May 08 09:28:06 <Soulless>	Rolf is curled up under a tree, late at night. He hisses for Tennyson to lower his voice.
May 08 09:29:47 *	MarshallR (~SeroClien@425F7823:289D753B:1BCBB73A:IP) has joined
May 08 09:33:09 <Soulless>	<Soulless> Rolf is curled up under a tree, late at night. He hisses for Tennyson to lower his voice.
May 08 09:34:41 <MarshallR>	Tennyson nods in response, sitting beside Rolf. "Rolf, What's wrong?" He whispers
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May 08 09:40:41 <Soulless>	"My head is killing me... I overdid it a little, I think."
May 08 09:41:55 <MarshallR>	Tennyson sighs, pulling Rolf into a tight hug.
May 08 09:42:39 <Soulless>	Rolf blinks at the hug. "That doesn't help." He reminds.
May 08 09:43:18 *	Knyght (~Knygh@synIRC-913EE19A.carrollcc.edu) has joined
May 08 09:45:47 <MarshallR>	"I'm aware." He chuckles weakly, this is getting to be a habit for him. "Can you tell me what happened?"
May 08 09:45:57 *	napness_ is now known as madness_
May 08 09:46:20 <Soulless>	"I was looking into people."
May 08 09:46:33 *	Sax (i@m.the.loneliest.of.all) has joined
May 08 09:47:12 <Soulless>	"And... I hit... a mental mine. Of sorts. I cannot explain... fully. Some backlashes are worse than others. She saw me."
May 08 09:49:06 <MarshallR>	"..Rolf, why were you looking into people?" Tennyson lowers his voice, softening his tone
May 08 09:50:56 <Soulless>	"...it's why I'm useful. It's the only thing I know."
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May 08 10:42:18 *	Disconnected (No such device or address)
**** ENDING LOGGING AT Mon May 08 10:42:18 2017

**** BEGIN LOGGING AT Mon May 08 10:42:38 2017

May 08 10:42:38 *	Now talking on #tooltime
May 08 10:42:38 *	Topic for #tooltime is: Does everybody know what time it is? | Outside World, Events, General Overflow, Training
May 08 10:42:38 *	Topic for #tooltime set by Bananaman (Mon Mar 21 02:24:57 2016)
May 08 10:44:07 <MarshallR>	"... Could you send the pain to another person to alleviate it from yourself?"
May 08 10:47:24 <Soulless>	"No. It doesn't work that way. I... remove, and it becomes mine."
May 08 10:47:49 <Soulless>	"The pain, not the memory."
May 08 10:51:38 <MarshallR>	"You can't send the pain the way you took it? Can't reverse the process?"
May 08 10:57:34 <Soulless>	He shakes his head. "Nor woould I want to."
May 08 10:59:45 <MarshallR>	"Rolf, I don't want you to read anyone for awhile. It's hurting you. Even if it's what you do, it's causing you harm."
May 08 11:04:05 <Soulless>	Rolf winces. "But it's what I am for."
May 08 11:04:20 <Soulless>	"It's all I am for."
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May 08 11:06:52 <MarshallR>	"It is not all that you are for. Rolf, stop speaking as though you're a tool with a single purpose." Tennysons voice wavers.
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May 08 11:09:55 <Soulless>	"What else have I?"
May 08 11:12:50 *	Klurg (cc74d402@synIRC-6FA75307.clients.kiwiirc.com) has joined
May 08 11:13:19 <MarshallR>	"Maybe it's true that we're cogs in this damned machine of an organisation, but you aren't a robot Rolf- you're human. Being an anomaly does change that, What they did to you doesn't change that, You have a life, friends, people who care about you.
May 08 11:13:21 <MarshallR>	*"
May 08 11:14:21 <MarshallR>	*doesn't
May 08 11:14:36 <MarshallR>	(Damn autocorrect making Tenny seem like he hates anomalies)
May 08 11:17:20 <Soulless>	"...I know... but..." He sighs. "It's the only thing that feels like the right thing to do."
May 08 11:20:30 <MarshallR>	"... Rolf, You should rest. We'll figure this out. Well find a way to help you."
May 08 11:23:03 <Soulless>	"I am resting. The forest is nice. It feels homely."
