Blockers (2018)

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INDOXXI
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Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard

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It's okay.

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You're gonna love it.

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Happy first day of school.

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Bye, sweetie.

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- Hi!
- Hi.

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Hey. I'm Sam.

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Hi. I'm Julie.

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- Bye.
- Bye, Mom.

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I'm Hunter.

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Sam's mine right there.

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The one with the glasses.

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I'm Lisa.

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That's my Julie.

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I'm Mitchell.

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Kayla's hero.

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Oh, are you okay?

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- Yeah, yeah.
- You crying?

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No, man, it's a...
big day, that's all.

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- Yeah.
- You know, can I have a tissue, please?

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- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.

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- It's a big day for all of us.
- Yeah.

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Thanks.

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Come on, let's go!

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I think our daughters
are friends.

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- I'm so excited!
- Me, too.

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And I think that means
we're friends.

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Should we go get a drink?

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You okay?

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- Yeah.
- Yeah.

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- Yeah.
- Do you guys want to go get a drink?

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Just... Ah, they made it.

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You guys want to go grab
a drink real quick?

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Is he asking us if we want
to go grab a drink?

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I'm really hoping it's coffee.

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- Aah! That's so...
- Shut the fuck up.

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Happy Halloween!

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I can see Russia from my house.

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- Red Vines!
- Red Vines!

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Red Vines!

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That's right!

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Hey, hey, Hunter, get out, man.

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Put your seat belts on!

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Oh, my God!

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- Surprise!
- Surprise!

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No way! Thank you, Mom!

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Thank you so much!

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Be careful.

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Absolutely gorgeous out.

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You're probably gonna miss
these mornings

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that we spend together, right?

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Stop.
You're gonna make me cry.

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And I don't want to cry,
because it's prom night.

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And it's supposed to be,
like, the most magical night

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of your life, and, you know,

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I'm just so anxious about it.

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Well, call me
if you feel anxious.

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Or maybe FaceTime me,
if it wasn't too loud.

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I mean, if it was too loud,
you could just...

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we could wave or whatever.

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That'd be funny.

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And then I can do...
You know what I was thinking?

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You should send me photos
throughout the night.

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Like, not...
not, like, all night long,

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but if you could do it
like every 30 minutes or so,

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then I can put together
one of those iBooks.

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- That would be so fun.
- Yeah.

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That would be a really...

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I don't think
you would regret that.

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- Mom?
- Mm-hmm?

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Are you gonna be okay
when I go to college?

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Who, me?

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Yeah.

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Me?

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What?

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Pl-Please.

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Don't even get me...

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Don't even...

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Please.

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Okay, bye, Mom!

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- Okay, bye.
- I love you.

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Okay, I love you.

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Oh, good, you did the laundry.

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Yeah, and got a totally sleepy,
happy baby.

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Full-blown Renaissance man.

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- Oh.
- Believe it.

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It's a good thing
she's asleep, too.

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I was going through
the laundry.

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- Uh-huh.
- Found these new thongs.

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You know what I'm gonna do
with these?

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Paging Dr. Muff Diver.
Dr. Muff Diver, you're needed

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in the O.R. immediately.

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Emergency surgery.
Later on tonight,

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I'm tearing these off
with my teeth

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like an old-school
cartoon billy goat.

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Honey.

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Mitchell.

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Those are your daughter's.

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No way. Kayla wears cleats
and Bears jerseys,

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not some dirty
stripper underwear.

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You thought they were mine.

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What, am I giving her allowance
in singles?

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Go tell her
she can't wear these.

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Tell her
they'll make her sterile,

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like with the laptop
and my brother's balls.

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We're not sure that's what
happened with your brother.

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Honey, you're being ridiculous.

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Kayla's becoming a woman.
This isn't the time

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to tighten your grip;
it's the time to loosen it.

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This? This means
we tighten the grip.

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This isn't built for comfort;
it's built for speed.

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We need to slow it
the fuck down.

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The appliances go in
after the backsplash.

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We've done it the same way
every time.

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Uh-huh. All right,
put him on the phone.

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I'm in the bathroom.

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Thanks.
I was looking for that.

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You mind telling me
what this is?

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- Uh, fuzz.
- Yeah.

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Yeah, fuzz.
That's what I thought it was,

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and then upon further
investigation,

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it is clearly an unraveled
filter of a cigarette.

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Kayla, are you a... a smoker?

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What? No.

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Not a smoker, Dad.

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Hey, haven't you seen the
billions of ads that tell you

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- not to do this stuff?
- Dad!

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You can't teach someone
not to try things, okay?

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That's what trying things
is for... to teach you things.

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It's a contradiction.

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It's like telling me

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not to go for a triple
on a base hit to the gap

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when I've made a good turn
around first

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and I know that the
right fielder has a weak arm.

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Damn it, you're smart.

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Okay. Yeah, all right.

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Time to get ready
for school, Dad.

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Okay, all right.

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Julie! Sam!

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Hey, girl!

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Whoa!

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- I almost died.
- Prom night!

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Prom!

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I'm so, so excited.

145
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Oh, me, too.

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Mm. I love you.

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I love you, too.

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All right.

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- We're so gross.
- I know.

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People are looking at us.

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- I don't care.
- We better get

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"cutest couple"
in the yearbook.

153
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I'm having sex.

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That's great.

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I'm having soup.

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No.

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Tonight with Austin.

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- Wait, you're finally gonna do it?
- Yeah.

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I mean, you know, we've been
dating for six months,

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and we love each other,

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and I just awkwardly
got my pediatrician

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to put me on birth control.

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She gave me a sticker.

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Two because I was good, so...

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I know it's, like, kind of
corny or whatever, but it just

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seems like prom night...

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it's kind of perfect, you know?

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We're gonna have, like,

169
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dim lighting
and rose petals on the bed

170
00:08:04,915 --> 00:08:07,016
and the scent from that candle
that gets me horny

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every time I pass it
in Walgreens.

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All candles get me horny.

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I'm gonna look
into Austin's eyes,

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and then he's gonna look
into mine,

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and then we're gonna, like,

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touch each other's faces,
you know?

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00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,495
For, like, a long time.

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Like, a long time.

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Just to, like, connect.

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And then we're gonna...

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Kapow.

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All right, fuck it, I'm in.

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- What?
- I'm in.

184
00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:32,908
I'm having sex tonight, too.

185
00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:34,644
Uh... just like that?

186
00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:35,644
Yeah. I mean, why not?

187
00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:37,346
Because it's your first time,

188
00:08:37,348 --> 00:08:40,048
and your first time
should be special and perfect.

189
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:41,417
Yours can be special
and perfect.

190
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Mine is gonna be tonight
and with that dude.

191
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Yeah, they're just brownies.
They're not, like...

192
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Connor Aldrich?
Your lab partner?

193
00:08:49,126 --> 00:08:51,159
- Yeah. What?
- You haven't even hooked up with him.

194
00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:52,629
You haven't even
seen his thing yet.

195
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,062
What if he has a weird one?

196
00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:55,163
They're all weird.

197
00:08:55,165 --> 00:08:56,932
Penises are not for looking at.

198
00:08:56,934 --> 00:08:58,500
They're for use.
They're like plungers.

199
00:08:58,502 --> 00:09:01,203
Listen, my student athlete days
are over.

200
00:09:01,205 --> 00:09:03,038
Tonight is the beginning
of my adult life,

201
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,607
and for the first time
I can do whatever I want.

202
00:09:05,609 --> 00:09:08,010
So I want to go to prom,
get drunk,

203
00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:11,147
get potted up on weed
and lose my goddamn virginity.

204
00:09:11,149 --> 00:09:13,015
We're gonna have the same
first-time-sex anniversary.

205
00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:14,650
We can go to dinner every year
and commemorate it.

206
00:09:14,652 --> 00:09:16,653
- Olive Garden.
- Yes! Olive Garden.

207
00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:18,221
Breadsticks for life, bitch.

208
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:20,523
- Yeah!
- Oh, my God, it is gonna be

209
00:09:20,525 --> 00:09:24,096
such a relief to get this over
and done with before college.

210
00:09:25,262 --> 00:09:27,330
Um, no, I mean, like...

211
00:09:27,332 --> 00:09:28,697
No, it's cool.

212
00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:30,332
I just don't think
I'm there yet.

213
00:09:30,334 --> 00:09:32,302
You know, maybe something
might happen tonight

214
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:35,304
with me and Chad, but, uh,

215
00:09:35,306 --> 00:09:38,243
I don't think sex
is gonna be that thing.

216
00:09:45,684 --> 00:09:46,684
Sam?

217
00:09:50,255 --> 00:09:52,688
But you never know
what could happen.

218
00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:55,191
I mean, maybe
my inner sexual Smaug

219
00:09:55,193 --> 00:09:57,896
will emerge from its keep
and spread its mighty wings.

220
00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:01,397
I never know
what you're talking about.

221
00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:03,365
Yeah, I... me, neither.

222
00:10:11,709 --> 00:10:13,646
Oh, my God.

223
00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:29,328
Julie, is that you?

224
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:38,067
So realistic.

225
00:10:41,238 --> 00:10:43,374
Ugh. God.

226
00:10:46,377 --> 00:10:48,244
Come on, Sam, we're waiting.

227
00:10:48,246 --> 00:10:50,049
Be right there!

228
00:10:51,516 --> 00:10:53,048
- There she is.
- All right, took me 20 minutes

229
00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:54,484
to figure out how to do
video on this thing,

230
00:10:54,486 --> 00:10:55,585
but I finally got it.

231
00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:57,052
Oh!

232
00:10:57,054 --> 00:10:58,653
Nope. Took a picture of myself.

233
00:10:58,655 --> 00:11:01,023
Siri, video, please.

234
00:11:01,025 --> 00:11:03,326
Wow! That Chad is going to rip

235
00:11:03,328 --> 00:11:05,161
through his little
tuxedo pants.

236
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:07,096
- Mom. That's gross.
- What?

237
00:11:07,098 --> 00:11:09,197
- Why?
- 'Cause you're practically imagining

238
00:11:09,199 --> 00:11:10,767
your daughter
in sexual congress.

239
00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:12,067
You sicko.

240
00:11:12,069 --> 00:11:13,635
Ah!

241
00:11:13,637 --> 00:11:15,638
I was just trying
to connect with you.

242
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,041
You never talk to us anymore.

243
00:11:18,043 --> 00:11:20,746
- Hey, I got this.
- Okay.

244
00:11:24,716 --> 00:11:26,282
Prom night, huh?

245
00:11:26,284 --> 00:11:29,217
I got sad and reflective
on my prom night, too.

246
00:11:29,219 --> 00:11:30,686
- You were?
- Yeah. I was scared I wasn't

247
00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:32,355
gonna stay friends
with the guys I had

248
00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:34,423
been around most of my life,
but I was able to...

249
00:11:34,425 --> 00:11:35,758
- Hey, baby, I love you so much.
- What?

250
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:36,826
You just really
freaked her out.

251
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,693
Sweetie, if you're worried

252
00:11:38,695 --> 00:11:41,831
about that at all,
just know you shouldn't be.

253
00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:44,466
You never stay friends
with people from high school.

254
00:11:44,468 --> 00:11:46,201
I mean, the oldest friend
I have is Jan

255
00:11:46,203 --> 00:11:47,736
from work, and I've known her
for three months.

256
00:11:47,738 --> 00:11:49,572
- Who's Jan?
- You know Jan, babe.

257
00:11:49,574 --> 00:11:51,340
She draws those silly cartoons.

258
00:11:51,342 --> 00:11:53,775
- Oh, racist Jan.
- Yeah, that's the one.

259
00:11:53,777 --> 00:11:57,080
Who you are today
is not who you're going to be.

260
00:11:57,082 --> 00:11:58,780
And that's okay.

261
00:11:58,782 --> 00:12:01,249
- That's good therapy.
- And who you become will be

262
00:12:01,251 --> 00:12:03,719
so different that your friends
won't understand you anymore,

263
00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:05,388
and then you will wake up
and realize

264
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:06,788
these friendships are over.

265
00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:08,791
This feels like
a very painful divorce,

266
00:12:08,793 --> 00:12:10,725
just like the one I had
with your father,

267
00:12:10,727 --> 00:12:12,727
but then you'll find a Frank.

268
00:12:12,729 --> 00:12:15,865
Uh, I appreciate that,
but that's not my deal.

269
00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:18,533
I'm still cool
with a lot of my boys because

270
00:12:18,535 --> 00:12:21,437
on prom night,
me, Dennis, Matt and Cory

271
00:12:21,439 --> 00:12:24,740
all convinced our friend Steve
to join the Army.

272
00:12:24,742 --> 00:12:26,676
He fought
in the Persian Gulf War.

273
00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:28,543
He died right away.

274
00:12:28,545 --> 00:12:30,212
But once you go through

275
00:12:30,214 --> 00:12:32,514
something like that,
you're bonded for life.

276
00:12:32,516 --> 00:12:35,717
The bedrock of deep,
meaningful friendships

277
00:12:35,719 --> 00:12:37,255
is shared experience.

278
00:12:38,756 --> 00:12:41,626
I thought they were gonna
put him in the Reserves.

279
00:12:45,262 --> 00:12:47,766
That is some horseshit.

280
00:12:52,804 --> 00:12:54,372
Hmm.

281
00:13:00,777 --> 00:13:02,845
Wow.

282
00:13:02,847 --> 00:13:04,913
You look so beautiful.

283
00:13:04,915 --> 00:13:07,319
Turn around.

284
00:13:08,719 --> 00:13:11,254
Wow.

285
00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:12,687
Oh, my goodness.

286
00:13:12,689 --> 00:13:14,157
Wow.

287
00:13:14,159 --> 00:13:17,692
So, what's the big plan
for after prom?

288
00:13:17,694 --> 00:13:19,562
Uh, we're just going
to Austin's.

289
00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:20,830
You really like him, huh?

290
00:13:20,832 --> 00:13:22,731
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's...

291
00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:24,667
Yeah, he's cool. It's not,
like, serious or anything.

292
00:13:24,669 --> 00:13:27,269
His mom told me
he got into UCLA.

293
00:13:27,271 --> 00:13:29,772
- That's nice.
- Yeah, I mean, it's good.

294
00:13:29,774 --> 00:13:31,874
You remember that time
when, like,

295
00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:34,210
I thought about going to UCLA?

296
00:13:34,212 --> 00:13:36,445
Yes.
That would have been crazy.

297
00:13:36,447 --> 00:13:38,313
That would have been
the worst mistake ever.

298
00:13:38,315 --> 00:13:40,950
I don't think it would have
been that huge of a mistake.

299
00:13:40,952 --> 00:13:43,786
Uh, yes, it would have.

300
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:45,620
University of Chicago
is perfect.

301
00:13:45,622 --> 00:13:47,956
It's 45 minutes away.

302
00:13:47,958 --> 00:13:51,626
So that way you're gone,
but you're not "gone" gone.

303
00:13:51,628 --> 00:13:53,495
But I'm gone.

304
00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:55,664
Right, but not, like, gone.

305
00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:57,667
Right, but, like,
I'm going to college,

306
00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:59,668
and, like,
I'm not gonna live at home,

307
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:01,571
so I'm, like... I'm gone.

308
00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:03,371
Mm-hmm.

309
00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:05,942
Why are my boobs so big?

310
00:14:05,944 --> 00:14:07,913
- Ready, Kayla?
- Yup.

311
00:14:09,747 --> 00:14:11,681
And now...

312
00:14:11,683 --> 00:14:13,249
...standing at five foot,
seven inches...

313
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:14,749
five, nine if you count
the heels...

314
00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:17,352
straight out
of Great Lakes High School,

315
00:14:17,354 --> 00:14:19,455
the prettiest girl
in all of prom...

316
00:14:19,457 --> 00:14:21,624
Kayla Mannes!

317
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:27,596
Uh... just high fives
from now on.

318
00:14:27,598 --> 00:14:29,365
- Okay.
- Oh, honey, I never thought

319
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:30,666
I'd see you in a dress.

320
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:32,601
Technically,
it's not a full dress.

321
00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:34,537
Some material is missing
from the middle there.

322
00:14:34,539 --> 00:14:35,571
Okay.

323
00:14:35,573 --> 00:14:36,605
You look great.

324
00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:37,740
All right.

325
00:14:37,742 --> 00:14:38,975
Yeah, I think it's time to go.

326
00:14:38,977 --> 00:14:39,975
Yes. Yeah.

327
00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:41,543
Honey, we got to go.

328
00:14:41,545 --> 00:14:43,278
Honey?

329
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,380
Dad, are you okay?

330
00:14:45,382 --> 00:14:48,451
It's like when
he watched Frozen.

331
00:14:48,453 --> 00:14:49,552
Come on.

332
00:14:51,389 --> 00:14:52,955
Hi. How are you?

333
00:14:52,957 --> 00:14:53,990
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

334
00:14:53,992 --> 00:14:54,990
Oh, Sam.

335
00:14:54,992 --> 00:14:56,259
Hi, Marcie.

336
00:14:56,261 --> 00:14:57,826
Oh. Oh, oh.

337
00:14:57,828 --> 00:14:59,595
- Hey, Mitchell.
- Hey. Haven't seen you in a while.

338
00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:01,029
- Yeah.
- You know, I was worried

339
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:03,265
when I never heard back
from you about hot yoga.

340
00:15:03,267 --> 00:15:04,533
Called you a bunch of times.

341
00:15:04,535 --> 00:15:07,036
- I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon.
- Oh, yeah.

342
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:08,671
I don't really do
the hot yoga thing.

343
00:15:08,673 --> 00:15:10,740
- It's just...
- Well, we should catch up, though, right?

344
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:12,607
- Yeah.
- Like a lunch. I don't know.

345
00:15:12,609 --> 00:15:14,509
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, give me a call.

346
00:15:14,511 --> 00:15:15,845
- I've been calling you.
- Mm-hmm.

347
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:17,546
Doesn't work.

348
00:15:17,548 --> 00:15:18,817
It's not effective.

349
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,365
I don't even know. Wait, wait, wait.

350
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:37,767
- Oh, my gosh, thank you.
- You guys, you guys.

351
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:39,302
Wait, this is, like,
the best lighting

352
00:15:39,304 --> 00:15:40,769
with the Valencia filter,
so wait, wait.

353
00:15:40,771 --> 00:15:42,804
Oh, God. All right, here we go.

354
00:15:42,806 --> 00:15:44,039
- Yeah, okay, that's enough.
- One more.

355
00:15:44,041 --> 00:15:45,474
- We're good.
- Oh, my God.

356
00:15:45,476 --> 00:15:46,875
We need to get
this party started.

357
00:15:46,877 --> 00:15:48,009
- Ooh! Okay, Julie.
- Hmm?

358
00:15:48,011 --> 00:15:49,381
I got you something.

359
00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:51,913
It's coconut oil.

360
00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:53,349
For lube.

361
00:15:53,351 --> 00:15:55,017
I hear it works just as well

362
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:57,086
and it makes blow jobs
taste like Almond Joy.

363
00:15:57,088 --> 00:15:59,020
Thank God it doesn't
taste like Mounds.

364
00:15:59,022 --> 00:16:01,523
I'd rather eat ten dicks
than one Mound.

365
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:04,326
- Mm.
- But thank you. That's so sweet.

366
00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:05,227
- Oh!
- Aw!

367
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:06,895
- Oh, my God, I'm so excited.
- Me, too.

368
00:16:06,897 --> 00:16:08,898
- Oh, my God!
- You have to text me, like, right away.

369
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,732
Oh, my God, we're gonna be
doing it at the same time.

370
00:16:10,734 --> 00:16:12,467
Oh, my God. We have
to talk about it tomorrow.

371
00:16:12,469 --> 00:16:13,536
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, every detail.

372
00:16:13,538 --> 00:16:14,803
- There's gonna be so much to talk about.
- Guys?

373
00:16:14,805 --> 00:16:17,340
Hey, guys.

374
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:19,708
I want in on this sex pact.

375
00:16:19,710 --> 00:16:22,812
Are you sure? You don't have
to do this just because we are.

376
00:16:22,814 --> 00:16:24,346
No, that's not why.

377
00:16:24,348 --> 00:16:26,916
I want to have sex. Yeah.

378
00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:29,485
That's something
all three of us have in common.

379
00:16:29,487 --> 00:16:30,686
- Mm-hmm.
- Chad is gonna

380
00:16:30,688 --> 00:16:35,023
tap that ass with his penis.

381
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:38,360
And I doubt we'll have anal
the first time, but...

382
00:16:38,362 --> 00:16:40,629
- All right.
- This is gonna make tonight

383
00:16:40,631 --> 00:16:41,496
- even more perfect.
- Yeah.

384
00:16:41,498 --> 00:16:43,432
- It's gonna be the three of us!
- Yes!

385
00:16:44,801 --> 00:16:46,836
Prom night, motherfuckers!

386
00:16:49,406 --> 00:16:51,773
Yeah! Rudy, it's coming up.

387
00:16:51,775 --> 00:16:52,975
Bear left, bro.

388
00:16:52,977 --> 00:16:54,610
Yeah! Jesus, Rudy.

389
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,846
What the fuck? Yeah!

390
00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:59,615
Oh, my God,
it's my fucking dad.

391
00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:09,424
Yeah! Prom night, bitches!

392
00:17:12,129 --> 00:17:13,395
- Yeah!
- Oh, God, it's him.

393
00:17:13,397 --> 00:17:14,930
Oh, what's up? Yo!

394
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,003
Taio Cruz.

395
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,473
- You got this, girl.
- Don't mess this up,

396
00:17:25,475 --> 00:17:27,942
because that limo
is totally awesome.

397
00:17:27,944 --> 00:17:30,880
Sam. Sam.

398
00:17:30,882 --> 00:17:32,181
Taio Cruz.

399
00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:33,649
Whew!

400
00:17:36,186 --> 00:17:37,586
Sorry.

401
00:17:37,588 --> 00:17:39,188
Sorry. Ho!

402
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:41,026
Whew!

403
00:17:48,198 --> 00:17:50,199
You're so grown up.

404
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:51,901
Dad, what are you doing here?

405
00:17:51,903 --> 00:17:54,436
You think I'm gonna miss
the most important night

406
00:17:54,438 --> 00:17:56,672
of your young life?

407
00:17:56,674 --> 00:17:58,207
- That's graduation.
- No.

408
00:17:58,209 --> 00:17:59,708
Graduation's for losers.

409
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,076
Didn't even go
to my graduation.

410
00:18:01,078 --> 00:18:03,578
But prom night...
that's a big one.

411
00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:05,780
Prom was the best night
of my life.

412
00:18:05,782 --> 00:18:07,182
I think about it every day,

413
00:18:07,184 --> 00:18:09,084
and I want you to have
the same experience.

