Bad President (2021)

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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org

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Oh, you just cry.

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You're just a little crybaby.

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That's all you do.

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Ahhh.

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- Ah, crybaby.
- Crybaby.

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Shut up!

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Minions, we have a problem.

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Do any of you bickering geniuses
know what that problem is?

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We have a recruiting problem.

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It has been years
since we've had anybody

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in the game doing any
kind of fucking damage.

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Gonna tell me why that is?

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To be fair...

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When have I ever been fair?

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It's tough out there.

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What do we do when
we go out recruiting?

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What do we look for?

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Greed.

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- And?
- Chaos.

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Exactly.

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- And?
- Rage.

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This is what I'm talking about!

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Rage against everything
that is decent

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in this fucked up world.

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Do we have anybody
that'll fit that bill?

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The Kardashian sisters.

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They're witches!

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Succubus.

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They can suck a man's soul

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and his testosterone
right out of his dick.

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Look what they did to Bruce.

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They couldn't get the juice.

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That dude had potentials.

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Find a new Jeffrey
Dahmer or Bernie Madoff.

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I know somebody.

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Somebody good.

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And what makes him a good one?

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He's got all three of
our key requirements.

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He's a narcissist.

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He's Machiavellian-

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A psychopath?

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A dark triad.

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And he wants to be president
of the United States,

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which could set a
new record for chaos.

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I like it.

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Who are we talking about?

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Donald Trump.

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What? What's wrong with him?

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He's a fucking idiot
for number one.

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He's perfect.

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He has no shame.

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Number two,

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three, and four.

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He's filed for
bankruptcy three times.

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He's filed Chapter 11, 11 times.

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Everything he's touched
has turned to shit.

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If he didn't have a rich father,

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this motherfucker
would be working

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at Popeye's Chicken selling
that fucking sandwich to people.

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That's what makes him
the perfect candidate.

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He wants to be president,

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the leader of the free world,

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and you ,
you can make it happen.

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And just imagine all the chaos
and problems he can cause.

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I'm telling you, he's our guy.

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If he does to the world

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what he's done to all
of his companies...

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Minions, I think it's time
to tune in to human internet.

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Do you like what
you see, Donald?

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I do.

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Why don't you come over here?

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You know, there's nothing
more I love in this world

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than a sexy, beautiful woman

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or a cheeseburger or money.

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You kind of remind me
of my daughter, Ivanka.

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Whatever you like, Daddy.

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Not even I can make
this fool president.

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You know, there's limits to
what I'm capable of, you know?

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Ah, you're just being modest.

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I'm telling you, this
kind of opportunity

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only comes up once every
half-century or so.

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When was the last time
you had a candidate

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this built for
mayhem and suffering?

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Ah, Hitler.

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But he was genius.

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A mad genius, but genius.

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Ah, he's so good.

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He's got more credits on
IMDb than any working actor.

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He has his own network.

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They call it the
History Channel.

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Trump is the king of chaos.

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You have to admit that.

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He does present a
unique opportunity

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at this particular time.

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After Bush and Obama,

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America is ripe for a greed,
racist-driven collapse.

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00:06:07,064 --> 00:06:09,100
And Trump just might be our guy

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to push the whole fucking
thing over the edge, huh?

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Yes, Mr. Trump?

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Get Michael Cohen in here.

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Sit.

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I'm not very happy with you.

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- Why?
- What's going on with Russia?

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There's nothing new to report.

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There better be something.

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I want a Trump Tower in Moscow.

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Russia needs a Trump Tower.

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It'll give them
credibility as a country.

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I've run into a little
bit of a brick wall.

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Nobody's getting back to me.

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Well, call Putin directly.

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Putin loves me.

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Tell him I'm thinking about him,

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that we need to get together.

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Well, we've reached out to
him through third parties

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that are connected to him.

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And?

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Nothing. Silence.

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Well, reach out to him again.

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- Yes, sir.
- You know, two years ago,

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Putin disrespected me

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at the Miss Universe
pageant in Russia.

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He said he was gonna show,

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he didn't.

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Very disrespectful.

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So, I need to make this happen.

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- Yes, sir.
- I'm not hiring you

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to be a loser, to make
me look like a loser.

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Am I?

131
00:07:07,225 --> 00:07:08,194
No, absolutely not. No.

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Then get the hell out
of here and get it done.

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Yes, sir. Absolutely.

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I've thought about it.

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00:07:21,807 --> 00:07:25,511
And you may have a point
about this little Trump guy.

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Thank you.

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00:07:26,677 --> 00:07:31,250
So, let's try a
little experiment,

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shall we?

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Ha.

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You could concede, you know.

141
00:07:52,103 --> 00:07:54,740
Wouldn't that be easier than
facing any more humiliation?

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I mean, you're three strokes
down on a five par 18.

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And I got arthritis
in both arms.

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I never concede, Rupert.

145
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You know that, right?

146
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Okay.

147
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If you'd rather be beaten
by a virtual cripple.

148
00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:06,552
Not gonna happen.

149
00:08:11,689 --> 00:08:12,290
Uh-oh.

150
00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:16,829
See?

151
00:08:16,862 --> 00:08:19,532
If you'd conceded, you
could've avoided that.

152
00:08:20,264 --> 00:08:21,733
I'd never show my face
in this club again

153
00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:23,269
if I hit a shot like that.

154
00:08:23,901 --> 00:08:25,637
It's an embarrassment
to the game.

155
00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:26,538
What happened?

156
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:27,273
You hooked it, sir.

157
00:08:27,305 --> 00:08:28,573
No shit.

158
00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:39,284
I don't need your help.
I can find my own ball.

159
00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:40,186
I'm not here to help.

160
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,954
I'm making sure you
don't cheat again.

161
00:08:43,355 --> 00:08:44,990
It's a good thing your
real estate game's better

162
00:08:45,023 --> 00:08:48,093
than your golf game,
or you'd be penniless.

163
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:50,596
But think of the bright side,
you're three shots down,

164
00:08:50,629 --> 00:08:51,897
so this one's irrelevant.

165
00:08:51,929 --> 00:08:53,899
I'm not three shots down,
I'm only one shot down.

166
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:54,966
Three, Donald.

167
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:55,868
Don't cheat.

168
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:56,835
It's unbecoming.

169
00:08:59,804 --> 00:09:01,306
No, give me the three wood.

170
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:02,642
Are you sure?

171
00:09:03,774 --> 00:09:05,944
If it were me, I'd concede.

172
00:09:05,977 --> 00:09:07,712
This is gonna get ugly.

173
00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:13,785
Let's give him a little help.

174
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,289
See what happens.

175
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He filed for
bankruptcy three times.

176
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What?

177
00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:30,569
In your face, Rupert.

178
00:09:37,408 --> 00:09:38,309
We're tied.

179
00:09:38,342 --> 00:09:39,911
If you don't make par, I win.

180
00:09:39,945 --> 00:09:41,714
And I want cash, not a check.

181
00:09:41,746 --> 00:09:43,649
You might be tempted
to cancel it.

182
00:09:49,687 --> 00:09:50,923
You choked, Rupert.

183
00:09:50,956 --> 00:09:52,390
You lose.

184
00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:53,692
Pay up.

185
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:54,960
What did you do?

186
00:09:54,993 --> 00:09:56,696
Sell your soul for that shot?

187
00:09:58,129 --> 00:09:59,331
No, but I would have.

188
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:06,404
I can't believe he's that easy.

189
00:10:06,437 --> 00:10:07,773
Let's go.

190
00:10:13,144 --> 00:10:14,379
How do you explain that shot?

191
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,980
How do <i>you</i> explain that shot?

192
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:17,149
I can't.

193
00:10:17,182 --> 00:10:18,050
I agree with Murdoch.

194
00:10:18,082 --> 00:10:19,717
You must've made a
deal with the devil.

195
00:10:21,285 --> 00:10:22,754
Who cares?

196
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:23,688
We won.

197
00:10:27,759 --> 00:10:29,094
Tiffany, get me Tom

198
00:10:29,126 --> 00:10:30,695
- on the line.
- Yes, sir.

199
00:10:31,096 --> 00:10:33,331
Tom, it's Don.

200
00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:35,000
Need to make a move.

201
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:36,134
Big move.

202
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:37,503
Biggest move ever.

203
00:10:37,535 --> 00:10:39,437
<i>That's really
saying something, right?</i>

204
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:40,940
That's saying something.

205
00:10:42,139 --> 00:10:42,942
What's going on?

206
00:10:43,174 --> 00:10:44,742
Well, I can tell you

207
00:10:44,775 --> 00:10:46,844
the last season of "The
Apprentice" is a disaster.

208
00:10:46,878 --> 00:10:47,913
You know what kind
of celebrities

209
00:10:47,946 --> 00:10:49,248
NBC has come up with?

210
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,651
<i>Gilbert Gottfried, Lorenzo
Lamas, and Kate Gosselin.</i>

211
00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:55,387
Who the hell even knows
who Kate Gosselin is?

212
00:10:55,419 --> 00:10:58,156
Lorenzo Lamas, total loser.

213
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,759
And that Gilbert
Gottfried, what a weirdo.

214
00:11:00,792 --> 00:11:02,161
I don't even know
where he came from.

215
00:11:02,193 --> 00:11:04,163
Some other planet. I don't know.

216
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,165
I thought you said
the ratings were okay.

217
00:11:06,197 --> 00:11:07,399
Not anymore.

218
00:11:07,432 --> 00:11:08,767
And I've got even
bigger problems.

219
00:11:08,799 --> 00:11:10,368
I'm up to my ass in debt.

220
00:11:10,402 --> 00:11:13,906
Golf courses and the hotels
are down business-wise.

221
00:11:13,938 --> 00:11:15,440
I'm getting sued by some idiots

222
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:18,110
that aren't even smart enough
to get into Trump University.

223
00:11:18,143 --> 00:11:19,945
I've got two morons for sons.

224
00:11:19,977 --> 00:11:21,779
Ivanka is married to an idiot

225
00:11:21,812 --> 00:11:23,981
who's running his father's
business into the ground.

226
00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:25,451
I need a change, Tom.

227
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:26,785
What did you have in mind?

228
00:11:26,817 --> 00:11:28,853
I'm running for president.

229
00:11:30,522 --> 00:11:32,091
Tom, is that you?

230
00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:33,058
Are you laughing?

231
00:11:33,924 --> 00:11:34,926
I have a cold.

232
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,795
Can I count on you, Tom?

233
00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:39,430
<i>This is my best advice: Get
some other reactions first.</i>

234
00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:42,501
See what people say,
then we'll talk.

235
00:11:42,533 --> 00:11:43,802
<i>Good idea.</i>

236
00:11:43,835 --> 00:11:45,738
I knew I was smart
calling you first.

237
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:46,904
I'll get some feedback.

238
00:11:46,937 --> 00:11:48,039
Everyone will be thrilled.

239
00:11:48,072 --> 00:11:49,341
Everyone loves Trump.

240
00:11:51,543 --> 00:11:54,212
I'm running for president,
and I'm going to win.

241
00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:57,081
<i>That's very funny.</i>

242
00:11:57,115 --> 00:12:00,119
<i>Good luck, Donald, 'cause
you're gonna need it.</i>

243
00:12:03,087 --> 00:12:04,456
Oh, wow.

244
00:12:04,489 --> 00:12:06,425
You're joking, right, Donald?

245
00:12:06,457 --> 00:12:07,525
I never joke. You know that.

246
00:12:07,558 --> 00:12:08,993
I'm serious.

247
00:12:09,027 --> 00:12:09,995
I'm putting you on
the speakerphone.

248
00:12:10,028 --> 00:12:10,995
I have to get ready.

249
00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:13,331
<i>Donald, I have to
tell you something.</i>

250
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:16,201
Lots of people voted for you,
and you're a fucking midget.

251
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:18,771
When I was younger,
I was a Boy Scout.

252
00:12:18,803 --> 00:12:20,471
Something I'm sure
you never learned.

253
00:12:20,504 --> 00:12:22,073
I'm tall. Good on TV.

254
00:12:22,106 --> 00:12:23,375
Great on TV.

255
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:25,177
You have zero chances

256
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:27,312
of winning the
Republican nomination.

257
00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:28,514
You look like you
need a step ladder

258
00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:30,249
just to get up to the screen.

259
00:12:35,586 --> 00:12:36,489
Good workout.

260
00:12:39,356 --> 00:12:40,425
Daddy.

261
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,096
You're running for president?

262
00:12:44,129 --> 00:12:45,062
No way.

263
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:48,000
Oh, my God. That
is so wonderful.

264
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,469
I can't wait to
run your campaign.

265
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,173
Over my dead body.

266
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:55,307
That can be arranged.

267
00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:56,408
Believe me.

268
00:13:01,011 --> 00:13:03,848
We have been
bankrupt <i>five</i> times.

269
00:13:03,881 --> 00:13:07,885
Sometimes, I wish I had
you lobotomized as a child.

270
00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:09,187
Oh, wait, you were.

271
00:13:13,557 --> 00:13:14,860
Did you hear the big news?

272
00:13:14,893 --> 00:13:16,061
No.

273
00:13:16,094 --> 00:13:17,396
I was shopping all day.

274
00:13:17,428 --> 00:13:19,130
Big news, huge news.

275
00:13:19,163 --> 00:13:20,499
Everyone's very excited.

276
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:22,901
I've never seen
people this excited.

277
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:24,169
I'm running for president.

278
00:13:25,336 --> 00:13:26,371
You're what?

279
00:13:26,404 --> 00:13:30,107
I'm running for president
of the United States.

280
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,576
You are not.

281
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:32,543
I just told you I was.

282
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:34,913
No, you are not.

283
00:13:34,946 --> 00:13:36,114
I will not stand for it.

284
00:13:36,147 --> 00:13:37,416
Does that mean
you're moving back

285
00:13:37,448 --> 00:13:39,183
to Slovenia with your parents?

286
00:13:39,216 --> 00:13:41,220
That is not funny.

287
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:42,354
I thought it was.

288
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:43,888
You frighten me.

289
00:13:43,922 --> 00:13:45,324
This is bad idea.

290
00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:46,424
I oppose.

291
00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:50,161
Since when do you tell me
what I can and can't do?

292
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:54,867
Since you tell me I am the
best sex supply you ever have.

293
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,436
Doesn't matter. I'm still
running for president.

294
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:59,204
There's nothing you
can do about it.

295
00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:01,874
I'm very upset.

296
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,877
And you know what that means.

297
00:14:04,909 --> 00:14:05,977
No.

298
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:10,182
You will not be touching
my pussy for a long time.

299
00:14:10,215 --> 00:14:11,050
Oh.

300
00:14:16,654 --> 00:14:17,589
Happy now?

301
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:20,424
Good luck for president.

302
00:14:20,457 --> 00:14:21,894
Thank you for your support.

303
00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:24,629
Love you too.

304
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:27,366
Big news.

305
00:14:34,004 --> 00:14:36,508
Tiffany, get me Bob
Greenblatt on the phone.

306
00:14:36,541 --> 00:14:37,910
<i>Yes, sir.</i>

307
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:44,483
Hello, Donald.

308
00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:45,683
What can I do for you?

309
00:14:45,716 --> 00:14:47,686
<i>How about what you have
not done for me, Bob?</i>

310
00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:49,153
You've not done
anything to bring up

311
00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:51,123
the ratings on
"Celebrity Apprentice."

312
00:14:51,155 --> 00:14:53,591
You've done nothing to
get me better talent.

313
00:14:53,625 --> 00:14:55,626
<i>I mean, I thought
last year was bad.</i>

314
00:14:55,659 --> 00:14:58,496
<i>Gary Busey, Meatloaf,
and Andrew Dice Clay,</i>

315
00:14:58,529 --> 00:14:59,630
<i>they were the worst.</i>

316
00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:01,432
But this year, Lorenzo Lamas?

317
00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:03,534
Nobody cares about Lorenzo Lamas

318
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:06,004
except other losers
like Lorenzo Lamas.

319
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:08,941
At least last season, it was
exciting to watch Meatloaf

320
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,676
almost rip off
Gary Busey's head.

321
00:15:10,708 --> 00:15:11,642
That was fun.

322
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:13,412
We do the best we can.

323
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,647
The show's been
around a long time.

324
00:15:15,679 --> 00:15:18,482
The concept is a little tired.

325
00:15:18,515 --> 00:15:21,019
I'm sick and tired of
your bullshit, Bob.

326
00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:23,288
I'm sick and tired of
shitty celebrities.

327
00:15:23,321 --> 00:15:25,524
I need a change, and I want out.

328
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,960
<i>I want out, Bob.</i>

329
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,962
I'm sorry to hear that, Donald.

330
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:36,168
Just out of curiosity, what
are you planning to do now?

331
00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:38,135
Besides running
my global empire,

332
00:15:38,168 --> 00:15:40,639
besides being the
biggest celebrity on TV,

333
00:15:40,672 --> 00:15:43,240
besides being the most
handsome man in the world,

334
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:46,010
a billionaire, and banging
some of the hottest,

335
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:48,079
I mean, one of the hottest
women in the world,

336
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,982
you mean, besides
all of that, Bob?

337
00:15:50,014 --> 00:15:53,284
We at CBC wish you the best.

338
00:15:53,317 --> 00:15:54,686
And I look forward

339
00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:56,188
<i>to finishing out the season.</i>

340
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:58,690
With a bang, Bob,
a very big bang.

341
00:15:58,722 --> 00:16:01,192
The biggest bang the
world's ever heard.

342
00:16:01,225 --> 00:16:03,294
<i>One big bang.</i>

343
00:16:03,327 --> 00:16:05,129
Come on, Donald.

344
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:07,666
We've known each
other for a long time.

345
00:16:07,698 --> 00:16:10,067
Don't leave me hanging
out there like that.

346
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:11,503
<i>What are you planning?</i>

347
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,705
I'm going to run for president.

348
00:16:18,109 --> 00:16:19,610
Bob, are you laughing?

349
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:20,980
You stop laughing.

350
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:23,415
I'm gonna get you.
You better believe it.

351
00:16:23,447 --> 00:16:24,348
<i>You're done, Bob.</i>

352
00:16:24,381 --> 00:16:25,283
<i>You're done!</i>

353
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:37,562
Wow.

354
00:16:37,595 --> 00:16:38,497
Whoa.

355
00:16:38,529 --> 00:16:40,365
This is some group of people.

356
00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:41,733
Big crowd.

357
00:16:41,765 --> 00:16:44,602
Thousands.

358
00:16:44,635 --> 00:16:46,804
This is beyond
anyone's expectations.

359
00:16:46,837 --> 00:16:50,674
There's never been a crowd
like this, and I know why,

360
00:16:50,707 --> 00:16:53,110
because I've never
actually announced

361
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:56,114
that I'm running for president
of the United States.

362
00:16:56,147 --> 00:16:58,150
Is this the greatest
thing or what?

363
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,152
Unbelievable.

364
00:17:01,119 --> 00:17:02,487
Let me tell you why I'm running.

365
00:17:02,519 --> 00:17:04,722
The US has become
a dumping ground

366
00:17:04,756 --> 00:17:06,591
for everyone else's problems.