May 08 11:24:10 <MarshallR>	"Do you want me to stay here with you for awhile?"
May 08 11:27:00 <Soulless>	"Yes. I like the feel of your shoulder against me."
May 08 11:27:22 <Soulless>	He looks around. "There were several animals here. They come out at night to scrounge. They don't like other humans, but they are... they do not mind me."
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May 08 11:28:17 <MarshallR>	".. You're calming to be around, if not a bit of a twit.. Not in a bad way however.." Tennyson chuckles, petting Rolfs head the way he did before
May 08 11:28:46 <Soulless>	Rolf leans into the petting. "You can take a bit of needling. You have tough skin."
May 08 11:29:53 <MarshallR>	"Does it bother you? Perhaps I should go for a pedicure later." Tennyson can't help but snicker at his own sarcasm
May 08 11:33:36 <Soulless>	Rolf snickers too. "I think something to soften your hand might be better. It is too rough on me."
May 08 11:33:47 <Soulless>	Then he lowers his voice. "But I like roughness, too."
May 08 11:34:50 <MarshallR>	"I'll keep that in mind." Tennyson lowers his voice to match, stilling his hand for a moment.
May 08 11:34:55 <MarshallR>	He's forgotten his ring.
May 08 11:36:39 <Soulless>	He looks over, not quite catching this detail.
May 08 11:36:41 <Soulless>	"Hm?"
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May 08 11:38:54 <MarshallR>	"It's nothing." He states, it's a lie. He was to wear that ring at all times. It was his celibacy promise, a symbolic thing his mother gave him.
May 08 11:39:40 <Soulless>	He doesn't note the lie. If he notices it, he says nothing.
May 08 11:40:37 <MarshallR>	"[... Wendel go burn in the hell you damned the family to.]" Tennyson mutters in Danish, sighing.
May 08 11:41:13 <Soulless>	"Something's eating you."
May 08 11:42:33 <MarshallR>	"It would be the mosquitos." Tennyson chuckles, "I'm fine, truly."
May 08 11:42:46 <MarshallR>	(Think this is worthy of a Bluff roll for Tenny?)
May 08 11:43:33 <Soulless>	(if you want)
May 08 11:44:14 <MarshallR>	4df+4 Liar.
May 08 11:44:14 <Glacon>	MarshallR: Liar.: 5 (4df+4=-, +, +, 0)
May 08 11:44:18 <Soulless>	4df+5 hm?
May 08 11:44:19 <Glacon>	Soulless: hm?: 5 (4df+5=-, +, +, -)
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May 08 11:46:02 <Soulless>	Rolf just barely makes out the lie. "You're not. I can see through lies, one way, or another, Tennyson."
May 08 11:47:50 <MarshallR>	"You know the lie already Rolf, you just don't know as much of the story behind it as you thought when you read me for the first time."Tennyson sighs, resuming petting Rolfs head
May 08 11:48:15 <Soulless>	He leans into the petting a bit. His hair is soft. "You should tell me."
May 08 11:51:14 <MarshallR>	".. I lost my ring. My mother had given it to me when I chose celibacy. I was supposed to wear it always." His voice is quiet
May 08 11:51:53 <Soulless>	"It's okay. You have it in your heart."
May 08 11:53:00 <MarshallR>	".. Do I?" Tennyson freezes up.
May 08 11:54:59 <soulonphone>	"You don't believe me? They are merely reminders for our resolutions."
May 08 11:56:33 <MarshallR>	"I-" He stops, he doesn't want to say it. ~I have no resolution.~
May 08 11:59:48 <soulonphone>	"Say it, Tennyson." He wraps an arm around him. "I don't judge you. I never will, not for anything."
May 08 11:59:59 *	Lazar (~Lazar@synIRC-B1089787.hsd1.in.comcast.net) has joined
May 08 12:00:12 <soulonphone>	"Neither should you to yourself." Something about this feels familiar... he can't tell what.
May 08 12:01:55 <MarshallR>	".. It was never a resolution. It was never /my/ resolution." His voice is barley a whisper.
