okay i'll just write it now. no one knows this except for sarah and nero and i'd appreciate it if you dont tell anyone. my ex and i were in a long distance relationship. she is in canada about 26 hours away from me. we have never met, but we have  practically grown up with each other. the cheating was with someone she met over in a game. he lives in europe somewhere. she never actually liked this person, they only met like 2 months ago. i feel like the whole aspect of an LDR is important.  my ex s name is nicole. she has had a pretty terrible past. lots of sadness. her grandma was the most imfluenctial person in her life and i was her "second grandma". i still would like to heal, i need time for myself and time for friends. but i know she has no one. i dont want to get back with her but i want to be there for her, and we talked this night. she explained things even further. i asked her so many things.  i dont know if i believe in second chances. all i know is that as she was talking last night, i was crying with my mic muted and i just listened to everything.

what she did will always be wrong and terrible to me and i know i need to respect myself and take care of myself, but i smiled when she was talking.  and what actually happened just wasn't as bad as i initially thought it was when i found out why and what happened. when i first found out and the next day it was like 150/100 of just please get me out of here, i cannot stay i dont want anything, but after last night it's like 50/100. like i know im going to be okay. personally i dont see a future, but she made me happy as a person when we were together and im just extremely tempted to try and get that happineess back while i am in california. when my real life starts, when i get my driver's license i am going into the air force so i dont expect anything to ever be the same and i will probably say goodbye then.  i hope this made sense. i feel better when i talk to her about it. i told her straight up that i need to heal and i need time and she told me she completely understands. i also told her that i could never trust her the same again and she also said she understands. i do feel like she regrets everything. i know she has remorse for everything.