414
00:18:09,086 --> 00:18:10,952
Tonight, you have fun.
You don't worry

415
00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:13,989
about any rules that your mom
or Frank laid down.

416
00:18:13,991 --> 00:18:15,825
No one gives a fuck
about Frank.

417
00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:17,092
All I know is this...
you look amazing,

418
00:18:17,094 --> 00:18:18,626
and I would love
to grab a quick pic.

419
00:18:18,628 --> 00:18:20,829
No. Go stand
with the other parents,

420
00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:22,664
and try to be normal.

421
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,666
Sam, I'm not a normal parent.
I'm not gonna...

422
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:26,469
Just... I don't even fucking...

423
00:18:26,471 --> 00:18:28,203
- Holy shit, you invited Hunter?
- No, of course not.

424
00:18:28,205 --> 00:18:30,538
I haven't talked to him since
he and Brenda got divorced.

425
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:31,973
- You know he calls me all the time?
- What?

426
00:18:31,975 --> 00:18:34,042
He wants to play darts.
I don't play darts.

427
00:18:34,044 --> 00:18:35,711
- Darts?
- You kidding me?

428
00:18:35,713 --> 00:18:36,945
- Anyway, I can't hang out with him.
- Oh!

429
00:18:36,947 --> 00:18:38,747
- I'll be guilty by association.
- No, no.

430
00:18:38,749 --> 00:18:40,915
I will never forgive
that babysitter fucker.

431
00:18:40,917 --> 00:18:42,684
- Hey, Hunter.
- Hey, man. Good to see you.

432
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:43,952
- What up?
- Hey, all right?

433
00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:45,221
Mwah!

434
00:18:45,223 --> 00:18:48,524
Ah.

435
00:18:48,526 --> 00:18:50,058
Did you have another daughter?

436
00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:51,993
I did. I did. Thank you.

437
00:18:51,995 --> 00:18:54,128
- It's... it's been wonderful.
- Yeah.

438
00:18:54,130 --> 00:18:55,498
I'm thinking about
doing that again.

439
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,664
You know,
the whole second round.

440
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,200
I think a lot of dads kind of

441
00:18:58,202 --> 00:18:59,768
get it right
the second time around.

442
00:18:59,770 --> 00:19:01,737
Or, you know, you could

443
00:19:01,739 --> 00:19:03,271
just raise the one
that you have.

444
00:19:03,273 --> 00:19:04,874
Well, I did.
Too late for that.

445
00:19:04,876 --> 00:19:06,775
Raised. Job done.
Hi, honey.

446
00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:08,544
Actually, I heard,

447
00:19:08,546 --> 00:19:10,645
if you spend
a significant amount

448
00:19:10,647 --> 00:19:12,580
of time with your children,
that you develop

449
00:19:12,582 --> 00:19:15,984
some kind of, like,
telekinetic bond with them.

450
00:19:15,986 --> 00:19:18,053
- Is that true?
- I've heard. Mm-hmm.

451
00:19:18,055 --> 00:19:19,788
I hope it's not true,
'cause if it is,

452
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:22,657
Sam has been looking
at a lot of Asian porn.

453
00:19:22,659 --> 00:19:24,593
My wife's Asian.

454
00:19:24,595 --> 00:19:25,961
Indian.

455
00:19:25,963 --> 00:19:27,195
That's Asian.

456
00:19:27,197 --> 00:19:29,030
This is more like, uh...

457
00:19:29,032 --> 00:19:30,766
It looks like when...
the typical Asian.

458
00:19:30,768 --> 00:19:32,268
- Yep, good seeing you, man.
- Uh, okay.

459
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:34,111
Good to see you, brother.
You know what I mean.

460
00:19:34,838 --> 00:19:36,538
Who's this guy? Who are you?

461
00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:38,007
Dad, this is my date.

462
00:19:38,009 --> 00:19:39,909
Hi. Uh, it's great
to meet you, sir.

463
00:19:39,911 --> 00:19:41,109
- I'm-I'm Connor.
- Connor and I...

464
00:19:41,111 --> 00:19:42,278
we're in the same
science class.

465
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,179
We're lab partners.

466
00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:44,913
Yeah, we're working
on our chemistry.

467
00:19:46,684 --> 00:19:48,083
Uh...

468
00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:51,653
Um, I'm gonna get a napkin,
if that's cool.

469
00:19:51,655 --> 00:19:54,155
Okay.

470
00:19:54,157 --> 00:19:56,558
Okay, so, uh...

471
00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:00,162
with this, it's, uh, one shot
to the groin, stab and drag.

472
00:20:00,164 --> 00:20:02,664
I refuse to believe
she couldn't do better

473
00:20:02,666 --> 00:20:06,101
- than that loser.
- Oh, I think Chad seems nice.

474
00:20:06,103 --> 00:20:07,236
Chad? No, Chad's amazing.

475
00:20:07,238 --> 00:20:08,938
- Look at that fedora.
- Yeah.

476
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,638
I'm not talking about Chad.

477
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,240
I'm talking about
fucking Frank. What a dick.

478
00:20:12,242 --> 00:20:14,276
Frank does not seem
like a dick to me.

479
00:20:14,278 --> 00:20:16,278
He seems like a nice guy.

480
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,047
And you know what?
Don't blame Brenda.

481
00:20:18,049 --> 00:20:19,847
It's really hard being alone.

482
00:20:19,849 --> 00:20:21,683
Well, let's just agree
to disagree on Frank.

483
00:20:21,685 --> 00:20:23,318
Oh, here they come.
Okay, just be cool.

484
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,621
He's gonna talk about his
tow truck company instantly.

485
00:20:25,623 --> 00:20:28,590
I guarantee you he's gonna
throw that shit in my face.

486
00:20:28,592 --> 00:20:29,791
Be cool, be cool, be cool.

487
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:30,925
Brenda.

488
00:20:30,927 --> 00:20:32,229
Hunter.

489
00:20:33,297 --> 00:20:34,296
Frank.

490
00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:36,932
- Lisa.
- What'd I do?

491
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:39,067
I'm sorry. I don't know why I
just said your name like that.

492
00:20:39,069 --> 00:20:40,201
This is so nice. Thank you.

493
00:20:40,203 --> 00:20:41,873
You're welcome.

494
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,607
Okay.

495
00:20:45,609 --> 00:20:47,875
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis.

496
00:20:47,877 --> 00:20:49,377
- I got to go get Julie's wrap.
- Mm.

497
00:20:49,379 --> 00:20:51,346
Were you gonna
let our daughter

498
00:20:51,348 --> 00:20:52,981
take a fucking Lyft to prom?

499
00:20:52,983 --> 00:20:54,650
What is this, Afghanistan?

500
00:20:54,652 --> 00:20:55,917
How'd you pay for that limo,
Hunter?

501
00:20:55,919 --> 00:20:57,318
'Cause I know your credit's
in the shitter.

502
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,854
It is.

503
00:20:58,856 --> 00:21:00,888
'Cause I bought your mom
a wheelchair.

504
00:21:00,890 --> 00:21:02,223
She's gonna pay you back.

505
00:21:02,225 --> 00:21:04,093
With what money, Brenda?
Can she pay me back

506
00:21:04,095 --> 00:21:05,394
with crackers that she steals
from restaurants?

507
00:21:05,396 --> 00:21:06,929
I don't want
to talk about your mom.

508
00:21:06,931 --> 00:21:08,196
I don't want to talk
about her wheelchair.

509
00:21:08,198 --> 00:21:09,698
All I care about
is that my daughter

510
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:10,833
has the greatest night
of her life.

511
00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:13,001
If it was her greatest night,
you would not be here.

512
00:21:13,003 --> 00:21:14,670
Oh, what a sick burn.

513
00:21:14,672 --> 00:21:16,105
All right,
all right, all right.

514
00:21:16,107 --> 00:21:17,972
- Good.
- Yo, wait, yo, yo. We're all adults here.

515
00:21:17,974 --> 00:21:21,309
Let's not make it uncomfortable
if you're gonna be around more.

516
00:21:21,311 --> 00:21:23,211
- Let's have a beer sometime.
- Okay, first of all,

517
00:21:23,213 --> 00:21:25,213
I don't want to go
to have a beer with you.

518
00:21:25,215 --> 00:21:27,149
I don't want to hang out
with you. I don't like you.

519
00:21:27,151 --> 00:21:28,884
I don't like your wife.
I don't like your guys' deal.

520
00:21:28,886 --> 00:21:30,385
I think it sucks
and it's played out.

521
00:21:30,387 --> 00:21:32,855
Hey, if you ever change
your mind, here's my card.

522
00:21:32,857 --> 00:21:34,757
Ah, here we go.
"Tow with Frank."

523
00:21:34,759 --> 00:21:36,692
Where'd you come up
with that name?

524
00:21:36,694 --> 00:21:38,661
- It's very straightforward.
- All right, I'll tell you this.

525
00:21:38,663 --> 00:21:40,162
The design of that card
is pretty cool.

526
00:21:40,164 --> 00:21:41,864
And my favorite part
is right fucking there.

527
00:21:41,866 --> 00:21:43,702
Oh, God.

528
00:22:13,164 --> 00:22:15,163
Wow, that is just...
No, that's us, Frank.

529
00:22:15,165 --> 00:22:17,132
- You know what?
- I got it. I got it.

530
00:22:17,134 --> 00:22:18,333
You've taken about 15
goddamn selfies.

531
00:22:18,335 --> 00:22:19,768
- Yeah!
- All right.

532
00:22:19,770 --> 00:22:21,303
All right. Cool.

533
00:22:21,305 --> 00:22:22,371
Bye, Mom.

534
00:22:22,373 --> 00:22:24,105
- Have fun, honey. Okay.
- I will.

535
00:22:24,107 --> 00:22:25,339
Bye, Dad.

536
00:22:25,341 --> 00:22:28,143
Remember... stab, turn, drag.

537
00:22:28,145 --> 00:22:29,377
I don't have the knife, Dad.

538
00:22:29,379 --> 00:22:30,580
Yes, you do.
Check your clutch.

539
00:22:32,782 --> 00:22:34,383
Hey, uh, it's been
a pleasure, sir.

540
00:22:34,385 --> 00:22:37,385
I really, um,
it's... I'm honored.

541
00:22:37,387 --> 00:22:38,953
Oh.

542
00:22:38,955 --> 00:22:40,422
Intense, professional grip.

543
00:22:40,424 --> 00:22:41,957
Cheers.

544
00:22:41,959 --> 00:22:43,759
Take it easy, big guy.

545
00:22:43,761 --> 00:22:47,061
Hey, uh, you guys have
a good night, too, you know.

546
00:22:47,063 --> 00:22:48,463
Thank you.

547
00:22:48,465 --> 00:22:50,432
See that smirk?
What was up with that smirk?

548
00:22:50,434 --> 00:22:52,500
You are intense.

549
00:22:52,502 --> 00:22:54,036
- Sam. Hey.
- Oh, hey, Mr. Lockwood.

550
00:22:54,038 --> 00:22:55,104
- Hey.
- Nice to meet you.

551
00:22:55,106 --> 00:22:57,271
- Chad, yes, come on, man. Bring it in.
- Yes. Oh.

552
00:22:57,273 --> 00:22:58,507
Good. Yeah.

553
00:22:58,509 --> 00:23:00,041
My hat.

554
00:23:00,043 --> 00:23:02,778
- I want to talk to Sam real quick.
- Yeah. Okay.

555
00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:05,047
Uh, let-let me get
a picture real quick. Chad.

556
00:23:05,049 --> 00:23:06,949
- Oh. Okay.
- Real quick photo. Just so fast.

557
00:23:06,951 --> 00:23:08,217
Just don't even fuck
with a filter.

558
00:23:08,219 --> 00:23:09,285
- Just-just plain.
- Okay. Here we go.

559
00:23:09,287 --> 00:23:11,185
- There we go. And there.
- And then you want to get

560
00:23:11,187 --> 00:23:12,488
a quick one of me and Chad
real quick?

561
00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:13,388
- That sounds cool.
- Here you go.

562
00:23:13,390 --> 00:23:14,957
- Okay. - Yep.
- Sammy, here you go, baby.

563
00:23:14,959 --> 00:23:16,191
Real quick.
Just a couple fun ones.

564
00:23:16,193 --> 00:23:17,526
What are we doing?
Uh... like this?

565
00:23:17,528 --> 00:23:19,394
Bros.

566
00:23:19,396 --> 00:23:21,063
Duck lips.

567
00:23:21,065 --> 00:23:23,164
And then just kind of a...

568
00:23:23,166 --> 00:23:24,799
Julie?

569
00:23:24,801 --> 00:23:26,335
Can I talk to you a second?

570
00:23:26,337 --> 00:23:28,237
We got to go. I love you.

571
00:23:28,239 --> 00:23:29,304
I'd really like to talk to you.

572
00:23:29,306 --> 00:23:30,972
But I really gotta go.

573
00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,406
Okay, fine.
Just don't forget your wrap.

574
00:23:32,408 --> 00:23:34,009
It's okay.

575
00:23:34,011 --> 00:23:35,778
- I don't think I need it.
- Are you sure?

576
00:23:35,780 --> 00:23:38,513
Because we live in Chicago,
and it's chilly.

577
00:23:38,515 --> 00:23:40,348
I don't know
about other places,

578
00:23:40,350 --> 00:23:43,053
but it gets cold in Illinois.

579
00:23:44,821 --> 00:23:46,288
It's not that cold tonight,
so I don't

580
00:23:46,290 --> 00:23:48,323
- think I need it, okay?
- Okay, Julie, wait.

581
00:23:48,325 --> 00:23:50,858
So you'll call me when you get
to Austin's after prom, right?

582
00:23:50,860 --> 00:23:51,859
Right.

583
00:23:51,861 --> 00:23:53,528
Okay.

584
00:23:53,530 --> 00:23:55,263
- Okay.
- I love you.

585
00:23:55,265 --> 00:23:57,101
Okay. I-I love you.

586
00:23:58,269 --> 00:23:59,801
Okay!

587
00:23:59,803 --> 00:24:01,103
Whew.

588
00:24:01,105 --> 00:24:03,070
Mm. Okay.

589
00:24:08,913 --> 00:24:11,046
This is so cool!

590
00:24:11,048 --> 00:24:12,914
Blow it out!

591
00:24:14,385 --> 00:24:15,851
Chad, I, um...

592
00:24:15,853 --> 00:24:17,086
I saw you do Pippin
last year.

593
00:24:17,088 --> 00:24:19,054
- That was really good. - Oh.
Nice.

594
00:24:19,056 --> 00:24:20,556
Yeah, you're a
really good singer, man.

595
00:24:20,558 --> 00:24:21,958
- What are you doing this year?
- Yeah. Um, we're actually

596
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:25,059
doing Arnold, which is
an all-male version of Annie.

597
00:24:25,061 --> 00:24:27,395
- Okay.
- Caught you drinking.

598
00:24:27,397 --> 00:24:29,397
Just kidding, y'all.

599
00:24:29,399 --> 00:24:32,901
I may look like a parent,
but I assure you, I am no narc.

600
00:24:32,903 --> 00:24:35,339
Thank you, sir.

601
00:24:36,874 --> 00:24:38,941
Not done yet. Name's Rudy.

602
00:24:38,943 --> 00:24:40,474
I did not go to my prom.

603
00:24:40,476 --> 00:24:42,411
No, my leg was crushed
by a cement truck,

604
00:24:42,413 --> 00:24:44,011
so I could not dance, but...

605
00:24:44,013 --> 00:24:46,214
So I've made it
my mission in life...

606
00:24:46,216 --> 00:24:47,516
well, my whole career...

607
00:24:47,518 --> 00:24:49,550
to make sure
that little kids like you

608
00:24:49,552 --> 00:24:51,920
have a wonderful night
to remember forever.

609
00:24:51,922 --> 00:24:55,524
So just sit back, relax
and enjoy your prom night.

610
00:24:55,526 --> 00:24:57,025
Okay.

611
00:24:57,027 --> 00:24:59,998
Oh, fuck,
that was the turn! Fuck!

612
00:25:01,432 --> 00:25:03,432
Hey, Lis?

613
00:25:03,434 --> 00:25:05,200
You got any S.O.S. pads?

614
00:25:05,202 --> 00:25:07,435
I'm soaking those pans,
but you burnt the shit

615
00:25:07,437 --> 00:25:09,438
out of that mac and cheese,
and...

616
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,874
sponge just isn't gonna cut it.

617
00:25:11,876 --> 00:25:13,642
Thanks for helping clean up.

618
00:25:13,644 --> 00:25:15,443
Don't mention this one.

619
00:25:15,445 --> 00:25:18,413
I mean, Marcie brought the baby
home early, and...

620
00:25:18,415 --> 00:25:20,048
I got to keep busy.

621
00:25:20,050 --> 00:25:23,117
I got to keep my mind off
of Kayla and "Connor."

622
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,921
That's not the right way
to use those.

623
00:25:25,923 --> 00:25:28,155
'Cause his name
is actually Connor.

624
00:25:28,157 --> 00:25:29,426
So...

625
00:25:30,961 --> 00:25:32,493
It's okay.

626
00:25:32,495 --> 00:25:34,630
- UCLA?
- Uh-huh.

627
00:25:34,632 --> 00:25:36,230
I didn't mean to snoop,
but I'm...

628
00:25:36,232 --> 00:25:37,499
No, no. It's okay.

629
00:25:37,501 --> 00:25:39,401
I mean, I don't think
it's a real thing.

630
00:25:39,403 --> 00:25:40,969
She's not actually gonna go.

631
00:25:40,971 --> 00:25:42,904
I think she just applied
for fun.

632
00:25:42,906 --> 00:25:45,240
She didn't... Why?
Have you heard differently?

633
00:25:45,242 --> 00:25:47,942
I would assume it's to go,
but she very well

634
00:25:47,944 --> 00:25:49,912
could have applied ironically.

635
00:25:49,914 --> 00:25:51,313
You... you know millennials,
right?

636
00:25:51,315 --> 00:25:52,948
- Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- And wherever she goes,

637
00:25:52,950 --> 00:25:54,950
you can have a bunch of time
on your hands.

638
00:25:54,952 --> 00:25:56,117
Can figure out
what you want to do

639
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:57,184
for the back nine of your life.

640
00:25:57,186 --> 00:25:58,386
Uh-huh. Yeah.

641
00:26:00,190 --> 00:26:03,057
I think Julie
left her laptop open.

642
00:26:03,059 --> 00:26:05,093
Julie's doing a lot of texting.

643
00:26:05,095 --> 00:26:07,061
- Mm-hmm.
- Is everything okay?

644
00:26:07,063 --> 00:26:08,997
Maybe we should check to see?

645
00:26:08,999 --> 00:26:10,332
- Peace of mind.
- Yeah.

646
00:26:14,938 --> 00:26:16,305
What the hell is that?

647
00:26:16,307 --> 00:26:18,205
I have no idea.

648
00:26:21,377 --> 00:26:22,644
What are you still doing here?

649
00:26:22,646 --> 00:26:24,278
Hey, your, uh...

650
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,981
your mac and cheese
is messed up.

651
00:26:29,485 --> 00:26:31,720
Are you guys snooping
on your kids?

652
00:26:31,722 --> 00:26:33,521
That is not cool.

653
00:26:33,523 --> 00:26:35,990
No, it's not snooping
if the information shows up.

654
00:26:35,992 --> 00:26:37,124
That's exactly
what snooping is.

655
00:26:37,126 --> 00:26:38,693
No, it's like the Patriot Act.
It's...

656
00:26:38,695 --> 00:26:40,461
Well, it's not like
the Patriot Act.

657
00:26:40,463 --> 00:26:42,230
- It's like snooping.
- Okay, we don't know

658
00:26:42,232 --> 00:26:43,731
what they're talking about,
so...

659
00:26:43,733 --> 00:26:45,099
- What?
- Okay.

660
00:26:45,101 --> 00:26:46,535
Oh, is it like puzzles?

661
00:26:46,537 --> 00:26:48,636
Ooh, ooh! I love puzzles.
Just saw Inferno.

662
00:26:48,638 --> 00:26:50,471
Yeah, great.
What are they saying?

663
00:26:50,473 --> 00:26:52,207
Okay, so there's something
about an eggplant hand...

664
00:26:52,209 --> 00:26:54,041
- handshake.
- Eggplant agreement.

665
00:26:54,043 --> 00:26:56,077
Yeah. They got an agreement
to make eggplant parmesan.

666
00:26:56,079 --> 00:26:57,980
No, eggplants are dicks
in teenage emoji language.

667
00:26:57,982 --> 00:26:59,314
- What?
- You know what, that's true.

668
00:26:59,316 --> 00:27:00,649
Julie told me that...
that the emojis have...

669
00:27:00,651 --> 00:27:02,451
- they all have secret meanings.
- Mm-hmm.

670
00:27:02,453 --> 00:27:05,988
So, like, trees are weed,
and snowflakes are cocaine,

671
00:27:05,990 --> 00:27:08,623
and that thing is "yas queen."

672
00:27:08,625 --> 00:27:10,525
- Yas queen!
- What the hell is that?

673
00:27:10,527 --> 00:27:11,660
- You've never heard of "yas queen"?
- No.

674
00:27:11,662 --> 00:27:12,661
All right, grandpa.

675
00:27:12,663 --> 00:27:14,663
Hold on. Julie is making...

676
00:27:14,665 --> 00:27:17,365
some kind of a dick-related
agreement here.

677
00:27:17,367 --> 00:27:19,601
Kayla is in on the agreement.

678
00:27:19,603 --> 00:27:21,169
- No fucking way.
- "Okay, clown face."

679
00:27:21,171 --> 00:27:23,137
What the fuck does that mean?

680
00:27:23,139 --> 00:27:26,009
That means she's down to clown.

681
00:27:27,778 --> 00:27:28,876
- Okay.
- Three eggplants?

682
00:27:28,878 --> 00:27:31,012
And look at the drool coming
out of that smiley face.

683
00:27:31,014 --> 00:27:31,846
You wish that was drool.

684
00:27:31,848 --> 00:27:32,815
- That's come, my man.
- Stand down.

685
00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:35,017
- It is. Look, it's come.
- He's like...

686
00:27:35,019 --> 00:27:37,051
This is sex
if I've ever seen it

687
00:27:37,053 --> 00:27:39,054
- illustrated in emoji form.
- Oh, no, no, no. Maybe not.

688
00:27:39,056 --> 00:27:40,555
They're best friends.
They're just saying, like,

689
00:27:40,557 --> 00:27:42,524
"You're okay with me.
You're okay to me.

690
00:27:42,526 --> 00:27:44,625
- You're okay to me."
- You say that to your friends?