May 08 12:07:29 *	Klurg (cc74d402@synIRC-B3AA8ED7.clients.kiwiirc.com) has joined
May 08 12:10:00 <MarshallR>	"[I never had a resolution. I had guilt and a monster to tell me how to live.]" He can almost see it, his mother handing him the ring and telling him how wrong he was.
May 08 12:11:11 <soulonphone>	He nods, holds him close. Light kiss to Tennysons temple. "I understand. I accept that. I accept you, for all that has happened to you."
May 08 12:11:23 <soulonphone>	"For all you are and feel. Resolution or not."
May 08 12:13:15 <MarshallR>	"What makes a man human.." He mummers, holding Rolf tight as though he was the only solid certainty Tennyson had in that moment.
May 08 12:16:22 <soulonphone>	Rolf hugs him tightly. "You are always human, because of your blood and flesh. Everything you feel, has been human feeling."
May 08 12:20:45 <MarshallR>	".. We are human. That means imperfections and mistakes- but it also means living." Tennyson chuckles weakly, smiling.
May 08 12:22:11 <soulonphone>	"Yes. And that's okay."
May 08 12:24:27 <MarshallR>	".. We have each other through those mistakes though." He goes silent and still. He can hear her in his head.
May 08 12:24:51 <soulonphone>	"Yes. We have each other. I'll be here for you. I am your friend."
May 08 12:25:13 <soulonphone>	He holds, and mulls over this strange feeling of familiarity. It's a deja vu he can't shake.
May 08 12:26:15 <MarshallR>	"Friends." He grips his trenchcoat, the opposite to the ring. His father's gift to him. Ambition against Chastity.
May 08 12:27:14 <soulonphone>	Rolf hugs tightly. "Or more, if you like. You can choose."
May 08 12:29:16 <MarshallR>	"... I think Charles would take my head off if I said yes." Tennyson laugh, actually genuinely laughs.
May 08 12:30:14 <soulonphone>	Rolf is confused. "Did Charles talk to you about me?"
May 08 12:31:24 <MarshallR>	"Gave me a stern interrogation earlier while he was drunk off his ass."
May 08 12:32:14 <soulonphone>	"About what?" His brow arches.
May 08 12:33:41 <MarshallR>	"Asked me pretty flat out if I-" He doesn't bother to fix his wording. "-loved you. I lied and he saw through it. Asked me what the point was if I was celibate and he was lucky I didn't take him out."
May 08 12:38:18 <MarshallR>	"You weren't there for the endless drinking and- None of us can shoot drunk mind you."
May 08 12:38:27 <soulonphone>	"You love me? We hardly met." He sounds... confused. Not rejecting, but without anything to approach thigs.
May 08 12:39:45 <MarshallR>	"Find me a better word for the basic human emotion, I'm quoting every psychological textbook I've had to digest in my years." Tennyson quips, pulling his flask out.
May 08 12:40:34 <soulonphone>	"Affection? Attachment?"
May 08 12:40:48 *	Lily is now known as LilyAFK
May 08 12:40:57 <soulonphone>	He sighs. "I will warn that you may regret caring for me."
May 08 12:42:12 <MarshallR>	"Oh well, we had this discussion already Mr. Vogel." He takes a swig of his scotch before offering the flask to Rolf
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May 08 12:42:48 <soulonphone>	He drinks, too.
May 08 12:43:50 <MarshallR>	"I won't repeat my opinion on the matter. If you truly want to hear it again you can rummage through my room for my journal."
May 08 12:44:25 <soulonphone>	"I will, if you don't stop me. I'm terribly nosy." He chuckles.
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May 08 12:46:38 <MarshallR>	"I tend to leave my journal on my bed when I'm out. That is if I don't have it on hand." Tennyson chuckles, producing the book from its pouch in his coat
May 08 12:48:55 <soulonphone>	"Just don't regret this. And even if you do, I can take that regret from you."
May 08 12:49:04 <soulonphone>	"So I guess there aren't any consequences."
May 08 12:50:10 <MarshallR>	"My mind may be open for you, but you will not be taking my regrets from me. They are mine. They make me who I am." Tennyson grins, handing the journal to Rolf.
May 08 12:52:21 <soulonphone>	Rolf chuckles. Doesn't open the journal. "Share, why don't you? I need to- ah, you haven't seen my room, have you?"