367
00:17:06,624 --> 00:17:09,094
For example, when
Mexico sends its people,

368
00:17:09,126 --> 00:17:10,327
they're not sending their best.

369
00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:11,129
...bringing drugs.

370
00:17:11,162 --> 00:17:12,564
They're bringing crime.

371
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:14,066
They're bringing rapists.

372
00:17:14,098 --> 00:17:16,268
And some I assume are good
people, but who knows?

373
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,336
Everyone knows I have
the best golf courses

374
00:17:18,368 --> 00:17:19,236
in the world, right?

375
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:20,704
The best.

376
00:17:20,738 --> 00:17:23,107
And if I'm elected, I won't
have time to play golf.

377
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:27,813
Our country needs a
truly great leader.

378
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:30,548
North Korea, they
call him Kim Jong-un.

379
00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:31,583
Supreme leader.

380
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:32,817
That's what we need.

381
00:17:32,851 --> 00:17:34,853
A book like "The
Art of The Deal."

382
00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:35,787
Have you read it yet?

383
00:17:35,819 --> 00:17:37,455
Wasn't that a great book?

384
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:40,392
Many people say it's one of
the greatest books of all time.

385
00:17:40,424 --> 00:17:43,127
And frankly, some
people, smart people,

386
00:17:43,161 --> 00:17:44,596
say it is the best
book of all time.

387
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:47,131
I want you to know I'm
using my own money to run.

388
00:17:47,164 --> 00:17:48,633
And that's because
I'm really rich.

389
00:17:48,665 --> 00:17:49,835
Constantly making money.

390
00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:51,102
I'm even making
money when I sleep.

391
00:17:51,135 --> 00:17:55,307
I will bring it back, bigger,
and stronger than ever before.

392
00:17:55,339 --> 00:17:57,509
And we will make
America great again.

393
00:17:57,541 --> 00:17:59,144
Doesn't that sound great?

394
00:17:59,176 --> 00:18:01,879
Make America great again.

395
00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:03,515
Everybody likes that.

396
00:18:03,548 --> 00:18:04,482
Who came up with that?

397
00:18:04,516 --> 00:18:06,085
He must have been a genius.

398
00:18:08,185 --> 00:18:09,120
Oh, I guess it was me.

399
00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:11,490
Anyway, thank you.

400
00:18:11,522 --> 00:18:12,823
Thank you very much.

401
00:18:12,856 --> 00:18:14,358
Thank you.

402
00:18:14,392 --> 00:18:16,661
Oh, this is the guy I'm
supposed to make president?

403
00:18:16,693 --> 00:18:18,529
I mean, give me a fucking break.

404
00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:20,866
With your help, remember
your objectives.

405
00:18:20,898 --> 00:18:22,900
He's a dream come true.

406
00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:24,336
He's an embarrassment

407
00:18:24,368 --> 00:18:26,804
to God's favorite
creation, humanity.

408
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,539
I mean, look at him.

409
00:18:28,573 --> 00:18:31,877
He eats fucking Mickey
D's all goddamn day long.

410
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:34,446
He's a walking
fucking heart attack.

411
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:37,848
He probably hasn't taken a
shit in a year and a half.

412
00:18:37,882 --> 00:18:40,185
Just saying he's full of shit.

413
00:18:40,218 --> 00:18:42,153
He's hanging out
with little Yum Yum.

414
00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:44,622
Chewing bubble gum,
having fun, fun.

415
00:18:44,655 --> 00:18:47,192
Press button again,
missile go boom.

416
00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:49,160
Missile go boom.

417
00:18:49,193 --> 00:18:50,061
You think I wanna deal

418
00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:52,230
with this fucking
shit every day, huh?

419
00:18:52,262 --> 00:18:53,164
No.

420
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:54,399
I don't like little Yum Yum,

421
00:18:54,432 --> 00:18:56,367
but there's some cute
Korean women over there

422
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:57,568
I'd like to fuck.

423
00:18:57,602 --> 00:19:00,538
Anyway, they eat too much rice.

424
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,239
I like rice.

425
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,678
<i>Reactions
among New Yorkers</i>

426
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,446
to Donald Trump's
announcement earlier today

427
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,781
that he is running for president

428
00:19:10,815 --> 00:19:13,250
have been swift
and crystal clear.

429
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:15,587
Almost everyone
thinks he is joking.

430
00:19:15,619 --> 00:19:17,254
And those who believe him say

431
00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:18,957
they are appalled at
the things he said

432
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:21,226
in the rambling speech
that broke the news.

433
00:19:21,259 --> 00:19:23,694
New Yorkers are either
amused or offended

434
00:19:23,728 --> 00:19:25,497
by Donald Trump's announcement.

435
00:19:25,529 --> 00:19:26,964
You're kidding, right?

436
00:19:26,998 --> 00:19:28,533
Actually, I'm not.

437
00:19:28,566 --> 00:19:29,567
God help us all.

438
00:19:30,701 --> 00:19:31,836
Why do you say that?

439
00:19:31,869 --> 00:19:34,872
I cannot trust a man who
cannot do a proper comb-over.

440
00:19:36,773 --> 00:19:39,210
Is there anything else you'd
like to say about his hair?

441
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:40,611
His hair looks
like Christmas past

442
00:19:40,644 --> 00:19:43,280
after the eggnog's
been spilled on it.

443
00:19:43,314 --> 00:19:43,949
Thank you.

444
00:19:45,415 --> 00:19:47,618
- Really?
- <i>He's a sexist pig.</i>

445
00:19:47,986 --> 00:19:51,323
What kind of woman would vote
for a philanderer like him?

446
00:19:51,355 --> 00:19:53,290
What kind of woman do you
think would vote for him?

447
00:19:53,324 --> 00:19:54,960
Maybe a stripper or hooker?

448
00:19:56,493 --> 00:20:00,298
I watch on the TV, he call
us rapist and drug dealers.

449
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:03,735
Pea brain.

450
00:20:08,538 --> 00:20:11,276
Log on to the New York
Daily News website.

451
00:20:11,308 --> 00:20:13,278
Why? You know, I don't
like the Daily News.

452
00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:14,678
Just do it.

453
00:20:14,711 --> 00:20:18,250
Okay.

454
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:20,919
Unbelievable.

455
00:20:21,818 --> 00:20:22,953
Bullshit.

456
00:20:22,987 --> 00:20:24,890
It's not so bad, Dad.

457
00:20:26,057 --> 00:20:27,592
People love clowns.

458
00:20:27,625 --> 00:20:28,460
Don't they?

459
00:20:29,059 --> 00:20:30,328
I love clowns

460
00:20:31,628 --> 00:20:35,500
and the circus,
with cotton candy.

461
00:20:35,532 --> 00:20:37,568
Cotton candy? Circus?

462
00:20:37,602 --> 00:20:38,703
Get this moron out of here

463
00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:40,639
- before I kill him!
- Dad, Dad.

464
00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:41,606
Your blood pressure.

465
00:20:42,339 --> 00:20:43,807
Oh, right.

466
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:44,642
All right.

467
00:20:45,609 --> 00:20:46,410
Right.

468
00:20:48,512 --> 00:20:49,980
Don't be afraid.

469
00:20:50,013 --> 00:20:51,015
Go play.

470
00:20:52,182 --> 00:20:55,753
Even though you're a moron,
you know I love you, Eric.

471
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:57,288
Where were we, Don?

472
00:20:57,321 --> 00:20:58,756
Go back to the news site.

473
00:21:00,023 --> 00:21:01,992
Click on, "See pages
four and five."

474
00:21:02,026 --> 00:21:03,894
Okay.

475
00:21:03,928 --> 00:21:05,363
Scroll down.

476
00:21:05,395 --> 00:21:06,063
Scrolling.

477
00:21:06,096 --> 00:21:07,266
Read the tweets.

478
00:21:09,433 --> 00:21:11,068
That's what they're
saying about me?

479
00:21:11,102 --> 00:21:13,571
You have to know how
the people feel about you.

480
00:21:13,604 --> 00:21:16,307
You know, I don't like
talking about feelings.

481
00:21:16,340 --> 00:21:17,808
What do you think, Melania?

482
00:21:18,843 --> 00:21:19,678
What?

483
00:21:21,378 --> 00:21:22,379
Ivanka?

484
00:21:22,413 --> 00:21:23,748
I love you, Daddy.

485
00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:24,915
That's my girl.

486
00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:27,619
What'd I tell you, boss?

487
00:21:27,652 --> 00:21:30,555
He's the king of
mayhem and destruction.

488
00:21:30,587 --> 00:21:32,990
What psycho would vote
for this son of a bitch?

489
00:21:33,023 --> 00:21:35,626
You can get him all
the votes he needs.

490
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:37,095
If our people turn out-

491
00:21:37,127 --> 00:21:41,098
<i>Our people</i> have this little
problem called sanity.

492
00:21:41,132 --> 00:21:42,834
Common sense.

493
00:21:42,866 --> 00:21:45,903
Trust me, boss, this may be
the last opportunity you have.

494
00:21:45,936 --> 00:21:47,938
And he's vulnerable now.

495
00:21:47,971 --> 00:21:50,442
He can't tolerate humiliation.

496
00:21:50,474 --> 00:21:52,644
This is our time to move.

497
00:21:52,676 --> 00:21:53,744
Not yet.

498
00:21:53,778 --> 00:21:55,613
Why not?

499
00:21:55,645 --> 00:21:59,783
Number one, things are
gonna get a whole lot worse

500
00:21:59,817 --> 00:22:01,586
for our little friend, Trump.

501
00:22:01,618 --> 00:22:06,124
Number two, I don't even know
if I can work with this man.

502
00:22:06,156 --> 00:22:08,359
Come on, boss, you worked
with Charles Manson.

503
00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:09,728
- Ah.
- Richard Nixon?

504
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:10,961
- Ah.
- Hitler.

505
00:22:10,994 --> 00:22:12,863
- I know.
- Why the hesitation, then?

506
00:22:12,896 --> 00:22:16,033
Those three gentlemen
had one thing in common.

507
00:22:16,067 --> 00:22:17,402
They were smart.

508
00:22:17,434 --> 00:22:18,970
This dude is dumber than dirt.

509
00:22:19,002 --> 00:22:20,672
And dirt don't think.

510
00:22:22,038 --> 00:22:23,907
I don't even know if
this guy is controllable.

511
00:22:23,941 --> 00:22:28,011
When was the last time you
ran into a genuine dark triad?

512
00:22:28,045 --> 00:22:29,914
Let's just see how
things play out.

513
00:22:30,748 --> 00:22:32,951
We got plenty of time.

514
00:22:32,983 --> 00:22:35,419
Hell is forever.

515
00:22:52,737 --> 00:22:54,806
If a guy from Kenya,
not even born in the US,

516
00:22:54,838 --> 00:22:57,142
can become president,
you can too.

517
00:22:58,509 --> 00:23:01,179
Let's make some
orange juice, huh?

518
00:23:01,211 --> 00:23:02,713
Orange man's gonna do it.

519
00:23:02,747 --> 00:23:03,748
Oh.

520
00:23:03,780 --> 00:23:04,948
Suck it up, Don.

521
00:23:04,981 --> 00:23:07,484
Don't be discouraged.

522
00:23:07,518 --> 00:23:10,122
When the going gets
tough, you get going.

523
00:23:12,589 --> 00:23:14,725
I deserve the finer
things in life.

524
00:23:16,059 --> 00:23:18,496
I'm entitled to a
happy existence.

525
00:23:19,896 --> 00:23:23,467
I refuse to beat myself up.

526
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,002
I'm an attractive person.

527
00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:26,971
I'm fun to be with.

528
00:23:27,003 --> 00:23:28,173
What the fuck?

529
00:23:28,205 --> 00:23:32,476
Well, hello there,
handsome, Mr. T.

530
00:23:32,509 --> 00:23:34,011
Who the hell are you?

531
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,913
I am Billy J.C.-

532
00:23:35,946 --> 00:23:37,915
♪ Ah ♪

533
00:23:37,949 --> 00:23:38,784
Sunday.

534
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:42,187
You remember me, man,
from your church.

535
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:44,087
I have no idea what
you're talking about.

536
00:23:44,121 --> 00:23:45,023
Church.

537
00:23:45,056 --> 00:23:46,490
I've never been to church.

538
00:23:46,523 --> 00:23:48,725
When you came in
the goddamn church,

539
00:23:48,759 --> 00:23:50,694
everybody cried 'cause
you wore a helmet

540
00:23:50,728 --> 00:23:52,197
and you were orange, man.

541
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,230
You bumped into shit.

542
00:23:53,263 --> 00:23:54,765
We thought you were blind.

543
00:23:54,798 --> 00:23:56,067
- Really?
- Really.

544
00:23:57,233 --> 00:24:01,839
Look, I just want you to say
these words with me, man.

545
00:24:01,873 --> 00:24:03,508
Look me in the eye.

546
00:24:03,540 --> 00:24:04,675
Say it along with me.

547
00:24:05,843 --> 00:24:07,745
I'm good enough,
I'm smart enough,

548
00:24:07,778 --> 00:24:09,547
and doggone it, people like me.

549
00:24:09,579 --> 00:24:11,949
No wonder you got to buy pussy.

550
00:24:11,982 --> 00:24:13,851
Say the shit again.

551
00:24:13,884 --> 00:24:14,885
Come on. Let's do it together.

552
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,556
I'm good enough,
I'm smart enough,

553
00:24:18,588 --> 00:24:20,024
and doggone it, people like me.

554
00:24:20,590 --> 00:24:21,225
I believed that.

555
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:22,259
That was fucking good.

556
00:24:22,292 --> 00:24:23,560
This is ridiculous.

557
00:24:23,594 --> 00:24:24,996
Am I being punk'd?

558
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,763
Is James Cameron behind this?

559
00:24:26,797 --> 00:24:29,500
Nobody puts Billy J.C.-

560
00:24:29,534 --> 00:24:30,201
♪ Ah ♪

561
00:24:30,233 --> 00:24:32,069
Sunday up to anything.

562
00:24:32,103 --> 00:24:35,673
I'm doing this 'cause I care
about you, you orange fuck.

563
00:24:35,705 --> 00:24:36,507
Sure.

564
00:24:36,540 --> 00:24:37,509
Good.

565
00:24:37,541 --> 00:24:38,509
Now thank me.

566
00:24:38,542 --> 00:24:39,910
- Are you kidding?
- I'm not!

567
00:24:39,943 --> 00:24:42,212
Fuck you, you little
piece of shit, you.

568
00:24:42,246 --> 00:24:43,047
You fucking thank me, boy,

569
00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:45,682
or I'll jump out
this fucking window,

570
00:24:45,715 --> 00:24:47,519
and I'll make orange juice
out of your fucking ass.

571
00:24:47,551 --> 00:24:49,553
You'll change your
name to Sunny D.

572
00:24:49,586 --> 00:24:51,588
Thank me, fucker.

573
00:24:51,622 --> 00:24:52,823
Thank you.

574
00:24:52,856 --> 00:24:57,695
Now remember,
everything is gonna be fine.

575
00:24:59,730 --> 00:25:02,033
Everything
is gonna be fine.

576
00:25:02,066 --> 00:25:03,668
So, what do you think?

577
00:25:03,701 --> 00:25:05,269
I don't know. You on board?

578
00:25:05,303 --> 00:25:07,305
Oh, most definitely, man.

579
00:25:07,337 --> 00:25:09,840
Now the real fun's
about to begin.

580
00:25:11,041 --> 00:25:12,576
Next time I show up,

581
00:25:14,077 --> 00:25:16,248
I'm gonna be a
guy named Epstein.

582
00:25:17,315 --> 00:25:20,151
- Mm.
- Serving up small children-

583
00:25:20,183 --> 00:25:22,753
On an island called

584
00:25:22,787 --> 00:25:24,823
Fuck 'Em While They
On The School Bus.

585
00:25:25,890 --> 00:25:27,091
I used to live there.

586
00:25:27,124 --> 00:25:28,125
- You lived there?
- Mm-hm.

587
00:25:28,159 --> 00:25:29,193
- Had a lot of fun?
- Mm.

588
00:25:29,226 --> 00:25:30,895
No wonder your name is Shame.

589
00:25:30,928 --> 00:25:32,297
- Thank you.
- That's a fucking shame.

590
00:25:32,329 --> 00:25:34,698
- Mm.
- Anger, you know what to do.

591
00:25:34,731 --> 00:25:35,767
Come here.

592
00:25:44,642 --> 00:25:45,710
Oh!

593
00:25:46,810 --> 00:25:47,711
May I help you?

594
00:25:47,744 --> 00:25:50,681
I'm here to see Donald Trump.

595
00:25:50,714 --> 00:25:52,616
Do you have an appointment?

596
00:25:52,650 --> 00:25:56,019
No, I don't, but I'm sure
he would like to see me.

597
00:25:56,053 --> 00:25:57,689
Why would you think that?

598
00:25:57,721 --> 00:25:59,757
I know that to be a fact.

599
00:25:59,789 --> 00:26:04,596
I'm sorry, but Mr. Trump
is very, very busy.

600
00:26:04,628 --> 00:26:07,030
You can leave a
business card or a note.

601
00:26:07,064 --> 00:26:10,602
I traveled very far
to come and see him.

602
00:26:10,634 --> 00:26:11,603
I must see him.

603
00:26:11,635 --> 00:26:14,238
I <i>will</i> see him.

604
00:26:14,270 --> 00:26:16,840
Please, don't be difficult.

605
00:26:16,874 --> 00:26:18,643
I'm asking you to leave.

606
00:26:18,675 --> 00:26:20,110
I'm sorry.

607
00:26:20,144 --> 00:26:21,278
It's not gonna happen.

608
00:26:22,145 --> 00:26:23,280
So now what?

609
00:26:28,385 --> 00:26:30,321
You're needed at the front desk.

610
00:26:40,998 --> 00:26:44,701
This gentleman needs to be
escorted out of the office.

611
00:26:44,734 --> 00:26:46,604
All right, pal, you got to go.

612
00:26:47,304 --> 00:26:50,008
As I was explaining
to this beautiful,

613
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,076
vivacious young lady here,

614
00:26:53,109 --> 00:26:55,413
I'm not going anywhere
until I see Mr. Trump.

615
00:26:55,445 --> 00:26:58,782
Well, that ain't
happening, so take a walk.

616
00:26:58,816 --> 00:27:01,885
I'd advise you to
back the fuck up.

617
00:27:01,919 --> 00:27:02,887
Is that right?

618
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,221
That's right.

619
00:27:10,928 --> 00:27:13,865
Either I see Donald Trump

620
00:27:13,897 --> 00:27:16,400
or you going to the hospital
with a lot of broken bones.

621
00:27:16,433 --> 00:27:20,303
And I'd really hate to
see that happen to anyone.

622
00:27:20,336 --> 00:27:22,807
Am I making myself
perfectly clear now?

623
00:27:24,008 --> 00:27:27,778
Please inform Mr. Trump
I'm bringing someone up.

624
00:27:38,722 --> 00:27:40,692
Is the temperature
to your liking?