691
00:27:44,627 --> 00:27:46,060
Whenever I see my friends,
I go,

692
00:27:46,062 --> 00:27:47,229
"Hey, you're okay with me."

693
00:27:47,231 --> 00:27:48,630
- I don't use these.
- Hold on.

694
00:27:48,632 --> 00:27:50,499
Agreement hands,
agreement hands,

695
00:27:50,501 --> 00:27:52,401
agreement hands. This is a...
It's a sex agreement.

696
00:27:52,403 --> 00:27:54,403
They're making a sex pact.

697
00:27:54,405 --> 00:27:56,538
They're gonna lose
their virginity on prom night.

698
00:27:56,540 --> 00:27:58,339
That cannot be a sex pact.

699
00:27:58,341 --> 00:27:59,807
That? That is friendship.

700
00:27:59,809 --> 00:28:02,477
And that is... that is the bond
of friendship

701
00:28:02,479 --> 00:28:04,112
that can never be broken.

702
00:28:04,114 --> 00:28:05,413
I mean, maybe.
- Yeah.

703
00:28:05,415 --> 00:28:07,249
Oh, look, they wrote
"Sex Pact 2018."

704
00:28:07,251 --> 00:28:10,085
I fucking knew it!
I love puzzles.

705
00:28:10,087 --> 00:28:11,619
I told you guys.
Have you seen Inferno?

706
00:28:11,621 --> 00:28:13,355
- Lis, have you seen Inferno?
- Call your kid.

707
00:28:13,357 --> 00:28:14,823
Have you guys seen Inferno?

708
00:28:14,825 --> 00:28:16,691
I figured it out in two
seconds. Did you see Inferno?

709
00:28:16,693 --> 00:28:18,527
The guy jumps off the thing
in the beginning.

710
00:28:18,529 --> 00:28:20,561
He's got a virus. Have you seen
Inferno with Tom Hanks?

711
00:28:20,563 --> 00:28:22,230
Okay. Okay, she's not
answering her phone.

712
00:28:22,232 --> 00:28:23,464
Yeah, Kayla isn't, either.

713
00:28:23,466 --> 00:28:24,732
Okay, what the heck
is happening?

714
00:28:24,734 --> 00:28:26,468
She's always been honest
with me.

715
00:28:26,470 --> 00:28:28,135
She's always told me the truth,

716
00:28:28,137 --> 00:28:30,538
and now I'm just swimming
in a pool of lies.

717
00:28:30,540 --> 00:28:32,173
Okay. Here's what's
gonna happen.

718
00:28:32,175 --> 00:28:34,809
She's gonna have sex
with that Austin kid,

719
00:28:34,811 --> 00:28:37,244
and then she's gonna think
that she has

720
00:28:37,246 --> 00:28:40,382
all these feelings, which she
does not actually have,

721
00:28:40,384 --> 00:28:42,616
then she's gonna drive
across country

722
00:28:42,618 --> 00:28:45,854
and follow him
and ruin her fucking life.

723
00:28:45,856 --> 00:28:47,388
Okay, I think that's
a pretty big

724
00:28:47,390 --> 00:28:48,757
leap to make when you read a...

725
00:28:48,759 --> 00:28:52,227
I have invested
every single piece of my being

726
00:28:52,229 --> 00:28:54,096
into preparing Kayla
for success, and now this?

727
00:28:54,098 --> 00:28:58,633
She is about to have sex with
some dipshit with a "man bun."

728
00:28:58,635 --> 00:29:01,269
You're not using those
in the right way.

729
00:29:01,271 --> 00:29:03,404
Hey, can we all come back
to "planet Earth"?

730
00:29:03,406 --> 00:29:05,173
'Cause this is not a big deal.

731
00:29:05,175 --> 00:29:06,775
They're teenage girls.
They have sex.

732
00:29:06,777 --> 00:29:10,581
Do you, like, freak out when
you see a bee fucking a flower?

733
00:29:13,884 --> 00:29:16,317
- I'm gonna stop her.
- I'm in.

734
00:29:16,319 --> 00:29:18,185
Let's cock-block
those motherfuckers.

735
00:29:18,187 --> 00:29:20,221
Whoa.

736
00:29:20,223 --> 00:29:21,655
No, sir. Uh-uh.
No, no, no, no.

737
00:29:21,657 --> 00:29:23,424
I promised Sam the greatest
night of her life,

738
00:29:23,426 --> 00:29:24,893
and if you guys fuck up
your daughters' night,

739
00:29:24,895 --> 00:29:26,494
it's gonna fuck up
my daughter's night,

740
00:29:26,496 --> 00:29:28,230
and that shit is "not cool."

741
00:29:28,232 --> 00:29:29,631
I don't give a fuck
what's cool with you.

742
00:29:29,633 --> 00:29:31,432
Let's go, Mitchell.
I'll drive.

743
00:29:31,434 --> 00:29:32,800
Hey, hey, hey, wait!
No, no, no.

744
00:29:32,802 --> 00:29:34,201
You want to go?

745
00:29:34,203 --> 00:29:35,569
You're gonna have
to go through me.

746
00:29:35,571 --> 00:29:36,872
Oh, Jesus.

747
00:29:36,874 --> 00:29:38,573
Okay, you called my bluff.
Wait.

748
00:29:38,575 --> 00:29:40,241
Wait! Hey, hey!

749
00:29:40,243 --> 00:29:41,643
- Get off! Get off of me!
- Hey! Hey!

750
00:29:41,645 --> 00:29:43,511
- Get off!
- It's not cool!

751
00:29:43,513 --> 00:29:45,247
"It's not cool!"

752
00:29:45,249 --> 00:29:47,617
Hey! What's the plan?
This is stupid.

753
00:29:50,921 --> 00:29:53,154
Fuck off.

754
00:29:53,156 --> 00:29:55,356
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
What the fuck are you doing?

755
00:29:55,358 --> 00:29:57,659
I just need to talk to
my daughter for five minutes.

756
00:29:57,661 --> 00:29:59,193
Get out of the car!

757
00:29:59,195 --> 00:30:00,694
- You get out. You get out.
- You get out.

758
00:30:00,696 --> 00:30:02,396
- Stop saying what I'm saying.
- Open the door!

759
00:30:02,398 --> 00:30:03,932
- Stop saying what I'm saying.
- Stop saying what I'm saying.

760
00:30:03,934 --> 00:30:05,534
- Stop... Okay, listen, listen.
- Hey.

761
00:30:05,536 --> 00:30:07,201
Lis. Okay, everyone calm down,
calm down.

762
00:30:07,203 --> 00:30:08,737
- But you got to go.
- The-the window.

763
00:30:08,739 --> 00:30:10,605
- No, the window.
- Hey.

764
00:30:10,607 --> 00:30:12,740
What the fuck? No! Holy...

765
00:30:15,678 --> 00:30:16,944
Ah, these are new shorts!

766
00:30:16,946 --> 00:30:18,212
Truce! Truce!

767
00:30:18,214 --> 00:30:19,314
Truce.

768
00:30:19,316 --> 00:30:21,482
Truce, truce, truce.

769
00:30:21,484 --> 00:30:23,218
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

770
00:30:23,220 --> 00:30:24,752
Oh, my fucking God.

771
00:30:24,754 --> 00:30:25,754
Aah!

772
00:30:26,790 --> 00:30:27,888
Sorry, man.

773
00:30:27,890 --> 00:30:29,191
It's not gonna work.

774
00:30:29,193 --> 00:30:30,528
You're not Schwarzenegger.

775
00:30:32,596 --> 00:30:34,362
How is that possible?

776
00:30:34,364 --> 00:30:36,230
How is that possible?
Oh, shit.

777
00:30:36,232 --> 00:30:37,798
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh!

778
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,201
Oh, my balls! My balls!

779
00:30:39,203 --> 00:30:40,535
Your ass is so...

780
00:30:41,704 --> 00:30:43,738
- Get...
- Hey! Hey!

781
00:30:43,740 --> 00:30:45,339
- Get out!
- Not cool! Aah!

782
00:30:45,341 --> 00:30:46,775
You're bullying me.

783
00:30:46,777 --> 00:30:47,976
This is bullying.

784
00:30:47,978 --> 00:30:50,377
What you're doing is wrong!

785
00:30:50,379 --> 00:30:52,713
You know your daughter's
in this stupid sex pact, too.

786
00:30:52,715 --> 00:30:55,249
Yeah, and she's not gonna
do anything about it, okay?

787
00:30:55,251 --> 00:30:57,318
Oh, like you would know
what your daughter's gonna do.

788
00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,320
Okay, first of all, ouch.

789
00:30:59,322 --> 00:31:00,821
Second of all, I know nothing

790
00:31:00,823 --> 00:31:03,258
is gonna happen with Sam
because...

791
00:31:03,260 --> 00:31:04,826
because she's gay.

792
00:31:04,828 --> 00:31:05,993
Really?

793
00:31:05,995 --> 00:31:07,628
Did she come out to you?

794
00:31:07,630 --> 00:31:08,696
No, of course not.

795
00:31:08,698 --> 00:31:10,298
She barely speaks to me.

796
00:31:10,300 --> 00:31:11,700
Then how do you know?

797
00:31:11,702 --> 00:31:13,000
Because, bro, I'm her dad.

798
00:31:13,002 --> 00:31:15,002
And there's just
some things you know.

799
00:31:15,004 --> 00:31:16,337
Chad is nothing.

800
00:31:16,339 --> 00:31:17,605
He's like a beard.

801
00:31:17,607 --> 00:31:19,540
Or whatever a lesbian beard is.

802
00:31:19,542 --> 00:31:20,608
A merkin?

803
00:31:20,610 --> 00:31:22,009
I don't know. The point is,

804
00:31:22,011 --> 00:31:24,278
I guarantee you
they don't even kiss, okay?

805
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,913
I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about

806
00:31:25,915 --> 00:31:27,781
you two dicks
fucking up her night.

807
00:31:27,783 --> 00:31:29,984
Okay, well, what you don't
understand is that sex

808
00:31:29,986 --> 00:31:32,519
can be very confusing
for young girls

809
00:31:32,521 --> 00:31:35,490
and make them say things and do
things that they might regret.

810
00:31:35,492 --> 00:31:36,958
Like dropping out of college

811
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,260
to follow around
the Dave Matthews Band

812
00:31:39,262 --> 00:31:40,729
with a guy they think they love

813
00:31:40,731 --> 00:31:42,730
who then winds up
getting them pregnant

814
00:31:42,732 --> 00:31:45,333
and then leaving them
for the girl who makes

815
00:31:45,335 --> 00:31:48,773
grilled cheese sandwiches
with hash aioli on them.

816
00:31:49,905 --> 00:31:51,972
Yeah, that is a...

817
00:31:51,974 --> 00:31:55,676
extremely specific scenario,
and that won't happen to Julie.

818
00:31:55,678 --> 00:31:57,311
Dave's not even touring
right now.

819
00:31:57,313 --> 00:31:58,846
He's taking time off
for fatherhood.

820
00:31:58,848 --> 00:32:00,615
It was me, you idiot.

821
00:32:00,617 --> 00:32:02,616
Me. That happened to me.

822
00:32:02,618 --> 00:32:04,286
Yeah.

823
00:32:16,433 --> 00:32:18,333
You weren't ready.
Okay, one more, one more.

824
00:32:18,335 --> 00:32:19,834
Smile.

825
00:32:19,836 --> 00:32:20,835
I closed my eyes.

826
00:32:20,837 --> 00:32:22,836
Oh, my God.

827
00:32:22,838 --> 00:32:24,972
You guys, this is our song.

828
00:32:24,974 --> 00:32:27,409
Do you remember when we got
snowed in at Sam's

829
00:32:27,411 --> 00:32:28,942
and we played this, like,
over and over?

830
00:32:28,944 --> 00:32:30,412
- Yes!
- We have to dance!

831
00:32:30,414 --> 00:32:31,945
- We have to dance!
- This is our jam!

832
00:32:46,396 --> 00:32:47,528
- Hey. Hey.
- Hey.

833
00:32:47,530 --> 00:32:48,596
- I want a drink.
- Okay.

834
00:32:48,598 --> 00:32:49,631
Yeah, let's go get one.

835
00:32:49,633 --> 00:32:51,732
No, no, no, no. Like, a drink.

836
00:32:51,734 --> 00:32:52,967
Oh, you want a "drink" drink.

837
00:32:52,969 --> 00:32:54,903
- Yeah.
- Okay, let me call my guy.

838
00:32:54,905 --> 00:32:56,604
Hello, Mr. Drink-Drink.

839
00:32:56,606 --> 00:32:59,374
- Let's go get fucked up.
- Okay.

840
00:32:59,376 --> 00:33:01,375
Hey, wait, Kayla, Kayla.

841
00:33:01,377 --> 00:33:02,676
Ah, it's...

842
00:33:12,521 --> 00:33:14,622
Hey, Chad.

843
00:33:14,624 --> 00:33:16,458
I'm gonna go get, uh,
some dessert.

844
00:33:16,460 --> 00:33:18,425
Get me two.

845
00:33:28,038 --> 00:33:30,605
Hey, Angelica,
it's a nice cape.

846
00:33:30,607 --> 00:33:32,374
Oh, hey, Sam.

847
00:33:32,376 --> 00:33:34,608
Thank you.

848
00:33:36,613 --> 00:33:38,880
Um, yeah, it's a...
it's a Galadriel cape

849
00:33:38,882 --> 00:33:41,015
that I made a couple months ago
for LordCon.

850
00:33:41,017 --> 00:33:42,683
Figured I could wear it again.

851
00:33:42,685 --> 00:33:45,119
Not too much overlap
on the guest list.

852
00:33:45,121 --> 00:33:46,855
Yeah.

853
00:33:46,857 --> 00:33:48,856
Yeah, totally.

854
00:33:50,493 --> 00:33:52,527
Who'd you come here with?

855
00:33:52,529 --> 00:33:54,628
Um, just my friends.

856
00:33:54,630 --> 00:33:57,067
Lauren and I broke up.

857
00:33:58,402 --> 00:33:59,534
Oh.

858
00:33:59,536 --> 00:34:01,169
No hard feelings, though.

859
00:34:01,171 --> 00:34:04,575
Um, she's still
a little confused.

860
00:34:05,975 --> 00:34:08,709
How do you think one becomes...

861
00:34:08,711 --> 00:34:11,613
not confused?

862
00:34:11,615 --> 00:34:15,049
It's probably different
for everyone.

863
00:34:15,051 --> 00:34:17,451
But for me, when I kissed
Brad Markowski,

864
00:34:17,453 --> 00:34:18,819
I started to suspect it.

865
00:34:18,821 --> 00:34:20,455
And then last year,
when I touched

866
00:34:20,457 --> 00:34:23,625
Dash Lowenstein's dick,
I was like, "Fuck no."

867
00:34:23,627 --> 00:34:25,859
It was like holding
a dead snake.

868
00:34:25,861 --> 00:34:27,097
Hmm.

869
00:34:29,466 --> 00:34:31,602
But I guess you never know
until you try.

870
00:34:40,443 --> 00:34:42,109
Uh, before I do drink this,
though,

871
00:34:42,111 --> 00:34:43,745
I just want to let you know

872
00:34:43,747 --> 00:34:45,883
that I am fully planning
on having sex tonight.

873
00:34:47,517 --> 00:34:48,982
With... with you.

874
00:34:48,984 --> 00:34:52,020
Yeah, I-I mean,
wherever the wind blows us.

875
00:34:52,022 --> 00:34:54,189
Well, the wind's
gonna blow us there.

876
00:34:54,191 --> 00:34:55,857
Wherever the night takes us,
it's...

877
00:34:55,859 --> 00:34:57,691
It's gonna take your penis
into my vagina.

878
00:34:57,693 --> 00:35:01,529
Okay, uh, you know,
if the universe wills it.

879
00:35:01,531 --> 00:35:03,634
And the universe will will it.

880
00:35:05,535 --> 00:35:07,937
Thanks for
letting me know, I guess.

881
00:35:09,205 --> 00:35:10,738
Oh, yeah.

882
00:35:10,740 --> 00:35:12,607
- Oh, my God.
- I warned you.

883
00:35:12,609 --> 00:35:14,042
- This is what gin tastes like?
- No, no.

884
00:35:14,044 --> 00:35:15,642
I've heard that gin sucks,
and this sucks.

885
00:35:15,644 --> 00:35:16,678
No, it's...

886
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,714
- I made it. Um...
- Oh.

887
00:35:19,716 --> 00:35:21,816
This is so dumb, okay?

888
00:35:21,818 --> 00:35:23,151
Our kids are gonna hate us

889
00:35:23,153 --> 00:35:24,586
because you're gonna
humiliate them.

890
00:35:24,588 --> 00:35:26,488
I'm not gonna humiliate Julie.

891
00:35:26,490 --> 00:35:28,256
We're best friends.
I'm the cool mom.

892
00:35:28,258 --> 00:35:30,158
Hunter, don't make me sit
on your balls again.

893
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,493
Stop, stop, stop it,
stop, stop.

894
00:35:32,495 --> 00:35:35,229
This is how they're gonna
be remembered in high school.

895
00:35:35,231 --> 00:35:38,198
As the weirdos whose parents
dragged them out of prom

896
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,933
because they were afraid
of their sexuality.

897
00:35:39,935 --> 00:35:41,502
It's not something
that should be feared.

898
00:35:41,504 --> 00:35:43,073
It should be celebrated.

899
00:35:44,841 --> 00:35:47,140
And-and-and we have
to empower these young women.

900
00:35:47,142 --> 00:35:48,910
I mean, what year is it, guys?

901
00:35:48,912 --> 00:35:51,245
It's 2018.

902
00:35:51,247 --> 00:35:52,247
Jesus Christ.

903
00:35:52,249 --> 00:35:54,682
- Oh, gross.
- Okay, you know what?

904
00:35:54,684 --> 00:35:56,116
That's an unfortunate
coincidence.

905
00:35:56,118 --> 00:35:57,551
Get a fucking room!

906
00:36:05,896 --> 00:36:07,828
Let's take a picture.

907
00:36:07,830 --> 00:36:09,730
Kayla!
Let's take a picture right now.

908
00:36:09,732 --> 00:36:10,999
- Okay, cool.
- Right now. Right now.

909
00:36:11,001 --> 00:36:12,599
Cheese.

910
00:36:12,602 --> 00:36:15,303
Oh, my God, my mom called me
like 15 times.

911
00:36:15,305 --> 00:36:16,970
- Ooh. Nope.
- She's crazy.

912
00:36:16,972 --> 00:36:18,272
- No, that's a no.
- That's kind of funny.

913
00:36:18,274 --> 00:36:20,841
- Boom. Airplane mode.
- No.

914
00:36:20,843 --> 00:36:23,211
Yeah. We're flying
the friendly skies now.

915
00:36:23,213 --> 00:36:24,745
Yeah, till she freaks out.

916
00:36:24,747 --> 00:36:26,113
Hey, can we please, like,
get out of here?

917
00:36:26,115 --> 00:36:27,915
No. We can't go right now.

918
00:36:27,917 --> 00:36:29,816
They haven't even played
me and Austin's song yet.

919
00:36:29,818 --> 00:36:31,285
How are we gonna get
in the mood?

920
00:36:31,287 --> 00:36:32,720
I don't know,
light your Walgreens candle.

921
00:36:32,722 --> 00:36:35,022
That's later.
Don't you want... Look, look.

922
00:36:35,024 --> 00:36:37,325
Jake Donahue
is just warming up.

923
00:36:37,327 --> 00:36:39,127
Don't you want to see him
break-dance

924
00:36:39,129 --> 00:36:40,662
- and probably hurt himself?
- No.

925
00:36:40,664 --> 00:36:41,830
- It's gonna be so good.
- I don't.

926
00:36:41,832 --> 00:36:43,897
Do you remember
at the Sadie Hawkins Dance

927
00:36:43,899 --> 00:36:45,265
when he tried to do the worm

928
00:36:45,267 --> 00:36:47,167
and he fell
and broke his two front teeth?

929
00:36:47,169 --> 00:36:49,169
- Yeah. He had to go to the hospital.
- I have pictures.

930
00:36:49,171 --> 00:36:51,004
- It was great, and this is gonna be better.
- Mm...

931
00:36:51,006 --> 00:36:52,573
- No, no, no. No!
- So we're staying.

932
00:36:52,575 --> 00:36:54,308
Julie, Julie,
I promise that you're

933
00:36:54,310 --> 00:36:56,611
gonna dance to your song
with your boyfriend tonight.

934
00:36:56,613 --> 00:36:58,312
This place is dying, okay?

935
00:36:58,314 --> 00:37:00,814
- We got to get out of here.
- Okay, fine.

936
00:37:00,816 --> 00:37:03,618
Okay, cool. Let's go.

937
00:37:03,620 --> 00:37:05,352
We're going to the lake house.

938
00:37:05,354 --> 00:37:07,854
I am not sure that this
was worth $85.

939
00:37:07,856 --> 00:37:09,890
- Where's Chad?
- What?

940
00:37:09,892 --> 00:37:11,926
Oh, he's probably out
on the dance floor.

941
00:37:11,928 --> 00:37:14,095
I'm gonna go find him
and meet you guys outside.

942
00:37:14,097 --> 00:37:16,064
- All right.
- Okay.

943
00:37:30,613 --> 00:37:31,981
The fuck?

944
00:37:35,385 --> 00:37:37,919
Smirking little piece of shit.

945
00:37:37,921 --> 00:37:39,886
- Top knot. Top knot.
- Let's get him.

946
00:37:39,888 --> 00:37:41,855
Yeah, you guys go do that.

947
00:37:41,857 --> 00:37:43,924
I'm gonna get some punch.

948
00:37:43,926 --> 00:37:46,727
All right, asshole,
what'd you do with my daughter?

949
00:37:46,729 --> 00:37:48,662
Two of you guys have
the same shitty haircut?

950
00:37:48,664 --> 00:37:49,930
Hey.

951
00:37:49,932 --> 00:37:52,265
Look at me.
My hair's too long.

952
00:37:52,267 --> 00:37:55,803
Hey. You can't go around
assaulting children.

953
00:37:55,805 --> 00:37:59,240
You have to blend in if you
want some information, okay?

954
00:37:59,242 --> 00:38:01,709
So just... just be cool.

955
00:38:01,711 --> 00:38:03,377
God.

956
00:38:03,379 --> 00:38:05,345
Okay.

957
00:38:05,347 --> 00:38:06,683
Julie?

958
00:38:07,850 --> 00:38:08,950
Julie?

959
00:38:15,191 --> 00:38:17,225
Prom night, huh?

960
00:38:17,227 --> 00:38:19,660
What?

961
00:38:19,662 --> 00:38:22,997
Just... just special night.

962
00:38:28,138 --> 00:38:29,873
Got to try.

