Ellexia,

Perfection is something that doesn't exist. I'm sure you've heard this quote before. But in japan there is an art called Kintsugi. This is using powdered gold lacquer to rejoin a piece of broken pottery. The idea is that this imperfection made whole once more makes it even more beautiful. You are that pot. You may be broken in so many ways, But in all the pieces I see the beauty.

Maybe it all doesn't make sense to you now but I think eventually maybe one day it might. Friendships are made during hardship that last a lifetime, You know I have more for you than just platonic love. I adore you as a person and I want you to be mine one day. Be it open or closed. I'd share you with the world because everyone should have an opportunity to see how good of a person and how kind you can be. I know you're not at your best right and I have no idea when you might be. But I plan to be here through it all. I dont know what I did to cause you to not trust me. I have no idea as i've been so honest with you to the very deepest level at this point. I have no reason to lie to you and I avoid dishonesty at all turns as all it does is breed issues within relationships. You tell me you cannot give me commitment, I'm not sure where you had gotten that idea from that it was what I wanted from you. I just want to share experiences and my life with you. This is why i wanted to begin the picture every day thing. Because while you may be a thousand or more miles away, I want to show you my world every day.

I didn't want tonight to end up like this, I wanted to spend time with you and game. I wanted a small sprinkle of your time to myself, maybe that was selfish of me at its core but I wanted to teach you about FFXIV, Something I care a lot about. That game kept me focused during some dark times, it may not be much, hell you might even end up hating it but I cannot think of anyone else I'd rather share the story I really love with. My core want with you is to just be your friend. But there is a side of me that wants to be -with- you. I want to be your Daddy. I want you to be able to know that you can crawl into my lap and be safe no matter what, and that I'll provide you shelter from any storm that happens to form. I want to see you through college and watch as you slowly regain bits and pieces of the real you. But I'm content with what I have with you now. You speak of the bad of our relationship being the disobedience. Maybe you mean how you disobey me so much as a submissive. I knew from day one that you'd never be completely controlled, Remember I called you a charizard that I lack the gym badges to get to act. You'll use some of your moves and sometimes obey, but othertimes you're going to burn my house down accidentally.

I'm sorry... This has gotten extremely long and I wouldn't even blame you if you decided to skip it. But stop thinking you're not worth my time. You are. You're worth the effort and any pain and discomort I may feel. You're worth any errections lasting longer than 4 hours. I adore you Ellexia and I adore seeing pictures of your pretty little face, and hearing your voice as you slowly slip to sleep. I miss it so much. I miss the sound of you tiny yawns and noises you make as you're falling asleep. I know I don't deserve it anymore.. but,  I'll be here when you awake. Just know that I'll follow you into the dark.

- Julian