625
00:27:42,159 --> 00:27:44,896
I thought you might
be a little thirsty.

626
00:27:47,731 --> 00:27:48,799
I'm new at this.

627
00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:51,469
Sorry to barge in like this,
but it's very important.

628
00:27:51,501 --> 00:27:52,436
What the hell happened to you?

629
00:27:52,470 --> 00:27:54,739
I told you the pool is
for family use only.

630
00:27:54,771 --> 00:27:56,273
Now I've got to drain it again.

631
00:27:56,307 --> 00:27:57,474
I heard he pissed in it.

632
00:27:57,508 --> 00:28:02,013
No offense, but I'd like to
have a private conversation

633
00:28:02,046 --> 00:28:05,982
with our next president
of these United States.

634
00:28:06,016 --> 00:28:07,785
Do you want me to stay?

635
00:28:07,817 --> 00:28:09,420
You're not here to
assassinate me, are you?

636
00:28:09,452 --> 00:28:11,254
Don, hell no.

637
00:28:11,288 --> 00:28:12,990
I'm a huge fan.

638
00:28:14,057 --> 00:28:15,125
Okay. You can go.

639
00:28:15,159 --> 00:28:16,728
But if you hear any gunshots,

640
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,396
you call 911 and you
rush right back in here.

641
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,069
So, who are you?
What's your story?

642
00:28:26,103 --> 00:28:27,404
You look kind of familiar.

643
00:28:28,939 --> 00:28:30,508
I'm here to help, Don.

644
00:28:30,540 --> 00:28:31,275
Help me how?

645
00:28:32,376 --> 00:28:35,746
Help you become president
of the good old US of A.

646
00:28:35,779 --> 00:28:37,414
Make America great again.

647
00:28:37,448 --> 00:28:38,750
You think I need your help?

648
00:28:39,750 --> 00:28:42,787
Motherfucker, you
definitely need some help.

649
00:28:42,819 --> 00:28:45,123
So, what kind of help
are you gonna give me?

650
00:28:45,155 --> 00:28:47,825
Let's just say I have
the power to intervene

651
00:28:47,857 --> 00:28:50,494
in situations like
nobody else can.

652
00:28:50,528 --> 00:28:52,096
Is that a threat?

653
00:28:52,128 --> 00:28:55,198
I have a very powerful personal
attorney, Michael Cohen.

654
00:28:55,231 --> 00:28:56,267
Maybe you've heard of him.

655
00:28:56,299 --> 00:28:57,467
Absolutely.

656
00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:58,502
He's an idiot.

657
00:28:58,536 --> 00:28:59,971
You know, one day, Don,

658
00:29:00,003 --> 00:29:03,173
he's gonna get you in
a shitload of trouble.

659
00:29:03,207 --> 00:29:04,842
What kind of trouble?

660
00:29:04,875 --> 00:29:06,277
He knows all your secrets.

661
00:29:06,309 --> 00:29:08,346
I know, but I trust
him with my life.

662
00:29:08,378 --> 00:29:09,546
Exactly.

663
00:29:09,579 --> 00:29:11,448
That's the problem.

664
00:29:11,481 --> 00:29:12,817
Forget Cohen.

665
00:29:12,849 --> 00:29:14,151
Let's talk about you.

666
00:29:14,184 --> 00:29:15,552
Give me an example
of the kind of things

667
00:29:15,586 --> 00:29:17,855
you <i>think</i> you can help me with.

668
00:29:17,887 --> 00:29:22,793
Well, do you remember
this amazing golf shot

669
00:29:22,826 --> 00:29:26,096
you had playing golf with
this little troll shit

670
00:29:26,130 --> 00:29:29,400
of a human being with
the last name Murdoch?

671
00:29:29,432 --> 00:29:30,934
How'd you know about that?

672
00:29:30,968 --> 00:29:32,503
That wasn't your shot, Don.

673
00:29:32,536 --> 00:29:34,806
That was <i>my</i> shot.

674
00:29:34,838 --> 00:29:38,175
Or how about the
motivational speaker

675
00:29:38,209 --> 00:29:39,844
who likes to float above water

676
00:29:39,876 --> 00:29:42,379
and have wine on
Sunday afternoons?

677
00:29:42,413 --> 00:29:43,948
That was me also.

678
00:29:43,980 --> 00:29:45,482
Ha ha ha.

679
00:29:45,516 --> 00:29:47,819
That's funny. What do
you think, I'm stupid?

680
00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:48,820
Don't ask me that question.

681
00:29:48,853 --> 00:29:51,589
I'm brutally honest, and
the truth always hurts.

682
00:29:51,622 --> 00:29:53,157
What are you? Psychic?

683
00:29:53,190 --> 00:29:54,424
A magician?

684
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:55,526
Did you come from
The Magic Castle?

685
00:29:55,558 --> 00:29:58,829
Let's just say I have a unique

686
00:29:58,863 --> 00:30:01,365
set of skills that you need.

687
00:30:01,397 --> 00:30:02,933
Skills, really?

688
00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:04,368
You know who you're talking to?

689
00:30:04,401 --> 00:30:05,937
I'm like the Wizard of Oz.

690
00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:09,472
All-knowing, all-powerful
without the curtain.

691
00:30:09,506 --> 00:30:10,842
Excuse me, Dorothy.

692
00:30:10,875 --> 00:30:13,310
It is precisely
for those reasons

693
00:30:13,344 --> 00:30:15,479
you so eloquently just stated

694
00:30:15,511 --> 00:30:19,884
that nobody, and I
mean absolutely nobody,

695
00:30:19,916 --> 00:30:22,519
including your family,
is gonna believe

696
00:30:22,553 --> 00:30:26,090
you got a chance in hell
of becoming the president.

697
00:30:26,123 --> 00:30:27,424
That's it. You're done.

698
00:30:27,458 --> 00:30:28,326
Get out of here.

699
00:30:28,358 --> 00:30:30,126
And what if I refuse?

700
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,196
I'm gonna get my big,
strong bodyguard in here.

701
00:30:32,229 --> 00:30:35,266
He's gonna rough you up,
throw you out on the street.

702
00:30:35,298 --> 00:30:37,434
I believe that he's
got track shoes on.

703
00:30:37,468 --> 00:30:40,271
He's gonna run like
the bitch he is.

704
00:30:41,171 --> 00:30:41,940
But fine.

705
00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:44,008
Take my card.

706
00:30:46,943 --> 00:30:51,648
When that one brain cell of
yours starts to register sound

707
00:30:51,682 --> 00:30:52,783
in that orange head of yours,

708
00:30:54,652 --> 00:30:57,588
you're gonna realize that
you really, really need me.

709
00:30:59,056 --> 00:31:02,960
And at that moment,
pick up the phone, call.

710
00:31:02,992 --> 00:31:04,662
I'll be here in a flash.

711
00:31:04,694 --> 00:31:08,899
I could make you president
of the United States.

712
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:10,902
I can guarantee it.

713
00:31:13,971 --> 00:31:14,605
Wait a minute.

714
00:31:16,173 --> 00:31:20,310
If I agree to do this,
what do you want in return?

715
00:31:23,547 --> 00:31:26,617
We'll talk about that
when the time comes.

716
00:31:27,518 --> 00:31:29,953
But in the meantime,

717
00:31:29,987 --> 00:31:34,225
you're gonna run into a
bumpy next couple of weeks.

718
00:31:35,326 --> 00:31:36,626
Will that be you too?

719
00:31:36,660 --> 00:31:38,596
Uh, no.

720
00:31:38,628 --> 00:31:42,500
It's gonna be the media mostly.

721
00:31:42,532 --> 00:31:44,167
Believe me.

722
00:31:49,973 --> 00:31:50,942
Whoa.

723
00:31:50,974 --> 00:31:51,808
<i>Pressure
is mounting</i>

724
00:31:51,843 --> 00:31:53,978
on Republican
presidential candidate

725
00:31:54,010 --> 00:31:56,646
Donald Trump to release
his tax returns.

726
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,951
Even Republican members of
Congress are now urging him

727
00:31:59,983 --> 00:32:01,484
to follow the
long-held tradition

728
00:32:01,518 --> 00:32:03,688
among candidates
seeking the White House.

729
00:32:03,721 --> 00:32:06,990
Last January on NBC's
"Meet The Press,"

730
00:32:07,023 --> 00:32:09,426
Trump told host Chuck Todd

731
00:32:09,460 --> 00:32:11,562
that he would be
releasing his returns.

732
00:32:11,595 --> 00:32:13,463
Well, we're working on
that right now, Chuck.

733
00:32:13,497 --> 00:32:16,667
I have very big returns, as
you know, very big returns.

734
00:32:16,700 --> 00:32:18,669
Some of the biggest
returns ever,

735
00:32:18,701 --> 00:32:20,403
and I have everything
all approved.

736
00:32:20,436 --> 00:32:23,039
Frankly, I have some of the
most beautiful tax returns

737
00:32:23,073 --> 00:32:24,475
that anyone has ever seen.

738
00:32:24,508 --> 00:32:26,477
They're like works of art.

739
00:32:26,509 --> 00:32:29,113
Now that Trump has officially
declared that he's running,

740
00:32:29,145 --> 00:32:31,248
he's changed his
tune a little bit.

741
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,684
Joining me now is one of
Donald Trump's biographers.

742
00:32:34,785 --> 00:32:38,589
Tom, you know Donald
Trump as well as anybody.

743
00:32:38,622 --> 00:32:40,423
What do you make of
his recent vagueness

744
00:32:40,457 --> 00:32:43,160
regarding releasing
his tax returns?

745
00:32:43,192 --> 00:32:45,462
Well, first of all, Anderson,

746
00:32:45,496 --> 00:32:47,698
I do know him as
well as anybody,

747
00:32:47,730 --> 00:32:50,433
but I know him better
than most people.

748
00:32:50,467 --> 00:32:52,336
So, let me just say this first.

749
00:32:52,368 --> 00:32:55,973
Pigs will fly before Donald
Trump releases his tax returns.

750
00:32:56,707 --> 00:32:57,675
And why is that?

751
00:32:58,608 --> 00:32:59,242
Well, because then
we'll see how corrupt

752
00:32:59,276 --> 00:33:00,745
he's been over these years.

753
00:33:00,778 --> 00:33:02,346
And the American people will see

754
00:33:02,378 --> 00:33:05,148
that he goes to great lengths
to avoid paying taxes.

755
00:33:05,182 --> 00:33:06,549
Then why do you think
he ever promised

756
00:33:06,583 --> 00:33:07,785
to release them in
the first place?

757
00:33:07,817 --> 00:33:09,519
'Cause he's a con artist.

758
00:33:09,553 --> 00:33:11,756
And he knows that the people
that support him are stupid.

759
00:33:11,788 --> 00:33:14,424
So, they'll buy his
story that he's avoiding

760
00:33:14,458 --> 00:33:16,259
releasing his tax returns

761
00:33:16,292 --> 00:33:21,097
because he's under audit by
the IRS, which is not true.

762
00:33:21,131 --> 00:33:22,400
Just another Trump lie.

763
00:33:23,333 --> 00:33:24,735
Fake news.

764
00:33:24,768 --> 00:33:26,269
That's what I'm gonna
call it from now on.

765
00:33:26,303 --> 00:33:27,204
Fake news.

766
00:33:27,237 --> 00:33:29,073
Why you call it fake news?

767
00:33:29,105 --> 00:33:30,540
You know it is real news.

768
00:33:30,574 --> 00:33:32,308
You are just making excuses.

769
00:33:32,342 --> 00:33:34,512
Why don't you just read
your stupid magazine?

770
00:33:34,711 --> 00:33:35,479
Fine.

771
00:33:35,511 --> 00:33:37,414
I go to my room,
and I go to sleep.

772
00:33:37,448 --> 00:33:39,050
Wait a minute. Hold it.

773
00:33:39,782 --> 00:33:40,817
Okay.

774
00:33:40,851 --> 00:33:42,086
You win.

775
00:33:46,623 --> 00:33:47,625
Here you go.

776
00:33:49,660 --> 00:33:51,262
I am not in mood tonight.

777
00:33:51,295 --> 00:33:52,496
I have bad headache.

778
00:33:52,528 --> 00:33:55,199
Headache? I just
gave you $10,000.

779
00:33:56,799 --> 00:33:57,801
Fine.

780
00:34:04,107 --> 00:34:05,643
You know, you're no
different than a hooker.

781
00:34:05,675 --> 00:34:06,676
I don't care.

782
00:34:06,710 --> 00:34:07,510
Do you?

783
00:34:07,544 --> 00:34:08,612
No.

784
00:34:08,644 --> 00:34:11,449
Do you think I marry you
because you are charming?

785
00:34:11,481 --> 00:34:12,248
Of course.

786
00:34:12,282 --> 00:34:13,484
- Smart?
- Sure.

787
00:34:13,516 --> 00:34:14,751
No.

788
00:34:14,784 --> 00:34:18,288
I marry you to become US
citizen, have easy life.

789
00:34:19,322 --> 00:34:20,824
And if I am your prostitute,

790
00:34:20,858 --> 00:34:23,693
you are my John, and you
only last one minute.

791
00:34:23,726 --> 00:34:27,130
So now we have sex.

792
00:34:31,802 --> 00:34:32,769
We have to do something

793
00:34:32,802 --> 00:34:34,672
about this tax return thing.

794
00:34:35,639 --> 00:34:36,707
The tax thing?

795
00:34:36,739 --> 00:34:40,443
The press is killing me
over this tax return issue.

796
00:34:40,476 --> 00:34:42,645
It's a big surprise, right?

797
00:34:42,679 --> 00:34:43,814
You want my advice?

798
00:34:43,847 --> 00:34:47,284
There needs to be a fire at
your accountant's offices.

799
00:34:47,317 --> 00:34:49,119
We could do that?

800
00:34:49,152 --> 00:34:50,687
No doubt about it.

801
00:34:50,721 --> 00:34:51,822
Great. Then make it happen.

802
00:34:51,855 --> 00:34:53,324
- How soon?
- Whoa, wait a minute.

803
00:34:53,356 --> 00:34:54,324
Are you nuts?

804
00:34:54,358 --> 00:34:55,893
I was just kidding.

805
00:34:55,925 --> 00:34:57,128
I'm not.

806
00:34:57,161 --> 00:34:57,894
We've got to do something.

807
00:34:57,927 --> 00:35:00,196
I'm not releasing my tax return.

808
00:35:00,230 --> 00:35:03,333
So just say that, just put
an end to the speculation.

809
00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:04,602
Great idea.

810
00:35:04,635 --> 00:35:06,604
I mean, who really cares
whether I pay my taxes,

811
00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:07,805
whether I don't, right?

812
00:35:08,672 --> 00:35:09,840
What would you do
if you were me?

813
00:35:10,306 --> 00:35:13,409
Honestly, I'd drop
out of the race.

814
00:35:13,443 --> 00:35:15,146
I think you were out
of your fucking mind

815
00:35:15,179 --> 00:35:16,347
to ever announce
in the first place

816
00:35:16,380 --> 00:35:17,815
that you were running
for president.

817
00:35:17,847 --> 00:35:18,682
Corey?

818
00:35:20,416 --> 00:35:21,251
I'd drop out.

819
00:35:22,253 --> 00:35:24,555
Really? That's the big
advice I pay you for?

820
00:35:25,588 --> 00:35:26,690
It's the best I got.

821
00:35:29,893 --> 00:35:30,862
Sorry, boss.

822
00:35:37,934 --> 00:35:39,936
I'm good enough,
I'm smart enough,

823
00:35:39,969 --> 00:35:41,471
and doggone it, people like me.

824
00:35:41,505 --> 00:35:43,407
I'm good enough,
I'm smart enough,

825
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,409
and doggone it, people like me.

826
00:35:45,442 --> 00:35:47,277
I'm good enough,
I'm smart enough,

827
00:35:47,311 --> 00:35:49,213
and doggone it, people like me.

828
00:35:49,246 --> 00:35:50,948
I'm good enough,
I'm smart enough,

829
00:35:50,981 --> 00:35:53,151
and doggone it, people like me.

830
00:35:53,717 --> 00:35:54,952
I will not drop out of the race.

831
00:35:54,985 --> 00:35:56,887
I will not release
my tax returns.

832
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,856
I'm a winner, not a quitter.

833
00:36:02,592 --> 00:36:03,493
Are you in there?

834
00:36:05,228 --> 00:36:07,263
No, I'm not in
there, you dumb fuck.

835
00:36:07,297 --> 00:36:08,898
This guy is fucking delusional.

836
00:36:08,931 --> 00:36:10,500
What are you gonna do now, boss?

837
00:36:11,367 --> 00:36:12,769
What I'm really good at.

838
00:36:14,438 --> 00:36:16,173
Turning up the heat.

839
00:36:17,407 --> 00:36:18,876
Dad, you gotta see this.

840
00:36:18,909 --> 00:36:20,477
Oh, I love Forbes.

841
00:36:20,510 --> 00:36:20,945
They love me.

842
00:36:20,978 --> 00:36:21,945
Is it good?

843
00:36:22,579 --> 00:36:23,914
Bad, Dad.

844
00:36:23,947 --> 00:36:25,849
Very, very bad.

845
00:36:25,882 --> 00:36:27,351
Is it the tax thing again?

846
00:36:27,384 --> 00:36:28,284
Worse.

847
00:36:28,318 --> 00:36:30,354
It's about our foundations.

848
00:36:30,387 --> 00:36:31,522
What's the headline?

849
00:36:33,657 --> 00:36:36,460
"How Donald Trump shifted
kids' cancer charity money

850
00:36:36,492 --> 00:36:37,961
into his business."

851
00:36:37,994 --> 00:36:39,730
So, what does the article say?

852
00:36:39,762 --> 00:36:42,465
It talks about St. Jude's
Hospital golf course tournament

853
00:36:42,498 --> 00:36:44,968
and how my foundation
funneled all of the money

854
00:36:45,001 --> 00:36:47,438
back to The Trump Organization.

855
00:36:47,471 --> 00:36:48,773
Read me the worst part.

856
00:36:50,641 --> 00:36:53,277
"All of this seems to
defy federal tax rules

857
00:36:53,309 --> 00:36:54,777
"and state laws that ban

858
00:36:54,811 --> 00:36:56,948
self-dealing and
misleading donors."

859
00:36:57,514 --> 00:36:58,749
Is that it?

860
00:36:58,782 --> 00:37:00,684
It gets worse.

861
00:37:02,918 --> 00:37:04,721
"The person who
specifically commanded

862
00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:06,724
"that the for-profit
Trump Organization

863
00:37:06,757 --> 00:37:09,559
"start billing hundreds of
thousands of dollars for the use

864
00:37:09,592 --> 00:37:12,262
"of Trump National Golf
Club in Westchester County

865
00:37:12,295 --> 00:37:14,731
"to the nonprofit Eric
Trump Foundation,

866
00:37:15,831 --> 00:37:17,600
"according to two people
directly involved,

867
00:37:17,634 --> 00:37:18,969
"was none other than current

868
00:37:19,001 --> 00:37:21,804
"Republican presidential
candidate Donald Trump."

869
00:37:21,838 --> 00:37:24,041
That's definitely the
worst part, right?