963
00:38:36,278 --> 00:38:37,814
- Chad?
- Yeah.

964
00:38:56,198 --> 00:38:58,399
This is my moment.

965
00:39:14,883 --> 00:39:17,151
You ruined my moment!

966
00:39:17,153 --> 00:39:19,720
Fuck your moment.

967
00:39:19,722 --> 00:39:20,988
- What happened back there?
- What happened is that...

968
00:39:20,990 --> 00:39:23,991
is that my daughter was kissing
Chad even though she hated it.

969
00:39:23,993 --> 00:39:25,426
And I've been dragged
into this situation

970
00:39:25,428 --> 00:39:27,794
- by you two fucking idiots.
- Just ignore him.

971
00:39:27,796 --> 00:39:29,196
- Great idea.
- We're gonna go to Austin's house.

972
00:39:29,198 --> 00:39:30,832
Julie said that's where
the after-party is,

973
00:39:30,834 --> 00:39:32,799
- and we'll get 'em there.
- And that sounds like a plan.

974
00:39:32,801 --> 00:39:34,134
Hey, how dare you ignore me.

975
00:39:34,136 --> 00:39:35,903
We are in this situation
because you two

976
00:39:35,905 --> 00:39:37,971
raised a couple of bigots
who have shamed my daughter

977
00:39:37,973 --> 00:39:39,506
into losing her virginity
to the wrong sex.

978
00:39:39,508 --> 00:39:41,508
Shame.

979
00:39:41,510 --> 00:39:44,345
My daughter is not a bigot.

980
00:39:45,515 --> 00:39:47,381
We go to all of the marches.

981
00:39:47,383 --> 00:39:50,317
We went to the Tax Day March,
and nobody goes to that shit.

982
00:39:50,319 --> 00:39:52,220
- Nobody.
- Ignore him.

983
00:39:52,222 --> 00:39:53,354
- It's hard.
- Yeah, it is hard.

984
00:39:53,356 --> 00:39:54,522
'Cause I don't quit.

985
00:39:54,524 --> 00:39:56,223
And now I have
to go rescue Sam,

986
00:39:56,225 --> 00:39:58,058
okay, because she is scared
and confused,

987
00:39:58,060 --> 00:40:00,361
and I know what it's like
to be ostracized by society

988
00:40:00,363 --> 00:40:01,995
for your sexual preferences.

989
00:40:01,997 --> 00:40:03,830
Sleeping with women
that aren't your wife

990
00:40:03,832 --> 00:40:05,500
isn't a sexual preference.

991
00:40:05,502 --> 00:40:07,834
No, it is. I prefer them.

992
00:40:07,836 --> 00:40:09,537
How parents can let

993
00:40:09,539 --> 00:40:10,937
their kids play music
this loud.

994
00:40:10,939 --> 00:40:12,807
We all share this planet.

995
00:40:12,809 --> 00:40:14,941
This is how loud I listen
to my music, dawg.

996
00:40:14,943 --> 00:40:16,544
Probably won't even
be able to hear us.

997
00:40:17,847 --> 00:40:19,913
It's so dark in there.

998
00:40:19,915 --> 00:40:21,848
You know, they... okay,
they could be in the backyard

999
00:40:21,850 --> 00:40:22,950
playing two-on-two hoops.
I don't know.

1000
00:40:22,952 --> 00:40:23,950
Oh!

1001
00:40:23,952 --> 00:40:25,520
Oh, I found a big window.

1002
00:40:25,522 --> 00:40:27,821
Oh, no, no, no,
don't, don't, don't.

1003
00:40:27,823 --> 00:40:30,491
Trust me. Do not look
in that window.

1004
00:40:30,493 --> 00:40:32,125
- What?
- Just look at me. Do not look in this window.

1005
00:40:32,127 --> 00:40:33,487
Do not look
in this fucking window.

1006
00:40:35,097 --> 00:40:38,165
Julie's red dress.

1007
00:40:38,167 --> 00:40:40,336
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit.

1008
00:40:43,106 --> 00:40:46,107
You know, I know... I know this
must be tough for you.

1009
00:40:46,109 --> 00:40:50,076
I mean, if... hell, if that
was Kayla in there, I'd...

1010
00:40:50,078 --> 00:40:52,379
- I'd-I'd kill myself.
- Nope.

1011
00:40:52,381 --> 00:40:54,415
That's the wrong thing
to fucking say right now.

1012
00:40:54,417 --> 00:40:56,551
- Stop them. Stop it.
- I can't...

1013
00:40:56,553 --> 00:40:57,553
Wait.

1014
00:40:58,854 --> 00:41:00,888
Hey. It's not Julie.

1015
00:41:00,890 --> 00:41:03,991
- It's not Julie.
- What?

1016
00:41:03,993 --> 00:41:05,959
Oh, shit.
It's Austin's parents.

1017
00:41:05,961 --> 00:41:07,461
- Good for them.
- They're really...

1018
00:41:07,463 --> 00:41:08,895
really going at it.

1019
00:41:08,897 --> 00:41:09,897
I always wanted to do this.

1020
00:41:09,899 --> 00:41:11,832
I've always wanted
to watch people have sex.

1021
00:41:11,834 --> 00:41:13,433
Oh, my God,
he's yanking her hair.

1022
00:41:13,435 --> 00:41:15,136
Ow. That looks like it hurts.

1023
00:41:15,138 --> 00:41:17,305
Yeah, we shouldn't
be looking, man. Come on.

1024
00:41:17,307 --> 00:41:19,473
She runs the risk
of, like, dislocating her hip.

1025
00:41:19,475 --> 00:41:21,308
Hey, Mitchell. You're being
a fucking perv, dude.

1026
00:41:21,310 --> 00:41:23,009
Don't look.

1027
00:41:29,051 --> 00:41:30,317
What happened?

1028
00:41:30,319 --> 00:41:32,620
We locked eyes,
and then he finished.

1029
00:41:32,622 --> 00:41:35,122
It means his load
is on your soul for eternity.

1030
00:41:35,124 --> 00:41:37,124
- Holy shit.
- Oh, shit, he's coming.

1031
00:41:38,260 --> 00:41:40,029
I'll pretend I'm a plant.

1032
00:41:43,633 --> 00:41:44,932
Mitchell? What are you doing?

1033
00:41:44,934 --> 00:41:46,868
- What, Lisa?
- Hey, Ron.

1034
00:41:46,870 --> 00:41:48,602
What are you guys
doing out here?

1035
00:41:48,604 --> 00:41:49,937
Hi.

1036
00:41:49,939 --> 00:41:52,205
- Hey.
- What a nice surprise.

1037
00:41:52,207 --> 00:41:53,473
We thought the kids were here.

1038
00:41:53,475 --> 00:41:54,642
We didn't realize you guys
were here, uh...

1039
00:41:54,644 --> 00:41:56,910
Oh, Cath and I were just having

1040
00:41:56,912 --> 00:41:58,546
a little, uh,
prom night role play.

1041
00:41:58,548 --> 00:42:01,182
- You know, to keep the sex life alive.
- Prom night.

1042
00:42:01,184 --> 00:42:02,316
- That kind of thing.
- Where are the kids?

1043
00:42:02,318 --> 00:42:03,283
Um, do you know
where the kids are?

1044
00:42:03,285 --> 00:42:06,453
The kids are at
Kyler Montero's lake house.

1045
00:42:06,455 --> 00:42:08,589
- How do you know that?
- Because Austin told us.

1046
00:42:08,591 --> 00:42:12,158
Yeah. He's texted me
like 19 times tonight.

1047
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,662
- Ugh. Oh, my God.
- Yeah, we tell each other everything.

1048
00:42:14,664 --> 00:42:17,131
- It's unbelievable.
- I mean, he-he knows about prom night.

1049
00:42:17,133 --> 00:42:18,633
- Well, you know.
- I'm sorry, you...

1050
00:42:18,635 --> 00:42:21,301
you tell your son about
your sex games with your wife?

1051
00:42:21,303 --> 00:42:23,203
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- Wow, that's...

1052
00:42:23,205 --> 00:42:25,071
- Can't do that.
- Yeah, it's weird.

1053
00:42:25,073 --> 00:42:26,640
- It's so... it's-it's weird.
- There's a line.

1054
00:42:26,642 --> 00:42:28,642
- We have a very open family here.
- Yes, we do.

1055
00:42:28,644 --> 00:42:30,377
- We don't hide anything.
- You know what?

1056
00:42:30,379 --> 00:42:31,611
What is Kyler's address?

1057
00:42:31,613 --> 00:42:33,980
I-I... Okay, listen,
I-I feel like

1058
00:42:33,982 --> 00:42:36,484
I can't betray
Austin's confidence in me,

1059
00:42:36,486 --> 00:42:38,653
and frankly,
if Julie wanted to tell you

1060
00:42:38,655 --> 00:42:41,254
where the house was,
she would have told you.

1061
00:42:41,256 --> 00:42:42,455
- Uh-uh.
- Uh, I got...

1062
00:42:42,457 --> 00:42:43,557
Hold on, hold on.
Buh-buh-buh.

1063
00:42:43,559 --> 00:42:45,158
Give us the address,

1064
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:46,459
or my giant friend's
gonna tear

1065
00:42:46,461 --> 00:42:47,995
- your husband's dick off.
- Yeah.

1066
00:42:47,997 --> 00:42:49,562
Uh... no, I'm not.

1067
00:42:49,564 --> 00:42:51,299
- No, I'm not. No, no, no.
- Excuse me? - What?

1068
00:42:51,301 --> 00:42:53,366
That's... that's good.

1069
00:42:53,368 --> 00:42:55,502
And, uh, sorry
to interrupt your evening.

1070
00:42:55,504 --> 00:42:58,171
I hope you guys enjoy
the rest of your lovemaking.

1071
00:42:58,173 --> 00:42:59,173
- Ow! Fuck!
- Come on.

1072
00:42:59,175 --> 00:43:00,274
- What was that about?
- What?

1073
00:43:00,276 --> 00:43:01,975
Hey, man, thank you for killing

1074
00:43:01,977 --> 00:43:03,511
- my daughter's hymen.
- I don't think so.

1075
00:43:03,513 --> 00:43:05,578
Kyler Montero's lake house?
Marcie did the bathroom.

1076
00:43:05,580 --> 00:43:08,115
She's gonna know the address,
so let's just go.

1077
00:43:08,117 --> 00:43:10,017
- All right, dope.
- Dope.

1078
00:43:11,521 --> 00:43:13,520
- Ow, my eyes!
- Yeah!

1079
00:43:13,522 --> 00:43:15,990
Okay, come on in now.

1080
00:43:15,992 --> 00:43:18,258
It's all fun and games
until there's a decapitation.

1081
00:43:18,260 --> 00:43:20,627
I don't need any more
dead girls on my conscience.

1082
00:43:20,629 --> 00:43:22,430
I'm sorry, Rudy.

1083
00:43:22,432 --> 00:43:25,366
We just had to check that off
the old prom bucket list.

1084
00:43:25,368 --> 00:43:27,401
Oh, my God, Sam!

1085
00:43:27,403 --> 00:43:29,303
- Come here. Yeah.
- Move, Chad!

1086
00:43:29,305 --> 00:43:31,339
- Chad, you want a drink?
- No.

1087
00:43:31,341 --> 00:43:33,040
What you got there?

1088
00:43:33,042 --> 00:43:35,241
This is a very, very special

1089
00:43:35,243 --> 00:43:37,111
reduced hash oil
of my own invention.

1090
00:43:37,113 --> 00:43:39,379
It has rosemary essence
for blood flow,

1091
00:43:39,381 --> 00:43:40,982
a curcumin extract
from turmeric

1092
00:43:40,984 --> 00:43:42,415
to reduce inflammation,

1093
00:43:42,417 --> 00:43:44,618
and it gets you super baked.

1094
00:43:44,620 --> 00:43:46,687
All right.

1095
00:43:46,689 --> 00:43:48,421
Let's do it.
Do I just... I suck?

1096
00:43:48,423 --> 00:43:49,656
Yeah, you press the button,

1097
00:43:49,658 --> 00:43:51,225
then you take, like,
a little puff.

1098
00:43:51,227 --> 00:43:53,426
Or a really, really big one.

1099
00:43:53,428 --> 00:43:55,261
Okay.

1100
00:43:55,263 --> 00:43:57,698
And then you just hold it
for, like, a beat.

1101
00:43:57,700 --> 00:43:59,332
You guys know
that Tanner Dunn's parents

1102
00:43:59,334 --> 00:44:00,700
rented out a whole floor

1103
00:44:00,702 --> 00:44:02,703
of the Park West Hotel
for an after-party?

1104
00:44:02,705 --> 00:44:04,071
What?

1105
00:44:04,073 --> 00:44:06,107
Um... yeah, he, uh...

1106
00:44:06,109 --> 00:44:08,408
I guess they're super loaded
and they're still proud of him

1107
00:44:08,410 --> 00:44:10,544
even though it took him
like six years to graduate.

1108
00:44:10,546 --> 00:44:13,046
I remember him.
He got to, uh, miss school

1109
00:44:13,048 --> 00:44:15,116
- when his kid was born.
- Yeah, yeah, that guy.

1110
00:44:15,118 --> 00:44:17,054
You should definitely
let it go now.

1111
00:44:20,356 --> 00:44:21,689
- Holy shit.
- Oh, yeah.

1112
00:44:21,691 --> 00:44:23,457
I can run a six-minute mile.

1113
00:44:23,459 --> 00:44:25,759
My lung capacity is legit.

1114
00:44:25,761 --> 00:44:27,761
- No!
- One more selfie, and this time,

1115
00:44:27,763 --> 00:44:29,263
let's pose like Kanye.

1116
00:44:29,265 --> 00:44:30,598
- No. Boo!
- Yes.

1117
00:44:30,601 --> 00:44:32,599
- You take too many pictures.
- Uh...

1118
00:44:32,602 --> 00:44:34,701
They don't look like him.

1119
00:44:34,703 --> 00:44:37,604
Ugh, it's just a bunch
of paint samples and swatches.

1120
00:44:37,606 --> 00:44:39,506
Hunter, quiet.

1121
00:44:39,508 --> 00:44:40,808
Why do I have to be quiet?

1122
00:44:40,810 --> 00:44:42,642
Shit would not fly
if Marcie found out.

1123
00:44:42,644 --> 00:44:44,178
Who wears the pants
in this house, dawg?

1124
00:44:44,180 --> 00:44:46,279
- I do.
- Oh!

1125
00:44:49,185 --> 00:44:50,417
Mmm.

1126
00:44:50,419 --> 00:44:52,352
This is soy creamer?
Are you sure?

1127
00:44:52,354 --> 00:44:54,354
It's pretty freaking rich.

1128
00:44:54,356 --> 00:44:56,424
This is so messed up.
Who are you to get involved

1129
00:44:56,426 --> 00:44:58,392
in our daughter's sex life?

1130
00:44:58,394 --> 00:45:00,560
- Oh, honey, I was just try...
- No, don't "honey" me.

1131
00:45:00,562 --> 00:45:03,229
Did your dad try to stop you
when you lost your virginity?

1132
00:45:03,231 --> 00:45:04,198
That's totally different.

1133
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,066
It is not different.
It's a double standard.

1134
00:45:06,068 --> 00:45:08,468
Oh, when a guy loses his
virginity, it-it's no big deal.

1135
00:45:08,470 --> 00:45:10,171
It's celebrated,
but if a girl does,

1136
00:45:10,173 --> 00:45:12,105
it's some sort of big loss
of innocence?

1137
00:45:12,107 --> 00:45:13,607
- Yes.
- But come on, you guys.

1138
00:45:13,609 --> 00:45:14,808
It's the same damn thing.

1139
00:45:14,810 --> 00:45:16,709
Oh, Marcie!

1140
00:45:16,711 --> 00:45:18,678
Stop talking.

1141
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:21,816
- Just give us the address.
- Just give us the address.

1142
00:45:21,818 --> 00:45:25,151
Honestly, Lisa, I can't believe
you're on their side.

1143
00:45:25,153 --> 00:45:28,154
Side? This is not
some philosophical debate.

1144
00:45:28,156 --> 00:45:29,823
We're trying to stop
our daughters

1145
00:45:29,825 --> 00:45:32,826
from some kind of sex pact
that they've planned

1146
00:45:32,828 --> 00:45:34,861
and not thought through
all the way.

1147
00:45:34,863 --> 00:45:35,796
That is such bullshit.

1148
00:45:35,798 --> 00:45:38,098
How do you expect society
to treat women

1149
00:45:38,100 --> 00:45:40,633
as if they're equal
when their own parents won't?

1150
00:45:40,635 --> 00:45:42,502
I don't know about that.

1151
00:45:42,504 --> 00:45:44,270
I'll deal with society
tomorrow.

1152
00:45:44,272 --> 00:45:46,173
Right now I'm thinking
about my daughter.

1153
00:45:46,175 --> 00:45:47,241
Well, that is...
that's convenient.

1154
00:45:47,243 --> 00:45:48,441
Yeah. You know what?

1155
00:45:48,443 --> 00:45:50,111
Go ahead and be part
of the group

1156
00:45:50,113 --> 00:45:51,444
that perceives women as little

1157
00:45:51,446 --> 00:45:53,714
damsels in distress
that need saving.

1158
00:45:53,716 --> 00:45:55,649
Who cares about us
not getting paid as much

1159
00:45:55,651 --> 00:45:57,817
or not having control
of our own bodies?

1160
00:45:57,819 --> 00:45:59,486
Can you please not talk to me

1161
00:45:59,488 --> 00:46:01,555
like I'm someone
who bombs abortion clinics?

1162
00:46:01,557 --> 00:46:02,555
I think
we're a little off topic.

1163
00:46:02,557 --> 00:46:03,491
Just... we need the address.

1164
00:46:03,493 --> 00:46:06,192
I just can't believe
that you think Julie

1165
00:46:06,194 --> 00:46:08,194
shouldn't be free
to explore her sexuality

1166
00:46:08,196 --> 00:46:10,196
in the same way that boys are.

1167
00:46:10,198 --> 00:46:13,500
Girls and boys
are very different.

1168
00:46:13,502 --> 00:46:16,136
Guys will take
whatever's in front of them.

1169
00:46:16,138 --> 00:46:18,372
We have these feelings,
and then...

1170
00:46:18,374 --> 00:46:21,709
your parents won't let you
see the man.

1171
00:46:21,711 --> 00:46:24,812
And then he just
writes a lot of letters,

1172
00:46:24,814 --> 00:46:26,379
but you don't get them

1173
00:46:26,381 --> 00:46:28,415
because your mom
doesn't give them to you,

1174
00:46:28,417 --> 00:46:30,817
and then it starts raining
really hard

1175
00:46:30,819 --> 00:46:33,187
'cause he built a house
for you,

1176
00:46:33,189 --> 00:46:37,390
and... and then it's...

1177
00:46:37,392 --> 00:46:39,593
- Mitchell, did you get the address?
- Yep.

1178
00:46:39,595 --> 00:46:40,828
- What?
- I'm really sorry. I'll call you tomorrow.

1179
00:46:40,830 --> 00:46:42,763
- I'm just really stressed out.
- It was so good to see you.

1180
00:46:42,765 --> 00:46:44,564
Was that The Notebook?

1181
00:46:44,566 --> 00:46:47,401
Fucking fuck off, Hunter.
Goddamn it! Mitchell!

1182
00:46:47,403 --> 00:46:48,736
I love you. I'm doing this
for our daughter.

1183
00:46:48,738 --> 00:46:50,337
- I'll be home late.
- Fucking shit!

1184
00:46:52,941 --> 00:46:54,642
To the loss of our innocence.

1185
00:46:59,682 --> 00:47:01,415
Oh!

1186
00:47:01,417 --> 00:47:02,616
- Come on.
- Ooh!

1187
00:47:02,618 --> 00:47:03,917
You guys.

1188
00:47:03,919 --> 00:47:05,419
This is the best night.

1189
00:47:05,421 --> 00:47:08,555
I am so drunk, super high,

1190
00:47:08,557 --> 00:47:10,790
and Connor has a little
something-something

1191
00:47:10,792 --> 00:47:13,526
that I feel I need
to go check out.

1192
00:47:13,528 --> 00:47:15,895
All right.
It's fuck o'clock.

1193
00:47:15,897 --> 00:47:17,666
- No way. You, too?
- Yep.

1194
00:47:19,468 --> 00:47:21,701
- These are macarons.
- Ooh.

1195
00:47:21,703 --> 00:47:23,671
With a very special
concoction of mine

1196
00:47:23,673 --> 00:47:25,573
that I call Wavy Davy.

1197
00:47:25,575 --> 00:47:28,308
So it's DMT that I get
from the Dark Web.

1198
00:47:28,310 --> 00:47:30,276
Uh, and then there's
a little tiny bit of Xanax

1199
00:47:30,278 --> 00:47:32,279
to just kind of take
the edge off, you know.

1200
00:47:32,281 --> 00:47:33,279
It's pretty tight.

1201
00:47:33,281 --> 00:47:34,881
Mm, sounds pretty tight.

1202
00:47:34,883 --> 00:47:36,984
And then I bake it into
a white chocolate macaron,

1203
00:47:36,986 --> 00:47:38,618
and it has, like,
a raspberry filling

1204
00:47:38,620 --> 00:47:39,886
that's both, uh,
light and fluffy

1205
00:47:39,888 --> 00:47:42,323
but also very flavorful
and satisfying.

1206
00:47:42,325 --> 00:47:43,890
Are you ready?

1207
00:47:43,892 --> 00:47:46,560
- Uh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, let's do it.

1208
00:47:46,562 --> 00:47:47,694
Okay.

1209
00:47:47,696 --> 00:47:49,231
- Mmm.
- Let's go.

1210
00:47:50,466 --> 00:47:51,665
Hmm.

1211
00:47:51,667 --> 00:47:53,901
It's yum.

1212
00:47:53,903 --> 00:47:55,372
Hmm.

1213
00:47:59,642 --> 00:48:01,475
Okay, so what do we do?
We just walk in and-and flick

1214
00:48:01,477 --> 00:48:03,243
- the lights on and off until the kids come?
- Shh.

1215
00:48:03,245 --> 00:48:04,778
Just act cool and young,
and maybe we'll just slip in.

1216
00:48:04,780 --> 00:48:06,779
Mitchell, untuck your shirt.

1217
00:48:06,781 --> 00:48:08,448
No, it's not
that kind of shirt.

1218
00:48:08,450 --> 00:48:09,683
- It looks stupid untucked.
- Untuck your shirt.

1219
00:48:09,685 --> 00:48:10,883
You look like a youth minister.

1220
00:48:10,885 --> 00:48:11,984
Untuck your fucking shirt, man.

