station.
  66.   >It's almost like she can smell you out or something...
  67.   >...
  68.   >You feel like an idiot.
  69.   >Currently sitting in closet of shop that sells jewelry and collars.
  70.   >Door opens.
  71.   >Fuck counter: 2...False alarm.
  72.   >It's just a fancily dressed man with white hair and...wings?!
  73.   >He hands you a rather wide ring box.
  74.   >"You are going to need this, young man."
  75.   >He closes the door.
  76.   >That was weird.
  77.   >You would check what's inside it but it's dark in here.
  78.   >Start opening it anyway.
  79.   >Maybe you can see what it is by the little bit of light coming in.
  80.   >Drop the box.
  81.   >Get to one knee to pick it up.
  82.   >As you lift the box the door opens.
  83.   >Look up.
  84.   >See Officer Hellhound
  85.   >Look down.
  86.   >See black collar with red fur interior in box
  87.   >Look back up to see Hellhound with hearts in her eyes and dripping between her legs.
  88.   >Notice full moon rising out door window.
  89.   >Hear mad laughter from somewhere deep in the building
  90.   >Fuck Counter:Maxed Out.
  91.  
  92.  
  93.   >Be injured John.
  94.   >Wake up in hospital bed cuddled up to Hellwan.
  95.   >Ended up with minor case of dehydration and heat stroke.
  96.   >Also, your pelvis is sore.
  97.   >Worth it.
  98.   >Anon's down the hall on his belly with an ice pack on his ass
  99.   >Hospital's Demon attorney and Dark Priest are making the post-Full Moon marriage license rounds.
  100.   >It's a something to do on a Wednesday.
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