Robert Jin
Session 1 Reflection (1-54)

        	The characters live in almost complete isolation leading the author to use cryptic language to describe how everyday objects are seen from their perspective. This discussion leads the beginning chapters to become extremely immersive, living through the character eyes. On topic of plot, the story remains open since the Outside world is something Will has locked away for much of his life. Much is discussed when coming up with plausible explanations as to what could happen next.  There are seemingly endless possibilities as to what Will’s motive will be to explore such an unknown and dangerous place. In a way, the novel gives an insight to how becoming a complete introvert alters the human mind. Will himself is an odd character being somewhat egotistic and thoughtful. Third person omniscient perspective allows us to really feel what the protagonist Will feels about his encounters. Initially, Will’s struggle with the delivery boy is vividly painted as well as his emotions when “Desperately, he shaped the sound into an anguished plea” [7]. Christie uses descriptors that allow the reader to maintain interest in current situations. Another strong point of the story is the tight bond that Will and his mother share. They are shown truly relying on each other when “She caught him in her arms like a drowning woman would a life preserver” [41]. I was absent to the actual group session but I sent my Summarizer work to a group member via email. I am interested as to how the novel title, If I Fall, if I Die, relates back to the story, and how the will be revealed moving forward.

Session 2 Reflection (55-106)

	During session 2, discussion centered around the developments of Will’s mother who unmistakably resembles an overprotective parent and why she is so paranoid. Because her twin brother died, we wondered if that was the sole cause of her concern around danger and death. Since death wasn’t really relatable to ourselves, it was hard to classify if the death of a loved one could actually cause that much impact. Another critical point is that the direction of the novel is confusing, as protagonist Will loses all the trust he’s gained from the Outside world. He is reverted to his former introverted self, and even loses his goal to find Marcus. With Will’s confidence crushed, we have no knowing as to what will happen next. Xenophobia versus agoraphobia came up, and key differences were discussed. I now understand that Will actually doesn’t have any sort of phobia, however the environment his mother had set up around him was the main factor. It’s because his mother controlled his surroundings so much, that Will became unable to venture beyond his house. Connections were established between the US’s immigrant restrictions and Will’s mother, as both perspectives on fear of the outside world. I should continue saving my series of entries on google docs, and I came prepared with my session role. I provided my opinion about the story so far and how the pacing seems slow, yet intrigued us with the cliffhanger. Mainly the turn of events in the last chapter seemed to have ruined the steady progression of Will’s bravery that the novel had been building thus far. We’ll have to keep reading to discover if Will ever recovers from this all-time low.


Session 3 Reflection (107-162)

	A main topic for this day’s discussion was how the novel completely changed the plot once again. Previously, the end chapter from the reading explained the crushing blow to Will’s confidence. However, this time Will has returned even more confident in an unexpected change of character; he becomes a skateboarder. We all notice how the author has returned to the original plotline, having Will’s motivation for adventure to find Marcus. This connects to the other topic we discussed, which is how Will is breaking free once more and creating an identity for himself. Like Humanities, Will is learning how to create this unique identity as well as discovering how it affects everyone around us. The foreshadowing in earlier readings helps us infer that Will’s next course of action will be to go to the harbour, despite his mother’s warnings. I posed the question of how I think the author’s use of “Relaxation Time” between the chapters gives an understanding of backstory, but suffers from being slow-paced and monotonous. Members of my group agreed that he should’ve come up with another method, rather than plugging in all the personal information between chapters. I came prepared with my list of questions and ready to present. Next time I will use Docs instead of pencil and paper. At the end of the session, I realized the feedback on the novel so far is mixed and I am also unsure of my opinion on the novel thus far.

Reflection 4 (163 - 215)

	At this point, the novel has abandoned the original goal of finding Marcus, and now that the protagonists are caught up in something much larger it raised the discussion of why this deviation occurred. I think the hidden Neverclear and  Marcus’ disappearance could be linked together in the end and the stories will be connected. Another topic was how there could be loopholes with some of the characters. An example is how Marcus could actually be closer to the Butler than originally let on. Marcus is mysterious at this point, and he could end up being an antagonist. We also discussed that although the novel is growing more complex, introducing more characters and dynamic settings, the author keeps things unclear. This may be on purpose, but given how fast new characters are being added, their scenarios are hard to put onto a timeline with everything else. The pacing creates areas with a lot of backstory mixed into the regular story making it a bit difficult to keep track. We question Will’s motive at this point for continuing his adventure. I’m unsure as to why Will is still pursuing Marcus when he has Jonah and why he would want to bust the Neverclear smuggling since it has nothing to do with him. Racism continues to play a role in how characters react with each other. Jonah considers how he is treated lesser because of his race. Similarly with Marcus, the police disregard his disappearance because Indian kids disappear often in Thunder Bay. In the class, we are learning about how empathy is an important skill that connects to multiculturalism and acceptance. Progression beyond this point still has us guessing, since all the change of perspectives has made Will’s main conflict unclear.



Reflection 5 (216 - 268)

	Diane’s language in the last few chapters brought most of the discussion this session. As discussion director, I chose what she she thought about death: It is more insane to forget that death awaits everywhere, than to remember. Even though that may be true in some sense, living like this can result in the brokenness of Diane’s confidence. I also chose her statement about being a mother: To give a child life, is to simultaneously have already given them death. This line made us pause and think what life and death actually meant. Once again, at this point in the novel Will is still in search of Marcus. However, it is borderline illegal now, and none of us can see why Will is still obsessively searching for Marcus who doesn’t want to be found. Is stooping below the law worth the risk? We don’t think so. New characters are being introduced two-thirds the way through and adding tension to the thickening plotline. A connection between how Marcus and Jonah are treated in Thunder Bay and what we are learning about indigenous rights in Canada can be made. Both environments seem to neglect them and/or treat them less fairly. Overall, the book seems to be finally opening up into a darker, more mysterious atmosphere - finally addressing the Titus and the Butler’s plans.

Session 6 Reflection (268 - End)

	In this last session, we discussed the ending of the novel and each gave our opinion on it. Personally, I thought the ending was too happy since Will’s mother suddenly breaks out of character and the whole plot arc is wrapped up in a matter of minutes. I thought the journey leading up to it was a worthwhile read though. However, the overall stance on the book is both positive and negative between members of my group. We then broke down ‘why’ each had come to their opinion. I think the novel is memorable because the author has a unique way of  describing events and includes some interesting quotes that resonate within the reader. One quote from Diane that was especially impactful was “to give child life, is to have already given them death.” This type of language seemed connected specifically to this book, to describe how dark the world looked through her eyes. Connections were made between the substances Neverclear and Lean. Neverclear is the secret liquid drug being passed around Thunder Bay and Lean seems to be a modern-day equivalent. The end paragraph of the book explains the connection between identity and balancing love and fear. Too much love means you’ll be oppressed by desire and too much fear means you’ll be encaged by worry. A balance between these two emotions allows one to pursue their true identity in life. Racism also has a part in the novel, specifically between the Native characters and how they are treated poorly by others. Even the law looks down upon Marcus and Jonah, which may say something about even our society today. Throughout all the lit circle sessions, I had my assigned job printed and reflections completed on Google Docs. Overall, I enjoyed If I Fall, If I Die and can see how Will’s internal and external battles reveal the need for identity.