last

So I spilled my feelings to him two weekends ago and he responded with:
@Min Hua Chen hasn’t seen what he typed two weekends ago so here


Hey, so I read through all of this.
It seems like either you can’t or don’t want to move on. You talk about “both parties” needing to put in effort to make this work, but I already told you how I feel about this. This isn’t a case of me needing to put in effort, but not having the desire to.
There’s no one moment I can pinpoint and say THIS is the point at which I stopped being interested. It was a combination of many small factors. A lack of trust, too much attention, hearing but not listening, but what I think is the most important factor is that I think that you and I are on different stages of emotional maturity in terms of relationships.
Like I said, it’s not a matter of just changing how I see you. At this point it’s just a matter of, I can’t see you as anything more than a friend.

This next bit is coming from a place of honesty and not malice, so I hope you don’t take offense. It constantly feels(felt?) like you either don’t listen or don’t care to listen. You would ask for how I feel, I would tell you, but then you would disregard that and keep saying, “Oh, as long as we both put in effort it can work” or “How can you know if you haven’t tried?”. And it just comes across as being ignored and it’s pretty frustrating to be honest. It also gives off the impression of immaturity to be so completely reliant on someone which is also a bit off putting for an old bastard like myself.

I wanted to just be friends, but if it’s too much for you then maybe it’s better if we don’t do that. You’re constantly setting yourself up for failure, hoping that something will change when it doesn’t and it just leads to you coming back to hoping(expecting?) a relationship


- William

So I decided to reply this that today:
I need to address some of the things that you mentioned.

I read up and thought on the things you sent, some are worded like gaslighting. Phrased to be like I was the only one wrong in this, that I caused all of this, and you did no wrong.
Allow me to be completely and utterly honest, I don’t think you are ready for a relationship, “come correct or don’t come at all” it seems like you want to be in a relationship without the need to work for it - a mentality to wait for the perfect one and love will come effortlessly. I say this since you are incapable to meet people halfway (ie. I am not romantic/affectionate, deal with it or don’t), but things will never work this way, no one is perfect and you are not as well, I hope you snap out of this fantasy eventually.

I am a cautious person and it’s then intensified by anxiety. A combination of you went awol on the second date and then proceeded to break the promise to try to be less flakey days following the discussion destroyed the trust. And nothing but excuses afterwards to avoid any sort of effort “I can try but I would just revert back to my old self.”
Given that I overreacted but can you blame me? Because I expected the basic decency that I deserve. It’s really hard to believe but I definitely tried to, but your words didn’t amount to anything due to lack of actions. I could be wrong about that though but I don’t think I am.
I am sorry that I had high hopes for you. I probably should’ve taken things for what they are at the time early on and just move on.

You said there was too much attention, well that was my attempt to get you open up emotionally and I don’t think giving the amount of attention that I gave to someone who I thought was important is a wrong thing to do.
You are damn right that you and I are on different stages of emotional maturity in terms of relationships, you were looking for physical company (playing games + sex) and I was looking for a deep connection both physically and emotionally.
I understand that not being heard is frustrating. What you are telling me are not conventional, not aligned with my perspectives, values, etc. I hear it but I don’t comprehend, because I don’t understand and found it foreign. Prob due to both lack of trust and fundamental differences in the way we function.
Also, you did the same thing by being dismissive of my feelings in regards to the relationship. You are the Judge, Law, and Jury that sentenced this relationship to death before it had a chance to begin. That’s totally fair, because you want to avoid the inconveniences and responsibilities (compromising) come with it.
I do understand being reliant of others is a sign of immaturity. I admit that I am reliant of others but, I am figuring out my life and trying to grow/better as a person. I can see that you on the other hand, are older and have the majority figured out and how that can come off as off putting. You said that I am completely reliant on you(?) though, as if I can’t live without you. Don’t get the wrong idea, just because I am suffering heartbreak and depression rn, I existed before you and will continue to exist without you. I trusted you with my emotions and feelings because I thought you were worthy. You probably think depending on anyone is a weakness and I think being able to admit that you need a helping hand from time to time is a strength. But you are right, rn I need to be more mature and be able to handle myself before worrying about others.
Though I can definitely see that I still have a lot of things to work on before I pursue a relationship.
I am sorry that I didn’t respect myself and thankful for myself to remain strong to be practically begging someone who is emotionally unavailable and unready for relationship to be in a relationship with me.
This was a lesson that I had to learn the hard way.

It seems like you and I both did things that negative affected each other. I am just as tired and turned off as you right now. I hope this conversation regarding the relationship ends here. Thank you and I am truly sorry for the things that I did mess up on. As for being friends and only friends, I really don’t know yet, at least I don’t want to think about that atm. Well that’s if you still are up for it in the future after reading this.