870
00:37:25,509 --> 00:37:27,311
Let me read this.

871
00:37:27,344 --> 00:37:30,313
"This maneuver would appear
to have more in common

872
00:37:30,347 --> 00:37:33,617
"with a drug cartel's
money-laundering operation

873
00:37:33,650 --> 00:37:37,021
"than a charity's
best-practices textbook."

874
00:37:37,054 --> 00:37:38,789
Forbes said that?

875
00:37:38,822 --> 00:37:40,990
What the hell are
you going to do?

876
00:37:41,023 --> 00:37:42,525
What I always do.

877
00:37:51,668 --> 00:37:54,605
Now has anyone ever met
a Mexican they can trust?

878
00:37:54,637 --> 00:37:56,005
I don't think so.

879
00:37:56,039 --> 00:37:58,075
That's why they wear these hats.

880
00:37:58,108 --> 00:37:59,576
They can hide your
wallet in here,

881
00:37:59,608 --> 00:38:02,313
your jewelry, pretty
much anything.

882
00:38:02,346 --> 00:38:03,547
They're dope fiends.

883
00:38:03,581 --> 00:38:05,682
You really You really can't
blame them for being thieves.

884
00:38:13,623 --> 00:38:15,726
Republican presidential
candidate Donald Trump

885
00:38:15,759 --> 00:38:17,927
<i>went on an epic
anti-Mexican rant</i>

886
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:19,929
<i>at a campaign rally
in Texas tonight.</i>

887
00:38:19,963 --> 00:38:22,066
<i>Again, calling Mexicans
rapists and murderers</i>

888
00:38:23,134 --> 00:38:24,300
<i>while wearing a
sombrero and serape.</i>

889
00:38:24,335 --> 00:38:28,871
This recent controversy has
silenced, at least for now,

890
00:38:28,905 --> 00:38:31,442
reports of fraud at The
Eric Trump Foundation

891
00:38:31,474 --> 00:38:33,943
and money laundering at
The Trump Organization.

892
00:38:33,976 --> 00:38:35,846
Am I a genius or what?

893
00:38:35,878 --> 00:38:38,382
Attention diverted,
mission accomplished.

894
00:38:39,516 --> 00:38:41,085
May I get you something
to drink, Mr. Trump?

895
00:38:41,117 --> 00:38:42,518
Not right now, Susan. Thank you.

896
00:38:42,552 --> 00:38:44,322
Whatever you'd like, sir.

897
00:38:46,155 --> 00:38:47,824
Recent reports from Mexico

898
00:38:47,858 --> 00:38:50,961
reveal that Mexican
President Enrique Pena Nieto

899
00:38:50,994 --> 00:38:53,396
was so outraged by
Trump's comments

900
00:38:53,429 --> 00:38:56,366
that he had to be sedated
by his personal physician.

901
00:40:04,501 --> 00:40:05,569
Fucking genius.

902
00:40:05,601 --> 00:40:08,038
I mean, who knew he's a
real master of distraction?

903
00:40:09,639 --> 00:40:11,208
Maybe he doesn't
need me after all.

904
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:13,143
Oh, he needs you, boss.

905
00:40:13,175 --> 00:40:16,579
You just gotta turn up
the heat, and he'll crack.

906
00:40:20,550 --> 00:40:22,619
I miss you so much.

907
00:40:22,652 --> 00:40:25,423
If only you were here now,
things would be so different.

908
00:40:26,956 --> 00:40:27,991
Uh, give me a minute.

909
00:40:30,527 --> 00:40:31,161
Come in.

910
00:40:34,530 --> 00:40:36,532
What the hell do you two want?

911
00:40:36,565 --> 00:40:37,867
Turn on the TV.

912
00:40:37,900 --> 00:40:38,802
CSN.

913
00:40:39,768 --> 00:40:41,137
What is it this time?

914
00:40:41,170 --> 00:40:42,071
Just do it.

915
00:40:45,041 --> 00:40:46,243
<i>The federal
judge overseeing</i>

916
00:40:46,275 --> 00:40:48,478
the ongoing class-action
fraud lawsuit

917
00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:51,481
against the now-defunct
Trump University has unsealed

918
00:40:51,514 --> 00:40:53,683
the sworn testimony
of a former salesman

919
00:40:53,717 --> 00:40:55,686
for the real estate
educational venture.

920
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,054
<i>And his testimony
is devastating.</i>

921
00:40:58,088 --> 00:41:00,224
Ronald Schnackenberg
testified that, quote,

922
00:41:00,257 --> 00:41:01,925
"While Trump University claimed

923
00:41:01,958 --> 00:41:04,561
"it wanted to help consumers
make money in real estate,

924
00:41:04,594 --> 00:41:07,231
"in fact, Trump University
was only interested

925
00:41:07,264 --> 00:41:08,332
"in selling every person

926
00:41:08,364 --> 00:41:11,534
"the most expensive seminars
they possibly could."

927
00:41:11,568 --> 00:41:12,836
<i>The affidavit concludes, quote,</i>

928
00:41:12,869 --> 00:41:15,639
"Based upon my personal
experience and employment,

929
00:41:15,672 --> 00:41:18,909
"I believe that Trump University
was a fraudulent scheme,

930
00:41:18,942 --> 00:41:21,677
"and that it preyed upon
the elderly and uneducated

931
00:41:21,710 --> 00:41:24,714
"to separate them from
their money," end quote.

932
00:41:24,748 --> 00:41:27,550
As you might recall, based
upon previous court filings,

933
00:41:27,583 --> 00:41:28,951
despite Trump University's claim

934
00:41:28,985 --> 00:41:31,755
that it offered graduate
programs, postgraduate programs,

935
00:41:31,788 --> 00:41:35,791
and even doctoral programs,
it wasn't a university at all.

936
00:41:35,824 --> 00:41:36,960
- Really?
- It was simply

937
00:41:36,992 --> 00:41:38,594
a private company that claimed

938
00:41:38,628 --> 00:41:41,632
to be selling Trump's secrets
to real estate success.

939
00:41:41,664 --> 00:41:44,967
And of course, long before the
fraudulent lawsuit was filed,

940
00:41:45,001 --> 00:41:46,836
many people were asking,

941
00:41:46,869 --> 00:41:49,072
"Who would want the real
estate secrets of a man

942
00:41:49,105 --> 00:41:52,108
"who had gone bankrupt
at least five times?"

943
00:41:52,141 --> 00:41:53,076
Unbelievable.

944
00:41:53,108 --> 00:41:54,577
Other observers are asking

945
00:41:54,610 --> 00:41:56,646
whether the growing
Trump University scandal

946
00:41:56,679 --> 00:41:59,015
will be the thing that
ends Trump's candidacy

947
00:41:59,048 --> 00:42:00,583
before it even gets going.

948
00:42:01,083 --> 00:42:03,319
And of course, the irony
of this news today is that

949
00:42:03,353 --> 00:42:06,255
the judge in the case, US
District Judge Gonzalo Curiel,

950
00:42:06,289 --> 00:42:08,191
is a Mexican American.

951
00:42:08,224 --> 00:42:10,093
We all know judges are
supposed to be impartial,

952
00:42:10,126 --> 00:42:11,961
but after Trump's
sombrero-clad tirade

953
00:42:11,994 --> 00:42:14,163
against the Mexicans
last night, who knows?

954
00:42:14,197 --> 00:42:16,032
Maybe this is revenge.

955
00:42:16,298 --> 00:42:18,335
That liberal left-wing bitch.

956
00:42:18,367 --> 00:42:20,136
Now, there was a time I
would have banged her,

957
00:42:20,170 --> 00:42:23,639
maybe set her up in a condo and
nail her on a regular basis,

958
00:42:23,672 --> 00:42:25,575
she's got nice tits
for a broad her age,

959
00:42:25,608 --> 00:42:27,677
but now she's just a disgrace.

960
00:42:27,710 --> 00:42:29,812
I wouldn't touch her with
Anderson Cooper's dick.

961
00:42:29,846 --> 00:42:32,148
Dad, you need to do something.

962
00:42:32,181 --> 00:42:35,718
The bad news, day after
day, is killing us.

963
00:42:35,751 --> 00:42:37,820
And it's not just
your candidacy.

964
00:42:37,853 --> 00:42:39,822
This whole thing is
gonna start doing damage

965
00:42:39,856 --> 00:42:42,759
to the Trump brand,
to our business.

966
00:42:42,791 --> 00:42:45,596
So, if you're such a genius,
what do you have in mind?

967
00:42:45,628 --> 00:42:46,896
I don't know.

968
00:42:46,929 --> 00:42:48,565
And it might
already be too late,

969
00:42:49,699 --> 00:42:52,168
but you've got to do something.

970
00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:53,737
No shit, Sherlock.

971
00:42:55,170 --> 00:42:55,972
Bingo.

972
00:42:57,039 --> 00:42:57,840
It's time to go.

973
00:43:05,914 --> 00:43:07,050
How the hell did
you get in here?

974
00:43:07,083 --> 00:43:09,019
How the hell do you think, Don?

975
00:43:09,052 --> 00:43:09,853
You flew?

976
00:43:09,885 --> 00:43:10,954
Something like that.

977
00:43:10,987 --> 00:43:11,954
People don't fly.

978
00:43:11,987 --> 00:43:13,289
People <i>don't</i> fly.

979
00:43:14,190 --> 00:43:15,626
Get the hell out of here.

980
00:43:15,659 --> 00:43:17,628
That's just not
gonna happen, Don.

981
00:43:17,661 --> 00:43:18,662
We're friends.

982
00:43:18,695 --> 00:43:19,663
You're my dog.

983
00:43:19,695 --> 00:43:21,398
Keith, get in here.

984
00:43:25,735 --> 00:43:26,836
What the hell are
you waiting for?

985
00:43:26,869 --> 00:43:27,903
Get his ass out of here.

986
00:43:27,936 --> 00:43:29,038
He's trespassing.

987
00:43:36,012 --> 00:43:37,681
Uh, is he dead?

988
00:43:37,713 --> 00:43:39,215
He's just counting
sheep right now.

989
00:43:39,248 --> 00:43:40,817
He'll be fine.

990
00:43:40,849 --> 00:43:42,184
Now, sit down.

991
00:43:42,217 --> 00:43:43,719
Shut up.

992
00:43:43,753 --> 00:43:44,955
Pay attention.

993
00:43:44,987 --> 00:43:46,389
Nobody talks to me that way.

994
00:43:46,422 --> 00:43:48,257
Everybody talks to
you that way, Don.

995
00:43:48,291 --> 00:43:51,260
You're just too
narcissistic to hear 'em.

996
00:43:51,293 --> 00:43:52,828
Do you know why I'm here?

997
00:43:52,862 --> 00:43:54,097
Because you can fly?

998
00:43:54,130 --> 00:43:55,699
No, because you need me more

999
00:43:55,731 --> 00:43:58,701
than you did the
last time I was here.

1000
00:43:58,735 --> 00:43:59,336
Yes.

1001
00:44:01,471 --> 00:44:02,539
It was just a matter of time

1002
00:44:02,572 --> 00:44:05,409
before your dream of getting
back at President Obama

1003
00:44:05,442 --> 00:44:07,043
for clowning the shit out of you

1004
00:44:07,077 --> 00:44:10,714
at that presidential
luncheon is all over.

1005
00:44:10,746 --> 00:44:12,081
You know, he was really good.

1006
00:44:12,114 --> 00:44:14,116
I mean, it was funny.

1007
00:44:14,150 --> 00:44:17,921
Talked about your hair and
how orange you were, and-

1008
00:44:17,954 --> 00:44:19,189
I'm pretty tough.

1009
00:44:19,222 --> 00:44:20,924
Nobody's tough
enough to go through

1010
00:44:20,956 --> 00:44:24,927
the Normandy storm bombing
that you do every single day.

1011
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:27,263
Ha ha. You obviously
don't know much about me.

1012
00:44:27,297 --> 00:44:28,865
I've been dealing
with shit storms

1013
00:44:28,898 --> 00:44:30,867
since I was a kid in
the Military Academy.

1014
00:44:30,900 --> 00:44:32,702
I thought you had bone spurs

1015
00:44:32,735 --> 00:44:34,403
and paid a doctor
a shitload of money

1016
00:44:34,436 --> 00:44:36,706
to get you out of the military.

1017
00:44:36,739 --> 00:44:38,040
How do you know about that?

1018
00:44:38,074 --> 00:44:40,811
I can take your powers
of bullshitting, Don,

1019
00:44:40,844 --> 00:44:43,280
to a whole new level.

1020
00:44:43,313 --> 00:44:45,749
So, show me. Do something.

1021
00:44:45,782 --> 00:44:47,718
- A little experiment, huh?
- A little experiment.

1022
00:44:47,751 --> 00:44:49,019
I don't do experiments.

1023
00:44:49,052 --> 00:44:50,253
You're either in, or you're out.

1024
00:44:50,286 --> 00:44:52,856
You know, no one out
negotiates me, right?

1025
00:44:52,889 --> 00:44:55,358
You're correct. You wrote
the book on negotiation.

1026
00:44:55,391 --> 00:44:56,425
That's right.

1027
00:44:56,458 --> 00:44:59,028
So, are you in, or are you out?

1028
00:44:59,061 --> 00:45:00,931
- In.
- Good.

1029
00:45:00,963 --> 00:45:02,431
Okay, listen.

1030
00:45:02,465 --> 00:45:04,300
This morning, there was
a court hearing in Miami.

1031
00:45:04,333 --> 00:45:07,369
One of my painting contractors
is suing me for nonpayment

1032
00:45:07,402 --> 00:45:09,505
for some job he did
at the Trump Hotel.

1033
00:45:09,539 --> 00:45:12,342
I need you to fix it for
me, is that possible?

1034
00:45:12,375 --> 00:45:13,175
Done.

1035
00:45:13,208 --> 00:45:14,443
How long will it take?

1036
00:45:14,476 --> 00:45:16,779
Watch the TV tonight.

1037
00:45:16,813 --> 00:45:17,481
That soon?

1038
00:45:18,481 --> 00:45:19,248
I don't waste people's
time, especially mine.

1039
00:45:19,282 --> 00:45:21,751
So how much is
this gonna cost me?

1040
00:45:21,784 --> 00:45:23,252
Not a dime. It's on the house.

1041
00:45:23,286 --> 00:45:24,722
This one's on me.

1042
00:45:25,521 --> 00:45:27,157
Oh, I get it.

1043
00:45:27,990 --> 00:45:29,159
You want my soul.

1044
00:45:29,192 --> 00:45:30,027
Soul.

1045
00:45:31,094 --> 00:45:32,496
Don't worry about that.

1046
00:45:32,528 --> 00:45:35,331
We'll get to that when
the time comes, Don.

1047
00:45:35,364 --> 00:45:36,500
You're not getting my soul.

1048
00:45:36,532 --> 00:45:37,366
That's a deal-breaker.

1049
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,201
I don't even know
if I have a soul,

1050
00:45:39,235 --> 00:45:41,037
but if I do, you're
not getting it.

1051
00:45:41,070 --> 00:45:42,138
You have a soul.

1052
00:45:42,170 --> 00:45:44,173
It just hasn't been
operational for quite a while.

1053
00:45:44,206 --> 00:45:45,775
You're still not getting it.

1054
00:45:45,809 --> 00:45:46,943
Fine.

1055
00:45:46,976 --> 00:45:48,778
We'll take it slow and easy.

1056
00:45:50,914 --> 00:45:52,983
My eyes worked a whole
hell of a lot better

1057
00:45:53,016 --> 00:45:55,085
when I was first cast down.

1058
00:45:55,117 --> 00:45:58,221
The centuries,
they pass so fast.

1059
00:45:58,253 --> 00:45:59,989
Congratulations, boss.

1060
00:46:00,023 --> 00:46:03,093
Here's to you and mayhem.

1061
00:46:03,126 --> 00:46:03,961
A toast.

1062
00:46:05,295 --> 00:46:07,297
A toast to my minions.

1063
00:46:07,329 --> 00:46:09,232
Job well done.

1064
00:46:10,132 --> 00:46:12,501
Drink up, celebrate.

1065
00:46:12,534 --> 00:46:14,270
Get drunk. You deserve it.

1066
00:46:17,539 --> 00:46:19,308
Just like Trump, I don't drink.

1067
00:46:22,945 --> 00:46:24,148
Now, who's got the weed?

1068
00:46:26,349 --> 00:46:27,184
Roll it up.

1069
00:46:29,885 --> 00:46:30,619
<i>In other news,</i>

1070
00:46:30,653 --> 00:46:32,155
<i>a Miami painting contractor,</i>

1071
00:46:32,188 --> 00:46:35,224
who had just won a
120,000-dollar judgment

1072
00:46:35,257 --> 00:46:39,061
against Donald Trump for work
done at his local golf resort,

1073
00:46:39,094 --> 00:46:41,130
was struck and killed
by a speeding car

1074
00:46:41,164 --> 00:46:43,867
this afternoon
outside his office,

1075
00:46:43,900 --> 00:46:45,568
just hours after
his court victory

1076
00:46:45,601 --> 00:46:48,237
against the Republican
presidential candidate.

1077
00:46:51,974 --> 00:46:53,175
<i>We have some breaking news</i>

1078
00:46:53,208 --> 00:46:55,578
that I think is going to
shock a lot of people.

1079
00:46:55,612 --> 00:46:57,180
For the first time
since announcing

1080
00:46:57,213 --> 00:46:59,583
his candidacy just a month ago,

1081
00:46:59,615 --> 00:47:02,552
Donald Trump now leads the
entire Republican field

1082
00:47:02,585 --> 00:47:04,588
of presidential candidates.

1083
00:47:04,621 --> 00:47:06,590
That's according to a
new poll out tonight

1084
00:47:06,623 --> 00:47:08,992
from USA Today and
Suffolk University.

1085
00:47:13,996 --> 00:47:15,464
What do you say now?

1086
00:47:15,498 --> 00:47:17,967
I'm the front runner for
the Republican nomination

1087
00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:20,003
for president of
the United States.

1088
00:47:20,036 --> 00:47:22,204
I don't even know what to say.

1089
00:47:22,237 --> 00:47:23,606
Of course you don't, idiot.

1090
00:47:23,639 --> 00:47:25,375
Shut up and drink your water.

1091
00:47:25,407 --> 00:47:26,942
I think is great.

1092
00:47:26,976 --> 00:47:28,878
Maybe we can go
shopping for celebrate?

1093
00:47:28,911 --> 00:47:30,379
There's nothing more you need.

1094
00:47:30,413 --> 00:47:31,615
You can take me shopping.

1095
00:47:31,648 --> 00:47:33,250
There's lots of things I need.

1096
00:47:33,282 --> 00:47:34,150
Of course, pumpkin.

1097
00:47:34,182 --> 00:47:35,351
Whatever you want.

1098
00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:38,054
This is gonna be
great for business.

1099
00:47:38,086 --> 00:47:40,623
The Trump brand will
be hotter than ever.

1100
00:47:40,657 --> 00:47:43,492
Everyone will want
in on our deals.

