Oral Hygiene Presentation (VERY IMPORTANT)

A broadcast is made across Red Tail Channels. As the recording begins, it’s a little shaky since the cam is being set upon a tripod. The room is clearly some sort of basement storage room, stone walls, sparse lighting. Off camera one can hear Frit’s voice speaking to another chua.

“Doesch know linesch? Isch going to read for camera when Dr. Frit schaysch, yesch?”

“U… Uhm thinks so? Can read over one more time?”

“Yesch of coursch, thisch chua going to addressch kolektiva firscht.”

From off camera, the diminutive form of Dr. Frit appears. The little chua stands no taller than a lopp (discounting the ears). His fluffy, pink fur is well groomed and he’s wearing a pristine white lab coat as well as an equally pristine pair of white cloth gloves. Frit adjusts his large, round glasses and clears his throat. His voice is chirpy, melodic and pleasant and his face is always plastered with a somewhat unsettling little smile.

“It hasch come to thisch chua’sch attention that we have schome new membersch of Red Tail Kolektiva! Welcome! New membersch will have missched very important oral hygiene preschentation thisch chua made when firscht came in to kolektiva, scho thisch chua hasch deschided to recor-…”

There’s a crashing noise from somewhere off camera as a stack of papers is dropped. Frit pinches the bridge of his nose and leans to the side, saying through gritted teeth “Pick up papersch, imbecile.” He sighs, shaking his head and returning to that smile.

“Hasch deschided to record messchage for any who have come in schinsch and any new comersch for future! That way will not have to potentially expend asch many minionsch by making quarterly preschentationsch asch wasch original idea. Now then! Oral health very very important to chua well-being!”

There’s a pause, Frit is looking at something off camera. He makes a “come here” gesture with his head. There’s another pause and he sighs and stomps off camera.

From behind the camera one can hear his voice and the other chua’s again.

“Bring preschentation scheetsch!”

“O-Oh! Sorry didn’t know was time for now!”

“Why can’t thisch chua ever find good minionsch… Come on…”

In short order he reappears and behind him is a minion dressed in a shabby, stained “Tabby The Tooth” costume. There is a patched up hole on the front of it and there’s a good amount of blood splattered up one side of it. The minion looks worried.

“Okay!” Frit continues, gesturing to the minion as he holds up a large piece of poster board with a number of pictures on it detailing what “good” chua dental hygiene habits are versus “bad” ones. It’s got a lot of smiling cartoon characters on it, one brushing with an oversized tooth brush, another chewing a chew block, another flossing. On the other are a group of miserable cartoon chua, one drinking soda, another eating candy and another smoking a cigarette.

“Alwaysch remember to brusch teeth three timesch day! Chew chew block, very important to keep teeth proper length. If isch not chewing chew block, thisch chua have to get out induschtrial belt schander and nobody like that! Right Remmy?” He grins broader, “remember to flossch before bed and vischit Doctor Frit at leascht twice a year! Doctor Frit isch friend! Wantsch to schee all of kolektiva with brilliant schmilesch!”

He points to the other side of the poster, which is trembling due to the minion behind it trembling. “Hold schtill…” Frit mutters, then addresses the camera again. “What do /bad/ chua do? Bad chua eat schweetsch, drink schoda and Galerade and schmoke too much. Wine and coffee alscho bad bad for chua teeth! Schilly Casschian indulgencesch anyway. If chua bad chua, will make Doctor Frit schad. Doesch want to make Doctor Frit schad?”

There’s a pause, he pulls the sign down and addresses the minion. “Doesch want to make Doctor Frit schad?!”

“N-no! No make Docker Frit sch… er… sad!” the minion squeaks in return.

“Very good anschwer Tabby! Now isch time for schong! Doesch remember schong? Doesch remember what happened to lascht Tabby who couldn’t remember schong?” Frit smiles pleasantly as the minion rapidly nods its head.

Frit steps to the side. “Take it away Tabby then!”

What follows is possibly one of the most painfully awkward displays of a minion dancing and singing while shaking and sweating under the harsh light from the bare bulb above him.

“T-Taaabby… Tooth is here to say… Brush-… uhm…”

One can hear Frit from off camera saying through clenched teeth though with the same pleasant tone he always speaks with. “Brusch chua teeeeth…”

The minion pulls at the blood stained collar of his Tabby the Tooth costume. “Brusch… BRUSH chua teeth every day! St-…stay away from sweets, floss after eats and…. and don’t… no… always… uh….”

Frits voice is heard again, this time yelling. “Ĉiam aŭskultu dentiston!”

The camera jostles and is knocked over, one can hear a shriek then the recording ends abruptly.

After a moment, it resumes again. Frit is standing in front of the camera again, smiling nicely as before but looking a little like he’s just run a couple of miles. His head fur is somewhat messy and his glasses are a-skew. “That all for Doctor Frit preschentation on oral hygiene! Don’t delay! Schedule appointment today!”