1221
00:48:11,986 --> 00:48:13,654
- We're trying to look cool.
- All right.

1222
00:48:13,656 --> 00:48:14,955
Whoa, whoa.

1223
00:48:14,957 --> 00:48:16,522
Sorry, bro. Sorry, guys.

1224
00:48:16,524 --> 00:48:18,359
Sorry. My friend's wasted.

1225
00:48:18,361 --> 00:48:20,294
- Don't.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1226
00:48:20,296 --> 00:48:22,562
Hey, hey. No... no adults
are getting into my house.

1227
00:48:22,564 --> 00:48:24,732
Not on prom night.
Okay, not on prom.

1228
00:48:24,734 --> 00:48:26,299
We were just down the street

1229
00:48:26,301 --> 00:48:28,468
at, um, another party,
and then we just decided

1230
00:48:28,470 --> 00:48:30,504
to come up here
and hang with you guys.

1231
00:48:30,506 --> 00:48:32,506
Um, no parents here, right?

1232
00:48:32,508 --> 00:48:33,707
Oh, thank God.

1233
00:48:33,709 --> 00:48:34,774
No, not except
for you guys. No.

1234
00:48:34,776 --> 00:48:36,276
We're not...

1235
00:48:36,278 --> 00:48:38,279
- Yeah, no.
- We don't...

1236
00:48:38,281 --> 00:48:39,281
Okay, so you're cops.

1237
00:48:41,584 --> 00:48:44,685
I got two DUIs last year.
How could I be a cop?

1238
00:48:44,687 --> 00:48:45,919
The police?

1239
00:48:45,921 --> 00:48:47,654
Look at my untucked shirt.

1240
00:48:47,656 --> 00:48:49,522
You're literally the cop-iest
motherfucker I've ever seen.

1241
00:48:49,524 --> 00:48:52,595
You look like you got your hair
cut in the back of a squad car.

1242
00:48:53,928 --> 00:48:56,296
This is a regular
men's haircut.

1243
00:48:56,298 --> 00:48:57,765
Okay, this is ridiculous.

1244
00:48:57,767 --> 00:48:59,366
All right, you're minors,
we're minors.

1245
00:48:59,368 --> 00:49:01,334
You're like 45 years old.

1246
00:49:01,336 --> 00:49:03,002
Fuck you.
I was born in '77.

1247
00:49:03,004 --> 00:49:04,837
'87. '94.

1248
00:49:04,839 --> 00:49:07,073
We're gonna drink
with you guys.

1249
00:49:07,075 --> 00:49:08,841
Would cops drink
with underage kids?

1250
00:49:08,843 --> 00:49:10,444
- No.
- No.

1251
00:49:10,446 --> 00:49:12,412
Okay. What about a little
chugging contest?

1252
00:49:12,414 --> 00:49:13,781
Um...

1253
00:49:13,783 --> 00:49:15,415
Yeah.

1254
00:49:15,417 --> 00:49:16,419
Bring it.

1255
00:49:17,553 --> 00:49:18,718
Okay, wait.

1256
00:49:18,720 --> 00:49:19,986
I got to get the room ready.

1257
00:49:23,993 --> 00:49:26,993
Oh, wow.

1258
00:49:26,995 --> 00:49:28,462
You're really going for it,
aren't you?

1259
00:49:28,464 --> 00:49:29,962
I saw this
in the romantic comedy,

1260
00:49:29,964 --> 00:49:31,865
American Beauty.
So good.

1261
00:49:31,867 --> 00:49:34,634
You watch the whole thing?

1262
00:49:38,841 --> 00:49:40,874
You know what this candle
does to me.

1263
00:49:40,876 --> 00:49:42,109
Is that the one
that gives you hives?

1264
00:49:42,111 --> 00:49:43,847
- No, it's the good one.
- Oh, nice.

1265
00:49:47,415 --> 00:49:49,452
You look so hot right now.

1266
00:49:59,495 --> 00:50:01,729
- Where are my chuggers at? You ready?
- Yeah!

1267
00:50:01,731 --> 00:50:03,564
- Oh, right here. Let's go.
- Whoot, whoot!

1268
00:50:03,566 --> 00:50:05,064
All right.

1269
00:50:05,066 --> 00:50:07,133
- Cool.
- Drop 'em.

1270
00:50:07,135 --> 00:50:08,304
Let's do it.

1271
00:50:10,439 --> 00:50:11,471
Wait, what?

1272
00:50:11,473 --> 00:50:12,605
Guys?

1273
00:50:12,607 --> 00:50:13,807
We're just chugging, right?

1274
00:50:13,809 --> 00:50:14,908
We're butt-chugging.

1275
00:50:14,910 --> 00:50:16,377
Yeah, you put the tube
up your butt,

1276
00:50:16,379 --> 00:50:17,678
and you funnel the beer in.

1277
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:19,580
Fucks you up way more, man.
Trust me.

1278
00:50:19,582 --> 00:50:21,548
- Guys, butt-chugging?
- You got this. You got it.

1279
00:50:21,550 --> 00:50:22,883
No, I'm tagging out.
You're in.

1280
00:50:22,885 --> 00:50:24,450
- What? Why me?
- You've had a baby.

1281
00:50:24,452 --> 00:50:25,651
Everything's looser down there.

1282
00:50:25,653 --> 00:50:27,888
I didn't have a baby
out of my butt.

1283
00:50:27,890 --> 00:50:29,857
- Even I know that.
- Mitchell.

1284
00:50:29,859 --> 00:50:32,859
Okay, this isn't
a common occurrence with me,

1285
00:50:32,861 --> 00:50:35,828
but I have had things
up there before.

1286
00:50:35,830 --> 00:50:37,964
- Hmm?
- It's just all about breathing.

1287
00:50:37,966 --> 00:50:40,734
So just breathe through it
and accept it in.

1288
00:50:40,736 --> 00:50:42,870
I can't do it. I can't do it.

1289
00:50:42,872 --> 00:50:45,138
Hey! She's up there right now
with that dick-bag Connor

1290
00:50:45,140 --> 00:50:46,774
with his man bun
and that stupid smirk.

1291
00:50:46,776 --> 00:50:48,011
Think about this.

1292
00:50:49,745 --> 00:50:51,412
W-Wait. Connor?

1293
00:50:51,414 --> 00:50:53,714
You know... you know
Connor Aldrich, "The Chef"?

1294
00:50:53,716 --> 00:50:55,783
Why do they call him
"The Chef"?

1295
00:50:55,785 --> 00:50:57,984
Uh, maybe a big fan
of South Park?

1296
00:50:57,986 --> 00:50:59,486
"Hello, children."

1297
00:50:59,488 --> 00:51:01,622
No, no.
He cooks drugs into everything.

1298
00:51:01,624 --> 00:51:03,490
Everything.
Uh, one time he made me

1299
00:51:03,492 --> 00:51:05,825
this, like,
acid financier cake. Oh!

1300
00:51:05,827 --> 00:51:08,428
That shit was to die for, man.

1301
00:51:08,430 --> 00:51:10,430
Like, literally,
I almost fucking died.

1302
00:51:10,432 --> 00:51:12,198
Yeah, dude, if your daughter
had anything like that cake,

1303
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:13,921
she might not remember
who you are tomorrow.

1304
00:51:15,136 --> 00:51:17,504
Give me the fucking tube.

1305
00:51:19,441 --> 00:51:20,741
Let's bone.

1306
00:51:20,743 --> 00:51:22,042
Wait, what? Oh.

1307
00:51:22,044 --> 00:51:24,681
Are you sure that this
is how you want to do it?

1308
00:51:26,147 --> 00:51:27,848
Yes, Chad.

1309
00:51:27,850 --> 00:51:29,950
This is always
how I've imagined it.

1310
00:51:29,952 --> 00:51:32,519
Oh, you know, I'd rather leave
my shirt on, if that's sexier.

1311
00:51:32,521 --> 00:51:35,455
I need another drink.

1312
00:51:35,457 --> 00:51:36,492
Wait, wait, uh...

1313
00:51:38,660 --> 00:51:40,928
Can you lube it up
with something first?

1314
00:51:40,930 --> 00:51:42,495
- Yeah, I'll just spit on it.
- No!

1315
00:51:42,497 --> 00:51:44,698
Why? Because I'm a man?
Get over yourself.

1316
00:51:44,700 --> 00:51:46,533
No, 'cause you're
fucking gross,

1317
00:51:46,535 --> 00:51:48,000
and your fucking
saliva's gross.

1318
00:51:48,002 --> 00:51:49,669
I have... I have lip gloss.
I have lip gloss.

1319
00:51:49,671 --> 00:51:51,537
- Got a lip gloss. We got a lip gloss.
- Okay, fine. Shit.

1320
00:51:51,539 --> 00:51:52,638
I don't have lip gloss.

1321
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:54,241
All right, guys, let's get those tubes in.

1322
00:51:54,243 --> 00:51:55,776
All right,
I got the lip gloss on there.

1323
00:51:55,778 --> 00:51:56,877
- Okay.
- Okay, okay.

1324
00:51:56,879 --> 00:51:58,578
- All right.
- Okay, ready?

1325
00:51:58,580 --> 00:52:00,214
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

1326
00:52:00,216 --> 00:52:01,881
- It's not in yet.
- Okay. - Chill.

1327
00:52:01,883 --> 00:52:03,584
So it's just gonna be
on the count of three.

1328
00:52:03,586 --> 00:52:05,718
You got this, dawg.
This is for your kid.

1329
00:52:05,720 --> 00:52:07,488
- On three. Okay. All right. Yeah.
- On three.

1330
00:52:07,490 --> 00:52:08,721
- Okay, one...
- One...

1331
00:52:08,723 --> 00:52:11,859
- Oh!
- Are you okay?

1332
00:52:11,861 --> 00:52:13,759
- Okay, get your 40s.
- They got a lager and an IPA.

1333
00:52:13,761 --> 00:52:15,062
Does it... Doesn't-doesn't...

1334
00:52:15,064 --> 00:52:16,596
- It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
- Okay.

1335
00:52:16,598 --> 00:52:17,897
- I don't know about this.
- No, no, no, no.

1336
00:52:17,899 --> 00:52:19,198
- It's too late. It's already in.
- Here you go.

1337
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:20,566
It's in you.
It's part of you now.

1338
00:52:20,568 --> 00:52:22,102
- Ready? Set...
- Yeah.

1339
00:52:22,104 --> 00:52:24,971
Chug...!

1340
00:52:24,973 --> 00:52:27,573
Butt chug!
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1341
00:52:27,575 --> 00:52:28,941
Oh, wait.

1342
00:52:28,943 --> 00:52:30,511
- Hey, hey.
- Loosen up.

1343
00:52:30,513 --> 00:52:32,645
- It's not working, dude.
- I can't.

1344
00:52:32,647 --> 00:52:33,913
- You can hold my hand.
- Okay.

1345
00:52:33,915 --> 00:52:35,115
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1346
00:52:35,117 --> 00:52:36,850
- Ow!
- You're hurting her.

1347
00:52:36,852 --> 00:52:38,118
- That really hurt!
- I'm sorry!

1348
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:39,685
Hey, man, listen.

1349
00:52:39,687 --> 00:52:41,955
Channel that energy
into your butthole.

1350
00:52:41,957 --> 00:52:43,022
- Breathe.
- This changes everything I know.

1351
00:52:43,024 --> 00:52:45,125
Dude, if your daughter
could see you now,

1352
00:52:45,127 --> 00:52:46,496
she'd be so proud of you.

1353
00:52:47,863 --> 00:52:50,096
Whoa.

1354
00:52:50,098 --> 00:52:53,866
I am... I am tripping so hard.

1355
00:52:53,868 --> 00:52:55,636
It's not working.
It's not working, dude.

1356
00:52:55,638 --> 00:52:57,703
- Oh, it's terrible. Oh.
- It is.

1357
00:52:57,705 --> 00:52:58,906
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1358
00:52:58,908 --> 00:53:00,841
- Open up.
- No, I'm sorry.

1359
00:53:00,843 --> 00:53:03,176
- I-I can't do it, man.
- Focus! For your daughter.

1360
00:53:03,178 --> 00:53:04,810
Fuck, Mitch. Focus.

1361
00:53:04,812 --> 00:53:06,145
- You gotta breathe.
- You gotta open up, dude.

1362
00:53:06,147 --> 00:53:08,615
- Relax.
- I'm relaxed. I'm dilated.

1363
00:53:08,617 --> 00:53:11,084
I'm staring at your asshole.
You're not dilated.

1364
00:53:11,086 --> 00:53:14,654
Mitchell, you're gonna
lose to this punk bitch?

1365
00:53:14,656 --> 00:53:16,790
Breathe. Take it in.

1366
00:53:16,792 --> 00:53:18,058
Butt chug!

1367
00:53:19,761 --> 00:53:21,093
There we go.

1368
00:53:21,095 --> 00:53:22,930
- Okay, good.
- Oh! Oh, it's working!

1369
00:53:22,932 --> 00:53:26,133
- It's working! It's working!
- Holy shit! Holy shit!

1370
00:53:26,135 --> 00:53:27,834
We're almost halfway done.

1371
00:53:27,836 --> 00:53:30,136
Po's! Fucking run!

1372
00:53:30,138 --> 00:53:31,638
Cops?

1373
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,710
Oh, no!

1374
00:53:35,678 --> 00:53:38,111
Ass beer! Oh, oh!

1375
00:53:38,113 --> 00:53:39,712
Lisa, the beer went
into my mouth!

1376
00:53:39,714 --> 00:53:41,314
I have to go to the hospital!

1377
00:53:41,316 --> 00:53:43,917
Hurry up! Get out of here!

1378
00:53:43,919 --> 00:53:45,185
Shit.

1379
00:53:45,187 --> 00:53:47,087
We got to go.

1380
00:53:47,089 --> 00:53:49,288
I got ass beer in my mouth.
I should go to the hospital.

1381
00:53:49,290 --> 00:53:51,258
Oh, shit. The fucking cops?

1382
00:53:51,260 --> 00:53:52,993
- Fuck.
- The fucking cops are here?

1383
00:53:52,995 --> 00:53:54,895
- Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
- I can't get the tube out.

1384
00:53:54,897 --> 00:53:56,229
- Pull the tube out.
- Lis, pull it out.

1385
00:53:56,231 --> 00:53:58,165
- No. I put it in.
- I had to spit on it!

1386
00:53:58,167 --> 00:54:00,133
- What? You spit on it?
- No, it was my lip gloss.

1387
00:54:00,135 --> 00:54:01,834
- It was lip gloss.
- Pull it out!

1388
00:54:01,836 --> 00:54:03,370
Hey, man, be gentle.
Be fucking gentle, all right?

1389
00:54:03,372 --> 00:54:05,004
I'm gonna be gentle,
all right? Ready?

1390
00:54:05,006 --> 00:54:06,205
- All right, on three.
- On three.

1391
00:54:06,207 --> 00:54:07,674
- One.
- Ow!

1392
00:54:10,979 --> 00:54:12,613
- Come on.
- Whoo!

1393
00:54:12,615 --> 00:54:15,147
Hey, guys. Guys.

1394
00:54:15,149 --> 00:54:16,350
Wait, wait.

1395
00:54:16,352 --> 00:54:17,883
Sam?

1396
00:54:17,885 --> 00:54:19,752
Sam, Sam! We're over here.

1397
00:54:19,754 --> 00:54:21,955
- No! No, I... No.
- She's...

1398
00:54:21,957 --> 00:54:23,689
- The night is over.
- No.

1399
00:54:23,691 --> 00:54:25,959
It's over. It's done.

1400
00:54:25,961 --> 00:54:27,928
The night is not over.

1401
00:54:27,930 --> 00:54:29,930
The night has just begun.

1402
00:54:33,334 --> 00:54:36,035
Jesus, Chad, use your legs.

1403
00:54:36,037 --> 00:54:37,703
I mean, I pretty much
carried her,

1404
00:54:37,705 --> 00:54:38,874
like, the whole way there.

1405
00:54:46,914 --> 00:54:49,785
Hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle!

1406
00:54:50,885 --> 00:54:52,051
Come on, Sam.

1407
00:54:52,053 --> 00:54:53,419
- Come with us.
- I can't.

1408
00:54:53,421 --> 00:54:55,187
My car is here.
But all my friends

1409
00:54:55,189 --> 00:54:57,223
are going to the hotel party.

1410
00:54:57,225 --> 00:54:58,660
Maybe I'll see you later.

1411
00:55:03,665 --> 00:55:05,232
Get in the car!
Go, go, go, girl!

1412
00:55:05,234 --> 00:55:06,899
- Sam! Seriously, hurry up!
- You'll see her later.

1413
00:55:06,901 --> 00:55:08,334
- You'll see her later.
- What are you doing?

1414
00:55:08,336 --> 00:55:10,837
Ooh, this night is not over,
I swear to Christ!

1415
00:55:10,839 --> 00:55:12,372
Dukes of Hazzard!

1416
00:55:14,008 --> 00:55:16,008
Racist-ass show anyway.

1417
00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:18,245
- I got the spins, man.
- We got to find our daughter, dawg.

1418
00:55:18,247 --> 00:55:19,979
- I'm gonna sit down for a second.
- Rudy!

1419
00:55:19,981 --> 00:55:22,716
- It's Rudy. Rudy.
- Rudy, Rudy, wait, wait!

1420
00:55:22,718 --> 00:55:24,116
There he goes, there he goes!
Hit the clicker!

1421
00:55:24,118 --> 00:55:25,886
- Open the doors!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

1422
00:55:25,888 --> 00:55:27,821
- Okay, sit.
- I got mine.

1423
00:55:27,823 --> 00:55:29,826
Seat belts!
You'll get a big ticket.

1424
00:55:32,995 --> 00:55:34,995
- That's them right there.
- They're getting away.

1425
00:55:34,997 --> 00:55:36,263
- You gotta go faster. Hey.
- Okay.

1426
00:55:36,265 --> 00:55:38,098
Hey, you gotta be at 110%.

1427
00:55:38,100 --> 00:55:39,832
- Okay.
- You got to be in it to win it!

1428
00:55:39,834 --> 00:55:41,801
How do you get more competitive
when you're drunk?

1429
00:55:41,803 --> 00:55:43,970
Hey, man. I'm more of a winner
when I'm drunk, all right?

1430
00:55:43,972 --> 00:55:46,305
- Okay, okay.
- And the question I have

1431
00:55:46,307 --> 00:55:48,174
for you, Lis:
Are you a winner?

1432
00:55:48,176 --> 00:55:50,042
Are you in it to win it?

1433
00:55:50,044 --> 00:55:52,111
- Winning is my bitch!
- All right.

1434
00:55:52,113 --> 00:55:53,379
- Strong.
- Knock, knock!

1435
00:55:53,381 --> 00:55:55,281
- Who's there?
- Me winning.

1436
00:55:58,419 --> 00:56:00,020
It's not...

1437
00:56:00,022 --> 00:56:01,821
It's not that good.

1438
00:56:03,225 --> 00:56:05,225
I don't... Ow, ow!

1439
00:56:05,227 --> 00:56:06,892
- Lisa winning!
- It's not that good.

1440
00:56:06,894 --> 00:56:08,861
Ow! Fuck!
All right, it's good.

1441
00:56:08,863 --> 00:56:10,397
It's fine. I like it.

1442
00:56:10,399 --> 00:56:11,679
Hey, you're losing him.
Let's go.

1443
00:56:14,236 --> 00:56:16,502
Not on my watch.

1444
00:56:18,941 --> 00:56:21,207
Oh, hey!
- Whoa! - Ow!

1445
00:56:21,209 --> 00:56:22,743
Y'all think you gonna outrun

1446
00:56:22,745 --> 00:56:24,076
Rudy "The Main
Motherfucking Man" Glover?

1447
00:56:24,078 --> 00:56:25,212
Hell no.

1448
00:56:25,214 --> 00:56:27,046
- Are you all right?
- No!

1449
00:56:27,048 --> 00:56:28,214
Come on.

1450
00:56:28,216 --> 00:56:30,015
You okay?

1451
00:56:30,017 --> 00:56:32,151
Hey, guys.

1452
00:56:32,153 --> 00:56:34,020
Hey, I don't...

1453
00:56:34,022 --> 00:56:35,357
I don't feel so...

1454
00:56:36,925 --> 00:56:39,225
Oh, my God!

1455
00:56:39,227 --> 00:56:40,259
Oh, my God!

1456
00:56:45,434 --> 00:56:47,533
All right,
here's what we're gonna do.

1457
00:56:47,535 --> 00:56:48,701
Lisa, I have seen every single

1458
00:56:48,703 --> 00:56:50,904
- Fast and the Furious movie, okay?
- Mm-hmm.

1459
00:56:50,906 --> 00:56:52,805
All of them, dozens of times.
Have you seen any of them?

1460
00:56:52,807 --> 00:56:54,908
I saw the Tokyo one,
and I saw the one

1461
00:56:54,910 --> 00:56:56,176
where The Rock
punches the torpedo.

1462
00:56:56,178 --> 00:56:57,977
Those are the best two to see.

1463
00:56:57,979 --> 00:57:01,214
Okay, in times like this,
I ask myself one question:

1464
00:57:01,216 --> 00:57:03,783
"WWVDD?"
You know what that means?

1465
00:57:03,785 --> 00:57:05,017
"What would Vin Diesel do?"

1466
00:57:05,019 --> 00:57:06,553
Holy shit!

1467
00:57:06,555 --> 00:57:08,396
No one's ever fucking
gotten that before. Okay.

1468
00:57:13,495 --> 00:57:15,098
Oh, man, it smells like...

1469
00:57:16,330 --> 00:57:17,464
What we're gonna do...

1470
00:57:17,466 --> 00:57:18,531
we're gonna kiss the bumper.

1471
00:57:18,533 --> 00:57:19,399
- You give it a little tap.
- Okay.

1472
00:57:19,401 --> 00:57:21,033
And then they're gonna
spin and stop,

1473
00:57:21,035 --> 00:57:22,803
and we're gonna spin
and stop the other way.

1474
00:57:22,805 --> 00:57:24,404
- Okay.
- And we're gonna look at each other,

1475
00:57:24,406 --> 00:57:26,339
and we're gonna go,
"It's all about the family."

1476
00:57:26,341 --> 00:57:28,575
Wait, I don't feel comfortable
running the kids off the road.

1477
00:57:28,577 --> 00:57:31,178
This slow and un-furious
attitude is not helping us.

1478
00:57:31,180 --> 00:57:32,479
You have to believe!

1479
00:57:32,481 --> 00:57:33,979
Okay, I'm gonna kiss it.

1480
00:57:33,981 --> 00:57:35,350
Here we go!

1481
00:57:36,952 --> 00:57:38,417
What's that?