1101
00:47:43,525 --> 00:47:44,426
Did you hear that, Eric?

1102
00:47:44,460 --> 00:47:45,461
He's the smart one.

1103
00:47:45,494 --> 00:47:47,029
He's got the big ideas.

1104
00:47:47,063 --> 00:47:48,131
He gets it.

1105
00:47:49,197 --> 00:47:50,966
Can you rename the White House,

1106
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,471
the "Trump White House"
and put a logo on it?

1107
00:47:54,503 --> 00:47:55,672
That's not bad.

1108
00:47:55,704 --> 00:47:57,907
I kinda like it.

1109
00:47:57,940 --> 00:47:59,074
Good idea, Eric.

1110
00:47:59,108 --> 00:48:00,610
See, everybody, once in a while,

1111
00:48:00,643 --> 00:48:02,512
he comes up with a bright idea.

1112
00:48:02,545 --> 00:48:04,614
Makes me think he's
not really a retard.

1113
00:48:04,646 --> 00:48:06,449
No, I think he's retarded.

1114
00:48:08,451 --> 00:48:10,052
So what do you
think now, Rupert?

1115
00:48:10,085 --> 00:48:12,455
Still think Trump as
president is funny?

1116
00:48:12,688 --> 00:48:13,723
Yeah.

1117
00:48:13,757 --> 00:48:15,659
It's even funnier than
the last time you said it.

1118
00:48:16,992 --> 00:48:18,228
Piece of shit.

1119
00:48:18,260 --> 00:48:19,695
Now, I think that the joke is on

1120
00:48:19,728 --> 00:48:20,931
the country and the world.

1121
00:48:20,963 --> 00:48:22,231
<i>You know what, Michael?</i>

1122
00:48:22,264 --> 00:48:24,134
I think you need some of
that growth hormone stuff.

1123
00:48:24,166 --> 00:48:26,235
Then, maybe you'll be tall
enough to run for president.

1124
00:48:26,268 --> 00:48:29,038
<i>In the meantime, you
can just be jealous.</i>

1125
00:48:30,139 --> 00:48:31,374
Wow.

1126
00:48:31,407 --> 00:48:33,076
What a jerk.

1127
00:48:33,108 --> 00:48:34,210
God.

1128
00:48:39,014 --> 00:48:40,983
Well, surprise, surprise.

1129
00:48:41,684 --> 00:48:43,186
So what should I call you?

1130
00:48:43,219 --> 00:48:45,554
I've had many names
over the centuries.

1131
00:48:46,588 --> 00:48:47,958
Luther will do.

1132
00:48:47,990 --> 00:48:49,358
You're doing a
great job, Luther.

1133
00:48:49,391 --> 00:48:50,492
Great job.

1134
00:48:50,525 --> 00:48:52,127
I just made an amazing deal.

1135
00:48:52,161 --> 00:48:53,096
Smart deal.

1136
00:48:54,297 --> 00:48:55,365
You want some chicken?

1137
00:48:55,398 --> 00:48:56,666
No GMOs.

1138
00:48:56,699 --> 00:48:58,601
Look, Donnie, I just
dropped in to say

1139
00:48:58,634 --> 00:49:00,971
it's time to step up your game.

1140
00:49:01,003 --> 00:49:02,672
You're a master of distraction.

1141
00:49:02,704 --> 00:49:04,473
I've never seen
anything like it.

1142
00:49:04,507 --> 00:49:06,009
You could fuck up,
and people think

1143
00:49:06,041 --> 00:49:08,010
it's the biggest fuck up ever,

1144
00:49:08,043 --> 00:49:11,181
and you've got one bigger and
loaded up for the next day.

1145
00:49:11,213 --> 00:49:15,217
Distraction after distraction
till everybody's just fucked.

1146
00:49:15,251 --> 00:49:16,586
I love it.

1147
00:49:16,619 --> 00:49:19,222
We got to press the
envelope even further,

1148
00:49:19,255 --> 00:49:20,356
build the momentum.

1149
00:49:20,389 --> 00:49:21,357
I can do momentum.

1150
00:49:22,791 --> 00:49:26,596
So this "press the
envelope" thing, any ideas?

1151
00:49:26,628 --> 00:49:30,099
How about flaming the
fire with old John McCain?

1152
00:49:30,132 --> 00:49:31,300
Now, that would be fun.

1153
00:49:31,333 --> 00:49:33,036
That would be fun.

1154
00:49:33,068 --> 00:49:34,269
I can do fun.

1155
00:49:34,302 --> 00:49:35,338
Do it.

1156
00:49:37,739 --> 00:49:40,009
Mr. Trump, we've
polled our readers.

1157
00:49:40,043 --> 00:49:42,711
And this is the number one
question they'd like to know:

1158
00:49:42,744 --> 00:49:44,646
You're famous for
applause lines.

1159
00:49:44,679 --> 00:49:46,348
And people do love that.

1160
00:49:46,382 --> 00:49:49,552
But referring to
Mexicans as "rapists"?

1161
00:49:49,585 --> 00:49:52,155
Referring to John
McCain, a war hero,

1162
00:49:52,188 --> 00:49:56,626
five and a half years as a
POW, and you call him a "dummy"?

1163
00:49:56,659 --> 00:49:59,061
Is that appropriate if
you're running for president?

1164
00:49:59,094 --> 00:50:00,129
You have to let me speak

1165
00:50:00,163 --> 00:50:02,731
because you're interrupting
me all the time, okay?

1166
00:50:02,764 --> 00:50:04,567
Let's take John McCain.

1167
00:50:04,599 --> 00:50:05,802
I'm in Phoenix.

1168
00:50:05,835 --> 00:50:07,771
We have a rally that's
going to have 500 people

1169
00:50:07,804 --> 00:50:09,305
at The Biltmore Hotel.

1170
00:50:09,338 --> 00:50:12,075
We get a call from the
hotel that it's mayhem,

1171
00:50:12,108 --> 00:50:14,376
thousands and thousands
of people are showing up

1172
00:50:14,409 --> 00:50:15,811
three or four days early.

1173
00:50:15,844 --> 00:50:17,780
So we move it to the
convention center.

1174
00:50:17,813 --> 00:50:21,817
We have 15,000 people,
the biggest crowd ever.

1175
00:50:21,851 --> 00:50:23,420
Bigger than Bernie Sanders.

1176
00:50:23,452 --> 00:50:24,653
And the people who show up

1177
00:50:24,686 --> 00:50:27,123
at the event are
incredible people

1178
00:50:27,155 --> 00:50:28,757
that were wonderful
great Americans.

1179
00:50:28,791 --> 00:50:31,126
I will tell you,
John McCain goes,

1180
00:50:31,159 --> 00:50:33,462
"Oh, boy, Trump makes
my life difficult."

1181
00:50:33,496 --> 00:50:36,298
He had 15,000 crazies show up.

1182
00:50:36,331 --> 00:50:37,266
Crazies.

1183
00:50:37,300 --> 00:50:39,068
He called you all crazies.

1184
00:50:39,101 --> 00:50:40,536
I said, "They aren't crazies.

1185
00:50:40,570 --> 00:50:43,173
"They are all great Americans."

1186
00:50:43,206 --> 00:50:45,075
He insulted everyone
in that room.

1187
00:50:45,108 --> 00:50:48,411
So I said, "Somebody should
run against John McCain,"

1188
00:50:48,443 --> 00:50:51,081
who's been, in my
opinion, not so hot.

1189
00:50:51,114 --> 00:50:53,849
He ran for president against
a black guy from Kenya.

1190
00:50:53,882 --> 00:50:55,784
Somebody who wasn't
even a real American.

1191
00:50:55,818 --> 00:50:58,855
Somebody who's illegal as
a candidate, and he lost.

1192
00:50:58,887 --> 00:51:00,690
So I didn't like him
as much after that

1193
00:51:00,722 --> 00:51:03,358
because everyone knows
I don't like losers.

1194
00:51:03,391 --> 00:51:04,726
But he's a war hero.

1195
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,464
He was a war hero
because he was captured.

1196
00:51:09,197 --> 00:51:11,567
We're just a few hours into
a breaking political story

1197
00:51:11,601 --> 00:51:14,570
with major
implications for 2016.

1198
00:51:14,603 --> 00:51:17,806
At a conference of religious
conservatives today in Iowa,

1199
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:22,846
Donald Trump said Senator
John McCain is not a war hero.

1200
00:51:23,512 --> 00:51:27,416
The firestorm has been nearly
instant, and it is intense.

1201
00:51:27,449 --> 00:51:30,185
Our man on the ground
is live in Ames, Iowa,

1202
00:51:30,219 --> 00:51:32,889
with reactions from
other 2016 candidates,

1203
00:51:32,922 --> 00:51:35,157
and also the prospective
voters behind him.

1204
00:51:35,925 --> 00:51:37,494
A defiant Donald Trump says

1205
00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,829
he will not apologize
for his remarks

1206
00:51:39,862 --> 00:51:43,599
about Senator John
McCain's military service.

1207
00:51:43,632 --> 00:51:45,768
Trump suggested he
admires veterans

1208
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:50,473
who were not captured, over
POWs, particularly John McCain.

1209
00:51:50,773 --> 00:51:53,876
He was a war hero
because he was captured.

1210
00:51:53,909 --> 00:51:56,913
Former Florida Governor,
Jeb Bush, tweeted,

1211
00:51:56,945 --> 00:51:59,548
"Enough with the
slanderous attacks.

1212
00:51:59,581 --> 00:52:03,819
"Senator John McCain and all our
veterans, particularly POWs,

1213
00:52:04,554 --> 00:52:06,655
<i>"have earned our respect
and admiration."</i>

1214
00:52:06,688 --> 00:52:08,490
Do you believe this?

1215
00:52:08,523 --> 00:52:09,458
Unbelievable.

1216
00:52:09,492 --> 00:52:12,228
South Carolina Senator
Lindsey Graham tweeted,

1217
00:52:12,260 --> 00:52:14,197
"If there was ever any doubt

1218
00:52:14,230 --> 00:52:18,400
"that he should not be
#GOP standard bearer,

1219
00:52:18,434 --> 00:52:20,769
"his growing mountain
of stupid statements

1220
00:52:20,802 --> 00:52:22,605
"should end all doubt."

1221
00:52:23,806 --> 00:52:24,673
Unbelievable.

1222
00:52:29,411 --> 00:52:30,913
Cox News.

1223
00:52:30,947 --> 00:52:32,248
Ah, I love this network.

1224
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:33,884
It's always full of shit.

1225
00:52:34,750 --> 00:52:35,784
I love this. I love this, man.

1226
00:52:35,818 --> 00:52:37,954
Man, he's the king of mayhem.

1227
00:52:37,987 --> 00:52:40,190
You think shit like
that'll get him elected?

1228
00:52:40,222 --> 00:52:42,257
He definitely needs
to clean up his act.

1229
00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:45,961
But once he's elected,
he's a dream come true.

1230
00:52:45,994 --> 00:52:46,962
I mean, my favorite part

1231
00:52:46,996 --> 00:52:49,965
of American history was
the Great Depression.

1232
00:52:49,998 --> 00:52:52,935
But when this guy Trump
gets in the White House,

1233
00:52:52,969 --> 00:52:57,273
ah, he could bring down
society as we know it.

1234
00:52:57,306 --> 00:52:57,907
Mm.

1235
00:52:59,108 --> 00:53:03,246
I mean, all he really needs
is just a little... coaching.

1236
00:53:18,827 --> 00:53:21,230
Got a lot of nerve showing
your face around here.

1237
00:53:21,264 --> 00:53:21,965
Why's that?

1238
00:53:21,998 --> 00:53:23,633
You gave me lousy advice.

1239
00:53:23,666 --> 00:53:25,268
What are you trying
to do? Sabotage me?

1240
00:53:25,300 --> 00:53:26,268
The McCain thing.

1241
00:53:26,302 --> 00:53:27,470
Good guess.

1242
00:53:27,503 --> 00:53:29,239
I told you to put a
little flame to a fire,

1243
00:53:29,271 --> 00:53:31,773
not set the whole
fucking country ablaze.

1244
00:53:31,806 --> 00:53:33,308
Well, next time you
give me some advice,

1245
00:53:33,342 --> 00:53:34,911
be a little more clear.

1246
00:53:34,943 --> 00:53:35,978
I'll give you that.

1247
00:53:36,012 --> 00:53:37,313
You're making a big mistake

1248
00:53:37,346 --> 00:53:38,280
if you're gonna mess with Trump.

1249
00:53:38,313 --> 00:53:39,781
Nobody messes with Trump.

1250
00:53:39,815 --> 00:53:41,818
- Really?
- Really.

1251
00:53:45,521 --> 00:53:47,023
Don't ever forget
who's in charge

1252
00:53:47,056 --> 00:53:48,791
of this little production.

1253
00:53:49,958 --> 00:53:52,394
No offense, but you're
the biggest fuck up

1254
00:53:52,427 --> 00:53:54,364
I've ever come across.

1255
00:53:54,396 --> 00:53:56,465
How'd you ever become rich?

1256
00:53:56,498 --> 00:53:58,967
Oh, yeah, your
daddy made you rich.

1257
00:53:59,001 --> 00:54:01,336
You're daddy's little
rich, snotty nose brat.

1258
00:54:01,369 --> 00:54:01,938
How dare you talk...

1259
00:54:01,971 --> 00:54:03,873
Shut up and listen.

1260
00:54:03,905 --> 00:54:07,043
If you're serious about becoming
president of the United States,

1261
00:54:07,076 --> 00:54:11,547
I suggest you stop fucking
up and acting like a lunatic.

1262
00:54:11,579 --> 00:54:12,882
I'm counting on you.

1263
00:54:14,416 --> 00:54:15,985
To do what?

1264
00:54:16,018 --> 00:54:20,356
Make America great
again, of course.

1265
00:54:27,028 --> 00:54:29,298
Donald Trump has reached
another milestone

1266
00:54:29,331 --> 00:54:31,933
in his quest for the GOP
presidential nomination.

1267
00:54:31,967 --> 00:54:33,336
According to a new poll

1268
00:54:33,369 --> 00:54:35,538
out this morning from
ORC International,

1269
00:54:35,570 --> 00:54:38,040
the renegade Republican
business tycoon

1270
00:54:38,074 --> 00:54:39,976
is at an all-time high

1271
00:54:40,009 --> 00:54:42,577
in terms of support
from Republican voters.

1272
00:54:42,610 --> 00:54:44,513
Yes, this order
is very important.

1273
00:54:44,547 --> 00:54:46,014
National security.

1274
00:54:46,047 --> 00:54:48,917
I want a Trump taco
bowl, a Diet Coke,

1275
00:54:48,951 --> 00:54:51,054
and two scoops of
chocolate ice cream.

1276
00:54:52,121 --> 00:54:53,657
Make that three scoops.

1277
00:54:56,125 --> 00:54:57,693
Big news this afternoon.

1278
00:54:57,726 --> 00:55:01,396
Releasing my big tax plan,
biggest tax plan ever.

1279
00:55:01,429 --> 00:55:01,998
What's in it?

1280
00:55:02,030 --> 00:55:03,333
I have no idea.

1281
00:55:03,365 --> 00:55:05,335
My people say it looks terrific.

1282
00:55:05,367 --> 00:55:07,636
Tax cut for the middle class?

1283
00:55:07,670 --> 00:55:08,438
Ugh.

1284
00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:09,505
Maybe. Who knows?

1285
00:55:09,538 --> 00:55:11,340
But it's a big tax cut for us.

1286
00:55:11,373 --> 00:55:13,408
So you don't know
what's in it, then?

1287
00:55:13,442 --> 00:55:14,577
Doesn't matter.

1288
00:55:14,610 --> 00:55:16,612
As long as it gets rid of
the alternative minimum tax

1289
00:55:16,644 --> 00:55:17,913
and the estate tax.

1290
00:55:17,947 --> 00:55:20,048
That way, it'll save
me 30 million a year,

1291
00:55:20,081 --> 00:55:22,617
and you billions when
I go and you take over.

1292
00:55:22,650 --> 00:55:23,652
That's great, Dad.

1293
00:55:24,786 --> 00:55:27,055
I am so proud of you.

1294
00:55:27,088 --> 00:55:29,925
I'm proud of you too,
Don, even you, Eric.

1295
00:55:31,159 --> 00:55:32,761
I think I'm gonna cry.

1296
00:55:33,429 --> 00:55:34,697
After initially pledging

1297
00:55:34,730 --> 00:55:37,367
that he would self-fund
his presidential campaign,

1298
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:40,570
Donald Trump raised
more than $3.5 million

1299
00:55:40,603 --> 00:55:43,873
from individual donors
over the last two months.

1300
00:55:43,905 --> 00:55:45,108
That's according
to documents filed

1301
00:55:45,141 --> 00:55:47,443
with the Federal
Election Commission.

1302
00:55:47,476 --> 00:55:49,445
When asked why Trump
has contradicted

1303
00:55:49,478 --> 00:55:52,081
his original claim
to use his own money,

1304
00:55:52,114 --> 00:55:54,050
campaign spokesperson
Hope Hicks responded.

1305
00:55:54,849 --> 00:55:58,420
Mr. Trump is just
responding to the enthusiasm

1306
00:55:58,454 --> 00:56:01,457
of ordinary Americans
that wish to support him

1307
00:56:01,489 --> 00:56:02,925
with their hard-earned money.

1308
00:56:03,858 --> 00:56:05,094
America loves Trump.

1309
00:56:05,827 --> 00:56:08,130
Look at her, Dave,
isn't she fantastic?

1310
00:56:08,164 --> 00:56:10,466
Look at those all-American tits.

1311
00:56:10,498 --> 00:56:11,666
They're not that big.

1312
00:56:11,699 --> 00:56:13,535
Usually, I don't like 'em
unless they're monster hooters,

1313
00:56:13,568 --> 00:56:15,103
but there's something about her.

1314
00:56:15,137 --> 00:56:16,972
Maybe it's that
her name is Hope.

1315
00:56:17,005 --> 00:56:18,173
Quite frankly, I
<i>hope</i> to bang her

1316
00:56:18,206 --> 00:56:19,909
before this thing's all over.

1317
00:56:19,942 --> 00:56:22,411
That's what we love
about you, Donald.

1318
00:56:27,148 --> 00:56:29,786
How much money we making
on the campaign so far?

1319
00:56:29,818 --> 00:56:33,523
You mean, besides using
campaign funds for rent here?

1320
00:56:33,556 --> 00:56:34,391
Um.

1321
00:56:35,590 --> 00:56:36,793
I'm not sure. Why?

1322
00:56:36,826 --> 00:56:38,027
Remember I told
you I was gonna be

1323
00:56:38,059 --> 00:56:40,462
the first candidate
ever to make a profit

1324
00:56:40,496 --> 00:56:42,164
by running for president?

1325
00:56:42,197 --> 00:56:44,199
Now that the cash is flowing in,

1326
00:56:44,233 --> 00:56:46,169
we need to maybe figure
out a few other ways

1327
00:56:46,202 --> 00:56:47,270
to generate some income,

1328
00:56:47,302 --> 00:56:51,840
like charging the Secret
Service to use golf carts

1329
00:56:51,873 --> 00:56:53,475
and gouging the
press for everything.

