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Sep 19th, 2019
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  1. i'm sorry that it's taking me so long to write this!! i'm just having a hard time expressing what i want to say.
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  3. about earlier: disliking something is always valid no matter what the reason, and i've seen you post stuff about oda/dark era on your TL before and didn't even think about saying anything because that's your space, and i'm not gonna take it personally that we like different stuff! but when you actually said that TO me directly, it felt disrespectful and i was taken aback by it. like, talk in your haus about not liking things all you want, but coming in mine and saying that was just like WHOA BUDDY!! HEY!!! YOU KNOW I REALLY LIKE THIS STUFF!!!??? PUT THE PAL BEFORE THE INTEREST WOULD YA?? that's why i said something.
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  5. i'm really glad you told me this because like, i... honestly didn't think much of it? you've known me long enough to know it's pretty par for the course for me to be into something different, so it's not something that usually like, makes me think twice? i guess? so i didnt even think about what effect changing interests would have on you. i think i actually liked odazai first, maybe it was dazushi because i hadn't seen oda yet, but as soon as i did i really like(d) them both. my descent into odazai hell zone had nothing to do w/you getting into it or changing my feelings about it -- you didn't -- and everything to do w/me doing all of that writing and coming up with all of those aus, i went 100/10 and got nutsy. i didn't mean to make you feel left behind, or that you Had to like odazai -- you definitely don't, and there's nothing wrong with you for having different preferences than i do -- i'm really sorry, i should have thought about it more but hell maybe because i'm so used TO being on my own w/stuff like that i just... don't... think.
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  7. like hell, even with shanny, we'll like the same series but have different otps. the last time we both went feral #1 about the same thing was.... the fucking first season of voltron, we both went head over ass for sheith. then sdcc happened and voltron became the series that shall not be named. i didn't even watch season 2, and we barely wrote at all after the Ages Video. we've rped since but it's usually like, her main ship & my main ship coexisting, or one of us are rping a friend, crossover shit, etc. berseria is my favorite tales game and everyone loves my notp so i know what it's like to just gently stare into the sun and feel left out. after you said that abt feeling left out on twitter when wivi & i brought up odazai when we were watching sarazanmai i realized that you did feel left out w/it, and i haven't brought odz up with you at all since. i don't want to make you feel that way on purpose. ;; if it'd help i can tag it on twitter whenever i do rarely talk about it there? i know the ship isn't the Big Issue but you said yourself that it makes you feel bad and i don't want to like, expose you to it if i can avoid that.
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  9. i could tell something was Up, especially after that, but i also didn't know how to approach like, "IS IT MY YAOI?!" because i knew rationally it was not Actually just the ship but i didn't have another explanation as to why you were reacting so strongly. so i asked if things were ok a couple of times, then just told myself that it was in my head and inadvertently stopped talking about it for the most part in the process. idk u know my big insecurity w/this stuff is people thinking less of me for what i like so if i even get a sniff of that i'm like one of those old cartoon animals running away and leaving a cloud of dust. beep beep
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  11. speaking of, i know that you're really insecure about sharing stuff and i know i used to like, ask, and encourage you, and share and even tried to push a couple of times, but i stopped because i didn't want to push too hard or make you feel uncomfortable. like, having a one sided conversation IS something that makes me start to feel bad, i'm insecure about talking too much tbh (which is ridiculous because i talk A LOT but i think knowing that i can indeed talk for 25 minutes while someone is trying to ignore me is what makes me insecure LMAO) and it really seemed to me that you were not ready to like, talk about where atsushi puts his feet when he sleeps or w/e so i let it go. i didn't stop caring! like this sounds fuckin rude but the reality is that if i dont care about someone's opinion i won't ask them LMAO and if i think it's shitty i'd just remind them that i didnt ask. ive asked you because i really do think you have good ideas and i like hearing what you have to say about stuff, i don't really see something as "conflicting" as much as i see an opportunity to look at something differently because i value what you have to say! like. if you said he sleeps w/his feet out and i thought he slept in a blanket burrito, i wouldn't think you're wrong, i'd want to know why because its a chance to see something from a different perspective. maybe i'll pick uo that he sleeps w/his feet out if i really like the way you approached it, or maybe talking about it would make us think he sleeps ass up instead. maybe i'll stick with the burrito but i'd still think your view has value.
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  13. in a lot of ways that IS how i engage fandomwise w/ppl because while i tend to ship different things, i can usually discuss like character/series meta with most ppl. i love! to bounce ideas around and share stuff. the actual act of writing is something that makes me super fucking nervous as well and something i struggle with, & it's like you said, we stopped rping because Life Happened. but i'm not like, idk i'd love to do it again sometime! i probably wouldn't even be a half decent dazai anymore but i've got characters i could throw at atsushi, or tbh i could probably pick up akutagawa & we wouldn't even have to rp shippy stuff, I Love Shenanigans if it's something you like too.
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  15. i guess what i am trying to say with all of this is that i am sorry that my actions made you feel this way and that i didn't think about it, i'm used to my fan? actions only affecting me, because i'm used to being by myself. i'm glad you told me and i don't think you're/it's stupid, at all. wanting to share interests is fuckin awesome btw and that is a party i am always!! here for, it can just get kinda weird because i have weird taste. i'm sure we can find stuff though, i'll work harder at it. hell we DO have gbf and i think we like some of the same stuff there!? and while i dont go nearly as hard as you do because i am cold and dead inside, i usually have some idea what you're talking about. we also like the same stuff in sunshine afaik and we will get to watching that one day! timing has just been bad. i didn't forget!
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  17. also re: gbf i.... i sent u what i had done of that fic, twice, and u literally did not say anything KFDNLGMLSMFLSGNKSG SO I WAS LIKE OK.... ILL JUST... HAVE A SEAT OVER HERE?
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