1482
00:57:38,419 --> 00:57:40,352
- Did I do it?
- No, you didn't even kiss it.

1483
00:57:40,354 --> 00:57:41,488
- You gotta kiss it.
- Shit. Okay.

1484
00:57:41,490 --> 00:57:43,890
Kiss it for the family.

1485
00:57:43,892 --> 00:57:45,895
- Is that Sam?
- Is that Sam?

1486
00:57:47,863 --> 00:57:49,930
- Oh! Oh, God!
- She barfed on us!

1487
00:57:49,932 --> 00:57:51,497
Oh, my God!

1488
00:58:02,477 --> 00:58:04,413
Fuck.

1489
00:58:07,316 --> 00:58:09,015
Okay.

1490
00:58:09,017 --> 00:58:10,917
Are we in Heaven?

1491
00:58:10,919 --> 00:58:13,019
Okay. Listen, I know
how to do this.

1492
00:58:13,021 --> 00:58:15,254
Everyone lean backwards.

1493
00:58:15,256 --> 00:58:17,256
If we all lean backwards
on three,

1494
00:58:17,258 --> 00:58:18,625
the car will roll back.

1495
00:58:18,627 --> 00:58:19,926
- Ready?
- Okay.

1496
00:58:19,928 --> 00:58:21,294
One...

1497
00:58:21,296 --> 00:58:23,129
two... three.

1498
00:58:24,298 --> 00:58:27,299
- Oh, fuck...!
- No!

1499
00:58:27,301 --> 00:58:28,567
- Oh!
- Oh, no!

1500
00:58:33,876 --> 00:58:37,209
Well, that's the last
of the ass beer.

1501
00:58:37,211 --> 00:58:39,212
Jesus! That's it. Are you okay?

1502
00:58:39,214 --> 00:58:42,381
Are you bleeding? You might
have internal blood injuries.

1503
00:58:42,383 --> 00:58:44,584
- I'm all right, I'm all right.
- Here's the problem.

1504
00:58:44,586 --> 00:58:47,087
The Fast and the Furious
movies are not realistic.

1505
00:58:47,089 --> 00:58:48,287
Where are we?

1506
00:58:48,289 --> 00:58:49,589
Shit!

1507
00:58:49,591 --> 00:58:50,957
Fuck.

1508
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:54,560
What are you doing?

1509
00:58:54,562 --> 00:58:56,363
I heard that in times
of crisis, parents have

1510
00:58:56,365 --> 00:58:57,930
- superhuman strength.
- No offense... there's

1511
00:58:57,932 --> 00:58:59,633
no scientific way you're gonna
flip that car over.

1512
00:58:59,635 --> 00:59:01,634
- I couldn't even do that.
- I couldn't do it, either.

1513
00:59:01,636 --> 00:59:04,874
Do not tell me what I can
and can't do.

1514
00:59:08,209 --> 00:59:10,075
Kayla's not answering again.

1515
00:59:10,077 --> 00:59:11,477
- Goddamn it.
- We lost 'em, guys.

1516
00:59:11,479 --> 00:59:12,946
We are fucked!

1517
00:59:12,948 --> 00:59:14,450
Or maybe not.

1518
00:59:17,051 --> 00:59:19,218
What are you doing?

1519
00:59:19,220 --> 00:59:21,220
Trying to telepathically
communicate with Kayla.

1520
00:59:21,222 --> 00:59:22,622
I'm with the X-Men of parents.

1521
00:59:22,624 --> 00:59:24,156
You know what
my secret power is?

1522
00:59:24,158 --> 00:59:25,691
I'm super fucking annoyed
right now,

1523
00:59:25,693 --> 00:59:27,529
and I hurt my love handle.

1524
00:59:31,966 --> 00:59:33,133
No, no.

1525
00:59:33,135 --> 00:59:34,599
Hey.

1526
00:59:34,602 --> 00:59:37,037
You guys think my new clothes
go with my fedora?

1527
00:59:37,039 --> 00:59:38,571
I'm just kidding.
I know they do.

1528
00:59:44,312 --> 00:59:45,647
Hey.

1529
00:59:47,682 --> 00:59:50,316
- Have you talked to your mom?
- No.

1530
00:59:50,318 --> 00:59:51,951
So, my parents
were just texting me,

1531
00:59:51,953 --> 00:59:53,252
and they were having sex,

1532
00:59:53,254 --> 00:59:55,323
and your mom showed up
looking for you.

1533
00:59:56,457 --> 00:59:58,290
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

1534
00:59:58,292 --> 00:59:59,558
It's... it's okay.

1535
00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:01,294
They have sex all the time.

1536
01:00:01,296 --> 01:00:02,962
Oh, my God.

1537
01:00:02,964 --> 01:00:04,596
She... The texts.

1538
01:00:04,598 --> 01:00:06,366
So many texts.

1539
01:00:06,368 --> 01:00:08,000
She's mad.

1540
01:00:08,002 --> 01:00:10,303
I need to handle this.

1541
01:00:10,305 --> 01:00:12,037
Good news.
A Lyft is on its way.

1542
01:00:12,039 --> 01:00:14,073
Oh, wait, no, I know this guy.
He sucks.

1543
01:00:14,075 --> 01:00:15,274
Oh, shit. It's Julie.

1544
01:00:15,276 --> 01:00:17,377
- Be-be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.
- Okay, be quiet.

1545
01:00:17,379 --> 01:00:19,712
- Okay.
- Hey, Mom.

1546
01:00:19,714 --> 01:00:21,448
I just got all your texts,
and I just want

1547
01:00:21,450 --> 01:00:22,716
to let you know
that we're all good.

1548
01:00:22,718 --> 01:00:24,049
Cool, cool. Okay.

1549
01:00:24,051 --> 01:00:27,220
Um, are you at the prom?

1550
01:00:27,222 --> 01:00:28,388
Yeah.

1551
01:00:28,390 --> 01:00:30,756
Yeah, just nonstop
magical moments.

1552
01:00:30,758 --> 01:00:32,392
Ha! You are lying to me.

1553
01:00:32,394 --> 01:00:34,093
Where are you right now?
Where are you?

1554
01:00:34,095 --> 01:00:35,261
Why are you freaking out?

1555
01:00:35,263 --> 01:00:36,562
I'm freaking out

1556
01:00:36,564 --> 01:00:38,598
because I know
what you're up to.

1557
01:00:38,601 --> 01:00:40,299
And I know that you
and your friends

1558
01:00:40,301 --> 01:00:43,770
are planning some kind
of little sex pact or whatever.

1559
01:00:43,772 --> 01:00:46,272
- What did you say?
- You heard me.

1560
01:00:46,274 --> 01:00:48,207
How could you possibly know?

1561
01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:51,778
Because I am your mother
and I know you.

1562
01:00:51,780 --> 01:00:54,680
- And I know you better than you know yourself.
- Yes.

1563
01:00:54,682 --> 01:00:59,252
And I also know that you're
planning on going to UCLA

1564
01:00:59,254 --> 01:01:01,421
and that you're
following Austin.

1565
01:01:01,423 --> 01:01:03,355
Yeah.

1566
01:01:03,357 --> 01:01:07,463
I... know... everything.

1567
01:01:08,696 --> 01:01:12,165
Oh, my God, you know nothing.

1568
01:01:12,167 --> 01:01:14,801
Why do you even assume
that it's me following Austin?

1569
01:01:14,803 --> 01:01:18,404
Huh? You're not worried
about me, Mom.

1570
01:01:18,406 --> 01:01:19,671
You're worried about you.

1571
01:01:19,673 --> 01:01:21,174
You're afraid of losing me.

1572
01:01:21,176 --> 01:01:22,575
You're afraid of being alone.

1573
01:01:22,577 --> 01:01:25,044
I am not scared of being alone.

1574
01:01:26,414 --> 01:01:28,381
This is not about me.

1575
01:01:28,383 --> 01:01:32,451
I have not thought about myself
for the last 18 years.

1576
01:01:32,453 --> 01:01:34,453
This is about you.

1577
01:01:34,455 --> 01:01:38,191
And as a single mother,
I am trying to stop you

1578
01:01:38,193 --> 01:01:40,261
from making
a life-ruining decision.

1579
01:01:41,595 --> 01:01:44,296
So I was a...
a life-ruining decision?

1580
01:01:44,298 --> 01:01:47,100
No. No, of cour...
No, that is not what I meant.

1581
01:01:47,102 --> 01:01:49,334
- No, that is not what I meant.
- You know what, Mom?

1582
01:01:49,336 --> 01:01:52,372
I'm not going to UCLA
because of some boy, okay?

1583
01:01:52,374 --> 01:01:54,741
I'm going to UCLA
because it's the furthest

1584
01:01:54,743 --> 01:01:56,511
I can get from you.

1585
01:01:58,180 --> 01:02:00,180
W-Well...

1586
01:02:00,182 --> 01:02:02,649
Hello?

1587
01:02:02,651 --> 01:02:05,618
Nanaru is on his way.

1588
01:02:05,620 --> 01:02:07,256
46 minutes.

1589
01:02:08,856 --> 01:02:12,060
Well, so she hates me.

1590
01:02:14,595 --> 01:02:16,562
She doesn't hate you.

1591
01:02:16,564 --> 01:02:18,298
Kayla's ignoring me.

1592
01:02:18,300 --> 01:02:20,566
She's bringing it
to a whole new level of spite.

1593
01:02:20,568 --> 01:02:22,201
Yeah.

1594
01:02:22,203 --> 01:02:24,169
It's a...
that's a new level of pain.

1595
01:02:24,171 --> 01:02:26,138
Yeah. I know, I know.

1596
01:02:26,140 --> 01:02:29,274
It's just different for me,
because I gave birth to her,

1597
01:02:29,276 --> 01:02:31,343
and I just feel very connected.

1598
01:02:31,345 --> 01:02:33,312
She was living in my body.

1599
01:02:33,314 --> 01:02:34,680
- Kayla grew in me.
- Yeah.

1600
01:02:34,682 --> 01:02:36,249
She grew in me. She-she did.

1601
01:02:36,251 --> 01:02:38,884
She grew from my balls,
and I shot her into Marcie.

1602
01:02:38,886 --> 01:02:41,289
This is the same
for you and me.

1603
01:02:42,457 --> 01:02:43,756
Not exactly.

1604
01:02:43,758 --> 01:02:47,192
I mean, you have
daily love in your life,

1605
01:02:47,194 --> 01:02:50,129
and I'm probably gonna
die alone

1606
01:02:50,131 --> 01:02:52,531
and won't be found
for a really long time.

1607
01:02:52,533 --> 01:02:55,468
Until one day,
someone will be walking by

1608
01:02:55,470 --> 01:02:56,803
with their golden retriever,

1609
01:02:56,805 --> 01:02:58,705
and the dog
is just gonna lose its shit,

1610
01:02:58,707 --> 01:03:00,607
and then they're gonna
call the police,

1611
01:03:00,609 --> 01:03:04,611
and then they're gonna come in
and find me draped over the tub

1612
01:03:04,613 --> 01:03:08,281
with my feral cats
eating away at my hair.

1613
01:03:08,283 --> 01:03:09,781
'Cause cats do that.

1614
01:03:09,783 --> 01:03:11,450
The fuck is wrong with you?

1615
01:03:11,452 --> 01:03:13,486
That is some dark shit.

1616
01:03:13,488 --> 01:03:15,287
- You're gonna die alone?
- Oh, oh, oh, oh! My man!

1617
01:03:15,289 --> 01:03:16,855
- My man!
- Where the hell did you get that idea?

1618
01:03:16,857 --> 01:03:17,857
- You know what?
- Come on!

1619
01:03:17,859 --> 01:03:19,392
I call you all the time.

1620
01:03:19,394 --> 01:03:21,160
You ever return my calls? No.

1621
01:03:21,162 --> 01:03:22,861
Because we're not
really friends, you and me.

1622
01:03:22,863 --> 01:03:24,531
We're not friends?

1623
01:03:24,533 --> 01:03:26,533
I don't mean it, uh, that...
I-I... you...

1624
01:03:26,535 --> 01:03:28,801
You know what you are?

1625
01:03:28,803 --> 01:03:31,571
You are like the thing
that pops up on Facebook,

1626
01:03:31,573 --> 01:03:34,506
and then it's, like,
this beautiful picture

1627
01:03:34,508 --> 01:03:37,477
of your grandma who's dead.

1628
01:03:37,479 --> 01:03:39,479
And you're like,
"Fuck you, Facebook,

1629
01:03:39,481 --> 01:03:41,346
for reminding me of my loss."

1630
01:03:41,348 --> 01:03:42,448
That's why you're avoiding me?

1631
01:03:42,450 --> 01:03:44,216
Because I remind you of loss?

1632
01:03:44,218 --> 01:03:47,819
Yes. I don't want to be
reminded of sweet, young Julie

1633
01:03:47,821 --> 01:03:50,323
and our kids
and that beautiful time

1634
01:03:50,325 --> 01:03:51,957
- in our lives is over.
- Oh, God.

1635
01:03:51,959 --> 01:03:54,294
Boo-fucking-hoo with you two.

1636
01:03:54,296 --> 01:03:56,495
You guys completely ignore me.

1637
01:03:56,497 --> 01:03:58,531
- Always.
- Yeah, no shit, cheater.

1638
01:03:58,533 --> 01:03:59,966
Oh, cheater? That's my...
that's my designation?

1639
01:03:59,968 --> 01:04:01,734
That's what I am?
I'm the cheater?

1640
01:04:01,736 --> 01:04:03,502
Fuck that shit.

1641
01:04:03,504 --> 01:04:05,872
Did you guys ever once call me
when that went down

1642
01:04:05,874 --> 01:04:07,839
and ask me my side
of the story?

1643
01:04:07,841 --> 01:04:09,676
You didn't.

1644
01:04:09,678 --> 01:04:11,243
I would have
told you the truth.

1645
01:04:11,245 --> 01:04:12,946
I would have told you
that Brenda had stopped

1646
01:04:12,948 --> 01:04:14,580
talking to me
months before that happened.

1647
01:04:14,582 --> 01:04:16,549
You know she hooked up
with her boss

1648
01:04:16,551 --> 01:04:19,319
at a company retreat
in Wisconsin?

1649
01:04:19,321 --> 01:04:20,787
Do you know she beat me up?

1650
01:04:20,789 --> 01:04:22,522
She fucking beat me up

1651
01:04:22,524 --> 01:04:24,756
at a Romano's
fucking Macaroni Grill!

1652
01:04:24,758 --> 01:04:27,526
She fucking slapped me in front
of the fucking maitre d'!

1653
01:04:27,528 --> 01:04:28,727
- I didn't know that.
- I'm sorry, man.

1654
01:04:28,729 --> 01:04:30,729
And I fucking embarrass myself,

1655
01:04:30,731 --> 01:04:32,966
and I embarrass myself
in front of my daughter.

1656
01:04:32,968 --> 01:04:34,399
And I-I-I thought, you know,

1657
01:04:34,401 --> 01:04:35,701
I should pull back
a little bit,

1658
01:04:35,703 --> 01:04:37,002
and then fucking Frank
showed up,

1659
01:04:37,004 --> 01:04:38,937
and he... I pulled back more,

1660
01:04:38,939 --> 01:04:40,839
and I thought,
"One day I'm gonna fix it.

1661
01:04:40,841 --> 01:04:42,609
One day I'm gonna
fucking fix it."

1662
01:04:42,611 --> 01:04:44,509
And then I thought,
if I gave her

1663
01:04:44,511 --> 01:04:49,281
something awesome,
like a great night,

1664
01:04:49,283 --> 01:04:51,517
I could get close
with her again.

1665
01:04:51,519 --> 01:04:53,189
But I can't.

1666
01:04:56,725 --> 01:04:58,558
'Cause she's gone.
They're just...

1667
01:04:58,560 --> 01:05:00,560
The kids, they...

1668
01:05:00,562 --> 01:05:01,928
they just leave.

1669
01:05:01,930 --> 01:05:04,596
Oh, shit!
I know how we can find them.

1670
01:05:04,598 --> 01:05:05,964
Go to Cathy and Ron's.

1671
01:05:05,966 --> 01:05:07,533
Austin's been texting them
all night.

1672
01:05:07,535 --> 01:05:09,602
Did you hear anything
I said just now?

1673
01:05:09,604 --> 01:05:11,303
- That's a great idea.
- Fuck it.

1674
01:05:11,305 --> 01:05:12,705
It's just good
to say it out loud.

1675
01:05:12,707 --> 01:05:14,877
- Let's go flip that car.
- Hell...

1676
01:05:15,977 --> 01:05:18,645
Jesus Christ!

1677
01:05:18,647 --> 01:05:21,984
Oh, my fucking God.

1678
01:05:23,385 --> 01:05:24,883
Shit.

1679
01:05:24,885 --> 01:05:27,587
My car just exploded.

1680
01:05:30,357 --> 01:05:32,758
Nanaru is 26 minutes away.

1681
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:34,294
So that's good.

1682
01:05:34,296 --> 01:05:35,662
I thought I canceled him.

1683
01:05:35,664 --> 01:05:37,029
Thanks, Nanaru.

1684
01:05:37,031 --> 01:05:38,430
So Austin's parents
aren't gonna

1685
01:05:38,432 --> 01:05:39,732
just tell us where they are.

1686
01:05:39,734 --> 01:05:41,801
So we need to get Ron's phone,

1687
01:05:41,803 --> 01:05:44,069
read the texts
and find our kids.

1688
01:05:44,071 --> 01:05:45,404
Okay?

1689
01:05:45,406 --> 01:05:47,307
Hunter, it's not gonna be you.

1690
01:05:47,309 --> 01:05:48,774
So, Mitchell, it's you.

1691
01:05:48,776 --> 01:05:50,609
No. That's breaking
and entering.

1692
01:05:50,611 --> 01:05:52,712
That is...
I'm uncomfortable with that.

1693
01:05:52,714 --> 01:05:54,546
Are you a team player,
or aren't you?

1694
01:05:54,548 --> 01:05:55,747
Am I a team player?

1695
01:05:55,749 --> 01:05:57,015
I just chugged a 40
with my asshole.

1696
01:05:57,017 --> 01:05:58,051
I'm a team player.

1697
01:05:58,053 --> 01:05:59,819
Then get your head in the game.

1698
01:05:59,821 --> 01:06:02,421
It's the bottom of the third,
we are down by one,

1699
01:06:02,423 --> 01:06:04,659
and there is not a lot
of game left.

1700
01:06:05,993 --> 01:06:07,759
There is a lot
of game left, though.

1701
01:06:07,761 --> 01:06:09,761
Listen. You have one pass left.

1702
01:06:09,763 --> 01:06:11,698
One. One pass.

1703
01:06:11,700 --> 01:06:13,765
- Is it rug... rugby?
- You don't have a limit on passing.

1704
01:06:13,767 --> 01:06:14,834
Is it Australian-rules
football?

1705
01:06:14,836 --> 01:06:16,669
And if it was the third,
I would have the fourth...

1706
01:06:16,671 --> 01:06:17,970
You know what? You know
what's happening right now?

1707
01:06:17,972 --> 01:06:19,738
Let me tell you what's
happening right now.

1708
01:06:19,740 --> 01:06:21,874
Is Kayla and Connor
are sliding into bed.

1709
01:06:21,876 --> 01:06:23,508
He's grabbing a condom,

1710
01:06:23,510 --> 01:06:25,645
and then he's flicking it
to the side

1711
01:06:25,647 --> 01:06:27,580
with a smirk on his face.

1712
01:06:27,582 --> 01:06:30,649
That fucking smirk. No way.

1713
01:06:30,651 --> 01:06:31,984
We need a Hail Mary pass.

1714
01:06:31,986 --> 01:06:33,618
Are you up for that, son?

1715
01:06:33,620 --> 01:06:35,087
- Yes, Coach.
- Well, I can't hear you.

1716
01:06:35,089 --> 01:06:36,756
- Yes, Coach. I'm in it.
- I can't hear you!

1717
01:06:36,758 --> 01:06:38,057
I can fucking do this!
Let's go!

1718
01:06:38,059 --> 01:06:39,495
Okay, we gotta...
we gotta be quiet.

1719
01:06:44,131 --> 01:06:45,834
Careful.

1720
01:06:51,472 --> 01:06:52,839
All right, go.

1721
01:06:52,841 --> 01:06:54,443
Go.

1722
01:07:20,401 --> 01:07:21,922
Did you...? Look at that.

1723
01:07:29,676 --> 01:07:30,910
Go out that way.

1724
01:07:30,912 --> 01:07:32,044
There's a person.
There's a person.

1725
01:07:32,046 --> 01:07:33,615
What? Fuck you.

1726
01:07:35,115 --> 01:07:36,751
Jesus Christ.

1727
01:07:49,531 --> 01:07:52,799
I'm gonna get you.

1728
01:07:52,801 --> 01:07:56,535
Not if I get you first.

1729
01:08:02,877 --> 01:08:05,044
No, no. Get away from here.

1730
01:08:05,046 --> 01:08:07,482
- I'm fucking out.
- Mitchell, in. - Get in.

1731
01:08:09,216 --> 01:08:11,850
- Cath?
- Ron, no talking.

1732
01:08:11,852 --> 01:08:14,654
Come on, we had a deal.
We have to find each other

1733
01:08:14,656 --> 01:08:16,656
by sensing each other's musks.

1734
01:08:16,658 --> 01:08:18,057
Can't use our voices.

1735
01:08:36,477 --> 01:08:38,844
Here, kitty, kitty.

1736
01:08:38,846 --> 01:08:40,078
I can smell that musk.

1737
01:08:47,055 --> 01:08:49,554
Oh. Yeah.

1738
01:08:49,556 --> 01:08:52,090
Yeah, yeah, I like the sound of that.

1739
01:08:52,092 --> 01:08:53,992
Oh!

1740
01:08:53,994 --> 01:08:55,928
Oh! Hey.

1741
01:08:55,930 --> 01:08:58,663
You want to touch first,
that works for Ronnie.

1742
01:08:58,665 --> 01:08:59,965
You want me to touch you?

1743
01:08:59,967 --> 01:09:01,267
- Help yourself.
- You want me to touch you?

1744
01:09:01,269 --> 01:09:03,568
- Yes.
- I'm gonna touch you hard.

1745
01:09:03,570 --> 01:09:06,572
- Do it. Do it.
- How about I touch you with my nails, baby?

1746
01:09:06,574 --> 01:09:08,773
- Let's have it.
- Oh, oh, yeah.

1747
01:09:08,775 --> 01:09:10,510
- Oh, wow.
- Your hair is so sexy, babe.

1748
01:09:10,512 --> 01:09:11,810
Your grip is unbelievable.