1330
00:56:53,509 --> 00:56:56,045
My base loves it when
we gouge the press.

1331
00:56:56,077 --> 00:56:57,179
It's brilliant.

1332
00:56:57,213 --> 00:56:58,615
You're a genius.

1333
00:56:59,581 --> 00:57:00,650
Why didn't I think of this?

1334
00:57:00,682 --> 00:57:01,684
Very good question.

1335
00:57:03,085 --> 00:57:04,686
So, go get me a cheeseburger.

1336
00:57:09,257 --> 00:57:11,927
You know, I've been thinking
a lot about this Muslim thing.

1337
00:57:12,695 --> 00:57:13,996
Muslim thing?

1338
00:57:14,028 --> 00:57:14,831
What Muslim thing?

1339
00:57:14,864 --> 00:57:15,898
You know what I mean.

1340
00:57:15,931 --> 00:57:16,833
No, I don't.

1341
00:57:17,833 --> 00:57:20,036
How do you feel about Muslims?

1342
00:57:20,068 --> 00:57:21,704
I don't know any Muslims.

1343
00:57:21,737 --> 00:57:23,172
I think most people
don't like Muslims.

1344
00:57:23,204 --> 00:57:25,507
I know my base doesn't.

1345
00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:26,676
They think Muslims
are terrorists.

1346
00:57:26,708 --> 00:57:28,176
Maybe they are,
maybe they aren't.

1347
00:57:28,210 --> 00:57:31,681
I'm not sure, but I've got to
come up with a Muslim plan.

1348
00:57:31,713 --> 00:57:32,914
I've talked about it.

1349
00:57:32,947 --> 00:57:34,650
Haven't really done
anything about it.

1350
00:57:34,682 --> 00:57:36,018
I need to come up with a plan

1351
00:57:36,050 --> 00:57:38,054
so everyone knows I'm
on top of the issues.

1352
00:57:38,086 --> 00:57:40,789
Hmm. Before Muslim
plan, I'm hungry.

1353
00:57:40,822 --> 00:57:41,723
Can we have food?

1354
00:57:41,757 --> 00:57:43,226
Do you want Indian or Chinese?

1355
00:57:48,530 --> 00:57:50,866
Hello, I'm Gary Ward
with "Millennium News."

1356
00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:52,001
I'm here at the headquarters

1357
00:57:52,034 --> 00:57:55,505
of Republican candidate
Donald J. Trump

1358
00:57:55,538 --> 00:57:57,240
who's now making his
bid for president.

1359
00:57:57,273 --> 00:57:58,807
How are you today, Mr. Trump?

1360
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:00,275
Thank you for having me, Gary.

1361
00:58:00,309 --> 00:58:01,244
Let's get right to it.

1362
00:58:01,277 --> 00:58:02,744
Let's talk about your
immigration policies

1363
00:58:02,777 --> 00:58:04,846
regarding Muslim Americans.

1364
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:06,582
Now, you've suggested that maybe

1365
00:58:06,614 --> 00:58:09,084
we should increase
surveillance on these citizens?

1366
00:58:09,117 --> 00:58:10,519
As you know, Gary,

1367
00:58:10,552 --> 00:58:13,755
France recently declared
a state of emergency,

1368
00:58:13,789 --> 00:58:15,258
closed their borders,

1369
00:58:15,291 --> 00:58:17,827
and ordered searches
without warrants

1370
00:58:17,860 --> 00:58:19,562
in order to protect
their country.

1371
00:58:19,594 --> 00:58:21,997
Do you think that we're
in a state of emergency?

1372
00:58:22,030 --> 00:58:25,567
And should Muslims in
this country be subjected

1373
00:58:25,601 --> 00:58:26,568
to warrantless searches?

1374
00:58:26,601 --> 00:58:28,003
Well, we have to do something.

1375
00:58:28,036 --> 00:58:32,240
Last Friday, 130 innocent
people, good people,

1376
00:58:32,273 --> 00:58:36,578
were massacred in
Paris by terrorists.

1377
00:58:36,612 --> 00:58:37,980
These people are animals,

1378
00:58:38,012 --> 00:58:39,614
and we need to do
something to protect

1379
00:58:39,648 --> 00:58:41,117
our people in our country.

1380
00:58:41,150 --> 00:58:43,920
What are the type of policies
that you would have in place

1381
00:58:43,952 --> 00:58:46,621
to protect our citizens,
as well as our borders?

1382
00:58:46,655 --> 00:58:49,292
I'm not sure yet,
everything's on the table.

1383
00:58:49,324 --> 00:58:51,860
Got to keep our eyes open
on all these mosques.

1384
00:58:51,893 --> 00:58:54,229
See who's coming, who's going.

1385
00:58:54,262 --> 00:58:56,065
Be vigilant and safe.

1386
00:58:56,097 --> 00:59:00,268
So, you've also suggested
a Muslim registry.

1387
00:59:00,302 --> 00:59:02,704
Would that be at the
forefront of your policies

1388
00:59:02,737 --> 00:59:03,905
on immigration as well?

1389
00:59:03,938 --> 00:59:05,574
It's too early to say that,

1390
00:59:05,608 --> 00:59:09,010
but, as you know, Gary,
in this country, by law,

1391
00:59:09,043 --> 00:59:11,246
everyone needs to
register their cars,

1392
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:15,051
register their guns and
weapons, so why not our Muslims?

1393
00:59:15,083 --> 00:59:16,719
Wouldn't that be eerily similar

1394
00:59:16,751 --> 00:59:19,221
to what happened to Jewish
people in Eastern Europe,

1395
00:59:19,253 --> 00:59:20,655
right before World War II?

1396
00:59:20,688 --> 00:59:22,891
I can't comment on any
decisions that were made

1397
00:59:22,925 --> 00:59:26,295
by another administration
in World War II. I can only

1398
00:59:26,327 --> 00:59:30,800
comment on my campaign for
president right now.

1399
00:59:30,833 --> 00:59:33,302
Well, thank you very much,
Mr. Trump, for the interview.

1400
00:59:43,911 --> 00:59:45,880
I watched TV last night,

1401
00:59:45,914 --> 00:59:49,151
and I saw our president
talking about Islamic terrorism

1402
00:59:49,184 --> 00:59:51,653
and the recent attacks in Paris.

1403
00:59:51,686 --> 00:59:54,123
Didn't know what the hell
he was talking about.

1404
00:59:55,023 --> 00:59:56,224
He has no idea what's going on,

1405
00:59:56,259 --> 01:00:01,364
and he refuses to use the term
"radical Islamic terrorism."

1406
01:00:01,829 --> 01:00:02,731
Now look,

1407
01:00:03,798 --> 01:00:05,867
we all know our current
president is not American.

1408
01:00:05,900 --> 01:00:08,069
He's from Kenya, okay?

1409
01:00:08,103 --> 01:00:10,172
So what the hell
should we expect?

1410
01:00:10,204 --> 01:00:12,674
Africans have no
schools, no food.

1411
01:00:12,708 --> 01:00:14,276
They live in mud huts.

1412
01:00:14,309 --> 01:00:15,811
So let's give Obama a break,

1413
01:00:15,844 --> 01:00:18,114
but I'm telling you,
we have to do something

1414
01:00:18,146 --> 01:00:21,650
about what I call
"the Muslim problem."

1415
01:00:21,684 --> 01:00:23,719
And so tonight, I'm
announcing that I'm calling

1416
01:00:23,751 --> 01:00:26,288
for a total and
complete shutdown

1417
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:28,757
of Muslims entering
the United States

1418
01:00:28,791 --> 01:00:31,360
until our country's
representatives can figure out

1419
01:00:31,393 --> 01:00:33,195
what the hell is going on.

1420
01:00:33,228 --> 01:00:35,998
I mean, let's face it, folks,
Muslims are not like us.

1421
01:00:36,030 --> 01:00:39,067
They're deranged with
all this jihad stuff.

1422
01:00:39,101 --> 01:00:41,737
So, we need to keep
'em out of our country.

1423
01:00:49,777 --> 01:00:51,913
This guy could single-handedly
start a holy war

1424
01:00:51,947 --> 01:00:54,050
between the Christians
and the Muslims.

1425
01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:57,052
Besides not being a very
good public speaker,

1426
01:00:58,119 --> 01:01:00,455
he could rival Hitler
when the time comes.

1427
01:01:00,489 --> 01:01:01,824
That's only true if he wins.

1428
01:01:01,856 --> 01:01:03,458
You really think he could win?

1429
01:01:03,492 --> 01:01:04,260
You doubt me?

1430
01:01:04,293 --> 01:01:05,795
No.

1431
01:01:05,827 --> 01:01:07,396
We got a long way to go.

1432
01:01:08,496 --> 01:01:11,333
But in the immortal words
of Dr. Martin Luther King,

1433
01:01:12,735 --> 01:01:15,838
"We're gonna get to
the Promised Land."

1434
01:01:15,871 --> 01:01:17,338
What about, "We have a dream?"

1435
01:01:17,371 --> 01:01:19,875
It became a nightmare
when I got involved.

1436
01:01:21,110 --> 01:01:23,278
Don't doubt this guy.

1437
01:01:23,311 --> 01:01:25,681
Don't underestimate our friends.

1438
01:01:28,449 --> 01:01:31,119
There's a lot of good
shit going on out there.

1439
01:01:32,954 --> 01:01:35,424
Let's just sit back
and watch it play out.

1440
01:01:46,969 --> 01:01:47,970
He is the guy.

1441
01:01:59,181 --> 01:02:01,784
This is an interesting
development.

1442
01:02:01,817 --> 01:02:02,952
It's not your doing?

1443
01:02:04,152 --> 01:02:08,457
Vlad has an independent streak,
and a lot of great ideas.

1444
01:02:09,891 --> 01:02:12,327
I bet you he's got something
up his sleeve on this one.

1445
01:02:13,896 --> 01:02:15,364
We'll see.

1446
01:02:22,905 --> 01:02:24,840
You look so beautiful.

1447
01:02:26,041 --> 01:02:27,510
What is it? Come in.

1448
01:02:29,844 --> 01:02:30,980
Very good news.

1449
01:02:31,012 --> 01:02:33,281
The Russians are on board.

1450
01:02:33,315 --> 01:02:34,316
Great.

1451
01:02:34,349 --> 01:02:35,351
I knew this would work out.

1452
01:02:35,384 --> 01:02:37,786
Putin loves me, loves me.

1453
01:02:37,820 --> 01:02:39,522
Frankly, I think he's jealous.

1454
01:02:40,454 --> 01:02:41,824
So, what do we do next?

1455
01:02:42,958 --> 01:02:44,492
Putin has a whole bunch of
the psycho bitch's emails.

1456
01:02:44,525 --> 01:02:45,994
When the time is right,

1457
01:02:46,027 --> 01:02:48,463
they're gonna release
them through WikiLeaks.

1458
01:02:49,864 --> 01:02:51,132
Good work, Don.

1459
01:02:51,166 --> 01:02:52,968
Let's hope they do it
in the right timing.

1460
01:02:53,001 --> 01:02:55,471
Timing is everything
in life, right, kitten?

1461
01:02:55,503 --> 01:02:56,938
You're always right, Daddy.

1462
01:03:07,583 --> 01:03:09,050
Doesn't this ever get old?

1463
01:03:09,083 --> 01:03:10,219
Never.

1464
01:03:10,251 --> 01:03:11,052
I missed you.

1465
01:03:11,085 --> 01:03:12,554
I've been watching.

1466
01:03:12,588 --> 01:03:16,325
And I have to say, Don,
I'm thoroughly impressed.

1467
01:03:16,358 --> 01:03:18,327
That was you, made me
bulletproof, right?

1468
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:19,862
What can I say?

1469
01:03:19,894 --> 01:03:20,862
I'm a man of my word.

1470
01:03:20,896 --> 01:03:21,597
I'm kidding!

1471
01:03:21,630 --> 01:03:23,097
I'm tanking in the polls.

1472
01:03:23,130 --> 01:03:24,165
Who knew?

1473
01:03:24,199 --> 01:03:25,367
So, what do you want?

1474
01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:27,135
That's a loaded
question, isn't it?

1475
01:03:27,168 --> 01:03:30,071
I'm sure you didn't fly
in here just to chit chat?

1476
01:03:30,105 --> 01:03:31,340
Of course not.

1477
01:03:31,373 --> 01:03:32,575
So, what do you need?

1478
01:03:32,608 --> 01:03:34,343
Election night's in
less than a month.

1479
01:03:34,376 --> 01:03:38,280
And as of right now, you
have zero chance of winning,

1480
01:03:38,313 --> 01:03:40,583
even if we could stop
you from sabotaging

1481
01:03:40,615 --> 01:03:42,050
your stupid ass self,

1482
01:03:42,083 --> 01:03:45,253
but everybody knows
that's impossible.

1483
01:03:45,286 --> 01:03:48,890
Look, Don, if you really
want this presidential thing,

1484
01:03:50,025 --> 01:03:54,096
I think it's time we
solidify our relationship,

1485
01:03:54,128 --> 01:03:55,597
if you catch my drift.

1486
01:03:55,630 --> 01:03:56,565
I told you before,

1487
01:03:56,599 --> 01:03:59,568
any kind of serious
pact is off the table.

1488
01:03:59,967 --> 01:04:02,871
If you wanna help me, which
according to the past,

1489
01:04:02,905 --> 01:04:04,907
haven't been helping
me that much,

1490
01:04:04,940 --> 01:04:06,474
but if you feel like
you need to help me

1491
01:04:06,507 --> 01:04:09,077
for your own reasons,
that's your business.

1492
01:04:09,110 --> 01:04:11,346
It's our business.

1493
01:04:11,380 --> 01:04:13,148
What are you saying?
We're partners?

1494
01:04:13,181 --> 01:04:16,485
Well, not as of right now,

1495
01:04:16,518 --> 01:04:18,653
but I believe it's time.

1496
01:04:18,686 --> 01:04:21,289
Oh, right. The soul thing?

1497
01:04:21,322 --> 01:04:22,290
Ah.

1498
01:04:22,324 --> 01:04:23,525
Not happening.

1499
01:04:23,557 --> 01:04:25,894
I told you, you need me
more than I need you.

1500
01:04:25,927 --> 01:04:27,395
We need each other.

1501
01:04:27,429 --> 01:04:30,932
We have the same
goals in mind, Don.

1502
01:04:30,965 --> 01:04:32,166
And what is that?

1503
01:04:32,199 --> 01:04:35,603
A positive, righteous,
resounding victory.

1504
01:04:35,637 --> 01:04:37,972
Somehow, you and righteousness

1505
01:04:38,005 --> 01:04:39,674
doesn't really sound
that great together.

1506
01:04:39,708 --> 01:04:43,211
You know, I can say the
same thing about you, Donny.

1507
01:04:43,244 --> 01:04:44,212
No offense.

1508
01:04:44,246 --> 01:04:45,981
You're wasting my time, Luther.

1509
01:04:46,014 --> 01:04:48,617
I guess we'll see what happens
when election time comes.

1510
01:04:48,650 --> 01:04:52,621
In the meantime,
get out of here.

1511
01:04:52,653 --> 01:04:53,454
No offense.

1512
01:04:53,487 --> 01:04:54,623
So that's it?

1513
01:04:54,655 --> 01:04:55,958
That's it.

1514
01:04:55,990 --> 01:04:56,992
No deal?

1515
01:04:57,025 --> 01:04:57,660
No deal.

1516
01:05:00,594 --> 01:05:01,496
Okay.

1517
01:05:09,704 --> 01:05:12,040
You ever see "The Exorcist"?

1518
01:05:29,690 --> 01:05:31,259
Within just hours of
the release yesterday

1519
01:05:31,293 --> 01:05:34,096
of an audiotape of Donald
Trump making lewd comments

1520
01:05:34,128 --> 01:05:37,498
about his offensive and possibly
illegal treatment of women

1521
01:05:37,532 --> 01:05:40,068
to "Access Hollywood"
cohost Billy Bush,

1522
01:05:40,101 --> 01:05:42,136
his fellow Republicans
nationwide

1523
01:05:42,170 --> 01:05:43,238
have loudly condemned him,

1524
01:05:43,271 --> 01:05:45,474
with a number of them
demanding that he step aside

1525
01:05:45,507 --> 01:05:47,476
as the GOP candidate
for president.

1526
01:05:48,010 --> 01:05:51,213
On the tape, first reported
by "The Washington Post,"

1527
01:05:51,246 --> 01:05:52,981
Trump made shocking statements

1528
01:05:53,014 --> 01:05:55,483
that many people now say
have destroyed his candidacy

1529
01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:57,618
just one month
before the election.

1530
01:05:57,652 --> 01:05:59,588
<i>You know, Billy,
I'm automatically attracted</i>

1531
01:05:59,621 --> 01:06:00,990
<i>to beautiful women.</i>

1532
01:06:01,023 --> 01:06:02,091
<i>I just start kissing them.</i>

1533
01:06:02,123 --> 01:06:03,358
<i>It's like a magnet.</i>

1534
01:06:03,391 --> 01:06:04,692
<i>I just kiss.</i>

1535
01:06:04,726 --> 01:06:05,661
<i>I don't even wait.</i>

1536
01:06:05,693 --> 01:06:07,628
And when you're a star,
they let you do it.

1537
01:06:07,661 --> 01:06:09,130
<i>You can grab anything.</i>

1538
01:06:09,164 --> 01:06:11,000
<i>Grab them by the pussy.</i>

1539
01:06:11,032 --> 01:06:12,233
Reaction to Trump's comments

1540
01:06:12,266 --> 01:06:14,302
has been swift and unequivocal.

1541
01:06:14,335 --> 01:06:16,771
Former Secretary of
State Condoleezza Rice

1542
01:06:16,804 --> 01:06:19,040
wrote on Facebook, "Enough.

1543
01:06:19,074 --> 01:06:20,642
"Donald Trump should
not be president.

1544
01:06:20,675 --> 01:06:22,344
"He should withdraw."

1545
01:06:22,376 --> 01:06:25,480
Republican Utah Senator Mike
Lee has also called on Trump

1546
01:06:25,514 --> 01:06:27,782
to step down as the GOP nominee.

1547
01:06:27,815 --> 01:06:29,451
And House Speaker Paul Ryan

1548
01:06:29,483 --> 01:06:32,020
called Trump's
remarks reprehensible.

1549
01:06:45,833 --> 01:06:46,734
This better be good.

1550
01:06:46,768 --> 01:06:48,237
I've just been through hell.

1551
01:06:48,269 --> 01:06:49,505
Congratulations, Dad.

1552
01:06:49,538 --> 01:06:52,141
You've fucking outdone
yourself this time.

1553
01:06:52,173 --> 01:06:53,275
Huh?

1554
01:06:53,307 --> 01:06:54,510
How come you never told us

1555
01:06:54,543 --> 01:06:56,412
it's okay to grab
women by the pussy?

1556
01:06:57,778 --> 01:07:00,516
That makes it way easier
to get laid, right?