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May 08 12:54:40 <soulonphone>	12:52 PM <soulonphone> Rolf chuckles. Doesn't open the journal. "Share, why don't you? I need to- ah, you haven't seen my room, have you?"
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May 08 12:56:56 <MarshallR>	"I have not.  Share what, exactly?" Tennyson chuckles, moving a hand to run through Rolfs hair
May 08 12:58:30 <soulonphone>	Rolf smiles at the hand through his hair. "Share your emotions. This would make more sense if you saw my room. It has everything the old Rolf used to be. I'm unsure. He put so much effort into it."
May 08 13:00:09 <soulonphone>	"Maybe I should throw them away, but..."
May 08 13:00:58 <MarshallR>	"If you intend to separate yourself from the past, a blank slate would be best. I share that fact from personal experience."
May 08 13:05:08 <soulonphone>	"It seems so much to throw out. You should see it. Memories on every page. Thousands, maybe tens of thousands."
May 08 13:05:21 <soulonphone>	He sighs, and a desperately sad, lost look overcomes him.
May 08 13:05:34 <soulonphone>	"Nothing I remember."
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May 08 13:06:12 <MarshallR>	".. Rolf. We can go over it all together later if you wish."
May 08 13:06:34 <soulonphone>	"I have tried."
May 08 13:07:29 <soulonphone>	"I don't remember any of it. It feels... a yawning, gaping, like the depression of a socket, I filled of eye."
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May 08 13:13:58 <MarshallR>	".. How did this happen Rolf?"
May 08 13:14:00 *	Klurg (cc74d402@synIRC-6FA75307.clients.kiwiirc.com) has joined
May 08 13:15:32 <soulonphone>	"I asked... I remember nothing else, but I wanted."
May 08 13:16:31 <MarshallR>	"If they foundation did it, They could possibly fix it."
May 08 13:19:04 <soulonphone>	"They can't. They tried, when they told me they made a mistake."
May 08 13:20:06 <soulonphone>	"I remember only. Few things. The reason I betrayed. A few people. Where I came from. Any more would kill me, they said."
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May 08 13:27:42 <MarshallR>	"Rolf, we'll find a way." Tennyson sighs, attempting to stay optimistic.
May 08 13:29:01 <soulonphone>	"I chose this. I wanted... I wanted to be better. I didn't believe I had. I didn't believe I could be. Before." He begins to weep into his hands, softly st first, then louder. "Am I better, Tennyson? Am I better??"
May 08 13:30:29 <MarshallR>	"Yes Rolf. You are." Tennyson takes off his jacket, placing it on Rolf before pulling him close. "You are. You aren't the man you were before. You're good. You are better."
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May 08 13:32:57 <MarshallR>	Tennyson is silent when his tears fall.
May 08 13:33:27 <Soulless>	"Is this what better is supposed to feel like?"
May 08 13:33:35 <Soulless>	This is through sniffles.
May 08 13:35:03 <MarshallR>	"It may hurt, but you are better Rolf. I'll help you through the pain, I promise you. I will help you."
May 08 13:35:29 <MarshallR>	Tennyson grips Rolf tighter,as if it would somehow help
May 08 13:41:13 <Soulless>	Rolf winces at the tight grip. "How? I don't... I still don't feel anything from you. Nithing of your comfort. You love me and I. I don't feel loved! Not at all!"
May 08 13:41:30 <Soulless>	"I'm a monster! I've forgotten all I was, but I'm still a monster!"
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May 08 13:57:44 <MarshallR>	"You are not a monster!" Tennyson all but yells. He starts shaking, looking Rolf straight in the eyes "A monster doesn't look at himself and lament at what he's done! Monsters don't regret what they've done, they don't cry! They bleed and hurt people- they don't lament!"
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May 08 13:59:16 <MarshallR>	"You- you aren't a monster.." Tennyson looks away gritting his teeth. He won't make a sound, the tears are enough.
May 08 14:00:09 <Soulless>	Rolf stills at the yelling, looks at Tennyson like a terrified puppy, tears streaking down his cheeks. He looks fown, and looks away, shaking fully, afraid of the shouting, afraid of how much it hurts in his mind, and unable to escape any of it. "...Then... then what am I? A... I wanted to be good..."