1749
01:09:11,812 --> 01:09:13,612
I want you to touch me

1750
01:09:13,614 --> 01:09:14,913
where I like.

1751
01:09:14,915 --> 01:09:16,782
My balls, you know?

1752
01:09:16,784 --> 01:09:19,585
Oh, you'd like me
to touch your balls.

1753
01:09:19,587 --> 01:09:21,853
You want me to touch
your balls, do you?

1754
01:09:21,855 --> 01:09:23,956
- Yes, I do.
- How badly do you

1755
01:09:23,958 --> 01:09:25,558
want me to tug at your balls?

1756
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:27,859
I want you
to rip them off my body.

1757
01:09:27,861 --> 01:09:29,895
- That's what I want.
- Mm, I don't really believe you.

1758
01:09:29,897 --> 01:09:31,596
I don't believe
you want it bad enough.

1759
01:09:31,598 --> 01:09:33,032
I want it bad. Do it. Come on.

1760
01:09:33,034 --> 01:09:34,966
- Really? How bad?
- I want it so bad that my balls

1761
01:09:34,968 --> 01:09:36,635
- are going to explode.
- Ooh, are they gonna explode

1762
01:09:36,637 --> 01:09:38,770
into a million little pieces?

1763
01:09:38,772 --> 01:09:40,171
Well, let me tell you
something, darling.

1764
01:09:40,173 --> 01:09:41,273
It is your lucky day.

1765
01:09:41,275 --> 01:09:42,675
Because it's Christmas for you.

1766
01:09:42,677 --> 01:09:43,876
Let's go.

1767
01:09:43,878 --> 01:09:45,611
Come on. Come on, do it.

1768
01:09:45,613 --> 01:09:47,712
- You there?
- What, this isn't hard enough?

1769
01:09:47,714 --> 01:09:49,115
- Let's go. Come on.
- Harder?

1770
01:09:49,117 --> 01:09:50,715
Come on, do it, do it.

1771
01:09:50,717 --> 01:09:52,718
- I'm waiting.
- Okeydokey.

1772
01:09:52,720 --> 01:09:55,587
Oh, yeah, you like that?

1773
01:09:55,589 --> 01:09:57,756
Hey, man, I don't judge
people's sex shit.

1774
01:09:57,758 --> 01:09:59,625
That was ridiculous and stupid.

1775
01:09:59,627 --> 01:10:01,059
Way to take one
for the team, guys.

1776
01:10:01,061 --> 01:10:02,728
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Here it is.

1777
01:10:02,730 --> 01:10:04,596
"The police came
to the lake house.

1778
01:10:04,598 --> 01:10:06,698
Almost lost my flower
but didn't quite work out."

1779
01:10:06,700 --> 01:10:08,834
- Flower? - Flower?
- He said that? He's a boy.

1780
01:10:08,836 --> 01:10:09,902
Hub-uh-uh, hub-uh-uh...

1781
01:10:09,904 --> 01:10:11,571
"Heading
to the Park West Hotel.

1782
01:10:11,573 --> 01:10:13,072
- We've got the Grand Lux Suite."
- Suite?

1783
01:10:13,074 --> 01:10:14,974
"Looks like the little boy
is becoming a man."

1784
01:10:14,976 --> 01:10:16,142
Fucking dork.

1785
01:10:16,144 --> 01:10:17,676
Okay, so that was
ten minutes ago.

1786
01:10:17,678 --> 01:10:18,844
So they haven't had sex yet.

1787
01:10:18,846 --> 01:10:19,978
We can still catch 'em.

1788
01:10:19,980 --> 01:10:21,846
Okay, let's do this.

1789
01:11:06,694 --> 01:11:07,926
Hey.

1790
01:11:07,928 --> 01:11:09,228
- Hey.
- Hey.

1791
01:11:09,230 --> 01:11:11,263
How's she doing?
Is she okay?

1792
01:11:11,265 --> 01:11:13,099
No, she's not doing okay.
She's bummed.

1793
01:11:13,101 --> 01:11:15,637
She doesn't even want to kiss.
And I love kissing.

1794
01:11:17,305 --> 01:11:18,871
Give me your room key.

1795
01:11:18,873 --> 01:11:20,272
- What? Why?
- Yeah.

1796
01:11:20,274 --> 01:11:22,308
Give me your room key,
and then bring her up

1797
01:11:22,310 --> 01:11:23,912
in like 15 minutes.

1798
01:11:25,046 --> 01:11:26,645
- Okay.
- Yes.

1799
01:11:26,647 --> 01:11:27,813
Thanks. You're the man.

1800
01:11:27,815 --> 01:11:29,415
Thank you for this.

1801
01:11:35,789 --> 01:11:37,255
How we supposed to find them
in this place?

1802
01:11:37,257 --> 01:11:38,957
It's got like 20 rooms.

1803
01:11:38,959 --> 01:11:40,358
I'm sorry, what the fuck

1804
01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:41,926
are you talking about?

1805
01:11:41,928 --> 01:11:43,929
20? It's got like 200.

1806
01:11:43,931 --> 01:11:45,197
What? 20?

1807
01:11:45,199 --> 01:11:47,233
Grand Lux Suite
is on the top floor.

1808
01:11:47,235 --> 01:11:48,667
Go, go, go, go.

1809
01:11:48,669 --> 01:11:50,301
Move. Hurry, Lisa!

1810
01:12:52,365 --> 01:12:54,368
What am I doing here?

1811
01:13:13,221 --> 01:13:14,953
Oh, my God.

1812
01:13:14,955 --> 01:13:17,089
Oh, my God, my favorite.

1813
01:13:17,091 --> 01:13:18,890
That's so sweet.

1814
01:13:18,892 --> 01:13:20,291
Oh, my God.

1815
01:13:20,293 --> 01:13:21,893
This is a dream.

1816
01:13:21,895 --> 01:13:23,194
It's, like, perfect.

1817
01:13:23,196 --> 01:13:24,764
That is... It's so nice.

1818
01:13:24,766 --> 01:13:25,898
You're so sweet.

1819
01:13:25,900 --> 01:13:27,899
It actually wasn't me.

1820
01:13:27,901 --> 01:13:29,100
It was Kayla.

1821
01:13:29,102 --> 01:13:30,835
She wanted you
to have the perfect night.

1822
01:13:30,837 --> 01:13:32,071
That's why it looks so good.

1823
01:13:32,073 --> 01:13:34,807
Well, why do you look so good?

1824
01:13:34,809 --> 01:13:36,541
You're such a dork.

1825
01:13:36,543 --> 01:13:38,245
I-I know.

1826
01:13:40,547 --> 01:13:42,751
Oh, my God.

1827
01:13:46,921 --> 01:13:49,091
Not as smooth as I could.

1828
01:13:52,560 --> 01:13:54,527
Let me get my shoes.

1829
01:13:58,833 --> 01:13:59,868
Kayla?

1830
01:14:06,140 --> 01:14:07,807
Nobody move. Where's Kayla?

1831
01:14:07,809 --> 01:14:09,845
Kayla? Kayla?

1832
01:14:10,977 --> 01:14:12,478
Get that out of here.

1833
01:14:12,480 --> 01:14:14,013
Now, how's this work?
Is this...?

1834
01:14:14,015 --> 01:14:15,214
- No, just leave it.
- Okay, cool.

1835
01:14:15,216 --> 01:14:16,256
- It's difficult.
- Mm-hmm.

1836
01:14:19,419 --> 01:14:21,187
Play sports.

1837
01:14:21,189 --> 01:14:23,154
Mwah. Mwah.

1838
01:14:23,156 --> 01:14:25,957
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

1839
01:14:25,959 --> 01:14:27,326
Mwah.

1840
01:14:27,328 --> 01:14:28,993
And that's that.

1841
01:14:28,995 --> 01:14:32,163
So, you, uh,
sure you want to do this?

1842
01:14:32,165 --> 01:14:33,198
Yeah.

1843
01:14:33,200 --> 01:14:34,966
Yes. Fuck yeah.

1844
01:14:34,968 --> 01:14:36,969
You're gonna...
you're gonna penis me.

1845
01:14:36,971 --> 01:14:39,304
- Yep.
- First, I'm gonna...

1846
01:14:39,306 --> 01:14:41,105
I'm just gonna touch it.

1847
01:14:41,107 --> 01:14:42,608
- You want to touch it? Yeah, you can touch it.
- Yeah.

1848
01:14:42,610 --> 01:14:44,475
- Yeah, yeah, go for it. Yeah.
- Okay, just, like...

1849
01:14:44,477 --> 01:14:46,478
Oh! Wow!

1850
01:14:46,480 --> 01:14:48,447
Okay. That is, like,
the greatest feeling

1851
01:14:48,449 --> 01:14:50,849
I've ever had
in my entire life.

1852
01:14:50,851 --> 01:14:52,917
Really?

1853
01:14:52,919 --> 01:14:55,987
It doesn't just feel like
a super dry hand of a friend?

1854
01:14:55,989 --> 01:14:57,992
No. Nope.

1855
01:14:59,092 --> 01:15:00,992
Okay, so...

1856
01:15:00,994 --> 01:15:04,129
do you want to, um...

1857
01:15:04,131 --> 01:15:05,432
put it in?

1858
01:15:08,869 --> 01:15:10,035
No.

1859
01:15:10,037 --> 01:15:11,402
Okay.

1860
01:15:11,404 --> 01:15:13,104
- I can't. I'm sorry.
- You know what?

1861
01:15:13,106 --> 01:15:15,640
Look, we don't ha...

1862
01:15:15,642 --> 01:15:17,376
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

1863
01:15:17,378 --> 01:15:19,277
- Holy shit!
- Right there. Look at all of it.

1864
01:15:19,279 --> 01:15:21,145
Oh, my gosh! I gotta get over.

1865
01:15:21,147 --> 01:15:23,249
Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1866
01:15:23,251 --> 01:15:25,117
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1867
01:15:25,119 --> 01:15:27,652
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I just...

1868
01:15:27,654 --> 01:15:29,889
- It's okay.
- I was thinking about it and you,

1869
01:15:29,891 --> 01:15:31,924
and then it just... I'm sorry.

1870
01:15:33,360 --> 01:15:35,227
My God.

1871
01:15:35,229 --> 01:15:36,895
You're amazing.

1872
01:15:36,897 --> 01:15:38,930
I know we're still virgins,

1873
01:15:38,932 --> 01:15:41,466
but I feel different, you know?

1874
01:15:41,468 --> 01:15:44,002
Yeah.

1875
01:15:44,004 --> 01:15:45,440
I know.

1876
01:15:48,208 --> 01:15:51,076
You ready to, uh, do this?

1877
01:15:51,078 --> 01:15:53,178
Wait.

1878
01:15:53,180 --> 01:15:56,048
Wait. Um...

1879
01:15:56,050 --> 01:15:58,384
Ah, shit.

1880
01:15:58,386 --> 01:16:00,055
Shit.

1881
01:16:02,022 --> 01:16:04,255
Maybe Julie was right.

1882
01:16:04,257 --> 01:16:06,959
Like, maybe losing
your virginity

1883
01:16:06,961 --> 01:16:09,193
doesn't have to be perfect,
but...

1884
01:16:09,195 --> 01:16:10,996
I feel like it should
just be, like,

1885
01:16:10,998 --> 01:16:13,165
a little bit more special
than this, you know?

1886
01:16:13,167 --> 01:16:14,700
- Yeah.
- Like, not cheesy, but...

1887
01:16:14,702 --> 01:16:17,202
Like, if I was hard-pressed
right now,

1888
01:16:17,204 --> 01:16:20,038
I don't think I could remember
your last name.

1889
01:16:20,040 --> 01:16:21,040
- It's Aldrich.
- Aldrich.

1890
01:16:21,042 --> 01:16:23,108
I thought it was Ostrich.

1891
01:16:23,110 --> 01:16:25,376
I-I didn't realize
that you're a virgin.

1892
01:16:25,378 --> 01:16:27,545
- You know?
- Yeah.

1893
01:16:27,547 --> 01:16:31,383
Um, but, like,
I'd still be down to do it,

1894
01:16:31,385 --> 01:16:33,184
but maybe, like, you know,

1895
01:16:33,186 --> 01:16:35,254
when we get to know each other
a little more.

1896
01:16:35,256 --> 01:16:37,055
Like, maybe Monday
or something?

1897
01:16:37,057 --> 01:16:39,491
- Yeah.
- Not to, like, plan it and be weird, but, like...

1898
01:16:39,493 --> 01:16:41,292
No, no, I can look
at my schedule

1899
01:16:41,294 --> 01:16:42,961
- and see if it's...
- Okay.

1900
01:16:42,963 --> 01:16:44,395
Pencil it in.

1901
01:16:44,397 --> 01:16:46,398
Um, yeah, that's cool.

1902
01:16:46,400 --> 01:16:48,200
- Okay, cool.
- Um, let's just relax.

1903
01:16:48,202 --> 01:16:50,335
We could do, like, some
light journaling or something.

1904
01:16:50,337 --> 01:16:53,339
Yeah, yeah, we could...
we could do that.

1905
01:16:53,341 --> 01:16:58,309
Or we could do,
like, other stuff.

1906
01:16:58,311 --> 01:17:00,312
Yeah? Like what?

1907
01:17:00,314 --> 01:17:02,480
Like...

1908
01:17:02,482 --> 01:17:05,617
not sex, but...

1909
01:17:05,619 --> 01:17:09,388
I'm still down for pleasure.

1910
01:17:16,329 --> 01:17:18,330
You got this.

1911
01:17:18,332 --> 01:17:19,398
Hey, guys. What's up?

1912
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:22,203
Anyone seen Sam?
Anyone seen Sam?

1913
01:17:27,240 --> 01:17:29,340
Chad!

1914
01:17:29,342 --> 01:17:30,341
Fuck.

1915
01:17:30,343 --> 01:17:31,980
Get out of the way.

1916
01:17:34,248 --> 01:17:35,747
Jesus!

1917
01:17:38,284 --> 01:17:39,718
What the f...?

1918
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:41,185
You again?

1919
01:17:41,187 --> 01:17:42,520
- You!
- What the fuck?

1920
01:17:42,522 --> 01:17:44,156
What's your beef with me, dude?

1921
01:17:44,158 --> 01:17:45,390
I don't know
who the fuck you are!

1922
01:17:45,392 --> 01:17:47,393
I'm Jake motherfucking Donahue.

1923
01:17:47,395 --> 01:17:49,394
That name means nothing to me.

1924
01:17:49,396 --> 01:17:51,362
Do you know what it's like
to be humiliated

1925
01:17:51,364 --> 01:17:52,730
in front of everyone you know

1926
01:17:52,732 --> 01:17:54,636
and have to seek redemption
for that?

1927
01:17:55,770 --> 01:17:58,103
Actually, yes, I do.

1928
01:17:58,105 --> 01:18:01,240
Kayla? Kayla?

1929
01:18:01,242 --> 01:18:02,741
Kayla? Get the hell away

1930
01:18:02,743 --> 01:18:05,143
from my daughter,
you little piece of shit!

1931
01:18:05,145 --> 01:18:06,812
Dad, what the...?

1932
01:18:06,814 --> 01:18:08,380
Oh, my God!

1933
01:18:08,382 --> 01:18:10,148
You okay?
He didn't hurt you, did he?

1934
01:18:10,150 --> 01:18:11,617
What? No, he didn't hurt me.

1935
01:18:11,619 --> 01:18:13,652
Holy shit! Connor.

1936
01:18:13,654 --> 01:18:15,386
- Ow.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?

1937
01:18:15,388 --> 01:18:17,089
I'm actually totally fine.

1938
01:18:17,091 --> 01:18:18,490
Connor, I'm so sorry.

1939
01:18:18,492 --> 01:18:19,524
- Are you okay, though?
- Yeah, please...

1940
01:18:19,526 --> 01:18:20,725
Are you sure?

1941
01:18:20,727 --> 01:18:22,827
Dad, what the...
what are you doing here?

1942
01:18:22,829 --> 01:18:24,595
I've been following you around
all night.

1943
01:18:24,597 --> 01:18:26,365
Are you ser...? Oh, my God.

1944
01:18:26,367 --> 01:18:27,733
You've been following me?

1945
01:18:27,735 --> 01:18:29,434
- Are you crazy?
- You gave me no choice.

1946
01:18:29,436 --> 01:18:30,702
You're in over your head
with this kid.

1947
01:18:30,704 --> 01:18:32,170
I am not some pathetic

1948
01:18:32,172 --> 01:18:33,538
damsel in distress
that needs saving.

1949
01:18:33,540 --> 01:18:35,107
- I can handle myself.
- No, you can't.

1950
01:18:35,109 --> 01:18:36,541
- Yes, I can.
- No, you can't.

1951
01:18:36,543 --> 01:18:39,077
- Yes, I can.
- Kayla, you can't.

1952
01:18:39,079 --> 01:18:41,080
And that's why I'm here.

1953
01:18:41,082 --> 01:18:42,249
It's my job.

1954
01:18:43,851 --> 01:18:45,451
Oh.

1955
01:18:45,453 --> 01:18:47,752
Yeah, so you just don't think

1956
01:18:47,754 --> 01:18:51,423
I can make my own decisions
and handle myself.

1957
01:18:51,425 --> 01:18:53,660
That really fucking sucks.

1958
01:18:57,163 --> 01:18:59,764
Kayla...

1959
01:18:59,766 --> 01:19:02,701
Kayla, I'm just trying
to figure this thing out.

1960
01:19:02,703 --> 01:19:06,040
God. Why is sex even bad?

1961
01:19:10,511 --> 01:19:12,678
I-I don't know.
I don't know. It's...

1962
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,612
It's not... You know, it's...

1963
01:19:14,614 --> 01:19:16,550
I don't know.

1964
01:19:17,717 --> 01:19:19,550
I'm...

1965
01:19:19,552 --> 01:19:22,688
I'm just trying to be
the best dad I can be.

1966
01:19:22,690 --> 01:19:25,256
Well, you are.

1967
01:19:25,258 --> 01:19:28,292
You taught me everything.

1968
01:19:28,294 --> 01:19:30,595
You built me up.

1969
01:19:30,597 --> 01:19:32,663
Made me strong.

1970
01:19:32,665 --> 01:19:35,367
You made me into who I am.

1971
01:19:35,369 --> 01:19:37,768
Like, that's...

1972
01:19:37,770 --> 01:19:41,540
You did not have
to save me tonight, Dad.

1973
01:19:41,542 --> 01:19:45,680
You taught me how to do that
a long time ago.

1974
01:19:46,779 --> 01:19:48,215
And I love you for it.

1975
01:19:50,618 --> 01:19:52,687
Best coach ever.

1976
01:19:57,557 --> 01:20:00,259
Thank you. Thank you.

1977
01:20:00,261 --> 01:20:03,228
Oh, Dad, come on.

1978
01:20:03,230 --> 01:20:04,766
Come on, toughen up.

1979
01:20:06,467 --> 01:20:08,367
It was just really nice
what you said.

1980
01:20:08,369 --> 01:20:10,301
It's good. It's good.

1981
01:20:10,303 --> 01:20:11,670
I mean it.

1982
01:20:11,672 --> 01:20:13,839
Thanks. I feel like...

1983
01:20:13,841 --> 01:20:17,643
like Phil Jackson when he
was coaching the Bulls,

1984
01:20:17,645 --> 01:20:21,479
and... and then the...
and they were so good.

1985
01:20:22,917 --> 01:20:25,216
- That's how I feel right now.
- Yeah.

1986
01:20:25,218 --> 01:20:28,187
I should have taken
my socks off first.

1987
01:20:29,923 --> 01:20:32,957
Now, I'm just warning you,
I've practiced a few times,

1988
01:20:32,959 --> 01:20:35,460
- but this might not go that well.
- That doesn't look right.

1989
01:20:35,462 --> 01:20:36,929
- Yeah, all right.
- I think you need another one.

1990
01:20:36,931 --> 01:20:39,264
- I think we need another one, too.
- Wait, wait.

1991
01:20:39,266 --> 01:20:40,831
We have to do our dance.

1992
01:20:40,833 --> 01:20:42,667
- We have to. Like, yeah, yeah.
- What, now?

1993
01:20:42,669 --> 01:20:44,736
- Naked?
- No, get me one of those, um...

1994
01:20:44,738 --> 01:20:46,505
the hotel robes.
I want to feel fabulous.

1995
01:20:46,507 --> 01:20:48,240
Okay.

1996
01:20:48,242 --> 01:20:49,577
Coming right up, milady.

1997
01:21:05,258 --> 01:21:08,327
We're gonna christen
every corner of this room.

1998
01:21:08,329 --> 01:21:11,362
And when we're done,
let's FaceTime my parents.

1999
01:21:11,364 --> 01:21:12,764
Okay, but right now,

2000
01:21:12,766 --> 01:21:14,933
I want you to stare
into my eyes.

2001
01:21:14,935 --> 01:21:16,535
- What?
- Mm-hmm.

2002
01:21:16,537 --> 01:21:18,970
I just want, like,
a real connection.

2003
01:21:18,972 --> 01:21:21,907
So you just want me
to look straight into your eyes

2004
01:21:21,909 --> 01:21:23,709
for the next three minutes
and 37 seconds?

2005
01:21:23,711 --> 01:21:24,809
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

2006
01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:34,819
Look at me.

2007
01:22:50,931 --> 01:22:52,563
- Dad?
- Where is he?

2008
01:22:52,565 --> 01:22:54,765
- What are you doing here?
- Chad?

2009
01:22:54,767 --> 01:22:56,568
Hey, Chad, you motherfucker.

2010
01:22:56,570 --> 01:22:58,804
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

2011
01:22:58,806 --> 01:23:00,471
Did he make you do something
you don't want to do?

2012
01:23:00,473 --> 01:23:01,706
'Cause I don't care if he's

2013
01:23:01,708 --> 01:23:02,941
the fucking coolest kid
in school.

2014
01:23:02,943 --> 01:23:04,376
I'm gonna shove his fedora

2015
01:23:04,378 --> 01:23:06,877
so far up his ass,
it'll be a hat.

2016
01:23:06,879 --> 01:23:09,747
No, Dad, we didn't do it.

2017
01:23:09,749 --> 01:23:11,116
All right? And even if we did,

2018
01:23:11,118 --> 01:23:14,022
it would be none
of your business.

2019
01:23:16,890 --> 01:23:20,692
It's just,
I was worried about you.

2020
01:23:20,694 --> 01:23:21,928
Well, that's a first.

2021
01:23:23,396 --> 01:23:25,730
I deserve that.

2022
01:23:25,732 --> 01:23:26,997
Sam, I gotta tell you
something,

2023
01:23:26,999 --> 01:23:28,935
and I'm just gonna say it.

2024
01:23:37,511 --> 01:23:42,684
Sam, I have realized
over the last few years...