1557
01:07:01,682 --> 01:07:02,818
What are we
gonna do now?

1558
01:07:02,851 --> 01:07:04,686
Look, I already
made a statement,

1559
01:07:04,719 --> 01:07:06,121
regretting all those
terrible things

1560
01:07:06,153 --> 01:07:07,822
I said over 10 years ago.

1561
01:07:07,856 --> 01:07:09,124
The statement was great.

1562
01:07:09,157 --> 01:07:10,392
Really great.

1563
01:07:10,425 --> 01:07:14,229
The story is getting
bigger, not going away.

1564
01:07:14,262 --> 01:07:16,097
Maybe you could
just say that women

1565
01:07:16,130 --> 01:07:19,067
actually like being
grabbed by the pussy,

1566
01:07:20,101 --> 01:07:21,603
that it's like a caveman thing.

1567
01:07:25,706 --> 01:07:27,108
That'd be cool.

1568
01:07:27,141 --> 01:07:28,009
Shut up, Eric.

1569
01:07:28,043 --> 01:07:29,845
Every time you open
your stupid mouth,

1570
01:07:29,878 --> 01:07:31,280
I wish you weren't mine.

1571
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,115
Wait a minute.

1572
01:07:35,083 --> 01:07:38,119
The timing of all this
is very suspicious.

1573
01:07:39,121 --> 01:07:40,789
I think I know what's happening.

1574
01:07:40,822 --> 01:07:43,392
So, put Michael Cohen on 'em.

1575
01:07:43,425 --> 01:07:45,461
Have him bring in
some of his muscle.

1576
01:07:45,494 --> 01:07:47,796
I'm not sure that's
gonna work this time.

1577
01:07:47,829 --> 01:07:49,431
Muscle always works.

1578
01:07:49,463 --> 01:07:52,668
And Michael can fix anything.

1579
01:07:52,701 --> 01:07:55,137
That's what you
always say, right?

1580
01:07:55,170 --> 01:07:56,539
Maybe not this time.

1581
01:08:15,222 --> 01:08:18,159
You think you're pretty
clever, don't you?

1582
01:08:18,193 --> 01:08:20,162
You can't intimidate me.

1583
01:08:20,194 --> 01:08:23,297
I'm the one who does
the intimidation, okay?!

1584
01:08:23,331 --> 01:08:25,300
So good luck with your agitation

1585
01:08:25,332 --> 01:08:28,269
and your Beelzebub bullshit!

1586
01:08:28,302 --> 01:08:30,139
Fuck you, Luther!

1587
01:08:30,171 --> 01:08:32,840
Lucifer, whatever the fuck
you wanna call yourself.

1588
01:08:32,873 --> 01:08:35,277
There's a reason you're in hell,

1589
01:08:35,310 --> 01:08:37,146
and you're gonna
fucking stay there!

1590
01:08:37,179 --> 01:08:37,980
You got it?!

1591
01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,893
Just days after an old
"Access Hollywood" tape

1592
01:08:51,926 --> 01:08:54,563
embroiled Donald
Trump in a firestorm,

1593
01:08:54,595 --> 01:08:57,231
new allegations of sexual
assault are being made

1594
01:08:57,265 --> 01:08:59,801
against the Republican
presidential candidate.

1595
01:08:59,833 --> 01:09:01,737
Among them is a writer
for "People" magazine,

1596
01:09:01,770 --> 01:09:05,541
who says that Trump sexually
assaulted her in 2005

1597
01:09:05,573 --> 01:09:07,708
when she went to his
Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida

1598
01:09:07,742 --> 01:09:09,444
to interview him for a profile.

1599
01:09:09,476 --> 01:09:11,479
Natasha Stoynoff claims that

1600
01:09:11,512 --> 01:09:14,649
after Melania Trump had
left the room, Trump, quote,

1601
01:09:14,682 --> 01:09:16,251
"Pushed me against the wall

1602
01:09:16,283 --> 01:09:17,952
"and stuck his tongue
down my throat."

1603
01:09:17,985 --> 01:09:19,253
Do you believe her?

1604
01:09:19,287 --> 01:09:20,322
What is she? A two?

1605
01:09:20,354 --> 01:09:21,489
Maybe a three?

1606
01:09:21,523 --> 01:09:24,760
Everyone knows I don't do
anything less than an eight,

1607
01:09:24,792 --> 01:09:25,927
especially if I'm married.

1608
01:09:26,595 --> 01:09:28,329
Stoynoff's accusations
are reinforced

1609
01:09:28,363 --> 01:09:29,530
by the comments Trump made

1610
01:09:29,564 --> 01:09:31,667
to "Access Hollywood"
cohost Billy Bush,

1611
01:09:31,699 --> 01:09:34,269
in which he clearly said
he often kissed women

1612
01:09:34,301 --> 01:09:38,406
against their will and grabbed
them by their private parts.

1613
01:09:38,439 --> 01:09:41,576
Last Sunday evening, after
the presidential debate,

1614
01:09:41,609 --> 01:09:43,511
I asked Trump whether
he ever kissed women

1615
01:09:43,545 --> 01:09:44,913
without their permission.

1616
01:09:44,945 --> 01:09:47,216
"I have not," Trump insisted.

1617
01:09:47,881 --> 01:09:50,685
I always knew your dick
would be the end of ya.

1618
01:09:50,719 --> 01:09:52,988
You're always jealous because
I have more women than you.

1619
01:09:53,020 --> 01:09:54,289
That's true.

1620
01:09:55,323 --> 01:09:56,592
My sex is consensual.

1621
01:09:57,725 --> 01:09:58,760
Not funny.

1622
01:09:59,793 --> 01:10:01,363
But true.

1623
01:10:01,395 --> 01:10:03,764
Have you seen her
show, "The Writer"?

1624
01:10:03,797 --> 01:10:05,333
What a joke.

1625
01:10:05,367 --> 01:10:06,400
She's a total dog.

1626
01:10:06,434 --> 01:10:08,270
Everybody knows I don't do dogs.

1627
01:10:08,302 --> 01:10:09,671
Believe me.

1628
01:10:09,703 --> 01:10:11,340
Never, ever.

1629
01:10:11,372 --> 01:10:12,607
Ever.

1630
01:10:15,909 --> 01:10:17,645
Dammit!

1631
01:10:17,679 --> 01:10:18,480
Fuck!

1632
01:10:25,319 --> 01:10:26,354
You're not gonna break me.

1633
01:10:26,387 --> 01:10:28,289
I never lose, ever!

1634
01:10:28,323 --> 01:10:30,492
And I'm sure as hell
not gonna submit to you.

1635
01:10:30,524 --> 01:10:31,492
So, bring it on!

1636
01:10:32,493 --> 01:10:33,996
Give it your best shot, bitch.

1637
01:10:41,368 --> 01:10:42,603
What the hell happened, Michael?

1638
01:10:42,636 --> 01:10:44,338
All these women are coming
out of the woodwork.

1639
01:10:44,372 --> 01:10:45,641
You said it was taken care of.

1640
01:10:45,673 --> 01:10:46,742
I thought it was.

1641
01:10:46,774 --> 01:10:48,309
So, what happened?

1642
01:10:48,342 --> 01:10:50,778
Look, there are only so
many hours in the day.

1643
01:10:50,811 --> 01:10:52,680
I mean, I'm focused on
the most serious cases

1644
01:10:52,713 --> 01:10:53,881
from the most recent past.

1645
01:10:53,914 --> 01:10:56,417
I mean, I didn't think they'd
go back five or 10 years.

1646
01:10:56,451 --> 01:10:58,353
You said this was taken care of.

1647
01:10:58,386 --> 01:10:58,987
I'm sorry.

1648
01:10:59,020 --> 01:11:00,555
I guess I misspoke.

1649
01:11:00,587 --> 01:11:01,956
Well, you better
fix this, and fast.

1650
01:11:01,989 --> 01:11:03,457
All right, what do
you want me to do

1651
01:11:03,490 --> 01:11:04,525
about it at this point?

1652
01:11:04,559 --> 01:11:06,295
Put your finger in the dyke.

1653
01:11:08,430 --> 01:11:09,998
Are you fucking a lesbian?

1654
01:11:10,030 --> 01:11:11,365
No, you idiot.

1655
01:11:11,399 --> 01:11:12,334
It's an expression.

1656
01:11:12,367 --> 01:11:13,335
You've never heard the saying,

1657
01:11:13,368 --> 01:11:14,803
"Put your finger in the dyke"?

1658
01:11:14,836 --> 01:11:16,305
I don't know, I just...

1659
01:11:16,337 --> 01:11:18,706
Whenever I hear that word,
dyke, I just, you know?

1660
01:11:20,809 --> 01:11:23,045
Sometimes, I think you're
stupider than Don Jr.

1661
01:11:23,078 --> 01:11:25,314
and Eric put together,
if that's even possible.

1662
01:11:25,346 --> 01:11:27,748
Now, get the hell out of here
and get this taken care of

1663
01:11:27,782 --> 01:11:29,384
before I kill you and fire you.

1664
01:11:29,417 --> 01:11:30,052
Yes, sir.

1665
01:11:31,720 --> 01:11:32,554
Moron.

1666
01:11:37,958 --> 01:11:39,560
It's Armageddon time, Luther.

1667
01:11:39,594 --> 01:11:41,395
You hear me?!

1668
01:11:45,132 --> 01:11:47,836
He can't hold out much longer.

1669
01:11:47,868 --> 01:11:50,404
Although I'd have to say

1670
01:11:50,438 --> 01:11:53,641
he's a little tougher than I
thought he would be to rope in.

1671
01:11:55,076 --> 01:11:59,347
But a couple of more real
good shots right to the nuts,

1672
01:11:59,381 --> 01:12:01,550
and we'll have him
right where we want him.

1673
01:12:02,716 --> 01:12:06,787
Now, it's time to have
some real fun with him.

1674
01:12:06,820 --> 01:12:07,823
And hit him where it hurts.

1675
01:12:18,099 --> 01:12:19,368
This is Michael.

1676
01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:20,101
<i>It's Angelo.</i>

1677
01:12:20,135 --> 01:12:22,371
<i>You got a problem in the making.</i>

1678
01:12:22,404 --> 01:12:24,707
<i>You need to get on it, like now.</i>

1679
01:12:25,573 --> 01:12:26,975
Is this a Trump problem?

1680
01:12:27,007 --> 01:12:28,743
<i>A big Trump problem.</i>

1681
01:12:29,810 --> 01:12:30,878
What else is new?

1682
01:12:32,113 --> 01:12:33,749
What is it this time?

1683
01:12:33,782 --> 01:12:36,685
<i>Does the name
Stormy Daniels ring a bell?</i>

1684
01:12:39,421 --> 01:12:41,456
Like a fucking fire alarm.

1685
01:12:41,488 --> 01:12:44,024
- What is it?
- <i>She's preparing to go public</i>

1686
01:12:44,057 --> 01:12:46,127
<i>about her night with shithead.</i>

1687
01:12:47,694 --> 01:12:49,430
I warned him that
she was probably

1688
01:12:49,463 --> 01:12:51,432
the worst mistake
that he has ever made.

1689
01:12:51,466 --> 01:12:54,870
<i>Well, pal, you
better correct the mistake.</i>

1690
01:12:54,903 --> 01:12:55,904
<i>Quick.</i>

1691
01:12:55,936 --> 01:12:56,738
<i>Capiche?</i>

1692
01:12:57,939 --> 01:12:58,841
Yeah, on it.

1693
01:13:02,411 --> 01:13:04,413
This guy's gonna fucking
kill me, I swear.

1694
01:13:07,981 --> 01:13:08,817
I swear!

1695
01:13:12,787 --> 01:13:13,688
- Hey, hey.
- Hey.

1696
01:13:13,720 --> 01:13:15,089
Mr. Davidson?

1697
01:13:15,122 --> 01:13:15,957
You look great.

1698
01:13:17,559 --> 01:13:18,427
- Thanks.
- Yeah.

1699
01:13:18,460 --> 01:13:19,860
Come on in.

1700
01:13:19,894 --> 01:13:24,199
So, do I call you Mrs.
Daniels or Miss Clifford or...

1701
01:13:24,231 --> 01:13:25,132
Stormy.

1702
01:13:25,166 --> 01:13:26,067
The only people who call me

1703
01:13:26,100 --> 01:13:27,268
anything else are my
mother and the IRS.

1704
01:13:27,301 --> 01:13:30,938
And trust me, you don't wanna
be associated with either.

1705
01:13:30,971 --> 01:13:32,640
I assume you know about me.

1706
01:13:33,875 --> 01:13:36,011
You know, the kinda
things I do for people.

1707
01:13:36,043 --> 01:13:38,479
Your reputation precedes you.

1708
01:13:38,512 --> 01:13:39,480
Well, I know that, sweetie,

1709
01:13:39,514 --> 01:13:41,516
but why don't you enlighten me

1710
01:13:41,548 --> 01:13:43,150
and tell me how you know that?

1711
01:13:43,184 --> 01:13:44,719
We have a mutual friend

1712
01:13:44,752 --> 01:13:46,188
who told me that
you're responsible

1713
01:13:46,220 --> 01:13:47,788
for the deal between Trump

1714
01:13:47,822 --> 01:13:49,791
and the "Enquirer" and
that Playmate chick?

1715
01:13:49,823 --> 01:13:50,958
Karen McDougal.

1716
01:13:50,992 --> 01:13:52,461
That's the one.

1717
01:13:52,493 --> 01:13:54,128
Yeah. I made her a lot of money.

1718
01:13:55,262 --> 01:13:57,099
I'm guessing you
want a similar deal?

1719
01:13:57,931 --> 01:13:59,233
Not exactly.

1720
01:13:59,266 --> 01:14:02,170
I was contacted by Trump's
attorney, Michael Cohen?

1721
01:14:02,203 --> 01:14:03,205
Never heard of him.

1722
01:14:03,238 --> 01:14:07,509
Anyway, in light
of Trump's recent,

1723
01:14:07,542 --> 01:14:09,644
shall we say, escapades,

1724
01:14:09,676 --> 01:14:11,746
I was considering coming forward

1725
01:14:11,779 --> 01:14:14,916
about a night of consensual
sex I had with him.

1726
01:14:14,948 --> 01:14:18,586
Golf tournament,
Lake Tahoe, 2006.

1727
01:14:18,619 --> 01:14:21,555
Stormy, if the sex
was consensual,

1728
01:14:21,588 --> 01:14:22,858
what are we even doing here?

1729
01:14:22,890 --> 01:14:25,493
Well, 'cause of all
the bad publicity

1730
01:14:25,527 --> 01:14:26,927
he's received in
the last two weeks,

1731
01:14:26,961 --> 01:14:30,198
Trump's pretty freaked
out that if it got leaked

1732
01:14:30,230 --> 01:14:32,266
he had sex with a porn star,

1733
01:14:32,300 --> 01:14:34,936
it would be the end
of his campaign.

1734
01:14:35,569 --> 01:14:36,837
They wanna silence you?

1735
01:14:36,871 --> 01:14:38,038
Mm.

1736
01:14:38,072 --> 01:14:40,542
With a nondisclosure
agreement, I'm guessing?

1737
01:14:40,574 --> 01:14:41,842
Now you're catching up.

1738
01:14:41,876 --> 01:14:43,779
Okay. We got something
to work with.

1739
01:14:46,314 --> 01:14:47,149
ND...

1740
01:14:50,083 --> 01:14:53,521
So, I'm assuming that you'd
rather take the money than...

1741
01:14:53,555 --> 01:14:54,722
Than what?

1742
01:14:54,756 --> 01:14:57,860
Let the entire world find
out that I had sex with that?

1743
01:14:58,326 --> 01:15:00,229
Absolutely!

1744
01:15:01,796 --> 01:15:04,065
And his attorney has
threatened to destroy me.

1745
01:15:04,097 --> 01:15:06,201
Well, you think they
could actually do that?

1746
01:15:06,234 --> 01:15:07,636
Duh.

1747
01:15:07,668 --> 01:15:09,537
I'm a porn star.

1748
01:15:09,570 --> 01:15:10,738
Well, is this Mr.-

1749
01:15:10,771 --> 01:15:12,207
- Cohen.
- Cohen.

1750
01:15:12,239 --> 01:15:15,644
Has he made any kind of
formal offer in writing?

1751
01:15:15,676 --> 01:15:17,612
He just said, find an attorney

1752
01:15:17,645 --> 01:15:19,848
and have the guy
contact him ASAP.

1753
01:15:19,881 --> 01:15:20,515
So...

1754
01:15:21,716 --> 01:15:23,552
The election is in two weeks.

1755
01:15:23,585 --> 01:15:25,554
Hence the "ASAP" part.

1756
01:15:25,587 --> 01:15:29,791
So, let's just
say that in return

1757
01:15:29,823 --> 01:15:32,293
for me getting you the best
cash deal that I can get,

1758
01:15:33,360 --> 01:15:35,963
are you willing to sign an NDA?

1759
01:15:35,997 --> 01:15:37,132
You bet.

1760
01:15:37,164 --> 01:15:39,001
And what if we
can't make the deal?

1761
01:15:40,100 --> 01:15:44,071
Then I go public in a very big

1762
01:15:44,104 --> 01:15:47,107
but tiny way.

1763
01:15:47,140 --> 01:15:48,943
And why would you say that?

1764
01:15:48,976 --> 01:15:53,981
I can describe Trump's
dick in perfect detail.

1765
01:15:54,649 --> 01:15:57,919
So accurately that
Melania and every woman

1766
01:15:57,952 --> 01:16:02,657
who's had the unfortunate
experience of being with him

1767
01:16:02,689 --> 01:16:05,092
will know that I'm
telling the truth.

1768
01:16:05,126 --> 01:16:09,096
And it's not a pretty picture,
if you know what I mean.

1769
01:16:09,130 --> 01:16:10,966
I'm trying not to imagine it.

1770
01:16:12,166 --> 01:16:13,768
Yeah. I think we're
onto something here.

1771
01:16:13,801 --> 01:16:16,638
I think, me and you,
we see eye to eye.

1772
01:16:16,671 --> 01:16:18,907
And, Stormy, I
wanna let you know

1773
01:16:18,939 --> 01:16:22,243
that I have your best
interest right here.

1774
01:16:23,110 --> 01:16:23,945
I bet.

1775
01:16:24,947 --> 01:16:27,849
130 grand, is that the
best deal you could get?

1776
01:16:27,881 --> 01:16:30,351
It's 20 grand cheaper
than Karen McDougal.

1777
01:16:30,385 --> 01:16:31,552
And it's a hell of a lot cheaper

1778
01:16:31,586 --> 01:16:33,655
than some of the other broads
I've been taking care of.

1779
01:16:33,688 --> 01:16:35,890
And let me tell you
something, this Miss Daniels,

1780
01:16:35,922 --> 01:16:38,225
she's way more dangerous
than any of them.

1781
01:16:38,259 --> 01:16:39,293
Why is that?

1782
01:16:39,327 --> 01:16:42,697
Because she's a porn star, duh.

1783
01:16:42,729 --> 01:16:45,366
She's willing to describe
your cock, in detail,

1784
01:16:45,399 --> 01:16:46,900
to the American public.