May 08 14:00:51 <Soulless>	"For once in my.. horrible.. worthless life, to be... be good."
May 08 14:01:30 <Soulless>	"And now, I don't even know if I'm that anymore."
May 08 14:03:03 <MarshallR>	".. You're human. Like everyone, You're Human." Tennyson lowers his voice, wiping tears from Rolf. "Human, neither good or bad, but Perfect and Imperfect simultaneously."
May 08 14:04:22 <MarshallR>	"Good and Bad, is up to the beholder.. To me, You're good Rolf. You are good."
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May 08 14:08:27 <Soulless>	"Then why does it feel empty?"
May 08 14:10:24 <MarshallR>	"Because all you've done, is unfulfilling. You've been acting as a tool. Reading people is not a life, it's a job. You act as though you're tool when you're not."
May 08 14:11:16 <Soulless>	"I don't know anything else." he sighs. "...I think for him his darkness is with me and my... desire to be useful."
May 08 14:11:27 <Soulless>	"We don't have anything else."
May 08 14:11:37 <Soulless>	"Can you teach me?"
May 08 14:13:46 <MarshallR>	"Yes. I will." Tennyson smiles softly, planting a soft kiss to Rolfs forehead "I will help you.."
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May 08 14:15:12 <Soulless>	"How?" He doens't respond to the kiss.
May 08 14:17:11 <MarshallR>	"We'll find what interests you. We'll find things you like to do, things that make you happy.."
May 08 14:21:51 <Soulless>	"I'm happy when I'm good. When I'm useful."
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May 08 14:22:49 <MarshallR>	"Yes, but that can't be your whole life Rolf.." Tennyson starts humming softly, out of nervousness
May 08 14:23:25 <Soulless>	"Then.. then what'll I do?"
May 08 14:24:34 <MarshallR>	"We'll be spending time figuring that out Rolf."
May 08 14:25:53 <Soulless>	"Okay... okay."
May 08 14:26:36 <MarshallR>	"Later, perhaps you'll get to hear me preform for you.."
May 08 14:26:53 <MarshallR>	(We mean the piano.)
May 08 14:29:39 <Soulless>	"...i'd like that."
May 08 14:30:26 <MarshallR>	"I'll write a song for you, but I'll be using a pseudonym instead of your name."
May 08 14:30:43 <MarshallR>	"Since the piano is in the Commons after all." Tennyson smiles
May 08 14:32:29 <Soulless>	"You best not serenade me! Artists." He rolls his eyes, jokingly.
May 08 14:33:47 <MarshallR>	"Critics." Tennyson retorts, getting his journal, opening it and starting to write
May 08 14:34:23 <Soulless>	He laughs, delighted, wiping some tears. Winces at the new throb of pain. "I'll try not to look at anyone for a while... maybe a day."
May 08 14:36:13 <MarshallR>	"Oh if you going to go around- I'd love details" He remarks, chuckling a bit.
May 08 14:38:12 <Soulless>	"Hm? Details?"
May 08 14:40:26 <MarshallR>	"Gossip, Oh and- You did a poor job pretending to be straight." Tennyson plants another soft kiss of Rolf, this time on his cheek.
May 08 14:41:32 <Soulless>	"I am straight! Or I can be." He chuckles. "Depending on the woman."
May 08 14:43:31 <soulonphone>	"Also, I don't give out things like that easily. They're secrets for a reason."
May 08 14:46:52 <MarshallR>	Tennyson simply chuckles, continuing to write in his journal
May 08 14:48:15 <soulonphone>	"I should respect the people the secrets belong to."
May 08 14:48:38 <soulonphone>	"I already have one person I said I'd tell to, if the person is planning on betraying the Foundation."
May 08 14:52:00 <MarshallR>	"So my secrets are safe even though you could read my mind? I genuinely wonder what you can find in there."
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May 08 15:02:57 <Soulless>	Rolf smiles. "I don't like to share secrets, shared with me. there's something... intimate about it. To be shared a secret between just me, and the other person."
May 08 15:04:35 <MarshallR>	"I'll keep that in mind Elskede." Tennyson chuckles, smiling softly
May 08 15:14:40 <MarshallR>	"I think from this point, when I write songs that involve you ill be using that name.