2025
01:23:44,418 --> 01:23:46,518
...that I have made
a big mistake in my life.

2026
01:23:46,520 --> 01:23:48,656
What, like cheating on my mom?

2027
01:23:49,823 --> 01:23:51,723
Well, no. Marrying your mom.

2028
01:23:51,725 --> 01:23:53,125
But no, that...
that wasn't a mistake,

2029
01:23:53,127 --> 01:23:55,426
because then I wouldn't
have had you.

2030
01:23:57,163 --> 01:24:02,733
I've made lots of mistakes,
but th-the big mistake...

2031
01:24:02,735 --> 01:24:08,506
is that I let what happened
between your mom and I

2032
01:24:08,508 --> 01:24:11,511
get in the way
of our relationship.

2033
01:24:15,114 --> 01:24:16,650
I'm sorry.

2034
01:24:18,185 --> 01:24:22,787
And I hope that we
can start over and...

2035
01:24:22,789 --> 01:24:26,491
build up our relationship again
because...

2036
01:24:26,493 --> 01:24:28,096
you're my only kid.

2037
01:24:29,863 --> 01:24:31,462
And I'm your only dad.

2038
01:24:31,464 --> 01:24:32,730
Well, Frank is...

2039
01:24:32,732 --> 01:24:33,999
Fuck Frank.

2040
01:24:37,770 --> 01:24:39,703
Frank's fine.

2041
01:24:39,705 --> 01:24:43,675
Dad, can I tell you
something now?

2042
01:24:43,677 --> 01:24:44,742
Yes.

2043
01:24:44,744 --> 01:24:46,111
Yes, yes, yes, anything.

2044
01:24:46,113 --> 01:24:48,082
I'm a lesbian.

2045
01:24:54,555 --> 01:24:56,089
Give me your hand.

2046
01:24:58,225 --> 01:24:59,758
What does your mom think?

2047
01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:00,828
She doesn't know.

2048
01:25:05,665 --> 01:25:07,732
You told me
before you told your mom?

2049
01:25:07,734 --> 01:25:10,100
- Yeah.
- That's big news.

2050
01:25:10,102 --> 01:25:12,470
She doesn't know?

2051
01:25:12,472 --> 01:25:14,538
- You didn't tell Frank?
- No.

2052
01:25:25,819 --> 01:25:27,885
Okay. Over.

2053
01:25:27,887 --> 01:25:29,955
Crying is over.

2054
01:25:29,957 --> 01:25:31,156
What do your girlfriends think?

2055
01:25:31,158 --> 01:25:32,991
No, I'm too nervous.
I can't tell them.

2056
01:25:32,993 --> 01:25:35,059
You're nervous
to tell Kayla and Julie?

2057
01:25:35,061 --> 01:25:38,630
It's just... I don't want
to lose my two best friends.

2058
01:25:38,632 --> 01:25:40,799
This is the stuff you tell
the people you care about.

2059
01:25:40,801 --> 01:25:43,702
You think they're not gonna
support you because you're gay?

2060
01:25:43,704 --> 01:25:46,938
They would support you
if you were a vampire.

2061
01:25:46,940 --> 01:25:48,974
They would support you more.

2062
01:25:48,976 --> 01:25:51,242
With all the Twilight shit.

2063
01:25:51,244 --> 01:25:53,911
- Do we still like Twilight?
- Definitely not.

2064
01:25:53,913 --> 01:25:55,980
No, no.

2065
01:25:55,982 --> 01:25:57,685
Oh, God.

2066
01:25:58,952 --> 01:26:00,986
Thanks for showing up.

2067
01:26:00,988 --> 01:26:02,086
Really.

2068
01:26:02,088 --> 01:26:05,023
But you should probably leave

2069
01:26:05,025 --> 01:26:07,826
because it's insane
that you even came here

2070
01:26:07,828 --> 01:26:10,094
in the first place.

2071
01:26:10,096 --> 01:26:12,029
I'd love to get
a picture with you.

2072
01:26:12,031 --> 01:26:13,697
Yeah.

2073
01:26:13,699 --> 01:26:15,733
Great. Okay.

2074
01:26:15,735 --> 01:26:17,301
Just gonna stand on this.

2075
01:26:17,303 --> 01:26:19,737
Yeah, you know...
you know the drill. Come on.

2076
01:26:19,739 --> 01:26:21,238
Come on. Here we go.

2077
01:26:21,240 --> 01:26:23,477
Gotta turn it around here.

2078
01:26:26,747 --> 01:26:28,580
Dad, you're not taking it.

2079
01:26:28,582 --> 01:26:29,851
It's...

2080
01:26:31,717 --> 01:26:34,184
What?

2081
01:26:34,186 --> 01:26:36,821
I'll remember this.

2082
01:26:36,823 --> 01:26:38,188
Come on.

2083
01:26:38,190 --> 01:26:39,957
Oh, my God.

2084
01:26:39,959 --> 01:26:41,693
What's up, dawg?

2085
01:26:41,695 --> 01:26:44,062
So, I just, uh...

2086
01:26:44,064 --> 01:26:46,598
parented the shit out of Sam.

2087
01:26:46,601 --> 01:26:48,265
And I feel, uh...

2088
01:26:48,267 --> 01:26:50,335
oh, God, like, uh...

2089
01:26:50,337 --> 01:26:52,237
pride, I think.

2090
01:26:52,239 --> 01:26:53,737
- That's it.
- It's new.

2091
01:26:53,739 --> 01:26:55,072
Good for you, man.

2092
01:26:55,074 --> 01:26:56,206
Thanks.

2093
01:26:56,208 --> 01:26:57,274
Well done, my friend.

2094
01:26:57,276 --> 01:26:58,710
- Thank you.
- Well done.

2095
01:26:58,712 --> 01:27:00,178
How'd it go with Kayla?

2096
01:27:00,180 --> 01:27:01,880
Put Connor through a wall.

2097
01:27:01,882 --> 01:27:03,648
Are you serious?

2098
01:27:03,650 --> 01:27:05,584
Yeah. He's okay.

2099
01:27:05,586 --> 01:27:07,018
Yeah, he's lighter
than I thought.

2100
01:27:08,187 --> 01:27:09,821
Hey.

2101
01:27:09,823 --> 01:27:10,988
Hi.

2102
01:27:10,990 --> 01:27:13,625
So, Julie's, um...

2103
01:27:13,627 --> 01:27:15,093
Julie's having sex right now.

2104
01:27:15,095 --> 01:27:17,629
- Okay. And sit down.
- Wowie.

2105
01:27:17,631 --> 01:27:18,996
Yeah.

2106
01:27:18,998 --> 01:27:20,898
But it's good.
It's fine, right?

2107
01:27:20,900 --> 01:27:22,800
I mean, you have to do that
eventually.

2108
01:27:22,802 --> 01:27:23,969
Right?

2109
01:27:23,971 --> 01:27:25,636
- Are you good?
- Yeah.

2110
01:27:25,638 --> 01:27:28,173
They seem like they really like
each other, and that's nice.

2111
01:27:28,175 --> 01:27:31,776
That's a good thing, but it's
just a little, you know, scary,

2112
01:27:31,778 --> 01:27:34,679
because what if he doesn't know
how to do it right?

2113
01:27:34,681 --> 01:27:37,182
You know, like, what if he
doesn't know where to put it?

2114
01:27:37,184 --> 01:27:38,983
But he knows, right?
Should I go back up there?

2115
01:27:38,985 --> 01:27:40,885
- No. No, no, no, no.
- No, no, he'll figure it out.

2116
01:27:40,887 --> 01:27:42,053
- No, no.
- It's one or the other.

2117
01:27:42,055 --> 01:27:44,089
Nope. You stay right here.

2118
01:27:44,091 --> 01:27:46,627
Do you want to have
a drink right now?

2119
01:27:47,860 --> 01:27:49,693
You mean, like, hang out?

2120
01:27:49,695 --> 01:27:50,694
Yeah.

2121
01:27:50,696 --> 01:27:53,063
Yes, I do.

2122
01:27:53,065 --> 01:27:54,933
I'm in. I'm definitely in.

2123
01:27:54,935 --> 01:27:57,801
Um, we will be having
some shots of alcohol, please.

2124
01:27:57,803 --> 01:27:58,902
Yes, we will.

2125
01:27:58,904 --> 01:27:59,938
This is crazy.

2126
01:28:01,341 --> 01:28:02,974
- This is...
- Well, I'm going to, uh...

2127
01:28:02,976 --> 01:28:06,844
let you guys have your fun,
and I will, uh...

2128
01:28:06,846 --> 01:28:08,982
I-I will see you guys around.

2129
01:28:13,919 --> 01:28:15,655
Hey!

2130
01:28:17,056 --> 01:28:18,693
You, too.

2131
01:28:20,159 --> 01:28:21,893
Yeah.

2132
01:28:21,895 --> 01:28:23,394
Right.

2133
01:28:23,396 --> 01:28:25,196
Fuck yeah.

2134
01:28:25,198 --> 01:28:27,165
Piña colada.

2135
01:28:27,167 --> 01:28:28,736
Just get him a shot.

2136
01:28:29,802 --> 01:28:31,335
Cheers.

2137
01:28:31,337 --> 01:28:32,770
What a night, guys.

2138
01:28:32,772 --> 01:28:34,240
That's beautiful.

2139
01:28:36,943 --> 01:28:40,010
So, I don't think the kid
at the lake house

2140
01:28:40,012 --> 01:28:41,712
was actually butt-chugging.

2141
01:28:41,714 --> 01:28:42,947
- Definitely.
- Yeah.

2142
01:28:42,949 --> 01:28:44,282
- What?
- Yep. - Yeah.

2143
01:28:44,284 --> 01:28:46,917
And so he threw me
through a table, uh...

2144
01:28:46,919 --> 01:28:48,219
- I'm so sorry.
- No, it was cool.

2145
01:28:48,221 --> 01:28:50,220
I, like... I kind of feel fine.

2146
01:28:50,222 --> 01:28:52,157
- All right, see you.
- It's cool. - See you.

2147
01:28:52,159 --> 01:28:53,358
Hey, guys.

2148
01:28:53,360 --> 01:28:54,725
Austin, uh, let's go

2149
01:28:54,727 --> 01:28:55,859
- get a drink, man.
- Yeah, sure.

2150
01:28:55,861 --> 01:28:57,062
Want a fry?

2151
01:28:57,064 --> 01:28:59,066
So badly.

2152
01:29:00,734 --> 01:29:02,434
Can I have a fry, too?

2153
01:29:02,436 --> 01:29:04,335
- Yeah.
- Yes.

2154
01:29:05,372 --> 01:29:06,837
So...

2155
01:29:06,839 --> 01:29:09,340
I... I couldn't
go through with it.

2156
01:29:09,342 --> 01:29:12,346
Yes, I didn't. No.

2157
01:29:16,248 --> 01:29:17,749
Holy shit.

2158
01:29:17,751 --> 01:29:19,283
You're a woman amongst girls.

2159
01:29:19,285 --> 01:29:21,018
- Julie. - Yeah.
- Congratu-fuck-ulations.

2160
01:29:21,020 --> 01:29:23,321
- Thank you. Thank you.
- How was it?

2161
01:29:23,323 --> 01:29:24,788
Honestly,
it was a little painful,

2162
01:29:24,790 --> 01:29:27,058
kind of fast
and kind of awkward,

2163
01:29:27,060 --> 01:29:28,492
but absolutely perfect.

2164
01:29:28,494 --> 01:29:29,960
Aw!

2165
01:29:30,963 --> 01:29:32,730
You guys, so much...

2166
01:29:32,732 --> 01:29:34,331
so much went down tonight.

2167
01:29:34,333 --> 01:29:35,332
I know.

2168
01:29:35,334 --> 01:29:37,434
Including Connor.

2169
01:29:37,436 --> 01:29:39,437
- No.
- Let's just say...

2170
01:29:39,439 --> 01:29:41,773
The Chef went out to eat...

2171
01:29:41,775 --> 01:29:43,241
my pussy.

2172
01:29:44,477 --> 01:29:45,910
It was good.

2173
01:29:45,912 --> 01:29:47,344
Ba-ba-ba!

2174
01:29:47,346 --> 01:29:49,346
- DJ Chad.
- Is that Chad?

2175
01:29:49,348 --> 01:29:52,050
- That's Chad. Chad!
- That's Chad.

2176
01:29:52,052 --> 01:29:53,785
Yes, Chad!

2177
01:29:53,787 --> 01:29:55,786
Holy shit. Fuck yeah, Chad!

2178
01:30:10,102 --> 01:30:12,303
Guys, I got to tell you
something.

2179
01:30:12,305 --> 01:30:14,171
Okay, okay.

2180
01:30:17,177 --> 01:30:18,542
Really?

2181
01:30:18,544 --> 01:30:19,877
- Yeah.
- Wait, you are?

2182
01:30:19,879 --> 01:30:21,545
Yeah.

2183
01:30:21,547 --> 01:30:23,180
I love you.

2184
01:30:23,182 --> 01:30:24,816
Forever.

2185
01:30:24,818 --> 01:30:26,416
And you, too.

2186
01:30:26,418 --> 01:30:28,419
Oh, my God!

2187
01:30:28,421 --> 01:30:30,287
- I love you. Hold on.
- Sam, come here, you.

2188
01:30:30,289 --> 01:30:31,822
Excuse me.

2189
01:30:31,824 --> 01:30:33,291
I can't believe
you didn't tell us.

2190
01:30:33,293 --> 01:30:34,526
Yay!

2191
01:30:38,431 --> 01:30:39,863
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

2192
01:30:39,865 --> 01:30:41,265
- Hey.
- Hi.

2193
01:30:41,267 --> 01:30:43,167
Oh.

2194
01:30:43,169 --> 01:30:46,039
Uh, Julie, I think we got
something over here.

2195
01:30:47,841 --> 01:30:49,243
Dope cape.

2196
01:30:52,345 --> 01:30:54,344
And I'm not...

2197
01:30:54,346 --> 01:30:55,982
misreading things.

2198
01:31:20,873 --> 01:31:23,273
So you'll call me every day
till you get to L.A., right?

2199
01:31:23,275 --> 01:31:24,876
Yeah, and then, like,
every day after that.

2200
01:31:24,878 --> 01:31:26,010
Okay.

2201
01:31:26,012 --> 01:31:27,245
I'm gonna miss you so much.

2202
01:31:27,247 --> 01:31:29,147
You're gonna be okay, though.

2203
01:31:29,149 --> 01:31:30,480
Are you gonna be okay?

2204
01:31:30,482 --> 01:31:31,916
Yeah, I'm fine.

2205
01:31:31,918 --> 01:31:34,051
It's the weirdest thing
because...

2206
01:31:34,053 --> 01:31:39,023
I have been worried
about this day for 18 years,

2207
01:31:39,025 --> 01:31:42,492
and then I wake up
this morning, and...

2208
01:31:42,494 --> 01:31:44,429
nothing.

2209
01:31:44,431 --> 01:31:46,197
Like, I don't feel
emotional at all.

2210
01:31:46,199 --> 01:31:48,398
I just feel, like...

2211
01:31:48,400 --> 01:31:50,335
- It's so bizarre.
- Mm-hmm.

2212
01:31:50,337 --> 01:31:51,935
What is that?

2213
01:31:51,937 --> 01:31:53,203
It's, like, splashing on me.

2214
01:31:53,205 --> 01:31:55,005
I know.
Isn't that so strange?

2215
01:31:55,007 --> 01:31:56,142
Yeah.

2216
01:31:58,244 --> 01:31:59,579
I love you, Mom.

2217
01:32:00,881 --> 01:32:02,182
I love you.

2218
01:32:04,316 --> 01:32:05,649
No, I have money. I...

2219
01:32:05,651 --> 01:32:07,417
Lisa, tell him
I can afford br...

2220
01:32:07,419 --> 01:32:10,188
Hmm. Sorry. Sorry.

2221
01:32:10,190 --> 01:32:12,223
All right, come on.

2222
01:32:12,225 --> 01:32:14,091
Let's get this road trip
started!

2223
01:32:14,093 --> 01:32:15,526
- We're waiting for you!
- I love you.

2224
01:32:15,528 --> 01:32:17,629
- Bye.
- Okay.

2225
01:32:17,631 --> 01:32:19,834
Oh, hold on.
Let me take a video.

2226
01:32:30,276 --> 01:32:32,510
- I love you.
- I love you.

2227
01:32:32,512 --> 01:32:34,211
Bye, Mom.

2228
01:32:34,213 --> 01:32:35,612
- I love you.
- Okay, bye.

2229
01:32:35,614 --> 01:32:37,180
- Mwah!
- See you.

2230
01:32:37,182 --> 01:32:39,082
Drop Julie off in Cali,
and then you and Kayla

2231
01:32:39,084 --> 01:32:40,451
- come right back home.
- That's a, a big maybe.

2232
01:32:40,453 --> 01:32:42,019
- And text, please. Please.
- Hey.

2233
01:32:42,021 --> 01:32:43,487
Take care of my mom,
you two, okay?

2234
01:32:43,489 --> 01:32:45,223
- We will. All right.
- Later, big guy.

2235
01:32:45,225 --> 01:32:47,125
- Bye, Dad.
- I'm going to college! - Bye!

2236
01:32:47,127 --> 01:32:48,660
Drive careful, young
man. That's precious cargo.

2237
01:32:48,662 --> 01:32:50,422
Love you!

2238
01:32:51,498 --> 01:32:53,230
- Aw.
- Come on.

2239
01:32:53,232 --> 01:32:54,598
- Guys. - Come on.
- We did it.

2240
01:32:54,601 --> 01:32:56,934
We did it. We did it.

2241
01:32:56,936 --> 01:32:58,135
We parented.

2242
01:32:58,137 --> 01:32:59,970
- We did it.
- We did it.

2243
01:33:01,440 --> 01:33:04,709
Oh, it's Julie.

2244
01:33:04,711 --> 01:33:07,210
Oh, I must have been
accidentally added to the...

2245
01:33:07,212 --> 01:33:08,947
the group conversation.

2246
01:33:08,949 --> 01:33:10,715
- Oh, well, should probably leave.
- What's, uh...

2247
01:33:10,717 --> 01:33:12,483
"Can't-can't believe
we're on our own now."

2248
01:33:12,485 --> 01:33:13,651
Aw, that's sweet.
- Yeah.

2249
01:33:13,653 --> 01:33:15,486
"We're gonna get lit af."

2250
01:33:15,488 --> 01:33:17,188
"Lit A.F."

2251
01:33:17,190 --> 01:33:19,157
That's not great.

2252
01:33:19,159 --> 01:33:20,992
No, it's... they're gonna get
literature. African literature.

2253
01:33:20,994 --> 01:33:22,626
You think that's
what "lit A.F." means?

2254
01:33:22,628 --> 01:33:24,394
You think they're talking
to each other about, like...

2255
01:33:24,396 --> 01:33:26,130
- "Lit A.F."
- "Can The Chef get us..."

2256
01:33:26,132 --> 01:33:27,331
Trees? What the hell's trees?

2257
01:33:27,333 --> 01:33:29,067
Trees mean weed.
I told you that.

2258
01:33:29,069 --> 01:33:30,702
- Mushrooms, pills.
- No, the pills are...

2259
01:33:30,704 --> 01:33:32,069
Kayla's allergy.
That's Claritin.

2260
01:33:32,071 --> 01:33:33,136
It's not Claritin. Look.

2261
01:33:33,138 --> 01:33:34,304
Snowflakes. That's blow.

2262
01:33:34,306 --> 01:33:36,040
"#NoParentsNoRules.

2263
01:33:36,042 --> 01:33:39,577
# MadDrugs.
# NoCondoms."

2264
01:33:39,579 --> 01:33:41,278
Why would they hashtag that?

2265
01:33:41,280 --> 01:33:43,380
Wait, I'm sorry. Is that
a needle and an eggplant?

2266
01:33:43,382 --> 01:33:46,684
What, are they gonna inject
heroin into some guy's dick?

2267
01:33:46,686 --> 01:33:48,018
- Let's go.
- Let's get in the car.

2268
01:33:48,020 --> 01:33:49,153
- I'll drive.
- I'm sitting behind you.

2269
01:33:49,155 --> 01:33:51,188
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

2270
01:33:51,190 --> 01:33:52,290
We're just messing with you.

2271
01:33:52,292 --> 01:33:53,292
Ha-ha!

2272
01:33:54,593 --> 01:33:56,594
"We love you guys.
Don't worry."

2273
01:33:58,097 --> 01:34:01,165
You guys were so pranked!
I was in on it.

2274
01:34:01,167 --> 01:34:03,033
- You didn't know.
- No, no, I did. I didn't know it was

2275
01:34:03,035 --> 01:34:04,568
coming right now. That's why
I kind of sold it so well.

2276
01:34:04,570 --> 01:34:05,769
But it doesn't matter.

2277
01:34:05,771 --> 01:34:08,305
But you guys were like,
"Holy shit!"

2278
01:34:08,307 --> 01:34:09,639
- Yeah.
- Whew.

2279
01:34:27,459 --> 01:34:29,227
Damn it, Mitchell.

2280
01:34:29,229 --> 01:34:30,631
Marco.

2281
01:34:32,031 --> 01:34:33,096
Polo.

2282
01:34:33,098 --> 01:34:34,732
I...

2283
01:34:34,734 --> 01:34:36,669
Mitchell,
are you getting a snack?

2284
01:34:38,570 --> 01:34:40,470
I'm so glad we can
do stuff like this

2285
01:34:40,472 --> 01:34:41,738
now that Kayla's in college.

2286
01:34:41,740 --> 01:34:44,274
I have no idea where you are.

2287
01:34:44,276 --> 01:34:46,676
I'm gonna do so much stuff
to you when I find you.

2288
01:34:46,678 --> 01:34:48,612
- Oh, oh.
- Marco.

2289
01:34:48,614 --> 01:34:50,081
- Polo.
- Ah, ah.

2290
01:34:50,083 --> 01:34:51,349
Polo!

2291
01:34:51,351 --> 01:34:52,716
I can't believe you!
It took forever!

2292
01:34:52,718 --> 01:34:54,618
I spent so much time
on the stairs.

2293
01:34:54,620 --> 01:34:56,319
- We're doing this.
- We're, like, totally doing it.

2294
01:34:56,321 --> 01:34:57,822
- I know. It's hot.
- Let's just get crazy.

2295
01:34:57,824 --> 01:34:58,822
I don't know.

2296
01:34:58,824 --> 01:35:00,358
I want you to grab my balls,

2297
01:35:00,360 --> 01:35:02,093
like Ron likes it,
like, uh... like, hard.

2298
01:36:40,362 --> 01:36:41,725
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Resync by GoldenBeard