1785
01:16:46,934 --> 01:16:49,371
Worse than that,
directly to Melania.

1786
01:16:49,404 --> 01:16:51,973
And then you got a far more
expensive problem to deal with.

1787
01:16:52,006 --> 01:16:55,976
So, 130 grand, she goes
away, with an ironclad NDA?

1788
01:16:56,010 --> 01:16:57,045
Guaranteed.

1789
01:16:57,078 --> 01:16:58,680
What do you need from me?

1790
01:16:58,712 --> 01:17:00,681
You pretend you're a guy
named David Dennison,

1791
01:17:00,715 --> 01:17:02,817
then you reimburse me
after I make the payments.

1792
01:17:02,850 --> 01:17:04,719
Why can't I just
write her a check now?

1793
01:17:04,752 --> 01:17:07,422
No. No, we need to have a
cover story, just in case.

1794
01:17:07,454 --> 01:17:09,757
And that cover story,
if we ever need it,

1795
01:17:09,791 --> 01:17:11,426
is that I paid her
out of my own pocket.

1796
01:17:11,458 --> 01:17:13,094
And then I reimburse you?

1797
01:17:13,127 --> 01:17:15,063
Yeah, through small
monthly payments,

1798
01:17:15,095 --> 01:17:16,363
you know, like a retainer's fee.

1799
01:17:16,396 --> 01:17:17,798
Trust me, I do
this all the time.

1800
01:17:17,832 --> 01:17:19,801
And this can't come
back to haunt me?

1801
01:17:20,702 --> 01:17:21,336
Never.

1802
01:17:33,180 --> 01:17:34,248
Don't mean to interrupt.

1803
01:17:34,282 --> 01:17:37,653
I know you're eating dinner,
but it's an emergency.

1804
01:17:38,786 --> 01:17:39,421
Have a seat.

1805
01:17:41,354 --> 01:17:42,423
You want some vodka?

1806
01:17:42,457 --> 01:17:43,958
It's the best.

1807
01:17:43,990 --> 01:17:45,460
I made it last weekend myself.

1808
01:17:45,493 --> 01:17:46,828
Look, I've known you

1809
01:17:46,860 --> 01:17:48,095
since you were a
youngster in the KGB.

1810
01:17:48,128 --> 01:17:50,364
You know by now, I don't drink.

1811
01:17:51,332 --> 01:17:52,834
What can I do for you?

1812
01:17:52,867 --> 01:17:54,836
Donald Trump.

1813
01:17:54,868 --> 01:17:57,971
Our presidential candidate
in the US election?

1814
01:17:58,005 --> 01:17:59,873
I need to get his attention.

1815
01:17:59,907 --> 01:18:00,876
He's a tough guy.

1816
01:18:05,512 --> 01:18:07,481
Oh, you kill me every time.

1817
01:18:07,515 --> 01:18:08,717
He's a fucking idiot.

1818
01:18:08,750 --> 01:18:10,185
A fucking <i>suka.</i>

1819
01:18:10,217 --> 01:18:11,452
You can say that again.

1820
01:18:11,485 --> 01:18:14,389
<i>But, a useful suka.</i>

1821
01:18:14,421 --> 01:18:17,224
Are you going to recruit
him, to the team?

1822
01:18:17,257 --> 01:18:18,425
I want him to be president

1823
01:18:18,458 --> 01:18:21,863
for reasons other than your own.

1824
01:18:21,895 --> 01:18:23,731
I want him to be president

1825
01:18:23,765 --> 01:18:28,235
because he's not
Hillary fucking Clinton.

1826
01:18:28,269 --> 01:18:29,471
Hillary Clinton was quite

1827
01:18:29,503 --> 01:18:32,940
an intellectual fat
booty white bitch.

1828
01:18:32,974 --> 01:18:35,176
She would have fucked up
my international plans

1829
01:18:35,208 --> 01:18:37,746
for world dominance
and confusion.

1830
01:18:37,779 --> 01:18:39,281
What do you want me to do?

1831
01:18:40,914 --> 01:18:44,152
2013, Miss Universe contest.

1832
01:18:44,185 --> 01:18:47,522
Prostitutes, golden shower.

1833
01:18:47,555 --> 01:18:49,791
Video on Obama's bed.

1834
01:18:49,823 --> 01:18:50,791
Precisely.

1835
01:18:53,194 --> 01:18:54,262
I like it.

1836
01:18:54,295 --> 01:18:55,829
I show my friends.

1837
01:18:55,863 --> 01:18:57,532
That's your business.

1838
01:18:57,564 --> 01:18:59,967
I thought you said you
want him to be president.

1839
01:19:00,001 --> 01:19:01,503
I do.

1840
01:19:01,536 --> 01:19:06,407
Seems to me you want to
destroy him and humiliate him.

1841
01:19:06,439 --> 01:19:08,442
Humiliation, unfortunately,

1842
01:19:08,475 --> 01:19:11,311
is the only thing this
idiot understands.

1843
01:19:11,345 --> 01:19:14,750
He has one brain cell,
and it's stuck on stupid.

1844
01:19:15,216 --> 01:19:18,119
Have you explained
to him the benefits?

1845
01:19:18,152 --> 01:19:21,956
Benefits, you asked for all
of this, you have all of it.

1846
01:19:21,988 --> 01:19:22,789
I deliver.

1847
01:19:24,091 --> 01:19:26,828
This one's a different
kind of a brain.

1848
01:19:26,860 --> 01:19:28,328
He's delusional.

1849
01:19:28,362 --> 01:19:31,332
He thinks he's worth a
trillion fucking dollars.

1850
01:19:31,364 --> 01:19:34,502
He's broke on nine continents
and there's only seven.

1851
01:19:35,869 --> 01:19:39,073
Look, man, the election comes
up in less than a month.

1852
01:19:39,105 --> 01:19:42,543
I need to close my
deal with Trump.

1853
01:19:42,577 --> 01:19:43,478
I got the machines.

1854
01:19:45,145 --> 01:19:46,880
You make it look good.

1855
01:19:46,913 --> 01:19:48,149
You have my word.

1856
01:19:49,483 --> 01:19:50,585
Okay.

1857
01:19:50,618 --> 01:19:51,787
We work together.

1858
01:19:53,186 --> 01:19:55,856
Now, show me the room where
this pissing took place.

1859
01:20:02,162 --> 01:20:03,230
Yes?

1860
01:20:03,264 --> 01:20:04,498
<i>You have
a call from a woman</i>

1861
01:20:04,532 --> 01:20:05,567
<i>who says you know her.</i>

1862
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:07,202
Does she have a name?

1863
01:20:07,234 --> 01:20:09,069
<i>She says she
wants that to be a surprise.</i>

1864
01:20:09,103 --> 01:20:10,838
I don't like surprises.

1865
01:20:10,872 --> 01:20:11,905
Get rid of her.

1866
01:20:11,939 --> 01:20:13,007
<i>No problem.</i>

1867
01:20:18,511 --> 01:20:19,646
Yes?

1868
01:20:19,680 --> 01:20:21,481
<i>She says the
call is very important.</i>

1869
01:20:21,515 --> 01:20:22,884
<i>At least I think that's what...</i>

1870
01:20:22,917 --> 01:20:23,618
You're not sure?

1871
01:20:23,650 --> 01:20:25,252
<i>She's hard to understand.</i>

1872
01:20:25,286 --> 01:20:27,255
<i>She has a very thick accent.</i>

1873
01:20:27,287 --> 01:20:29,223
Accent. What kind of accent?

1874
01:20:29,256 --> 01:20:31,859
<i>I'm guessing,
but I think she's Russian.</i>

1875
01:20:33,627 --> 01:20:35,162
Did she say anything else?

1876
01:20:35,195 --> 01:20:37,231
<i>Just that she has
a big surprise</i>

1877
01:20:37,265 --> 01:20:39,934
<i>for you from your
friend, Vladimir.</i>

1878
01:20:39,966 --> 01:20:42,502
<i>She wants you to come to
see her and her girlfriend</i>

1879
01:20:42,536 --> 01:20:44,439
<i>at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel.</i>

1880
01:20:44,471 --> 01:20:45,340
Put her through.

1881
01:20:46,940 --> 01:20:49,211
Hello, sexy man.

1882
01:20:50,110 --> 01:20:53,648
This is Nathalia from Moscow.

1883
01:20:53,680 --> 01:20:55,582
<i>You remember me?</i>

1884
01:20:55,615 --> 01:20:56,551
Hello, Natalia.

1885
01:20:56,583 --> 01:20:57,652
How are you, darling?

1886
01:20:57,685 --> 01:20:58,987
<i>I'm very good.</i>

1887
01:21:00,253 --> 01:21:05,025
I'm here at the Ritz-Carlton,
in Washington, with my friends.

1888
01:21:05,626 --> 01:21:06,961
<i>Oh.</i>

1889
01:21:06,993 --> 01:21:08,630
<i>Alexandra and Olga.</i>

1890
01:21:08,662 --> 01:21:10,931
You remember them too?

1891
01:21:10,965 --> 01:21:11,599
Hi.

1892
01:21:11,631 --> 01:21:13,533
Of course I remember them.

1893
01:21:13,567 --> 01:21:15,636
Who could forget them, yes?

1894
01:21:15,670 --> 01:21:18,573
<i>Certainly not you.</i>

1895
01:21:19,673 --> 01:21:21,542
Mr. Putin sent us,

1896
01:21:22,643 --> 01:21:26,113
and he sent a surprise.

1897
01:21:26,146 --> 01:21:28,315
<i>You must come over.</i>

1898
01:21:28,349 --> 01:21:30,918
Uh, did he say what
kind of surprise it was?

1899
01:21:30,952 --> 01:21:32,686
You mean beside us?

1900
01:21:32,720 --> 01:21:34,355
<i>Don't play games.</i>

1901
01:21:34,387 --> 01:21:35,588
I don't like games.

1902
01:21:35,622 --> 01:21:39,660
<i>Do you remember game
that we played in Moscow?</i>

1903
01:21:39,694 --> 01:21:40,662
<i>Oh.</i>

1904
01:21:40,694 --> 01:21:42,930
<i>You must come over, tonight.</i>

1905
01:21:43,965 --> 01:21:45,934
Mr. Putin insists.

1906
01:22:21,034 --> 01:22:22,235
I'm sorry, ladies.

1907
01:22:22,269 --> 01:22:23,204
I can't do this.

1908
01:22:23,237 --> 01:22:24,538
No.

1909
01:22:24,572 --> 01:22:29,077
Don't you want us to
pee-pee on you again?

1910
01:22:30,744 --> 01:22:31,578
No!

1911
01:22:34,414 --> 01:22:36,617
Didn't I tell you
not to hire hookers

1912
01:22:36,649 --> 01:22:38,152
to pee in Obama's bed?

1913
01:22:39,520 --> 01:22:42,223
But you couldn't just control
yourself, as per usual.

1914
01:22:42,256 --> 01:22:43,358
I hope you're happy.

1915
01:22:43,390 --> 01:22:45,492
I think I know
what's going on here,

1916
01:22:45,525 --> 01:22:47,729
and it's nothing
short of blackmail.

1917
01:22:47,761 --> 01:22:50,331
But by Putin? That
doesn't make any sense.

1918
01:22:50,363 --> 01:22:52,766
He saved your ass by
dropping Hillary's emails

1919
01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:55,203
after the disaster of the
"Access Hollywood" tapes.

1920
01:22:55,235 --> 01:22:56,470
I'm not talking about Putin.

1921
01:22:56,503 --> 01:22:58,338
All right, well, then,
who's blackmailing you?

1922
01:22:58,372 --> 01:23:00,408
I can have them taken care of.

1923
01:23:00,440 --> 01:23:02,376
Not this time. This is
something different.

1924
01:23:02,409 --> 01:23:06,079
Then you better wise up
and face facts, Donald.

1925
01:23:06,113 --> 01:23:08,516
You're gonna lose, and
you're gonna lose big.

1926
01:23:08,548 --> 01:23:09,716
I never lose.

1927
01:23:09,750 --> 01:23:11,685
And I'm not gonna
lose now, understand?

1928
01:23:17,792 --> 01:23:18,760
Gotta tell you, Luther,

1929
01:23:18,792 --> 01:23:21,094
really love what you've
done with this place.

1930
01:23:21,127 --> 01:23:22,630
Gotta give you credit.

1931
01:23:22,662 --> 01:23:25,699
The Russian hookers and their
big surprise was a nice touch.

1932
01:23:25,733 --> 01:23:28,636
You know, you were a
rough nut to crack, Trump.

1933
01:23:28,668 --> 01:23:31,639
Just so we're clear,
this deal is involuntary.

1934
01:23:31,671 --> 01:23:33,440
Quite frankly, it's extortion.

1935
01:23:33,474 --> 01:23:34,475
Exactly.

1936
01:23:34,507 --> 01:23:35,777
What about the polls?

1937
01:23:35,810 --> 01:23:37,111
The bad press?

1938
01:23:37,144 --> 01:23:38,146
All the late-night jokes?

1939
01:23:38,179 --> 01:23:39,380
Meaningless.

1940
01:23:39,412 --> 01:23:41,081
You know, the polls
haven't been wrong

1941
01:23:41,114 --> 01:23:43,050
in a presidential election
since Dewey and Truman.

1942
01:23:43,083 --> 01:23:45,385
There's a first time
for everything, Donny.

1943
01:23:45,418 --> 01:23:47,055
So, what do you need from me?

1944
01:23:47,087 --> 01:23:50,724
For starters, I want this
inaugural to be dark,

1945
01:23:51,826 --> 01:23:53,795
very dark.

1946
01:23:53,828 --> 01:23:57,065
I want you to make
George W. Bush

1947
01:23:57,097 --> 01:23:59,266
and Dick Cheney
look like optimists.

1948
01:23:59,300 --> 01:24:00,235
Done.

1949
01:24:00,268 --> 01:24:02,203
You and I are gonna
have a whole lot of fun

1950
01:24:02,235 --> 01:24:03,703
once you're on the team.

1951
01:24:03,737 --> 01:24:05,139
What about Putin?

1952
01:24:05,171 --> 01:24:06,139
Is he on the team?

1953
01:24:06,172 --> 01:24:08,842
Putin is one of the star
players of this team.

1954
01:24:08,876 --> 01:24:12,113
I also got Kim Yum Yum
starting at center.

1955
01:24:13,247 --> 01:24:17,118
Once you're in that
office, sky's the limit.

1956
01:24:17,150 --> 01:24:18,452
Anything else?

1957
01:24:18,485 --> 01:24:19,319
That's it.

1958
01:24:28,128 --> 01:24:29,596
The art of the deal.

1959
01:24:31,865 --> 01:24:33,835
The art of the deal.

1960
01:24:33,868 --> 01:24:35,336
Welcome to the game.

1961
01:24:36,871 --> 01:24:38,105
Take your seat.

1962
01:24:47,213 --> 01:24:48,082
Feels good.

1963
01:24:49,216 --> 01:24:51,619
Very presidential.

1964
01:25:04,765 --> 01:25:07,168
In his first words to
the nation and the world

1965
01:25:07,201 --> 01:25:10,270
after being sworn in as
president of the United States,

1966
01:25:10,304 --> 01:25:13,141
Donald Trump, on Friday,
delivered a populist manifesto

1967
01:25:13,173 --> 01:25:14,307
that depicted the U.S.

1968
01:25:14,341 --> 01:25:17,311
as a wasteland of
abandoned factories,

1969
01:25:17,344 --> 01:25:20,748
economic angst, rising
crime, and dystopian carnage.

1970
01:25:20,780 --> 01:25:23,317
Reciting a litany of
devastating criticisms

1971
01:25:23,350 --> 01:25:26,887
of the country,
including gangs, drugs,

1972
01:25:26,921 --> 01:25:30,458
crime, poverty,
and unemployment.

1973
01:25:30,490 --> 01:25:33,761
Trump told the nation,
"This American carnage

1974
01:25:33,793 --> 01:25:34,729
- stops right here."
- A demoralizing tirade

1975
01:25:34,761 --> 01:25:38,331
left many observers with
one single question:

1976
01:25:38,364 --> 01:25:40,635
Does Trump really hate America?

1977
01:25:40,667 --> 01:25:41,603
I don't think so.

1978
01:25:42,603 --> 01:25:44,404
Everything works out in the end.

1979
01:25:50,476 --> 01:25:53,247
Plane crash.

1980
01:25:53,279 --> 01:25:54,748
Car wreck.

1981
01:25:56,216 --> 01:25:56,817
Shoot your mama.

1982
01:26:01,755 --> 01:26:04,926
Here's to our greatest
accomplishment,

1983
01:26:06,659 --> 01:26:11,666
a complete definite dark triad.

1984
01:26:12,399 --> 01:26:13,668
How bad can it get?!

1985
01:26:13,701 --> 01:26:14,935
Bad.

1986
01:26:16,002 --> 01:26:20,407
Very, very, very bad!

1987
01:26:22,275 --> 01:26:24,244
Especially if you're Muslim.

1988
01:26:24,979 --> 01:26:26,780
<i>As-salamu alaykum.</i>

1989
01:26:26,814 --> 01:26:28,249
Or you a Mexican.

1990
01:26:28,983 --> 01:26:30,284
Taco, burrito.

1991
01:26:30,317 --> 01:26:31,219
Yeah!

1992
01:26:31,252 --> 01:26:32,687
Or you's a Jew!

1993
01:26:32,720 --> 01:26:33,521
Yeah!

1994
01:26:33,554 --> 01:26:34,889
It's all <i>mashugana.</i>

1995
01:26:34,921 --> 01:26:37,257
- Yeah!
- Or you a negro.

1996
01:26:37,291 --> 01:26:39,527
Wells, I don't know.

1997
01:26:39,560 --> 01:26:41,395
Or you's a African American.

1998
01:26:41,427 --> 01:26:43,264
Well, chronologically speaking.

1999
01:26:43,296 --> 01:26:43,897
Yeah!

2000
01:26:43,930 --> 01:26:44,864
Or you black!

2001
01:26:44,898 --> 01:26:45,865
Hey, dog!

2002
01:26:45,899 --> 01:26:48,402
Everybody in trouble is
what I'm trying to say.

2003
01:26:48,435 --> 01:26:50,004
If you breathing,

2004
01:26:50,037 --> 01:26:51,771
your ass gonna get it

2005
01:26:51,805 --> 01:26:54,375
with this orange
motherfucker that I got!

2006
01:26:55,542 --> 01:26:57,411
Now, some more hell.

2007
01:26:57,444 --> 01:26:58,279
Keep it coming.

2008
01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:22,936
Would you like some
dinner, Mr. Trump?

2009
01:27:22,970 --> 01:27:24,271
Sounds good.

2010
01:27:24,305 --> 01:27:25,073
We have chicken.

2011
01:27:25,105 --> 01:27:29,010
Would you like
leg, thigh, breast?

2012
01:27:30,577 --> 01:27:32,313
Better bring the whole chicken.

2013
01:27:32,345 --> 01:27:33,280
You got it.

2014
01:29:52,841 --> 01:29:57,841
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