WIP title: A New Servant’s Record

For the (Servant) record, I’m still not entirely sure why I’m doing this.

There are, at least, a fair few potential answers to that question. Firstly, to organize my thoughts as I adjust to this whole goddamn affair. It’s not exactly everyday you and your girlfriends become ‘Heroic Spirits’ (Throne hax or not, this is all still a fuckload to process tbh) via axiomatic connection to your lesbian boyfriend’s manifestation as a fundamental force of Chivalry, get enlisted into a ‘Servant contract’ with a (sorry Master) (it still feels sorta weird casually calling someone that) total weirdo inducting you into a secret organization dedicated to saving Humanity with magic, proceed to save history from being corrupted by a big fucked up megacorp, and then head back with them to now live an indeterminate life period of working as a guardian to the existence of the World (Gaia? Alaya? However all this shit exactly works. I should ask Atma, or those other Servants again) itself.

To be honest, that’s not exactly a *bad* thing all told. Tough as it gets, I’m enough of a sap to always appreciate being a hero for a living. Plus, there’s...I don’t know, a certain ‘purity’ to my existence now, kinda? To have become a manifestation of the good I meant in life...gives me the warm fuzzies everytime. Plus, my musicianship is through the roof now, and I intend to milk every drop of this new potential for all it’s worth. And it’s a fun place here. We’re accommodated well enough, we get a bit of space for pursuing our own affairs (note to self: collab with other musos here??) when we can, and the personalities here are always...interesting, at bare minimum.

Still, it’s so much to think about, and I can feel this helping already. So there’s that.

Secondly, it feels like something I’d appreciate doing now. I was never exactly one to keep a diary or anything in life (it’s gonna take a while to not feel surreal writing that), content to savour life as it comes and remember what I could, where I can. And I’m never gonna call that wasted, for me or for anyone...but still, shit feels different now. Like it’d be better to spend my days being more...mindful doing things? I dunno. Just that in between getting to know everyone, practicing, training for missions and the like (it’s insanely fun practicing martial arts when you’re operating at several times beyond human parameters, let me tell ya), the usual web trawling doesn’t really feel like the best use of my time anymore.
There’s something in the metaphorical air on there ever since what Master and co. were sorting out previously happened, a year of reality randomly skipping like King Crimson from JJBA on crack will do that I suppose.
I’m doing my best to check on my good friends and how they are doing, at least. Well. As much as I can when I can’t use my old accounts for stuff...because the human that will bear my name into history is still very much alive, and there for them at least. If I know them (and obviously I do), they’ll probably have their suspicions about what’s been going on in the world, but they’ll keep on trucking. Still...to be so distant now feels...

From the more human part of me, its like I was just plucked into this whole shebang, still living my life...but as a Spirit, I am now always at least vaguely aware of the entirety of my legend yet(?) to be written from subjective chronology. I am both moving towards our future and looking back. Those I know/knew and care/d for in life are both the lights guiding me forward and the stars in my sky shining far from their past.

And on the subject of Master and co.’s previous outing,
I guess another reason I’m writing this is...just to leave something behind. A record of this. Everything. That Samantha Roseveare lived and breathed (as much as those words can apply to my current state I guess, but you get the point), to protect life and a world dear to her and everyone.

Yeah, I’m probably being a little more purple than usual, but I can’t get something out of my head. About what I learned about the event of the original Grand Order, where Chaldea turned back the extinction of humanity’s future from the machinations of the demon Goetia. It was really something to be sure. Hearing about that made me truly appreciate our Master, weirdness and all, more deeply.
But what really sticks with me is what I heard from Mash. Our ever adorable Shielder has always been the earnest type as long as I’ve known her, which is why I’ve found it delightfully easy to get along with her. But even then, there was something really sincere in her eyes when she told me about Goetia’s end. A great force of destruction in its last moments coming to understand the importance of life and the meaning of what we leave behind, facing the universal truth of being and fighting for it as it ends.
I suppose we all can be glad. Our very existence as Servants is proof of our mark in life, and through it we will always exist in some form, a light flung always into the future. And for any and every moment I can spend with my loves, I’m taking every damn second of it I can.

…
And to be perfectly honest, there’s one other reason. One which makes me hope this journal does stay my eyes only for now. Because it’s something I’m not sure would be appreciated said so bluntly:

What if we lose?

I don’t wanna sound doom and gloom, especially since we’ve had a good track record. So I’m confident in us, don’t get me wrong. And I’ll always trust my girlfriends and Atma to protect ourselves always, no matter what happens.
Still, I’m not the kinda person who’s gonna just discount the long shot possibility just like that. The odds have apparently been against Chaldea plenty of times, and I get the feeling they will be plenty in future too. It’s not a complete stretch to think those odds aren’t always gonna come up us...right?

So at least I have something I can make that can hopefully be left behind, in the event of...I don’t even know what. But it puts my mind at ease at least, and that’s what counts really. Which’ll probably help me ensure that last part will be just a formality, hopefully.



With all that out of the way, this isn’t gonna be your usual day by day diary, that isn’t really how I roll. Instead, I think I’ll prefer to log by topic and jot my thoughts down as and when they happen. There’s probably gonna be some kinda hyper-data left behind somewhere in case me or anyone else wants to get precise chronologically. Otherwise that kinda thing’s not super pressing for me. So it’s more like a collection of notes I guess.

So here it is.

Here lie therein the thoughts of Samantha Roseveare; Heroic Spirit, Caster, musician, lover, saviour of humanity.